I hate the negative energy they bring to the office. It's a spirit of depression. I always pray before I enter the office, at lunch and when I leave. It's a spiritual battle too.
My boss will tell you that you need to come up with an idea, then when you do It's not the way she wanted it. "So why didn't you call me?"...she would say. But the way you did it was fine, but now she wants to change it, just to find something wrong with what you did, to make you feel incompetent...and this is on a daily basis. She is much more than a narcissistic.
I have learned that w a narc boss you MUST be 3 things: important (keep ur nose in the air), serious (do not laugh or be yourself), and most important, be concerned. You must be concerned about something. It doesnt matter how insignificant or stupid it it is. Narc bosses feel soo important and concerned people feed their ego. It is so funny when you learn the game.
@@empatheticqueen6890 yes, but that is beside the point. lol, just keep your nose up in the air! good luck partner, hang in there, this is a crazy world!!
I just found your channel and I just binged watch all your videos. Your advice and insight is spot on. Luckily I currently work in a good environment, but, I spent 8 years in a highly toxic work place run by a group of narcs. Everyone was always paranoid about getting axed and you never knew who to trust. It takes a huge toll on you physically and emotionally. I wished I had this advice back then.
This is GOLD thank you so much. Some of the best content on Narcs out there. Thank you it's fantastic. You've hit the nail on all of it. As an Empath, Narc Magnet I am seeking to disentangle now, and praying for a narc free life moving forward. 🙏🏼💕 You are a gift!
Thank you for this advice. Dealing with a narcissistic boss is worse than any other form of interaction with a narcissist. Most of my work day is dedicated to feeding my boss her "supply" and grayrocking myself into invisibility so as to not upset her perception of superiority. HR departments should be very wary of those who enter an organization with the sole intent of moving up into management as this goal is the hallmark of a narcissist-they don't care making the company successful, they only care about having the capacity to control other people.
EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT ADVICE! I have been subject to many narcissistic supervisors in the work place and it can be very bewildering especially when you don't know what you're dealing with. Videos like this give the clueless a clue. Thank you!
I recently stumbled upon your channel and have been binge watching your videos. My gosh, you are SO on point! I recently left a toxic work environment. I knew that it was an abusive environment, but couldn't quite pinpoint exactly what the problem was. In hindsight, everything is so clear now...I was working for a narcissist. She is an elected official who has been through 50 employees in a 4-person office! She was constantly changing and rearranging the office. She pitted employees against each other. She used personal information against me. She was probably initially drawn to me because I told her in my interview that my husband had recently lost his job and I was in a position where I had to return to work after 10 years of being home with 4 kids full time. The list goes on and on. Things exploded when she crossed a line and I confronted her, and she told me Satan was working through me. I knew I had to get out. Thank you so much for the clarity your words have provided. Your are very gifted in articulating and exposing the narcissist's tactics. God bless!
Know who you are and set boundaries early on in a calm and polite way. I report to to my supervisor and avoid our narcissistic manager. Build trust and value with the people they (the narcissistic) need to keep their job. I instinctively knew not to share information if when he tried prying. Everything you said is on point. I make my plans then I inform him rather than ask for permission. Knowing who I am and being solid in who I am is my number one defense against this narcissist. I don’t approach him for anything but let him approach me. If I have a concern thankfully I have a supervisor. I’ve learned so much on what not to do as a leader working under him and his inappropriate and ineffective/counterproductive behavior on the job helped me to grow more solid in who I am as a professional.
Amen on the Narcs love chaos ! The new narc boss literally wrecked the office , boxes of crap everywhere , supposedly they are reorganizing things, but for 2 months now ?! They absolutely love chaos and clutter in the environment . In the animal kingdom it is tantamount to territorial pissing , crazy as hell ! Matter of fact, one day I came in zened up on my level and organized the office before this "permanent renovation process" and the narc boss actually thanked me. Often times a thank you from a narc can be a smoke screen to distract from a pending attack I have found. Blessings , I appreciate your work !
This was spot on, particularly the part about about the narcissistic boss throwing a surprise job at you if they know you have something personally important coming up. It's been a few years since I was able to land a new job; I'm so grateful to have gotten away from the constant chaos and demeaning actions of she-who-shall-not-be-named.
Thanks Ama. I have been thru so many narc bosses ovr 30 years. I wish i had your advice because i made all those mistakes. I just now have a new narc boss but this time im going into it with eyes wide open. Great advice. Thanks for helping all of us.
OMG, it’s scary how true it is!!! My boss is all that and beyond. I feel sick and I oftentimes sick, physically and also exhausted mentally. She does all that and she LOVES the attention and NEVER cares about me as a real human being. She doesn’t know when it’s my birthday, she never bothers to ask me how I am, even when I’m sick and back she’s never ever asking me how I’m doing. She doesn’t even bother to say “hi” when texting me. She’s however: forever talking about herself, about her stuff etc. And she shows ZERO empathy and absolutely zero appreciation or recognition, but of course first to criticise me. And the way she makes people feel small and inadequate and unimportant is almost an “art”. It’s repulsive. I feel trapped there and I cannot just “leave” this place, so I know what others are feeling. It’s not easy when you have financial issues going and you feel responsible. It takes time and courage to leave this! :( I can only say I feel sorry this is happening all over the world :(
This is excellent, thank you. I loved that you specifically just spoke about how to deal with just a narc boss and not all narcissists. I am dealing wurh one who is draining me physically and mentally right now.
