@@Oceansgreen he took me out for a $300 dinner for my birthday, hardly talked. He stayed on his phone all through the dinner playing casino and candy crush. I was so hurt. Now unthinkable boredom. I'm out. He is dead to me.
Constantly disappeared. I ignored it and didn’t chase as I started matching his energy but I literally couldn’t wait for him to contact me again which he always did but only because I allowed it. There was no depth to the relationship only my emotional depth of investment. I was in a non reciprocal transactional relationship. So I’m gone. I’m done. I get it. It was all a lie. That’s it at the end of the day. The door is slammed shut and bolted FOREVER. I don’t want him back. I’m trauma bonded but determined to heal, grow and move on without him. I don’t need him. He needed me.
This is exactly how it is. Hang in there. The trauma bond will dissipate. Especially when you move on and get into “normal” again with a good person. I’m living proof.
That is a very accurate description of what has happened to me. No depth on his part, but I was emotionally invested in him and our relationship. I’ve finally gotten to the point I don’t miss him as I have accepted that he never truly loved me or cared about me. It was all about him and what he could get from me. 😣That makes me sad, but not worth the pain of ever having him back in my life! 💪🏼
@@Zoeybelle13 acceptance is a good thing then being indifferent. I’m not quite there with the indifference but I’ll get there in time. Stay strong 💪 we got this
I think my narc ex husband stayed with me because of our sexual relationship! Once that dwindled out… so did he…I was discarded after 37 years of marriage, that’s how heartless and nasty narcissists are… no feelings whatsoever.
@@GardenPotHealing is a process. I divorced in October. I realized he was a narcissist in 2017. I had to own up to the reactive abuse and my part. Understanding why I didn’t leave earlier. But it’s all God’s timing. Glad you’re out hope you have a good support system. God is restoring my mind and healing my heart. 🙏🏻
Mine rears his ugly head every couple of years when he's alone and desperate for attention. I'm the one that got away...with my sanity, family, job and bank account still in tact...and he really hopes to get another shot at destroying me.
Yoooo so true, 2 months no contact and im sure this is whats coming up next for me because my life has gotten nothing but better without having to carry the deadweight of the ex
You’re not stupid ! We are humans , and that just shows that you’re a normal person , just narcissistic people can change a “partner” every month and not feel nothing , but for us is very hard to forget because we allow ourselves to feel this , so no you’re not stupid or weak for still think about them , my therapist teach me , if you still think about him it’s ok , don’t rush your self give you self time to miss him , I can assure you that you will fell much better and be patient with your self is gonna take time , specially if you was deep inlove with him in the past
Yep, coverts seem to loose interest after the love bombing phase (from sweetheart to ghost). When you start loosing your mind over their avoidance they remain silent, and the moment you move on they sneak back in. In my case I had a new relationship, unfortunately I was so addicted to my covert that I thought of leaving my new one. The moment I told my narc I felt responsible for the new man in my life but my feelings were still strong for him and that I was in trouble because of his behavior, he freaked out and didn’t call for days again. He could not even feel how people feel who take decisions seriously when other people’s feelings are involved! I was so shocked he didn’t even feel just a little responsibility for the messy situation I was in. I found out he was a real covert narcissist eight yrs later. His new supply underwent the post love bomb breakup almost 1 yr ago, went back to him and now he‘s at the point where he realizes „she doesn’t deserve him“….. I’m so glad I found out. Over and out, thanks to people like you.
One needs to remember that they never actually loved you. Think about that. What can the narc offer you a second time around? It seems to me that after every cycle they are worse off. In my case towards the end there was nothing - no emotional connection, no proper communication, no intimacy. I was sickly and isolated and depleted. Only a trauma bond to break free from.
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Unless the woman is a narcissist, that was my situation. I left her and for 9 months I've been watching videos on heeling from this, I hope she gets help and comes back but I can't be the one to reach out because then I'm saying "I don't care how you treated me, I will still be with you" and then the abuse continues
This video us exactly what I needed! I've been going thru this for 3 yrs now with a guy! Just got discarded for the 3rd time in 3 years. He won't stick around more than a month & he discards me!
This was so on point. I loved the writing down all the things they did to you and after writing it down still wanting to go back. I am ao grateful that God has allowed me to remember things he did to me. It's like peeling an onion. A little at a time. Thank you. 😊
My ex who’s a covert constantly had to smoke and be high to work, to go to sleep, she didn’t have friends but some reason her exes still seemed to be there. She tried to isolate me from my friends. I’m glad I’m out. Only 7 months but that depleted the heck out of me!!! I feel so sorry for her young child. She claims she had him for someone to live her. Once he makes a mistake and its not to highlight what she wants, she’s going to treat him like she’s treated everyone else, manipulative, passive aggressive, gaslighting, etc.
you're right. The "ghosting" is so you have "unfinished business", you fall into the trap of thinking that it was "such a great relationship", "such good chemistry" and you haven't even given it a real "good try". So it might have worked, right? So, that's why you give it another go. Because otherwise - the uncertainty of not knowing whether it would have worked or whether you just let the best relationship of your life go too soon this uncertainty would be hunting you for the rest of your life. that's why you give in where you shouldn't. All the red flags that you saw during the time of being together, all the small events of disrespect, the U-turns, the total absence of clarification - that should make you think there's sth in the bush, you're not being served the truth and where there's smoke there's also fire - so run away!
Probably not. Hoovering in the past would have given him that assertion of control as a covert. There's shame if he were to actually see me, which he avoids by not seeing me. It's easier for him to never see me again.
Like the comment said, they only want to see you to relieve their boredom, to put their time in, so they’re not alone because they hate their own company!! If they have something going on in their lives or someone else to focus on they will not give you a second thought.
It's like asking does the warden of the prison where you were unjustly incarcerated for a crime you didn't commit, want to see you again... to give you a labor assignment 😳💥🤯🖤 (*your videos are awesome, Ben - MAHALO for all you are doing!)
@@bridgetsieger2261 Cool! I forgot the bit about how we also gotta hand over the key we used to let ourselves out... 🔑🔐✨ 😘Be WELL, sister - SO GLAD we're all here supporting each other in this community for self-loving awareness! 😻
My health is suffering, my relationships are ok as long as it is people who know me. My trust is not good with people i dont know very well. I still have self doubt, second guess myself, i was out going and confident that person needs to come back. My baddest days i have thought of not being here but i thought of my family and friends and that pulled me through. He is not going to win i will heal and be strong and confident again.
Please try to stay away from him. I ended up having a massive heart attack at only 50 years old because of 4 years of torture from my alcoholic narcissist. I'm sorry you are suffering.❤
Mine don't lol. I discarded her and she reached out a month later trying to get me to agree to be sex friends and I called her out because I knew she was seeing someone new. I was very blunt about who she is and not nice at all. She never wants to speak to me again lol.
