How Narcissists Hide Affairs From You - Part 2
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- Опубликовано: 27 июн 2023
- Watch the first part of How Narcissists Hide Affairs From You: • How Narcissists Hide A...
If you're a woman feeling trapped in a toxic relationship and looking for freedom, you've come to the right place. With over 3000+ clients, I've integrated everything I've learned into a comprehensive program designed to help you reclaim your freedom. My goal is to guide you to break free without confronting or trying to fix him. Together, let's rediscover YOU and cultivate your confidence and clarity. To take the next step in your healing journey with me, visit www.rawmotivations.com/breakt...
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If you're a man struggling with narcissistic traits and seeking the path, community, and transformation that I've experienced, I'm here to help - but only if you are serious about investing the time and energy. To begin this journey with me, schedule a session at www.rawmotivations.com/break-...
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Tune in to hear the perspective of a self aware narcissist. That’s me - Ben Taylor a narcissist in recovery trying to promote awareness, healing, growth and change. I do that by these videos on here, TikTok, Instagram and Facebook.
Platforms I am on:
TikTok - / raw_motivations
Instagram - / rawmotivations
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Podcast - anchor.fm/rawmotivations
RUclips - / rawmotivations
"The Narcissist has cheated you out of your life, your friends, your family your hopes and dreams." So true!
Cannot like this comment enough. So very true! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I agree whole heartedly
I agree this is so true.
Yes that's my husband don't want me around my family or go places & Especially Church,his the devil
They triangulate you with everyone and everything which is a silent betrayal each and every time. It's micro cheating
My husband definitely does this. If caught in lies, he rages and blames me..then deflects. His rages have taken my voice away. I’m not allowed to ask questions or the raging starts. It’s not worth it because he won’t change. I would like to catch him in the act so that I have real evidence. That’s how crazy and irrational I’ve become from the toxicity.
Feeling you
I super duper PROMISE YOU - evidence isn’t going to help you 😭
Don’t know if there is any way to message on here - but u found a great way to catch mine.. sickening to have to do it - but it’s done & I have found ten now ..
I just found Ben about a month ago. I was watching Mental Healness/Lee Hammond.. and he directed me here !
so after feeling like most of us going through this (men n women) I decided to dig deep and get some info on where he was
“Sleeping in his car because he was to drunk to drive home” - ya I have a few sights (FREE!) I use and one fail safe way to find out -
If u can message me, or anyone else that wants the DL let me know -
Not sure we can paint stuff like that. I’m NOT selling anything, I am not one of those scamming/spamming bots..
I am just a creative victim who wanted answers - I don’t get paid to just let you get the info yourself ❤
Must warn ya tho … walking up on him and hearing him sleeping with women was sickening and the most painful stuff in the world ..
I believed the lies, let him keep coming back ….
It’s the end of the road for me ..
This video solidifies it.. I will never NOT be cheated on and lied to.
The pain these last four and half years is to much
you just described my wife,
run away when confronted!
rage when I point out inconsistencies and always "baby talk" to convince me that she loves me!
You already have evidence that he treats you with disrespect and manipulates you, and that is all you need to end this relationship. Please do not let him take anymore of your mind and heart. 🌷
@@eleonorabartoli2225 i take that word, I just now left that zombie
walking dead!
I never even questioned my husband of 23 years. But when I started to listen to my gut and just asked him straight out...his face was priceless. After that it didn't matter what he said the spell is broken. I haven't worked outside the home in 20 years I don't know what I am going to do but I can't turn away from the truth.
Please believe that once you leave everything good will open up for you. A perfect job will come to you. The many skills you already have will transfer to a job. brace yourself it will be tough at first as he will lie more to you..keep going in the opposite direction away from him. You will need to block him on social media and from your phone this is imperative. When it gets tough at first remind yourself he doesn’t love & value you. you deserve to be around people who do. Because you know what he is doing every time you see him your heart will sink low. Trust me it will work out w/out him even better…value yourself. Be well.
27 years for me. 24 years of what I now see was hell.
So glad you decided. Similar story for me...I never thought he cheated until last months, but when I was packing his stuff I found letters from twenty years prior...
Health care has lots of entry level positions, pays better than average, it has job security, overtime if you need it. It really helped me in many ways, not just financially.
The spell is broken is a powerful realization for both, the shift in power is almost tangible. I didn’t question either I focused on raising our children. I hadn’t worked outside the home for a while either and I took a position completely different from what I was used to, and very out of my comfort zone. I was scooped up by my coworkers/bosses, now my confidence and self esteem are strong. It was scary but so worth it! I do mourn the faked future and it’s hard days sometimes but I don’t regret putting myself 1st and seeing my reality. Thanks for sharing 🙏✌🏼💪
Find a good, mean attorney and let them be mean for you
I figured out my ex was having affairs when he would tell me details about women that were so detailed that could only come from personal interaction with someone.
Glad you are out of that!
They do tell on themselves.
Boy do they tell on themselves
They want to tell to drive us crazy !
If you’re smart enough to pay attention! And I wasn’t for many years. I pay attention now and catch the signs and red flags but not sure what they mean exactly. I also wish I could catch him red handed!
