Why You Can Never Sleep With a Guy Too Soon
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- Опубликовано: 29 сен 2024
- The video that changed my life: • Gary Yourofsky proves ...
Men: realize that women are thinking about dates and relationships very different than you are.
Women: It is imperative that you realize that men are thinking of dating ENTIRELY differently than you assume according to your experience of dating.
REAL EYES REALIZE REAL LIES. ok I just wanted to write that. But as I was saying REALIZE that men do not have a vision usually for a union of souls that will be found on date 1 as soon as he senses your unique beauty mind body and soul with sexual activity only bringing you closer together and cementing the bond. NO. Men's goal is to have sex for once in their f ing life pretty much. Therefore after the goal has been achieved they are off to celebrate their heroic feat. Therefore women do not assume you turned him off with your lackluster performance or that you proved your low value by acting like a common tramp. You had different goals all along which you were blind to.
WOMEN: WIZE UP and reaLIZE that you should only have sex for your own pleasure, fun and enjoyment. NEVER use it as a bargaining chip to lock down a man cause he probably was never playing your game to begin with.
ThOUGHTS? Please comment down below with insights into the male mind.
And if you've gotten something from my videos and want to buy me a coffee or send me a note or a tip, I would greatly appreciate that.
venmo: mynonleatherlife
paypal: mynonleatherlife@gmail.com
Email: mynonleatherlife at gmail
Buy me a coffee: ko-fi.com/myno...
Thank you so much for watching and commenting!
-Victoria
Women control access to sex, men control access to relationships
Not always
If you read R/Dead Bedrooms on Reddit you would see how many women are upset their man isn’t trying to have sex with them. Men control access to sex too.
Kevin Samuels
Bingo!💯👍
@@jamestateIII Truth!👍
Several possibilities:
1. He didn’t want to date, just wanted sex (most likely)
2. The sex was irreconcilably unsatisfying and he completely lost interest in dating (this happens a lot)
3. If she SEEMS like she sleeps with everyone so easily she is not good marriage material as chances of her infidelity increase. (Whether she actually does or doesn’t is irrelevant).
This is the same for women on all three points. And men don’t become monogamous either.
People realize on the first date , if they want a relationship or just sex ,with that person and act accordingly, sex always come easy, a meaningful relationship take work and desire on both parties part. Sex is easy,,,,,,,,love is work and has to be wanted by both partners.
Good analysis and wisdom. I'm 61 yo man. Young men don't want to commit and settle down until perhaps they are in their 30s and established with career and finances, generally speaking. Men have been paying good money for prostitution for a million years, to get sex with NSA, with an attractive young women. Hook up culture means they can get free prostitution, and they only have to take her on a couple dates and pay for some dinners. Now, if the guy is relatively young and hot, the woman could be DTF (i.e., to give him free prostitution), because he is young and hot (college campus hook up culture situation). They both win. This hot young college guy does not want to settle down with a lady until he is in his 30s, the lady is hot and younger than him (10 years younger?) and he wants to build his family. She has to be 100% faithful and stay relatively young and hot looking rest of her life. This covers about 80 to 90% of high ambition, high value men. My opinion.
I got all my game from all the queens in my family so I love getting the game from queen like u 💚
You should check out patrice oneal take on relationship. You seem to understand the female side of his take. And I agree deeply with his takes. If you have time, let me know what you think
I agree with most of what you said, but I'm not so sure about that most men don't want relationships, because of the same scarcity mentallity that you mentioned men sometimes feel like they don't have many options so is better to get into a relationship to try to secure their source of sex/love. I think that as more alpha a guy is, he is not gonna be looking for a relationship right away, because he has lots of chances to have sex (and is usually for that kind of guys that women cry for) and the more beta a guy is the more he's gonna try to get into a relationship because a woman having interest on him is an exeption that they are gonna try lock down
Serious issue- causing a lot of depression in women and FOMO in men...
generations of people will soon be feeling the very dismal effects intimacy & disconnect.
Yeah... guys and girls have drastically different realities. I can't imagine just about 50% of the population (which where i live is actually probably closer to 60 or 70%, we have less women up here) always wanting to have sex with me, and the various ways that manifests (from creepy people to overly nice guys etc). The average guy... pursues everything with the hopes of having sex right? In general, the skeezy young guys do anyways. Even women they want nothing to do with after, that they could be "embarrassed" to be seen with or whatever.
My experience was not being satisified with my "options", and i didn't really ever put that much effort into improving myself to get better ones, so i was a virgin til 30~. I needed to connect pretty strongly to want to have sex at all, I'm probably fairly unique in that aspect (definitely not a-sexual, but demisexual... probably). I passed on a half dozen opportunities before that, never feeling like i "loved" the person, which i can just about guarantee others would not of passed up on.
I don't think i've ever thought about "she had sex too fast she's a slut" crossing my mind; And the reverse is, being too prudish and holding out so long i think I'm just friend-zoned and end up losing interest. It's a fine line i guess
This is how my sister thinks. She has zero interest in most guys. She sees them as complete losers. She finally found one she likes and is happy with him.
Very good advice on this one; one thing I'd add, (speaking from goind to sex addicts anonymous for four years) is that the guy is putting 100% of all his mental and physical energy into laying a chick-- after that it's mission accomplished. That's why he's an addict! If sex satisfied him, then he could stop and think about other things, but no. Bangin' the next one is all he thinks about.
