Can people even change?
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- Опубликовано: 14 авг 2024
- Changing isn’t easy, it takes time, self reflection, and some grinding, but Doctor K’s guide to Meditation is here to help. This choose-your-own adventure guide can help you become the person you want to be and take back control over your life. Find out more here: bit.ly/3O7FPO5
Find us on Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, and more here: wlo.link/@heal...
▼ Timestamps ▼
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0:00 - Preview
0:58 - Reddit Post
3:07 - Addictions, how do they work?
5:31 - Subconscious change
10:35 - Stages of change
17:03 - Awareness of conflict
19:37 - Chat input
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Today Doctor K talks about how to change, how to turn over a new leaf, how addictions work. Healthy Gamer also talks about the stages of change, how to be aware of conflict, changing your subconscious, and more!
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DISCLAIMER
Healthy Gamer is an online community and resource platform for gamers and their families. It does not provided medical services or professional counseling, and it is not a substitute for professional medical care. Our coaches are peer supporters, not professionally trained experts, and they cannot provide medical service. If you or a loved on are experiencing an emergency, please call your nation's emergency telephone number.
All guests of Healthy Gamer are informed of the public, non-medical nature of the content and have expressly agreed to share their story.
“We don’t see the four years it takes someone to start going to the gym.”
I feel VALIDATED lol
we can’t expect immediate change every day, it’s gotta be small things to build up that gradually create a big change
Exactly right, and therefore the challenge is believing that every small step matters
sometimes we can. we can expect it but not all the time. some people are tired to be alchoolic and do small step.
some are tired to be tired. and stop instantly. yes it can happen. im a living exemple of it.
0 drug 0 alchool 0 animal corpse 0 animal secretion gg how be rich working low hour eating rice bean potato. win liffe with healthy weight and nutriments and wealth.
sometimes its too easy, thats the problem
No the only change you can do is an immidiate change every day. However you cannot expect the immidiate change to be monstrous, but a tiny mini change every day.
Doesnt matter if it's a small change as long it's consistent. Consistency is the key.
@@MassMultiplayer he explains in the video that that's still the culmination of an underlying process in your brain that has been occurring for some time, not a sudden major shift in your brain out of nowhere
I wanted to show this to my dad but he’s deaf. Luckily Dr.K either subtitles every video or just speaks so clearly it’s a 99% perfect transcription. Thanks for being the internet’s gateway to therapy/ mental health awareness.
Edit a year later: my dad got a cochlear implant :). He still prefers subtitles but i figured id share the good news. I don’t remember how he liked the video bc it was a year ago but this is very up his alley.
RUclips's automated captions has actually gotten a lot better in the last several years.
Arguably the best gateway
This is one of your best explanations ever! This is also the same pattern with weight loss
@@WanderTheNomad one of the few and best changes YT has ever done
I'm from Argentina, and speak Spanish. I read English way more than I listen to it. I pop up English subtitles on every video and they are easily 95% accurate. Maybe a word from other culture as healthyfamergg sometimes reffers to indian culture, or something that just wasn't clear enough when he said it, but it never has been a problem enough to not get the main point. You can watch it with him and if gets any doubt I'm sure you can explain it. Both my grand parents are dead too
Change is possible my dudes, but it goes both ways...change for the better is a grind in nature but worth it long term...change for the bad however can be instantaneous and really silent, just like an addiction you won't notice its effects until way too late or some else points it out.
I found it really surprising how relaxing shit gets after an hour and a half of exercise followed by an ice-cold shower. Now I just want to do it even more.
i cant deal with the cold showers personally, but my work around was actually going for walks when its raining.
I don't think change for the worse is instantaneous, but it will be so subtle that you won't notice it until it's already progressed far.
Both changes are unconscious and take time, you just don't notice your cookie is burning because you can't see into the oven
Problem with addiction and procrastination is that it compounds the long term anxiety and suckyness of ones problems, for a short time relief. My take on a solution is to act as soon as I feel resistance / anxiety against the action. Phone calls is One of my anxietys last bastion, and as soon as I start to delay calling people it gets exponentially worse.. all about nipping it in the bud. Gl people.
@@jamescanjuggle one hack to cold showers is to just direct the stream of water over the back of your head instead of full immersion. read about the "mammalian diving reflex" ... you want to hold your breath and allow some of the stream of cold water to end up going up your nostrils. you get the same relaxation/anti-anxiety benefit without the unpleasantness of a full cold shower
I just bursted into tears when he said "life can be easy, can be joyous and successful, all of these are possible". I'm feeling stuck for a long time and I'm afraid it will cost me my relationship and my job. I just don't know what to do to make a change, even though I've felt on the edge for so long. Thank you for everything Dr. K, you always give me hope and a spark of motivation, now the issue is mine and mine only.
Did it get better my man, what's your story?
