"If I can hear him cry or breathe for a second, then that means I was a father, and I can say that I met my son". I wasn't expecting tears but this did it. I'm grateful your son made it through, and you got to raise your son.
My wife was told she wasn't in enough pain to get a room during our third son's birth. Made us go home three days in a row. Pass a young white father on the elevator. I comment on first time fatherhood give words of encouragement. He thanks me and states he's been in a room for three days when they could've gone home as a joke of the situation. I have never had a poker face that strong.
@@ajatathemuYou sound like a good person. I'm terribly sorry you and your wife experienced anything like that, I hope everything worked out well for all of you in the end.
One thing I’ve noticed so far in my medical training is that as doctors get more experience, they become too comfortable, complacent, too confident, and smug about what is really going on with their patients. This results in them concluding “everything is going to be fine”. And this becomes compounded with racial bias. It’s a real problem.
I agree with this statement so much, especially about complacency and the dangers of it not only with medical professionals but anyone in any career field
And they don't listen to the gotdam patients. I have been given more tests I never needed than I can even count at this point because doctors and nurses were more interested in getting me out the door than actually working out what I was complaining about. I have permanent scarring as a result of this, from a test I told the nurse I didn't need but was given anyway.
I’m shadowing this chief of pediatric neurosurgery. White Irish dude in his 60s. Great guy completely broke down all the stereotypes. I met almost all his colleagues, residents and fellows. Apparently 2 of his colleagues had went on an extended vacation and finally showed up. Those mfs literally were going around during rounds saying “YEP that kid is dead as hell. We should give up on them. I’m not taking the fall.” About THEIR own patients! About children under 8! That surgeon and his fellow are WAY to comfy in their roles and need to retire.
Dr.Jackie the medical example of why more diverse cops/other social service isn't the sole solution to dealing with systemic racism. Like there should be more black doctors, but also need to deal with the education of doctors that still somehow pushes the myth of black patients having higher pain tolerance!?
This is the truth and it's a step further when it comes to things like police officers. Oftentimes there is a certain type of person and mindset that chooses to be a Black cop. It should either be a job or a (good faith) calling, but clearly that is not the case.
@@moee_thyself yeah and they also are taught wrong things sometimes. And they might not be examining their own bias. Doctors are just humans and they are just as racist as the rest of humans.
I was ignorant when this was happening but my black friend was a victim of medical racism. She died of cancer at 26 years old after years of going to doctors with extreme pain. It took 2 years for any doctor to take her seriously and really TRY to figure out what was wrong. It got to the point where she was just suffering in silence cause she knew the doctors weren't going to do anything for her. There's sooooooo much I have learned about racism since her passing but this one really hurts.
Jesus. That’s so fucked. I’m sorry for her and your loss. Things like this got me thinking it’s only God that looks after us because… well. This hits hard as a 27 year old black woman. I had a couple years of suffering from something but thank God it wasn’t cancer. Just gallstones. And I had great medical care and insurance too. Fuck. I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing this with us. [I’m Praying that your friend’s already in heaven (That’s a for me thing. Idk if you’re religious-if not dw about it).]
I just don't know what the solution is outside of, like: "Hey. Doctors. Stop doing this bullshit. Believe Black women!" Like. Just stop doing that! Outside of MAJOR systemic changes, at least
My husband’s mentor through his cancer diagnosis and treatment(the Leukemia and Lymphoma society offers many varieties of support, including once you hit a remission status you can be a mentor,was a black woman). Multiple Drs missed her Hodgkin’s lymphoma for over 5 years considering her a hypochondriac over exaggerating her rashes/other symptoms(the rashes were hard to ignore and say they were exaggerated which is why I focus on them). She was stage by the time she got a diagnosis. My yt male husband was diagnosed at stage 2 because they took him seriously and I pushed him to go. Hodgkin’s is very survivable even in the later stages but I know my husband’s rashes were miserable so I can’t imagine what his mentor went through. Medical racism kills and if she had had a different cancer I doubt she would be here which is a terrible.
There is a black woman YTer who died 8mos pregnant in the Uk in 2020, Nicole Thea. She was even doing pregnancy updates complaining about her midwife not listening to her. Turns out she had a undiagnosed heart condition. Unfortunately her baby died as well. Listening to her parters cried was gut wrenching because you realize the impact this will have on the rest of his life. This issue affects so many people.
You brought me to tears. I was born via emergency c-section. My parents never talked about the details because hearing your story makes me realize it was a really traumatic experience for them. My father (God rest his soul) sometimes would tell me I almost died and I could feel the anger. Thank you for speaking on behalf of the Black fathers who don’t have a voice to express what it’s like to go through this. Now I know how my father felt. Thank you.
Same, I was sobbing. My sister was also born via emergency c-section. She was full term but her head was too big. I never processed just how terrifying it would have been. Like I remember my dad telling me he nearly passed out but I haven't heard that story since I was a kid so I never understood just how scary that would have been. Thanks for sharing, and may your father's memory be a blessing
"You cry wolf", like seriously!?!?!? As someone who has experienced pregnancy I think a lot of pregnant people don't speak up enough because of this mentality! Pregnancy takes a toll on a person's body and issues can escalate so quickly. Thank you for sharing your story. That sounds so horrifying. Especially, if its the 1st child.
It's hard to even wrap your head around that comment because these women are carrying humans inside their bodies. Why the hell would you not bring up everything YOU thought could be an issue? I would imagine better safe than sorry 10,000% applies here!
It is not the patient’s responsibility to know when their body is just going through a normal change or when their body is going through something unusual and dangerous. No woman, especially a first time pregnant woman, should be made to feel like their natural questions and concerns are unwarranted. The whole point of pre-natal care is to have a specialist who knows how this whole thing is supposed to go because they have seen it hundreds of times. What does Dr. Jackie think her role is supposed to be?
That quote blew my mind. I only have women doctors and this really broke the way I conceptualized medical racism as something like... a personal bias. I now have questions about how medical education addresses this problem. This is culturally internalized somehow and conversations are happening in medicine clearly. Gotta wonder 😐
I'm so sorry your wife had to experience that. This is one of the reasons I'm afraid to have a baby or even just go to the doctor in general. Just because I'm a black woman. They think we don't feel pain, and/or they think we're there for drugs. They don't think we're human. How do you deal with someone that doesn't think you're a human being?
People who say "just go to the doctor", "get therapy", Just "get help" say it through such a lens of privileged because they can just do that they don't consider it's a a privilege to get proper care by default. Further, if you do have a bad experience, it's a privilege to be able to seek alternative help. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It must have been terrifying. I'm glad things turned out for the best for you all but it never should have happened. Hopefully the more people speak out more progress can be made.
i hate when people suggest therapy for this reason. it's incredibly hard to get care, and then once i've gotten care, i've never found it helpful, and i've tried with several different providers.
@@jones2277i hate to continue to suggest therapy, but it is important into looking at what type of help you are getting. my mother found that traditional sit down therapy does nothing for her (and alot of other mental health professionals) but the second she found play therapy it changed her perspective on therapy as a way to heal. people heal in different ways and continuously re-traumatizing yourself doesn't do it for many people and they loose hope. i hope you can eventually find the care you deserve and i hate the system for not helping the people that need the most help.
Going to the doctor in the US feels like such a frivolous waste. It’s super disempowering when you finally take yourself to the dr, let them know you’re experiencing pain and most of the time it gets brushed off and now I just feel gaslit like if I think anything might be wrong with me I’ve become more inclined to brush it off too because a dr is likely going to tell me I’m overreacting and then I go and pay a co-pay for no reason. My pain threshold is so messed up cos I never can tell when something might actually be a problem.
When you said you just wanted to hear your son "cry or breathe" that really got me, my wife and I just went through a miscarriage and I would have done anything to hear my little girl cry or breathe. Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you for this FD. I am a black male and currently in school for nursing and will keep this in mind for my future. I will always advocate for my patients and hearing stories like this make me so angry. I already work in a hospital and have always been around considerate doctors but this shed some light on the realities that I haven’t seen so I will be on the lookout for everyone that has care around me and from me. Thank you again.
You are young and you are already gaining the information that is needed for you future career.I hope as you become more experienced you can relay more information about the way women of color feel when they are in pain. I wish there are more black male nurses. Good luck in your future career.
Nurse to nurse; never forgot this feeling. Never forget the fire inside you that makes the patient your first priority. There’s going to be some things that will test you. There are going to be times where they fire will be treated like a burden to the people around you. There will be times where fighting for your patient will be met with hostility. No matter what, don’t let that fire go out. No price is worth it. Be best, Brother.
I almost lost my wife and firstborn. My wife was in labor for 36 hours and when the hospital decided to finally deliver, there wasn’t any doctors around. It was a nurse and myself who delivered my daughter the whole time the nurse is on the phone begging any and everyone for help. while I held my newborn daughter the nurse desperately fought to keep my wife from bleeding out. Again no doctors or any other support around. This happened in 2019 in a “liberal “ city in Texas. The whole time I kept thinking “I’m not leaving alone” but was so scared I’d lose my entire family before we even got a chance to fully become a family.
@@LiShuBen There you go. It almost seems like some kind of massive, on-going in-joke that white medical staff need to let us die. Someone needs to speak up.
This topic makes me so uncontrollably angry. I have been dismissed and even lied to by plenty of doctors throughout my life. The fact that black women have it even worse is sickening. I couldn't get through this video without crying. Thanks to you and your wife for sharing, FD.
I had my first (and only) baby 2 years ago at the age of 36. I had a very difficult pregnancy and was extremely sick throughout. Almost lost my baby during the first trimester because doctors would not take my symptoms seriously and repeatedly sent me home. I remember one ER visit where i explained that i had thrown up more than 10 times per day for the last few days, but i hadnt eaten in days and was losing the desire for water as well. I was only throwing up bile and it was painful. I had also stopped urinating. I said, "at minimum i think I'm dehydrated " and then i started sobbing. The doctor said "if you can cry, youre not dehydrated," passed me a mini bottle of water and sent me home. Weeks later, the nurses advocated for me and got me the treatment i needed - saved me and my daughter.
That's EVIL. The callousness of how that dr treated you is so horrible. I'm so sorry you had to go through that and glad you and your daughter made it through!
I'm currently pregnant with my first and I'm 37, I'm so terrified. I haven't even been able to get in for a checkup (I'm almost 11 weeks) because our insurance is terrible and our doctor didn't have any openings. And I'm basically fine so far by comparison! I can't even imagine being so thoroughly disregarded with the symptoms you describe and a high risk pregnancy. I'm so sorry they treated you that way.
I'm not Black, but I know this issue well. 18 years in the medical field, I noticed that Black folks, and immigrants (of all types) tend to be ignored, doubted, talked down to...not 100% of the time...but alot more than other folks.
