I am a member of the Disabled American Veterans and seen and understood our veterans with PTSD. I tried to reach out to them and let them know I am here to support and help them, by at least hearing their stories, and for them to know that I am here to talk with them and to entrust in me. PTSD is not an easy task to deal with, and how it affects our soldiers as they deal with civilian life and their families. Getting help with the VA really helps relief a little comfort within themselves and to have learn to trust within themselves again. God Bless You all.
You are strong and you should be proud of who you are. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. I wish you and your family all the joy and happiness you all deserve in your life.
I kept my feelings to myself for 16 years after my 2003 deployment to Iraq. 2019 was the year that I attempted to vacate this earth. I woke up in the hospital, mad at myself for still being alive. I didn't get out of the Military until 2007 just after my last deployment to Iraq. I can relate to what my brother said on this video about staying busy, not giving yourself time to think and stuff. That was my way of keeping the chaos in my heart and mind at bay. But, when my body started to fail me, light injuries that I acquired in my military days later caught up with me. Causing me to undergo multiple operations and physical therapy. I eventually lost my job since I was no longer capable of performing. So in 2017 I finally got in touch with the VA. Ten years after my DEROS. My claim got denied, I felt abandoned. That's one of the worst feelings a soldier or a vet could have. Then less than 2 years later is when I woke up in the hospital as I had mentioned already. I'm still not ok, but I'm very fortunate to have some good people around me. I want to get the VA process going again, I'm just afraid of being denied again even though I have stacks and stacks of doctor reports etc... Didn't want to write a book here, I just wanted to acknowledge that what this brother is saying is real.
This video is amazing u say so much I have in a short space of time and it literally does make ptsd sufferers feel less alone watching these clips ...legend!
Ptsd is a horriable thing. This made me cry so hard. I feel you man its hard to accept that there is anything wrong. I got you man. Its bad when you dont have the support.
stay strong man,i come from a military family. that happened to my grandpa,uncle,other uncle,and my dad.they didnt have that back then,but family and friends help too!!
I am the mother of a 3rd ID infantry soldier of Iraqi freedom war. He has PTSD and Tbi. He is forever changed and struggles to live every day. I suffer PTSD from his deployment to Iraq. His wounds are not visible so he is judged by people and family. I am amazed at how he functions under the circumstances. How can we educate people and help them understand that the damage is real and is the cause of the problems, behaviors and actions. People refuse to believe since there are no physical signs.. I see physical signs. Not sleeping, not showered or shaved, not leaving the house, no friends, no motivation, no zest for life. I see my son suffer and try to explain his injuries and effects, but no one believes. My heart is so broken and I am angry at these close minded, judgemental idiots. Thank you so much for your service to all service members. I respect you all for your service. I pray for you all to find your happiness again some day. .
Debra Bates amen. I suffer from PTSD and people think that just because they can’t “see” something wrong, all is well. I suffer almost all of the same symptoms you listed and I just pray people would understand and recognize because most of the time we (sufferers) can’t even verbalize or understand what’s going on with us.
Hello, Kaitlynn, Thank you for writing. If you have PTSD, it doesn’t mean you just have to live with it. Hundreds of thousands of Veterans have gotten treatment for PTSD-and treatment works. Whether you just returned from combat deployment or experienced another kind of traumatic event, it’s never too late to get professional treatment or support for PTSD. Find resources near you to help: www.MakeTheConnection.net/resources
Make the Connection thank you so much. I have called someone to help me. Though I did not go through the military personally , I have experienced many traumatic events in my life and find comfort among veterans. I wish there was a way to get into a veterans group as a citizen .
my dear Husband was in w w 2, I met him in Sigonella Base in Sicily,He passin 2007, the way He treat Everybody and all the world,He is weet the best of all God,I miss Him very much and I see Him one day,R I P Marvin,God Love Youand I do to,Amen.
Antonina Crowe Thanks for sharing this with all of us.He sounds like a wonderful person. I have been reading books written by American veterans.It helps me to learn and understand what their experiences have been like.At least as much as I am able.Thank you all who are serving and who have served.
