My wife died after 31 years together. You don't miss the grand gestures or events or exciting times, you miss the everyday trivial moments that make up almost the entire relationship.
My issue is that sometimes women act like they are doing good men a favor by giving them a chance. Like you can tell Courtney actually likes her husband and isn’t just settling for him.
I had a girl like this. She and I were texting then stopped texting after 6 months. We set up a date then asked to move it up an hour with the most bs excuses I told her yeah im done.
Texting for 6 months and only 1 date? What a waste of time. That was entirely your fault. Either you date or you don’t. This “talking” thing is for teenagers and women who want attention. If you ask her out on a date and she says “let’s just see where it goes” then clearly she doesn’t like you enough to date you. That was entirely your fault. @Bowserguy62
@@jfkst1The biggest problem with modern relationships is modern wo men are not relationship material. They keep giving conflicting information and start fights. Very few wo men are emotionally mature enough for advice given in this video.
When will she get it? Does it come near the end of the ticking clock after she got all her excitement at the amusement park for the last 15ish years? Otherwise, you're just Mr. Friend zone with a wallet.
@Mugsey1984 Psyhacks gives extremely toxic dating advice that will get women used and abused and men rejected and used. He has no clue what he is talking about. Healthy relationships are never boring. That's just a fact. Also, anyone that conflates boredom with health is still learning and isn't ready to teach.
@@Mugsey1984Psyhacks gives extremely toxic dating advice that will get women used and abused and men rejected and used because his advice comes from a place of his personal fears. He has no clue what he is talking about. Also, anyone that says healthy relationships are boring is still learning and is nowhere near ready to teach.
The girl in the Tik Tok video is forgetting that she's 50% of the relationship so if it's getting boring she needs to bare 50% responsibility for that.
What?! You mean the girl can have initiative and not just sit on the sideline and Monday Morning Quarterback everything in a relationship? Say it ain’t so!
This speaks to a much greater societal issue in our normalization of instant gratification. If you need repetitive, quick dopamine hits in your relationship or just in your everyday life, you haven't learned to delay gratification and actually embrace a bit of boredom. A "boring" relationship is just a healthy one most of the time.
I have noticed that in other aspects of life. People would rather go into debt than save for what they want. Take this pill and it will solve all your problems mentality.
@@frozunyogert6159 Its scary, my most recent serious relationship she hated that I wanted to invest vs go on expensive vacations all the time. Shes homeless at 32 now and I'll never have to work again if I so choose.
This is how breadcrumbing works. A lot of toxic people will starve people from attention, and then give this little glimpses of positive attention just to keep em around. It's like feeling hungry, and watching someone ignore us while going on a feeding frenzie, until they serve us a plate of dry breadcrumbs. Peace is invaluable. Being a man is hard to begin with, and I don't need a woman in combat mode at home.
I think she forgets or has never experienced a stable relationship that is actually NOT boring. You can have amazing dates, physical intimacy, the gift of exclusiveness, the highs, without the lows, going back to a neutral baseline of just sheer happiness. Life is rough already.
Yeah, I really don't like the way the tiktok girl worded things. She makes it seem like excitement and stability are mutually exclusive. I get what she's trying to say, but it's an incredibly binary way of thinking and I think sends the wrong message. Some of the most fun, exciting people I know are also the most stable and reliable. I haven't dated someone who is toxic in the way she described, but I did briefly have a friend group made up of guys and girls like that. Not only were these people not the best, but I found out pretty quickly they weren't all that interesting either. They struggled to have thought-provoking conversations and mostly talked about drinking, money, sex, and gossipy topics. Also, they didn't seem interested in doing much other than going to bars, clubs, and other drinking centered activities. To each their own I guess, but half of the reason I stopped hanging with them was because I was bored. And of course, the other half was that I didn't trust them.
She has not experienced this, because like most women she does not bring anything to the relationships. Amazing dates need two people. Physical intimacy needs two people. Etc.
The women constantly saying that guys are emotionally immature and need to grow up are the same women choosing those types of men and rejecting/ignoring the ones they say they want.
The crazy part is men are expected to jump at the opportunity of dating a person like this, or even compliment her for finally acting sane. After she has revealed she is basically a dopamine junkie. Good for her for waking up, but no thanks.
Yep I have one that insisted on ignoring me after showing interest. Then reach out after two years from an unknown number with just enough information to where I think it’s her but can’t confirm. Then text twice then ghost. Joke is on her because she’s 24 and in her church she’s the one with a massively depreciating value because 25 is old in her church
@BrianWaller-qe7gr Then grab your bag of popcorn, sit back, and watch her crash into "The Wall" when she realizes no decent man wants her or her nonsense.
No they don’t. You guys need to get it out of your head that girls are rejecting you because you’re “too good”. All that’s going is allowing you to ignore your actual faults.
theres a difference between good guys and a nice guy, though. The good guy knows who he is, stands on his morals, spots red flags and wont bother with the friend zone. He understands the way women can be, if not reciprocated, he's out.
Good men dont get friendzoned simps do. If you have a great group of guy friends things like that never happen. You don’t need to waste your time on a woman. Shes not better than you
Peace in my relationship is something I value greatly. I don’t have time for that chaos . When you start valuing what’s really important you will make progress.
If you need excitement from your romantic relationships, your life is boring, which means YOU are boring I have enough complexity and chaos on my plate outside of relationships, I feel zero need to add another dimension of stress to the cocktail The same goes for nerdy stuff: it's only boring because you lack the intelligence required to actually understand it. That makes you boring, not me. GPU acceleration logic is objectively more awesome than makeup, shoes and fashion
@@Celi.S.00 So considering the original comment, what you're saying is that people are choosing things to do in their own time which don't fit their personality, and yet it's not their own fault?
@@Celi.S.00 No. Women claim to desire intellectual conversation, yet lack the ability to dig beneath the surface. I spent over a decade studying over 20 mathematical textbooks, yet plenty of women have found boredom in even a hint of discussion over the subject.
It's also we live in such privilege that we seek out more excitement in other ways. Also where social justice movements originate from. Humans didn't evolve to live in relatively peaceful easy lifestyles.
I have one that clearly is playing games. Ignore me when I reach out. At first I thought she wasn’t interested. Then after two years of no contact I reached out again no response. I then sent her I’m done if you aren’t interested then a graceful rejection is better than being ghosted. Then a few days later she sends a text. But nothing since last week. wtf why just why women insist on playing these games?
I never felt bored with someone because she answered me immediately. It's the other way around. If somebody is not texting or takes forever for every little text then I'm annoyed and nothing builds up.
Wow. The timing of me seeing this video couldn't be more perfect, I was with a narcissist for 4 years, and when we stopped seeing each other, i found the love of my life, and because i was trauma bonded, i ended up ruining things but i realized my mistake and did all i could to make sure i got her back
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i am in a similar situation, and i do not know what else do to have him back, i have been dying inside, people actually think i am happy, i am not
I feel your pain , after trying out the no contact experiment that failed miserably, i had to find other means, i had to reach out to a spiritual adviser, it was brilliant idea which i never thought it was, but it worked wonders for me
I actually had a discussion with one of my sister's best friends who is married to a wonderful guy. They were set up for a date by my sister and though she thought he was nice, she didn't feel the butterflies and thought about not going on a second date. My sister and her other friends told her to continue dating him (I like to think the b word and a slap were used in the process). She was reluctant but had the second date, and then a third, fourth, and so on. She realized that love and romance are things that are suppose to build up as you get to know someone, and isn't a spontaneous thing. You cannot truly fall in love with someone without truly knowing them. Good men may not give excitement right away, but it's better to wait a bit to get to know them than rush into something with a bad boy. (Same applies for men finding a partner too btw - one too many guys rush into a relationship with a b word because she's pretty, gives him attention or puts out.)
"love and romance are things that are suppose to build up as you get to know someone, and isn't a spontaneous thing." Modern women wait at the finish line for the winners. They have no time to build something long term with a good Man.
@@JimThompson-i3u That's not all women. It's only the shallow ones. Sure most women would be interested in the guy who won first place, but there are plenty of other men who have crossed the finish line or are on their way to making it. Besides, with a lot of women looking at the winners, the competition would be fierce to win their affection and the guys will pick the best woman from the crowd. So it makes more sense to be give someone else a shot. And often times, if the guy has so many women going after him, he has no reason to date since he can have all of them in rotation. Most women don't wanna be someone's side piece nor part of their harem. So they'll ditch the scumbag for someone else who isn't gonna waste their time. The ones who do stay in such a situation are either naïve and think they can change a dude's ways, or they're shallow and are only with him because it makes them look good.
