I feel like that “gay men have excellent taste” stereotypes comes from straight women seeing a man with decent hygiene and a matching outfit and realizing that the men we date could absolutely never. Like the bar is beneath the coffin. Think the metrosexual episode from south park. Straight men find hygiene and fashion gay because they’re “traditionally feminine interests” (not sure why grooming yourself is a gendered activity but i digress) therefore men that take really specific care of their body and skin, pay attention to fashion trends and put effort into their looks, actually take the time to style their hair everyday, etc. must be sus somehow because then it doesn’t seem like a basic standard that all men could and should put effort into, but something that a “specific type” of guy does.
I feel tho straight men in this case here are only American and maybe some Europeans cos I kno for sure that men of some other cultures are vvvvvvvv into grooming
I wish femmes that go on and on about men approaching them understood that men do that to studs and butches too. Like, men assume any woman, no matter how masculine or feminine presenting, is there for them.
Ditto for people that think bisexual women existing is why men are shitty to lesbians because they "teach them wlw are available to men". Nah hun, men are just Like That, it's not on us.
Eva Smiljanić I agree and I absolutely hate that take as a bi woman. There’s so much biphobia even IN the LGBT+ community. People don’t take us seriously and think we’re just straight women who claim to like other women for attention or were lesbians who can’t commit.
When men avoid hitting on butch/masc lesbians, I think it has less to do with the idea that they realize/accept our sexuality and more to do with the fact that we’re not conventionally attractive enough for it to be socially acceptable for them to hit on us openly. When I started dressing more masc, I got less open street harassment, but I started getting more men hitting on me in private - often with a side of “help me process the fact that I’m attracted to you even though you’re not conventionally beautiful!”
Re: femme invisibility Personally, when I was first out, I had the experience of having lesbians gatekeeping and saying that I wasn’t really gay because I didn’t give off the right vibe for their liking. It really upset me and messed with me for years. It just confirmed all the shitty things that my Catholic school education and internalized comphet were telling me. It took me AGES to realize that not every lesbian I flirt with will have that reaction. That those girls from university were just jerks and that I don’t want to date people like that anyway.
F A C T. Also... If a woman is nitpicking you about how ""gay"" is your appearance... Should you really date her anyways???? She. Doesn't. Deserve. You. Sis ❤️
Ironically, as a more fem lesbian (when I feel like doing my makeup and stuff), I actually get hit on by guys way more when I wear a hat, a flannel shirt, and no makeup than when I wear dresses. In conclusion, men will hit on you anytime and especially in gay bars.
Honestly as a Femme I get the ‘you don’t look gay’ comment all the time but I think I look gay af, as long as other gays know I’m Femme not straight I’m happy 😂 and YES 100% to needing actual gay GAY ICONS!! 🌸💗🌸
@@Setsunako6587 I can't get over how much I agree with #1, we as a community need to at least have the smallest amount of self respect when or if we choose to label someone a "gay icon".
sorry to reactivate a half-year old comment, but: I walk around with a shaved head, jean jacket & ugly dad shirt and my straight friends will still say "what do you mean you look gay? I also have a jean jacket. and punks also shave their heads." Straight people are BLIND to stuff like this. so don't feel too bad if only the gays can tell, it means you're nailing it 👌🏻
#notallfemmes lmao no but seriously, i think it's in reference to femmes who perform a more conventional femininity, one that tends to fall in line with what society deems as acceptable womanhood. cus i've definitely seen some pretty gay ass takes on femininity that leave little room for being mistaken as straight!
I agree 110% with ya femme thing but I've legit been hitting on girls and had the response "I don't date straight girls" "I am gay" "ha sure". Thats a true femme struggle haha but thats about 50/50
@@ravenwolfkittyface1802 100%. So "no one knows I'm gay" isn't my issue, it's people rejecting my gayness due to my self expression as a feminine woman. But I also recognize the benefit and privilege of not being perceived as gay in general society too.
My opinion (I'm not sure if it's unpopular) is that we shouldn't have icons at all. Someone we look up to? Sure! Someone whose style we love? Go off! Someone whose ideas we share? Of course! But if you idolize someone then you are forgetting that they are humans who will mess up and you'll feel a lot more disappointed if something happens.
Confusion between introverted and shy going on here. You can become outgoing! It'll just drain you when it excites extroverts. But when the happy lady goes home with you, you get excited then lol. You can do it! Watch The Charisma Myth TED talk, that introverted lady has NAILED it!
I agree with what you said about the “no one knows I’m gay” thing for femmes. I used to be veeeeery butch as a teen but later realized I’m more comfortable being more feminine. I was treated more badly when I looked butch. It is kind of weird seeing how differently I’m treated now but... No one knowing you’re gay is better than being visibly gay. Less visibility, yeah, but also less discrimination. Also, yeah. It’s not like you can’t let a girl you like that you’re interested. It’s not a huge deal. 100% awesome take.
I actually think experiences with this can vary widely. As someone who has been all over the place with my presentation, I definitely got tons more street harassment when I presented femme. While I get less sexual harassment overall now that I’m living my best butch life, when I do get it it’s way more up-in-my-face than it used to be. Doesn’t feel easier or harder overall, just different in some specific ways.
RavenWolf KittyFace same! And also I work in a male-dominated industry and did NOT get taken seriously when I presented more feminine, constantly had to assert myself way more and try to be more masculine, it was exhausting!
milkandblue relatable. I gotta switch between charming and “IM SO JACKED ROARRR” mode to get taken seriously at work (i’m a personal trainer) 😂. It’s pretty funny to see.