I experienced that lootbox feeling of "I need to turn over a new leaf" about a month ago. It started slowly with just going to the gym to cycle an hour every weekday. I wasn't perfectly consistent at first, but as time went on, it became easier and easier so much so that I find myself intrinsically motivated to go cycle and am sad whenever I have to miss a day for one reason or another. When cycling became natural, I slowly added things onto my plate which ended up giving my day-to-day a lot more structure which allowed me to establish a routine. I even bought a whiteboard to keep track of everything so I don't have to spend so much energy mentally juggling the things I need to do in my head. Eventually that sense of structure bled into the physical world as I found myself organizing my mess of a closet and room. It's not completely clean yet, but I've made progress slowly and surely. The next time I find free time on my hands, I want to organize under my bed. After homework, working out, and occasionally cooking for myself (I need to do this more often), I have little time in the day for myself, but I use it anyways. I've been messing around with Arduino stuff trying to learn what I can in the short time that I have per day and it's really rewarding. By consistently putting in half an hour a day, I feel like I can eventually start doing some really cool stuff with it, but for now I'm content with just outputting text to an OLED screen. I was only able to accomplish all of this stuff by dreaming big, but keeping expectations realistic and having a lot of patience with myself (something I can't say I've done prior to this part of my life). When the hard days come (and they always do), I always tell myself that Rome wasn't built in a day, so there is no need to rush it or expect perfection. The best thing you can do to help your chances of success is to plan ahead, trust the process, and have patience.
Thank you for sharing your progress. It is a great motivator to see people at different stages of the road. I hope this posting of yours doesn't rouse your inner ego which likes to give oneself the feeling of gratification just to fall into your back with excuses the day afterward as I experienced in the past when told friends and family about my journey. That's why I keep it all to myself this time around. But reading about it from others really makes me realize there is hope. So kudos to you and keep it up!
@@minzblatt I will absolutely be keeping an eye on my ego and doing my absolute best to keep pushing toward my goals. There is too much to be done to let it slow me down. Thank you for sharing your previous experience and I wish you the absolute best on your journey, friend.
People over estimate what they can do in a month and under estimate what they can do in a year
It started with cycling in the gym and ended with cycling before going to the gym lmao
_"What happens is people look for solutions but internally they're not motivated to change"_
_"The cost of changing is higher than the cost of staying the same, that's why we stay the same"_
I’ve lost 40 pounds since December and his saying the cost of changing is HIGHER than not changing hit me hard. I moved house recently and eased off the calorie counting and exercises (treadmill was stuck with the movers). I felt myself being quite content with not GAINING and even losing 4 pounds during this time, but that complacency added to the mental/willpower cost of getting back on the treadmill, of the daily food diary. I’m “back on track” now but that enticing feeling of just giving up and being complacent again is a huge mental wall to climb.
I feel so strong for having climbed that wall, once more, and I’m sure not for the last time.
Great job on the weight loss and getting back on track! If you ever get stuck on the fence again I hope you continue going! I got stuck in complacency with maintaining weight 20lbs from my goal weight, and ended up gaining 40 back. Don't be like me, keep on pushing!
Really proud of you, mate.
@@dunder_kat You can do this. :) You'll get back down. When you're at those new weights that you haven't hit before, it'll be so exciting.
You are so strong that i wouldn't be surprised if it's the last time, keep pushing champ 💪🏼
When I gotten so sick during COVID, I felt alone, fat and useless, coming out of it, I changed my lifestyle, went to gym 30 minutes a day, changed the food that I eat, got rid of all chips, crackers and sweet drinks, and started to cook my own food. 4 months now, lost 28 lbs, and feeling stronger and more healthy than ever.
Raised my confidence and all it took was a close encounter to my own weakness. Its never too late, turning 40 and feeling like I am 30
congrats man. keep going like that !
That’s awesome dude! Keep getting those Ws
Good job my dude :)
Yay! Congratulations. I'm going to keep tab of this comment (hopefully) for five years. I want to know if what the journals say would turn up.
I couldn't catch it for the life of me.... I think its fake
This gave me a lot to think about.
I'm currently changing my whole life. I shouldn't beat myself up when I fall back in some areas. I need to pick myself back up and try again.
So true so true
I wish you all the best on your journey. Good luck!
Yeah, rather than focusing on the fact that you failed, focus on how mucher further you got this time. In cheesy video game terms, like beating a boss, you don't just alt f4 the game cause you died once, twice, thrice and so on. Sure at some point you may rage quit, but instead of shaming yourself for quitting, that's when you have to admit to yourself that "this was my limit". Instead of dreading over it, see if you can beat that limit by even just 0,1%.
Basically, you can create a small challenge, a challenge that's based of failing your main challenge. When you alt f4 that game and don't come back for a while, view that as your recovery days. Like when failing to workout on a schedule you set out for yourself, instead of ditching it altogether. Just observe how long it takes you to get back into the schedule again, mark that as your current limit and recover time. It's like breaking down your already small goal, into even smaller goals and viewing your failure/recovery time as necessary part of the process. The time you need for recover is not excuse, it's not fake, it however can be trained to be less time consuming, or that you just get more efficient in the mental recovery process itself.
The worst thing you can do is quit altogether, taking breaks, even really long ones, is completely okay and should be done in order to maintain a healthy progress. You need to learn to fail.
Feel ya! Much love to you and good luck :)
I dont think people give credit to just how hard it can be to change a diet.
Like not only are you trying to fight yourself and bad habits built up over years, but also a microbiome that youve unintentionally grown inside your stomach.
Like no matter how many plans you write, what you buy ect there will be a little voice in the head saying "Hey go eat the chocolate"
"Meal prep is exausting, order the take-away"
"Everyone will judge me, dont join the gym"
I feel a good way to tackle these diet and habit changes is to acknowledge what difficulty lies ahead.
DUDE THIS IS SOO TRUE! Iv been trying to lose weight for a while now and I just can’t stick to it no matter how many new game plans and preparations I set for myself it’s like when I find a new plan or approach to it I get excited and think “ok this is the one im finally gonna lose weight with this” and that excitement fuels my motivation and I try it but eventually just come right back to the habit it’s soooo frustrating.
