There’s also worthlessness. You can wear someone down to the point that all confidence is eroded. A weak person believes they are not capable without them.
100%...my narc mother literally SCREAMING at my father in public because my sister wanted to hold HIS hand - my mother spewed the most vile lies at the top of her lungs...whilst it was shocking it wasn't new and the shocking part is the "public" bit. We survivors then have to clean the behaviours learnt from our interactions with the narc parent - some of those behaviours being awful and out of our own pain, dysfunction and anger...❤to you Sister
And when people get older they really lose confidence. Even if financially they could afford to split it's too much to bear. You need strength which they don't possess having been rendered impotent.
It gets better. Hang in there! I thought I'd never achieve financial independence and suddenly my finances flow like the Mongohela river. Upper middle class life ain't so bad.
My sister is in her last stage of cancer and still defending her narcissistic psychopathic husband despite everything he did to her... Can't wait to listen to this video ... Thank you HG ❤❤️🔥
My mother died 2 weeks ago. She also had cancer, as well as a narcissistic psychopath for a husband. I was forced to call him my father, even though he wasn't. She stood by his side, even while her OWN children were removed from her household, because of the abuse HE inflicted upon me and my brother. He moved her away to another town, stranded her away from her family and friends, and bought her the alcohol she drank to swallow her pain medication. She was a shadow of her former self. My mother was a beautiful woman, but her 40 years of marriage to this nightmare took a major toll on her. He was only happy when he had control of people in his company. If he felt inferior to someone, he'd either lick their boots or cut them off. I prayed all my life for my mother to leave him, but she was too afraid of him. This man is a nightmare, and he physically abused my mother, brother, every pet we ever loved, and me. She would threaten us, to prevent us getting help. My brother was killed in a car accident, and the man acted like it was nothing. We were kids, they were adults, and we walked on eggshells while nutcase was home. I feel like my mother is finally free, but she had a rough going. I take great comfort in knowing God knows what happened, no matter what mask he's wearing. God bless you and your mother.
Please give her grace. At this point, it’s not as if she can leave him and meet someone else so she has to convince herself of things that make her passing easier. It’s possible she always intended to leave, as it can take many women 30 years or more to leave their unhealthy marriages, but now with the cancer cutting short her life, she’ll never be to have the life and man she wanted. Either she accepts the brutal truth that he doesn’t care about her which is so painful or she convinces herself that he isn’t the awful human he is (think Elizabeth Edwards discovering her husband cheated and fathered a child as she battled end stage breast cancer). Please don’t tell her anything that shakes the world she has to create in her mind that eases the fact she wasted her life on this loser. I was recently diagnosed with a rare aggressive cancer at 44. After a childhood of not knowing love, and then an adulthood of not knowing love, I always thought I’d have more time to meet the man who truly loves me and have my dream life after a life of sh-t. Well now I might not ever get my happy ending that I always wanted. I feel for your sister because she probably has self esteem or childhood trauma so she allowed herself to be abused. Also emotional abuse, as children and adults, causes stress which causes chronic inflammation in the body and is thought to be a contributor to cancer. Please be there for her, “grey rock” how much you can’t stand him, and allow her a peaceful final time on earth.
If I had tried to expose my narcissist to her family and acquaintances nobody would have believed me. She was THAT convincing. Her facade was executed brilliantly.
All of my in-laws and husband are in on their shared fantasy. I am definitely excluded and shunned and tolerated with the clear message “you are low supply if you must be here.” Unspoken, of course.
@@Armygirl4Christ Absolutely. I'm the pot stirrer because I'm not buying her ( husband's aunt)BS. They've spent years getting gaslit by her that I'm the bad guy because I told her to FO or called her out on her behavior. That's just not done in that family. She is blameless and we all deserve it. If she does something nice, we must endure her abuse for the rest of our lives, lest we offend her. They've made my husband apologize for defending me against her abuse and manipulation.
I didn't want to say bad things about her, I just waited until I could take no more then expected people to believe me when I did speak. I was unaware of how emotionally distressed i presented as, and had reckoned without the smear campaign
It's a big reason why a. she never tried to get therapy, narcs don't do that and b. Harry isn't in 'real' therapy either. The therapist would pick up on this and help him get out. Or help him with his 'mommy issues' she capitalizes on. TOW just supplies him with drugs to keep him malleable. And out of touch with reality.Isolates him. She doesn't want him to be near his brother or his friends, they'd try to advise him once again to get out of this and away from her. It's why she keeps telling him they are racist and want her to die like Diana. When she was never targeted. She had to call the paps. If she was targeted, it was nowhere near what Catherine was from what I saw.
My mother is STILL smearing my dead father 40 years after they split up...she's now beyond revising history and into outright lying. Luckily I have been tutored very well by HG...