Coming from a femme (but one that gives zero fucks about making the first move), I totally feel you on the “femmes waiting for the other person to make the first move”. I die for an assertive femme who isn’t shy. I think this more comes from compulsory heterosexuality, which socialized women to be passive/the receptors of sexual advances. I honestly think all the memes talking about “two femmes staring across the room and doing nothing🥺” is really a sad admission of how damaging compulsory heterosexuality is. Like ladies, LET’S GO, LET’S MAKE MOVES Also, I think gay men have the reputation from being the loudest, wittiest & most flamboyant, and as a result their taste is hyped up. But on the contrary, gay men have been instrumental in the femme beauty industry, and actually a lot of gay men who came up through ballroom culture have ended up becoming makeup artists for the beauty industry. So I do think there’s a bit of merit there.
As a femme lesbian I agree that it’s really not the biggest deal in the world that no one believes we’re gay HOWEVER before I came out I thought that I couldn’t possibly be gay because of how femme I am so it was very important and inspiring to young me to see other femme lesbians share there experience and it still is and I don’t think it’s fair to silence them
The femme comment I appreciate. At a certain point, I realized that I would need to initiate and that would be my way of communicating my intention. Instead of being frustrated, I found my solution.
This should be a serious Ted talk about women not being intentional about what they want and how we are programmed to be complacent and wait for masculine presenting people to set the tone. Gay femme women just like straight women must be bold too and go after what they want inspite of social norms.
devon elias LMAOO PLEASE i am literally a fem lesbian w bangs named sarah😩 i don’t even consider it a struggle tho (imo) bc i used to present masc and dealt w so much homophobia to my face bc people just made assumptions. whereas i just pass as straight now and get to choose when and if i come out to people
Hey, sooo what you said about 'real ones' feeling the gay energy and knowing she is gay when looking at a girl, no matter how feminine she looks...and also the fact that femininity it self is a spectrum and all femmes are not the same, made me think, and I would really like to hear from a more masculine woman like you, what kind of behaviour or idk make up, clothes etc. make you go "ohh she must like girls". Hope you see this and maybe consider sharing your point of view with us lost souls :'D
i'm not miss jade, but i am a gnc bi gal who loves all presentations of womanhood! for me a pretty reliable indicator that someone is indeed femme and not just your garden variety straight girl is how she applies her makeup. i've noticed that looks are more elaborate or unique, usually bc she doesn't give a shit what men think so she's living her best "fairy in an enchanted forest" fantasy, or some other whimsical look! it's the same with clothing. where (some) straight women perform femininity, femmes are performing hyper-femininity. kind of like how drag queens conceptualize and interpret femininity! they take well-known conventions of femininity and then go the distance, way farther than the average feminine straight woman would go. like yeah, sundresses are beloved by many women, but femmes are usually the ones elevating the outfit by wearing cute sunhats or big bows in their hair and maybe some frilly lace socks, looking like they just leapt out of a ghibli film! meanwhile it's common for straight women to wear the dress as the "total look". hopefully that makes sense!
@@anishinaabae aww thank you sooo much for answering!! Yess it does make sense..now that I'm thinking about it femmes really do tend to be more expressive of their feminine energy by simply being a bit over the top sometimes (for example I'm in love with the 50s and 60s fashion and that's as far away from being masculine as one can get) . Thank you again ^^
Renegade Queen sorry if this is too personal but do gay women or maybe yourself mistake straight women who dress that way for gay or is it even in those hyper feminine expressions that there’s still subtle differences?
@@chooseitwisely98 her metaphors are always so relatable. She skipped the jugular and went for the appendix, liver, speen, at this point she killed everyone. Just bleeding out. 😂😂😂
@@TheLucyblades I'm sorry boo. Yeah, she was really religious so it conflicted with her beliefs which also made her struggle with her career due to nature of the music she was making
Okay my unpopular opinion is give these drag queens more space to explore. Dragula is a waaaaaavvvveeeee and I’m here for the horror queens. And why tf nb talks about drag kings? 🤔
Because compared to a man donning feminine look, a woman donning masculine look is borderline mundane. Women wear masculine clothes all the time, so even if drag kings are much more than that, the shock value is much lower. It's not 1930s anymore.
@Ami Oropeza yeah, but still a man can cause internet sensation by wearing a dress. In case of women we were at that point - a fact that a lady wore pants makng it to the press - some 150 years ago.
YES!! honestly the whole "femme lesbian struggle" is hella annoying and I've even met people who think being straight-passing is a whole flex. Also, can gay icons be people who've played a role but are straight in real life?
I do know some fems who say they’re typically the ones to approach women, rather than the other way around. I suppose those are the more solution-oriented fems lol.
Point number 2 is valid. Its very hetero if you think about it. So many femme lesbians complain no one can tell they are gay, but in a dating scene complain, yet they only want the "more masculine presenting" lesbians or studs to hit on them. Which is no different than in a straight to relationship where they wait on the man. Of course people can be timid, but thats just like how timid people may not approach much also, nothing to do with how attractive they are. Theyre timid! Its 2022, learn to make what you want known
As a straight guy even I think Gay Icons should actually be gay, from the outside looking in it seems like all someone has to say is they support the Gay community and they get the Icon label. I enjoyed this video
Only one person has ever known I’m gay without me telling them. And that was a friend of a friend who didn’t even know me. All of my exes that weren’t from meeting online first never knew I was gay unless someone I told told them, or one was a coworker and I was talking to a friend and she overheard me talkin about being gay
YES TO ALL OF THIS. I dunno how you manage to be both 100% on point and spit-coffee-all-over-keyboard hilarious at the same time, but you're a blessing and the world doesn't appreciate you enough.
