Growing up, I always did what my parents (especially my mom) wanted me to do. I played piano, I got good grades, I volunteered at the hospital. My mom told me what college I should go to, she picked out my major. And I blindly went along with it. She even applied for a job at her hospital on my "behalf", despite knowing that I wasn't sure I wanted to work. But I went for the interview and I got the job. By sophomore year I was burnt out. Between the 15 credit hrs and 40 hr work weeks I didn't have time to do much else. What was I even doing? I didn't want to be a doctor, I decided I was done listening to my mom. I changed my major and my job. I finally know what I want to do with my life, and when I think about my future, it's without the pit in my stomach. But sometimes she'll say things like "we need to start looking at graduate schools". No. This. Is. My. Life.
Well done, Serena! This reminds me of an interview I heard on Public Radio with Mel Brooks. He said, "It's my life. I'm going to spend it singing and dancing my heart out." Mel made some fabulous movies, including my favorite movie from the 1970s, Blazing Saddles. Freddie Mercury's mom wanted him to be an accountant. Obviously, he did much better singing with Queen. I was just reading quotations by P.T. Barnum. I like these 2. “Unless a man enters upon the vocation intended for him by nature, and best suited to his peculiar genius, he cannot succeed.” “WHATEVER YOU DO, DO IT WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT. Work at it, if necessary, early and late, in season and out of season, not leaving a stone unturned, and never deferring for a single hour that which can be done just as well now. The old proverb is full of truth and meaning, "Whatever is worth doing at all, is worth doing well." Many a man acquires a fortune by doing his business thoroughly, while his neighbor remains poor for life, because he only half does it. Ambition, energy, industry, perseverance, are indispensable requisites for success in business. Fortune always favors the brave, and never helps a man who does not help himself.”
Are you Indian? I've been curious how parenting differs from different parts of Asia. When "tiger parenting" is discussed in Western societies it's almost always focused on only the mothers and only women from Oriental countries. I've been wondering if it's different in Indian or Arab countries. Because the attention is so heavily focused on Oriental mother's there's this fallacy that in these cultures the education is more of a woman's responsibility than a father's. In India I've noticed that it seems to be more patriarchal. In what little I've seen of Indian families the father is shown as the king of the house and it is he who makes the demands and does the scolding/punishing if they misbehave. I'm also curious how or if religion plays into parenting. For example, where I live there's a huge population of Irish Catholic families and how they are disciplined and taught both at home and in school is based on Catholic teachings. In Oriental countries like China, Japan, Taiwan, North and South Korea, etc. religion isn't important and rarely influences parenting. But in Indian and Arab countries religion is very important and I'm curious how it affects the parenting.
My mum was everything this woman described in her book and a lot more. She administered a mandatory daily dose of beatings as well. I used to have bruises and cuts on parts of my body that could be hidden away under clothing like my torso and upper thighs. Once things got out of hand and I had cuts on my left forearm which festered. That was when my teacher had a talk with my mum. It was the 1980s so she was let off with a warning. From then on, she was extra careful not to leave any marks on parts of body not covered by clothing in public spaces. I grew up getting outstanding grades that made national headlines. I got degrees from top universities. I eventually ran away from my mum but I am forever damaged and suffer from severe PTSD and mental health problems as I grow older.
This makes me so sad to hear and read stories of childhood abuse.😢 I didn't go through that but I was forever traumatized when i witnessed a school friend getting whipped horribly by his dad because came home late. I couldn't believe what I was seeing and was so tempted to scream for help because I thought he was gonna kill him. Then I found out it was a regular occurrence and it made me depressed for awhile.
@@CreativeCreaturefx I'm so glad for you that you were shocked and did not realise that such things could be a norm in a person's life, because this means that you weren't experiencing anything like that growing up.
yeah, that's kind of sad cause in the modern world, children can notice what's wrong or right in the way the parents treat them by reading, watching movies, connecting... They can compare the affect of other culture's parenting and realize the weakness of their own parents. Sometime expect too much from their parent might lead to dissapointed because parents are hard to change.
Hmmm I dont think they lack empathy because they most have probably experienced the same with their parents. But having brought up the same, being strict and having high standards is the norm.
My mom was not strict, but that forced me to hold myself responsible for planning my time and getting things done. Not having her breathing down my back while I did homework helped me get really good at motivating myself. I'm so grateful for my mom.
My dad used to be a tiger parent but when his children go through bullying at school to the point of depression and also some of us started showing signs of rebelling and were like "bitch we won't hesitate to run away" he started to soften lol. For our own mental health, we started to forcefully eliminate any kind of fear we have towards him.
a lot of tiger parents don't really care about their kids getting bullied.. im korean but born in america and they just laughed at me.. im so depressed...
that’s nice…my dad destroyed my only real friendship and moved me around to whatever school would “help me get into a good college” and it burnt me out. Ironically, he used my cousins “failure” (she went to a state school) as a reasoning for not letting me go to the high school my friends went to, but now that “failure” cousin is the most successful person in this family and all my friends at that has went to competitive colleges, meanwhile i’m still burnt out
Said the person whose kids didn’t get into Harvard. Do you think those kids feel bad now both going to Harvard? I don’t think so. They’re winning at life.
I always tell some of my western friends that Asian parenting is mostly living vicariously through your children. Hehehe but my mother put it this way, "what I couldnt have because of having less opportunities, I would make sure you can achieve. And once you have it, it's like I had it all along." i know, weird. But im thankful for all the sacrifices my parents had to make.
@@Shadowdoc26 I wonder what Amy Chua would say to the police if the neighbors got them involved. She would probably say that Sophia has a lack of situational awareness and she wasn't watching where she was going.
I'm so happy that I didn't had tiger parents like Amy Chua. If Amy Chua were my mother, I would run away from house, go to police station and tell that she abused me, and after that I would cut every ties with her and repeatedly say:,,Amy Chua is not my mom anymore".
i like how the interviewer was lowkey throwing shade LMAOO and amy chua's like: I care about my kids :) i don't care about a's :) and the interviewer is like: .....really bitch :/
There has to be a balance. You definitely don't want to be to lenient like a lot of western parents, but being overly strict may cause your child to resent you and they may go wild once they hit 18. My parents were strict and till this day I don't really have a loving relationship with them.
One only needs to hear Amy Chua's account of getting her daughter to play a piano piece to know what an abusive mother she is. She even abuses her husband, calling him weak because he tries to protect his daughter from her sadistic bullying, but clearly the father left his balls on the altar. As punishment for not playing a piano piece perfectly, Amu Chua spent the entire evening shouting at her daughter until she was hoarse; she would not let her eat, or go to the bathroom. The supposed _victory_ of the daughter finally playing the piece correctly and being _really happy_ is merely the relief of a child whose mother has stopped shouting at her and may allow her to eat and sleep. Anybody who thinks this somehow represents _great parenting_ needs to go get some therapy and read up on Adverse Childhood Experiences and see where they lead. When 500 Chinese school students commit suicide each year it doesn't take a genius to see that this method of parenting is cruel, destructive and doesn't work. A wall full of certificates and prizes is surely bitter comfort for mothers like Amy Chuan whose children killed themselves rather than face another day being her little obedient trophy doll.
Sorry but that's not abuse. Motivating even aggressively motivating your kids is not "child abuse", that's absurd. Raising kids to be fat and lazy is child abuse.
Jonathan Trego Abuse is anything from the following: to use wrongly or improperly; misuse: "to abuse one's authority." to speak insultingly, harshly, and unjustly to or about; revile; malign. Up to physical and sexual mistreatment. Ask yourself whether this woman would dare to treat any adult in the street like this. No, she wouldn't, and for two reasons: 1. She knows that she wouldn't get away with it without risking retribution, and 2. She has no authority over strangers; they are not dependent on her and hence she has no leverage. No, when a parent bullies and scares a child into complying with their arbitrary whims, they are animals who belong in some primitive era. Once you have to resort to coercion and threats, you've lost any integrity. Children respond perfectly well to reason and respecful negotiation; they want to learn and they want to please their parents. Amy Chua wants a performing monkey for a child and a husband who shuts up and doesn't challenge her; she's exactly what a parent should not be.
Valelacerte Nobody would treat a random adult in the street in any of the same ways that they treat their child. The difference is: the child is that, a child. That is an absurd comparison to make, if you think of children and adults as equals your logic already failed...
Jonathan Trego And why exactly does a child-your own child-deserve less respect than a stranger in the street? A child does not choose to be with their parents, they are helpless and completely dependent; they deserve more respect and care than anyone.
The book was about her journey trying to implement tiger mom parenting to her kids and finally learning from it and learning how to humble herself and listen to her children. Most of the judgements about her being "abusive" or too strict referred to those times she had done in the past. It's much harder to judge now because she's probably changed by those experiences. And I too had ill judgements against her while first reading her book. But then I realized that she had no ill intentions and basing it from her perspective, she was trying her best. I'm just happy that towards the end, she learned something from her kids.
The West is notorious for sensationalism and take a piece here and there. I think the Tiger mom story is important on many levels (cultural, personal, a.commentary on society, parenting and education and a potential insight into culture clashes and the Bamboo ceiling).
I felt so badly for Louisa. Amy may have softened, but her treatment of Louisa during her impressionable phase was harsh. She’s lucky Louisa is forgiving.
Ultimately, the little tigers tiger moms raised turn out to be made of paper. Being smart and getting good grades are important. But too many Asians grew up socially awkward and totally lacking in interpersonal skills and in the world of big business out there, that is a skill that is indispensable and that is where their white counterparts will climb ahead of them.
Honestly as an Asian, I will definitely not be raising my kids this way. This shit is totally a ruse. It's only amazing WHEN it actually works, and yes because of the differences among humans, there will ultimately be people who can survive this kind of upbringing and do well in society. That doesn't mean it's even remotely a good way of parenting. Chances are, if you applied this to 100 kids and recorded the results, I'm sure a vast majority would not have developed into mentally healthy human beings. But the best part is, you can always call those people losers or weaklings for not being able to handle the rigors of this type of parenting. And those that do succeed? Sure, maybe you're earning 6 figure or more salaries at your prestigious firms simply because you were forced to spend the majority of your youth studying one thing. But I'm willing to bet they are deep down miserable, and unfortunately forced to use their "financial success" in life as a ways to justify their sad upbringing.