Yup. Gave me sexually transmitted infection, emptied out joint bank accounts, had hidden bank accounts, broke my most precious possessions, told people to stay away from me because I was 'mentally unstable and off my meds" (I have never been on any kind of meds). He accomplished this by having completely different personalities with different values depending on who he was with. After noticing the completely contradictory selves I said to him 'Don't you even HAVE a personality?" He would 'be' whatever was required of him at the time to get what he wanted from those people. I am divorced now, still healing and learning....
❤❤❤
Omg he broke everything I have and whatever he didn't break he stole from me😢 it felt like he was trying to make my life a living hell
As if dealing with all their deceit, lies and thievery wasn't enough, when the STI appears, your entire world crumbles to nothing.
But they won't allow you to move forward by admitting to anything, instead, preferring to ignore any forgiveness you may have, to gaslight you further with more misinformation, deflection and lies.
I couldn't see what was happening to me until I read a book my daughter lent me called Psychopath Free - it's genuinely unsettling to learn *what you already know from experience* by reading a widely available book.
It's a shame most of us don't find out what our partners are until we've already been destroyed 🤢
They conquer and divide people against each other.
Sounds like Trish(trash) Foster of erie Pa.
They can emotionally cheat as well and that is almost more hurtful than physically cheating. Especially with social media these days it makes it easy 😢
Damn internet!! 3:42 😢
I totally agree it's worse
Totally true. It hurts awful 😞
I have said this for a long time. There is more than one way of cheating. An affair is just one way to cheat. They will act differently with you in front of people they want to impress or people we both know.
I know he has had multiple affairs. My gut has always told me this. However, he is to smart. After 27 years I have never been able to prove an affair or catch him. It's a hopeless,helpless feeling. I've been made to look paranoid and crazy. No one listens or will ever help me figure this out. He's played his part so well. I've stopped even hoping for a better life. I'm pretty sure this is my destiny and happiness will always elude me. For sure no closure or truth to free me. I'm so glad do many of you have found your way out. God bless each of you.
Sandra, life gets better when you distance yourself from a narc, not rightaway but it does get better. I know proof its really important to you but if hes one of those covert narcs, proof will be a big challenge for you to obtain, hire a professional.
Best wishes.
I'm in the same boat.. Been with him for 20yrs
grow some kahunas and stop being weak. You can take your life back, you just don't want to
Proof is in your gut. You do know so don’t waste anymore of your life. If you felt secure with him your gut would not be telling you something is wrong.
I know what you're talking about and my experience is that you waste years of your life and health trying to prove what you already know. In the end, it doesn't matter who the other women ( or men ! ) are. I even hired a private investigator and now, years after going no contact, I can see how I waste precious time.
They are so into themselves they have no regard for anyone else.
They will tell you the same thing several times too. I think it's because they talk about the same things to both people and they repeat it over and over because they don't remember if they already said it or not
Yes my ex gf did the same , kept on telling me certain stories that did not really make sense. Then i managed to work out the criptic clues and it all became obvious and sadly very shocking .
Interesting narcissistic admission/revelation ....
A lot of times the narcissist will get his reality confused of what he said and did with you and them. Eventually his compartments collide and they tell on themselves if you're aware.
Yes they do this 😂. Narcissistic behavior is also an evil spirit. A lot of them are addicts. Alcohol or drugs
@@Kay19666 or sex
I caught him in so many lies. He would actually stage scenes to make me think he was cheating and laugh about it. But he always said he never cheated.
Hope you are doing well and healing, focus on yourself!
Oh my gosh same…he had this little tiny smile while my paranoia spiralled out of control looking at the little signs he had brought someone back to the apartment.
This part was the worst and most cruel to deal with. The purpose was to make you look crazy and be unable to discern between staged events and the real thing.
Him raging when you catch him messaging, that's the proof. Praying for you to be strong and let go.
Ben, I know for a fact that you are right. All narcissists cheat in one form or another. It's not always easy to hear the truth about what narcissists are like, but I rather hear the truth, so I know how to handle things. I appreciate your brutal honesty
I hope you are finding some healing! Thank you for watching
@RawMotivations I'm doing much better thanks to the channels I'm watching. I run into narcissists and other personality types , but I have learned to handle those people using the advice and techniques. I don't have the time and money to go to therapy but the advice and guidance is enough because I set strong boundaries and I don't have much to worry about my father was exposed during a family get together thanks to my brother
Agree!!
Mine would watch porn when I wasn’t around. Would flirt while I was out with him and at work.
He’d be “pooping” with his phone for 30+ mins🙄
In order to cheat, one has to lie first about three or even four things. The abuser must first lie about loving the victim, respecting the victim, intentions/future faking, and generally whereabouts to actually facilitate rendezvous’s. That’s like for lies. Lying is the abuse. It precedes everything else.
@@rickm6076tons of lies …. 😢
Narcissists are weirdos.. how do they manage to keep it together with the amount of lies, manipulation and deception that they play.. don’t they understand the meaning of “you are only lying to yourselves.”
