4 Toxic Techniques Narcissists Use To Win Arguments
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- Опубликовано: 29 апр 2023
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There's nothing worse than reaching out to tell someone you're being abused to have them insist that the narcissist's behavior is because of you.
It will happen and when it does you know right then that that person is not capable of being your friend and you might be best re-conceptualising how you relate to them in future. It's sometimes best to find out the truth rather than really experience another major betrayal later on.
Horrible to be gaslit by people that ought to be part of your support system 😕
So hurtful isn't it. I was told , "you picked them, it's your fault." Hate that. No I didn't pick to be born to Narc mom and therefore trained from birth to pick men just like her. So happy to finally break out of all that garbage.
@@sunnydaye5942 cut it out stop blaming your mother for your shity boyfriends. Honestly not your mama's fault. So sick of yall blaming your goddamn parents on everything get over it you're an adult now I'm sure learn how to pick men who treat you right. Stop using it as an excuse oh my mom had horrible boyfriend is therefore I do, cut it out. I'm sorry you have horrible boyfriends that I hope you've never gone through anything like this but for God's sake stop it's not a behavior you learn from your mama. My parents had a good relationship they were married up until my father passed away in my arms in 2017. I've been in a lot of shity relationships having to deal with these things, it's not nice, but I'm not going to blame anybody for it except myself and the person that I was with. I really hope that this comment didn't come across harsh I really don't want it to I don't even know what your home life was like but I can't with that I just cannot. I really hope that this comment didn't come across harsh I really don't want it to I don't even know what your home life was like but I can't with that I just cannot, but that's just how I feel about things. I hope that you are in a better relationship or not at all so you can figure out how you need to be treated because you deserve to be treated well. I hate the blame game but your mom though that bothers me because you know what it's like to be treated like that and in a relationship right figure out why you did and then maybe you can figure out why your Mom and Dad instead of blaming it on her. ❤❤ Best of luck to you love I mean that.
After a brutal beating, my mother asked me "well what did YOU do to piss him off? I had taken my young children trick or treating & was 20 minutes late getting back .... My ribs were crushed in 1996 & you can still pour a bowl of soup in my rib cage. Took me 27+ years to shake both of them. I'm ok ☺️ thanks, Dr. Ramani 🙏
"the narcissist is so grandiose and competitive, that even their pain has to be better than everyone else's."
Wow! This is so sad.
Every accusation from a narcissist is a confession.
So so true.
Yes. So on point. I keep noticing the confession in his projection.
Wow
So so true. The relationship I had had….he accused me of things he had said or done. He even accused me of things his ex supposedly did. When I noticed the pattern I wondered if his ex had actually been guilty of any of those things at all. Such a sad sad circumstance.
@@deborahhuber8527 I got accused of cheating, being out when I wasn’t, checking on my whereabouts and why I was there for so long….I became a shell to the point where I wouldn’t go anywhere to avoid an argument
Can we all just agree here that none of us would lose ANY sleep if this planet was suddenly rid of ALL of these horrible people for good…✌️
You can say that again
When you give a narcissist your trust, you give them the power to destroy.
True
My mother destroyed me
@@Donkey1668 That’s terrible 😢 I’m sorry you went through that. I hope you’re around people who value you now. 🙏🏻
I have had conversations of just venting to my sister that I am close with as well as my one of my daughters about this situation I am in. Husband has had death in his family back to back. And I am getting blamed for not caring and my children and my family not reaching out to say my condolences. I'm getting verbally attacked because of it. Some how my children father gets brought up my children are jealous of him because their father wasn't around like he was with his. He has cheated and he down plays that. Saying you let your kids do what they wanted to do. Then I can do it. I have a lot more it's just endless of verbal attacking it's just unbelievable
@@alishapete478 That’s so stressful to live with! It’s like a unilateral relationship with them. I’m guessing just from what you’ve said here that whatever you do or any condolences you offer will never be enough. And also I would ask…if it was the other way around and you had two deaths in your family back to back, would he be pouring all this support and comfort and condolences to you and your family?
What I notice is that some narcs can show empathy to acquaintances, colleagues, and even friends, but can’t show it to their closest family members or partners. It’s a like selective empathy. It leaves their closest relationships wondering why can he/she show so much attention and kindness to so-and-so and not me? It must be something about me. Which another way they have power over them.
Indeed...'selective empathy' it is!!
It's faked empathy to garner attention and more adoration/supply. They can't show it to those close to them because the fear of being drawn closer and being discovered is too much risk.
@@carolajohnson1609 that is a very good response, may I ask you your opinion please Ok my coworker told me to share a gift card with my boss that a couple of students at the university where I work bought me for my work and kindness to them, my coworker.stated how nice and important it was that she saw it and was aware of a honor and nice deed so next morning I shared it with her and she said it was great and made a copy of it and said she was going to post it on a special board we have for thank yous and positive comments about employees and such, I looked, looked again a week later and she never shared it or posted it, then a kind male coworker of mine had a email posted about him for his kindness and hard work and my boss read it in front of our crew, but never acknowledged me, why I wondered and as a true person it kind of hurt me, why do you think this might be, really would love an outsiders opinion please
Yep, that’s happened to me
ᴛʜᴀɴᴋs ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴇɴᴛ... ʟᴏᴠᴇ💓 ᴀɴᴅ sᴜᴘᴘᴏʀᴛ 🫂♥️ ғᴏʀ ᴀ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ᴀᴅᴠɪᴄᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ɪɴᴠᴇsᴛᴍᴇɴᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴀᴘᴘ ᴍᴇ 𝟏𝟑𝟖𝟓𝟐𝟎𝟒𝟓𝟓𝟗𝟖,,, 😊ʀᴇᴍᴀɪɴ ʙʟᴇss
My ex-wife's favorite tactic when she was badly in the wrong: "I can't talk to you when you're BLOWING UP at me like this!" It didn't matter, of course, that I was talking more calmly and quietly than she was, this was how she shifted the argument away from engaging the truth to gaslight me, the victim, and put me on the defensive.
Jerry: and projected her anger onto you.
@@jeanetteshawredden5643 Oh yes. She was very good at putting on airs of being above anger when she was angry.
Textbook!
“I’m not your enemy.“ any time I said anything that wasn’t fake happiness
I was in a terrible relationship with someone with OCPD with narcissistic disorders, oh God it almost took my life. You don’t ever do anything right, always minimizing , blâmes me for every little mistakes and tell everyone whatever private conversation . It was frustrating , I have to save my life by leaving , no empathy , always prosecuting me . I took to my heals after enduring for two years . I almost run mad. disappear
This is spot on! My 30 year ex narc husband would respond to my comment "I woke up with a sore throat today" with "ME TOO!! And I have a headache too." His issues were always worse than anyone else's. Yet everyone else is " being dramatic" or "Over reacting." These people are horrible.
I have gotten this "ME TOO! And I have this or that too!" from my ex I don't know how many times... And anytime someone else tried to outdo her pain, or whatever, she would also not be so happy about it, that was her domain.
Omg my husband is fine until I get sick then suddenly sick too!
Interestingly really really empathic people ACTUALLY do sometimes get a sore throat when the narc does , tho....so careful with generalization.
This is TOTALLY confusing, because remember it's called EMPATHIC NOT SYMPATHIC because we empaths walk into a room see our narc is SAD and we immediately feel sad bc they are sad. Thus begins the cycle.
You just described my life.
