I was supposed to upload this video a month ago, but it didn’t happen. So when I say I might take a break… I guess I already did, but it will probably happen again or or the time between uploads may just be longer. I apologize if this feels like I’m trauma dumping or comes across as overly dramatic or something. I just wanted to share more of myself, to give some context, and to be honest. Maybe this will resonate with others who are facing similar struggles. I’m not a medical professional, and I’m not asking for medical advice - just sharing my experience. Right now, I’m working on getting mental help, and I hope anyone else who needs it is doing the same. Thank you so much for being here and taking the time to watch and listen✨
Thank you so much for making this video. I have a friend who suffers from severe health anxiety, and this video helped me understand the nightmare she endures. What's extremely hard to witness is how this struggle is not taken seriously by society, like my friend gets often mocked for sharing her anxieties, and is not heard by medical professionnals. I feel like since it's a disorder that doesn't threaten the life of the patient (as they are terrified of dying) it's not something that should be treated urgently, and they just send the patient to a therapist who is often not qualified. Also I admire so much your courage for speaking up about your experience. I have suffered from severe eating disorders so I can understand the shame that comes with exposing this self destructing behaviour, and how hard it can be to speak up. Take the time you need to take care of yourself, we will still be there no matter how long you need, and thank you again so much I'm sure you've helped a lot of other people!
I thought I was thriving during the pandemic, but once 2022 came around, I realized I was not mentally well. Being forced to live with yourself without the distractions from others will do that. I found myself digging through the past, and uncovering childhood traumas I had dissociated from. I went to therapy for about 10 months; it was a good experience, overall, but I found that writing and consuming meaningful art really put me in a better mental space. I recommend films like Melancholia, Three Colors: Blue, The Story of Adèle H., Possession, Cries and Whispers, Red Desert, and Solaris (the book is also amazing). They won't cheer you up, but they are honest and show that we're all haunted by something and suffering in our own unique ways. Thank you for the videos, I appreciate your channel and your analyses of these films. What you do is art, in my opinion. Take care of yourself.
I had a similar experiences in the past, yet on a smaller scale. The most recent one was triggered by me getting a puppy from street, who requred a lot of attention and time, that I felt I didn't have. He was very active, showed agression to people, and I had to walk out his energy for hours, which before I usually spent resting or practicing hobbies. I grew antipathetic and angry, and started to experience a variety of health issues: severe back pain and arthritis. I woke up at night from pain in my hands, not being able to bend fingers. I connected the symptoms to the dog (he grew a lot) pulling a leash excessively, which I wasn't able to stop - so I felt stuck between my unability to help myself, help the situation, get rid of the dog (giving him away felt like a betrayal), society's expectations from me being a "perfect pet mom", other people's comfort (he barked on people and children). In overall, I felt like a prisoner of the situation I didn't I choose consciously, and I felt like I wasn't able to deal with the weight of the responsibility. Once we went on a walk and everything was all right before my dog saw other dog and launched (hard) to greet him. My finger was stuck in a leash and he pulled so hard something cracked inside. I thought he broke my finger. I got hysterical, screaming, pulling the leash, crying. We went home and I close myself in a room and tried to understand, what to do now. The finger ache, but not in a broken way, so I felt relief. I tried to disseminate my feelings towards this situation: my guilt (for dog, for demonstrating hysterics in front of other people, for being a bad pet mom), my fear (of loosing my life catering to the needs of the "unappreciative" creature, for missing out my youth because of my constant need to take care of some creature other than myself, for loosing quality of life and health in the process) - then I separated those emotions onto two piles, created space for both of them and leaned into self-pity. I cried like a waterfall )) I allowed to feel sooo sorry for myself, I promised myself to take better care of me, I promised not ever to take anyone else from the street as a way to evading dealing with my life and my self-realization. I put aside the guilt, I accepted that the things are different now in my life and will be different from now on, but I will try to make the best out of it even if I feel much more tied by responsibility. And in a week my symptoms completely wore off.
I think this also has a LOT to do with the way society teaches gender, as women get two messages about themselves in way larger doses than men: 1) There IS something wrong with your body and 2) The world is not safe for you. Just look at how much the media focuses on assessing minute details in women's bodies, and making it clear something always must be fixed; dye your hair, buff your nails, shave, lose weight, and on and on and on. It not only encourages women to fixate, it rewards women when they express 'there's something wrong with my body', because an insecure woman is an endearing woman in the eyes of many men. And then all the entertainment hinging on women being not safe in the world, I mean there's an entire genre of stories that hinge on 'fridged women' (look that up if you would like to know more. So really, body anxiety is what you've been trained and encouraged to have, just for a non insubstantial percentage, it's debilitating. I'm so sorry you are struggling right now personally and want to say I always appreciate your work on here. Internet hugs!
This video hits home for me. Ever since last year I noticed a constant, rapid beating sound in my right ear, like a heartbeat. I went to urgent care, who told me to go to the ENT. I went to the ENT who ordered a series of MRI and CT scans. After weeks of the scans, all the ENT did was shrug his shoulders and tell me he didn’t know what was wrong; essentially that I’m sh*t out of luck. Thankfully the beating went away after some time, but googling symptoms didn’t help. I figured I could figure it out if the doctor couldn’t, but I ended up going with my own advice that if the doctor didn’t know after all the scans, I’m fine. I wish I wasn’t this aware of my body, but it’s hard to fight the tide of anxiety.
