Why Men Are Struggling With Mental Health - Dr K HealthyGamer
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- Опубликовано: 13 апр 2024
- Chris and Dr K HealthyGamer discuss why therapy is often difficult for men. Why is it difficult for men to talk about their feelings according to Dr K? What interventions does Dr K recccomend other than therapy?
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Because your government is pushing all people into believing they are the problem instead of the 5G they control you with- Your brian is electrical think about that… An rc car is remotely controlled because it’s also electric… 😢
As a therapist, I have wondered why I do better helping men. I use more of an instrumental approach than my training suggests. I also enjoy motivational interviewing and working with behavioral addiction.. makes sense now.
I’ve had multiple therapists and rarely were they saying things that I wasn’t thinking “well obviously”. The reality is most of the time they aren’t going to say something you don’t know already know. Try the best you can to exercise, eat healthy, and stay away from negative people(sometimes at work you have no choice). I have found that your physical health matters every bit as your mental. They aren’t mutually exclusive. That has helped me a lot with motivation and taking action.
That is not a bad thing, though. Sometimes, hearing the obvious thing from someone else helps a lot and may be what you need.
@@D_Jilla yes, the problem is that depression and anxiety also kills motivation and ADHD getting ves you "temporal nearsightedness." Whether or not hearing it in a different way from someone else helps you, if a therapist isn't working towards helping you build healthy habits, your situation usually won't improve.
@@D_JillaI’m just speaking from personal experience. Of course other people don’t operate the same way as me and I respect that.
@@CM-jb7fs It's impossible to say something you "don't know already". This revelation comes when you have an honest deep look into yourself. You should always use common sense to fix your problems first, as that's usually the problem.
I completely agree with this. I did therapy for years without much results. It gave me insights into my psyche, yes, but it didn't do much to change my situation or emotions. Only after I got a coach that actually helped me make plans and a schedule and implement concrete actions I started feeling more in control. It gave me a way to start seeing a path forward again and make small steps towards the future I want. That is extremely healing even if your situation still seems dire.
I’m with you, the other problem I’ve had is not many are trained in actual trauma work, like bitch, why the fuck do I know more about polyvagal theory and stuff than you do? It just gets exhausting after a while. Though you are right about the having to build power and capacity to feel more in control. Men need more vassopressin bonding and I think part of therapy is centered more around oxytocin bonding which is needed, but the model was designed based on a larger % of women being part of it and also designing it. So there is a bit of a bias. I do check the men’s psychology research group from time to timez
That's the problem with therapists.. They're talkers.
They are all talk. You can't expect to change someone's circumstances by talking. If you want to change someone's situation, you should do something about it, rather than endlessly talking about it lol.
Imo the idea is, the talking breaks through something inside you and that rewiring of your brain changes you so you automatically and unconsciously by yourself, naturally change habits that turn out for the better. However, people also need that external push or guidance by someone else like a coach. The idea is, I guess, that after the therapy breakthrough, that you now naturally go find your coach that helps you. Sounds insane cuz it's always someone there, but you need coaches/leaders/people who know better in any field to help you. So if u feel undisciplined and need that to help with your life, maybe have a gym coach or martial arts coach. If you feel unlovable and unaccepted for who you are, you find friends who do, do that for u.
Is this coach open to new clients?
I went through 4 therapists in a year period for depression & anxiety. 2 were worse for me, one was okay, and the last one I had major break throughs in 8 sessions. There is no one size fits all here I encourage ppl to shop around. ✌️
So true.
Just because they all got the same degree, doesn't mean they all have the same ability.
Also when you have only anxiety and depression you don’t normally get a psychologist, just someone with a licensed clinical therapist. I had an actual psychologist who used completely different techniques compared to the clinical licensed. The degree matters a lot and how many more strategies they have. Way not to be afraid of changing.
Best therapy I ever had was a counselor who drove me around in his car and bought me hot cocoa
He always said women talk face to face and men talk shoulder to shoulder, and he implemented that understanding.
No idea how it helped me, but it was fun.
What?😂 women talk to each other in car drives, coffee shops, on holidays - the support never stops when you have great women in your life, I really don’t understand the whole “face to face, shoulder to shoulder” thing.
Maybe it’s because men have been conditioned to not speak as honestly about their feelings with each other, maybe intimacy is hard for you guys due to societal expectations and conditionings. 🤔
@@user-sf4co1or7f i am not one to believe in absolutes, this idea just corroborates observable, modern day life.
