Kinda OT, but I think channels like Dr K’s are literally saving lives. Internet gets demonized a lot but, as a young adult who never had anyone to turn to for guidance - which says it ALL frankly -I consider myself lucky to be a couple of taps away from high quality practical information.
I was the same unfortunately. My parents and siblings didn't understand that I really suffer and they would argue a lot about me saying I'm lazy, shy whatever. And when I helped out I never got a thanks. I have no grudge against my parents, they are great and I love them but they didn't understand what was going on with me when I was a teen. Now they are more understanding since they saw other people with different problems too, and I was open with them when I said I see a psychiatrist and suffer from depression and General Anxiety Disorder.
Boomers like to criticize the younger generation for having no direction while having done nothing to teach them and instead have manipulated them to profit off of them. The young are the new slave caste to the old.
Ever since I made a leap of faith to drop out of university (my parents forced me into it) and enter art school, I rarely had problems with motivation anymore
Awesome to hear but yeah i have also found life is way easier doing what you actually want to do not what others expect or want, it is your life live it your way:)
@@sakarir4633 Problem is we often don't know what we want and sometimes subconsciously don't even want to know what we want, cause for instance it can be something shameful.
The problem is what exactly are you studying in art school, if you are studying 3D modeling and design, working artistic software like the adobe ones then sure, but if you are just doing art, then you better be top 1% in the world, otherwise it's going to be very hard to get a good job, hell even just a job, or make money on your own.
@@badass6300 yeah but getting a job isn't the only reason to go to university, and studying anything in uni can give you skills, confidence and connections to get a job, be it in the same area or something completely different. Does make sense to do something you actually enjoy, for these reasons
@@toast_on_toast1270 Or you can start doing what you enjoy at around the age of 10-12 and by 18 you can be a highly skilled and knowledgeable expert in that field and you can work it on medium level, it would also help if you didn't go to school, so you don't waste 6-8 hours of your day learning next to nothing about 10-15 different subjects. Or we can reform the education system so you learn 2-3x subjects in just one sphere, for 2-3x hours each a day, every day of the week and by the time you are 18 you will be a highly skilled and knowledgeable expert in a field and would be able to work in that field on a medium level. Realistically most people can barley get a bottom position job after university(unless they self-educated way beyond the university corriculum), IF they studied in STEM or Finance, Statistics and Accounting. For medicine and law you just get hired with a diploma though.Those who study sociology, theater, English, art, liberal art and such usually can't even find a job in their field, that's why the accronym is STEAL.
My main takeaway is that we rationalize our emotions into one or multiple reasons why we feel that way, and then turn those rationalizations into barriers as to why we can’t get past them in the first place. The key to this is to create a habitual system that accounts for this pitfall that you can rely on regardless of your mental or motivational state.
Take it dat by day. What helped for me was to set some goals for myself that I could pour myself into. Becoming a teacher and training for a world record. Oh and writing books. These are things I've been working towards for roughly two years now and in that time I quit drinking, quit smoking, and started feeling way better about myself. It's just a stranger's advice, but find something you can work towards
it's a phase, everything is, hard to see that sometimes when you are in it. It's a huge thing that you decided to post about it and I would encourage you to talk with a professional it will change your life!
keep going , where theres life , theres hope , been there myself ,it took a while and im still working towards the life i want but little by little i managed to get past the un alive cravings , as others have said consider talking to a professional , i wish you all the best , you deserve to be happy , and especially at the very least to want to live
That last bit is important. Stoking/preserving your motivation. Something I inadvertently learned over the past 4-5 years is that I'm much more apt to finish a big project (not work related) if I set my future self up for success, much like he mentioned. I do what can be done today, set up a time to work at it again later, and make sure all barriers of entry are down and easy to surpass (like working out, make sure I have gym clothes ready, or if you have a home gym make sure its set up for your next work out from the previous work out, keep your protein shake near the blender, etc).
The point made in this video about how "if your brain feels like the task is impossible to achieve, you won't pursue it", rings so true in my life. For example, I had an old beater car that I barely took care of (repairs, cleaning, maintenance, ect) because I knew the car would be extremely expensive to fix and was on the end of its life. It would be impossible to make it look good, not only because it was old and falling apart, but because, even in good condition, the car was ugly and boring. I felt shame driving it around because it made me look poor and "less than" in my mind. And then I finally saved up enough and got lucky finding a car I really loved. It had flaws, but they were fixable within my budget. I felt cool driving it and was proud to show it off or talk about it. I knew that if I just kept up with it it would serve me well for the next 5-10 years, so every repair and maintenance cost was worth it. It never felt impossible, just that it would take me a little extra hutspa to make it what I wanted.
My mom told me that instead of me doing the productive things, I search for an explanation or philosophical perspective and that's the reason (which in itself is a form of procrastination) for people's laziness.
If that philosophical wandering is a part of who you are, I think you'll gradually gain a better understanding of it over time. I know I did. Whatever it is, it isn't laziness.
@@dontstealmydiamondsv3156 True and not true, because she's been telling me that for a long time that reasoning also can be the cause for laziness which can come in the form of distraction for example. It's very broad and trickier than most people think.
From what I can tell, it seems as though you are one to think a lot about the whys in life. If you are one to think like that, there is nothing you can do about it. The problem with this kind of thinking is that it is a lot slower than blindly doing as what everything around us tells us to do, and a lot of the time you arrive at the same answer. However, I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with that. There are certain times where thinking too much about something may lead to problems, and there are other times when not thinking too much about something may lead to problems. If you really spend a lot of time thinking about something, you won’t have to think about it again. As long you feel better about doing it and there are no problems directly stemming from from thinking, there is no reason to stop.
maybe your mom's definition of laziness is different but it normally means the person is _unwilling_ to put in effort. It frames your lack of productivity as entirely your fault, and that you just have to try harder to succeed. Laziness and unproductivity are two very different things but unfortunately a lot of people see them as interchangeable.
I think the biggest problem is that because of social medias perception of success we became impatient and want to become something instantly while in reality it takes years and years of work, dedication and being patient with it. We dont want to take it day by day , step by steps , we want to jump steps and become successful overnight as social media promotes and that kills our motivation and overwhelmes us.
"We can't be motivated towards things if we think we can't accomplish them" - By the same token, knowing that you can do something doesn't motivate you to do it. I suppose that's where habits come in though.
I personally disagree. The knowledge that I can achieve something, but haven’t, generates tremendous drive and motivation. I am a rock climber, a boulderer. When I try a boulder problem and I know I can do all the moves but haven’t done the whole thing in one go, the drive to complete that problem eats at me and it’s unbearable. As opposed to a boulder problem that I try a few times and realize there’s no way I could ever do it due to limitations in my athleticism, I am not motivated to keep trying.
He was saying in a sense of small steps. Like “hey I can start working out because I can drive to the gym and I know how to watch RUclips videos on workouts” or a better example would be someone shows you a good workout plan and where to watch the videos. This will help you feel more motivated to workout and get into it. He also mentioned you have to figure out how you will get those steps towards the goals. Then you ask yourself why do you need to workout? And maybe your answer is you want to feel better and happier. So then that will inspire you to attempt to work out and from there you keep adding goals to your gym progress like “hey I need to go tomorrow night at 8 pm” then once you get a routine you need to do things like “hey I want to try a PR of X amount” this will help you stay hungry for the feeling of improvement and not just doing the same dull task every day.
@@idealriot2722 Well I need to for my own health, but that isn't at all a motivating factor for me. Not at all. I'd much rather, and be much happier, if I didn't have to do exercise! But that's got it's own issues too. I know what makes me happy, problem solving and engineering. I can't engineer my body fat away 😂 Sometimes you just have to grit your teeth and get on with it, perhaps with the hope that if it becomes a habit it will be easier and you will start enjoying it.
@@Sancarn I dislike exercise like weights and running myself. Even though I desperately need it. But if you were to throw me in an environment like kayaking, sailing, rock climbing, hiking, biking etc, I am sure I would do those a lot What activities do you think you'd love to do?
@@Krawna That's a good question and one that I don't think I have an answer too tbh. I've tried many forms of exercise, some like climbing/scating I at least don't dislike, but I wouldn't say I love them. I think I'd appreciate running a lot more if there was something visual about it. I have often pondered whether running/walking through an alien world in VR would be fun or not :) It's at least an area I'm looking into exploring at the moment.