I just clicked on this video and started to cry, this came at exactly the right time for me. i’ve been stuck in a health anxiety hell for the past month and it’s really comforting seeing this from one of my favorite channels!
genuinely thank you so much for creating this video it has given me not only the language to describe my certain aspects of my experience with health anxiety but has really helped me feel less terminally unique.
as someone living with a chronic illness that i struggled to get diagnosed for years, this was a pretty cathartic watch. I hope you're able to find some peace having now been able to talk about it
as someone who has struggled with health anxiety, this was a breath of fresh air. it affected the way doctors saw the authenticity of my actual ailments for so long that the undiagnosed symptoms fueled the anxiety. Only after over ten years of this did I get the diagnoses and treatment I needed. It can be so alienating that it's a relief just to hear someone talk about it.
Thank you so much for sharing!! I don't usually comment on anything, but I wanted to say thag this sort of content really helped (and helps) me feel normal about my own struggles. I've had all sorts of random paranoia about my health, but I especially related to the short part about the feeling of prolonged numbness and exhaustion. I felt that way for years, and it totally freaked me out. I thought I was a sociopath or something for the longest time because I'd just assumed depression didn't look like that. I thought because I didn't cry or feel 'sad' and I could get through school (barely) that it was just a part of me and all my issues were just a product of laziness/a lack of willpower. I've obviously changed, since then, and become more cognizant of my issues, but I still remember freaking out that I couldn't feel anything. I felt half-human. I still sort of freak out when I slide into that state, but it's overall better now (also I'm in therapy, which has helped some). Seeing stuff like this is always so affirming. I'm not even sure I would've persued therapy if it hadn't started reading books and whittled away at my feeling of isolation. I think the biggest threat to people struggling with their mental health is the sense of alienation and that their condition is abnormal, it makes it so much harder to better yourself. I couldn't even really explain why, maybe because a precedent gives you hope of improvement or maybe it just makes you feel human again and capable and worthy of change? Either way, it's an absolute good, thank you so much for sharing! As for book recommendations, I'm probably gonna remember something later and kick myself, but if you haven't read Kate Chopin's The Awakening I would totally do that. A woman in 1900 realizes she's dissatisfied with her on paper 'perfect' life and tries to change it, even at the risk of self-destruction. It's tragic and psychological and the prose is lovely. I would also do Sartre's Nausea (if you haven't already) and Kierkegaard's Fear and Trembling. It's been a while since I've read either, honestly, but Nausea's obviously really famous and deals with detachment/nihilism, which is something near and dear to me, along with fear of death, and while it doesn't totally solve any problems, I found it kind of interesting. Kierkegaard is just interesting on his own, but I really found myself relating to the sensation of lacking 'faith' he describes. I almost appreciate his personal touch more than mechanics of his work, actually (I say this as someone who barely reads philosophy). You get the sense, at least in Fear and Trembling, that he's constantly reaching for the simple self-assurance he can never get, and there's something tragic and deeply sympathetic about it. ALSO read F. Scott Fitzgerald's Crack-Up essays. The man himself is problematic, obviously, but the emotions themselves are universal and he describes depression and self-destruction and numbness so so so perfectly I thought he'd reached directly into my brain and pulled it out. I can't recommend it enough, and I'm shocked no one seems to talk about them. They're super super short and you can knock all three out in under an hour. Don't read the giant book with all the fluff, just read the essays directly on a website or something. Okay, that was a super long comment, but I just had to ramble about those lol. Highly recommend all of the reading above to anyone.
My heart goes out to you - I relate so much to what you have gone through, as I did with Julianne's character when I first saw Safe. I hope you are able to take care of yourself in a way that is healthy and healing and find your way through your anxieties, whenever they come up. I always try to tell myself that we never actually solve problems in this world, we just get better at managing them. Maybe that's depressing or obvious, but I have found that it makes it easier to forgive myself whenever I "fall off the wagon."
Thank you for sharing your experience, I also struggle with health and death anxiety and have had my share of medical misadventures trying to "get to the bottom of it" only to be told I'm fine. I am also working on just being okay, not spiraling every time I feel an ache or pain and letting "it's probably not cancer" just be the default in my thinking. Some days are better than others, because I also struggle with being proactive, so sometimes I get it into my head that I'm actually being lazy by not going to a hundred doctors about every complaint I have, and go on these little short term crusaders to "fix" myself. It's two sides of me that I have a hard time balancing, but I'm doing my best. I wish you nothing but health and happiness! Also, big fan, love your videos!
I had the same issue from 2020 till 2021. It was the worst time of my life. Looking back, I think the pandemic triggered a fear of death in me or a fear of being and feeling sick. Nothing helped and i would spiral every night trying to diagnose myself. I went to so many doctors and did so many blood tests but all was fine. I was so depressed and went on so many diets until i looked scarily thin. I suffered panic attack after another and sometimes at my job. I still don't completely understand what i had but but health anxiety is the closest to a diagnosis i have ever had. If you're wondering what helped, well, i just accepted that i am sick and this is my new life and just like that....one day i just stopped being that way.
Thank you for speaking on your experience, it means a lot to hear someone speak on the elusive nature of health anxiety. I’ve had a whirlwind of experiences with alienation, antipsychotics, heart meds and 6 month waiting lists to see specialists. Health anxiety is not as straightforward as it seems and has impacted my life in every capacity. I love your content so much and i appreciate you shedding light on the complexity of the matter.