@@JimThompson-i3u Only the shallow go for the winners solely and ignore the ones making their way to the finish line. Plus, it's dumb to go after the winners since the competition will be fierce and they're only gonna pick the best one of the bunch. And you never know, one of the guys making it to the finish line will eventually surpass the winner one day.
The sad part to all of this is being a good man tends to get the short end of the stick. Being friendzoned, called a creep, etc. Its better to be alone and at peace than to possibly be with someone you can barely trust and chaotic
It isnt about good guys / bad guys. The west in particular is just fuck*d. Not having a family is detoriating the need or importance of a relationship. No one cares anymore. Also the hookup culture lol.
Thank you for this content, Courtney. I'm 51, and tired of the people who play games (note: I was tired of it 30 years ago in college). Anyone who's more into drama than your connection with them doesn't deserve your time, energy, or money. My life is more than half over. I don't want to spend the time that's left on people who simply don't deserve it. Give the wrong people the gift of your absence and never look back.
It almost sounds like a recovering addict telling current addicts why being healthy is more boring than being high but necessary for you to get better. The only issue is that good men who knew better than to take part in that behavior to begin with don't want to be considered the "boring" consolation prize for a recovering addict who is (maybe) finally tired of self-destructing with her dating choices.
Now that is fact, a lot of people would consider my wife and I “boring “even though we do hobbies like hunting, archery, hiking, snowboarding etc, but the every day is pretty standard and mundane. Ie “boring” Monday-Friday we go to work, then gym, then home. but since we are actually very much in love just being around each other in any capacity is amazing. We’ve been together 6+ years so this isn’t a honeymoon phase anymore, but Just standard stuff like goofing off while cooking dinner or play, wrestling, etc., is fun and exciting and we do literally everyday unless someone is sick. If you’re not in bed crying laughing together at something stupid regularly, before going to sleep, and after basically daily bedroom fun, you’re doing it wrong.
Rule #1 for me: I always play down how much money I make. Or sometimes other things. It helps weed out a certain type of mindset. Most woman immediately fail here and that was always fine with me 🤷♂️
Most people don't realize that life in general is boring and routine. That is why you have to find "happiness" or those "moments of enjoy" within yourself. If you rely on others for those highs or happiness, sadly you'll never be satisfied and will be constantly chasing it. Peace and stability is more enjoyable than constant chaos and drama. You won't constantly be in that semi state of anxiety that those highs trigger. When there is peace, you'll be able to relax and unwind instead of being wound up on the edge. Think of your favorite movie. Is that movie full-throttle thru ought the whole movie or does it have moments that make the movie awesome? Is it nonstop action, explosions, jokes, suspense, etc?
Yeah, I was thinking about the scene in the movie old school where he’s talking about a nice little Saturday at the Home Depot… That’s what most people’s life is and it’s OK. It shouldn’t necessarily even be boring. You’re out mowing the lawn on a Sunday… Doesn’t have to be boring. Things are boring because people convince themselves that every second of life is supposed to be like you’re in a boxing ring not knowing when the next punch is coming. It’s like the people that when they go out, they intend to get plastered… It’s one thing to end up plastered by happenstance, but they set out that way because if they didn’t get plastered, it means they didn’t have fun… That’s a really weird world, View. I’ve been to parties where I was drinking a Pepsi, but I had a dozen people that I’ve never met before laughing their butts off and then have one of my ex-wife’s friends come over and asked me why I wasn’t having fun… And I’m like I am having fun that’s why these people are laughing because I’m telling them jokes, etc. And the reason he didn’t think I was having fun is because I didn’t have a beer in my hand. There’s a lot of those people. They conflate an item with fun. Not the fact that you’re laughing… Or not the fact that you’re seeing something new… But you didn’t have a beer, or you didn’t have a fight, you didn’thave some blast of adrenaline…
They are born with a built in safety net. There's no need for them to apply the same risk evaluation as we need to. There's always a simp ready to orbit even the biggest ogre.
The most shocking thing I experienced in my marriage was when my wife said "I am bored" two weeks after our wedding. So, she made me a 100% responsible for taking away her boredom. Fortunately, things started getting more exciting after that and we had a solid long-lasting marriage. But I still can't forget her reaction.
I would say newsflash life is boring if you can’t handle a boring peaceful life you are free to leave and not come back as I have no energy to waste on people who seek nothing but chaos and attention.
7:41 this has been studied and proven statistically to be true. People in relationships, stable "boring"* relationships, have the highest average lifespan, lowest occurrence of health emergencies, best long term mental health and cognitive function, and report the highest levels of happiness. *boring meaning consistent, predictable, never too high and never too low. Sweetly peaceful.
People with self destructive behaviors don't change. These are the same people who will sit back in their 70's, cry and complain how unlucky and mistreated they were in life when it came to relationships. A bunch of garbage. People are so selfish nowadays. Nobody wants to communicate, compromise, be honest, be loving and work towards a goal together. It's just sad. It really is. I'm tired.
I FIRMLY believe that this is why nice guys finish last, because they are "boring" and "predictable". Thanks to being raised on Disney films, then later things like social media, women in particular have very unrealistic ideas and visions of what romance is and they're just not accurate. Everyone wants to (rightly) talk about the negative effects of adult film industry on men and how it skews their brains and ruins their perception of male/female interactions, but nobody wants to talk about how rom-coms do basically the exact same thing to women. Also important to note that most nice guys aren't nice "just to get into your pants". Truly genuine nice guys are nice because that's who they are and they want to treat people well. A lot of nice guys are just treating you the way they want to be treated, or they've been treated like trash their whole lives and know how awful that feels and don't want to inflict that feeling on anyone else, so they become "too nice", which in this strange, messed up backwards world, is somehow problematic and a red flag. I think the sooner people realize how routine, mundane and honestly stale a day to day long term relationship is, the better off they will be. Because after awhile, that "honeymoon phase" DOES go away completely, after awhile, the sparks might die and you won't have stars in your eyes or butterflies in your stomach after a few years or so. Loving someone for the rest of your life IS a CHOICE. You have to find joy and beauty in all the small things day to day.
You see I agree with this wholeheartedly. The thing that's crazy to me is the fact that anyone likes the emotional roller coaster in the first place. That is the antithesis of everything I would ever want in a relationship and it's just absolutely terrible. It doesn't feel good in the slightest. It's not exciting or passionate or any of those things it's just 100% bad
@@TheUnkindness Exactly. Things happening occasionally that feel bad is inevitable in any kind of relationship, but it's still something you try to avoid. It's like wanting to leave your job because your boss doesn't yell at you enough. It just boggles my mind
Dude same, in early highschool at like 14/15 I thought it would be fun, and went out of my way to create some and learned VERY quickly it was NOT fun. Now peace is what I value most in my life.
Well, congrats to the TikTok lady for figuring this out by the time she was, what, 28? I guess that's a good thing, because despite the endless resources available today, both online and offline, some people never figure it out. My wife did by the time she started college, and without the help of a therapist, or even social media (the latter didn't exist yet). I guess growing up in her turbulent, abusive family was excitement enough for her, or at least experience enough for her to know what kind of life she *didn't* want. In college, she surrounded herself with good friends who cared about her, and I was privileged to be one of them. Coming from a close-knit, always supportive family, I was able to help show her what real love, peace and stability look like. She said yes to my marriage proposal in the middle of her senior year, and as far as I know, she's never looked back. Going on 35 years now!
Excellent post. I knew what the TikTok woman knows when I was 11 years old. That's where she is, at 11 years old. And @CourtneyRyan congratulates her for it. Unf*cking believable.
Dating good men means you are emotionally stable and MATURE. Good man is responsable, mature, emotionally stable, have future plans, goals, discipline and work for it. Bad man is the same as dating a kid. Means you are immature
Ah. So she only dated guys that didnt want her before this. Tell me her dad wasnt around when she was growing up, without telling me her dad wasn't around when she was growing up.
A lot of times, the Dad is there but he's so busy working and trying to feed his family, he has no actual relationship with his children. So it's highly unlikely her father wasn't there. He probably was but didn't interact with his kids. So he might as well not have been there.
I learned from a dating coach that don’t listen to what women say. Just be an attractive person, have hobbies , be fun , kind caring and loving . If a woman like you , she will find time to spend time with you . If she doesn’t drains you of happiness , is controlling , gaslights or a liar , leave
Many women do want stable men … when they get older. How many good men can accept living the best years of their lives alone, and then years later, getting hit on by older women that spent years rejecting them? Could you fall in love with one of the women that ruined the best years of your life?
This has been on my mind a lot lately. Even if I became super successfull and got inundated with offers I don't think I could even love them anymore. It'd take a very special one to get through that barrier I think. Also congrats, now you get to play therapist for the 20 years of trauma they've accrued from their bad decisions.
