Telling Amy’s Story | Full documentary
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- Опубликовано: 5 апр 2023
- Hosted by actress and activist Mariska Hargitay, and told by detective Deirdri Fishel, Telling Amy’s Story follows the timeline of a domestic violence homicide that occurred in central Pennsylvania on Nov. 8, 2001. While we will never be able to change the ending to Amy's story, we hope that its telling can change outcomes for the millions of victims, survivors, and loved ones affected by domestic violence everyday. Watch on the PBS App: video.wpsu.org/show/telling-a...
Produced by Penn State Public Broadcasting, Telling Amy's Story was broadcast on PBS stations nationwide beginning June 1, 2010. Companion materials are available to help you share this film, discuss it with others, and refer those in need to domestic violence resources. Learn more about the project at telling.psu.edu.
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A few years back I was on an escalator when a woman in front of me was punched in the face. Her partner then picked up their pram to throw his 8 month old baby over the side. The moment I saw what he was doing I grabbed that pram & we fought all the way down. The escalator was full & no one said or did anything. Meanwhile this idiot is telling me to mind my own business. I told him it was everyone's business
I'm so glad you were there ❤
I would have done the same as you. Good on you. How people can look the other way is beyond me. ❤
God bless you for helping them in the way you did. A lot of people won't help which I don't understand but that's the reality of it. You must be a very good person. God bless! 💕
Bless you for your courage. Thank you for intervening.
Bet the mum was so thankful for you being there
I was on a ferry about 30 years ago now and this group of young people were talking together. One of the girls had a boyfriend who had just learnt that she had, had an abortion before she met him apparently. Well he started going on about it and she was becoming more submissive, trying to appease him - and he was escalating with bullying tactics, using it against her to control her. The other young people did nothing. I was pretending to read my book. He was sounding more and more controlling and my blood boiled, so I got up and went over to them and said, "It's no business of yours what she did before you met her, it's her life, not yours ... " - they all looked at me in shock, and one of the young woman said - "Oh it's okay! We're rehearsing a script!" - It turns out that they were a group of young actors - (and they thanked me for speaking up in case it had been real). I grew up with abuse so you know the signs. I was relieved it wasn't for real, still shook me up for a while. and I'm glad I spoke up.
The world needs more people like you. Not enough ppl speak up or intervene in these situations. You’re a hero in my eyes. ❤
I don't know, I was in the theater, and random rehearsing in public was never a practice. The young lady may have been trying to defuse the situation before the boyfriend turned on you. Good for you for stepping up, not only did it show good character, but it was an action of love as well.
Did a Hispanic man come out and say its what would you do? Lol.
My Dad is and was exactly like that to me my entire life, worse now
ha a What Would Do moment.
Mariska Hargitay is a class act. You should ALWAYS use her for your PSA's. People listen to her!!! Thank you Mariska!
I loved watching you
I clicked on this video because Mariska Hargitay.
She had trauma in her life. Her mother was Jane Mansfield
@@DramaMustRemainOnTheStage Jayne, I was named after her ❤
@@DramaMustRemainOnTheStageo ffs Joan Crawford was also demonized over nothing.. this was a way for spoiled brats to be mad at their parents for not giving them all their money..
books and movies are created, and embellished for drama in order to MAKE MONEY.
good grief ppl..
I did social work for over 15 years. I live near this area and it is absolutely RIFE with domestic violence. And people always say “but he was so nice, this doesn’t happen here.” Well, it does. Domestic violence is insidious, it starts with little things…controlling the way you dress, who you are and aren’t allowed to see, the bedroom activities get rough…he keeps saying “Oh baby! I’m so sorry, it won’t happen again.” But it will…it does. And it’s not just as simple as “leaving”. Because you will be isolated. You will be cut off from your family and friends. Your abuser will make you feel alone. They’ll make you feel like no one wants you, you’re garbage, so you stay. And you become beaten down, mentally, physically…you’re weak. No matter how much you want to leave, you don’t. But there is help…it’s out there. I urge anyone reading this, tell someone. There is help out there. It will take effort. It will be the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do. But YOU ARE WORTH IT! Contact a women’s shelter, The Salvation Army Corp or Service Unit. I’m sending love and light to anyone facing domestic abuse.
Don't forget being torn down and sheer Fear. Leaving doesn't stop their controlling behavior and when friends and family don't listen you feel no one will help. People need to stop pulling away from women who've tried to tell and stop playing it down or insinuating it's somehow the woman's fault.
He try to kill me for ten years he. Was the devil himself I wish I would of got out sooner. He abused my family as well I am a surviver I want to live alone I don't feel safe here
O no. R u alright? I just read ur text my prayers & thoughts for peace & safety r with u. U r loved@@user-nt6bz7lp8g
Why is there so much domestic violence?
My daughters father beat me almost to death when she was 8 months old and my son was 8. I had 4 broken ribs, one rib went into my lung and collapsed it, 4 facial fractured on top of my orbital bone being crushed, a traumatic brain injury among other scratches and bruises. My 8 year old saved my life. My abuser did go to prison but only for 4 years. He’s out now fighting for visitation of my daughter who is now 7. (My now 16 year old son has a different father.) I have spent almost $25,000 fighting against him getting visitation with my daughter and we just wrapped trial. Fingers crossed the magistrates does not allow this man to have visits with my daughter.
I am beyond blessed that I am now a domestic violence advocate & case manager and able to help others! it is my life mission to help save others flee and live lives free of domestic violence 💜 💜
They are blessed to have you...
I worked as a nurse for 30 years. The extent of your injuries is mind blowing. No woman should have to go through this! Im glad your an advocate!
@@karenrynbrandt8559 thank you for your service of being a nurse for so long!!
it was terrifying! Especially for my children. I’m hoping the magistrate doesn’t allow him to see my daughter for visitations now that he is out of prison😞
I hope they have good horse sense not political sense, prayers for you
💜
2004. I get a call at around 1am, telling me my sister was shot and killed by her husband.
Four days before Christmas.
In front of her 16 year old daughter.
My niece laid down in the driveway with her mother as she took her last breath.
We've learned to live with it, but will never get over it.
No one should ever to have to fear that the person who says they love you may kill you if you choose to leave.
I so very sad
I'm so sorry.
Gosh how awful, sorry for your loss ❤
I’m so very sorry this happened to you and your family 😔😔😢😊
Oh man that’s so sad I’m so so sorry for your loss
I've been looking for this documentary for YEARS. I worked at Verizon from 2009-2018 and i recall Amy's story being the reason we pushed so hard to have people donate their phones to the HopeLine charity. She was a Verizon employee. We had notices that this documentary was going to be on PBS and the company encouraged EVERYONE to support it and watch it. It's such a gut wrenching story, and i couldn't find a link to watch it in a while. Idk why this was suggested to me (i gave up looking a while ago) but I'm grateful that it popped up on my recommended list.
Is it a good documentary?
Trauma bonds are extremely hard to break! Unless you’ve been there, you have no idea! I needed to see this at this moment in my life! Thank you!
Even bright, successful women get caught up in these relationships - I know from my own experience. Confident at work, timid with him. It creeped up on me and leaving was almost impossible. They can be so sweet and loving. Someone I later married helped me break the bond and I live a happy, healthy life now. It took me awhile and alot of therapy, but I made it. Good documentary.
I really hope you are ok!!! Stay strong!
Totally
I hope you are okay. Yes those ties are hard to break, but they can be broken. Please know you are not alone.
Children who are traumatized by their parents behavior towards create trauma bonds with their abusive parents.
As a grandma i lived with abuse and left with my kids after 17 years and the ONE BIG THING I CAN say 100% is an abused woman will only speak about probably 5% of what ever happened to them 💔
💔 So sorry that happened to you x
@@LollyLiving so glad you got to leave. So glad you are here on this earth. I hope you and your kids have found real love and security in your lives.
I too am a victim of IPV/DV and SA. I tell 100% of what happened to me. It helped me heal and helps other victims not feel like they are the only one who has experienced something that seems embarrassing or demeaning. I know a lot of women who talk about everything they went through as victims of DV. The only people I have met who don’t tell people 100% of what they are enduring is because they are in the midst of being abused by their abuser. That they are not ready to leave yet, they are scared, feel like they may be judged or not believed. I hope you open up and can talk about what you have been through. Not for anyone else but for yourself.
I used to do this but now you ask me I tell and if I cry I cry. Whatever but it has to come out
You are so correct 😢
The second he threatens to kill you, you have to realize he is not joking.
Never tell him that you are leaving just do it.
Yes, most dangerous time when you leave.
Most violent time in my life when I left.
Destroyed my life and health for ever.
Make a plan, put money aside, have a secret phone.
Beware of trackers on your phone and computer tech.
Get support from women's domestic violence support centres.
Learn the hand signal for help.
Call police order a piza or call family or friends with a code, in emergency.
Most of all get out the first time he hits you.
Best advice. I didn't tell mine. I waited for him to go to work and left.
I realised he wasn’t joking when I had to jump out a window to save myself
Truer words have never been spoken ;)
😇
I called the police on behalf of a women in a domestic violence situation and I was told,” You can’t call for her- she has to call for herself”.
This needs to change!
Exactly. Obviously her abuser took the phone away from her so she can't call the police on him 😭
Cops are useless when it comes to domestic violence. They don’t want to get involved and when they do they always side with the man unless there are obvious signs of abuse they can’t ignore.
Is it depending on state or county ?? Wondering because when we had abusive family members we were able to call for them unfortunately not always were they in jail for long due to victim forgiving them 😢
@@Michelle58546sometimes it just depends on a particular officer. Most of them don’t want to deal with domestics n the first place.
That’s ridiculous! Where do you live? You have to go to your states legislative website and get a petition started so you can get the laws changed. Because that is straight up 💩if I’ve ever heard it. Someone doesn’t have to die first. What a horrible thing to say to someone. If you need help just let me know.