As a guy in his late 30s, I feel like the dating game has become "choose your flavour of crazy" and it's not a great scene. Now I know that's not a nice thing to say, but most women my age seem so emotionally / mentally / psychologically warped or scared from prior experiences that they seem almost illogical to me. Nearly every woman i talk to has the same back story "I have kids, I don't trust men, I'm looking for a friend". It seems like a lot of women have fun early in their life and get with the "bad boy" who causes them trouble, then they expect to find a good guy to support them and their children. I personally find that guys my age have more responsibilities and expectations put on them in order to be considered as potential partners. I know this is probably sounding like some MGTOW sh!t, and I'm sorry for that, but my point is this - While I agree that men seem to be more inclined to want just sex over a relationship, I feel like that is because it seems to require more effort to maintain a relationship then it is to just flirt with a girl and have sex with her ... sorry ladies. But if you really want to find out what it is like for guys to try and date women, ask your a male friend if you can borrow a picture then make a fake tinder account, it's not even easy to flirt with women let alone maintain a relationship
I do like that idea of them making a fake tinder account and getting a taste of how hard it is to flirt with women. Relationships with women do require effort that’s what almost every girl wants and I agree most women have been burned and definitely are wary when meeting new guys
@@mynonleatherlife I agree with you, all relationships SHOULD require effort, not as a majority / minority effort (regardless of gender), but rather equally on both sides. The strange thing is that I'm finding many more women want my attention and time when I give less of a f@ck about theirs. It's not that I'm cruel or deliberately hurtful, or ignore them, but I stopped being a gentleman outside of times when it's necessary because it wasn't working. I used to be a "good guy" and it got me nowhere, but now that I care less about establishing a strong relationship with a woman, I have numerous women who want a piece of my time. Women are attracted to a man who values himself and seems like he can get another woman at any time he chooses. The old adage of "treat em mean to keep em keen" seems to hold more and more weight as I get older. I truly think it's a shame that the tactic that gets the best results is to be a gentleman ONLY when the time calls for it, and go for exactly what you want the rest of the time ... the real trick is learning when to the gentleman, and when to be the matador
Matadors torture and kill innocent beings so definitely don’t be that but I get what you’re saying. What most guys think of as being a gentleman is often really annoying and bizarre to women. It just comes off as really weird and totally lacks an understanding of the female gaze.
@@mynonleatherlife yeah and they seem to really appreciate the raw honesty and brutal approach since they're expect guys to be "jerks/macho" and forthright. Heya Victoria, i think you may have mentioned it before, but if you need an idea for a video, consider letting guys know what you told me in your last comment about guys seeming annoying and bizarre. You can help men by letting them know it's really only something they need to do when it's necessary and then giving them advice on when that might be. I know it's different for each woman, but i find it's about a 2/3 ratio ... 2 parts lame jokes or cheeky remarks to 1 part being attentive and remembering something she said (>‿◠)
Great idea, thank you, I will add that idea to my list
The fukn u get ain't worth the fukn u get .
Just a perspective from a sigma male that's been both alpha and beta over the years. I like some of your content you give a unique perspective on things.
Thank you Nico
Honestly Sounds like Post Nut Clarity
OMG thats the funniest thing ever LOL
😳
Post nut clarity is real.
Exactly what I was thinking
Dwl
You’re a very understanding woman. It’s amazing!
Thanks Tajwayne! What am I understanding tho?
@@mynonleatherlife the male perspective without belittling it and even affirming it.
sometimes these guys just want to have casual sex, but a rare few women are into that. that's why these guys do this whole song and dance to get women who don't want casual hookups to basically get a hookup out of them.
Right so ur saying they really have no other options and are kind of forced into doing the song and dance if they ever want to have sex
@@mynonleatherlife basically, only the top 20% of men get hookups
Nailed it.
Yeah you nailed it bro hahahaha
In other words, amateur sex is mostly based on lies and deception.
“Why you can never sleep with a guy too soon.”
From 2Pac -“I Get Around”:
She tell me that she needs me
Cries when she leaves me
And every time she sees me, she squeeze me
Lady take it easy
✨Hate to sound sleazy, but tease me
I don't want it if it's that easy✨
Ehh yo bus it, baby got a problem saying bye bye
✨Just another hazard of a fly guy✨
___________
Maybe a lion in the animal kingdom enjoys the running when hunting. Maybe he enjoys working at maximum capacity for the glory of the pride.
Therefore, sleeping with a guy too soon is like giving a canned meal to a lion. His thrill of the hunt🦁 isn’t satiated with an easy meal. 🦭💌🥫
you a legend
He's dead ...piss on him
@@steviepigford2356 naw.
@@mgoVEX I don't agree with everything that some say. I don't follow the crowd.
I make my own way. That's the way I learned to be.
Literally, the last 3 relationships I've had ( all were at least a year) I slept with them the first night. Almost every girl I've been with my entire life has slept with me on the first night or atleast within the first week of we were hanging out multiple times during that week. Women and men both like sex. Most women will open up and be honest about that if you let them. It's all about feeling comfortable with that person. I've found if a girl feels safe with you, knows you can take care of her and yourself, and you can make her laugh it usually ends in sex. Especially in today's world with dating apps. Girls are searching for hook ups just like guys and if it turns into more then great, but of you aren't compatible sexually it's not going to last. Mine as well find out early right?
Damn you got any advice on how to get the pipe
@@imhopelesslyaddictedtofent4266 "get the pipe"? I'm confused. I'm sorry, I've never heard the name koben before. Are you a girl or guy?
@@greek417 get the pipe means to have sex and i dont see how my name has anything to do with it
@@imhopelesslyaddictedtofent4266 getting the pipe is a term I've heard women use. Guys give women the pipe. That's why I was asking if you were a girl or a guy. Depending on the gender the advice would be different. Idk I guess you have to use what you have to your advantage. I'm relatively good looking, I have a nice smile, I have a good personality, I can make most women laugh, I have a decent amount of wealth, I have a large dick. I use all of these things to my advantage when I'm courting a woman. If it's in a dating app it's usually super easy because if they swiped they already are attracted to your looks or your lifestyle portrayed in your pictures. From there try to have an honest conversation with them about what you want, expect, etc. Get off the dating app as soon as they feel comfortable and move the conversation to snapchat, or text. Be playful And funny. Be someone she would actually enjoy hanging out with instead of going right in for sex. Only send a dick pick if the conversation is sexual and she says she wants one.... And only if you're confident of what you have and you think she'd be impressed. Try to get her to commit to hanging out after the first conversation where all these things have worked out. This whole process can be figured out in anywhere from an hour to a day depending on how much you talk what time you start messaging and how quickly you are both responding. I hope this helps. Good luck
@@greek417 hell yeah
This is maslow's hierarchy of needs.