Brought me too tears, and I totally get it, yet wonder why relationships just don't work still, could be me, but how do I know that our start that but knowing it's there thank you for sharing
Reagan, Thank you for stepping out of the shadows and sharing your experience as a US Marine, an true hero to many. You are an American, a christian, a son, a veteran. You are a survivor!! Each morning, I am face myself in the mirror, seeking God's healing hands to assistme with my PTSD issues. You mention that you can run but you ["PTSD" monsters] cannot hide. So true, so dangerous... (Continuation in f/u comment)
This is my story... as time has gone by since the 12’ deployment I thought I would improve & I’m finding I have actually gotten worse. My episodes have gotten more violent, I’m constantly in a bad mood, I’m always worried about what the next time I lose my temper what may happen.
Hello Matt, It concerns us to hear about your difficulties. The Veterans Crisis Line is a great resource. This confidential, anonymous service is available whenever you need of someone to talk to. Veterans and their loved ones can call 1-800-273-8255 and Press 1, chat online at www.veteranscrisisline.net, or send a text message to 838255 to receive confidential support. You are not alone. You may find it helpful to view videos of other Veterans sharing their stories of overcoming similar, challenging circumstances on our website: www.MakeTheConnection.net/stories To find VA and community-based services in your local area, you can use the resource locator on our website: www.MakeTheConnection.net/resources
Hello, Paul Hetherington, Thank you for writing and for your service. We are sorry to hear about the difficulties you are experiencing. The Veterans Benefits Administration has been undergoing a major transformation that will improve engagement with Servicemembers, Veterans, their families and survivors. Please visit the help desk for the Board of Veterans’ Appeals: www.bva.va.gov/OMBUDSMAN_CustomerService.asp. This site will direct you to where you can get your questions answered and/or learn the status of your case, or direct you to the best possible referral source to answer your questions.
Your videos really help me. Not a service member (although I tried) and am related to vets. Every day me and my compa would march off singing songs from the Seven Years War. With seeing him dead, first death I had really in stu.... It shook me up.
thank u for your service, I hope and pray you are better and peace. I come from a long line of military family, which is why I post this on your channel in hopes of your support, because if anyone can relate to pain/suffering/abuses, you veterans would. I hope I am right, if not then I apologize, but I am trying to help others by getting my own abuse story out there, I hope for your support. Thank you
What a terrible situation. You know they think you just leave the war behind but it is not like that. I have not been in combat but I do know about triggers and sometimes it is hard for me because I do not have that military connection. I am learning to cope but I will keep on trudging.
I was the same way, angry, many triggers that set me off emotionally, almost cost me my marriage, but getting help saved me from doing bad things. I hate that the Marine Corps changed me as a person, I'm nowhere close to the same person i used to be, but i wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, but getting help can remove those feelings of anger and anxiety, I would suggest to any military member, there's no shame in reaching out!!
(Cont. from below) I was able to "hide"most of the signs/symptoms from my wife and family for 20 years. April, 2012 I had a very real meltdown, which was the beginning of the trail of hope and healing. From one doctor to the next, ultimately being an inpatient in the Regional VA Hospital in Gainesville, Fla Psych ward. I am being treated with meds and sessions with my psychiatrist. In treatment for 10 months. I have been taking back my life - one day at a time. God bless you brother.
To be in a relationship with a military soldier and retires. Question do military soldiers suffer from PTSD? I open up a conversation with him regarding PTSD....his strong denial on the subject matter concerns me. I explained that we can work thru it together. ( im very educated) Iv read his writing and there seemed to be a pattern. I always address matters....there is more to this story.