Means just that, you are only hurting yourselves once the partner truly figures out who you are. That’s it.
Right
But the thing is, it doesn’t hurt them. They just switch gears, change lanes & carry on.
Their brains are wired differently then the rest of us
Amen
@@tiffanybluetarot but at some point everybody has to pay the piper...and I mean EVERYBODY!
These people are absolutely criminals and should be prosecuted by laws! We need to make this a crime against humanity!
There are times when I wonder if I made it all up. If I over-reacted. If I really was the sick one and he was the normal one the whole time. To look at us now, he has completely moved on and built a new life for himself. My children go on lavish vacations with his new girlfriend. His glow up was massive. Outside appearance says he won, while I’m still not 💯 recovered or moved on. I still struggle to build a life for myself. To be happy. To trust - myself, others, God, life in general. But watching these videos helps keep me grounded in the reality of who he was and what actually happened. It wasn’t fair or kind what he did. It broke me in a way I can’t explain. But I am definitely stronger now and love myself more. I’ve learned that there are people who don’t actually have your best interests at heart and they can be as close to you as your own husband who vowed to love and honor you all the days of his life. It is crazy to think about the life I had with him. I used to say that sometimes life felt surreal. Now I know why. Life with a narcissist isn’t real. They aren’t real. It’s all fake. Fake life, fake feelings, fake promises, fake love. Now, when I start to question myself around certain people, I know I need to pay more attention to who I’m dealing with.
"It wasn't fair or kind what he did." You summed that up well, it stood out to me and captures the subtlety and the loneliness of living with an imposter, a continual erosion of less importance or priority, that confusing hurt that somehow (finally?) pulls us to the safety of our own selves and far out of the reach of greedy, cold and cruel individuals.
Love to you, don't lose your sweetness and grace ❤️
You just wrote my story! They are all the same!!!
I feel this on so many levels, and it is what keeps me in this "friendship" with him after I broke up with him🤦🏻♀️
I understand this 💯💯% it’s life shattering for sure! Prayers for us and all victims of these vile flesh sacks
This is totally normal! Your brain will go back and forth, stop second guessing yourself, you were being disrespected on purpose. The Narc was acting-pretending to be someone he isn’t & Guess what? His mask will slip with her and when it does, you will def see a different side of what appears to be a happy relationship, these guys aren’t capable of a healthy relationship, so just like in yours, theirs will show cracks, your ex cannot hide who he is forever, he’s in the honeymoon phase, usually after a year or two so keep an eye out for the cracks, when he starts cheating on her as well, your kids won’t want to go back when the arguing begins because you know it’s coming. Be patient, work on your awesome self, EXERCISE OR WALK, & pray pray pray and know you are the daughter and princess of the most high God! Ask Jesus into your heart and pray again. YOU GOT THIS! 🙏🏼💯 ❤️
In a marriage for 20 years. Apart most of that time. It wasn't until the last few months that I came to realize after ALL these years EVERYTING you talk about is who I have been dealing with. The infidelity was something I never thought he would do but he is and had been throughout the years with several at one time. I always had this gut feeling he was evil and realized just as good as a person can be there are those who are the EXACT opposite and can be just as "evil"‼️
He cheated with 2 women at the same time.. He would partially admit, get mad cuz he perceived me as being morally superior, and then told friends and family that I cheated. The box theory helps. I grieved for over a year til one day I asked myself what I was grieving over. The marriage was an illusion. Even though it felt like a trap door opened under me, I realized he didn't deserve my grief, and I moved on.
Congratz!
I saw how he used to change in different scenarios ( work, family, some friends, other friends ). His vocabulary, behaviour, clothes even his face changed. Amazing to watch.
It truly is amazing, hypnotic even….
Everybody should get on here to see if anybody is dating the same man by saying there names and where they are from lol
"The best lies are the ones that are closest to the truth..." Wow. That couldn't have hit home more. It's hallmark and couldn't have been stated better.
My wife in intimacy, said I came over for nooners. I never did.Then a renter next door said who are you, I told him it's my house. He said someone else around there at my house all the time.
Well Said 💥💣
You are cheated out of everything you want or need
In reality, you never “know” that your partner is not cheating, unless you’re always with them. The mechanics of cheating from start to finish is easy to hide, and the actual rendezvous could be as little as 20 minutes. Technology makes it easier than ever in history to cheat, and to hide it. You have to trust your partner. By definition, you can’t trust the narcissist, because they lie to you from day one, and the first thing they lie to you about is themselves and their past, as well as their intentions.
I like honesty and integrity. These are attractive traits.
I always told him his stories never matched, and he must have had me confused with his girlfriend. Sadly, in my sarcastic humor, I was right.
I resonate with this 🤷♀️
My recent ex hid a child and baby momma from me within the two years dating him.
His justification is that he didn’t “lie” he didn’t tell me. What makes it worse is that it was on two different occasions I found out about each.
When I met him he said he had 2 kids with his ex wife.
One year I found out he had a third child with baby momma number 2.
On our two year anniversary weekend I found out one of his other two kids was from baby momma number 3 and not his ex wife.