As someone on the “other side “, you are absolutely spot on. I can honestly say that ALL of those reasons apply to my situation. Being a 32 year hostage in my marriage I can unequivocally say that those are all valid. I’ve tried to reach out over and over to close friends for support and they have a hard time believing. Dealing with someone who is so unhinged, who does the most outrageous things in private, treats you and your children so badly and then blames you for all of it is very difficult. Thank you for all of your insight. It really has been a beacon in a very bleak world. 🙏
My ex husband told me in 1999 that if I tried to leave him, he would destroy me and warned me he fights dirty. I had to plan carefully and it took till 2008 to enact my plan. Sadly, the Global Financial Crisis coincided with my exit so I was trapped with him till 2017. He hovered around me for 2 years after that. Though he has moved away, he still throws barbs at me - which I ignore. Freaking hard to escape the clutches of a narcissist
Im not sure if my father was a narcisist or a normal with strong narcistic traits, all I know is that to work colleagues and friends, he was a great chap and very funny but to my mother, he never supported or respected her the way I thought he should. My late mother hit the nail on the head. People would say to her how wonderful it must be to live with my father, my mother would say "It depends which hat he's wearing" I knew what she mean't even if others didn't. The strange thing is, when my mother died, our family just split apart, broke down. I often thougt we were a family that should never have been...perhaps there were lots of dynamics going on within our family and our mum was the lynch pin, it imploded when she passed away....
This is very sad. My family is similar. I don’t know if my father is a narcissist or just has strong narcissistic traits either. But he treats my mom like his personal maid and live in help and doesn’t show any interest in her life, talking with her, or hearing what she has to say. All he really cares about it how he looks to outsiders, strangers, nobodies. She’s never known real love. They are late 70s and I think he might outlive her. So she’ll never know what life is like with someone who loves her, or not having that albatross around her neck. If she passes first, I believe the family might disintegrate as well, I certainly would never visit my father (and he’s never cared about seeing me or talking to me) and my brother mainly only visits them so she can see the grandkids which she loves. I don’t even know why he got married and had kids since he surely doesn’t love my mom and I don’t think he even loves his kids. I’m sorry for the loss of your mom.
@@VeganLife-mn1jp I can see the similarities here, it's a very difficult situation. We loved our mother very much and dad did not like it when she got the sttention. One of the last things my mum did before she died was rip up her wedding photos, she passed away hating my father and regretting that she stayed with him. I'm sorry to say such things as you care for your mum very much, just love and support her as much as you can, I'm sure you do that anyway. I hope that fate brings rhe best outcome in this situation for your mum.....
When I left my narc husband, the first thing he did was write out a list of monthly bills/accounts and expenditures which he fully expected me to hand over every month from the date I left, even when I wasn’t there to run them up. That included the monthly repayment on the car purchased in his name. He said that if I came back, it would all be forgotten and I didn’t have to worry because he hadn’t told anybody that I had left. He got my daughters to phone me all the time to get me back. He also said everything would be different and better for me.
Never go back, when you leave you create a narc injury within the offender. (No mater how adult and kindly you left) it injures their fragile wounded ego of shame and inadequacy that all narcs feel. When a person goes back, they are setting themselves up for the final kill.. believe them the first time, when they showed you who they were. When the victim returns, a Narc thinks it’s fair game and open season on their victim. They knew who they were and what they were capable of and decided to take it all on.. I say run, don’t walk. May the peace of the lord be with all unsuspecting victims of these vile meat suits.
The way I view the NPD is this.As we mature most of us leave their inner child behind and morph into an adult.The NPD is a dichotomy says one thing but does another.He is a full grown male who refuses to allow his inner child to fade away. This binding produces temper tantrums, tears and tiaras and a great propensity to strike first and discard first because of lack of love in childhood.He now has an insatiable need to be loved by anyone and the anyone will be tested to their limits to see if they will leave them.They want someone who will stay forever and never abandon them but if they stay, they are seen as weak.This is a man living with double standards.Living partly as a dominant male and partly as a traumatized child.He is Co dependant and out of control at times but hides it very well.The only time he tells on himself is when he puts pen to paper which is cathartic for him and enlightening for the Empaths.
😲Yes, You are their prisoner until you have the courage to leave, a prisioner is afraid of the multitued of reprecussions. Don't tell them you're leaving.. make a safe plan... and get out.🥺
There is a part of them that do pull it off when at public events. They hold hands, she looks at him lovingly. What is that about? Is she just faking it? I know you've probably covered this, but she does a great job of faking it.
My ex has been with a narcissist for 21 years and she shows how great he is on facebook. I hate that she is going through this but not something I can do about it.
This is a particularly educational video. Number six and nine resonate with me. I have had the displeasure of several narcissists and/or people with a high degree of narcissism in my life. Perhaps I am a narcissist, but it is never too difficult for me to jettison toxic people from my life, the exception being the matrinarc. Reason number six. It is difficult to explain the abuse, and it is impossible for many people to believe. Society in general does not or cannot believe a mother would destroy her own child. Reason number nine. Trying to explain the abuse to others does make one appear crazy. I was 50 years old before I had had enough abuse to GOSO. Twelve years "clean" now. There are people who do look down on me for cutting the matrinarc out of my life. Oh well. Thank you HG. I am listening. Best wishes to all the narc survivors out there. Take care.