As a femme it's always confused me when people say no one knows they're gay because like, people know I'm gay from moment ONE. Like, I went in for my first day at work in this place that had tons of gays working there and I was like "I hope they don't think I'm straight" and my coworkers were like "we knew from the time you walked through the door lol"
They do dress really well. I have witnessed this. I swear because they don't commit to the style it was made for. They risk the look and pull it off but it's not a risk it's their style. I love it. They are my icon for fashion.
"Lift the bangs up" 🤣🤣🤣💀 I'm str8 af...I'm just here to hang out. How can a conversation be so intelligent yet, so fucking funny??? You just say whatever tf 🤣🤣🤣
Super interesting! On the dressing femme, I actually experience the reverse when I’m into a guy and seeking that hetero relationship because I come across as sort of a masculine lesbian from what I understand. I’m very tomboyish and I’ve never been asked out but have always had to approach 😂 it can be a little like “aww wish I could experience someone approaching me first” but yeah...gotta make it known and make the first move sometimes.
1. Definitely agree with the gay icons needing to be gay, I’ve been thinking that every time the glaad is awarded to some straight person. No. Stop it. 2. Literally all femme lesbians I know including myself and my wife, are the ones that either make the first move, will blatantly very non-smoothly announce their gayness at any given opportunity (and also when there isn’t an opportunity). I think the issue lies more with gaybies than femmes. A lot of femmes I know had a phase of “thinking I had to present more butch to be seen” because as a gay baby you are often so insecure and tipping out of the heteronormative closet that you don’t really “give out that vibe” yet. And probably are also surrounded by straight people, who are obviously NOT “real ones who will know” and usually still a source of validation. Eventually l, once us femmes are more settled and aware of ourselves and our and other’s vibes... we are perfectly fine being who we are most comfortable being, without worrying about whether it’s obvious enough that I’m gay. But during that gaybie newbie insecure rite of passage it can be really self-affirming. What I was trying to say before I went off on a tangent is that I think this isn’t so much an issue for femme lesbians as it is more of an issue for baby gays still grappling with the chuckles of heteronormativity. 3. Lol so many gay men in my life have terrible taste (sorry not sorry). I agree with this other post talking about straight people having a low bar for men (=cares about not being dirty and stinky = cares about a feminine coded subject = must be Le Gay). But also in general, especially to straight women, I guess, I think it’s a case of a gay man either being more open to being interested in whatever the fuck they’re interested in and more open to this be interested in feminine coded things and thus becoming more interesting to straight women who are interested in said feminine coded things, or gay men who are very masculine and thus interesting to straight women because they like masculinity... I don’t know. I just know that I think that your assessment of non binary folks in regards to style kind of applies to queer people in general because we tend to be more open minded about questioning norms, since we already had to do that. But anyway, I do know some very stylish gay men, too. So who knows. *shrugs*
I can't stand hearing my lesbian friends going 'omg she has short hair so she might be a lesbian and then I'll have a girlfriend sksksksksk' or something similar. It just really pisses me off to take such small things about people and assume so much. It makes me even madder when people do it to me. Am I attracted to your gender? Yes. Am I trying to let you know? No. Do I want you all up in my face telling me about how the color of my shirt is used to signal some LGBTB+ thing? Definitely not. I've personally never cared about that kind of stuff. I don't care what your sexuality is. Just go live your life. And if I ever want to know, I'll just ask in private so you ain't on the spot in front of a bunch of people and I can get my answer. If you don't want to answer, it's cool. I'll just move on. That's it.
Very solid takes!! Unpopular enough to get the ppl going but all very on the mark. Esp about femmes. Them girls swear we don’t know they gay whole time be making direct eye contact twirling they 4c spirals and shit
as a fem i needed this pep talk. I looked down at my rainbow bracelet and went ya ima make moves i need to stop waiting around for people to figure this one out 😂
I was just thinking about this today - how sexuality and vibes are so much more than our clothes. Clothes can help and make it easy to spot when it falls into a stereotyped category. But, so much of how we come off is energy anyway.
lesbians r valid!!! trans lesbians??? valid! cis lesbians in a relationship with a trans woman??? lesbian! valid! trans lesbian in relationship w/ another trans lesbian?????? 3000% valid! the fact that many cis lesbians take issue with this totally boggles my mind as an AFAB nonbinary person. .-.
@@aliceis9068 its really shocking. Like seriously the amount going on has made me slightly question in the beginning and me having a relationship with my girlfriend who's trans. With both sides debating makes my head hurt.
@@giannacherry1698 you and your girlfriend are both so valid!!! if y'all are women and you love women, you're lesbians and one of ya'll being trans does not invalidate your sexuality!!!
also to add onto your unpopular opinion about the fem struggle - while it might be annoying to be assumed straight, at least they get to pass as straight and avoid straight people making assumptions before they get to know them😬 masc women have to deal with weird looks, prejudice, and even discrimination because their expression outs them as at least not straight.