my grandfather was in vietnam and my great grandfather was in world war 2 since my grandfather had ptsd im not sure i want to go to iraq but respect the soldiers tremendously that go out and fight for this country
At least, now there are some channels on which this topic can be brought up, experiences can be shared etc. I'm wondering about those soldiers that went to WW 1, 2, Korea, Vietnam etc. and came back with PTSD without knowing it, without any or much infrastructure or channels to deal with it, even worse, where it probably was seens as "sissy" to even talk about it. All that pressure building up inside, without any safety valve to escape through. All those marriages that suffered because of that, all those childhoods that suffered because of that. Soldiers are mentally prepared to go to the battlefield, do their job which is to kill, wound or capture the enemy in whatever way. As long as you see this as a kind of game, nothing wrong. But there's a real difference between attacking a sandbag with a bajonet and a real person. There's a real difference between hitting a wooden target and a real skull. There's a real difference between hitting a mockup truck or tank, and hitting a real one, and then seeing what it does to people. There's a real difference between the theory of chirurgical strikes and the reality on the battle ground. There's a real difference between military exercises safely on domestic territory and in a town, where every vehicle can explode at any time, where every kid could be carrying explosives, where even a camel could be strapped with an explosive device. Where "death is just a heartbeat away" permanently, 24 hours a day 7/7. Militairy personnel isn't mentally prepared for that harsh reality, and what it does to a human being with a normal conscience, who witnesses all this. It gradually eats away the layer of toughness needed to be able to kill, and then surfaces. It's like a worm in an apple, doing its destructive work from within, before coming to the open...
Hello Benoit Vanhees, Thank you for writing. Returning to civilian life presents new opportunities as well as challenges for Veterans. The Veteran Combat Call Center is an around the clock, confidential call center where combat Veterans of all eras and their families can call to talk about their military experiences or any other issue they are facing in their readjustment to civilian life. Call 1-877-927-8387. You may also find it helpful to view other Veterans’ stories of overcoming similar, challenging circumstances on our website: www.maketheconnection.net/events/transitioning-from-service Additionally, The Veterans Crisis Line is a great resource. This confidential, anonymous service is available if you are ever in need of someone to talk to. Visit veteranscrisisline.net to discover three ways to receive support, or you can talk with them right now by calling 1-800-273-8255 and pressing 1 for Veterans or family members. You are not alone and may find it helpful to view other Veterans’ stories of recovery in similar, challenging circumstances on our website: www.maketheconnection.net/stories-of-connection. To find VA and community-based services in your local area, you can use the resource locator on our website: www.MakeTheConnection.net/resources
I graduated high school in 2012, August same year I weent to boot camp. May of '13 I deployed for the first time. I was a happy-go-lucky kid, ready for adventure, ready to see the world. And I did see the world. But on our way back, we got extended and sent to Syria. The Assad regime was murdering civilians with nerve agents. Saw the grisly footage of it on CNN. Got there just to sit on our asses and watch it unfold with front row seats. Surrounded by Russians and the Russian supplied Syrian government forces, if we made a move, we'd start WWIII. So we sat and watched until it was past time to go home. I don't remember changing. Hell, I don't think that deployment changed me all that much at the time. Went home for Christmas, told the kids at my high school about my adventures, and of course I encouraged them to join the Navy. Two years later, deployed again. This time to the Gulf of Oman. Dealt with Russia and Iran this time. Spent the entire time in a combat zone where we were constantly in danger of getting sunk. We were headed home when we got extended again, and you'll never guess where we were sent. Again. Second verse, same as the first. Women, children, and the elderly being murdered with nerve agents. If you've never seen someone die from nerve agents, I don't suggest you go out of your way to find it. I spent that entire deployment looking for wedding rings in every port we visited. My girlfriend and I had been dating ever since I got back from my first deployment, and nothing makes you more sure that you want to make a lifelong commitment to someone than living every day like you might not wake up the next. Finally found a ring when I got back. I separated around that time because I wanted to be there for her, as well as being tired of the bullshit you deal with in the military. Finally got home, but the closer we came, the more distant I felt. I couldn't so much as hold her hand on the couch while watching a movie. I knew something was going on, but I couldn't see the obvious signs. So I broke up with her to "spare" her. She, eh, took it better than I probably would have had roles been reversed. We'd known each other since kindergarten, and she had had a crush on me since at least middle school. And right as I was about to ask her to marry me, I abruptly and out of nowhere broke things off. God, I feel awful about it. She's never spoken to me since. Don't blame her. For years after getting back, I felt like a stranger in my body. Yeah, I knew friends and family, and yeah, I knew everything Isaac knew about them, but it felt like I was an impersonator. A grifter who had studied well for the role and slotted right in. But everyone felt like strangers to me. Even to this day I feel like that sometimes. Seeing my parents and thinking "ah yes, Mrs. Schmitt. Gen X, Gulf War vet, married to Mr. Schmitt, Grenada vet. Partial to knitting and hugs." Or "ah yes, friend #11, likes Star Wars and robots, going to school for computers." There's a short story Hemmingway wrote called Soldiers Home. If I recall correctly, he never actually enlisted, but he lived and breathed war. I remember reading that story in college and thinking "this perfectly describes me!" Just the numbness, walking around like a zombie. I dropped out of college for a while, wandered around. Never thought I might have PTSD. Figured it was the normal experience for vets coming home. It wasn't until my wife and I visited the VA county rep that I realized, "holy shit, I actually might have PTSD." Leave it to our wonderful spouses to keep us honest 😅
Thanks for your service mate your a Hero!😊
I am a member of the Disabled American Veterans and seen and understood our veterans with PTSD. I tried to reach out to them and let them know I am here to support and help them, by at least hearing their stories, and for them to know that I am here to talk with them and to entrust in me. PTSD is not an easy task to deal with, and how it affects our soldiers as they deal with civilian life and their families. Getting help with the VA really helps relief a little comfort within themselves and to have learn to trust within themselves again. God Bless You all.
Some vfws are corrupted to the point that vets come 2cd to tips
It's really dangerous, yet they are not savy
❤love you
You are strong and you should be proud of who you are. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. I wish you and your family all the joy and happiness you all deserve in your life.
KEEP THE FAITH
Thanks for sharing. I needed to hear this.
I kept my feelings to myself for 16 years after my 2003 deployment to Iraq. 2019 was the year that I attempted to vacate this earth. I woke up in the hospital, mad at myself for still being alive.
I didn't get out of the Military until 2007 just after my last deployment to Iraq. I can relate to what my brother said on this video about staying busy, not giving yourself time to think and stuff. That was my way of keeping the chaos in my heart and mind at bay. But, when my body started to fail me, light injuries that I acquired in my military days later caught up with me. Causing me to undergo multiple operations and physical therapy. I eventually lost my job since I was no longer capable of performing. So in 2017 I finally got in touch with the VA. Ten years after my DEROS. My claim got denied, I felt abandoned. That's one of the worst feelings a soldier or a vet could have. Then less than 2 years later is when I woke up in the hospital as I had mentioned already.
I'm still not ok, but I'm very fortunate to have some good people around me. I want to get the VA process going again, I'm just afraid of being denied again even though I have stacks and stacks of doctor reports etc...
Didn't want to write a book here, I just wanted to acknowledge that what this brother is saying is real.
141,899 views • Oct 19, 2011 Reagan came back from deployment, but found that life…
This video is amazing u say so much I have in a short space of time and it literally does make ptsd sufferers feel less alone watching these clips ...legend!
Ptsd is a horriable thing. This made me cry so hard. I feel you man its hard to accept that there is anything wrong. I got you man. Its bad when you dont have the support.
stay strong man,i come from a military family. that happened to my grandpa,uncle,other uncle,and my dad.they didnt have that back then,but family and friends help too!!
God bless you, man.
I am the mother of a 3rd ID infantry soldier of Iraqi freedom war. He has PTSD and Tbi. He is forever changed and struggles to live every day. I suffer PTSD from his deployment to Iraq. His wounds are not visible so he is judged by people and family. I am amazed at how he functions under the circumstances. How can we educate people and help them understand that the damage is real and is the cause of the problems, behaviors and actions. People refuse to believe since there are no physical signs.. I see physical signs. Not sleeping, not showered or shaved, not leaving the house, no friends, no motivation, no zest for life. I see my son suffer and try to explain his injuries and effects, but no one believes. My heart is so broken and I am angry at these close minded, judgemental idiots. Thank you so much for your service to all service members. I respect you all for your service. I pray for you all to find your happiness again some day.