He got upset that I was upset …wtf
Omission is classified as a lie.
Yup!!😢
How they manage multiple women... they text them all the same lines, the same photos... I caught mine doing that. Paste & copy.
Oh, absolutely! They follow the exact same script with every one of their targets/victims. They say and do exact same things. I guess it has worked for them to snatch and reel in their supplies.
@@iramsavir5631 Also they are to lazy to try to get involved with each woman on a personal basis, and their texts are all about them (their work, their day).
Absolute 100% truth. The narcissist is one slippery person.
Man, I can't believe I'm actually still "friends" with him knowing he did exactly this
Not friends, something else.
you still have choice how you go about that said friendship.
I had a four year affair with a covert who was hiding his partner and child from me. He actually used the exact words you mentioned: "I put things into boxes" I pulled out the term "compartmentalize" and he confirmed. Other times he'd say "I don't know who I am" which alludes to him have many different masks for different people. He never let me too close hiding behind "I'm private, since I was very young" which allowed him to keep things very superficial.
Yup the narcissist cheats whether it is an affair whether it is romantic or a romantic like relationship where they neglect they violate boundaries to get their need for supply met
Excellent video! 100% true!! That realization hit me like a ton of bricks. It's been and still is excruciatingly painful, heart-rending and soul crushing. 😢
I would love it if you would do a video about how narcissists lie to their fiancees by not telling them theyre gay, alcoholics, drug addicts, or having affairs with someone else. They get married, have children while gay. The wife is the last to find out years later.
I'm literally shaking right now so many of the scenarios that you are speaking of has literally happened to me I knew I was dealing with a narcissist but of course I was questioning myself I wow this is crazy it's been multiple times that the narcissist has brought up a restaurant or a place that we personally have never been. And I would always joke like oh that must have been the other girl and he would get so mad and offended like I don't remember anything or I guess he wasn't important enough for me to remember us doing whatever it was. Wow thank you so much for these videos
Would love to help you on your healing journey. If I can be of help feel free to grab a time here at www.rawmotivations.com
This is exactly how my truck driver husband is. He would do the same thing, and I would say you must have taken your girlfriend there and would get mad and even give the silence treatment
I cant fathom how my husband can act so loving in one minute meanwhile be messing around (online (“only” as far as I know 😖 - claims it’s his innocent “entertainment” and harmless 🙄 told him it GUTS me, claims he won’t, still does…) I worry if I finally leave, he’ll have actually changed, it’s so stupid! It just hurts so much. I keep hanging on this “good side” though I keep seeing the lying and sneaking show through…
He won't change and there's literally nothing you can do about it. He lives in his own universe in which you're just an object. Nothing will change that except perhaps years and years of therapy with a very skilled psychologist.
No, he won't change, dear. I spent and additional 20+ years of the 36 waiting for my ex husband to change. He didn't. He just changed his tactics and remained the center of his own universe.
(Kindest way I can put it.)
I finally left, after having worked on MYSELF so long, that I finally realized I deserved better-- and that the better had to come from within first. Also, having tried to heal while still in the marriage, and having been repeatedly left to be the only one working on the marriage (I was always "the problem", so he never did anything beyond surface level) I learned that my true healing wasn't going to happen while I was still in the marriage. So I ended it.
Not dating, no interest, loving my self and my peace and quiet and freedom and GROWTH....I'm absolutely glad I divorced him finally.
RUN, RUN AWAY WHILE YOU CAN!!! It is all fake love and nothing but a fantasy!!!! It is definitely a sickness that they have no power in overcoming it!!! Especially if they don't want to get help or try to make any efforts of change!!! Just get away!! Free yourself from the hell they create in your life!!! They will truly waste it away!!! 😢😮
He won't change. Think of someone you love being treated the way this guy treats you. You would want them to find a better life. Not just hope things will get better.
Internet sexting. I just ended my relationship over the same thing. Three years of it… always sneaking, lying, gone….
Does the compartmentalizing ever catch up to them! Smh I don't live like a narcissist but I do see it! I call him out on the bs that comes to me all the time but he always finds a way to get me to not believe myself!! That's what my biggest problem is keeping my own view of him going! Though this still doesn't make it any better it still hurts like Hell 😢 He is seasoned like I said yes omg yes the switch! I watch him do this too me several times and it blows my mind! I call it "throwing me under the bus!" Yup lie by ommission! INTUITION is a powerful thing too! Wow my mind is blown right now! 😢 Shaking like crazy! This is so fycked up!!
Remember that you are not alone in this, and your feelings are valid. Trusting your intuition is important, as it can guide you towards recognizing the truth and protecting yourself. I hope you can find healing !