They lose their soul. They do not succeed their very existence is based upon competition. There is no heart in the Tiger Mom or this life. The human connection is lost
"I didn't expect this level of intensity" ....ummm really? As an educated person as herself, making an unscientific assertive subjective opinion didn't expected intensity? I'm glad she's not my mum, unfortunately my mum was like that!
So, I don't believe her perspective was unscientific. I feel like a lot of people are overreacting negatively to her because, 1. They haven't read her book. (You'd think you would reserve judgement till after like a scientific method instead of going off what others just tell you) and 2. She wasn't making a general conclusive statement. And as we all know not every parenting style is going to work for everyone. Plus, think back, the first person to say "Gods don't exist. Zeus doesn't throw the lightening...and then goes off into their own ideas...was probably seen as a heretic too.
I lived a few years in Hong Kong and always felt sorry for the poor kids of my hkers colleagues. They were simply not having a proper childhood. At 50+ I still feel my childhood was the best period of my life (I was left free with little control, spending most of my time with friends or in the mountain).
asian Americans also go through this bullshit too. Esmie tseng, charlie tan, jennifer pan, etc all snapped under extreme pressure. im asian american and im always screamed, hit, etc
I played music since I was 11, I always strived for top grades in school, because I CHOSE TO. I was not forced to by my parents. Forcing your child to get the grades you want will only result in them rebelling as soon as they turn 18. It’s not right.
this chopped this interview up completely. wth ? and did you hear when the mom was trying to express her sympathy for children raised with "tiger parents" the interviewer immediately changed the subject to put her back on the defensive and describe her as a bad person. too biased for me
I hust read her book. Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. I'm an african american guy and I kindve like her parenting style. Because even though it's strict, her daughter's aren't out hanging in the streets and in a way you can say they have an occupation on the side. An extracurricular activity and a goal to strive for in that activity as well as school and she's pushing to be successful. Life isn't going to be all roses and fairy dust. This is why I think she gets praised by the African American community. She instills discipline and being humble, respectful as well as academics, starting kids off when they're young. I really enjoyed her book. Pple complain about about her parenting style, but not too long ago there was an article in the Wall Strt journal and there was a study done on cultural groups and found out that most top corp positions are help by Asians. Just saying lol. I think african americans we shld adopt this parenting style.
Curtis Green my wifes story might interest you. Her most vivid memory is fourth grade. She brought home a 4 A's and 2 B's Report Card. She was so HAPPY! She handed it over Proudly. Her Father expected straight A's. Told her she was STUPID & LAZY, Grounded her until the next Report Card. She NEVER Brought that HOME. It went Straight into the Trash. She NEVER even LOOKED at it. Her Father would NEVER be Happy about it so what was the POINT. She Decided F**K You! You think I'm Stupid I'll show you STUPID. She GRADUATED High School with a 3.98 grade average after completing her first year of COLLEGE in her last year of High School. She could have GRADUATED with HONORS, but Tanked on PURPOSE just to prove a point. Behavior Specialist say you BECOME your PARENTS. That Terrified her so much that she decided NEVER to have CHILDREN. What kind of F't up PERSON would have a Child Knowing She MIGHT become her Father. She lost her HOME in the Housing Market Crash and instead of turning to her family. She became HOMELESS. Sleeping in PARKS and Dumpster Stalls. I met her during this time. She is the HARDEST Working Person I Know. She is also the STRONGEST Person I have EVER met. She's one of my HEROES. Her Principles ment more than a roof. She became HOMELESS when she was in her mid 40's. Now she is over 50 and advocates and volunteers for thw HOMELESS. Her family hasn't seen her for 15 years.
Harold Mcguire I’d say it is best to raise your child in a supportive environment that rewards good behavior and improvement. Instead of setting a a fixed bar that the child must meet or they are punished, the bar should be whatever their previous best is. If the child is rewarded for self improvement then they are less likely to rebel violently. Also they learn self discipline and how to improve character and skill without someone cracking a whip at them all the time. They will carry these qualities long after they leave their parents. It’s the way I was raised and the way I plan to raise my kids.
@@bluebeetle34 so do the Amish kids, but then half of them end up returning to their old way of life after their brief period on the outside. You can't predict how a child will respond when they get older. You could love your kids all you want and provide them with everything and yet they still turn into spoiled and egotistical weirdos who expect life to go well for them without any work. OR you could be the stricter parent and your kids may end up successful and humble. Or none of those outcomes could happen. We just don't know. Tiger Parenting is just one STYLE of parenting and it all depends on what a parent thinks is best for their child. It's like watching what happens on "Super nanny". A lot of those kids are HORRIBLE and the parents are sometimes spineless. So maybe being tougher would be best. Other times we see too strict of parents who need to tone down. there is no true good way to raise a child because essentially we are all flawed.
Sometimes, I really feel like the only reason my mom wants me to have good grades is so that I can buy her everything she wants when she's a helpless cranky lady.
Tiger parenting is bad for multiple reasons. 1. It makes your child think they aren't enough and eats away their confidence. 2. It makes them think about repercussions everytime they screw up. (what's mom gonna say?/what's mom gonna do when she finds out?) This causes them to bottle up their problems on their own because they know their parents won't have their back and perhaps grill them even more if they find out. 3. It doesn't teach your child to be better disciplined. It only makes them a better liar and they tend to be the wildest outside the household because they just wanna act out. (This is exactly what I did)
I like my dad's parenting style, he pushes me and makes sure I achieve but he knows when to stop, especially as I have a few mental illnesses I have to deal with. Without him I wouldn't have got into a selective school or got good grades. Intensive parenting works well tbh, just as long as you listen to your kids.
Just finished this memoir today! I really enjoyed reading it, but didn't appreciate her often-used over-generalizations of just how bad Western parenting was. In the end, though, she honestly seemed to be regretful of how extreme she was with her daughters and agrees with some aspects of Western parenting. I've always loved the Chinese culture and history, and one of my earliest best friends was raised by a mother similar to Amy. Interesting study and excellent memoir!
I’m Asian and my three boys don’t play any instruments. They are in elementary school, and only thing I don’t let them do is watching tiktok and RUclips sort of things. Not all Asian parents are into academic and other stereotypical goals.
Please let them play sports and motivate them to do physical activities. Boys need those for their proper physical and mental growth.Don't let them have mobile,ensure that they Don't become a victim of pornography
The center of the Mothers' Day card story and the unacceptable A- story is all about putting in your best effort. Amy says that she knows what her daughters are capable of and they should always do their best. I agree with this, but kids can't always go above and beyond on every single thing, they'd go insane! You can't expect someone to always give everything 100%. We're not perfect. We get tired. We can't go all the way every single time.
Only in America ( George Washington Duke , Rocky V 😁). If you even dare thinking about doing that to your kids in my country Italy, well, Carabinieri will ring your bell in a matter of minutes ( or in Sweden, or anywhere in Europe)
I was raised as a "free" child. I could do basically anything I wanted, go anywhere I wanted and I got everything I wanted. Now my grades aren't that good and I'm very disappointed in myself. I don't want that to my kids. I'm very strict with my nieces, who spend a lot of time with me and my mom and I always tell them to do their homework as soon as they get out of school and if they didn't know how to do them, I would help them, as long as it takes. I wanna raise my kids to respect their parents, to be good people and to do the right choices in life, but I also want to give them a loving home where you can have fun AND do hard work.
SeeNoEvilHearNoEvil There is area to be strict about friends. Many Westerners are not strict about friends and look at all the bad language, and drugs, and dirty music, the crime. In China the popular students are the intellectuals and the students want to be friends with the intellectuals. In USA many popular students are thieves, drug abusers. The nerds (intellectuals) are not popular nor desired as friends.
SeeNoEvilHearNoEvil There is no instill creativity or curiosity. Creativity and curiosity is something we do, they are not something we are taught. Every human has the traits to be curious and to create.
This does not work for all kids. I have a math learning disability, Cerebral Palsy and OCD. My parents did push me, but they were NEVER this extreme. If my mom was, I probably would have killed myself because I would not be able to meet those expectations. I am already anxiety prone. I had meltdowns as a kid. and my parents spent a lot of time and money getting me help for both my mental and physical well being. My mom could be firm, but she realized that I would never go to an Ivy League College..
Growing up my mom had a lot of expectation for me. She sent me to piano lessons, violin lessons, ballet classes, art classes, etc etc But I hated them all. My piano teacher even said she had never seen a child who hated piano with vengeance. My mom was the authoritarian figure in the family (or tiger mom) and I was deathly afraid of her. But when I was 6th grade, I gathered all my courage and told her I didn’t want to play anymore and please don’t force me. She looked at me and didn’t utter a word. My mom passed away when I was 30. I am 50 now. A few years before she passed away, she apologized to me. I can’t help but think if she had tried a different way to motivate and get me interested in any of these things she wanted me to do, it might’ve been a totally different outcome. Instead of telling your kids what to do, foster an environment that helps them to figure out on their own and give them a sense of control of their own future and destiny. Each child also has their own personality. Some like more guidance than others. One method does not apply to all.
i was raised by a tiger mom, although not as extreme, but it made me understand what she was trying to do and really...she's a good story-teller. she tells her stories in an amazingly funny way (that is, if u get her jokes) and the book was enjoyable to read. it is thought-provoking and well, she's just putting her opinions bluntly. i can see both sides of the argument, but if u read the book. u'll realize that she finally reaches the middle between both eastern and western parenting.
I thought I was raised normal. But then watching this and thought that My childhood was full about math, sempoa, tutoring here and there, piano, traditional dance, and my mom’s needs to have a good grade in class, me rebelled at 15-18 explain everything. Lol i was raised by a tiger mom.
I have experienced a number of asian doctors in raising my family and taking care of aging parents. I am sure they were academically very intelligent but almost without exception they had a very poor bedside manner. They didnt take time to talk and treat the patient as a whole, just ordered lots of tests and wrote prescriptions. What i was also angry about, especially considering how they appear to respect their own parents and elders was how condescending they could be to seniors, especially if they were asked questions. I finally had to tell one doctor that i wanted a second opinion on a back problem before deciding on surgery. He got very upset and i had to tell him that if his ego or diagnosis couldnt withstand a second opinion then i needed a new doctor since it was my body and ultimately my decision.