As a guy, I actually used to want "a good, but not boring girl", when I was a teenager. My expectations were insane: she had to be gorgeous and clever, humorous and faminine, flirting, romantic, kind, supportive and on top of that - she had to have similar interests and hobbies. Not bad, huh? I forgot about this bs when I missed my classmate, who liked me. Objectively she would be an amazing girlfriend for me, but I ignored her. And when I realised it - was already too late
She's correct however the issue is that most women can't stand being bored. Once they get bored they may start stirring up trouble, fights, etc... just to get that "high". Particularly younger women in their 20's and 30's. When it's a safe secure relationship, they may feel they settled and didn't get to tame the first choice of man that gave them all the chaos.
I write this comment so often and i'll write it again. Men understand the playbook women use. Men who are ignored until women are ready to settle down are not falling for it anymore. This happened to me when i was 28. I had 5 old dates/flings recontact me out of the blue, all within 6 weeks of each other. I figured out what was happening when one woman started asking me questions about marriage. I hadn't seen her in about 8 years. She was engaged 6 months later to someone else. Intentionally keeping "good" men as a back up plan doesn't work anymore. I would rather be single forever than be a woman's last choice because suddenly she is desperate to get married.
Could you imagine marrying a 25+ yr old one these days?? Yikes.. I promised myself long ago I'd never EVER fall for one of these honey traps. That's probably one of the most evil and sinister things they do to us.
@ I bet if the other women hadn’t recontacted me i wouldn’t have figured out the game plan. Men and women are better together. BUT women can’t assume men will wait forever to be the last guy to bail her out.
The thing is that when women ignore a good man growing up, they miss out on everything that's to come. It's crazy cause the good guy ends up becomming the successful one in life and by the time those girls realize it then they become ignored. Been there, done that, never looked back at those girls lol
The problem is so few women have done the inner work to recognize these patterns so most are turned off by consistent, emotionally available behavior. While I understand the merit of what you’re saying, it’s a surefire way to remain single.
I was watching another dating coach the other day, and he made an interesting point about mindset. If you know from the start that what you are about to do will take a long time, you will think about it differently. Say you are about to run a marathon. You will spend your energy carefully, knowing you will need to preserve some of it for the end. You can start a relationship seeking the highs of meeting a new person and falling in love, or you can start by focusing on what you want to have over the next years and decades if you end up staying together. There is nothing wrong in and of itself with having short relationships and chase the high of falling in love with someone new, but if you do want something lasting, you need to focus on the qualities this person have that determine their long-term suitability as a partner, not just on how they make you feel at the moment. Personally, I will happily walk away from any woman who doesn't clearly show that she has my mindset about relationships, no matter how i feel about her.
Unfortunately, a ton of people confuse excitement with satisfaction. Excitement is what they chase, but satisfaction is what they truly crave and comes from dealing with "boring" things sometimes
The reality is good men are boring. However, good men can still be fun through adventures that include travel, the outdoors, and personal interests that shine through their engagements with women.
An issue to tack on is one I'm experiencing now: complacency. My lady trusts in our relationship but now she's stopped trying. Goes to show even if they aren't playing games he/she can still be a poor partner.
It’s strange how all these girls seem to figure this out right after their peak value window. It would be like a guy getting given $10 million when he’s 18 and then when he’s got 3000 left at 28 after a decade of yacht parties is like you know what I think it’s time for me to settle down. 😂😂😂😂😂 how could any girl take that guy seriously…. Even if he was. 😂 everything just seems like a narrative to justify selfish behavior. And this is absolutely not about all women. There are some amazing women out there. This is about all the women that played this storyline out in an effort to trap someone at the end of their window. At least if somebody tried their best in their 20s and it didn’t work out, they could really get wild for their 30s and 40s and no one would even judge that because it would be like you know I tried it didn’t work ….. and now I just enjoy the company of other people that I enjoy the company of. But this whole trapping a retirement plan with a sophisticated narrative of enlightenment is shameful.
The exact same thing applies to dating a good woman. It can feel “boring” because you are not dealing with drama (real or artificial), but at the end of the day, you can take all that energy formerly wasted on drama and apply it to things that bring more fulfillment in life and benefit both of you.
I remember my Chad friends treating women like crap and I couldn't comprehend that these women wanted to be treated like that and would break up with men who treated them right. Crazy. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Key Word: Chad These men make up the top 1% of facial attractiveness and thus, can get away with anything. I wonder what would happen if we were to turn your Chad friends into sub5s
@Asana25 I don't know if they were top 1%, but top 10-15% for sure. No, they wouldn't have gotten away with "bad behavior" if it weren't for their looks. However, from their perspective, they weren't getting away with anything. Due to their looks, height, etc, they just had way more experience dealing with women and their bad behavior was learned from years of experience. I remember one guy correcting my simp behavior by saying, "you have to treat them like dogs, kick them and they'll come crawling back." Sounds horrible, but there is also wisdom in that statement. You do have to find balance, if you're constantly nice, they get bored and they'll find somebody who will "kick them." I've seen some gals (usually the very attractive ones) that just thrive off that toxicity. It's crazy to know a an intelligent, attractive, successful woman and watch her go through toxic relationship after toxic relationship like there was something she craved about toxicity. 🚩🚩🚩🚩💊💊💊💊💊
A woman I was interested in and was kind to, but was stringing me along, drunk texted me "Bored" so I walked away and never looked back. If they arent serious as you are then they aren't worth it.
I’m in my first healthy relationship for the first time in my life and we are getting married next month. The sense of safety and peace is priceless compared to all the toxic relationships I was stuck in previously. And yes my attachment to toxic and unhealthy relationships were definitely due to my core wounds and insecure attachment. My current relationship is nothing but “boring” to me. It feels like home in the best way.
Keep reading men's experiences of marriage or divorce. Both are horrific for the majority. Be thankful you have peace and didn't invite the law or f-male nature into your life. You'll have more and more opportunities well into your 40's and 50's if you're in shape, just don't get married.
I've done enough and tried too much to still care. I'm making good money, amazing shape at the moment, building out my network, supporting my parents and I can literally fix anything in my house at 28 years old. I'm 6'1, zero balding too and if that all isn't enough to have a stable relationship where I can raise my kids the way I envision and build a family then why would I even bother with at all? Everyone keeps harping on about self improvement and I'm a fervent supporter of it but in terms of finding a proper wife these it's just an absolute joke. Thankfully I have enough things to fulfill me but the idea of never raising my own kids is tough.
I am 25 years old. I have no kids. No debt. Military Veterans. Bachelors FOR FREE. Will receive my retirement and pension at 40! No injuries or negative health history. Extremely physical fit. Traveled around the world to several countries by myself multiple times. intelligent.Articulate. Disciplined. Ambitious. The list goes on! I got to this point because I stayed away from toxic women. I have been single for 4 years. I don’t plan on dating anytime soon. I just don’t see the point in it.
It’s just too bad that most modern women see a fully available and interested man as unexciting. Then complain when the unavailable man is exactly that.
The problem here is that the First Lady treats dating as an amusement park, it’s not, you are playing with your future here unless you want to be alone
Very mature and based take. The way the lady from the TikTok spoke, showed she had an immature view and outlook on the situation. The fundamental error of conflating excitement with unstable and unhealthy behaviour is sad to see. Ask a recovered drug addict or alcoholic if they think their former life was better, healthy, more stable, and most of all more meaningful and fulfilling. You’ll almost never catch a “yes” out of their mouth.
Your most mature video yet and you highlighted wonderful points Courtney! Great job! This message is true for men and women. Most of us have lots of healing to do so we can show up as healthy and, know what it looks like too!
we live in a society that struggles with dopamine regulation. We try to find it in consumption, consumerism and others. Like an "I need my partner to excite me." When did we get to that stage? When was a safe stable home not enough? When was warmth and companionship not enough?
While I appreciate these channels trying to help and fix modern dating. Its all for nothing. Women are not going to change. They are not going to all of a sudden start dating and appreciating good men. Its never going to happen. They are not logical creatures, they only listen to their emotions and feelings. There feelings will always lead them to the man that is bad. always. Accept it, adapt and learn to be that man. its never going to change
My biggest lesson learned with this kind of thing is if you’re talking to a girl and you get the feeling that she isn’t used to normal dating, run. People generally revert to what they are used to and it will save you a lot of agony in the end.
I think everyone’s completely tired of that phrase emotionally available but it really just means that she wants a guy that will sit and listen to her complain and bitch about life or work or whatever it is but she’s not gonna have any respect for you when you break down and have to cry and complain about stuff too women hate that shit in a man. I’m so tired of hearing it.
That's what my mom is like. Always complaining, my father puts up with it and enables her, when I have an issue they basically tell me to quit being a bitch.