I am still watching your video, but paused to tell you that just last week i explained to my boss how having morning shifts help me, and guess what, just two days later, i have my shift changed to the most difficult one, without any intimation. You are bang on the spot. Going to watch further. Thanks and Regards
I think I’ll write “thank you for teaching me to take sense from nonsense” in my bosses retirement card, I love that so much, the best things I’ve ever learned from her are how not to be as a boss.
Thank You so much!! This advice is exactly what I've been looking for. The problem I've had is always getting confrontational and eventually steamrolled by a narcissistic boss. Hopefully I can deal with them better now.
So true!! Don't share anything! I had to learn that lesson the hard way because I have a friendly personality. They are very jealous. You also have to watch sharing good news about yourself with co-workers that are their allies.
They are extremely jealous Vee, and they use their flying monkeys and minions to get information, so one must be very careful when sharing information at work.
I share an office with my narc boss. It has literally put me in depression and I interact with her as little as possible. She takes personal phone calls all day from her adults kids... screaming at them! Like I’m. Not there. Five feet away. She wears me out. I’m miserable and afraid I’m going to blow up at any time. It’s only been shy of a year but I’ll be leaving soon. She has the important ones wrapped around her finger so I don’t stand a chance. Good riddens to all of them.
i worked 36 years in the same place. i didn't know about narcissism, but i could see the weird behavior of some of the bosses. i had a mantra i followed with them that worked. out of sight, out of mind. i minded my business, did my job well, did what they asked me to do. one woman boss hated the other woman, gave preferential treatment to the cute guys. one boss was real up and down with moods. one boss would find a person to pick on and get them fired for no reason. one boss gave me a bad yearly report because she didn't like me. she said i went too slow. i had to laugh because i was driving 6,000 glass bottles on a pallet all day. you had to go slow. looking back, i was a narc magnet. what do you know. those narc bosses really tried to get at me. i just kept on with gray rock. i definitely had to get to know the narcs because you had to figure out how to deal with each one differently. it sucks being a narc magnet.
Yup me too chemtrailmary "narc magnet", and just like you I employ the "outta sight outta mind" tactic. I only engage with the narc boss on an "as needed" basis!
they seem to have a limited memory if it is not about them. they can forget all about you if you stay out of their "arena." otherwise, they love to pull you into battle in the arena. lol.
I'm the queen of gray rock. And I never talk about personal stuff or gossip about other people. I know they will use anything I say against me. And I work with two narcs a boss and supervisor. And my problem is my supervisor will not train me on new computer software. And when I tried to learn on my own I get yelled at. And these two ladies started a smear campaign against me. And have tried over and over to make me look stupid and dumb. Which did not work since I've had so much experience when I was at one point a co-manager for 5 years and never had any issues. And I've sub-ed at other locations in the past 15 years that I've worked at the company and the general manager can look this up and talk to staff. I've had issues where my boss and co-worker would but in when I'm assisting customers and I kept letting my boss know over and over to leave me alone when I am helping customers in a calm not arguing tone of voice. And they are slowly leaving me alone. And number one thing I always make sure all of my work tasks are completed. And my narc supervisor threatened me and I reported it to the general manager and HR. And my boss is so mad at me for reporting this while she was out on leave. And refuses to sit and talk to me about it. The cool thing is my company has a mediator who acts like a lawyer and I brought this to her attention too and she's going to get to the bottom of why my boss is not willing to talk to me. And why is it my boss will drop whatever it is she is doing and talk to my narc supervisor and not me.
This is one of those single times the just one perfect video make me worship the presenter (you) and have me subscribed right away Love your..... everything really Keep it up
I wore black nail polish to work and my narc boss told me I shouldn't wear black nail polish because the prostitutes in the area wore black nail polish. I laughed in her face.
Mine told me my eye makeup was distracting and to take it off. I told her "I'll lighten it, but I am not willing to remove it." (This was coming from a boss who had 1960s winged eyeliner- and she's almost 70!!)
Thank you so much for this. I lead a team and have a Narc boss, it does make life that unnecessarily harder for my team and myself. This was really good, thanks for the guidance
This is so true ... I deal with this on a daily basis but for years I had no clue what’s really was really happening..i true thank you and people like you for helping people like me and shedding light on these kid if people..
The VP of my job is a narc and when someone complained to hr about him he DEMANDED that the hr person tell him who it was even though that's confidential of course. Hr guy refused to tell him, and then a month later he just so happened to get fired.... "They respect people in the workplace that they can't completely steamroll." YUP! The vp told my supervisor that I 'push back' and he really likes that and likes me... smdh!
All if the information I learned from these videos are empowering. I recently went into a meeting with my boss and I was 2 steps ahead of him. One thing all this info did was made me more angry also because he was so predictable and I went word for word which neither one of us backed down because I knew I was right. The boundary had to be set.
Damn. Homegirl broke that shit down and yet I just stumbled upon this Video. Great Video. Hopefully you can make one about dealing with a NARC If you are Self employed or in a Buisness/Finanical setting.
Very good advice thank you! What saves me everyday with my narc boss : He needs me too much. I made myself so central and irreplacable in his job over the years that now he even stops working when I'm off. I know though... if one day he doesn't need me anymore it's gonna be terrible, but for now this is the way I can keep my mind at work.
