Total War Battles In a Nutshell
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- Опубликовано: 15 окт 2024
- Recently in Total War Rome Remastered, I spent some time enacting my very own operation sea Lion. Anyway, it sparked this little idea, and Creative Assembly were kind enough to sponsor it. Go and relive those 20 year old memories here: store.steampow...
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"You came, you saw, you buggered off". Brilliant as usual
Haha! Cheers lad!
If Julius Caesar was English
It was the British weather that beat Julius Caesar. His men had a panic attack after a storm wrecked most of his ships. And they were already scared of the terrifying monsters in Britain. (Although the dragons turned out to be badgers, they were still nasty when provoked.)
Truly fantastic
"I came, I saw, I buggered off" is actually just a summary of Caesar's trip to Britain.
would that be 'veni, vidi, vacanti'?
@@richardhockey8442 Haha thats good
1st trip
"All that Caesar found there were cold forests, unpredictable storms, and worst of all, Britons. Lots. Of. Britons."
@@riograndedosulball248 It was raining 7 days a week too every week
I have to respect those two. They fought for five minutes without tea!
hear, HEAR!
i'd say how sterotypical. but im sat here sipping tea...
Don't worry, after each take we went back inside for a cuppa. True story, it was nippy out.
hot water
I can remember asterix when I was a kid, the Romans invade Britain. The Britons stop mid fight for tea haha this reminded me of it
Top 3 best insults 2021:
Number 1: “Julius weezer”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Probably the pun I'll cringe most at when I look back and watch these in my 70's.
@@SquireComedy More than "woad warrior"? Really?
@@SquireComedy you mean, minus 50's ??
Commander of the Phallus legions lol
"What the F**k's an elephant?" 🤣
Idk
Same as an oliphaunt but more e's.
@@antonycharnock2993 E
That was what got me
I had to excuse myself from the table to not make a scene from that one XD
"They scare the elephants!"
"What the fuck are elephants?!"
*Me falling off my chair*
"Don't worry, we'll bring some in a few decades."
The comedic timing was perfect.
Historically accurate and hilarious!
"I'm a Britain! A completely independent and historically ambiguous..." I love it. I love it so much.
That little rant felt like it was straight from a Monty Python’s sketch. Loved it.
*Briton is the technical term
Distinct from the Breton
@@alexanderthegreat6682 technically priton but what evs
@@joshuakruebbe3762 actually the same, just different spelling. The Bretagne wasn't a thing until the middle ages
In a move completely out of character for this channel, we've made a cock up. At the end, I say "Coming out on the 29th of this month". Well, some of you have observed that It's now May, whereas the game came out a few days ago in April. Basically, don't wait until the end of may, as It's already out. Anyway, thanks for watching chaps.
Nice job dude
Impressive
You mean don't wait until the end of May? xD
Ah, I see you're a man of waiting a day after recording before uploading as well.
Ah yes factual information as powerful and as accurate as a torpedo strike from the one and only Blackburn Firebrand!
"Something's wrong."
"it's the Egyptians, I'd noticed that."
HAHAHAHHA
I dont get it
@@ewoud8 one of the things that creative assembly got a lot of flak for was choosing to design the Egyptian faction as hundreds of years out of date. By the time Rome total war was set, they were basically another Greek style army
@@ewoud8 You have essentially a bronze age Egyptian faction. At that time Egypt was was part of the hellinistic world, and certainty didn't use military gear that is about a millenium out of date.
@@iwankazlow2268 a bit late, but would it be possible to integrate the Egyptian design used as a rebel faction, or low tier expendable troops? Just asking.
@@TheNapster153 Rome 1 had a hard cap on the amount of factions that could exist. I don't recall if there was any real wiggle room for a new rebel faction in the original. Southern Egypt did successfully rebel against Ptolemaic Egypt and held power in Thebes and "Upper Egypt" (refers to the Nile river, it is Southern Egypt) for the better part of two decades before falling to combined pressure of the Ptolemies and Kush. Very little is known about the culture and military of this rebellion, other than they were composed of Upper Egyptians and later on joined by Nubians. They left scant records in the Egyptian language but using Greek characters.