Thank you! I used to look really androgynous and walking outside was so stressful bc of how many stares I would get. Passing as straight is far easier in my experience.
Bimbo Lecter i totally agree!!! i used to present more masc a few years ago too and i had to deal with so much hostility from strangers and even family that i just went back to fem to make my life easier
I was soooooo confused the first time that I heard that Madonna was a gay icon. I was just like she ".... she's not gay???" And the straight person I was talking to defined the term for me and insisted they are a gay icon, and I was like "nope- something with this is wrong."
I dont *dentify* as a fem lesbian, even tho thts what I am, and I 100% agree. Im petite and seen as a quite feminine girl and, knowing that some people that dont know me might not know on the spot that im gay, I give some hints, use the lgbt flag bracelet and stuff. Thats also why I dont sit around and expect a girl to come and talk to me/hit on me, I met my first kiss when I walked up to her and started talking/flirting.
I feel like that “gay men have excellent taste” stereotypes comes from straight women seeing a man with decent hygiene and a matching outfit and realizing that the men we date could absolutely never. Like the bar is beneath the coffin. Think the metrosexual episode from south park. Straight men find hygiene and fashion gay because they’re “traditionally feminine interests” (not sure why grooming yourself is a gendered activity but i digress) therefore men that take really specific care of their body and skin, pay attention to fashion trends and put effort into their looks, actually take the time to style their hair everyday, etc. must be sus somehow because then it doesn’t seem like a basic standard that all men could and should put effort into, but something that a “specific type” of guy does.
Factssss
I mean yes we benefit from the bar being low but I feel like we earned it lol. That's like one of our 3 perks.
you should be a writer, you're funny
I feel tho straight men in this case here are only American and maybe some Europeans cos I kno for sure that men of some other cultures are vvvvvvvv into grooming
💯💯💯
I wish femmes that go on and on about men approaching them understood that men do that to studs and butches too. Like, men assume any woman, no matter how masculine or feminine presenting, is there for them.
Yep
Ditto for people that think bisexual women existing is why men are shitty to lesbians because they "teach them wlw are available to men". Nah hun, men are just Like That, it's not on us.
Eva Smiljanić I agree and I absolutely hate that take as a bi woman. There’s so much biphobia even IN the LGBT+ community. People don’t take us seriously and think we’re just straight women who claim to like other women for attention or were lesbians who can’t commit.
I wore a 3 piece suit to all my college events and still got hit on by frat boys. Like def not the heels boo boo
When men avoid hitting on butch/masc lesbians, I think it has less to do with the idea that they realize/accept our sexuality and more to do with the fact that we’re not conventionally attractive enough for it to be socially acceptable for them to hit on us openly. When I started dressing more masc, I got less open street harassment, but I started getting more men hitting on me in private - often with a side of “help me process the fact that I’m attracted to you even though you’re not conventionally beautiful!”
My unpopular opinion: we really need to chill with the stereotyping in our community
Yes!!!!!!!!
Yeah tht shit be crazy af. And enuff with the labels. I lke women w/o labels jmo.
Exactly
Yeah, though I find some of the self-stereotyping entertaining, like bi people and lemon bars. Those are exquisite.
@@letmetakeajormungandrattha8591 I think self stereotyping or harmless jokes is fine, but some people take it a bit too seriously edit:spelling
omg she really out here acknowledging my non-binary existence and complimenting me?? that shit hit different🥰🥰🥰
You're amazing always remember that, hope you're doing well ,have a nice day or night
Yall do be lookin good, facts are facts!
I'm not non binary but I had to scream "FINALLY Someone is speaking the truth" when she said that bc yall are icons
u r VALID AND I LOVE U
yalls styles are ✨legendary✨
Femme introverts are QUUAAAAKING watching this.
😂😂
GIRLS SCARE ME AND I JUST WANT TO WEAR A SKIRT
dude no Concept: a pin that says “Not Straight, Just Shy.”
RavenWolf KittyFace OMG yes!! 💗
@@ravenwolfkittyface1802
"Not straight, it's just that you're all so pretty and I forgot my name."
not mermaid man and barnacle boy😩
IN Chelsea Boots!!! 😂😂😂😂😂
I love you miles!!!
😂😂😂😂
Wait... this is the Spongebob duo right?? Because that would be gay guy fashion to a T
@@punkyreggaeparty8786 came to the comments for this lmao
"real ones know if you're gay" is getting tatted on me someWHERE
🤣🤣🤣
bro wait for me we can do it together
“Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy in Chelsea boots.” 💀💀
That sent me
I cackled then felt guilty then cackled harder
Me and my Chelsea boots felt that 😭
Re: femme invisibility
Personally, when I was first out, I had the experience of having lesbians gatekeeping and saying that I wasn’t really gay because I didn’t give off the right vibe for their liking. It really upset me and messed with me for years. It just confirmed all the shitty things that my Catholic school education and internalized comphet were telling me. It took me AGES to realize that not every lesbian I flirt with will have that reaction. That those girls from university were just jerks and that I don’t want to date people like that anyway.
F A C T.
Also... If a woman is nitpicking you about how ""gay"" is your appearance... Should you really date her anyways????
She. Doesn't. Deserve. You. Sis ❤️
Ironically, I was a trans man living as a lesbian and nobody said a word. If I had been properly rejected I probably would have come out of denial
Ironically, as a more fem lesbian (when I feel like doing my makeup and stuff), I actually get hit on by guys way more when I wear a hat, a flannel shirt, and no makeup than when I wear dresses. In conclusion, men will hit on you anytime and especially in gay bars.