Absolutely! If it's they that are sick it's all about them. If I should become ill it's dismissed, or I brought it on myself.
My mother hid my medical history as a child. Finally, after years of seeking medical aid as a young adult I was diagnosed in my early 30's with a progressive illness that I must have had since childhood.
It took another 15 years of questioning her before she admitted she had known all along.
Her reason? 'Well can't you understand how difficult it was for me, living with the knowledge I birthed a handicapped child.'
Truth be said though, that statement set me free to remove myself from her life permanently and completely with no regrets or doubts.
Love your channel, thank you for making sense of their insanity 🙏❤️
EVERYTHING was about herself, your life was about HER; your illness was about HER. Your existence and your experiences was HERSELF.
Curious, what was her experience like with her mother and father?
@L A She had a shitty childhood, she was the only child born alive to my grandparents. Much to the disappointment to my grandfather (another narcissist) it was a girl, and he has always resented her.
When she was about 3, she contracted polio and she was in the hospital for almost a year and kept in isolation for quite a bit. She came through it and they all never spoke of it again.
After that, she lived through WWII in Europe.
She never got on with her father and blamed her mother for being an enabler.
I can see how she became, and her immense disappointment of me, her only daughter, is just what she received, too
I’m so sad that it took you so long to learn of your diagnosis, but I’m thrilled that you were able to take your life back as a result of the circumstances! ❤
That is humiliating I'm sorry she did that. What if it was life threatening?! Also I like handicapped people as long as their good people and not jerks.
So it was all about her and not about you? I am sorry you had to go through that. I was diagnosed with Asperger's as a young adult (mid 20's) which is considered to be high functioning form of Autism. I had issues with social skills, having narrow interests, and sensory overload at times but didn't know what the problem was till I was an adult. I learned from two of my former teachers that my elementary school had wanted me to be evaluated and given support (bear in mind my 6th grade teacher explained it wouldn't have been being putting into a special ed classroom but it would have meant some OT similar to the speech therapy I had when I was younger and my refused. My teacher was clever and signed me up for other programs like peer leader and mentorship so that I could hopefully get some help with my social skills).
I had a narc "friend" who would humiliate me in front of other people [that was her specialty]. If we were in a three-way conversation with a stranger and she felt that I was being paid more attention to, out of left field, she would suddenly humiliate me--she would say, "don't listen to her, she's always asking the same stupid questions!" She would then completely minimize me if I said, "hey, that wasn't cool," but if anyone in any way disrespected her [more often than not it was in her imagination] she would explode and then carry on and on and on about how abusive the person was and I was expected to listen to her rant. Been no contact for two years and I'm very happy.
Good that your not with her. It's funny how she doesn't like her own medicine in her face🤣
this happened to me with my mother BUT I gave it back to her. I stopped seeing her then she had to call my brother or her friend to be her uber driver because that is all i was for her. My brother got fed up and sold her house took her money and her car and put her in a nursing home. I wonder how she likes it now. I went to see her in the nursing home she started yelling this was my fault, I deserved to get cancer, what do I want money? I said have a nice life-GOODBYE. I won;t see her anymore. I send flowers and cards but I WON't TAKE HER VERBAL ABUSE ANYMORE and neither should you EVER. Walk away and STAY AWAY. You'll be a lot happier. Its sad it has to be like this but it has to happen.
ᴛʜᴀɴᴋs ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴇɴᴛ... ʟᴏᴠᴇ💓 ᴀɴᴅ sᴜᴘᴘᴏʀᴛ 🫂♥️ ғᴏʀ ᴀ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ᴀᴅᴠɪᴄᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ɪɴᴠᴇsᴛᴍᴇɴᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴀᴘᴘ ᴍᴇ 𝟏𝟑𝟖𝟓𝟐𝟎𝟒𝟓𝟓𝟗𝟖,,,,,,,, ʀᴇᴍᴀɪɴ ʙʟᴇss
I had a friend who did that. I cut her off too!
If anyone dares to do that again, take the opportunity to reply, "Clearly, I'm not needed here. Bye" and walk away. You don't need to, and indeed never should, explain yourself. Leave. Stay silent. Keep away from them.
They always, ALWAYS, either minimise what you said to make it seem trivial and therefore foolish of you to have mentioned, or they exaggerate what you say into something wild and unreasonable so they can hold it up as further proof of how awful you are. But they will never, ever, ever, simply acknowledge what you say as being valid and worthy of a reasonable response.
I was told that I was a narcissist… that’s when I really had to step back and think about everything this person was doing and realized that everything you are talking about is what she was doing. Projection is what actually was the last strike for me to stop being brainwashed.
That's exactly how I ended up researching narcissist. I was called a narcissist by a family member and then I read the description and watched a few videos and I was blown away. The family member who told me I was a narcissist was reacting to my reaction of something really mean they did to my disabled child. When I became indignant that my kid was treated poorly then I was the one that was flawed. I don't think so.
I have walked away from people who have minimised my lived experience. I say very little to them, and just say I am fine. And I listen to them go into detail about themselves, but dont absorb.
Girl I am still learning on the "don't absorb" part, it's just not a natural thing for me to do but god is it necessary!
Why lend them an ear though?
Hugs
@@KaribbKueen I can relate
@@KaribbKueen e
The covert type will minimize it to you but also use it as a way to gain attention for “taking care of you” or use it as a means to control.
Oh yes, I went into septic shock ,trying to tell him I'm in severe pain he bent down and just stared at me. Then said well give me a call ive gotta go to work. Work is everything to him not because of money just has to be central.this time yes there were others I got mad and said you're going to leave me here. After emergency surgery and 3 days trying to get my blood pressure up in Icu.he calls no one none of my kids etc.but if hes ill omg
100% true. After having spinal tap as prep for neck surgery, my ex called in to work bc he had ‘to take care of me’ then subsequently wouldn’t keep my 100# lb dog from jumping all over me while supposed to remain flat for 3 days. Result? Caused massive CSF leak that put me in hospital (had to get son to take me), while ex laid on couch w Netflix. He also threatened to get rid of my dog bc I didn’t care for him properly. Currently in middle of divorce.
Nailed it! 👍
100% when I found out my mother was a narcissist I swear I thought she had munchausen by proxy because she was the one that always took me to the ER everytime! I've had life long illnesses.
@Chatterboxx62 my sons girlfriend does this with two of my grand babies, the one he has from previous relationship she ignores and yells at that poor kid.
I was married to a psychopath for 13 years. I had brain surgery and the day I got home he took all of my pain medicine away. He even took the pain patch off my arm and said “there’s no way you are in as much pain as I am” he had a bulging disc in his back. Thank god he’s gone (dead) he was horrifically abusive. I was raised in an abusive home. Apparently the abuse is what I thought love was. How I felt love. 😮
I was in labor for 74 agonizing hours. The doctors and their team understood it was dangerous and excruciating and gave me as much pain medication as they were legally allowed. I had to be given a c section in the end. My narc likes to make fun of me for this decades later. He repeatedly brings it up in inappropriate situations continuously laughing and visibly getting high off of mocking me for being “too sensitive”. He is, of course, an expert on labor pain even though he’s obviously never given birth.
What a bastard
My mother actually tries to minimize the agonizing labor I was in by telling me my brother felt "real bad" in the waiting room. I had a lot of complications and back labor from hell yet his feeling real bad seems to trump the actual trauma and physical pain I was in. I'm sorry about your husband's insensitivity and selfishness.