I think a more accurate description would be that women majorly communicate eye to eye and men majorly communicate ear to ear.
I'm sure there are many reasons for it.
It might have something to do with standing guard, it might have something to do with men not being visually appealing to each other, it might have something to do with hunting.
For whatever reason, over time, men have developed this communication method.
My guess is, men have, throughout time, always had to be on high alert, and when people look at each other, they miss almost everything else.
Chris brought this up with Jonathan Haidt not too long ago. Men don’t generally stand face to face when speaking with each other because we typically only do that in times of aggression with another male or when we’re about to kiss someone.
Interesting observation! I tend to have the best conversations with my sons, when I sit us down on the same bench looking at the world together. I think that goes for all men. The aggression part, face to face, mentioned in the answers above I think is valid. Women probably prefer face to face to see the reactions and micro-reactions since their discussions usually are centered around emotions.
Haha yep, best conversations I have with my boss are when we’re shoulder to shoulder working. Best conversations with my friends are shoulder to shoulder
I have been a PhD clinical psychologist, and I have over decades found that my male clients respond well to psychological intervention. "Therapy" does NOT necessarily involve "talking about our emotions". I did not spend much time talking about emotions. Few people come for that. They want changes in their lives (usually), and we do not need to "talk about emotions " to do that.
Thank you for the work that you do. 🫡
Exactly. I have had very similar experiences as a male therapist. Either this guy is out of the loop on how therapy works in real life (outside of studies) or he’s being provocative to get more attention. There’s literally a modality of therapy out there called “Problem Solving Therapy.”
Agreed. As a Registered Psychotherapist for almost 25 years, I have had great success with helping my male clients by using various approaches where focusing on feelings is not at the forefront. As an athlete, I do incorporate physical activity, routines and primarily a CBT approach to give clients concrete strategies. Having said that, there is an onus of responsibility on the client to do their part.
This. That man has no idea ans his ideas are outdated ...fn weird its 2024 and this crap is rampant.
I had an understanding that a therapist wants you to come to a correct conclusion yourself, as it's more impactful.
Whereas I don't know myself anywhere near as well as I think and I don't often understand my feelings.
If someone could point out my flaws, issues and maladaptive coping mechanisms and talk me through why they believe it's the case, I could reflect on them and move forward when solutions.
Therefore there's no need to talk about my feelings unless it's someone pointing out a bad habit.
This was a good take. I talk about my theory on how the profession got to be this way in my episode "Why men don't go to therapy."
This is an interesting male/female distinction. My experience with trauma-based emotion is that talk-therapy is not capable of healing it, by definition. That healing requires embodiment of the emotion, and deep connection to the psyche. To the wound itself. That means being able to fully feel whatever it is that is trapped inside you: anger, fear, grief, shame etc. And that’s a lot more demanding for men than just chatting about their feelings with a counsellor. But even though the healing groups I have participated in have been majority women, there were men there, including tech guys, rugby players and so on. The group I got most out of, and which really helped me heal a lot of my very serious emotional issues, was run by women. But these were women who’d done shadow work, and were aware of their own issues with men, and so were very fair to men. There was none of this shaming of masculinity. In fact, they loved seeing men standing up for themselves, and to women, because it became very apparent that most men do not really do that.
I’m not sure how to make such emotional healing more sexy for men. Most men are terrified of it. I know I was. That’s something worth thinking about.
Finally, the need to take concrete actions in the world and in relationships is vital to healing, as Dr K notes. You can cathart all over the place, but if your behaviour doesn’t change, it may not be truly transformative.
"We don't segregate between our male patients and our emotiona... our female patients".
Freudian slip
From my experience and the people I've crossed paths with the same pattern emerges:
women are too busy talking about their problems to solve them and men are too busy trying to solve their problems to talk about them
Finally, a sane take!
Women talk about their problems because it gives them clarity and they can go on to solve it in a way that is unique to their circumstance THEMSELVES. Forcing a solution to the problem doesn't help. It has to come from the woman. That's why women talk about their problems and don't want YOU to come up with the solution. The solution will come to her as she talks about it.
@@KABSM the word "can" is doing a lot of heavy lifting there. Just because people _can_ do something doesn't mean they _will._ Any solution a therapist offers is just a suggestion. It's up to the client whether or not they want to do it.
I'd say most men are too busy *thinking about their problems.
Leads to analysis paralysis. And then the overarching pattern repeats.
Love it
Gym is better than therapy. Developing a positive mental image is better than therapy.
Having a plan for the future and what you want to achieve is better than therapy.