.
Debra Bates amen. I suffer from PTSD and people think that just because they can’t “see” something wrong, all is well. I suffer almost all of the same symptoms you listed and I just pray people would understand and recognize because most of the time we (sufferers) can’t even verbalize or understand what’s going on with us.
Hello, Kaitlynn,
Thank you for writing.
If you have PTSD, it doesn’t mean you just have to live with it.
Hundreds of thousands of Veterans have gotten treatment for PTSD-and treatment works. Whether you just returned from combat deployment or experienced another kind of traumatic event, it’s never too late to get professional treatment or support for PTSD. Find resources near you to help: www.MakeTheConnection.net/resources
Make the Connection thank you so much. I have called someone to help me. Though I did not go through the military personally , I have experienced many traumatic events in my life and find comfort among veterans. I wish there was a way to get into a veterans group as a citizen .
Thanks for this 💞❤
Thank You so much
my dear Husband was in w w 2, I met him in Sigonella Base in Sicily,He passin 2007, the way He treat Everybody and all the world,He is weet the best of all God,I miss Him very much and I see Him one day,R I P Marvin,God Love Youand I do to,Amen.
Antonina Crowe Thanks for sharing this with all of us.He sounds like a wonderful person. I have been reading books written by American veterans.It helps me to learn and understand what their experiences have been like.At least as much as I am able.Thank you all who are serving and who have served.
Our Prayers are with you May God find the best Jobs and Peace for all of our veterans
Brought me too tears, and I totally get it, yet wonder why relationships just don't work still, could be me, but how do I know that our start that but knowing it's there thank you for sharing
This is all so familiar.
Semper Fi brother
Reagan, Thank you for stepping out of the shadows and sharing your experience as a US Marine, an true hero to many. You are an American, a christian, a son, a veteran. You are a survivor!! Each morning, I am face myself in the mirror, seeking God's healing hands to assistme with my PTSD issues. You mention that you can run but you ["PTSD" monsters] cannot hide. So true, so dangerous... (Continuation in f/u comment)
This is my story... as time has gone by since the 12’ deployment I thought I would improve & I’m finding I have actually gotten worse. My episodes have gotten more violent, I’m constantly in a bad mood, I’m always worried about what the next time I lose my temper what may happen.
Hello Matt,
It concerns us to hear about your difficulties.
The Veterans Crisis Line is a great resource. This confidential, anonymous service is available whenever you need of someone to talk to. Veterans and their loved ones can call 1-800-273-8255 and Press 1, chat online at www.veteranscrisisline.net, or send a text message to 838255 to receive confidential support. You are not alone. You may find it helpful to view videos of other Veterans sharing their stories of overcoming similar, challenging circumstances on our website: www.MakeTheConnection.net/stories
To find VA and community-based services in your local area, you can use the resource locator on our website: www.MakeTheConnection.net/resources
Hello, Paul Hetherington,
Thank you for writing and for your service.
We are sorry to hear about the difficulties you are experiencing. The Veterans Benefits Administration has been undergoing a major transformation that will improve engagement with Servicemembers, Veterans, their families and survivors.
Please visit the help desk for the Board of Veterans’ Appeals: www.bva.va.gov/OMBUDSMAN_CustomerService.asp. This site will direct you to where you can get your questions answered and/or learn the status of your case, or direct you to the best possible referral source to answer your questions.
Education goes along way to understand. True.
Your videos really help me. Not a service member (although I tried) and am related to vets. Every day me and my compa would march off singing songs from the Seven Years War. With seeing him dead, first death I had really in stu.... It shook me up.