They make sure that nobody else gets emotion. Only them
" Its not even that, its this"
Exactly
00:00 Preview
01:19 They minimise your experience
15:03 Shifting blame / Deflection
23:23 Gaslighting
33:17 Projection
Thank you!
Tqvm 🙏🏽
The deflection is a massacre.
The youngest in my house uses “reciprocation” techniques. He goes “I can say the same thing about YOU” in a sassy and combative way. He resorts to this when he runs out of arguments to use
Yes! Thank you! It goes just that fast too. Usually with that dark and contemptuous quality in their eyes. I swear I saw pure evil in my narc sister’s eyes when I thwarted her plan to kidnap my dying narc mom and drive her half way across the USA!
I’ll always be thankful for Ramani’s efforts to educate us about this type of person and how to manage them and untangle all the BS heaped on us! I still find the phenomenon very perplexing! No empathy?
Thanks for the breakdown. I’m going to write it all down and memorize it, lest I ever forget.
"the differents sets of rules they have for themselves and the rest of the world" is the red flag I'm using now all the time to spot a narcissist.
Combined with a "my inconvenience overrules other people's need", it's like having a narcissist's detector !
If you came from a narcissistic family system, you'll recognize the techniques of the enabling family members Dr. Ramani speaks about quite clearly, and how triangulation is used. I used to have to endure this every holiday season, led by my narcissistic sibling who learned it from our narcissistic parent. One day I just said, 'enough". I don't waste my wonderful holiday time with toxic individuals any more.
My youngest brother (my other brother too) was the protector of my narcissist mother at my expense.
He would make fun of everything I said and did this was in front of my family and at holidays with friends too. My father never protected me. He would bring up my boyfriends and talk about what a loser, drug addict, alcoholic I was supposed to be.
I would run away a lot why would I want to live there? So every time I came back or was allowed back into the house he would always say, “oh your back things are so much better when your not around.” I was 12-17 running away.
I day I came back home after my mother threw me out! Again! I came back and I had no bedroom!!
Gee I wonder what that means? From then on I slept in the basement in the couch and never saw my family lol!
@@AlisMarsaili1351that's a family you should move very far away from and never have contact with them again.. don't make an excuse to have contact with them.. get them out of your life totally and completely before you waste any more years of your life on them .
I refused to deal with my step daughter's father after the divorce. I chose to stay in children's lives if they wanted me too. His daughter chose me for a few years got tired of his lying and stealing from her and her children she stopped talking to him. Now a few months ago they decided they wanted to talk to each other. I've been an active grandparent in her children's life. I set my boundaries up I refuse to be in the same house w him. She wants to fight Abt it. Telling me" him n his girlfriend want to be in mine n my kids lives and I need you to be ok w it." I told her I will leave. Long story short it is all my fault my husband couldn't keep a job cheated n now didn't spend time with his family. He wants to talk to me.. not again.
Remember I learned the hard way I told her no to her "simple request" they will drain you dry even the kids you loved n watched grow up will call you crazy cause you dealt with it!!!
@@Blessme13 they are monsters evil
The minimization is the root of why everything fails. Nothing deserves their attention. He only talks at you on and on. I "make everything about me," though. Every conversation is about who is at fault rather than solutions. Once you give up on them it's freeing. Turquoise is your color Dr Ramani! ❤
Yes, you're right, and it's always about whose at fault rather than solutions
Thank you. I experienced all of these in my 15 year marriage to a v/c narcissist. I felt horrible that I constantlyl wanted to write down our conversations in my journal. It seemed so petty. 20 years, 2 children, and a divorce later, I finally understand.
The "that never happened/I didn't say/do that" makes documenting it a neccesity. I'd recomend recording if its legal in your area.
@@Eluderatnight i had to record my narc dad yesterday as he flew into a rage. A friend witnessed it as well. It was insane and he saw us recording and said it was a great disrespect to him. They hate the fact you could show other people how they truly are, complete psychopaths.
It wasn't safe for me to journal, so I wrote LONG letters to a friend on another continent.
God forbid that they find out you recorded them.
It got to the point where I felt that the only way to hold on to the little bit of sanity I had left with my ex, was to start recording our conversations to be able to have what I thought were undeniable facts to come back to. Well, I tried it once with her approval, and even then, going back to that she said on the recordings, she claimed it was "not what she meant" to say, that's when I realized the relationship was over and there was no coming back. My mind got warped in so many ways, it took quite a while to get it working properly again...
The most brutal abuse I have experienced for 2 decades was from health professionals, denying my 3 rare diseases.
Same here and I'm still going through it but to make it worse was the realisation that those around me inparticular my parents now elderly were the worst part of it because they've made it all worse. One example telling my mother (going through the health prof hell and it is hell as they ignore deny and minimise your health and their part in it) I was upset my father never bothers nor is interested in speaking to me about it. Her answer well how do you think I feel he isn't there for me either! Wth! That's been one of many things. I'm sick of it and it's made me more ill. Even when I was 5 I knew he wasn't this great man she makes him out to be. He has been a good provider so she thinks he is great. We got lots of 'stuff'.
As a therapist and someone who has experienced narcissistic abuse I always start with validation it’s the antidote to minimization.
Well said! My hub is a narc and my feelings & experiences are always minimized in couples counseling. So I opted out of further counseling with this particular therapist. I have to protect myself.
@@mariahg.6811 I’m so sorry to hear you had that experience and GOOD FOR YOU to opt out.
I guess the reason is, that gaslighting, projection and displacement are common traits in society itself. I only got to know a few people through my life, who are really in reality. 🤷🏻
Many therapist don't do that.. some have an ideology that the patient in particular male patients are always at fault about everything all the time
I feel like I need to record every word with most people in my life! I don't feel safe and it's only getting worse!
Not feeling safe is one of the worst things when you are around narcissists, time to find a good group therapy, or other people to relate to that will not feel like they are vampires trying to suck out your soul through every pore. Supportive people that will help and value who you are, and what you need to do with your life.
I SO get you!!! ❤❤❤
There are good people in this world. You’re just on your guard, which makes sense. We need safe people and safe, peaceful interactions.
As everyone is finding out that Chronic Pain and immunosuppressant diseases is being developed from being/living with a narcissist and childhood abuse.
I, Myself is the one on the sick end of things. My mom will not address this at all. If she noticed anything at all, then she would do the ole “one-up” me. She always tells me of a friends child that is way worse than me. Again, the competition. We might have the same problem but the other persons is worse. She also has told people and relatives that she doesn’t even believe I’m sick. I’m making this up.
Well, I’ve had RA “diagnosed “ for years and my back is totally fused. I’ve had over 12 major surgeries on my back.
I always wondered about this behavior! I feel validated now! Thank you Dr. Ramani!
Definitely agree 💯💯💯 I absolutely believe there is a direct correlation between chronic pain & abuse, especially Narcissisticb Abuse. So sorry you've had to go through what you've had to endure. 😥🙏🏼💝 You can do this. You've got this 🙌🏼💯💝
😤😤😤😤
@@tlove6932 thank you. I needed the reassurance today💕
I wouldn't categorize my parents as narcissistic, but after listening to a few of your videos, they certainly engage in narcissistic behaviors. It's really no wonder I've spent years in therapy learning what it means to be human.
Where there is smoke, there is usually fire. No need to self-minimize what you've been through. Connecting the dots and just being with it all and how their behaviors affected your childhood and life is really, really helpful.
