After you have fully experienced the first one; any subsequent one you can FEEL the narcissist dark energy instantly. Don’t question this. You are not wrong. If something feels off, it is. Run!!!
I find that when you pour water on them they just melt into a puddle of warlock goo. they don't fuck with me anymore because I'm a catalyst that brings about their demise and my exes are in prison or headed there so I find narcissists don't like me anymore. Thanks for the videos and many of us find our strength through our experience with narcissists and other disordered people. In the end I feel sorry for them cuz I don't have to juggle all that bullshit and I'm okay with being alone I don't need anybody to supply me with anything in fact the last narcissist I was with push me too far and I beat the crap out of him he never bothered me again and I'm tiny and a midget when I stood up for myself so sometimes you need a little anger to get rid of the hangers on in your life and I don't recommend what I did but you don't advocate for yourself and nobody else will and sometimes you have to confront the bully at the school to get him to leave you alone.
Still They Cum 👸 . & Here I find out it the sex the money the beautiful ✨ . & They throw Us away 🚶 . Hmmm Oh well by the time they find out ?🤔 It's Always to late 💯 Oh Sorry that's In My Head 😁 💕 💌 👸🙏🍷😎. Lolz 😎
When you meet them and the give you this really strange feeling in your stomach even though you don't understand where this feeling is all of the sudden coming from, run! ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUTS!!!
@@hgtudor-theultra Yes, I nearly didn't leave said comment as I appreciate that the point was already made by your good self. However, I decided to leave it anyway as I have puzzled over the behaviour of certain individuals for decades, only ever really "getting it" and having a name for it very recently ( in the scheme of things ) ... I have to say, your work makes understanding much more accessible and clear to every day people...
The test I use with a new person (apart from trusting my intuition) is to either disagree with them, or deny them something they want. Their reaction is usually a good indicator.
Yes the more sophisticated narcissists or those that like to think of themselves as generous altruistic etc pride themselves on being flexible. The more basic ones just have a tantrum 😂
I was 5 years into my marriage and 55 years old when I realized my husband was/is a narcissist and then EVERYTHING made sense. I never knew what a narcissist was!!! We are now separated, I do “no contact” and will divorce him this year. Thank you, HG. I bought 5 of your books and they are spot-on and have helped me understand what I was dealing with. Your perspective, though painful at times to hear, has saved my sanity and given me a new life.
Thank you again HG, for EVERYTHING you've done to help us identify and deal with the Narcissists in our lives. You will never know how much you've helped my sister and I
They always have a sob story and play the victim because they need to see immediately whether you’ll be easy to exploit. They are on the look out for a nice, juicy source of supply. They try to rush the relationship, lock you down as quickly as possible.
Absolutely. Up to date I've realized that my gut feeling is the key because I felt uncomfortable interacting with certain people (even though they were kind to me), and in the end I was right. I figured out their toxic behaviors. Now I more aware of their manipulations they used.
I like doing a "no" test on someone and observe how they react, if it's over the top (busted) if its mature and respectful (they passed a major red flag), however it's true, if takes time to get a clearer picture of someone's shadow. I never commit early on in a relationship, I wait at least 3 months. Most everyone puts on their best selves in the beginning, after a few months they start normalizing into their base personality, that's when you can start to see who they really are ...
Two years ago I had no idea what narcissism was. It's dangerous not knowing what narcissist is. This stuff should be learned in school. Honestly when I was in college and taking all those stupid classes for extra credit, I wish they had a class on personality disorders. Many people would be alive today if they learned all these things Hg is teaching us. I even took a message class for extra credit. What foolishness.
When you feel butterflies in your stomach,love at first sight, sense of deep familiarity, sudden spark, Sense of deep connection is a huge red flag.. Sometimes your gut cheat you with butterflies and familiarity and connection and lure you into narc relationship bcoz of the deep trauma bonding yu already have with your narc parents or siblings or partners
Agree with you 💯. I got entangled in a 2 year relationshit with a Psychopathic Covert Narcissist. Terrible gut feelings from the get go which I put down to nerves/butterflies and there was something familiar about him, I idolised him at first. Then the tortuous devaluation started and terrifying mask drop happened at the end. I got therapy and they identified one of my brothers as a Narcissist in the first session 🤯. Had to do a lot of soul searching and accept my role in the toxic relationship. Think I'm aware how to recognise and ward off these ghouls now.
yep nailed after the first romantic with a narc that enlighted me about what my "dad" is and how I was raised, I thought I'd never fall again on these creatures, but I did , true that this time I fastly discovered that she is another covert narc, smarter than the first and with a better facade, in the third time we meet like 20 days after the time we initiated the entaglement.Trrough text Iwas able to see the patterns and that gut feeling clicked in adding it with the give aways they always do... I could go no contact but the problem is we met at work, we are not working together but 1 -2 time a yer our companies work together , now Im thinking how escape with less damage in my worklplace, Wich aproach I should do
The best way to avoid being bothered by a narcissist is to be unforgiving. Acknowledge behavior that seems manipulative. Don’t accept little lies and misinformation. Don’t make excuses for them. Be rational. Don’t give them the benefit of the doubt. Don’t be used. Unfortunately people who attract narcissists suck at spotting them. Even when they are well informed. It’s quite tragic actually. My sister is a narcissist magnet. She now asks my judgement before hooking up, whenever she’s not sure about someone. Let me tell you, I spot them from miles away. She still doesn’t see it.
She's lucky to have you! They should train guide dogs to sense narcissists and alert their person the way dogs can alert people before they have a seizure! 😂
After 6, I have tattooed 6 dots on each wrist so all I have to do now is look down at my wrists. A never removed reminder to never again be used. Stupid, but it means something to me.
Omg I use exactly the same phrase to describe myself! I don't date at all now, as it just ends in me being used and hurt. It's been 4 years now and I'd rather be alone than with a narcissist
The first sign of a narcissist for me in a workplace is when someone mimics their colleagues’ words. Narcissists don’t even notice that they do it. As soon as I see someone acting like this, I do grey rock and move on as soon as I can. Normal people don’t mimic- they have their own vocabulary, ideas and a way of speaking.
Yes narcissists parrot you and it does drive you nuts, they seem to enjoy annoying people especially when they bait you for a reaction. Some narcissists can remind you of an evil clown.
I literally had to ask my ex hub after he speaks, "Which movie did you get that from?" None of his words sounded like his own. He always said I knew him the best
So many things in life are solved by slowing down. People nowadays are always rushing into everything then regretting when it blows up in their faces. Slow down! Stop rushing into everything! Take your time to get to know people. It will solve so many problems. Stop.
‘I, I, I, I, me, me, me, me.’ - Just snap out of it. When you hear this too often, just get the hell out! If they aren’t a narcissist, they sure as hell are completely self-absorbed. You want neither! Win/Win
I think you can identify the overt narcissist more easily than the covert. But I told my friend 2 weeks after started to date the last ex narc “I think he’s a narcissist!” And we both decided nah he can’t be. And I let it go. A year later...he’s a sociopathic covert narcissist. Trust.your.instincts
Covert narcissistic people are almost impossible to detect in the beginning. It took me six months to find out I was with a narcissist, and that happened when he discarded me 😮. Apparently, almost everything was normal besides my high boundaries and telling him " no " all the time 🙃.
@@kimberlyelliott7933 covert narcissism is combination of narcissism and psychopathy i have dealt with one myself they are the worst i began to slowly realize that the person who appeared kind peaceful and an eternal victim was blood thirst sadist who have no conscience what so ever i feel bad for her poor husband
True, yeah with some people you might not be able to tell straight away but with HGs amazing work we will all get better at it. Also i research criminal word analysts there are some on YT i highly recommend you all look into it.
Agree, I heard it coined as "psychotic tells" they can't help but to say a clue before they act. However, it's important to develop and hone a learned skill called "observing ego" which prerequisite is staying in the present time frame when you are engaging with people.
1. Narcissists can't stand you being logical and voicing out logical concerns and questions. Logic will always be emapth's biggest defence and win , when up against narcissist 2. Narcs are inconsistent with their love or affection. True affection is genuine and consistent..
Narcissists hate questions in general unless it's "how did you become to be such an amazing, successful, sexy person?" It's almost as if by questioning them, your questioning their omnipotence. Also they have well rehearsed lines about their past, their brilliance, their boo hoo pity me childhoods, their crazy ex's etc. When you question them they have to go off script and that probably consumes valuable fuel.
The combination of their love bombing and your intuitive feeling being simply revulsion when they're around you is usually a sign you have met a narcissist. It's when you have that instinctive revulsion and ignore it, thinking there's no reason why you should feel like that, that you often let the narcissist into your life and regret it later. These days I trust my instincts.
Pattern over time frame 1. Say no and use this as a sentence often. See what their reaction is. 2. Disagree with something they have a strong belief in. See what their reaction is. 3. Look for indirect eye contact (or a strange eye contact that doesn't quite connect), plus facial expressions/body language that dont seem to match the typical emotional response. 4. Moving way too fast. They're in love w you wanna move in buy a house together and live happily ever after. 5. If they still live w mommy, .... Run. 6. If they're life is a mess, messy home, unopened bills, heck they don't even have a small steady job or bank account....and they got excuses.... Run. Don't be trying to fix anyone bc you still need recovery. 7. If they dig into your past relationships of failure n want details...dont. They're phishing. 8. They bad mouth all their exes. 9. They don't really give intimate details of any past painful experience and if you ask them again, they give identical small sentences w lack of detail.... 10. Trust your gut. If something don't feel right, somethings wrong. Get out. Stay out. Ur emotional thinking will try to rationalize weird behavior or strange comments. 11. One of my favorite... Ask them whats something they believe theyve failed in life or whats something they think they need to work on within themselves.... It'll either be something external like I need a better job. Or ull hear CRICKETS and they're content. They may even change the subject abruptly.