Well look at her daughters now. Sophia wanted to join the Army and Amy was right behind her supporting it. Lulu wanted to become a Photographer and Amy supported it. Lulu eventually decided to go into Art History and went to Harvard.
danny M As much as I'd like to agree, and I think in some cases it may be true, but our definition of trying and an Asian family's of trying is totally different. I read Amy Chua's book and I know a lot of Asian parents who are like that, but very few American families would go to those lengths. I'm not sure if that's good or bad, but it does have its advantages and disadvantages.
wow, a little racist aren't you? btw, a lot of Asian kids often do go to those schools and they still do well. It starts at home. Maybe you should look at the home you came from considering your racist remarks.
+Urbanprotestantstormtrooper dear random person, I can respect your opinion on Amy Chua and how you think children should be raised, but it is another thing entirely to start throwing around racist slurs. I don't care how they get to success, the key point is that they will be successful and that's that. Complaining and moaning isn't going to make money fall from the sky. So I can only tell you what all teachers say. 'Suck it up and get over it'. But looking at your username that isn't going to happen in this century is it.
sailormoonserenity99 totally agree w/u. No reason to get all racist. Asian families often try very, very hard, especially those who come to America rather than those who were born here. We often take all the opportunities and what America has to offer for granted. Those from other countries, really know what a hard life can be like.
I was raised by a Tiger not so tiger mother. My mother was an immigrant from the Philippines and education was something that was a high priority. I did grow up having extremely high expectations. I had my parents making me do schoolwork over summer. My dad making me do hard math without a calculator. No sleepovers. No non educational tv shows or video games. Practice tests made by my father. Little me was terrified of getting less than an A. My mother told me to treat a B like an F. I soon grew up thinking I wasn’t good enough until I had that grade. That I become a lawyer or a doctor. I had to get Honor roll and take all Honors and get straight As. I have to give my 200% for everything I do. But it wasn’t until my depression that my parents and I came to an understanding. I am in no ways bashing my parents or Amy Chua. I love my parents deeply and I am grateful to them everyday for all that they do for me. Like what Amy Chua said, what I thought was them saying I need to be the best, but really they intended it to be you do your best. That I am loved despite a grade. Sure my mother and father weren’t as harsh as Amy Chua was in her book at times. I read Amy Chua’s and there is a mix of agreeing and disagreeing with her parenting. I’m not a parent myself, but I think that every child is different. Some children might benefit from this parenting style, some like myself might end up being extremely insecure. Every child is different and responds differently to different parenting styles and I think communication between parent and child is key when it comes to this type of parenting. Letting them knows they are loved despite a bad grade. Sure the redoing Mother’s Day cards to me is insentive and completely uncalled for and my own mother wouldn’t do that, I think that every child needs to be handled differently so that your parenting and rearing can help them eventually become successful. My mother realized after therapy that her ways weren’t working the way she wanted like Amy Chua and her youngest daughter in the book. It’s the learning to evolve and getting to know your child and how they function and learn and comprehend things. If my mother was more straightforward in the beginning about what she meant and less harsh I probably would have understood better. I am in no way a parent and probably don’t know what I’m talking about but from a tiger cub, just please reassure them that they are loved regardless of GPA or honor roll lack of honor roll things. Take the time to learn how your child views your actions towards them and talk about your feelings and their feelings. So that way you can adjust and still push them to be the best they can be and take those honors classes and make top of the class or become a piano virtuoso. Yet balancing it out with validation instead of constant harsh criticism which is completely fine and helpful in increments and balanced out with positive comments. Not too much and not too little.
I come from a latin family. My mom was quite the tiger mom when I was little. I would get scolded for getting anything less than an A. However, she stopped scolding and criticizing me on the basis of my grades around grade 4. Yet, they set the foundation for me, and now without their push I am at the top of my class. She has now become more lenient and accepting of my grades, as long as she knows I gave an "honest" effort. I wish they had been more strict, knowing I haven't reached my potential.
You have no right to judge if you haven’t read the book. I have and I laughed all the way through. I could only see a happy, successful family. How do you know she’s not a loving mother? I remember one thing Sofia (her first born) said that there was a time she got a A- in an exam in college, and she texted her mom about it feeling frustrated. Amy responded "who cares. Mommy still loves you!”. I think what she tried to accomplish is to instill a work ethic and good qualities into her kids when they were young.
Just recently I saw that Amy's eldest daughter Sophia got married and she looked absolutely stunning. Amy Chua also looked sensational in her mother of the bride dress.
I like Amy Chua and her book. I was raised by so-called "tiger parents" and although I am far from perfect, I think I turned out okay. I respect my authorities, I am self-confident, and I always strive to be the best, with an understanding that I can never be perfect.
I love to see a STRONG Filipino woman. I'm a black native Filipino, she's a Filipino of Chinese-descent, but we're all strong women, and I'm proud of that.
All parents want their children to be great, but even if I gave my mother a horrible card or present when I was that age I didn't even write in it I just stuck random things like pipe cleaners on a card and I couldn't even spell my name right, but my mum would never throw it back in my face, if your child wants to be great then help them by all means but let them be a child first and don't force them to do things.
I’m depressed all the time. I work in a job with decent benefits, in a field i thought i could only dream to be in, make more money than my friends, feel like dying everyday
Eszra Falcontail Thanks. The source of my depression is sexual abuse and low self worth. Talking to people about my day and reenforcing values on gratitude has really helped me cope. In the end of the day my “problems” are not really problems that I cannot move on from. I’m not permanently disabled, or nor do I have cancer. Even if that was the case, crying about it isn’t going it make it any better. I just try to be grateful for what I have now and make the most of it.
Working for Asian people is bad enough. We had one Asian manager (he was eventually fired) but he was hell to work with. About 13 people quit our team within 3 months because of him. If working for them sucks that bad I can't imagine being one of their kids.
While I don't plan on raising my kids like that, I think she is a good parent. Read her book or even her website and you will see she only wants her kids to reach their full potential. And they love her for it
But don't underestimate the power of her Asian influence and her hardcore approach,she meant what she said and many Asian parents-male and females ultimate goal is discipline by harsh methods compared to the western approach..While her stance was harsh,it is the right one because ultimately her children benefit..thats why Asians do so well because its what is expected, no less.
Not one of my overachiever friends (and I) are successful because they were subject to tough parenting like this. On the contrary, they usually have close, understanding, and supportive parents who usually tell them to freakin relax. Lol When I had subpar grades, it was my parents reassuring me that they were still proud of me blah blah. Which of course, I was smart enough to know it's not about them at all lol. Even at a young age, my drive to succeed was focused on what I wanted for my future and goals. Parental approval was nothing but a second thought. And that's the key. Tough controlling parenting like this takes away the child's ability to have their own self-agency, confidence and sense of accountability so in the end, their drive to succeed is never their own which is in itself unsustainable.
I was, and am still, being raised as a free child... No tiger parenting and i'm almost a straight A student, I have 3 honor rolls, a student of the trimester... And I did NOT have any tiger parents... My parents let ME decide when I would push myself a little farther than I thought...
+Chapniak You're still a baby, but I don't want to discourage you though. Just maintain a high level of focus on school throughout your school life and be a good person.
He is an IIT, IIM graduate and still the most loved writer in India! All I want to say is, its never too late to pursue what you really love! You can become a make up artist at ANY point of time in your life! You just need to hold onto it. Talent never dies out, it always stays.
I think people should stop insulting her and saying she is a milf and things. When i was young my parents never let me go to sleep overs and i was fine with that. Here is my question to all of you haters and people who are writing threats, would YOU rather be nice to your kid and let him/her flunk in school and say "That's okay, maybe next time" or would you rather be strict to your children and later on they play at friggin carnegie hall? I'm 11 and i just wrote this
I'm really going to have to read the book, but looking at Amy Chua she sounds like she on a good parenting style now. Listening to your kids yet not excepting they can't do something.
Amy chua is lucky to have her children pulled through her, however if the child can't realize what tough love is, they will only keep living life feeling worthless despite their achievements. I personally believe that strict parenting can be good. But as with everything else, it needs to be balanced. And sometimes, kids need to experience things for themselves rather than being told constantly. How else will they learn and truly find their own path?
This is very interesting to me. Coming up from a strict African family, there are definitely parallels to Asian parenting techniques. Furthermore teaching Chinese children English also shows the tendencies of tiger parenting. Nevertheless, I think parents should encourage their children to do what they want to do, work hard at it, and encourage them at some point they will be rewarded financially, as well as emotionally and mentally. That's mentally healthier.
Tiger mothers aren't mothers because they don't see their children as individuals, but investments. There's a reason why most Asian parents want their child to be a doctor or a lawyer because of the prestige AND income. You can argue that's not an issue because it insures the child's survival, but they're not really living if they aren't happy with their life. One can also argue having a child is expensive and isn't really an investment, but studies online estimate costs to be around $200k+ for one child, if he/she becomes a doctor, they can easily make that money back on top of paying for the vacations and elderly care for the parents in just a few years. The flaw in this thinking is that the law does not obligate the child to take care of their parents, but in China mainstream media and culture does. In fact, many children of tiger moms go no contact once they gain independence. It is sad because Asian Americans have one of the highest suicide and depression rates. No one wants to be born as a Lamborghini, home movie theater, or the next trip to Peru - because that's exactly what the child is; another wallet for the parents own personal gains.
My textbook included an excerpt of Amy China’s “The Hymn of the Tiger Mother”, but it cut off before the end, and it didn’t include where it says that she wasn’t a tiger mother all the way through and eventually soften.
Amy Chua is emulating Mommy Dearest with Joan Crawford. Joan Crawford is a driven actress and compulsively clean housekeeper who tries to control the lives of those around her as tightly as she controls herself. To prepare for a work day at MGM Studios, she rises at 4:00 am and engages in a strict morning ritual Joan lavishes Christina with attention and luxuries such as an extravagant birthday party, but also enforces a code of denial and discipline. When Christina is showered with gifts, Joan allows her to choose only one she likes best that she can keep, then donates the rest to charity.
