The Key to Writing Freakishly Good Dialogue | Video Essay
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- Опубликовано: 24 май 2024
- The first 1,000 people to use this link will get a 1 month free trial of Skillshare: skl.sh/local04231
40% off your first year of membership (through April): skl.sh/local40
STORY CONSULTING:
lsnarrativeconsulting.com
MY PATREON:
patreon.com/Local187?...
MY KO-FI:
ko-fi.com/localscriptman
THE Q&A:
• Obscenely Long Q&A
VIDEO CONTENTS:
00:00 - on scenes
1:46 - the filter
2:45 - I put too much effort into this part
8:41 - Skillshare (sponsored segment)
10:20 - avoiding the alleyoop line
13:00 - disagreement ≠ conflict
14:11 - on subtext
15:45 - "yes, and" thinking
17:03 - typa shi I been on
18:30 - patrons + outro
Shoutout Anna for voice acting in my silly little video. 
Развлечения
The consultation thing is paused right now. There is no waitlist. I made this video when my channel was much smaller. If consultations come back, it will have to be a raffle of some kind. I cannot accommodate the thousands of people who want my help. Thanks 👽
You’re writing advice has been extremely influential in how I restructured my story. Absolutely going to submit something thank you for this. Everything you’ve been making is gold.
I also hope you continue the narrative you had started with the sponsorship segments, because my friend thought it was funny, which led to me discovering this channel.
Hallooo
How dare you take away my comment pin
@@Harmonica821 Sorry I just can’t handle the emails anymore
@@localscriptman me too buddy, me too
"I still remember the last words he ever said to me before walking out of my life forever."
"What did he say?"
"I-I can't, it still hurts to think about..."
Her therapist jotted down another note with a vacant expression. He pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. "What did he say? The healing process can only begin once you've fully internalized the memories that have caused you such pain. What, did he say?"
She swallowed, grimacing as if the memory itself had a bitter taste.
"This... this video..."
The therapist leaned forward, his expression almost hungry with anticipation. "Finish it."
"This video... is sponsored by Skillshare..."
This is brilliant... 🥲
@@moreaudracula6156Nah Brilliant's a different sponsor
why is the therapist hungry
@@moreaudracula6156 No, that's the sponsor of a different video.
@@appads
lol underrated
"I don't want it to be easy. I just want it to be real. Please, tell me if it was real."
"This video is sponsored by skillshare."
That is perhaps the most beautiful writing I have ever seen. Not only does he demonstrate, that his feelings were never real. He demonstrates that nothing was real. They are characters, written to serve a purpose. At that moment he fully stepped away from being "real" with her, by entirely dedicating himself to fulfilling the contractual obligations of his writer.
Good analysis. 😳
that is too clever, I shat myself.
jschat.
"conflict is the state in which characters reveal things about themselves"
Is a great quote
I had the same thought!
It's much like how the Bible reveals alot of things without saying them. After all, as much as it is inspired by the Lord of all, it is written by men. They speak with certain points in mind, to describe certain events in certain ways, and to deliver information clearly and concisely. If we only ever look at the text, we miss subtext and pretext.
@@xavierthomas5835 L response
this is how you fucking teach.
explaining a premise, explaining why its used, showing what its like when it isnt used, and then showing what its like when it IS used.
if my English teacher thought this way, my stories in class would have been so much better.
RUclipsr educating more effectively than a teacher is so 21st century.
I was about to comment about how insanely quickly I got invested in this Philip and Kima's drama but then the ad began and I couldn't stop laughing.
and Kima said “what? what are you talking about” 😂😂
Really wasn't ready for that ad, nearly choked myself 😭
I got caught so off guard I was questioning reality
😂😂😂
Best ad read ever 😂
Can we get an F in the chat for our girl Kima? Her man wasn't just leaving her for Icarus, but he is also a Skillshare salesperson. Completely devastating, and then he went and told her her jaw stank! Oh she must be in shambles, utter shambles!
The most tragic character of all time.
Imagine that in a real movie
F
F
@@beanedtea truman show.
"Not key moments connected by vibes. Scenes." That hit right in the feels, man😢
I'm starting a new story and that's all I have. Felt personal 😅
My whole book is held together by vibes 😭😭
Guy is asking me for bricks and I'm here with some straws and wool 💀
That sponsorship segment. That small section. That transition. That’s all I needed to see to know that you most definitely know how to write freakishly good dialogue
This is the greatest sponsorship integration of all time
I wholeheartedly agree
100% caught me off gaurd lol
That was without a doubt, the hardest I've laughed out loud in a very long time.
seamless!
I was beginning to cry a bit because of how relatable her pain was and then that line dropped and I literally screamed fuck you at my phone and started laughing like a maniac
i love that the fake dialogue looked just like something i could hear in a bad movie or read out of a shitty wattpad fic
or just a normal Rick and Morty dialogue.
@@justflavio3260 to break the rules so consistently, you gotta know them
Wattpad symptom is describing too much what a character is thinking instead of writting it through dialogues. I mean books are different than movie lines but I feel like some amateur stories are too mind-descriptive
@blobpoop457 they want to be deep and communicate their ideas thoroughly, but media isn't about just writing things that entertain YOU. Which is where alot of writers fail. If you want to just have some mind or eye candy, don't post your intimate ideas where everyone can see them. If you want to show everyone a story you think is really great, you have to be able to grab, hold, and communicate your ideas and thoughts through text and imagery, if that's your thing. Otherwise you get the exposition hammer.
@@xavierthomas5835fanfiction is much more self serving than published works imo, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing
I'm a novelist and this was some seriously profound stuff. Other writers wish they could teach as good as you. I'll have to rewatch this video several times to truly absorb what I've heard, but I'm excited to put it into practice!
How is it for you? I've been using it a lot and it's such an amazing technique
@@shabalaogrreeetzel.4418 I haven't started a new project to practice it on yet, but I'm noticing patterns in my current projects that follow these same principles, which is really exciting. Confirmation bias is my favorite bias.
@@4xdblack Good luck bro, it'll definitely turn out awesom!!!!!
same, i'm writing a webcomic and while i believe i've been well-versed in knowing how to "show, don't tell", this video has given a broader perspective on what to do going forward. i will definitely be utilizing the points in this video and i wish you guys do well in your creative journeys too 🫡
@@shabalaogrreeetzel.4418 Suddenly got a massive dose of inspiration, and I know exactly what I'll be putting into practice this time round.
