"I would like to buy... something I can use to see" "Eyes? You want eyes?" "No, not that!" *Puts a jar full of eyes on the table* "but I have eyes!" "Why do you have eyes?? No! I want something to see from afar" "Oh, you want glasses! I have glasses too!" "No! I want something to see from reeeally far away!" "Like a telescope?" "Oh, I thought there weren't telescopes in this world" "Darling, we're medieval, not prehistoric"
@@ignacioperez5479 the party joked about a piece of cactus being a garnish for a drink that another party member accidentally created in a desert town. So when the party member that was late to join the group ordered one he didn’t see how other consumed it and his character has low INT so he took a couple points of piercing damage consuming a beverage
"Can I roleplay as the orc's diaper?" Player: Steals tent Also Player: "Can I roll to gaslight [other player] into thinking it's been my tent all along" DM: Uh... sure, give me a Deception check *player rolls a 1* DM: "You've never seen a tent in your life, let alone own one"
Ral: "I'm gonna roll seduction." Zeniba: "And I'm going to watch." Kieshniek: "Is praying a free action?" William: "I know what's going to happen when I turn into a rat. I'm going to have big giant rat balls." Kieshniek: "D'Aw, I can hear Dakra's cat and it's so cute" Osium, in the background: *Loud ass Cat scream* Kieshniek: "???" Dakra, to his cat: "If you don't want cuddles take the damn monkey" Clay: "doing his monkey noise" Dakra: "Thank you all for being the circus in the background"
Barbian Druid: "quick someone slap my ass!" Barbian Warlock: *in OwO voice* "Holy shit... I can see though time..." Sorcerer Warlock: *using mage hand* "Let's see a mimic get me this time!" Monk: *crying in corner* "But I don't wanna be filled with spiders again..." Blood Hunter turned Palidan: "I'm getting the distinct smell of salt water and its giving me a rash." Rouge: "I will stab this mother trucker with my own shoe if I have to." Kobold Cleric: "where's my papoose?"
One that has become a running thing in my campaign, "I aggressively jiggle the doorknob" in another campaign, "No you can lasso the flesh warped drider and use her to attack the town that exiled you" and yet another, "I smack the maul welding xulgath with the plant"
“DEATH BY CHEESE” “goats are dirty traitors” “I want to pet the almighty squirrel” “CHEESE BONK” “I want all the hats you have” “I want to feed my snail gold mage bones” “they’re hot and they’re cold they’re electricuted and *dead* “
Hi I just had my second ever session for my first dnd game. I play a fairy druid named Fern. On Monday we had that session when your characters meet each other for the first time. My DM was super kind and just let us roleplay all our conversations. Here are a few notable ones that I can remember "Your such a Munk mouth" "Do you have any bandages? Becouse I think I scared my knees falling for you" "You just like parallel park your ship" "It's not my fault it was misspelled on the birth certificate"
"I turn my bag of holding inside out as I fly over the Druids' Grove." *DM gasps in horror as she has to figure out what 1000 alchemy fire will do to a forest*
"I can taste the evil from him and it tastes like grape soda!" Gnoll paladin in a one shot campagin I was in after he used 'detect evil' in combination with a 'perception roll' to lick the clearly disgusted gaurd.
"Shit! I ran out of RAM!" - Warforged fighter being knocked unconscious. "I'm like a Half-Orc Charlie Daniel's when I've got my fiddle in hand!" - Half-Orc bard convincing the Casino talent scout to let him perform.
My character *heavy fake brooklyn accent: "one child loses a hand and suddenly everyone is up in arms" the Kitsune: "well except the child" my DM: laughed untill he passed out on the floor
"Hallucinations are for the Elephant" - Pathfinder campaign. We were doing a trial to earn a local tribe's aid and our Druid had changed into an Elephant for it. The DM made us all roll a D-20 at one point and the only one of us to ace it was the druid, so, she got the vision.
Playing as the DM getting ready for an encounter later that night, the party was eating in a restaurant. I wasn't paying attention when I hear the Druid say "Why yes, I'd love it if you tossed my salad." and held her bowl out to the Bard. My head shot up for obvious reasons...