This story is so sad. The kids lost their mother by their controlling/abusive father. Please ladies the first time a man threatens you or hits you, LEAVE HIM!! IT'S GOING to get worse. Rip Amy. 🙏
@@mc6506 I agree with you 😭
I learned it can take people up to 7 times of leaving and going back.. and it ALWAYS GET WORSE EACH TIME!! Please get out and stay out no matter what they say or do to try to get back with you… it never works out!! And please please get therapy! And DO NOT feel bad about yourself.. it’s THEM! Not you, and therapy will help to show you that! Yes I have been there-done that so I am speaking from experience!! GOD BLESS YOU!! YOU MATTER & YOU ARE ENOUGH!! HUGS🥰
@@Lisa-Snshinz 😇
Fortunately the children were spared. Those are the real victims.
She went back on purpose to the house looking for more drama bc women in DV relationships are addicted to it just like junkies.
It's a drug and her drug of choice unfortunately killed her.
If often doesn't start with hitting. It's like the frog in the pot... The heat is slowly turned up and then you don't know what's happening until it's at the boil (when they hit you) they have already eroded your self esteem, isolated you, financially controlled you, even when you have more income than them, gas lit your friends, family and acquaintances so they think he's a good guy, they use children to control you... Once the hitting starts, you blame yourself, are ashamed, shame was a huge factor for me as a veteran and having once been a very strong willed person before him, I was deeply ashamed that I had allowed myself to get in that situation, afraid, feel alone and can't see the way out... It took me years to get out of it and I knew that the most dangerous time was when you've finally have the strength to end it... I was lucky, I was able to get him out of the state because his father was sick and knew he wouldn't be able to return without my help financially.. for over 2 years he tried to manipulate me to come back... Last time I spoke to him he called my mother's on Thanksgiving knowing I would be there, I promised him, if he ever darkened my door again that either me, my sons or his son (who stayed with me when he left) that were all adults by then would cancel his subscription to life. It's been over 12 years and that promise still stands.
My late husband and I were arguing one day outside of a gas station. A lady walked up to me and asked if I needed help when he was in the store. I'm very thankful for that woman even though it was a silly argument and I was not in any danger. More people really should walk up and help. My late husband and I laughed about it later but we both knew how important it is for people to step in if they can.
That is what gets innocent bystanders killed. Never get between a couple.
@@sandrasue44 I've intervened directly and the men were shamed and backed off. One day my friend saw a woman being beaten in a park by her partner....my friend drove right at him and he backed off and ran away. We took the victim to the police station. Another time I saw a man beating a woman in the supermarket car park. It was a holiday so the supermarket was closed and there were no other cars there. I was on my mountain bike across the street and the guy didn't see me. I hid behind a large power bo and called the cops who station was just a few hundred yards down the street. They were there within a minute and arrested the guy. The police took the woman to her family. All it takes for evil to flourish is for good people to do nothing. Silence is complicity. My ex husband and I once heard our neighbour being beaten by her husband. We broke down a connecting door and rushed in each with a machete in our hands.......he had just thrown the coffee table at his wife's head in front of their year old daughter. He quickly backed off. We took the wife and daughter to her mothers house. Thes subhuman pricks need to know that people WILL intervene and that they won't get away with it.
Nope, not going to intervene. I'll call the cops if they need to be called but they may or may not come.
I saw a couple fighting in a parking lot of a closed convenience store. I called the cops and told them what I saw. They asked my name. I told them it has nothing to do with me, they're the ones fighting. Well, they can't send anyone without me telling them my name. Okay I said, "my name is Jane Smith". I hung up. I don't know if they sent anyone or not. By that point, I didn't care.
Intervene ONLY if they understand the traits of domestic violence otherwise it can go very badly if the bystander is naive.
I would definitely say something. Like the lady posted above 👆 said she waited till the husband was in the store. I always look to those ppl who are hero’s. They are amazing for sticking their necks out for someone they don’t know. Silence is complicity! To many ppl only care about themselves. How would they feel if their daughter was being abused then the worst murdered. No one helped their daughter? But ppl could have helped. Just saying.
I lived with an abusive Mum (I didn’t know it at the time though) & the emotional abuse was irreversible. I then at the age of 18 met a ‘wonderful’ 27 year old man. We moved from Queensland, Australia to Canberra (that’s where he lived and he was visiting family here in Queensland when we met). He convinced me that I didn’t need to go out into the workforce and that I could just work with him. He was literally the ONLY person I knew, until he introduced me to HIS friends (whom I could only talk to when he said we could catch up). Anyway, we finally moved back to Qld so that I could be near my friends again (after 1 of my friends was brutally murdered by her ex). So life is continuing right. Approx 6 months after we met, things went from bad to worse. The abuse that was only occasional (he spent 3 months in jail) began to become a regular occurrence. It wasn’t just physical abuse, it was emotional too. He soon had me convinced that I could NEVER live without him as I was hopeless and useless and there’s ‘no way I’d survive without him!’ He knew to only ever hit me in areas that wouldn’t leave a mark for others to see (my head was one of his favourite places to hit). He would strangle me if I didn’t cook his steak properly, he would hit me if he ran out of alcohol or if someone else pissed him off. You know what blows my mind now though, we actually lived next door to a police officer/detective and he had the officer and his wife convinced that he was a hard working wonderful, attentive man. They either never cared or just turned a blind eye to what was happening right next door. Anyway, fast forward a couple of years and now I’m 7 months pregnant (my first, his 3rd) & he’d just tried to collect money from some guy & because he didn’t get what was owed to him, he grabbed the steering wheel (I was driving, because he was too drunk) & rammed our car into a massive dirt embankment. He then threatened me and made me tell his family that a dog had run out in front of us (we were late for a family event, because of the accident). So, once our daughter was born, he became very jealous and this is when the ‘of you don’t….I’m going to take this bottle of pills and kill myself!’ He started hitting me more and more, but it was when he tried hitting me whilst I was breastfeeding my baby that I finally (& with the help of a new friend) said enough is enough. I will not put my child through this life of abuse and constant fear. So, I went into hiding (it was a safe house in a sense, but not a registered one, it was just a home with a single mum who had been through what I had just been through & she was amazing in so many ways, plus, no one - not even my family knew where I was). I may have lived in fear (in fear of him finding me and killing me), for many years after but I did it. I got out & I’m alive today because of it.
I’m sorry, we can delete my comment if you want. I don’t even know why I’ve told my story here, but maybe, just maybe, someone will see this and realise that whilst it’s the scariest thing you think you could do - there IS a way out. You CAN do this. You CAN escape and live a happy life. My daughter is now a happy 26 year old and whilst she still had a hard childhood (her and her stepdad did not get along sadly), she’s also alive today because of my decision to leave. She’s even studying to become a midwife. I had 3 more children with my now ex-husband & I’m finally away from everyone who abused me (my Mum & my exes).
You know, as a teenager I swore that NO man would ever treat me the way my Mum treated us, but it’s funny how you are attracted to certain characteristics. It’s also very sad how quickly someone can manipulate you without you even realising that it’s happening too. So now, I’m just going to live my life alone (in the romantic sense) & be the best person I can be, not just for myself, but for my kids too.
Powerful story. Thank you!❤️
The children of alcoholics often find an alcoholic to marry. I've seen it many times over decades.
So glad you posted your story…don’t blame yourself because in a sense, you were influenced beyond your ability to distinguish between normal acceptance of behaviour and wanting to be loved and accepted. It does create a false perception of yourself, who suffers the most, unfortunately.
Take care!❤️
Thank you for sharing and I pray you only have good people in your life now.
why should any one want to delete your amazing powerful testimony, you still harbour too much self doubt, stay safe & blessed❤️🖤🔥
I grew up watching my mom be brutally abused. She survived cause she finally left for good. I've spent my life stepping in. I just watched my best friend marry the love of her life after being in a 10 year abusive relationship. I stepped in and kept stepping in and I never gave up on her. Never give up on them they will leave when they feel safe enough to do so.
As a Counselor for over 30 years, I respect so much what you are doing Mariska.
Thank you so much.
-T
"A man is not what he thinks he is. He is what he hides." - (Andre Malroux)
This
@@bonnylouwho76 Well yeah, I’m Al Stauch didn’t know what he was really married to
True that!!!!!!!!!!!! Amen!!
Needed to hear this. Thank you.
So true.
Please don't blame the victim,I have walk in her shoes.i lefted my abusive husband 45 years ago in the middle of the night with my son and a bag of clothes. It was planned weeks ahead,never went back. Plan ahead,it is the most dangerous time when they know.
Today you would be charged with kidnapping. And again we wonder why she dose not leave. 😢
@@klondikemom3658exactly.
@@klondikemom3658 not just today . Even in 1989 when I put a restraining order on my husband and changed the locks, I couldn’t leave the area with my children or it would have been kidnapping. Even though there were 23 police reports filed on him where the restraining order was violated and he hurt and harassed me but I had to wait until he did something “serious” enough to me to be taken seriously and eventually he did in front of my kids. He got a life sentence but was paroled 30 yrs later
Many that leave are found and killed. These abusive men will not let their victims live in peace. They carry out their abuse until death. Dangerous situation...happy you got out of that abusive relationship. Many are not so lucky to survive. Happy you did.
Survivor me to 👍🙏
Be patient and loving to those in the cycle and struggle to get out. Took me years to finally leave. Soo grateful I had a friend constantly loving on me and believed me. She increased my self esteem so I could leave.
Exactly that.
Anyone who has ever been in an abusive relationship knows too well how this works. Once you are out of it and can look back, you feel so stupid for allowing this to happen to you.
But coercive control is a real thing. You don’t know you’re a frog slowly being boiled to death. And when you finally become aware, you know that punishment is certain if you try to leave. And fear can be immobilizing. Plus maybe you stayed to protect the children.
You are so deep in it, that you don't know how to leave. No you don't feel stupid, you feel lucky and happy that you took the step to get away, and you are safe now. It is never too late.
I'm so grateful that my mom was brave enough to take us and leave!
My mom took us and left too. After all that pent up anger, she then went on to abuse us. Her scars were deep. She beat my brother with a tire iron and put him in the hospital. The only thing that kept the cycle from repeating was that my brother was killed in a car accident when he was 17. Life is hard. Harder for some than others.
@@cl5193 I'm so sorry about your brother! my mom was a drunk junkie who was emotionally and physically abusive towards me and not my brother even though I'm the one that did everything for her. She's sober now but tries to act like she hasn't done anything wrong.