Before you can both about high level needs like "soul connection... You must first have consistent access to a supply of lower level needs, like food, water, sex, and validation.
Turns out women can get sex easily, so they focus their desire in the thing they have a hard time getting.
Men want the deep soul connection too... But virtually all of them must work like.mad just to get a taste of sex... So the higher level connection has to wait.
And yes, it's lunacy to jump into a relationship within a handful of dates. This is something women do because they follow their emotions. And what is the result? Relationships with terrible men, single motherhood, and heartbreak.
It's dumb. Stop doing it.
Great video.
It's ironic that women want a deep connection and commitment from a guy, but want it to happen early on. Deep connections take time!
very true
I do my very best to let potential partners know what I’m thinking up from so things are crystal clear and there are no miscommunications. I think it’s only fair to all involved to just lay your cards on the table and get it out there ASAP.
Literally so many people lie about intentions and end up on different pages i choose to be honest
I was in three separate LTRs that lasted from my early 20s until I was 37. I didn't want an LTR but didn't know how to get sex any other way. Those were the only 3 girls I slept with that entire time. When I got out of the 3rd relationship I decided I would try really to sleep around. I managed to sleep with 4 more girls but they all tried very hard to get me in an LTR after only having sex once, until finally the 4th one got pregnant, decided she did not want an LTR and now I am a single dad. I just wanted to enjoy life but dating has been an absolute nightmare for me. I am 41 now and still fantasize about being confident enough for casual sex. I stay in shape, lift weights, do martial arts, play guitar, and do many other things to try and boost attractiveness. I am working very hard on myself so someday I will be able to get casual sex. One of the things I need to feel good is just boosting my body count as it is only 7. You are correct about guys coming from a scarcity mindset. I know many average looking guys in their 30s who are virgins.
wow thanks 4 sharing your story, so what do u think made u not confident enough to get casual sex but confident enough to get in all these different relationships....it seems like women must like u and u must do pretty well
@@mynonleatherlifethank you for the response. relationships are easy, approaching is hard. I've only approached 10 women in my entire life and 7 of them worked out. women like me and have given me strong signals since my mid 20s, but I run away too scared to say anything. Not boasting at all but I'm great in bed and the girls I was in a relationship with were deeply in love. I am dominant in my relationships. One of the 4 girls I slept with had been a dominatrix, gotten sick of submissive men and needed me to dominate her, which comes to me easily(talking dirty, fisting, smothering, ropes, whatever...). She still contacts and wants to be in a relationship with me. My entire issue is approach anxiety. It is so bad that my brain becomes a cloud and I cannot form proper sentences and my memory leaves me with no words. Once I get over the initial anxiety I am very good at forming a connection as I can read people very well. But the anxiety is almost always there. I believe this all stems from being raised by a single mom and living outside society until my early 20s.
You never got married and had kids?
Golden rule ! The fukn u get ain't worth the fukn u get !
@@marlonmoncrieffe0728 yes, thank god I didn't get married. It would have been a true nightmare.
The mindset of me a guy: The sex was not good enough to outweigh the personality flaws. So nothing to gain there anymore.
The only exception is a codependent relationship, where they just tap into each others trauma.
Nice comment
Kind of goes back to what I've been saying women don't develop their personalities only their sexuality as a whole and there's consequences to that behavior
@@nicop195 I find this concept fascinating. Could you expand on this?
That is it in a nutshell. If the sex was good/great, and the woman hasn't revealed any personality flaws, the guy will come back for more - seduction isn't just a one time thing and you've got him.
Unfortunately too many women overestimate their ability at sex and their personality, largely due to our gynocentric culture that no longer affords them the critical feedback they need to gain insight and understanding. Men go through trial by fire, we learn one way or another what the truth is. Women just believe they need to show up and that's it.
I think this is the video that my observation pertains to - I can't quite remember! Too many to re-watch...
I got to thinking about the strange phenomenon that can happen to a guy when he finally gets hooked up after a period of scarcity> Maybe it's hormonal, maybe it's confidence, whatever, suddenly the whole world opens up and is full of possibility. This is one albeit small reason that guys don't commit immediately. It's like the girl has shown him how easy it can be, and that spikes his interest in looking wider - that's been my experience. For another thing, girls look at guys who are with a woman in a different light to guys who are alone.. Just thoughts. You have turned me on - I used to be very into these observations. Thanks.
Really interesting points and observations, thank u for sharing those
This is spot on. The guy just figured shit out and is pumped to try again.
@Michael Bowditch Hopelessness is your ally! Remember - especially when it comes to asking girls out, if you want to increase your success rate, you HAVE to increase your failure rate. Don't take rejection personally - people have may reasons for saying "no", and most often appreciate the gesture. Give them an easy out, like "I'm sure you're already seeing someone, but can I buy you lunch?"
Remember the 80/20 rule too - even 70% suitable is a catch - 80% is unicorn territory!
I guess relationships are built on things like: bonding socially and emotionally, compatibility, developing mutual harmony and understanding, establishing mutually compatible lifestyle habits/routine, finding comfortable piece-of-mind/trust/familiarity, having and identifying mutual interests, establishing a customary social dynamic, gaining mutual familiarity of personality, developing some kind of basis for friendship or partnership, cultivating effective modes of communication, developing mutual respect, forgiveness and acceptance, becoming mutually invested to the extent that there is a mutual willingness to overcome adverse difficulties that may arise... you know, all the wholesome stuff like that.