Thank God for the truth. I left my ex 5 years ago and felt it was time for dating. Met a man and recognized the narcissistic patterns after a few months. Thanks for the clarification. After I felt the Spirit say "No," I went no contact, but it's been a mental struggle.
No Way Will I Even Consider Dating Lol! 59 In September, Finally EScaped 7 1/2 Years Of Abuse, Still Moving Stuff But Mentally And EMotionally Gone Loving Being Alone It Will Have To Be A HUGE Divine Thing For AnyOne To Be Able To Get Close,.. I Pray you Find your WonderFull Match 😊
I tried leaving many times , it was almost impossible because I was being held against my will by women and children sex trafficking. I recently escaped. Very dangerous
You are so right on so many levels. I left many times I returned many times. Each time, it gets easier to live my life without the narc. It's like a drug. Thank you for this advice, brain opener per say, my heart does most of the thinking vs. facts and logic.🎉 I needed this today.
After listening to several if your videos, Ben.... I've learned a lot and its helped get over a narcissistic relationship, thank you. I have one question after hearing all the narcissistic goes through, is it exhausting ? Keeping up with the lies, the "compartments", the image, everything It just sounds exhausting
I needed to hear that. I kind of realize, that It's not him I want back, it's that I miss seeing a love interest, someone to talk to. That's the powerful thing. He was playing a game of lies and deception. Not what I need.
@emmaculatemenzeiwa That's a very insightful observation. Yes it is definitely that unquie, through to the soul pain that I was addicted to but I definitely am aware ,I wouldn't survive it again
I was stuck in the cycle for 5 years on off etc when he got with someone else that was it I blocked him on everything!! Was stuck in major trauma bond!! Had to do cold turkey!!
My ex narc contacted me by email 4 days ago asking how I was and to give my dog a kiss from him ffs. THEN told me he’s had a cancer cut off his face. I said sorry for that and he told me he doesn’t want me to feel sorry or to care about him 🤷♀️. He sent pics of his face after surgery. Apparently I didn’t say what he wanted to hear because within seconds I was being called a grub, he hopes he hurt me in every possible way, I’m a f@@ked up piece of shit ect ect. Next day asking how I was again , I said I’m going great , got a new car ect ect. He said oh that’s great . Oh that must have really hurt his pathetic ego 🤣🤣🤣.
Mine remained “friends” so I never asked her about where she was and what she doing when. So she could pretend to still be a good person. That cared. She didn’t and isn’t.
Mother is a narcissist. She turns up every 5 years after completely ignoring me just to make sure that I am still alone ( ie unwed, no boyfriend etc) & still "poor" ie. I have very little $$ & very few possessions. She is mean, rude & whining about her life & always still blamed me for he bad decisions. She leaves satisfied, believing that I'm unhappy & miserable like her ! I am not any of those things of course but....... She doesn't need to know that !
No question. After 40 years I was abandoned 2600 miles from home at Christmas. He was so covert that I was happy to find out what he really was like. He didn’t want the kids thinking he was what he is and I was convenient. He had to put me in my place and he knew what he was doing. He praised cognitive dissonance like I didn’t know. So when I left it was a shock I planned to prevent his tricks. Although he had already gotten rid of friends and family
I am a man. And I had a narcissistic friend, who, five years ago, mesmerized me and traumabonded me in order to make me his brother in law and then make me follow islam. When I was traumabonded, my health and finances took a great hit. Reverse hoovering took place so many times. And finally, after he insulted me last year, I went no contact.
Yes I experience the reverse Hoover. Worst feeling ever. But I think I gave him the shameful truth and then blocked him. It’s been over a year and a half of no contact. This was too much for me until I realized what he was doing. You have described it to a “T”. Thank you. Helps me to not feel so guilty about my behavior.
@teamgert, Yours might be borderline personality disordered or half narcissist/ psychopath ( I don’t call them just narcissist. I add psychopath in with it because they are a tad bit sadistic too, the ones that we all complain about ) and half borderline or the two disorders existing together. Once a Borderline is done with you, they’re done with you.
@@bonnielee316 it would seem that way. Therapist said “without him coming to sessions, I can’t diagnose him. But based on what you’ve told me, he fits cluster b personality disorder”
Expect another Hoover at some point. 99% of those damaged goods will try to Hoover you. My ex narc has been trying for 14 years with ZERO luck. He’s married, has a child and still persists. They will go quiet for a while or even years then out of nowhere they will surface.
Finally i stopped feeling drawn by emotions to his person, something like my trauma bond is cutting off him.. but the strange thing in that is, i felt him and knew, what he is up to and when he was calling in his thoughts for me.. when i found out he is not longer with his previous supply and got three others to take advantage of them, and he still driving near my house.. watching me... It upseted me, when i saw him driving, but after that i was completely recovered from his abuse. Now im moving on with my life more and more and more... And feel happier every day without even noticing him in my life . I still need to overcome social anxiety after he left me for his previous supply almost 2 and half yeras ago... I started photography and that hobby is challenging, bc i will have to go among the crown and make shots... Hope will be therapeutic for me and i will be ok 🎉 Bless you Ben
If a person wants to go even deeper into the psychology behind the why s for all of us , I highly recommend the book "The Nature Of Personal Reality " by Jane Roberts /one of the best Seth books ever in getting down to examining your belief systems that are adopted by you from a very young age , and realizing which ones you have accepted and then learning that you can indeed change those and replace them with healthy belief systems . This is getting to the root belief , and all the other beliefs that have clung onto that original false belief . It s about rewiring the brain , because it has been stuck in a rut of negative patterning throughout ones life .
Thanks for sharing. I will definitely read it. Both my parents are Narcissists and they were very violent towards me. And just till a few months ago I was very scared of them even at the age of 40. Same is the case with my narcissistic partner of 14 years. He is very violent. Now I walked away from him a few months ago and m in no contact. Trying to heal myself from my parents' and partner's abuse. Now my partner is trying to get back in touch with me and threatening me with all kinds of dire consequences like murder. M very scared that he will land up on my door any moment now.
After 16 years he left he came 2 months later now passed 3 months and lookslike not he keeps msg me when i go no contact so i end up breaking it.He is in another country but he is not allowing me to heal he says he is with new supply but always stressing me
The only reason I believe is that their current supply is either not supplying, is discarding them or they are bored and need other supply attention 🙄🙄🙄
Very supportive and constructive post, Ben! Just went full no contact 4 days ago, so adding this post to my daily reminders. As much as it hurts the fog lifting is the best feeling in a very long while! Thank you 😊
I’m glad that I found your page, as it is exactly what I’ve been through & going through right now. One MAJOR difference, is that I’m a man, being destroyed by my wife. We’ve been together for 22 years, while being married for 15 of those years. Seems everything was fine, until the last 2 years. This is when the monster has came out. We have 3 kids together & I don’t want to split our family apart, but I’m lost!!