That "boring" stability and predictability she mentions is absolutely essential and life giving when you have children and all the stresses of familial life too. The young woman wasn't thinking forward to that as much as about what excited her in a less mature time.
Courtney I don’t normally attempt to directly address the presenter, but your explanation on this video should be shouted from the mountain tops. In today’s society, the time implication in forming the relationship you describe is incongruent with the 2-day shipping a lot of people have grown accustomed to. And with good reason. The long game is always the better route if something truly special is sought. The trouble is that most younger people only know the want it now mentality, and they have to learn about the other options. I think your videos really help with this.
Not everyone lives on their phone. Anything over 24 hours is too much. I'd expect most men operate more on the between 2-8 hour range to respond sometimes more depending how many dragons need slaying. In my experience women will be more like 5 min to 4 hour response time. Most people I've met both men and women are all over the place with everything. There is no order to anything ever since comms and the net became a thing.
Y'all just need a plan: know what you want out of dating. If you date for flings or for some fun and excitement but have no long-term plan, just stay in the dating game. If you do have a long-term vision, evaluate dates on their suitability toward that vision. Know whether you want a partner for the short term or the long term because different qualities will be required depending on which you desire.
I’ve been working on myself a lot lately, and I found some advice that really helped me stop overthinking and start taking action. I started talking to a couple of new people every day, and after just a month, I feel much more confident. A book called Celestial Soulmate by Lentlish had some great tips that I hadn’t seen anywhere else, and it helped me a lot.
COURTNEEEEYYYYYYYYYYY - with another gem. Some how in some way women have to get this message through their minds, hearts and bodies in 2025 because this is the only way we are going to have healthy relationships in 2025. It is sad how many women learn this WAY later in life after the damage has already been done and now expect a guy to "love her as she is". Like no. You made poor choices and I'm not paying your debt.
I still run across a few of my exes on social media every so often. More than just a couple of them are still(we're all going on 40 now) surrounded by chaos. Having babies, still drinking, still doing "chemicals", marrying, divorcing, living with 6 room mates, uuckk. When your single it can be hard being alone but I cherish the peace that I have now more than anything.
It’s crazy how success is boring to people. They climb the mountain, stand on top and are unfulfilled because the climb is over. It’s not about the climb, it’s not about the mountain, it IS about building a home on top of that mountain and claiming it as yours. Then grow your family, career, and fight off the barbarians at the gate trying to take it from you. Many are so sort sided that once they obtain the goal, they don’t know what to do with it. If this is you then your goals should be BIGGER! Welcome to the adult Life many of you want so much of, now act like it 😎
@ it was a metaphor about relationships and what to do once you have that great one. Yes there is a lot of joy in the achievement but people though aren’t achievements. The stable relationship is…
The ‘protect from barbarians’ part is distinctly male, women don’t feel that. Biologically their job is selecting the best fit to protect from barbarians.
Women these days often play games, which can be a waste of time for men. Nowadays, the best strategy for a good man is to focus on his personal growth, career, and making the world a better place. If the right woman comes along, that's a bonus. But if not, at least we'll have lived a fulfilling life, doing our duty as men. That's what we men are built for, after all. Finding a genuine connection in modern dating is akin to searching for gold in water; it's a daunting task.
I've been saying this for years and years. A lot of people become disappointed with their relationship or even break up with their partner because the "spark" is gone and their partner doesn't "give them butterflies" anymore. They don't realize that for many/most of them, what they're describing is actually the risk and anxiety from the chance that the other person doesn't care about them or reciprocate their feelings. They get that excitement early in the relationship, when they put themselves out there a bit and then the other person _does_ reciprocate. But as the relationship progresses, that risk/reward game should give way to stability, reliability, trust, and a deeper relationship. You should be beyond the "rom-com" phase, and the "spark" should be replaced by a gentle but steady flame. I had someone break up with me like that once -- said she "didn't get butterflies" anymore. I hope she eventually figured that out, because if she didn't, she'll never find long-term happiness in a stable relationship.
it's a reality a lot of women prioritize chaos because it's "exciting" rather than a healthy connection, a female co worker of mine isn't my girlfriend but we practically right now shared everything and the trivial moments and our shared interests and values make our relation very special, we constantly tell each other how much we like to spend lot of time together
I’ve been in one LTR prior to meeting my fiancé. She seemed great on paper but her Dad is a genuine pos who didn’t care about her at all. So being a normal good guy who cared about her was difficult for her to cope with. At first I was really upset at her for her for her she acted and how the relationship ended but I can look back and imagine how difficult it must be to know something is right on paper and in your head but your body is just screaming at you that you need more of an up and down relationship.
My wife died after 31 years together. You don't miss the grand gestures or events or exciting times, you miss the everyday trivial moments that make up almost the entire relationship.
Sorry to hear mate, some major wisdom right there.
Sorry for your loss
I'm so sorry for your loss. May God bless and comfort you.
Sure that is what you say because you are the guy. If your wife was still alive, she would probably "feel" the opposite.
Sorry for your loss BTW.
So sorry for your loss.
My issue is that sometimes women act like they are doing good men a favor by giving them a chance. Like you can tell Courtney actually likes her husband and isn’t just settling for him.
I had a girl like this. She and I were texting then stopped texting after 6 months. We set up a date then asked to move it up an hour with the most bs excuses I told her yeah im done.
100%
That attitude is a red flag. No one is doing anyone a favor. Yall are both getting companionship, sex, support, etc.
Because many of them don't find those men attractive.
@@Celi.S.00 Which is fine. I don't want a woman who doesn't genuinely drench over me.
Texting for 6 months and only 1 date? What a waste of time. That was entirely your fault. Either you date or you don’t. This “talking” thing is for teenagers and women who want attention. If you ask her out on a date and she says “let’s just see where it goes” then clearly she doesn’t like you enough to date you. That was entirely your fault. @Bowserguy62
I'd rather be a decent guy than cause chaos for a woman. The right women will actually get it and appreciate it.
Except increasingly people are not getting into relationships so factually many people are not getting involved with compatible partners.
@@jfkst1The biggest problem with modern relationships is modern wo men are not relationship material. They keep giving conflicting information and start fights. Very few wo men are emotionally mature enough for advice given in this video.
@@jfkst1 then I'd rather be single haha
When will she get it? Does it come near the end of the ticking clock after she got all her excitement at the amusement park for the last 15ish years? Otherwise, you're just Mr. Friend zone with a wallet.
@@jfkst1 That's because both men and women don't become ar0us3d by certain looks. Branch out a little. Billions of potential artners exist.
Saying is it less exciting to date a good man is automatically red flag
Psychhacks says the exact same thing.
@@Mugsey1984 And every Ancient Stoic text.
But many, MANY men are willing to accept that red flag for a little female attention. It's sad to see, but it's true.
@Mugsey1984 Psyhacks gives extremely toxic dating advice that will get women used and abused and men rejected and used. He has no clue what he is talking about. Healthy relationships are never boring. That's just a fact. Also, anyone that conflates boredom with health is still learning and isn't ready to teach.
@@Mugsey1984Psyhacks gives extremely toxic dating advice that will get women used and abused and men rejected and used because his advice comes from a place of his personal fears. He has no clue what he is talking about. Also, anyone that says healthy relationships are boring is still learning and is nowhere near ready to teach.
The girl in the Tik Tok video is forgetting that she's 50% of the relationship so if it's getting boring she needs to bare 50% responsibility for that.
That’s why women create drama
Saying women should bare any responsibility whatsoever is like saying sheep should learn to fly. It ain't going to happen.
Telling women to put in some effort besides "showing up" & "i'm t3h table" will enrage them.
Women don't have responsibilities in relationships.
What?! You mean the girl can have initiative and not just sit on the sideline and Monday Morning Quarterback everything in a relationship? Say it ain’t so!
This speaks to a much greater societal issue in our normalization of instant gratification. If you need repetitive, quick dopamine hits in your relationship or just in your everyday life, you haven't learned to delay gratification and actually embrace a bit of boredom. A "boring" relationship is just a healthy one most of the time.
This!
I have noticed that in other aspects of life.
People would rather go into debt than save for what they want.
Take this pill and it will solve all your problems mentality.
Growing up is realizing how many "adults" are mentally not that different from children. They're not emotionally mature & self-aware.
@@frozunyogert6159 Its scary, my most recent serious relationship she hated that I wanted to invest vs go on expensive vacations all the time. Shes homeless at 32 now and I'll never have to work again if I so choose.
Boring and stable are often synonyms. When you build a stable life it's less likely to come crashing down!