I guess the male sex drive makes us highly motivated to embark down that long and ambitious road. Sex can certainly bring intimacy, some amount of bonding, at least potentially, a shared thrilling experience, euphoria, joy, happiness, excitement, etc, you know. And while these things might help lead toward a successful relationship, and may be necessary for one, they aren’t necessarily a sufficient substitute for the attributes of a more complete relationship mentioned above, especially when the formerly motivating sexual tension and sex-drive has abated somewhat. The sudden shift can also be somewhat unnerving, frightening, awkward and uncomfortable, for any gender, and understandably so, particularly if one or more persons is lacking: confidence, faith, openness, security, experience...stuff like that.
That’s just one guess, I could be completely mistaken, haha.
What a man seeks in a woman he wants just to have sex with is totally different from what he seeks in a woman he wants to have a serious relationship with.
For example most men wouldn’t say no to sex with a woman who has a very high body count BUT they would say no to a relationship with her.
A woman who have sex on the first date is great news for a man who wants to have just sex but not a so good sign for a man who wants a serious relationship.
Facts bro!
I love you Victoria. Not in like a romantic way, just you as a person and what you're doing for society and its people. You keep doing you! You're awesome.
That is really kind, thank you
A guy doesnt know if he wants a relationship with you until after sex
Makes sense! silly to commit to sexual exclusivity without determining sexual compatibility
That's true
I don't think that's universally true at all. Many guys are happy to marry woman without previously having sex.
Very true Marcus very true 👍
@@mynonleatherlife also very true 👍👌
Super advice! Guys don't know what they are looking for until they find it. It is unfortunate that the guys in the examples were disrespectful after they got what they wanted but at least the girls didn't invest too much time in them. My wife and I had sex on the second date....that was 46 years ago...I didn't know I was ready till I was ready.
That’s awesome!
Hope you and your wife are doing great still 🤗
A man will never respect a woman who doesn’t respect herself. If a man is really into you, he won't try to sleep with you after only just meeting you. If he does try to sleep with you too soon it's because that's all he's after.
It's up to us women to control the way the relationship is going. Once I have understood this concept, I have kicked many to the curb. Don't waste your time on a guy who doesn't put out. Make him pay and then hang up on him when he calls you. Give him a dose of his own medicine and he'll chase you.
You need to increase the sound volume on your videos. Even turning them all the way up it is difficult to hear. Great videos! :) Oh, and you are totally right!!!! :)
Thanks gustav got a new mic now
Interesting topic, Victoria. There is definitely a shift that goes on in a man's mind when he has sex with a woman for the first time. I think a guy goes into a sexual encounter with a new partner expecting to give and receive pleasure. The emotional bonding that takes place in the afterglow is a very scary thing. The less he knows the woman, the scarier it is. He just threw himself physically and emotionally into the arms of a stranger. He doesn't want to offend her, yet at the same time, he doesn't want to profess his undying love for her and for some the act demands an emotional commitment on the level of that profession of undying love. It's very weird and women seem to take it more on the chin than guys think. A guy is more likely to over-estimate what the encounter was for the woman and believing she's setting up all these expectations of who he is and his level of commitment to her.
Here is another truth: men use sex to get to know a woman. Women usually want to know more about a man before deciding to have sex with him. This is what characterizes the dance that goes on between both partners leading up to The Act. How much time it takes depends on the couple and what both partners are comfortable with. Women should hold out a little, but not too long, but it shouldn't be before the man feels comfortable with sharing himself emotionally with her.
I am a dude and I recently stumbled upon your channel and think you provide a very interesting insight. From my perspective I used to want to go on dates with girls to find a relationship. But as get older and gain more experiences it has occured to me that most girls are talking to/dating 4,5,6 other guys at once! and like you said girls have an abundance of options since birth. So Im sorry but I have given up on monogamy and if I date anyone at all it will just be hanging out, hooking up, and having fun. That's it. Because no woman is going to be able to engage in a normal relationship when she keeps her phone under lock and key, and is dating/chatting/hooking up with 5 guys within a certain time frame. That is my perspective on the matter. It might sound crass but it is the truth.
Total truth. I just had a baby and the mother was messaging guys through the entire pregnancy. There is no end. An exclusive relationship is not possible for me any more.
It's too bad that the goal you wanted ended up being disillusioned... I wonder where you are meeting the women that you've been around? Was it online dating, perhaps? Maybe if that is your primary source, the women you're meeting will be more likely to be divesting their time behind your back. Anyways, good luck with your future goals
🚻 Basically, guys use a relationship to acquire sex while girls use sex to acquire a relationship.
😅 You're right about men and our 'beggars can't be choosers' mentality!
🎶 I might like you better if we slept together
I might like you better if we slept together
I might like you better if we slept together
But there's somethin' in your eyes
That says maybe that's never
Never say never... 🎶
-Queens of the Stone Age
Romeo Void actually wrote Never Say Never in 1982.
@@conrad4667 Yeah, but I like Queens of the Stone Age's cover better.
I've had women tell me that they want casual sex and then turn around and get attached. I believe sex means more to a woman than she admits. I believe sex means less to a man often. We're just different creatures.
Definitely depends on the man. I am actually drowning in sexual interest. Because of this I can take my time with waiting for something awesome to develop naturally with the right person instead of choosing someone who is even half not right for me. I'd rather wait for a good / great connection.
Good morning beautiful lady. Yay a new video. You had me worried something happened to you we haven’t seen you in a bit.
They guy has responsibility in this. When things go so right but on first date I tell my lady i will never have sex on first date as it takes all pressure off and we can be ourselves.. Now if something happens still pull back and let her know why.
U quiet got a great understanding of the male mind. Appreciate ur acceptance
thank you, Aware Angels
I get the concept, but it’s a losing strategy. Women need to be less promiscuous, not more.
nah they need to be more
The things guys have to do to have sex boggle the mind. I'm not proud of some of the things i have given up or lost to simply get laid,but it comes with the territory of being a man. On the plus side,when it comes to having a long term relationship,thr field suddenly opens up and we have options.
I literally have never seen anyone like you before. Your wise, well spoken, logical and factual.
thanks Luke
True
Sex outside marriage is a sin
@@worm_and_no_man Of course , Your Holiness.