I had a friend who moved out because his Asian stepmom threatened to kill his horses and his hounds over bad grades plus she had a complete hisse fit when his gall came up pregnant ,she was sico
asian parents expect their children to do their best. and USUALLY that "best" is getting an A. that's all there is to it. A minus is not exceptable ONLY IF it's not your best. My asian mom just tells me this: Do whatever makes you happy. But be the best at it/ pursue it to a high level. Wouldn't you feel unsatisfied if you did something half heartedly?
I agree, you do not need a perfect job but what do you think would look better on a college application. Getting a good job will give you an easy life. Look at Amy. She works for Yale in a really nice house. Hard Work pays off. I have seen students getting 45% on tests and think it is all right. I'm not judging. The piano piece Am's kid lulu was playing was "Little white Donkey" Lulu didn't like the song but Amy didnt give up, and Lulu played it and said "I can do it, it's fun"
Maybe if some of the idiots criticizing her would READ THE DAMN BOOK you'd understand more. I'm very sure we'd all understand her after reading the book. READ THE BOOK. I did. It was very surprising and truthful and inspiring.
I am Asian and I would never raise my children like Amy Chua does. Tiger Moms are in my opinion an extreme of parenting. Treating a kid like a robot and making him or her more submissive is definitely something that would be more damaging to the kid in the future. Many of the most successful billionaires like Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Elon Musk, etc. were not raised by Tiger Moms. They were raised by parents who put them in the right path, but also let them make their own decisions and loved them no matter what they did with their lives. I'd rather raise my kid to be more independent and work for his or her own future rather than force them to do what I want them to do in the future.
After being assigned several excerpts from this book in high school, and living a sheltered adolescence with no close friends (of any race... I'm Caucasian), I was genuinely shocked when I went to college and had East Asian friends who played video games, participated in acting, athletics, etc., played guitars, synthesizers, etc., weren't classically trained musicians, struggled with basic math, etc. as teens. I don't think this is universal in the slightest. And as a white kid, I've been called things much harsher than garbage by my (mostly loving) parents.
It depends on the child. Not every child respond to spanking the same so not every child react to strict parenting either. Some children can be damaged greatly by such ways while other kids flourished under pressure.
If you read her book she really reflects on how her parenting style may have helped or hurt her children-she does not unequivocally promote it. And she really does love her children. She is a parent with flaws and to be able to write a book and even reflect on herself is better than many. Cut her a little slack.
You're right, success always breeds envy and hatred, but at the same time, you have to ask, but at what cost? You can have all the success in the world, but if you're mentally sound or satisfied with that success, all that work would have been for naught.
A couple of great critiques of Amy Chua's book: 'Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother' - Aggressive Parenting and the Cult of Excellence. 'Spanking Your Liver-Spotted Ass' - Tiger Mother Parenting Part 2
every thing in balance what I hear is she is trying to balance. to set standards is important with children balance with grace. American need more tiger mom's
Describing,tiger mom: really care about kids, and want their kids to not be left behind by other students, kids will feel like they are in prison, while a dolphin mom:they would be soft and kind, sometimes they might be a little bit strict if they lost their patience, they would buy or give anything to their children but not anything, if its too expensive "no" and if its above age "in later time".. now its time for the not caring mom:they would'nt care or worry of what is going to happen to their children,she would just do anything that their kids want, even though its dangerous
I love my parents. They try to be the best parents in the world. But more than once, they make me want to kill myself. They don’t demand high grade, not like the other Tiger parents. But they want to control everything in my life. They want me to be in relationship with only asian man. I need to fight with them for my choice of college. They try to control my job, underestimate my job. They give me false hopes about financial support where by in reality they took money away from me when i didn’t do what they want. They push me to getting married. They told me, as a girl I just need to focus on find the right man and getting married, My carrier means nothing if I don’t have a husband. Fyi I am Indonesian and I stay in asian country. But it’s well know that Asian parents is unique. I still love them. But yeah I found myself under pressure, depressed because of them. Dont get me wrong, they also make me happy. I just wish one day I can live the way I want. I wish one day I can be more outspoken about what i want
I loved excelent results in my childhood in school and highschool, but my mom never pressure me. I pressured myself all the time. Maybe I my own enemy.
one i know and feel what amy chua wish is making her kids the best and we should understand her understanding altho we do not accept her. maybe we just can appreciate her desicion. it is actually so traditional type and unfortunately mostly people applicate "love style" namely to teach their kids how to do something with love, not by forcing them to love something. i think amy should learn that today is modern world that never be the same as traditional like in her own childhood world.OH Jesus.
seen both ends of the spectrum now that i am a parent of two girls with their classmates. the takeaway is helping kids realize their potential. giving up in life is just not an option in the real world. agree with the approach of acknowledging successes but at same time addressing shortcomings. it IS the parents' job to help kids realize potential and build self-confidence. certainly being a pushover when your kids say they dont want to do something is NOT the answer; that's lazy parenting in my book!!!! identify the objection(s) weigh legitimate value and help and emphasis on "help" get past the difficulty. After all...who is the parent here? seen too much of parents bending over backwards for kid for fear of being labeled the "mean" one. Guess what real world is unkind and unforgiving!!!! Darwinism in full effect. the ability to work through day-to-day short term struggles are all that being an contributing member of society is about. So for all those bleeding heart pushover parents out there, read Amy Chua's book from a truly objective position to appreciate the message being delivered.
I remember as a highschooler my mom never let me have a girlfriend no matter what. Now as an adult, I do have a girlfriend and my mom knows. Even though she wanted to meet my girlfriend so bad, I do my best to prevent them from meeting. It's as if though I've built some sort of fear in a tarnished relationship.
i think the crazy part is that so many asian parents dont let their kids socialize or talk to people of opposite gender then all of a sudden youre expected to get married now and have a kid... like what? then there are some asian parents who try to do "Arranged marriage" (pressure to marry their friend's kid) so many of us are extremely socially awkward and have no actual experience
Being Jewish Sandy Koufax's parents wanted him to be a doctor or lawyer. He did get a degree from Cornell. Yet he followed his dream and his talent, to become a baseball player. I am sure he would have been a fair doctor or lawyer. Instead he became one of the greatest baseball players ever. The best pitcher in history.
Yeah playdates and slumber parties dont give success in life, its teaching your kids grit and determination. And i love amys book ive read it a couple of times over the years and you can tell the majority of people that responding to it never actually read it
I am an 18 year old Indian. Ive been parented in a VERY similar way and here's what I want to say,I was never interested in science but Ive been pushed onto that field (Ive always wanted to take up arts) and I scored 92% in my 10th and 84% in my 12th. If people think that this style of parenting doesnt let you have an indivisulaity of your own,then they're SO wrong Im a very strong person of my own I know who I am and what I want. Im scolded for too much tv and computer but surely allowed for it
"Birds born in a cage think flying is an illness."
-Alejandro Jodorowsky
Growing up, I always did what my parents (especially my mom) wanted me to do. I played piano, I got good grades, I volunteered at the hospital. My mom told me what college I should go to, she picked out my major. And I blindly went along with it. She even applied for a job at her hospital on my "behalf", despite knowing that I wasn't sure I wanted to work. But I went for the interview and I got the job. By sophomore year I was burnt out. Between the 15 credit hrs and 40 hr work weeks I didn't have time to do much else. What was I even doing? I didn't want to be a doctor, I decided I was done listening to my mom. I changed my major and my job. I finally know what I want to do with my life, and when I think about my future, it's without the pit in my stomach. But sometimes she'll say things like "we need to start looking at graduate schools". No. This. Is. My. Life.
Awww. It's good that you now decide what you want to do. Don't let anyone control you. You're not a robot. :)
Well done, Serena!
This reminds me of an interview I heard on Public Radio with Mel Brooks. He said, "It's my life. I'm going to spend it singing and dancing my heart out." Mel made some fabulous movies, including my favorite movie from the 1970s, Blazing Saddles.
Freddie Mercury's mom wanted him to be an accountant. Obviously, he did much better singing with Queen.
I was just reading quotations by P.T. Barnum. I like these 2.
“Unless a man enters upon the vocation intended for him by nature, and best suited to his peculiar genius, he cannot succeed.”
“WHATEVER YOU DO, DO IT WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT. Work at it, if necessary, early and late, in season and out of season, not leaving a stone unturned, and never deferring for a single hour that which can be done just as well now. The old proverb is full of truth and meaning, "Whatever is worth doing at all, is worth doing well." Many a man acquires a fortune by doing his business thoroughly, while his neighbor remains poor for life, because he only half does it. Ambition, energy, industry, perseverance, are indispensable requisites for success in business. Fortune always favors the brave, and never helps a man who does not help himself.”
Are you Indian? I've been curious how parenting differs from different parts of Asia. When "tiger parenting" is discussed in Western societies it's almost always focused on only the mothers and only women from Oriental countries. I've been wondering if it's different in Indian or Arab countries. Because the attention is so heavily focused on Oriental mother's there's this fallacy that in these cultures the education is more of a woman's responsibility than a father's. In India I've noticed that it seems to be more patriarchal. In what little I've seen of Indian families the father is shown as the king of the house and it is he who makes the demands and does the scolding/punishing if they misbehave. I'm also curious how or if religion plays into parenting. For example, where I live there's a huge population of Irish Catholic families and how they are disciplined and taught both at home and in school is based on Catholic teachings. In Oriental countries like China, Japan, Taiwan, North and South Korea, etc. religion isn't important and rarely influences parenting. But in Indian and Arab countries religion is very important and I'm curious how it affects the parenting.
How are you doing nowadays? Any update?
Yeah I relate to this
My mum was everything this woman described in her book and a lot more. She administered a mandatory daily dose of beatings as well. I used to have bruises and cuts on parts of my body that could be hidden away under clothing like my torso and upper thighs. Once things got out of hand and I had cuts on my left forearm which festered. That was when my teacher had a talk with my mum. It was the 1980s so she was let off with a warning. From then on, she was extra careful not to leave any marks on parts of body not covered by clothing in public spaces. I grew up getting outstanding grades that made national headlines. I got degrees from top universities. I eventually ran away from my mum but I am forever damaged and suffer from severe PTSD and mental health problems as I grow older.