Get a secret journal and record what dates times and where who. I helps journaling anyways when you have no one to talk to because you are kept from everyone like a secret, he'll tell you that you do that to yourself too- don't forget who you are ❤
My husband and I recently separated. I asked him to sleep in my daughters old room. He’s been in there for over a month. He has the whole fake self thing going as N’s do. Last week I sat outside his door to here him on the phone. I knew he was cheating. I literally heard him change a story to the person he was talking to saying, oh I was with these chicks out side of this restaurant and they needed to use the restroom. The manager wouldn’t allow them to. So I gave the restaurant a bad yelp. I was blown away. Cause the real story didn’t involve any one but him and I only. So he told this girl he was with chicks when he was only with me. After he got off the phone I opened the door and confronted him. I heard his whole conversation flirting and talking dirty to this girl over the phone and he still denied it to my face. I said, let me see your phone then. And of course he refused. I called him a lying cheating narcissist and that he needed serious help. And how I was done with him altogether.
Mine would cheat physically, but what hurt even more was when he would get emotionally close to more women shutting me out. Sometimes he was hiding those relationships, sometimes he flaunted them.
Did he say that you were jealous?
Yes I truly agree. Narcissist are diverse cheater, nay cheat romantically, may cheat you in life thru cheating with your dreams and future,making u believe in things they don't really mean
Totally. I was ignored for weeks. Ridiculed, belittled, holidays birthday sabotaged letting stuff out around those days to rob me of any kind of happiness. It also ruined the experience for the kids. Always making me take the total blame for getting upset eventually with constant nit picking devaluation and making sure I felt inadequate in every way. Making fun of me when I couldn’t keep up when suddenly wanting me out of the blue from literally trying to bait me into an argument.
So you’re playing a role for each person.
They absolutely do. I witnessed it through my childhood, and then I married it for 36 years. Once I finally realized I wasn't going to change him, but my own self work had changed me, I was out.
I'd watched him wear different masks for all kinds of different people....me, our kids, family, friends all had different levels of him, as did his work too.
They absolutely compartmentalism every person in their life. EVERY. Even their kids.
Husband of 12 years, no idea anything was wrong, found a credit card statement yesterday, asked about it, and he admitted (eventually) that he has continuously been cheating on me SINCE THE BEGINNING. We have kids. He moved across the ocean for me. I always felt GUILTY that I didn’t love him as much as he loved me. It’s a tough truth to face. I’m very thankful for your videos - I feel empowered and supported in ways I didn’t realize I needed to be.
I’d be willing to bet that the folks that are mad at you for telling them “All narcissist cheat” are in denial about the affair because they don’t want to accept it Themselves. They think this affairs in some way is an insult to them and there own abilities to keep their spouse in line, and is an insult to their own sexual abilities if you will. When in actuality, it has nothing to do with them whatsoever.
Thank you for explaining exactly what I have lived in for almost 25 years. I know I am not crazy...he is just a GREAT liar.
Nothing with them is hidden for long! They get messy and get caught, or they project onto you and tell them to tell them on themselves. Either way, you will find out what they are doing.. I caught my ex multiple times with various ex-girlfriends who threw him under the bus and said he initiated contact with them...
Why the fuck are u still there?
I'm afraid that I could never fully trust OR take advice from someone who actually is/has been a narcissist ... no matter how much hands on experience that they have to share
I agree with that. Not being able to ever get into a fully trusting situation with a narcissist.
The word cheat has different meanings In the English language so maybe that woman throught the cheating means infidelity , and of cause I can see why she was upset, and he should of had empathy to understand her feelings, so the point is can a narcissist be healed from narcissism, I would say no because this is proof if he was all healed he would of had empathy for that woman. He is helping a lot of women with this but there has to be mercy with all this alot of people have be hurt by all this especially the women I knew that there is more narcissist men then women but there are women who are narcissist aswell.
Empathy is putting your self in the other person shoes to see how they would feel. Having a heart is to be a human being just a reminder. I hope you and your wife work out together, be kind and loving to her please. Thank u
Good point indeed 👏
Compartmentalizing is a great description of how they keep getting multiple supply from different sources where and when they need it😱
Ben you so sharp it's hard to believe you are a narcissist.......
Thank you for helping us all cope with this cold and bitter reality. This is the perfect pill for magical thinking.
That's it exactly they are very controlling & think they are superior to everyone else and it's only about him . He doesn't care about me or my feelings as long as he's Happy . They disappear all the time & never give you a reason what they have actually done or where they were . They come back around as if nothing happened .
With LIES!!!!!! Holy moly!🌸 Your insight has been powerful. Don’t ever stop. Thank you 🦋
I knew he was cheating for 2 years purely by gut instinct and eventually he had to come clean because something had happened at work. Now I’m constantly looking back at different scenarios where he was lying to me and was with other women. This is what I really struggle with at the moment
I understand COMPLETELY, IT'S TOO SO STRUGGLE WITH HOW MANY PEOPLE MEN AND WOMEN AND BARELY LEGAL, IM LIKE "WTF?", I GET ANGRY AND BITTER, HOWEVER I STILL PRAY OVER THE BASTARD, AND I ASK FOR GOD TO HELP ME RELEASE THIS BITTERNESS AND HATE THAT I HAVE TOWARDS MY KARMIC HUSBAND.
THAT WHEN I realign myself with my Heavenly Father , and keep my focus on Him.
Ben this completely makes sense and it's sad that we become boxes. Do any of these boxes ever rank of higher importance from each other? Or is that something that can never happen?