@@guntertorfs6486 Looool
Why doesn't she just tell the guy that she doesn't have sex out of wedlock, and if he wants to then marry her immediately? ... Actually, we know why -- she's just looking for some action. I absolutely don't buy the idea that she was hoodwinked. If she wants to otherwise justify it to herself then she's just a hypocrite and trying to save face.
I feel I can clarify on exactly when you asked for a guys feedback at the end. First off your videos are amazing. I think you got a good deal right but there is one element you are missing. This happens because women (understandably and rightfully) as explained in your videos, have extremely high standards and only go for the best tier of men they are able to attract sexually. From the filpside, from a mans perspecitve this means you are very often only getting attraction and sexual opportunites from girls just a bit lower sexual value then you would like to settle down with... because they view you in a pool of opportunity as among the best they can possibly attract. Theoretically if I am a 7/10 man, a lot of 4/10 or 5/10 women all round me are attracted... but i am often invisible or not sexually considered by 7/10 women they are looking higher up then me to 8/10 or 9/10 men who are obviously willing to sexually engage with them. As a man you would love to settle very quickly with a woman you think is close to equal sexual value or the highest sexual value you can get, but its difficult. And when men are so biologically driven to have sex they end up having sex with these girls and "catching and releasing". Some men are obviously shitty people and do this all the time serving their own needs and not caring or thinking about hurting these women, I have fallen into doing this a few times and stopped when I realized I was hurting them and not getting life altering pleasure out of the experiences myself. Women overall seem to adjust after "getting played" a number of times.
Truth, man.
might as well catch some fish as you are looking for the big one. you goddam right
Very, very well said.
I would love to favorite that comment, srsly.
so basically you're telling straight women and straight men what the person they are dating is thinking because straight women and men don't know how to communicate what they are actually thinking/wanting. And because straight people communicate so incredibly poorly, you can generalize by saying all women think one way and all men think another way, and these huge generalizations are more insightful than an actual conversation between two straight people because neither person has the aptitude to say what is actually on their mind. , And yes you have some good insights, but isn't this video missing the point that straight folks just need to learn how to communicate about what they want in a relationship? And then the real advice is: ONCE YOU LEARN TO COMMUNICATE, YOU AREN'T GOING TO WASTE YOUR TIME DATING PEOPLE WHO CAN'T COMMUNICATE. because it's so much more effective to to say clearly what you want and listen to the other person clearly say what they want, and quickly decide if those desires are compatible. It sounds completely exhausting playing out these straight dating dynamics over and over and over.
I wonder how many people with STDs thought the same thing
This is really good, honest content. Being a man and having dated many women over the last 15 or so years, I agree we're coming from totally different expectations. Most women seem to want an intense bond first. I almost never get that into someone right away. Like how many people are really that amazing that you fall head over heels instantly? Man, that's a lot of pressure. But I will definitely keep pushing if I think I can get some kind of physicality out of my efforts.
But here's the twist: what I really want is a LTR. I'll take a brief encounter as a consolation prize if we don't have this wild "connection." But its not ideal. Most of the time, it has to be good enough.
Much respect. I don't judge women for having sex on the first date. I want that. I put everything I learn about them to make my decision. Not because of the sex.
It's widely accepted that before a man or woman settles into a long-term committed relationship, it's good to explore and date a lot of people. I've never understood how to make this work in practice. In my experience, it's usually obvious within 5 minutes (or sometimes 2 dates, but at most several weeks) that the other person, even though you enjoy spending time with them and are physically attracted to them, is not the woman you see yourself marrying. Once this becomes clear to me, what is the best way to proceed with the relationship? The options I see are:
1. If I continue as before, putting energy into spending time with her in a way that's very satisfying to both of us, the woman becomes more and more invested in me, and begins seeing me as someone she does want to be with long term. This makes me feel more and more conflicted because it's like I'm hiding something very important from her, and am leading her toward an increasingly painful breakup.
2. If, early on, I tell her directly that I'm "only exploring" and not interested in something long term, she understandably sees this as an insult. I've tried doing it, but it doesn't improve the outcome relative to option 1 - with her trying to argue with me and insisting on explanations, followed soon after by an unpleasant breakup.
3. I haven't tried this, but a 3rd option would be to act in some way that keeps her from seeing me as suitable for a long-term relationship. This feels silly though.
4. End the relationship or avoid starting it in the first place (the default easy option).
I'd be interested to hear people's thoughts and experiences with this.
Relationships are hurtful in most cases and that’s the harsh reality… so it takes a lot of courage and energy (and a very very special “forever person”) to start a new one…
while sacrificing the most precious thing of all: freedom
Im a man and everything you said was 100% correct. You explained this probably better than I could!
I'm kinda old and looking back over several decades, I cannot think of a single time where having sex too soon was the reason I didn't want a relationship with a woman. Might work differently with super religious conservative guys.
Not all guys are like this, maybe he was young as well. I know as a 39 yr old a woman having sex with me the first night isn’t a turnoff.
Well sht, think I finally solved my problem, thnx. Spent over a decade looking for a deep, committed relationship, getting burned every step of the way, could never understand why. Too oblivious it really is all about sex these days; with a relationship being more an afterthought, not the forethought. Whoops.
Dont blame yourself. Hormones is involved here. Nothing wrong with you at all hun. His male hormonelevels and peptide levels after gotten sex of you was shut down and turned off. It is biological.
Good breakdown. You mentioned that the girl said he asked her to leave. Maybe she literally had sex and stayed at his house for days and freaked him out. Make sense?
This scenario is the exact reason both parties should not jump in bed. Communication is key off top & If a person begins to flake off for no reason, ask whats going on and if sex is ballpark they speak of....let them know what you feel, if you not ready, you just not ready. this goes for both parties involved, that way nothing is lost, its actually a gain.