Me at the start of the video: I lost a child but I think I’m ready for this Me at 14 minutes in: was not ready 😭 Thank you so much for making this video
Your story had me balling crying and I have probably cried like 2 times in the last 20 years. My wife is a NICU nurse and to this day she gets thank you texts from this Nigerian mother who she advocated for when she was just a few weeks on the job. The doctors and head nurses all said she was ok to go home but my wife felt like something was off so she argued with the mother, nurse, and doctor to have very expensive tests run because she was sure the babies breathing was irregular. If turns out if she hadn’t argued for that the baby would have died on the car ride home. Honestly my privilege prevented me from wondering to what extent the woman’s race played in all of the doctors missing what my inexperienced wife saw. But I’m so proud that she did especially because she is so unsure of herself and also very non confrontational. So she said that telling a room full of experienced nurses and doctors who are grilling you on the reasoning behind asking for a test was the hardest thing she has ever done. Doctors are not nice.
Was in early stages of pregnancy, experienced bleeding, went to the emergency room and was told the embryo, that already had a heartbeat did not plant in my uterus properly, is being rejected by my body and will expel. So, I had to stay in the hospital and wait until I officially miscarried. The whole time, I had this monitor strapped to me, and I listened to the heartbeat get fainter and fainter...it was horrifying to listen to something inside you dying so I began to cry. One of the nurses that came in to check on me asked me me "what's wrong?", like seriously???? And then she remarked "so you wanted this baby?" I just cried myself to sleep at that point, total shock, disbelief and traumatized by the lack of empathy. I was young and did not have a voice to advocate for myself, but if it were now, I would have filed suit against the hospital for emotional distress. Yes, disparity in care for Black women is NOT a myth.
Thank you for your vulnerability FD. It was hard witnessing my sister experiencing a similar issue when she was pregnant with my nephew. It truly disgusts me to think of the audacity of Dr. Jackie to say what she said. That’s why Black women go to Black doctors….but are they even safe ?? Smfh
In tears watching this video! I know I'm not alone with my frustration and in my experience as a black woman trying to navigate the medical system during maternity. After one still birth and three miscarries we finally found the care we needed from a surprising source. Our German-Caucasian female doctor proved to be our best ally. Although most of the hospital staff was very intimidated by her one black nurse on duty explained, "She is a great doctor, but she can be mean! Still, she has to be to gets things done for her black moms." Thank you for your thoughtful, empathic, and intelligence in spotlighting this issue.
I think about my black friends who have kids. It’s why I’m reluctant to have kids. I’m a middle-class, educated black woman and I can’t escape this. Hell, Beyoncé and Jay Z; Serena Williams and her husband couldn’t escape this! Your experience brought me to tears. Thank you for sharing F.D. So here’s where we need to make a connection between this systemic racism in the healthcare system and our privatized, for-profit healthcare system. The U.S. has so few doctors. Cuba, which provides healthcare for everybody, has 7 physicians and 8 nurses for every 1,000 people versus the U.S. that has 3 physicians for every 1,000 people. Going to medical school is so prohibitively expensive that those who come out with a degree cannot afford to focus on free medical treatment, but on paying off those student loans. In short, if we want Medicare For All, we need free public colleges and universities that includes medical and dental schools. But then there is still this ugly bias against black patients that just good social policy will not fix. Don’t get me wrong, we need good social policy. But we need to find other ways to unlearn that black folks don’t deserve good healthcare and treatment. It’s especially harmful when it’s our own treating us this way.
@@Icarus975Systemic racism encompasses ALL financial classes. Put it this way: a black millionaire sees a doctor that services millionaires, not the kind that I would see. That doctor has multiple patients but they’re mostly white millionaires. So the black millionaire patient, in comparison to the white millionaire patients, receives sub-par care, though that care is better than what most of US would get.
It's not just the price of medical schools. There aren't enough open residencies for med school grads to get their board certifications! It bottlenecks the ability for future doctors to practice medicine.
Dr. Jackie has been problematic since season 1 of that show. Extremely fat phobic and ignores the care of her black patients. Its so sad, especially with the large platform she has. I’m grateful more people are talking about it and calling her out because I truly don’t believe she thinks she says or does anything wrong that leads to harm. Thank you for sharing your story. It truly does make the world a better place when we all collectively share our stories and come together. ❤ blessings to your beautiful family
My wife is black and we did all we could to make sure we had a black doctor, midwife, and doula, and I STILL didn't let her out of my sight. I still had to get in people's asses about attending to her pain.
Not going to lie my friend, I feel like you have to make it people's problems. My dad had to threaten to break bones to get attention for my grandpa. They had security there and he was only getting more angry and security told the doc to actually do his job. These docs need to understand eye for an eye.
I had a hysterectomy just before Christmas…my husband AND my mom had to do a Selma in that hospital when it came to pain management. Even with decent nurses, they still let me scream half the night. Thank God that memories fade. 😶🌫️😵 Also, I did file a complaint with the patient advocate. Every hospital has them in NV, even though one of the doctors told me several times that they did not have one for some dumb reason. A nurse immediately contradicted him and told me where it was. They had an office with a nameplate and everything. Check for advocates in your state. Here, they have an office on-campus at every one. Never go to the hospital alone.✊🏾
@@erikaarnold4780 I'm so sorry that happened to you. And so angry. And facts I don't even let my children, regardless of lighter skin tone, stay for one instant alone in a hospital with myself or their mother.
My husband advocating for me was so helpful for me. We weren't in danger of dying but they were withholding pain relief. Not my fault they fucked up the first epidural. My mom even tried, over the phone to help. Bless them
Almost lost my son to RSV like a month and a half after he was born. Shouts to his pediatrician (an Indian woman) who recognized what my wife heard in his breathing and told us to go to the ER.
Not too long before the pandemic, my wife was experiencing an insane amount of pain in her abdominal region. So much so that we had to go to the emergency room at least a couple of times. I think one time they said it was gas or something, and I forgot what they said it was the second time we went, but it was completely off. Before, in between and after those two ER visits, she was seeing her doctor the whole time, and eventually got misdiagnosed because she just wasn't being taken seriously. Eventually, her *actual* condition progressed to a point where it became an emergency (our 3rd ER visit), and we got an actual diagnosis of something way more serious¹, and a date for surgery was set. At this point, I actually got to meet her OBGYN, and she seemed *very* disinterested in being there. I felt like I had to pretty much pry information out of her. It was wild. Long story short, the pandemic hit and her surgery gets pushed back to a TBD date because now all of a sudden it was considered an "elective" surgery. My wife's condition worsens and she gets rushed to the ER for a 4th visit, and eventually has an emergency surgery which was botched. Over the course of the the next two years she ended having seven more surgeries at two different hospitals, dealing with the results of that first botched surgery. To wrap things up, Black women really aren't taken seriously in hospitals. But to hear a Black woman doctor say that BW are "dramatic" when talking about their health, is really enraging to say the least. If we can't turn to Black women doctors to take Black women seriously enough in their pain, then who can we turn to? Good god. ¹Im not going to say what the actual diagnosis was, so please don't ask, but it was something that should've been peeped from jump.
I remember i had serious abdominal pain and I was scared as all heck about it. I briefly thought and asked my gastroenterologist if it might be lactose intolerance. He said no. Suggested an extremely rare genetic disorder that's difficult to diagnose and easy to die from if you present symptoms later in life. So, then he and a different specialist didn't answer my questions about the condition (i wasn't expecting perfect answers i just wanted to know they had answers) lied to me & my medical contact friend. all together their behavior convinced me they wanted me to get substandard medical care so that I'd die younger, itt a heck of a feeling to be told by doctors, I went legitimately a little crazy about doctors from it. I figured out two years later and all sorts of crazy theories later that it was lactose intolerance. I just got brave enough to try it for myself. (I also have other digestive issues I've figured out some of them) It makes me so mad they couldn't even be bothered to tell me to see if symptoms were better for aged cheeses no, he wanted me to think I was socially motivated anorexic, when I was symptom avoidant anorexic. Also, I'm mixed race not black , people usually think I'm white (italian or jewish). But who knows what biases the doctors had.
I've been a subscriber for a long time but usually never comment. I've learned so much from you and your videos (even things I never expected to learn in a video essay, like how the nfl drafting works haha). Anyways, I just wanted to say thank you, to you and AJ for sharing this experience. What happened to y'all is horrific. Like you said, I knew black women were much more likely to die in child birth and overall the racism in the medical field but hearing about the negligent treatment y'all experienced and how bad things could have ended, these are the stories people need to hear. Not the news stories about Jackie or any other doctor trying to cover things up. Thank you again for being so vulnerable with us. I can't believe how abusive the medical system is. I'm so sorry F.D.
My firstborn needed an emergency c section. They were monitoring my wife for a few hours and kept going back and forth with the doctors. They finally said the baby was in distress and needed the operation. That 5 minutes when I was getting the garb on was exactly how you described it. I started crying man. That’s a scary reality
that was my first son. my wife couldnt give birth naturally (operation from her 20s way before me) but they tried for 24 hrs. then they said the hell with it we gotta cut her open and get the baby out of there because he was getting stressed and she was sooooooo tired at that point from trying to give labor that her lips were quivering when they gave her they medicine while she was talking to me during the c setion operation
This video was so well timed. I've given birth once and experienced severe racism to the point my pain was ignored and I was sent home without any care. Turns out I had appendicitis 🙃 This is the condensed version but I was treated horribly and it put a stain on my daughter's birth. This should have been a huge red flag in my then partner too, who is yt and did nothing. I should make a video about this already lol
This why you gotta always vet your partners for stuff like this. Im sure its uncomfortable in the moment to have these convos but if youre dating outside of your race, especially white people, you gotta have that racism discussion. Treat like the police brutality discussions we get as kids. Theres PLENTY of otherwise “good” people who have never internally analyzed their own biases or are just racist with a fetish. Be safe out here yall
This was eye opening for me, im latino but thankfully, in my family, birth have always been on the easy side for both the mothers and babies. My fiancée is black and after watching this video (which, thank you FD for opening up about that story) i can recall all these talks that my fiancée gave me about considering adopting or even surrogacy but i couldnt understand why. Shes always been afraid of the hospital and doctors. If we happen to go the route of birth, then im going to do my best to make sure she's good and we can get the best care. And to everyone sharing your personal stories, thank you and this was an important learning experience. ❤
That part where you said you wanted to hear your son cry so you could at least say you've been a father made me tear up. I dont have children but i can only imagine the hopelessness you were feeling in that moment. This is one of your best videos. Thank you for raising awareness. I can only hope things get better for us ❤
My (white) sister just had a baby two months ago. I remember every conversation with her being this delicate balance of “listen to the doctor I’m sure everything is fine” and “speak up for yourself if you feel something is wrong” and it was really tough because our family is pretty rural, not educated on these kinds of things, and don’t have a lot of means to go to anyone else if things are wrong, and don’t have the words to dispute the “experts”. On top of that she’d had difficulty getting pregnant in the first place so it was doubly fraught. All this to say, I can only imagine what would have happened if my sister was the same person but with darker skin. It’s absolutely terrifying how the medical system repeatedly fails people in the most vulnerable situations and how our institutions enable it. I’m so glad your son and your wife are safe and healthy now. What you described was our worst nightmare. Thank you for sharing that and being vulnerable with us. ❤
I work for a nonprofit and some of our programs deal with infant and maternal health/mortality. With the way the stats look, it's appalling that people still aren't taking the health of Black people (especially Black women) seriously. We really have to advocate for ourselves and our health. I'm currently looking for a new doctor myself because the one I have is so dismissive. Thank you for sharing your story, and I'm glad to hear that your wife and son are doing okay
Thank you for honoring us with that story. I am a black health professional and had two live births. Both times my concerns, pain tolerance and the health of me and my child were over looked. As a black woman in health care I see this all the time. Even during my training it is a huge issue. There is a great book exploring this issue by Arline Geronimus called “Weathering the extraordinary stress of ordinary life in an unjust society.”