@@soultheconfusing9563 if it feels hard, you re going the right way, take a small step everyday but it has to be a step up, never a step down, if you know what I mean.
@@soultheconfusing9563 im a firm believer of people needing to hear "ah that sucks man, yeah its gonna be shite" 😂 sure look your gonna get the praise and the "i believe in you!" from everyone and anyones sister, uncle or dog. Id rather tell ya its gonna be tough, so chill out and let it be tough
Tbh I blame the economy and society structure we live in at least in the west. Do you know how hard it is to find food with low sugar low carbohydrates? That why Keto was such a big thing. In every corner there are fast food chains, in ever corner there is a greedy company tryi ng to kill you and rob you of every cent. They dont want you to be healthy and live long.
Your video on feeling dead inside, along with many others, helped me figure out why my brain always takes the easy/lazy way out. 2 weeks of sunlight, excerise, and smaller portions has made me feel much better! Thanks again Dr. K!
"Just like most things in life once you get into it, it turns out to be easier than you expected" - one of the best assuring statements I've ever heard💖
14:52 At the store, the price tags are on the shelf by the product ("sobriety", "health"). You know what you make the decision to pay that price when you grab it. With psychological change, we often wait until we get to the checkout aisle, realize that the price'd clear our psychological "bank account", and decide not to buy it partway through scanning. If we find and look at the label, we can be more prepared to buy the sobriety, exchanging a temporarily empty bank account in return for a longer-term bigger bank account.
In my experience the "enough is enough" moment only happened after I experienced enough serious tangible losses due to the toxic behaviour. When being drunk cost me my friendships over and over. When I gave myself a serious injury because I was drunk. When I drunkenly cried during a birthday event my mum had organised.
Now when I look at alcohol there's still that dopaminergic pull towards it, but there's also every bad memory that's associated with it.
I think that's why it's so important to pay attention and sit with your negative emotions during your rock bottom moments rather than distract yourself. These are the moments you'll remember and fill up that "enough is enough" bucket. If you don't pay attention it's like pouring the contents of the memory onto the sidewalk and down the drain.
The problem for me is internet bingeing. There's been massive long-term consequences. But nothing happened overnight. I can't point to a day when I binged heavily and lost a friend, injured myself or incurred some kind of drastic immediate loss. It's all just lost opportunities. I'll always have tomorrow until I don't.
Good comment, familiar feelings. Keep it up
This is so true and sad at the same time. I don't want to live like that. But it's so hard to give up my internet addiction. Atleast you've given me hope that I'm not an absolute idiot. I will sit with the memories of me in my absolute rock bottom state and hopefully I will be able to gradually change myself for the better.
Rock Bottom is a powerful place.
Ngl this is such an incredible statement! Mind if I share it with others?
Rock bottom doesn't exist. Life can always get worse. But yes if rock bottom would exist it would be a powerfull place.
Rock bottom is a flawed premise because it's comparative in nature
FACTS. I hit mine feb 2021 and have since then reinvented my life. Complete 180.
@@Rodrigo-hk7vprock bottom does exist. It’s a subjective reference to the lowest point in a given persons life.
“if you feel like it feels hard, you’re on the right path. you can let it discourage you, but don’t let it stop you from acting. keep doing tiny steps, it gets easier, then you’re off to the races”
source on the quote?
@@jd15469 20:18
Comfort is dangerous cause it puts you in a state STAGNATION. You have to consciously do something slightly different each day to cause a shift.
stagnation of comfort. of video game drug alchool inactivity sugar
I kinda started to realise this over lockdown. Now, whenever I catch myself thinking "I don't wanna do this, it sounds hard", I respond in my head with "Fantastic, let's do it!" (often in Dr. K's voice, as well!) I've found this helps with reminding myself that something being hard is never a good excuse to not do it. Who knows, maybe it'll be less hard next time.
Man, HealthyGamerGG content just gets more and more complex and relevant. Thank you Dr. K and the rest of the team! This channel has really changed the way I fundamentally think.
I had a hell of a time dealing with a weed addiction that was crippling my motivation and wallet, and that's exactly what happened to me, I just had an "Enough is enough" feeling rise up in me and I trashed every piece I owned and never looked back. Now I'm really struggling with the diet and exercise thing, especially with 2 small children it really hurts thinking about sacrificing some of what little free time I get already to make myself suffer. I'm really hoping I just get that bolt of inspiration again and it "clicks".
if you care about your kids you should make sure all of your diets are good and all of you are exercising regularly. otherwise health problems are pretty much guaranteed. and depending on where you live, that could mean a life sentence of debt and suffering. so it shouldnt be too hard to not eat junk and live an active lifestyle.
Try finding physical activity that you dont describe as “making youself suffer” .. doing something less intensive a few times a week and on a consistent basis vs going Full gungho and quitting after 14 dáys, the former is always better. Same with diet, dont go with the super restrictive “diets”, as they almost allways fail.. instead less junk and do appropiate portions of normal grownup food. Good luck
Do you like to be around healthy and well when your kids grow up, see them at their wedding or graduation or have kids? Or go to f*ckn Mars one day? You gotta keep your heart healthy. When it comes to planning phase, I personally do pushups mostly everyday (which triples as "no wasted days" and "muscle growth") and go for walks (which doubles as "getting out of the house")
And it will be fun eventually, trust me. Your tongue palette will adjust to crave good foods and your fun palette will value physical activity
i'm still a weedhead
When people mention wu-wu stuff like synchronicities & strange coincidences I’ve related that to Dr. K’s uploads. It is much attributed to the fact I’m also living in the same world as the rest of the audience here, so the problems we share are as cohorts to that experience. But the potency of these conversations have been so sapient that I have made significant personal changes in a short two years by applying the advice shared here, by Dr. K himself & the rest of the users on the platforms He participates on. In other, shorter words, I do not know where I would be without having found these videos on RUclips of all places.