Sounds Like It Could Be Horrible periMenoPause Or Full Blown MenoPause If Its Just Now Showing Up If That Could Be It, Get her Pro-gest Which Is A Progesterone Cream Can Really Help
@@SherryONeill Declining hormones destroy long term relationships and men can’t relate. Woman have it hard in that way. Everything changes, feels different, seems like mental illness. I can’t imagine how much going to an HRT doctor and getting bloodwork done ( totally missing hormones). Once I got my prescription, and rubbed it in, it is like I regained my life back. Sex mice comes back. Joy returns. Please get a hormones level blood test! I promise it will make positive changes be patient ❤️
My intentions with my wife were sincere. You keep saying “he” I know about stuck. I come home from work and get stuck. Yes, she’s done that. Kept me going until it was in her favor to hang up the gloves. If we call it quits, she calls me the next morning balling saying I can’t do this without you. Don’t block my number. I don’t… it was only for her to hear me tell her not to block my number. I didn’t have the heart. She blocked mine during our conversation. I wouldn’t be able to sleep being so cold. She did just to hurt me
Nope, don't think I have to concern myself with them coming back into my life, it appears they have moved on and proud of it, and they bought another house. I don't think someone discards their wife and goes and buys another house to come back.....and they spent a pretty penny on their new house
my ex narcissist friend was so lame that she wouldn't even keep up a normal conversation once a week to catch up. The bread crumbling was so bad that not even 12 years of good nostalgia couldn't excuse the disrespect she tried to do to me. Like, it was obviously intentional especially when she knew I didn't like that and tried to talk it out with her in the past and when I tried to detox so her bs wouldn't get to me anymore, she went around to smear me. Now I just feel repulsed by her
My sons dad pushes and pulls me, we have good times short times with our 1 year old then a few days later he starts a fight, then we don’t speak for a few days sometimes a week, and he knows I’m confused and I will text him asking if he’s ok and I get nothing back.. our son had surgery and he didn’t ask how our son was, not even the next day, that hurt. Then he will say the phone works both ways…
One question that strikes me: my mom had npd, all up until the end of her life, she passed away 6 months ago. I’m her only daughter and surely know how rigid and delusional this disorder is. How can you be so insightful? She could never do that, her defenses were just too strong. How can you empathise and understand the other side like you do? It puzzles me.
I am only 1 of 10,000 of course she does not miss me. I am just glad I dumped her after 5 weeks. She said I was the best she ever had. LOL I took the best of me and left forever.🤣🤣🤣
I realized after several episodes of being treated like crap he didn’t want to share our son when he came to visit. He would go back to okay after our kid left. I raised our kid but now I’m not fit to even talk to. My trust is gone. 10 years of lies and smears resulted in narcissist being the one and only parent. My therapists tell me there’s nothing I can do. So I watch Ben.
yeah it was crazy because i left him filed for divorce and asked to see him to give him the final divorce paper work because we put my adress i also apologized for some things i have done minor things so i can start my life w no regrets fresh and without any unsaid things and he switched the whole story he told me i decided we cant be together is my decision u deserve better i was shocked lol but honestly i just said my intentions was never to get bk with u he said same here 😳 he just wanted to say it was mutual he said yeah so our agreement is we r done lol i didnt fight him anymore lol i said yeah
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We don't live together, but i would go to his place, and work my but off cleaning and cooking, taking care of his dad. He would never pay me to help. He would take me out to eat, or the movies. Ect... Thats how he paid me. Or sex.
Sounds like my ex. She has to have total control , and the very last word on everything. Let alone she has to be right , no one else has ever been through what’s she’s going through or went through , it’s everyone else’s fault , and she will run from any kind of conflict. She can’t handle criticism , and hates to be confronted on anything she’s done. In which is messed up cause she would cheat , lie , deceive , and use everyone she’s ever known. She plays the silent treatment as punishment. She ignores. She withholds intimacy , affection , and sex. And everything was all my fault or I like to fight and argue would I would tell her how I feel , or confront her on things that would happen. No more taking the blame for a relationship that I never got anything back from her anyway. No more money being given to . No more free rent . No more losing everything I’ve worked to achieve. Day 7 going on 8 of no contact , and these videos have helped me understand a lot of what I went through for a year and a half. So thank you , and thank you for those in the comments for your stories and comments in your situation. It’s really helped me get to where I’m at right now. I just have to stay here in my lane and keep driving.
Everything you went through is exactly what I went through with my ex. The day she left me opened up my eyes. Looking back I never was the problem and I tried everything to maintain our relationship in hoping she would change. She never did and ended our relationship. I been doing much better without her now and have improved since then. If she comes back that’s my decision to make but rest assured the feelings won’t be the same. It will be harder for her to gain my respect and trust back. Keep your head up👍
@@mikedouangchanh9969 it’s definitely been a hard life lesson , but hey , here I am almost 3 months no contact , and life has been better. Don’t get me wrong , I still sit back and wonder if I’ll hear from her again , but I think the universe has other plans . Maybe it’s gods way of showing us that’s not what love is supposed to be like.
@@cincyfanjunglecity9871 definitely a hard lesson. What kills me and I’m sure most men can attest to this is that we miss the intimacy with our ex. The thought of her smashing random dudes or her new supply is what goes through my mind sometimes and it kills me. The fact that another man is laying next to her where you once was hurts. I know people say best way to get over your ex is to hook up with other woman but it ain’t that easy for us men unless your that top 1% but for an average looking guy it’s hard. Just gotta keep working on myself and I’m sure the universe has plans for me.