8:44 not her being confused in thebackground xD
I was waiting for the scene to end with Phillip saying "No it wasn't" and then you hit us with something even more devastating, an adread.
You connected the audience to kimas feelings, we too are betrayed and told our investment in the scene wasn't real. good writing lol
Bwahaha thanks I can’t express how proud I am of that gag. I appreciate the support!
@@localscriptman Genuinely one of the funniest ad transitions I've ever seen, I rewatched it like three times lol
I'm so glad Local went with the silence as Philip's response. A "No it wasn't" response wouldn't be bad, it's just not as impactful and real as the silence. Elite craft of writing yet it was just an exercise, Local is a writing prophet!
@@localscriptman involuntarily whispered "god DAMN it" under my breath and burst out laughing, gg that was VERY good
@@loturzelrestaurant I like big criticism essays when I actually learn practical skills from them. But otherwise I’m disinclined
The fact that the ad read was so hilarious to me just shows how well the writing of that scene really draws you into these characters. That's so genius and I respect it soo much.
And I love that you can still hear the girl in the background going "What?!? Who are you even talking to"
Marvel movies abuse this however to the point you become numb and nothing no longer matters to the story
@@BattleBladeWarrior ye ill be honest... i kinda wanted 2 see the rest of the scene.... and also might rly enjoy the movie they came from where the guy slowly realizes he did love her, and finds out he can only communicate with her once once hes in space so he spends the 8 years making a rly heartfelt note while she gets more and more over him, but not so much that when the letter arrives she doesnt immediately enter the space academy
@@litarogers3984 Same, that would've been cool!
That was c l e a n
00:27 📝 Dialogue is the last step in the writing process, after central idea, characters, conflict, and scenes.
00:42 📝 In screenplays, if information isn't communicated within a scene, it's not communicated at all.
01:24 📝 Dialogue is a tool to communicate information in a story, including factual, emotional, and cultural details.
02:35 📝 When writing dialogue, consider how the character would naturally communicate information in their situation.
03:03 📝 To effectively write dialogue, list all the information a scene needs to communicate.
03:58 📝 Define your character's priorities in a scene to serve as a filter for their dialogue.
04:41 📝 Characters should have clear objectives in a scene to guide their dialogue.
05:50 📝 Dialogue scenes should be situation-specific and interact with the location and props.
08:27 📝 Conflict is essential in dialogue scenes to reveal character traits and advance the story.
14:46 📝 Use subtext to add depth to dialogue scenes by having characters convey emotions indirectly.
16:56 📝 Incorporate the "yes and" improv technique to keep dialogue scenes dynamic and engaging.
17:49 📝 The creator's focus is on providing writing strategies and frameworks to help others improve their craft.
thank you for this, hero
Good looks
+
i love you
I can't believe you missed the part that this video is sponsored by skillshare
"exposition, many consider it to be inherently cringe but I do not" GOOD. This is something I struggle with when writing, we are all told "the number one rule is "show don't tell" and so I resist having characters simply state things but I shouldn't, the characters absolutely need to say abundant shit b/c it's not just background info but also shows the character's attitude/behavior.
You hammering home that "vibes don't write stories" in every video will single-handedly save an entire generation of writers, mark my words. It's such a legitimate epidemic.
Depends on what you're trying to achieve. If you look at studio Ghibli films, plenty of their movies have moments connected by vibes where nothing really happens
@@LisaEifiethat's because a lot of Ghibli movies are art books with vague stories attached to them lol
@@LisaEifie ghilbi has the advantage of a visual art to it.
@@jojbenedoot7459 yikes
@@opalpersonal I mean I love those kinds of Ghibli movies, it's just that the art, vibe, and overall tone of them are much more important than the plot. In something like Kiki's Delivery Service, the plot isn't nearly as important as the overwhelming sense of coziness and beauty, so they can just get by on paper thin transitions between setpieces
Remember kids, any crap can be good and deep as long as some youtuber makes a overanalytical video on it.
Remember kids, your comment is added to the US Constitution as law if it is pinned.
touché
Says by someone who has an attention span of a tiktok kid.
Finally someone said it
Remember kids, video deep crap any overanalytical be makes some on it, as can long good and RUclipsr a.
Jeez you're right, this WAS freakishly good. Thank you for giving me some additional tools to use!
That "she's supportive" line dropped with such bluntness that it really hurt, let alone "I don't want it to be easy, I want it to be real". Oof that one made my stomach flip.
"This video is sponsored by Skillshare."
You did not just drive me to tears through an instructional exercise and then slap me with *that* 💀
The exposition between Phillip and Kima was really good. People are often annoyed by info dumps because they're intrusive or unrealistic, but sometimes people info dump in real life. Phillip was trying to avoid a serious discussion, and had interesting trivial to share. It was some of the most natural exposition I've heard, and it said as much about Phillip as about the world.
I think what makes it work is the fact that Philip sounds like he knows he's about to have a heavy discussion soon, and the infodump is just his way of trying to ease of his mind, or trying to delay the conversation, or what have you. Like, the infodump itself sounds like a character trait in on itself.
@@standard-carrier-wo-chan And that's what makes it sound natural, true-to-the-character and therefore believable, instead of contrived and shoehorned in.
=======================================================================================================================================
He might also unconsciously or consciously be trying to make Kima feel bad by forcing her to either quash his enthusiasm (which he knows she doesn't want to do or is highly unlikely to do) or feel bad enough to not try to. Sharing his excitement and babbling could be his way of doing just that. If later in the "film" it's shown through another means that he's actually conscious about what he was doing and uses the same tactic later, but switches on a dime when he's pressed enough, the audience would learn that he's actually highly manipulative, given the information from earlier of him using a similar tactic. Or, if he does this habit in any instance of emotional confrontation, than we know it might be a defensive unconscious strategy to ignore facing that instead of an active strategy to get others to be less likely to bring it up. Other clues would give context to if he's selfish because he's scared to deal with conflict and negative feelings or if he's selfish because he cares more about his feelings over others. It also leaves it open to explore more, maybe see his relationship with his mother or some other person to indicate further why he's that way and how he's that way.