When a narcissist accuses another, of doing something, chances are it's a confession, an admission of guilt. One of my favorite sayings is, "The truth flies out fast."
Yes that’s why it’s GREAT to just let them TALK. They tell on themselves. I remember my narc younger sibling ease dropped on my conversation which was rude. Then he used the “your word against mine “ argument on me. That gave him away. Innocent ppl do NOT use the “your word against mine.”
Erin: as Shalespeare said, " me thinks thou doest protest too loudly".
@@jeanetteshawredden5643 I’m a bit lost as to the meaning of your comment. Enlighten me?
Reminds me of Hilary Clinton, Joe Biden and whole democratic party. Accuses Trump of what they are guilty of.
They feel they are entitled to be double standard.
You have one job--and that is self-care. When you take care of yourself, upgrade your inner dialogue, align your behavior with your values, and get professional support and legal counsel, as needed, then you will find healthy associates and affiliations, and diminish contact with all distractions from becoming your best self. Being happy with yourself means replacing resentment or judging anyone harshly with centered living in a loving and compassionate frame of mind, from a safe distance, physically and emotionally, from toxic influences of all kinds. For me, that felt really awful at first. Right from the start, I had to take a step back from everyone I had ever loved, ironically, to increase my capacity for love. Then I had to keep looking until I found a therapist who viscerally understood that. I appreciate Dr Ramani and this space to learn together and wish you all the best.
I've been gaslighted more times than I can count. I was 16 when my brainwashed thoughts made me aware of it. It took me more than a decade to start saying no, and then another to cut all ties. Lots of flying monkeys around to keep me with my narcissistic mother and take the blame of the abuse. But, Im free today and my own kids will NEVER be treated that way. /Catta
On blame deflection: My ex used to blame me for the sponge in the sink always being in the sink. I knew I put it back all the time. She went so far as to get a ceramic sponge holder from a craft fair and tell me specifically to put the sponge back when I did the dishes. I of course followed suit and did things exactly as she said. Yet whenever she did dishes, or cooked and used just about every pan in the kitchen, the sponge was conveniently at the bottom of the sink. I think she knew at some point that she was leaving the sponge at the bottom of the sink, and knew that I would always put it in the holder. She eventually shut up about the subject altogether, and moved on to something else to try and pin on me. This was one of those quiet battles I had to fight constantly with her.
My roommates are like this, chronic fault finders without the grace to ask kindly. I hate the normalization of shitty attitudes and I hate that I stoop to the level at times too. I’ve never received a genuine apology big or small.
I got diagnosed with something that causes tremors, body aches, joint pain, weight gain, etc. and if I don’t take my meds, the symptoms are bad. If I take the meds, it helps, but not to the point everything is gone temporarily, it just minimizes the symptoms temporarily. Anyway, I told my narcissist about it, and while I was talking about my diagnosis, he was looking around the store, interrupted me while I was talking and changed the subject. I was appalled, confused, and kind of embarrassed that I really thought he’d care about me like that. As we finished grocery shopping, I told him, “I was pouring my heart out confiding in you about my health issue and you just interrupted me. From now on don’t call me to vent, don’t text me to vent, and don’t vent to me any further today. I’m always there to listen to you and be there for you to support you, but if you can’t reciprocate that, let’s keep it short with each other moving forward”. He said, “ever since you saved our conversation and threw it in my face I’m never venting to you again”. He vented to me like 4-5 times since then lmao since he uses me as his punching bag, therapist, validation , and support, so I mentioned all that and he said, “alright well what were you saying?”, and I continued to go on, and sure enough, he started looking around the room, clearing his throat, and checking his wallet as I was speaking. When i finished, he literally said, “man my body hurts too, I worked too damm hard my whole life, and my back and everything hurts, that’s why I’m on unemployment, i deserve a break, especially since I worked hard just so it can go to you, f**k that, I’m gonna sit on my couch, relax and watch tv until I run out of unemployment money”. I continued his conversation because I accepted that he just really didn’t care at that point lol. Narcissists are a mind f**k. They have audacity, nerve, and no shame.
Leave him. Its not worth it to stay.
I'm sorry for your pain, my NARC Mother in Law did the same thing to my husband , 3 years ago. I still have 2nd hand trauma from that
I went through the exact same experience many times and finally i m free now.
@@antonia4722 oh no, I’m not with him, we’ve been separated for 2 years. He vents to me every time he’s overwhelmed, going through something, depressed etc. so I figured I could vent to him too, but I got a reality check really quick.
@@OptimisticGray I’m so sorry, I know it must’ve been hard to witness something so wrong and unacceptable happen to your loved one, but yet you don’t want to overstep and control your husband either. All we can do is support them, love them, accept them, offer advice, wisdom, and hope they remove any toxicity out of their lives willingly and at their own free will. When they’re abused, you suffer too. Hope you continue to try to heal from that 🤍
They operate the same as a cult leader, coercively controlling their victims.. grooming them like a charming cobra, then, attacking, and devouring them.
The question is, if you have a family member, or a friend being succumbed, or sucked into a relationship w/one of those psychopaths, how can you rescue them
from the evil power of their clutches, and “might?”
Rescue: One idea, PRAY, alot. For guidance, protection (for you both), direction, Discernment; keep educating yourself on Narcissism; make a Plan; go get her out of there and take her far, far, far away. 🙌🏼💯🔥❤🥰🙏🏼
@Jeanie, Well, the royal family tried to warn Harry .......... I'm not sure you can do anything. The person is blind to it.
If they agree, help record and document things for them. Gather hard evidence. Be a witness. Validate them. Tell them they’re not the crazy one. Love them. Just be with them.
You can't rescue a person.
Dr. Ramani, I just read your article on CNBC about the six toxic statements narcissists use. I think it's great that your message of narcissistic awareness is getting into the mainstream, as it's so important for people to be aware of this. Congratulations on your success in this field!
YAS! My husband minimizes what he’s done to me over the years, and all I can say to him.. is you just don’t give a shit about how you’ve hurt me. Period. I just get so frustrated. It’s an endless cycle. 😩
So true about parents! My narc dad laughed at me after my first child was born and I was experiencing some post partum blues. My mother had already passed away, and he went in to say “lol, your mother did that too” and laughed on and on. I was devastated
ᴛʜᴀɴᴋs ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴇɴᴛ... ʟᴏᴠᴇ💓 ᴀɴᴅ sᴜᴘᴘᴏʀᴛ 🫂♥️ ғᴏʀ ᴀ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ᴀᴅᴠɪᴄᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ɪɴᴠᴇsᴛᴍᴇɴᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴀᴘᴘ ᴍᴇ 𝟏𝟑𝟖𝟓𝟐𝟎𝟒𝟓𝟓𝟗𝟖,,, 😊ʀᴇᴍᴀɪɴ ʙʟᴇss
My father is quite overweight. When he saw my the morning after i gave birth to my daughter, he came in and his first comment was" still such a big belly huh 7:28 ?". I snapped back and said: " whats your excuse?". I was mad and never forgot. Still proud i had a fast remark back though
@@tanteglitter2196 lmaoo I’ve said this to my narc husband. He makes fun of my apron belly and I tell him I birthed 3 large babies, 2 of them c-sections, what’s your excuse? It shuts them up real quick.
Narcissist Dads are an interesting dynamic to the family. It seems they complete with attention from their wife but also need their alone time. This was my experience anyway. Also it seems my mom has to go along with what Dad says. Any time I had something serious going on it was very minimized and both parents were stone cold.
