My best out of context quote in a campaign "How are we related! I'm adopted and your a fish!" Said in an insanely confused but like, constantly energetic Scottish accent
*Rolls a perception check* "Nat 1. Sh-t" *Rolls a dex save* "Another nat 1, fml" *After taking the damage, a fight breaks out, and I attack twice* "Rolled a 2 and a 3. Neither hit... Well since I'm rolling up the Fibonacci sequence tonight I'm bound to hit something eventually"
These's are from 4 different campaigns 1) Paladin: Stop feeding her dead bodies! Pirate: But she's good at destroying evidence!! 2) Bard: You _slept_ with him?! (Referring to BBEG) Paladin: I mean I was in an arranged marriage with him...Granted I can't remember it being any good. 3) Bard: Okay so if I ride my husband into battle, does that count as mounted combat? 4) DM: Did you really just ask if you could bite the llama's ass? Player: I mean, you said it looked like a piñata... DM: Wtf, who bites piñatas?!
"You don't have to worry if you get killed because death isn't real" One of my players made a character based around that whole statement and we just never looked back
"Reckon you could toss the Halfling further than the Wizard did?" Galena the Scottish Lizardfolk Monk to the Tabaxi Barbarian. Proceeds to stand and watch the Halfling Barbarian get yeeted into a tree trunk. "....... Twenty feet."
Oh god I have an absolute gold nugget. “Oh no, he’s discovered the wonders of racism!!!” -My cleric when the barbarian immediately raged after hearing an unknown language Context for those interested, the druid was the only one who could speak Jotun in the group and he’d died a session earlier. Some troll ran up on the group shouting madly in Jotun and the barbarian just instantly assumed hostile intent.
"YOU LOST THE DILDO STONE!?! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!?!" The party thief had the vaguely phallic fertility idol mcguffin pickpocketed from them. I'd been calling it that in my head and blurted it out in a moment or heated role-play. My group still ribs me about it to this day...
Warlock: "You guys think they sell boogie boards here?" Bard: "We're in the f-ing desert, man! That's desert sand, not beach sand!" Warlock: "Aww, what!? You guys said we're going to the Dune Sea! Why call it that if there's no ocean! This place sucks!" Druid: "Well, you can always try sand boarding?" Warlock: "But I like waterboarding!" All: "What!?"
This series inspired me to keep quotes, here is a few. "Just put a plastic bag on your head to stop the drowning" "Vine won't let me tongue her to give her air" *rolls dice* "Is that a 9 or a 6?" "that is a d6" "Have you ever thought of having an alternative career as a mule?" "Jackass" "Alright Sam spray your goo" “I control the pickles - I AM THE PICKLE MASTER!” "How do I poison a table"
“Sometimes a man’s just gotta woogity boogity his way through problems with a jaguar skull on his head and a can do attitude.” Said the shaman as he proceeded to fail to woogity boogity his way through a series of eldritch horrors
"You are not your string." "Why did my torch go out?" - "Magic!" "The baby has claws or teeth." "It's a nice square." "When the rock is called..." "Everything is more epic with glitter!" "Do you even know what a tiger is?" - "No, but it sounds delicious." "Is it a Fey, Fiend or Undead?" - "No, it's wood." "You and your giant ants!" "Do you want to pursue your eagle instincts?" "Strange, 10 minutes ago, raw fish was the tastiest thing in the world."
This one just happened yesterday. “So. Khovur Atropa Rosznar.” *orcish noise of distress and panic* I GO INVISIBLE! Or the week prior. “Khovur, wake up, you still haven’t slept with anyone.” (As they are using Revivify on me) (After waking up) “I punch him in the shoulder.”
"Mind Blank." no, not the spell. This is what I said so often the first time I was playing D&D and it came around to my turn and I couldn't decide what to do, that close to twenty years later, it is still remembered.