"Rome wasn't built in a turn" hahaha I'm weak 🤣
Press ~ key and then type process_cq Rome. Then press enter.
Hey...Rome do build in 1 turn. 🤣🤣🤣
Oh my god. At first when he said he killed 5 he held up two fingers i just now realized he was making a V for the Roman Numeral. Absolute genius
Squire: I came, I saw, I conquered!
The costume design is a perfect representation of the historical differences between Britain and Rome.
Plenty of cardboard back then.
"Jupiters arse!" 🤣
Recently watched HBO's Rome again.
Had to stop myself from quoting it every other line
@@SquireComedy Can't blame you, looking forward for the next vid❤
For a moment I thought it had said "jupiters COCK!" like the Starz Spartacus. had to re-listen.
@@ObligedUniform Wasn't that Crassus' line?
@@tonywoutrs was mostly Batiatus, though a few others used it too.
John Hannah just embraced that line so thoroughly
I would love to see people looking at you guys filming this so confused
Yeah.
"Crying havoc doesn´t work when your enemies eat dogs."
- Julius Weezer
A thousand years from now, will this be considered History?
history about video game history
This will be recomended to someone 9 years from now
@@felinriflemendino8421 it was recommened to me, stfu nobody care if it's recommended to anyone, people who spam who came becausz it was recommneded need ot have their throat ripped, cause nobody care if what you are watching is similar to this shit
*Perhaps*
Loved the Gladiator reference at 4:19
Same
Bro best part
Ah, Squire. One of the few youtubers that does commercials right.
There weren't any naff 007 impressions. 5/10
Squire doesn't upload often, but when he does, I wish I had the money to become a Patron
Just watching our stuff is more than enough! Thanks for the support mate.
We all love Total War, and having a remastered version is like a dream
Chnsnc s
I have like every total war game i Love the sereies
@@sir8204 can’t afford them :(
@@SCARRIOR yes
I played the hell out of the original Rome when I was about 8 years old. This brought back some memories, and I hope we did it justice.
This was absolutely amazing in every single way. We laughed, we loved, we cried and we lived through this EXPERIENCE of a video. 11/10
Hahah! Thanks, Dan.
Always loved how the standard generals in the Roman Julii, Brutii and Scipii had no helmets but then once they become a family member, they put on a helmet
The last time I was this early squire still has not made a face reveal and made videos on war thunder.
"war thunder"? Was that a game Squire played back in Roman times?
@@GR46404 probably
that elephant line got me! f*cking gold
Haha! Glad you enjoyed it!
Same lol
I see Squire has uploaded unedited gameplay footage again.
Oh, HAHA.
I nearly choked when he said “tf’s an elephant?” 😂
Had to rewatch the video because I was too busy reliving that scene in my mind for the rest of the time.
Great stuff. Briton: "I'm not a Gaul! I'm a Briton! A member of a completely autonomous, culturally ambiguous sub-culture of ancient Celts."
Roman: "Oh, great! The panic has spread. Now I'm routing too. I have to sprint to that arbitrary red line over there, beyond which you're not allowed to chase me! See you next turn."
This was my first total war. Today I bought the remastered version. It feels so nostalgic. Great game👍👍💪
Great!
I played Rome total war fanatically from the age of 8 or so. It's probably why I had no problem in spending vast amounts of money on a set of armour we'll use once.
@@SquireComedy haha. Nice one mate. Ur videos(especially War Thunder) are so great even without armor and costumes. Ur acting is magnificent 👌👍👍👍
@@SquireComedy oh come on, with all those stabbings going on in the UK I am sure it will come in handy as every day protection!
Fetching bit of armor Squire!
Julius Wheezer lol
Quite, I intend to wear it about town.
@@SquireComedy quite right old boy, let the people at Tesco know who is boss
@@SquireComedy maybe you’ll run into lindybeige when he gets his...