I’m Glad you are. I’m happy for you too. :)
I often wonder if my daughter will feel the same I have a now 18 year old stunning daughter inside and out :) we are very close. :)
I too took my daughter when she was ten and we ran and boy we ran…shelter to shelter for two years. I left my ex her father/best friend of 14 years after one morning when the three of us were sitting outside with her little friend. her friend had finished complaining about her parents when Drew our daughter, who was such a sweet quiet well behaved little girl, who would never talk back, confront adults etc, said “ oh you think that’s bad try watching your dad strangle your mother 4 times in one night 😳. We looked at each other and I then realized at that moment she finally saw the abuse. He had always made a point to do it in private not ever In front of my older twin sons our daughter family friends, strangers he would but 🤷🏼♀️. It took me a second to remember details about the night before. And there she was crying on the couch begging her daddy to stop “stop doing that to mommy” I don’t remember how many times. I would never remember much during events like that. Maybe from fear. Idk but right then I knew there was no way no matter how afraid I was. I could never go back to him. That night we called a shelter in another city and when he was at a neighbors having a drink we left a letter explaining he would see her again and someone would get in touch with him soon and we RAN.
I’m not going to lie, it was extremely HARD we couldn’t bring her brothers they don’t allow teenaged sons older then 16 at the shelters all around me. They were 20. They stayed with my family got help to get their own place but I still felt like I lost my limbs ( they are doing amazing now :))
My fear is our life is very different. We have little money now. We don’t do the things we used too. She sees friends around us doing and having things she used to have etc and it really does bother her she tells me. She doesn’t blame me or make me feel guilty we just are very close and I want her to tell me the truth. And of course she misses her big brothers who she was so so so close too. We also can only afford a small townhome in a pretty bad neighborhood where there are lots of drug issues, drama with neighbors, a woman who will sit in our shared lobby in the nude out of her mind screaming singing etc and it’s loud we share walls with three other units and you can hear someone sneeze. Along with yelling not to mention our upstairs neighbors you can hear the domestic abuse going on at all hours days and nights. And you never have any idea which one is the aggressor each night. It changes. My poor daughter gets it worse they are right above her.
She has Also been jumped walking home from school etc a few times literally ripping her nails completely off (I’ll leave it at that and she’s tiny she’s only 5’1 I’m 5’7. I wish they’d jump me instead ). It’s just not the town I thought it was.
Our home we lived with her dad and brothers was in a beautiful town, I had moved 13 times as a child and this was where I bought my first house and where I had raised my twins. I loved it there it felt like home. I had a great job I loved working for the town and we knew so many. Just such a different life.
Now I feel so horrible. Yes I’m glad I taught her no you can’t beat a woman and expect no consequences and she knows you leave if you ever feel unsafe etc. but at what cost have I taught her this? Because now I feel we now have extreme PTSD because of the trauma we have experienced at the shelters ..(sharing a tiny tiny bedroom room 11ft by 8ft with a schizophrenic woman who belonged in a hospital not in a women’s shelter for abused families. They just didn’t have room there, we were feet away probably four feet and she’s talking about the devils killings etc scaring my daughter to the core and when I asked the next morning to be moved to another free bedroom which they had, they incorrectly said I was being “racist”. 🤭 SHE WAS WHITE, LIKE I AM 🤭😆🤦🏼♀️I think they meant another word lol race was never brought up lol mental health yes but it was the truth she didn’t belong in a shelter with children who have already experienced fear and violence when she was threatening to kill people 🤷🏼♀️)
And now here where we had left EVERYTHING to come and feel safe But the only thing that has changed is that my daughter is now going through Hell too without any of our friends or family.
I’m
Not saying don’t leave abusive relationships. I’m asking friends and family to do your best to have them stay with you and get the support from the shelters in the day program and what ever you do. Don’t move into any affordable housing without doing your research. They do have good ones too. I don’t know how I did it. Some of These poor kids here aren’t being parented. They drop out of school and do drugs young. My daughter comes first. I haven’t dated Soon she’s getting older. But I’m going to protect her and guide her right out of here. Just wish I had more help. Housing isn’t the only thing women need at the shelters. They need counseling and do u know they don’t provide that there. They say it’s for emergency only housing food clothes legal support. Kids in school and that’s it. Getting help is just as important and start with the children.
I just hope there are better shelters in other places. We met great people. Of course. But without REAL counseling REAL EMDR etc nothing will change for many of them. Just too much trauma.
♥️♥️🇨🇦🌎
it takes a lot of courage, but it also takes accountability. It’s shaky ground, but it must be treaded. I sought therapy after leaving my abuser. I was emotionally distant & verbally & sometimes even physically abusive to my kids. 😔 It was hard & shameful to admit, but therapy has helped tremendously! I am a cycle breaker. It stops with me. If you’re a victim, get help. You don’t have to carry that torch. Much love to you.
All the way back in 1972, after years of terrific abuse my mother took her 10! Children and sick mother 4 hours away from my father one day when he left for work Less than one year later, he shot her in the head, in the middle of the night, while she slept on the couch, in the living-room with us kids to find her in the morning He died in prison after 19 years It’s tough because there were no help programs in place for women like her except a restraining order which she had in place Its a tragedy She had 10 children by the age of 33 and she died at 37 What a horrendous life she had
I went into therapy for 12 years to figure out what I was doing to attract abusive men. I did a lot of work on myself and thankfully I worked through the issues. It’s a deep thing, as it’s totally unacceptable but unless you feel good about yourself you accept this awful behavior. Now, I am with an amazing man and he would never touch me in a violent way. I think therapy saved my life.
Bless you and your amazing partner...X
I'm glad you're ok now Amanda. I agree. In my experience decent therapy is life changing
Agreed. Im still healing from PTSD from narc.and then i look back, and ALL of the men i was with were abusive and i wondered why. I took accountability for it. Weird how i would flip if someone treated my children with abuse,but yet i endured it.thats wen i realized its me.
We don’t ask for abuse, we just want to be loved. But it’s sinking day after day you matter what you’re doing do you get your jolly, some of us just like to be happy so much don’t mind being sad, but nobody deserves punishment for an on understanding relationship, I thought hard to break my mom and dad up and you couldn’t do it. She didn’t see, in the unbelievable way that it did happen. I was so happy for my mom. She worked hard is the nurse and she bartending and she was a very nice lady God I miss her. You are never did anything wrong you just wanted to be loved, and you deserve that.! I have much more to say, but in a kind way I think I have set an off. God bless you all I can remember we never had a second girl called. My mom asked her what she was doing wrong and my mom says oh my god what are you doing lady, do you need to get out and I can remember another person telling my mom what to eat goes to sleep get a baseball bat. Sorry to many tears.
Please let me apologize,! I talk text. In my phone likes to add words that shouldn’t be guess I need to proofread before I send lol but these things I say are true and they happen. I just go to stay not so upset when I’m trying to do this. Thank you for understanding and forgive me.
Mariska, I am so glad that you presented this documentary. It's extremely hard to go through SO much and remain positive 😢 I was se%$ally abu$*d from 6/8 years old until around 12yo. I was raped by a family friend when I was 18....and then I met someone 20 years older me and lived with him 29 years. I didn't see ALL the "red flags" that were there unfortunately 😕 I was verbally, mentally and emotionally abused for too many years. About 5 years ago, I found the courage to leave 😊 My now boyfriend, I met in 2020 on Facebook. We're still together and doing well 3 years later ❤ Thank you for all you do
She so 🔥
Never send someone alone to check on your loved one's. Call in to police and meet them there. Be safe everyone ❤❤
This story hit me very hard, as I had to grow up in a very domestically violent home. I saw my father punch my Mom like a man. Mirrors busted over her face. She would be forced to ride in the back of the truck. I knew it was wrong. Every bit of it felt wrong. I knew my friends didn't live like that. I feel like my childhood was stolen. It's made me grow into an adult with a lot of anxiety and depression. I don't trust others. It is something that you never, ever forget.
I am so absolutely sorry for the pain you endured as a child that followed you into adulthood. I share this pain, it nearly killed me and I thank God for EMDR therapy. I never knew how deep the trauma was until it was reprocessed, and I was given a second chance at life. I highly recommend this therapy for every trauma survivor.
You have PTSD. Scars from childhood are there for life. Therapy helps some. Best wishes.
PLEASE get help.. so you can heal... I am sooooo sorry to read this! Please get help! Time CAN heal this! And counseling!
I grew up with the same thing but some of it was directed at me too
I had the same exact childhood. Except this man was a “step father” and I didn’t know that this didn’t happen with my friend’s parents. I thought all moms and dads fought that way, i deal with the same depression and anxiety seeing the abuse and the one time my mom finally defended herself, the police had to be called because it was soo bad… she was obviously abused and it showed but one of the officers told her “if he doesn’t pull through you are going to jail for murder” no wonder she never called for help… and i now understand why it took so long after that for her to finally get us (her and my siblings and me) out of that horrible life.
When will the justice system learn that a piece of paper will not stop a domestic abuser. This “we’ll do something when he kills her” solution is inexcusable. I’m devastated for Amy and her family.
Cops can only do so much, unfortunately. It's the laws that need to change. In my case there are those in the legal system who need to be held accountable as well and I'm sure Im not alone.
If you are talking about the restraining order, well, it doesn’t work because the victim is the one who breaks the restraint by 99% 🤷♀️
They can't do anything when the woman won't say anything to save herself or her children.
@@nomada6789Completely ridiculous and 100% made up “statistic”. Such a pathetic troll.
Lady no one can make any one being abused leave.. these people can only do so much especially when you have all of these opportunities and still go back! Why don’t you people understand that
10/2/23. I was in an abusive relationship. My family seen the signs and didn’t care. No one helped me. Eventually after years of abuse I left. I also walked around with a bruised face. Tried to get help from a teacher and she pretended she never seen me like that. No one cared. 😢
As a parent of a domestic violence victim you try so hard to help, but you often can't. It is horrifying never knowing if your child is safe. Thankfully, my daughter was able to escape, but has a lifetime of mental scars she carries with her.
If one out of 4 women falls victim to domestic violence, what is the ratio for men who are guilty of domestic violence. As a survivor of 11 years of domestic violence, I experienced men backing each other and protecting the abuser. Could it be that many of them were also aggressors? I think more focus needs to be placed on why men do this. This is where the problem lies.