This was super liberating for me as someone who feels so much anxiety about doing even menial tasks like paying a bill I already have the money for but am so overwhelmed by the feeling of anxiety of doing the work that I just don't do it.
man I do feel like I have millions of reason to be in the state I am in, but hearing that they could be because of my emotions not because of the things happening/happened in my life, gives me a new perspective or a way of though. Didn't think like this before, I will force my self to think like this for 30 mins every few days. Thank you take care
I think (from my perspective) is that we think as motivation as something that is going to drive us until the end of our objective and thats kinda wrong. Don't know if that is something that we built growing up watching movies, pop culture, maybe those things added up on the "hero perspective" as: Now I'm going to train every single day and become the most powerful being etc < This is motivation, and above all that theres those montages of high training super motivated stuff showing you the final product... So whenever you don't FEEL those high powerfull amazing emotions, it feels that you're not motivated enough but actually, you just doesnt have the right habits yet. We are highly introduced to these "I'VE READ 15 BOOKS IN 1 MONTH" type of materials all over youtube, just add up a little bit more on the sadness overall. I've read the book Atomic Habits (and do not recommend, you can learn faster the things just applying it) you just have to, like Dr. K said, breakdown your entire objective to the core and understand WHY you want that objective in the first place... and start with the small stuff. Don't feel like studying today or any other day? Pick a subject that you find it easier to learn and study it for an hour. Grab the subject that you suck, maybe spend 15 minutes on it. Good, thats today work. Repeat next day. Don't feel like exercising today? Just stretch yourself and do some pushups, good... repeat on the next day. Start small. Wanna read more books? How about read 2 pages a day? The habits will come. You would be amazed at what you can do starting small.
@@SKO_PL I think it is because a lot of the pratices that he mentions on the book I've already applied in my life before and learned way more just applying it rather than reading abou it, I guess it was always natural to me, the reading wasnt worth for me x_x
@@visvini I'd also add that the "self-help" book industry is kinda toxic. The books can be useful but they're just that, potentially useful books. 1. People see the books as some kind of life solution when most of the time the book is telling people about things they do already subconsciously. I guess some people need it spelled out for them and made aware of it, but the changes that come from reading these books are usually (from my experience reading and speaking to people who read these books) are short lived. 2. If they really "worked" why are people continuously buying so many self help books, online courses, etc.?
@@_alreph I totally agree with you. Answering your second thought, these books, online courses etc, they are a “solution” for people that are looking for a change. When you see a cover that says: “Habits that CHANGE your life” the person who are buying thinks that the book is gonna change her but since she doesnt have the habit, how the hell is she going to read it anyway? Usually who buys these books are not avid readers. I only bought this one to see if it was really good but got disappointed since it was basically everything i’ve already done previously in my life.
I find that approaching my goals with a playful mindset of experimentation keeps me from getting overwhelmed and also reassures my ego that it won't be shamed for failing because I was 'only testing things out and seeing what works' anyway, and any attempt i make is just a prototype to be improved as I go. I find this works very well for me, especially in terms of creative work
5:01 sense of being stuck brain cant operonlize its too vague 6:18 what r tasks to "moving forward" understand why u need to move forward 9:08 intelectual answers there is some sort of event before the reason justification comes after 11:06. define what goals r why do u need to move forward careful with justification from cognitive bias 13:17 ask how long u been feelin this way, what changed? 14:54 what do u care about in this life? 16:40 understand motivation fluctuates create life capitalise on motivation when it comes how to not lose motivation what dictates how motivated i am?
@acidpotatoeVODS many thanks for sharing your well written concise high hitting points (at least for me) notes! I am not that RUclips savvy but hopefully I can figure out if you had made similar summaries on other videos of this channel! I am very grateful to have come across this one and hope I’ll be able to your recaps on other videos if you posted any. Thanks again!!!🙏🏽
I really wish all therapists had Dr k’s profound depth of knowledge. Having recently Experienced the loss of a career which I dreamed of, and accomplished, secondary to institutional racism, compounded, with workplace psychological abuse, in the form of an array of managerial misconduct, including establishing a falsified narrative by which establish the grounds for workplace mobbing, which renders any target without the ability to change the course that would lead to eminent termination other than leaving prior to termination. My therapist noted that I’m not looking for work, which seemed very perplexing to me because she has been my therapist throughout this extremely traumatic workplace experience spanning over two years. I’m not even motivated to try to look for similar work, in fact, I get a lot of anxiety,l merely thinking about entering into the same role. My savings are dwindling very quickly, so the need for employment is definitely there. Personally, I have a very high need for intellectualization and Alas, a scientific explanation for motivation, as well as why we all get into spaces we get into from time to time. Personally, I understand. My brain believes that having experienced the situation where I was rendered helpless and without allies, that why why would it put itself in a situation where abuse and failure could occur and there are no safeguards to protect against it. One of the most important things we can provide each other is validation, and I love how Dr. K is able to provide explanations to help validate the experiences that people go through, even if their own therapist is invalidating
re: the mind trying to break down problems that it can't solve. This makes a lot of sense to me. As I have started to journal I've realized that sometimes I have to address the emotion itself instead of trying to solve the problems that my mind creates to explain the emotion. Thanks for the weekend video HG!
My therapist asked me a few weeks ago to write about what it means for me to move forward in life and what I feel is keeping me stuck. I ended up writing 3 pages of notes dissecting every aspect of my life (even she was overwhelmed), but this video is motivating me to try again and dig deeper into the roots of this feeling. It's a painful exercise but it's become pretty obvious to me that shame is what's blocking my motivation, and I feel like getting to the roots of the problem would make a world of difference.
I constantly feel like I should just quit and give up, I feel like everyone’s life would be better if I wasn’t in it, my days off mostly just consist of me laying in bed and whenever I plan to do something I have massive anxiety that grows the closer I get to my plan, I fake happiness and pretend to be what I’m not around everyone in my life, I’m tired, I just live on auto pilot
Same...Trying to "relax" just ends up with me being stagnate during the day. I plan to draw or do drawing, but the anxiety of making posts about art nobody may like freezes everything. The facade I put on to feel happy just makes living feel like it a series of auto pilot decisions.
Been watching you for a while now, and all I gotta say is thank you man. You’ve helped me come to understand so much about not just myself but about people and relationships in general. You’ve said in the past that you believe this is part of your purpose, and I 100% agree. This seems like something only you can do, and the impact you’re making is likely much stronger than we’ll ever know.
You are going to be the same person 40 years from now if you keep that up (assuming you don't mean some kind of motor/body problems). Get up and do that thing that you've always wanted to do. Or don't and regret not doing it. Its ultimately your choice.
I think I've acquired a learned helplessness from feelings. I go through a situation and sometimes I get a negative feeling related to the context of the situation. As time goes on I forget about the situation but retain the feeling, be it inadequacy, insecurity in trusting others or something else. It feels weird to know I have these feelings and forgetting why bc I feel like I should rationalize against them but that doesn't seem to be working. Rather, I think I may find more success improving that feeling rather than trying to figure out the past. I mean to say that if I feel inadequate from some past event, it's not helpful to me to remember what happened as much as it would be to recognize this feeling and place myself in situations where I can practice being adequate/sufficient.
As a hard working adult professional I can say with complete confidence that I would love to be able to play video games 16 hours a day, or even half that. I don't know how people have the energy. I get tired after just an hour or two.
I lacked a lot of motivation until I dopamine detoxed. The part of my brain that measured effort required was so wired to the instant gratification part of my brain that I never wanted to do anything.
Dr K speaks like a holy preacher on the sermons bench. But he preaches about mental clarity and logic within the processes of the brain. He is really awesome. Amazing this does this practically for free.
Man. I’ve seen healthygamer’s videos a lot on my recommended page and today of all days I’m feeling like I have a temp of 100 degrees and I’m trying everything I can do to help suppress my symptoms but I’m stuck on low power mode. This video was so informative that I’m glad I just said eff it and let this video play while I close my eyes and imagine the future version of myself being ever more stimulated by what seems to sum it up: the power of habitually changing how our brains communicate with us. It’s gonna be a long battle but I hope all of you feel more secure in what is binding you to the current uh that may be dissatisfactory or even just shameful. I know it happens to me. I’m wishing all of you guys the best and thanks for the video GG
This is the same "solutions" that I tried a decade ago and never ended up working. What I found out is that "motivation" is ultimately irrelevant. I can be incredibly motivated, but still be unable to do the things I want or need to. You spend a lot of the video talking about what we "care to do" or what our "actual goals" are, but I already know that. I figured that out years ago. The issue is actually sitting down and doing those things. You mention playing video games for 16 hours and quite frankly that sounds lovely. Playing video games more is actually one of my goals I'd like to accomplish. Even if I feel highly motivated to play some games, have plenty of time to do so, when I actually try and go do it, it's like my body just freezes. Motivation is there, goal is there, desire is there, care is there, but the action is not there.