Yes. Mi intuition was telling me something was odd with his out of a sudden overtime and no extra money. In fact, he was struggling more with money. He would come back home smelling like sex and cigarettes. I even found blonde hairs on his clothes, so I asked him and he denied it. But an std confirmed it. Always trust your intuition and be alert.
The way you described how you think everyone cheats is a classic example of word salad and something all narcissists do. You are well aware the question being asked was do they all sleep with other people. But you answered the question with ur version of the question.
good call
Thank you so much for being open about how a narcissist operates. This information is absolutely invaluable especially coming from someone who operated in this manner. You are a rare gem that you have healed yourself from this horrible way of being. I know most narcissist don't have the awareness to even admit they have a problem. Thank you for helping those who have been brutalized by their spouse by betrayal. It is a path of a different kind of healing than just the end of a relationship. Those who have not experienced it, do not understand the difference. You help those who have experienced extreme pain & confusion. Their behavior is sociopathic but yet everyone adores them. I cannot even articulate how messed up it is when you fall in love with them. Once you get through the fog, you see how much they do not care about you and you gave them everything. Thank you for making a difference!
My gut instincts already knew it especially with his ghosting and staying out all night! I'm not stupid!
Just like telling me that he went to the movies by himself. And he went to dinner Denny's by himself. When I know he don't like going places by himself. So, yeah, maybe he did go by himself, but he met someone there.
You nailed it here. I knew there was a special box for me, but I couldn't put a name to it. I can't believe someone's mind works this way. Thank you.
Ha! My mom had her boxes start comparing stories and she was cooked.
You described my NarcX to a tee. We would go somewhere and he’s like remember when we came here before and I know in my mind 1000% I had never been there before. And he was like are you serious you seriously don’t remember that. So the whole time we’re there, I’ve got 1 million things going through my mind so I can’t even enjoy myself because I’m like I know I’ve never been here nothing looks familiar. He’s been here with someone else, because he can point out the restaurants different sites there he’s obviously been there. And the list goes on and on and on and on and on with the lies, manipulation, control, gaslighting, love bombing you name it he’s done it everything you said in this video he’s done and more.
He astounds me with his lies about his affairs. When I caught him he said that they're just friends that he wouldn't cheat with them because the affair partner was born a male. I started wondering if they were bi-sexual or gay now I don't care he is their problem now.
You are 100% correct. After 8 yrs of a narcissist , to care about my sanity and not try to “ understand and wait” …. They do not change at age 70 and been doing this since age 16 and to 4 wives. Lied all the time. He bought a hair salon for his 11 yr affair partner I had no idea about. Your explanation was my daily life. Bless you for someway facing up to it and changing and being used to help others. Thank you so very much. Takes a long time to get over being in trauma bonding so thank you so much.
I had a gut feeling it was happening for 16 years and I just believed what he said. What makes me sick is that I’m sure I know some of the people he was with and they knew he was married. So, they are home wreckers along with my ex.
That’s a very judgmental statement. Don’t blame the sex partners for the dissolution of your marriage. They didn’t by any means wreck your home-
@@ArtAbsurdist if you did notice, I did say they were home wreckers along with my ex. So, the judgment goes on everybody involved.
Remember no one knows him better than God, he will handle him at the right time. God wants you to concentrate on knowing him and not to be concerned about that demon. Pray for everyone involved and have Faith.
You are so right. Leave it to God, and he deserves what he gets then!
OMG YOU LITERALLY JUST EXPLAINED SOMETHING THAT I HAVE BEEN BATTLING WITH FOR SO LONG. THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO. I WOULD ALWAYS WONDER WHY HE DISRESPECTED ME AND TALK TO ME ALL CRAZY AND WHEN HE WAS ON INSTAGRAM HE WAS PRINCE CHARMING AND WRITING LOVE SONGS AND JUST ACTING LIKE HE WAS JUST BEING SO MISTREATED .WHEN I WAS THE ONE BEING EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY ABUSED
I really like this one. That is the hardest and still hardest to realize and put in affect , "we do not think alike , " there are people in this world that are really actually bad people and . Don't care whatsoever and do not feel bad for it . I can't treat people bad . I can't use people , and It was hard to realize, people don't think like that.
You are so accurate it hurts. Thank you for the truth. Something i never hear from my husband.
So much of the time I have to absolutely be as technically accurate as possible to weed out those lies by omission.”well I DID go to Walmart.. I don’t have another bank account *but has another credit card so that isn’t divulged because I didn’t ask that specifically so he argues it was never lying*
Ah, the roundabout reasoning.....always!
Ben keep telling your truth
My narc was absolutely a cheater!
I've wondered how he keeps it straight!!!
You make so much sense!
He's gone and I feel wonderful!