I am so grateful for you 💓, you sharing your story. I struggle with severe mental illness, and listening to your videos brings a comfort that is safe to me. Take however long you need. I will rewatch your videos 📹 as much as possible in the wait. It's not embarrassing, you are only human ❤
MCS is very real. I have it because of acute porphyria. Porphyria attacks can be triggered by anxiety and cause severe pain. Mast cell disorders can also cause symptoms linked to anxiety. Many of the meds used to treat anxiety or depression are also mast cell stabilizers or antihistamines.
Thank you for sharing your story; as someone with bipolar, you're right, it is up to you and there's no shortcut, and yes meds can help, but you have to work for it. You're not pathetic. I'll light a candle for you.
It was nice to hear your story and I understand how difficult it is to speak about yourself sometimes. I have never heard the term health anxiety but I do have what Ive come to describe as death anxiety and existential issues. And yes - I experienced my first panic attack while pregnant. It feels a relief to know that this is somewhat normal. Since my first pregnancy, my anxiety and panic attacks have all revolved around existential and worry over my children (and my guilt over bringing them into the world and potentially facing pain), which, unfortunately, has been translated to them. My firstborn has shown a penchant for anxiety. I feel guilty that he's taken after me and even guiltier for not really addressing my own issues. I tend to ignore it and distract myself but it isn't a long-term solution. This was a good video. A bit painful in realisation but good. I wish you the best.
On a lesser scale, I became very aware of my heartbeat, to the point where I would hyper focus on my ears. That and more after I started living in another country, where I felt constantly confused and misled (for example, in Mexico they use different units to measure if I have an insulin problem, compared to Denmark). I have learnt that the more I try to be patient and nicer to myself, and looking for other things to do besides thinking, I stop less and less to wonder if I will die of a random disease I have not yet diagnosed. Please do not feel like you are over sharing, I think you did great and your own way. I always love your videos and will wait for the next one. The most important thing is your well-being.
I am going through this now. Currently on at home IV and blood thinners. I spent eight days in the hospital recently and right before *a few days before admission* I woke up in my family’s living room and this film was on. I’ve been sick and anxiously sick for over two months. My heart goes out to you and anyone else feeling these ways. It’s miserable but it’s not forever. Keep pushing through. All my love and support
beautiful video, I really relate, the body and mind are interlinked in painful ways and both can devastate each other. We all take it day by day. thanks for this x
Great video. Take your time to take care of yourself! This was a great video explaining exactly how I've felt for years. Since I was a child. I've had severe health anxiety that would often prevent me from doing things I used to do. Avoid for cause I thought I would be allergic when I never had a reaction before. Its exhausting. I'm glad I'm not the only one and hope everyone else with these anxieties can get the relief we need.
I love your channel and the choices of films that you deconstruct & analyze. I’ve had panic attacks and an anxiety disorder in general-GAD (general anxiety disorder) I figured out I’ve always been more anxious than depressed. I can understand health & death anxiety too. Since I was a child I was scared of dying, I worried a lot about my mortality, so I stayed up late at night reading my bible, trying to get some comfort & care. I have been in therapy for over 40 years and taking psych medication for just as long. As psych medication got better, I did too. Pharmacology saved me-advances in head medicine changed my life for the better. I don’t stare at my bellybutton anymore. My sense of humor keeps me going strong & my faith in spirit. I’m praying for your peace of mind, body & soul.☮️💜🕉️✝️☯️☸️✡️⚛️♐️
i think this was so amazing and vulnerable of you, i feel like i was almost going crazy when i check my body i know that me and others will always look forward to an upload take care and much love ❤
I’m greatful you covered this topic. I’ve been experiencing this for awhile now and I feel like I’ve hit a plateau where nothing feels like it’s helping and I’m not progressing. To see it in a movie and through your own experiences makes it easier to understand. I also agree with your statement about how everyone yells go to therapy but it is not that easy it’s a very annoying process
I can relate to what you feel, and I'll share what helps me instead of what I feel. You can stay analyzing your situation forever, but you'll probably want to act at some point. There will never be enough reassurance. The amazing thing is, even when not in the best condition, the human body is an incredible machine. Love it for what it is and use it, take care of it. Pick up a physical activity (anything, running, dancing) and power through the initial dread. Enjoy the pain when it comes, enjoy the healing process, enjoy the scars. Life is suffering, you just have to choose the suffering you are happy enduring.
Your story is so so similar to mine! I had extremely bad health anxiety after I was dismissed and mis-diagnosed by multiple doctors for multiple years. It made me so hyper-aware of everything going on with my body and then became extreme after my anxiety got worse after I was sexually assaulted. I would leave my office at work to get thermometers on multiple occasions because I was obsessed with my body temperature (this was partly due to undiagnosed anemia causing my body temperature to be scarily low in the past and doctors telling me ohhh nothing is wrong with you even tho my body temp went down to 94 degrees and I had to sit in an extremely hot bath to make it go up). I would be convinced I was going to pass out and keep eating food because I thought oh maybe I didn't eat enough, I would set alarms for multiple times throughout the night to wake myself to make sure I was alive or wasn't dying, I couldn't see my heartrate when I was working out because I was terrified it would either be too high or too low....the list goes on and on and on. I ended up being in therapy that was akin to exposure therapy that helped DRASTICALLY. I still pay a lot of attention to what is going on with my body and get freaked out (and for reference, I am an athlete so I am kind of trained to do this) but it is so so much better than it was. I know that I probably have targeted a lot of my anxiety elsewhere, but at least I am not convinced I am dying and constantly reading shit online. I should also add that there has to be some sort of connection between chronic illness, being disregarded and misdiagnosed by doctors and health anxiety. Personally, I have had severe, near debilitating iron deficiency anemia and hypothyroidism completely missed for years by doctors. It makes you feel like you are crazy and gaslighting yourself and it is just this crazy fucking spiral. I really hope that you are able to feel some peace soon. Thanks for sharing your experience - seriously, it is so so appreciated.