Maybe because they like to complain every single day?🤨 1. Repetition of familiar behavioral patterns 2. Distorted vision of reality 3. Burden of couple problems 4. Emotional addiction 5. Financial dependence 6. Social isolation 7. Depression/anxiety 8. Emotional vulnerability 9. Overestimation of the partner 10. Underestimation of oneself Let me guess, I got them all wrong.😆😯🙄
All of those reasons are true. It is hard to look at the facts and view the relationship as it is: abusive, destructive, a living hell. The moment you choose to separate it might get worse. But in the end with the help you can be free. The narc however will try to destroy you. Good lawyers and a support system are crucial.
I've exposed the somatic narcissist I've been dealing with several times, but he has a huge fan club of supporters and it's drawn them in closer I believe
side note: I have BPD and I'm on Disability for my mental health so he can easily tell everyone I'm a "crazy obsessed stalker", even though he's been the one stalking me for the past 2 years!
When the police got involved I was the one who got the ASBO warning. Our solicitor was a wet willy whereas her solicitor was her friend, a fellow narcissist and a bitch. I ended up being the one called crazy. It's all ended well. We have after 2 years got them to cooperate with a problem over the deeds so we can sell our house but only because they pissed off our solicitor to such an extent that he finally got tough with them. He's turned out to be another narc! They're absolutely everywhere.
@@sarahwagland1559Mine was friends with cops or said he was. He said if I called the cops, he'd punch himself in the face and get a black eye then tell them I did it and I'd go to jail. So I never called them.
Emotionally trapped, financially trapped, they’re afraid of the unknown, afraid to go out on their own again, don’t want to deal with a lot of family questions, fear of injury, maybe they are cheating too and have their own lies and entanglements, children, pets, family business, secrets about other things, lack of imagination, lazy.
Could you possibly do a series on Dan Schneider? He's the big brain behind a lot of very popular children's TV shows that premiered on Nickelodeon. He's currently in the spotlight for allegations of child abuse (just look at a picture of him and tell me he doesn't diddle kids).
How sad! These two videos = sadness! I was part of the population that thought "highly educated individuals move in such and such manner"... I will share something: "Life is worth nothing if I am not ready to die... so others can have what one enjoys and loves..."
This is a particularly valuable bit of education. In my case I didn't bother because I had no evidence, and I'd already found your work and GOSO. I was happy to get away and let the narcissist carry on with the other toxic familial relationships involved.
Thank you for your work, I will be looking into the co parenting package you have mentioned. A video on Jada pinket smith may be lucrative if you haven't done one yet.
It must be very easy for the narcissist to not love, one question, is the narcissist or a better question is the Ultra Narcissist a Zen Master? Beyond emotional attachment? I very interesting how rationality can be played with those 10 reasons.
My covert narc neighbour and her victim husband have moved his brother into their tiny two bed cottage and he's been there for a year now. We think she uses him by impressing him with her perfect wife mask so she has another supporter and someone her husband can't confide in. We think the arrangement suits the husband because she is unable to remove her mask all the time the brother is around and they like to sit in front of the fire drinking beer. We have to wonder how long this can go on for? They're all retired. They do have their distractions but much of their time is together in the little cottage. It's the weirdest set up but clearly one which suits them all although the pressure on the narc wife to present as perfect must be immense.
My reason is to protect the other person… I have some short lived experiences and I don’t need to prove any points to anyone. It’s really tough to just round up those experiences and say something general. In a lot of case these people are already obvious in being a narcissist and depending on how cool the narcissist, most people including me, don’t make a big deal. Another one was emotional attached to the person at least when I was younger. Another is everywhere I go so far people renting out places are narcissists and it never lasts long. I wouldn’t hurt a greater or Ultra that actually can get away with things because I just don’t feel god like to shake people’s lives and especially knowing that empaths are pretty rare and this is a big world…. Sorry trailing off. Oh another is I don’t see it as abuse. I see someone struggling with their narcissism. I see it as the same as others in groups that have to deal with the same person. I know so many narcissists and this comment could go on if I really did get into it. So many narcissists!!!!!
Good point! Like I need a community after me. I wish I could learn this subject fast enough because so far my time is so invested in just staying alive and out of trouble. I’m reviewing that experience which I had named that manipulation all ready beside the notes I took on what happened but not all of them are in there from HG Tudor‘S work. I can just picture us coming out as soldiers at the end of mastering all this.