Thank you so much for this. I’ve found a lot of information about how to recognize a narcissist boss but virtually nothing on how to effectively work with one. This was really helpful 🌹❤️
The respect people who say "no" thing is so crazy, but true. I said "yes" to almost everything, and constantly got complaints that i wasn't doing enough.My few coworkers who say no or stand up to my boss are always regarded highly.
you could not be any more spot on. i could write a book about working for/with a narc. be afraid. it's VERY real. (ps: be VERY aware - YOU are not the insane one in this unhealthy relationship!)
Awesome advise! Already follow a few of these and your video was a great confirmation that what I doing is good. I can also see that he is a bit more respectful now, a bit nervous around me whereas before he was way too relaxed around me almost if I was his girlfriend or some admirer. Now he is wondering a bit it seems.
It is absolutely true that one can learn a lot from narcissistic bosses. They are typically very creative and hyperactive. They want to reach the biggest and best goals and achievements. they want to learn fast. The problem is that they lack patients and even when they dive deeper into a subject, their learning is often too shallow, because they underestimate the requirements and overestimate the end results. Their lack of patience ultimately make them sloppy and their mistakes pile up until it becomes a problem for more and more people. They get into conflicts with more and more people and ultimately create a burning inferno of the workplace. You get dragged in regardless of whether you want to or not. Finally you are forced to stand up to this situation and that is when you gradually become their opponent and ultimately their enemy. You either quit, bow down, or end up in a bitter conflict until somebody gives up.
All these are good pieces of advice if you already know that your co-worker has a narcissistic bend. Although you mentioned it briefly, it bears repeating that it is crucial to identify from the start if your co-worker is a narc or not. We must remember that initially it always feels just wonderful with any narc: he will compliment your talents, he will quell your professional insecurities, he will do you favors (with strings attached, as you will discover later) he will share with you personal anecdotes, etc. And it is very important to keep asking yourself: "Do these compliments sound too superficial and just too good to be true? Is he complimenting me on traits that he needs me to have but that are not really mine?" Also, observing his treatment of others is important, and seeing if there is a marked inconsistency between what he says and how he acts (e.g. being your "best friend" in a private conversation while putting you down in front of others for "fun"). See how he reacts to a justified disagreement, from you or from others. If he takes it on board - good, if the reaction to a criticism is dismissive, huffing and puffing or seething with anger - bad. And so on. The point is that it is important not to rush into a work relationship and thus get sucked into a "dance" with a narc co-worker, just based on the love-bombing stage. Narcs exploit the inherent expectation of respect for our co-workers; they will manipulate our good manners and politeness. They will even be (always insincerely) comforting us after we experienced a significant family loss. All of this will forge a bond beyond the strictly professional exchange, and we will feel a strong sense of obligation to the narc when the love-bombing is over and he starts dismantling us piece by piece. This will lock us in the relationship for far too long. I have learned my lesson the hard way: I was blind during the "golden period", after which it took me 7 years to get free from a malignant narc co-worker. He almost manipulated me into breaking a law, but, luckily, I saw through that in time. Specifically for the work context, it is very useful to learn about the personality pathology called Machivellianism: they are cunning, manipulative, "the end justifies the means", "grey cardinal" types (unlike narcs, they are not too desperate for attention; and unlike psychopaths, they are not too impulsive) It's also useful to learn about the personality type called "The Dark Triad", which is a mix of sub-clinical psychopathy, narcissism and Machiavellianism, which, although sub-clinical separately, together become an explosive mix. Thank you for discussing this topic, Ama.
I just discovered this and I love what you are doing! Keep it up!! I have a question though you may already have a video about it. I have a narc sister in-law with whom I share a duplex home. So I have to at least interact with her on the common areas and/or put up with any provocations. Right now she's giving me the silent treatment but at same time she is moving or throwing things away in the yard which I have put there, and I'm guessing is a provocation. I have a great relationship with my husband (her brother) and I rather deal with this in a healthy way so it doesn't affect my marriage. Any advice??!
I made the mistake of getting close to my boss before I was fully aware of said boss being a narcissist. My boss pretty much knows the ins and outs of who I am at this point, so while I think a lot of what you said is helpful, is there anything different you should do after that line is crossed?
I had to leave. I wasn't given any hours. I was taken off the schedule for next week even though I was originally scheduled. Then hours drastically cut. I'd been there for four years. Enough was enough.
So wish I had this video to watch 7 yrs ago. Now, a stay at home mom. But my female narc boss was such a bully. Planting moles, pitting employees against eachother is exactly what she did. I needed a Friday off to prepare for my then 5 yr old to be in a wedding on a Saturday. I asked for over a month, can I please have this such and such day off, it's a final tuxedo fitting. She never would commit and would brush me off. She played the gray rock. While I was in such a panic. It was liked she enjoyed my stress on weather I would be granted my request. Finally, she told me I could have off on that particular day 3 days prior. And she wrote me up for misconduct of pestering her for that day I needed off. She was just MEAN. Maybe do a video on just mean people too. Lol
AMA my case working who has to report back ..but he doesn’t keep his appointment times ... and I sit around all day waiting for his showing up on time or with a time ... but if i ruffle fathers ... i could lose my apartment.... but I how do report this .. when the may not believe me or it may make him say something to make me lose my apartment
I have a narc boss....she is crazy as hell...she thinks she is organized....but really she is costing my office so much more money....it is to the point that we have to work with a skeleton crew because the doctor can’t afford to pay more employees!!
elmudd06 friend did that recently. No, it went terribly and she finally quit after months of harassment. They tried to help but a little alpha female is no match for a male narc in his prime...
Hi, as you said that narc love hardworking employee, that is wrong they dont like perfect and talented people same lìke the losers and ignorants. they are afraid if a worker perform well they would not be able to keep themselves in power.