This is how breadcrumbing works. A lot of toxic people will starve people from attention, and then give this little glimpses of positive attention just to keep em around. It's like feeling hungry, and watching someone ignore us while going on a feeding frenzie, until they serve us a plate of dry breadcrumbs. Peace is invaluable. Being a man is hard to begin with, and I don't need a woman in combat mode at home.
Very well said.
I built myself a sanctuary at home and in mind, its very obvious to me when the peace is at risk, See ya.
agree, most men just want a safe space at home, not another war zone, after the war zone at work.
Excellent points. Why can't @CourtneyRyan admit this?
I want this fella as my brother.
I think she forgets or has never experienced a stable relationship that is actually NOT boring. You can have amazing dates, physical intimacy, the gift of exclusiveness, the highs, without the lows, going back to a neutral baseline of just sheer happiness. Life is rough already.
Yeah, I really don't like the way the tiktok girl worded things. She makes it seem like excitement and stability are mutually exclusive. I get what she's trying to say, but it's an incredibly binary way of thinking and I think sends the wrong message. Some of the most fun, exciting people I know are also the most stable and reliable.
I haven't dated someone who is toxic in the way she described, but I did briefly have a friend group made up of guys and girls like that. Not only were these people not the best, but I found out pretty quickly they weren't all that interesting either. They struggled to have thought-provoking conversations and mostly talked about drinking, money, sex, and gossipy topics. Also, they didn't seem interested in doing much other than going to bars, clubs, and other drinking centered activities. To each their own I guess, but half of the reason I stopped hanging with them was because I was bored. And of course, the other half was that I didn't trust them.
Her idea of exciting is chaos. Everything you just mentioned wouldn’t be able to entertain her because stability is boring to her.
@@grants5383 If you've never dated a toxic woman, then you've never dated a woman.
She has not experienced this, because like most women she does not bring anything to the relationships. Amazing dates need two people. Physical intimacy needs two people. Etc.
Women from broken homes require toxic drama because it reminds them of their upbringing. This is most of them now
The women constantly saying that guys are emotionally immature and need to grow up are the same women choosing those types of men and rejecting/ignoring the ones they say they want.
If Men are emotionally immature then it follows that women are logically immature.
Don't get sucked into her frame: she has met great men all her life but they don't want _her_ due her character and pride.
Preach it now!
If Men are emotionally immature then it follows that women are Logically immature.
This is a classic example of "What women say vs what women do"
Another example that reveals, unfortunately, how incredibly immature women really are and their toxic need for drama, chaos and dysfunction.
Exactly
The crazy part is men are expected to jump at the opportunity of dating a person like this, or even compliment her for finally acting sane. After she has revealed she is basically a dopamine junkie. Good for her for waking up, but no thanks.
Yep I have one that insisted on ignoring me after showing interest. Then reach out after two years from an unknown number with just enough information to where I think it’s her but can’t confirm. Then text twice then ghost. Joke is on her because she’s 24 and in her church she’s the one with a massively depreciating value because 25 is old in her church
@@BrianWaller-qe7gr She'll probably marry outside the Church.
@BrianWaller-qe7gr Then grab your bag of popcorn, sit back, and watch her crash into "The Wall" when she realizes no decent man wants her or her nonsense.
The reality is that good men get friendzoned. 🤷♂️
100% do! I've experienced this way too many times
No they don’t. You guys need to get it out of your head that girls are rejecting you because you’re “too good”. All that’s going is allowing you to ignore your actual faults.
theres a difference between good guys and a nice guy, though. The good guy knows who he is, stands on his morals, spots red flags and wont bother with the friend zone. He understands the way women can be, if not reciprocated, he's out.
Good men dont get friendzoned simps do. If you have a great group of guy friends things like that never happen. You don’t need to waste your time on a woman. Shes not better than you
No, unless they are unattractive.
Peace in my relationship is something I value greatly. I don’t have time for that chaos . When you start valuing what’s really important you will make progress.
If you need excitement from your romantic relationships, your life is boring, which means YOU are boring
I have enough complexity and chaos on my plate outside of relationships, I feel zero need to add another dimension of stress to the cocktail
The same goes for nerdy stuff: it's only boring because you lack the intelligence required to actually understand it. That makes you boring, not me.
GPU acceleration logic is objectively more awesome than makeup, shoes and fashion
So true. And some women having the audacity to claim that men are shallow while women are not? Excuse me?
BINGO. Most women are incredibly empty and dull.
Boring and interesting are subjective. What an introvert would find interesting, an extrovert would think “Boring!” and vice versa.
@@Celi.S.00 So considering the original comment, what you're saying is that people are choosing things to do in their own time which don't fit their personality, and yet it's not their own fault?
@@Celi.S.00 No. Women claim to desire intellectual conversation, yet lack the ability to dig beneath the surface. I spent over a decade studying over 20 mathematical textbooks, yet plenty of women have found boredom in even a hint of discussion over the subject.
Playing games is more exciting to many people rather than just being normal. Because society teaches that normal and healthy is boring.
Let’s not blame society because people are toxic because you are mixing good people in that box
And this why we can’t have nice things
It's also we live in such privilege that we seek out more excitement in other ways. Also where social justice movements originate from. Humans didn't evolve to live in relatively peaceful easy lifestyles.
@@jfkst1you support slavery?
I have one that clearly is playing games. Ignore me when I reach out. At first I thought she wasn’t interested. Then after two years of no contact I reached out again no response. I then sent her I’m done if you aren’t interested then a graceful rejection is better than being ghosted. Then a few days later she sends a text. But nothing since last week. wtf why just why women insist on playing these games?
I never felt bored with someone because she answered me immediately. It's the other way around. If somebody is not texting or takes forever for every little text then I'm annoyed and nothing builds up.
Wow. The timing of me seeing this video couldn't be more perfect, I was with a narcissist for 4 years, and when we stopped seeing each other, i found the love of my life, and because i was trauma bonded, i ended up ruining things but i realized my mistake and did all i could to make sure i got her back
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i am in a similar situation, and i do not know what else do to have him back, i have been dying inside, people actually think i am happy, i am not
I feel your pain , after trying out the no contact experiment that failed miserably, i had to find other means, i had to reach out to a spiritual adviser, it was brilliant idea which i never thought it was, but it worked wonders for me
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach him/ her?
Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
I actually had a discussion with one of my sister's best friends who is married to a wonderful guy. They were set up for a date by my sister and though she thought he was nice, she didn't feel the butterflies and thought about not going on a second date. My sister and her other friends told her to continue dating him (I like to think the b word and a slap were used in the process). She was reluctant but had the second date, and then a third, fourth, and so on. She realized that love and romance are things that are suppose to build up as you get to know someone, and isn't a spontaneous thing. You cannot truly fall in love with someone without truly knowing them. Good men may not give excitement right away, but it's better to wait a bit to get to know them than rush into something with a bad boy. (Same applies for men finding a partner too btw - one too many guys rush into a relationship with a b word because she's pretty, gives him attention or puts out.)
"love and romance are things that are suppose to build up as you get to know someone, and isn't a spontaneous thing." Modern women wait at the finish line for the winners. They have no time to build something long term with a good Man.
@@JimThompson-i3u That's not all women. It's only the shallow ones. Sure most women would be interested in the guy who won first place, but there are plenty of other men who have crossed the finish line or are on their way to making it. Besides, with a lot of women looking at the winners, the competition would be fierce to win their affection and the guys will pick the best woman from the crowd. So it makes more sense to be give someone else a shot. And often times, if the guy has so many women going after him, he has no reason to date since he can have all of them in rotation. Most women don't wanna be someone's side piece nor part of their harem. So they'll ditch the scumbag for someone else who isn't gonna waste their time. The ones who do stay in such a situation are either naïve and think they can change a dude's ways, or they're shallow and are only with him because it makes them look good.
I call that becoming de-Disneyfied.
True on both accounts (for men and women)
@@JimThompson-i3u Only the shallow go for the winners solely and ignore the ones making their way to the finish line. Plus, it's dumb to go after the winners since the competition will be fierce and they're only gonna pick the best one of the bunch. And you never know, one of the guys making it to the finish line will eventually surpass the winner one day.
The sad part to all of this is being a good man tends to get the short end of the stick. Being friendzoned, called a creep, etc. Its better to be alone and at peace than to possibly be with someone you can barely trust and chaotic
See I just don’t understand why good guys have to suffer.
It isnt about good guys / bad guys. The west in particular is just fuck*d. Not having a family is detoriating the need or importance of a relationship. No one cares anymore. Also the hookup culture lol.
Maybe they want to have a family of his own...... 🤷🏻
@@albertandguitarslife is not fair
Even the bible warned us about it many years ago. This world is from the devil
Thank you for this content, Courtney. I'm 51, and tired of the people who play games (note: I was tired of it 30 years ago in college). Anyone who's more into drama than your connection with them doesn't deserve your time, energy, or money. My life is more than half over. I don't want to spend the time that's left on people who simply don't deserve it. Give the wrong people the gift of your absence and never look back.