Is it possible that even as a kid like my brother that he was manipulate and even told me that he made me cry so he can sleep at home instead sleeping with the cousin and he told me doing something so that my father give him cash using him today we both mid 20s and i think his a narcissist but an very good expert almost non recognizing it i think he is getting everytime more experience i asked him about a situation that happen 1 year ago that he provoke me for nothing and he said it have a good reason why he makes try make me unsure and if possible asking my self tell me please is he a narcissistic person like a kid like today? Need an answer, please 🙏
he provoke me and says you dont listen to me but the fact is he is not listening to me and he provoke me without any reason why? He told me 3 years ago that he is always right i asked him this week and he said but not always but i told him some examples what he did like shut at me for nothing and saying you should do this and that and this was 1 year ago but last month he said that i did 1000 bad things about him and he couldn't count any and i told him about the car and he deny the situation that he was shutting at me and provoking i should do this and that but this week i asked him and he said yes i did this cause you dont have this and make it seems reasonable why he did what he did. I would really like to hear your thoughts about it
he provoke me and says you dont listen to me but the fact is he is not listening to me and he provoke me without any reason why? He told me 3 years ago that he is always right i asked him this week and he said but not always but i told him some examples what he did like shut at me for nothing and saying you should do this and that and this was 1 year ago but last month he said that i did 1000 bad things about him and he couldn't count any and i told him about the car and he deny the situation that he was shutting at me and provoking i should do this and that but this week i asked him and he said yes i did this cause you dont have this and make it seems reasonable why he did what he did. He even was in a small argument with my sister and he was provoking him and getting really close to her and then saying you dont listen to me and so on. I would really like to hear your thoughts about it
Thank you HG. My father was hell. He would treat my sister and I with kindness and brag to people about us when we are sporting events, once we got in the car we were screamed at for one thing or another. It was confusing. I realize now that we were used as props for his facade. The memories are horrific but your work reinforces that he was the evil one and we were not at fault. I am so grateful for your array of work.
@@Athena752-r6h would you say that my brother is an narcissist what i told you? I would want to hear your opinion on that and what to be aware from my and your experiences im not talking to much with my brother is there something to be aware?
It's all very understandable but women who say they only do it for their children pay a very high price for their lie. 🤥🤫 1. If the children are very young, a cold and detached family climate creates a strong insecurity in them which could lead them to depression, panic attacks, anxiety, and even become co-dependent in adulthood. 2. If the children are already older there is the risk that they could make decisions in the mother's place and kill the father seen as the persecutor. Then they will spend years in prison serving the sentence you wanted to avoid. When you have someone who is willing to help you, put aside your pride and leave that hell or golden cage, do it for your children.
I feel all the "reasons" HG talks about apply, and everyone's situation has to be assessed individually (in spite of great commonalities of NPD behaviors). Speaking of emotional/mental abuse here, not outright physical assaults. It would help a great deal if our society's structures (therapists, courts, attorneys, law enforcement) were better educated about, aware of and prepared to handle the truth of NPD as it presents in real life and how dangerous it really is - including the common occurence of various forms of parental alienation. It's essential really. In the world as it is, you make the best choice you can with the resources available to you. Anyone who has grown up with, married, or been brainwashed by a Narc has paid a price.
@@marilynm677 The narcissist is reflected in our eyes and they act as a mirror to us, the sweeter and more sensitive you are, the more they will be, the more you are in love, the more they will be: you are looking at yourself in a mirror that reflects itself, repeats itself endlessly. All the love you think you receive is simply yours coming back. Their heart is full of holes and the love comes out, it doesn't stay like in yours which little by little fills and holds it and draws from it in moments of discouragement and is able to give it. They cannot give love because it is impossible to hold onto it if it is lost in the void. Their emptiness is filled with your extract of narcissism, which is why you will feel like a worm at the end of the relationship. I too felt useless and empty.
@@marilynm677 Society is sick and narcissistic, it will hardly admit its faults. The only weapon we have against this sick and disruptive narcissism is to believe in ourselves and distance ourselves from those who hinder us in every way. If there is no growth then there is no love. Love is like a seedling and the seedlings must remain green and lush otherwise they wither and the root dies. If a flower then appears then...
There’s also worthlessness. You can wear someone down to the point that all confidence is eroded. A weak person believes they are not capable without them.
💯
Emotional thinking is the enemy
@@amyemersonhe needs a doormat to wash, cook and clean.
@@amyemersonthank you for your kind comment. Hope you are in a much better place now.
As the daughter of a narcissistic mother, from a very early age, the family dynamics becomes NORMALISED.
We have no idea what a healthy normal relationship is supposed to look like. We see what is supposed to be normal as something we're undeserving of.
100%...my narc mother literally SCREAMING at my father in public because my sister wanted to hold HIS hand - my mother spewed the most vile lies at the top of her lungs...whilst it was shocking it wasn't new and the shocking part is the "public" bit.
We survivors then have to clean the behaviours learnt from our interactions with the narc parent - some of those behaviours being awful and out of our own pain, dysfunction and anger...❤to you Sister
💯👈🏻
@@jackimuir7393This is a big reason I hope the kids aren't real.
Being brainwashed under mind control, feeling guilty and a whole bunch of other things.
Financial abuse is huge in this house. And stalking and recording phone calls and texts.
Financial dependence, guilt, fear of being alone.
Finances is a big part of it.
And when people get older they really lose confidence. Even if financially they could afford to split it's too much to bear. You need strength which they don't possess having been rendered impotent.
Shame.
It gets better.
Hang in there!
I thought I'd never achieve financial independence and suddenly my finances flow like the Mongohela river.
Upper middle class life ain't so bad.
My sister is in her last stage of cancer and still defending her narcissistic psychopathic husband despite everything he did to her...
Can't wait to listen to this video ...