Honestly as a Femme I get the ‘you don’t look gay’ comment all the time but I think I look gay af, as long as other gays know I’m Femme not straight I’m happy 😂 and YES 100% to needing actual gay GAY ICONS!! 🌸💗🌸
I actually needed to hear #2 ; I didn't feel dragged at all :)
also YES, #1 is #1 for REAL 🙌🏾 !
@@Setsunako6587 I can't get over how much I agree with #1, we as a community need to at least have the smallest amount of self respect when or if we choose to label someone a "gay icon".
sorry to reactivate a half-year old comment, but: I walk around with a shaved head, jean jacket & ugly dad shirt and my straight friends will still say "what do you mean you look gay? I also have a jean jacket. and punks also shave their heads." Straight people are BLIND to stuff like this. so don't feel too bad if only the gays can tell, it means you're nailing it 👌🏻
ppl say femmes don’t look gay like we don’t have earrings the size of soda cans on our ears and three pounds of blush on our noses
omfg this called me out
#notallfemmes
lmao no but seriously, i think it's in reference to femmes who perform a more conventional femininity, one that tends to fall in line with what society deems as acceptable womanhood. cus i've definitely seen some pretty gay ass takes on femininity that leave little room for being mistaken as straight!
Agree with non binary and gender fluid folks pushing the style envelope 👍✨
I agree 110% with ya femme thing but I've legit been hitting on girls and had the response "I don't date straight girls" "I am gay" "ha sure". Thats a true femme struggle haha but thats about 50/50
That is so f*n rude of those women.
It’s definitely more of an issue when people actively reject that you are gay when you’re trying to assert it. I’ve seen it happen too.
@@ravenwolfkittyface1802 100%. So "no one knows I'm gay" isn't my issue, it's people rejecting my gayness due to my self expression as a feminine woman. But I also recognize the benefit and privilege of not being perceived as gay in general society too.
If a wlw doesn’t believe other women, they aren’t worth dating anyway.
@@awkweirdabby8352 TRUEEEEE
My opinion (I'm not sure if it's unpopular) is that we shouldn't have icons at all.
Someone we look up to? Sure! Someone whose style we love? Go off! Someone whose ideas we share? Of course!
But if you idolize someone then you are forgetting that they are humans who will mess up and you'll feel a lot more disappointed if something happens.
THANK YOU OMFG
this
@gay korean paper>>>>>>
But what if you’re femm and introverted. Le struggle. 🙄
just write “i like women” on your forehead! no talking needed!
Confusion between introverted and shy going on here. You can become outgoing! It'll just drain you when it excites extroverts. But when the happy lady goes home with you, you get excited then lol. You can do it! Watch The Charisma Myth TED talk, that introverted lady has NAILED it!
Gotta get a bird call sis 😂😂
I think that's more about being shy than femme. Tbh
"People who don't wear clothes that fit." I feel attacked.
Same 😂
"You could also hit on them." WHAT? REALLY?! lol lol lol
FEMS! This is why there a lesbian pins you can put on your shirt or dress-
Honestly I’ve considered buying some on Etsy 😂
Yeah I’m totally gonna wear that at my bank job 🙃
Jade: "You could also hit on them"
Me: uh uh that's unrealistic
dude thats me i have zero confidence and i hate it
@@ameliasellers6396 women have that effect on you too huh
I agree with what you said about the “no one knows I’m gay” thing for femmes. I used to be veeeeery butch as a teen but later realized I’m more comfortable being more feminine. I was treated more badly when I looked butch. It is kind of weird seeing how differently I’m treated now but...
No one knowing you’re gay is better than being visibly gay. Less visibility, yeah, but also less discrimination.
Also, yeah. It’s not like you can’t let a girl you like that you’re interested. It’s not a huge deal. 100% awesome take.
I actually think experiences with this can vary widely. As someone who has been all over the place with my presentation, I definitely got tons more street harassment when I presented femme. While I get less sexual harassment overall now that I’m living my best butch life, when I do get it it’s way more up-in-my-face than it used to be. Doesn’t feel easier or harder overall, just different in some specific ways.
RavenWolf KittyFace yep! I agree with that too, I forgot to consider that.
RavenWolf KittyFace same! And also I work in a male-dominated industry and did NOT get taken seriously when I presented more feminine, constantly had to assert myself way more and try to be more masculine, it was exhausting!
milkandblue relatable. I gotta switch between charming and “IM SO JACKED ROARRR” mode to get taken seriously at work (i’m a personal trainer) 😂. It’s pretty funny to see.
Vanessa A omg!! 😫😂😂 I feel you!
As a non-binary person myself, I agree and support Jade’s statement, we have the best taste✨🤧
Proof of gay icon: Eugene Lee Yang of Try Guys. Sis can work life for real.
facts
unrelated, but rina sawayama pfp? yes please
Yes!!!
I realized early on femme lesbians need to be more assertive and flirty. It’s worked out great so far. Got a date with a baddie with a BAWDY.