Agree and will obviously look out for the above but for me I will now also do a background check with PI agency. My life, money, business and career were to affected to do anything less. They are lying fcks so asking them questions and relying on any answer they spew out of their filthy mouths ... Is pointless.
YES! YES! YES! 12. Watch out for the flying monkeys, A.K.A, their friends. Discards them too. Some may be whom the narc is sleeping with or its their ex's. They will lie to you...for the Narc. Smile in your face and everything. TRUST YOUR GUT! PLEASE BE SAFE EVERYONE.
I ain't dating anyone without knowing their past relationships it gives me insight about the person. Yeah they can lie about it and i can know if they are coz i am an empath there is a voice inside me that tells me they're lying if they are,like gollum. Ofc i am not going to use that against them you don't know how that information will help you imagine if you don't know things about them were you even being with them its good to know about your partners unless you just wanna sleep with them. Ofc get to know them before opening up about these things.
@@The_authentic_queen_ I feel like murdering these guys which i definitely wouldn't but its really a valid feeling. Its a very disgusting feeling looking at these guys i avoid them like they don't exist.
Honestly like he said, it's patterns. Everyone has narcissistic traits to an extent. However, it's the patterns of narcissism, the words never matching actions, lack of responsibility, the impossibility of taking criticism, inflated self importance, the explaining off of red flags, gas lighting, devaluation increasing etc. just to name a few. The only way you see these is over time with the narc. It took me 3 months before I saw her for who she really was.
I only understood later in life (I will be 76 next month) that my mother was a covert narcissist. Most of my life was spent in a state of confusion until recently.
I understand that very well Cordelia. I'm so glad for you that you've discovered HG's work, and the burden of pain and being made to feel not good enough is lifting from you. There are lots of us 'Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers' here, so you have our support.
I'm 56. Several years ago, I thought my father was a sociopath. I only recently realized he is absolutely a covert narcissist 😢 Thank God he didn't raise me so our "relationship" wasn't frequent or close.
The ultimate red flag that you have attracted another narc is if you look within and see that you havent done any healing or advanced in terms of self love since the last narc,so the greatest. Indicator is within
Good point. Plus on first meeting they seem off but you excuse it. Like they say or do something bizarre. They might be drunk, but you excuse it, treating you with standoffish ness but you excuse it as shyness...
A big, big, big red flag is if the person you are involved with wants to move in together almost right away, or very early in the relationship. Beware of those who try to make you feel guilty for not wanting to move in together as well, you could be letting a monster into your home. Also, if they make promises, seriously look at their ability to actually KEEP those promises. Many narcissists will promise you the Moon. But can they give it to you? No. This is a classic manipulation.
I've learnt to trust my instincts. Every narc I've met, male and female, my body gave me warning signs and I just ignored them and made excuses for them. Nowadays, I get a gut feel and I run. I don't even bother understanding why.
I can totally understand that. I kind of feel the same. I am mindful that after being through a narcissistic relationship, i might be getting a lot of ‘false positives’ as a result of hyper vigilance. In that sense I think it’s important not to write people off too hastily. There is this risk of becoming emotionally closed and possibly missing out on good quality friendships in the future. Your instincts, and your body’s response, are set by your alert level and while that’s there to protect you, bear in mind that trauma can make you very sensitive and wary of people at a baseline level.
One very good indicator is whether a person always assumes good things about others. Narcissists cannot do that. Narcissists MUST assume negative about everybody because they must be the better one, the winner.
The narcs I’ve been involved with started out with this weird stare as if they were trying to see through me. I still remember the way my ex husband was looking at me whilst stood in line for the bathroom on an airplane on the flight over to Korea, and how my ex boyfriend was staring at me in the doctor’s office. Now I know the look and can just not get involved.
My father has been addicted to my narc mother his whole life. She died the other day. I wonder if he can continue living his last few years without her... Thank you, grateful scapegoat daughter of two monsters.
hmm, addiction is an interesting term. It would explain my sister's (favorite-victim) relationship to our narcissistic grandmother. I had felt my grandmother's extremely poor health in the year prior to her death was to allow my sister a chance to let go. She resisted it. I'm also the scapegoat. My understanding is we're the most likely to escape the narcissist.
Or fail to do. My experience with a narcissist was so disturbing that it's my mission to be on alert..but they are slippery and you can't convince others if they're not educated and/or enlightened. They are everywhere.
I had a very traumatic ,life changing experience about 8 years ago . I now have the ability to smell "them" from 2 miles away . Freedom , my life is now freedom .
35 years of marriage it took me to find out there are such awful creatures like this out there. One you see one you can spot them a mile away. I’ve learned never to ignore the red flag 🚩 Also show self love and you’ll see them as that’s one thing they can’t stand is you loving you. The biggest tool ever against these A holes 🕳
My ex 34 years before she jumped out of the box demanding her divorce my job completed everything paid no debts. The courts in the U.K. are complicit in their deception aided by solicitors.
Well said - they can’t stand you loving you. I learned this after 40 years of catering to All my older brother’s needs. All around him was blamed for his failures, poor him - life never treated him well, women has a free ride in this life comparing to men, my mom did not provide him with enough wealth so he can live a carefree life (meaning not having to work and support his night clubs’ loving life), and the list goes on and on. My poor mother never understood he is a narcissist, so did I until I listened through these series 😂 However, after supporting him and his family financially for 15 years (including paying 1/2 of his mortgage), and with passing of my mother, I cut him off from my funds and surely enough I became an enemy number one. He couldn’t tolerate the fact that he can’t continue to play his ‘victim’s card’ - I was not buying it anymore. He is not talking to me - I do not exist anymore in his petty life of self-absorption. All my life I thought it is my duty to support family, love then unconditionally, do everything I can for my two older brothers, run to the rescue immediately whenever they needed me. After all family is sacred. This is how I thought and lived my life. And I heard all the time from people outside my family - of course she is so successful because she has a support of her two older brothers :) Anyway, I am glad that I released that there is a life for me too and surprisingly I do not feel guilty for starting to live it. Thanks for listening (obviously I can not share this with my relatives and friends).
Thank for reminding us of the distinction between narcissists and having narcissistic traits, because after binge listening to your videos this weekend I’m starting to assume everyone I know is a narcissist - including me
I'm also finding myself thinking the same thoughts. I've come to the conclusion I don't think I am a narcissist as I'm too much of a doormat for that (I don't like saying no to people). However, I can definitely identify times of narcissistic traits in myself after watching HG's videos.
Yes, I’m with you on this one, especially in dealing with my adult child, are they? Am I? Do I buy them things or help them out to control them? Their father definitely has the traits but is capable of behaving normally. Does it matter whether you spot them? The most important thing is to not let people into your life who show any sign of red flags
Pray to be able to discern spirits, your spirit will sound the alarms. Conversing a few times or just observing will illuminate things. I thank God for my discernment. If you continually draw narcs, its time to pray & fast. Getting rid of any spirits within self that's a magnet to them. Close those doors and work on healthy boundaries.
This is very major. Prayer for the spirit of discernment helped me alot. From first interraction I asked God to reveal who that person was. My spirit was unsettled.
It gives me a huge amount of comfort that Jesus knows Narcissists, and He knows how to handle them. He totally understands the pain of Narcissistic Abuse, the 'Judas Kiss', and He guided me to start no contact with my Narcissist sister before I knew that no contact was a thing. I love Him for that. He knew better than I did that my mental health couldn't take it anymore.
@@caroliner2029 Amen Caroline 🙏🏻 Finally an answer involving true prayer with the Master of the Impossible - Jesus Christ Himself. To be sure & protected yourself for longer term - I recommend also a strength of prayer to Saint Spirit!! He definitely helps me these days to defend from the evil power & any temptation that leads to nowhere 🕊️
4:17 - True, there's no fail-proof way to differentiate between a narcissist who's pretending, and a genuinely kind, thoughtful, generous person. You must be alert and pay attention to behaviors over time. You can excuse something once, possibly twice, but if the unacceptable behavior happens a 3rd time, you must yeet them immediately!
We often do recognise them at the instant we meet them. Unfortunately we hesitate to believe our instincts and once we ignore our first impressions and inner voice we become lost. Their sickly sweet poison begins to enter our system and we're in their thrall. There were many times when my inner voice told me that the situation was sick and that for my mental health I should leave, but I put it off in the hope of receiving more of this particular opiate. When a year later his treatment of me became so bad, dishonest and painful I knew I had to prise him out no matter how painful it felt. On an intellectual level I hung onto that thought and waited for my emotional state to calm down over time. I had someone in my life I trusted completely which helped a lot.