I can see Who got the budget in this one
Hahahah!
im a simple man, when its squire, i see, click and watch
A way a life.
Very good. As you were.
“They scare the elephants away.”
Briton: “what the fucks an elephant?”
Roman: “I don’t fucking know!”
Absolutely amazing
Accurate down to the weird jerky fight animations - spear an area close to the enemy, he jerks back cos that's his hitbox
"It's the Egyptians" that one is pretty good lmao.
haha zulu warriors goes brrrr
Last time I was this early it was still spelt as Briton instead of Britain
I suppose Briton decided to..... Britoff
(I'll just show myself out)
IIRC, a Briton is a person from Britain, which is the name of the geographical location.
@@jonatanlj747 oh your right but I have to ask is their like a council of Swedish guys and what happened to numbers 1 to 3
@@jakeegan3195 Yeah, there's a council of 21 Swedes, we vote on what the nation of Sweden thinks about different things and then we let the politicians enforce the hivemind. We actually designed the Swedish meatball and built the first IKEA. Swedish guys 1-3 are the ones with a rank above me, number 1 being the king and number 2 being the most popular swedish twitch streamer
@@jonatanlj747 or from Brittanie... a place in france.
This is brilliant. The casual irony and awareness just scream Monty Python
Haha, indeed! Cheers Aaron!
-Why did you send burning pigs towards us?
-Ah yes, they scare the elephants!
-What the FuCk is an ElePhaNt?!
The graphics and NPC dialog in this game are INSANE!!!
I discovered just an hour ago that I've lost a friend today, and I really needed to cheer up a little. Thanks for the video, I mean it.
Sorry for your loss :(
I don’t believe it. Sorry if I am proven wrong
@@mrmarriott1249 thanks, he was a great man
@@nigel692 I'm not here to prove anything, just wanted to share my gratitude for a little light in a dark time.
@@brainyskeletonofdoom7824 Sincerely sorry to hear that mate, hang in there. Pleased we could help a little.
“Rome wasn’t built in a turn”
GAUUUULL
"Historically accurate documentary"
Looking good in the Lorica Segmentata!
Thanks very much!
Squire: Is sponsored by Total War
Also Squire: Spends over half the skit making fun of the mechanics of the game.
Great vid
perfectly balanced
"You came, You saw, You buggered off" -Some Briton probably
I've never seen a man so ill fitted to segmentata armor.
😂
Not like they're gonna go as far as to order from fabrica cacti for one video
2:25 my headphone said: low battery please charge. I think I’m being watched...
"Julius Wheezer"! Top work as always chaps.
Thanks, Mark.
I clicked, I watched, I liked.
Hail Squre.📜
HAIL! HAIL!
Last video it was pronounced Heil...
5:18 i feel a disturbance in the force
What would RUclips be without squire?
I don’t even want to think about it...
I love that the briton guy just sounds like Rodney Trotter, missed opportunity to call the roman a plonker though.
Obelix: “These Romans are crazy!”
"Friends, romans, countrymen, Lenden me your spears" lol i laughed
We're all talking about the video but *WHERE THE HELL IS HE GETTING THESE COSTUMES, PROPS AND THAT BUDGET!*
Can I have a piece of it plz
A MYSTEREEE
*COUGH* Patreon
Oh, you.
The green screen is flawless
Thanks mate!
Greatings from Texas. This sums up this classic game so well! ( always thought the flaming pigs to be rather peculiar to say the least!)
A couple of times I've thought thank god everyone gives up when you have their cities.
I play Total War: Warhammer and this all applies perfectly. How *do* troops on the far side of the battlefield instantly know when their general dies?
Bugals? How did troops on the far side of the battlefield instantly know when their general died in the revolutionary war and civil war? Drums....
Depending on the faction, Total War: Warhammer actually might have explanations for universally knowing that even without signaling. Warhammer has things that are supernaturally forces of order/chaos with metaphysical connections to other of their ilk. Orks in a waaaaagh might be able to feel a decline in the power of their waaagh due to them being psychic fungus; a lizardman might feel the death of a slaan or a particularly ancient one on a metaphysical level since the lizardmen are bound to each other to some degree on a supernatural level; the thralls of vampire lords will almost certainly know when the thing controlling them has weakened (altough, this is an actual thing in the game, where animated undead such as from the vampire counts, the tomb kings, etc. will, instead of routing, simply crumble); etc.
