Thanks! I really had high hopes considering all the work and money he put into it from the cover to the narration. I hope we see his growth as a writer in the next one.
This was a very good review. I am an aspiring writer and have realized how hard writing can be. I am also an avid reader. The book fell really flat for me. I found soo much wrong with it, and was surprised that his peers gave him glowing reviews. As much as I respect Daniel I felt that those reviews were a disservice.
Thank you! Your instincts weren't off, and that's a great thing if you're an aspiring writer. You already know when things need work. And this book needs a lot of work. I picked up book 2 the other day to see if things will improve, so keep a lookout for that review.
You don't have to be a good writer when you have a large following that will buy your stuff because it's your stuff. It kinda sucks because writing is now also about social media presence and a much worse writer can be much more popular purely because they have a lot of followers Daniel even got a real publishing deal out of it in the end....
This was actually one of the most fair and accurate reviews I've seen of this book. I really appreciate you going into detail on where exactly Greene went wrong with it. It's refreshing actually, most booktubers never bother getting into specifics
Appreciate it! It comes from a place to try to learn myself as a storyteller. Being able to identify why something doesn't work in a novel is key to writing one yourself. I'm almost done with book 2, so keep an eye out for that review.
The biggest thing I've noticed after watching most of the reviews of this book is that it's only the people who actually write that give this thing an honest review. I've been so frustrated with all the hype around this book. As you said, it was an amateur work and should be regarded as such. You just got a new sub :)
Thanks! While I do believe people can enjoy and be critical about a work without being a writer, I think it does help knowing writing principles to at least help identify what may be right or wrong with a story. I didn't want to be a downer on this one, and truly hoped it would be good, but part of the reason I did this was to let people know this thing is not as good as some make it out to be. And overhyping something for the sake of overhyping it isn't a good thing for new readers unfamiliar with him. I know his fans want to see him succeed, but artificially inflating not only him but positive reviews isn't helping anyone. I'll be optimistic and say he's heard the negative feedback and is motivated to become a better writer.
@@JasonFuhrman A friend of mine self-published a political thriller. I bought a copy to support him. It was horrible, but if you read the reviews on Amazon you would have thought he was the next John le Carré. All thirteen reviews were 5 and 4 star ratings. Upon closer inspection I noticed all of the reviews were people in our circle of friends, and their reviews were very generic. To my shame I left a vague 4 star rating. He is a successful hedge fund "whatever" so this book was more a vanity project and a chance to push a political agenda (almost conspiracy). I don't think any of us did him any favors because he self-published another book.
So this video came to my notifs, and dear lord! Thank you for such an unbiased and most calm,(seriously, some kinda went to the point of almost lossing their shnitzles over it) and well explained review. P.S.: Kinda wanna hear your kind of advices for beginner writers in a video.:)))
Thanks for the kind words! I try to find out why I like or don't like something as much as I can rather than spouting off purely subjective things that can't be articulated. Although, I've done the latter plenty of times too but try to stay away from it. I do bring writing principles into my reviews so keep an eye out for more. I also talk about writing in my short story series, worth 1000 words.
Thanks! Yeah, I wish him all the best, but he needs to get his stuff in order before releasing them. The second book might be slightly better but suffers from a lot of problems as well. We'll see what the third one brings.
I'm surprised by how great this review was. On the low tier a video review will just recap the story beats. On the second tier a video review will say what the reviewer liked/dislike about the story. Third tier is where a reviewer explains WHY they like or dislike an aspect of the story. A fourth tier review, or otherwise a great review, interconnects these reasons into a wider narrative of what the book is trying to accomplish and how it fails or doesn't fail. This review is a great one, which Breach of Peace rarely receives. Daniel is lucky his book caught your attention, hopefully he sees it.
As an author who has published three books now, and have made my fair share of mistakes, I greatly appreciate this review and delving deeper into some of those thoughts that I just couldn't put to words in my own review of this book. Spoilers . . . . . . . . . I think you were fair, probably around the same ball park as what I rated this. To me, it felt like Chapman was kind of a pointless character(plot device) and Samuel was a character produced with the purpose of dying. I thought it was a solid effort, but like you said, it was more so a draft that was in dire need of additional editing. It probably doesn't help so much either, that because he's so well known in the reading community, he doesn't exactly have a great resource to pull from in the writing community from quality beta readers, which would have caught a lot of the major issues with the novella.