One of my current favourites has to be our bard Nadin asking "Is the dead old lady difficult terrain?" - But my favourite will always be that time in my first campaign when our neutral evil cleric Unali slapped a literal goddess in the face and said "get your shit together, you're supposed to be a goddess!" and IT HELPED. Contexts: 1. Our druid accidentally killed an old lady with an aoe attack that missed all the enemies. We were trying to save this old lady's dog. 2. The goddess was trapped In a temple by mysterious magical vines that were absorbing her godly powers. She was getting depressed and was ready to give up, as our attempts to free her kept failing. The cleric decided it was time to motivate her. Rolled great on the persuasion too, it actually worked and the goddess made us her heroes once we saved her lmao
"We're gonna need another Wizzy!" Our players whenever the wizard's many, many Simulacrums breaks. - Wizard: So, what have we learned? Rogue: When you hit on someone, aim for someone with less than eight eyes. (Trying to interrogate the locals (Nat 1) which turned out to be arachnes in disguise)
I needed that after having a minor stroke related to toxic shock recently. I incidentally. "...You have never before or since seen a sentient animal of any sort go that wall-eyed in your attempts to explain why you need its help."
"I would like to use the stucky bomb on my Dire Wolf" a gunslinger on a post apocalyptic campaign i was in when fighting a large monster. Everyone at the table was shocked at the statement and had to ask for clarification. He wanted his Dire Wolf to carry the sticky bomb over the the monster and drop it, he did not realize that the sticky bombs were throw able until i reminded him about it.
The Cleric: Okay, now that that's over, WHAT THE *bird noises* WAS THAT?! The Artificer: Well, I shot him and- The Cleric: Yes, and that was awesome, but I meant THAT! *points to corpses* ---- The Cleric: Okay, did Theo get...what did he call it? 'Isekaied' again? ---- Ghost: How cute, he named i-OH SH*&! ---- Completely different TTRPG, but including it as a bonus: "I just killed someone with a holographic Optimus Prime"
This one just happened today: "I'm going to yeet the paladin!" For context; our Triton warlock used Gust of Wind to YEET our human paladin at a group of enemies in a room that was filling with smoke. The plan succeeded for the most part; our paladin was successfully yeeted, fist-first superman-style at the Big Dumb Brute monster in the middle of the room and punched it in the face at speed. The only thing that would've made it perfect is if she'd landed on her feet afterward; she failed the dex save for sticking the landing and landed flat on her back. We survived the ensuing fight, though! ...well, except the warlock. I kinda, accidentally...Burning Hands-ed him. He got crispied, and had to make a death save...but he was okay in the end!
My character with Flame Tongue great sword :“Check out my lighter” NPC:”That’s a sword” Me: “Yeah that too” Rouge:”I’m sorry Max but were going to have to cast castrate on you” Max:”What?!” *Ranger proceeds to cast sleep on him*
These are separate situations Druid“I cast infection in her face and steal the cat body” Barbarian: “Wait so then where do we put the square block? I don’t see a circle hole?” Rogue: “Noooo, you put the square block in the star hole you dumbass, now come help me pick this up.”