I’m boring and stable. Single. Average income. Worst traits to have for dating a modern woman. 😂
😂😂😂😂😂😂...I love boring 😂😂..those willing to participate no problem 😂😅
Well why would you date them to begin with, there is no making them happy, there’s always something to complain about.
It almost sounds like a recovering addict telling current addicts why being healthy is more boring than being high but necessary for you to get better. The only issue is that good men who knew better than to take part in that behavior to begin with don't want to be considered the "boring" consolation prize for a recovering addict who is (maybe) finally tired of self-destructing with her dating choices.
Exactly
When you truly love someone, every second of your life is amazing.
Huh??
That's the masculine romantic ideal. Rarely achieved or reprocicated.
Now that is fact, a lot of people would consider my wife and I “boring “even though we do hobbies like hunting, archery, hiking, snowboarding etc, but the every day is pretty standard and mundane. Ie “boring” Monday-Friday we go to work, then gym, then home. but since we are actually very much in love just being around each other in any capacity is amazing. We’ve been together 6+ years so this isn’t a honeymoon phase anymore, but Just standard stuff like goofing off while cooking dinner or play, wrestling, etc., is fun and exciting and we do literally everyday unless someone is sick. If you’re not in bed crying laughing together at something stupid regularly, before going to sleep, and after basically daily bedroom fun, you’re doing it wrong.
Rule #1 for me: I always play down how much money I make. Or sometimes other things. It helps weed out a certain type of mindset. Most woman immediately fail here and that was always fine with me 🤷♂️
🎉🎉🎉❤❤❤
Most people don't realize that life in general is boring and routine. That is why you have to find "happiness" or those "moments of enjoy" within yourself. If you rely on others for those highs or happiness, sadly you'll never be satisfied and will be constantly chasing it. Peace and stability is more enjoyable than constant chaos and drama. You won't constantly be in that semi state of anxiety that those highs trigger. When there is peace, you'll be able to relax and unwind instead of being wound up on the edge.
Think of your favorite movie. Is that movie full-throttle thru ought the whole movie or does it have moments that make the movie awesome? Is it nonstop action, explosions, jokes, suspense, etc?
Exciting is not sustainable.
@@lightorchestrator Unless you make a lot of money doing it.
@@lightorchestrator Facts don't matter
Yeah, I was thinking about the scene in the movie old school where he’s talking about a nice little Saturday at the Home Depot… That’s what most people’s life is and it’s OK. It shouldn’t necessarily even be boring. You’re out mowing the lawn on a Sunday… Doesn’t have to be boring. Things are boring because people convince themselves that every second of life is supposed to be like you’re in a boxing ring not knowing when the next punch is coming. It’s like the people that when they go out, they intend to get plastered… It’s one thing to end up plastered by happenstance, but they set out that way because if they didn’t get plastered, it means they didn’t have fun… That’s a really weird world, View. I’ve been to parties where I was drinking a Pepsi, but I had a dozen people that I’ve never met before laughing their butts off and then have one of my ex-wife’s friends come over and asked me why I wasn’t having fun… And I’m like I am having fun that’s why these people are laughing because I’m telling them jokes, etc. And the reason he didn’t think I was having fun is because I didn’t have a beer in my hand. There’s a lot of those people. They conflate an item with fun. Not the fact that you’re laughing… Or not the fact that you’re seeing something new… But you didn’t have a beer, or you didn’t have a fight, you didn’thave some blast of adrenaline…
They are born with a built in safety net. There's no need for them to apply the same risk evaluation as we need to. There's always a simp ready to orbit even the biggest ogre.
Ughh what she describes as "exciting" is the thing I want to avoid in people...
I wish i could filter all the types of women out...
Yeah, that behavior is not exciting to me at all lol
There would be almost no women left. At least none that are remotely attractive.
@@CourtneyRyanat least she's self aware that she gets excited from toxicity, and being a narcissistic's target.
I thing most are unaware.
@@taradinhu001 Then, shewon't be a good partner or mother.
Same.
The most shocking thing I experienced in my marriage was when my wife said "I am bored" two weeks after our wedding. So, she made me a 100% responsible for taking away her boredom. Fortunately, things started getting more exciting after that and we had a solid long-lasting marriage. But I still can't forget her reaction.
Wow, I would have left her when she said that. No way would I stay married to someone with arrested development.
I would say newsflash life is boring if you can’t handle a boring peaceful life you are free to leave and not come back as I have no energy to waste on people who seek nothing but chaos and attention.
7:41 this has been studied and proven statistically to be true. People in relationships, stable "boring"* relationships, have the highest average lifespan, lowest occurrence of health emergencies, best long term mental health and cognitive function, and report the highest levels of happiness.
*boring meaning consistent, predictable, never too high and never too low. Sweetly peaceful.
If peace is boring to you, then chaos hasn’t hit you hard enough yet.
I agree. Stealing this.
People with self destructive behaviors don't change. These are the same people who will sit back in their 70's, cry and complain how unlucky and mistreated they were in life when it came to relationships. A bunch of garbage. People are so selfish nowadays. Nobody wants to communicate, compromise, be honest, be loving and work towards a goal together. It's just sad. It really is. I'm tired.
Straight up I just Love this Video! it's Pure, Simple and also so good to know this behaviour still exists in the world!
I FIRMLY believe that this is why nice guys finish last, because they are "boring" and "predictable". Thanks to being raised on Disney films, then later things like social media, women in particular have very unrealistic ideas and visions of what romance is and they're just not accurate. Everyone wants to (rightly) talk about the negative effects of adult film industry on men and how it skews their brains and ruins their perception of male/female interactions, but nobody wants to talk about how rom-coms do basically the exact same thing to women. Also important to note that most nice guys aren't nice "just to get into your pants". Truly genuine nice guys are nice because that's who they are and they want to treat people well. A lot of nice guys are just treating you the way they want to be treated, or they've been treated like trash their whole lives and know how awful that feels and don't want to inflict that feeling on anyone else, so they become "too nice", which in this strange, messed up backwards world, is somehow problematic and a red flag.
I think the sooner people realize how routine, mundane and honestly stale a day to day long term relationship is, the better off they will be. Because after awhile, that "honeymoon phase" DOES go away completely, after awhile, the sparks might die and you won't have stars in your eyes or butterflies in your stomach after a few years or so. Loving someone for the rest of your life IS a CHOICE. You have to find joy and beauty in all the small things day to day.
You see I agree with this wholeheartedly. The thing that's crazy to me is the fact that anyone likes the emotional roller coaster in the first place. That is the antithesis of everything I would ever want in a relationship and it's just absolutely terrible. It doesn't feel good in the slightest. It's not exciting or passionate or any of those things it's just 100% bad
Almost all women would disagree with what you said. They crave turmoil.
Totally. Everything these women claim to find exciting, I find utterly repulsive and is an instant deal breaker.
@@TheUnkindness Exactly. Things happening occasionally that feel bad is inevitable in any kind of relationship, but it's still something you try to avoid. It's like wanting to leave your job because your boss doesn't yell at you enough. It just boggles my mind
Dude same, in early highschool at like 14/15 I thought it would be fun, and went out of my way to create some and learned VERY quickly it was NOT fun. Now peace is what I value most in my life.
"Anxiety dressed up as a thrill"! Well done, you deserve a literary award. :)
Well, congrats to the TikTok lady for figuring this out by the time she was, what, 28? I guess that's a good thing, because despite the endless resources available today, both online and offline, some people never figure it out. My wife did by the time she started college, and without the help of a therapist, or even social media (the latter didn't exist yet). I guess growing up in her turbulent, abusive family was excitement enough for her, or at least experience enough for her to know what kind of life she *didn't* want. In college, she surrounded herself with good friends who cared about her, and I was privileged to be one of them. Coming from a close-knit, always supportive family, I was able to help show her what real love, peace and stability look like. She said yes to my marriage proposal in the middle of her senior year, and as far as I know, she's never looked back. Going on 35 years now!
As far as you know, she hasn't looked back. Women are very good at hiding extra-marital affairs.
Excellent post. I knew what the TikTok woman knows when I was 11 years old. That's where she is, at 11 years old. And @CourtneyRyan congratulates her for it. Unf*cking believable.
Dating good men means you are emotionally stable and MATURE. Good man is responsable, mature, emotionally stable, have future plans, goals, discipline and work for it.
Bad man is the same as dating a kid. Means you are immature
Ah. So she only dated guys that didnt want her before this.