Wizard: "Bard, can you be a mean girl?" Bard: "Uh... I don't know-" Wizard: "Rogue, can you be a-" Rogue: "Yes, let's drag this fool!" Different Bard (distressed): "Why does everything in the underdark have tentacles?!" DM: "The bandits believe your illusionary rum ham." Different DM: "congratulations, everyone is spitting on the hinges now." Bone Devil: "You are insane. Most people learn their lesson the first time they get cursed and move on, but no- you are too stubborn for that! Get away from the piano and stay away!" (Bone Devil was yelling at my bard after getting caught messing with a cursed piano for the third time.) Edit: my favorite smell is cardamom. I like how sweet, citrus-y and spicy it smells.
"Strange bird man, you talk a lot of sense and seem very trustworthy" "You fools. That isn't even his final form. *That's* a corpse." "One of which is Infernal, because 'lawyer.'" "Why did they put the courthouse in the landfill?" "Are you a wizard?" "No, but I'm also not a moron" "And sometimes confusing things...like forks" "May I trouble you for a potion of airship?" "Can I test something with you." "If you intend to stab me, then no" "darn" "Corporeal punishment: the punishment was all the living we did along the way" "We do a little reverse masonry" "Ninja's honor!" *everyone rolls Sense Motive* "He's plotting revenge. Whether or not he's capable of it is irrelevant" "If you put a welcome mat in front of your door, vampires take it as permission to enter." "Is the religion called 'not a cult'?" "I invented middle management" "Didn't he clone himself" "No, that was time travel" "Oh, that's much better" "I was one half of a horse's length, or at least 12 cheeseburgers, or 2 standard keyboards, or 5 feet, or 200 keycaps, or the length of a small person, or 1 Dagon away from DEATH" There are so many.
"You now look like a mind flayer." "Hey Strahd! If you don't come fight me in the next 30 seconds you're a coward!" "Wait a minute... marrying Demons isn't normal!" "I lead them into the other room to make a 'cake' then actually start making a bomb."
“I run into the cathedral of nilbogs and shout to the war leader that his minions tried to kill me. I put emphasis on the fact that I’m the victim here…”(proceeds to crit fails deception)
"STOP FEEDING HER DEAD BODIES!!!" The paladin screaming at the pirate and barbarian to stop feeding me (playing as a homebrew "intelligent" Mimic) the corpses they needed to get rid of. Paladin was afraid I'd get a taste for humanoid flesh. Too late!
Curi: "Tell me, what is your name?" Solar: "My na--" Curi: "You know, nevermind, your name is Neal. I command you NEAL!" And then Curi took the Solar's feet out from under him and made him kneel. (DM) Sage: "You find a fork in the road." Lia: "I pick it up." (DM) Sage: "Add one fancy dinner fork to your inventory." Errakus Jr.: "Dudes, what just hit me?" Asteria: Showing up in the nick of time. "The power of the sun seeing as you got nailed by a Solar."
"Well, yes, but customers asking out of city protection work are quite rarer, and I do not believe we'd be utilizing your skillset to the best extent, unless you'd like, to put it simply, be a replacement wagon carrier." My character to the ancient black dragon that's unable to transform, being interviewed for my mercenary company.
"She is senile, in five minutes you can try again" 5 min later "Shit, did we seriously leave the kleptomaniac behind in the living room?" Later same campaign "So a summoning scroll plus a a ring that controls demons plus an unknown artifact. We all know where this is going right?" "He is desperate for a girlfriend?"
I've got a couple to offer: NPC: I can't just watch her die! Barbarian: You can go to the other room Druid: It's not breaking and entering if we don't break anything. Then it's just entering. Druid: Can I bunk with someone who can help me if I wake up not moving? Monk: A mortician? DM: I need a strength check to see if you severed Santa's fingers
"Maybe Hope just isn't much of a killer." "She is, though." "What's a Tabaxi?" -the Tabaxi "I cast Produce Flame to light my hand on fire and stick my fingers in his nostrils."