"What in the constipation noises?" -Civip "I'm the big eel in real life." -Gray "The tooth fairy is one bad day from ripping teeth out of your mouth." - Carter the Cart Titan "I can't wait till I can grab another feat and become a master of penetration" -Carter the Cart Titan "You cant stand for much you're fucking half sized Olaf!" -Levi as DM "Lol Syl is going full catgirl" -Civip "I just forgot I had an army of 90 undead lying around" -Syl "I don't know why I thought pushing a tornado off the edge would kill them." -Civip "I'm a terrible DM, I'm starting a race war." -Civip as DM "I'm so honored he took control of my body." -Gray "Does it have a wussy?" -Lindris "So I started reproducing a lot." -Pabar "Hi! I am Pabar! I eat poop!" -Pabar "Do you like my exotic juices?" -Civip "Olaf shut up." -Olaf "Let's go charis-mate somebody." -Boyo Bianco "The only exceptions are when I severely exert a thong." -Mercury "Throw the cripple." -Grimm "It's chipped therefore it's killable." Ylberu "Why did you think I'd allow you to breathe?" -Harrison as DM "Do you just whip it out?" -Harrison as DM "I don't want Idoh to die. He's an asshole, but he's my asshole." -Evan "I'm asking you to put your hate boner away for 5 seconds" -Orina "I think you might be racist, one to another." -Idoh "Gonna find some flying minors down there." -Grimm "As you slime into the mountain." -Logan "I whipped his ass with a tentacle." -Yudaina "I bet those two big shoulders are just there to complement your two big boulders, huh~" -Jerry
"I punch my father in the face" He got melded to the boat he was originally the captain of. Instead of trying to save him like my DM probably intended, I put him to rest for the 3rd and final time (other 2 weren't related to this character)
A couple of noteworthy ones (Context in parenthesis) Fighter: I roll to bone the dog! (His wife was polymorphed as part of a wizard's curse, and he wasn't going to bother with the curse at the moment) Cleric: Well, this ass isn't going to eat itself. Eat up! (We killed a donkey and ate it as rations)
As I walk back into the room, our dwarf saying to our spider (homebrew species): “GOD I wanna ride you…” Took a while to stop laughing for him to finally explain that, in universe, dwarves used these spiders as steed, like horses. They ride them for transportation.
“Sir, I’m gonna have to insist on reimbursement for expenses. Which are mostly falafel.” -Kalak, bullying an insane xenophobic guy into paying him an extra 16 credits for Falafel. It probably should be noted that at this point the party coffers were flush with cash. Didn’t matter, they thought the guy was a jerk and wanted to take more of his money.
3 quotes, 2 campaigns 1: "Whats written on the sword?" "Yo mama" DM looks at players "You just found a sword named yo mama" 2 : "You burried her with all her stuff?" starts digging up the corps of their fallen comrad 3 : "Your a woman, you know how emotions work" (the player is was a woman, playing a man)
“I’m gonna grab owl and dimension door under the table outside the force field so we can escape…oh f*ck no wonder whiskey doesn’t trust me. I just vented like an imposter.”
“How much human meat do i get from the thief” “Half the party ran from the plot hook via autodefenstration” “You can have the dog, his name is No”-monk named Yes
"If this was a comedy he'd say: Golly, it's good that I have brought my Brown pants!" And another one "So you come up to the man you just killed and nonshalantly cut a part of flesh from his leg, as if you were cutting bread." And last one: "I'm not really into making more enemies, as I am currently being pursued by a mutated squirell, so no, thank you very much"
“I tie up the near naked gnome to a horse”
I came in late and that was the first thing I heard
My best out of context quote in a campaign
"How are we related! I'm adopted and your a fish!" Said in an insanely confused but like, constantly energetic Scottish accent
A New player on Pathfinder: "Is Open/Close a touch spell?"
The Barbarian openning and closing the door: I AM A MAGE!
*Rolls a perception check*
"Nat 1. Sh-t"
*Rolls a dex save*
"Another nat 1, fml"
*After taking the damage, a fight breaks out, and I attack twice*
"Rolled a 2 and a 3. Neither hit... Well since I'm rolling up the Fibonacci sequence tonight I'm bound to hit something eventually"
These's are from 4 different campaigns
1) Paladin: Stop feeding her dead bodies!
Pirate: But she's good at destroying evidence!!
2) Bard: You _slept_ with him?! (Referring to BBEG)
Paladin: I mean I was in an arranged marriage with him...Granted I can't remember it being any good.
3) Bard: Okay so if I ride my husband into battle, does that count as mounted combat?
4) DM: Did you really just ask if you could bite the llama's ass?
Player: I mean, you said it looked like a piñata...