I’m just a young man, and I appreciate you tossing your voice in the ring for this. It always bothers me when people speak out on a topic they aren’t personally involved in and others ask “why do you care?” Like, you have a WIFE. That’s why you care. Mortality rates of black women will affect the women, but will also affect the husbands (and wives, but just hitting the angle that isn’t directly involved in any birthing process). If that couple has children, they will be affected. The family, parents, and extended family of the couple will be affected. I appreciate the gravity of women’s rights and healthcare issues, even though I’m just some random young guy. But I wish that people wouldn’t forget that women’s issues affect EVERYBODY. It’s important that we give women’s issues the respect they’re due, but we must never treat women’s issues like they’re something “other people” experience. Just because it’s someone else’s problem doesn’t mean it’s actually someone else’s problem.
I didn’t expect to cry. That’s such a sad and real story, thank you for sharing. I also went through medical racism when I was 19. I had a mass on my abdomen and I knew my body better than anyone else. I went in to get it checked and the physician insisted that I was pregnant and wasn’t listening to me when I said that was not possible (I went to an all girl school and was too focused on my classes lol). I got an ultrasound and results came back negative for pregnancy. I ended up having ovarian cancer and because I knew my body I caught it at stage 1A. The feeling of anger that came over me that day was intense, and I still get upset when I hear similar stories. I had a hard time trusting doctors afterwards. I see that we still have a long way to go :(
My oldest was an emergency c section. You describing getting ready putting the sterile clothes on to watch brings back memories. Can’t recall a time I have felt more powerless then being in a room not sure if I was going to walk out a proud father with my wife, or if I was going to walk out by myself, or something in between.
ETA: I really appreciate you sharing the story of your wife, and by extension your trauma around childbirth. IT sounded really hard for you at points, and you didnt have to do that. Im so glad she and your son came through ok, instead of the worst case scenario. Now obviously I'm a white lady, so qualifiers needed- but I have struggled with getting doctors to take me seriously for ages- it took a month for a doctor to take me seriously enough to xray my foot to find out it was broken. I can't imagine having to deal with even more pressure to be a perfect patient. I feel like I have to act up my illness just to be taken seriously- I can't even fathom what I would do if that option also fucked me over. Just not get treatment? Suffer? And people wonder why black women are mad? Shit aint right.
Misogyny and racism aren't mutually exclusive. Your experience is valid, which makes it all the more horrifying to think of the experience of women who are also not white.
There’s no anxiety or shock like watching your child almost lose their life and the staff struggling to save them … I’ve been in that situation and it stays with u
I’m a white woman and me and my family have always been left leaning and liberal but just like typical white liberalism and I remember the DAY I learned about the maternal death rate of black woman vs white woman and that was the day I was radicalized because I could see how clearly the link between the death rate and historical racism was and the biases that had to be in place to lead to that even being a thing. Thank you so much for sharing your families story
What a traumatic birth story. My heart goes out to you and your wife. I’m so glad your son and she pulled through. That’s not something you just bounce back from, though.
Thanks for sharing, FD. it's crazy how so many people make these generalizations about black women, and black people in general, when all it takes is a simple google search to find empirical data. I hope stories like these really increase the awareness and instigate legislative change because people are literally dying.
@@sealedindictment what are you talking about? I never mentioned doctors and nurses. nor did i say they don't deserve credit. stop responding to just respond. actually engage with the point i made or don't waste people's time.
@@GoldeneyeDoubleO7 you mentioned changing legislation, legislation for what? i assume doctors and nurses right? im pretty sure most of them are doing the best they can… in F.D situation and others
I had a very similar experience to FD. My second child needed and emergency C-Section due to thin cord syndrome on my wife - but we didn't know it at the time. My wife's OB was pretty cautious though; she was a black lady herself. She had us do a lot of test and when our son stopped being so active after 30 weeks, she would do weekly visits. The baby wasn't moving at 38 weeks at her normal check up. The OB was like, go eat some lunch and come back. She checked again, still not much. And she told my wife to get ready for surgery and she didn't want to take any chances. After the C-section, my son wasn't crying or anything, he was kind of blue. They had to suck fluid out of lungs and then rush him to an ice pad, some cold therapy to prevent brain damage. We were in the NICU for about 10 days, but he recovered, no real side effects. He just made 3 years old and i'm thankful every day we had a doctor we had.
When you talked about the doctor pausing in that appointment, i got full body chills. I'm so glad you and your wife and children are okay. That's horrifying.
15:04 I really appreciate you and your wife sharing this story. Maternal healthcare is so important to me and a mom of 2 who felt extremely unheard and discriminated against. This was especially true because my husband is in the military and he was deployed with our first and I felt I was judged as a single mom which shouldn’t matter!! I went on to have my second child at home and it was a much better experience. It brings me to tears how much we go through. I just want the same ear and care everyone else gets.
Thank you for sharing your story🙏🏽 seeing your son healthy after hearing his rocky beginning gave me chills, and tears that have yet to stop. I’m a 20 year old black young lady, and i feel very touched by the journey you and your wife went through. Thank you so much for this you just don’t know how much i needed to hear this today💕
You are a captivating storyteller man. I didn’t know any of this happened or many of the people involved but appreciated and learned from this whole video
Such heaviness to be light work. I'm a father of a 9 year old daughter and a 3 year old son, so this was very painful and infuriating to hear. I realize more and more that things like this hit me harder now that I'm a dad. My wife is diabetic so there are additional risks to her health already. I'm so very thankful that even though there were some issues, my wife and children made it out ok. It also made me realize that I need to always be vigilant. With my daughter, I knew nothing; my son, I knew a bit more, but still I feel in hindsight not enough to truly help protect them. During this process, there's so much going on. Watching my wife bring new life into the world and trying to be present and supportive even while sleep deprived. ( I just got off work from the night shift when my wife got called in to induce birth because of preeclampsia) Hearing your story made me feel like there was so much more that could have happened while I was too mentally and physically exhausted to properly watch out for it. I'm glad things turned for the better. Let's keep advocating for black women because fearing that a doctor will leave your partner and child to die because of skin color shouldn't be a thing.
I am so sorry that your family had to endure this ridiculous situation, and I’m glad your son is thriving!!! Thank you so much for sharing your story!!
Wheeeew… was in that room alone gowning up too… 12/2020… prime pandemic… couldn’t find Boo’s heartbeat… thankfully, I brought my girls home… blessings to you and yours! Happy Founder’s Day Frat.
I feel you… my wife had an emergency c section too. When the nurse first said they were prepping the OR I felt my stomach drop. I wore the sterile covering and sat next to my wife in her greatest time of need and was absolutely helpless to do anything. My wife kept getting sick throughout the procedure… I don’t want to sound dramatic because it can’t compare to what my wife went through but I felt a bit traumatized by the experience. 16months later and our son is thriving so we were fortunate on that front.
As a black women who just had a baby back in 2022 and had a very “normal” pregnancy and a positive birth experience I feel so blessed but at the same time terrified to have another child because I’m terrified I won’t be so lucky next time. Thank you for sharing your story about your son ❤
The way you described the doctor’s decision to operate, specifically his tone, will stick with me. It was like you pulled me into the room with you and your family as a witness to that moment. Beautiful testimony.
Im so so glad your son is doing so well now. I think i first learned about this issue a couple years ago when i was digging more into our medical system and its failings from a disability and chronic illness side of things, and i have never stopped being outraged about this. Thank you and AJ for being willing to share about this medical trauma, it can be so damn hard
I’m sorry y’all and any other families had to go through that. That experience is something one can never “get over “. It definitely wasn’t light work.
Even as a white man with no kids and no intention of having any, this was deeply emotional. Thank you for sharing y’all’s story. Will definitely be sharing this with a few folks. ❤️🩹😭😢🥲🥹💗
Holy shit dude. I just woke up and I expect your shit to have me outraged... and it did.... but I didn't expect it to have me crying... I'm glad with all my heart that your son, and both you and your wife pulled through that.
I didn’t lose a baby, but I had a similar situation to FD where my baby needed resuscitation. After months and months and months of me going to the OB and seeing and experiencing things that are super concerning but no one listened and everyone brushed us off. I didn’t expect to be hit so hard emotionally, but holy heck that was rough listening and knowing exactly what FD went through. I’m not black of course, I’m just low income white with a Hispanic spouse, but the parallels are still there.
I'm so sorry that happened to your family. I'm happy your son survived and is thriving. This is what we're talking about when we talk about institutional racism. Like you would anticipate that a black woman the very target demographic for this type of racism would realize. But instead she perpetuates the racism because the system is that flawed.
The documentary "Aftershock" on Hulu really drove this issue home for me. I'd heard about some of the statistics, but every story someone shares makes it so clear how serious this issue is. Thank you for sharing yours.
I'll never forget the time I saw the awful mistreatment of a young black girl in the ER. For context I'm white. I came in because I was having an extreme panic attack, they took less than 10 minutes to put me in a room and gave me morphine because I wasn't calming down. Meanwhile she was forced to stay in the hall outside the door of my room crying nonstop in pain, her pillow was soaked in tears. I was there for almost two hours, they kept me in because they wanted to make sure it wasn't something more serious, she was kept in because "the doctor is running late". I was attended by four different nurses, she didn't even get an IV. I don't know what she was going through but it was obviously much worse than a panic attack that had already ended. When I finally left she was still there in the hall and I walked past multiple vacant rooms. The nurses acted as if she and her parents didn't even exist. This occurred in a supposedly progressive state and city. Sometimes I think I'm misremembering it because of how absurd the difference in our treatment was, I have to remind myself that it really happened.
damn i really started balling tears, my Professor linked this video as an extra credit assignment lol it was completely optional and I've never been happier to be an overachiever, great video
I heard the trigger warning so I had an idea of where this was going, but that story had me bawling reliving the birth of my youngest son who similarly came into this world early in an emergency C-section blue and silent with a 6 week NICU stay. Turns out he has a chromosomal disease (Prader-Willi Syndrome) that went undetected despite a pre-natal genetic screening. 3 years later and we're still averaging 6 appointments per week so there's never really been a time to work through and move past that trauma so that story really hit hard. And we're two people who had every advantage for going into that situation blind. We're two white chemistry professors comfortable with the jargon and starting at the University's Children hospital, otherwise we likely would have gone home with 1 or more fewer family members. I'm so glad your son and wife made it through that difficult time and angry that anyone or group should have to deal with the reality of that not only being more likely, but also have to anticipate additional callous treatment during one of the most vulnerable times in a person's life. This isn't new info, but like you said personalizing it makes it more viscerally real (way to use the parasocial for good rather than evil). Do you have a call to action in addition to raising awareness of the issue?