Reminds me of my childhood. I guess they are few of us who are aware of this.
Welcome
This makes me so sad to hear and read stories of childhood abuse.😢
I didn't go through that but I was forever traumatized when i witnessed a school friend getting whipped horribly by his dad because came home late. I couldn't believe what I was seeing and was so tempted to scream for help because I thought he was gonna kill him. Then I found out it was a regular occurrence and it made me depressed for awhile.
@@CreativeCreaturefx I'm so glad for you that you were shocked and did not realise that such things could be a norm in a person's life, because this means that you weren't experiencing anything like that growing up.
Asian parents are very loving but what they lack is empathy. They do everything for you but do not really understand how you feel.
yeah, that's kind of sad cause in the modern world, children can notice what's wrong or right in the way the parents treat them by reading, watching movies, connecting... They can compare the affect of other culture's parenting and realize the weakness of their own parents. Sometime expect too much from their parent might lead to dissapointed because parents are hard to change.
If you mean ALL Asian parents, then you're racist. I've seen LOTS of Asian parents with empathy.
Jacob L. If
+Silvia R. I'm questioning how her daughters are doing psychologically. How traumatising is that?
Hmmm I dont think they lack empathy because they most have probably experienced the same with their parents. But having brought up the same, being strict and having high standards is the norm.
My mom was not strict, but that forced me to hold myself responsible for planning my time and getting things done. Not having her breathing down my back while I did homework helped me get really good at motivating myself. I'm so grateful for my mom.
Asian mom: "You Doctor yet"
Asian son: "paused"
Asian mom: "Ok, talk to me when you doctor"
lolololololololololololololol
Leol Mondhol YOU COME OUT OF ROOM WHEN YOU DOCTOR
I love that family guy skit...Asian child:dad I'm only 12yrs old...Asian dad: you talk to me when you doctor...LMAO
You got that from Family Guy.
My dad used to be a tiger parent but when his children go through bullying at school to the point of depression and also some of us started showing signs of rebelling and were like "bitch we won't hesitate to run away" he started to soften lol. For our own mental health, we started to forcefully eliminate any kind of fear we have towards him.
a lot of tiger parents don't really care about their kids getting bullied.. im korean but born in america and they just laughed at me.. im so depressed...
@@yoleeisbored I didn’t even tell my mum about what I’ve been through tbh I don’t expect anything from her
@@yoleeisbored :(
@@yoleeisbored I hope things are better now
that’s nice…my dad destroyed my only real friendship and moved me around to whatever school would “help me get into a good college” and it burnt me out. Ironically, he used my cousins “failure” (she went to a state school) as a reasoning for not letting me go to the high school my friends went to, but now that “failure” cousin is the most successful person in this family and all my friends at that has went to competitive colleges, meanwhile i’m still burnt out
"Dont assume your child is weak.." Totally agree with it.
Being tsundere with the own kids have some advantages.
Says the one who tastes germX
Their perception of children are more like trophies to them rather than a life form with emotions and feelings
so spot on.
truu
Said the person whose kids didn’t get into Harvard. Do you think those kids feel bad now both going to Harvard? I don’t think so. They’re winning at life.
I always tell some of my western friends that Asian parenting is mostly living vicariously through your children. Hehehe but my mother put it this way, "what I couldnt have because of having less opportunities, I would make sure you can achieve. And once you have it, it's like I had it all along."
i know, weird. But im thankful for all the sacrifices my parents had to make.
anewtrend actually, those kids (now adults) probably have serious depression and feel lonely.
I will never forgive Amy Chua for wanting to burn the doll's house of her daughter just because she refused to practice piano THAT long
How about the time she ran over her daughter's ankle and made her go on a long car ride instead of seeking treatment
@@walterkuzak2008 did that actually happen? Because that’s clearly Child abuse and assaulting a minor.
@@Shadowdoc26 I wonder what Amy Chua would say to the police if the neighbors got them involved. She would probably say that Sophia has a lack of situational awareness and she wasn't watching where she was going.
I'm so happy that I didn't had tiger parents like Amy Chua. If Amy Chua were my mother, I would run away from house, go to police station and tell that she abused me, and after that I would cut every ties with her and repeatedly say:,,Amy Chua is not my mom anymore".
@@walterkuzak2008 she did get treatment and she made her go on the car ride, she had a cast and everything
i like how the interviewer was lowkey throwing shade LMAOO and amy chua's like: I care about my kids :) i don't care about a's :) and the interviewer is like: .....really bitch :/
lol would love to see both of them make out
+YourHeartIsTheKey shut up lmao
I am Asian parent, this lady is crazy.
Agreed she makes Ronald Reagan look like Mr Rogers
@@LeoMes01 Who's mr. Roger?
There has to be a balance. You definitely don't want to be to lenient like a lot of western parents, but being overly strict may cause your child to resent you and they may go wild once they hit 18. My parents were strict and till this day I don't really have a loving relationship with them.
That's called authoritative parenting.
One only needs to hear Amy Chua's account of getting her daughter to play a piano piece to know what an abusive mother she is. She even abuses her husband, calling him weak because he tries to protect his daughter from her sadistic bullying, but clearly the father left his balls on the altar.
As punishment for not playing a piano piece perfectly, Amu Chua spent the entire evening shouting at her daughter until she was hoarse; she would not let her eat, or go to the bathroom. The supposed _victory_ of the daughter finally playing the piece correctly and being _really happy_ is merely the relief of a child whose mother has stopped shouting at her and may allow her to eat and sleep.
Anybody who thinks this somehow represents _great parenting_ needs to go get some therapy and read up on Adverse Childhood Experiences and see where they lead. When 500 Chinese school students commit suicide each year it doesn't take a genius to see that this method of parenting is cruel, destructive and doesn't work. A wall full of certificates and prizes is surely bitter comfort for mothers like Amy Chuan whose children killed themselves rather than face another day being her little obedient trophy doll.
sounds like another case of white fever
Sorry but that's not abuse. Motivating even aggressively motivating your kids is not "child abuse", that's absurd. Raising kids to be fat and lazy is child abuse.
Jonathan Trego
Abuse is anything from the following:
to use wrongly or improperly; misuse:
"to abuse one's authority."
to speak insultingly, harshly, and unjustly to or about; revile; malign.
Up to physical and sexual mistreatment.
Ask yourself whether this woman would dare to treat any adult in the street like this. No, she wouldn't, and for two reasons: 1. She knows that she wouldn't get away with it without risking retribution, and 2. She has no authority over strangers; they are not dependent on her and hence she has no leverage.
No, when a parent bullies and scares a child into complying with their arbitrary whims, they are animals who belong in some primitive era. Once you have to resort to coercion and threats, you've lost any integrity. Children respond perfectly well to reason and respecful negotiation; they want to learn and they want to please their parents.
Amy Chua wants a performing monkey for a child and a husband who shuts up and doesn't challenge her; she's exactly what a parent should not be.
Valelacerte Nobody would treat a random adult in the street in any of the same ways that they treat their child. The difference is: the child is that, a child. That is an absurd comparison to make, if you think of children and adults as equals your logic already failed...
Jonathan Trego And why exactly does a child-your own child-deserve less respect than a stranger in the street? A child does not choose to be with their parents, they are helpless and completely dependent; they deserve more respect and care than anyone.
I can't believe anything she say.
Her face is so unsettling
She looks like she's trying to eat her own face.
The book was about her journey trying to implement tiger mom parenting to her kids and finally learning from it and learning how to humble herself and listen to her children. Most of the judgements about her being "abusive" or too strict referred to those times she had done in the past. It's much harder to judge now because she's probably changed by those experiences. And I too had ill judgements against her while first reading her book. But then I realized that she had no ill intentions and basing it from her perspective, she was trying her best. I'm just happy that towards the end, she learned something from her kids.
The West is notorious for sensationalism and take a piece here and there. I think the Tiger mom story is important on many levels (cultural, personal, a.commentary on society, parenting and education and a potential insight into culture clashes and the Bamboo ceiling).
The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
im not sure if I agree with that, especially considering her follow up books.
I felt so badly for Louisa. Amy may have softened, but her treatment of Louisa during her impressionable phase was harsh. She’s lucky Louisa is forgiving.
Ultimately, the little tigers tiger moms raised turn out to be made of paper.
Being smart and getting good grades are important.
But too many Asians grew up socially awkward and totally lacking in interpersonal skills and in the world of big business out there, that is a skill that is indispensable and that is where their white counterparts will climb ahead of them.
Climb? They will straight up step over them.
Not just white, but anyone who’s not Asian
Honestly as an Asian, I will definitely not be raising my kids this way. This shit is totally a ruse. It's only amazing WHEN it actually works, and yes because of the differences among humans, there will ultimately be people who can survive this kind of upbringing and do well in society. That doesn't mean it's even remotely a good way of parenting. Chances are, if you applied this to 100 kids and recorded the results, I'm sure a vast majority would not have developed into mentally healthy human beings. But the best part is, you can always call those people losers or weaklings for not being able to handle the rigors of this type of parenting. And those that do succeed? Sure, maybe you're earning 6 figure or more salaries at your prestigious firms simply because you were forced to spend the majority of your youth studying one thing. But I'm willing to bet they are deep down miserable, and unfortunately forced to use their "financial success" in life as a ways to justify their sad upbringing.
They lose their soul. They do not succeed their very existence is based upon competition. There is no heart in the Tiger Mom or this life. The human connection is lost
"I didn't expect this level of intensity" ....ummm really? As an educated person as herself, making an unscientific assertive subjective opinion didn't expected intensity?
I'm glad she's not my mum, unfortunately my mum was like that!
So, I don't believe her perspective was unscientific. I feel like a lot of people are overreacting negatively to her because, 1. They haven't read her book. (You'd think you would reserve judgement till after like a scientific method instead of going off what others just tell you) and 2. She wasn't making a general conclusive statement. And as we all know not every parenting style is going to work for everyone.