@@mikedouangchanh9969 yeah bro you definitely brought up some good points. I think about that daily with my ex. If she’s moved on , or if she’s even with anyone else right now cause she sure as hell hasn’t tried reaching out. And yeah it is hard as hell for us men. Especially these days and the older that you get. Shit I’m 43 and the dating world has changed drastically. I can also say at first I felt really good about going no contact , but the longer it has gotten I feel like I’m missing her a lot more. I have to remind myself of how bad it was , and that includes the cheating that she still won’t admit to but everyone and their brother knows it happened. Just remind yourself of everything you went through bro and keep those memories fresh when you go through those moments. As for moving on , I hope I can find someone when the time is right , but it may be too soon. If I was to get with a good girl right now , then I’d be the bad guy cause of lingering feelings from this toxic shit. Ya know what I mean
@@cincyfanjunglecity9871 I totally agree with this bro. It’s better to go no contact at this point. The whole point of no contact is to not get your ex back but allow you to work on yourself. Be a better version of you cause by doing this your taking care yourself, you’re leveling up and making all these changes. You have to show her that you’re the winner out of this and that your the prize and she’s not. Woman can sense energy and there an always paying attention. When they see you doing better it drives them crazy and eventually she may come back. When she does you have to make that decision but don’t be some tree branch she can hang onto. When woman can’t get what they want or they’re not happy cause it’s not working out with their new supply they will try to reach out and come back. If not that’s great you continue living your best life drama free. This is a lot to say but I’m in the same boat and I’m sure a lot of men are too. Stay strong king👑
I remember after multiple discards, being a stay at home dad, I came back and was taking care of the place. While sweeping and mopping she said “I miss that” 🚩🚩🚩
You have my respect as a stay-at-home dad... super important job! I did that myself for 12 years after losing my airline job due to the 9/11 terrorist attacks. My 3 boys are young adults now and doing great things. Got rid of my narcissist, lying, cheating, bitter wife after 26 years of marriage (during which she had multiple extramarital affairs). I have excellent relationships with my boys, but they know that their mom is a narcissist and keep her at a distance due to her crazy behavior.
My ex narc is stalking me in so many weird ways🤦🏽♀️ fake Facebook accounts, he’s somehow managed to figure out how to message me appearing to be someone else… he’s on a lot of drugs (lsd being one) it feels like the drugs have melted his narcissistic mind to a puddle 🥺
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The area of psychology that deals with this is called object relations. They have such a messed up perception of themselves, viewing themselves as an object, that they view others like that too.
Wow, Ben! Thanks so much for sharing this. My ex-narc hoovered me two days ago and I fell for it. He asked me to pick up some weed from him and meet him at his hotel room and I went for it. He offered to take me out to dinner but he didn't, he played possum all night and stonewalled when I asked him about his past. The next day he went back to his silent treatment and disappeared. He's not answering my text and calls 😒. Tf, Ben?! I was doing so well for a month and ten days just a call undid all my progress. Now back in spin cycle. The whiplash feelings. I told him he's like a heroine addiction. I never tried heroine but I crave him like a nasty drug.
Mine would scream I tried to control him, that I was the toxic one. No one has ever said that to me before. Now I’m blocked and ghosted everywhere. Was a hard pill to swallow that he used my cancer as a way for others to see him as great. He doesn’t even call, as a normal human, to just say “how’s your health?” Our dog we adopted after he cheated-I chose to stay-he told his ex I was delusional and using his dog to get back w him. It’s all how I hurt him. What “I” did. It ended with “I just don’t feel like I used to. I’m sorry”. Then a year of “let me clear my head”. I went to therapy to see my part and I was mocked. He promised to come and never did. Tattoos were more important. The hardest part he’s a nurse. It’s about him. No matter how many points I can say or show I was true and 💯 in love-he won’t fight. I’m blocked.
My ex narc rang me whilst with his new gf, it was weird triangulation , blatantly control and humiliating me. I swiftly hung up. He's using her now to validate his insecurities in front of me they kind of ganged up on me and whilst he gaslighted me she supported his abuse. He used me, he's using her (he targets single mums, mummy issues). We're both either being used or have been used. We're basically the same in his eyes just a toy to use.
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Narcissists are actually very boring people, correct no depth, so superficial
Facts ;)
So true
Yes they are, don’t want holidays, nights out, to go for meals, to go to the pictures etc. they are just plain boring.
@@Oceansgreen he took me out for a $300 dinner for my birthday, hardly talked. He stayed on his phone all through the dinner playing casino and candy crush. I was so hurt. Now unthinkable boredom. I'm out. He is dead to me.
Who cares? That's like asking: "Does a parasite want to feed on me again?"
Mainly ppl trapped in a trauma bond care until they learn how to heal.
Yes
How do we let go
Wow. That’s a great analogy ❤
That part 💯
Constantly disappeared. I ignored it and didn’t chase as I started matching his energy but I literally couldn’t wait for him to contact me again which he always did but only because I allowed it. There was no depth to the relationship only my emotional depth of investment. I was in a non reciprocal transactional relationship. So I’m gone. I’m done. I get it. It was all a lie. That’s it at the end of the day. The door is slammed shut and bolted FOREVER. I don’t want him back. I’m trauma bonded but determined to heal, grow and move on without him. I don’t need him. He needed me.
This is exactly how it is. Hang in there. The trauma bond will dissipate. Especially when you move on and get into “normal” again with a good person. I’m living proof.
Thank you so much for the reassurance. 😊 I’m 4 months no contact so it’s still fairly early days in my healing journey. 💔❤️🩹
That is a very accurate description of what has happened to me. No depth on his part, but I was emotionally invested in him and our relationship. I’ve finally gotten to the point I don’t miss him as I have accepted that he never truly loved me or cared about me. It was all about him and what he could get from me. 😣That makes me sad, but not worth the pain of ever having him back in my life! 💪🏼
@@Zoeybelle13 acceptance is a good thing then being indifferent. I’m not quite there with the indifference but I’ll get there in time. Stay strong 💪 we got this
We’re in this together, this is my current situation 😢❤… we can do it and I’m so happy that you’re determined to heal !.
They want to see you cuz they're bored
Yep
Ha! Simple and accurate👍🏻
When they get bored of the new supply or old retread supply. Or the present suplly is getting dry. Back to use you again lol
Bingo
Exactly he used to verbally abuse me when he was bored and he admitted he trolls online because he's bored....how pathetic and sad.
Like Ben said
They don’t love you…they love how they feel when they’re with you or love what you do for them.
Truth
Absolutely! 😟
I think my narc ex husband stayed with me because of our sexual relationship! Once that dwindled out… so did he…I was discarded after 37 years of marriage, that’s how heartless and nasty narcissists are… no feelings whatsoever.
TRUTH! They chase us like fools but once we are there they don’t know what to do because is all so superficial
The trauma bond is broken when you are indifferent and completely removed from their influence 😊
Cheatcode:
Stop caring if they want to see you. Live your life.
Amen .. best advice! Just left mine this week after 30 yrs of marriage.. he gets served next week ..I feel like I can breathe freely again ALREADY ❤
@@GardenPotHealing is a process. I divorced in October. I realized he was a narcissist in 2017. I had to own up to the reactive abuse and my part. Understanding why I didn’t leave earlier. But it’s all God’s timing. Glad you’re out hope you have a good support system. God is restoring my mind and healing my heart. 🙏🏻
Easier said than done. 😞
I know that’s right. I don’t give a dam
🙏🏽
Mine rears his ugly head every couple of years when he's alone and desperate for attention. I'm the one that got away...with my sanity, family, job and bank account still in tact...and he really hopes to get another shot at destroying me.