Player: “throw the bottle of alchemist fire on the ground and light it” Dm: “at your feet?” Player: “yes” Dm: “ you do realise this will kill the entire party and yourself” Player: “ oh no I have fire resistance”
"Godddamnit, Apollo!" From a Pathfinder campaign I was in, this was practically our rat man's catchphrase whenever our gunslinger did something stupid.
I have a whole channel in my discord server for out of context quotes lol. Here’s a few of my favorites: “I don’t shoot things, I pickup cursed objects.” “Your character is now canonically a murder hobo.” “What’s a strawberry?” “Well I’ll have you know I’m an animal _and_ an adventurous drunk!” “Last I checked, Kelemvor has nothing against lying, he just hates undead.” “I don’t know if you’ve seen me, I look like a hobo.”
“Wait, did you just draw a diagram for an anti-tank mine, from memory‽” “Your bath in the river causes a biohazard downstream.” “I don’t know; the gnome is roaring, he just does that sometimes, don’t worry about it.” “The masseuse is very gentle around you cannon wound.”
some of my favorites; “they say the nostrils are the eyes of the soul.” “he stabs himself in the holes” “just because he’s a dark elf doesn’t mean you can be racist” these next three are in chronological order: “i’m willing to shoot grandma at point blank range.” “you’re next, grandma.” “that’s a lot of gramage!! flex tape can’t fix that!!” and also “poverty? what’s so bad about poverty?” “i’m taking a ride on the dumbwaiter to hell!”
DM: "How do you kill the bandit?" Party: *encourages vial deeds after extensive research on brown bear anatomy* BarBEARian: "I will not stab him with my bear dick."
Artificer: "What is taking you so long?" Rogue: "it would've been a lot easier if you hadn't taken my thumbs away." Artificer: "Well I only need the thumb and I only have a prosthetic hand to spare."
"mailer daemon" was great! reminds me of a very silly gag in a fan-story: a Thanos wanna-be snapped HIS fingers. a sign appeared that said: "for sale: one planet. cheap." someone says, "oh, he used the REALTY gem", and everyone groans. he also boasted that he was "vincible"...
"Congratulations! You killed the boss with a rotisserie chicken!" "Have you ever seen four crocodiles explode in one day? No? Well, now you have." "Ronald McDonald, battered, and beaten, casts one last fireball." "Your character is now male, btw."
There’s some gems in my campaign -“They look like burnt toddlers” -"I want you to go do something social, maybe with girls", “Are you THAT desperate for grandchildren?" -“chicken is just beef” -“I’m encyclopedia bitch” -“I’m fat-shaming the cat and I’m proud of it” -“a snake with its head cut off is an adolescent frog”
The baked bean cult one really made me laugh bc if a bean cult exists Rhett from Good Mythical Morning is 100% the leader of it and a campaign based around that would be hilarious and awesome
“You look about as thick as you’re supposed to.” - My character to another party member, who was wearing two separate masks at once.
“You are now within kissing distance of Strahd.”
“Yes, you can proc sneak attack on the bone golem by head butting it.”
"I would like to buy... something I can use to see"
"Eyes? You want eyes?"
"No, not that!"
*Puts a jar full of eyes on the table* "but I have eyes!"
"Why do you have eyes?? No! I want something to see from afar"
"Oh, you want glasses! I have glasses too!"
"No! I want something to see from reeeally far away!"
"Like a telescope?"
"Oh, I thought there weren't telescopes in this world"
"Darling, we're medieval, not prehistoric"
Proceeds to continue trying to sell eyes at the counter
this one cracked me up real good, by Asmodius, this one had me good - at this pace it could snowball further.
@@atsukana1704 can you stack eyes?
Hey you made it into part 6 good work! Now give use more damnit
It was actually invented 150 years after the medieval ages; the medieval equivalent was a spyglass.
We had a couple good ones in my campaign.
“Can I stack aids?”
“Nope I’m going to swallow the cactus!”
“Like an aggressive caressing of the chin”
.... what is the context of the cactus one?
@@ignacioperez5479 the party joked about a piece of cactus being a garnish for a drink that another party member accidentally created in a desert town. So when the party member that was late to join the group ordered one he didn’t see how other consumed it and his character has low INT so he took a couple points of piercing damage consuming a beverage
@@sportsnut1473 hahahaha. i love it
The worst part is I fully understand that first one, and the answer is probably no (temp HP replaces a prior source).