Perhaps in his trip, he shows even more instances of avoiding any form of negativity, possibly to the point of detriment, like something goes wrong on the trip to Icarus and he hits a point of basically denial that everything is going awry. So much you can do when you get a good set up going. It's like any artistic endeavor, the skeleton of a project having good form leads the basis for the rest actually being good. Especially true in art where form and anatomy matter, because when something's off, it can ruin the otherwise fantastic rendering of a final product.
@@standard-carrier-wo-chan The info dump served two purposes, at minimum. It of course, dumped information for the viewer, but it solidified a character trait, set up character interests, and moved the dialogue forward (ironically by trying to not move it forward). Damn, that's good.
He also is saying actually somewhat interesting stuff which helps his excitement seem genuine
i'm not gonna lie my jaw kind of dropped when you mentioned the idea of putting emotional exposition through a human filter because i have been using that exact phrasing to describe this concept for years. before now i've never heard someone else describe it that way and it made me feel a little giddy to hear you use the same wording. i've had countless experiences on my own watching a movie and hearing a character explain how they're feeling in a way that doesn't feel natural or at all influenced by a subjective perspective and in my head i'm just like "bro forgot to put it through the filter 💀💀💀"
I have had that feeling. It is indeed an excellent feeling. I am glad that others may have the opportunity of enjoying this feeling. Please enjoy it to the best of your abilities while you can. And I will enjoy this slice of my sister's birthday cake.
While I can.
*AGGRESSIVE RUNNING*
Yeah, it seems like people have internal aspirations and things they are trying to avoid, but then they have to mesh that with the external sociopolitical environment around them to try and get what they want. I be thinking about this in terms of understanding personality, but it makes sense that it applies to dialog as well.
AHH that's adorable:DD
@@gljames24 Suddenly it makes even more sense this guy is a giant personality theory nerd.
I'm not into this filter thingy or watching any series or cinematography in general. But the thing that he mentioned has always been common sense to me since a kid. "How else can one make a masterpiece?" I confidently thought then, now I realize I never really moved my eyes from the Great and failed to appreciate the lesser but passionately crafted works.
8:35 You really had me getting into that scene, just to emotionally yeet me out of it like that. 😂 LMAO
A testimony that it is indeed well written!
I think there’s something to be said for minimalistic dialogue. Sometimes a cigar is a cigar. Indie writers straight out of film school can have a certain style where every word of dialogue needs to fill a specific narrative purpose, and ends up sounding uniquely disjointed and unnatural, not like a real conversation. More skilled writers and directors seem to know how to do this well and balance the needs of the story with the elements of immersion. Not at all a professional writer, so curious what others think!
I don't think i laughed as genuinely and deeply in the last year as when he said "this video was sponsored by skillshare". I don't know who you are, but you sir are a screenplay genius. Literally in tears right now.
Same here. And the girlfriend freaking out in the background.
@@LindyLime friend*
💀💀
SAME I HAD TO PAUSE THE VIDEO TO BURST OUT LAUGHING BC I DIDNT EXPECT THAT LMAO
@@LindyLime fr i felt so bad for her lmao like could you imagine "Wtf did you just slip into a psychosis?!"
“I don’t want it to be easy, I just want it to be real.” Good lord man. Chills covering me and tears wallowing. Good lord man.
this video is sponsored by skill share
also yo breath stank
"What?"
might need one more good lord man in that sentence
I this uhhh put into words what I wasn’t able to
My third time watching this video and man, I love it. So many people will say "there was too much exposition!" and it drives me crazy because what they're really saying is that there was bad/lazy exposition. You won't notice the exposition if it's good, it doesn't kick you out of the story. You'll just be there in the scene listening to people talk. And from a writer's perspective good exposition just feels like magic lol like consuming a story where the exposition is handled elegantly? Better than anything else in the world
I was crying. That shit was do good.
And then the sponsorship came in and I actually died.
How the fuck could this man create such a deep complex dynamic between these characters in 2 minutes.. and I'm immediately invested enough to cry
RIP
facts
Canon ending, he says, "Yeah, it's been real champ, catch ya later"
I was like for real feeling it on "I just want to know if it was real" and got slapped across the face with that ad read. Never been so close to tears to then be cackling like a jackal.
Same. The girl doing the voice acting did such a great job, so compelling I was tearing up ... And then WHAM. haha. And the smooth transition back to the video, chef's kiss
I know I'm late to this video but the Sci Fi scene was legitimately a gut punch when it started getting serious and to see that transition into a SkillShare Ad was fucking phenomenal.
Unironically, this is the most well integrated ad read in RUclips history. It connects to the video topic while being hilariously out of pocket
Dude I want more from this Icarus story. The way Philip rattles off facts about the mission also makes him seem a bit nervous and is such a realistic way to show his avoidant personality.
The reason why I was invested is... Phillip uses the exact same evasion techniques that I do when I'm avoiding an uncomfortable subject. I saw myself reflected in this character in a way that I don't normally. My investment wasn't just because the writing was competent. It was because it struck a very particular chord.
but I'm in. I want to know more.
Yeah, what happened next?
Did it turn out his breath also kinda stinks?
@@kiltmaster7041 I guess that's why people unironically like creative products similar to the room.
Realistic dialogue is ridiculously effective at grabbing view retention.
So true. Bless the algorythm
If your solution is “I’ll have the funny character say the funny thing, you’re not grounding the line in anything meaningful.”
This man needs to be in every writers room of every TV show currently on the air.
I'm currently squatting in the AMC basement and venturing upstairs at night to steal food from the breakroom
@@localscriptman I pray for your sake the AMC death squad legal ninjas don't find you
I'm storyboarding a comic (just for fun :) ) and this nailed the thing that was bothering me about my own writing without quite being able to put my finger on it. AND he proposes a workable solution.
You might have a character who says funny things to ignore the drama of a situation, but that's still more context than just "funny." You almost want to think about _why_ they are some character trait that way you can better know where to utilize certain traits and when not to... Just some thoughtsa
“Not key moments connected by vibes” wow I feel seen.
As an autistic person, this has taught me that I somehow knew less about human people than I once thought.