Thanks for the feedback! I think the one danger with having such a large fanbase is that it doesn't often lend itself to constructive criticism. Everyone wanted to see him succeed so badly--as did I--that there are far too many positively inflated reviews for this thing. Finding non-biased beta readers was what he really needed. Pulling from his community and peers probably wasn't the best idea, if that's what he did. I would have loved nothing more for this to be a great or even decent book, showing that one could learn from critiquing other works. Maybe he'll pay closer attention to what constitutes a good story now that he's actually writing. I know that with every book I read, every movie I watch, I learn something new on how to approach storytelling and all of its facets. Before I started writing seriously I'm sure I paid little to no attention because I didn't know how to articulate what made me like or dislike something. Now that I have the craft vocabulary, it makes it easier. And that's what I hope he has learned from this experience, because I'd like nothing more than to see book 2 be a substantial improvement.
@@JasonFuhrman I agree 100%. While I can't say I enjoyed the novella, I am looking forward to whatever comes next. I've seen stark changes from writing styles, and consistencies and so on within my own work. I'm working on something completely different, and have adapted a completely different approach to character development in my current WIP. So, he will improve, he's not beyond criticism, but it goes to show that there is a writer's lense that needs to be added to his writing, instead of looking at it completely from a reader's perspective.
@@armanisar-feinial1789 totally agree. I'm glad you're honing in on your own work, too. I seem to find new approaches all the time as I discover new writers or books. If you haven't checked out Adam Skelter yet, I highly recommend his channel. Some of the most underrated content regarding storytelling I've seen. ruclips.net/channel/UCnGfFb0Ouo0i92MFx7mqZLg
@@JasonFuhrman Thanks, I'll check it out when I can. I don't foresee me being able to do that until June. I'm working on getting my book ready for launch, so I'm a little preoccupied at the moment.
actually, let me expand on that: Expressing thoughts frequently and in an unrealistic (unfragmented and lengthy) way is absolutely cringy soap opera garbage. Ask any book editor worth their salt, and they'll tell you the same thing. Indirectly is the way to do it. It doesn't break the narrative flow nor does it sound cheesy as hell.
Unrealistic? It's completely realistic. People obviously think things through before acting out behaviors more often than not, on a daily basis. I really do not understand your point.@@JasonFuhrman
The only genre you see the a heavy amount direct interior monologue is fantasy. You don't see it in other genres to this level. Why? I have no idea. It's the same reason why you don't see it in movies. How many movies do you see the camera turn on the POV character and then we hear a voiceover of their thoughts? It's extremely rare, and when it does exist in films, you can tell it's a stylistic choice and those moments are purposefully chosen. In fantasy novels (and anime/manga) it's all over the place, communicating the explicit direct thoughts of characters which isn't necessary because if you're writing well, the subtext of how they feel is shown to such a degree where the reader can infer it. Also, using indirect is a better way since it maintains the narrative voice, so it's less jarring. I don't think direct interior monologue is inherently bad. Overuse is bad. Just like anything in writing.
It makes sense in a film because films are largely external by default. But poetry and short stories also have almost nothing but internal dialogue. They have internal dialogue, because writing is far more open-ended. I'm reading House of Usher by Edgar Allen Poe right now and it is just internal dialogue from the narrator on their impressions about the Usher family and the residence. If you don't have internal dialogue, how exactly are readers suppose to understand a change in viewpoint, a character thinking things through before taking a specific action, or a well-written mystery novel having a detective connect the dots and solve a case? @@JasonFuhrman
i respect the fact that you went into this review without any bias
Thanks! I really had high hopes considering all the work and money he put into it from the cover to the narration. I hope we see his growth as a writer in the next one.
There's no such thing as "without any bias"
This was a very good review. I am an aspiring writer and have realized how hard writing can be. I am also an avid reader. The book fell really flat for me. I found soo much wrong with it, and was surprised that his peers gave him glowing reviews. As much as I respect Daniel I felt that those reviews were a disservice.
Thank you! Your instincts weren't off, and that's a great thing if you're an aspiring writer. You already know when things need work. And this book needs a lot of work. I picked up book 2 the other day to see if things will improve, so keep a lookout for that review.
You don't have to be a good writer when you have a large following that will buy your stuff because it's your stuff.
It kinda sucks because writing is now also about social media presence and a much worse writer can be much more popular purely because they have a lot of followers
Daniel even got a real publishing deal out of it in the end....