How my sister keeps the whole house clean all the time is that she does a little bit each time she has free time. Those bits stack up and the house is somehow constantly clean, or there is little work to do when, lets say, guests arrive. Applying this do at least a little bit mindset helps me work on the stuff I REALLY DONT want to do at the time.
Lot of people wanting to tell their same story 10000 times over but with a different twist until they get it right. Remember that every time you retell the story, you're not starting from scratch; you're starting from experience. That's motivation in a nutshell...
And what if after years of trying to find smth that I care about I learned that I care for nothing? Which then led me to a place of complacency with my current living situation of not doing anything except for watching youtube for 12+h/day.
i have the same problem. It will be a bit cliche but maybe we can find something to care in this world by experimenting things, maybe we can get excited about something. I know it's impossible to find something to care about In this mindset but maybe in the right time and with the right mindset something might come up.
@@ozanyuksel6712 been trying a ton of stuff for over 10 years now. Nothing so far. I've tried drawing, guitar, coding, writing, cooking, parachuting, sports, VR games, pc games, board games, making my own games, making youtube videos, a few different jobs (mental and physical) - and none of those brought up any feelings of "this is what I wanna do". If anything, I just burned myself out on trying stuff and got tired of it all. And thanks to my life situation privilege I can afford to just watch youtube w/o going homeless or hungry.
As a writer I felt stuck for a while, until this yr where I mustered up the courage to submit to a magazine. I would not have the confidence to submit and not have known that some people actually like my writing, if not for me being accepted 3 times now... So from recent personal experience, I'd say to take the next step in your personal goals is to find the most attainable action that you can do right now for you you to succeed in long term goals. If you want to be a writer maybe start by writing one poem. If you want to be an actor start by playing a scene in front of a mirror. If you want to lose weight maybe start with saying no to one unnecessary snack for today. Big goals start from small steps. And I can vouch for what dr. K says here to set up measures to prepare for the next time you're motivated, I often leave notes as to what I envision to come next in my book, usually through sub-chapter sections that I'll edit out later, that way if I feel unmotivated and take a break from it, I can get back to the book without missing a beat to where I left off.
Motivation should really be the force that drives you to start habits and to keep them up when you’re reaching your limit. 80% of the work should be based on discipline and managing your own life, accommodating your lifestyle and setting out realistic and practical goals. I’ve had to learn this the hard way after years and years of trying to willpower my way through life only to hit my head against the wall thousands of times.
Besides the psychological side about motivation, I believe it can also be because of a hormonal imbalance as a result of low testosterone levels. I have seen friends who changed their eating habits and start working out and suddenly they felt more energetic to go out and get stuff done, one friend got his blood work done and got medical help and he’s literally a different person, more driven and moving forward in life.
I too incorrectly believed that low testosterone levels were to blame for my issues. You have scientists with skinny arms who never exercised, yet had incredible passion and motivation Working out in itself builds motivation. Because every second you are "pushing yourself" to persevere in the face of hardship. Add to that all the mental benefits of it, and it translates to other aspects of life.
You mentioned we need to find our values in life and it helps us find our motivation, but how do we find or determine our values? Can and should we change any values of ours?
I went through this process with my Healthy Gamer coach. He had me write a ranked list of my top ten values, and sent an image of some words to get me started. It felt a bit weird at first, just looking through words and seeing if they resonated with me, but as I focused on my gut reactions to them it got easier. I'm still not entirely happy with my list, but the coach said it would be a good thing to revisit in six months to a year and see how it's changed. Surprisingly to me, it was very easy to pick my top value, the rest were a bit more difficult to place. So I'm thinking it's natural to have changing values but there are probably a couple of core ones that stick with you.
Thanks Doctor for providing me with the right questions to answer . You may not provide answers but the game is that I have the Answers, I’m just not wondering in the right direction. Bless you for your work, your channel has helped me a lot. It’s also because of you I am able to think of answers logically
motivation for big things is the hardest for me. the gargantuan goals with no immediate payoff nor accountability (like losing excess weight). i can also be very unmotivated for chores/housework but that's much easier. i postpone forever but i know that once i start, i don't mind doing it and usually end up doing more than planned. i can trick myself into saying: do just 10 minutes of cleaning and then you can play a game. this seems to work. i also have trouble starting big tasks at work if i'm not sure yet how to approach a problem. i sidetrack myself with smaller tasks and waste a lot of time getting started.
Basically, Point 3 is just really refining the definitions from your Point 1's and Point 2's Because in coming up with solutions, you might forget to solve your problems.
I am motivated to clean my house today, but tomorrow until next week I am only motivated to go to the bathroom once in awhile, so to not pee in my bed. The dictating factor is fatigue felt.
How do you get motivation to get a job, when it feels like prison? 9-5 everyday almost, for the rest of life pretty much? Sure to survive, eat, roof over head. Future looks bleak with how expensive its getting to "own" stuff, specially housing. 27 I've done growing medical for years, but for the future, idk what I truly see myself doing the next 5 years. Computer programming maybe, but damn I feel I wasted too much time.
27 is definitely young enough to become a programmer if you want to do that! Give it a try at least to see if you're interested - there's lots of free courses out there to start learning. Even if it's not what you want to do forever, the pay is good enough to give you a bit to fall back on if you eventually want to change careers in the future.
well, what if i made a habit of my motivation, but have hit so many bumps in the road that every time i try to pursue that habit i get reminded of all the failures and how these failures fueled my depression? to clarify, my motivation was programming video games and it's difficult. at first programming occupied my mind so much that my depression almost completely went away. it was great until i experienced so many failures that it dragged me down again and now every time i think of an idea i could turn into a game i think it's not even worth trying, because i will end up failing and being more depressed than before.
That's kinda what programming is all about, nothing ever works right, if what I've heard is to be believed. And I should know, I've tried my hand at programming video games myself as well, I'm thinking about taking a step back and making mods instead.
@@creeperizak8971 i don't think my problem is programming. the problem is i'm currently stuck in this position where i fantasize about what i could program, but i can't get myself to actually do it. by the time unity and VS boot up my motivation is already gone and i'm back to the "why should i even try?" mindset.
This is really interesting, I was thinking about this earlier. I don't really choose to be motivated, it just kinda happens as a result of me being in/setting up my environment to make me want to do things. The hard part is the part where at the beginning you need motivation to create the things that create motivation. I was reading a book for guitar that ended up being more about zen philosophy, and there was a line that I took out. "Don't ask, practice". Living my life this way as much as I can. Just do shit.
If anyone wants to learn more about motivation I recommend your ead about the self dertimination theory. Basically there is 3 basic needs to make motivation intrinsic - feeling of competence. This is what Dr K is mostly talking about the video. You need to feel you can overcome a task and that you see yourself improve/succeed. - feeling of self determination. You need to feel like you have a choice and freedom. It's why many jobs are demotivating if they micro manage you and don't give you agency in your work - feeling of belonging. Every human has social needs, and we need to feel like w rare valued as a person and that we have a community that support us.
I have severe issue with my executive function(I believe thats what the term is?) where Im pretty aware of my state of being and what I need to do, but I just cannot put it into action. Starting anything is so difficult for me.Its so frustrating because I know that my inactivity is ruining my life as it has for the last many years of my life especially now that Im an adult... Its like my thinking brain and my action brain cannot cooperate with each other. But once I focus, I can work really hard. I just can't pinpoint where that drive comes from. Its the same with my relationships too. Im aware of the social rules, but my actions are quite different from what my thoughts are so I make mistakes or cross the line at times even with the people I care about. So idk if my self diagnosis of being on the spectrum or asperger is correct..
I feel the exact way with my life right now. Its such a struggle to fight with myself for hours to do something that, rationally, should be easy to do.