"I got 50ft of rope, I'm using it all." The Tiefling Pirate Rogue in our campaign when tying up a prisoner in a questionable way.
"I paid for the whole rope, so I'm going to use the whole rope!"
"Can I roleplay as the orc's diaper?"
Player: Steals tent
Also Player: "Can I roll to gaslight [other player] into thinking it's been my tent all along"
DM: Uh... sure, give me a Deception check
*player rolls a 1*
DM: "You've never seen a tent in your life, let alone own one"
Gaslighting the gaslighter; that's gold!
Artificer: "What are you gonna do? Build a bomb?"
Ranger: "yes"
"Geo gives Kishkumen the evil eye"
"Kishkumen hands it back. 'You dropped this, miss!'"
Ral: "I'm gonna roll seduction."
Zeniba: "And I'm going to watch."
Kieshniek: "Is praying a free action?"
William: "I know what's going to happen when I turn into a rat. I'm going to have big giant rat balls."
Kieshniek: "D'Aw, I can hear Dakra's cat and it's so cute"
Osium, in the background: *Loud ass Cat scream*
Kieshniek: "???"
Dakra, to his cat: "If you don't want cuddles take the damn monkey"
Clay: "doing his monkey noise"
Dakra: "Thank you all for being the circus in the background"
Barbian Druid: "quick someone slap my ass!"
Barbian Warlock: *in OwO voice* "Holy shit... I can see though time..."
Sorcerer Warlock: *using mage hand* "Let's see a mimic get me this time!"
Monk: *crying in corner* "But I don't wanna be filled with spiders again..."
Blood Hunter turned Palidan: "I'm getting the distinct smell of salt water and its giving me a rash."
Rouge: "I will stab this mother trucker with my own shoe if I have to."
Kobold Cleric: "where's my papoose?"
“I killed your puppy.” - My character to the goblin tribe leader (a bugbear) just before my character killed him, execution style, with my crossbow.
"Your hand cannot escape from Callamus' ass."
"WHY'D YOU SHOOT MY HAND!!"
Session zero of a star wars campaign
"You perform your raindance by dropping onto the ground and wiggling like you're having a seizure."
Character to orc: I am your conscious.
Orc: UGH!
One that has become a running thing in my campaign, "I aggressively jiggle the doorknob" in another campaign, "No you can lasso the flesh warped drider and use her to attack the town that exiled you" and yet another, "I smack the maul welding xulgath with the plant"
"So, basically, he's playfully smacking you with a fluffy club."
“DEATH BY CHEESE” “goats are dirty traitors” “I want to pet the almighty squirrel” “CHEESE BONK” “I want all the hats you have” “I want to feed my snail gold mage bones” “they’re hot and they’re cold they’re electricuted and *dead* “
Guard: "What is the meaning of this?"
Warlock: "Excuse me sir, we're having a yelling contest. And I'm winning."
"You see, it's like talking to a mushroom vs talking to a damp paper towel"
"YOU WERE SPEAKING BIRD!!!"
"Are we really going to crucify him on a cross?"
Got some notable ones:
- "Can I eat the child?"
- "I want to burn the child"
- "I punt the child and run out of the room"
- "Whale God? Sounds fake."
Whale god is totally fake
That's a lot of child harm related ones 🤨
What does your party have against children?
From our GM : "No, I'm not giving a towel an armor rating"
"Hahaha look it's killing him." *In a serious tone*
"Oh god it's killing him."
Hi I just had my second ever session for my first dnd game. I play a fairy druid named Fern. On Monday we had that session when your characters meet each other for the first time. My DM was super kind and just let us roleplay all our conversations. Here are a few notable ones that I can remember
"Your such a Munk mouth"
"Do you have any bandages? Becouse I think I scared my knees falling for you"
"You just like parallel park your ship"
"It's not my fault it was misspelled on the birth certificate"
"I turn my bag of holding inside out as I fly over the Druids' Grove." *DM gasps in horror as she has to figure out what 1000 alchemy fire will do to a forest*
"It's not vinegar damage, now is it?"