My childhood doctor once told me that they can tell when a woman is feeling better because she'll start wearing make-up.
The same thing could be true about men, only men typically don't wear make-up, so our options take longer to do (getting a gym body doesn't come in a $50 tub of product that can be applied in the morning).
@@aussiewanderer6304 ours is getting a haircut and washing our ass.
I wouldn’t just say gym, but physical activity. I never hit the gym but I workout every day; cycle to work and work hard.
What about a guy who works out regularly but still ends up depressed?
@@kamesh5846 Do all three. Get a haircut, wash your ass. Stop masturbation, workout, develop style and higher self image, read Getting Rich by Wattles everyday, write down a plan of action and view it everyday. If work less than 80 hrs a week, get a second job to make 100k a year, Engage in social outings, be open to learn and improve.
DO THIS UNCEASINGLY FOR 6 months and you won’t be depressed. Do it for a year you will forget what depression is. Do it forever and you’ll never be depressed again.
I agree, I am 47 year old, going on 48, I never had a relationship, no wife, no kids, I cannot go back in time and do anything
57 year old man and same situation here.
Yes, yes! Will definitely see the full episode after this tease. Thank you!
Dbt therapy is about building a life worth living. It focuses on the positive rather than constantly talking about the negative
The problem I see with the therapy ive had in the past is that they try to convince you that either you are enough, or your life is enough. I have very good evidence against that idea and no amount of mental gymnastics can fix that. I need someone to give me the steps to either improve myself or improve my life, not convince me to remain how I am.
Exactly! My exact experience. I was in therapy and the therapists kept trying to convince me I should accept myself and my situation, but I just kept getting this gut feeling that something was off. The proof is in the pudding and my life was just factually at a low point and I needed practical steps to improve.
@@juliusjacob1416 For me? I was being actively discriminated against and treated like a 2nd class citizen. No amount of 'therapy' could ever hope to address that. The Fear I have. The embarrassment. The anger. No therapy could be beneficial. It would defeat the point. I would be ruled.
Make sure you actually see someone whit a therapy degree and not a license therapist. There approach is different and have more ideas that most don’t. I had a licensed psych and it changed therapy for me.
yeah i feel like working on improving yourself/your circumstances helps with mental health better than any therapy ever could.
Chris Williamson, You're the best! I subscribed because I love your content!
I've had therapy in the past and it's proven useful for the short term. However learning a technique such as EFT and changing my diet and sleep patterns are what really made a big difference.
So happy he brought up motivational interviewing as it is what we use in HIV public health to encourage people to a take action to get tested or healthcare. You’d be surprised or not by the reasons people don’t want to get tested for HIV/ STIs or take medicine and I have to combat this on the daily.
The most powerful technique is asking someone on a scale of 1 to 10 how ready are they to change? And if they give an answer like 5, you as the counselor respond with, why aren’t you a 1?
This kind of acts like reverse psychology and gets the patient to come up with reasons why they are a 5 and what they can possibly do to become a 6. It is a great visual aid and method for getting closer to actual change.
In too many cases now the therapist only try to find someone from you to blame and most time men are to blame. Instead of helping them understand why there feeling are and situations.
I was wondering if I was spending too much time online, and it was making me paranoid about modern feminism and demonization of men.
Then I went to the Vet Center, and my therapist kept seeming to suggest that all military PTSD is caused by toxic masculenity (bottling up emotions). She kept trying to get me to release my emotions and be introspective, even when I said that was the last thing I wanted to do. I am the most introspective person that I've ever known.
I think I'm actually bipolar, but the mental health system isn't made to screen patients or diagnose, like actual medical professionals would do.
To me there are many potential causes of depression, life situations, having no friends, being surrounded by jerks or abusive people, PTSD, CPTSD, hormonal imbalances, and I do believe some people’s neurotransmitters like serotonin, dopamine, GABA, epinephrine, or norepinephrine just don’t function properly. But regardless the cause, depression is a signal that we have to try something different and make a change.
100%!
You forgot to mention the most important factors strongly correlated based on research - decreasing marriage rates, increasing divorce rates and less people having children. This is the primary cause of depression and loneliness in young men today. Lot of men are single and yearning for affection and a family but can't get it. Having friends isn't going to fix this issue, they already have them plenty.
The function of the therapist is to clear the dirt from the lens through which we see but not to point the direction to look at.