This was actually one of the most fair and accurate reviews I've seen of this book. I really appreciate you going into detail on where exactly Greene went wrong with it. It's refreshing actually, most booktubers never bother getting into specifics
Appreciate it! It comes from a place to try to learn myself as a storyteller. Being able to identify why something doesn't work in a novel is key to writing one yourself. I'm almost done with book 2, so keep an eye out for that review.
The biggest thing I've noticed after watching most of the reviews of this book is that it's only the people who actually write that give this thing an honest review. I've been so frustrated with all the hype around this book. As you said, it was an amateur work and should be regarded as such.
You just got a new sub :)
Thanks! While I do believe people can enjoy and be critical about a work without being a writer, I think it does help knowing writing principles to at least help identify what may be right or wrong with a story. I didn't want to be a downer on this one, and truly hoped it would be good, but part of the reason I did this was to let people know this thing is not as good as some make it out to be. And overhyping something for the sake of overhyping it isn't a good thing for new readers unfamiliar with him. I know his fans want to see him succeed, but artificially inflating not only him but positive reviews isn't helping anyone. I'll be optimistic and say he's heard the negative feedback and is motivated to become a better writer.
@@JasonFuhrman Agreed! And omg thank you for recommending The Art of Story. His video essays are actually mind-blowing.
@@magnusruben9646 tune in to the Tuesday film dissections if you can too. They're great.
@@JasonFuhrman A friend of mine self-published a political thriller. I bought a copy to support him. It was horrible, but if you read the reviews on Amazon you would have thought he was the next John le Carré. All thirteen reviews were 5 and 4 star ratings. Upon closer inspection I noticed all of the reviews were people in our circle of friends, and their reviews were very generic. To my shame I left a vague 4 star rating. He is a successful hedge fund "whatever" so this book was more a vanity project and a chance to push a political agenda (almost conspiracy). I don't think any of us did him any favors because he self-published another book.
I like the format of these reviews. We do need more focus on writing craft in reviews.
Appreciate it. I will continue to do so 😊
An honest review by an honest man. That's a good man. Daniel's fan bots are annoying lol.
Thanks! I worry he'll never improve if he continually gets false praise.
So this video came to my notifs, and dear lord! Thank you for such an unbiased and most calm,(seriously, some kinda went to the point of almost lossing their shnitzles over it) and well explained review.
P.S.: Kinda wanna hear your kind of advices for beginner writers in a video.:)))
Thanks for the kind words! I try to find out why I like or don't like something as much as I can rather than spouting off purely subjective things that can't be articulated. Although, I've done the latter plenty of times too but try to stay away from it. I do bring writing principles into my reviews so keep an eye out for more. I also talk about writing in my short story series, worth 1000 words.
@@JasonFuhrman definitely already have worth 1000 words short stories on my saved playlists! Excited to learn from you! Thanks:))
There's no such thing as unbiased.
I enjoyed this video a lot, and I feel like I’ve learned some things too. I did enjoy the book overall, but I think you gave it a fair ranking
thanks! Glad you enjoyed it.
You earned a sub today friend. You are dead on when you said this is draft 1.5 maybe 2. It needed another ~3 drafts and a better editor.
Thanks! Yeah, I wish him all the best, but he needs to get his stuff in order before releasing them. The second book might be slightly better but suffers from a lot of problems as well. We'll see what the third one brings.
Thanks for the honest review. I'm looking into your books? Is there just the 2? Thanks again
Yes just two at the moment. I'm about to publish a new one very soon, though :)
Well this is actually one of the fairest reviews I’ve ever seen
Thanks!
I'm surprised by how great this review was.
On the low tier a video review will just recap the story beats.
On the second tier a video review will say what the reviewer liked/dislike about the story.
Third tier is where a reviewer explains WHY they like or dislike an aspect of the story.
A fourth tier review, or otherwise a great review, interconnects these reasons into a wider narrative of what the book is trying to accomplish and how it fails or doesn't fail.
This review is a great one, which Breach of Peace rarely receives. Daniel is lucky his book caught your attention, hopefully he sees it.
Thanks for the kind words! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Reading book 2 at the moment, so keep an eye out for a review of that.
Thank you I Really enjoy this review !
Thanks!
As an author who has published three books now, and have made my fair share of mistakes, I greatly appreciate this review and delving deeper into some of those thoughts that I just couldn't put to words in my own review of this book.