I know what her children went through. I was that child I lived in Bellefonte, which my mother you beat every day. It it was horrible, watching my mother face punched in black eyes broken ribs for 10 years. I had to watch this happen and I couldn’t stop it. I’ve been married for 30 years the same lady I’ve never ever laid a hand on her I love my family.
You should’ve never had to witness that. Virtual hugs & praying for many blessings for you and your family
Did you kick his ass after you were older?
@@theresaohman7187 Violence doesn’t solve violence.
I hope everybody enjoyed today with all of the stories that I’ve heard here. It’s kind of sad, so maybe I can cheer everybody up a little bit by saying happy birthday to me, and happy Easter to all of you may each day find you a new brightness happiness and fulfillment God bless
You're a man.
My dad was like this. It still surprises me he didn’t kill her. When she would go to work she had to call him immediately so he could time her commute to work and then when she left she had to call him so he knew how long it would take her to get home, one time she got home like 10 mins later than normal because there was traffic and he beat the hell out of her because he swore she was cheating and that’s why she was late. When we would go somewhere my mom would have to look at floor the entire time so she couldn’t “look” at anyone. He kept getting her pregnant so she wouldn’t leave him. I am 1 of 8 kids, we’re all a year to a year and half apart in age. He was so possessive that when I got older I would ask my mom to come hang out with me and she would have to essentially sneak out because he “didn’t like her with me.” And this is my biological mom and dad lol it was wild. She would get really anxious being away from home because she was scared how he would act, she’s no longer here 😢 but he’s still alive and thriving and in a new relationship but I don’t talk to him and haven’t since my mom passed away
In loving memory of Amy and other victims of domestic/family violence. A special thanks to those who help raise awareness and prevent DV. Mariska Hargitay uses her platform to help others, and she is an angel for that. As a woman DV survivor myself, I appreciate her. Please be aware of the red flags.
I was military and it was years after my ex tried to kill me with my bayonet; that I accepted being abused. He kidnapped my children. He ruined my reputation and tried to ruin my career. He tries to intimidate me and he stalks me. I was talking to a police officer and she had been a victim of domestic violence as I listened to her I knew I was also abused. Just because I was military and she was law enforcement we were victims, not immune to domestic abuse. Doesn’t make us less than our male counterparts. I denied the abuse and the red flags because of the thought that I’m military I can’t be a victim. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone. We made the mistake of loving someone who is broken. Peace to all
So true, but I've figured out something if they truly want help they'll get it I watched my little sister slowly drain away because of her ex he did everything but kill her and when she remarried her 2nd husband she told him before she left him if you love me you'll hit me , when he told me that I was shocked but not surprised by that, I met someone but when he started to act jealous towards my youngest niece and very first great niece and I said to myself he's got to go, he was a drug addict and alcoholic and I just threw him to the curb, and he started his 🤬 I did what I needed to do and he wouldn't stop so I waited patiently and turned him in to the director of the group home and explained everything so after that I never heard from him again.
I'm a civilian and I only ever had one experience with domestic abuse. Luckily we werent together that long so I got out. I was at a hotel and called the cops to make a report. I told the cop what happened and he asks, is this guy ex military? Astonished bc I hadnt mentioned that fact, I said yes how did you know? He said we get a lot of these calls. I will never forget that moment.
@@megankwisdom sorry for your experience but many military men and women suffer from PTSD which can manifest itself in violent outbursts. It’s not that military members are bad people but we do need to identify when we need help. Doesn’t excuse abuse but more needs to be done for our serving members.
My daughter is still terrified and terrorized by her ex. Even locked up in prison, he’d find out new numbers and call relentlessly. Prison did nothing. He is out now. So far, so well in that he has not made contact. She is still fighting for a PO and RO. It was the amazing nurses in the hospital, that got through to her to begin with. We need psych and buddy programs for those suffering in abuse filled existence’s
Google on your daughter,her name her bio ..anything see what it comes up with. There Data Protect online for any address,email,social media,mobile no present past (last few yrs address work and home etc). Get camera for home inside and outside.
Been there. I'm so sorry. I hope she gets everything she needs to be safe.
She needs to buy a gun.
That is a very scary situation my ex was sending me death threats while I was at work one night he also threatened my family I was scared to even go home that night I left town turned off all locations on my phone and left town the next morning my ex went to my apartment looking for my car and saw that I wasn't there and went to my work looking for me when I was talking to the officer that afternoon he said that my ex had a weapon on him he's in prison right now I'm not on social media at all because I am afraid that he'll find me I have gotten restricted phone calls and calls from unknown numbers I don't answer them because I don't know if it's him trying to call me from prison he is eligible for parole in June 2024 I have an order of protection against him but that's just a piece of paper that will not keep him from finding me and coming after me by the way I got a phone call from my place of work telling me not to come in until it was safe so I waited until it was safe to go
It’s like watching my life play infront of me . I can proudly say I got out ! It wasn’t easy but I did . This was my life . I’m crying . I am forever changed by what was done to me . Take 13 pills a day for all my health issues including ptsd , depressing anxiety etc. it’s so traumatic . I’m still not free your never free . I share kids with him . But I’m a strong woman . I’m so thankful I lived to write this message . But sadly that’s bc I have no life and I’m afraid to have one or my life will be flipped up side down . And forget it if I ever move on I’m for certain I’ll be dead . So I choose peace and live alone for the sake of peace for myself and my children . I just don’t know what my future holds for me . I still endure the verbal mental emotional financial abuse . But I did get out . And things are so much better and I do feel safe . This just brings back so many memories . Thank you for reminding me of how hard I fought ! And will keep fighting . But in a way I still live as a prisoner . Which is kinda sad .
Get off the drugs and face life. Life is not easy. Taking drugs makes it just that much harder. Good luck to you.
It's been 50 years in October since I left going to the hospital the victim of domestic violence from my then husband. So badly beaten my sister didn't recognize me. He continued to threaten me and plead with me to return. He has indoctrinated our daughter from the age of 8 -12 into believing it was my fault. Even though she's the person who placed the call to get my parent's help. She has a strong stance against domestic violence except when it comes to me.
I'm no longer afraid but he's 79 and sick, so now I feel safe. I tell other women to recognize the signs at the beginning and get out. I met him at 16 and almost everyone thought he was a great guy. I found out years after the divorce that he has a son 3 months younger than our daughter by a woman he'd been in a relationship throughout our relationship. My decision to never go back was one of my best. Self-defense classes and lots of therapy helped me get stronger. I have hope the laws will get stronger to help the victims.
I too was a victim many years ago. I had to go on the run with 2 young children for over 8 years and we moved so many times I lost count.. Finally he ended up in prison for the rest of his life for sexually abusing many little girls. I’m 73 now and it is as vivid as it was when it happened. If they hit you once they Will hit you again, and they may be doing awful things to your children…. Run and Never look back…
I was abused by two boyfriends over the years, what a nightmare. So scary and very hard to deal with. At first both men were fine but over time they became more and more controlling and possessive. Very happily married now, thank god.
I'm still in and have been in since 2008. He put his hands on me 2 weeks after we got together. And now he's branched from physical and emotional abuse to something that hurts so much more. It's so hard.
My mother was a victim of domestic violence, as was my brother and I. He always promised it wouldn't happen again, but it did. My mother left him, and he kidnapped us from school to get to her. Thankfully , mom met my adoptive father. He put the fear of God in him.
I still live in hiding. The police did nothing in my case. Anything I said was taken with a grain of salt and everything he said was gospel. No one I knew would help because he would and had retaliated against then and nothing was done. I was homeless for 2 years until I finally got someone to take me in as a farm helper for a small room until covid was over and I could find a small place in a very rural area to hide and live alone. There isn't always much help given you just have to do it for yourself. I have cancer now and I drive 80 miles a day, me and my dog for treatment. They think they've got it all.
God bless you and your dog💛
❤️ rise again, like the phoenix, look for any light, get to really know yourself, build on and use your strength, pray for guidance and ask for help if you can, seek what you need not what you want, grow in strength, learn and practice self-care &self-love, put yourself first, give yourself time to heal, seek support from the ones that understand, connect to others who have same personal experiences, until the day comes that this is a part of your life and not your whole life anymore. That will be your opening to move on, as a survivor, not a victim, because you are powerful, not powerless no more.
You can do this, you are worth it, you are loved, and the prize at the end of this path through the forest of challenge is ubelieveable. Endless opportunities, and/or a simple, safe, free, serene, balanced life with all your needs fulfilled. Emotional, spiritual, social, mental, physical, growth development, financial, basic (food, shelter, etc).
Be well,
S
@Katherine Carpenter I am so sorry that anyone treated you badly and abused you. You are quite the inspiration to not only others--but to yourself, as an example of strength and resilience. I am proud of you and I pray that your cancer treatments help your body kick cancer to the curb and out of your life!!! Take it day by day…and you’ll sometimes have to take it, minute by minute but you will get through this fight as well. You and your good bOi or gOrl will live a beautiful life together
I’m so sry 2 hear, I would have taken u in! Just always remb god has a place for him & will have open arms for you! I hope ur doin okay now!
Not fair at all and I'm so sorry that you are going through such a rough time. I am glad that you got away and I hope things improve for you and your buddy!
It took me 15 years to tell my whole story (2015) and I still experience flashbacks.
Me too it took me years and never I had no outlet no fily willing to help even today some family members say I didn't see it but I dint care anymore if family doesn't care or turn a blind I find someone who you can turn too this was 50 yes ago I tell my kids I'm here
I was in a very abusive marriage for about a year; that's all the longer I could take it. The last time he beat me, he threw our washing machine on top of me after he threw me to the floor. I laid there and played dead till he passed out from drinking. I got up the next morning, bruised from head to toe, put my small kids in the car and went back in the house to pack stuff. He met me in what was left of our kitchen and started following me around the house. I got right up in his face and said, 'If you're going to kill me, do it now while the kids are out of the house so they don't have to see it.' He was surprised I said that and he left me alone.