I tried several therapist after a really bad bike crash and until I found a male therapist in person it never felt like it was working. My first male therapist understood what I had lost in terms of mental and physical health, but he also understood that what I really needed was a plan on how to get what I had lost back. I didn't want to talk about it, I wanted to get back to where I was before. For men there is definitely a larger case of ok, so what are we going to do about the problem? How are we going to fix it? As opposed to "i understand how you feel and yes it's justified" approach.
The simple truth, if therapy often doesn work for men then that therapy is not suitably adapted to men. The problem seems more on the therapist her/his side than on the client's side. There is no one size fits all, right?
That's literally what he says in the video.
Talking about feelings is valuable when it leads an individual to being able to better process their feelings because this is the foundation to a great deal of how one relates to life - which in turn influences how one can adapt.
Talking about emotions as part of therapy is powerful when it leads to the uncovering of unconscious behaviours and reactions, and towards a clearer conscious response to how we are relating to the experience of life.
When someone is suffering, if a path to healing is not clear from the outset (say, helping them to resolve an unresolved trauma for example) then helping them to create more effective and functional strategies for coping is often the most useful step.
In this sense, strategising and problem solving can prove valuable.
This is not healing though because it is not touching what is at the root of the issue.
That is where talking about feelings is useful. I appreciate that some peoples experience of therapy never gets past the "How do you feel about that?" Question. The value of feeling is that it is a measure of threat and opportunity. The issue is when it gets knocked out of kilter, when people end up anticipating a threat or a reward where there isn't one.
Often the root is unresolved trauma.
The rest of the steps are fairly clear - investigate, uncover, resolve. Unpacking the process of why people do what they do is key, and the feeling is just a clue in the puzzle, not an end.
Where one is conscious of a trauma of a pattern, analysis can help - e.g. cognition and behaviour. Where the person is unconscious of what they feel the way they do or even of their behaviours, then other methods are required. Creativity, art, hypnosis, shamanic journeying, psychoactive substances, shadow work - there are many paths to making the unconscious conscious.
Talking about emotions, such as fear, or grief, or rage for example can be useful but only when it leads to an increased capacity in the individual to identify unresolved trauma and process it effectively. Facing the emotion with a reconditioned, updated, or improved sense of self - this is often the work. Talking through emotions without this last step can be cathartic, and some relief can be found short term, but this is not healing.
It can be a subtle line to cross from therapy to coaching but this is like a third step - when it comes to guidance and advice. And it is fair enough, some people, especially some men, want to begin there. They just want to know how to take the next step. And the clearer you are on yourself, and knowing why you want what you want, then go get it. The question, how clear are you? If you are. Great. If not, then getting to dive under the surface from time to time is no bad thing.
Because you know more than the therapist
Tell us your a therapist without telling us you're a therapist 😘
As you should.
This may be a little challenging to grasp - but it might be valuable to consider the possibility that there really is nothing wrong with anyone, others or the world in the first place. . .maybe it's just one possible interpretation out of many (that there's something wrong) and other interpretations can exist which are equally as valid also - perhaps it's an addiction to thinking there's something wrong that needs to be examined a little more closely . . . it could just as easily be that something's right or good or perfect just as it is. . .To grasp this concept I think one has to consider that things being right or perfect as they are can also include - feeling horrible (i.e. angry, sad, fearful, etc). . . Going to therapy insinuates that there's something wrong that needs to be fixed in the very beginning - that there's something wrong when someone feels horrible (vs accepting that feeling horrible is just a part of being alive). . .Perhaps the real difficulty is that when someone I care about feels horrible - I might have a hard time being with the feelings that get evoked in me - but then that would be my own stuff for me to feel. . .so instead - I think the other person should be fixed so I don't have to feel horrible myself. . .Think about it . . .people do that in relationships all the time. I had a women come to me the other day saying 'my husband is a pain in the ass, can you fix him'? I told her that i don't do that sort of work but she can go and see a proctologist!!! Seriously . . .she couldn't be with her own emotions that got triggered . . .her husband was just doing his thing. . .nothing wrong with him. Which doesn't mean that more awareness couldn't be brought into the relationship, but no one needed to be fixed. . . .I don't think going to a therapist or a personal development workshop is much different than going to the movies or going shopping or a hike in the woods, micro-dosing on something, doing a hallucinogenic therapy, and on and on - You feel temporarily better but notice how the crappy feelings invariably come back. When you can relate to yourself as whole and complete as the basis starting point. . .that there isn't anything to fix and include feeling horrible (i.e. the full range of emotions) is part of a normal and natural part of life. . .then something really cool can come out of this. . .