That’s not a case of synchronicity or any of that, he’s just telling you what other therapists do.
But he is mistaken about a lot things though so I’d check how much progress you actually make
Some of that is also a cognitive bias as well. That said, much of what he says actually reaffirms things I have learned through extremely difficult experiences. I don't think the videos would have had as much impact on me if I was not already doing the work, but now that what he says aligns with my lived experience, it helps me to see that I am on the right path. My issues were related to substance use and addictive behaviors, so overcoming that external influence first was required for the next steps to take place, which may not be the same for others. Much of what he says does align with what other therapists/counsellors/psychologists/psychiatrists may tell you, but his delivery is great for the audience. This shines through in his interview videos especially. Some of it is the usual talk therapy techniques, but other parts seem to come from insight and his ability to read between the lines and actually catch the small indicators in the language used by the interviewee. So many people seem to lack those skills and feel extremely scripted, rather than have a natural conversational flow.
@@Joel-gf4zl Omg yes that’s so true. There is something about Dr. K that just makes him a very good conversationalist but I just can’t quite put what is it.
@@Darkloid21 Reread the comment. He doesn't attribute it to synchronicities either and provides a causal explanation for his experience.
I think he has, at times, put his faith and conviction behind things that aren't exactly scientific but I genuinely do not see that as a reason to call into question how much progress someone actually makes lol. Nobody has all of the answers. Dr K specifically provides answers based on science, clinical experience, and spirituality. If you think he's off-base frequently, fine. I don't really see why you feel the need to bring that up the way you did though.
@@whatsnew955 I really think it comes back to knowing the audience and tailoring his delivery to them. It's the same thing you want to do when giving a speech. Know your audience and tailor your delivery to them for the largest impact. It helps with that sense of connection between the speaker and the audience. It also helps that he is actively getting feedback from chat, so he can also adjust where he is going with things based on what is being said. Someone giving a speech doesn't have all the benefits that can come from real-time feedback (aside from clapping, laughing, seeing if people are falling asleep, getting booed, etc...). On top of that, he has a ton of experience talking with people, which helps build those linguistic pathways in the brain so things flow much nicer and he knows what needs to be explained and doesn't.
Thanks Dr K. This is very well put. When i started in recovery 11 years ago I viewed alot of this as prospective. I had a skewed view of things and my reality wasnt the whole story. You're explination was much better and I wish I had something like this to listen to.
Oh and BTW 8 years sober may 11 keep trying it took me 4 years to get it to stick. Keep trying if you're struggling with addiction it will happen.
Congratulations! 👍
"people do not change. They only become their true selves as time goes on"
I think that's as the quote form the native American tribe leader in red dead redemption 2
I think it's also somewhat true aswell
I look at people like they are purely a collection of habits. Good habits and bad habits. Everything you do is a habit, and every time you act you are either strengthening or weakening a habit. If I skip the gym today, I'm strengthening the gym skipping habit. If I voluntarily go out of my comfort zone today, I'm strengthening that as a habit. Being mindful of the patterns I'm cultivating in each and every moment of my life helps me keep myself oriented towards becoming the person I want to be.
I'm trying to get myself to work more on my projects, go to sleep earlier, change my diet and exercise more, all at the same time.
Sometimes I try the "just do it" mentality, but I eventually start to feel burned out and go back to a previous state(?). When I'm active, I get stressed by doing everything, then I stop and get stressed by not doing what I "should".
However, change is happening all this time, I just need to realize that I'm not failing, but progressing slowly towards my goal. I'll also try to meditate more (another "try"). Stress always has root causes we may not see immediately.
And what I hear the most is to focus on one thing at a time.
Enjoyed hearing your thoughts as always!
I really respect the way you title your videos. You don't assume viewers understand what their own problem actually is. You ask simple questions about common symptoms, and then dive deep into the cause and effect underlying those symptoms. I'm sure I could get these lessons somewhere else, but the way you've chosen to deliver is what got through to me.
Planning something for “every day” can feel overwhelming, so rather, follow this easy plan when you wake up tomorrow morning:
-Make you bed
-Clean,brush teeth, etc…
-Put on good clothes
-Eat breakfast
Once these are done (in any order you like), you can get on with your day. I once heard a great quote that went along the lines of “If you fail to complete the first task of the day [making your bed], then how can you complete the rest?”.
Now, if you’re looking to add in exercise, I have a personal favourite technique, it may sound hard but hear me out:
-Make your bed
-Do exercise
-Breakfast
Having breakfast after exercise has really helped me, as I cannot get on with my day without breakfast, so therefore without exercising i can’t start my day. Also, knowing that a big breakfast is coming after your exercise can give you that extra motivation.