Keep talking about it when it comes up and believe black women. If you know friends in the medical field, ask them their thoughts on the issue so they could either start or continue to reflect. If they brush it off, challenge them on it. Share the video.
I am in tears, thank you so much for sharing your story. I was asleep when the trigger warnings played and i woke up a couple minutes in, so it was a real surprise punch, I know it must have been hard to share
It’s amazing how watching Gypsy Rose Blanchard speak on her mother who lied and cried wolf as she tortured and destroyed her daughter’s health and mind with continuous abuse and deceit, well she accomplished her goals and received all the medical treatment and recognition she craved in doing so. Yet, we as Black Women are not believed and accused of crying wolf in our genuine concern and care for ourselves in womanhood especially during pregnancy and childbirth. We cannot even in Buffie’s words have real concerns “ complain of a constant headache” without being dismissed which in turn in the end her Aunt lost her life due to gaslighting and to me malpractice!
FD, this was so heart-wrenching, there were moments I was sobbing out loud imagining the pain and anguish and struggle y'all were going through. I really appreciate the vulnerability in sharing this story, the disparity black women face in health care and childbirth especially is something I've always known about, I've seen the data, but the data doesn't make me feel sorrow down to my core like your story did. I'm so glad everything worked out in the end for your family but we know there are many where it doesn't. I don't have kids yet but imaging my partner and I in that situation, this is just such an obvious problem and it's sad that Dr. Jackie a black woman herself is perpetuating it. Anyway, thanks for making me cry today, I sincerely and honestly appreciate it.
Thank you for sharing this video and your story. I’ve been through two traumatic childbirths ad a black woman and it’s devastating. The first at the hands of a black male doctor and the second one I had a wonderful doctor but the anesthesiologist caused severe damage to my back and hip that I’m still dealing with 14 years later. I had a home birth with my third kid with a white midwife and doula (hard to find black midwives in Vegas when I had kids) and had a healing experience. Now I’ve spent majority or my life being gaslit by doctors, mostly recently due to chronic pain and have struggled to get treated or even accurately diagnosed. It’s hard.
Thank you for sharing with us such a horrorifying experience, i know it was excrutiating to dig up that trauma, but for some reason people need to hear it in order to?? Believe us??? The only reason my mom got any decent care, as she told me, was because my dad was white and worked at the hospital they were having me at. That didnt stop them from treating her like crap until my dad would intervene lol. And it says nothing for my siblings who were born in hospitals he DIDNT work at. For me, I have a few reasons for planning to seek out a doula when we finally have kids. One is i'm a trans guy, and from other trans men (even white ones) i know who have given birth, it can be a deadly experience if the doctora dont even believe that youre pregnant when you go in for your appointments or even are in labor. Its this times 10 for black trans men. So if i can avoid it, i will do so. If i cant...idk man. I guess i'll just cross my fingers that my doctor doesnt kill me and my baby, and that the transphobia is as bad as it could be lmao
Thanks for sharing your story! I've watched almost all of your videos, and this was the only one that made me cry... my wife is pregnant and "of advanced maternal age" so she has weekly appointments. It's a lot, but we are really grateful that things are being monitored so closely. I just have a real weakness for babies and pregnant women in distress. Really glad things worked out for your family!
I'm so glad somebody is talking about this. I love M2M, and Dr. Jackie scares/disgusts me so bad with her medical views. From her fat-shaming to her lack of empathy. I would never ever get in her stirrups.
Thank you for sharing your family's experience and I'm sorry your family had to go through that. I literally started crying as soon as your tone changed and you went into yalls sorry. Unfortunately its all too common in our community. I was taken aback when I heard the comments Dr. Jackie made...jaw almost on the floor. Fortunately with my 5 children I didn't experience anything to this extent and every day Im so thankful. My heart goes out to those who werent or arent so fortunate. Also you did a great job handling the terminology 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
My mother was in a terrible car accident and had problems with her uterus. She lost her baby before I was born. Also, she had somewhat difficult pregnancy with me. When she was pregnant with my sister it was a bit easier for her. Afterwards tho she suffered from postpartum and never quite recovered. She died when I was 7 and my sister was 3. My mom was let down by doctors and my father. I watched her cry from migraines and cramps and she tried to fight it and gave it her best shot. She worked two jobs at times and was a straight A student. Doctors, her friends, her father and my father really let her down. Had medicines that would incapacitate her and make her even sicker at times. She was always in pain and was fearful she wouldn’t be there to raise us. Her new medications caused a complication and she died in her sleep at 33. I was next to her asleep and didn’t know. I just turned 30 in November and it still hurts.
Thank you for telling this story. It unlocked a grief in me that I have been holding in for some time. I want to bring a child into this world, I have known since I was a child, yet I rarely let myself show my fear of bringing life into a world like this. Seeing babies in Gaza lose their life in the NICU deprived of the care they need to survive. It's hard to processes grief like this and I really appreciate your help.
My grandmother died at age 63 because the hospital she went to told her that her intestinal torsion was just "constipation". She had a severe problem that was treatable, but she died because they wouldn't take her complaints seriously. It infuriates me to this day. I finally found a doctor that actually listens when I tell him things and it took a long time. This is a real problem, for sure.
Thank you for sharing your story. I probably shouldn't have watched this as our son died of a rare fetal anomaly, but I'm so so happy your son is safe and healthy. We do so poorly with maternal and fetal care in this country. It's brutal. We have a healthy 1 year old now, but we will always miss our first.
as a woman im insanely scared of pregnancy just the body horror of it all, and sometimes i come around to it, but then i remember im a black woman and it comes right back because of shit like this im so happy you got ur 2 boys and im so sorry for that terrible treatment you guys faced
Sending hugs to you and your wife. Thanks for covering this topic and being vulnerable enough to share your story. I think people forget the humanity in the numbers. Yes, we know Black women and our children are at a significantly higher risk of dying before, during and after childbirth, but until you can humanize it with real-world experiences, the gravitas doesn't register for most.
First off, WONDERFUL video! As someone who has done academic research on this topic, the research FD is showing is REAL!!! Thank you so much for using your platform to spread awareness to this issue, and also for citing your sources so others can educate themselves further! Secondly, thank you for sharing your story. I know it probably wasn’t easy, but that story was so moving and can potentially be utilized to open the eyes of doctors and nurses! It is mind boggling that someone like Dr. Jackie could say such harmful things, when she has probably dealt with the same issues as other black women! Keep doing what you’re doing, you have so much respect from me. 🩷
🙋🏾♀️I have shared my story enough online but let me say you had me in tears sharing your story. It’s like the 1 hospital in a city that has the experience of handling trauma gunshot victims whereas the other hospitals are clueless because they are located so far from the areas that see gun violence that they don’t ever learn (hands on) how treat such patients. If I had known the lack of care a lot of OB GYN show to black mothers, I would’ve shopped around until I found a a doctor and hospital that did take my concerns seriously.
I want to note that Dr. Jackie has not experienced pregnancy (and I believe is sadly not capable of it despite trying). I think her opinions have something to do with this. I’m not saying her lack of empathy is necessarily rooted in jealousy.. but I do believe she would feel differently if she had experienced it herself. Messed up all around
I’ve always wanted to become a mother but hearing how my mother was treated and how other black women are treated I am so terrified of something going wrong with the pregnancy. So terrified. Thank you so much for sharing your family’s story.
TW My water broke at 37 weeks By hour 4 of my labor, I started to beg for a c-section because I was told my baby’s heart rate was high and my labor wasn’t progressing. I was gaslit, dismissed and neglected for 37 hours with 2 failed epidurals. I caught sepsis and my baby was in the nicu for a week. I also developed postpartum preeclampsia that lingered for 5 weeks and that was dismissed as “first time mom anxiety”. They finally decided to check my bp and it was 191/124. I was hospitalized and put on a mag drip for 24 hours. I still have a few health complications from these experiences. Thanks for sharing your story FD !
I am almost in tears here with you. I'm so sorry you and your wife experienced this. So grateful your baby boy is okay. Thank you so much for sharing your family's story
"If I can hear him cry or breathe for a second, then that means I was a father, and I can say that I met my son". I wasn't expecting tears but this did it. I'm grateful your son made it through, and you got to raise your son.
Yeah, I had to pause the video after that sentence to grab a box of tissues.
That was really rough. I'm so happy for all of them how things ultimately turned out, but that's… awful.
As someone who has family that didn't get as lucky, im currently weeping
Out of nowhere my eyes just filled up.
I cried too, seriously powerful and insane.
My wife was told she wasn't in enough pain to get a room during our third son's birth. Made us go home three days in a row. Pass a young white father on the elevator. I comment on first time fatherhood give words of encouragement. He thanks me and states he's been in a room for three days when they could've gone home as a joke of the situation. I have never had a poker face that strong.
man my eyebrows would’ve connected so fast…
@@kilo3580 Something about the whole situation kept me from wanting to add more stress
How horrible, I'm so sorry. They failed you.
thats disgusting. not even a private room?! when you’re in childbirth you’re feeling so vulnerable already without doctors not taking you seriously.
@@ajatathemuYou sound like a good person. I'm terribly sorry you and your wife experienced anything like that, I hope everything worked out well for all of you in the end.
One thing I’ve noticed so far in my medical training is that as doctors get more experience, they become too comfortable, complacent, too confident, and smug about what is really going on with their patients. This results in them concluding “everything is going to be fine”. And this becomes compounded with racial bias. It’s a real problem.
I agree with this statement so much, especially about complacency and the dangers of it not only with medical professionals but anyone in any career field
And they don't listen to the gotdam patients. I have been given more tests I never needed than I can even count at this point because doctors and nurses were more interested in getting me out the door than actually working out what I was complaining about. I have permanent scarring as a result of this, from a test I told the nurse I didn't need but was given anyway.
Is this why some doctors suggest weightloss for everything instead of running tests now?
I’m shadowing this chief of pediatric neurosurgery. White Irish dude in his 60s. Great guy completely broke down all the stereotypes. I met almost all his colleagues, residents and fellows. Apparently 2 of his colleagues had went on an extended vacation and finally showed up.
Those mfs literally were going around during rounds saying “YEP that kid is dead as hell. We should give up on them. I’m not taking the fall.”
About THEIR own patients! About children under 8!
That surgeon and his fellow are WAY to comfy in their roles and need to retire.
@reet7060 oh wow, ^^^^this all day
Dr.Jackie the medical example of why more diverse cops/other social service isn't the sole solution to dealing with systemic racism. Like there should be more black doctors, but also need to deal with the education of doctors that still somehow pushes the myth of black patients having higher pain tolerance!?
This is the truth and it's a step further when it comes to things like police officers.
Oftentimes there is a certain type of person and mindset that chooses to be a Black cop.
It should either be a job or a (good faith) calling, but clearly that is not the case.
As a black medical student I am taking in everything being said and I appreciate everyone sharing their stories, this stuff is real
Wish you well! 🥼🩺
Remember
OBGYNs know more than sensitive people on RUclips
@@moee_thyself yeah and they also are taught wrong things sometimes.
And they might not be examining their own bias.
Doctors are just humans and they are just as racist as the rest of humans.
Omg! I’m so sorry that you went through that. 😢 what a horrific experience that must have been. .