You're right, they love a hard worker as long as you give them the credit for any success you achieve...that's the key...never show them up. So sad, but they're pathetic.
You’te right. My narc boss doesn’nt like me to be pro active in my job at all. All she wants is to be in control. Oh and if she never makes a mistake, whenever something goes wrong it is my fault.
hi ama. any help with narc friends? my narc attends aa meetings i go to, so no contact isnt really possible. she is giving me the silent treatment. for 4 months now. have i been discarded?
I'm not sure Willow, but the silent treatment is a passive aggressive form of abuse. I'll be posting a video on the silent treatment next week and I hope it will bring you some clarity. Take care.
Im working now for almost 3 years with Narcissist Boss...I'm like a Zombie after work. I just Prayed just to overcome all this things. Even my Faith and Belief was being questions. Fuck ur God. Im God im the one who gave you work. Working with Him kills me slowly. Ur right when he found out ur Happiness or any troubles with ur Family or kids. Im a singlemom and He strikes me so Hard, Humilate me from head to toes. I Resigned already but he rejected my resignation and he changed for a bit but again is coming back. Just reading some articles on how to deal with them and do other things to let the negativity get out from my mind and emotions. Bonding with my Kids, doing excercise. Church activities and going out with Friends made me cope up until i finish my race working with him.
Problem when...1:- they don't pay you (or have all these minions- under them...& a system of just ignoring calls...giving work to others! 2/ naturally - you have to bring up the pay to get your money.... Then all he'll breaks loose. In all my 30+ years as a Reg Nurse Never known ANYTHING like this....ever. it was a lowly care job....felt it would be do so easy....just 15 hrs.... Prob is none of them have my higher qualification= N envy.... =>> N rage When your care is more detailed. See it is a very n workplace.... All the carers complain Secretly...oh dear....I'm now in the open due to my pay. Yet again another shoddy n-type care agency.i may return to Hospice nursing and try to get My registration back....in meantime they are not giving me any work....as said :"Pay me....then I work!"as no accountability we are in a stalemate!! So ridiculous and so childish. Thank you x
Thank you! Soooo true, never embarrass a narc, the retaliation is unbearably painful and so covert there are hardly words to describe it. There is no justice with a narc! Nothing is ever good enough for them. And not even God can help you if it is woman on woman , bullying, these people should run Black OPS torture sites for the CIA.
Uhmm...I've known my boss is a narcissist. Actually I have had three bosses that are narcisstists at the same time and I guess I've made every mistake in the book.
my narc boss couldnt stand they you say for other companies somethng good, they need destory every good picture about anything that ist them...when this summer i work for her i already know what she are cause i have uncle who is like that, and most time i grey rock her and she try to pull out from me something about other people and i change the subject... you need to know that you cant be friend with narc, they will try make you theirs friend but thats bullshit, just act calm, do your job and leave :)))))))
I hate the negative energy they bring to the office. It's a spirit of depression. I always pray before I enter the office, at lunch and when I leave. It's a spiritual battle too.
They are certified lunatics. Run, get another job quickly 😱
So true
Jennifer so true
Exactly :(
Trout Guy Exactly!!!
My boss will tell you that you need to come up with an idea, then when you do It's not the way she wanted it. "So why didn't you call me?"...she would say. But the way you did it was fine, but now she wants to change it, just to find something wrong with what you did, to make you feel incompetent...and this is on a daily basis. She is much more than a narcissistic.
I have learned that w a narc boss you MUST be 3 things: important (keep ur nose in the air), serious (do not laugh or be yourself), and most important, be concerned. You must be concerned about something. It doesnt matter how insignificant or stupid it it is. Narc bosses feel soo important and concerned people feed their ego. It is so funny when you learn the game.
you're right, i noticed when I joke around her she hates it. Yet ironically she wants everyone to be happy and interact with each other.
Exactly! Dealing with this now. Also my answer or solution is never good enough.
@@empatheticqueen6890 yes, but that is beside the point. lol, just keep your nose up in the air! good luck partner, hang in there, this is a crazy world!!
I just found your channel and I just binged watch all your videos. Your advice and insight is spot on. Luckily I currently work in a good environment, but, I spent 8 years in a highly toxic work place run by a group of narcs. Everyone was always paranoid about getting axed and you never knew who to trust. It takes a huge toll on you physically and emotionally. I wished I had this advice back then.
Thanks for watching Ker and I'm glad you made it out of that toxic environment!
Videos like this make me so happy I'm a janitor. It's practically a no drama zone.
This is GOLD thank you so much. Some of the best content on Narcs out there. Thank you it's fantastic. You've hit the nail on all of it. As an Empath, Narc Magnet I am seeking to disentangle now, and praying for a narc free life moving forward. 🙏🏼💕 You are a gift!
Thank you for this advice. Dealing with a narcissistic boss is worse than any other form of interaction with a narcissist. Most of my work day is dedicated to feeding my boss her "supply" and grayrocking myself into invisibility so as to not upset her perception of superiority. HR departments should be very wary of those who enter an organization with the sole intent of moving up into management as this goal is the hallmark of a narcissist-they don't care making the company successful, they only care about having the capacity to control other people.
what an excellent video! omg thank you so much... I'm losing my mind at work, constantly having mental breakdowns.. .this really helps!
EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT ADVICE! I have been subject to many narcissistic supervisors in the work place and it can be very bewildering especially when you don't know what you're dealing with. Videos like this give the clueless a clue. Thank you!
