"How can you not believe in this person that's sitting here in front of you?" I wish my parents could at least understand that much. I feel you on that one, man.
The supervisor situation sucks but unfortunately it is one of those situations we sometimes get "stuck" in. For one reason or another we can't or don't confront them and then are forced to stay silent and continue to endure it or speak up and risk ramifications (whatever they may be). I feel for you. As far as male or female spaces I often don't feel comfortable in either but then again I don't think I ever really did.
These are the conversations (one-sided though they may be) that I truly LOVE - because it's you wrestling with big stuff, things that even cis friends can relate to and identify with. It's part of the human condition. I had many things that I wanted to say as I was watching the video and now I can't remember. First - the student loan people... that sucks. No way around it. That's irritating. However, on a positive note, it is repeated opportunities to push people out of their comfort zones.
I just realized how amazingly deep your voice is. Crazy. Congrats on 2 years post-op! I'm sorry about that financial aid stuff being weird, it's freaking me out a bit 'cause I have student loans out in my birthname! And I also feel like I inhabit a space that's apart from everyone else, not being able to identify with males because of the lack of socialization/limited time living as one, but being apart from women because of my gender identity. Still trying to become comfortable with that.
The Student Clearinghouse CANNOT handle any sort of change. Name, address, sex, school, etc. - they can't do it. It's seriously nothing about being trans, it's that someone created a federal student loan database with information from like ten years ago. Epic fail (on their part). I had a similar problem at a previous job. In my situation, I found that it was best not to repeat the things my employer said to me because it would have been harmful to spread his toxicity to the others.
As for feeling out of place, it's certainly reasonable, and understandable. However, rather than trying to find a bridge between the "spaces" you occupy, I would submit that you ARE the bridge. You are a unique creature, having occupied both male and female spaces, and can bring insight and understanding to everyone around you who's willing to to be broadened. Rather than seeking to fit in a space, be aware of the fact that you transcend the spaces and the system that created them.
Hey Aydin - it's Konner from Chico, you continue to amaze me with the way you are able to express your feelings. Another great video! You look great! Are you going SF pride?
Hey Aydin :) wow its already been two years post op? Ive been following you from the get go and over the time I really liked your videos. I hope you feel better after getting all of it out and I wish you only the best and keep on rocking you 7 chesthairs XD
Know who else is invisible? People with Asperger's Syndrome. Like being trans, having AS is an "invisible" difference because it is located in the brain. While things are getting better in educating people about AS, there are still some problems. For example, if a parent insists that their kid use the treadmill instead of playing sports in gym class (which was hell for me as an undiagnosed kid with AS), the school board won't let them b/c their difference is "invisible."
I can definitely identify as not feeling like a "real man" but also clearly not being female, and living in that in-between state; a limbo of gender. -Miles
As for the supervisor issue - it's just my humble opinion, but I would encourage you to accept the position of perceived power to stand up to misogyny and sexism. Something as simple as a "Dude, I'm not that kinda guy," and walking away could make a huge difference. Perhaps it will even open his eyes to his own shortcomings, when faced with a guy who's willing to be a better man. More often than not, insecurity drives those kind of guys to put others down. Maybe you can be a role model for him.
How funny (peculiar). Sit tight. You owe no apology or explanation to your boss. He owes it to you. He's going to have to eat crow when he realizes the deleterious assumptions he's made about genders.
Aydin: You had a lot of reason to vent; I hope you feel better! Assuming the student loan office is with the school, I would contact the Alumni Association, tell them the situation, and see if they will help. I would certainly wait until after probation to address anything with your boss. Lightly slugging you in the arm is NOT limited to the 8th grade; Guys well into retirement continue to use it as a means to show light affection. I think that much of what TSs describe as genderqueer is
@Zedie36 Do you know if there are any restrictions on hormone therapy during probation? I will be on probation for a year +, starting June 15. And I'm really anxious/worried.
@Johnson210000 due to their interpretations of hostile environments. I have worked in those environments too (but due to my socialization) I never questioned my gender; instead, I saw the other person(s) as perverted or just strange!
The week that your probation is alleviated, be sure to give him a piece of your mind: stern tone, nice words in a nonconfrontational way. Document each and everything that is being said, everyday. Seriously, that might help you out, because it is creating almost a hostile workplace, if not for you, for yourself. Maybe policies cover this thing?
i just got off probation may 22 and intentionally waited until after that date to come out to my executive director/supervisor. she was totally cool about it but i didn't want to take any chances. i support your statement about not being a real man or a woman. i am very early on T but i know that i will never feel like a real man, whatever that is, and will always feel like a trans guy. and that's okay. trans man is just as valid an identity as "real man." just another stop on the spectrum.
@MeepMarmoset Since you are attending a University, get a list of the student organizations and join some of those where the members of the organization are exclusively or almost exclusively male. That should help you identify with males better. When I was in University, I joined a Rocket club and an amateur radio club. Both were all guys and helped me greatly with socialization. You will probably also join a GLBT club and that is great--just don't limit yourself to that group.
@33Aydin I would not reveal to him your trans. NOT a good idea from your description of him. It's your life Aydin you do not have to explain to every single person you meet that you are trans......do you? I to wanted to tell numerous people that I was trans, but I am glad I did not. It is better in the long run..unless you want to be toyed with? do not give them a reason to....it is none of anyones business but yours....Angel from Bay Area ps started my journey 7 yrs ago and could not be happier
"How can you not believe in this person that's sitting here in front of you?" I wish my parents could at least understand that much. I feel you on that one, man.
I feel you on many issues. I at times, feel like that too. I hope that you find a way to mesh the worlds together.