As a neuro psychology student I agree and it’s always best to invest in the top therapist but unfortunately everyone can’t afford a good therapist so they go to council and group therapy it’s a chain of repetition. What’s the cure to this problem then ? Life coaching and mentors are necessary which is what I will choose for my PhD topics so we can coach therapist and individuals to guide better . Cognitive therapy is limited and needs to be action based indeed .
I stand by Rollo's pov. Trying to treat men via therapy and emotional approach, is like treating men as defected women. Men and women are wired *differently* , we process emotions *differently* and that's both documented and normal. At some point in time, we accepted women's behavior as 'normal', so men behaving differently from the 'normal', are toxic/problematic and need (emotional) approach/therapy. This is a NO and creates more problems as it detaches men from themselves.
Does therapy help overcome regrets? How do I get into a relationship? What does it mean if i want to talk to people who have already moved on in their life?
Therapy didn't work for me, It made me feel slightly better for a small amount of time. I realized one of my biggest problem was rumination, so I tried to stop overthinking about everything and that helped. Then I started weightlifting and exercising again on a regular basis, this is my therapy now.
Because therapy won't solve society's indifference and hostility towards men. It's a cope, and an expensive one at that.
Did... Did you not watch the video?
@@Batmans_Pet_Goldfish most people don't. They just want to react and talk.
Exactly
@@Batmans_Pet_Goldfish I saw it and think his point stands regardless. What's your take?
@@Valzack I guess it's true _right now. _ However, the video touched on how that can change and what needs to happen to do that. I guess I feel that it's not really helpful to act like it's hopeless when the video itself provides direction for solutions. It unfortunately feels reductive.
I worked as an office manager in a mental health office for four years and everything this guest is saying is spot-on. Women want mental masturbation, aka, talk therapy, and then return to the life that is causing their problem. Men want solutions so that is one less thing on their plate...
You have to talk about your problems before you can fix them. Just like a doctor has to diagnose you before they can give you meds, or surgery. Therapy is the same, we have to figure what the problem is, why it's happening, and how to fix it, before moving to the problem-solving stage.
@@JainaSoloB312not necessarily true. Many surgeons will actually say they'll never know for sure what the problem is until they get inside.
The problem with a lot of therapists is that they're talkers. They got their piece of paper, but rarely do clients go thru transformation.
Emotional mastery.
I had 8 sessions of therapy through work to work through a break up. It helped me move push a specific issue and by the 4th session (one session every 2weeks or so) I’d dealt with the issue and no longer found it useful as it started dragging up stuff from childhood I’ve dealt with.
Therapy for me is getting hit with a blackpill, going through the phases, and then figuring out how to "cope". There might not even be a cope but a withdrawal from that activity, group, or function all together. Coping isn't the solution, it isn't enough. You can't give therapy to a massive group of population surrounded by decay.
Women and men are different in how thay deal with things men work side by side the ladys love a good gossip .talking to somebody can help but only you can change who you are thay say pray changes things we dont always have the answers to our problems at hand sometimes we need to say God help us we have messed up show us how to deal with our lives better then we are at this moment in time
Prevention is better than a cure.
Eat well. Sleep well. Exercise. Don't take medication. Read frequently. Avoid social media.
Have a purpose in life, such as a job and a family. Also have a hobby.
Simple.
Tell that to people carrying around traumas.
Like an 83 yr old man i met yesterday said , " Through this life always treat yourself like you treat others.... With kindness .... !"
I think us men often forget that . ❤
It sounds as if men need coaching rather than therapy.
Therapist admits they're not here to help solve your problems, but to be an emotional tampon.
then the profession as a whole should be erased, fake help is worse than nothing
Many therapies don't won't for women either.
Could psychologists please acknowledge that the APA published a guideline paper for the treatment of men and boys in 2018 that was a complete disaster?
The PDF is online and free. Read it. They don't have the slightest interest in approaching men on their own terms.
"I had a 16-week therapy course." Dude was trained to push pills, not perform therapy. He clearly doesn't realize that therapists practice in many different ways. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Problem-Solving Therapy (PST).
I’m always told “you already know the answers, why are you here”
How am I supposed to take a guy called Dr K HealthyGamer seriously?
Give it a shot?
@@Batmans_Pet_Goldfish Would Batman?
@@munazilrahman7001 why not? Everyone deserves a chance to be heard. Good advice can come from anyone. The name is just branding in the end.
@@Batmans_Pet_Goldfish wasn't expecting a wholesome exchange but here we are. You are right Sir.