Don’t be concerned if you struggle with this, because it’s easier said than done. Some people may also find it easier if you can’t use your phone until after exercise etc…
Dr.K thank you for existing and doing what you do, I've been following you ( leaving and coming back regularly ) for some years, and you really give me answers I would never have had any other way. Can't say I'm wonderful now but I'm better, no doubts about that. I literally feel like in a few years I'll be able to feel confident in turning my life around and actually be a strong person who really wants to live and grow. Not there yet but I try to remain patient. Thanks again, maybe you read this
'i just woke up one day and enough was enough.' sometimes that happens though. i had a serious and unusually bad dependency on weed.
i could not stop smoking whatsoever. over the course of 2 years i tried to quit over and over again and nothing seemed to work.
then one night, i was getting very invested in a video game. i usually sucked at that game while high because it requires quick reaction times.
so i went the whole night without smoking. and then i thought to myself 'how long can i go on with this?' so i didn't smoke for 2 weeks after that. relapsed when my brother came down from idaho and now its been another week and a half since smoking.
it really did just come out of nowhere.
I think what's hardest to change are things that are the same with everyone around one. Everyone around doing (and probably indulging in) the same thing as you makes it seem harder to even notice, and if noticed then overcome that automatic justification that "since everyone does/practices it, isn't it not that bad?" idea is super hard to overcome
Yeah. Most of the time it's worth strengthening your self worth and becoming stronger in your own ideals. Instead of just stopping indulging in all stuff since that is an uphill battle
@@Kevin-ok8dj agreed, mentality precedes the habits
This was eye opening, it completely changed my way of thinking.
Thank you!
The "I've had enough" is basically you getting tilted over something, but instead of raging like you would in a videogame, you put that energy towards positive change.
Awesome video. I had quite a few relapses when it comes to the gym and eating better. But I'm back on the journey and this video came in clutch. Thanks Dr. K!
Good luck on your endeavors
@@brigc7755 thank you!
Through adversity builds character. You’ll either suffer through problems you can’t control, or you will cause the problems yourself. I hit rock bottom in feb 2021. Facing a felony for home invasion. Already one dui conviction and one night I side swiped three cars and Tried taking off. Got chased down by a witness and the cops came and even stayed I reeked of alcohol. My mom came and begged them not to jail me for my second dui. I went to rehab about 5 days later. Not to mention in this time span my girlfriend also broke up with me (I deserved it). Those 6 months were the worst in my life. Ended up working at the rehab for a year and a half and saved many lives. Was a respected counselor and turned a new leaf.
A lot of the stuff Dr K says really sinks in to me early in the morning if I have a 20 minutes before my alarm goes off. And this particular video really resonated with me.
My mind is blown and my life is starting to make sense. Thank you!!
For me, realizing that the universe is predetermined is what improved my mood. Dr. K touches on it some here. When you want to change, it comes from the unconscious mind. Every thought you have comes from the unconscious mind. Free will doesn't exist so if change does not manifest, there's no reason to feel bad about it. For a long time I felt bad, and I felt in a rush to get better. But it's not up to me whether or not I get better, it's up to the processes in my brain. This doesn't stop me from feeling depressed or anxious, or having panic attacks. But it does put things in perspective, and has made me feel a lot less bad about the nature of reality.
I've heard this debate and I never had trouble changing but I had no choice starting as a kid after my father died I had to take care of family. Then my teen years it was too stressful and I lost myself in anger of the situation just trying to feed myself. Then in my twenties I sold my freedom to whatever company paid me a check to afford rent and lost myself in that structure. By thirty I had my first technical bankruptcy do to over work, stress and illness and I felt like I've lived fifteen lives. When I let myself think about it which I try not to do much anymore I used to wonder how do I not change? How do I keep myself? I managed to avoid the addictions that claimed so many of my friends though. Half the people I grew up with are gone.
This video made me realize a lot. Been struggling to lose weight for over a decade. I know all the knowledge to do it but executing it was the challenge of changing. Jus recently, I kept feeding my mind with “nothing changes if nothing changes” & it’s helped a lot but this video has broken down that quote further. Thank you Dr. Much love
I just saw the intro and heard the lootbox analogy:
If 1 key is 0.1% chance of stopping I should buy a lot of keys xD
i skip directly to the key that work. and avoid the %. it save time
I got into the medical field because
I was sick of no work-life balance
I was sick of being broke
I was sick of not being able to afford good food and have time to cook it
I was sick of being fat
I'm going to be working at a hospital as a CNA, My first full day of work is this weekend.
I have been trying to get this job for 8 months now.
I had to go through CNA training, I had to take the state test, was nervous and failed it, had to reschedule it and retake it and repay for it.
Passed it the second time
Had to get my second interview at the hospital (first one they wouldn't hire me because I didn't have my CNA license even though the specific position I'm in doesn't necessarily require it)
Got the interview passed The interview
They had to draw my blood and do other medical stuff to me which made me extremely nervous and I cannot handle needles being put in my own arm, went cold and pale and everyone thought I was going to pass out which I didn't.
Have to do several days of orientation and drive an hour away to get to it, which all makes me extremely nervous.
I only have one more day of orientation left, I knew all over this was going to happen for the fact that my partner works at the same hospital in the same position and told me the process, I knew how hard it was going to be.