I always asked him "ARE YOU ALWAYS THIS MEAN TO JUST ME OR EVERYONE GETS IT TOO?!" I just 100% KNEW he'd be so toxic to me but kind to everyone else. Finally when I asked him for the last time, he mocked me "Yes, Nat. You're the only one I'm like this to" in a condescending tone. Trying to be a sarcastic jerk but I saw right through it. I knew it was true. He proved it by betrayal of cheating on me and then downplaying our relationship. I ghosted him ( ghosted because he never saw it coming but everyone else calls it no contact..mine just has a twist because I let him believe he had me and I was gonna stick around..who's the fool now)? He texted me on Friday ( its been about 4 months of not talking to him, not blessing him with my presence ) guess he thought he'd try to see if I'd talk to him since some months has gone by, that I'd be over my anger. 😂😂😂🙄 daft one he is.
They have to. Their survival depends on keeping the lies straight.
Ben, you’re so transparent! I follow you here and on TikTok. From my experiences with narcs they cheat in so many ways!!!
Thank you for your time in making videos to help us, truly grateful and thankful ❤
Thanks. That verifies things for me. Everything you say makes sense and is spot on. The guy I was with also mentioned this compartmentalisation process a lot to me to justify why he wasn’t bothered any time we were on a break because I couldn’t handle his ways. He was always adding new women on Facebook every day and he would like every photo they posted. Every photo.
This is true, I have been dealing with a narc for 10 years. This is exactly what has been hapening. Thankyou
It makes complete sense and gives closure to what our intuition was telling us all along. Thank you Sir for helping survivors of narcissistic abuse move forward with their healing. ❤
Faithfulness is completely alien to narcissism. Faithfulness by definition means living up to your committment when it is costly to you.
Narcissim refuses to pay any cost without getting immediate benefit, and even then, it seeks to pay the least for the cost, then rewrites history immediately and seeks to get a refund or discount as soon as they get what they wanted.
Truth! ALL of it! Thank God for deliverance!
Love this video. I also love your delivery. My husband & I are going through this now 36 yrs married; & I learned Feb. 2022 of his infidelity 33 yrs ago. He knew our marriage w/b over then, & has Held onto me continuing to make the same false promises.
After the initial cheating incident, there were 3 more that I know of, & possibly more. He thinks his flirting in public is funny. I feel disrespect. I don't feel any love from this man. I don't see any remorse, & "I'M SORRY, OK?" only when he gets caught is no apology.
I see a lot of narcissistic traits I never was able to identify in the past. I thought his lack of communication was more a lack of education. His mom did his homework for him so he'd graduate H.S. It seems that was one of the precedents creating DECEPTION & ENTITLEMENT.
He's manipulated me long enough. I cannot trust him. When I ask for divorce he threatens suicide. He's materialistic & does not want to give up 1/2 of our marital assets, threatening suicide! Emotional manipulation.
I'm grateful for our children who are now grown. Terribly disappointed in ALL THAT HE'S DONE, but even more for what he hasn't.
If he treatens with suicide that's manipulation! My Ex did that everytime I was aware it was time to go. The last time I went away it was forever and he threatened me again. He did NOT do it. He tried to hoover me instead! He stalked me and begged me to come back. Then he sent presents and love letters. Big fake. I did not trust him anymore. Now I am free and still healing. Go away and never again trust what he says. You deserve to be free. Keep safe🙏🏻❤
I had no idea some people think like this and it explains SO MUCH confusion I've had with my exs stories and behaviors.
God this makes things so much more clear. I could not for the life of me understand how my wife literally lives all these other lives. And why she refuses to leave or finish this divorce even though she "loves" her boyfriend. Boxes. Thank you for this. So so much
NO need to define what cheating is. Narcissist by definition would necessitate that they cheat, because they are UNable to have a sense of self or of you, & inherently humans do what humans do to satisfy their fears and greed and needs. Sure, people can argue you that their narc is NOT CHEATING, YES SURE maybe your narc is on LIFE SUPPORT and can't get up, and is NOT CHEATING! GOOD for you. End.
Hi Ben,
Your honesty and openness helps to make sense of all the questions that have floated before me for the past few years as I came to realise what my husband really is and what a terrible situation I truly was living.
My life had become so difficult, so toxic that it took my husband going to jail for me to finally have some distance and space from him to actually channel into myself properly to try to understand and heal myself.
And to be honest even with a lot of honest reflection I still struggle with acknowledging why I accepted so little even though I am intelligent, capable in many aspects of my life, I am at a stage where I understand I contribute to our disfunction because even when I knew and it was openly acknowledged (the affair, or previous multiple betrayals) between my husband and I, even that became part of us. Twisted and enmeshed.
And there were times I almost welcomed him living his thing over there, just so he was leaving me alone, but somehow knowing he would come back cause whatever we have is very strong and I have come to realise he is a coward in that he starts things and never finishes them.
Jobs, tasks, hobbies, marriage, people, relationships, children, but that I too am a coward, cause my ‘acceptance’ was a cop out for not being able to love myself enough or know how to champion myself, own my feelings without fear, reinforce boundaries with him.
And it has made me realise our negative similarities and how we both probably pushed each other to squeeze out of the other person something we needed but were too afraid or lacked the courage to find within and empower ourselves in a healthy way which in turn would have made us both better people and allowed us the grace to grow together.