"Goblin Toothpaste."
"I can taste the evil from him and it tastes like grape soda!" Gnoll paladin in a one shot campagin I was in after he used 'detect evil' in combination with a 'perception roll' to lick the clearly disgusted gaurd.
"Shit! I ran out of RAM!" - Warforged fighter being knocked unconscious.
"I'm like a Half-Orc Charlie Daniel's when I've got my fiddle in hand!" - Half-Orc bard convincing the Casino talent scout to let him perform.
My character *heavy fake brooklyn accent: "one child loses a hand and suddenly everyone is up in arms"
the Kitsune: "well except the child"
my DM: laughed untill he passed out on the floor
“HE’S TRYING TO EAT THE BAGEL”
"Hallucinations are for the Elephant" - Pathfinder campaign. We were doing a trial to earn a local tribe's aid and our Druid had changed into an Elephant for it. The DM made us all roll a D-20 at one point and the only one of us to ace it was the druid, so, she got the vision.
From last night’s session.
“You’re expecting to invade the capital? Just the four of you?”
“We, have- uh, birds.”
That could work. There was a person in history who burned a city w birds.
Playing as the DM getting ready for an encounter later that night, the party was eating in a restaurant. I wasn't paying attention when I hear the Druid say "Why yes, I'd love it if you tossed my salad." and held her bowl out to the Bard. My head shot up for obvious reasons...
Wizard: "Bard, can you be a mean girl?"
Bard: "Uh... I don't know-"
Wizard: "Rogue, can you be a-"
Rogue: "Yes, let's drag this fool!"
Different Bard (distressed): "Why does everything in the underdark have tentacles?!"
DM: "The bandits believe your illusionary rum ham."
Different DM: "congratulations, everyone is spitting on the hinges now."
Bone Devil: "You are insane. Most people learn their lesson the first time they get cursed and move on, but no- you are too stubborn for that! Get away from the piano and stay away!" (Bone Devil was yelling at my bard after getting caught messing with a cursed piano for the third time.)
Edit: my favorite smell is cardamom. I like how sweet, citrus-y and spicy it smells.
“ I got an intelligence of 4, how the fuq am I the voice of reason? “ - squirrel through speak with animals
"Strange bird man, you talk a lot of sense and seem very trustworthy"
"You fools. That isn't even his final form. *That's* a corpse."
"One of which is Infernal, because 'lawyer.'"
"Why did they put the courthouse in the landfill?"
"Are you a wizard?" "No, but I'm also not a moron"
"And sometimes confusing things...like forks"
"May I trouble you for a potion of airship?"
"Can I test something with you." "If you intend to stab me, then no" "darn"
"Corporeal punishment: the punishment was all the living we did along the way"
"We do a little reverse masonry"
"Ninja's honor!" *everyone rolls Sense Motive*
"He's plotting revenge. Whether or not he's capable of it is irrelevant"
"If you put a welcome mat in front of your door, vampires take it as permission to enter."
"Is the religion called 'not a cult'?"
"I invented middle management"
"Didn't he clone himself" "No, that was time travel" "Oh, that's much better"
"I was one half of a horse's length, or at least 12 cheeseburgers, or 2 standard keyboards, or 5 feet, or 200 keycaps, or the length of a small person, or 1 Dagon away from DEATH"
There are so many.
"You now look like a mind flayer."
"Hey Strahd! If you don't come fight me in the next 30 seconds you're a coward!"
"Wait a minute... marrying Demons isn't normal!"
"I lead them into the other room to make a 'cake' then actually start making a bomb."
“I run into the cathedral of nilbogs and shout to the war leader that his minions tried to kill me. I put emphasis on the fact that I’m the victim here…”(proceeds to crit fails deception)
"STOP FEEDING HER DEAD BODIES!!!"
The paladin screaming at the pirate and barbarian to stop feeding me (playing as a homebrew "intelligent" Mimic) the corpses they needed to get rid of. Paladin was afraid I'd get a taste for humanoid flesh. Too late!
Curi: "Tell me, what is your name?"
Solar: "My na--"
Curi: "You know, nevermind, your name is Neal. I command you NEAL!" And then Curi took the Solar's feet out from under him and made him kneel.