His mother called me at my mom's house to see if I was alive because the house was a wreck. He agreed to come to church with me and my mom and I said I'd come back if he did that. I did go back after about a month, but the abuse didn't stop. I'd had enough and when he came after me again, I picked up the phone and said, 'If you hit me, you'd best make sure I don't get up, because if I do, I WILL kill you. Fact. So pack up and get out of this house. You can come back after I've left - for good.'
I'd been going to work, dropping my mom off, then heading out of the county to get a new apartment set up for me and the kids. That's where I went after I kicked him out for the last time.
It took three years to get a divorce without his consent. I called my mother-in-law to let her know I was sending the divorce papers to her house. She promised he'd never see them, and he didn't. I was terrified for years that he would come looking for me after the divorce was final, but he never did. Last year I found out he'd passed away and even after 30 years since all of it went on, I actually, for the first time, felt relieved.
Why don't most women just leave? Because a lot of these abusers will hunt them down and kill them for leaving. God was looking out for me back then (1982-1984) because my husband had a few weapons in the house but never pulled a gun on me.
My dad tried to hit my mum once. She was (she is elderly now) a strong woman both physically and mentally. She held him over the stairs and she said "if you ever touch me again you are going down those stairs." He never tried to hit her again, but he was verbally abusive to her throughout their 50 yr marriage. He mellowed before he died.
She's completely right in saying it's very uncomfortable to speak out or to get involved. I heard my neighbor screaming and lots of shouting and I was absolutely terrified for her but I was also terrified of getting involved. What if I'm wrong? What if it's nothing? What if they find out it was me who called? Tons of thoughts running through my mind at the time. Not to mention I have social anxiety so calling anyone, let alone the police, is no simple task for me. I don't know how I did it, but I absolutely had to do something. So I did pick up that phone, I did dial the police. I was so anxious I could barely breathe while trying to describe what's going on. But I did it. I wanted to make sure she was okay and that if it was what it sounded like, that she would hopefully be helped. I feel good that I stepped up, faced my fears and did what I possibly could to help someone in a dangerous situation.
The world needs more people like you...
Well done x
Good for you! I know how hard it can be to pick up the phone. Well done!
God bless you💪🏻
A friend of mine called the police for me. She saved my life. I didn't ask her to. She just cared that much. It's ok to act even if you are wrong. She wasn't sure and she didn't ask. She just acted and that saved my life.
My ex husband was abusive. I left on a Saturday with my sons and that night I had to open a restraining order because he was threatening me. They took his guns, etc. Fast forward 3 years and he started threatening me again, so I filed another RO. He violated that order by calling me at work, so I went to the police. Guess what happened? The officer called him and nonchalantly gave him advice. They did absolutely nothing. My younger son and I (older one was an adult) left to our new life in secret, I was terrified to be shot in the head. Now there’s an ocean of distance between us. I am married to an amazing man and my children are safe. Abuse will destroy you as it almost destroyed me. Please seek help i you are in this position.
How many children are living with a mother killed by their fathers and fathers in prison and now being bought up by others in grandparents other family members or even strangers dear sweet children suffer greatly in these circumstances too !
@@lornaparsons9767 Unfortunately very true. And some of these abhorrent men have the audacity to demand visits from their children while they are in prison.
Im a survivor. I WAS ONLY 19. He had moved me clear across the states. When he tried running the car into the River, I made a plan to leave. I left 1 week latter and never looked back. I would not want to give any advice since every situation is diffrent. So let me say this. I WOULD HAVE DIED IF I HAD STAYED.
My boss, who was an amazing woman and fearless advocate for disabled students, was murdered by her boyfriend in 2012. Tomorrow is the anniversary of her death. I'm still wrecked by this vicious act as are her family and friends
This really made me break down in tears. I was a victim of DV from 2018-2020 and some stories bring back alot of trauma. Prayers for anyone who is suffering and if you have children please save yourself and your children. You deserve better!
I'm so sorry that you went through that I hope you are doing okay
I don't think about mine much anymore. It's been 25+ years, BUT, I still have triggers. It's hard because they're very tiny, seemingly harmless things and my reactions affect my current husband in the worst ways. It can be something he says or does it even as stupid as body language when he moves a certain way. He feels bad when he triggers me and I feel bad that he feels bad. My literal nightmares have finally ended but that's little consolation. Some traumas just never go away.
Thank you for sharing. Your statement may help others.
Here’s wishing you a wonderful life xxx
@@stacieransom5677 - sad but true. You can do all the things to heal and for sure life can be wonderful in comparison but some things are a life long management type of deal. Do the things that make you happy and follow the happiest feeling thoughts Xxx
I was free from 2.5 years of domestic violence on Jan 15 of this year. He threatened my life on Dec 8, 2022, at that moment I knew I had to make an exit plan. On Jan 15, he sexually assaulted me and was arrested for battery. He had no idea of my plan. The next day he returned to an empty home. I now have an indefinite Injunction against him.
No one should live in abuse. If there is any way I can help others, I would be more than willing to do so.
Wow that was narrated so excellent the impact hit you right in the face i loved the way she told the story i felt for Amy. I was in a domestuc abuse relationship and it got to the stage of my death , my nose was broken i was kicked in the street while i laid on the floor he took a knife and said i had to die because he couldn't live without me and no one else can have me. I ran for my life luckily my sister was in the house she helped me escape by locking a door so i escaped through the window of my parents house. i It started with isolating me from my friends and family and the control was really bad at the time you don't even know it's happening until you look back. Abuse startd when i wanted to end the relationship after 7 years but then once that happened it never ended, he came and grabbed me down my parents stairs to take me back and he was always so sorry for what he did and he spent money on gifts, he came from a wealthy family entitled private school boy. Please continue with these it really was powerful. Thank you.
Detective Deirdri Fishel is truly an outstanding storyteller. Her narrative prowess transported me, making it feel as if I were witnessing the scenes unfold before my eyes. The emotions stirred within me were varied and intense. Excellent storytelling; I appreciate it immensely. Thank you.
I am 35 now…till this day I live with a memory of my father beating my mother. Her poor knees. My soul aches for her often. Women, moms, sisters, daughters! Leave, go, run if you can. Do it for you, do it for your daughters and your sons. Good men do not beat, control, or emotionally abuse the women they love. That is not love. That is insanity. No bad man is worth your ONE life. Stand up to them. Become strong! Become intimidating if you must! Believe in your strength even if you are afraid. Protect yourself. If I could teach all of you how, I would, but I have only been able to teach myself. For that, I am thankful.
The only message needed is one towards men. The most dangerous time for a woman is when we leave. We want to. We just know what may happen if we do.
I'm 37 and my dad was abusive to my mom and my brothers. My brothers were his slaves. He nicknamed my brother a slave name "Toby". Mowing the grass at 5 years old and on top the roof cleaning the gutters as my father would drive off. Crazy stuff. Physically abusive to my mother. I was 6 when they divorced. I remember everything. She went on to marry a bipolar man. Now if I witness on TV or in real life a man being abusive towards a women it makes me almost snap. I cannot handle it. I have jumped in before and stopped it. We never forget.....
I commend you. You ❤️ Got out. Now you're teaching others.
So sad. I've lived parts of this story.
@@estopesto2647, so you take your choice. When you are carried out in a box the difficult decision will have been taken out of your hands…. What women don’t have a right to do is keep their children living in an abusive and traumatising household. Children DEFINITELY don’t have the power of choice.
The black haired woman telling the story… She’s so compassionate and dedicated to helping tell this story that she can’t even sit down… What a fireball of a woman ♥️
I believe she is the DA or assistant DA.
Yeah I really liked her too
@@sarahd8093 so irritating voice to me. they failed the poor girl now they are on tv
That’s because she is teaching. This is told in the beginning. They’ve used Amy’s story as a case study to train police officers & others on red flags of domestic abuse.
@@dom2264 she was failed but at least they are learning from their mistakes and admitting it. Imo, that doesn't happen often.
I really wish the laws regarding domestic abuse were STRONGER here in Michigan!!! My first husband stalked me for 35 years!!! I had restraining orders on him, but he would walk right through them and the police and the courts wouldn't do ANYTHING about it "because he didn't hurt me". YES, HE DID!!!! When he would hit me, it would be from my shoulders down. He knew NOT to hit me in the face because then he would be found out and he would go to jail. But even when I would show the police the bruises, he would explain them away by saying I'm clumsy!!! It shouldn't matter if the abusee filed a police report!!!! If the police are called JUST ONCE to a residence, they should be able to determine the body language of the abusee and take the abuser into custody!!!!! My husband now is abusive mentally, emotionally and sometimes verbally, in subtle ways, and financially. I am partially disabled, so I can't just pack a few things and leave. Yet, no one wants to come and help me move because they don't want to deal with my husband. I will NOT leave anything of my behind AGAIN. Every time I have to leave things behind, I have to start over again. What I now have of my life is what I have and I will NOT allow HIM to destroy that part of me. I have precious things that belonged to my mother and I'll be DAMNED if I leave her stuff behind!!! And if I DID leave anything behind, he WOULD destroy my things. He's been divorced once and won't go through that humiliation again. He already told me he will never give me a divorce, so I'm not his WIFE, I am his PRISONER!!!!!! I have tried putting up my boundaries, but HE even walks through them!!! I DO NOT MATTER to him at all. I am just his trophy. And the funny things is, he was NEVER this way with his first wife!!! He can't even bring himself to SPEAK my name without it burning his tongue!!!! Even when he introduces me to someone, he will not say my name. THAT tells me he's AFRAID to say my name because he will slip and call me by his first wife's name!!! It is NOT a "sentiment" that he just calls me his "gorgeous wife". It's so he doesn't slip up in front of people because then they will KNOW I'm telling the truth about him being a Covert, gaslighting egotistical, hypocritical, racist Pharisee!!!! And since I can't work, I can't pay for a lawyer to draw up papers to make him move out. I'm going to be 63 this year. I want to be able to enjoy what time I have left on earth to be HAPPY, not kept locked up and a fire hazzard home!!!!! Laws need to be changed!!!!!
Low self esteem is one of the biggest factors it’s the ingredient that allows the abuse to keep growing. This story hits hard for me.
Id say the really bad abusers are most likely cluster B personality types. Its up to everyone to understand the ":red flags" when dating someone and run like hell if you spot them.