15:10 the entire movie of Up revolves around this concept. The entire first act serves to absolutely soak Carl's house and every object inside with sentimental value and memories of his wife. The way he interacts with it throughout the movie resembles how he comes to terms with the death of Ellie: while at first it's hard to let go, and he desperately tries to fulfill what he believes to be his wife's dying wish, he eventually learns to move on and continue making new fond memories, leaving their old house at the waterfalls.
Ironically, only in letting go he also sort of fulfills a wish he and Ellie shared: he has found a son in Russell
I never ever realized that, damn
You just made an already tearful movie more tearful. Congratulations
That dialogue scene with Kima and Phillip is one of the best things I have seen this year. It sucked me in and I just keep falling deeper. Then you hit me with the freaking ad read ahahahah. Genius!
Lmao yooooo fr! Im just over here like "Phillip! You're breaking Kima's heart!😢"
bro same I was so invested hahaha
Yeah. I want to see the actual end to this.
The sponsorship 4th wall break had me in stitches, and my coffee went up my nose. 😂 brilliant, especially with her dialogue.
Your use of language is so precise. Every word feels so deliberate. You use the pen like a scalpel.
Ive never written fiction and don’t plan on doing it anytime soon, but i love these videos.
Thanks for the comment, I appreciate your support!
I still think the analysis is nice since it lets you engage more in the media you consume and to help you explain why you liked something or why you didn't. RUclips really makes it easy to be an armchair anything
@@cofromdiscord118 Exactly! That’s why I love video essays like this, it helps you appreciate the art of good writing more.
Same here. It just helps me understand myself better, why some scenes feel to be better than others.
me be like LMAO, I watch so many fiction stuff, but I hate writing lol
I love the growing list of "writing advice" from said "writing gurus" that you have been calling out for its bs. Also your filter and process for dialogue and writing scenes was enlightening. That process has always been something I struggle with so I greatly appreciate your advice. Also, also the dialogue scene you used made me really want to hear the rest of that story. Also, also, also the transition into the sponsor read was amazing 😂
Thanks dude I appreciate that. And yeah that transition was something I’ve wanted to do for a while and I finally got a golden opportunity - glad you enjoyed
said "Writing gurus" are BS cause they so often say there's some kind of rules of writing. My point of view is that there _are_ no hard-and-fast rules as long as you have a good reason to break them.
Case in point, what if I construct the story in a way that means people really, _really_ want the exposition? Lke in Chernobyl?
Agreed. I have a dream that one day, we will have a constitutionally enshrined right to beat the dogsh*t out of anyone that says "show don't tell" unironically 😇😌🙏
@@fluffywolfo3663 The rules are important, but it is more important to know why the rules exist, so when you do break them, you are aware why you are doing it.
@@holyleech2159 you know what they say - you gotta know the rules before you can break em.
Good example would be Welcome to Night Vale - the “rule” is “describe as good as possible,” while WTNV actively… refuses to describe wherever it’s scary or funny, or makes deliberately silly descriptions to screw with you. And that helps heighten both the fear and absurdity of it all.
jaw dropped at 4:06. I LOVE this idea that the filter isn't a descriptor, but a statement of motivation. Where to begin. So much hackneyed writing comes from something the writer wants the character to be, or something they want the audience to feel. there are soooooo so so so s os so many scenes where characters just...start fighting. because that's DRAMA(tm). rather than motivating things by what the characters want at the time. I feel like using descriptors as filters rather than motivations is somehow stating what the author would like the character to be without really going inside their head.
That said, I have to ask - everyone here - do you think there is interesting cinema without desire or conflict? I spend a lot of time trying to figure out the "rules" of art, but find myself equally frustrated once they feel clear. Can't we do something other that make people fight? what about coze, comraderie, relaxation, togetherness. do you think it's possible to write movies that aren't held together by desire and conflict?
I think desire and conflict are necessary for story telling, but probably not in the way you're imagining it. Think of desire simply as want. Our wants are what move us through our day. From something small and in the moment like "I want a milkshake" to something grand and long-term like "I want to start a business" our desires spring us into action. Conflict is better seen as an obstacle. An obstacle doesn't have to be a fight between people, it simply has to be something that gets in the way of your character and their desire. If you had a character want something and then instantly obtain it, that's not really an interesting story is it? We need for characters to struggle so that we can get invested and cheer them on.
10:09 that's my reaction to the Skill Share ad transition XD
That little story about Phillip and Kima reminded me of the timeless classic "A man goes to the store to buy milk". You prepare your basic information, and then you enrich it with your character's thoughts and feelings.
and with a dash of props interaction, naturally put a timer into the scene, set a staged urgency and fully developed the characters' inner emotions.
top notch screening.
this is how i write any dialogue i do for anything i write, although i have a hard time getting that method to flow continuously with a story
I'm no screenwriter, but genuinely, thank you so much. I've been struggling a lot with dialogue lately in my own writing and the way you've described your own methods just clicked so easily with me somehow. Definitely going to reference back to this vid a ton from now on as I try writing my own scenes.
Thanks for your support! I’m glad my stuff helped
@@localscriptman Its funny too, I've been subbed to you for a bit and literally as I'm writing dialogue, this banger drops. You love to see it.
8:37 GOT ME DYING FOR LIKE 4 CONTINUOUS MINUTES I CAN'T THIS IS GENIUS 😭😭😭
My creative writing professor expressed a similar idea in one of his lectures - his example was a date where the bf kept on talking about how depressed he was because he knew the gf wanted going to break up with him & he wanted to avoid the conversation. But I love how you connected it to constructing the rest of the story. That really made it click for me. The class I took was for students who had finished a short story or taken a lower level creative writing class, and I had done neither, so I definitely have some fundamentals to catch up on. Thank you for your help!
8:39 you made me almost cry from laughter, never have I seen an ad break so funny, you're a truly masterful writer and director.
As a DM who hates exposition dumps, this is great for my D&D games as well. Thank you for this!
I'm glad I wasn't the only one who couldn't help but look at this through the d&d lens. As a player, I'm always wanting to find more ways to be dialogue interesting between players or npcs, since I always feel as though I don't do that great of a job. But these sort of things like using their personality to be their psuedo 'filter' for their emotions is such a fascinating idea. I definitely need to keep more an eye on that when I play.