(DM) Sage: "You find a fork in the road."
Lia: "I pick it up."
(DM) Sage: "Add one fancy dinner fork to your inventory."
Errakus Jr.: "Dudes, what just hit me?"
Asteria: Showing up in the nick of time. "The power of the sun seeing as you got nailed by a Solar."
"Well, yes, but customers asking out of city protection work are quite rarer, and I do not believe we'd be utilizing your skillset to the best extent, unless you'd like, to put it simply, be a replacement wagon carrier."
My character to the ancient black dragon that's unable to transform, being interviewed for my mercenary company.
The context makes that one so much better imo
"She is senile, in five minutes you can try again"
5 min later
"Shit, did we seriously leave the kleptomaniac behind in the living room?"
Later same campaign
"So a summoning scroll plus a a ring that controls demons plus an unknown artifact. We all know where this is going right?" "He is desperate for a girlfriend?"
I've got a couple to offer:
NPC: I can't just watch her die!
Barbarian: You can go to the other room
Druid: It's not breaking and entering if we don't break anything. Then it's just entering.
Druid: Can I bunk with someone who can help me if I wake up not moving?
Monk: A mortician?
DM: I need a strength check to see if you severed Santa's fingers
"Maybe Hope just isn't much of a killer." "She is, though."
"What's a Tabaxi?" -the Tabaxi
"I cast Produce Flame to light my hand on fire and stick my fingers in his nostrils."
Player: “throw the bottle of alchemist fire on the ground and light it”
Dm: “at your feet?”
Player: “yes”
Dm: “ you do realise this will kill the entire party and yourself”
Player: “ oh no I have fire resistance”
"I bite the dragon", says the dwarf while grappling with a flying dragon
"Godddamnit, Apollo!"
From a Pathfinder campaign I was in, this was practically our rat man's catchphrase whenever our gunslinger did something stupid.
I have a whole channel in my discord server for out of context quotes lol.
Here’s a few of my favorites:
“I don’t shoot things, I pickup cursed objects.”
“Your character is now canonically a murder hobo.”
“What’s a strawberry?”
“Well I’ll have you know I’m an animal _and_ an adventurous drunk!”
“Last I checked, Kelemvor has nothing against lying, he just hates undead.”
“I don’t know if you’ve seen me, I look like a hobo.”
“No! You killed my new friend you guys.” my character to the rest of the party after being caught and bound while they all were hiding .
"I rOLLeD a SmOoth."
“Wait, did you just draw a diagram for an anti-tank mine, from memory‽”
“Your bath in the river causes a biohazard downstream.”
“I don’t know; the gnome is roaring, he just does that sometimes, don’t worry about it.”
“The masseuse is very gentle around you cannon wound.”
Best ooc line from mine undoubtedly has to be "can we make Big Chungus into a suicide bomber"
some of my favorites;
“they say the nostrils are the eyes of the soul.”
“he stabs himself in the holes”
“just because he’s a dark elf doesn’t mean you can be racist”
these next three are in chronological order:
“i’m willing to shoot grandma at point blank range.”
“you’re next, grandma.”
“that’s a lot of gramage!! flex tape can’t fix that!!”
and also
“poverty? what’s so bad about poverty?”
“i’m taking a ride on the dumbwaiter to hell!”
"Do you want me to clean behind here?"
"It's part of the wheel, aint it?"
*Gets resurrected*
Oliva: Are you ok?
Rosa: I'll live
"I want to ride the lighting!" proceeds to step into cleric's moon beam post combat.
"Are all my items still lukewarm hot pockets?"
"Damn it nestor! You reminded her to slay me not lay me!" A very upset warlock bard to his wizard buddy as the assasin attacks him
DM: "How do you kill the bandit?"
Party: *encourages vial deeds after extensive research on brown bear anatomy*
BarBEARian: "I will not stab him with my bear dick."
DM: "Both of you are now being kidnapped by a horse"
Artificer: "What is taking you so long?"
Rogue: "it would've been a lot easier if you hadn't taken my thumbs away."
Artificer: "Well I only need the thumb and I only have a prosthetic hand to spare."