This is tragic, the system is broken in the USA. I was brought up in what appeared to be the picture-perfect home with my mom, dad and grandmother. Everyone loved my mother, she appeared to be involved in everything I did making it appear as though we were very close. After all she had a fertility problem and I was her only child, giving birth to me at the age of 32. All the kids loved my mom saying things like your mom is so cool, I wish my mom were like yours. She loved kids and older children were around her all the time. She had a big heart when it came to animals too. She always warned that if you see someone abusive to an animal, then you know they will be abusive to people.
There was however abuse at home, physcial abuse to my head and neck, where bruises don't show, and the emotional abuse was even worse. And who wants to talk to anyone about sexuall abuse by their mother. To top it off there was a lot of race discrimination in the area I grew up in, including the schools. I did luck out and had some amazing teachers, and principals, but I learned the hard way, if you tale, your in BIG TROUBLE! Even when the police are involved, they tell you your not in trouble, but you really are. Consequently I grew up thinking abuse was normal, and to just keep your mouth shut because things are just going to get worse if you say something.
It wasn't untill I went to college and took classes to be a legal assistant did I realize these were crimes being commited against me. Once I realized this I spoke to my college counslor who was able to give me the resources I desperately needed to leave. I didn't have any family memebers to help me for so many years, I was all alone, and my friends were back in a state that I loathed. I did produce two children who are now adults that helped me get out along with dometic abuse hotlines. My son and daughter were in fear that their father was going to kill me and after I spoke with some people affliated with helping domettic abuse facilities, they felt I was in an extremly dangerous situation. Their dad toldtold his children that hee was going to poisen me and make it look like a heart attack, or take me to the mountains and push me off a cliff to make it appear that I fell off
I took one giant step and LEFT! I moved to Buffalo, NY and became involved, with a group of other woman, in a study with the law department at Buffalo State University. What they discored is that there is a persona that people who are abused, no matter the age, come from a low income situation, alcholics, and are drug abusers. However I sat and listened to woman who were not from those kinds of situations at all. On the contrary, they were middle class, to wealthy and husbands who were distinguised memebers of the community. Police officers, judges, teachers, and doctors. These people aren't supposed to be abusive, not to their wives or their children, but some of them are. If reports of violence are reported, then they are likely to be brushed under the rug becuse they will lose their upstanding citizenship in the community. Ane we just can't le that happen. I heard some hororr situations, just really bad, and yet the authorities made it appeared to be the fault of the person who is abbused. It is disguesting. Lots of inside cover up. Makes me so angry with all of the corruption!
Phew. This is a lot. I sure hope you have found loving people to be around now that would never abuse you.
All the alphabet agencies are in on it
Try to stay in the now. When your/our pasts attack us, realize that is what is going on, just a shitty memory, let it go. Change your thought at that time. One day it just won't be there anymore, the awful remembrances, just gone. Research: Reincarnation taken out of Cannonized Holy Bible which was created to get the basics to the people, the rest they can learn in a church of their choice I guess. This happened in Constanopole which is now Istanbul, Turkiye today. In 325 AD at the Nicea counsul. Never to take stuff out of scriptures of any kind, ever. Says so at the very end of Holy Bible of any version. I studied higher knowledge as Paul recommends in the Bible to do. Go onto learning meat not just milk. Grown in Knowledge, Understanding & Wisdom the three friends of the Holy Spirit, Divine Mother. Mataji. Daya Mataji my spiritual mother. When pure in heart, you shall see God. I did in Sept. 2007 SRF -Self-Realization Fellowship, The Mother Center in Los Angeles, Pacific Palisades, Southern California, USA. The most incredible knowledge I have ever experienced above & beyond learning. Keep your religion, study & worship your way. Just add higher knowledge. I only paid ever postage. I am poor as was Christ Jesus. We give of our excess as Father Abraham did when he would make deals on the side for extra money. That is what he donated 10% to say thank you to God for giving him this way to make extra income. NEVER does it say to give of your paycheck to paycheck earned income to pay bills & eat. But I know now nobody ever reads the Word. A verse here a verse there. Nobody who is not living a holy life is knowing anything of Holiness!! Their way only yet they know nothing, or not correctly. Now the new big money scam is to be rich & prosper shows what a good Christian you are? What? No He says if you have food & clothing this is enough. I or II Thessalonians read it. Learn what you think you already know. Christian means Like Christ. He didn't even have a pillow to lay His head upon. Remember. Get a concordance in your version & learn alone with the Spirit of God. The best teacher, then enlightened souls, nobody else is a teacher. They don't know enough. If you only know the religion you grew up with, you don't know enough. Study to show thyself approved, a workman who need not be ashamed. Our treasures are stored in Heaven NOT on earth. No debt no credit. Live Jesus' Way if you say you are like Him. How? I see no similarities with God & humans at all. Nothing alike. You can only crucify Christ once. So no sinning after you are "Saved" or you are out forever? No it's just your "saved" is not truth. It says in John 3:17 For God sent not His Son into the world to condemn the world but that the world THRU HIM JESUS, MIGHT BECOME the sons of God. Might become freewill/choice/knowing enough to become. Protestors you are not under sanctification when you do not live God's way but a man's way. Good luck getting past all the lies without the Lord, His Word His Way. No more of this "I asked Him in and I'm covered and going to Heaven." Nope, I told God if those yahoo no nothings are all going count me out. I don't want to live with the wicked for all eternity. Now I know you have to know enough to be able to make a choice in the first place for freewill to choose being devoted to God's ways & Heaven or staying reincarnating on earth till thrown into "The Lake of Fire" the only death we are appointed once to die for. We can't be killed or kill, that's what it says in Bible not all the "pick a verse" materialists who are living the high life & really want to be on earth. Not me. I know where I live, came from & am returning to. St. John the beloved who traveled to Heaven, we learn to do also. All the holy powers even to pray effectively is lost on the unknowing. 😇🌷🥀🌹
I taught my kids how to fight and NEVER put up with a man’s abuse
How ladylike. Lol
As a child living in a home, I knew we didn't have a typical happy family environment. As I grew older my parents never touched, kissed or really spoke to each other and the tension in the air was thick and silent. Years later I would come home from work to find Mum quiet and losing her self worth a little more every day. One particular evening I was driving with my best friend and needed to drop in home to get something and found my Father laying on the floor in the loungeroom watching TV, I heard an awful noise coming from my sisters and my bedroom to find my sister fighting to breathe.. she had been beaten by my Father for daring to speak back at him.. My friend and I drove her to hospital to be told by the emergency team that my sister was only a half an hour from death from an asthma attack and beating. A few weeks later my Mother finally had the courage to leave my Father, and we did too. He searched high and low for us and lied to me. The police were never called because Mum wanted no more contact with him. That was 50 years ago and I still see my Mother negatively impacted from this marriage and she suffers from anxiety and trust issues.. I was spared physical abuse. My sister became an alcoholic and I suffer from depression. Many years later my Mother has shared that my Father abused her emotionally, physically, financially and mentally during their 18 year marriage. Abuse and memories of that stays with you all your life. I have been happily married to the most wonderful man for 47 years and thank God every day that I am safe and loved. These days there is help, take it if you need it and don't wait another day, because back in the day there was no help for women in that situation. Mum never had another relationship, she is turning 87 in June.
Lets not forget all the women that have to facilitate "co parenting" with men like this "in the interests of the children" too. What a nightmare that would be, but it happens every day of the week, all across the world. So sad. RIP Amy, and prayers for all those in the midst of it.
Yup the nightmare continues for years,you are never free,till your kids are adults and the. He continues making up lies to tell my adult kids ( I was only this was because your mom cheated all the time, this was not my fault I loved your mom, she was selfish,she destroyed our marriage, etc etc etc ) my kids are now in their 30 ties,and I’m finally at a point,where I don’t want them to share what he says,as it brings all the abuse back! It hurts my children but they are also afraid of setting him off.
These types of people are relentless,they never really let go….
Most women don’t use their brain.
I forgot to say, his family protected my ex every step of the way, regardless of what it did to my very young child. ... My ex died at 53 of either Alcoholism or Suicide...the family protected him to the end, and wouldn't tell anyone what he died of..alone in an apartment....Police had to kick the door down.....some families are toxic.....keep pushing..
@@hellekimery9537This is so true for so many.
I’m in that situation
Imagine, how lost a woman/ man must feel in such life situation, who has no family, friends or police support...
Thank you for sharing this video and story. When I finally left my husband I did it because I didn’t want the children be exposed to the toxic environment in our home anymore and because I was afraid for my sanity. It was only after I left that I sought counselling. The woman sat there and listened to me for the first 15 minutes. I never realised I had so much to say. When I finished I asked her what was wrong with me and why couldn’t I be a better wife. I was stunned when she uttered the words domestic abuse. I thought you had to have bruises for that. All this time, for 13 years I had blamed myself for not being good enough because he had gaslighted me. I will be forever grateful to that woman because finally things made sense. I was not the problem and that was the first time in 13 years that I had felt that way.
Thank you for posting this lady's story. I can't watch the whole story as it is triggering. I grew up in violent family abuse situation, left home and walked straight into abuse so extreme that I am still in therapy. I started running and hiding in 1997 and still haven't stopped. My prayers for all those affected by family and domestic violence 🙏
About 10 years ago I had a coworker who was stabbed to death by her abusive bf.
He did this in front of their 3 young children while she was cooking dinner for their family . A few hours before, she had told him she'd had enough and was leaving the following day.
After so many years of horrible physical and mental abuse, she finally found her courage and the absolute coward who did this to her removed himself from this earth shortly after. Never paying a price for being the filth that he was.
Virginia came to work with black eyes, bruises all over, strangulation marks on her neck... we tried to talk to her, offered to help, but we didn't know how,because she wouldn't take it and she would always say she provoked him and it was her own fault. Which of course we told her it was not.
I think part of her knew she couldn't just leave... she would have to escape. That must have been so frustrating and scary for her. Everyone offering to help, and her knowing it's not that simple.
How can you help someone that won't accept it?
The guy was crazy, did a lot of drugs, been arrested so many times, but he was always back after a few days.
I still think about Virginia from time to time and wonder if there was anything anyone could have done to stop what happened.
She couldn’t accept your help because she knew he would kill her, which he did when she finally got the courage to do so. DV victims should be given witness protection level of protection. Abusers should be kept in high security prison.