Yoooo so true, 2 months no contact and im sure this is whats coming up next for me because my life has gotten nothing but better without having to carry the deadweight of the ex
Damn I needed to hear that. Thank you for shocking me out of my stupidity and narc fog of missing him!
You’re not stupid ! We are humans , and that just shows that you’re a normal person , just narcissistic people can change a “partner” every month and not feel nothing , but for us is very hard to forget because we allow ourselves to feel this , so no you’re not stupid or weak for still think about them , my therapist teach me , if you still think about him it’s ok , don’t rush your self give you self time to miss him , I can assure you that you will fell much better and be patient with your self is gonna take time , specially if you was deep inlove with him in the past
@@petterguevara6278 thank you so much for your encouraging words. I appreciate you and you kindness. 🙏
🙏
He has contacted me, after a we broke up. The only reason he contacted me was because, he saw that i was going out, haveing fun. Feeling better.
Yep, coverts seem to loose interest after the love bombing phase (from sweetheart to ghost). When you start loosing your mind over their avoidance they remain silent, and the moment you move on they sneak back in. In my case I had a new relationship, unfortunately I was so addicted to my covert that I thought of leaving my new one. The moment I told my narc I felt responsible for the new man in my life but my feelings were still strong for him and that I was in trouble because of his behavior, he freaked out and didn’t call for days again. He could not even feel how people feel who take decisions seriously when other people’s feelings are involved! I was so shocked he didn’t even feel just a little responsibility for the messy situation I was in. I found out he was a real covert narcissist eight yrs later. His new supply underwent the post love bomb breakup almost 1 yr ago, went back to him and now he‘s at the point where he realizes „she doesn’t deserve him“….. I’m so glad I found out. Over and out, thanks to people like you.
One needs to remember that they never actually loved you. Think about that. What can the narc offer you a second time around? It seems to me that after every cycle they are worse off. In my case towards the end there was nothing - no emotional connection, no proper communication, no intimacy. I was sickly and isolated and depleted. Only a trauma bond to break free from.
Hi there, I would like to invite you to our free masterclass to learn how to break free from toxic relationship - go to www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass
No they don’t care, if they cared they wouldn’t have left you to begin with. Men don’t leave women they care about.
Exactly
Unless the woman is a narcissist, that was my situation. I left her and for 9 months I've been watching videos on heeling from this, I hope she gets help and comes back but I can't be the one to reach out because then I'm saying "I don't care how you treated me, I will still be with you" and then the abuse continues
This is accurate.. leave them alone… the cycle repeats
Very true
This video us exactly what I needed! I've been going thru this for 3 yrs now with a guy! Just got discarded for the 3rd time in 3 years. He won't stick around more than a month & he discards me!
This was so on point. I loved the writing down all the things they did to you and after writing it down still wanting to go back. I am ao grateful that God has allowed me to remember things he did to me. It's like peeling an onion. A little at a time. Thank you. 😊
My ex who’s a covert constantly had to smoke and be high to work, to go to sleep, she didn’t have friends but some reason her exes still seemed to be there. She tried to isolate me from my friends. I’m glad I’m out. Only 7 months but that depleted the heck out of me!!! I feel so sorry for her young child. She claims she had him for someone to live her. Once he makes a mistake and its not to highlight what she wants, she’s going to treat him like she’s treated everyone else, manipulative, passive aggressive, gaslighting, etc.
you're right. The "ghosting" is so you have "unfinished business", you fall into the trap of thinking that it was "such a great relationship", "such good chemistry" and you haven't even given it a real "good try". So it might have worked, right?
So, that's why you give it another go.
Because otherwise - the uncertainty of not knowing whether it would have worked or whether you just let the best relationship of your life go too soon this uncertainty would be hunting you for the rest of your life. that's why you give in where you shouldn't.
All the red flags that you saw during the time of being together, all the small events of disrespect, the U-turns, the total absence of clarification - that should make you think there's sth in the bush, you're not being served the truth and where there's smoke there's also fire - so run away!
yeah, my friend commented (when he wanted to come back after a longer time): "i would ask myself: Why now??!"
Probably not. Hoovering in the past would have given him that assertion of control as a covert. There's shame if he were to actually see me, which he avoids by not seeing me. It's easier for him to never see me again.
Like the comment said, they only want to see you to relieve their boredom, to put their time in, so they’re not alone because they hate their own company!! If they have something going on in their lives or someone else to focus on they will not give you a second thought.
It's like asking does the warden of the prison where you were unjustly incarcerated for a crime you didn't commit, want to see you again... to give you a labor assignment
😳💥🤯🖤
(*your videos are awesome, Ben - MAHALO for all you are doing!)
@starcat17 That was the most amazing metaphor of narcissistic abuse… and our NARC coming back.. that I’ve ever read.
@@bridgetsieger2261 Cool! I forgot the bit about how we also gotta hand over the key we used to let ourselves out...
🔑🔐✨
😘Be WELL, sister - SO GLAD we're all here supporting each other in this community for self-loving awareness! 😻
@@starcat17 it is places like this that we can meet similar folks. Hardly ever irl.
They pretend to be your soulmate but turn into your cell mate.
They want to see you. Just stay away.
My health is suffering, my relationships are ok as long as it is people who know me. My trust is not good with people i dont know very well. I still have self doubt, second guess myself, i was out going and confident that person needs to come back. My baddest days i have thought of not being here but i thought of my family and friends and that pulled me through. He is not going to win i will heal and be strong and confident again.
💗💪🏾🙏🏾
Please try to stay away from him. I ended up having a massive heart attack at only 50 years old because of 4 years of torture from my alcoholic narcissist. I'm sorry you are suffering.❤
We can't bump into each other he moved four thousand miles away and is living in a another country.
When you make narcissists videos, make sure you mention HIM OR HER because the biggest narcs out there today are women. Thanks brother
Mine don't lol. I discarded her and she reached out a month later trying to get me to agree to be sex friends and I called her out because I knew she was seeing someone new. I was very blunt about who she is and not nice at all. She never wants to speak to me again lol.
Why discard? Who not just tell the person you don’t want to be together anymore via a healthy mature conversation?
Thank God for the truth. I left my ex 5 years ago and felt it was time for dating. Met a man and recognized the narcissistic patterns after a few months. Thanks for the clarification. After I felt the Spirit say "No," I went no contact, but it's been a mental struggle.
Yes, that happened to me too.