Plus, think back, the first person to say "Gods don't exist. Zeus doesn't throw the lightening...and then goes off into their own ideas...was probably seen as a heretic too.
I lived a few years in Hong Kong and always felt sorry for the poor kids of my hkers colleagues. They were simply not having a proper childhood. At 50+ I still feel my childhood was the best period of my life (I was left free with little control, spending most of my time with friends or in the mountain).
asian Americans also go through this bullshit too. Esmie tseng, charlie tan, jennifer pan, etc all snapped under extreme pressure. im asian american and im always screamed, hit, etc
I played music since I was 11, I always strived for top grades in school, because I CHOSE TO. I was not forced to by my parents. Forcing your child to get the grades you want will only result in them rebelling as soon as they turn 18. It’s not right.
Pretty much. Think it’s why I still had a strong work ethic even after turning 18. I felt strongly motivated by my own goals, not my parents’ goals
this chopped this interview up completely. wth ? and did you hear when the mom was trying to express her sympathy for children raised with "tiger parents" the interviewer immediately changed the subject to put her back on the defensive and describe her as a bad person. too biased for me
I so appreciate that I live a easy life. love my mom
Amy Chua always has a great response to every question
She's a great bullshitter.
Hei C
Amen
I hust read her book. Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. I'm an african american guy and I kindve like her parenting style. Because even though it's strict, her daughter's aren't out hanging in the streets and in a way you can say they have an occupation on the side. An extracurricular activity and a goal to strive for in that activity as well as school and she's pushing to be successful. Life isn't going to be all roses and fairy dust. This is why I think she gets praised by the African American community. She instills discipline and being humble, respectful as well as academics, starting kids off when they're young. I really enjoyed her book. Pple complain about about her parenting style, but not too long ago there was an article in the Wall Strt journal and there was a study done on cultural groups and found out that most top corp positions are help by Asians. Just saying lol. I think african americans we shld adopt this parenting style.
CURTIS GREEN Her child rebelled big time as soon as she got to college and away from her mom.
Curtis Green my wifes story might interest you. Her most vivid memory is fourth grade. She brought home a 4 A's and 2 B's Report Card. She was so HAPPY! She handed it over Proudly. Her Father expected straight A's. Told her she was STUPID & LAZY, Grounded her until the next Report Card. She NEVER Brought that HOME. It went Straight into the Trash. She NEVER even LOOKED at it. Her Father would NEVER be Happy about it so what was the POINT. She Decided F**K You! You think I'm Stupid I'll show you STUPID. She GRADUATED High School with a 3.98 grade average after completing her first year of COLLEGE in her last year of High School. She could have GRADUATED with HONORS, but Tanked on PURPOSE just to prove a point. Behavior Specialist say you BECOME your PARENTS. That Terrified her so much that she decided NEVER to have CHILDREN. What kind of F't up PERSON would have a Child Knowing She MIGHT become her Father. She lost her HOME in the Housing Market Crash and instead of turning to her family. She became HOMELESS. Sleeping in PARKS and Dumpster Stalls. I met her during this time. She is the HARDEST Working Person I Know. She is also the STRONGEST Person I have EVER met. She's one of my HEROES. Her Principles ment more than a roof. She became HOMELESS when she was in her mid 40's. Now she is over 50 and advocates and volunteers for thw HOMELESS. Her family hasn't seen her for 15 years.
Harold Mcguire I’d say it is best to raise your child in a supportive environment that rewards good behavior and improvement. Instead of setting a a fixed bar that the child must meet or they are punished, the bar should be whatever their previous best is. If the child is rewarded for self improvement then they are less likely to rebel violently. Also they learn self discipline and how to improve character and skill without someone cracking a whip at them all the time. They will carry these qualities long after they leave their parents. It’s the way I was raised and the way I plan to raise my kids.
So calling your child pathetic and lazy, while withholding dinner is "good" parenting?
@@bluebeetle34 so do the Amish kids, but then half of them end up returning to their old way of life after their brief period on the outside. You can't predict how a child will respond when they get older. You could love your kids all you want and provide them with everything and yet they still turn into spoiled and egotistical weirdos who expect life to go well for them without any work. OR you could be the stricter parent and your kids may end up successful and humble. Or none of those outcomes could happen. We just don't know. Tiger Parenting is just one STYLE of parenting and it all depends on what a parent thinks is best for their child. It's like watching what happens on "Super nanny". A lot of those kids are HORRIBLE and the parents are sometimes spineless. So maybe being tougher would be best. Other times we see too strict of parents who need to tone down. there is no true good way to raise a child because essentially we are all flawed.
Sometimes, I really feel like the only reason my mom wants me to have good grades is so that I can buy her everything she wants when she's a helpless cranky lady.
Tiger parenting is bad for multiple reasons.
1. It makes your child think they aren't enough and eats away their confidence.
2. It makes them think about repercussions everytime they screw up. (what's mom gonna say?/what's mom gonna do when she finds out?)
This causes them to bottle up their problems on their own because they know their parents won't have their back and perhaps grill them even more if they find out.
3. It doesn't teach your child to be better disciplined. It only makes them a better liar and they tend to be the wildest outside the household because they just wanna act out. (This is exactly what I did)
@Humza Z ok. I respect everyone's right to choose.
Just make sure you don't raise another Jennifer Pan (google it if you don't know who that is)
I like my dad's parenting style, he pushes me and makes sure I achieve but he knows when to stop, especially as I have a few mental illnesses I have to deal with. Without him I wouldn't have got into a selective school or got good grades. Intensive parenting works well tbh, just as long as you listen to your kids.
Being tsundere with the own kids have some advantages.
This should be considered abuse and the parents be punished
Just finished this memoir today! I really enjoyed reading it, but didn't appreciate her often-used over-generalizations of just how bad Western parenting was. In the end, though, she honestly seemed to be regretful of how extreme she was with her daughters and agrees with some aspects of Western parenting.
I've always loved the Chinese culture and history, and one of my earliest best friends was raised by a mother similar to Amy. Interesting study and excellent memoir!
I’m Asian and my three boys don’t play any instruments.
They are in elementary school, and only thing I don’t let them do is watching tiktok and RUclips sort of things.
Not all Asian parents are into academic and other stereotypical goals.
Please let them play sports and motivate them to do physical activities. Boys need those for their proper physical and mental growth.Don't let them have mobile,ensure that they Don't become a victim of pornography
Please let them go outside and socialize with their peers.. I wasn't allowed to go outside and now I'm socially awkward and lonely
A docile pianist...a boisterous violinist.
Did this inspire _Your Lie in April_ in any way?
The center of the Mothers' Day card story and the unacceptable A- story is all about putting in your best effort. Amy says that she knows what her daughters are capable of and they should always do their best. I agree with this, but kids can't always go above and beyond on every single thing, they'd go insane! You can't expect someone to always give everything 100%. We're not perfect. We get tired. We can't go all the way every single time.
Only in America ( George Washington Duke , Rocky V 😁). If you even dare thinking about doing that to your kids in my country Italy, well, Carabinieri will ring your bell in a matter of minutes ( or in Sweden, or anywhere in Europe)
@@alessandrodorsi9800 Maybe that’s why transgenderism is destroying your people.
I was raised as a "free" child. I could do basically anything I wanted, go anywhere I wanted and I got everything I wanted. Now my grades aren't that good and I'm very disappointed in myself. I don't want that to my kids. I'm very strict with my nieces, who spend a lot of time with me and my mom and I always tell them to do their homework as soon as they get out of school and if they didn't know how to do them, I would help them, as long as it takes. I wanna raise my kids to respect their parents, to be good people and to do the right choices in life, but I also want to give them a loving home where you can have fun AND do hard work.
SeeNoEvilHearNoEvil There is area to be strict about friends. Many Westerners are not strict about friends and look at all the bad language, and drugs, and dirty music, the crime. In China the popular students are the intellectuals and the students want to be friends with the intellectuals. In USA many popular students are thieves, drug abusers. The nerds (intellectuals) are not popular nor desired as friends.
SeeNoEvilHearNoEvil There is no instill creativity or curiosity. Creativity and curiosity is something we do, they are not something we are taught. Every human has the traits to be curious and to create.
This does not work for all kids. I have a math learning disability, Cerebral Palsy and OCD. My parents did push me, but they were NEVER this extreme. If my mom was, I probably would have killed myself because I would not be able to meet those expectations. I am already anxiety prone. I had meltdowns as a kid. and my parents spent a lot of time and money getting me help for both my mental and physical well being. My mom could be firm, but she realized that I would never go to an Ivy League College..
Growing up my mom had a lot of expectation for me. She sent me to piano lessons, violin lessons, ballet classes, art classes, etc etc But I hated them all. My piano teacher even said she had never seen a child who hated piano with vengeance. My mom was the authoritarian figure in the family (or tiger mom) and I was deathly afraid of her. But when I was 6th grade, I gathered all my courage and told her I didn’t want to play anymore and please don’t force me. She looked at me and didn’t utter a word. My mom passed away when I was 30. I am 50 now. A few years before she passed away, she apologized to me. I can’t help but think if she had tried a different way to motivate and get me interested in any of these things she wanted me to do, it might’ve been a totally different outcome. Instead of telling your kids what to do, foster an environment that helps them to figure out on their own and give them a sense of control of their own future and destiny. Each child also has their own personality. Some like more guidance than others. One method does not apply to all.
i was raised by a tiger mom, although not as extreme, but it made me understand what she was trying to do and really...she's a good story-teller. she tells her stories in an amazingly funny way (that is, if u get her jokes) and the book was enjoyable to read. it is thought-provoking and well, she's just putting her opinions bluntly. i can see both sides of the argument, but if u read the book. u'll realize that she finally reaches the middle between both eastern and western parenting.
I grew up with a tiger mom and I'm glad I did!
I am up for a analysis. Could you please mention the details like limits,routines,activities and allowance? Was it as intense as Amy Chua?
Dubidooba i had a rlly tiger uncle when i used to live with my cousins
I thought I was raised normal. But then watching this and thought that My childhood was full about math, sempoa, tutoring here and there, piano, traditional dance, and my mom’s needs to have a good grade in class, me rebelled at 15-18 explain everything. Lol i was raised by a tiger mom.