Coming from a femme (but one that gives zero fucks about making the first move), I totally feel you on the “femmes waiting for the other person to make the first move”. I die for an assertive femme who isn’t shy. I think this more comes from compulsory heterosexuality, which socialized women to be passive/the receptors of sexual advances. I honestly think all the memes talking about “two femmes staring across the room and doing nothing🥺” is really a sad admission of how damaging compulsory heterosexuality is. Like ladies, LET’S GO, LET’S MAKE MOVES
Also, I think gay men have the reputation from being the loudest, wittiest & most flamboyant, and as a result their taste is hyped up. But on the contrary, gay men have been instrumental in the femme beauty industry, and actually a lot of gay men who came up through ballroom culture have ended up becoming makeup artists for the beauty industry. So I do think there’s a bit of merit there.
As a femme lesbian I agree that it’s really not the biggest deal in the world that no one believes we’re gay HOWEVER before I came out I thought that I couldn’t possibly be gay because of how femme I am so it was very important and inspiring to young me to see other femme lesbians share there experience and it still is and I don’t think it’s fair to silence them
“I want a slice of that wall” caught me way tf off guard. It was amazing. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy?! Time of death right now. Your MIND! ❤️
The femme comment I appreciate. At a certain point, I realized that I would need to initiate and that would be my way of communicating my intention. Instead of being frustrated, I found my solution.
This should be a serious Ted talk about women not being intentional about what they want and how we are programmed to be complacent and wait for masculine presenting people to set the tone. Gay femme women just like straight women must be bold too and go after what they want inspite of social norms.
But can we talk about that Monstera in the background 🤩
it is so cute!
"Let's lift the bangs" eyo ahahah all the Sarah's are triggered right now
devon elias LMAOO PLEASE i am literally a fem lesbian w bangs named sarah😩
i don’t even consider it a struggle tho (imo) bc i used to present masc and dealt w so much homophobia to my face bc people just made assumptions. whereas i just pass as straight now and get to choose when and if i come out to people
@@Secrets4theMadhahahahaha eyo I'm so sorry .
devon elias dw, no offense taken at all♥️😂
“NB people have the best taste”
Also non-binary folk: is named Cheese/ Iceberg/ Hula Hoop
LMFAOOO
I saw someone is called Cloud and i literally melted bruh
It’s that uniqueness and ability to think outside the box that makes them good at dressing
Ok but ‘Hula’ sounds kinda cool 😁
literally who💀
Hey, sooo what you said about 'real ones' feeling the gay energy and knowing she is gay when looking at a girl, no matter how feminine she looks...and also the fact that femininity it self is a spectrum and all femmes are not the same, made me think, and I would really like to hear from a more masculine woman like you, what kind of behaviour or idk make up, clothes etc. make you go "ohh she must like girls".
Hope you see this and maybe consider sharing your point of view with us lost souls :'D
i'm not miss jade, but i am a gnc bi gal who loves all presentations of womanhood! for me a pretty reliable indicator that someone is indeed femme and not just your garden variety straight girl is how she applies her makeup. i've noticed that looks are more elaborate or unique, usually bc she doesn't give a shit what men think so she's living her best "fairy in an enchanted forest" fantasy, or some other whimsical look! it's the same with clothing. where (some) straight women perform femininity, femmes are performing hyper-femininity. kind of like how drag queens conceptualize and interpret femininity! they take well-known conventions of femininity and then go the distance, way farther than the average feminine straight woman would go.
like yeah, sundresses are beloved by many women, but femmes are usually the ones elevating the outfit by wearing cute sunhats or big bows in their hair and maybe some frilly lace socks, looking like they just leapt out of a ghibli film! meanwhile it's common for straight women to wear the dress as the "total look". hopefully that makes sense!
@@anishinaabae aww thank you sooo much for answering!! Yess it does make sense..now that I'm thinking about it femmes really do tend to be more expressive of their feminine energy by simply being a bit over the top sometimes (for example I'm in love with the 50s and 60s fashion and that's as far away from being masculine as one can get) . Thank you again ^^
Renegade Queen sorry if this is too personal but do gay women or maybe yourself mistake straight women who dress that way for gay or is it even in those hyper feminine expressions that there’s still subtle differences?
The fact you rhymed fem with stem with THEM is genius and do funny 😂😂😂😂 #jadeforstandupcomedy
She came out swinging yall
Real mike tyson like swingin. Teeth and everything. 😂😂😂
@@shaunakbtv4229 😂😂 "the loudest fems with the loudest bangles" took me OUT
@@chooseitwisely98 her metaphors are always so relatable. She skipped the jugular and went for the appendix, liver, speen, at this point she killed everyone. Just bleeding out. 😂😂😂
@@shaunakbtv4229 exactly like i be mad cuz i got roasted but im still laughing
💯
Lmfao!!! Yass come for the Fem....lol
Us Androgynous, non-binary folks have amazing taste in clothes and in interior design
Truth
I’m still confused about Donna Summer being a gay icon when she was always clear about how she felt about homosexuality 🤷🏾♀️
This made me sad. I did not know.
@@TheLucyblades I'm sorry boo. Yeah, she was really religious so it conflicted with her beliefs which also made her struggle with her career due to nature of the music she was making
@billixroxanne thank you though, I'd rather know, even if it's a bit heart breaking
@depressed bisexual Bruh. Your name is sending me. Thank you ❤️
@jesus is a biscuit SHHH QUIET. No one has known about me being bread for a while now, I don't need anyone to know.
Okay, Jade with the fresh cut!👌🏾
Looking clean as the board of health!
Freeeeeesh
Okay my unpopular opinion is give these drag queens more space to explore. Dragula is a waaaaaavvvveeeee and I’m here for the horror queens.