You're welcome.
I recently stumbled upon your channel and have been binge watching your videos. My gosh, you are SO on point! I recently left a toxic work environment. I knew that it was an abusive environment, but couldn't quite pinpoint exactly what the problem was. In hindsight, everything is so clear now...I was working for a narcissist. She is an elected official who has been through 50 employees in a 4-person office! She was constantly changing and rearranging the office. She pitted employees against each other. She used personal information against me. She was probably initially drawn to me because I told her in my interview that my husband had recently lost his job and I was in a position where I had to return to work after 10 years of being home with 4 kids full time. The list goes on and on. Things exploded when she crossed a line and I confronted her, and she told me Satan was working through me. I knew I had to get out.
Thank you so much for the clarity your words have provided. Your are very gifted in articulating and exposing the narcissist's tactics. God bless!
Know who you are and set boundaries early on in a calm and polite way. I report to to my supervisor and avoid our narcissistic manager. Build trust and value with the people they (the narcissistic) need to keep their job. I instinctively knew not to share information if when he tried prying. Everything you said is on point. I make my plans then I inform him rather than ask for permission. Knowing who I am and being solid in who I am is my number one defense against this narcissist. I don’t approach him for anything but let him approach me. If I have a concern thankfully I have a supervisor. I’ve learned so much on what not to do as a leader working under him and his inappropriate and ineffective/counterproductive behavior on the job helped me to grow more solid in who I am as a professional.
Amen on the Narcs love chaos ! The new narc boss literally wrecked the office , boxes of crap everywhere , supposedly they are reorganizing things, but for 2 months now ?! They absolutely love chaos and clutter in the environment . In the animal kingdom it is tantamount to territorial pissing , crazy as hell ! Matter of fact, one day I came in zened up on my level and organized the office before this "permanent renovation process" and the narc boss actually thanked me. Often times a thank you from a narc can be a smoke screen to distract from a pending attack I have found. Blessings , I appreciate your work !
This was spot on, particularly the part about about the narcissistic boss throwing a surprise job at you if they know you have something personally important coming up. It's been a few years since I was able to land a new job; I'm so grateful to have gotten away from the constant chaos and demeaning actions of she-who-shall-not-be-named.
Thanks Ama. I have been thru so many narc bosses ovr 30 years. I wish i had your advice because i made all those mistakes. I just now have a new narc boss but this time im going into it with eyes wide open. Great advice. Thanks for helping all of us.
Thank you so much for this video. My boss has been making me cry everyday and this has given me some tools to work through this. You are so wise!
OMG, it’s scary how true it is!!! My boss is all that and beyond. I feel sick and I oftentimes sick, physically and also exhausted mentally. She does all that and she LOVES the attention and NEVER cares about me as a real human being. She doesn’t know when it’s my birthday, she never bothers to ask me how I am, even when I’m sick and back she’s never ever asking me how I’m doing. She doesn’t even bother to say “hi” when texting me. She’s however: forever talking about herself, about her stuff etc. And she shows ZERO empathy and absolutely zero appreciation or recognition, but of course first to criticise me. And the way she makes people feel small and inadequate and unimportant is almost an “art”. It’s repulsive. I feel trapped there and I cannot just “leave” this place, so I know what others are feeling. It’s not easy when you have financial issues going and you feel responsible. It takes time and courage to leave this! :( I can only say I feel sorry this is happening all over the world :(
This is excellent, thank you. I loved that you specifically just spoke about how to deal with just a narc boss and not all narcissists. I am dealing wurh one who is draining me physically and mentally right now.
AMA! I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW MUCH THIS VIDEO HELPED ME!!!!! I thank you so much. It was just so practical and meaningful for me. Thank you again!
I am still watching your video, but paused to tell you that just last week i explained to my boss how having morning shifts help me, and guess what, just two days later, i have my shift changed to the most difficult one, without any intimation. You are bang on the spot. Going to watch further. Thanks and Regards
I think I’ll write “thank you for teaching me to take sense from nonsense” in my bosses retirement card, I love that so much, the best things I’ve ever learned from her are how not to be as a boss.
This video is key for everyone who has a job! thanks girl!!
You're welcome Rocio, take care.
This was the EXACT video I was looking for. THANK YOU SIS! You are COMPLETELY ON POINT. Xoxo
Thank You so much!! This advice is exactly what I've been looking for. The problem I've had is always getting confrontational and eventually steamrolled by a narcissistic boss. Hopefully I can deal with them better now.
So true!! Don't share anything! I had to learn that lesson the hard way because I have a friendly personality. They are very jealous. You also have to watch sharing good news about yourself with co-workers that are their allies.
They are extremely jealous Vee, and they use their flying monkeys and minions to get information, so one must be very careful when sharing information at work.
Omg they are so jelous
I share an office with my narc boss. It has literally put me in depression and I interact with her as little as possible. She takes personal phone calls all day from her adults kids... screaming at them! Like I’m. Not there. Five feet away. She wears me out. I’m miserable and afraid I’m going to blow up at any time. It’s only been shy of a year but I’ll be leaving soon. She has the important ones wrapped around her finger so I don’t stand a chance. Good riddens to all of them.
i worked 36 years in the same place. i didn't know about narcissism, but i could see the weird behavior of some of the bosses. i had a mantra i followed with them that worked. out of sight, out of mind. i minded my business, did my job well, did what they asked me to do. one woman boss hated the other woman, gave preferential treatment to the cute guys. one boss was real up and down with moods. one boss would find a person to pick on and get them fired for no reason. one boss gave me a bad yearly report because she didn't like me. she said i went too slow. i had to laugh because i was driving 6,000 glass bottles on a pallet all day. you had to go slow.
looking back, i was a narc magnet. what do you know. those narc bosses really tried to get at me. i just kept on with gray rock. i definitely had to get to know the narcs because you had to figure out how to deal with each one differently. it sucks being a narc magnet.