I have experienced a number of asian doctors in raising my family and taking care of aging parents. I am sure they were academically very intelligent but almost without exception they had a very poor bedside manner. They didnt take time to talk and treat the patient as a whole, just ordered lots of tests and wrote prescriptions. What i was also angry about, especially considering how they appear to respect their own parents and elders was how condescending they could be to seniors, especially if they were asked questions. I finally had to tell one doctor that i wanted a second opinion on a back problem before deciding on surgery. He got very upset and i had to tell him that if his ego or diagnosis couldnt withstand a second opinion then i needed a new doctor since it was my body and ultimately my decision.
She'd be okay with her daughters going to beauty salon/hair styling school - so long as they strive for excellence? Bull shit.
Well look at her daughters now. Sophia wanted to join the Army and Amy was right behind her supporting it. Lulu wanted to become a Photographer and Amy supported it. Lulu eventually decided to go into Art History and went to Harvard.
There's a reason why Asian students do so well in the sciences, simply because they try very, very hard.
danny M As much as I'd like to agree, and I think in some cases it may be true, but our definition of trying and an Asian family's of trying is totally different. I read Amy Chua's book and I know a lot of Asian parents who are like that, but very few American families would go to those lengths. I'm not sure if that's good or bad, but it does have its advantages and disadvantages.
danny M that's because asians practiced their learning skills frpm a very young age, there you have the answer.
wow, a little racist aren't you? btw, a lot of Asian kids often do go to those schools and they still do well. It starts at home. Maybe you should look at the home you came from considering your racist remarks.
+Urbanprotestantstormtrooper dear random person, I can respect your opinion on Amy Chua and how you think children should be raised, but it is another thing entirely to start throwing around racist slurs. I don't care how they get to success, the key point is that they will be successful and that's that. Complaining and moaning isn't going to make money fall from the sky. So I can only tell you what all teachers say. 'Suck it up and get over it'. But looking at your username that isn't going to happen in this century is it.
sailormoonserenity99 totally agree w/u. No reason to get all racist. Asian families often try very, very hard, especially those who come to America rather than those who were born here. We often take all the opportunities and what America has to offer for granted. Those from other countries, really know what a hard life can be like.
I was raised by a Tiger not so tiger mother. My mother was an immigrant from the Philippines and education was something that was a high priority. I did grow up having extremely high expectations. I had my parents making me do schoolwork over summer. My dad making me do hard math without a calculator. No sleepovers. No non educational tv shows or video games. Practice tests made by my father. Little me was terrified of getting less than an A. My mother told me to treat a B like an F. I soon grew up thinking I wasn’t good enough until I had that grade. That I become a lawyer or a doctor. I had to get Honor roll and take all Honors and get straight As. I have to give my 200% for everything I do. But it wasn’t until my depression that my parents and I came to an understanding. I am in no ways bashing my parents or Amy Chua. I love my parents deeply and I am grateful to them everyday for all that they do for me. Like what Amy Chua said, what I thought was them saying I need to be the best, but really they intended it to be you do your best. That I am loved despite a grade. Sure my mother and father weren’t as harsh as Amy Chua was in her book at times. I read Amy Chua’s and there is a mix of agreeing and disagreeing with her parenting. I’m not a parent myself, but I think that every child is different. Some children might benefit from this parenting style, some like myself might end up being extremely insecure. Every child is different and responds differently to different parenting styles and I think communication between parent and child is key when it comes to this type of parenting. Letting them knows they are loved despite a bad grade. Sure the redoing Mother’s Day cards to me is insentive and completely uncalled for and my own mother wouldn’t do that, I think that every child needs to be handled differently so that your parenting and rearing can help them eventually become successful. My mother realized after therapy that her ways weren’t working the way she wanted like Amy Chua and her youngest daughter in the book. It’s the learning to evolve and getting to know your child and how they function and learn and comprehend things. If my mother was more straightforward in the beginning about what she meant and less harsh I probably would have understood better. I am in no way a parent and probably don’t know what I’m talking about but from a tiger cub, just please reassure them that they are loved regardless of GPA or honor roll lack of honor roll things. Take the time to learn how your child views your actions towards them and talk about your feelings and their feelings. So that way you can adjust and still push them to be the best they can be and take those honors classes and make top of the class or become a piano virtuoso. Yet balancing it out with validation instead of constant harsh criticism which is completely fine and helpful in increments and balanced out with positive comments. Not too much and not too little.
As a Filipino raised in that kind of household, sometimes I experienced too because my mom wants what's the best for me and my siblings.
"A - is not acceptable; well I guess I'd be dead if I she was my mom.
I come from a latin family. My mom was quite the tiger mom when I was little. I would get scolded for getting anything less than an A. However, she stopped scolding and criticizing me on the basis of my grades around grade 4. Yet, they set the foundation for me, and now without their push I am at the top of my class. She has now become more lenient and accepting of my grades, as long as she knows I gave an "honest" effort. I wish they had been more strict, knowing I haven't reached my potential.
13 years later, finally, she realized a lot of damage had been done
You have no right to judge if you haven’t read the book. I have and I laughed all the way through. I could only see a happy, successful family. How do you know she’s not a loving mother? I remember one thing Sofia (her first born) said that there was a time she got a A- in an exam in college, and she texted her mom about it feeling frustrated. Amy responded "who cares. Mommy still loves you!”. I think what she tried to accomplish is to instill a work ethic and good qualities into her kids when they were young.
Just recently I saw that Amy's eldest daughter Sophia got married and she looked absolutely stunning. Amy Chua also looked sensational in her mother of the bride dress.
She locked her kids outside in the cold, does that sound happy to you? 😅
"I didn't let my child eat or sleep or go to the bathroom"
Hilarious, get mental help.
I like Amy Chua and her book. I was raised by so-called "tiger parents" and although I am far from perfect, I think I turned out okay. I respect my authorities, I am self-confident, and I always strive to be the best, with an understanding that I can never be perfect.
I love to see a STRONG Filipino woman. I'm a black native Filipino, she's a Filipino of Chinese-descent, but we're all strong women, and I'm proud of that.
All parents want their children to be great, but even if I gave my mother a horrible card or present when I was that age I didn't even write in it I just stuck random things like pipe cleaners on a card and I couldn't even spell my name right, but my mum would never throw it back in my face, if your child wants to be great then help them by all means but let them be a child first and don't force them to do things.
Education works by inducing fear and intimidation. Pestalozzi and Rousseau were wrong; Amy Chua and Mentius were right.
What parent wants their child to fear them?
I’m depressed all the time. I work in a job with decent benefits, in a field i thought i could only dream to be in, make more money than my friends, feel like dying everyday
Eszra Falcontail Thanks. The source of my depression is sexual abuse and low self worth. Talking to people about my day and reenforcing values on gratitude has really helped me cope. In the end of the day my “problems” are not really problems that I cannot move on from. I’m not permanently disabled, or nor do I have cancer. Even if that was the case, crying about it isn’t going it make it any better. I just try to be grateful for what I have now and make the most of it.
Working for Asian people is bad enough. We had one Asian manager (he was eventually fired) but he was hell to work with. About 13 people quit our team within 3 months because of him. If working for them sucks that bad I can't imagine being one of their kids.
It must be so hard for the tiger parents themselves.... Probably harder for them than the children. I have full respect for all tiger parents.
I think most of the negative comments here come from people who haven't actually read the book.
While I don't plan on raising my kids like that, I think she is a good parent. Read her book or even her website and you will see she only wants her kids to reach their full potential. And they love her for it
But don't underestimate the power of her Asian influence and her hardcore approach,she meant what she said and many Asian parents-male and females ultimate goal is discipline by harsh methods compared to the western approach..While her stance was harsh,it is the right one because ultimately her children benefit..thats why Asians do so well because its what is expected, no less.
I stopped speaking to my parents because they were controlling narcissists, like this. I feel so bad for her children.
Not one of my overachiever friends (and I) are successful because they were subject to tough parenting like this. On the contrary, they usually have close, understanding, and supportive parents who usually tell them to freakin relax. Lol When I had subpar grades, it was my parents reassuring me that they were still proud of me blah blah. Which of course, I was smart enough to know it's not about them at all lol. Even at a young age, my drive to succeed was focused on what I wanted for my future and goals. Parental approval was nothing but a second thought. And that's the key. Tough controlling parenting like this takes away the child's ability to have their own self-agency, confidence and sense of accountability so in the end, their drive to succeed is never their own which is in itself unsustainable.
I was, and am still, being raised as a free child... No tiger parenting and i'm almost a straight A student, I have 3 honor rolls, a student of the trimester... And I did NOT have any tiger parents... My parents let ME decide when I would push myself a little farther than I thought...
+Chapniak What university did you go to?! I would love to know.
John Lee I'm still in Elementary School but within the next couple school years i'll be in middle school... So I don't really go to a university
My friend was a straight a student and 5 honor rolls but almost failed high school so that will probably change for you
+Chapniak but your just in elementary school... But keep up the good work tho
+Chapniak You're still a baby, but I don't want to discourage you though. Just maintain a high level of focus on school throughout your school life and be a good person.
He is an IIT, IIM graduate and still the most loved writer in India! All I want to say is, its never too late to pursue what you really love! You can become a make up artist at ANY point of time in your life! You just need to hold onto it. Talent never dies out, it always stays.
I think people should stop insulting her and saying she is a milf and things. When i was young my parents never let me go to sleep overs and i was fine with that. Here is my question to all of you haters and people who are writing threats, would YOU rather be nice to your kid and let him/her flunk in school and say "That's okay, maybe next time" or would you rather be strict to your children and later on they play at friggin carnegie hall? I'm 11 and i just wrote this
I'm really going to have to read the book, but looking at Amy Chua she sounds like she on a good parenting style now. Listening to your kids yet not excepting they can't do something.
Amy chua is lucky to have her children pulled through her, however if the child can't realize what tough love is, they will only keep living life feeling worthless despite their achievements. I personally believe that strict parenting can be good. But as with everything else, it needs to be balanced. And sometimes, kids need to experience things for themselves rather than being told constantly. How else will they learn and truly find their own path?