DM: Wtf, who bites piñatas?!
"You don't have to worry if you get killed because death isn't real"
One of my players made a character based around that whole statement and we just never looked back
"I can touch myself? I can touch myself!"
-The Cleric after learning he can use Guidance on himself
Thought of another one:
"Stop f**king around and Looney Tunes this sh*t!"
-The Paladin, tired of the two sorcerers being incompetent
"Reckon you could toss the Halfling further than the Wizard did?" Galena the Scottish Lizardfolk Monk to the Tabaxi Barbarian. Proceeds to stand and watch the Halfling Barbarian get yeeted into a tree trunk. "....... Twenty feet."
Oh god I have an absolute gold nugget.
“Oh no, he’s discovered the wonders of racism!!!” -My cleric when the barbarian immediately raged after hearing an unknown language
Context for those interested, the druid was the only one who could speak Jotun in the group and he’d died a session earlier. Some troll ran up on the group shouting madly in Jotun and the barbarian just instantly assumed hostile intent.
"YOU LOST THE DILDO STONE!?! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!?!"
The party thief had the vaguely phallic fertility idol mcguffin pickpocketed from them. I'd been calling it that in my head and blurted it out in a moment or heated role-play. My group still ribs me about it to this day...
Warlock: "You guys think they sell boogie boards here?"
Bard: "We're in the f-ing desert, man! That's desert sand, not beach sand!"
Warlock: "Aww, what!? You guys said we're going to the Dune Sea! Why call it that if there's no ocean! This place sucks!"
Druid: "Well, you can always try sand boarding?"
Warlock: "But I like waterboarding!"
All: "What!?"
So they like torture. So what?
This series inspired me to keep quotes, here is a few.
"Just put a plastic bag on your head to stop the drowning"
"Vine won't let me tongue her to give her air"
*rolls dice* "Is that a 9 or a 6?" "that is a d6"
"Have you ever thought of having an alternative career as a mule?" "Jackass"
"Alright Sam spray your goo"
“I control the pickles - I AM THE PICKLE MASTER!”
"How do I poison a table"
“Sometimes a man’s just gotta woogity boogity his way through problems with a jaguar skull on his head and a can do attitude.” Said the shaman as he proceeded to fail to woogity boogity his way through a series of eldritch horrors
"You are not your string."
"Why did my torch go out?" - "Magic!"
"The baby has claws or teeth."
"It's a nice square."
"When the rock is called..."
"Everything is more epic with glitter!"
"Do you even know what a tiger is?" - "No, but it sounds delicious."
"Is it a Fey, Fiend or Undead?" - "No, it's wood."
"You and your giant ants!"
"Do you want to pursue your eagle instincts?"
"Strange, 10 minutes ago, raw fish was the tastiest thing in the world."
“WE DID IT! We saved the city!”
*proceeds to walk away from a currently flaming resort*
This one just happened yesterday.
“So. Khovur Atropa Rosznar.” *orcish noise of distress and panic* I GO INVISIBLE!
Or the week prior. “Khovur, wake up, you still haven’t slept with anyone.” (As they are using Revivify on me)
(After waking up) “I punch him in the shoulder.”
"Mind Blank." no, not the spell. This is what I said so often the first time I was playing D&D and it came around to my turn and I couldn't decide what to do, that close to twenty years later, it is still remembered.
"Stop throwing coins at me!" -Jake the Shopkeeper
"I'm gone for THREE YEARS and every Criminal in the city decided to set up shop IN MY HOUSE?" ~Ikor, the Paladin upon returning home.
“Did the reverend just blue ball me?” -Reiner 2023
One of my current favourites has to be our bard Nadin asking "Is the dead old lady difficult terrain?" - But my favourite will always be that time in my first campaign when our neutral evil cleric Unali slapped a literal goddess in the face and said "get your shit together, you're supposed to be a goddess!" and IT HELPED.