Yup me too chemtrailmary "narc magnet", and just like you I employ the "outta sight outta mind" tactic. I only engage with the narc boss on an "as needed" basis!
they seem to have a limited memory if it is not about them. they can forget all about you if you stay out of their "arena." otherwise, they love to pull you into battle in the arena. lol.
My narc supervisor is exactly how you described. I will most certainly take your tips into account to finally release this narc
Whoa. This explains soooooo much. Thank you for this video!
This was a phenomenal video! Loved every minute it and so true! Thanks for sharing! :)
Thank you.
I'm the queen of gray rock. And I never talk about personal stuff or gossip about other people. I know they will use anything I say against me.
And I work with two narcs a boss and supervisor. And my problem is my supervisor will not train me on new computer software. And when I tried to learn on my own I get yelled at. And these two ladies started a smear campaign against me. And have tried over and over to make me look stupid and dumb. Which did not work since I've had so much experience when I was at one point a co-manager for 5 years and never had any issues. And I've sub-ed at other locations in the past 15 years that I've worked at the company and the general manager can look this up and talk to staff.
I've had issues where my boss and co-worker would but in when I'm assisting customers and I kept letting my boss know over and over to leave me alone when I am helping customers in a calm not arguing tone of voice. And they are slowly leaving me alone. And number one thing I always make sure all of my work tasks are completed. And my narc supervisor threatened me and I reported it to the general manager and HR.
And my boss is so mad at me for reporting this while she was out on leave. And refuses to sit and talk to me about it. The cool thing is my company has a mediator who acts like a lawyer and I brought this to her attention too and she's going to get to the bottom of why my boss is not willing to talk to me. And why is it my boss will drop whatever it is she is doing and talk to my narc supervisor and not me.
Good for you! At least SOMETHING is getting done about yours!
Excellent, excellent video!
Will watch again!
This is one of those single times the just one perfect video make me worship the presenter (you) and have me subscribed right away
Love your..... everything really
Keep it up
Same, I subbed straight away because of her alone xx
You explained exactly all traits of my boss. Hahaha..!!!! It's was like u were talking about him.
I wore black nail polish to work and my narc boss told me I shouldn't wear black nail polish because the prostitutes in the area wore black nail polish. I laughed in her face.
Mine told me my eye makeup was distracting and to take it off. I told her "I'll lighten it, but I am not willing to remove it." (This was coming from a boss who had 1960s winged eyeliner- and she's almost 70!!)
Tilly Robinson I wonder how she would know...? 😂😂😂
most narcs will tell others to play down their makeup because they EXTREMELY jealous of others on an unnatural level
😀😀😀😀😀😀 I laughed out loud
THIS WOMAN IS ON THE MONEY!!!!!💯💯💯💯💯 👌👌👌👌👌
Thank you so much for this. I lead a team and have a Narc boss, it does make life that unnecessarily harder for my team and myself. This was really good, thanks for the guidance
You're so welcome and good luck...I had to leave this job and my boss tried to sabotage me, but it didn't work.
Progress Through Process, I'm proud of you and I'm glad you're out of that toxic environment.
This is so true ... I deal with this on a daily basis but for years I had no clue what’s really was really happening..i true thank you and people like you for helping people like me and shedding light on these kid if people..
As soon as you realize that you have a narcissist boss, start planning your exit.
these are good tips for work in general! thanks!
You're welcome cockstrong3333, and I'm glad the video was helpful.
The VP of my job is a narc and when someone complained to hr about him he DEMANDED that the hr person tell him who it was even though that's confidential of course. Hr guy refused to tell him, and then a month later he just so happened to get fired....
"They respect people in the workplace that they can't completely steamroll." YUP! The vp told my supervisor that I 'push back' and he really likes that and likes me... smdh!
All if the information I learned from these videos are empowering. I recently went into a meeting with my boss and I was 2 steps ahead of him. One thing all this info did was made me more angry also because he was so predictable and I went word for word which neither one of us backed down because I knew I was right. The boundary had to be set.
3:20 OMG I told her once i had a relaxing massage and she reacted strangely about it.
Damn. Homegirl broke that shit down and yet I just stumbled upon this Video. Great Video. Hopefully you can make one about dealing with a NARC If you are Self employed or in a Buisness/Finanical setting.
NICE!!!
Proud of you BFF!!!
😊😊😊 thanks bestie!!!
Wonderful and awesome video 😇🙏👍👍👍💜♥️💚👍many thanks, you are a dear🕊️
Why are these people even LEADERS?!?
You are awesome thanks. I leaned more from your video than I could have imagined. Thank you so much.
Very good advice thank you! What saves me everyday with my narc boss : He needs me too much. I made myself so central and irreplacable in his job over the years that now he even stops working when I'm off. I know though... if one day he doesn't need me anymore it's gonna be terrible, but for now this is the way I can keep my mind at work.