The one big factor you're forgetting is that the woman is chasing a player. When a great guy who is looking for a relationship comes a long, the woman either rejects him, friend zones him or ignores him all together. Women won't jump into bed with an average guy but will do it again and again with a player.
You took « what it looks like » and made it a fact, wrongly. That might be true for some woman, but then they’re are players too, and you can/should definitely see the flags.
The « average/nice guy » often lacks self-confidence, masculinity, and kills it chances quite soon. Either it’s for a romantic destination or sexual destination, self confidence and masculinity is key
I wouldn't even say the woman is chasing the player; the player just has a lot of experience in the game, and puts himself in situations where he can take advantage of it...
The "player" comes off as confident, playful, charismatic etc as well, which are all attractive, especially early on. It's hard to blame the girl for "falling" for it, if it's something the guy gets good at.
Of course, generally speaking a woman chases what she wants or is attracted to. These men understand women are attracted to more than just physical attributes like masculine traits it's biological. No different than women using their femininity and sexuality. Most of these nice men that are friends zoned used or led on tend to show a lot of feminine traits like being agreeable, nice, afraid of confrontation, ext
Alpha f**ks, Beta bucks.
Guy looking for love is going to be feminine energy. That's why he is friend zoned. He is her new girlfriend. Or he is a turn off because there is no masculine energy. She is dry as a bone.
What about in the other way? When girl was very into me and after we have sex too soon she very rapidly lost interest in me, but nothings suggest that
I have never ghosted a girl after having sex with her... usually I want more and sometimes so does she.
One of the problems I'm seeing is women develop their sexuality rather than their personality for bait. If you lure somebody in with just your sexuality and not develop your personality that's all people are going to want from them and those are going to be the men they attract
Great video! Small quibble: dating is very expensive. Being in a relationship is cheaper per date or per sexual encounter. So a guy who goes on a lot of dates will actually save money being in a relationship and is not concerned about "providing," at least until kids are under consideration.
Been watching a lot of videos from you lately and they have been really insightful! I love how you get to the point with things, feel like I've learnt more from you in a short while about these topics than from a lot of men in a longer time. It's nice to hear your female perspective on things and your deep core level honesty about things. Thanks for sharing everything!
I used to feel so Sad when that would happen to me. Almost like a deep rejection sadness. Until i found my now boyfriend i had always wondered why men are like that, just play with your emotions to get you to sleep with them. I never saw it as a power trip before but it makes since because we can get sex so much easier then men can so it must be sort of a game for some of them to prove their " manliness". I used to think all men were like this until i met my boyfriend. He has changed my mindset drastically and i stopped looking at men as the enemy. Now i understand how their drives are purely biological and the way that some of them act reflect that. I couldnt imagine being starving all day and seeing food all around me that i couldnt eat😂😂😂
Maygunn C i don’t think it is always like a game for them or malicious in any way. They are just less interested in relationships but still interested in sex so they have to go through the motions to play women’s game. They never openly state their motivations but neither do women. But I also used to feel really sad and rejected when it happened till I stopped assuming I was on the same page as them and started setting free my own desire to have casual hookups.
The Unbound Narcissism of MrJargon i agree, they don’t understand or have to think about why it would be ok or respectable or desirable not to want relationships. They assume that it means men = trash a lot of time without examining men’s perspective.
The Unbound Narcissism of MrJargon are you sure... triple digits seems too high.
The Unbound Narcissism of MrJargon it’s not social skills I’m referring to but psychological hangups about being a “slut” and not feeling empowered to do what they please sexually due to cultural conditioning. We are talking about different things but I agree with what you’re saying.
Really disagree with this. Most women get a friend with benefit they rely on pretty soon and focus on him or a bf. And it is an extremely rare women who is going through 3 guys a weekend. Haven't seen that even in certain places I frequent for hyper sexual women lol. I think you are way overestimating this. @The Unbound Narcissism of MrJargon
It can be sexual compatibility. To do it on 1st date if it's feels like its good to you.
If the guy is good for you. But don't become a doormat for him.
Then other things will fall into place.
She literally said men are like beggars haha
Where’s the lie
@@mynonleatherlife It’s kinda true what you said we don’t have the power in choosing, but don’t have to down play it so much lol
It never amazes me how much common Sense women do not have. Of course the guy got what he wanted and decided he didn't need her anymore you see ladies when you give up sex so easily the first thing in our mind is if you did this with me you did this with other people and therefore I don't want someone that's been with a lot of other men..
um your attitude is a perfect recipe for a sexless relationships with women who don't like sex and don't want to have sex with you...if u can get one in the first place
@@mynonleatherlife how many women have you dated?
@@mynonleatherlife it's funny how all women use the same tactics shame, insults, guilt, and the need to be right. For some women for some reason women cannot take any form of criticism or accountability. All your channel is about is promoting promiscuity in women giving their body away that's not working out for you now is it. You have all of these women who are now hitting 30 and 30 plus who've been on the carousel having sex with so many different dudes wondering why they can't get married to find a husband keep up the good work.
@@BKC-xf5lo perhaps look within and ponder why whenever you speak people react with extreme annoyance. It's the way you phrase everything, it's incredibly irritating and you seem to be getting the same predictable results from everyone you interact with.
@@mynonleatherlife I never told you anything about my personal life what I told you was that your approach and what you're telling women is very destructive. I personally don't deal with the type of women that you deal with or women that promote that type of promiscuous behavior. You seem triggered and if you are trigger then you know what I'm saying is bothering you because it's true.
I’m a girl and if we roll the first day, I’m done. Cinderella has already been to the ball…..not doing a rerun.
😂
The fear of communicating for casual sex prevents guys from being honest. Most guys don’t believe it will work or don’t feel they have the green light to say “I want to have non-relationship casual sex with you”. So they withhold the intent.
Some women don’t want honesty for casual sex because how can she acquire time, effort, money, on dates if guys were given the green light to communicate a desire for casual sex and a simple Yay or nay was given.