The supervisor situation sucks but unfortunately it is one of those situations we sometimes get "stuck" in. For one reason or another we can't or don't confront them and then are forced to stay silent and continue to endure it or speak up and risk ramifications (whatever they may be). I feel for you. As far as male or female spaces I often don't feel comfortable in either but then again I don't think I ever really did.
Thanks for sharing. I have experienced similar situations.
These are the conversations (one-sided though they may be) that I truly LOVE - because it's you wrestling with big stuff, things that even cis friends can relate to and identify with. It's part of the human condition.
I had many things that I wanted to say as I was watching the video and now I can't remember. First - the student loan people... that sucks. No way around it. That's irritating. However, on a positive note, it is repeated opportunities to push people out of their comfort zones.
I just realized how amazingly deep your voice is. Crazy. Congrats on 2 years post-op! I'm sorry about that financial aid stuff being weird, it's freaking me out a bit 'cause I have student loans out in my birthname!
And I also feel like I inhabit a space that's apart from everyone else, not being able to identify with males because of the lack of socialization/limited time living as one, but being apart from women because of my gender identity. Still trying to become comfortable with that.
hope you feel better after venting? even if you don't, I think the thoughts you put into the RUclips world are very helpful. good luck!
The Student Clearinghouse CANNOT handle any sort of change. Name, address, sex, school, etc. - they can't do it. It's seriously nothing about being trans, it's that someone created a federal student loan database with information from like ten years ago. Epic fail (on their part).
I had a similar problem at a previous job. In my situation, I found that it was best not to repeat the things my employer said to me because it would have been harmful to spread his toxicity to the others.
Chest looks good! I see no scars!
Thank you for this.
As for feeling out of place, it's certainly reasonable, and understandable. However, rather than trying to find a bridge between the "spaces" you occupy, I would submit that you ARE the bridge. You are a unique creature, having occupied both male and female spaces, and can bring insight and understanding to everyone around you who's willing to to be broadened. Rather than seeking to fit in a space, be aware of the fact that you transcend the spaces and the system that created them.
Hey Aydin - it's Konner from Chico, you continue to amaze me with the way you are able to express your feelings. Another great video! You look great! Are you going SF pride?
congrats on the two years bro...and just try and stay positive...
Hey Aydin :) wow its already been two years post op? Ive been following you from the get go and over the time I really liked your videos. I hope you feel better after getting all of it out and I wish you only the best and keep on rocking you 7 chesthairs XD
Know who else is invisible? People with Asperger's Syndrome. Like being trans, having AS is an "invisible" difference because it is located in the brain. While things are getting better in educating people about AS, there are still some problems. For example, if a parent insists that their kid use the treadmill instead of playing sports in gym class (which was hell for me as an undiagnosed kid with AS), the school board won't let them b/c their difference is "invisible."
I can definitely identify as not feeling like a "real man" but also clearly not being female, and living in that in-between state; a limbo of gender.
-Miles
As for the supervisor issue - it's just my humble opinion, but I would encourage you to accept the position of perceived power to stand up to misogyny and sexism. Something as simple as a "Dude, I'm not that kinda guy," and walking away could make a huge difference. Perhaps it will even open his eyes to his own shortcomings, when faced with a guy who's willing to be a better man. More often than not, insecurity drives those kind of guys to put others down. Maybe you can be a role model for him.
How funny (peculiar). Sit tight. You owe no apology or explanation to your boss. He owes it to you. He's going to have to eat crow when he realizes the deleterious assumptions he's made about genders.
Aydin: You had a lot of reason to vent; I hope you feel better! Assuming the student loan office is with the school, I would contact the Alumni Association, tell them the situation, and see if they will help. I would certainly wait until after probation to address anything with your boss. Lightly slugging you in the arm is NOT limited to the 8th grade; Guys well into retirement continue to use it as a means to show light affection. I think that much of what TSs describe as genderqueer is
@Zedie36 Do you know if there are any restrictions on hormone therapy during probation? I will be on probation for a year +, starting June 15. And I'm really anxious/worried.
@Johnson210000 due to their interpretations of hostile environments. I have worked in those environments too (but due to my socialization) I never questioned my gender; instead, I saw the other person(s) as perverted or just strange!
The week that your probation is alleviated, be sure to give him a piece of your mind: stern tone, nice words in a nonconfrontational way.
Document each and everything that is being said, everyday. Seriously, that might help you out, because it is creating almost a hostile workplace, if not for you, for yourself. Maybe policies cover this thing?
i just got off probation may 22 and intentionally waited until after that date to come out to my executive director/supervisor. she was totally cool about it but i didn't want to take any chances. i support your statement about not being a real man or a woman. i am very early on T but i know that i will never feel like a real man, whatever that is, and will always feel like a trans guy. and that's okay. trans man is just as valid an identity as "real man." just another stop on the spectrum.
@MeepMarmoset Since you are attending a University, get a list of the student organizations and join some of those where the members of the organization are exclusively or almost exclusively male. That should help you identify with males better. When I was in University, I joined a Rocket club and an amateur radio club. Both were all guys and helped me greatly with socialization.
You will probably also join a GLBT club and that is great--just don't limit yourself to that group.
@33Aydin Is it really his business?
@33Aydin I would not reveal to him your trans. NOT a good idea from your description of him. It's your life Aydin you do not have to explain to every single person you meet that you are trans......do you? I to wanted to tell numerous people that I was trans, but I am glad I did not. It is better in the long run..unless you want to be toyed with? do not give them a reason to....it is none of anyones business but yours....Angel from Bay Area ps started my journey 7 yrs ago and could not be happier
how would he find out your trans?