Spoilers
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I think you were fair, probably around the same ball park as what I rated this. To me, it felt like Chapman was kind of a pointless character(plot device) and Samuel was a character produced with the purpose of dying. I thought it was a solid effort, but like you said, it was more so a draft that was in dire need of additional editing. It probably doesn't help so much either, that because he's so well known in the reading community, he doesn't exactly have a great resource to pull from in the writing community from quality beta readers, which would have caught a lot of the major issues with the novella.
Thanks for the feedback! I think the one danger with having such a large fanbase is that it doesn't often lend itself to constructive criticism. Everyone wanted to see him succeed so badly--as did I--that there are far too many positively inflated reviews for this thing. Finding non-biased beta readers was what he really needed. Pulling from his community and peers probably wasn't the best idea, if that's what he did.
I would have loved nothing more for this to be a great or even decent book, showing that one could learn from critiquing other works. Maybe he'll pay closer attention to what constitutes a good story now that he's actually writing. I know that with every book I read, every movie I watch, I learn something new on how to approach storytelling and all of its facets. Before I started writing seriously I'm sure I paid little to no attention because I didn't know how to articulate what made me like or dislike something. Now that I have the craft vocabulary, it makes it easier. And that's what I hope he has learned from this experience, because I'd like nothing more than to see book 2 be a substantial improvement.
@@JasonFuhrman I agree 100%. While I can't say I enjoyed the novella, I am looking forward to whatever comes next. I've seen stark changes from writing styles, and consistencies and so on within my own work. I'm working on something completely different, and have adapted a completely different approach to character development in my current WIP. So, he will improve, he's not beyond criticism, but it goes to show that there is a writer's lense that needs to be added to his writing, instead of looking at it completely from a reader's perspective.
@@armanisar-feinial1789 totally agree. I'm glad you're honing in on your own work, too. I seem to find new approaches all the time as I discover new writers or books. If you haven't checked out Adam Skelter yet, I highly recommend his channel. Some of the most underrated content regarding storytelling I've seen. ruclips.net/channel/UCnGfFb0Ouo0i92MFx7mqZLg
@@JasonFuhrman Thanks, I'll check it out when I can. I don't foresee me being able to do that until June. I'm working on getting my book ready for launch, so I'm a little preoccupied at the moment.
You got yourself another follower
Thanks man!
Good review.
Thanks!
If I don't care about the characters I usually don't care about the book.
Same.
I think you were a little too generous with the score
Hahaha
husband and wife?
Daniel is pulling a Grisham?
Haha yeah. Not a pairing I'm a fan of.
You lost me when arguing manga having characters express thoughts is cringe. That made absolutely no sense.
Expressing thoughts is cringe. No one thinks like that in real life, which is why it's a record scratch.
actually, let me expand on that:
Expressing thoughts frequently and in an unrealistic (unfragmented and lengthy) way is absolutely cringy soap opera garbage. Ask any book editor worth their salt, and they'll tell you the same thing.
Indirectly is the way to do it. It doesn't break the narrative flow nor does it sound cheesy as hell.
Unrealistic? It's completely realistic. People obviously think things through before acting out behaviors more often than not, on a daily basis. I really do not understand your point.@@JasonFuhrman
The only genre you see the a heavy amount direct interior monologue is fantasy. You don't see it in other genres to this level. Why? I have no idea. It's the same reason why you don't see it in movies. How many movies do you see the camera turn on the POV character and then we hear a voiceover of their thoughts? It's extremely rare, and when it does exist in films, you can tell it's a stylistic choice and those moments are purposefully chosen.
In fantasy novels (and anime/manga) it's all over the place, communicating the explicit direct thoughts of characters which isn't necessary because if you're writing well, the subtext of how they feel is shown to such a degree where the reader can infer it. Also, using indirect is a better way since it maintains the narrative voice, so it's less jarring.
I don't think direct interior monologue is inherently bad. Overuse is bad. Just like anything in writing.
It makes sense in a film because films are largely external by default. But poetry and short stories also have almost nothing but internal dialogue. They have internal dialogue, because writing is far more open-ended. I'm reading House of Usher by Edgar Allen Poe right now and it is just internal dialogue from the narrator on their impressions about the Usher family and the residence. If you don't have internal dialogue, how exactly are readers suppose to understand a change in viewpoint, a character thinking things through before taking a specific action, or a well-written mystery novel having a detective connect the dots and solve a case? @@JasonFuhrman