Additionally, theoretically, among some races beyond actual magic, there is noisiness. Noone brays louder than a wargor, noone squeeks louder than a grey seer. Some might know their commander has died through the commander's actual death knell through sheer intensity or drama.
@@Yawyna124 definitely a lot of dragon wisdom there! Though the “why are we routing?” question resonated pretty strongly with me too lol
"✌️FIVE I'VE KILLED"
you earned this
"Something is wrong"
"It's the Egyptians, I'd noticed that"
🤣💀
"Especially seeing as I'm only very tired now" so true lol
The Briton not knowing what an elephant is, is probably the best joke of the whole thing.
Haha! Quite possibly.
"Wait something's wrong"
"Its the Egyptians thatll do it"
Hahah
One of your best yet mate! The V killed me, and the Jupiter bit had me on the floor. Good stuff!
4:19 for some real good stuff
6:08 I was expecting "there is nothing proper about what you're doing, soldier"
Anyways, great video
This is the content Total War has always been missing
I like the one more realistic soldier in the clan and legion are fighting with the low graphic weapons!
"Rome wasn't built in a turn" lmao that was great
i really do miss the proper animations of every individual soldier fighting from shogun 2
I will be right here when you upload becouse youre are a mazing chap
Cheers dude!
This gives off a lotta Monty Python vibes...I love it.
This feels like an old Horrible Histories skit and I love it
I love how the Iceni didn't know wtf an elephant is, heheh
Squire in a Roman era armor?
Good!
The "i've killed 5" joke is fucking amazing
Drop everything, Squire Just uploaded
1:31 "Had to kill 5" - shows V
On this day, i decided to become a Squire patreon and make britain silly again. Greetings from north germany
Huzzah! Welcome aboard, and thanks for the support!
Gauls
Sub titles: GHOULS
*WHO YOU GOTTA CALL? GHOULBUSTERS!*
I'm a simple man. I see a Squire Video, I click! Uploads are always appreciated!
Thanks, Walnut.
@@SquireComedy You're welcome!
Those fighting moves are perfect replicas of the fight animation from the game. To me that is the most amusing part of the video.
GOOD JOB AS USUAL!
Thank you!
"Rome wasn't built in a turn GAAAAULLL!"Had me laughing way too hard
Omg this is amazing, I'm actually playing it right now
more like "Ashlander vs. Settled Dunmer" . . looking through the lens of a Morrowind fan.
Suetonius Paulinus initiates vibe check
I quite loved this, lots of nice touches here and there. The gladiator speech was quite appreciated
Wtf happened to the Gaul's... sorry, the Britain's (!) belt during conversation? A glitch in the matrix?
Sssshhhhhh, nobody else has noticed!
Rome after conquering Britain and Cambria: "Alright so where should we conquer next? Hibernia, Caledonia?"
Hibernia and Caledonia's blood thirsty tribes: >____>
Rome: "Maybe this wasn't worth it after all..."
Mememememememememememmemememmeemmemememmeme.
They just couldn't keep up with the drinking...
It’s a good day when squire uploads
where's your scutum, legionaire! you're cruising for a decimation, my lad!
Hahaha!
this sure has some monty python energy
108 trained legionaries got killed by 4 looters.
Ah yes, time to be swift when Squire upload
You came, you saw, you buggered off
Did you expect me to just ignore the magical disappearing belt? Fools
The cameras were filming from different distances, in some frames its only loading the sprite.
@@Reignor99 omg, that’s freaking brilliant!!!
But seriously though, imagine you're going for a walk, and suddently you see these two fighting like that 🤣😂👏
Julius Weezer was brutal.
For better immersion: pause the video for 5 minutes every time it says 5 minutes later
Hardcore.