Or coworker. A jealous narcissist coworker is hell on earth if everyone believes their BS except you. My requirement for bosses moving forward is they absolutely MUST have a functional narc-o-meter and the cajones to confront those types of hostile employees. On a side note: I have remained voluntarily corporatelyunemployed and do contract work only.
Now that I'm educating myself more I understand what HG Tudor means by our addiction with the narcissist. I used to think that I'm not addicted, I don't need anything to do with the ex. Yes but I tend to be attracted to new narcs with my desire to help the needy. So scary and so sad.
Always trust your own knowing, over anything anyone ever says. If someone is at all disrespectful, selfish, inconsiderate or unkind, inattentive to your words, talks only about themselves, bragging, vain, overly dressed & made up, & rude or late~~ these are all first clues, & what i would call, "Insta~fails."
An intense powerful and glittery blue-eyed stare that suggests they want you. And I notice they raise their eyebrows at you a lot, all 3 narcs I had did this to me when we first met
I'm not the sort of person who usually dislikes people instantly. I generally try to give people the benefit of the doubt. However, I can think of maybe about three people who have rubbed me the wrong way. I had an instructor in college who I now suspect is a narcissist. She was always outwardly nice to me, but I remember disliking her, not knowing why, and feeling guilty about it. I just told myself that I should give her a chance and that I might come to like her. It was later that I realized that she displayed narcissistic traits.
My most recent narcissist story: I already had trauma from a narcissistic father but I started a new job in May 2020 during lockdown and my training "mentor" was definitely narcissist. She sensed my empathic traits and proceeded to use me as a punching bag to obtain fuel and control for 6 months. This all happened while I was trying to juggle home schooling and social isolation. She didn't need to lovebomb me - I was tied to her and she could torture me over video and audio calls every. single. day. It was hell on earth and I almost lost my career (and to be honest, my sanity) over it but I fought my corner with senior management and got out from under her control, moving on to a great new mentor. She immediately ignored me because I didn't serve her aims anymore. As for me, despite moving forward in the job I think I suffered deep trauma from it all and I'm battling with an ongoing lack of confidence and self-worth at work and in life. Not sure if I'll ever be capable of being happy/confident in this job now. Did anyone else experience this sort of thing during Covid. I reckon lockdown home working was heaven for narcissistic managers. Literally a captive audience.
Something I've noticed when encountering Narcissists - I get butterflies or a tight feeling in my stomach when they're in my space. Sometimes I've mistaken that for attraction. It's actually a fear response. If they're assessing you as a potential target, you will get the piercing, prolonged stare, like a cold predator eyeballing prey.
So creepy when you look back and realize everything. I remember my narc commenting how my posture was good and my walk didn’t match my personality. The staring was there during but got creepier as I left her.
Signs from a middle mid range type B were: 1. Very VERY depressed and down. 2. "I'm broken, I have nothing to offer you" 3. CONSTANT selfpitying. 4. Always talked about himself and couldnt care less about me. Went on for 5-6 hours about himself every time we met. 5. Violent reactions to when I tried describing my exes and what I had been through, by exxagerating about his ex and how incredible she was -Jealousy. 6. Moved in just months into the contact ACROSS my building and still lives there today. 7. No hobbies or anything on his spare time, no life glow, no fighting spark. 8. Dissapeared for weeks without any reason one month into the contact. 9. His parents were shitty, his sister and brother shitty, his coworkers shitty, everyone except his friend who were all on drugs according to him. 10. Always wanted to meet at my place and never being outside. (Later understood it was because he was ashamed of himself) 11. Told me he was so ashamed of himself he looked down while out walking. 12. A highly arrogant attitude towards me "Dont think you are anything special!" 13. Bragged about himself which later turned out to be lies. "I'm the best at my office!" (Reality= They wanted him fired for causing problems)
Perfect being the key word, too good to be true, my narc was like that, I thought wow , I found my soul mate but it was a Chucky doll in fancy clothes and speech!
My first red flag, which I ignored, was how could such a perfect and lovable man still not be taken? Next one I ignored was how come all his "friends" are females who are obvious wannabe lovers? Third sign I ignored was why does he not care that taking me away from my fiancé would break that other man's heart? I did not stop to ask myself if I would try to take him from someone he was engaged to marry...I would not have even considered it! I was just impressed at how much he felt for me but never asked him to define these feelings he said he had. Stupid and young. Slow to learn. Took me 11 yrs. to finally confront it.
When you get home after your first date and they call you before you can shut the door and they call you and say.....Sooooo....I think I’m in love, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT ME? they immediately try to get fuel by making you talk about them...🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮☠️
In the beginning my ex kept saying I had to open my heart to him and be honest, that was after about the 100th time he told me he loved me! I thought why I don’t want to I hardly know you and certainly don’t love you. He was so mad they really are sick creatures.
Hahaha, I would instantly run a mile - narc or not. I don't like to rush into anything and well I would not have had a chance to reflect - so I could not supply the question anyway lol
It's hard to not get caught up in the emotions when Narcissist women (friends) are being over-the-top with presents and sharing etc, gushing about friendship and creating obligation. With N-men I can easily say "I'm not an impulse buyer.... I always take my time..." Although when they're saying "will we make this 'our place'?", and "will we make this 'our song'?", I have been known to get swept up in the moment.
Too many out there I’m happy to be happy without all that effort. Life’s good as a single person having friends. Of course they can be narcissists but not so difficult to walk away from.
Narcissists fulfill the 7 abominations that are detestable to the Lord in scripture: 1. A haughty spirit 2. A lying tongue 3. Hands that shed innocent blood 4. A heart that devises wicked schemes 5. Feet that are swift to run into trouble 6. Bearing false witness 7. Sowing division amongst brothers
I’d say the first thing to look out for is the person trying to become too close too quickly, and having poor boundaries. For instance, one of the first things my narc told me was that she had been raped as a child. No doubt she had picked up on my empathetic nature and, whether or not it was actually true, it was a test and the start of the manipulation. She was also very quick (w/in a month) to tell me she loved me, wanted to get married ASAP, and have a baby.
Those raised in a narc family, and were the empathic scapegoat, are prime targets for future narcs. Damaged prey. When they sweep you off your feet before getting to know you... narc allert. Quietly move out if reach, no big drama. And that's the thing. They don't pick people who are not easilly sucked-in. So, never be a sucked-in type, anywhere. Think boundaries. When early and suddenly the "we" word for your life, belongings, work, anything, is being used.
I am going to assume anyone I meet is a narc unless proven otherwise. I am done! Mother, friends, HOA board members, neighbors, coworkers, past boyfriends. Just done!
First time i watched NARC-LE ( in that unbearable BBC engagement interview) i instinctively knew she is a narc. I couldn't finish watching the whole thing, still haven't, it is torture to me. So my point is that when you are a survivor, you instinctively KNOW.
Easily distracted is easiest sign for me to notice. Its subtle triangulation and shit test in one go. We fall for it because empathetic people want to bond on something so we take the distraction as varied interest.
I never worried about narcissists until fell in love with one and thought this is the perfect love and was super happy thought this is forever. Did not pick up on the sign. Just wrote them off as something must have hurt her in the past. Now that the little be bombing has stopped the happiness went to loneliness even when with the person you love.
Yes, the loneliness is painful. I'm glad that my intuition recognises it, that something crucial is missing. I'm glad that your intuition does the same.
I used to call them scammers, flim-flam men, or serial killer vibes. I find that boundary transgressions are telling. They want things from you...a cigarette. They want you to buy them a drink. They start to tell a joke that is in poor taste. All these rate an insulted, "No! STOP IT!" Think about it, what is the quality of a stranger who mooches from you or demeans your morals?
“ Benefit of the doubt” a narcissist DREAM goal. This trait in us is what is the “ Enabler”. Which is so hard given our religious/ ethical teachings poured down us as children. Feels wrong to not do. Another win for the narc.
You WILL feel it something will come over your body time and again, having them around will make you feel exhausted, inexplicable sleeplessness, sudden convulsions in the middle of the night when they're sleeping in the same room
I met many narcissists and did not know until long after and after I learned what a narcissist was, but one narcissist, made my body jump back. I had never had that experience, and still it was not until after I learned what they are did I understand my physical reaction to that person. Touching his hand in a handshake repulsed me, but I dud not know what my soul did, that person is the devil incarnate and proves it everyday. I hope my spidey senses will work on them all in the future, but I'm sure you are right, some are more charismatic than others. In the police field, it is known that 70% of the time, when a person meets a truly vile person they will have a physical reaction.
I met someone at a party, gave him my # after he asked. He shows up at my apartment looks around and says, "you waxed the floors just for me?" I thought, oh sh*t! Those kind of comments, that seem completely bizarre unless there was waxing stuff right in eyesight or the smell of wax, stuff that has absolutely nothing to do with anything remotely talked about and even then to assume "it was done for just for them when you know nothing about them"! Just do the smartest thing and run! You're old boyfriend came back after years of praying, say anything to get away! But he was a very aggressive narc, there are much smoother ones that reel you in, inch by inch.
Here is a strong indicator from my experience. If you give it a few dates (even on the second date), some will have the audacity to say "I love you". Happened to me, and when confronted this mid ranger started crying and went on a rant about how their ex cheated on them.
Listen to your friends & family. Sometimes the Narc's family will try to alert you. Remember you & your friends have known each other longer and the Narc's family have known them longer.