This is all so true. I have always been for all our troops. Amen
thank u for your service, I hope and pray you are better and peace. I come from a long line of military family, which is why I post this on your channel in hopes of your support, because if anyone can relate to pain/suffering/abuses, you veterans would. I hope I am right, if not then I apologize, but I am trying to help others by getting my own abuse story out there, I hope for your support. Thank you
WheepinbgWillow2 p
Likely be in a while back and enjoy the game is
Your mentality strong guy
What a terrible situation. You know they think you just leave the war behind but it is not like that. I have not been in combat but I do know about triggers and sometimes it is hard for me because I do not have that military connection. I am learning to cope but I will keep on trudging.
31 yrs of abuse, has changed me also, I AM NOT THE PERSON I USED TO BE EITHER, THANKS TO LIBERTY MUTUAL!
I was the same way, angry, many triggers that set me off emotionally, almost cost me my marriage, but getting help saved me from doing bad things. I hate that the Marine Corps changed me as a person, I'm nowhere close to the same person i used to be, but i wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, but getting help can remove those feelings of anger and anxiety, I would suggest to any military member, there's no shame in reaching out!!
i797i
WARRIOR
(Cont. from below) I was able to "hide"most of the signs/symptoms from my wife and family for 20 years. April, 2012 I had a very real meltdown, which was the beginning of the trail of hope and healing. From one doctor to the next, ultimately being an inpatient in the Regional VA Hospital in Gainesville, Fla Psych ward. I am being treated with meds and sessions with my psychiatrist. In treatment for 10 months. I have been taking back my life - one day at a time. God bless you brother.
To be in a relationship with a military soldier and retires. Question do military soldiers suffer from PTSD?
I open up a conversation with him regarding PTSD....his strong denial on the subject matter concerns me. I explained that we can work thru it together. ( im very educated)
Iv read his writing and there seemed to be a pattern. I always address matters....there is more to this story.
Truth. Downtime? 3 months off school? Every school year end; 3 months. My father used to say; you're only a kid once.
Get help Now...Your life never the Same,Semper Fi
"I'm not the same person I was before Iraq." Hear Reagan's story of strength and connection. I'm not the same person I was before Iraq
Make the Connection to
The lighting on almost all of these are dark...
I 8
i guess this is one of the reasons i cant enlist dont want to be messed up in the head from it
You have that right Richard. You have the right to be a coward because of men like Reagan.
my grandfather was in vietnam and my great grandfather was in world war 2 since my grandfather had ptsd im not sure i want to go to iraq but respect the soldiers tremendously that go out and fight for this country
he didnt have the symptoms but had nightmares from vietnam which i think is a sign of it
@@richardhenckel9406 9
At least, now there are some channels on which this topic can be brought up, experiences can be shared etc. I'm wondering about those soldiers that went to WW 1, 2, Korea, Vietnam etc. and came back with PTSD without knowing it, without any or much infrastructure or channels to deal with it, even worse, where it probably was seens as "sissy" to even talk about it. All that pressure building up inside, without any safety valve to escape through. All those marriages that suffered because of that, all those childhoods that suffered because of that. Soldiers are mentally prepared to go to the battlefield, do their job which is to kill, wound or capture the enemy in whatever way. As long as you see this as a kind of game, nothing wrong. But there's a real difference between attacking a sandbag with a bajonet and a real person. There's a real difference between hitting a wooden target and a real skull. There's a real difference between hitting a mockup truck or tank, and hitting a real one, and then seeing what it does to people. There's a real difference between the theory of chirurgical strikes and the reality on the battle ground. There's a real difference between military exercises safely on domestic territory and in a town, where every vehicle can explode at any time, where every kid could be carrying explosives, where even a camel could be strapped with an explosive device. Where "death is just a heartbeat away" permanently, 24 hours a day 7/7. Militairy personnel isn't mentally prepared for that harsh reality, and what it does to a human being with a normal conscience, who witnesses all this. It gradually eats away the layer of toughness needed to be able to kill, and then surfaces. It's like a worm in an apple, doing its destructive work from within, before coming to the open...