You are so great. Your videos are some of my favorite on RUclips, I love the films you pick and the angles you take in analyzing them. Sending you all support, you got this!
привет, спасибо за видео и за то, что поделилась своими переживаниями. ты очень сильная и я очень рада, что у тебя есть силы и вдохновение на создание контента. ты точно не одна на этом пути и надеюсь, что с тобой все будет хорошо
Thank you for sharing your story with us. You're not trauma dumping, and you're not dramatic. You're brave, you're intelligent, and you're going through a rough time. Take as much time as you need. I hope health improves and that you thrive. Thank for reminding me to this movie. I watched this movie in college and really found it intellectually stimulating. I can't remember all the discussion we had about it in class, but I remember some notes. We also talked about the significance of AIDS in the movie. The course was called Racial Melodrama, talking about the way race appears in different narratives. Her surname White emphasizes her race as well as her status as a blank slate. She may want to isolate herself from the fears of a multiracial world and isolate into a world of white, similar to historical "white flights" where white people may leave an area if it's considered too racially diverse. We talked about how she might not feel comfortable in the role of adult white woman. Her reactions to hugging her husband and the baby shower were significant to me. It could symbolize her desire to rebel and escape the pressures of adult sexual intimacy and motherhood that are pushed on white women. There's an emphasis on a lack of connection to motherhood. She is a stepmother, not a birth mother, not particularly close to the stepson. She has the intense reaction to her mother discussing her as a child. And, interestingly, the pod she puts herself in at the end is similar to a womb. She may lack a connection to motherhood because she fears the pressures of being an adult and wants to return to the safety of infancy.
I relate to alot of this. I have germ based ocd. I used to be terrified of getting my family sick and killing them. My mental issues are completely different now, but I still get major stress rashes
I have had panic attacks with exactly the same symptoms you described. I managed to overcome them with Acceptance & Commitment Therapy, shich is a branch of cognitive behavioural therapy. I suggest you watch the TED talk by Steven C. Hayes on psychological flexibility and maybe give his book a try (Get out of your mind and into your life). Of course it doesn't do the same as seeing a therapist in person but it has helped me a lot along the way. All the best to you!
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! I am sorry to hear you feel pathetic about it, that breaks my heart. How in fact courageous are you to share it! You have at no point asked for suggestions of any kind, so please drop this one as it is delivered without reuqest. But I can't help mysefl: as an scupuncturist, may I suggest acupuncture? I hear a few symptoms come by and they are of the kind that the doctor sends you home with; "it's stress, mam!", but they are actual imbalances that can be treated, especially if you pick an acupuncturist/herbalist practice. Would be great if this can help. Good luck, my dear.
I was supposed to upload this video a month ago, but it didn’t happen. So when I say I might take a break… I guess I already did, but it will probably happen again or or the time between uploads may just be longer.
I apologize if this feels like I’m trauma dumping or comes across as overly dramatic or something. I just wanted to share more of myself, to give some context, and to be honest. Maybe this will resonate with others who are facing similar struggles. I’m not a medical professional, and I’m not asking for medical advice - just sharing my experience. Right now, I’m working on getting mental help, and I hope anyone else who needs it is doing the same.
Thank you so much for being here and taking the time to watch and listen✨
Thank you so much for making this video. I have a friend who suffers from severe health anxiety, and this video helped me understand the nightmare she endures. What's extremely hard to witness is how this struggle is not taken seriously by society, like my friend gets often mocked for sharing her anxieties, and is not heard by medical professionnals. I feel like since it's a disorder that doesn't threaten the life of the patient (as they are terrified of dying) it's not something that should be treated urgently, and they just send the patient to a therapist who is often not qualified.
Also I admire so much your courage for speaking up about your experience. I have suffered from severe eating disorders so I can understand the shame that comes with exposing this self destructing behaviour, and how hard it can be to speak up.
Take the time you need to take care of yourself, we will still be there no matter how long you need, and thank you again so much I'm sure you've helped a lot of other people!
I hope things get better for you soon. Sending good wishes and hugs.
The past few years exacerbated underlining mental health issues in me as well. Good for you for seeking help, it’s not easy.
I thought I was thriving during the pandemic, but once 2022 came around, I realized I was not mentally well. Being forced to live with yourself without the distractions from others will do that. I found myself digging through the past, and uncovering childhood traumas I had dissociated from. I went to therapy for about 10 months; it was a good experience, overall, but I found that writing and consuming meaningful art really put me in a better mental space. I recommend films like Melancholia, Three Colors: Blue, The Story of Adèle H., Possession, Cries and Whispers, Red Desert, and Solaris (the book is also amazing). They won't cheer you up, but they are honest and show that we're all haunted by something and suffering in our own unique ways. Thank you for the videos, I appreciate your channel and your analyses of these films. What you do is art, in my opinion. Take care of yourself.