@@munazilrahman7001 ty. There's enough negativity on YT, so I try to be positive when I can. 😁
Coaching should never have been a seperate field to begin with. Like guys would have gone to therapy from the start if that was a part of it because guys are depressed without power, women not so much. I’ve heard attatchment therapist talk about that. At a certain point sitting with me as I cry through something dosent build actual trust and saftey because you can’t help me through the tough vassopressin bonding process that’s needed and to improve things and why tf do I find I go into therapists and find I can often know more about polyvagal stuff and trauma stuff, and it just feels like I have to do all of that on my own no matter what. Ugh
Didn't know Vivek had a younger brother.
ACOA really helped me.
No one "deserves" to be happy. Going through life believing it owes you happiness is a sure way of becoming miserable. Telling people they can be who they want, have whatever they want is a sure way of setting most up for disappointment, dissatisfaction, a sense of failure and likely depression. Telling anyone they can have it all, or attempting to achieve it is madness, no sane society promotes such stupid ideas.
It likely wouldn't help much to convince people they don't deserve happiness. Desire isn't rational.
background looks so good reminding me of calmness and tranquility
Psychiatrists have terrible training, btw. But, they don't understand that.
That's literally what he says in the video, yes.
They're trained on which pharmaceutical to get you addicted to.
Psychiatrist is more if you want medicine, a psychologist can’t prescribe medicine. If you don’t want meds then go to a psychologist. Learn what the difference is.
Go out into the woods and get some macho going. 💪💪💪
Far better to teach men how to think wisely rather than try to emulate women and talk about emotions.
Men do not need therapy. We need to be treated like Human Beings.
Female therapist: "Oh, just be more open with your emotions and do what your wife asks you to do and you'll be happy"
Male therapist: "Why are you here and not at the gym? Get your ass up and make some changes!"
I don't like talking about emotions. I don't like to over express emotions. Emotions are personal and supposed to be felt, not demonstrated to garner attention and support like a circus monkey. Many people over play their emotions, or use emotions as tools for manipulation and I find that very disturbing.
Or, whenever I hear empty words like "everything will be ok", I tend to reply with "so you're offering me insurance or hedge, when something doesn't go well you will pay me?". I don't understand how a bunch of flowery words or fake encouragements would help? I'm not a man... I'm just logical and sane.
And many others have some level of neuroticism and tend to “over feel”. If your average woman exists with an emotional scale from 1 to 10, I think your average man exists with a similar scale that goes from 3 to 7. Think about how frequently some women act like the world is ending with regularity, and how few men do the same thing. “Emotions” are not an objective measure, but unique to each individual.
"Emotions are personal and supposed to be felt, not demonstrated to garner attention and support like a circus monkey"
this is personally why i believe women get called more "mature" in regards to emotion.
but whenever i actually talk to women it only seems they are skating on top of ice when it comes to some sort of understanding of their problems (superficial). meanwhile the men, it's as if they are falling through the ice, digging far onto themsleves for a solution...
the way I've seen it for a while now. Men rely on themselves for strength, and women rely on the community.
(and of course, not ALL men, not ALL women🙄)
Who responds to “everything will be ok” with “you’re offering me insurance or a hedge” though? That’s abnormal at best. That’s a weird response or way to think. This needs more context for it to make sense. Also anytime anyone has to defend their logical or state of mind as being sane…. It smells of insecurity. A secured person normally don’t need to mention those things as it will come off naturally. A performative person who really doesn’t understand and embody those traits normally have to point out to the audience that they have those traits. Good luck.
@@derek4412 I have very high neuroticism haha like 80-90 out of 100. Rather than emoting, I worry and plan. Generally about more legit things that warrent legit worries. I don't care THAT much about whatever Betty said about my dress etc. In a crisis, I'm very calm because I focus on survival. I'm not really the type to break out crying when there is a fire to start. Or I will start the fire while crying lmao
@@derek4412Women act like the world is ending? What on earth are you talking about?
From Insta Video😂
I love all the people on the comments who clearly didn't watch the video.
Now I want to comment before watching the video. Just to spite you even though I agree.
People are allowed to get their thoughts out before having to watch an entire video.
@@Zayindjejfj if they preface it with that then sure, otherwise it comes off as though they didn't pay attention to the video and are just using the comment section as a soapbox, given how strongly worded the comments usually are. But also, "whole video?" It's seven minutes long.
@@Zayindjejfj you are allowed to play in traffic. You are allowed to drive with your feet.