@@moee_thyself this attitude of knowing better and not needing to listen is why people are dying. Shame on you
I was ignorant when this was happening but my black friend was a victim of medical racism. She died of cancer at 26 years old after years of going to doctors with extreme pain. It took 2 years for any doctor to take her seriously and really TRY to figure out what was wrong. It got to the point where she was just suffering in silence cause she knew the doctors weren't going to do anything for her. There's sooooooo much I have learned about racism since her passing but this one really hurts.
I'm so sorry your loss.
Jesus. That’s so fucked. I’m sorry for her and your loss.
Things like this got me thinking it’s only God that looks after us because… well.
This hits hard as a 27 year old black woman. I had a couple years of suffering from something but thank God it wasn’t cancer. Just gallstones. And I had great medical care and insurance too. Fuck.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing this with us.
[I’m Praying that your friend’s already in heaven (That’s a for me thing. Idk if you’re religious-if not dw about it).]
I just don't know what the solution is outside of, like: "Hey. Doctors. Stop doing this bullshit. Believe Black women!" Like.
Just stop doing that!
Outside of MAJOR systemic changes, at least
Oh shit, she passed?
I'm sorry. But also, fuck that Doctor. It's sad, but it's infuriating, too
My husband’s mentor through his cancer diagnosis and treatment(the Leukemia and Lymphoma society offers many varieties of support, including once you hit a remission status you can be a mentor,was a black woman). Multiple Drs missed her Hodgkin’s lymphoma for over 5 years considering her a hypochondriac over exaggerating her rashes/other symptoms(the rashes were hard to ignore and say they were exaggerated which is why I focus on them). She was stage by the time she got a diagnosis. My yt male husband was diagnosed at stage 2 because they took him seriously and I pushed him to go. Hodgkin’s is very survivable even in the later stages but I know my husband’s rashes were miserable so I can’t imagine what his mentor went through. Medical racism kills and if she had had a different cancer I doubt she would be here which is a terrible.
There is a black woman YTer who died 8mos pregnant in the Uk in 2020, Nicole Thea. She was even doing pregnancy updates complaining about her midwife not listening to her. Turns out she had a undiagnosed heart condition. Unfortunately her baby died as well. Listening to her parters cried was gut wrenching because you realize the impact this will have on the rest of his life. This issue affects so many people.
I think about that woman and her family so very often…
I remember crying so hard at her funeral video. 😢 The guy still hasn't gotten over it. It completely destroyed him poor man.
This is why I'm hesitant to have kids.
You brought me to tears. I was born via emergency c-section. My parents never talked about the details because hearing your story makes me realize it was a really traumatic experience for them. My father (God rest his soul) sometimes would tell me I almost died and I could feel the anger. Thank you for speaking on behalf of the Black fathers who don’t have a voice to express what it’s like to go through this. Now I know how my father felt. Thank you.
My dad filmed my emergency C-section. I’ve seen the footage and you can hear him cracking jokes the whole time. I didn’t breathe for 8 min.
Same, I was sobbing. My sister was also born via emergency c-section. She was full term but her head was too big. I never processed just how terrifying it would have been. Like I remember my dad telling me he nearly passed out but I haven't heard that story since I was a kid so I never understood just how scary that would have been.
Thanks for sharing, and may your father's memory be a blessing
@@orifox1629 I apologize for the delayed response. Thank you so much 🙏🏿 Pray you and your family are well ❤️
@@user-vb6eh5po4t Wow sorry to hear of your experience. He probably was coping with the situation through the jokes. I hope all is well 🙏🏿
"You cry wolf", like seriously!?!?!? As someone who has experienced pregnancy I think a lot of pregnant people don't speak up enough because of this mentality!
Pregnancy takes a toll on a person's body and issues can escalate so quickly. Thank you for sharing your story. That sounds so horrifying. Especially, if its the 1st child.
It's hard to even wrap your head around that comment because these women are carrying humans inside their bodies. Why the hell would you not bring up everything YOU thought could be an issue? I would imagine better safe than sorry 10,000% applies here!
It is not the patient’s responsibility to know when their body is just going through a normal change or when their body is going through something unusual and dangerous. No woman, especially a first time pregnant woman, should be made to feel like their natural questions and concerns are unwarranted. The whole point of pre-natal care is to have a specialist who knows how this whole thing is supposed to go because they have seen it hundreds of times. What does Dr. Jackie think her role is supposed to be?
That quote blew my mind. I only have women doctors and this really broke the way I conceptualized medical racism as something like... a personal bias. I now have questions about how medical education addresses this problem. This is culturally internalized somehow and conversations are happening in medicine clearly. Gotta wonder 😐
@@jam_is_jamminEXACTLY and pregnant bodies are vulnerable!! Serious things can go wrong at any point during pregnancy!
I'm so sorry your wife had to experience that. This is one of the reasons I'm afraid to have a baby or even just go to the doctor in general. Just because I'm a black woman. They think we don't feel pain, and/or they think we're there for drugs. They don't think we're human. How do you deal with someone that doesn't think you're a human being?
YU ARENT YA RAISE THE SAME MEN THAT ATTACK US ALL
isn’t this a testament to the doctor’s care? if it weren’t for the doctors things would’ve turned out differently
It truly is awful. I always wonder "is the doctor I'm dealing with just trash, or is it because they're trash and racist?"
You can't deal with someone who doesn't see you as human because they themselves lack any sense of humanity.
@@friezasama8860wtf ?
People who say "just go to the doctor", "get therapy", Just "get help" say it through such a lens of privileged because they can just do that they don't consider it's a a privilege to get proper care by default. Further, if you do have a bad experience, it's a privilege to be able to seek alternative help.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It must have been terrifying. I'm glad things turned out for the best for you all but it never should have happened. Hopefully the more people speak out more progress can be made.
i hate when people suggest therapy for this reason. it's incredibly hard to get care, and then once i've gotten care, i've never found it helpful, and i've tried with several different providers.
THIS!!! Sis you said it alll 😭😭😭
This is such an important comment that I hope everyone reads and takes on board
@@jones2277i hate to continue to suggest therapy, but it is important into looking at what type of help you are getting. my mother found that traditional sit down therapy does nothing for her (and alot of other mental health professionals) but the second she found play therapy it changed her perspective on therapy as a way to heal. people heal in different ways and continuously re-traumatizing yourself doesn't do it for many people and they loose hope. i hope you can eventually find the care you deserve and i hate the system for not helping the people that need the most help.
Going to the doctor in the US feels like such a frivolous waste. It’s super disempowering when you finally take yourself to the dr, let them know you’re experiencing pain and most of the time it gets brushed off and now I just feel gaslit like if I think anything might be wrong with me I’ve become more inclined to brush it off too because a dr is likely going to tell me I’m overreacting and then I go and pay a co-pay for no reason. My pain threshold is so messed up cos I never can tell when something might actually be a problem.
When you said you just wanted to hear your son "cry or breathe" that really got me, my wife and I just went through a miscarriage and I would have done anything to hear my little girl cry or breathe. Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you for this FD. I am a black male and currently in school for nursing and will keep this in mind for my future. I will always advocate for my patients and hearing stories like this make me so angry. I already work in a hospital and have always been around considerate doctors but this shed some light on the realities that I haven’t seen so I will be on the lookout for everyone that has care around me and from me. Thank you again.
Male nurses are so needed especially black ones. I’m so excited to hear you are in nursing school and I hope you find the work fulfilling.
I hope you will be able to help so many families, and thank God for nurses
You are young and you are already gaining the information that is needed for you future career.I hope as you become more experienced you can relay more information about the way women of color feel when they are in pain.
I wish there are more black male nurses.
Good luck in your future career.
More people like you please 💜
Nurse to nurse; never forgot this feeling. Never forget the fire inside you that makes the patient your first priority. There’s going to be some things that will test you. There are going to be times where they fire will be treated like a burden to the people around you. There will be times where fighting for your patient will be met with hostility.
No matter what, don’t let that fire go out. No price is worth it.
Be best, Brother.
I almost lost my wife and firstborn. My wife was in labor for 36 hours and when the hospital decided to finally deliver, there wasn’t any doctors around. It was a nurse and myself who delivered my daughter the whole time the nurse is on the phone begging any and everyone for help. while I held my newborn daughter the nurse desperately fought to keep my wife from bleeding out. Again no doctors or any other support around. This happened in 2019 in a “liberal “ city in Texas.
The whole time I kept thinking “I’m not leaving alone” but was so scared I’d lose my entire family before we even got a chance to fully become a family.
FYI our nurse was POC
@@LiShuBen There you go. It almost seems like some kind of massive, on-going in-joke that white medical staff need to let us die. Someone needs to speak up.
Damn bro. I’m glad y’all made it
I can’t even imagine that type of fear you went through. My heart breaks that y’all had to go through that and I hope your family is healing
There are "liberal" cities in Texas?
This topic makes me so uncontrollably angry. I have been dismissed and even lied to by plenty of doctors throughout my life. The fact that black women have it even worse is sickening. I couldn't get through this video without crying. Thanks to you and your wife for sharing, FD.
I had my first (and only) baby 2 years ago at the age of 36. I had a very difficult pregnancy and was extremely sick throughout. Almost lost my baby during the first trimester because doctors would not take my symptoms seriously and repeatedly sent me home. I remember one ER visit where i explained that i had thrown up more than 10 times per day for the last few days, but i hadnt eaten in days and was losing the desire for water as well. I was only throwing up bile and it was painful. I had also stopped urinating. I said, "at minimum i think I'm dehydrated " and then i started sobbing. The doctor said "if you can cry, youre not dehydrated," passed me a mini bottle of water and sent me home.
Weeks later, the nurses advocated for me and got me the treatment i needed - saved me and my daughter.
That's EVIL. The callousness of how that dr treated you is so horrible. I'm so sorry you had to go through that and glad you and your daughter made it through!
I'm currently pregnant with my first and I'm 37, I'm so terrified. I haven't even been able to get in for a checkup (I'm almost 11 weeks) because our insurance is terrible and our doctor didn't have any openings. And I'm basically fine so far by comparison! I can't even imagine being so thoroughly disregarded with the symptoms you describe and a high risk pregnancy. I'm so sorry they treated you that way.
I'm not Black, but I know this issue well. 18 years in the medical field, I noticed that Black folks, and immigrants (of all types) tend to be ignored, doubted, talked down to...not 100% of the time...but alot more than other folks.
That part that part!
Me at the start of the video: I lost a child but I think I’m ready for this
Me at 14 minutes in: was not ready 😭
Thank you so much for making this video
Your story had me balling crying and I have probably cried like 2 times in the last 20 years. My wife is a NICU nurse and to this day she gets thank you texts from this Nigerian mother who she advocated for when she was just a few weeks on the job. The doctors and head nurses all said she was ok to go home but my wife felt like something was off so she argued with the mother, nurse, and doctor to have very expensive tests run because she was sure the babies breathing was irregular. If turns out if she hadn’t argued for that the baby would have died on the car ride home. Honestly my privilege prevented me from wondering to what extent the woman’s race played in all of the doctors missing what my inexperienced wife saw. But I’m so proud that she did especially because she is so unsure of herself and also very non confrontational. So she said that telling a room full of experienced nurses and doctors who are grilling you on the reasoning behind asking for a test was the hardest thing she has ever done. Doctors are not nice.