My grandmother was likely a covert narcissist. (destructive.) It was many years before I learned that name, but vividly recall the first time I read through the list of traits and it was "check, check, check, check". I was uncomfortable around her (but adored my grandfather), but it wasn't until she mistakenly showed her hand when I was 13 that I really stood back and watched. I never, ever trusted her again. She was pretty twisted. Long before I knew what narcissism was called, I would meet certain people and the hair on the back of my neck would stand up. I couldn't not be wary, some part of me knew something was "off". Some I ended up having enough contact to confirm that initial red-flag. (the fastest was the new husband of an acquaintance. During our very first conversation - about sheep - I felt like he was trying to con me. Absolutely convinced, which was stupid as it was such an inconsequential subject. A few weeks later I learned he'd been arrested for fraud. Later sentenced to six years in prison.)
When you get the 'check, check, check' result it hits you in the stomach, doesn't it? I was describing a very, annoying, new acquaintance to a friend and suddenly she said 'oh she is definitely a narc' so did some research and got the checks ticked. While this was happening I suddenly realised a family member causing huge problems, ticked all the boxes and the con jobs she attempted were something else. Feel so sorry for her young children and think about them all the time.
I think that the most poignant and critical point of this video is to reduce your emotional thinking when meeting new people. I have made this mistake many times and it caused a lot of problems for me. I've grown wiser over the years and now know how to communicate better with narcissists. In reality we can't simply just go no contact with narcissists but we can successfully have civil relationships with them by establishing healthy boundaries; keeping ourselves at an emotionally safe distance from them and by making them think that they are in control. It is important to not allow yourself to become a prime source of supply for them because then you'll get exploited. Keep your emotion in check but also it is important not to be overly cautious and judgmental as H.G. said because you'll mistakenly judge someone as being a narcissist when they merely have some of the traits.
It’s useless to attempt to keep your emotional and spiritual equilibrium with a narcissist. They’re barely human. You just have to cut them off and never relent.
There's now a lot of statistical (or whatever kind of grounded info) that 'empaths' are people who were abused as children. And had to be highly sensitive and reactive constantly to everybody's micro moods, facial expressions, highly tuned in to predict and avoid emotional, mental and physical danger. I know many of us are naturally that way to a certain extent, and those are often the sensitive type children who are abused the worst or who feel it the worst? But this self labeling as an empath, and this modern obsession with being an empath or thinking you're an empath, and that you're vulnerable etcetera or powerful more than normal people, goes back to overt or covert childhood abuse we are now learning. And many who identify as empaths are narcissists themselves. We all just need healing, whoever we are. We need to do the necessary work.
HG - I appreciate your sharing your viewpoint. I have listened to some very good descriptions of the different types of narcissism and how it affects those around the narcissist, but they are still descriptions by "outsiders". You bring a useful viewpoint and insight into the mind of a narcissist. Thank you.
I just like listening to your voice. Also enjoy your way of explaining things. My mother was a sociopath but you've explained her to a tee. I also am an empath that often puts me in the path of your kind. Now I'm old and I have shields. Well done.🌹
He has stressed the 6 month break in multiple videos recently regarding the emotional thinking. I believe this is extremely important. Am I imaging it or is hg Tudor giving more tools lately that are not just educating but guiding towards healing and freedom? It feels like he has taken his educational knowledge to the next level. I wonder if he had some kind of guard up and is now lowering it with this different angle he is using. They are more optimistic for the victim. The latest videos I find more interesting for the person that is maxed out on general narc knowledge. It’s new. Wise man. You must keep changing to stay on top.
It feels like they’re evil. No matter how they got the way they are (my brother was beaten pretty regularly by our dad) or how you may recognize the negative impact of their upbringing, they’ll eventually turn on you. It’s just a matter of time.
Honestly I think every human born in this earth is a narcissist.only the degree matters and varies per individual.Those who know they have this weakness are able to control it and become better people.Those who do not know they have this weakness manifest it full swing.
I wish I had know about Narcissism before my last relationship. I knw something different was going, but only after it ended did I started seeing the pattern and the reality of what I went through.
I just couldn't work this guy out..got me questioning myself, so many times..i knew nothing about narcassists at the time...but when i did discover what one was, i then understood him perfectly and left!!!
Excellent HG. Also what comes to mind is a 'Peacock' in the room, An Academy Award Winning Actor portraying the 'Poor Little ol' me', and someone surveying the room looking for a light snack. Would you agree HG?👍
I worked with some male Narcissists like that. You could read that unmistakable 'fuel seeking' room scan as they entered, especially the upper Lesser. It would switch us all to immediate 'grey rock' mode, complete with blank facial expressions. This was before we knew anything about Narcissism.
After you have fully experienced the first one; any subsequent one you can FEEL the narcissist dark energy instantly. Don’t question this. You are not wrong. If something feels off, it is. Run!!!
I agree, once you KNOW, you can feel it.
@@CarterSams So true..
You will be alone for a very long time if you run at the first red flag.
Unless you've been raised by a narcissist, when they all seem normal because you don't know any better.
Question. Are narcissists possessive people, too? Thank you in advance!
My red flag is When things seem too good to be true they usually are
Confessing their undying love for you when you've only just met rings alarm bells big time.
He did that on our second date.
Mine said he loved me during our initial meeting!
Exactly...💯💯
He told me he loves me after 8h of writing on whatsapp😂 on the first day he was like: lets start our love story😭
First wife! 2 dates!
The horns and the tail are an instant give away.
Lol 😂
I find that when you pour water on them they just melt into a puddle of warlock goo. they don't fuck with me anymore because I'm a catalyst that brings about their demise and my exes are in prison or headed there so I find narcissists don't like me anymore. Thanks for the videos and many of us find our strength through our experience with narcissists and other disordered people. In the end I feel sorry for them cuz I don't have to juggle all that bullshit and I'm okay with being alone I don't need anybody to supply me with anything in fact the last narcissist I was with push me too far and I beat the crap out of him he never bothered me again and I'm tiny and a midget when I stood up for myself so sometimes you need a little anger to get rid of the hangers on in your life and I don't recommend what I did but you don't advocate for yourself and nobody else will and sometimes you have to confront the bully at the school to get him to leave you alone.
🤣🤣🤣
Hahaha!
Still They Cum 👸 . & Here I find out it the sex the money the beautiful ✨ . & They throw Us away 🚶 . Hmmm Oh well by the time they find out ?🤔 It's Always to late 💯 Oh Sorry that's In My Head 😁 💕 💌 👸🙏🍷😎. Lolz 😎
When you meet them and the give you this really strange feeling in your stomach even though you don't understand where this feeling is all of the sudden coming from, run! ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUTS!!!
Great advice, haul Azz
Exactly...💯💯
Agree...I had a warning gut feeling in solar plexus, and ignored it.
Never again.
ALWAYS!
it's your intuition or infinite intelligence speaking
Most people don't spot them simply because they don't know - nor could ever imagine - that such twisted creatures exist...
A point made in the video, though not using those words.
@@hgtudor-theultra Yes, I nearly didn't leave said comment as I appreciate that the point was already made by your good self. However, I decided to leave it anyway as I have puzzled over the behaviour of certain individuals for decades, only ever really "getting it" and having a name for it very recently ( in the scheme of things ) ... I have to say, your work makes understanding much more accessible and clear to every day people...
😆👏👏👏
@@hgtudor-theultra 😆👏👏👏
Marvin...you have an intact soul.
The test I use with a new person (apart from trusting my intuition) is to either disagree with them, or deny them something they want. Their reaction is usually a good indicator.
The older narcissists will pass this test, at least in the beginning.
Mine did.
good move there
Agree with this.
Yes the more sophisticated narcissists or those that like to think of themselves as generous altruistic etc pride themselves on being flexible. The more basic ones just have a tantrum 😂
👍🏻👌🏻though experienced ones will be flexible at the beginning
I was 5 years into my marriage and 55 years old when I realized my husband was/is a narcissist and then EVERYTHING made sense. I never knew what a narcissist was!!! We are now separated, I do “no contact” and will divorce him this year. Thank you, HG. I bought 5 of your books and they are spot-on and have helped me understand what I was dealing with. Your perspective, though painful at times to hear, has saved my sanity and given me a new life.
Thank you again HG, for EVERYTHING you've done to help us identify and deal with the Narcissists in our lives. You will never know how much you've helped my sister and I
It takes time for it to be revealed, this is why you should never rush into a relationship, slow burn of a relationship not a freight train.
Sensible.
Soooo many things take time to be revealed. You should probably know someone well for about 50 years before you make things permanent.
@@kittiwhieldon4329 😆
Same with a roommate unfortunately I've just moved in with a controlling narcissist! I will be leaving after only 2 weeks! Freak
Even with coverts.... it can take years before their personality changes . These are the most dangerous
They always have a sob story and play the victim because they need to see immediately whether you’ll be easy to exploit. They are on the look out for a nice, juicy source of supply. They try to rush the relationship, lock you down as quickly as possible.
Yes. I call it "Umbilical Cord Syndrome." They plug 🔌 bro you suck you out dry unplug and seek a new supply to plug into.
That's exactly it good call
Always a sob story that involves them being the victim and they did nothing wrong
Always trust your instincts. Better safe than sorry.