Tell me her dad wasnt around when she was growing up, without telling me her dad wasn't around when she was growing up.
I don’t see why someone’s pain would warrant that reaction from you. Seems like you enjoy seeing others fail.
A lot of times, the Dad is there but he's so busy working and trying to feed his family, he has no actual relationship with his children. So it's highly unlikely her father wasn't there. He probably was but didn't interact with his kids. So he might as well not have been there.
Appreciated to hear this pov and your response. They should know what to expect and she messaged it pretty well.
I learned from a dating coach that don’t listen to what women say. Just be an attractive person, have hobbies , be fun , kind caring and loving . If a woman like you , she will find time to spend time with you . If she doesn’t drains you of happiness , is controlling , gaslights or a liar , leave
Many women do want stable men … when they get older. How many good men can accept living the best years of their lives alone, and then years later, getting hit on by older women that spent years rejecting them? Could you fall in love with one of the women that ruined the best years of your life?
This has been on my mind a lot lately. Even if I became super successfull and got inundated with offers I don't think I could even love them anymore. It'd take a very special one to get through that barrier I think. Also congrats, now you get to play therapist for the 20 years of trauma they've accrued from their bad decisions.
💯
As a guy, I actually used to want "a good, but not boring girl", when I was a teenager. My expectations were insane: she had to be gorgeous and clever, humorous and faminine, flirting, romantic, kind, supportive and on top of that - she had to have similar interests and hobbies. Not bad, huh? I forgot about this bs when I missed my classmate, who liked me. Objectively she would be an amazing girlfriend for me, but I ignored her. And when I realised it - was already too late
She's correct however the issue is that most women can't stand being bored. Once they get bored they may start stirring up trouble, fights, etc... just to get that "high". Particularly younger women in their 20's and 30's. When it's a safe secure relationship, they may feel they settled and didn't get to tame the first choice of man that gave them all the chaos.
I write this comment so often and i'll write it again. Men understand the playbook women use. Men who are ignored until women are ready to settle down are not falling for it anymore. This happened to me when i was 28. I had 5 old dates/flings recontact me out of the blue, all within 6 weeks of each other. I figured out what was happening when one woman started asking me questions about marriage. I hadn't seen her in about 8 years. She was engaged 6 months later to someone else.
Intentionally keeping "good" men as a back up plan doesn't work anymore.
I would rather be single forever than be a woman's last choice because suddenly she is desperate to get married.
Could you imagine marrying a 25+ yr old one these days?? Yikes.. I promised myself long ago I'd never EVER fall for one of these honey traps. That's probably one of the most evil and sinister things they do to us.
apparently it did work for the woman you mentioned in your example; albeit not with you? they will always have almost infinite options...
@ I bet if the other women hadn’t recontacted me i wouldn’t have figured out the game plan.
Men and women are better together.
BUT women can’t assume men will wait forever to be the last guy to bail her out.
The thing is that when women ignore a good man growing up, they miss out on everything that's to come. It's crazy cause the good guy ends up becomming the successful one in life and by the time those girls realize it then they become ignored. Been there, done that, never looked back at those girls lol
I like how you look in camera to us when watching these clips of others
The problem is so few women have done the inner work to recognize these patterns so most are turned off by consistent, emotionally available behavior. While I understand the merit of what you’re saying, it’s a surefire way to remain single.
I was watching another dating coach the other day, and he made an interesting point about mindset. If you know from the start that what you are about to do will take a long time, you will think about it differently. Say you are about to run a marathon. You will spend your energy carefully, knowing you will need to preserve some of it for the end.
You can start a relationship seeking the highs of meeting a new person and falling in love, or you can start by focusing on what you want to have over the next years and decades if you end up staying together. There is nothing wrong in and of itself with having short relationships and chase the high of falling in love with someone new, but if you do want something lasting, you need to focus on the qualities this person have that determine their long-term suitability as a partner, not just on how they make you feel at the moment.
Personally, I will happily walk away from any woman who doesn't clearly show that she has my mindset about relationships, no matter how i feel about her.
Reject dating and bring back courtship!
👍🏾
Unfortunately, a ton of people confuse excitement with satisfaction. Excitement is what they chase, but satisfaction is what they truly crave and comes from dealing with "boring" things sometimes
The reality is good men are boring. However, good men can still be fun through adventures that include travel, the outdoors, and personal interests that shine through their engagements with women.
An issue to tack on is one I'm experiencing now: complacency. My lady trusts in our relationship but now she's stopped trying. Goes to show even if they aren't playing games he/she can still be a poor partner.
Dread game is real. If she doesn't see other women going after you, you're just the security blanket.
It’s strange how all these girls seem to figure this out right after their peak value window. It would be like a guy getting given $10 million when he’s 18 and then when he’s got 3000 left at 28 after a decade of yacht parties is like you know what I think it’s time for me to settle down. 😂😂😂😂😂 how could any girl take that guy seriously…. Even if he was. 😂 everything just seems like a narrative to justify selfish behavior. And this is absolutely not about all women. There are some amazing women out there. This is about all the women that played this storyline out in an effort to trap someone at the end of their window.
At least if somebody tried their best in their 20s and it didn’t work out, they could really get wild for their 30s and 40s and no one would even judge that because it would be like you know I tried it didn’t work ….. and now I just enjoy the company of other people that I enjoy the company of. But this whole trapping a retirement plan with a sophisticated narrative of enlightenment is shameful.
The exact same thing applies to dating a good woman. It can feel “boring” because you are not dealing with drama (real or artificial), but at the end of the day, you can take all that energy formerly wasted on drama and apply it to things that bring more fulfillment in life and benefit both of you.
I remember my Chad friends treating women like crap and I couldn't comprehend that these women wanted to be treated like that and would break up with men who treated them right. Crazy. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
This is why I rent..
Key Word: Chad
These men make up the top 1% of facial attractiveness and thus, can get away with anything. I wonder what would happen if we were to turn your Chad friends into sub5s
@Asana25 I don't know if they were top 1%, but top 10-15% for sure. No, they wouldn't have gotten away with "bad behavior" if it weren't for their looks. However, from their perspective, they weren't getting away with anything. Due to their looks, height, etc, they just had way more experience dealing with women and their bad behavior was learned from years of experience. I remember one guy correcting my simp behavior by saying, "you have to treat them like dogs, kick them and they'll come crawling back." Sounds horrible, but there is also wisdom in that statement. You do have to find balance, if you're constantly nice, they get bored and they'll find somebody who will "kick them." I've seen some gals (usually the very attractive ones) that just thrive off that toxicity. It's crazy to know a an intelligent, attractive, successful woman and watch her go through toxic relationship after toxic relationship like there was something she craved about toxicity. 🚩🚩🚩🚩💊💊💊💊💊
A woman I was interested in and was kind to, but was stringing me along, drunk texted me "Bored" so I walked away and never looked back. If they arent serious as you are then they aren't worth it.
Calling this a positive video is a bit of a stretch, but alright
If Courtney’s calling this positive, or even relatively positive, she’s losing her integrity.
I’m in my first healthy relationship for the first time in my life and we are getting married next month. The sense of safety and peace is priceless compared to all the toxic relationships I was stuck in previously. And yes my attachment to toxic and unhealthy relationships were definitely due to my core wounds and insecure attachment. My current relationship is nothing but “boring” to me. It feels like home in the best way.
I'm boring, but well stable...I own my own home, gainfully employed, and stay in shape.
To find out that I'm not good enough if disheartening
You're not "not good enought" you're not "bad enough".
Consider the source. Tik-tok attention seekers are not an authority.
Keep reading men's experiences of marriage or divorce. Both are horrific for the majority. Be thankful you have peace and didn't invite the law or f-male nature into your life. You'll have more and more opportunities well into your 40's and 50's if you're in shape, just don't get married.
I've done enough and tried too much to still care. I'm making good money, amazing shape at the moment, building out my network, supporting my parents and I can literally fix anything in my house at 28 years old. I'm 6'1, zero balding too and if that all isn't enough to have a stable relationship where I can raise my kids the way I envision and build a family then why would I even bother with at all? Everyone keeps harping on about self improvement and I'm a fervent supporter of it but in terms of finding a proper wife these it's just an absolute joke. Thankfully I have enough things to fulfill me but the idea of never raising my own kids is tough.
@@xAudiolith I hope you get your hearts desire.
I am 25 years old. I have no kids. No debt. Military Veterans. Bachelors FOR FREE. Will receive my retirement and pension at 40! No injuries or negative health history. Extremely physical fit. Traveled around the world to several countries by myself multiple times. intelligent.Articulate. Disciplined. Ambitious. The list goes on! I got to this point because I stayed away from toxic women. I have been single for 4 years. I don’t plan on dating anytime soon. I just don’t see the point in it.