No Way Will I Even Consider Dating Lol!
59 In September, Finally EScaped 7 1/2 Years Of Abuse, Still Moving Stuff But Mentally And EMotionally Gone
Loving Being Alone
It Will Have To Be A HUGE Divine Thing For AnyOne To Be Able To Get Close,..
I Pray you Find your WonderFull Match 😊
I tried leaving many times , it was almost impossible because I was being held against my will by women and children sex trafficking. I recently escaped. Very dangerous
@@KathyJensen-vh2yk
May YHWH Keep you Safe
@@SherryONeill Thank you ❤️
You are so right on so many levels. I left many times I returned many times. Each time, it gets easier to live my life without the narc. It's like a drug. Thank you for this advice, brain opener per say, my heart does most of the thinking vs. facts and logic.🎉 I needed this today.
After listening to several if your videos, Ben.... I've learned a lot and its helped get over a narcissistic relationship, thank you.
I have one question after hearing all the narcissistic goes through, is it exhausting ?
Keeping up with the lies, the "compartments", the image, everything
It just sounds exhausting
Your video honesty about narcissist has helped me recover. Thank you.
Mine wants to keep me as a friend and sees nothing wrong with telling me about their trip to spend time with their new boyfriend. Total insanity.
I needed to hear that. I kind of realize, that It's not him I want back, it's that I miss seeing a love interest, someone to talk to. That's the powerful thing. He was playing a game of lies and deception. Not what I need.
I know,I should know better, but i still miss my ex narcissist. It's such an atrong pull.
Maybe you are addicted to the pain and you can't feel it any more. Becareful though
Same, My covert was more successful. Cerebral one is quite predictable, so it doesn't hit the same. I feel numb a lot tbh.
@emmaculatemenzeiwa That's a very insightful observation. Yes it is definitely that unquie, through to the soul pain that I was addicted to but I definitely am aware ,I wouldn't survive it again
If I’m honest she used sex a lot. She didn’t act like s stripper. She made it out to be love but a whole lot of it that is hard to go without.
Thank you again Ben for more clarification thank you ❤
I was stuck in the cycle for 5 years on off etc when he got with someone else that was it I blocked him on everything!! Was stuck in major trauma bond!! Had to do cold turkey!!
My ex narc contacted me by email 4 days ago asking how I was and to give my dog a kiss from him ffs. THEN told me he’s had a cancer cut off his face. I said sorry for that and he told me he doesn’t want me to feel sorry or to care about him 🤷♀️. He sent pics of his face after surgery. Apparently I didn’t say what he wanted to hear because within seconds I was being called a grub, he hopes he hurt me in every possible way, I’m a f@@ked up piece of shit ect ect.
Next day asking how I was again , I said I’m going great , got a new car ect ect. He said oh that’s great . Oh that must have really hurt his pathetic ego 🤣🤣🤣.
yep stung like a bee !!
Mine remained “friends” so I never asked her about where she was and what she doing when. So she could pretend to still be a good person. That cared. She didn’t and isn’t.
Yeah, shallow is the word.
Mother is a narcissist.
She turns up every 5 years after completely ignoring me just to make sure that I am still alone ( ie unwed, no boyfriend etc) & still "poor" ie. I have very little $$ & very few possessions.
She is mean, rude & whining about her life & always still blamed me for he bad decisions.
She leaves satisfied, believing that I'm unhappy & miserable like her !
I am not any of those things of course but.......
She doesn't need to know that !
This video resonates so freaking much
Amazing! You hit on everything I just experienced. Thank you.
No question. After 40 years I was abandoned 2600 miles from home at Christmas. He was so covert that I was happy to find out what he really was like. He didn’t want the kids thinking he was what he is and I was convenient.
He had to put me in my place and he knew what he was doing. He praised cognitive dissonance like I didn’t know. So when I left it was a shock I planned to prevent his tricks. Although he had already gotten rid of friends and family
Your explanations are one of the best I have seen. Great work!
Sir u are the truth
I am a man. And I had a narcissistic friend, who, five years ago, mesmerized me and traumabonded me in order to make me his brother in law and then make me follow islam. When I was traumabonded, my health and finances took a great hit. Reverse hoovering took place so many times. And finally, after he insulted me last year, I went no contact.
Oh, the silent treatment and the reverse Hoover…that messed with me so badly.
Yes I experience the reverse Hoover. Worst feeling ever. But I think I gave him the shameful truth and then blocked him. It’s been over a year and a half of no contact. This was too much for me until I realized what he was doing. You have described it to a “T”. Thank you. Helps me to not feel so guilty about my behavior.
Mines been gone a year and a half. No Hoover. They say it will happen. I don’t get it.
@teamgert,
Yours might be borderline personality disordered or half narcissist/ psychopath ( I don’t call them just narcissist. I add psychopath in with it because they are a tad bit sadistic too, the ones that we all complain about ) and half borderline or the two disorders existing together. Once a Borderline is done with you, they’re done with you.
@@bonnielee316 it would seem that way. Therapist said “without him coming to sessions, I can’t diagnose him. But based on what you’ve told me, he fits cluster b personality disorder”
Expect another Hoover at some point. 99% of those damaged goods will try to Hoover you. My ex narc has been trying for 14 years with ZERO luck. He’s married, has a child and still persists. They will go quiet for a while or even years then out of nowhere they will surface.
@@teamgert just wait, it will happen but I wouldn’t wish it.
Finally i stopped feeling drawn by emotions to his person, something like my trauma bond is cutting off him.. but the strange thing in that is, i felt him and knew, what he is up to and when he was calling in his thoughts for me.. when i found out he is not longer with his previous supply and got three others to take advantage of them, and he still driving near my house.. watching me...
It upseted me, when i saw him driving, but after that i was completely recovered from his abuse. Now im moving on with my life more and more and more... And feel happier every day without even noticing him in my life . I still need to overcome social anxiety after he left me for his previous supply almost 2 and half yeras ago... I started photography and that hobby is challenging, bc i will have to go among the crown and make shots... Hope will be therapeutic for me and i will be ok 🎉
Bless you Ben
If a person wants to go even deeper into the psychology behind the why s for all of us , I highly recommend the book "The Nature Of Personal Reality " by Jane Roberts /one of the best Seth books ever in getting down to examining your belief systems that are adopted by you from a very young age , and realizing which ones you have accepted and then learning that you can indeed change those and replace them with healthy belief systems . This is getting to the root belief , and all the other beliefs that have clung onto that original false belief . It s about rewiring the brain , because it has been stuck in a rut of negative patterning throughout ones life .