Absolutely. Up to date I've realized that my gut feeling is the key because I felt uncomfortable interacting with certain people (even though they were kind to me), and in the end I was right. I figured out their toxic behaviors.
Now I more aware of their manipulations they used.
@@asryn96
Story of my life too Asryn.
💯👏👏👏
I felt early on also that I just wasn't his type... I doubt he would've liked me if say we'd met in a club environment... gut feelings, trust them
Observation - NRG Vampires are exhausting - Run
The attention seeking is a MASSIVE sign.
I like doing a "no" test on someone and observe how they react, if it's over the top (busted) if its mature and respectful (they passed a major red flag), however it's true, if takes time to get a clearer picture of someone's shadow. I never commit early on in a relationship, I wait at least 3 months. Most everyone puts on their best selves in the beginning, after a few months they start normalizing into their base personality, that's when you can start to see who they really are ...
It's a give away...
Especially on social media
Two years ago I had no idea what narcissism was. It's dangerous not knowing what narcissist is. This stuff should be learned in school. Honestly when I was in college and taking all those stupid classes for extra credit, I wish they had a class on personality disorders. Many people would be alive today if they learned all these things Hg is teaching us. I even took a message class for extra credit. What foolishness.
I agree. This should be taught in schools
You are spot on
Almost nothing taught in schools is useful. We can only educate ourselves.
It is in graduate school for Counseling.
Is my all time favorite class. Psychopathology!
@@4everu984but they don't tell The truth ... These people run our governments, corporations and own The assets ... Shh!
When you feel butterflies in your stomach,love at first sight, sense of deep familiarity, sudden spark, Sense of deep connection is a huge red flag.. Sometimes your gut cheat you with butterflies and familiarity and connection and lure you into narc relationship bcoz of the deep trauma bonding yu already have with your narc parents or siblings or partners
Totally agree with you !
Yes! This when will I learn...
Agree with you 💯. I got entangled in a 2 year relationshit with a Psychopathic Covert Narcissist. Terrible gut feelings from the get go which I put down to nerves/butterflies and there was something familiar about him, I idolised him at first. Then the tortuous devaluation started and terrifying mask drop happened at the end. I got therapy and they identified one of my brothers as a Narcissist in the first session 🤯. Had to do a lot of soul searching and accept my role in the toxic relationship. Think I'm aware how to recognise and ward off these ghouls now.
I definitely have been catching this myself. Can feel it quickly at times.
yep nailed after the first romantic with a narc that enlighted me about what my "dad" is and how I was raised, I thought I'd never fall again on these creatures, but I did , true that this time I fastly discovered that she is another covert narc, smarter than the first and with a better facade, in the third time we meet like 20 days after the time we initiated the entaglement.Trrough text Iwas able to see the patterns and that gut feeling clicked in adding it with the give aways they always do... I could go no contact but the problem is we met at work, we are not working together but 1 -2 time a yer our companies work together , now Im thinking how escape with less damage in my worklplace, Wich aproach I should do
The best way to avoid being bothered by a narcissist is to be unforgiving. Acknowledge behavior that seems manipulative. Don’t accept little lies and misinformation. Don’t make excuses for them. Be rational. Don’t give them the benefit of the doubt. Don’t be used. Unfortunately people who attract narcissists suck at spotting them. Even when they are well informed. It’s quite tragic actually.
My sister is a narcissist magnet. She now asks my judgement before hooking up, whenever she’s not sure about someone. Let me tell you, I spot them from miles away. She still doesn’t see it.
What is it you can see in them? Do they stay away from you instinctively? Thanks 😊
@@sugarsnap1000 It's self born intuition , different people different
She's lucky to have you! They should train guide dogs to sense narcissists and alert their person the way dogs can alert people before they have a seizure! 😂
After 6, I have tattooed 6 dots on each wrist so all I have to do now is look down at my wrists. A never removed reminder to never again be used. Stupid, but it means something to me.
Omg I use exactly the same phrase to describe myself! I don't date at all now, as it just ends in me being used and hurt. It's been 4 years now and I'd rather be alone than with a narcissist
The first sign of a narcissist for me in a workplace is when someone mimics their colleagues’ words. Narcissists don’t even notice that they do it. As soon as I see someone acting like this, I do grey rock and move on as soon as I can. Normal people don’t mimic- they have their own vocabulary, ideas and a way of speaking.
Omg , my bf does this. Literally copies what I say. At times word for word. So scary.
Yes narcissists parrot you and it does drive you nuts, they seem to enjoy annoying people especially when they bait you for a reaction. Some narcissists can remind you of an evil clown.
@@Femininelovevibes 🚩🚩🚩‼️
What about when someone tries to say what you are saying as you say it...I have a friend that does this and it irritates the shit out of me
I literally had to ask my ex hub after he speaks, "Which movie did you get that from?" None of his words sounded like his own.
He always said I knew him the best
So many things in life are solved by slowing down. People nowadays are always rushing into everything then regretting when it blows up in their faces. Slow down! Stop rushing into everything! Take your time to get to know people. It will solve so many problems. Stop.
💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
‘I, I, I, I, me, me, me, me.’ - Just snap out of it. When you hear this too often, just get the hell out! If they aren’t a narcissist, they sure as hell are completely self-absorbed. You want neither! Win/Win
I think you can identify the overt narcissist more easily than the covert. But I told my friend 2 weeks after started to date the last ex narc “I think he’s a narcissist!” And we both decided nah he can’t be. And I let it go. A year later...he’s a sociopathic covert narcissist. Trust.your.instincts
I agree, I do think they are harder to spot.
Well they're called "covert" for a reason...
Covert narcissistic people are almost impossible to detect in the beginning. It took me six months to find out I was with a narcissist, and that happened when he discarded me 😮. Apparently, almost everything was normal besides my high boundaries and telling him " no " all the time 🙃.
Can people be both a sociopath and a narcissist??
I thought my father was a sociopath, but have now learned he's a true narcissist.
@@kimberlyelliott7933 covert narcissism is combination of narcissism and psychopathy i have dealt with one myself they are the worst i began to slowly realize that the person who appeared kind peaceful and an eternal victim was blood thirst sadist who have no conscience what so ever i feel bad for her poor husband
People do usually tell on themselves early on with their words.
Depends on how manipulative they are and how much discernment you have.
Yep my ex told me on our first date that he was still married(going through a divorce) and second date that he had many strings attached to him.
True, yeah with some people you might not be able to tell straight away but with HGs amazing work we will all get better at it. Also i research criminal word analysts there are some on YT i highly recommend you all look into it.
So true
Agree, I heard it coined as "psychotic tells" they can't help but to say a clue before they act. However, it's important to develop and hone a learned skill called "observing ego" which prerequisite is staying in the present time frame when you are engaging with people.
1. Narcissists can't stand you being logical and voicing out logical concerns and questions. Logic will always be emapth's biggest defence and win , when up against narcissist
2. Narcs are inconsistent with their love or affection. True affection is genuine and consistent..
If you try and talk to them and logically steer the conversation you are feeding them. This is futile. Don't bother.
Narcissists hate questions in general unless it's "how did you become to be such an amazing, successful, sexy person?" It's almost as if by questioning them, your questioning their omnipotence. Also they have well rehearsed lines about their past, their brilliance, their boo hoo pity me childhoods, their crazy ex's etc. When you question them they have to go off script and that probably consumes valuable fuel.
The combination of their love bombing and your intuitive feeling being simply revulsion when they're around you is usually a sign you have met a narcissist. It's when you have that instinctive revulsion and ignore it, thinking there's no reason why you should feel like that, that you often let the narcissist into your life and regret it later. These days I trust my instincts.
Pattern over time frame
1. Say no and use this as a sentence often. See what their reaction is.
2. Disagree with something they have a strong belief in.
See what their reaction is.
3. Look for indirect eye contact (or a strange eye contact that doesn't quite connect), plus facial expressions/body language that dont seem to match the typical emotional response.
4. Moving way too fast. They're in love w you wanna move in buy a house together and live happily ever after.
5. If they still live w mommy, .... Run.
6. If they're life is a mess, messy home, unopened bills, heck they don't even have a small steady job or bank account....and they got excuses.... Run. Don't be trying to fix anyone bc you still need recovery.
7. If they dig into your past relationships of failure n want details...dont. They're phishing.
8. They bad mouth all their exes.
9. They don't really give intimate details of any past painful experience and if you ask them again, they give identical small sentences w lack of detail....
10. Trust your gut. If something don't feel right, somethings wrong. Get out. Stay out. Ur emotional thinking will try to rationalize weird behavior or strange comments.
11. One of my favorite...
Ask them whats something they believe theyve failed in life or whats something they think they need to work on within themselves.... It'll either be something external like I need a better job. Or ull hear CRICKETS and they're content. They may even change the subject abruptly.
Agree and will obviously look out for the above but for me I will now also do a background check with PI agency. My life, money, business and career were to affected to do anything less. They are lying fcks so asking them questions and relying on any answer they spew out of their filthy mouths ... Is pointless.
YES! YES! YES!
12. Watch out for the flying monkeys, A.K.A, their friends. Discards them too. Some may be whom the narc is sleeping with or its their ex's. They will lie to you...for the Narc. Smile in your face and everything. TRUST YOUR GUT! PLEASE BE SAFE EVERYONE.