It’s just too bad that most modern women see a fully available and interested man as unexciting. Then complain when the unavailable man is exactly that.
Great point about mistaking anxiety for passion!
Mistaking drama for passion. The ultimate sign that someone doesn't have a clue.
The problem here is that the First Lady treats dating as an amusement park, it’s not, you are playing with your future here unless you want to be alone
Good Sunday morning, Courtney!
"Peace is never boring"...loved that, thanks 💗🍃🙏🏻
Very mature and based take. The way the lady from the TikTok spoke, showed she had an immature view and outlook on the situation. The fundamental error of conflating excitement with unstable and unhealthy behaviour is sad to see. Ask a recovered drug addict or alcoholic if they think their former life was better, healthy, more stable, and most of all more meaningful and fulfilling. You’ll almost never catch a “yes” out of their mouth.
Your most mature video yet and you highlighted wonderful points Courtney! Great job!
This message is true for men and women. Most of us have lots of healing to do so we can show up as healthy and, know what it looks like too!
That voice tells you everything.
Courtney your reactions to these videos are priceless and so genuine; then your words are equally spot on. Thanks again and Happy New Year
Courtney is a voice of sanity in a sea of insane women. Men who are working hard don't have time to play games.
we live in a society that struggles with dopamine regulation. We try to find it in consumption, consumerism and others. Like an "I need my partner to excite me." When did we get to that stage? When was a safe stable home not enough? When was warmth and companionship not enough?
While I appreciate these channels trying to help and fix modern dating. Its all for nothing. Women are not going to change. They are not going to all of a sudden start dating and appreciating good men. Its never going to happen. They are not logical creatures, they only listen to their emotions and feelings. There feelings will always lead them to the man that is bad. always. Accept it, adapt and learn to be that man. its never going to change
My biggest lesson learned with this kind of thing is if you’re talking to a girl and you get the feeling that she isn’t used to normal dating, run. People generally revert to what they are used to and it will save you a lot of agony in the end.
I think everyone’s completely tired of that phrase emotionally available but it really just means that she wants a guy that will sit and listen to her complain and bitch about life or work or whatever it is but she’s not gonna have any respect for you when you break down and have to cry and complain about stuff too women hate that shit in a man. I’m so tired of hearing it.
That would be an emotionally unavailable woman, right? That problem is universal and not related to sex unfortunately.
That's what my mom is like. Always complaining, my father puts up with it and enables her, when I have an issue they basically tell me to quit being a bitch.
@ it’s just a made up oxymoron it doesn’t actually mean anything is what I’m
Saying. It’s just a buzzword women use to beat men over the head with.
That "boring" stability and predictability she mentions is absolutely essential and life giving when you have children and all the stresses of familial life too. The young woman wasn't thinking forward to that as much as about what excited her in a less mature time.
0:27 Yeah..I'm only gonna pursue God-fearing women now because this is ridiculous. Lol
Praying for us both brother. It sucks out here.
Agreed! Well, thats what i have been pursuing it hard out here 😢
Greetings fellow 👑
We stand firm, brother.
Courtney I don’t normally attempt to directly address the presenter, but your explanation on this video should be shouted from the mountain tops.
In today’s society, the time implication in forming the relationship you describe is incongruent with the 2-day shipping a lot of people have grown accustomed to.
And with good reason. The long game is always the better route if something truly special is sought.
The trouble is that most younger people only know the want it now mentality, and they have to learn about the other options.
I think your videos really help with this.
Thank you for sharing
Thanks for being here!
Every guy should have a woman like Courtney, her wise words are always so touching to the soul.
Not everyone lives on their phone. Anything over 24 hours is too much. I'd expect most men operate more on the between 2-8 hour range to respond sometimes more depending how many dragons need slaying. In my experience women will be more like 5 min to 4 hour response time. Most people I've met both men and women are all over the place with everything. There is no order to anything ever since comms and the net became a thing.
Y'all just need a plan: know what you want out of dating. If you date for flings or for some fun and excitement but have no long-term plan, just stay in the dating game. If you do have a long-term vision, evaluate dates on their suitability toward that vision. Know whether you want a partner for the short term or the long term because different qualities will be required depending on which you desire.
I’ve been working on myself a lot lately, and I found some advice that really helped me stop overthinking and start taking action. I started talking to a couple of new people every day, and after just a month, I feel much more confident. A book called Celestial Soulmate by Lentlish had some great tips that I hadn’t seen anywhere else, and it helped me a lot.
Nicely done! This was a good one. You hit on some salient points in a practical way. Keep up the good work.
COURTNEEEEYYYYYYYYYYY - with another gem. Some how in some way women have to get this message through their minds, hearts and bodies in 2025 because this is the only way we are going to have healthy relationships in 2025. It is sad how many women learn this WAY later in life after the damage has already been done and now expect a guy to "love her as she is". Like no. You made poor choices and I'm not paying your debt.
From experience: 'boring' is better. It is amazing to be close with someone that doesn't need the drama and chaos.
Hey, Courtney and everyone.
Hey Yosef!
I still run across a few of my exes on social media every so often. More than just a couple of them are still(we're all going on 40 now) surrounded by chaos. Having babies, still drinking, still doing "chemicals", marrying, divorcing, living with 6 room mates, uuckk. When your single it can be hard being alone but I cherish the peace that I have now more than anything.
It’s crazy how success is boring to people. They climb the mountain, stand on top and are unfulfilled because the climb is over. It’s not about the climb, it’s not about the mountain, it IS about building a home on top of that mountain and claiming it as yours. Then grow your family, career, and fight off the barbarians at the gate trying to take it from you.
Many are so sort sided that once they obtain the goal, they don’t know what to do with it. If this is you then your goals should be BIGGER! Welcome to the adult Life many of you want so much of, now act like it 😎
There is pleasure in pursuing a great goal.
@ it was a metaphor about relationships and what to do once you have that great one. Yes there is a lot of joy in the achievement but people though aren’t achievements. The stable relationship is…
@@Captain-Awesome I agree.
The ‘protect from barbarians’ part is distinctly male, women don’t feel that. Biologically their job is selecting the best fit to protect from barbarians.
This perfect timing. I really needed to hear this. it just answered an uneasyness that as usual for me I was overthinking. Thank you again Courtney
The fact that nobody talks about the book How To Seduce Your Boss Wife talks about flirting and manipulation with girl
Women these days often play games, which can be a waste of time for men. Nowadays, the best strategy for a good man is to focus on his personal growth, career, and making the world a better place. If the right woman comes along, that's a bonus. But if not, at least we'll have lived a fulfilling life, doing our duty as men. That's what we men are built for, after all.
Finding a genuine connection in modern dating is akin to searching for gold in water; it's a daunting task.
The TikTok proves why men are walking away. That lady is going to cheat eventually.
Appreciate that guy. No it’s not boring to feel secure in your relationship.
Thank god i live overseas and i dont need to play these western games as i am the king here and love it Ryan ! 😉
While every relationship is different, I understand how social media and entertainment has really warped our expectations.
My brother Wyatt got a Nintendo switch for Christmas
Okay. Buy your own.
I've been saying this for years and years. A lot of people become disappointed with their relationship or even break up with their partner because the "spark" is gone and their partner doesn't "give them butterflies" anymore.
They don't realize that for many/most of them, what they're describing is actually the risk and anxiety from the chance that the other person doesn't care about them or reciprocate their feelings. They get that excitement early in the relationship, when they put themselves out there a bit and then the other person _does_ reciprocate. But as the relationship progresses, that risk/reward game should give way to stability, reliability, trust, and a deeper relationship. You should be beyond the "rom-com" phase, and the "spark" should be replaced by a gentle but steady flame.
I had someone break up with me like that once -- said she "didn't get butterflies" anymore. I hope she eventually figured that out, because if she didn't, she'll never find long-term happiness in a stable relationship.
That TikToker must be a unicorn. Most women want the drama infusing Chads.
Not all Tyrones want drama.....
it's a reality a lot of women prioritize chaos because it's "exciting" rather than a healthy connection, a female co worker of mine isn't my girlfriend but we practically right now shared everything and the trivial moments and our shared interests and values make our relation very special, we constantly tell each other how much we like to spend lot of time together
Thank You Ms. Ryan for all you wonderful videos. 😊
Maturity demands peace
I’ve been in one LTR prior to meeting my fiancé. She seemed great on paper but her Dad is a genuine pos who didn’t care about her at all. So being a normal good guy who cared about her was difficult for her to cope with. At first I was really upset at her for her for her she acted and how the relationship ended but I can look back and imagine how difficult it must be to know something is right on paper and in your head but your body is just screaming at you that you need more of an up and down relationship.