But I kept telling myself "I'm sick of being fat and broke"
I just keep telling myself that. I keep telling myself "if I quit now what was the point of those past 8 months of stress and suffering? If I quit I'll just go back to the suffering of being poor"
Dr. K, man I just want to say, you have so quickly become my favourite RUclipsr. Every video I watch of yours, something manages to strike a chord with me (the aha moment). As someone currently battling a myriad of mental health disorders and has been addicted to drugs for the last 7 years I am FINALLY getting it. And its thanks to you! The puzzle pieces that are my life are starting to connect and Im now taking the right steps to get to where I want to go in life. I feel motivated, enthusiastic and my head finally feels screwed onto my shoulders. I am back practicing martial arts after 6 years of doing nothing good and I am even practicing meditation on a consistent basis (who would have thought????) . Thank you, you bloody legend.
change is definitely possible. but you need to actually like the change. not forcefully.
start small, and observe the little changes. be proud of yourself for this progress. and with patience, a few years later, you will recall the past and how much you have actually changed.
you are a gamer after all. let that fact help you.
enjoy the game, git gud, appreciate the progress, and take your reward with pride.
Thank you very much for these videos on addiction. A lot of people my age struggle with social media, video games, prnography, because the internet does not restrict you from these things.
These are crucial points to understand when it comes to addiction and I'm glad you brought it up with this video.
What you said at 12:12 made me realize I want to make it easy. I want the cost to not exist. I want to believe there can be a solution without the cost, I want to believe that I can achieve what I want with minimal effort. The times I think to myself "Life is hard", I also think to myself "But it is easy for this guy or that girl". I ask "Why is it hard for me but easy for them? What can I change to flip this situation", looking for a 'magical realization' that will eliminate the cost.
After watching this video it made me think, that it was probably hard for them too at the start, they just kept going until it wasn't anymore.
The reason I watched this video was to find a way to change without cost. I guess it does not exist lol. It is only the hardest in the beginning.
Change is only possible if you want to change. Many people will say "It's hard to change," or one I hear from my Parents "We are too old to change" (While completely changing in the last year or so, due to what's been going on), but wanting and striving for change is what's important. If you don't have the basic want, then you will never change.
Many people want to change, try change, fail, and then give up. Change doesn't happen after one try, it happens after multiple failures, many many days of trying, many days of going backwards, until finally you develop the appropriate rhythm for how to do it.
For example, I was Obese my entire life, usually I was always the heaviest kid in my class, kid in my neighborhood, etc, until HS where there were some bigger kids, but I was stil 250lbs at about 5' 9". My highest recorded was 290lbs in 2014, but I definitely knew I gained much more weight over the next 3 years and had to had been over 300lbs, if not 320lbs, before I started getting into diet and health in 2018. I never really had much success with diets, with a couple I had some success while doing it, but there were concerns with the diet from others. I had taken on an OMAD(One Meal a Day) diet called "The WArrior Diet" or something in 2010 or so, but my parents and others around me were scared with the idea of OMAD...." Back then I took their concerns and stopped, but now the idea of people being scared of it (one person even mentioned it would ruin my metabolism forever) is funny, because I'm currently on my third day of Dry Fasting, meaning no food or water consumption. Fasting has been the way I was able to lose weight, and I lost a massive amount of weight very fast, and I'm currently down 7lbs in over 2 days of fasting from 212.6 to 205.2. The main point with this is that If I had listened to people from my past, who don't understand anything about the Human Body and Nutrition, I would have never tried fasting, for fear of "destroying my metabolism forever," and would have been obese for my entire life, or at least until I tried major change. Instead I listened to others who had a qualifying opinion, saw actual results of people who actually tried fasting, and then tried it myself. Many people will try to stop you from achieving what YOU WANT, but in the end, all that matters is you, not what someone else thinks about what you should do for yourself.
Best of luck to everyone, and remember, hard work towards change opens many doors.
Dr K is so wise it makes me emotional lol
Literally me when I hit 15 stone, "Enough is enough you fat fuck!". Especially where diabetes runs in the family. Runs on treadmill 5k a day for 7 months, then Weights tagged on top of that so why not cycle too. Here a year later still struggling with diet yet down 2.5 stone :).
Fasting is really doing it for me. Getting a hang of self discipline, impulse control and perseverance to get fit and overcome an eating disorder has been great so far
@@StarmenRock fasting is just another form of eating disorder...
Cycle as in biking I hope?
This is really wholesome and helpful. Hearing that every failure still means having learnt something, having gotten closer to the goal. It's hard not beating yourself after a perceived failure, so this really helps. Thank you for putting this out there.
To me change is down to benefit and perspective. If you view your activities as beneficial even subconsciously you'll keep doing those activities. That's why often it takes hitting rock bottom before the benefits of changing outweigh the resistance (addiction, comfort, not wanting to face fears even if your ideal self would).
You have to hate where you're at, people focus on the positive aspect of what you'll get, but if the difference between the two states isn't great enough you won't be motivated enough to move forward. So you have to really, REALLY hate where you are at.
I've noticed this in people around me. It's not love that motivates people, it's hate and disgust. Not self hate but hate and disgust of the habit and what it's done to them
the sheer volume of people you inspire is amazing, thank you
Not video game related but it took me awhile (3years) to realize that enough was enough and was struggling with not just internal feelings but certain external situations as well.
I'm thankful to be able to watch you Dr. K , it has allowed me to understand and make necessary changes in my life for the better. 🙏🙌🙏🙌🙏🙌 Tough as the may be.
I love how doc k always smiles after reading the posts, like exited of what he is about to talk
I was extremely depressed for years and when my girlfriend left me because of this in the end in that very moment something clicked and i knew that it cant go on like this. That was 7 Months ago now. Been going to the gym 3 to 4 times a week, been cooking actual homemade food 4 to 5 times a week, been going for walks nearly every day, started socializing again etc etc.