Contexts:
1. Our druid accidentally killed an old lady with an aoe attack that missed all the enemies. We were trying to save this old lady's dog.
2. The goddess was trapped In a temple by mysterious magical vines that were absorbing her godly powers. She was getting depressed and was ready to give up, as our attempts to free her kept failing. The cleric decided it was time to motivate her. Rolled great on the persuasion too, it actually worked and the goddess made us her heroes once we saved her lmao
“That’s two weeks in a row you’ve made me roll a constitution check to see if an npc has pooped.”
"So, you are going to literally blow your cover... Just to fart in his face?"
"They're possessed! Don't kill them! We need to save them!" Yeets the gnomes to their deaths.
"no, bro for the last time. Your hammer does not have a magical lock and you do not have a magical key that awakens the gods above."
Me as the DM: "Roll me a persuasion check to convince the Manticore that Beaver meat tastes better than human flesh"
"I can't do insight checks against women. I'm bad at them!" - Bard
"They have real dungeoness crabs here"
"Yeah, you look past that door. You can see them skitter by in Their gimp suits."
1) "How does a fair fight work?" "I DON'T KNOW!"
2) "The floor was also made out of floor."
3) "I have authority, I have a cleaver!"
“Yeah, well big lizard wants to know if you have valuables in your room”
"Oh boy my first female pc and I'm already getting offered to be pounded out like a mallard duck for gold by an old nobleman."
DM: „There are also 2-3 ropes of hemp in the bag“
Narim: „How many exactly?“
DM: „(rolls a die) 4!“
"What? They're worshipping me?......I DEMAND SACRIFICE!!"
"We're gonna need another Wizzy!"
Our players whenever the wizard's many, many Simulacrums breaks.
-
Wizard: So, what have we learned?
Rogue: When you hit on someone, aim for someone with less than eight eyes.
(Trying to interrogate the locals (Nat 1) which turned out to be arachnes in disguise)
"He's pretty hung for a halfling"
-the drunk centaur seer
"Cavaliers, mount your bears; the toddlers have unionized"
“Can I use my body as a weapon?” -Our Monk.
I needed that after having a minor stroke related to toxic shock recently.
I incidentally.
"...You have never before or since seen a sentient animal of any sort go that wall-eyed in your attempts to explain why you need its help."
“I’m almost surprised I can’t see you because you’re so blatantly transparent” Monk/fighter to evil wizard cannibal
"Hmmm, you, my fellow goblin, sure are good at solving riddles. Unfortunately, goblins can't solve riddles!"
My favorite: "does magic missile... penetrate?"
“Sure, let’s add arson to breaking and entering.”
"I will do an emergency baptism" - a Wizard
There was that time we got a crowd of people to chant our party’s acronym.
For reference the party is called Chaotic Relief Adventuring Party.
"That didn't hurt too bad! Wait why are you asking me to make a death save...?"
Famous last words xDDD
You sir have the cutest most contagious giggle I've ever heard ❤
"I would like to use the stucky bomb on my Dire Wolf" a gunslinger on a post apocalyptic campaign i was in when fighting a large monster. Everyone at the table was shocked at the statement and had to ask for clarification. He wanted his Dire Wolf to carry the sticky bomb over the the monster and drop it, he did not realize that the sticky bombs were throw able until i reminded him about it.
"Scramble needs to know what a dragon tastes like"
Player: "LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT THIS PIECE OF CLOTH IS HIDING"
DM: "SIR THIS IS NO STRIP CLUB!"
“What, were we supposed to announce our presence and fight our way up the tower?”
"I'm a 35 year old orc for gods sake" -Hogar
"NOBODY FUCKS WITH THE MAILMAN!"
Got a couple I like
Player 1: “Enlarged Stromboli”
Player 2: *slight gasp* “that would be awesome”
“Can I stack aids?”
“It’s a grandma eat dad world”
"chicken hydra"
I can honestly say I never conceived those two words as being together.