Good luck on your journey. I hope life can feel a bit lighter for you soon. It’s not easy for us anxious folks.
I had a similar experiences in the past, yet on a smaller scale. The most recent one was triggered by me getting a puppy from street, who requred a lot of attention and time, that I felt I didn't have. He was very active, showed agression to people, and I had to walk out his energy for hours, which before I usually spent resting or practicing hobbies. I grew antipathetic and angry, and started to experience a variety of health issues: severe back pain and arthritis. I woke up at night from pain in my hands, not being able to bend fingers. I connected the symptoms to the dog (he grew a lot) pulling a leash excessively, which I wasn't able to stop - so I felt stuck between my unability to help myself, help the situation, get rid of the dog (giving him away felt like a betrayal), society's expectations from me being a "perfect pet mom", other people's comfort (he barked on people and children). In overall, I felt like a prisoner of the situation I didn't I choose consciously, and I felt like I wasn't able to deal with the weight of the responsibility.
Once we went on a walk and everything was all right before my dog saw other dog and launched (hard) to greet him. My finger was stuck in a leash and he pulled so hard something cracked inside. I thought he broke my finger. I got hysterical, screaming, pulling the leash, crying. We went home and I close myself in a room and tried to understand, what to do now. The finger ache, but not in a broken way, so I felt relief. I tried to disseminate my feelings towards this situation: my guilt (for dog, for demonstrating hysterics in front of other people, for being a bad pet mom), my fear (of loosing my life catering to the needs of the "unappreciative" creature, for missing out my youth because of my constant need to take care of some creature other than myself, for loosing quality of life and health in the process) - then I separated those emotions onto two piles, created space for both of them and leaned into self-pity. I cried like a waterfall )) I allowed to feel sooo sorry for myself, I promised myself to take better care of me, I promised not ever to take anyone else from the street as a way to evading dealing with my life and my self-realization. I put aside the guilt, I accepted that the things are different now in my life and will be different from now on, but I will try to make the best out of it even if I feel much more tied by responsibility.
And in a week my symptoms completely wore off.
I think this also has a LOT to do with the way society teaches gender, as women get two messages about themselves in way larger doses than men: 1) There IS something wrong with your body and 2) The world is not safe for you. Just look at how much the media focuses on assessing minute details in women's bodies, and making it clear something always must be fixed; dye your hair, buff your nails, shave, lose weight, and on and on and on. It not only encourages women to fixate, it rewards women when they express 'there's something wrong with my body', because an insecure woman is an endearing woman in the eyes of many men. And then all the entertainment hinging on women being not safe in the world, I mean there's an entire genre of stories that hinge on 'fridged women' (look that up if you would like to know more.
So really, body anxiety is what you've been trained and encouraged to have, just for a non insubstantial percentage, it's debilitating. I'm so sorry you are struggling right now personally and want to say I always appreciate your work on here. Internet hugs!
This video hits home for me. Ever since last year I noticed a constant, rapid beating sound in my right ear, like a heartbeat. I went to urgent care, who told me to go to the ENT. I went to the ENT who ordered a series of MRI and CT scans. After weeks of the scans, all the ENT did was shrug his shoulders and tell me he didn’t know what was wrong; essentially that I’m sh*t out of luck. Thankfully the beating went away after some time, but googling symptoms didn’t help. I figured I could figure it out if the doctor couldn’t, but I ended up going with my own advice that if the doctor didn’t know after all the scans, I’m fine. I wish I wasn’t this aware of my body, but it’s hard to fight the tide of anxiety.
I just clicked on this video and started to cry, this came at exactly the right time for me. i’ve been stuck in a health anxiety hell for the past month and it’s really comforting seeing this from one of my favorite channels!
genuinely thank you so much for creating this video it has given me not only the language to describe my certain aspects of my experience with health anxiety but has really helped me feel less terminally unique.
as someone living with a chronic illness that i struggled to get diagnosed for years, this was a pretty cathartic watch.
I hope you're able to find some peace having now been able to talk about it
as someone who has struggled with health anxiety, this was a breath of fresh air. it affected the way doctors saw the authenticity of my actual ailments for so long that the undiagnosed symptoms fueled the anxiety. Only after over ten years of this did I get the diagnoses and treatment I needed. It can be so alienating that it's a relief just to hear someone talk about it.
Thank you so much for sharing!! I don't usually comment on anything, but I wanted to say thag this sort of content really helped (and helps) me feel normal about my own struggles. I've had all sorts of random paranoia about my health, but I especially related to the short part about the feeling of prolonged numbness and exhaustion. I felt that way for years, and it totally freaked me out. I thought I was a sociopath or something for the longest time because I'd just assumed depression didn't look like that. I thought because I didn't cry or feel 'sad' and I could get through school (barely) that it was just a part of me and all my issues were just a product of laziness/a lack of willpower. I've obviously changed, since then, and become more cognizant of my issues, but I still remember freaking out that I couldn't feel anything.
I felt half-human. I still sort of freak out when I slide into that state, but it's overall better now (also I'm in therapy, which has helped some). Seeing stuff like this is always so affirming. I'm not even sure I would've persued therapy if it hadn't started reading books and whittled away at my feeling of isolation. I think the biggest threat to people struggling with their mental health is the sense of alienation and that their condition is abnormal, it makes it so much harder to better yourself. I couldn't even really explain why, maybe because a precedent gives you hope of improvement or maybe it just makes you feel human again and capable and worthy of change? Either way, it's an absolute good, thank you so much for sharing!