Another story that teaches us to just leave abusers and not announce it. How absolutely horrific. 😢😢😢
You have to understand that abusers make their victims addicted, that's why they love-bomb at the start. And they don't start with physical abuse but with way smaller boundary violations, then they slowly amp up.
Victims don't leave because they are addicted and confused. And scared as they have lost trust. They think and are told they are causing this behaviour. And they are mentally and also generally isolated from people protecting them. Being gaslighted like this is pure hell.
NEVER TELL YOU ARE LEAVING. TELL ONLY FAMILY AND CLOSE FRIENDS AND LET THEM HELP. TELL POLICE, WRITE LOGG, PHOTOS, NEW PHONENUMBER, MOVE FAR AWAY, NEW JOB. NOT EASY BUT BEEING ALIVE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT. MOVE IN SECREET. NEW NAME, SECREET ADRESSE ETC.
IT S IMPORTANT THAT FEW CLOSE FRIENDS REALLY KEEP THE SECREETS. PROTECT HER.
I've been trying to get my daughter out going on 5 years now 😢 but I can't make her leave him.
Trauma bonds. Having escaped an abusive marriage and relationship, I did research on everything I could to help me understand why I would tolerate being treated in such a way. I could write a book. One day I might. I agree with everything in the discussion. Women need to know that someone is there for them and cares. Once they work through what’s holding them back from leaving, they need support mentally and emotionally. After watching the story, I realize again how lucky I was. It is important that women, who are role models, speak up about this topic. It helps women. Mariska, you are absolutely beautiful and such a great role model. Thank you for having a heart for other women.
AGREED! i stillll have trauma bond even tho im single,my ex is my vulnerbility
Hi Friends, Thanks for writing that i get to read today. You are beautiful people.
I wish you WOULD write that book. Or how about do youtubes???? Share if you do... I would love to listen!!!!!! Tell HOW and WHY it happens. I believe.. SELF ESTEEM.. NUMBER ONE!
@Helen sweetie, he wasn't great. You are better off without him. Don't let memories drain from your future ❤
My own family didn’t believe me when I told them about it because he was so charming. I ended the relationship with him and my family.
Back in 2021 3 days after Christmas got the worse news. my best friend of 35 years was shot and killed by her boyfriend. I will forever miss her.
I went thru physical and mental abuse for 15 yrs with my ex husband. I was exactly like Amy in the way she handled situations out of fear of the aftermath. But I finally got enough also and left and never went back. He ended up remarrying after a almost fatal car accident. That didn’t even help him realize he had issues. He abused his wife after me. The one he’s with now is most likely getting the same treatment because they never change until they admit they have problems and get help. I was raped and beaten beyond recognition. My face has scars that remind me every time I look in the mirror. Please ladies…if you’re in an abusive relationship, believe me and trust me…there IS A WAY OUT! Take that way out before you possibly lose your life. I almost lost mine. But thank the lord I woke up and realized things were never going to change for the better. I have ptsd from the abuse but I learn everyday how to live with it.❤️
My first husband was abusive to me throughout our 5 years marriage. He slam dunked me on a concrete walkway when I was pregnant with my oldest child, and breaking my foot in 2 places.
I was not even allowed to go to the bathroom by myself, and more than one of my employers actually called the police on him because he wouldn't leave (he had been harassing me at my workplace).
My son was born very prematurely, but he was alive and healthy. I was just 5 months post-partum from having him via C-Section when my husband raped me. I then came up pregnant with my daughter.
It finally took him breaking my back when he was drunk to get him out of the house.
I stayed because I basically had NO support (I wasn't allowed to have friends or visit with my family).
I NEVER lied about the abuse, though. I NEVER made excuses for the broken bones or bruises, but I did stay out of desperation. But I now tell others that I am "one of the lucky ones. I got out ALIVE!" I still suffer from a form of PTSD, but I have gotten much better.
@karmor12 I read enormous dignity in your testimony. I am glad that you continue to speak your Truth, and speak out for all the women who can't.
@@comealongcomealong4480 Thank you for the kind words. My second husband was a drug addict (I didn't know it until after I married him), and he was abusive as well. I got out of that one alive as well.
I have now been single since 1997, and my life has been so much better. I own my house, I've got a decent vehicle, I run a companion bird rescue and a small dog rescue out of my house. I also have 2 beautiful children and one grandchild that I am close to.
Yes, I will continue to speak out for all the women that can't.
@@karmor12 Thank you for talking. It is a glorious thing to read of the life you have built for yourself since 1997. You affirmed your TRUE identity! and, in doing that, found the space to give to others as well. Including our bird and animal companions 👏 Maybe someone or something was with you in the desperation and pain, and there to help guide you out.
Seeing this makes me think about my friend Cecilia. I always think about her. Her birthday just passed on Jan 15th. Her husband killed her and then killed himself. Initially, he was abusing her, eventually she got a divorce and got her own apartment for herself and her son, but of course he found her. I remember her coming into work with black eyes and bruises and I tried to help her cover them up so she didn’t feel embarrassed, and would talk to her about making an escape plan, but he would find ways for her to have to depend and call on him for help, he would slash her tires in the parking lot, and since her parents were so far away, she had no one to call but him so he could help her. It was bad. This selfish a-hole took her away from their son, and left him without a mother and father. Luckily her mother was able to take care of him, and he was able to celebrate her life every year. Her mother just passed away recently, so now she is with her mom. I wish someone would do a story on her. I always remember you Ceci! I know your mom is happy to be with you. Rest in peace
This absolutely heartbreaking. I cannot imagine the constant fear Amy felt every minute of the day. She didn’t deserve this.😢
I am a survivor of domestic abuse. There are so many factors to consider in all these cases. It is extremly difficult to make the first step in the final episide of yelling, threatening, verbal abuse and physical abuse. Then you blame yourself. It is devastating!
First yelling - No excuses, I would leave.
@@catnap8042 by then it might already be too late that's how domestic abuse works, they do not let you get away.
Restraining orders are simply a piece of paper. Abusers know this and know they can manipulate their partner to ignore them. If violating a restraining order had real consequences, this could help the victim immeasurably.
The only good thing about a RO is that if you're murdered, the cops are lead right to your abuser.
Restraining orders are the biggest slap in the face to victims. It is as protective as a piece of paper.
My ex would say it was just a piece of paper, and it was, but the day he was arrested for his third breech and he rang me from prison demanding I come with our daughter and visit him….I did visit out of extreme fear but seeing him behind those bars was the first time I’d ever felt safe…..he was making all kinds of threats…and I simply said….that piece of paper put you in here…and I walked away with him screaming at us.
Some people are alone.
More than you could ever imagine.
I can imagine because I have lived this hard life alone. Jesus Christ is the reason I didnt give up. Please ask him for help. He will answer if you cry out to him.
Thank you to the detectives who put time and effort into understanding this woman's life. It's a shame it came too late.
I've taken solace in reading all the other comments from Brave women in this comments section.
I'm from Australia and my father has always had a temper. When I was younger I saw him get physical with my mum more times than I would have liked. When I had a drinking problem around 6 years ago now he would physically hurt me to try and "pull me in line" I guess. And even though I have healed that part of my life and love my dad, I will never truly forgive or forget.
I was in a two year abusive relationship just like this. He tried to run over me when I finally left. The car door was open and it scaped my arm as I jumped out the way. For a week he sat in our SUV parked at a local park that had a good view of my room. He came through my window but my family safely got him out. If it weren't for my brothers, my sister the cops and my mom I wouldn't be here. 33 with three boys happily married to the most gentle being ever now. I am blessed
I’m currently in the middle of a divorce with my abuser. The problem in my state is, law enforcement and family courts protect the men and re-victimize women. My lawyer has filed numerous “contempt of court” actions against my husband for not following the separation agreement and threatening me with violence. A female judge has tossed-out every one of them, because she’s too lazy to do anything about his behavior. The latest is not paying the mortgage, so the house is in foreclosure. Since I have MS and unable to work, there’s nothing I can do to change the situation. Yet again, the judge does NOTHING! Until our legal system takes domestic abuse seriously, and punishes abusers, victims won’t leave, but sadly will die needlessly like Amy.
Do you happen to live in South Carolina? The family courts here are so antiquated and corrupt, this is common practice for women seeking help with DV and SA. It's disgusting.
@@cathleenmckay389 No, I live in Alabama, which obviously is just like South Carolina. I’m so sorry you’ve had to endure the same treatment. My abuser has threatened to kill me, has ruined my credit by allowing the house to go into foreclosure…I had excellent credit before this nightmare. I just pray I get out alive and with some money to rebuild my life. It’s the “Good olé’ boy” system here. Reform is desperately needed for all abused women to be treated with dignity, respect and justice. God Bless You!
I was at a sports store one day and a woman was looking at the shoes next to me. Her husband came by a few minutes later and spoke very disrespectfully to her in a very harsh tone of voice. You could tell she was startled and I looked at him like telling him, “go ahead tell me something😡”. He looked straight at me and signaled her to follow him. She looked at me and I asked her if she was okay, she just smiled and looked away. She was embarrassed. I walked a few steps behind her until she walked out the store and they both got into their vehicle and drove off. I prayed for her as they drove off. No woman or man for that matter, should stay in an abusivo relationship. Whether it’s physical, verbal, emotional or mental abuse. Know that you are worthy of more. Worthy of better. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. God bless you.
Just watched this and I have a lot to say. As someone who was in an abusive marriage in 1994 to someone who was on probation for a number of things and having a child with him, I can tell you a few things. 1. The abuse was minor (comparitively) as far as physical. Pushing, throwing things at me without actually hitting me, yanking my head back while I was driving, that kinda thing. This man had several obligations to the legal system. He had to report to his PO once a month, a self help facility worker twice a month AND go to AA meetings once a week (minimum). For the entire year +, he did this and EVERY time at EVERY meeting with EVERY one of these institutions, he not only admitted to what he was doing to me but also violating his probation with alcohol, drugs, carrying a pocket knife, etc. I never had to tell anyone anything. He did it himself and not a single person did ANYTHING. NOT ONE thing. Nothing!