Your wife is truly heaven sent and I hope she knows! Truly an angel on earth.
She is a HERO. Doctors aren't nice at all. Too much narcissism and god-complex attracted to the field mb. That had to have taken sooo much courage!
Was in early stages of pregnancy, experienced bleeding, went to the emergency room and was told the embryo, that already had a heartbeat did not plant in my uterus properly, is being rejected by my body and will expel. So, I had to stay in the hospital and wait until I officially miscarried. The whole time, I had this monitor strapped to me, and I listened to the heartbeat get fainter and fainter...it was horrifying to listen to something inside you dying so I began to cry. One of the nurses that came in to check on me asked me me "what's wrong?", like seriously???? And then she remarked "so you wanted this baby?" I just cried myself to sleep at that point, total shock, disbelief and traumatized by the lack of empathy. I was young and did not have a voice to advocate for myself, but if it were now, I would have filed suit against the hospital for emotional distress. Yes, disparity in care for Black women is NOT a myth.
Thank you for your vulnerability FD. It was hard witnessing my sister experiencing a similar issue when she was pregnant with my nephew. It truly disgusts me to think of the audacity of Dr. Jackie to say what she said. That’s why Black women go to Black doctors….but are they even safe ?? Smfh
In tears watching this video! I know I'm not alone with my frustration and in my experience as a black woman trying to navigate the medical system during maternity. After one still birth and three miscarries we finally found the care we needed from a surprising source. Our German-Caucasian female doctor proved to be our best ally. Although most of the hospital staff was very intimidated by her one black nurse on duty explained, "She is a great doctor, but she can be mean! Still, she has to be to gets things done for her black moms." Thank you for your thoughtful, empathic, and intelligence in spotlighting this issue.
That's not surprising. Even Nazi Germany was safer for Black folks than 1960s New York City.
I think about my black friends who have kids. It’s why I’m reluctant to have kids. I’m a middle-class, educated black woman and I can’t escape this. Hell, Beyoncé and Jay Z; Serena Williams and her husband couldn’t escape this! Your experience brought me to tears. Thank you for sharing F.D.
So here’s where we need to make a connection between this systemic racism in the healthcare system and our privatized, for-profit healthcare system. The U.S. has so few doctors. Cuba, which provides healthcare for everybody, has 7 physicians and 8 nurses for every 1,000 people versus the U.S. that has 3 physicians for every 1,000 people. Going to medical school is so prohibitively expensive that those who come out with a degree cannot afford to focus on free medical treatment, but on paying off those student loans. In short, if we want Medicare For All, we need free public colleges and universities that includes medical and dental schools.
But then there is still this ugly bias against black patients that just good social policy will not fix. Don’t get me wrong, we need good social policy. But we need to find other ways to unlearn that black folks don’t deserve good healthcare and treatment. It’s especially harmful when it’s our own treating us this way.
Are you telling me even the most RICHEST Black celebrities experienced this??
Yes. Money can not save you from this, Serena almost died. FD said this. The first 15 minutes. @@Icarus975
@@Icarus975Systemic racism encompasses ALL financial classes. Put it this way: a black millionaire sees a doctor that services millionaires, not the kind that I would see. That doctor has multiple patients but they’re mostly white millionaires. So the black millionaire patient, in comparison to the white millionaire patients, receives sub-par care, though that care is better than what most of US would get.
It's not just the price of medical schools. There aren't enough open residencies for med school grads to get their board certifications! It bottlenecks the ability for future doctors to practice medicine.
@@Icarus975 May I ask why you feel this to be unbelievable?
Dr. Jackie has been problematic since season 1 of that show. Extremely fat phobic and ignores the care of her black patients. Its so sad, especially with the large platform she has. I’m grateful more people are talking about it and calling her out because I truly don’t believe she thinks she says or does anything wrong that leads to harm. Thank you for sharing your story. It truly does make the world a better place when we all collectively share our stories and come together. ❤ blessings to your beautiful family
Yes exactly, she’s really a nice nasty person. If you don’t agree with her she is extremely patronizing and mean. The buffie situation was awful.
My wife is black and we did all we could to make sure we had a black doctor, midwife, and doula, and I STILL didn't let her out of my sight.
I still had to get in people's asses about attending to her pain.
Not going to lie my friend, I feel like you have to make it people's problems. My dad had to threaten to break bones to get attention for my grandpa. They had security there and he was only getting more angry and security told the doc to actually do his job. These docs need to understand eye for an eye.
I had a hysterectomy just before Christmas…my husband AND my mom had to do a Selma in that hospital when it came to pain management. Even with decent nurses, they still let me scream half the night. Thank God that memories fade. 😶🌫️😵
Also, I did file a complaint with the patient advocate. Every hospital has them in NV, even though one of the doctors told me several times that they did not have one for some dumb reason. A nurse immediately contradicted him and told me where it was. They had an office with a nameplate and everything. Check for advocates in your state. Here, they have an office on-campus at every one. Never go to the hospital alone.✊🏾
@@erikaarnold4780 I'm so sorry that happened to you. And so angry. And facts I don't even let my children, regardless of lighter skin tone, stay for one instant alone in a hospital with myself or their mother.
My husband advocating for me was so helpful for me. We weren't in danger of dying but they were withholding pain relief. Not my fault they fucked up the first epidural. My mom even tried, over the phone to help. Bless them
Almost lost my son to RSV like a month and a half after he was born. Shouts to his pediatrician (an Indian woman) who recognized what my wife heard in his breathing and told us to go to the ER.
You’re blessed. I know someone who lost their one year old to RSV last year. It was one of the saddest experiences to witness.
God bless her. I'm happy your son was saved.
@@SimpleeKomplex so sorry to hear that. Seeing my son like that at that age has had me warning every new parent about RSV ever since.
@@khaldub God bless you for your service to his people.
Not too long before the pandemic, my wife was experiencing an insane amount of pain in her abdominal region. So much so that we had to go to the emergency room at least a couple of times. I think one time they said it was gas or something, and I forgot what they said it was the second time we went, but it was completely off. Before, in between and after those two ER visits, she was seeing her doctor the whole time, and eventually got misdiagnosed because she just wasn't being taken seriously. Eventually, her *actual* condition progressed to a point where it became an emergency (our 3rd ER visit), and we got an actual diagnosis of something way more serious¹, and a date for surgery was set.
At this point, I actually got to meet her OBGYN, and she seemed *very* disinterested in being there. I felt like I had to pretty much pry information out of her. It was wild. Long story short, the pandemic hit and her surgery gets pushed back to a TBD date because now all of a sudden it was considered an "elective" surgery. My wife's condition worsens and she gets rushed to the ER for a 4th visit, and eventually has an emergency surgery which was botched. Over the course of the the next two years she ended having seven more surgeries at two different hospitals, dealing with the results of that first botched surgery.
To wrap things up, Black women really aren't taken seriously in hospitals. But to hear a Black woman doctor say that BW are "dramatic" when talking about their health, is really enraging to say the least. If we can't turn to Black women doctors to take Black women seriously enough in their pain, then who can we turn to? Good god.
¹Im not going to say what the actual diagnosis was, so please don't ask, but it was something that should've been peeped from jump.
I remember i had serious abdominal pain and I was scared as all heck about it.
I briefly thought and asked my gastroenterologist if it might be lactose intolerance. He said no. Suggested an extremely rare genetic disorder that's difficult to diagnose and easy to die from if you present symptoms later in life. So, then he and a different specialist didn't answer my questions about the condition (i wasn't expecting perfect answers i just wanted to know they had answers) lied to me & my medical contact friend. all together their behavior convinced me they wanted me to get substandard medical care so that I'd die younger, itt a heck of a feeling to be told by doctors, I went legitimately a little crazy about doctors from it.
I figured out two years later and all sorts of crazy theories later that it was lactose intolerance. I just got brave enough to try it for myself. (I also have other digestive issues I've figured out some of them)
It makes me so mad they couldn't even be bothered to tell me to see if symptoms were better for aged cheeses no, he wanted me to think I was socially motivated anorexic, when I was symptom avoidant anorexic.
Also, I'm mixed race not black , people usually think I'm white (italian or jewish). But who knows what biases the doctors had.
I've been a subscriber for a long time but usually never comment. I've learned so much from you and your videos (even things I never expected to learn in a video essay, like how the nfl drafting works haha). Anyways, I just wanted to say thank you, to you and AJ for sharing this experience. What happened to y'all is horrific. Like you said, I knew black women were much more likely to die in child birth and overall the racism in the medical field but hearing about the negligent treatment y'all experienced and how bad things could have ended, these are the stories people need to hear. Not the news stories about Jackie or any other doctor trying to cover things up. Thank you again for being so vulnerable with us. I can't believe how abusive the medical system is. I'm so sorry F.D.
My firstborn needed an emergency c section. They were monitoring my wife for a few hours and kept going back and forth with the doctors. They finally said the baby was in distress and needed the operation. That 5 minutes when I was getting the garb on was exactly how you described it. I started crying man. That’s a scary reality
that was my first son. my wife couldnt give birth naturally (operation from her 20s way before me) but they tried for 24 hrs. then they said the hell with it we gotta cut her open and get the baby out of there because he was getting stressed and she was sooooooo tired at that point from trying to give labor that her lips were quivering when they gave her they medicine while she was talking to me during the c setion operation
Thank God you were there for her and your baby. Idk how people go through this alone.
Most Doctors have Narcissistic Behavior✨SAD!
This video was so well timed. I've given birth once and experienced severe racism to the point my pain was ignored and I was sent home without any care. Turns out I had appendicitis 🙃 This is the condensed version but I was treated horribly and it put a stain on my daughter's birth. This should have been a huge red flag in my then partner too, who is yt and did nothing. I should make a video about this already lol
Sorry to hear that. I hope things are going better for you and your family 🖤
‘Then partner’, don’t think so hun
This why you gotta always vet your partners for stuff like this. Im sure its uncomfortable in the moment to have these convos but if youre dating outside of your race, especially white people, you gotta have that racism discussion. Treat like the police brutality discussions we get as kids. Theres PLENTY of otherwise “good” people who have never internally analyzed their own biases or are just racist with a fetish. Be safe out here yall
@@artisticagi I missed that part. Still wish her well though
I’m so sorry you experienced that and that no one was willing to advocate for you.
This was eye opening for me, im latino but thankfully, in my family, birth have always been on the easy side for both the mothers and babies. My fiancée is black and after watching this video (which, thank you FD for opening up about that story) i can recall all these talks that my fiancée gave me about considering adopting or even surrogacy but i couldnt understand why. Shes always been afraid of the hospital and doctors. If we happen to go the route of birth, then im going to do my best to make sure she's good and we can get the best care. And to everyone sharing your personal stories, thank you and this was an important learning experience. ❤
That part where you said you wanted to hear your son cry so you could at least say you've been a father made me tear up. I dont have children but i can only imagine the hopelessness you were feeling in that moment. This is one of your best videos. Thank you for raising awareness. I can only hope things get better for us ❤
My (white) sister just had a baby two months ago. I remember every conversation with her being this delicate balance of “listen to the doctor I’m sure everything is fine” and “speak up for yourself if you feel something is wrong” and it was really tough because our family is pretty rural, not educated on these kinds of things, and don’t have a lot of means to go to anyone else if things are wrong, and don’t have the words to dispute the “experts”. On top of that she’d had difficulty getting pregnant in the first place so it was doubly fraught.