Thank you HG ❤❤️🔥
incredible
I knew a couple like this. Everything was so lovey-dovey, but only from one member of the duo. I guess it's called 'love bombing'.
My mother died 2 weeks ago. She also had cancer, as well as a narcissistic psychopath for a husband. I was forced to call him my father, even though he wasn't. She stood by his side, even while her OWN children were removed from her household, because of the abuse HE inflicted upon me and my brother. He moved her away to another town, stranded her away from her family and friends, and bought her the alcohol she drank to swallow her pain medication. She was a shadow of her former self. My mother was a beautiful woman, but her 40 years of marriage to this nightmare took a major toll on her. He was only happy when he had control of people in his company. If he felt inferior to someone, he'd either lick their boots or cut them off. I prayed all my life for my mother to leave him, but she was too afraid of him. This man is a nightmare, and he physically abused my mother, brother, every pet we ever loved, and me. She would threaten us, to prevent us getting help. My brother was killed in a car accident, and the man acted like it was nothing. We were kids, they were adults, and we walked on eggshells while nutcase was home. I feel like my mother is finally free, but she had a rough going. I take great comfort in knowing God knows what happened, no matter what mask he's wearing. God bless you and your mother.
Please give her grace. At this point, it’s not as if she can leave him and meet someone else so she has to convince herself of things that make her passing easier. It’s possible she always intended to leave, as it can take many women 30 years or more to leave their unhealthy marriages, but now with the cancer cutting short her life, she’ll never be to have the life and man she wanted. Either she accepts the brutal truth that he doesn’t care about her which is so painful or she convinces herself that he isn’t the awful human he is (think Elizabeth Edwards discovering her husband cheated and fathered a child as she battled end stage breast cancer). Please don’t tell her anything that shakes the world she has to create in her mind that eases the fact she wasted her life on this loser.
I was recently diagnosed with a rare aggressive cancer at 44. After a childhood of not knowing love, and then an adulthood of not knowing love, I always thought I’d have more time to meet the man who truly loves me and have my dream life after a life of sh-t. Well now I might not ever get my happy ending that I always wanted. I feel for your sister because she probably has self esteem or childhood trauma so she allowed herself to be abused. Also emotional abuse, as children and adults, causes stress which causes chronic inflammation in the body and is thought to be a contributor to cancer. Please be there for her, “grey rock” how much you can’t stand him, and allow her a peaceful final time on earth.
If I had tried to expose my narcissist to her family and acquaintances nobody would have believed me. She was THAT convincing. Her facade was executed brilliantly.
Your right. They wouldn’t. Because what you would say is so out there beyond anyone else’s understanding. I think they count on that.
All of my in-laws and husband are in on their shared fantasy. I am definitely excluded and shunned and tolerated with the clear message “you are low supply if you must be here.” Unspoken, of course.
I've tried with the couple I've dealt with it. And it's mind boggling how many people buy her BS when the lies are right there in front of them.
@@Armygirl4Christ Absolutely. I'm the pot stirrer because I'm not buying her ( husband's aunt)BS. They've spent years getting gaslit by her that I'm the bad guy because I told her to FO or called her out on her behavior. That's just not done in that family. She is blameless and we all deserve it. If she does something nice, we must endure her abuse for the rest of our lives, lest we offend her. They've made my husband apologize for defending me against her abuse and manipulation.
I didn't want to say bad things about her, I just waited until I could take no more then expected people to believe me when I did speak.
I was unaware of how emotionally distressed i presented as, and had reckoned without the smear campaign
Once we start to get help, the facade is weakened
that is why isolation and devaluation of anyone who might be able to provide support is part of the abuse
It's a big reason why a. she never tried to get therapy, narcs don't do that and b. Harry isn't in 'real' therapy either. The therapist would pick up on this and help him get out. Or help him with his 'mommy issues' she capitalizes on. TOW just supplies him with drugs to keep him malleable. And out of touch with reality.Isolates him. She doesn't want him to be near his brother or his friends, they'd try to advise him once again to get out of this and away from her. It's why she keeps telling him they are racist and want her to die like Diana. When she was never targeted. She had to call the paps. If she was targeted, it was nowhere near what Catherine was from what I saw.
Fear and control a Narcissist does not let you out of their sight not even in your home
My mother is STILL smearing my dead father 40 years after they split up...she's now beyond revising history and into outright lying. Luckily I have been tutored very well by HG...
As someone on the “other side “, you are absolutely spot on. I can honestly say that ALL of those reasons apply to my situation. Being a 32 year hostage in my marriage I can unequivocally say that those are all valid. I’ve tried to reach out over and over to close friends for support and they have a hard time believing. Dealing with someone who is so unhinged, who does the most outrageous things in private, treats you and your children so badly and then blames you for all of it is very difficult. Thank you for all of your insight. It really has been a beacon in a very bleak world. 🙏
For me it was the shame. My ex husband is a narcissist.
It was fear and the thought that no one would believe me, and some people refuse to see the truth even when they can see the behaviors themselves.