Fast forward to today my Dad having is health problems. He was on a chair, wearing a hoodie, under the covers and as soon as my mom left the house he jumped up, as if he did not need to be in a chair at all. He didn’t need his nearby walker and seemed happy she left. Within 5 minutes I heard him say “ get the fuck out of here” I felt strange but left laughing because that is the man I know. It’s been 6 months and I haven’t returned for a visit. I feel like a fool for even wanting people like this in my life. I should have walked away decades ago.
@@anaj0s I’m so very sorry. Going no contact is hard to do, but sometimes the best thing to do. It’s been close to 4 years since I have seen or talked to my dad.
This was an eye opener. Recently had knee replacement surgery and was unavailable to be of service to my narc mother. She kept calling me and asking why it was taking me so long to heal, all her friends had the exact same procedure and they were back to normal very fast. Lifelong way of treating me if I was not 100%. Always implied I was fabricating or lying. All medical procedures have a standard healing time. She treated me this way with any surgery or illness
ᴛʜᴀɴᴋs ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴇɴᴛ... ʟᴏᴠᴇ💓 ᴀɴᴅ sᴜᴘᴘᴏʀᴛ 🫂♥️ ғᴏʀ ᴀ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ᴀᴅᴠɪᴄᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ɪɴᴠᴇsᴛᴍᴇɴᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴀᴘᴘ ᴍᴇ 𝟏𝟑𝟖𝟓𝟐𝟎𝟒𝟓𝟓𝟗𝟖,,, 😊ʀᴇᴍᴀɪɴ ʙʟᴇss
Awful 😖 and that should never have happened to you 😔
I’m sorry you have to go through this! We must have the same mom! Unbelievable the crap they say and put us through! Hang in there.
@@norahoelscher522 I’m thankful for the Dr Romani community and the insight and support. Helps us cope and validate our struggles.
Hang in there too.
It doesn't sound like she was any help towards your healing sadly
Several years back I herniated a disc in my lower back, sciatica; right before a move. I was in a great deal of pain and could barely walk and had to sit down. My oldest son pressed me in front of the movers by saying, "Walk it off, Mom. There's nothing wrong with you". Shortly after that, I had to have a heart surgery. The same son showed up to the hospital as I was laying in a hospital bed awaiting the doctor. My younger son and a couple of close friends were there for support. The oldest came in and said, "It's all about you Mom, isn't it?". (Um...today it is. I mean, I am waiting to have heart surgery.) Others in the room were in shock and didn't know what to say. Later I was told that as soon as I was taken back to surgery, he left. Everyone else stayed to be supportive of my other son and of me. Not once did he inquire about the outcome of the surgery, visit or check on me afterward. Sadly, he has become his father. That's only two of the many stories.
Since then, I've moved far away. Even though I divorced their father 24 years ago, I still get blamed for things.
❤❤❤❤
My narcissistic wife and I both had COVID at exactly the same time. Her’s of course was much worse than mine even though I wound up in the hospital for almost a week. In addition she was angry when I was in the hospital because “I wasn’t that bad” and should have been home taking care of her.
A few months after a car accident when i was still having pain that wasnt blatently obvious to the doctors until they ordered the right tests, my spouse just couldnt understand why i was in so much pain (having had double knee replacement two years before that i breezed through recovery). I finally convinced him to go with me to doctor's appointments "in case i misinterpret" something they tell me. When it was finally figured out what was causing the issue, suddenly my other half has bad knee pain, back pain, every other pain you can think of. I knew right away that my issue was being minimized.
I experienced something similar with the narc ex husband. I was experiencing antenatal depression and all of a sudden the narc too was too depressed to carry out daily activities and our toddler was being left alone. I had to pick myself up for my son. I felt so violated because the pregnancy was unplanned and I was reproductively abused.
ᴛʜᴀɴᴋs ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴇɴᴛ... ʟᴏᴠᴇ💓 ᴀɴᴅ sᴜᴘᴘᴏʀᴛ 🫂♥️ ғᴏʀ ᴀ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ᴀᴅᴠɪᴄᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ɪɴᴠᴇsᴛᴍᴇɴᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴀᴘᴘ ᴍᴇ 𝟏𝟑𝟖𝟓𝟐𝟎𝟒𝟓𝟓𝟗𝟖,,,,,,,, ʀᴇᴍᴀɪɴ ʙʟᴇss
Lol. That’s how they do it. I’m just laughing thinking of how while I had a moderately painful to occasionally severely painful pregnancy, the narcissist had debilitating sciatica to the point he could no longer ride a bike or dig a shovelful of dirt in our garden. Meanwhile I did a cross-state Super Randonneur bike ride series, completed at 8-months pregnant. Oh, I also did work in the garden. Then it just sat unfinished. Hahahahaha.
He was, in fact, BEING a pain. Yes, know that attention-grabbing childishness. 😆
SMDH! I remember when I was giving birth to my 4th daughter, the narc started malingering an asthma attack in room. They told him if it was like that, go to the E.R....then they focused only on the baby and I. Miraculously, his asthma attack stopped once he didn't get the attention he wanted, lolol.
Dr. Ramani is always calling out my Dad's behavior on the same day. First it was the hoarding of the take-out containers and now the "blaming me for taking or moving or hiding the scissors!" 😂
Im getting more paranoid by the day that there are hidden cameras in my house because these videos are too coincidental. At least I know I'm not alone and this is a thing! Don't know what I'd do without these videos!
Great video, there is nothing like a perfect marriage or relationship, I learnt that in everything there is always a solution, 5 years ago I and my wife divorced because we were having some difficulties in our marriage but we are back together ,it was a really bad phase but we got through it
@Emilio Yepez its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is SHELLY RENEE WHITE.
@@user-rd1iv6ko2rI agree. There is no way to fix a marriage to an abusive narcissist. Either you leave or you stay abused.
If you get to the point where you are thinking you need to record all your conversations with a narcissist, it's time to get out. Leave the job, spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, friend or associate. Otherwise you get trapped in a crazy making situation.
Dr. Ramani, “You’re singing my song again! Felt this one in my chest. I’m sad and furious
It’s remarkable, Dr. Ramani, you’re not consumed by bitterness - you’re winning!
@Coaching By Daisy He sounds like a Narcissist with his comment.
@@psalm148.1 yep!
1- minimization
2-shifts blame
3-gaslighting
4-projection
I needed this so much. I ended a relationship with someone that in hindsight was emotionally abusive and manipulative, and enacted these exact traits and habits and it broke me because she left me doubting my own damned integrity . She left me feeling as if I was the worst person on the planet.
I am in the works of f recovering and healing. Thank you for more of this insight, ma’am.
Dr. Rama - Having an employee who is a narc and who falsely accuses you is a horrendous nightmare that I’d wish on no one! You wouldn’t believe a narc employee’s arguments about you, their manager! Pure hell. Can you please please please make a video about how to manage a narc employee? You are a godsend! Thank you for helping us all. We need your help. Narcs, as employees, are diabolical!
I had rotator cuff surgery on my shoulder at hospital so the hospital staff wouldn't allow me to drive home because of grogginess etc. After my surgery, the malignant narcissist brother let me hold the heavy hospital door open for him. I noticed he smiled when I did so. What a turd. I can see why his adult children don't want to be around him.
"Turd" is not the word I would use to describe your evil brother!