All this to say, I can only imagine what would have happened if my sister was the same person but with darker skin. It’s absolutely terrifying how the medical system repeatedly fails people in the most vulnerable situations and how our institutions enable it.
I’m so glad your son and your wife are safe and healthy now. What you described was our worst nightmare. Thank you for sharing that and being vulnerable with us. ❤
“Can I just hear him breath” 😭😭😭 thank you and AJ for sharing this story. I’m so sorry for what y’all went through.
I work for a nonprofit and some of our programs deal with infant and maternal health/mortality. With the way the stats look, it's appalling that people still aren't taking the health of Black people (especially Black women) seriously. We really have to advocate for ourselves and our health. I'm currently looking for a new doctor myself because the one I have is so dismissive.
Thank you for sharing your story, and I'm glad to hear that your wife and son are doing okay
Thank you for honoring us with that story. I am a black health professional and had two live births. Both times my concerns, pain tolerance and the health of me and my child were over looked. As a black woman in health care I see this all the time. Even during my training it is a huge issue. There is a great book exploring this issue by Arline Geronimus called “Weathering the extraordinary
stress of ordinary life in an unjust society.”
I’m just a young man, and I appreciate you tossing your voice in the ring for this. It always bothers me when people speak out on a topic they aren’t personally involved in and others ask “why do you care?”
Like, you have a WIFE. That’s why you care. Mortality rates of black women will affect the women, but will also affect the husbands (and wives, but just hitting the angle that isn’t directly involved in any birthing process). If that couple has children, they will be affected. The family, parents, and extended family of the couple will be affected.
I appreciate the gravity of women’s rights and healthcare issues, even though I’m just some random young guy. But I wish that people wouldn’t forget that women’s issues affect EVERYBODY. It’s important that we give women’s issues the respect they’re due, but we must never treat women’s issues like they’re something “other people” experience.
Just because it’s someone else’s problem doesn’t mean it’s actually someone else’s problem.
And most doctors are men...so men should care from that perspective too if anything is going to change.
100%
I felt your story to my core bro, my wife and I lost 3 babies due to miscarriages.
😢
Sorry you and your wife went through that.
I didn’t expect to cry. That’s such a sad and real story, thank you for sharing. I also went through medical racism when I was 19. I had a mass on my abdomen and I knew my body better than anyone else. I went in to get it checked and the physician insisted that I was pregnant and wasn’t listening to me when I said that was not possible (I went to an all girl school and was too focused on my classes lol). I got an ultrasound and results came back negative for pregnancy. I ended up having ovarian cancer and because I knew my body I caught it at stage 1A. The feeling of anger that came over me that day was intense, and I still get upset when I hear similar stories. I had a hard time trusting doctors afterwards. I see that we still have a long way to go :(
My oldest was an emergency c section. You describing getting ready putting the sterile clothes on to watch brings back memories. Can’t recall a time I have felt more powerless then being in a room not sure if I was going to walk out a proud father with my wife, or if I was going to walk out by myself, or something in between.
ETA: I really appreciate you sharing the story of your wife, and by extension your trauma around childbirth. IT sounded really hard for you at points, and you didnt have to do that. Im so glad she and your son came through ok, instead of the worst case scenario.
Now obviously I'm a white lady, so qualifiers needed- but I have struggled with getting doctors to take me seriously for ages- it took a month for a doctor to take me seriously enough to xray my foot to find out it was broken. I can't imagine having to deal with even more pressure to be a perfect patient. I feel like I have to act up my illness just to be taken seriously- I can't even fathom what I would do if that option also fucked me over. Just not get treatment? Suffer? And people wonder why black women are mad? Shit aint right.
Misogyny and racism aren't mutually exclusive. Your experience is valid, which makes it all the more horrifying to think of the experience of women who are also not white.
well we're talking about black women @@Ironsuaba
@@Ironsuaba I love the word "misogynoir". It's such a perfect descriptor for the intersection of misogyny and racism.
There’s no anxiety or shock like watching your child almost lose their life and the staff struggling to save them … I’ve been in that situation and it stays with u
"Light Work" like hell, that was heavy.
I’m a white woman and me and my family have always been left leaning and liberal but just like typical white liberalism and I remember the DAY I learned about the maternal death rate of black woman vs white woman and that was the day I was radicalized because I could see how clearly the link between the death rate and historical racism was and the biases that had to be in place to lead to that even being a thing. Thank you so much for sharing your families story
What a traumatic birth story. My heart goes out to you and your wife. I’m so glad your son and she pulled through. That’s not something you just bounce back from, though.
Thanks for sharing, FD. it's crazy how so many people make these generalizations about black women, and black people in general, when all it takes is a simple google search to find empirical data. I hope stories like these really increase the awareness and instigate legislative change because people are literally dying.
and what would would have been done without the doctors care? give the doctors and nurses some credit here
@@sealedindictmentthere not doing shit what do you mean give credit
@@sealedindictment what are you talking about? I never mentioned doctors and nurses. nor did i say they don't deserve credit.
stop responding to just respond. actually engage with the point i made or don't waste people's time.
@@GoldeneyeDoubleO7 you mentioned changing legislation, legislation for what? i assume doctors and nurses right? im pretty sure most of them are doing the best they can… in F.D situation and others
@@JB-bl6qo who saved his son’s life? plummers from the basement? 😂
I had a very similar experience to FD. My second child needed and emergency C-Section due to thin cord syndrome on my wife - but we didn't know it at the time. My wife's OB was pretty cautious though; she was a black lady herself. She had us do a lot of test and when our son stopped being so active after 30 weeks, she would do weekly visits.
The baby wasn't moving at 38 weeks at her normal check up. The OB was like, go eat some lunch and come back. She checked again, still not much. And she told my wife to get ready for surgery and she didn't want to take any chances.
After the C-section, my son wasn't crying or anything, he was kind of blue. They had to suck fluid out of lungs and then rush him to an ice pad, some cold therapy to prevent brain damage. We were in the NICU for about 10 days, but he recovered, no real side effects.
He just made 3 years old and i'm thankful every day we had a doctor we had.
When you talked about the doctor pausing in that appointment, i got full body chills. I'm so glad you and your wife and children are okay. That's horrifying.
15:04 I really appreciate you and your wife sharing this story. Maternal healthcare is so important to me and a mom of 2 who felt extremely unheard and discriminated against. This was especially true because my husband is in the military and he was deployed with our first and I felt I was judged as a single mom which shouldn’t matter!! I went on to have my second child at home and it was a much better experience. It brings me to tears how much we go through. I just want the same ear and care everyone else gets.
Thank you for sharing your story🙏🏽 seeing your son healthy after hearing his rocky beginning gave me chills, and tears that have yet to stop. I’m a 20 year old black young lady, and i feel very touched by the journey you and your wife went through. Thank you so much for this you just don’t know how much i needed to hear this today💕
You are a captivating storyteller man. I didn’t know any of this happened or many of the people involved but appreciated and learned from this whole video
Such heaviness to be light work. I'm a father of a 9 year old daughter and a 3 year old son, so this was very painful and infuriating to hear. I realize more and more that things like this hit me harder now that I'm a dad. My wife is diabetic so there are additional risks to her health already. I'm so very thankful that even though there were some issues, my wife and children made it out ok. It also made me realize that I need to always be vigilant. With my daughter, I knew nothing; my son, I knew a bit more, but still I feel in hindsight not enough to truly help protect them. During this process, there's so much going on. Watching my wife bring new life into the world and trying to be present and supportive even while sleep deprived. ( I just got off work from the night shift when my wife got called in to induce birth because of preeclampsia) Hearing your story made me feel like there was so much more that could have happened while I was too mentally and physically exhausted to properly watch out for it. I'm glad things turned for the better. Let's keep advocating for black women because fearing that a doctor will leave your partner and child to die because of skin color shouldn't be a thing.
I am so sorry that your family had to endure this ridiculous situation, and I’m glad your son is thriving!!! Thank you so much for sharing your story!!
Wheeeew… was in that room alone gowning up too… 12/2020… prime pandemic… couldn’t find Boo’s heartbeat… thankfully, I brought my girls home… blessings to you and yours! Happy Founder’s Day Frat.
I feel you… my wife had an emergency c section too. When the nurse first said they were prepping the OR I felt my stomach drop. I wore the sterile covering and sat next to my wife in her greatest time of need and was absolutely helpless to do anything. My wife kept getting sick throughout the procedure… I don’t want to sound dramatic because it can’t compare to what my wife went through but I felt a bit traumatized by the experience. 16months later and our son is thriving so we were fortunate on that front.
As a black women who just had a baby back in 2022 and had a very “normal” pregnancy and a positive birth experience I feel so blessed but at the same time terrified to have another child because I’m terrified I won’t be so lucky next time. Thank you for sharing your story about your son ❤
The way you described the doctor’s decision to operate, specifically his tone, will stick with me. It was like you pulled me into the room with you and your family as a witness to that moment. Beautiful testimony.
Im so so glad your son is doing so well now.
I think i first learned about this issue a couple years ago when i was digging more into our medical system and its failings from a disability and chronic illness side of things, and i have never stopped being outraged about this.
Thank you and AJ for being willing to share about this medical trauma, it can be so damn hard
This was the heaviest light work I’ve ever seen FD, I cried
I'm sure it wasn't one take, but I don't know how you told that story so calmly. It had me in tears. Thank you, and your wife, for sharing that story.
I’m sorry y’all and any other families had to go through that. That experience is something one can never “get over “. It definitely wasn’t light work.
Your child is a blessing. That nurse is a guardian angel. Every second he’s on this earth is special. God Bless you FD, and thank you for sharing.
Your vulnerability and the strength it took to relive this story is inspiring. Thank you F.D
Even as a white man with no kids and no intention of having any, this was deeply emotional. Thank you for sharing y’all’s story. Will definitely be sharing this with a few folks. ❤️🩹😭😢🥲🥹💗
Holy shit dude. I just woke up and I expect your shit to have me outraged... and it did.... but I didn't expect it to have me crying... I'm glad with all my heart that your son, and both you and your wife pulled through that.
I didn’t lose a baby, but I had a similar situation to FD where my baby needed resuscitation. After months and months and months of me going to the OB and seeing and experiencing things that are super concerning but no one listened and everyone brushed us off.
I didn’t expect to be hit so hard emotionally, but holy heck that was rough listening and knowing exactly what FD went through.
I’m not black of course, I’m just low income white with a Hispanic spouse, but the parallels are still there.
Thank you so much for covering this topic. I’m happy that your son and wife survived his birth. Dr. Jackie should be ashamed of herself.
I'm so sorry that happened to your family. I'm happy your son survived and is thriving. This is what we're talking about when we talk about institutional racism. Like you would anticipate that a black woman the very target demographic for this type of racism would realize. But instead she perpetuates the racism because the system is that flawed.