My adult children
My ex husband told me in 1999 that if I tried to leave him, he would destroy me and warned me he fights dirty. I had to plan carefully and it took till 2008 to enact my plan. Sadly, the Global Financial Crisis coincided with my exit so I was trapped with him till 2017. He hovered around me for 2 years after that. Though he has moved away, he still throws barbs at me - which I ignore. Freaking hard to escape the clutches of a narcissist
Social engineering is insidious in nature, explaining it is hard.
*DENIAL AND SURVIVAL!* 👀
This is my father…he will do anything to protect the narc sisters facade.
Yet again I’m seeing Harry in each one of these points
I don’t even have the energy exposed them.. karma will come
Prefect timing.
Im not sure if my father was a narcisist or a normal with strong narcistic traits, all I know is that to work colleagues and friends, he was a great chap and very funny but to my mother, he never supported or respected her the way I thought he should. My late mother hit the nail on the head. People would say to her how wonderful it must be to live with my father, my mother would say "It depends which hat he's wearing" I knew what she mean't even if others didn't. The strange thing is, when my mother died, our family just split apart, broke down. I often thougt we were a family that should never have been...perhaps there were lots of dynamics going on within our family and our mum was the lynch pin, it imploded when she passed away....
This is very sad. My family is similar. I don’t know if my father is a narcissist or just has strong narcissistic traits either. But he treats my mom like his personal maid and live in help and doesn’t show any interest in her life, talking with her, or hearing what she has to say. All he really cares about it how he looks to outsiders, strangers, nobodies. She’s never known real love. They are late 70s and I think he might outlive her. So she’ll never know what life is like with someone who loves her, or not having that albatross around her neck. If she passes first, I believe the family might disintegrate as well, I certainly would never visit my father (and he’s never cared about seeing me or talking to me) and my brother mainly only visits them so she can see the grandkids which she loves. I don’t even know why he got married and had kids since he surely doesn’t love my mom and I don’t think he even loves his kids. I’m sorry for the loss of your mom.
@@VeganLife-mn1jp I can see the similarities here, it's a very difficult situation. We loved our mother very much and dad did not like it when she got the sttention. One of the last things my mum did before she died was rip up her wedding photos, she passed away hating my father and regretting that she stayed with him. I'm sorry to say such things as you care for your mum very much, just love and support her as much as you can, I'm sure you do that anyway. I hope that fate brings rhe best outcome in this situation for your mum.....
When I left my narc husband, the first thing he did was write out a list of monthly bills/accounts and expenditures which he fully expected me to hand over every month from the date I left, even when I wasn’t there to run them up. That included the monthly repayment on the car purchased in his name. He said that if I came back, it would all be forgotten and I didn’t have to worry because he hadn’t told anybody that I had left. He got my daughters to phone me all the time to get me back. He also said everything would be different and better for me.
I hope you never went back
Never go back, when you leave you create a narc injury within the offender. (No mater how adult and kindly you left) it injures their fragile wounded ego of shame and inadequacy that all narcs feel. When a person goes back, they are setting themselves up for the final kill.. believe them the first time, when they showed you who they were. When the victim returns, a Narc thinks it’s fair game and open season on their victim. They knew who they were and what they were capable of and decided to take it all on.. I say run, don’t walk. May the peace of the lord be with all unsuspecting victims of these vile meat suits.
Intriguing, HG. Thank you for advance notifications & looking forward to this 🤍
A very good topic for his consider 👍🏼
The way I view the NPD is this.As we mature most of us leave their inner child behind and morph into an adult.The NPD is a dichotomy says one thing but does another.He is a full grown male who refuses to allow his inner child to fade away. This binding produces temper tantrums, tears and tiaras and a great propensity to strike first and discard first because of lack of love in childhood.He now has an insatiable need to be loved by anyone and the anyone will be tested to their limits to see if they will leave them.They want someone who will stay forever and never abandon them but if they stay, they are seen as weak.This is a man living with double standards.Living partly as a dominant male and partly as a traumatized child.He is Co dependant and out of control at times but hides it very well.The only time he tells on himself is when he puts pen to paper which is cathartic for him and enlightening for the Empaths.
We do it unknowingly. All the confusion, memory loss and fight or flight is in constant play. When kids are involved, we are maintaining our sanity.
😲Yes, You are their prisoner until you have the courage to leave, a prisioner is afraid of the multitued of reprecussions. Don't tell them you're leaving.. make a safe plan... and get out.🥺
Yes. It‘s complicated. But it can be done. And the peaceful life that follows is worth the separation.
Because after many trials to get help No one took us seriously or helped us!
There is a part of them that do pull it off when at public events. They hold hands, she looks at him lovingly. What is that about? Is she just faking it? I know you've probably covered this, but she does a great job of faking it.
@@nannerlchanel5045lmao
It's not lovingly look she has a look of content
My ex has been with a narcissist for 21 years and she shows how great he is on facebook. I hate that she is going through this but not something I can do about it.