And why tf nb talks about drag kings? 🤔
Because compared to a man donning feminine look, a woman donning masculine look is borderline mundane. Women wear masculine clothes all the time, so even if drag kings are much more than that, the shock value is much lower. It's not 1930s anymore.
@Ami Oropeza yeah, but still a man can cause internet sensation by wearing a dress. In case of women we were at that point - a fact that a lady wore pants makng it to the press - some 150 years ago.
LIFT THE BANGS UP AND SEE WHAT'S UNDERNEATH 😂😂😂😂
NOT THE BAYANG
Yeahhhh my day just got better.
YES!! honestly the whole "femme lesbian struggle" is hella annoying and I've even met people who think being straight-passing is a whole flex. Also, can gay icons be people who've played a role but are straight in real life?
I do know some fems who say they’re typically the ones to approach women, rather than the other way around. I suppose those are the more solution-oriented fems lol.
Point number 2 is valid. Its very hetero if you think about it. So many femme lesbians complain no one can tell they are gay, but in a dating scene complain, yet they only want the "more masculine presenting" lesbians or studs to hit on them. Which is no different than in a straight to relationship where they wait on the man. Of course people can be timid, but thats just like how timid people may not approach much also, nothing to do with how attractive they are. Theyre timid! Its 2022, learn to make what you want known
As a straight guy even I think Gay Icons should actually be gay, from the outside looking in it seems like all someone has to say is they support the Gay community and they get the Icon label. I enjoyed this video
Jade that lighting is 🔥🔥🔥. Come through natural light
Don’t tell me to hit on girls!!!!!! It’s SCARY
Awww as a genderfluid person, this just made my whole day :))))
Only one person has ever known I’m gay without me telling them. And that was a friend of a friend who didn’t even know me. All of my exes that weren’t from meeting online first never knew I was gay unless someone I told told them, or one was a coworker and I was talking to a friend and she overheard me talkin about being gay
YES TO ALL OF THIS. I dunno how you manage to be both 100% on point and spit-coffee-all-over-keyboard hilarious at the same time, but you're a blessing and the world doesn't appreciate you enough.
Mermaid man and barnacle boy in Chelsea boots 😂 😂 the accuracy
As a femme it's always confused me when people say no one knows they're gay because like, people know I'm gay from moment ONE. Like, I went in for my first day at work in this place that had tons of gays working there and I was like "I hope they don't think I'm straight" and my coworkers were like "we knew from the time you walked through the door lol"
They do dress really well. I have witnessed this. I swear because they don't commit to the style it was made for. They risk the look and pull it off but it's not a risk it's their style. I love it. They are my icon for fashion.
"lift the bangs up and see what's underneath" HAHAHA
Jade, i just stumbled on your channel and I'm addicted. I love your honesty and energy
"Lift the bangs up" 🤣🤣🤣💀 I'm str8 af...I'm just here to hang out. How can a conversation be so intelligent yet, so fucking funny??? You just say whatever tf 🤣🤣🤣
as a nonbinary person, YES I HAVE THE BEST TASTE
not "a slice of that WALL, sis."
Super interesting! On the dressing femme, I actually experience the reverse when I’m into a guy and seeking that hetero relationship because I come across as sort of a masculine lesbian from what I understand. I’m very tomboyish and I’ve never been asked out but have always had to approach 😂 it can be a little like “aww wish I could experience someone approaching me first” but yeah...gotta make it known and make the first move sometimes.
1. Definitely agree with the gay icons needing to be gay, I’ve been thinking that every time the glaad is awarded to some straight person. No. Stop it.
2. Literally all femme lesbians I know including myself and my wife, are the ones that either make the first move, will blatantly very non-smoothly announce their gayness at any given opportunity (and also when there isn’t an opportunity). I think the issue lies more with gaybies than femmes. A lot of femmes I know had a phase of “thinking I had to present more butch to be seen” because as a gay baby you are often so insecure and tipping out of the heteronormative closet that you don’t really “give out that vibe” yet. And probably are also surrounded by straight people, who are obviously NOT “real ones who will know” and usually still a source of validation. Eventually l, once us femmes are more settled and aware of ourselves and our and other’s vibes... we are perfectly fine being who we are most comfortable being, without worrying about whether it’s obvious enough that I’m gay. But during that gaybie newbie insecure rite of passage it can be really self-affirming. What I was trying to say before I went off on a tangent is that I think this isn’t so much an issue for femme lesbians as it is more of an issue for baby gays still grappling with the chuckles of heteronormativity.
3. Lol so many gay men in my life have terrible taste (sorry not sorry). I agree with this other post talking about straight people having a low bar for men (=cares about not being dirty and stinky = cares about a feminine coded subject = must be Le Gay). But also in general, especially to straight women, I guess, I think it’s a case of a gay man either being more open to being interested in whatever the fuck they’re interested in and more open to this be interested in feminine coded things and thus becoming more interesting to straight women who are interested in said feminine coded things, or gay men who are very masculine and thus interesting to straight women because they like masculinity... I don’t know. I just know that I think that your assessment of non binary folks in regards to style kind of applies to queer people in general because we tend to be more open minded about questioning norms, since we already had to do that. But anyway, I do know some very stylish gay men, too. So who knows. *shrugs*
Your product placements/sponsor messages are on point.