Additionally I think the #meetoo movement is a positive thing because the solution is to be honest. None of the cases from the #meetoo movement were about a man openly, upfront and straightforwardly communicating sexual intent.
Sorry I missed your comment...i enjoyed reading ur ideas and agree.
"Post nuts clarity" it is called.
Sex outside marriage is a sin
I'm seeing a trend in these videos. Some young women are wondering how to be unnatural and happy. Maybe they should try being an active member of a community based on the traditional family. After 5 years would see how many of them are still single.
Botha Lissom women are wondering how to be unnatural and happy? Are you saying you believe it is unnatural for women to have sexual desire? To me that is ludicrous and extremely unnatural to suggest all women should be an “active member of a community based on the traditional family”. Women should be able to do what is right for them. Some enjoy traditional relationships and some most definitely don’t.
@@mynonleatherlife it's natural for women to be part of a community, have a baby and raise it in that community. Raising kids is deeply fulfilling and is not a burden when you have family and friends around you. And in a tight knit community, women that don't have kids can still participate in everything.
you're totally right
So men don't want relationships, and women don't want casual sex, I wonder if there's a middle ground where we can meet and satisfy both parties?
what do you think it is cause I honestly don't know anymore
@@mynonleatherlife I'll have to get back to you on that one! 🤔
Another thing that happens quite often is a girl and I are having a great time, we sleep together on the first date, and we don't vibe in the bedroom. It's not that the date before wasn't great, it's just that the sex compatibility wasn't there. Most of my long term relationships started with us sleeping together the first time, and since that sex was great, we kept seeing each other.
Yes
Alot of guys want a serious relationship we cant get it because bitches DONT text back,!!!!
And why do u think they’re not texting u back… ponder that lol.
@@mynonleatherlife literally we try to make something happen. 90% of guys wanna be in a relationship. Cause like u say, we come from a place of scarcity so locking down a girl is easier than running around fucking everything in sight. But please tell me why these girls aren't texting back.
easy. they have more applicants who want to have sex with them than they can handle. Therefore there is no sense of urgency to reply to any one guy. They have about 1000 more in the pipeline. Meanwhile that connection with a girl, hard to come by and rare, means everything to a guy so he can't envision why he's getting stood up or no reply. It's like applications for a competitive job...tons of resumes go in the slush pile even if they are good candidates. The demand for women is just far greater than the supply so women have no urgency to respond or even go on the date. That's the main reason.
I had sex with a guy me and him is co workers. I told him I wanted to be friends. He told me after we had sex that I am his "girlfriend" I find that weird because I never had a discussion about a relationship. He claim me as his girlfriend, but he have a girlfriend already. He still claims me this guy is different. I just wanted to be his friend. He doesn't want that though.
The problem is that we men, once we've sown our oats we go our way. (douchbags)
Sex should happen through time, mutually. Both must let it happen and if not no worries
Go for the pleasure of being with a person and enjoy the evening
They’re MEN...they like the HUNT! It shouldn’t be surprising to us at all (especially those of us that recognize that there’s that primal masculine thing goin’ on). If you’re looking for that “predatory beast” side to him, you can’t expect that particular mentality to just “go away” when the rubber hits the road! 🤷🏻♀️
You are absolutely right, I have seen women post on swing sites looking for LTR when in reality the guys are just looking for a friend with benefits, women need to realize that if turns into something else it's just gravy.
I Enjoy your chanel
Very well said, bravo! 😊
thank you!
Ty
you did nothing wrong,look at it like this,your stomach is empty,then you eat its full so the brain gers back to primal defense for potential attackers.savertooths bears oh my,soon as its time ti eat again hes gonna think of you...
It is kind of is the women’s mistake because they love choosing douche bags instead of the good guys. Women think they can turn the douche into a relationship type as if they’re getting him to settle down. The Good guys turn a lot women off and that is the catch. I’ve seen it a 100 times.
Well... I lost it completely...I slept with a woman and her words "...it should always be like this" with both hands in mine are engraved in my soul forever...that moment hurts like hell, cause she dumped me like 3 months ago
Everyone is different. This experience just was the absolute summit of togetherness, and I truely wonder what the hell she does with that moment, I hate to be a victim, but my soul has a scar that will not easily go away.
Never again I will get her back, her character had flaws...so in my case.. it was fantastic that we slept together but it was just too goddamn deep for me... it is as if it never happened...now...but it did...and I will carry this moment till my grave I am afraid...too deep...it is very dangerous and only if you have total trust in the other you should do it: sleeping together
it's very touching to hear you felt like that...it hurts a lot when u really love someone deep like that, trust me I know the feeling well too. thanks for sharing that with me on youtube. and you're right, some men are deeper and do desire a deep love but would you agree that most men are not looking for that? What are your thoughts. And I hope something even better than this love finds you... it won't be the same but it will be better in other ways, if you get lucky. I did.
@@mynonleatherlife
Thank you! Although we do not know eachother you do "feel" : ) that I am not some kind of B-actor from Hollywood : )
I just find it such a pity that we threw away our chances, the craziest thing is that I do my best to make her see that it is worth to come back and take it easy and find common ground, but she ghosts me and stonewalls me.
In answer to your question, whether most men are not looking for that, mmm.. in nowadays individualistic society a real mutually experienced love gets harder and harder to find may be, many people protect their individual freedoms and habits, may be it depends on the exclusivity a new relation has for the man in question, an "experienced" man would possibly be more detached from all of it, capable of maintaining distance, whereas I was under the spell of Cupido's arrow.
Actually I cannot immediately say "you're right" that men are not going that deep, for me it's one of the highest goals left in my life, a source of unlimited inspiration.
But OK, I am not like other men may be, I go for it : )) and this lady here, should she have been average communicative at distance not even mentioning that she would be as motivated as I was...if she had been more communicative then we would have been together yet I think.
But it was not meant to be.