Thank you so much for this. I’ve found a lot of information about how to recognize a narcissist boss but virtually nothing on how to effectively work with one. This was really helpful 🌹❤️
The respect people who say "no" thing is so crazy, but true. I said "yes" to almost everything, and constantly got complaints that i wasn't doing enough.My few coworkers who say no or stand up to my boss are always regarded highly.
I like the practical strategies
You've just explained one of my superiors at work. I always thought he was a narcissist, this video helped me confirm it. Thank you!
you could not be any more spot on. i could write a book about working for/with a narc. be afraid. it's VERY real. (ps: be VERY aware - YOU are not the insane one in this unhealthy relationship!)
Spot On
Awesome advise! Already follow a few of these and your video was a great confirmation that what I doing is good. I can also see that he is a bit more respectful now, a bit nervous around me whereas before he was way too relaxed around me almost if I was his girlfriend or some admirer. Now he is wondering a bit it seems.
God Bless you for sharing this info. Your tips have totally set my mind at ease. Priceless info! Now I know how to move forward. Thank you dearly!!!
Great video great real talk.
It is absolutely true that one can learn a lot from narcissistic bosses. They are typically very creative and hyperactive. They want to reach the biggest and best goals and achievements. they want to learn fast. The problem is that they lack patients and even when they dive deeper into a subject, their learning is often too shallow, because they underestimate the requirements and overestimate the end results.
Their lack of patience ultimately make them sloppy and their mistakes pile up until it becomes a problem for more and more people. They get into conflicts with more and more people and ultimately create a burning inferno of the workplace. You get dragged in regardless of whether you want to or not.
Finally you are forced to stand up to this situation and that is when you gradually become their opponent and ultimately their enemy. You either quit, bow down, or end up in a bitter conflict until somebody gives up.
Thanks so much for sharing this, really helpful
Great tips, great info, thank you
All these are good pieces of advice if you already know that your co-worker has a narcissistic bend. Although you mentioned it briefly, it bears repeating that it is crucial to identify from the start if your co-worker is a narc or not. We must remember that initially it always feels just wonderful with any narc: he will compliment your talents, he will quell your professional insecurities, he will do you favors (with strings attached, as you will discover later) he will share with you personal anecdotes, etc. And it is very important to keep asking yourself: "Do these compliments sound too superficial and just too good to be true? Is he complimenting me on traits that he needs me to have but that are not really mine?" Also, observing his treatment of others is important, and seeing if there is a marked inconsistency between what he says and how he acts (e.g. being your "best friend" in a private conversation while putting you down in front of others for "fun"). See how he reacts to a justified disagreement, from you or from others. If he takes it on board - good, if the reaction to a criticism is dismissive, huffing and puffing or seething with anger - bad. And so on. The point is that it is important not to rush into a work relationship and thus get sucked into a "dance" with a narc co-worker, just based on the love-bombing stage. Narcs exploit the inherent expectation of respect for our co-workers; they will manipulate our good manners and politeness. They will even be (always insincerely) comforting us after we experienced a significant family loss. All of this will forge a bond beyond the strictly professional exchange, and we will feel a strong sense of obligation to the narc when the love-bombing is over and he starts dismantling us piece by piece. This will lock us in the relationship for far too long.
I have learned my lesson the hard way: I was blind during the "golden period", after which it took me 7 years to get free from a malignant narc co-worker. He almost manipulated me into breaking a law, but, luckily, I saw through that in time.
Specifically for the work context, it is very useful to learn about the personality pathology called Machivellianism: they are cunning, manipulative, "the end justifies the means", "grey cardinal" types (unlike narcs, they are not too desperate for attention; and unlike psychopaths, they are not too impulsive) It's also useful to learn about the personality type called "The Dark Triad", which is a mix of sub-clinical psychopathy, narcissism and Machiavellianism, which, although sub-clinical separately, together become an explosive mix.
Thank you for discussing this topic, Ama.
Thank you SK for sharing this extremely informative comment with everyone, as always thank you and take care!
VEEERY helpful, thanks AMA!!!!
You are awesome, so glad I found your channel!
great tips! ✨
Thanks I am S.H.E.
Is it to late to implement these suggestions if you’ve already gotten into it with your narc boss on several occasions?
BRILLIANT!
Thank you
Thank you!
You're welcome MsMonique242, I'm glad the video was helpful...take care.
Thank you for this!
Thank you
I LOVE UR VIDEOS SO MUCH they make so much sense to me, ur like my personal therapist omfg
You hit the nail squarely on the head with everything in this video. Great job!
The dislikes must have come from narcissists.
You're really good, Alma 😊
this was great!!!!!
This so true!
My husband just started his new job. Already his boss is playing games with him. I'm going to show him this video. I hope it will help him.
This is awesome information 🤓
I just discovered this and I love what you are doing! Keep it up!!
I have a question though you may already have a video about it.
I have a narc sister in-law with whom I share a duplex home. So I have to at least interact with her on the common areas and/or put up with any provocations. Right now she's giving me the silent treatment but at same time she is moving or throwing things away in the yard which I have put there, and I'm guessing is a provocation.
I have a great relationship with my husband (her brother) and I rather deal with this in a healthy way so it doesn't affect my marriage. Any advice??!
I was a lead and the boss was my supervisor. I tried to grey rock but she was so overbearing and butting her nose into business that wasn't hers.
I made the mistake of getting close to my boss before I was fully aware of said boss being a narcissist. My boss pretty much knows the ins and outs of who I am at this point, so while I think a lot of what you said is helpful, is there anything different you should do after that line is crossed?