I can't stand hearing my lesbian friends going 'omg she has short hair so she might be a lesbian and then I'll have a girlfriend sksksksksk' or something similar. It just really pisses me off to take such small things about people and assume so much. It makes me even madder when people do it to me. Am I attracted to your gender? Yes. Am I trying to let you know? No. Do I want you all up in my face telling me about how the color of my shirt is used to signal some LGBTB+ thing? Definitely not. I've personally never cared about that kind of stuff. I don't care what your sexuality is. Just go live your life. And if I ever want to know, I'll just ask in private so you ain't on the spot in front of a bunch of people and I can get my answer. If you don't want to answer, it's cool. I'll just move on. That's it.
Ok Jade #facts. Loving the cozy background vibes. Congrats on $200k +
3:26 my whole life flashed before my eyes. Why don't we talk about this more holy fhyyn
"Lift the bangs up and see what's underneath"
That would be forehead acne :,)
I don’t know why I just noticed but your editing is/has gotten sooooo good. Very engaging and I thank you for that!
Very solid takes!! Unpopular enough to get the ppl going but all very on the mark. Esp about femmes. Them girls swear we don’t know they gay whole time be making direct eye contact twirling they 4c spirals and shit
THANKS FOR THE GENDER FLUID LOVE JADE! YUUUUH!
as a fem i needed this pep talk. I looked down at my rainbow bracelet and went ya ima make moves i need to stop waiting around for people to figure this one out 😂
I've been waiting for you to post something. 😂🥰🔥
Yes to the "gay icon" thing
"I would like a slice of that wall" got me 🤣🤣
I was just thinking about this today - how sexuality and vibes are so much more than our clothes. Clothes can help and make it easy to spot when it falls into a stereotyped category. But, so much of how we come off is energy anyway.
I love that the title is always "unpopular opinions" but I completely agree with every point 😂
That lesbians are still valid even if they're with a transwoman whis pre opt or has chosen not to go through with opt.
lesbians r valid!!! trans lesbians??? valid! cis lesbians in a relationship with a trans woman??? lesbian! valid! trans lesbian in relationship w/ another trans lesbian?????? 3000% valid! the fact that many cis lesbians take issue with this totally boggles my mind as an AFAB nonbinary person. .-.
@@aliceis9068 its really shocking. Like seriously the amount going on has made me slightly question in the beginning and me having a relationship with my girlfriend who's trans. With both sides debating makes my head hurt.
@@giannacherry1698 you and your girlfriend are both so valid!!! if y'all are women and you love women, you're lesbians and one of ya'll being trans does not invalidate your sexuality!!!
also to add onto your unpopular opinion about the fem struggle - while it might be annoying to be assumed straight, at least they get to pass as straight and avoid straight people making assumptions before they get to know them😬 masc women have to deal with weird looks, prejudice, and even discrimination because their expression outs them as at least not straight.
Thank you! I used to look really androgynous and walking outside was so stressful bc of how many stares I would get. Passing as straight is far easier in my experience.
Bimbo Lecter i totally agree!!! i used to present more masc a few years ago too and i had to deal with so much hostility from strangers and even family that i just went back to fem to make my life easier
finally, a comment with sense! a comment rooted in reality.
blood Jade, let these niggas know.
“Mermaid man and Barnacle boy in chelsea boots” 🤣😭💀.
Enbys really do be serving LOOKS.
Not "I would like a slice of that wall" 😂😂😂
“Lift the bangs up and see what’s underneath” 😂😂
😂😂not the melancholy music closeup, “put the camera away” ☠️
"the loudest femmes with the loudest bangles" took me tf out
I would like a slice of that wall sis ~ I feel attacked 😂😂😂
"Open the mind up a bit... Lift the bangs up, and see what's underneath." 😂😂👌🏽
I was soooooo confused the first time that I heard that Madonna was a gay icon. I was just like she ".... she's not gay???"
And the straight person I was talking to defined the term for me and insisted they are a gay icon, and I was like "nope- something with this is wrong."
Wall slice...can you for real just...say that? *writes down in notebook
My only complaint....This was only 10 minutes....Still have 50 min of lunch break left. ❤you, Jade!!!!
I dont *dentify* as a fem lesbian, even tho thts what I am, and I 100% agree. Im petite and seen as a quite feminine girl and, knowing that some people that dont know me might not know on the spot that im gay, I give some hints, use the lgbt flag bracelet and stuff. Thats also why I dont sit around and expect a girl to come and talk to me/hit on me, I met my first kiss when I walked up to her and started talking/flirting.
Don't forget to support and watch the ads ❤❤❤.
Damn I did not want this to end!!! Do another one pleeassee.
"royalty in the land of ppl who don't wear clothes that fit" I just came out here to have a good time...
this video is VALIDATION SIS WOW
I legit just hang around on RUclips waiting for your uploads
LMAO @ Tiara, durag and a skort!!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 The accuracy tho
Thanks for the enby shoutout :)
I've been watching your videos for years but have never commented lol - you're hilarious, keep creating!
Jade you are my gay icon okay? Just came here to say that 😂
You know I’m ace because I don’t wear makeup but about to get maaaad piercings
Your Adam&Eve discounts be coming right on time
LMAOOOOOOOOOOO you're kill me Larry!!!! Thanks for the laughs!!!
"let's not be hate crime-y down there" jade you find a new way to gmt every video and i have to stan
200K 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 It was a climb, very excited for you. Congratulations!!!