I like to hide my exposition in obscure books and PDAs hidden around the encounter areas. That way, I get to chuckle at my Player's misfortune - because of course that exposition is going to help you with the boss fight - and they get this feeling of wonder and mystique. Conversely, people in my campaigns rarely talk, as I write dialogue about as well as George Lucas does. But man, can I write a short story. Which game do you DM? Edit: After watching the Philip and Kima segment, I have come to the conclusion that I am, in fact, a good dialogue writer, even if my dialogue can feel stilted at times. Hiding behind Exposition is good for the world and bad for my growth as a writer. Thanks to both of you for helping me find my mojo!
@@butchcassidy9791 yeah man exposition can be bad for a story. I write novels and exposition can be very boring to read and just a crutch for the writer. Anyway, good on ya man for believing in your ability, keep going.
For me it helped me realize that I had the exact opposite problem.
All my NPC's have been JUST a lens. With nothing useful to say or any information to hand out.
I didn't realize you have to write your dnd characters that sounds cool
16:46
"A giant worm enters and eats them both"💀
4:31 I just want to appreciate, as an editor, the timing you gave this gag. It's perfect, and even though I couldn't clearly and comfortably read everything written in the time span, it made me cackle where I sat. Subscribing just for that (I'm lying there's also good writing stuff here that I want to learn)
As someone who’s had an ex *exactly* like Philip, its a testament to the dialogue that it put into words all the things I couldn’t name in my own head, even if it was just a silly segue into a skillshare ad. Well done sir
Silly segue? (is that actually how you spell it, it feels wrong) It was the gosh darnit best segue i've ever seen.
My favorite scene was when the giant worm ate them both and said ""Mmmmm. Je mange." Very profound and eye opening to abstract concepts such as France. Looking forward to more of your work.
“Abstract concepts such as France”
This comment almost made me sob laughing why doesn't it have more likes???
💀
this such a great comment thank you lol!
I wasn’t sure I trusted your process or your abilities as a writer, but that sponsorship integration shook me so hard I realized how invested I was in the actual writing, and I had no idea I’d let myself get that deep into it. That sold me, you’re good 😂
The effect the voice acting has in making a script believable shouldn’t be overlooked. Especially Anna! Seriously good acting
I don’t care what anyone says what changed my dialogue writing and depicting scenes that aren’t clunky in general is by talking to myself. I look insane having a conversation with myself and acting out dialogue but it WORKS. Its the best way ive been able to have shit come across as natural and human and something a real person would say. The problem I’ve seen with a lot of writing is that the back n forth between characters is like someone trying to do a stand up routine it’s so fucking cringe. Rick n morty for example has this habit of only initiating dialogue or setting up something on purpose so Rick has something clever to say, modern day equivalent of a laugh track and looking at the camera with a smirk while crossing your arms. I’d rather be cringe privately and do my process of working out dialogue than post cringe.
Tremendous comment i dont like it
@@christopheraguirre1418 LMAO my work here is done
"I'd rather be cringe privately and do my process of working out dialoug then post cringe"
This quote goes hard
My brother or sister. Your not alone. I thought I was. It just more raw. And I think you just summed up my dislike for Rick n Morty dialogue or in general alot of adult cartoons. They just sound so monotone
@@landmindssoul4636 Oddly enough although it likes to satirize and poke fun at the sitcom structure and formulaic it tends to fall into that one the nose bordering on groan worthy dialogue that is just the writer on their soapbox. Its so clunky and shit that i would’ve quoted on fb during my edgy phase in hs. That diatribe Rick goes on about love was so out of place I had to think man if someone talked liked that irl they would be bullied.
"Sometimes I'm accused of: thinking I know better than professional writers."
...Once upon a time, I would read the latest works I could find in a library or bookstore. I wanted to understand their technique, what made those books professional. Because surely professional writers knew what they were doing compared to silly randos in the internet, right? Ahaha. I was wrong. So, so wrong. I've come out with the understanding that professionally written books with the bestselling award stamped on the cover were somehow worse than fanfiction. Seriously.
I had always thought it was something about the writing environment. Those who go straight into professional writing seem to write a book appealing to the market yet offer little else. But in fanfiction, you are free to experiment, free to explore new ideas, free to dive into the fan theory rabbit hole, and free to spend hours crafting the perfect scene for your favorite ship. The biggest fanfic writers I knew would have pages of author's notes MALDING on how much effort they spent on a scene, learning the trade and from others as much as they could, and yet still come out unsatisfied with what they wrote as they would realize more and more of their mistakes, that storycrafting could be technical in a manner beyond grammar and spelling. Here, fanfic writers had skin in the game.
One time I browsed a forum where fanfic writers-some who already were or eventually became professionals themselves-bring their experience and techniques to the table, and share their advice. Advice that I realize is VERY similar to what's stated in this video. This was in the My Little Pony fandom.
Yep there’s no such thing as legitimacy in art. People appeal to authority all the time and it’s clear they’ve never actually taken the journey themselves
That forum sounds interesting, do you still remember the name of it or what website it's on?
@@localscriptman i struggle with appealing to authority or the populous a lot because i don’t know how to judge art on its own merits but thats just my own fault
@@sfglim5341 Well to me it’s not about assigning a value judgement. I don’t
teach people how to consume stories, I teach them how to create (via frameworks that have helped me accomplish my writing goals - consistency, accurate character psychology, internal logic, etc.) But most of my favorite stories have nothing in common with this system. Again, I’m not a part of the “you’re watching movies wrong” media literacy crowd - this is purely practical
@@Ballchugger its called fimfic....read fallout equestria or end of ponies or...dame theirs alot of good ones the platinum crown sweetiebell Chronicles...
I'm not even a screenwriter this guy's just gives good writing advice 😂
I'm gonna cry. So much writing advice makes me feel stifled and stuck. They all start out telling you "just start writing" and then don't give you any meaningful advice until you get to the editing phase, which leaves me feeling stranded. But you point out everything I'm missing and give me a system to get where I need to go. I finally feel like I have a path forward with hope of creating something that'll actually turn out resonant and meaningful and... maybe good.
"Yes and" Is something people need to understand in everyday conversation. So many times I find myself talking to people and it feels like an interview because I'm being given answers and not anything to leap off of
I give short answers when i want the concersation to be over.