It's such a simple tip, but try counting down from 10 whenever your brain is stopping you. At one, or even sooner, fling yourself up and into whatever you need to do. Works best to get me off the bed. Then race in and do what needs to be done. I used to also put on music and begin short tasks through the length of the song. I used to get the dishes done to Powerwolf before Adderall fixed that issue. After that, run off inertia. Teach yourself to act on a task as soon as you think of it, especially if it would take under 30 seconds to do (like a text). If a task is boring, rely on something that isn't (i.e. music for me) as you get things done. If you really feel like doing something, indulge in it just a little. Those help for ADHD. As for an autism-specific "freeze", I hear that just wriggling your hand when you find yourself suddenly unable to move will be able to help wake up the rest of your body to act, too.
you probably got the focus from experience with video games. vidoe games literally teach you to be super focussed on a lot of details. self-diagnosis is potentially dangerous. get into the habit of trying new things out (even very small things) and see where you struggle with. this is helpful to know where your actual troubles are - psychiatrists will look for that. Things to try: for executive functioning: - breaking things down into small steps and WRITING THEM DOWN (even the smallest steps), seeing them on paper or digitally takes a lot of anxiety about decisions away, try that out a few times and then find out which ratio of writing out and doing stuff actually works - executive functioning is also a resource and you need to learn to be mindful about it, ideally you want to get into productive habits where you don't actually need much executive functioning "mental resource" and just function - it has been estimated that 80% of our daily activity are habits and not conscious efforts and struggles - just try stuff out how to organize your life. self-organization is an art and you need to try different approaches and see what works for you. for example: do you work better with time-boxing or to-do-lists? combinations of both? how do you work with goals or values? general stuff for productivity and motivation - taking breaks - take care of your dopamine levels (peaks, lows, baseline modification see Huberman Labs podcast) - really get mindful about your body and mind states and see when and how productive you can be in each state and how you can maybe move from one state to another - get a meditation/mindfulness habit a general mindfulness practice also helps with social cues and social behavior
Anyone else have the issue where you know you didn’t always feel like your life was aimless and pointless, but can’t pinpoint when you changed? I can’t seem to determine what part of my life caused me to be unable to maintain motivation. There seem to be a lot of events that contribute to my current mental state, but they are things that would require other people to resolve that would never really be feasible.
I just had a conversation with a friend about inspiration and motivation, I swear Dr. K has Clairvoyance EX, he's probably the next Grand Caster or something.
I know, how to start a project. I already did that many times successfully. But I don't really know, how to finish a project because I normally don't do that. That's probably part of the reason, why I have more motivation to start new projects. Sometimes it's necessary to have a goal in mind, sometimes I just get motivated from the initial idea. Often what I do leads to nothing, but that's not true. Maybe I can reuse something I created along the way. Or maybe I will have a better understanding when I start a new project the next time. I might also continue work on some old project after some time and make new progress and also have the initial motivation again, since I now know more accurately, how I do it and what I want to achieve. But sometimes I see some old one and just want to restart because it's not usable. Or I try to use it because I don't want to do everything I already did, again, and then get stuck because modifying is almost more difficult than starting over, because I want to do it in a way, so that the next time I use it, I will have an easier time, and maybe create a few useful libraries in the process... (I'm getting too much into detail already)
lol anyone else can't stop staring at that tt login, sign up banner staring at ur face and u know it's out of ur control, it won't go away hhhhh a very needed topic tho
This is a very interesting point, with motivation having a correlation with confidence, your confidence to achieve that goal. If you look at some of the people who must have had the most motivation out of all of us, Muhammed Ali, Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, Michael Phelps, Cristiano Ronaldo. All of these are absolute greats, and one thing they all have in common is extreme confidence, they all believe that they are the best in the world, which is perhaps why they were able to push themselves so hard to become the best in the world. I am not saying you should go out and think you're the best boxer of all time, but change your goal so it is in fact realistic and then have great confidence that you will achieve that goal, this is the most powerful motivation there is, just look at the names mentioned above.
Believing you are the best in the world is not the same as self-efficiency which is what you are talking about: the confidence to execute and succeed at goal-oriented behavior. It's only on a surface level that self-efficacy looks like self- confidence.
been dealing with p severe executive dysfunction... i do pick specific things to do but when it's time to do them I just feel so fucking awful, and I can only get an escape for a week or two at a time where I get some sort of Idea that I can use to base my behavior on, but the novelty dries up and I do too and then I shut down completely. Wanted to wash my bedding today. Totally froze up with misery. 😢 i just want to USE my time, instead of shutting down mentally completely every time I feel bad. Last time I didn't feel this way (if I'm excluding the brief inspirations that are part of a larger cycle of dysfunction) was before an abusive parental figure abandoned my family. he controlled everything and was super abusive... now im a depressed agoraphobe who can't take care of basic hygiene. 😢 i try so hard to make small achievable goals but the smaller I make my goals the nastier I feel about them, and the faster I shut down.
4:00 is this why I never feel motivated to pursue people I consider extremely attractive? I would feel like the chances they may like me back is too low for me to actually feel motivated to give it a try?
I think this happens to a lot of people, it's why generally couples who end up dating are around the same attractiveness level (conventionally speaking)
And like Dr.K has said in the past. lay the seeds for the future. Do something now and get future rewards, or reward yourself now and do future payment.
I think I'm pretty cognizant that my 'mind justifies the emotion', Like a coping mechanism, rational but not logical. Even though I realize it, how do I approach it to take the problem.
You can get stuck on the "leaning into habit" part if you are a perfectionist I go to lean, and I question whether there's a better way (there is always a better way)
15:25 when I was 15 I was VERY confident that I would love nothing more than to play Dota 2 all day every day for 5 years lmao. That game is fucking insidious Edit: oh and I am still terrible at it, far far from an esports athlete. I wish it was still like when I was 15 to be honest, cause at least then when I revert to escapism I'd have an amazing time :(
Maybe it felt amazing when we were 15 because it wasn’t actually a form of escapism, since at that age we didn’t have a lot of problems/responsibilities? I’m 24 now trying to manage work, studies, chores etc. and there is practically no time to game anymore. It sucks because I do love gaming. Worst part is, even if I find the time to play it’s not as enjoyable because I’m always reminded in the back of my mind that there is something more important that I should be doing or that will soon have to be done… So tbh I disagree with Dr. K on this one. If I could do nothing but play games for 5 years, or maybe at least 1-2 years, I would definitely wanna do it, regardless of being a pro player or not.
I don’t care to do anything. Every human interaction causes me extreme discomfort due to massive cognitive dissonance. The only reason I’m still alive is because suicide doesn’t stick; nothing I have ever done the “proper” way has produced the results I wanted or worked for. The only way I see to get what I want, is to throw off the shackles the rest of you have convinced me to wear. Now motivate me, if you dare.
I have problems choosing what video game to play and playing it. I feel inner resistance and agony so my brain want me to stop.what do I do? It started in 2016 when I started going to psychiatrist. :( I have GAD, OCD and Asperger.
If I could spend five years playing video games 16 hours a day, I can't think of anything I'd rather do. That's why I'm trying to save up shit tons of money so I don't have to work any more. Because I want to have the option to do what I love all day and not worry about bullshit.
Kinda OT, but I think channels like Dr K’s are literally saving lives. Internet gets demonized a lot but, as a young adult who never had anyone to turn to for guidance - which says it ALL frankly -I consider myself lucky to be a couple of taps away from high quality practical information.
@@nikolas4347 OT stands in this Case for Off Topic
I was the same unfortunately. My parents and siblings didn't understand that I really suffer and they would argue a lot about me saying I'm lazy, shy whatever. And when I helped out I never got a thanks. I have no grudge against my parents, they are great and I love them but they didn't understand what was going on with me when I was a teen. Now they are more understanding since they saw other people with different problems too, and I was open with them when I said I see a psychiatrist and suffer from depression and General Anxiety Disorder.
no rly. watching self help online is useless no matter who it is. sry.
Same
Boomers like to criticize the younger generation for having no direction while having done nothing to teach them and instead have manipulated them to profit off of them. The young are the new slave caste to the old.
Ever since I made a leap of faith to drop out of university (my parents forced me into it) and enter art school, I rarely had problems with motivation anymore
Awesome to hear but yeah i have also found life is way easier doing what you actually want to do not what others expect or want, it is your life live it your way:)
@@sakarir4633 Problem is we often don't know what we want and sometimes subconsciously don't even want to know what we want, cause for instance it can be something shameful.
The problem is what exactly are you studying in art school, if you are studying 3D modeling and design, working artistic software like the adobe ones then sure, but if you are just doing art, then you better be top 1% in the world, otherwise it's going to be very hard to get a good job, hell even just a job, or make money on your own.
@@badass6300 yeah but getting a job isn't the only reason to go to university, and studying anything in uni can give you skills, confidence and connections to get a job, be it in the same area or something completely different. Does make sense to do something you actually enjoy, for these reasons
@@toast_on_toast1270 Or you can start doing what you enjoy at around the age of 10-12 and by 18 you can be a highly skilled and knowledgeable expert in that field and you can work it on medium level, it would also help if you didn't go to school, so you don't waste 6-8 hours of your day learning next to nothing about 10-15 different subjects.
Or we can reform the education system so you learn 2-3x subjects in just one sphere, for 2-3x hours each a day, every day of the week and by the time you are 18 you will be a highly skilled and knowledgeable expert in a field and would be able to work in that field on a medium level.