The Cleric: Okay, now that that's over, WHAT THE *bird noises* WAS THAT?!
The Artificer: Well, I shot him and-
The Cleric: Yes, and that was awesome, but I meant THAT! *points to corpses*
----
The Cleric: Okay, did Theo get...what did he call it? 'Isekaied' again?
----
Ghost: How cute, he named i-OH SH*&!
----
Completely different TTRPG, but including it as a bonus:
"I just killed someone with a holographic Optimus Prime"
This happened last night.
Rath (Grung fighter): He's within poking range.
This one just happened today: "I'm going to yeet the paladin!"
For context; our Triton warlock used Gust of Wind to YEET our human paladin at a group of enemies in a room that was filling with smoke. The plan succeeded for the most part; our paladin was successfully yeeted, fist-first superman-style at the Big Dumb Brute monster in the middle of the room and punched it in the face at speed. The only thing that would've made it perfect is if she'd landed on her feet afterward; she failed the dex save for sticking the landing and landed flat on her back. We survived the ensuing fight, though!
...well, except the warlock. I kinda, accidentally...Burning Hands-ed him. He got crispied, and had to make a death save...but he was okay in the end!
"I may not have healing magic, but I can help them with my fist."
My character with Flame Tongue great sword :“Check out my lighter”
NPC:”That’s a sword”
Me: “Yeah that too”
Rouge:”I’m sorry Max but were going to have to cast castrate on you”
Max:”What?!”
*Ranger proceeds to cast sleep on him*
P1: Well, you did die, so...
P2: And it was incredible.
"You have orphaned 3 squirrel children."
_"nyoom"_
Aspen: *_gay panic_*
"Behold, Grayson Wildamere, the God-King of All Twinks!"
“Now officers, I know me having the dwarven princess stuffed in a keg on my back look’s really bad but let me explain! She wants to be there!”
"DOOKIE SPLASH!!"
- Tug Tom the Swamp Guy, 2023
These are separate situations
Druid“I cast infection in her face and steal the cat body”
Barbarian: “Wait so then where do we put the square block? I don’t see a circle hole?”
Rogue: “Noooo, you put the square block in the star hole you dumbass, now come help me pick this up.”
6:13 As a bard and Eilistraean I am greatly upset at that news.
No one steals a bard's hat. No. One.
Player: Can I summon a piano?
DM: Do you know the spell 'Summon Piano'?
Elrond the mage when surrounded by an actual army : I'm surrounded. Surrender or DIE ! Army don't immediately surrender. Army attack. Whole army die.
"What in the constipation noises?" -Civip
"I'm the big eel in real life." -Gray
"The tooth fairy is one bad day from ripping teeth out of your mouth." - Carter the Cart Titan
"I can't wait till I can grab another feat and become a master of penetration" -Carter the Cart Titan
"You cant stand for much you're fucking half sized Olaf!" -Levi as DM
"Lol Syl is going full catgirl" -Civip
"I just forgot I had an army of 90 undead lying around" -Syl
"I don't know why I thought pushing a tornado off the edge would kill them." -Civip
"I'm a terrible DM, I'm starting a race war." -Civip as DM
"I'm so honored he took control of my body." -Gray
"Does it have a wussy?" -Lindris
"So I started reproducing a lot." -Pabar
"Hi! I am Pabar! I eat poop!" -Pabar
"Do you like my exotic juices?" -Civip
"Olaf shut up." -Olaf
"Let's go charis-mate somebody." -Boyo Bianco
"The only exceptions are when I severely exert a thong." -Mercury
"Throw the cripple." -Grimm
"It's chipped therefore it's killable." Ylberu
"Why did you think I'd allow you to breathe?" -Harrison as DM
"Do you just whip it out?" -Harrison as DM
"I don't want Idoh to die. He's an asshole, but he's my asshole." -Evan
"I'm asking you to put your hate boner away for 5 seconds" -Orina
"I think you might be racist, one to another." -Idoh
"Gonna find some flying minors down there." -Grimm
"As you slime into the mountain." -Logan
"I whipped his ass with a tentacle." -Yudaina
"I bet those two big shoulders are just there to complement your two big boulders, huh~" -Jerry
"I punch my father in the face"
He got melded to the boat he was originally the captain of. Instead of trying to save him like my DM probably intended, I put him to rest for the 3rd and final time (other 2 weren't related to this character)
"I'd rather die than be baby-birded a mushroom."
