You are absolutely right. Dysfunctional marriages because of all these signs you mentioned not only lead to infidelity but can't be fixed after an affair happens. There aren't any good foundations in place to work with. This coming from a therapist point of view is clarifying a lot.
This is so true Mary Jo, spot on as always. I'm going through Mediation after being taken for a ride with solicitors when I actual fact I should have been advised to go straight to meditation. I have invested emotionally, physically and financially in this relationship and am now having to maintain all the Bill's and looking after the children with next to no assistance from my soon to be ex wife. I am fearful of Mediation as I dont Trust my ex and she is very manipulative and I'm sure she has spun lies to the mediator about me, so I'm very apprehensive on what any outcome will be...all I see is that the mediator and my ex what to push to involve in child in mediation where I consider this will do more damage than good 😔
Admire and respect your advice, MJ. I can see how, if both partners are not 100% dedicated to resolving the specific problem/issue (abusiveness and trust, etc.), the outcome will be in doubt. But, are you suggesting that even with an excellent therapist such as yourself, all these 7 factors likely dictate a bad outcome, and so you automatically suggest "get thee to an attorney? Seems a little harsh to me (no offense intended).
Great insights...of course, there is an exception for every rule. I see a lot of couples and from my experience partners are often gung ho at first. "Let's fix this marriage, or I will do anything to save my marriage." Unfortunately, when they see the pain involved with resolving old hurts and pains, they become faint of heart. A good therapist is worthwhile, but the most important aspect to a healthy marriage or resolving an issue is the couples willingness to forgive, move past resentment and humbling themselves for the sake of the relationship. I tell you honestly, this is rare. I've been married to the same man since I was 20 years old, the majority of our couple friends who got married when we did are on their 2nd or 3rd spouse. I cannot stress continuous marriage education enough, every couple needs to make a daily commitment to each other. Thank you again!
@@MaryJoRapini Thanks. Your comments:" I tell you honestly, this is rare" surprises and saddens me. It is truly a sad statement about the nature of the marital relationship in the 21 century. Most people who marry do not "know how to be married", and need to acquire the requisite communication and relationships skills by hook or crook. Many never acquire these skills. It is sad that too few people want to work hard to reconcile, by will give up and then stumble enthusiastically into a new relationship to start over. Again, thanks for your excellent advice.
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You are absolutely right. Dysfunctional marriages because of all these signs you mentioned not only lead to infidelity but can't be fixed after an affair happens. There aren't any good foundations in place to work with. This coming from a therapist point of view is clarifying a lot.
This is so true Mary Jo, spot on as always. I'm going through Mediation after being taken for a ride with solicitors when I actual fact I should have been advised to go straight to meditation. I have invested emotionally, physically and financially in this relationship and am now having to maintain all the Bill's and looking after the children with next to no assistance from my soon to be ex wife. I am fearful of Mediation as I dont Trust my ex and she is very manipulative and I'm sure she has spun lies to the mediator about me, so I'm very apprehensive on what any outcome will be...all I see is that the mediator and my ex what to push to involve in child in mediation where I consider this will do more damage than good 😔
Counseling with a make narcissist isn’t possible !
The end
4 out of 7. I thought it would be worst lol
Admire and respect your advice, MJ. I can see how, if both partners are not 100% dedicated to resolving the specific problem/issue (abusiveness and trust, etc.), the outcome will be in doubt. But, are you suggesting that even with an excellent therapist such as yourself, all these 7 factors likely dictate a bad outcome, and so you automatically suggest "get thee to an attorney? Seems a little harsh to me (no offense intended).
Great insights...of course, there is an exception for every rule. I see a lot of couples and from my experience partners are often gung ho at first. "Let's fix this marriage, or I will do anything to save my marriage." Unfortunately, when they see the pain involved with resolving old hurts and pains, they become faint of heart. A good therapist is worthwhile, but the most important aspect to a healthy marriage or resolving an issue is the couples willingness to forgive, move past resentment and humbling themselves for the sake of the relationship. I tell you honestly, this is rare. I've been married to the same man since I was 20 years old, the majority of our couple friends who got married when we did are on their 2nd or 3rd spouse. I cannot stress continuous marriage education enough, every couple needs to make a daily commitment to each other. Thank you again!
@@MaryJoRapini Thanks. Your comments:" I tell you honestly, this is rare" surprises and saddens me. It is truly a sad statement about the nature of the marital relationship in the 21 century. Most people who marry do not "know how to be married", and need to acquire the requisite communication and relationships skills by hook or crook. Many never acquire these skills. It is sad that too few people want to work hard to reconcile, by will give up and then stumble enthusiastically into a new relationship to start over. Again, thanks for your excellent advice.
@@MaryJoRapini Again, excellent advice!
"✋". T'was good but OH, WHAT
A PRICE !! !!