Realistically most people can barley get a bottom position job after university(unless they self-educated way beyond the university corriculum), IF they studied in STEM or Finance, Statistics and Accounting. For medicine and law you just get hired with a diploma though.Those who study sociology, theater, English, art, liberal art and such usually can't even find a job in their field, that's why the accronym is STEAL.
My main takeaway is that we rationalize our emotions into one or multiple reasons why we feel that way, and then turn those rationalizations into barriers as to why we can’t get past them in the first place. The key to this is to create a habitual system that accounts for this pitfall that you can rely on regardless of your mental or motivational state.
oo damn you explained it perfectly
Also moving from the EXTERNAL "should" to the INTERNAL "care"
@Anxiety Cat: I really like your podcast, will take some time to explore it tomorrow. Thanks!
Good take
@ Anxiety Cat:
Can you give more concrete examples of what you’re stating in your comment?
At this point, "going forward in life" simply means not un-aliving myself. That's pretty much where I'm at.
You're still there, that's good enough for now
Take it dat by day. What helped for me was to set some goals for myself that I could pour myself into. Becoming a teacher and training for a world record. Oh and writing books. These are things I've been working towards for roughly two years now and in that time I quit drinking, quit smoking, and started feeling way better about myself. It's just a stranger's advice, but find something you can work towards
Been there. In a way I feel part of me is forever there. But I want to ask. What are some reasons you want to un-alive yourself?
it's a phase, everything is, hard to see that sometimes when you are in it. It's a huge thing that you decided to post about it and I would encourage you to talk with a professional it will change your life!
keep going , where theres life , theres hope , been there myself ,it took a while and im still working towards the life i want but little by little i managed to get past the un alive cravings , as others have said consider talking to a professional , i wish you all the best , you deserve to be happy , and especially at the very least to want to live
I have a serious problem with setting HUGE goals of where I wanna be and it never fails that I get overwhelmed.
Yep, definitely done that.
Are you getting better at breaking down the goals?
That last bit is important. Stoking/preserving your motivation. Something I inadvertently learned over the past 4-5 years is that I'm much more apt to finish a big project (not work related) if I set my future self up for success, much like he mentioned. I do what can be done today, set up a time to work at it again later, and make sure all barriers of entry are down and easy to surpass (like working out, make sure I have gym clothes ready, or if you have a home gym make sure its set up for your next work out from the previous work out, keep your protein shake near the blender, etc).
The point made in this video about how "if your brain feels like the task is impossible to achieve, you won't pursue it", rings so true in my life. For example, I had an old beater car that I barely took care of (repairs, cleaning, maintenance, ect) because I knew the car would be extremely expensive to fix and was on the end of its life. It would be impossible to make it look good, not only because it was old and falling apart, but because, even in good condition, the car was ugly and boring. I felt shame driving it around because it made me look poor and "less than" in my mind.
And then I finally saved up enough and got lucky finding a car I really loved. It had flaws, but they were fixable within my budget. I felt cool driving it and was proud to show it off or talk about it. I knew that if I just kept up with it it would serve me well for the next 5-10 years, so every repair and maintenance cost was worth it. It never felt impossible, just that it would take me a little extra hutspa to make it what I wanted.
My mom told me that instead of me doing the productive things, I search for an explanation or philosophical perspective and that's the reason (which in itself is a form of procrastination) for people's laziness.
P.S. people will like my comment without understanding my message because it's tricky
If that philosophical wandering is a part of who you are, I think you'll gradually gain a better understanding of it over time. I know I did. Whatever it is, it isn't laziness.
@@dontstealmydiamondsv3156 True and not true, because she's been telling me that for a long time that reasoning also can be the cause for laziness which can come in the form of distraction for example. It's very broad and trickier than most people think.
From what I can tell, it seems as though you are one to think a lot about the whys in life. If you are one to think like that, there is nothing you can do about it. The problem with this kind of thinking is that it is a lot slower than blindly doing as what everything around us tells us to do, and a lot of the time you arrive at the same answer. However, I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with that. There are certain times where thinking too much about something may lead to problems, and there are other times when not thinking too much about something may lead to problems. If you really spend a lot of time thinking about something, you won’t have to think about it again. As long you feel better about doing it and there are no problems directly stemming from from thinking, there is no reason to stop.
maybe your mom's definition of laziness is different but it normally means the person is _unwilling_ to put in effort. It frames your lack of productivity as entirely your fault, and that you just have to try harder to succeed. Laziness and unproductivity are two very different things but unfortunately a lot of people see them as interchangeable.
I think the biggest problem is that because of social medias perception of success we became impatient and want to become something instantly while in reality it takes years and years of work, dedication and being patient with it. We dont want to take it day by day , step by steps , we want to jump steps and become successful overnight as social media promotes and that kills our motivation and overwhelmes us.
Spot on. We've ruined our brains and struggle to work hard for things.
I think that's a large part of it for sure.
"We can't be motivated towards things if we think we can't accomplish them" - By the same token, knowing that you can do something doesn't motivate you to do it. I suppose that's where habits come in though.
I personally disagree. The knowledge that I can achieve something, but haven’t, generates tremendous drive and motivation. I am a rock climber, a boulderer. When I try a boulder problem and I know I can do all the moves but haven’t done the whole thing in one go, the drive to complete that problem eats at me and it’s unbearable. As opposed to a boulder problem that I try a few times and realize there’s no way I could ever do it due to limitations in my athleticism, I am not motivated to keep trying.
He was saying in a sense of small steps. Like “hey I can start working out because I can drive to the gym and I know how to watch RUclips videos on workouts” or a better example would be someone shows you a good workout plan and where to watch the videos. This will help you feel more motivated to workout and get into it. He also mentioned you have to figure out how you will get those steps towards the goals. Then you ask yourself why do you need to workout? And maybe your answer is you want to feel better and happier. So then that will inspire you to attempt to work out and from there you keep adding goals to your gym progress like “hey I need to go tomorrow night at 8 pm” then once you get a routine you need to do things like “hey I want to try a PR of X amount” this will help you stay hungry for the feeling of improvement and not just doing the same dull task every day.
@@idealriot2722 Well I need to for my own health, but that isn't at all a motivating factor for me. Not at all. I'd much rather, and be much happier, if I didn't have to do exercise! But that's got it's own issues too. I know what makes me happy, problem solving and engineering. I can't engineer my body fat away 😂 Sometimes you just have to grit your teeth and get on with it, perhaps with the hope that if it becomes a habit it will be easier and you will start enjoying it.
@@Sancarn I dislike exercise like weights and running myself. Even though I desperately need it. But if you were to throw me in an environment like kayaking, sailing, rock climbing, hiking, biking etc, I am sure I would do those a lot
What activities do you think you'd love to do?
@@Krawna That's a good question and one that I don't think I have an answer too tbh. I've tried many forms of exercise, some like climbing/scating I at least don't dislike, but I wouldn't say I love them. I think I'd appreciate running a lot more if there was something visual about it. I have often pondered whether running/walking through an alien world in VR would be fun or not :) It's at least an area I'm looking into exploring at the moment.
This was super liberating for me as someone who feels so much anxiety about doing even menial tasks like paying a bill I already have the money for but am so overwhelmed by the feeling of anxiety of doing the work that I just don't do it.
man I do feel like I have millions of reason to be in the state I am in, but hearing that they could be because of my emotions not because of the things happening/happened in my life, gives me a new perspective or a way of though. Didn't think like this before, I will force my self to think like this for 30 mins every few days. Thank you take care
I think (from my perspective) is that we think as motivation as something that is going to drive us until the end of our objective and thats kinda wrong. Don't know if that is something that we built growing up watching movies, pop culture, maybe those things added up on the "hero perspective" as: Now I'm going to train every single day and become the most powerful being etc < This is motivation, and above all that theres those montages of high training super motivated stuff showing you the final product... So whenever you don't FEEL those high powerfull amazing emotions, it feels that you're not motivated enough but actually, you just doesnt have the right habits yet. We are highly introduced to these "I'VE READ 15 BOOKS IN 1 MONTH" type of materials all over youtube, just add up a little bit more on the sadness overall.
I've read the book Atomic Habits (and do not recommend, you can learn faster the things just applying it) you just have to, like Dr. K said, breakdown your entire objective to the core and understand WHY you want that objective in the first place... and start with the small stuff.
Don't feel like studying today or any other day? Pick a subject that you find it easier to learn and study it for an hour. Grab the subject that you suck, maybe spend 15 minutes on it. Good, thats today work. Repeat next day. Don't feel like exercising today? Just stretch yourself and do some pushups, good... repeat on the next day. Start small. Wanna read more books? How about read 2 pages a day? The habits will come.