So whilst he has been away, I have been working on me and coming to some very deep understanding and learning, but I also realise I too have shame avoidance issues and I am struggling with the shame of putting up with a lot, abuse in various forms including physical and the shame of a lot of this happening with my children present or at least present for the aftermath and of them being exposed and I really would like to hear a perspective or discussion about how to work through my own participation, my own desire for forgiveness and how to heal with my children in a healthy way including addressing the guilt I feel for the trauma they have and for not realising then in the moment and for a while after while I was still in that state of fog and confusion that I thought my choices were for good reasons, but now struggle to understand let alone justify my ‘love’ for their father, let alone truly comprehend what I had, have or went through after 27 years of marriage?
I hope this makes some kind if sense?
It is difficult to articulate the struggle as you try to figure all this out.
You experienced real love from you side. It’s okay. Would love to help you on your healing journey. If I can be of help feel free to grab a time here at www.rawmotivations.com
@@RawMotivations11:30
Ben, I've experienced all these topics you discussed in this wonderful video!!! 😢
Wowwww i love how u explain it sooooo well with the boxes!!!
I appreciate you making this video.I needed to hear this.
What are they doing with the boxes when they are triangulating the mistress with the wife (who doesn’t know but suspects about the mistress) and vice versa?
He would speak glowingly about his wife’s career credentials and intelligence, sense of humour, to me, knowing I was officially uneducated (though intelligent) and would drop hints to his wife like “you need to stop being such a complaining starfish/plank/ look after yourself more, be more adventurous sexually…”
Or would these have been lies to me as well. Why even tell me this?
In the beginning he spoke very highly of his wife when we were friends but once things had turned sexual he began to devalue her to me constantly. Does this sound about right?
So you helped cheat on his wife??
When i brought things up it just made him be able to hide it better. So crazy
This was probably the BEST way this could have been explained 👏🏼
Thank you for reminding me that we can't heal, grow, change due to all the levels of cheating us out of our lives---to us mentally, emotionally , etc all aspects of our(my life)!
I would like to invite you to our free masterclass and learn about the methods to breakfree from toxic relationship. Here www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass
This was tested by me after breaking up with this man i believe has this personality. When we resumed contact 2 years later my phone number had changed and i did not tell him who i was at first. He blew up because he had no reference as to how to behave with me . When he finally knew who i was he was still upset that he was unable to fit me into that past mold so that he could seem like he was that same person as well. It was just strange but a huge confirmation to me
It is refreshing to see a healing narcissist in the first place. Someone who gives hope to others who want healing as well. The truth hurts but it also sets you free. Thak you Ben for your relentless efforts.
I absolutely agree someone doesnt have to cheat on you by sleeping with someone else. Its not just a physical thing i can also be emotional etc
Reminds me of my awful ex friend. He told me of several incidents of cheating. Apart from using his neighbour's house when they were out to bring back prostitutes (without them knowing) behind his husband's back, he also had another incident where he nearly drowned. He told me he'd gone cruising for sex near a canal and was so drunk that he fell in. He lost his glasses and couldn't see so had to go knocking on doors at 3 am asking for help. He had destroyed his coat that his husband bought him so bought another one to hide what had happened from him. It's made me wonder if perhaps he also has a comorbid condition, something like borderline personality disorder.
Thanks for sharing, it's never easy to be with friends with someone having to confess to you their actions that you are not comfortable with!
@@RawMotivationsthanks. I realise now that I was being used. This was before his court case about possession of child sex abuse images, and he'd lied to me about that too. A very, very damaged individual. I think sometimes he will end up dead.
@@th8257hopefully.
Thank you so much that little bit of evidence linked it altogether for me and now I got closer. Thank you so much I had a covert female narcissist on and off for five years she’ll disappear for six months of the time she close box.
Thank you much for the confirmation
He hated that I caught him, twice, and called the new supply just to find out how deep the lies to her were lol I told him I know he's been seeing another woman, I kid you not ,he swung his head around to look at me and said "I never lied" I said " you lied by omission and we aren't doing this again, I'm done! " and I walked out. He did later also lie to my face when I asked if he was with her on 4th of July and again I laughed and said I know for a fact you were because she told me!
I've bought my own home and I'm leaving for good this time!
Good girl
I love this it’s super honest!!! Thank you
You are on point
My ex narc would live by this saying "it's better I tell you a rash truth, versus a sweet lie" that's was his version of saying, Imma be straight forward and harsh, so if it hurts your feelings, oh well at least you know the truth...Narcs have some of the most jacked up & twisted philosophical sayings I've ever heard, they can't possibly believe the crap they say!😂
Mine said it was my fault for finding out. I brought it all upon myself for snooping and breaching his privacy. He wanted to shield me from getting hurt. 😮 Unbelievable!! No guilt, no conscience, zero regret or regard for my feelings. Our relationship and family was disposable and replaceable. When you don't give a fork#$% about someone or something, you don't care if you lose it, and will never miss it. 😢
@@iramsavir5631 oh but at some point they do, they just deny it because narcissism is an addiction and they can't stop, they need long term therapy because they don't know who they are