Sometimes there just need to be a moment that changes everything for some reason.
fire changed me in 3 second. not eating sugar and exercising everyday is so easy comparing to burning alive.
Thank you for going so in depth on the practical application of motivational interviewing (MI), Dr. K.
I am nearing completion of my doctorate in physical therapy and have heard time and time again about the importance of MI in clinical practice. We’re taught the stages, given general descriptions of how to recognize what stage a patient is at, but never-NEVER before has a clinical instructor or professor been able to give real world examples of how to USE MI to help patients with behavioral changes. It has been very frustrating. After watching this video, I can recognize times in my life when I’ve been at each phase and where some of my patients have been coming from given their histories. Thank you!
14:40 "so if you're stuck, you need to think about, what do I really need to get out of being here... because when you start to change you start paying that cost. And the you're like HELL NO" a little earlier summed up: Think about the future of living this same life and what this life has to give you.
YOu need to know what you're paying for upfront, if you know you're more likely to pay
Feeling lonely, because I have no social skills to make friends.
17:04 "(I feel) there's a lack of awareness of internal conflict. Which is why it feels like there's an iceberg underneath the surface when we try to change" follow up until 17:30 "What is the price of turning over the new leaf?"
19:37 "Everything is so damn hard, but ONLY at the beginning"
Papa K strikes again. You're video topics don't always pertain to my situation but when they do - gosh. Needed this video this morning. Focusing on quitting weed, keep writing lists every morning and scheduling my days in Google Calender. Love you Dr K.
Change never comes without pain
Very useful information, I didn't know about these stages! I'm struggling with contemplation; I'd like to start going to the gym regularly but after thinking about it for weeks now, I simply haven't done anything about it. I thought the 2-week free trial of my local gym would lower the treshold, but apparently not - I haven't approached the gym to even sign up for that. I guess I now have to list the up- and downsides of going to the gym to get closer to my goal. And maybe one day I'll have signed up for the trial.
This video is so, so helpful. We often forget that there is such a payoff for the habits we do desperately want to change. Thank you for making this.
I've gotten into shape, out of shape, and finally back into shape again and I can help give some advice on that area of things:
Make your training fun. At the start, it might feel like a chore, but this is what I would call the learning curve of effort. Exercise is different than some other healthy habits (like cleaning a room) insofar as it is literally like an addictive drug if you do it long enough (I would compare it to powerful stimulants, your confidence goes up, you walk differently after a good workout, you feel ready to take on whatever is ahead of you). Eventually you will be looking forward to going to the gym and you will feel like a god when your workouts are done
Form a habit: So what some people do is literally forming a habit of going to the gym on a certain day of each week. Even if they have a shitty workout. I was in high school gym class so it was effectively a necessary part of my schedule. Even if I got 4 hours of sleep and half assed it, I would still be there.
Best programs: I actually think the easiest program to do for most people is a full body 2 (or three)x per week. Because you will absolutely be able to build your schedule around that, and you won't skip days for a certain body part because you do everything in one day.
Exercise selection: This doesn't matter nearly as much as people say it does. There's no one magic exercise that can do everything. You want to prioritize heavy compound (multiple joint) exercises at first. Pick a vertical pull, horizontal pull, horizontal push, vertical push (as long as it doesn't bother your shoulders) squat, and a hinge. Pick variations that you enjoy the most and feel the most natural because everyone has different biomechanics. Isolation movements can be added to attack lagging muscle groups
Sources: Geoffrey Schofield has the best beginner advice for improving your physique out of any lifter I think.
Was like that for me to when I quit 8 years of alcoholism which I started drinking heavily when I was 19. Was starting to realize drinking will eventually take its toll on my body, and it made my anxiety worse resulting in several panic attacks. Didn't need AA, or the help of anyone for that matter, I just eased my way down, drinking ten drinks one night, then eight, six, five, four and and finally three for a couple more nights. The smell of liqueur still gives me a hype elated feeling of anticipation but I have enough self control not to indulge. Quitting smoking took many attempts, but my main goal was to start doing bodybuilding with my home gym, isometrics, calisthenics, weightlifting, and cardio at minimum 1.5 to 2 hours a day. Wanting to get aesthetic and fit helped overcome the obstacle of smoking, now I can breathe far more superior than before and exercise.
19:38 “everything is so hard”
“Damn right it is, but only at the beginning” I love that. Every great opportunity for myself has been so daunting and overwhelming in the beginning, but eventually I find my groove and it’s not bad/becomes routine. Just gotta push through the beginning.
The basement analogy towards the end of the video really got to me. Very true.
Thank you so much!! I'm struggling with being aware of my surroundings; I'm a (possibly autistic) artist and I've somewhat excused myself for not knowing raw data (tbh, ww2 still confuses me; this and other things like that embarrass me below walking ground)
I'm in an art college which isn't exactly the best environment for people who want to be well-educated on politics and history. (I mean I'm sure my classmates have thoughts related to the topic, sry kind of a loner, I know it all depends on me, not blaming the school) I'm trying my best to do learning outside uni but I have to admit it's really hard to do by solely myself.
I'm also on a physical journey, have been focusing a lot on working out and dealing with an ed. (I'm beating it rn!)
Also a literary one, I've been reading a lot again, and I've picked up things that truly interest me like philosophy, because I don't want to waste my life by not becoming who I really am.