You would be amazed at what you can do starting small.
Can you elaborate on why you don't recommend Atomic Habits? I've read the book and thought it was great, it helped me make lots of habits in fact!
@@SKO_PL I think it is because a lot of the pratices that he mentions on the book I've already applied in my life before and learned way more just applying it rather than reading abou it, I guess it was always natural to me, the reading wasnt worth for me x_x
@@visvini I'd also add that the "self-help" book industry is kinda toxic. The books can be useful but they're just that, potentially useful books.
1. People see the books as some kind of life solution when most of the time the book is telling people about things they do already subconsciously. I guess some people need it spelled out for them and made aware of it, but the changes that come from reading these books are usually (from my experience reading and speaking to people who read these books) are short lived.
2. If they really "worked" why are people continuously buying so many self help books, online courses, etc.?
@@_alreph I totally agree with you. Answering your second thought, these books, online courses etc, they are a “solution” for people that are looking for a change. When you see a cover that says: “Habits that CHANGE your life” the person who are buying thinks that the book is gonna change her but since she doesnt have the habit, how the hell is she going to read it anyway? Usually who buys these books are not avid readers.
I only bought this one to see if it was really good but got disappointed since it was basically everything i’ve already done previously in my life.
I find that approaching my goals with a playful mindset of experimentation keeps me from getting overwhelmed and also reassures my ego that it won't be shamed for failing because I was 'only testing things out and seeing what works' anyway, and any attempt i make is just a prototype to be improved as I go. I find this works very well for me, especially in terms of creative work
Thank you, i will try this approach, too. It sounds so good and effective!
5:01 sense of being stuck
brain cant operonlize
its too vague
6:18 what r tasks to "moving forward"
understand why u need to move forward
9:08 intelectual answers
there is some sort of event before the reason
justification comes after
11:06. define what goals r
why do u need to move forward
careful with justification from cognitive bias
13:17 ask how long u been feelin this way, what changed?
14:54 what do u care about in this life?
16:40 understand motivation fluctuates
create life
capitalise on motivation when it comes
how to not lose motivation
what dictates how motivated i am?
thank you
@@user-we1ov5kq4f np
thanks :)
@acidpotatoeVODS many thanks for sharing your well written concise high hitting points (at least for me) notes! I am not that RUclips savvy but hopefully I can figure out if you had made similar summaries on other videos of this channel! I am very grateful to have come across this one and hope I’ll be able to your recaps on other videos if you posted any. Thanks again!!!🙏🏽
I really wish all therapists had Dr k’s profound depth of knowledge. Having recently Experienced the loss of a career which I dreamed of, and accomplished, secondary to institutional racism, compounded, with workplace psychological abuse, in the form of an array of managerial misconduct, including establishing a falsified narrative by which establish the grounds for workplace mobbing, which renders any target without the ability to change the course that would lead to eminent termination other than leaving prior to termination. My therapist noted that I’m not looking for work, which seemed very perplexing to me because she has been my therapist throughout this extremely traumatic workplace experience spanning over two years. I’m not even motivated to try to look for similar work, in fact, I get a lot of anxiety,l merely thinking about entering into the same role. My savings are dwindling very quickly, so the need for employment is definitely there. Personally, I have a very high need for intellectualization and Alas, a scientific explanation for motivation, as well as why we all get into spaces we get into from time to time. Personally, I understand. My brain believes that having experienced the situation where I was rendered helpless and without allies, that why why would it put itself in a situation where abuse and failure could occur and there are no safeguards to protect against it.
One of the most important things we can provide each other is validation, and I love how Dr. K is able to provide explanations to help validate the experiences that people go through, even if their own therapist is invalidating
re: the mind trying to break down problems that it can't solve. This makes a lot of sense to me. As I have started to journal I've realized that sometimes I have to address the emotion itself instead of trying to solve the problems that my mind creates to explain the emotion.
Thanks for the weekend video HG!
My therapist asked me a few weeks ago to write about what it means for me to move forward in life and what I feel is keeping me stuck. I ended up writing 3 pages of notes dissecting every aspect of my life (even she was overwhelmed), but this video is motivating me to try again and dig deeper into the roots of this feeling. It's a painful exercise but it's become pretty obvious to me that shame is what's blocking my motivation, and I feel like getting to the roots of the problem would make a world of difference.
I constantly feel like I should just quit and give up, I feel like everyone’s life would be better if I wasn’t in it, my days off mostly just consist of me laying in bed and whenever I plan to do something I have massive anxiety that grows the closer I get to my plan, I fake happiness and pretend to be what I’m not around everyone in my life, I’m tired, I just live on auto pilot
Same...Trying to "relax" just ends up with me being stagnate during the day. I plan to draw or do drawing, but the anxiety of making posts about art nobody may like freezes everything. The facade I put on to feel happy just makes living feel like it a series of auto pilot decisions.
Been watching you for a while now, and all I gotta say is thank you man. You’ve helped me come to understand so much about not just myself but about people and relationships in general. You’ve said in the past that you believe this is part of your purpose, and I 100% agree. This seems like something only you can do, and the impact you’re making is likely much stronger than we’ll ever know.
I have so much to do because I am a very passionate person but my body doesnt want to make it real.
I understand this feeling all too well
You are going to be the same person 40 years from now if you keep that up (assuming you don't mean some kind of motor/body problems). Get up and do that thing that you've always wanted to do. Or don't and regret not doing it. Its ultimately your choice.
I think I've acquired a learned helplessness from feelings. I go through a situation and sometimes I get a negative feeling related to the context of the situation. As time goes on I forget about the situation but retain the feeling, be it inadequacy, insecurity in trusting others or something else. It feels weird to know I have these feelings and forgetting why bc I feel like I should rationalize against them but that doesn't seem to be working. Rather, I think I may find more success improving that feeling rather than trying to figure out the past. I mean to say that if I feel inadequate from some past event, it's not helpful to me to remember what happened as much as it would be to recognize this feeling and place myself in situations where I can practice being adequate/sufficient.
As a hard working adult professional I can say with complete confidence that I would love to be able to play video games 16 hours a day, or even half that. I don't know how people have the energy. I get tired after just an hour or two.
Not only habit formation takes long, but a habit I worked on for over a year dissipated into nothingness in a matter of 2 weeks.
> our brain is motivated when it knows it can do stuff
no wonder i lack motivation to get out of bed
I lacked a lot of motivation until I dopamine detoxed. The part of my brain that measured effort required was so wired to the instant gratification part of my brain that I never wanted to do anything.
Dr K speaks like a holy preacher on the sermons bench. But he preaches about mental clarity and logic within the processes of the brain. He is really awesome. Amazing this does this practically for free.
"Your goals are being created through intellect" That shit hit right.
Man. I’ve seen healthygamer’s videos a lot on my recommended page and today of all days I’m feeling like I have a temp of 100 degrees and I’m trying everything I can do to help suppress my symptoms but I’m stuck on low power mode. This video was so informative that I’m glad I just said eff it and let this video play while I close my eyes and imagine the future version of myself being ever more stimulated by what seems to sum it up: the power of habitually changing how our brains communicate with us. It’s gonna be a long battle but I hope all of you feel more secure in what is binding you to the current uh that may be dissatisfactory or even just shameful. I know it happens to me. I’m wishing all of you guys the best and thanks for the video GG
I have improved my life because on Dr. K's videos on alexythimia and motivation. Thank you so much!
"Foolishness, human brain, foolishness"
This is the same "solutions" that I tried a decade ago and never ended up working. What I found out is that "motivation" is ultimately irrelevant. I can be incredibly motivated, but still be unable to do the things I want or need to. You spend a lot of the video talking about what we "care to do" or what our "actual goals" are, but I already know that. I figured that out years ago. The issue is actually sitting down and doing those things. You mention playing video games for 16 hours and quite frankly that sounds lovely. Playing video games more is actually one of my goals I'd like to accomplish. Even if I feel highly motivated to play some games, have plenty of time to do so, when I actually try and go do it, it's like my body just freezes. Motivation is there, goal is there, desire is there, care is there, but the action is not there.
How my sister keeps the whole house clean all the time is that she does a little bit each time she has free time. Those bits stack up and the house is somehow constantly clean, or there is little work to do when, lets say, guests arrive. Applying this do at least a little bit mindset helps me work on the stuff I REALLY DONT want to do at the time.
As always, thanks dr k. You saved my life. Well you helped me save my life.
Lot of people wanting to tell their same story 10000 times over but with a different twist until they get it right. Remember that every time you retell the story, you're not starting from scratch; you're starting from experience.