@@onionfarmer3044 none of that is remotely comparable to starting comments on RUclips dude...
What he is saying is all good, however, as stated earlier in the clip, the vast majority of therapists are female, mode of treatment is geared to women. And the cultural zeitgeist is female based, the understanding is minimal (with all due respect). More men and more male friendly support in therapeutic/coaching environments are sadly needed. Not really holding my breath on that, based on what is coming out of the universities. Just saying.
Men in therapy? Sounds like people with to much money and to much time.
Men often suffer from a problem management problem. We can't solve a problem and we get stuck. That is when the emotional problems start. Solve the problem and the emotions get less intense. And if you can't pinpoint the problem ask why they feel an emotion, use it to guide you to the problem. Help man slove problem. PRESTO!
Feminism. Go read the APA therapy guides.
I disagree that life is only worth living via achievements?? Don't think so.
"I work to live, not live to work."
@@sjentdepends. Some people love their job and feel awful when they're not working. Different strokes for different folks I guess.
Look if you want good boy points for being happy they're tons of asmr anime videos for you.
@@Batmans_Pet_Goldfish I love my job. And my point stands.
@@sjent I guess I'm saying that some people love what they do to the point that they'd do it without getting paid.
Listening to a lot of "healed" people that have been stuck on the couch for years usually sound like people learning to justify bad behaviors using PhD therapy terminology. To each their own. The gym does it for me.
Fitness routine definitely helps. Aside from the dopamine and the feeling of accomplishing something, it also forces you to be present in the moment while you’re lifting/cardio-ing instead of spiraling into some future mental rabbit hole. I do some of my best thinking, self reckoning, and planning when I’m deep into a set/interval. Something about worrying while working out makes the worries seem less impossible to overcome.
Depression isn’t some disease that magically falls from the sky, it’s simply hating your life situation. Don’t let anyone (including doctors and therapists) convince you otherwise.
What you said was true of some depression, not all. I mean, how does bipolar fit into that scheme?
Intelligent comment .
Watch one of Robert Sapolsky's lectures on depression and see if you still believe that
Its simply e life choice to be depressed. Peoplr choose to be depressed. Its the easiest thing to come out of
Except it is. There's a difference between feeling like crap and your brain literally creating a negative feedback loop of chemicals affecting your mood and motivation, making the situation even worse. Not to mention how it affects your ability to accurately judge things, making it yet worse.
a psychologist once offered to find me a girl from her home country i accepted. and she found a much older woman for me but said that a little older works but not so much as the one she found. she had girls apply for me and a passport to my country i guess
That does not sound like a legit psychologist.
Women always say that what a lie, hot 20 something please
@@JainaSoloB312 she was legit. only that she really really liked me. and wanted to help. i think she made a joke but i ran with it made her look when she returned to her home country
Where was she from? And where are you from? It sounds unusual.
@@dumfriesspearhead7398 me northern europe. psychologist was from south america. no it's not usual. only things that happens to me. i have been offered girls from third world countried many times now. after a while you start to accept and se were things go. the curse of being a really cute guy older women loves me and want to set me up with someone but not much interests from young women
I pay for premium so I don't have ads then they put them in the video
Got to get their coin somehow.
Therapy often doesn't work for men because it focuses on emotional support and problem-solving, rather than helping them build a fulfilling life and achieve their goals, leading to a disconnect in therapy effectiveness for men.
Therapy does not focus on problem-solving, it focuses on feeling good. It is mean to keep people coming back month after month, year after year, a recurring business.
It only provides emotional support, and it doesn't fix shit. You still wake up next day in the shitty reality that caused you the depression in the first place
@@Ghostrider-ul7xn"Only" provides emotional support? The sort that men miss after a break up? Right.
Don’t talk for men, just yourself. If you have anxiety and depression you have to learn to think different. Until then you might as well go tell a homeless man your problems. If you can’t open up then you’re wasting everyone’s time and they will drop you. The point is to talk to someone freely that you won’t feel this way. Some men talk better to women and some men. Getting an actual psychologist over a licensed therapist can mean the world.
Yes, the bias is towards the female way of things, and treating males like females only broken. Especially when young and in schools
Therapy is useful and is predominantly for woman, who need to be emotionally supported, because they are weak. Men want action and results. Therapy is full of hot air. Done it, found it wanting, never again.
You have to talk about your problems before you can fix them. Just like a doctor has to diagnose you before they can give you meds, or surgery. Therapy is the same, we have to figure what the problem is, why it's happening, and how to fix it, before moving to the problem-solving stage.