As for book recommendations, I'm probably gonna remember something later and kick myself, but if you haven't read Kate Chopin's The Awakening I would totally do that. A woman in 1900 realizes she's dissatisfied with her on paper 'perfect' life and tries to change it, even at the risk of self-destruction. It's tragic and psychological and the prose is lovely. I would also do Sartre's Nausea (if you haven't already) and Kierkegaard's Fear and Trembling. It's been a while since I've read either, honestly, but Nausea's obviously really famous and deals with detachment/nihilism, which is something near and dear to me, along with fear of death, and while it doesn't totally solve any problems, I found it kind of interesting. Kierkegaard is just interesting on his own, but I really found myself relating to the sensation of lacking 'faith' he describes. I almost appreciate his personal touch more than mechanics of his work, actually (I say this as someone who barely reads philosophy). You get the sense, at least in Fear and Trembling, that he's constantly reaching for the simple self-assurance he can never get, and there's something tragic and deeply sympathetic about it.
ALSO read F. Scott Fitzgerald's Crack-Up essays. The man himself is problematic, obviously, but the emotions themselves are universal and he describes depression and self-destruction and numbness so so so perfectly I thought he'd reached directly into my brain and pulled it out. I can't recommend it enough, and I'm shocked no one seems to talk about them. They're super super short and you can knock all three out in under an hour. Don't read the giant book with all the fluff, just read the essays directly on a website or something.
Okay, that was a super long comment, but I just had to ramble about those lol. Highly recommend all of the reading above to anyone.
My heart goes out to you - I relate so much to what you have gone through, as I did with Julianne's character when I first saw Safe. I hope you are able to take care of yourself in a way that is healthy and healing and find your way through your anxieties, whenever they come up. I always try to tell myself that we never actually solve problems in this world, we just get better at managing them. Maybe that's depressing or obvious, but I have found that it makes it easier to forgive myself whenever I "fall off the wagon."
I’ve been a silent viewer for awhile but I appreciate your vulnerability and you opening up to your viewers. Thank you
Thank you for sharing your experience, I also struggle with health and death anxiety and have had my share of medical misadventures trying to "get to the bottom of it" only to be told I'm fine. I am also working on just being okay, not spiraling every time I feel an ache or pain and letting "it's probably not cancer" just be the default in my thinking. Some days are better than others, because I also struggle with being proactive, so sometimes I get it into my head that I'm actually being lazy by not going to a hundred doctors about every complaint I have, and go on these little short term crusaders to "fix" myself. It's two sides of me that I have a hard time balancing, but I'm doing my best. I wish you nothing but health and happiness!
Also, big fan, love your videos!
I had the same issue from 2020 till 2021. It was the worst time of my life. Looking back, I think the pandemic triggered a fear of death in me or a fear of being and feeling sick. Nothing helped and i would spiral every night trying to diagnose myself. I went to so many doctors and did so many blood tests but all was fine. I was so depressed and went on so many diets until i looked scarily thin. I suffered panic attack after another and sometimes at my job. I still don't completely understand what i had but but health anxiety is the closest to a diagnosis i have ever had. If you're wondering what helped, well, i just accepted that i am sick and this is my new life and just like that....one day i just stopped being that way.
Thank you for speaking on your experience, it means a lot to hear someone speak on the elusive nature of health anxiety. I’ve had a whirlwind of experiences with alienation, antipsychotics, heart meds and 6 month waiting lists to see specialists. Health anxiety is not as straightforward as it seems and has impacted my life in every capacity. I love your content so much and i appreciate you shedding light on the complexity of the matter.
I am so grateful for you 💓, you sharing your story. I struggle with severe mental illness, and listening to your videos brings a comfort that is safe to me. Take however long you need. I will rewatch your videos 📹 as much as possible in the wait. It's not embarrassing, you are only human ❤
I was going to sleep but I saw a new video drop
MCS is very real. I have it because of acute porphyria. Porphyria attacks can be triggered by anxiety and cause severe pain. Mast cell disorders can also cause symptoms linked to anxiety. Many of the meds used to treat anxiety or depression are also mast cell stabilizers or antihistamines.
Thank you for sharing your story; as someone with bipolar, you're right, it is up to you and there's no shortcut, and yes meds can help, but you have to work for it. You're not pathetic. I'll light a candle for you.
Thank you so much ❤
You always bring amazing, interesting content and bring films to the table that I wouldn't even think of!! 💐
It was nice to hear your story and I understand how difficult it is to speak about yourself sometimes. I have never heard the term health anxiety but I do have what Ive come to describe as death anxiety and existential issues. And yes - I experienced my first panic attack while pregnant. It feels a relief to know that this is somewhat normal.
Since my first pregnancy, my anxiety and panic attacks have all revolved around existential and worry over my children (and my guilt over bringing them into the world and potentially facing pain), which, unfortunately, has been translated to them. My firstborn has shown a penchant for anxiety. I feel guilty that he's taken after me and even guiltier for not really addressing my own issues. I tend to ignore it and distract myself but it isn't a long-term solution.
This was a good video. A bit painful in realisation but good. I wish you the best.