That's motivation in a nutshell...
Thank you Dr.K. Your videos have helped me getting through life lately. Much appreciated! ❤️
Small goals that lead into a bigger overall goals help
And what if after years of trying to find smth that I care about I learned that I care for nothing? Which then led me to a place of complacency with my current living situation of not doing anything except for watching youtube for 12+h/day.
i have the same problem. It will be a bit cliche but maybe we can find something to care in this world by experimenting things, maybe we can get excited about something. I know it's impossible to find something to care about In this mindset but maybe in the right time and with the right mindset something might come up.
Holy are you me from another timeline?
@@ozanyuksel6712 been trying a ton of stuff for over 10 years now. Nothing so far. I've tried drawing, guitar, coding, writing, cooking, parachuting, sports, VR games, pc games, board games, making my own games, making youtube videos, a few different jobs (mental and physical) - and none of those brought up any feelings of "this is what I wanna do".
If anything, I just burned myself out on trying stuff and got tired of it all. And thanks to my life situation privilege I can afford to just watch youtube w/o going homeless or hungry.
@@megamcee I hope i don't end up like that. Because i can't find any meaning and all i am doing is watching youtube videos. It really bothers me
@@ozanyuksel6712 as long as it bothers you, there's a sliver of hope. I only get bothered by it very very rarely at this point.
As a writer I felt stuck for a while, until this yr where I mustered up the courage to submit to a magazine. I would not have the confidence to submit and not have known that some people actually like my writing, if not for me being accepted 3 times now... So from recent personal experience, I'd say to take the next step in your personal goals is to find the most attainable action that you can do right now for you you to succeed in long term goals. If you want to be a writer maybe start by writing one poem. If you want to be an actor start by playing a scene in front of a mirror. If you want to lose weight maybe start with saying no to one unnecessary snack for today. Big goals start from small steps. And I can vouch for what dr. K says here to set up measures to prepare for the next time you're motivated, I often leave notes as to what I envision to come next in my book, usually through sub-chapter sections that I'll edit out later, that way if I feel unmotivated and take a break from it, I can get back to the book without missing a beat to where I left off.
Motivation should really be the force that drives you to start habits and to keep them up when you’re reaching your limit. 80% of the work should be based on discipline and managing your own life, accommodating your lifestyle and setting out realistic and practical goals. I’ve had to learn this the hard way after years and years of trying to willpower my way through life only to hit my head against the wall thousands of times.
Besides the psychological side about motivation, I believe it can also be because of a hormonal imbalance as a result of low testosterone levels. I have seen friends who changed their eating habits and start working out and suddenly they felt more energetic to go out and get stuff done, one friend got his blood work done and got medical help and he’s literally a different person, more driven and moving forward in life.
Well having more testosterone makes hard work feel better
I too incorrectly believed that low testosterone levels were to blame for my issues. You have scientists with skinny arms who never exercised, yet had incredible passion and motivation
Working out in itself builds motivation. Because every second you are "pushing yourself" to persevere in the face of hardship. Add to that all the mental benefits of it, and it translates to other aspects of life.
"make sure to plan for the alien invasion" is definitely getting clipped for the Dr. K vs Dr. K edits
You mentioned we need to find our values in life and it helps us find our motivation, but how do we find or determine our values? Can and should we change any values of ours?
I went through this process with my Healthy Gamer coach. He had me write a ranked list of my top ten values, and sent an image of some words to get me started. It felt a bit weird at first, just looking through words and seeing if they resonated with me, but as I focused on my gut reactions to them it got easier. I'm still not entirely happy with my list, but the coach said it would be a good thing to revisit in six months to a year and see how it's changed. Surprisingly to me, it was very easy to pick my top value, the rest were a bit more difficult to place. So I'm thinking it's natural to have changing values but there are probably a couple of core ones that stick with you.
Thanks Doctor for providing me with the right questions to answer . You may not provide answers but the game is that I have the Answers, I’m just not wondering in the right direction. Bless you for your work, your channel has helped me a lot. It’s also because of you I am able to think of answers logically
motivation for big things is the hardest for me. the gargantuan goals with no immediate payoff nor accountability (like losing excess weight). i can also be very unmotivated for chores/housework but that's much easier. i postpone forever but i know that once i start, i don't mind doing it and usually end up doing more than planned. i can trick myself into saying: do just 10 minutes of cleaning and then you can play a game. this seems to work. i also have trouble starting big tasks at work if i'm not sure yet how to approach a problem. i sidetrack myself with smaller tasks and waste a lot of time getting started.
You're always moving forward, towards death. So if you remember that it will be motivating!
I love how these always pop up the day after I've had these thoughts lmao
Plot twist: you have crippling anxiety and is thinking aboyt everything all the time, thus whatever he posts will trigger this feeling
Please, Dr. K, do a full video on how to update your resume!
6:49 thanks, needed this
The problem with 'habits' is also that they need to be maintained and they still take effort.
Basically, Point 3 is just really refining the definitions from your Point 1's and Point 2's
Because in coming up with solutions, you might forget to solve your problems.
I am motivated to clean my house today, but tomorrow until next week I am only motivated to go to the bathroom once in awhile, so to not pee in my bed. The dictating factor is fatigue felt.
How do you get motivation to get a job, when it feels like prison? 9-5 everyday almost, for the rest of life pretty much? Sure to survive, eat, roof over head. Future looks bleak with how expensive its getting to "own" stuff, specially housing.
27 I've done growing medical for years, but for the future, idk what I truly see myself doing the next 5 years. Computer programming maybe, but damn I feel I wasted too much time.
27 is definitely young enough to become a programmer if you want to do that! Give it a try at least to see if you're interested - there's lots of free courses out there to start learning. Even if it's not what you want to do forever, the pay is good enough to give you a bit to fall back on if you eventually want to change careers in the future.
You cant control motivation but you can control discipline
I am the storm that is approaching
well, what if i made a habit of my motivation, but have hit so many bumps in the road that every time i try to pursue that habit i get reminded of all the failures and how these failures fueled my depression?
to clarify, my motivation was programming video games and it's difficult. at first programming occupied my mind so much that my depression almost completely went away. it was great until i experienced so many failures that it dragged me down again and now every time i think of an idea i could turn into a game i think it's not even worth trying, because i will end up failing and being more depressed than before.
That's kinda what programming is all about, nothing ever works right, if what I've heard is to be believed. And I should know, I've tried my hand at programming video games myself as well, I'm thinking about taking a step back and making mods instead.
@@creeperizak8971 i don't think my problem is programming. the problem is i'm currently stuck in this position where i fantasize about what i could program, but i can't get myself to actually do it. by the time unity and VS boot up my motivation is already gone and i'm back to the "why should i even try?" mindset.
@@simpson6700 ah, yeah that's a problem, some advice I know about is to just push through it, no motivation? No problem! Just do it anyways!
This is really interesting, I was thinking about this earlier. I don't really choose to be motivated, it just kinda happens as a result of me being in/setting up my environment to make me want to do things. The hard part is the part where at the beginning you need motivation to create the things that create motivation.
I was reading a book for guitar that ended up being more about zen philosophy, and there was a line that I took out.
"Don't ask, practice".
Living my life this way as much as I can. Just do shit.
this is really interesting
It's as if this video was just made for me :D Thank you!!
If anyone wants to learn more about motivation I recommend your ead about the self dertimination theory. Basically there is 3 basic needs to make motivation intrinsic
- feeling of competence. This is what Dr K is mostly talking about the video. You need to feel you can overcome a task and that you see yourself improve/succeed.
- feeling of self determination. You need to feel like you have a choice and freedom. It's why many jobs are demotivating if they micro manage you and don't give you agency in your work
- feeling of belonging. Every human has social needs, and we need to feel like w rare valued as a person and that we have a community that support us.
Also: self-efficacy theory
:(
I have severe issue with my executive function(I believe thats what the term is?) where Im pretty aware of my state of being and what I need to do, but I just cannot put it into action. Starting anything is so difficult for me.Its so frustrating because I know that my inactivity is ruining my life as it has for the last many years of my life especially now that Im an adult... Its like my thinking brain and my action brain cannot cooperate with each other. But once I focus, I can work really hard. I just can't pinpoint where that drive comes from. Its the same with my relationships too. Im aware of the social rules, but my actions are quite different from what my thoughts are so I make mistakes or cross the line at times even with the people I care about. So idk if my self diagnosis of being on the spectrum or asperger is correct..
I feel the exact way with my life right now. Its such a struggle to fight with myself for hours to do something that, rationally, should be easy to do.