I’m vomiting on him in my head for you.
@@mifnp8887 look it up turd.
‘No, you’re fine!’ They say when one is in pain. But what they mean is they don’t mind because they are fine.
My husband who is a narcissist left me after 53yrs of marriage. He put me down in front of people, sneered at me, smirked at me. He did not ever give me nice comments in spite of me keeping my self, my house, my garden immaculate. Every one else gave me nice comments. He never once said sorry, what I have is one picture he drew to say sorry on only one occasion. I suffered the silent treatment for donkeys years and never complained. If I was happy, it was short lived. He is self centred, full of him self and has turned my children and grand children against me. How he ended the marriage was in the most hurtful way I could ever have imagined. I now realise I was trauma bonded to him and also frightened as his temper was awful
I experienced the projection recently from a friend, I knew for decades. I divorced my narcissistic husband a few months ago and was in a state of needing to talk to some friends about it but she never was good listener so I avoided talking to her. With more time for my friends after the divorce, I was surprised how much her behaviour is reminding me of my ex. When I expressed my feelings that I find uncomfortable to talk about some topics with her as that reminds me the dynamic of conversations with my ex, she didn't like that. She said that the problem is, I am self-absorbed. Wanted to talk to her about it, she didn't pick up the phone but wrote more accusations on and on. The most painful was when she claimed I never help her, despite that I was taking care of her after her operation, was doing shopping for her, talking about her health problems etc. It's so sad to lose a friend I knew for such a long time but still she made accusations and didn't want to talk about it. That made me realize, she projected at me and wanted to use me more. This time after experience with the narcissistic ex, and reading books by Dr Ramami I recognised and decided to move on. This friendship was a warning for me that I may have more than one narcissistic person around me.
I'm still recovering and i am petrified at the fact that I share a daughter with him. These videos are helping me understand that I will never get any validation for my experience. Everytime i tried to describe my experience, i walked away feeling even more violated. Feeling invalidated, unrecognised, my charecter attacked and feeling like a terrible person. All because I tried to explain how i experienced something. I learning the importance to define and uphold my boundaries. Experiencing a narcissist leaves you confused about everything you loose and question who you are.
I am going through the same with 2 sons. Do you have any recommendations of where to find help getting us through this? My sons are rebelling against me
Same here. Fortunately, I am surrounded by a lot of people who 'get it', and it does ease your thoughts and makes you feel justified in the way you are feeling. But I do have 1 close friend who just doesn't understand, who has heard the word Narcissim but doesn't even come close to understanding how it makes the abused feel mentally and physically. She actually told me it was all stressing her out and didn't want to talk about it anymore. She is not the one I turn to now when I feel the need for comfort. There are people out there that do understand, find that person, group, online community, counsellor that can help, you need to have someone to talk with. Just even writing down your thoughts and feeling may help. You need to let it out, bottling it up causes anxiety and stress for me and yourself I'm sure. We believe and understand you. Hugs
I get blamed for “holding onto things” I’m not. I’m recognizing a pattern of behaviors. It’s not a particular situation, more so it’s the actions, behaviors, blame shifts and gaslighting PATTERNS!
People make mistakes! But consistent patterns of denial, blame-shifting, and conflation of unrelated issues is not ok.
It’s so exhausting.
Been struggling to understand for years how some family members minimized my cancer treatment and recovery. Especially when they started massive arguments and then stopped speaking to me for months and years when I was going through chemo and radiotherapy. Then the insinuation of being lazy rather than I'm recovering from treatment. Not understanding that my body had taken a beating and the years it was taking to re establish health. This makes so much sense now. Thank you 🌹💕
So sorry you had to suffer through that. ❤
@@kf4722 Thank you. Really appreciate your kind words. x
That is unbelievable. I am sorry as well that you had to cope with that while dealing with chemo. Your post has helped me, I have been angrily and sadly ruminating about receiving a prolonged silent treatment from family when they knew I had had a miscarriage. It was so wrong that I was reaching out to THEM after the miscarriage, sending birthday cards on the 4 people's birthdays, and getting no response. We have reestablished very superficial contact, but I still feel sort of funky and triggered when each person's birthday rolls around :(
@@gobigirl1I’m so sorry for your loss. How incredibly painful. Hugs to you.
Also, I would like to add that they can’t admit wrong at all. You can catch them in lie and then to make it worst they lie about the lie that they have already created.
I got out a relationship with a narcissist about 6 months ago. I can totally agree with all the other points you mentioned. The minimizing part was done to me. Then when they go through the same thing it’s a huge deal?
Love ya Dr. Ramani!
Absolute again. I’ve witnessed several of these happening from various narcs I was around. I’ve often heard about narcs going ghost when their loved ones needed them most-having a baby or surgery. One issue I have not heard spoken about is what I call a “service” narcissist. Those who go all out caring for a sick or disabled person as if they’re a nurse. And they appear happy doing it. But once the person is better or prefers doing for themselves the narc turns into their real self.
My ex was a service narcissist omG I have never heard about that! And I was doubting my decision from time to time bc "find you someone that will care for you when you are sick" and she did!! Like she was SO GOOD at it...! But once I was ok again she never cared. Or if I wanted some fun while beeing sick that she didn't approve of she also never cared.... thank you! That was an eye opener.
My mom is a service narcissist, but she’s selective about who she does it for. And because now I can see through her, she’s neglectful of me when I’m ill. How convenient for her.
absolutely right on!
It hits hard when you take the role of the abuser. I’ve not let anyone talk to me like that in years, it makes me double down on knowing my trip hazards. Safeguard your sanity.
Yes, he minimized EVERYTHING. Blameshifted constantly, deflected, & gaslighted me ALL THE TIME. He's as poisonous as they come.
Well glad it has a name: “blame shifting”…I recently explained my situation as I was working through “false accusation stress disorder” 😅 For anyone else going through this, join me in leaning in to self confidence and trust, expanding your authenticity and acceptance that you are doing your best and that’s perfect 💗
❤
We need people who hold a light to us not a gaslight!
Reminds me of a time I called out a narcissist and the “ enablers” intervened.Actually several times. I always ended up being the party pooper. Funny how a few years later the said Narcissist ended up the outcast but I never did get an apology. It’s just funny how life works!
It’s a different kind of funny when you are born into a whole narc family
@@jmalik6191 tell me more!
I can remember having a serious allergic reaction when I was a preteen. My Mom gave me Benadryl, told me i was fine, and left me in my room to get better. It wasn't until I came out with my eyes swollen shut, barely breathing, with my heart racing that my Dad jumped up and rushed me to the EMTs. Mom knew what was going on. She has serious allergies herself. It wasn't until I was an adult that I realized the magnitude of it.
I aM SO SO SCARED for my 6mo old grandson that my daughter will minimize his issues. Because she has minimizes MY chronic Lyme disease, and then when I got skin cancer, and she’s already done minimized her own newborn sons……He’s had a few health issues she wouldn’t accept. I was right about….and she refused to acknowledge I was right.
I'm in the process of seeing the full magnitude of what my mom has did with the minimization of me & my feelings all my life & still does that.
Oh yes…… this is the worst feeling.
Health minimization….. had me treating jaundice with antacids.
I can’t even organize my thoughts because all of this is accurate. minimizing by narcissistic parent is why I don’t trust anyone.
Minimizing is horrible.