This is a particularly educational video. Number six and nine resonate with me. I have had the displeasure of several narcissists and/or people with a high degree of narcissism in my life. Perhaps I am a narcissist, but it is never too difficult for me to jettison toxic people from my life, the exception being the matrinarc. Reason number six. It is difficult to explain the abuse, and it is impossible for many people to believe. Society in general does not or cannot believe a mother would destroy her own child. Reason number nine. Trying to explain the abuse to others does make one appear crazy. I was 50 years old before I had had enough abuse to GOSO. Twelve years "clean" now. There are people who do look down on me for cutting the matrinarc out of my life. Oh well.
Thank you HG. I am listening. Best wishes to all the narc survivors out there. Take care.
Looking forward to this one!!
Live authentic to your own self.
I was just wanting more information on this topic-great timing :)
Maybe because they like to complain every single day?🤨
1. Repetition of familiar behavioral patterns
2. Distorted vision of reality
3. Burden of couple problems
4. Emotional addiction
5. Financial dependence
6. Social isolation
7. Depression/anxiety
8. Emotional vulnerability
9. Overestimation of the partner
10. Underestimation of oneself
Let me guess, I got them all wrong.😆😯🙄
Shall I add more to your list 😎😂
Brilliant - God Bless You !
@@realitywinner7582 Thank you, God bless you too
All of those reasons are true. It is hard to look at the facts and view the relationship as it is: abusive, destructive, a living hell.
The moment you choose to separate it might get worse.
But in the end with the help you can be free.
The narc however will try to destroy you. Good lawyers and a support system are crucial.
I've exposed the somatic narcissist I've been dealing with several times, but he has a huge fan club of supporters and it's drawn them in closer I believe
side note: I have BPD and I'm on Disability for my mental health so he can easily tell everyone I'm a "crazy obsessed stalker", even though he's been the one stalking me for the past 2 years!
Three places to expose a narcissist: 1. Police 2. Court 3. Mental health professionals
When the police got involved I was the one who got the ASBO warning. Our solicitor was a wet willy whereas her solicitor was her friend, a fellow narcissist and a bitch. I ended up being the one called crazy. It's all ended well. We have after 2 years got them to cooperate with a problem over the deeds so we can sell our house but only because they pissed off our solicitor to such an extent that he finally got tough with them. He's turned out to be another narc! They're absolutely everywhere.
The police told me: we can not act on people for having different values…
@@OnsKleinGezinnetje bravo for trying!
@@sarahwagland1559Mine was friends with cops or said he was. He said if I called the cops, he'd punch himself in the face and get a black eye then tell them I did it and I'd go to jail. So I never called them.
Why try to expose a narcissist? That’s emotional thinking. When you know, you go. Simple. 😊
Well said, about time💕🧚♀️🍄⚜️
Bern there, done that way to many times
Emotionally trapped, financially trapped, they’re afraid of the unknown, afraid to go out on their own again, don’t want to deal with a lot of family questions, fear of injury, maybe they are cheating too and have their own lies and entanglements, children, pets, family business, secrets about other things, lack of imagination, lazy.
Cowardly.
Excellent info
Could you possibly do a series on Dan Schneider? He's the big brain behind a lot of very popular children's TV shows that premiered on Nickelodeon. He's currently in the spotlight for allegations of child abuse (just look at a picture of him and tell me he doesn't diddle kids).
Very Informative. Thank You HG
Good list. Thanks HG Bottom line was #2
How sad! These two videos = sadness! I was part of the population that thought "highly educated individuals move in such and such manner"... I will share something: "Life is worth nothing if I am not ready to die... so others can have what one enjoys and loves..."
Hello HG❤
YES! HG. 😱 Perfect.
This is a particularly valuable bit of education. In my case I didn't bother because I had no evidence, and I'd already found your work and GOSO. I was happy to get away and let the narcissist carry on with the other toxic familial relationships involved.
All true 😅
Thank you for your work, I will be looking into the co parenting package you have mentioned. A video on Jada pinket smith may be lucrative if you haven't done one yet.
He's done many on her
I feel like I’m at the theatres.
It's called kick a person when they're down.
Your welcome; their reply
yes, it happens, it's obvious
It must be very easy for the narcissist to not love, one question, is the narcissist or a better question is the Ultra Narcissist a Zen Master? Beyond emotional attachment?
I very interesting how rationality can be played with those 10 reasons.
No, far far from it friend
My covert narc neighbour and her victim husband have moved his brother into their tiny two bed cottage and he's been there for a year now. We think she uses him by impressing him with her perfect wife mask so she has another supporter and someone her husband can't confide in. We think the arrangement suits the husband because she is unable to remove her mask all the time the brother is around and they like to sit in front of the fire drinking beer. We have to wonder how long this can go on for? They're all retired. They do have their distractions but much of their time is together in the little cottage. It's the weirdest set up but clearly one which suits them all although the pressure on the narc wife to present as perfect must be immense.
Triangulation perhaps? or inevitably?
My reason is to protect the other person… I have some short lived experiences and I don’t need to prove any points to anyone.
It’s really tough to just round up those experiences and say something general.
In a lot of case these people are already obvious in being a narcissist and depending on how cool the narcissist, most people including me, don’t make a big deal.
Another one was emotional attached to the person at least when I was younger.
Another is everywhere I go so far people renting out places are narcissists and it never lasts long.