Thanks for sharing. I will definitely read it. Both my parents are Narcissists and they were very violent towards me. And just till a few months ago I was very scared of them even at the age of 40. Same is the case with my narcissistic partner of 14 years. He is very violent. Now I walked away from him a few months ago and m in no contact. Trying to heal myself from my parents' and partner's abuse. Now my partner is trying to get back in touch with me and threatening me with all kinds of dire consequences like murder. M very scared that he will land up on my door any moment now.
Just by merit that anyone would entertain that possibility is proof.of how addictive the cycle is.
After 16 years he left he came 2 months later now passed 3 months and lookslike not he keeps msg me when i go no contact so i end up breaking it.He is in another country but he is not allowing me to heal he says he is with new supply but always stressing me
Block him everywhere
@@thereallisa1 i can't due is son leaving with me
The only reason I believe is that their current supply is either not supplying, is discarding them or they are bored and need other supply attention 🙄🙄🙄
Thank you Ben exactly what i needed to hear right it hurts but its the truth!
This is such a powerful video! Resonates so deeply with me. Thank you 🙏
Very supportive and constructive post, Ben! Just went full no contact 4 days ago, so adding this post to my daily reminders. As much as it hurts the fog lifting is the best feeling in a very long while! Thank you 😊
@@stephaniewilsonviolin thank you ❤️
I’m glad that I found your page, as it is exactly what I’ve been through & going through right now.
One MAJOR difference, is that I’m a man, being destroyed by my wife.
We’ve been together for 22 years, while being married for 15 of those years. Seems everything was fine, until the last 2 years. This is when the monster has came out.
We have 3 kids together & I don’t want to split our family apart, but I’m lost!!
Sounds Like It Could Be Horrible periMenoPause Or Full Blown MenoPause If Its Just Now Showing Up
If That Could Be It, Get her Pro-gest Which Is A Progesterone Cream
Can Really Help
@@SherryONeill
Declining hormones destroy long term relationships and men can’t relate. Woman have it hard in that way. Everything changes, feels different, seems like mental illness.
I can’t imagine how much going to an HRT doctor and getting bloodwork done ( totally missing hormones).
Once I got my prescription, and rubbed it in, it is like I regained my life back.
Sex mice comes back. Joy returns.
Please get a hormones level blood test! I promise it will make positive changes be patient ❤️
My intentions with my wife were sincere. You keep saying “he” I know about stuck. I come home from work and get stuck.
Yes, she’s done that. Kept me going until it was in her favor to hang up the gloves. If we call it quits, she calls me the next morning balling saying I can’t do this without you. Don’t block my number. I don’t… it was only for her to hear me tell her not to block my number. I didn’t have the heart. She blocked mine during our conversation. I wouldn’t be able to sleep being so cold. She did just to hurt me
Nope, don't think I have to concern myself with them coming back into my life, it appears they have moved on and proud of it, and they bought another house. I don't think someone discards their wife and goes and buys another house to come back.....and they spent a pretty penny on their new house
my ex narcissist friend was so lame that she wouldn't even keep up a normal conversation once a week to catch up.
The bread crumbling was so bad that not even 12 years of good nostalgia couldn't excuse the disrespect she tried to do to me.
Like, it was obviously intentional especially when she knew I didn't like that and tried to talk it out with her in the past and when I tried to detox so her bs wouldn't get to me anymore, she went around to smear me. Now I just feel repulsed by her
I COULD CARE LESS!! A monster is just that, a MONSTER, he can kiss my grits😊😊😊😊
Hi You are on point,I experienced that over and over again until I had enough.
My sons dad pushes and pulls me, we have good times short times with our 1 year old then a few days later he starts a fight, then we don’t speak for a few days sometimes a week, and he knows I’m confused and I will text him asking if he’s ok and I get nothing back.. our son had surgery and he didn’t ask how our son was, not even the next day, that hurt. Then he will say the phone works both ways…
One question that strikes me: my mom had npd, all up until the end of her life, she passed away 6 months ago. I’m her only daughter and surely know how rigid and delusional this disorder is. How can you be so insightful? She could never do that, her defenses were just too strong. How can you empathise and understand the other side like you do? It puzzles me.
Thanks for pointing out all this and for trying to communicate more and more clearly.
Probably Yes ... But we do NOTwant to see them again. N E V E R.
All facts!!!!!
Ben, please tell me if there will be hoovering if reverse hoovering was there!
Only if they can con you out of something.
I am only 1 of 10,000 of course she does not miss me. I am just glad I dumped her after 5 weeks. She said I was the best she ever had. LOL I took the best of me and left forever.🤣🤣🤣
Ex narc cant contact me..git a restraining order on his crazy azz..bet he wint crazy enough to bother me like i know he wants to..he'll go to jail..
Yes he has done that to me, i went to him tell him im sorry, not sure what im sorry for. But i did, and things would get better. Just for a short time
They want to see suffer!
I realized after several episodes of being treated like crap he didn’t want to share our son when he came to visit. He would go back to okay after our kid left. I raised our kid but now I’m not fit to even talk to. My trust is gone. 10 years of lies and smears resulted in narcissist being the one and only parent. My therapists tell me there’s nothing I can do. So I watch Ben.
yeah it was crazy because i left him filed for divorce and asked to see him to give him the final divorce paper work because we put my adress i also apologized for some things i have done minor things so i can start my life w no regrets fresh and without any unsaid things and he switched the whole story he told me i decided we cant be together is my decision u deserve better i was shocked lol but honestly i just said my intentions was never to get bk with u he said same here 😳 he just wanted to say it was mutual he said yeah so our agreement is we r done lol i didnt fight him anymore lol i said yeah
Who cares? I don't want to see him, that's all that matters 😊
Only to get something if they see you, it’s never for a normal equal love or time they are selfish
No! Stop giving false hope.
We're here to support your healing journey. Come join us in this free masterclass to learn about the secret methods on breaking free from the toxic, break the bond and empower yourself once more. Just head over to www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass.
Ben the way you say the truth is awesome! It’s how people need to hear it, no sugar coating.
⚠️ *Please do a video on how to get a narc to leave you alone or move on.* ⚠️
Here's one ruclips.net/video/cJYG0-Glvas/видео.htmlsi=GFfhxsIz3d1R-zL2
I literally don’t care what they think.
How can we have a one on one?
We don't live together, but i would go to his place, and work my but off cleaning and cooking, taking care of his dad. He would never pay me to help. He would take me out to eat, or the movies. Ect... Thats how he paid me. Or sex.
Sounds like my ex. She has to have total control , and the very last word on everything. Let alone she has to be right , no one else has ever been through what’s she’s going through or went through , it’s everyone else’s fault , and she will run from any kind of conflict. She can’t handle criticism , and hates to be confronted on anything she’s done. In which is messed up cause she would cheat , lie , deceive , and use everyone she’s ever known. She plays the silent treatment as punishment. She ignores. She withholds intimacy , affection , and sex. And everything was all my fault or I like to fight and argue would I would tell her how I feel , or confront her on things that would happen.