I had a family member who lives in another city have jaundice. When I went for a visit and he was already better, but still clearly yellow. What shocked me was how the whole skin, the eyes, even the nails where yellow. I asked: How did your coworkers deal with this? Weren't they horrified? He answered: I have been there, people saw me, but nobody noticed. Jaundice is so visible, so clearly serious, I still can't wrap my head on how people can not notice it.
@@antiantipoda It got to the point where I ( a very brown person) had a noticeable tinge.
It was Fourth of July and I still had to cook and participate fully in the holiday including grilling and hosting. I was overreacting
I drove myself to the emergency room the next day. The ER doc looked at me and I was immediately admitted.
One week and two surgeries later🙃🙃
@@prettypuff1 Man, people are blind, or dumb, or evil. Maybe it is because I am a painter, but I can clearly see a yellow person - color, not race, let me be clear for the trolls out there - from a mile away. And even I, not in the medical field, know there is no dialysis for the liver, it is life threatening.
I am glad you survived and are typing away.
You are right! The first name which comes to my mind here, is Albert Bourla. Thanks for your video Dr. Ramani! Kind regards from Ásgeir in Iceland.
Thank you Dr. Ramani. You are an answer to prayer. I am a Christian and as I listened to this segment, an ancient verse came to mind: "With the comfort we ourselves are comforted with, we comfort eachother" 2 Corinthians 1 of the Bible. I am sorry you are suffering too, but so grateful you are turning this evil to GOOD by helping the rest of us keep our sanity. God continue to bless your efforts and give you peace in the midst of your storm. Yes, I am asking for a miracle for you. Thank you again.
Thank you for sharing.
The double standards they have can be breathtaking. Six years ago, a server at a local restaurant started showing some pretty obvious interest in me. Not wanting it to be a potential temptation, I went home and mentioned it to my wife. She felt so threatened that she insisted on going to the restaurant with me and asked the host desk if that server was working that day (thankfully she wasn’t). She told me she had dreams about me running off with the girl, and accused me of planning to leave her. Fast forward to this year, and I find out that my wife has been having a multi your affair. She keeps trying to pass it off as just “one mistake.” When I try to explain how hurt I feel about it, she says that I always feel hurt and angry and I must be exaggerating how hurt her cheating has made me feel. When I reminded her of how she reacted to the situation with the server and how that made her feel, she claimed that she was just joking.
So sorry for your pain.
Dr. Ramani...a couple of days ago, I found a lump in my breast! When I decided telling him about it, he told me: that's what God has for people like you! Thank God I am a relatively mentally strong/stable person, and I tried educating myself about narcissim so that I can quickly turn the tables on him. I wish you a lot of strength, you helped and keep on helping all of us, and now we're praying for you. Big hugs!
Ann Landers used to ask, will your life be better with him or without him?
@@judithgannon5642 Of course without him...he uses the kids to manipulate me, and this is the weakest spot.
Really sorry to hear about the lump and lack of support. No one should experience that. Truly awful. 😢
Hope you're going well in your healing, statistics show that group therapy is very beneficial. A good support system alongside the usual treatment. Much love from Australia!
So many things in my childhood make sense now. This describes my parents.
Two times having cancer, narcissistic partner said its because you stress too much.
An interesting point Dr Ramani made about having a narcissist parent who minimized constantly their offspring during childrearing, the child grows up with coping defects. I had such a parent and having coping defects! Gaslighting is the narcissist parent's philosophically root of childrearing.
Yes. “Sitting with the pain with us”, being a spiritual accompanist, as some call it , is powerful. And deeply transforming.
ᴛʜᴀɴᴋs ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴇɴᴛ... ʟᴏᴠᴇ💓 ᴀɴᴅ sᴜᴘᴘᴏʀᴛ 🫂♥️ ғᴏʀ ᴀ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ᴀᴅᴠɪᴄᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ɪɴᴠᴇsᴛᴍᴇɴᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴀᴘᴘ ᴍᴇ 𝟏𝟑𝟖𝟓𝟐𝟎𝟒𝟓𝟓𝟗𝟖,,,,,,,, 😊ʀᴇᴍᴀɪɴ ʙʟᴇss
“ it’s a way for other people to ignore what’s happening in front of them”. Yup. People see it, but don’t want to deal with it.
Why can’t they just” be with us” and not judge ?
EXACTLY.
GREAT VIDEO.
You are so right Big Red. People have there own reasons to stick with the narc.
And dont ask questions anymore. In fact they ignore you.
Minimization is indeed underrated. My ex-bf used to do this for years concerning other people. He always had a way of putting them down that was subtle but not worth commenting on at the time. It took a lot of interactions to even recognize this.
I had a stroke and this is what I find poeple are saying about my health minimising my problems I've had to get through, and they have just turned up after months of not visiting !!
Blameshifting: "I'm not losing this court case because I did something wrong, I'm losing it because the judge is a partisan and his clerk is an even bigger partisan."
Thank you for speaking our truth. What about the smear campaign that comes along with it. The narcissists in my family spread this toxicity to pretty much all people in my life. I went through cancer treatment and 9 surgeries in 2.5 years. It was said that I was exaggerating pain to get people to do things for me. I lost everyone. I developed PTSD, OCD, anxiety, fibromyalgia and other issues. I have since left most of them. I am working on recovery and slowly healing. How do you deal with the grief of losing everyone or all support in your life?
9 Surgeries oh my gosh that does not sound comfortable. I'm sorry the narcissist lied about something serious and I hope you recover from this. Here's some meditation to try. m.ruclips.net/video/sHfJkqPDnUI/видео.html😣
I pray God will send into your life kind and helpful people to encourage and assist you. May He heal every physical & emotional pain.Amen.😤😤😤
By realising you never lost a person of actual value in any of them. You didn't lose people of support because they were never that to begin with. Also, the things you felt afterwards, see that as all the times you never noticed you were shot. It was only after gaining distance from these horrible people that your body even had the time to start processing and reflecting what it was dealing with. You don't need people like that in your life. I wouldn't complain if I saw garbage jump down the chute itself 🧙
You can try to develop a regular spiritual practice, gentle exercise, therapy, etc.
Thank you all for your kindness. This community means the world to me. May you all find peace and joy. To you Dr. Ramani the gift you give is beyond measure. It pains me to see you going through such difficult times. Know you have the love and support of thousands.
Enablers minimize your experience and maximize toxic patterns. They are amplifiers of the toxic dynamism.
Ignorance beats intelligence. Oh yes! Denial is the biggest crime of our time. And I agree that this society is a complete mess. Thank you for acknowledging what actually is.
Dr. Ramani, I loved your criticism about coping here. I often tell my therapist that this well-meaning word and technique is terrible for narcissistic abuse. To me, it's a 4-letter word. I wound up struggling mightily with deadly addiction and doing other things to shut myself down, numb, or "put on a happy face" when I felt anything but happy. "Coping" as a concept should keep being revisited.
Yes, very strange, why is coping the only option? Elephant in the room.