I always ramble and make sure the other person is engaged by asking if the understand an example or metaphor before explaining a general rule, and generally pass the ball back. It's rare that someone forgets to return the ball, but if they do, I often point out that they stalled the convo and ask follow-ups until I get THEM to ramble
for me, character thoughts and interaction are the bread and butter of my stories. it doesn't matter how elaborate a world you have if your characters feel like cardboard, and it doesn't matter how simple a scene is if your characters are colorful enough to fill it entirely with interest.
This. SO MUCH.
I love sci-fi but a lot of stories in that genre suck because the characters are so bland.
Some stories have great worldbuilding but the characters just vomit Wikipedia paragraphs at each other.
Yea sometimes character interactions carry the soul of a movie/series. Marvel Studios uses that in some of their films and it works, like Infinity War.
@@AndersonMallonyMALLONY-EricCF personally i'd say they do the opposite... especially in infinity war...
@@opalpersonal you're objectively wrong tho
@@AndersonMallonyMALLONY-EricCF oh yeah? and how might that be? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
The ad read caught me completely off guard & cracked me up. Mad props to you!
I love how some people say you're not a professional writer even though you make it very clear that it is your line of work in which you get paid for, which makes it a profession. Hell, writing the script for this video makes you a professional writer (and a good one at that, really liked the video). You just got a new subscriber.
Wow. Not only did you have an unbeatable ad segue, but the way you've honed in your tbf blunt, efficiently explained advice and knowledge is great. Every time you make a video I step out of it knowing waves more than any other writing channel I've seen. Best vid yet man
Thank you! That means a lot, at this point I’m just afraid I’ll run out of things to talk about. Dialogue was one of the last big areas I hadn’t addressed
@@localscriptman I'm sure there's always a few ways to keep a stream of things to talk about by honestly just answering questions. Say you had people ask more specific or even general questions to you every few videos or more, answering them in depth like you do could be super insightful
I've been living my entire life thinking that "segue" is spelled "segway" 😔🤌. Turns out "segway" is a literal object 😅
oh zeemyth! hi! love your videos, some of the most creative and interesting stuff anyone's making with Minecraft
Fun fact : I am french and, as a non-native english speaker, I'm having a hard time following through your rather intensive speech rate. So for the last few weeks, I have been watching your whole playlist at 0.75 speed and now it's perfect. Except for the few times when you flow deccelerates and you start sounding like a teacher on Quaalude. Anyway, I really enjoy watching your content, mindblowing quality !
Il parle pas si vite t'abuses
Il parle vite, oui, mais clairement. Je n'ai pas eu de problème à comprendre.
@@sinocelt la vitesse réduite de 25% me permets d'enregistrer les informations plus efficacement, en dehors de ça je n'ai aucun souci avec son élocution, qui est très claire.
So you are the giant worm huh
@@vicentezavala9274 Hello, what do you mean ?
Literally teaching me writing better than school, like I’ve never thought of dialogue being on this deep of a level
I’m glad this video wasn’t just a take. I’m an amateur screenwriter and I haven’t quite grasped how to write scenes or dialogue yet. I’ve seen your video on my feed for a long time but tried to ignored it; as much as I love arcane I didn’t feel like watching another video gushing over how amazing it is (I know it is). I finally gave in and was pleasantly surprised to find a video loaded with information and advice that is readily applicable to my own projects. Thank you!
The cut to the ad is genuinely the funniest thing ever done on this platform
The way you worked in the year 2097 was interesting. I've heard a lot of dialogue where one character says to another something they both know, and it sounds awful, but it's also not easy to fix, because realistically they most likely wouldn't talk about it at all in the scene.
"What's the current year" is an extreme example. It's the kind of information that I'd imagine coming from a TV broadcast, maybe, but not from a character. Yet you found a way to get characters talking about years just far enough that they need to be named yet close enough that we can figure out roughly what the current year is. Very artful.
This is actually a REALLY tricky thing for good scifi or fantasy writing where there is so much technology and/or magic and/or history/culture/lore that differs from our world and yet most of it from the characters' point of view is irrelevant, mundane, trivial, uninteresting, and widely known. It's just as bizarre for a character to take time out of their day to explain a teleporter to another character who lives in that era as it would be for a character in a present day story explaining how a coffee brewing machine works. I mean, yeah from our point of view the teleporter is some real "gee whiz" technology, but it's boring and common to them. I'm sure a coffee brewing machine is like magic to people from the medieval period. But yeah, no one today is going to explain that to anyone but a child and the same goes for future tech or magic or whatever. So in a lot of ways good scifi and fantasy writing is not just about crafting a decent story (because you still have to do that too!) but also about how to sneak tons and tons of information (if relevant) into the narrative without it being annoying or info dumping or just stupid in dialogue or whatever. It takes some real creativity and it isn't for the faint of heart.
this is why I say that acting and writing are the same skill! I'm an actor who's starting to get into writing, and dialogue was killing me until this taught me that knowing: 1) what this character would say, 2) in this situation, and 3) why, is the key to both good dialogue and acting (something I do nearly every day)
I have autism, so I'm still struggling a little with figuring out why neurotypicals say the things they do but this has helped improve my writing quality immensely. tysm!!
Gad damn, you are the few people on youtube who actually know what they're doing.
i’ve been just downloading tons of writing data into my brain to create a comic, and this video actually is the first one to directly show solutions to my problem. i’ve got this group of passionate but also argumentative weirdos who *have* to work together to survive, when they disagree on how to go about surviving. i haven’t actually figured out how to expand their differences, but now i have to try
weird how comic scripts and screenplays are so similar
i'm in the exact same boat, i've been watching filmwriting essays and studying popular films to prepare for my comic! the parallels between the two medias are so undervalued. best of luck to you, i really hope you end up making it.
this is exactly how i felt
I can remommend the channels: Terrible writing advice (For short term) and the Video the fall of Dr. Who. It takes 5 hours to get through, but it's the perfect example of what NOT to do.
Dear Local,
Your dialogue was so good that it made me spent the last week thinking about it from time to time when I was supposed to be doing assessments. Please make your videos pop in my suggestion box at a more convenient time in my life so that I'm not thinking about how to make good dialogue.
Kind regards,
Dan
9:04 😅 the best transition 👌🏿
I’m currently writing my own show by myself but the main thing I struggled with is dialogue, this video gave out so many tips and tricks on how better write scenes! Thank you for making this video!
ayyy!!!! fellow showwriter!!