I had to leave. I wasn't given any hours. I was taken off the schedule for next week even though I was originally scheduled. Then hours drastically cut. I'd been there for four years. Enough was enough.
I lost my job too, because my bosses loved the new guy, the way they used to love me. Then they got mad at me and started scapegoating me. I left.
Thank you, Ama. Could you do a video about toxic coworkers? My boss is not a Narc but some of my coworkers are LETHAL, JEALOUS and petty.
I'll try my best Raybee. Take care.
Thank you, Ama
So wish I had this video to watch 7 yrs ago. Now, a stay at home mom. But my female narc boss was such a bully. Planting moles, pitting employees against eachother is exactly what she did. I needed a Friday off to prepare for my then 5 yr old to be in a wedding on a Saturday. I asked for over a month, can I please have this such and such day off, it's a final tuxedo fitting. She never would commit and would brush me off. She played the gray rock. While I was in such a panic. It was liked she enjoyed my stress on weather I would be granted my request. Finally, she told me I could have off on that particular day 3 days prior. And she wrote me up for misconduct of pestering her for that day I needed off. She was just MEAN. Maybe do a video on just mean people too. Lol
that was so horrible. Narr. ppl do not have a life. I truly can relate to your story. smh!!!
The problem with gray rock
AMA my case working who has to report back ..but he doesn’t keep his appointment times ... and I sit around all day waiting for his showing up on time or with a time ... but if i ruffle fathers ... i could lose my apartment.... but I how do report this .. when the may not believe me or it may make him say something to make me lose my apartment
I have a narc boss....she is crazy as hell...she thinks she is organized....but really she is costing my office so much more money....it is to the point that we have to work with a skeleton crew because the doctor can’t afford to pay more employees!!
Ama, would you ever recommend people going to HR about their narc bosses? Do you think it would do any good or would it just make things worse?
elmudd06 friend did that recently. No, it went terribly and she finally quit after months of harassment. They tried to help but a little alpha female is no match for a male narc in his prime...
Hi, as you said that narc love hardworking employee, that is wrong they dont like perfect and talented people same lìke the losers and ignorants. they are afraid if a worker perform well they would not be able to keep themselves in power.
You're right, they love a hard worker as long as you give them the credit for any success you achieve...that's the key...never show them up. So sad, but they're pathetic.
You’te right. My narc boss doesn’nt like me to be pro active in my job at all. All she wants is to be in control.
Oh and if she never makes a mistake, whenever something goes wrong it is my fault.
Maher Jani so true
hi ama. any help with narc friends? my narc attends aa meetings i go to, so no contact isnt really possible. she is giving me the silent treatment. for 4 months now. have i been discarded?
I'm not sure Willow, but the silent treatment is a passive aggressive form of abuse. I'll be posting a video on the silent treatment next week and I hope it will bring you some clarity. Take care.
Progress Through Process thank you look forward to it😎
Omg this all makes sense now... I feel so dumb 🙄
Im working now for almost 3 years with Narcissist Boss...I'm like a Zombie after work. I just Prayed just to overcome all this things. Even my Faith and Belief was being questions. Fuck ur God. Im God im the one who gave you work. Working with Him kills me slowly. Ur right when he found out ur Happiness or any troubles with ur Family or kids. Im a singlemom and He strikes me so Hard, Humilate me from head to toes. I Resigned already but he rejected my resignation and he changed for a bit but again is coming back. Just reading some articles on how to deal with them and do other things to let the negativity get out from my mind and emotions. Bonding with my Kids, doing excercise. Church activities and going out with Friends made me cope up until i finish my race working with him.
FUCK. This is goooood! I am walking into an Executive Assistant role of a Narcissist🎢
Problem when...1:- they don't pay you (or have all these minions- under them...& a system of just ignoring calls...giving work to others!
2/ naturally - you have to bring up the pay to get your money....
Then all he'll breaks loose.
In all my 30+ years as a Reg Nurse Never known ANYTHING like this....ever. it was a lowly care job....felt it would be do so easy....just 15 hrs....
Prob is none of them have my higher qualification=
N envy....
=>> N rage
When your care is more detailed.
See it is a very n workplace....
All the carers complain Secretly...oh dear....I'm now in the open due to my pay. Yet again another shoddy n-type care agency.i may return to Hospice nursing and try to get My registration back....in meantime they are not giving me any work....as said :"Pay me....then I work!"as no accountability we are in a stalemate!! So ridiculous and so childish. Thank you x
Thank you! Soooo true, never embarrass a narc, the retaliation is unbearably painful and so covert there are hardly words to describe it. There is no justice with a narc! Nothing is ever good enough for them. And not even God can help you if it is woman on woman , bullying, these people should run Black OPS torture sites for the CIA.
Uhmm...I've known my boss is a narcissist. Actually I have had three bosses that are narcisstists at the same time and I guess I've made every mistake in the book.
No money worth the stress and emotional drain you face everyday. its gonna affect you in many ways- your health, personal relationships..
get to be a narc with a narc
It seems like narcissist bosses are mostly women.
No this one was a man, however I realize that working for a female supervisor with a personality disorder is even worse...
What do you mean ex husband. Is he nuts?
my narc boss couldnt stand they you say for other companies somethng good, they need destory every good picture about anything that ist them...when this summer i work for her i already know what she are cause i have uncle who is like that, and most time i grey rock her and she try to pull out from me something about other people and i change the subject... you need to know that you cant be friend with narc, they will try make you theirs friend but thats bullshit, just act calm, do your job and leave :)))))))