It's such a simple tip, but try counting down from 10 whenever your brain is stopping you. At one, or even sooner, fling yourself up and into whatever you need to do. Works best to get me off the bed. Then race in and do what needs to be done. I used to also put on music and begin short tasks through the length of the song. I used to get the dishes done to Powerwolf before Adderall fixed that issue.
After that, run off inertia. Teach yourself to act on a task as soon as you think of it, especially if it would take under 30 seconds to do (like a text). If a task is boring, rely on something that isn't (i.e. music for me) as you get things done. If you really feel like doing something, indulge in it just a little.
Those help for ADHD. As for an autism-specific "freeze", I hear that just wriggling your hand when you find yourself suddenly unable to move will be able to help wake up the rest of your body to act, too.
you probably got the focus from experience with video games. vidoe games literally teach you to be super focussed on a lot of details. self-diagnosis is potentially dangerous. get into the habit of trying new things out (even very small things) and see where you struggle with. this is helpful to know where your actual troubles are - psychiatrists will look for that.
Things to try:
for executive functioning:
- breaking things down into small steps and WRITING THEM DOWN (even the smallest steps), seeing them on paper or digitally takes a lot of anxiety about decisions away, try that out a few times and then find out which ratio of writing out and doing stuff actually works
- executive functioning is also a resource and you need to learn to be mindful about it, ideally you want to get into productive habits where you don't actually need much executive functioning "mental resource" and just function - it has been estimated that 80% of our daily activity are habits and not conscious efforts and struggles
- just try stuff out how to organize your life. self-organization is an art and you need to try different approaches and see what works for you. for example: do you work better with time-boxing or to-do-lists? combinations of both? how do you work with goals or values?
general stuff for productivity and motivation
- taking breaks
- take care of your dopamine levels (peaks, lows, baseline modification see Huberman Labs podcast)
- really get mindful about your body and mind states and see when and how productive you can be in each state and how you can maybe move from one state to another
- get a meditation/mindfulness habit
a general mindfulness practice also helps with social cues and social behavior
7:50 Dude, I was just harmlessly watching your video, you didn't need to personally attack me like that!
Perfect ad placement:
“Prepare for the alien invasion!”
And then my brain is like,
*Cooking for your in-laws?*
These videos are spreading the best contagious memes. Loving kind aware beings are coming...
Our motivation is artificially induced by greed via the constant systemic threat of poverty
Anyone else have the issue where you know you didn’t always feel like your life was aimless and pointless, but can’t pinpoint when you changed? I can’t seem to determine what part of my life caused me to be unable to maintain motivation. There seem to be a lot of events that contribute to my current mental state, but they are things that would require other people to resolve that would never really be feasible.
I listen to dr k while I clean my house and it puts in the right mind-state to start editing 👌
3:18 brain get motivated to do whwn it knows its possible
4:15
I just had a conversation with a friend about inspiration and motivation, I swear Dr. K has Clairvoyance EX, he's probably the next Grand Caster or something.
Excellent video as always Dr. K.
I know, how to start a project. I already did that many times successfully.
But I don't really know, how to finish a project because I normally don't do that.
That's probably part of the reason, why I have more motivation to start new projects.
Sometimes it's necessary to have a goal in mind, sometimes I just get motivated from the initial idea.
Often what I do leads to nothing, but that's not true.
Maybe I can reuse something I created along the way. Or maybe I will have a better understanding when I start a new project the next time.
I might also continue work on some old project after some time and make new progress and also have the initial motivation again, since I now know more accurately, how I do it and what I want to achieve.
But sometimes I see some old one and just want to restart because it's not usable.
Or I try to use it because I don't want to do everything I already did, again, and then get stuck because modifying is almost more difficult than starting over, because I want to do it in a way, so that the next time I use it, I will have an easier time, and maybe create a few useful libraries in the process... (I'm getting too much into detail already)
Bruh, this was literally the topic that I had when I was talking to myself a while ago. Check your attics.
"get together with 5 friends"
First I gotta have 5 friends..
the 500th video lesssgooooo
lol anyone else can't stop staring at that tt login, sign up banner staring at ur face and u know it's out of ur control, it won't go away hhhhh a very needed topic tho
Solid advice.
This is a very interesting point, with motivation having a correlation with confidence, your confidence to achieve that goal. If you look at some of the people who must have had the most motivation out of all of us, Muhammed Ali, Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, Michael Phelps, Cristiano Ronaldo. All of these are absolute greats, and one thing they all have in common is extreme confidence, they all believe that they are the best in the world, which is perhaps why they were able to push themselves so hard to become the best in the world. I am not saying you should go out and think you're the best boxer of all time, but change your goal so it is in fact realistic and then have great confidence that you will achieve that goal, this is the most powerful motivation there is, just look at the names mentioned above.
Believing you are the best in the world is not the same as self-efficiency which is what you are talking about: the confidence to execute and succeed at goal-oriented behavior. It's only on a surface level that self-efficacy looks like self- confidence.
5:45 literally me
Vergil: …what is this foolishness?
if you have to do something for 6 months to form a habit, I don't think i have ever formed a habit...
been dealing with p severe executive dysfunction... i do pick specific things to do but when it's time to do them I just feel so fucking awful, and I can only get an escape for a week or two at a time where I get some sort of Idea that I can use to base my behavior on, but the novelty dries up and I do too and then I shut down completely. Wanted to wash my bedding today. Totally froze up with misery. 😢 i just want to USE my time, instead of shutting down mentally completely every time I feel bad. Last time I didn't feel this way (if I'm excluding the brief inspirations that are part of a larger cycle of dysfunction) was before an abusive parental figure abandoned my family. he controlled everything and was super abusive... now im a depressed agoraphobe who can't take care of basic hygiene. 😢 i try so hard to make small achievable goals but the smaller I make my goals the nastier I feel about them, and the faster I shut down.
Thank you.
4:00 is this why I never feel motivated to pursue people I consider extremely attractive? I would feel like the chances they may like me back is too low for me to actually feel motivated to give it a try?
I think this happens to a lot of people, it's why generally couples who end up dating are around the same attractiveness level (conventionally speaking)
But what if you don’t feel like anything is really worthwhile to do?
And like Dr.K has said in the past. lay the seeds for the future. Do something now and get future rewards, or reward yourself now and do future payment.
I think I'm pretty cognizant that my 'mind justifies the emotion', Like a coping mechanism, rational but not logical.
Even though I realize it, how do I approach it to take the problem.
You can get stuck on the "leaning into habit" part if you are a perfectionist
I go to lean, and I question whether there's a better way
(there is always a better way)
Well, first I have to find the will to move forwards so like… I’ll manage
What do you do if you don't care about anything?
15:25 when I was 15 I was VERY confident that I would love nothing more than to play Dota 2 all day every day for 5 years lmao. That game is fucking insidious
Edit: oh and I am still terrible at it, far far from an esports athlete. I wish it was still like when I was 15 to be honest, cause at least then when I revert to escapism I'd have an amazing time :(
Maybe it felt amazing when we were 15 because it wasn’t actually a form of escapism, since at that age we didn’t have a lot of problems/responsibilities?
I’m 24 now trying to manage work, studies, chores etc. and there is practically no time to game anymore. It sucks because I do love gaming. Worst part is, even if I find the time to play it’s not as enjoyable because I’m always reminded in the back of my mind that there is something more important that I should be doing or that will soon have to be done…
So tbh I disagree with Dr. K on this one. If I could do nothing but play games for 5 years, or maybe at least 1-2 years, I would definitely wanna do it, regardless of being a pro player or not.
Vergil
Me sitting here planning for the alien invasion...
I don’t care to do anything. Every human interaction causes me extreme discomfort due to massive cognitive dissonance. The only reason I’m still alive is because suicide doesn’t stick; nothing I have ever done the “proper” way has produced the results I wanted or worked for. The only way I see to get what I want, is to throw off the shackles the rest of you have convinced me to wear.
Now motivate me, if you dare.
the second part is awe inspiring
Because we don't really want to but we are forced.
So...how do I know what I care about/ what I value
goal: feel love turns out its impossible
I notice i often feel some amount of motivation after i finish long emotional interviews with ppl. I wonder if thats normal.
I have problems choosing what video game to play and playing it. I feel inner resistance and agony so my brain want me to stop.what do I do? It started in 2016 when I started going to psychiatrist. :(
I have GAD, OCD and Asperger.
Video is probably gonna be great, but Dr K you should've played some Dota that would've been sick 😅
If I could spend five years playing video games 16 hours a day, I can't think of anything I'd rather do. That's why I'm trying to save up shit tons of money so I don't have to work any more. Because I want to have the option to do what I love all day and not worry about bullshit.
I love you dr.K