No more taking the blame for a relationship that I never got anything back from her anyway. No more money being given to . No more free rent . No more losing everything I’ve worked to achieve.
Day 7 going on 8 of no contact , and these videos have helped me understand a lot of what I went through for a year and a half. So thank you , and thank you for those in the comments for your stories and comments in your situation. It’s really helped me get to where I’m at right now. I just have to stay here in my lane and keep driving.
Everything you went through is exactly what I went through with my ex. The day she left me opened up my eyes. Looking back I never was the problem and I tried everything to maintain our relationship in hoping she would change. She never did and ended our relationship. I been doing much better without her now and have improved since then. If she comes back that’s my decision to make but rest assured the feelings won’t be the same. It will be harder for her to gain my respect and trust back. Keep your head up👍
@@mikedouangchanh9969 it’s definitely been a hard life lesson , but hey , here I am almost 3 months no contact , and life has been better. Don’t get me wrong , I still sit back and wonder if I’ll hear from her again , but I think the universe has other plans . Maybe it’s gods way of showing us that’s not what love is supposed to be like.
@@cincyfanjunglecity9871 definitely a hard lesson. What kills me and I’m sure most men can attest to this is that we miss the intimacy with our ex. The thought of her smashing random dudes or her new supply is what goes through my mind sometimes and it kills me. The fact that another man is laying next to her where you once was hurts. I know people say best way to get over your ex is to hook up with other woman but it ain’t that easy for us men unless your that top 1% but for an average looking guy it’s hard. Just gotta keep working on myself and I’m sure the universe has plans for me.
@@mikedouangchanh9969 yeah bro you definitely brought up some good points. I think about that daily with my ex. If she’s moved on , or if she’s even with anyone else right now cause she sure as hell hasn’t tried reaching out. And yeah it is hard as hell for us men. Especially these days and the older that you get. Shit I’m 43 and the dating world has changed drastically. I can also say at first I felt really good about going no contact , but the longer it has gotten I feel like I’m missing her a lot more. I have to remind myself of how bad it was , and that includes the cheating that she still won’t admit to but everyone and their brother knows it happened. Just remind yourself of everything you went through bro and keep those memories fresh when you go through those moments. As for moving on , I hope I can find someone when the time is right , but it may be too soon. If I was to get with a good girl right now , then I’d be the bad guy cause of lingering feelings from this toxic shit. Ya know what I mean
@@cincyfanjunglecity9871 I totally agree with this bro. It’s better to go no contact at this point. The whole point of no contact is to not get your ex back but allow you to work on yourself. Be a better version of you cause by doing this your taking care yourself, you’re leveling up and making all these changes. You have to show her that you’re the winner out of this and that your the prize and she’s not. Woman can sense energy and there an always paying attention. When they see you doing better it drives them crazy and eventually she may come back. When she does you have to make that decision but don’t be some tree branch she can hang onto. When woman can’t get what they want or they’re not happy cause it’s not working out with their new supply they will try to reach out and come back. If not that’s great you continue living your best life drama free. This is a lot to say but I’m in the same boat and I’m sure a lot of men are too. Stay strong king👑
I remember after multiple discards, being a stay at home dad, I came back and was taking care of the place. While sweeping and mopping she said “I miss that” 🚩🚩🚩
You have my respect as a stay-at-home dad... super important job! I did that myself for 12 years after losing my airline job due to the 9/11 terrorist attacks. My 3 boys are young adults now and doing great things. Got rid of my narcissist, lying, cheating, bitter wife after 26 years of marriage (during which she had multiple extramarital affairs). I have excellent relationships with my boys, but they know that their mom is a narcissist and keep her at a distance due to her crazy behavior.
My ex narc is stalking me in so many weird ways🤦🏽♀️ fake Facebook accounts, he’s somehow managed to figure out how to message me appearing to be someone else… he’s on a lot of drugs (lsd being one) it feels like the drugs have melted his narcissistic mind to a puddle 🥺
It's so circular and F'd up, I finally got out and had to go no contact, after the last discard.
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The area of psychology that deals with this is called object relations. They have such a messed up perception of themselves, viewing themselves as an object, that they view others like that too.
Wow, Ben! Thanks so much for sharing this. My ex-narc hoovered me two days ago and I fell for it. He asked me to pick up some weed from him and meet him at his hotel room and I went for it. He offered to take me out to dinner but he didn't, he played possum all night and stonewalled when I asked him about his past. The next day he went back to his silent treatment and disappeared. He's not answering my text and calls 😒. Tf, Ben?! I was doing so well for a month and ten days just a call undid all my progress. Now back in spin cycle. The whiplash feelings. I told him he's like a heroine addiction. I never tried heroine but I crave him like a nasty drug.
Yes so they can finish the job
Mine would scream I tried to control him, that I was the toxic one. No one has ever said that to me before. Now I’m blocked and ghosted everywhere. Was a hard pill to swallow that he used my cancer as a way for others to see him as great. He doesn’t even call, as a normal human, to just say “how’s your health?” Our dog we adopted after he cheated-I chose to stay-he told his ex I was delusional and using his dog to get back w him. It’s all how I hurt him. What “I” did. It ended with “I just don’t feel like I used to. I’m sorry”. Then a year of “let me clear my head”. I went to therapy to see my part and I was mocked. He promised to come and never did. Tattoos were more important. The hardest part he’s a nurse. It’s about him. No matter how many points I can say or show I was true and 💯 in love-he won’t fight. I’m blocked.
My ex narc rang me whilst with his new gf, it was weird triangulation , blatantly control and humiliating me. I swiftly hung up. He's using her now to validate his insecurities in front of me they kind of ganged up on me and whilst he gaslighted me she supported his abuse. He used me, he's using her (he targets single mums, mummy issues). We're both either being used or have been used. We're basically the same in his eyes just a toy to use.
Thank you so much , you are a Godsend. I appreciate your channel and insightful information to a real life problem. Currently in this situation 💎✝️🦋
Such a good video. I partially did the reverse hoover this weekend but I gotta maintain my boundaries. Appreciate this channel.
No way. Nobody is worth being with when abusive. We are worthy of better.
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He initiated the breakup but I divorced him so there was no chance he could come back.
We had to keep in touch because we had young kids.
Thank you so much.
Oh yes, much like the anxious avoidant cycle
Bro. Thank you so much for this. I was blind but now I see
Would you say, they are somewhat addicted to rewards?
Image yes