I ain't dating anyone without knowing their past relationships it gives me insight about the person. Yeah they can lie about it and i can know if they are coz i am an empath there is a voice inside me that tells me they're lying if they are,like gollum. Ofc i am not going to use that against them you don't know how that information will help you imagine if you don't know things about them were you even being with them its good to know about your partners unless you just wanna sleep with them. Ofc get to know them before opening up about these things.
@@The_authentic_queen_ I feel like murdering these guys which i definitely wouldn't but its really a valid feeling. Its a very disgusting feeling looking at these guys i avoid them like they don't exist.
BRAVO 👏 👏👏
Honestly like he said, it's patterns. Everyone has narcissistic traits to an extent. However, it's the patterns of narcissism, the words never matching actions, lack of responsibility, the impossibility of taking criticism, inflated self importance, the explaining off of red flags, gas lighting, devaluation increasing etc. just to name a few. The only way you see these is over time with the narc. It took me 3 months before I saw her for who she really was.
I only understood later in life (I will be 76 next month) that my mother was a covert narcissist. Most of my life was spent in a state of confusion until recently.
I understand that very well Cordelia.
I'm so glad for you that you've discovered HG's work, and the burden of pain and being made to feel not good enough is lifting from you.
There are lots of us 'Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers' here, so you have our support.
So sorry omg
I'm 56. Several years ago, I thought my father was a sociopath.
I only recently realized he is absolutely a covert narcissist 😢
Thank God he didn't raise me so our "relationship" wasn't frequent or close.
The ultimate red flag that you have attracted another narc is if you look within and see that you havent done any healing or advanced in terms of self love since the last narc,so the greatest. Indicator is within
The eyes...the empty, empty eyes!
fake smile.
Good point.
Plus on first meeting they seem off but you excuse it. Like they say or do something bizarre.
They might be drunk, but you excuse it, treating you with standoffish ness but you excuse it as shyness...
A big, big, big red flag is if the person you are involved with wants to move in together almost right away, or very early in the relationship. Beware of those who try to make you feel guilty for not wanting to move in together as well, you could be letting a monster into your home. Also, if they make promises, seriously look at their ability to actually KEEP those promises. Many narcissists will promise you the Moon. But can they give it to you? No. This is a classic manipulation.
I've learnt to trust my instincts. Every narc I've met, male and female, my body gave me warning signs and I just ignored them and made excuses for them. Nowadays, I get a gut feel and I run. I don't even bother understanding why.
I can totally understand that. I kind of feel the same. I am mindful that after being through a narcissistic relationship, i might be getting a lot of ‘false positives’ as a result of hyper vigilance. In that sense I think it’s important not to write people off too hastily. There is this risk of becoming emotionally closed and possibly missing out on good quality friendships in the future. Your instincts, and your body’s response, are set by your alert level and while that’s there to protect you, bear in mind that trauma can make you very sensitive and wary of people at a baseline level.
Sometimes its needed to heal and recover
One very good indicator is whether a person always assumes good things about others. Narcissists cannot do that. Narcissists MUST assume negative about everybody because they must be the better one, the winner.
FACTS !!!!!!
Dismiss what they say, and look at their actions and patterns of behavior. A narcissist can only hide for so long.
The narcs I’ve been involved with started out with this weird stare as if they were trying to see through me. I still remember the way my ex husband was looking at me whilst stood in line for the bathroom on an airplane on the flight over to Korea, and how my ex boyfriend was staring at me in the doctor’s office. Now I know the look and can just not get involved.
Yes it is so odd a stare like I've never seen
You just sent a chill down my spine. He did stare at me. I tried to ignore it and engage with others. But he definitely did stare...
Yes!
Yup- they all stare. They are studying their prey and the meaner on the spectrum they are the darker the stare.
Ive always talked about the stare, nobody else could seem to understand!
My father has been addicted to my narc mother his whole life. She died the other day. I wonder if he can continue living his last few years without her...
Thank you, grateful scapegoat daughter of two monsters.
hmm, addiction is an interesting term. It would explain my sister's (favorite-victim) relationship to our narcissistic grandmother. I had felt my grandmother's extremely poor health in the year prior to her death was to allow my sister a chance to let go. She resisted it.
I'm also the scapegoat. My understanding is we're the most likely to escape the narcissist.
Natalie Dufour my narc mother scapegoated me too. She knew out of all her children I was a warrior just like you.
Once you know what a Narcissist is....its really not hard to spot a Narcissist
It only takes a few things for them to do
Or fail to do. My experience with a narcissist was so disturbing that it's my mission to be on alert..but they are slippery and you can't convince others if they're not educated and/or enlightened. They are everywhere.
@@jackiem.9937 , Yes I'm afraid I have come to the same conclusion... They are everywhere
@@jackiem.9937 So agree!
For those of us with an abusive background, it will seem like, "CHEMISTRY." ⚠️
Flattery! Agreeing with everything you say or do. 🤮 Pretending to like everything you like! 🤮
I had a very traumatic ,life changing experience about 8 years ago . I now have the ability to smell "them" from 2 miles away . Freedom , my life is now freedom .
35 years of marriage it took me to find out there are such awful creatures like this out there. One you see one you can spot them a mile away. I’ve learned never to ignore the red flag 🚩 Also show self love and you’ll see them as that’s one thing they can’t stand is you loving you. The biggest tool ever against these A holes 🕳
My ex 34 years before she jumped out of the box demanding her divorce my job completed everything paid no debts. The courts in the U.K. are complicit in their deception aided by solicitors.
Well said - they can’t stand you loving you. I learned this after 40 years of catering to All my older brother’s needs. All around him was blamed for his failures, poor him - life never treated him well, women has a free ride in this life comparing to men, my mom did not provide him with enough wealth so he can live a carefree life (meaning not having to work and support his night clubs’ loving life), and the list goes on and on. My poor mother never understood he is a narcissist, so did I until I listened through these series 😂 However, after supporting him and his family financially for 15 years (including paying 1/2 of his mortgage), and with passing of my mother, I cut him off from my funds and surely enough I became an enemy number one. He couldn’t tolerate the fact that he can’t continue to play his ‘victim’s card’ - I was not buying it anymore. He is not talking to me - I do not exist anymore in his petty life of self-absorption. All my life I thought it is my duty to support family, love then unconditionally, do everything I can for my two older brothers, run to the rescue immediately whenever they needed me. After all family is sacred. This is how I thought and lived my life. And I heard all the time from people outside my family - of course she is so successful because she has a support of her two older brothers :) Anyway, I am glad that I released that there is a life for me too and surprisingly I do not feel guilty for starting to live it. Thanks for listening (obviously I can not share this with my relatives and friends).
Thank for reminding us of the distinction between narcissists and having narcissistic traits, because after binge listening to your videos this weekend I’m starting to assume everyone I know is a narcissist - including me
You are welcome.
I'm also finding myself thinking the same thoughts. I've come to the conclusion I don't think I am a narcissist as I'm too much of a doormat for that (I don't like saying no to people). However, I can definitely identify times of narcissistic traits in myself after watching HG's videos.
So you see his game, early on. Good for you!!
@@yorkshirelass8786 I Don't want to contact with Narcissists traits people either, also feel. disgusting, and foound, this kind of people, majority
Yes, I’m with you on this one, especially in dealing with my adult child, are they? Am I? Do I buy them things or help them out to control them? Their father definitely has the traits but is capable of behaving normally. Does it matter whether you spot them? The most important thing is to not let people into your life who show any sign of red flags
Pray to be able to discern spirits, your spirit will sound the alarms. Conversing a few times or just observing will illuminate things. I thank God for my discernment. If you continually draw narcs, its time to pray & fast. Getting rid of any spirits within self that's a magnet to them. Close those doors and work on healthy boundaries.
This is very major. Prayer for the spirit of discernment helped me alot. From first interraction I asked God to reveal who that person was. My spirit was unsettled.
It gives me a huge amount of comfort that Jesus knows Narcissists, and He knows how to handle them.
He totally understands the pain of Narcissistic Abuse, the 'Judas Kiss', and He guided me to start no contact with my Narcissist sister before I knew that no contact was a thing.
I love Him for that.
He knew better than I did that my mental health couldn't take it anymore.
@@caroliner2029 Amen Caroline 🙏🏻 Finally an answer involving true prayer with the Master of the Impossible - Jesus Christ Himself.
To be sure & protected yourself for longer term - I recommend also a strength of prayer to Saint Spirit!! He definitely helps me these days to defend from the evil power & any temptation that leads to nowhere 🕊️
4:17 - True, there's no fail-proof way to differentiate between a narcissist who's pretending, and a genuinely kind, thoughtful, generous person. You must be alert and pay attention to behaviors over time. You can excuse something once, possibly twice, but if the unacceptable behavior happens a 3rd time, you must yeet them immediately!
We often do recognise them at the instant we meet them. Unfortunately we hesitate to believe our instincts and once we ignore our first impressions and inner voice we become lost. Their sickly sweet poison begins to enter our system and we're in their thrall. There were many times when my inner voice told me that the situation was sick and that for my mental health I should leave, but I put it off in the hope of receiving more of this particular opiate. When a year later his treatment of me became so bad, dishonest and painful I knew I had to prise him out no matter how painful it felt. On an intellectual level I hung onto that thought and waited for my emotional state to calm down over time. I had someone in my life I trusted completely which helped a lot.