Yup! The youngest in my family is ALWAYS finding ways to reciprocate my words BACK on me as a defense mechanism. It’s so disrespectful how he thinks he can outsmart me so easily. It’s not even a contest. It’s a discussion
ᴛʜᴀɴᴋs ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴇɴᴛ... ʟᴏᴠᴇ💓 ᴀɴᴅ sᴜᴘᴘᴏʀᴛ 🫂♥️ ғᴏʀ ᴀ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ᴀᴅᴠɪᴄᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ɪɴᴠᴇsᴛᴍᴇɴᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴀᴘᴘ ᴍᴇ 𝟏𝟑𝟖𝟓𝟐𝟎𝟒𝟓𝟓𝟗𝟖,,,,,,,, ʀᴇᴍᴀɪɴ ʙʟᴇss
During giving birth to our son, my narcissistic partner made the entire labor experience all about himself. I was being induced and on the hospital bed being probed and in so much pain and all he could do was complain why no one is caring about his feelings. He would pat my shoulder saying it’s not that bad calm down (while I’m literally having intense contractions) when our son was less than one day old he cried. Not because of the joy of seeing our son for the first time, but because he was tired of being in the hospital having to sleep on the couch.
He forced us to be discharged too early after I had just popped out a newborn. I ended up having life threatening complications after the birth. My body was retaining so much fluid and it was surrounding my heart and lungs, pushing me towards a heart attack. I tried to tell him “hey something feels wrong I cannot breathe, I can’t walk” I couldn’t even stand up and walk because so much fluid swelled my ankles and legs. It was my first postpartum and I had no clue this wasn’t normal until it was almost too late. I kept trying to tell my partner that I think I need to go to the hospital. He kept telling me “it can’t be that bad, you’re just being over dramatic.” He told me he wouldn’t go back to the hospital with me and to call my mom. So I did. Three days after coming home from the hospital with my newborn I was sent back to stay another week and be drained of all the fluid in my body. 60lbs worth of fluid in my body. And he didn’t even want to visit me in the hospital.
I am so thankful for my mother during all of this because if it weren’t for her and if I did not listen to my body I probably would have died.
I was in this type of relationship for about a year. They projected, manipulated, blameshifted, minimized, and gaslit constantly. Like you said in the beginning it was easy for them to continue to get me to doubt myself and take blame for their cruel behavior. But then I started feeling the need to document what they said and show them the evidence and that just made them even more mean and gaslighting and they always denied and deflected everything. They were able to get me to doubt my sense of reality and they threatened me with losing our friendship constantly and so I would apologize and then they used that as a weapon circumstance they could use against me in the future in case I accused them of anything else. They would deflect and say you are crazy, remember when you did this? You have clarified everything about their behavior clearly to me and have helped me to gain back my sense of reality, self worth, and personal power. Thank you for these videos.
Thanks for sharing Dr.Ramani. I really related to your words about just wanting to hold a hand.It’s really tough out there and I hope people are finding healthy love and support in their lives. ✌️💛👍🙏
The first part of this video is the most powerful thing I have ever heard about the pain of being in these relationships. It made so much sense. The extensive minimisation of the effects of these relationships is so widespread, to the point of minimising it to oneself. It IS abuse in all of its various coats that it wears. It IS unacceptable in every situation. It is gaslighting in it’s most profound form. The pain goes so deep that it becomes invisible in every day life. Thank you Dr. Ramani for uncovering this and speaking about it in such a gentle and honest way.
I wholeheartedly agree and am in the depths of the effects it’s had on me and my children. I don’t think I will ever recover but I have to protect and help my kids. It feels impossible. Completely meaningless to these awful abusive people
Rea, my heart goes out to you. Nobody really understands this unless they have experienced it. You are strong and you will recover. They cannot win. This experience is only for the most brave. My love to you and your children.
I really found that narcissists don't ever allow you to be ill. Because you are less useful to them if you're ill. And your only worth to them is what they can get out of you.
My dad hates that I'm disabled, calling me a failure for just not getting over it. My enabling Mum lies to my family, constantly saying it's not that bad, and tells me I'm being overly negative for listening to my doctors.
They both expected my to be their retirement plan. Because I physically can't be that they minimize how sick I am, instead of planning to look after themselves.
I started trying so hard to have control that I developed trichotillomania…it was like my OCD came to a peak. I got out, eventually, and have had to start over completely. It’s worth it.
I'm right there with you I'm so sorry you went through this as well. My heart goes out to you.
U hit it on the head. I had my 2nd C-section and was expected to take care of 2 children (1 newborn) with no help AND still help my husband with his work needs, cook and clean up after him. 2 days after I had my baby... ya I was in the hospital 48 hours and he only made my usual responsibilities harder so I could not recover.
This is probably my 6th or 7th video. I really appreciate your knowledge, and wisdom on this matter! They have all been a blessing to me! This is my life💁🏿♀️ being able to "diagnose" this toxic relationship is essential to my letting go. 🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿
Hugs to you. 💝🌻💝 You’re stronger than you think you are. ✊🏽
Your videos on narcissists sound crazy crazy CRAZY familiar to someone close to me in my life. I find myself often pausing and thinking “how did she just describe and explain that specific memory”. Thank you for helping me understand
My Mom and sis have ALWAYS gotten mad when I’ve been ill.
Doctor Ramani, I can’t express my happiness when I’m listening to you! I’m so so excited that our voices getting louder in this world! I’m glad that so many people can hear you and understand this problem, the narcissism. Things should be finally called their names. I feel that so many suffering victims around the world now get courage to say: hey, it’s not normal, it’s not acceptable. We should stop being tolerate to cruelty! God bless you and all of us, fighters and survivors.
Hi Dr , you have helped me to understand my situation, you are the best& thank you 🙏
This is hilarious because I was just telling someone how I wish I had recorded my supervisor not too long ago.
Not only did my ex minimize any health issue I had, he often denied it was real. Once he told me I was making it up (because it inconvenienced him). While we were separated prior to divorcing, I was at my home alone and passed out due to a one- time episode of extreme pain. He never beloyved it happened, even after I showed him all the bruising I sustained as I hit the floor. He said I must have bumped myself on something without realizing it. It was in that moment that I realized he would never be able to care for me if I ever became seriously ill and that I had better exit the relationship so as never to be at his mercy in a situation like that. Another time, our grandson spent the night and was very sick, crying out in his sleep, etc. All my ex could think about was himself and that he had to work in the morning. Rather than going out to get some children's Tylenol to help his grandson he said grandson was making it up to get attention and called his son to complain. His son ended up yelling at grandson to go to sleep and be quiet. Disturbingly and disgustingly cruel!
I got Necrotizing fasciitis, I was in hospital 62 days after being life flighted to a level one trauma center. I was told several times by surgeons that I probably would not make it. Died twice one night but somehow made it.
My Narc wife visited me twice for 30 min each time.
When I expressed my hurt at not having her with me more she said " I was busy and you weren't there to help me"
Had no clue as to why I might want my wife with me when it was touch and go... Life or death
I’m sorry man.
Thank you, this described my life, almost exclusively until my parents died. Your videos are incredible, so validating… Often, there were no words, and now, with these words? It changes everything… Thank you…🌺
ᴛʜᴀɴᴋs ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴇɴᴛ... ʟᴏᴠᴇ💓 ᴀɴᴅ sᴜᴘᴘᴏʀᴛ 🫂♥️ ғᴏʀ ᴀ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ᴀᴅᴠɪᴄᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ɪɴᴠᴇsᴛᴍᴇɴᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴀᴘᴘ ᴍᴇ 𝟏𝟑𝟖𝟓𝟐𝟎𝟒𝟓𝟓𝟗𝟖,,,,,,,, ʀᴇᴍᴀɪɴ ʙʟᴇss
When you try to resolve something and they say you are starting an argument, you say no I just want to talk about it then they go into a rage!
Projection: accusations from a narcissist are confessions.