On a lesser scale, I became very aware of my heartbeat, to the point where I would hyper focus on my ears. That and more after I started living in another country, where I felt constantly confused and misled (for example, in Mexico they use different units to measure if I have an insulin problem, compared to Denmark). I have learnt that the more I try to be patient and nicer to myself, and looking for other things to do besides thinking, I stop less and less to wonder if I will die of a random disease I have not yet diagnosed. Please do not feel like you are over sharing, I think you did great and your own way. I always love your videos and will wait for the next one. The most important thing is your well-being.
Thank you for an extraordinary and heartfelt video. I remember seeing 'Safe' when it was released and crying...a lot.
I am going through this now. Currently on at home IV and blood thinners. I spent eight days in the hospital recently and right before *a few days before admission* I woke up in my family’s living room and this film was on. I’ve been sick and anxiously sick for over two months. My heart goes out to you and anyone else feeling these ways. It’s miserable but it’s not forever. Keep pushing through. All my love and support
beautiful video, I really relate, the body and mind are interlinked in painful ways and both can devastate each other. We all take it day by day. thanks for this x
Great video. Take your time to take care of yourself! This was a great video explaining exactly how I've felt for years. Since I was a child. I've had severe health anxiety that would often prevent me from doing things I used to do. Avoid for cause I thought I would be allergic when I never had a reaction before. Its exhausting. I'm glad I'm not the only one and hope everyone else with these anxieties can get the relief we need.
I love this movie, it’s a hidden gem. Thank you so much for covering this ❤
thank you for sharing, this means a lot. wish you safety
I love your channel and the choices of films that you deconstruct & analyze. I’ve had panic attacks and an anxiety disorder in general-GAD (general anxiety disorder) I figured out I’ve always been more anxious than depressed. I can understand health & death anxiety too. Since I was a child I was scared of dying, I worried a lot about my mortality, so I stayed up late at night reading my bible, trying to get some comfort & care. I have been in therapy for over 40 years and taking psych medication for just as long. As psych medication got better, I did too. Pharmacology saved me-advances in head medicine changed my life for the better. I don’t stare at my bellybutton anymore. My sense of humor keeps me going strong & my faith in spirit. I’m praying for your peace of mind, body & soul.☮️💜🕉️✝️☯️☸️✡️⚛️♐️
i think this was so amazing and vulnerable of you, i feel like i was almost going crazy when i check my body i know that me and others will always look forward to an upload take care and much love ❤
I hope you feel better, take your time
I’m greatful you covered this topic. I’ve been experiencing this for awhile now and I feel like I’ve hit a plateau where nothing feels like it’s helping and I’m not progressing. To see it in a movie and through your own experiences makes it easier to understand. I also agree with your statement about how everyone yells go to therapy but it is not that easy it’s a very annoying process
This is one if the most important films that most people need to see. Moore is excellent. The score is superb.
I love how many new films I discover through you ❤ thank you for opening yourself to us
I can relate to what you feel, and I'll share what helps me instead of what I feel. You can stay analyzing your situation forever, but you'll probably want to act at some point. There will never be enough reassurance. The amazing thing is, even when not in the best condition, the human body is an incredible machine. Love it for what it is and use it, take care of it. Pick up a physical activity (anything, running, dancing) and power through the initial dread. Enjoy the pain when it comes, enjoy the healing process, enjoy the scars. Life is suffering, you just have to choose the suffering you are happy enduring.
Proud of you for taking the steps you need to for your health!
Your story is so so similar to mine! I had extremely bad health anxiety after I was dismissed and mis-diagnosed by multiple doctors for multiple years. It made me so hyper-aware of everything going on with my body and then became extreme after my anxiety got worse after I was sexually assaulted. I would leave my office at work to get thermometers on multiple occasions because I was obsessed with my body temperature (this was partly due to undiagnosed anemia causing my body temperature to be scarily low in the past and doctors telling me ohhh nothing is wrong with you even tho my body temp went down to 94 degrees and I had to sit in an extremely hot bath to make it go up). I would be convinced I was going to pass out and keep eating food because I thought oh maybe I didn't eat enough, I would set alarms for multiple times throughout the night to wake myself to make sure I was alive or wasn't dying, I couldn't see my heartrate when I was working out because I was terrified it would either be too high or too low....the list goes on and on and on. I ended up being in therapy that was akin to exposure therapy that helped DRASTICALLY. I still pay a lot of attention to what is going on with my body and get freaked out (and for reference, I am an athlete so I am kind of trained to do this) but it is so so much better than it was. I know that I probably have targeted a lot of my anxiety elsewhere, but at least I am not convinced I am dying and constantly reading shit online. I should also add that there has to be some sort of connection between chronic illness, being disregarded and misdiagnosed by doctors and health anxiety. Personally, I have had severe, near debilitating iron deficiency anemia and hypothyroidism completely missed for years by doctors. It makes you feel like you are crazy and gaslighting yourself and it is just this crazy fucking spiral. I really hope that you are able to feel some peace soon. Thanks for sharing your experience - seriously, it is so so appreciated.
I love this movie!! I not even watched the video, but i'm 100% sure that it's awesome as always 🖤
I really enjoy your videos, and really appreciate you sharing some of your experiences. Glad to hear you're going to take time to care for yourself 💛
You are so great. Your videos are some of my favorite on RUclips, I love the films you pick and the angles you take in analyzing them. Sending you all support, you got this!
привет, спасибо за видео и за то, что поделилась своими переживаниями. ты очень сильная и я очень рада, что у тебя есть силы и вдохновение на создание контента. ты точно не одна на этом пути и надеюсь, что с тобой все будет хорошо
Thank you for sharing your struggles. Best of luck on your health journey.