It’s not always romantic, it could be a neighbour/friend - just sayin’
Or a parent
Or coworker. A jealous narcissist coworker is hell on earth if everyone believes their BS except you. My requirement for bosses moving forward is they absolutely MUST have a functional narc-o-meter and the cajones to confront those types of hostile employees. On a side note: I have remained voluntarily corporatelyunemployed and do contract work only.
Yup that's what happened to me
Thank you 4 stating this truth. My abuser was my hair stylist/running buddy.
Or a loved ones spouse. Malignant and highly dangerous, I'm the target now.
Now that I'm educating myself more I understand what HG Tudor means by our addiction with the narcissist. I used to think that I'm not addicted, I don't need anything to do with the ex. Yes but I tend to be attracted to new narcs with my desire to help the needy. So scary and so sad.
I think we need to love and help ourselves. We have been abused, our thinking needs to be adjusted.
@@maidmarion2976 definitely.
I attract those, apparently, but I’ve learned better. Empaths always want to help.
Always trust your own knowing, over anything anyone ever says. If someone is at all disrespectful, selfish, inconsiderate or unkind, inattentive to your words, talks only about themselves, bragging, vain, overly dressed & made up, & rude or late~~ these are all first clues, & what i would call, "Insta~fails."
Agreed!
We need to trust ourselves more.
Our intuition is a gift.
An intense powerful and glittery blue-eyed stare that suggests they want you. And I notice they raise their eyebrows at you a lot, all 3 narcs I had did this to me when we first met
Yes,they have a hypnotizing gaze
Deffo the obsessive phycotic starte like there so obsessed 😩😩😩😩😩
Ahh yeah, he did a lot of eyebrow raising at first.
@@innerpeaceandselflove so true
The two narcissists I used to date raised their eyebrows a lot, I never thought about it until I just read your post.
I'm not the sort of person who usually dislikes people instantly. I generally try to give people the benefit of the doubt. However, I can think of maybe about three people who have rubbed me the wrong way. I had an instructor in college who I now suspect is a narcissist. She was always outwardly nice to me, but I remember disliking her, not knowing why, and feeling guilty about it. I just told myself that I should give her a chance and that I might come to like her. It was later that I realized that she displayed narcissistic traits.
Delilah's intuition working perfectly✓
A way to avoid narcissist, your first lie to me is your last, works every time.
My most recent narcissist story: I already had trauma from a narcissistic father but I started a new job in May 2020 during lockdown and my training "mentor" was definitely narcissist. She sensed my empathic traits and proceeded to use me as a punching bag to obtain fuel and control for 6 months. This all happened while I was trying to juggle home schooling and social isolation. She didn't need to lovebomb me - I was tied to her and she could torture me over video and audio calls every. single. day. It was hell on earth and I almost lost my career (and to be honest, my sanity) over it but I fought my corner with senior management and got out from under her control, moving on to a great new mentor. She immediately ignored me because I didn't serve her aims anymore. As for me, despite moving forward in the job I think I suffered deep trauma from it all and I'm battling with an ongoing lack of confidence and self-worth at work and in life. Not sure if I'll ever be capable of being happy/confident in this job now. Did anyone else experience this sort of thing during Covid. I reckon lockdown home working was heaven for narcissistic managers. Literally a captive audience.
Something I've noticed when encountering Narcissists - I get butterflies or a tight feeling in my stomach when they're in my space. Sometimes I've mistaken that for attraction. It's actually a fear response. If they're assessing you as a potential target, you will get the piercing, prolonged stare, like a cold predator eyeballing prey.
true
The STARE and the mirroring convonsation. The giggles when you ask serious questions like how many kids you have lol
Yes!!! The stare! Big give away.
So creepy when you look back and realize everything. I remember my narc commenting how my posture was good and my walk didn’t match my personality. The staring was there during but got creepier as I left her.
Yes, the STARE. That is so accurate. I hope everyone sees this comment. They're really looking straight through you and don't see you at all
Hey, what’s this stare about?
Signs from a middle mid range type B were:
1. Very VERY depressed and down.
2. "I'm broken, I have nothing to offer you"
3. CONSTANT selfpitying.
4. Always talked about himself and couldnt care less about me. Went on for 5-6 hours about himself every time we met.
5. Violent reactions to when I tried describing my exes and what I had been through, by exxagerating about his ex and how incredible she was -Jealousy.
6. Moved in just months into the contact ACROSS my building and still lives there today.
7. No hobbies or anything on his spare time, no life glow, no fighting spark.
8. Dissapeared for weeks without any reason one month into the contact.
9. His parents were shitty, his sister and brother shitty, his coworkers shitty, everyone except his friend who were all on drugs according to him.
10. Always wanted to meet at my place and never being outside. (Later understood it was because he was ashamed of himself)
11. Told me he was so ashamed of himself he looked down while out walking.
12. A highly arrogant attitude towards me "Dont think you are anything special!"
13. Bragged about himself which later turned out to be lies. "I'm the best at my office!" (Reality= They wanted him fired for causing problems)
The easiest sign is you feeling like ..how can such a perfect lovable loving human being ever exist😁😁😁😁
You are describing my narc DIL!!!!
Exactly when something is too good to be true it usually is
Perfect being the key word, too good to be true, my narc was like that, I thought wow , I found my soul mate but it was a Chucky doll in fancy clothes and speech!
My first red flag, which I ignored, was how could such a perfect and lovable man still not be taken? Next one I ignored was how come all his "friends" are females who are obvious wannabe lovers? Third sign I ignored was why does he not care that taking me away from my fiancé would break that other man's heart? I did not stop to ask myself if I would try to take him from someone he was engaged to marry...I would not have even considered it! I was just impressed at how much he felt for me but never asked him to define these feelings he said he had. Stupid and young. Slow to learn. Took me 11 yrs. to finally confront it.
Or...”How could his wife have left? What a fool!” RED FLAG 🚩
When you get home after your first date and they call you before you can shut the door and they call you and say.....Sooooo....I think I’m in love, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT ME? they immediately try to get fuel by making you talk about them...🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮☠️
That's hilarious
In the beginning my ex kept saying I had to open my heart to him and be honest, that was after about the 100th time he told me he loved me! I thought why I don’t want to I hardly know you and certainly don’t love you. He was so mad they really are sick creatures.
@@catlady6938 when they demand you to be honest run away!
Hahaha, I would instantly run a mile - narc or not. I don't like to rush into anything and well I would not have had a chance to reflect - so I could not supply the question anyway lol
It's hard to not get caught up in the emotions when Narcissist women (friends) are being over-the-top with presents and sharing etc, gushing about friendship and creating obligation.
With N-men I can easily say "I'm not an impulse buyer.... I always take my time..."
Although when they're saying "will we make this 'our place'?", and "will we make this 'our song'?", I have been known to get swept up in the moment.
Too many out there I’m happy to be happy without all that effort.
Life’s good as a single person having friends.
Of course they can be narcissists but not so difficult to walk away from.
Emotional thinking is a killer for me/us.Im scared to ever date again 😳 Thank you HG .
That link doesnt work 😣
I know the feeling.
Calling yourself empath is a massive red flag, the grandiosity in that word...
If acknowledging your own traits is always grandiose then every human being must be a narcissist.
Intuition is 🗝.listen, heal & love on thyself1st
I totally agree.
Narcissists fulfill the 7 abominations that are detestable to the Lord in scripture:
1. A haughty spirit
2. A lying tongue
3. Hands that shed innocent blood
4. A heart that devises wicked schemes
5. Feet that are swift to run into trouble
6. Bearing false witness
7. Sowing division amongst brothers
Indeed. Also The vices and The cardinal sins.
I’d say the first thing to look out for is the person trying to become too close too quickly, and having poor boundaries. For instance, one of the first things my narc told me was that she had been raped as a child. No doubt she had picked up on my empathetic nature and, whether or not it was actually true, it was a test and the start of the manipulation. She was also very quick (w/in a month) to tell me she loved me, wanted to get married ASAP, and have a baby.
Those raised in a narc family, and were the empathic scapegoat, are prime targets for future narcs. Damaged prey. When they sweep you off your feet before getting to know you... narc allert. Quietly move out if reach, no big drama. And that's the thing. They don't pick people who are not easilly sucked-in. So, never be a sucked-in type, anywhere. Think boundaries. When early and suddenly the "we" word for your life, belongings, work, anything, is being used.
I think that's my case.
''Never trust a present bearing man''. {Especially if the present is extravagant}..If it's an apple strudel, chances are he's ok.
Phew!
I love apple strudel 😁
I am going to assume anyone I meet is a narc unless proven otherwise. I am done! Mother, friends, HOA board members, neighbors, coworkers, past boyfriends. Just done!
I'm so sorry ❤️❤️
I have decided the same last week. I dont like humans anymore.
A wise friend said " everyone's the c word until they prove otherwise"
First time i watched NARC-LE ( in that unbearable BBC engagement interview) i instinctively knew she is a narc. I couldn't finish watching the whole thing, still haven't, it is torture to me. So my point is that when you are a survivor, you instinctively KNOW.
Luv it👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
Same!!