And yes, I can hardly imagine that it happened, it still drives me crazy, how can something go from "perfect" to "zero" so fast so quick? And I also do not forget that these fantastic moments might have ocurred because of ME ...it was the best of the best, really, and for the time being I am locked and cannot think of giving that to somebody else, may be in a year or so I am over it. The whole relation lasted just 5 months, that's short, but I went very deep, very, and I don't regret it : )
@@FCDHVleerstraat A woman's love is conditional, a man's love is mostly unconditional. This is the source of your pain. You messed up with her somehow and she feels nothing for you now, and she never will again. As much as it hurts, this is how it should be. It makes perfect sense from a biological standpoint. If a man does something to make a woman feel he is no longer a strong, masculine creature, she needs to find someone else who can protect her and her children. Men want women to love them no matter what, even if they show her how weak they truly are inside, and that isn't going to happen. You can never reveal your deep vulnerabilities to a woman and expect her to still be attracted to you. That's just the way it is. It's hard for men to understand this because the more vulnerable a woman is, the more attracted we are to her. So we think that revealing all of our feelings to her will build a connection and a bond, but it won't. It will destroy it.
@@Mousehansen "a man's love is mostly unconditional" whaaat? ahahaha wth r u talking about ? men are angels? men only love hots girls
@@AXharoth That's not what I meant. I meant once a man falls in love, he'll usually stay in love regardless of if the girl gets fat or does something lame or whatever. Even if he cheats he'll still love the girl. Whereas a woman's love can vanish completely if her man doesn't stay on top of his game. I need to be clear that I'm not criticizing women by saying this, it's completely appropriate and natural. Biology requires that a man stay in love so that he continues to ensure his children are safe and taken care of. A woman NEEDS to fall out of love if her man becomes weak so that she can find a new man to protect her children.
You said it correct. men operate from a scarcity mindset thinking they can't have that much sex. Until they change their mindset of abundance, they can have lots of sex.
So the most important fact about this that I've recently found out is not all women want a relationship. There are a lot of women that just want to have sex and want to have the freedom to have sex with who they want to have sex with. That said, I do not feel that if a guy has gone on two three four five six dates and gets the sex after that time was just after sex. I feel like if it were me who is a person who is looking for more of a relationship although not a traditional relationship I would not put in the time for just the casual lay. If it were me and this is true for most of my friends the problem would be sexual compatibility but if it was bad I would have the decency to try again or to give it time to see if it was something that fixed itself. A lot of people men and women don't know how to be honest about the things they need to be honest about. I hate getting phone numbers because the girl pitied or feared me as opposed to her genuinely liking me. I don't want to be buttered up I want the absolute truth. I'm strong enough to handle it and I also deserve it because I give the absolute truth as well.
Perhaps you need to understand that many men separate the sex act from a love relationship. Most women think that sex goes along with deep feelings.
Curious about your take on sex on the first date not mattering either way, and not wanting guys that think that’s slutty. It’s the one opinion I’ve heard you express that seems under-considered, or unrefined. Definitely have heard enough intelligent explanations from you that I’d be curious to hear you say more.
Yes and no depends on the level of beta or alpha. Men tend to put women into two categories one's good for the sex one's good for sex and the relationship it's not one in the same. I think it's something genetic cuz when a woman gives it up easy after you get the nut it's kind of a turnoff it's not something that can be controlled. Waiting can help establish a connection and realize that she's worth more than just sex. Women control the access to sex men control the access to relationships. Women can have quite a bit of access to sex so given a relationship to one that gives it up easily or gives it away a lot generally is not a good character thing for a long-term relationship. I want to say it's biological
Some of your videos have too low of a recorded volume, which makes it harder to hear. Thanks for your kind sharing. it's attractive.
I think it's just bad communication. You need to agree on what it is, a hookup or a long term relationship.
I’m 45 and you’ve just gave some of the best information I’ve ever heard and I’ve heard a-lot of things that’s was broken down perfectly
Thank you very much!!
You're pretty spot on. I'm not proud of it but I've done a lot of ghosting. Most of those situations, I went into the encounter open to the possibility of a relationship, but for whatever reason I didn't end up seeing it as viable and defaulted to just pursuing sex; after I got it I lost interest. In reality, withholding sex would not have changed my mind about a relationship being viable; if I didn't get sex I would not have continued to take her out until I got sex, I would have just moved on. And there have been instances where a woman slept with me on the first date and we ended up having a relationship; I didn't lose respect for her, but I liked spending time with her, or the sexual experience was so great that I wanted more. I've never ghosted a girl simply because she slept with me and I lost respect for her virginal qualities; I would have ghosted her anyway. If anything, withholding sex is attractive if it is meant to arouse greater desire and to signal higher standards, not necessarily to demonstrate virginal qualities. There is something very attractive about "taming" a promiscuous girl who has had her fair share and decides she wants you. Your point that a woman should have sex to get sexual pleasure, if she desires it, is a great one!
Interesting points and I enjoyed reading ur perspective, thank u for commenting with this
From 6:00 totally agree with you, thanks for sharing!☺🙏
Pretty much true.
Video topic idea / request. How come, in committed relationships / marriage, many wives, particularly stay at home wives / moms, who are married to high value, high income, high status men, will let hubby have sex / relationship with the younger female co-worker, and not have a problem with this. However, if married women cheat on their husbands, this is generally a nuclear bomb in the family that can lead to domestic violence and divorce? Your analysis why husbands and wives generally react completely differently to adultery.
bc high income trumps a lot of things
I agree with the point of this video but there are always exceptions to the rule, leave room for that too!
what are those exceptions
@@mynonleatherlife that sex on the first date doesn’t always mean the guy is looking for cheap sex. It could be something meaningful even if the guy isnt actively looking to find a girlfriend or be in a serious relationship
I mean that sex can be special and meaningful even if it is very soon with someone you have just met
@@opeg8894 i completely agree with that
Is there any strategy in order to build interes around conversation? 🧠🌳🌟 thanks for sharing..
We tryna F and get our numbers up for ego purposes
Do you know how feminine that is? Yuckkk
Basically