“And her name shall be Hector Stinkbertex!”
Less out of context quote more of a out of context situation: "the balls puzzle"
"If I became a vampire and still had to deal with having a period, I'd walk into the sun."
"So basically, he's the Drow city's IT guy."
“Behold, the power of the Methnado.”
"Oh wait I can just use sense evil, I didn't need to call you at all... umm... sorry dad... it's... uh... wimdy?"
"I know it was a good idea, I had it"
The gods have chosen to spare you today, but remember that they are *fickle.*
A couple of noteworthy ones (Context in parenthesis)
Fighter: I roll to bone the dog! (His wife was polymorphed as part of a wizard's curse, and he wasn't going to bother with the curse at the moment)
Cleric: Well, this ass isn't going to eat itself. Eat up! (We killed a donkey and ate it as rations)
"You aren't proficient in wasps".
Rabbits are natures toilet paper, they are self cleaning.
And now I am going to make a deity in my homebrew world named... Gaud.
PANR has tuned in.
“I would like to cast Orbital Strike on the child”
As I walk back into the room, our dwarf saying to our spider (homebrew species): “GOD I wanna ride you…”
Took a while to stop laughing for him to finally explain that, in universe, dwarves used these spiders as steed, like horses. They ride them for transportation.
I got one:
Dm: "[My] Character is being so creepy and I'm totally digging it"
I have Asmodeus in a snow globe, if that counts had me gasping for air
“Sir, I’m gonna have to insist on reimbursement for expenses. Which are mostly falafel.” -Kalak, bullying an insane xenophobic guy into paying him an extra 16 credits for Falafel.
It probably should be noted that at this point the party coffers were flush with cash. Didn’t matter, they thought the guy was a jerk and wanted to take more of his money.
Asmodeus in a snow globe.
Sounds like a Krampus gift.
~_~
3 quotes, 2 campaigns
1: "Whats written on the sword?"
"Yo mama"
DM looks at players "You just found a sword named yo mama"
2 : "You burried her with all her stuff?" starts digging up the corps of their fallen comrad
3 : "Your a woman, you know how emotions work" (the player is was a woman, playing a man)
"If you _know_ you're so stupid, WHY do you listen to yourself?!"
“I’m gonna grab owl and dimension door under the table outside the force field so we can escape…oh f*ck no wonder whiskey doesn’t trust me. I just vented like an imposter.”
Rouge: "I tech him how to play poker... I rolled a 3."
Ranger: "I eat one of the cards."
Rouge: "NOOOO!"
Welcome to the layer of lust
2d6 balls damage
These are out of context but at the same time they’re right on point.
Druid, upon learning that the town he was in was called Redwood: “This wall isn’t redwood, see!” *licks wall* “Not redwood!”
“How much human meat do i get from the thief”
“Half the party ran from the plot hook via autodefenstration”
“You can have the dog, his name is No”-monk named Yes
"If this was a comedy he'd say:
Golly, it's good that I have brought my Brown pants!"
And another one
"So you come up to the man you just killed and nonshalantly cut a part of flesh from his leg, as if you were cutting bread."
And last one:
"I'm not really into making more enemies, as I am currently being pursued by a mutated squirell, so no, thank you very much"
"so he used your corpse as a weapon"
Best one? "I yeet the gnome."
“Taste the rainbow mf”- bbeg