Easily distracted is easiest sign for me to notice. Its subtle triangulation and shit test in one go. We fall for it because empathetic people want to bond on something so we take the distraction as varied interest.
I never worried about narcissists until fell in love with one and thought this is the perfect love and was super happy thought this is forever. Did not pick up on the sign. Just wrote them off as something must have hurt her in the past. Now that the little be bombing has stopped the happiness went to loneliness even when with the person you love.
Yeppers.
Yes, the loneliness is painful.
I'm glad that my intuition recognises it, that something crucial is missing.
I'm glad that your intuition does the same.
I used to call them scammers, flim-flam men, or serial killer vibes. I find that boundary transgressions are telling. They want things from you...a cigarette. They want you to buy them a drink. They start to tell a joke that is in poor taste. All these rate an insulted, "No! STOP IT!" Think about it, what is the quality of a stranger who mooches from you or demeans your morals?
“ Benefit of the doubt” a narcissist DREAM goal. This trait in us is what is the “ Enabler”. Which is so hard given our religious/ ethical teachings poured down us as children. Feels wrong to not do. Another win for the narc.
Yes Andie for me oh the poor under dog...I'm onto them now but they still surround me...
You WILL feel it something will come over your body time and again, having them around will make you feel exhausted, inexplicable sleeplessness, sudden convulsions in the middle of the night when they're sleeping in the same room
It's not an instant thing. It's actions, words, and time. Lastly and most importantly, how they make you feel.
The reduction of emotional thinking...and this entire text. Brilliantly helpful. Thank you, H.G.
You know that you’re with a narcissist when you’ve reduced yourself to an amoeba.
😂😂😂
😂😂😂 that’s hilarious
6:00 they don’t have to be a narcissist to be crossed off, they can simply be narcissistic - that’s all it takes.
I met many narcissists and did not know until long after and after I learned what a narcissist was, but one narcissist, made my body jump back. I had never had that experience, and still it was not until after I learned what they are did I understand my physical reaction to that person. Touching his hand in a handshake repulsed me, but I dud not know what my soul did, that person is the devil incarnate and proves it everyday. I hope my spidey senses will work on them all in the future, but I'm sure you are right, some are more charismatic than others. In the police field, it is known that 70% of the time, when a person meets a truly vile person they will have a physical reaction.
Interesting. How did the Narcissist respond to your reaction?
I met someone at a party, gave him my # after he asked. He shows up at my apartment looks around and says, "you waxed the floors just for me?" I thought, oh sh*t! Those kind of comments, that seem completely bizarre unless there was waxing stuff right in eyesight or the smell of wax, stuff that has absolutely nothing to do with anything remotely talked about and even then to assume "it was done for just for them when you know nothing about them"! Just do the smartest thing and run! You're old boyfriend came back after years of praying, say anything to get away! But he was a very aggressive narc, there are much smoother ones that reel you in, inch by inch.
Experience, common sense/street smarts and just a gut feeling keeps these kinds people away from me.
“Oh how you empaths desire the capability to spot the narcissist immediately!” It’s not fair you know us better than we know you!!!
My plan is to watch a person's reaction when i disagree with them or say no to them. That will be good enough for me.
Here is a strong indicator from my experience. If you give it a few dates (even on the second date), some will have the audacity to say "I love you". Happened to me, and when confronted this mid ranger started crying and went on a rant about how their ex cheated on them.
Listen to your friends & family. Sometimes the Narc's family will try to alert you. Remember you & your friends have known each other longer and the Narc's family have known them longer.
My grandmother was likely a covert narcissist. (destructive.) It was many years before I learned that name, but vividly recall the first time I read through the list of traits and it was "check, check, check, check". I was uncomfortable around her (but adored my grandfather), but it wasn't until she mistakenly showed her hand when I was 13 that I really stood back and watched. I never, ever trusted her again. She was pretty twisted.
Long before I knew what narcissism was called, I would meet certain people and the hair on the back of my neck would stand up. I couldn't not be wary, some part of me knew something was "off". Some I ended up having enough contact to confirm that initial red-flag. (the fastest was the new husband of an acquaintance. During our very first conversation - about sheep - I felt like he was trying to con me. Absolutely convinced, which was stupid as it was such an inconsequential subject. A few weeks later I learned he'd been arrested for fraud. Later sentenced to six years in prison.)
When you get the 'check, check, check' result it hits you in the stomach, doesn't it? I was describing a very, annoying, new acquaintance to a friend and suddenly she said 'oh she is definitely a narc' so did some research and got the checks ticked. While this was happening I suddenly realised a family member causing huge problems, ticked all the boxes and the con jobs she attempted were something else. Feel so sorry for her young children and think about them all the time.
I always look for the gigantic “N” plastered on their foreheads!
lol
I think that the most poignant and critical point of this video is to reduce your emotional thinking when meeting new people. I have made this mistake many times and it caused a lot of problems for me. I've grown wiser over the years and now know how to communicate better with narcissists. In reality we can't simply just go no contact with narcissists but we can successfully have civil relationships with them by establishing healthy boundaries; keeping ourselves at an emotionally safe distance from them and by making them think that they are in control. It is important to not allow yourself to become a prime source of supply for them because then you'll get exploited.
Keep your emotion in check but also it is important not to be overly cautious and judgmental as H.G. said because you'll mistakenly judge someone as being a narcissist when they merely have some of the traits.
Not sure about his theory of some of the traits. Still working this out
If you’re not the main supply you’ll be put on a shelf and visited from time to time at narc’s convenience. Not a pretty role either
It’s useless to attempt to keep your emotional and spiritual equilibrium with a narcissist. They’re barely human. You just have to cut them off and never relent.
Just make sure you stay in the 3rd circle (where they're usually fine). If they make a play to get closer , go NC.
There's now a lot of statistical (or whatever kind of grounded info) that 'empaths' are people who were abused as children. And had to be highly sensitive and reactive constantly to everybody's micro moods, facial expressions, highly tuned in to predict and avoid emotional, mental and physical danger.
I know many of us are naturally that way to a certain extent, and those are often the sensitive type children who are abused the worst or who feel it the worst? But this self labeling as an empath, and this modern obsession with being an empath or thinking you're an empath, and that you're vulnerable etcetera or powerful more than normal people, goes back to overt or covert childhood abuse we are now learning.
And many who identify as empaths are narcissists themselves.
We all just need healing, whoever we are. We need to do the necessary work.
HG - I appreciate your sharing your viewpoint. I have listened to some very good descriptions of the different types of narcissism and how it affects those around the narcissist, but they are still descriptions by "outsiders". You bring a useful viewpoint and insight into the mind of a narcissist. Thank you.
I just like listening to your voice. Also enjoy your way of explaining things. My mother was a sociopath but you've explained her to a tee. I also am an empath that often puts me in the path of your kind. Now I'm old and I have shields. Well done.🌹
He has stressed the 6 month break in multiple videos recently regarding the emotional thinking. I believe this is extremely important. Am I imaging it or is hg Tudor giving more tools lately that are not just educating but guiding towards healing and freedom? It feels like he has taken his educational knowledge to the next level. I wonder if he had some kind of guard up and is now lowering it with this different angle he is using. They are more optimistic for the victim. The latest videos I find more interesting for the person that is maxed out on general narc knowledge. It’s new. Wise man. You must keep changing to stay on top.
I am blessed to figure things out simply by talking to people. Cause I analyze things well and study them
It feels like they’re evil. No matter how they got the way they are (my brother was beaten pretty regularly by our dad) or how you may recognize the negative impact of their upbringing, they’ll eventually turn on you. It’s just a matter of time.
I really had to lough about that wedding joke. By the way, thank you for your videos. You teach me speaking proper english and understanding my life.
Honestly I think every human born in this earth is a narcissist.only the degree matters and varies per individual.Those who know they have this weakness are able to control it and become better people.Those who do not know they have this weakness manifest it full swing.
Was directed to HG this morning and still listening at 6:50 in the evening. Wow!!
You are in the right place for the best information about narcissism.
@@hgtudor-theultra Thank you
I wish I had know about Narcissism before my last relationship. I knw something different was going, but only after it ended did I started seeing the pattern and the reality of what I went through.
I just couldn't work this guy out..got me questioning myself, so many times..i knew nothing about narcassists at the time...but when i did discover what one was, i then understood him perfectly and left!!!
Anyone who lies and devalues you and brags which are lies again and shames you....that is first sign. Or either one.
There are too many of your kind
Better keep listening then.
@@hgtudor-theultra 😆
Excellent HG. Also what comes to mind is a 'Peacock' in the room, An Academy Award Winning Actor portraying the 'Poor Little ol' me', and someone surveying the room looking for a light snack. Would you agree HG?👍
🤣🤣🤣🍾🍾🥪light snack. Good god, you are so so right ! Meanwhile looking like a poor starving child waiting for Dr Bernardo
Peacocking is real...
I worked with some male Narcissists like that. You could read that unmistakable 'fuel seeking' room scan as they entered, especially the upper Lesser.
It would switch us all to immediate 'grey rock' mode, complete with blank facial expressions. This was before we knew anything about Narcissism.
Never again. Trying to spot them is way too exhausting. I'm done.
Funny too is they say oh I just like to flirt. Eye roll
Great topic, I'm a victim of narcissistic / alcoholic abuse,I'm aware of people like this now,it was a living HeLL.