This is very interesting to me. Coming up from a strict African family, there are definitely parallels to Asian parenting techniques. Furthermore teaching Chinese children English also shows the tendencies of tiger parenting. Nevertheless, I think parents should encourage their children to do what they want to do, work hard at it, and encourage them at some point they will be rewarded financially, as well as emotionally and mentally. That's mentally healthier.
This interview is hard to watch because of the editing.
I feel like they edited it just to make her look bad
I agree with Amy Chua completely. My parents are some form of "tiger parents" and I'm grateful for them pushing me when I was younger.
Tiger mothers aren't mothers because they don't see their children as individuals, but investments. There's a reason why most Asian parents want their child to be a doctor or a lawyer because of the prestige AND income. You can argue that's not an issue because it insures the child's survival, but they're not really living if they aren't happy with their life. One can also argue having a child is expensive and isn't really an investment, but studies online estimate costs to be around $200k+ for one child, if he/she becomes a doctor, they can easily make that money back on top of paying for the vacations and elderly care for the parents in just a few years. The flaw in this thinking is that the law does not obligate the child to take care of their parents, but in China mainstream media and culture does. In fact, many children of tiger moms go no contact once they gain independence.
It is sad because Asian Americans have one of the highest suicide and depression rates. No one wants to be born as a Lamborghini, home movie theater, or the next trip to Peru - because that's exactly what the child is; another wallet for the parents own personal gains.
My textbook included an excerpt of Amy China’s “The Hymn of the Tiger Mother”, but it cut off before the end, and it didn’t include where it says that she wasn’t a tiger mother all the way through and eventually soften.
My textbook also included an excerpt of Tiger Mother. It cut off paragraphs about dark side of Chinese parenting.
Amy Chua is emulating Mommy Dearest with Joan Crawford.
Joan Crawford is a driven actress and compulsively clean housekeeper who tries to control the lives of those around her as tightly as she controls herself. To prepare for a work day at MGM Studios, she rises at 4:00 am and engages in a strict morning ritual
Joan lavishes Christina with attention and luxuries such as an extravagant birthday party, but also enforces a code of denial and discipline. When Christina is showered with gifts, Joan allows her to choose only one she likes best that she can keep, then donates the rest to charity.
Joan Crawford was hardly as abusive and mean as this bitch.
I had a friend who moved out because his Asian stepmom threatened to kill his horses and his hounds over bad grades plus she had a complete hisse fit when his gall came up pregnant ,she was sico
Some of the excerpts from the book are horrific though. The stuff where she talks about the punishments and disciplines she used are rough.
asian parents expect their children to do their best. and USUALLY that "best" is getting an A. that's all there is to it. A minus is not exceptable ONLY IF it's not your best. My asian mom just tells me this: Do whatever makes you happy. But be the best at it/ pursue it to a high level. Wouldn't you feel unsatisfied if you did something half heartedly?
I agree, you do not need a perfect job but what do you think would look better on a college application. Getting a good job will give you an easy life. Look at Amy. She works for Yale in a really nice house. Hard Work pays off. I have seen students getting 45% on tests and think it is all right. I'm not judging. The piano piece Am's kid lulu was playing was "Little white Donkey" Lulu didn't like the song but Amy didnt give up, and Lulu played it and said "I can do it, it's fun"
True love and strong belief on a child is the most important thing, that's the third point, which should be the only point
Maybe if some of the idiots criticizing her would READ THE DAMN BOOK you'd understand more. I'm very sure we'd all understand her after reading the book. READ THE BOOK. I did. It was very surprising and truthful and inspiring.
Yes, parents do influence their kids to an extent, but ultimately, it is all up to the kid to get through life on their own strong.
I am Asian and I would never raise my children like Amy Chua does. Tiger Moms are in my opinion an extreme of parenting. Treating a kid like a robot and making him or her more submissive is definitely something that would be more damaging to the kid in the future. Many of the most successful billionaires like Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Elon Musk, etc. were not raised by Tiger Moms. They were raised by parents who put them in the right path, but also let them make their own decisions and loved them no matter what they did with their lives. I'd rather raise my kid to be more independent and work for his or her own future rather than force them to do what I want them to do in the future.
After being assigned several excerpts from this book in high school, and living a sheltered adolescence with no close friends (of any race... I'm Caucasian), I was genuinely shocked when I went to college and had East Asian friends who played video games, participated in acting, athletics, etc., played guitars, synthesizers, etc., weren't classically trained musicians, struggled with basic math, etc. as teens. I don't think this is universal in the slightest. And as a white kid, I've been called things much harsher than garbage by my (mostly loving) parents.
It depends on the child. Not every child respond to spanking the same so not every child react to strict parenting either. Some children can be damaged greatly by such ways while other kids flourished under pressure.
Amy I just finished your book and I loved it! Had me laughing so hard in many parts.
If you read her book she really reflects on how her parenting style may have helped or hurt her children-she does not unequivocally promote it. And she really does love her children. She is a parent with flaws and to be able to write a book and even reflect on herself is better than many. Cut her a little slack.
My brain hurts from watching this too many times. I have to write a repor for school on tiger parents!!! Ugh!
typo, report
Mallory Bennett maybe you need tiger parents jkjkjkjkj
Go write a report on Richard Feynman. Forget this Chinese con-artist.
Bring it back very needed
You're right, success always breeds envy and hatred, but at the same time, you have to ask, but at what cost?
You can have all the success in the world, but if you're mentally sound or satisfied with that success, all that work would have been for naught.
A couple of great critiques of Amy Chua's book:
'Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother' - Aggressive Parenting and the Cult of Excellence.
'Spanking Your Liver-Spotted Ass' - Tiger Mother Parenting Part 2
every thing in balance what I hear is she is trying to balance. to set standards is important with children balance with grace. American need more tiger mom's
Describing,tiger mom: really care about kids, and want their kids to not be left behind by other students, kids will feel like they are in prison, while a dolphin mom:they would be soft and kind, sometimes they might be a little bit strict if they lost their patience, they would buy or give anything to their children but not anything, if its too expensive "no" and if its above age "in later time".. now its time for the not caring mom:they would'nt care or worry of what is going to happen to their children,she would just do anything that their kids want, even though its dangerous
For me she is combining the two styles in a positive way
I love my parents. They try to be the best parents in the world. But more than once, they make me want to kill myself. They don’t demand high grade, not like the other Tiger parents. But they want to control everything in my life. They want me to be in relationship with only asian man. I need to fight with them for my choice of college. They try to control my job, underestimate my job. They give me false hopes about financial support where by in reality they took money away from me when i didn’t do what they want. They push me to getting married. They told me, as a girl I just need to focus on find the right man and getting married, My carrier means nothing if I don’t have a husband.
Fyi I am Indonesian and I stay in asian country. But it’s well know that Asian parents is unique. I still love them. But yeah I found myself under pressure, depressed because of them. Dont get me wrong, they also make me happy. I just wish one day I can live the way I want. I wish one day I can be more outspoken about what i want
I loved excelent results in my childhood in school and highschool, but my mom never pressure me. I pressured myself all the time. Maybe I my own enemy.
Go to the institution
one i know and feel what amy chua wish is making her kids the best and we should understand her understanding altho we do not accept her. maybe we just can appreciate her desicion.
it is actually so traditional type and unfortunately mostly people applicate "love style" namely to teach their kids how to do something with love, not by forcing them to love something. i think amy should learn that today is modern world that never be the same as traditional like in her own childhood world.OH Jesus.
seen both ends of the spectrum now that i am a parent of two girls with their classmates. the takeaway is helping kids realize their potential. giving up in life is just not an option in the real world. agree with the approach of acknowledging successes but at same time addressing shortcomings. it IS the parents' job to help kids realize potential and build self-confidence. certainly being a pushover when your kids say they dont want to do something is NOT the answer; that's lazy parenting in my book!!!! identify the objection(s) weigh legitimate value and help and emphasis on "help" get past the difficulty. After all...who is the parent here? seen too much of parents bending over backwards for kid for fear of being labeled the "mean" one. Guess what real world is unkind and unforgiving!!!! Darwinism in full effect. the ability to work through day-to-day short term struggles are all that being an contributing member of society is about. So for all those bleeding heart pushover parents out there, read Amy Chua's book from a truly objective position to appreciate the message being delivered.
I remember as a highschooler my mom never let me have a girlfriend no matter what.
Now as an adult, I do have a girlfriend and my mom knows. Even though she wanted to meet my girlfriend so bad, I do my best to prevent them from meeting. It's as if though I've built some sort of fear in a tarnished relationship.
i think the crazy part is that so many asian parents dont let their kids socialize or talk to people of opposite gender then all of a sudden youre expected to get married now and have a kid... like what? then there are some asian parents who try to do "Arranged marriage" (pressure to marry their friend's kid) so many of us are extremely socially awkward and have no actual experience
Maybe this is an act of revenge since she won't let you have a girlfriend, she doesn't get to meet her!
Being Jewish Sandy Koufax's parents wanted him to be a doctor or lawyer. He did get a degree from Cornell. Yet he followed his dream and his talent, to become a baseball player. I am sure he would have been a fair doctor or lawyer. Instead he became one of the greatest baseball players ever. The best pitcher in history.
Mom: what are you listening?
Kid: Cardi B
Mom: I will beat your ass you should only listen to Cardi A
First book I've ever happily burned. I might actually take a tour of all the libraries near me and raze every copy I find. 😇
Yeah playdates and slumber parties dont give success in life, its teaching your kids grit and determination. And i love amys book ive read it a couple of times over the years and you can tell the majority of people that responding to it never actually read it
Playdates are ok, don’t forget social aspect and having friends in life is important. I wonder how often to have a play date?
I am an 18 year old Indian. Ive been parented in a VERY similar way and here's what I want to say,I was never interested in science but Ive been pushed onto that field (Ive always wanted to take up arts) and I scored 92% in my 10th and 84% in my 12th.
If people think that this style of parenting doesnt let you have an indivisulaity of your own,then they're SO wrong Im a very strong person of my own I know who I am and what I want. Im scolded for too much tv and computer but surely allowed for it
I’m here because of Amy Chua’s COVID parties