8:32 That deadpan sponsored segment transition hits different.
One of my criticisms of the most recent season of Stranger Things were these scenes where it was very obvious that a "dialogue scene" was beginning because the camera would zoom in on the characters, play some slow music and the characters would start talking about their romantic relationships. The most notable one is when Steve and Eddie are in the upside-down and they start talking about relationships right after (if I remember correctly) they've been in a bloody fight that critically injures Steve. Guys, I feel like talking about your love lives is the _last_ thing you would or should be doing in such a risky situation?
The thing is, this happens multiple times with the characters where the characters don't have anything to do but walk or drive, so this dialogue isn't integrated into a scene where the characters are doing something critical to the plot. It's just "this is the scene where the characters update you on who they want to bone and why the current state of affairs prevents them from doing so".
Even though this is focused on scripts, this is a great way to focus dialogue in novels too. Too often I find myself trying to add subtext or character, and forgetting that things have to be filtered. Even small, mundane moments can be packed with interesting drama.
Love how the filter bit of the video is placed right after the scope part. It is a literal filter, narrowing down the subject matter
I love the entertainment and efficient communication of these videos so much.
I do my best, thanks for tuning in 👽
I think emotional filters is a good way to look at subtext in dialogue. I usually go in with "what does the character want/how does that immediately effect them" but writing out each emotional beat for each scene is a really good way to structure it. My beat sheets are short scene synopses which is probably not the way to go, but structuring beats like this really streamlines and focuses the process. I always found it hard to get from A to Z in terms of moving the plot forward with dialogue, I tend to stumble in the dark getting from beat to beat with exposition, but the wheels are already turning and this will really help me out with my next project, thanks
Thanks Coomstick! Yeah like I said the filters mindset is quite a simplification, but it’s always helped me. Also, wording can be a subconscious thing too. And I don’t really touch on that but it’s an important distinction
@@localscriptman yeah it's a lot of spinning plates haha
8:50 - I hate you. So much.
i struggle with dialogue so much in a novel context so despite this being framed more for screenplays this was so extremely helpful!! your narration/commentary was also not only entertaining but easy to follow and digest. subscribed!
16:50 Man, how could you leave us on a cliffhanger like that?? Now I'm DYING to know what happens in the pink scene!!..
Aspiring amateur author here, Novel writing is EXTREMELY different from screen writing IMO because they both deliver different end products. Where screen writing is merely a stepping stone to the final story portray, novel writing is the final product.
When I first started novel writing, i leaned towards screenplay due to my background (and mind set quite frankly) being more geared towards telling stories through film. Everyone I showed my early writing to said it was like reading a script. They can visualize what’s happening incredibly well. My dialogue was incredible, my descriptions of locations, atmosphere, even the characters facial expressions were all spot on. But it lacked soul, substance, inner monologue and ‘getting in characters heads’ moments.
Which is the opposite of what I thought film and good story telling in general was all about, show don’t tell. But in novels, you kinda have to tell everything your character or characters (depending on if you write with POV switches) is thinking in excruciating detail.
In film, you have the crutch of the senses sight and sound to convey literally everything about a story. Plot, vibe, moral, what a characters feeling, emotions, back story. Etc. But novels only have words to do all the heavy lifting, so you have to go into crazy detail which means more fancy words and longer paragraphs. Subsequently, that’s what separates the good authors from the bad. All depends on how you utilize each and every word to your advantage in a interesting way.
I’m glad your dialogue was incredible.
I have the same situation as you, especially when my messy zero drafts are essentially screenplay/comic scripts. But I'm writing a 1st person novel dual perspective, and I have been doubling down on improving my narration and descriptions, paragraphs and sentence structures and word choices just for this project.
There are novels that are nothing but dialogue, and novels that are incredibly spare with detail.
I'm convinced LSM is an actual genius. I'm 29, and you realize at the end of your 20's that you've met almost every type of person in the world (if you've been paying attention, people start duplicating themselves around 30). If you're honest with yourself, you can tell who understands a topic and who is scared that they don't understand a topic.
I would say LSM is beyond his years in wisdom, but that would be prescribing to the patently untrue notion that young people can't have wisdom based off their knowledge and experience.
LSM 100% knows what he's talking about, and I'm jealous that I wasn't this mature when I was his age.
Every time I get stuck while trying to figure the next step in this process, one of your videos pop up in my feed and helps me to get moving again. Like, seriously every time.
This channel is great, thanks a bunch.
A good tip for dialogue is to get into the scene as late as possible and get out as soon as possible, even before it's resolved. This makes the audience work to catch up and seeds anticipation. The next visual cut could then answer or set up the resolution.
BRO I WAS ACTUALLY TEARING UP BECAUSE THATS EXACTLY HOW MY FIRST RELATIONSHIP ENDED AND THEN YOU HIT ME WITH SKILLSHARE
watching this as an aspiring indie game dev because my games will include dialogues but I'm a one man army without a professional writer to help me
Please never stop being a writing coach. I love it I need it
I can’t express how,,, real? that scene you made felt? something really important to me for any type of fiction is the dialogue, and what you wrote is what i wanna see in fiction more. you’re insanely talented man, amazing vid
It's nice to hear someone who doesn't actively revile exposition as a crime against humanity.
I’m crying at that sponsorship
revisiting this video yet again, and I am awestruck at how _tightly_ written it is. not a single wasted word, all of it so efficient and EFFECTIVE at articulating what you wanted it to. I'm honestly flabbergasted. wanna write down all of these points and maybe watch your videos a hundred times more each so I can INTERNALIZE what you talk about until I can feel it in my BONES
i.e. have it be part of my natural thought process. though, I'm aware that sheer trial and error through actual practice is the only real way to try and accomplish that.
anyhow-- keep it up!!!!!
Just did my own version at 5:00 afterwards I’ll finish the video. hope y’all like it
INT. Kima’s Art Studio - DAY
We see KIMA painting one of her drafts for a calendar. She hears the front door open and smiles, waiting for PHILIP to walk into the room.
He enters through the doorway, holding a note in his hand and a big bag over his shoulder.
KIMA: Hey love!
PHILLIP: hey Kima, um-
KIMA: Perfect timing, I’m almost finished with February but I’m trying to figure out what I should do for March. Got any ideas?