I wouldn’t hurt a greater or Ultra that actually can get away with things because I just don’t feel god like to shake people’s lives and especially knowing that empaths are pretty rare and this is a big world…. Sorry trailing off.
Oh another is I don’t see it as abuse. I see someone struggling with their narcissism.
I see it as the same as others in groups that have to deal with the same person.
I know so many narcissists and this comment could go on if I really did get into it.
So many narcissists!!!!!
Your need to protect the person is because you need to protect yourself.
Good point! Like I need a community after me.
I wish I could learn this subject fast enough because so far my time is so invested in just staying alive and out of trouble.
I’m reviewing that experience which I had named that manipulation all ready beside the notes I took on what happened but not all of them are in there from HG Tudor‘S work.
I can just picture us coming out as soldiers at the end of mastering all this.
Is it possible that even as a kid like my brother that he was manipulate and even told me that he made me cry so he can sleep at home instead sleeping with the cousin and he told me doing something so that my father give him cash using him today we both mid 20s and i think his a narcissist but an very good expert almost non recognizing it i think he is getting everytime more experience i asked him about a situation that happen 1 year ago that he provoke me for nothing and he said it have a good reason why he makes try make me unsure and if possible asking my self tell me please is he a narcissistic person like a kid like today? Need an answer, please 🙏
he provoke me and says you dont listen to me but the fact is he is not listening to me and he provoke me without any reason why? He told me 3 years ago that he is always right i asked him this week and he said but not always but i told him some examples what he did like shut at me for nothing and saying you should do this and that and this was 1 year ago but last month he said that i did 1000 bad things about him and he couldn't count any and i told him about the car and he deny the situation that he was shutting at me and provoking i should do this and that but this week i asked him and he said yes i did this cause you dont have this and make it seems reasonable why he did what he did. I would really like to hear your thoughts about it
he provoke me and says you dont listen to me but the fact is he is not listening to me and he provoke me without any reason why? He told me 3 years ago that he is always right i asked him this week and he said but not always but i told him some examples what he did like shut at me for nothing and saying you should do this and that and this was 1 year ago but last month he said that i did 1000 bad things about him and he couldn't count any and i told him about the car and he deny the situation that he was shutting at me and provoking i should do this and that but this week i asked him and he said yes i did this cause you dont have this and make it seems reasonable why he did what he did. He even was in a small argument with my sister and he was provoking him and getting really close to her and then saying you dont listen to me and so on. I would really like to hear your thoughts about it
Thank you HG.
My father was hell. He would treat my sister and I with kindness and brag to people about us when we are sporting events, once we got in the car we were screamed at for one thing or another. It was confusing. I realize now that we were used as props for his facade. The memories are horrific but your work reinforces that he was the evil one and we were not at fault.
I am so grateful for your array of work.
@@Athena752-r6h thanks for sharing this and im sorry for what happen to you we gotta stay hard and not giving up.
@@Athena752-r6h would you say that my brother is an narcissist what i told you? I would want to hear your opinion on that and what to be aware from my and your experiences im not talking to much with my brother is there something to be aware?
It's all very understandable but women who say they only do it for their children pay a very high price for their lie. 🤥🤫
1. If the children are very young, a cold and detached family climate creates a strong insecurity in them which could lead them to depression,
panic attacks, anxiety, and even become co-dependent in adulthood.
2. If the children are already older there is the risk that they could make decisions in the mother's place and kill the father seen as the persecutor. Then they will spend years in prison serving the sentence you wanted to avoid.
When you have someone who is willing to help you, put aside your pride and leave that hell or golden cage, do it for your children.
I feel all the "reasons" HG talks about apply, and everyone's situation has to be assessed individually (in spite of great commonalities of NPD behaviors). Speaking of emotional/mental abuse here, not outright physical assaults. It would help a great deal if our society's structures (therapists, courts, attorneys, law enforcement) were better educated about, aware of and prepared to handle the truth of NPD as it presents in real life and how dangerous it really is - including the common occurence of various forms of parental alienation. It's essential really. In the world as it is, you make the best choice you can with the resources available to you. Anyone who has grown up with, married, or been brainwashed by a Narc has paid a price.
@@marilynm677 The narcissist is reflected in our eyes and they act as a mirror to us, the sweeter and more sensitive you are, the more they will be, the more you are in love, the more they will be: you are looking at yourself in a mirror that reflects itself, repeats itself endlessly. All the love you think you receive is simply yours coming back. Their heart is full of holes and the love comes out, it doesn't stay like in yours which little by little fills and holds it and draws from it in moments of discouragement and is able to give it. They cannot give love because it is impossible to hold onto it if it is lost in the void. Their emptiness is filled with your extract of narcissism, which is why you will feel like a worm at the end of the relationship.
I too felt useless and empty.
@@marilynm677 Society is sick and narcissistic, it will hardly admit its faults. The only weapon we have against this sick and disruptive narcissism is to believe in ourselves and distance ourselves from those who hinder us in every way. If there is no growth then there is no love. Love is like a seedling and the seedlings must remain green and lush otherwise they wither and the root dies. If a flower then appears then...
In Spanish please