Yes that emotional support that men suffer from not having after a break up. SMDH.
Matthew 23:37-39. Malachi 1:11.
Therapy dont work cause talk is cheap and therapists are messed up
You have to talk about your problems before you can fix them. Just like a doctor has to diagnose you before they can give you meds, or surgery. Therapy is the same, we have to figure what the problem is, why it's happening, and how to fix it, before moving to the problem-solving stage.
@@JainaSoloB312 please stop playing armchair psychologist. You clearly have no idea what you're talking about. If therapy actually was effective, there wouldn't be a loneliness epidemic in the west, especially among young men who are struggling to find a partner/family.
Therapy may be lots of things, but it certainly isn't cheap!
@@Ghostrider-ul7xnWhy are you conflating having therapy with male loneliness? Most men don't go to therapy anyway (understandably so btw) so how is this linked?
@@dumfriesspearhead7398 Are you obtuse? Men do not go to therapy because it does absolutely NOTHING to solve their loneliness. How exactly is someone rambling on about what you should do and allowing you to vent your emotions fixing loneliness?
Therapy doesn't work because its literally similar to a band-aid. Its a temporary fix, not a permanent solution. You can keep putting on band-aids, but if you keep getting hurt all the time, maybe the focus should be on why a certain group of people gets hurt all the time in society. Also sometimes the wound will be deep enough for it to be fixed by a temporary solution.
You have to talk about your problems before you can fix them. Just like a doctor has to diagnose you before they can give you meds, or surgery. Therapy is the same, we have to figure what the problem is, why it's happening, and how to fix it, before moving to the problem-solving stage.
Therapy is literally a permanent solution, there's a mountain of evidence of people (yes, tons of men) who completely turned their lives around through therapy.
@@JainaSoloB312 The loneliness epidemic in the west is strongly tied to decreasing marriage rates, more people getting divorced and less people having children. These issues have systemic origins, they cannot be fixed by individual therapy sessions. If a large % of men are single, unable to find partners and are struggling with loneliness and depression, therapy is hardly going to fix it.
Because its a financial rort. Overpaid con-artists.
I don't believe psychotherapy works because it isn't useful to sit around and rehash your problems over and over. I also think the pyramid of crazy goes "dancer", therapist, hairdresser. Therapists are some of the last people I'd ever ask for help.
You have to talk about your problems before you can fix them. Just like a doctor has to diagnose you before they can give you meds, or surgery. Therapy is the same, we have to figure what the problem is, why it's happening, and how to fix it, before moving to the problem-solving stage.
Like just listen to how this guy talks. What man will be lectured by a little shoulder dude who up talks.
Are you saying that we shouldn't listen to Dr. K because Dr. K doesn't have broad shoulders like Chris?
@@johnny4062 Yes. Also he uptalks. Also 'therapy" is for lonely neurotic women.
I've never heard the phrase "up talks" is this some weird thing where you're making up an insult because you're intimated by another man?
@@D_Jilla uptalk is a new American accent that originated in single liberal women. It is typically paired with a vocal fry.
@@BrockJ not sure what chip on your shoulder you have towards short men or lonely women, but it sounds like you've got some personal problems to work on. Best of luck with that.
5:00. No motivational interviewing is to take a person who is pre-contemplative (doesn't want to do anything to change their lives) and then make them THINK (contemplative) about doing something. You're not even close to the action part. The action part is where cognitive behavioral therapy comes in (this is the doing). The problem here is that men are already contemplative and are ready for action, but with a sizable amount of therapists/psychiatrists/psychogists don't focus enough on the action part. Why are you talking about motivational therapy when most men are already motivated, but the therapist isn't focusing on the doing part? For a Mass General trained psychiatrist, how are you not able to explain this better to lay people...
MI is often used in conjunction with CBT. Motivational interviewing is not such without the goal of behavior change. CBT involves weekly "homework" of engaging in at least one new behavior, between sessions, focused on resolving the initial problem. The therapist follows up on the homework in consequent sessions, and if not completed, explores barriers to change through the use of MI.
@@dani7190 Yes. Even then, MI is not a tool of action. This would be in the realm of CBT. Its only if they regress that MI is used. If you contemplative, its way more on the CBT side of therapy.
Because therapy is for lonely women.
That is certainly one of the takes of all time.
@@Batmans_Pet_Goldfish I am correct.
And the gym is for lonely men.
It sounds like he's on the same page as Andrew Tate.
ha ha-its all the same stuff-action not words