Fuji: Hey there little guy, wanna come with me?
Me and the other player, out of character: IT IS A MUSHROOM.
"I was told violence was not the answer... I think I have proven that wrong"
"You see what you made me do!?!?"
My druid, leaping off of a slaver's ship as it explodes.
Me: "I cast thunder wave"
Dm: "the civilian goes flying 15 feet out and lands in the snow"
"One way or another you're walking out with me." My fairy necromancer who worked as a bounty hunter
"In Dwarvish, Yummy Yums."
"Rats?! That's only one soul."
"help! I'm being suck!" As my smol harengon wizard dies to an undead paladin
OH EASY! “Hello little girl” said my Aarakocran Barbarian
“Roll to see if your arachnoid is indeed, packing that dump truck booty.”
"mailer daemon" was great!
reminds me of a very silly gag in a fan-story:
a Thanos wanna-be snapped HIS fingers.
a sign appeared that said: "for sale: one planet. cheap."
someone says, "oh, he used the REALTY gem", and everyone groans.
he also boasted that he was "vincible"...
Last session: "Congratulations! You have successfully slain the tower"
How does a party slay a tower?
@@connormeriwether4486 That's the best part: It was only one of them who did it.
@@connormeriwether4486 Specifically, It was a watchtower made of wood. They just chopped at it.
"Aaah! Why for you be nasty?" Half ogre fighter
"So what happened, was the druid eaten by the giant crocodile?!"
Takes off glasses dramatically.
"He is the giant crocodile..."
"Lying to tuna is easy." ~Our simic hybrid ranger.
"I am not a quest!"
"I would like to buy a cheese if wheel."
I DONT WANT EM PUTTING CHAOS IN THE LIMBO THAT TURNS THE FREAKING SLAADS GRAY
"Your plan both failed and succeeded. Congratulations! You're now pregnant."
These episodes are like wandering around in Sheogoraths mind!😆😆😆😆
"You eat popcorn while your friends try to stab Bard in the face"
"I pick up the split cultist by the foot and clobber the other cultist with him"
“So, nobody was planning to play a Rogue in our HEIST GAME?”
“Can I turn the Kraken into food?”
And
“Let me grab it from the Mom purse”
"She doesn't want a lot for Christmas. All she wants is HIM"
Player in my game: “my favourite kind of lights, flesh light!”
“Yummy ,drake.”
“Roll for intimidation”.
"Congratulations! You killed the boss with a rotisserie chicken!"
"Have you ever seen four crocodiles explode in one day? No? Well, now you have."
"Ronald McDonald, battered, and beaten, casts one last fireball."
"Your character is now male, btw."
"You can't file for bankruptcy in the Underdark!"
“You look like you lost a fight with a color spray wizard” that’s all you need
My party’s drunk monk to my Dragonborn fighter: “I don’t deal with baby eaters.”
“I promise to never use Galder’s Tower like that again… unless he survived.”
14:07 "Never trust an owl! They're all liars!" "Who?!?!!?" I choked on my drink lol
“The thicc half-orc lady looks at Voldrathe and says ‘aren’t you interesting’”
"I pantsed a cult leader and then took over said cult by dying." ~The Aaracokra Bard/Warlock during session recap.
There’s some gems in my campaign
-“They look like burnt toddlers”
-"I want you to go do something social, maybe with girls", “Are you THAT desperate for grandchildren?"
-“chicken is just beef”
-“I’m encyclopedia bitch”
-“I’m fat-shaming the cat and I’m proud of it”
-“a snake with its head cut off is an adolescent frog”
We're not hallucinating, we're just seeing things that aren't there
One from yesterday’s session that will haunt me for months, “did you eat our marriage cheese?”
The baked bean cult one really made me laugh bc if a bean cult exists Rhett from Good Mythical Morning is 100% the leader of it and a campaign based around that would be hilarious and awesome
"Surrender or we unleash the paladin !"
*No answer*
I totally wasn't imagining a "LEEROY JENKINS!!" after the, "I wasn't paying attention, LET'S GO!"
God dang it, Leeroy.
"Let's choose the Invisibility and Invulnerability potions. We can't be vised or vulnered!"