Thank you for making this
Thank you for sharing your story with us. You're not trauma dumping, and you're not dramatic. You're brave, you're intelligent, and you're going through a rough time. Take as much time as you need. I hope health improves and that you thrive. Thank for reminding me to this movie.
I watched this movie in college and really found it intellectually stimulating. I can't remember all the discussion we had about it in class, but I remember some notes. We also talked about the significance of AIDS in the movie. The course was called Racial Melodrama, talking about the way race appears in different narratives. Her surname White emphasizes her race as well as her status as a blank slate. She may want to isolate herself from the fears of a multiracial world and isolate into a world of white, similar to historical "white flights" where white people may leave an area if it's considered too racially diverse. We talked about how she might not feel comfortable in the role of adult white woman. Her reactions to hugging her husband and the baby shower were significant to me. It could symbolize her desire to rebel and escape the pressures of adult sexual intimacy and motherhood that are pushed on white women. There's an emphasis on a lack of connection to motherhood. She is a stepmother, not a birth mother, not particularly close to the stepson. She has the intense reaction to her mother discussing her as a child. And, interestingly, the pod she puts herself in at the end is similar to a womb. She may lack a connection to motherhood because she fears the pressures of being an adult and wants to return to the safety of infancy.
this is one of my favourite films of all time
You might enjoy “A tiger in its cage’. Fantastic memoir about the mind-body connection when it comes to unexplained symptoms
I relate to alot of this. I have germ based ocd. I used to be terrified of getting my family sick and killing them. My mental issues are completely different now, but I still get major stress rashes
I have had panic attacks with exactly the same symptoms you described. I managed to overcome them with Acceptance & Commitment Therapy, shich is a branch of cognitive behavioural therapy. I suggest you watch the TED talk by Steven C. Hayes on psychological flexibility and maybe give his book a try (Get out of your mind and into your life). Of course it doesn't do the same as seeing a therapist in person but it has helped me a lot along the way. All the best to you!
Thank you for this video.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience!
I am sorry to hear you feel pathetic about it, that breaks my heart. How in fact courageous are you to share it!
You have at no point asked for suggestions of any kind, so please drop this one as it is delivered without reuqest. But I can't help mysefl: as an scupuncturist, may I suggest acupuncture? I hear a few symptoms come by and they are of the kind that the doctor sends you home with; "it's stress, mam!", but they are actual imbalances that can be treated, especially if you pick an acupuncturist/herbalist practice. Would be great if this can help. Good luck, my dear.
This film sounds so interesting!
Thank you 😊
Scariest film ever, only got more relevant through the years
أنا اختك والله تمر ايامنا وليالينا واحنا لانملك شي اين القلوب الراحمه ضااااق حالنا ووضاااااق بنا الحال والله ما كتبت هذا الكلام الا من الضيق وقسوت الضروف يِآ نآس يِآآمٌـٍة مٌحًمٌد صِآرتٍ قلّوبگٍمٌ بلّآ رحًمٌهً ولّآشفُقهً ولّآ آنسآنيِهً گٍمٌ شگٍيِتٍ وگٍمٌ بگٍيِتٍ گٍمٌ نآديِتٍ وگٍمٌ نآشدتٍ ولّگٍن لّآ حًيِآٍة لّمٌن تٍنآديِ هًلّ يِرضيِگٍمٌ آن آخوآنيِ يِبگٍون ويِمٌوتٍون مٌن آلّجُوع وآنتٍمٌ مٌوجُودون يِعلّمٌ آلّلّهً آلّعلّيِ آلّعظَيِمٌ آننآ لّآ نمٌلّگٍ حًتٍى قيِمٌـٍة گٍيِلّو دقيِق آبيِ مٌتٍوفُيِ ﻭﺃﺧﻮﺍﻧﻲ ﺻﻐﺎﺭ ﻟﻴﺲ ﻟﻨﺎ ﺃﺣﺪ ﺃﻗﺴﻢ ﺑﺎﻟﻠﻪ ﺍﻟﻌﻈﻴﻢ ﺃﻧﻬﻢ ﻧﺎﻣﻮﺍ ﺃﻣﺲ ﺟﻮﻋﺎﻧﻴﻦ ﻭﻫﻢ ﻳﺒﻜﻮﻥ من الالم والولايات ﻳﺎﺃﻫﻞ ﺍﻟﺨﻴﺮ ﻫﻞ ﻳﺮﺿﻴﻜﻢ ﺃﻧﻨﺎ ﻣﻦ ﺃﻣﺲ ﻟﺤﺪ ﺍﻵﻥ ﺑﺪﻭﻥ ﺃﻛﻞ ﻳﺎﺃﺧﻮﺓ الأسلام يافاعلين الخير انا اقسم بالله على كتاب الله اني لااكذب عليك ولا انصب ولا احتال اني بنت يمنيه نازحين انا واسرتي بيتنا ايجار الشهرب 20 الف يمني والان علينا 60 الف حق3 شهور وصاحب البيت من الناس الي ماترحم والله يا اخي انه يجي كل يوم يبهدلنا ويتكلم علينا ويريد يطردنا من البيت نبكي ورجعویبکوایموتومن الجوع والله شوف كيف حالتهم خيراتـــــــــ الجزاءءء.~~~-----♡♤اااا♤♢♢♢♢♢>.>..>.>.