PHILLIP: Oh uhh.. what’s your theme again?
KIMA: Well the lady wanted it to be centered around cats doing baseball so yeah. I’ve got the cover finished already.
KIMA pulls up the cover, which has a cute cat pitching a ball that’s slamming into a brick shaped like 2097
PHILLIP: okay.. well I mean I guess you could have it revolving around stars?
KIMA: For March?
PHILLIP: yeah.
KIMA: (slightly wishing he put more thought into it, hiding it with a smile) … yeah alright, I’ll probably do something with that. How was work?
PHILLIP: It was good.. hey, I need to talk to you about something.
KIMA stops painting and looks at him, worried.
KIMA: What’s up?
PHILLIP shows the opened envelope
PHILLIP: … I got accepted.
(BEAT)
KIMA: To that academy up at Icarus?
PHILLIP: Yeah.
KIMA hides her sadness with a smile.
KIMA: Well that’s great! I’m so proud of you!
PHILLIP: yeah.. so, I just wanted to say thank you for everything, Kima. You’ve made me so happy, and I hope you’re able to become successful-
KIMA: hey wait wait, no we’re… you’re not really doing this are you?…
PHILLIP: Kima, you know I’m not coming back.
KIMA: Right but- we still have some time before you leave right?
PHILLIP: I’m leaving tomorrow morning.
KIMA: Tomorrow morning?
PHILLIP: yeah.
KIMA: (Angry) Tomorrow morning.
KIMA sighs and slams her brush down looking away briefly.
KIMA: Okay cool. Fuck it. That’s cool…
(Turns back to PILLIP) KIMA: Really? tomorrow?!
PHILLIP: I thought we would be given more time too but something happened with the scheduling and-
KIMA: Half a year. Half a fucking year and you decide you’re done with me. I mean- fuck! What about your mom, have you visited her? Have you said bye?
PHILLIP: I called her. It’s not like I chose tomorrow.
KIMA: I just… God, that’s so shitty of them! That’s so shitty.
PHILLIP: it’s okay-
KIMA: It’s not okay, Phillip! It’s not. When did you find out?
PHILLIP: This morning, I just wanted to grab a few things I left... I get that you’re angry about it but-
KIMA: I’m pissed. I’m fucking pissed. I just-.. I don’t know man, I wanted to go with you to that concert-
PHILLIP: You can go with Candice, it’s okay-
KIMA: Stop saying it’s okay Phillip! It’s not. You’re just gonna throw away your life down here?
PHILLIP starts to get an angrier tone.
PHILLIP: You knew this was going to happen.
KIMA: I know but… that’s it?! That’s all everything was?…
(BEAT)
PHILLIP: I’m sorry. I’m sure you’ll meet someone who can still make you happy-
KIMA: Oh don’t do that, don’t you do that… God!
KIMA can’t even look at PHILLIP, her eyes are watering heavily. PHILLIP places down his stuff and goes to hug her.
KIMA: Don’t fucking- don’t-..
He hugs her.
KIMA: … fuck you…
PHILLIP: I’m sorry.
KIMA: Fuck you…
She grips him tighter.
PHILLIP: You’re gonna be okay.
She begins crying
KIMA: Stop saying that you asshole… this isn’t fair…
PHILLIP: I know.
This video is sponsored by Skillshare
@@localscriptman
KIMA: … what the- dude not right now.
PHILLIP: Skillshare is a curated service that allows you to learn virtually anything-
KIMA: okay no. No we’re not doing this, get your stuff and go. Go-
PHILLIP: Whether it’s learning the basics of rocket science or something much more difficult, script writing!
KIMA: Alright no I’m over it. We’re done here, fuck off-
PHILLIP: For amazing bonuses to-
She shoves him out the door
KIMA: GO!
The door slams,
CUT TO -
INT. Kima’s Bedroom, night-
It shows a “Later that night” with a watch ticking sound.
We see KIMA and her friend sitting on her bed with tissues as KIMA’s bawling
KIMA: - And like he started saying this random shit about some fuckin… I don’t even know what, Skillshare??
FRIEND: Oh my god- my ex did that too!
KIMA: seriously?
FRIEND: yeah, he went into this big spiel on how it’s like a website that you learn shit from.
KIMA: Is that just a guy thing?! What the fuck!
FRIEND: He was doing this while holding my dog.
KIMA: I don’t know it’s just, he could’ve cared that his girlfriend was crying in his arms.
FRIEND: Yeah what an asshole, I never liked him.
KIMA gives her a slight look of “that’s bullshit”
KIMA: I don’t know I just… you know what. It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t matter to me, I’ll be happy without him… how could he just throw me out like I’m nothing? Like those 6 months were fucking nothing- like yeah I know he was going but he was just so… so fucking COLD about it.. just, he could’ve at least cried! He could’ve at least looked sad…
FRIEND: Yeah I know honey. He’s just an asshole, it’s better to forget about him.
KIMA: (ignoring) I mean he told me he loved me. He said it to my face, but today he just… fuck!
FRIEND: Absolute piece of shit. Oh my god actually, do you wanna get some food?
KIMA: … oh uhh, sure we can do that-
FRIEND: Great, do you wanna get pasta?
KIMA: … no, I’m not really uhh, feeling pasta.
FRIEND: Oh. Okay. Well we can get whatever you want.
KIMA: we can get pasta if you want-
FRIEND: Yeeaaah let’s get pasta.
NARRATOR: So they went to get pasta and KIMA felt like shit afterwards. The end!
@@chimedemon I massively respect the effort this took btw
@@localscriptman thanks! Didn’t fully realize we had similar things like with the mom and stuff until I finished the video- which great stuff by the way! Love it all :)
This is great
wow that sponsorship segway hit like a truck, and it actually works in the context of the scene between Phillip and Kima.
a lot of the things said here really showed me why my friends love seeing my ocs interact, i love drawing my ocs in sceens that feel real. Factoring in what would this charater be doing, how would they be reacting, what would happen if this happen, what will t h e y do. like the filter talked about so much in this video
10/10 you did a fantastic job
WOW! Coming back to your channel after a few months is crazy! I feel like your videos are now at a level that is consistently well made and entertaining all the way through. I love when you actually hashed out an actual script in there for a real example. Thanks for the video it was awesome.