2. I didn't stay as long as I did (which isn't long by most standards) because I feared for myself. I did it for 2 reasons. Because he threatened a family member he KNEW I would die before I let him anywhere near, even though he walked right into her nursing home (drunk) and because it was an all female staff, they couldn't do anything but call police, but also because I knew I had other family that would go to jail for doing something terrible and if that happened, I would not longer have them as a protective resource if I ever needed them again.
3. I fell for him quickly and caught onto his game just as quick. I just couldn't protect myself and others at the same time.
4 It took him hitting my child (then 4 months old) for me to get out (I know, I was a 21 year old moron). The ONLY good thing that came out of that was that he went to jail. He got 3 years because they let him "plea bargain". However, what I didn't know was that he had already killed someone and admitted it when arrested. He got 25-50 years for that. This was 1994 and he got out 3 years ago.
5. My advice to women is...call the cops and ask them to take you to a shelter. First, because you're fairly guaranteed safe between points A&B, you're definitely safe at point B AND if you don't want to go against your abuser yourself, they'll do it for you. I will never forget the name of the officer that helped me and the shelter flat out told me that if I didn't file charges, they would. That alone gave me the balls to do it myself because that told me I finally had someone that wouldn't ignore it and would stand with me. I got out, I fought back and I accomplished everything I needed to. You can too. Even if there are those that did nothing for you along the way and dropped the ball on many levels. I know ALL of their names too!
I think what's important to point out is when a victim declares they're leaving, they should never be in the same space with the abuser alone after that. Whether aware of their presence or not. Anywhere the abuser is thought to access, the victim should be escorted.
This honestly breaks my soul. I was sold from birth, and the last time that anything has happened was two years ago when I was 36 no matter how I try to get out of that cycle and get away from everybody it didn’t work. My heart had to stop for anyone to help me. Or even see me. Cops have done nothing no one help me as a child and infant and a toddler and a young adult and then an adult. No one helped. I reached out multiple times. No one saved me when I was put in the system for foster care they sent me to a place where it happened all over again because it was the same people that knew my family and again it continued got to the point where I was so broken. I didn’t think I can get away. I am finally two years and almost 6 months sober I didn’t know what I was doing was wrong. My mother put me on it since the day I got out of the hospital now I know and I’m trying to rebuild my life unfortunately I’m not able to have children because of what has happened to me I am constantly ill because of what has happened to me and I feel ashamed and I still live with myself, so the story cuts really deep for me.
Good thing was I adopted my niece and nephew out of there before they got hurt my nephew I was late on but he is safe now since he was 1 going on 2 then.
You are a survivor. You are a miracle. Please always know that. The people that abused you don't own you. Live your life in the most beautiful ways possible and fight to not give them the power over you mentally because they abused you. Seek therapy if you can , if not find therapies in the helpful things all around you until you can find professional therapy. Sending you light and love💛🪷
CPS is the biggest child trafficking institution and all the higher ups are in on it!!
It is NEVER the child’s fault. It was not your fault. You showed amazing strength in continuing to reach out for help. You did nothing wrong. You dealt with a lot of flawed people.
Please know that you are valuable and worthy. Please seek some counseling and support.
Congratulations on your sobriety.
The shame we feel when we are harmed is not ours, it belongs to those who mistreat us.
@@hawkrose2698 I tried therapy it makes the night terrors so much worse. I just feel at this point I am a loss cause. But I do try every day!
@@belindabean4419 thank you best bday gift is your words. No one remembered today.
Thank you for caring enough to bring this to the attention of women in all walks of life. You are inspiring
Brilliant Mariska Hargitay! Thanks for all that you do!!!! ❤
It's not the community but the legal system that needs to change. You recounted how many times it failed her in this story!!!!
Better to prevent than to cure. Prevention starts with the community. Society needs to teach boys that it's not ok and to teach girls that it's not ok.
To told Amy’s story please keep telling everyone’s story Because you’re really good at it❤
I lost a beautiful daughter to domestic violence that we were not aware of that it was really bad - she had enough and committed suicide and left seven children behind because he had fathered another child to another person. Her children didn't understand that their father was in the wrong even to this day. I adopted her son, he was six months when she passed away, she asked me to have him before he was born.
This is my sister I swear. She’s been in an abusive relationship for 15 years and she sticks up for him. Has two toddlers terrible situation
My husband had tried to push me down a flight of concrete stairs. He tried to punch the window out of the car as I tried to escape with the baby. This was on top of numerous behaviors that I didn't even know was abuse at the time. The cops wouldn't do anything because 'nothing had happened'. I kicked him out and I was trying to take him off the lease. He broke in to the apartment in the middle of the night drunk and he was breaking things. He didn't hit me, I didn't hit him, he was breaking my things. The police showed up and arrested me, because he showed signs of being abused they said. He was so drunk, he kept saying i got what i deserved. They barely let me call my mom to get the baby before they took me to jail. That assault charge made it harder to find work, and it made it even harder to leave.
Unreal.
It's like that where I used to live.
We're the police male?
They are ignorant males sometimes. I like the ones who know. Maybe it would help if the cops learned more about it; then they could better protect themselves too.
@@sitinowak women don't always get it either.
I left almost 3 years ago. I did not tell anyone but the people I was going to and 2 friends. So much hate from people I didn't tell. What they didn't understand was it was part of my safety plan and I was not about to risk myself or my daughter.
Thank you Mariska for this empowering presentation on Amys Story- RIP AMY
This was almost my story. If he hadn't have thrown my bag with my phone in it into the trunk of the car with my beaten, stabbed self, i wouldve been burned in a forest. Instead, I called the police who traced my call and now he's still sitting in prison 21yrs later. I wish i had followed through the first time I went to the police, I was just too scared. 5 times later, survival kicked in and I now have a wonderful life. Run, run fast and far as soon as you can. Forget the house, forget the possessions, just save yourself.
Her story sounds so similar to mine. It’s so eerie to think this could’ve been me. There has got to be a way for the courts to protect victims. Yes, he has the right to face his accuser, but WHY don’t we have the right to be safe from our abuser?!?
Why can't she give testimony from another state by video link? She's still facing him, just not where he can get at her
Oh Amy, I’m so sorry this happened to you. I promise I will speak out. I will have this conversation with my own daughter.
I will ask “how can I help?”
Thank you for this documentary. It is SO important and necessary to spread awareness and embrace and our support the mission to change this. For all the “Amy’s” out there. We MUST do better. We must raise our boys how to grow up to become better men.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
The most important thing you said here is that you will have this conversation with your daughter. It is beyond vital that parents do this. I have 4 kids and went though it years ago when I only had the oldest. I've never hidden what I went through from any of them. Our kids need to know our stories and understand the smallest details so when they see it they recognize it for what it is. One of my daughters went through it for 4 years. He never hit her but he didn't have to. That was 19 years ago and she's still broken in many ways. Hasn't been with anyone since, either. We want better for our kids but they need us to be open about our experiences.
Hats off to you Mariska, you are not just a character of a fictional drama shown on TV. You are very much more than that.
Thank you for sharing. This goes on all the time.
It is heartbreaking how prevalent this problem is in our society :(
on April 10, I woke up to a text from my sister informing me that my aunt had been shot by her husband. My uncle walked in to one of the stores owned by our family. She clocked in to work at 7:05 and at 7:10 my uncle had walked in looking to confront her-he violated court order wherein he had surrendered all his guns and violated the protective order. Unbeknownst to her, he was armed. Not knowing he was armed, she dismissed him and refused to speak with him. He pulled out his gun and shot her point blank and then killed himself. My aunt had filed for divorce two weeks prior to her death due to long history of domestic violence. My aunt Claudia Gonzalez was failed by law enforcement at every level, was failed by her attorneys, was failed by women’s shelter down in the rio grande valley. My family is heartbroken and we are reeling.
I think it’s important to note that not all abusers are drunk or take drugs. Also there are plenty of other warning signs than bruises
I remember a friend told me when I was leaving. Such an intense and scary time that he will kill me and I vividly remember I am already dead. Getting out is the only way but I still struggle with fear.
You should be very proud of yourself for walking away my mother didn't and she lived with my dad until his death after 44 years of marriage. You will always have fear but remember not all men are like that. I wish you the best. God bless! 💕
Abuse is so not okay. Its a very good thing that we as a society are talking about it and trying to address the needs of the abused.
This is the best host for this story. You can feel a lot in her voice. She is truly an advocate.
What a devastating outcome. As family, friends and co-workers it’s so hard to intervene. Often it only makes things worse for the DV victims.
It’s laws that need to change. Abusers cannot be let off! More often than not counseling is not helpful!!
I know where I live there are laws to protect victims, once police are called it doesn’t matter if the person retracts their statement, the abuser will go to jail and charges will be filed.
Every middle and high school should be discussing this issue.
It can happen to anyone!
SAM: Absolutely. I agree so much.
And I wish psychology classes would be taught in high school with emphasis on personality disorders and domestic violence!!
Your last paragraph - yes!!! Because it often can start in high school romances. Eyes need to be opened, no matter what.
I have to disagree. LAWS are not going to do a darn thing. Remember punishment in the old days? Still... morons did evil.
What has to change is education and women/men LEARNING self esteem.
I fell once in my life. I can see EXACTLY how I went from Army Strong to weak, on my knees.. I can document the journey... to the T.
Self esteem broken, I let a moron into my life. ....
You know the rest.
Thank God, I am back on top... but.. self esteem. If women, or men, do not get it, they WILL fall. I see it with people around me.. all the time. To include a sister, an X friend another X friend, trans... I see it all the time.
Laws are not going to help this. Not in my mind.
@@almohvn33 I’m sorry for what you’ve been through.
Laws changing isn’t the end all save all. But it absolutely is a piece of the solution. There are many pieces to it. Yes education is huge, I did mention education to our youth so they know what to look out for.
I don’t know if self esteem is something you can teach. As well I’ve seen people in DV situations that started out with self esteem and had no idea what was coming in their situation.
As I said before, I don’t believe there’s just one thing that will solve this.
Interesting you would not think laws can help at all. There was a time the law didn’t get involved in “personal matters”. There was a time where I live that if the victim dropped charges, the courts couldn’t do anything. And now that has changed as well. I think it has helped. Ultimately, an abuser will do what they want, regardless of what happens.