Hello Benoit Vanhees,
Thank you for writing. Returning to civilian life presents new opportunities as well as challenges for Veterans. The Veteran Combat Call Center is an around the clock, confidential call center where combat Veterans of all eras and their families can call to talk about their military experiences or any other issue they are facing in their readjustment to civilian life. Call 1-877-927-8387.
You may also find it helpful to view other Veterans’ stories of overcoming similar, challenging circumstances on our website: www.maketheconnection.net/events/transitioning-from-service
Additionally, The Veterans Crisis Line is a great resource. This confidential, anonymous service is available if you are ever in need of someone to talk to. Visit veteranscrisisline.net to discover three ways to receive support, or you can talk with them right now by calling 1-800-273-8255 and pressing 1 for Veterans or family members.
You are not alone and may find it helpful to view other Veterans’ stories of recovery in similar, challenging circumstances on our website: www.maketheconnection.net/stories-of-connection.
To find VA and community-based services in your local area, you can use the resource locator on our website: www.MakeTheConnection.net/resources
But…
Kreg lawskowky
Did you get my message i just sent you
I graduated high school in 2012, August same year I weent to boot camp. May of '13 I deployed for the first time. I was a happy-go-lucky kid, ready for adventure, ready to see the world. And I did see the world. But on our way back, we got extended and sent to Syria. The Assad regime was murdering civilians with nerve agents. Saw the grisly footage of it on CNN. Got there just to sit on our asses and watch it unfold with front row seats. Surrounded by Russians and the Russian supplied Syrian government forces, if we made a move, we'd start WWIII. So we sat and watched until it was past time to go home. I don't remember changing. Hell, I don't think that deployment changed me all that much at the time. Went home for Christmas, told the kids at my high school about my adventures, and of course I encouraged them to join the Navy. Two years later, deployed again. This time to the Gulf of Oman. Dealt with Russia and Iran this time. Spent the entire time in a combat zone where we were constantly in danger of getting sunk. We were headed home when we got extended again, and you'll never guess where we were sent. Again. Second verse, same as the first. Women, children, and the elderly being murdered with nerve agents. If you've never seen someone die from nerve agents, I don't suggest you go out of your way to find it.
I spent that entire deployment looking for wedding rings in every port we visited. My girlfriend and I had been dating ever since I got back from my first deployment, and nothing makes you more sure that you want to make a lifelong commitment to someone than living every day like you might not wake up the next. Finally found a ring when I got back. I separated around that time because I wanted to be there for her, as well as being tired of the bullshit you deal with in the military. Finally got home, but the closer we came, the more distant I felt. I couldn't so much as hold her hand on the couch while watching a movie. I knew something was going on, but I couldn't see the obvious signs. So I broke up with her to "spare" her. She, eh, took it better than I probably would have had roles been reversed. We'd known each other since kindergarten, and she had had a crush on me since at least middle school. And right as I was about to ask her to marry me, I abruptly and out of nowhere broke things off. God, I feel awful about it. She's never spoken to me since. Don't blame her.
For years after getting back, I felt like a stranger in my body. Yeah, I knew friends and family, and yeah, I knew everything Isaac knew about them, but it felt like I was an impersonator. A grifter who had studied well for the role and slotted right in. But everyone felt like strangers to me. Even to this day I feel like that sometimes. Seeing my parents and thinking "ah yes, Mrs. Schmitt. Gen X, Gulf War vet, married to Mr. Schmitt, Grenada vet. Partial to knitting and hugs." Or "ah yes, friend #11, likes Star Wars and robots, going to school for computers."
There's a short story Hemmingway wrote called Soldiers Home. If I recall correctly, he never actually enlisted, but he lived and breathed war. I remember reading that story in college and thinking "this perfectly describes me!" Just the numbness, walking around like a zombie. I dropped out of college for a while, wandered around.
Never thought I might have PTSD. Figured it was the normal experience for vets coming home. It wasn't until my wife and I visited the VA county rep that I realized, "holy shit, I actually might have PTSD." Leave it to our wonderful spouses to keep us honest 😅
🎉r