The documentary "Aftershock" on Hulu really drove this issue home for me. I'd heard about some of the statistics, but every story someone shares makes it so clear how serious this issue is. Thank you for sharing yours.
I'll never forget the time I saw the awful mistreatment of a young black girl in the ER. For context I'm white. I came in because I was having an extreme panic attack, they took less than 10 minutes to put me in a room and gave me morphine because I wasn't calming down. Meanwhile she was forced to stay in the hall outside the door of my room crying nonstop in pain, her pillow was soaked in tears. I was there for almost two hours, they kept me in because they wanted to make sure it wasn't something more serious, she was kept in because "the doctor is running late". I was attended by four different nurses, she didn't even get an IV. I don't know what she was going through but it was obviously much worse than a panic attack that had already ended. When I finally left she was still there in the hall and I walked past multiple vacant rooms. The nurses acted as if she and her parents didn't even exist. This occurred in a supposedly progressive state and city. Sometimes I think I'm misremembering it because of how absurd the difference in our treatment was, I have to remind myself that it really happened.
damn i really started balling tears, my Professor linked this video as an extra credit assignment lol it was completely optional and I've never been happier to be an overachiever, great video
I heard the trigger warning so I had an idea of where this was going, but that story had me bawling reliving the birth of my youngest son who similarly came into this world early in an emergency C-section blue and silent with a 6 week NICU stay. Turns out he has a chromosomal disease (Prader-Willi Syndrome) that went undetected despite a pre-natal genetic screening. 3 years later and we're still averaging 6 appointments per week so there's never really been a time to work through and move past that trauma so that story really hit hard. And we're two people who had every advantage for going into that situation blind. We're two white chemistry professors comfortable with the jargon and starting at the University's Children hospital, otherwise we likely would have gone home with 1 or more fewer family members. I'm so glad your son and wife made it through that difficult time and angry that anyone or group should have to deal with the reality of that not only being more likely, but also have to anticipate additional callous treatment during one of the most vulnerable times in a person's life. This isn't new info, but like you said personalizing it makes it more viscerally real (way to use the parasocial for good rather than evil). Do you have a call to action in addition to raising awareness of the issue?
Keep talking about it when it comes up and believe black women. If you know friends in the medical field, ask them their thoughts on the issue so they could either start or continue to reflect. If they brush it off, challenge them on it. Share the video.
I am in tears, thank you so much for sharing your story. I was asleep when the trigger warnings played and i woke up a couple minutes in, so it was a real surprise punch, I know it must have been hard to share
It’s amazing how watching Gypsy Rose Blanchard speak on her mother who lied and cried wolf as she tortured and destroyed her daughter’s health and mind with continuous abuse and deceit, well she accomplished her goals and received all the medical treatment and recognition she craved in doing so. Yet, we as Black Women are not believed and accused of crying wolf in our genuine concern and care for ourselves in womanhood especially during pregnancy and childbirth. We cannot even in Buffie’s words have real concerns “ complain of a constant headache” without being dismissed which in turn in the end her Aunt lost her life due to gaslighting and to me malpractice!
FD, this was so heart-wrenching, there were moments I was sobbing out loud imagining the pain and anguish and struggle y'all were going through. I really appreciate the vulnerability in sharing this story, the disparity black women face in health care and childbirth especially is something I've always known about, I've seen the data, but the data doesn't make me feel sorrow down to my core like your story did. I'm so glad everything worked out in the end for your family but we know there are many where it doesn't. I don't have kids yet but imaging my partner and I in that situation, this is just such an obvious problem and it's sad that Dr. Jackie a black woman herself is perpetuating it. Anyway, thanks for making me cry today, I sincerely and honestly appreciate it.
centuries of colonization is a helluva drug. 🤮
Thank you for sharing this video and your story. I’ve been through two traumatic childbirths ad a black woman and it’s devastating. The first at the hands of a black male doctor and the second one I had a wonderful doctor but the anesthesiologist caused severe damage to my back and hip that I’m still dealing with 14 years later. I had a home birth with my third kid with a white midwife and doula (hard to find black midwives in Vegas when I had kids) and had a healing experience.
Now I’ve spent majority or my life being gaslit by doctors, mostly recently due to chronic pain and have struggled to get treated or even accurately diagnosed. It’s hard.
Thank you for sharing with us such a horrorifying experience, i know it was excrutiating to dig up that trauma, but for some reason people need to hear it in order to?? Believe us???
The only reason my mom got any decent care, as she told me, was because my dad was white and worked at the hospital they were having me at. That didnt stop them from treating her like crap until my dad would intervene lol. And it says nothing for my siblings who were born in hospitals he DIDNT work at.
For me, I have a few reasons for planning to seek out a doula when we finally have kids. One is i'm a trans guy, and from other trans men (even white ones) i know who have given birth, it can be a deadly experience if the doctora dont even believe that youre pregnant when you go in for your appointments or even are in labor. Its this times 10 for black trans men.
So if i can avoid it, i will do so. If i cant...idk man. I guess i'll just cross my fingers that my doctor doesnt kill me and my baby, and that the transphobia is as bad as it could be lmao
wait so what would they have done without doctors? give the doctors some credit here
Ive work in the medical field saw the neglect for minorities all the time. So much respect for sharing the story, that's some intense stuff.
Thanks for sharing your story! I've watched almost all of your videos, and this was the only one that made me cry... my wife is pregnant and "of advanced maternal age" so she has weekly appointments. It's a lot, but we are really grateful that things are being monitored so closely. I just have a real weakness for babies and pregnant women in distress. Really glad things worked out for your family!
I'm so glad somebody is talking about this. I love M2M, and Dr. Jackie scares/disgusts me so bad with her medical views. From her fat-shaming to her lack of empathy. I would never ever get in her stirrups.
23:40 wow thank you for sharing your family's story. We deserve better care! I hope Dr. Jackie puts on her glasses and watches this.
Thank you for sharing your family's experience and I'm sorry your family had to go through that. I literally started crying as soon as your tone changed and you went into yalls sorry. Unfortunately its all too common in our community.
I was taken aback when I heard the comments Dr. Jackie made...jaw almost on the floor.
Fortunately with my 5 children I didn't experience anything to this extent and every day Im so thankful. My heart goes out to those who werent or arent so fortunate.
Also you did a great job handling the terminology 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
My mother was in a terrible car accident and had problems with her uterus. She lost her baby before I was born. Also, she had somewhat difficult pregnancy with me. When she was pregnant with my sister it was a bit easier for her. Afterwards tho she suffered from postpartum and never quite recovered. She died when I was 7 and my sister was 3. My mom was let down by doctors and my father. I watched her cry from migraines and cramps and she tried to fight it and gave it her best shot. She worked two jobs at times and was a straight A student. Doctors, her friends, her father and my father really let her down. Had medicines that would incapacitate her and make her even sicker at times. She was always in pain and was fearful she wouldn’t be there to raise us. Her new medications caused a complication and she died in her sleep at 33. I was next to her asleep and didn’t know. I just turned 30 in November and it still hurts.
Thank you for telling this story. It unlocked a grief in me that I have been holding in for some time. I want to bring a child into this world, I have known since I was a child, yet I rarely let myself show my fear of bringing life into a world like this. Seeing babies in Gaza lose their life in the NICU deprived of the care they need to survive. It's hard to processes grief like this and I really appreciate your help.
My grandmother died at age 63 because the hospital she went to told her that her intestinal torsion was just "constipation". She had a severe problem that was treatable, but she died because they wouldn't take her complaints seriously. It infuriates me to this day. I finally found a doctor that actually listens when I tell him things and it took a long time. This is a real problem, for sure.
Thank you for sharing your story. I probably shouldn't have watched this as our son died of a rare fetal anomaly, but I'm so so happy your son is safe and healthy. We do so poorly with maternal and fetal care in this country. It's brutal. We have a healthy 1 year old now, but we will always miss our first.
as a woman im insanely scared of pregnancy just the body horror of it all, and sometimes i come around to it, but then i remember im a black woman and it comes right back because of shit like this im so happy you got ur 2 boys and im so sorry for that terrible treatment you guys faced
I'm an OB/GYN, I have to do emergency cesareans like this every day. Believe me, we're praying too. I'm crying listening to your story. I'm so sorry.
Sending hugs to you and your wife. Thanks for covering this topic and being vulnerable enough to share your story. I think people forget the humanity in the numbers. Yes, we know Black women and our children are at a significantly higher risk of dying before, during and after childbirth, but until you can humanize it with real-world experiences, the gravitas doesn't register for most.
Thank you so much for sharing your story and discussing such heartbreaking topics as a black man.
First off, WONDERFUL video! As someone who has done academic research on this topic, the research FD is showing is REAL!!! Thank you so much for using your platform to spread awareness to this issue, and also for citing your sources so others can educate themselves further!
Secondly, thank you for sharing your story. I know it probably wasn’t easy, but that story was so moving and can potentially be utilized to open the eyes of doctors and nurses!
It is mind boggling that someone like Dr. Jackie could say such harmful things, when she has probably dealt with the same issues as other black women!
Keep doing what you’re doing, you have so much respect from me. 🩷
🙋🏾♀️I have shared my story enough online but let me say you had me in tears sharing your story.
It’s like the 1 hospital in a city that has the experience of handling trauma gunshot victims whereas the other hospitals are clueless because they are located so far from the areas that see gun violence that they don’t ever learn (hands on) how treat such patients.
If I had known the lack of care a lot of OB GYN show to black mothers, I would’ve shopped around until I found a a doctor and hospital that did take my concerns seriously.
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this personal story with us.
I want to note that Dr. Jackie has not experienced pregnancy (and I believe is sadly not capable of it despite trying). I think her opinions have something to do with this. I’m not saying her lack of empathy is necessarily rooted in jealousy.. but I do believe she would feel differently if she had experienced it herself. Messed up all around
Interesting point. Thanks for that.
I’ve always wanted to become a mother but hearing how my mother was treated and how other black women are treated I am so terrified of something going wrong with the pregnancy. So terrified. Thank you so much for sharing your family’s story.
Yo, you guys have definitely been blessed with how this all turn out. My wife is 3 months pregnant and that fear runs through me!
I really appreciate you being so vulnerable and telling your story. It needs to be heard and I'm sure it will help a lot of people.
I don't have kids but this story made me emotional bro. Appreciate the honesty from you sir
TW
My water broke at 37 weeks
By hour 4 of my labor, I started to beg for a c-section because I was told my baby’s heart rate was high and my labor wasn’t progressing. I was gaslit, dismissed and neglected for 37 hours with 2 failed epidurals. I caught sepsis and my baby was in the nicu for a week. I also developed postpartum preeclampsia that lingered for 5 weeks and that was dismissed as “first time mom anxiety”. They finally decided to check my bp and it was 191/124. I was hospitalized and put on a mag drip for 24 hours. I still have a few health complications from these experiences.
Thanks for sharing your story FD !
I am almost in tears here with you. I'm so sorry you and your wife experienced this. So grateful your baby boy is okay. Thank you so much for sharing your family's story