But history and politics are still beside me and idk if I were to keep my life up like this (constant creation -im an artist after all, and not just a visual one-, working out, reading, trying to have friends (I'm a beginner in that too), AND understand history?), it just all seems too much.
I want to be a person with a full life, and I want to meet people with full lives too..
It's just impossible for me to know rn how I could do that.
This is the most motivational shit I have seen in years. Better than any "motivational compilation" in RUclips.
This was super eye opening. Day to day I feel the struggle and pain of trying to change, but it seems like I’m not getting results. When I reflect on years past, though, I see that I am a completely different person
What I've found that has worked for me and my kid that to change is to start with small things. If you have a trashed room like OP, pick up 1 item and put it away, or a piece of trash and throw it away every time you get up to use the can. Little changes, baby steps.
The other half of that, is giving yourself the grace of back sliding, or "going back to square one" in appearance like Dr. K is talking about. Its okay to backslide. Just... don't stay there, or be too hard on yourself. If you're hard on yourself you get into that "shame psychology" that Dr. K was talking about. So baby steps and giving yourself grace is what works.
I quit smoking by using the "weaning" system for Chantix. My Dr. wanted me on it for a year -- I said fuck that, I can't afford that and only took it for a month or so after. I realized I was just trading up one addiction for another. I then ended up trading that for an ice cream addiction, and then when I realized what had happened, I put down the ice cream for a while, and tried something new. I now put that "energy" into parenting, therapy, improving on other skills that are lacking (my cleaning skill... or ability score is... 3 when the average is 10) even when I feel like "flipping a new leaf" in exercising I try that too. I work really hard not to shame myself for not getting it yet -- eventually I will.
In my experience, the you know that you've made it when you relapse, and when you do, you think to yourself "wtf is the point of this?" That question signals that you've embedded a more satisfying solution to the underlying problem, highlighting the limitations of the old habit
Source:
Compulsive Overeating ---> Enriching hobbies
Body dismorphia related compulsive exercise---> body positivity and athletics for fun
Chain consuming cannabis ---> being authentic in satisfying friendships
Emotional enmeshment in intimate relationships -?-> healthy emotional/interpersonal boundaries (work in progress lol)
As someone who rarely if ever does anything for the benefit of myself, I've found a (probably unhealthy) way of motivating myself to do anything, whether it is cleaning up the house or finally going to the gym, is to fabricate reasons for other people to rely on me to have those things done. Some have been as simple as offering my place to host a party for a friend so I end up cleaning the place beforehand. Other times it's taken my worries about wasting money when getting a gym membership and then paying for the added cost of starting off with a personal trainer because I am in the lucky situation of being able to afford a session each week. Now that I've gotten friends to go with me to the gym and rely on me for the drive there and my guest pass to get in instead of the personal trainer, I find that really helps me go each week.
I'm a therapist and Dr. K and I are often on the same page. I learn a lot from him too and I can say from a decade working in mental health that his methods work
"the secret to permanently breaking a bad habit, is to love something greater than that habit"
If this habit is not competing for your time, it's not gonna lose. I can't quit smoking, no habit can compete with it. The only thing that helps me is Dr K's advice about starting to notice the urge to smoke. It helps me kinda control this urge more when I'm fully aware of it. I hope my brain starts building tolerance to it, but I'm not sure. I just smoke less now.
Well well well. I watched this video out of curiosity, and I ended up doing my laundry that I’ve been procrastinating on for week due to lack of motivation. I guess he’s onto something. Thanks Dr. K.
Success is a constant fight against our own nature.
Thank you! Your insights have genuinely changed my life for the better. I just wanted to send a little gift your way to show my appreciation.
Dr K, Loving all the new content!
Possibly one if the few Dr K videos that has helped me.
For me, I think whenever I’ve broken a habit, I needed a lot of extra free time. I.E., I wasn’t prioritizing my physical health for a few years, and I couldn’t seem to find the motivation to change. Then my relationship ended, and I suddenly had a ton of extra free time completely alone. I was able to dedicate myself to finally making the change. I didn’t think that I needed more time to be healthier, but I think it’s more like my mind was too busy to think about it in the ways I needed to.
So I have had a bunch of, “I have had enough” experiences but only one time did I have some grasp of the difference between “uhhh i dont want to be like this but I dont have the motivation to change it” and “i dont want to be like this so I am going to change it”. I have come to the conclusion that the former could be a person that feels helpless in the face of the problems but wants to look like he takes responsibility for his issues and the latter is one that takes responsibility for the problems. These two have language differences when they describe responsibility. Whereas the former says to himself,”u should get ur shit together dude.” The latter says, “i should get my shit together.” The subtle shifting of responsibility can be seen because the former doesnt expect god, life or sth to change…he expects his brain to change or he expects wtever he refers to “you” to change things
I have read or seen that there is a difference in brain activity when we talk about ourselves as "I" and "you". When one speaks about oneself (even just in thoughts) as "you need to..." The activity in the brain is similar to when you speak to a different person, not yourself. So it may be a mind's way of shelving responsibility onto "somebody else", thus not doing actions to solve the problem at hand, because "they will do it..."
If you can't get yourself to clean your room, start bringing big bags for trash when you go home. Put them next to you. So when you're chilling at your pc and notice some trash on the table or near the table, it's not difficult to put it in the bag, cuz the bag is literally in the reach of your hand. When the bag is full and you go out, take this bag with you, bring a new one. Yiu start building a nice habit and in a span of two months you will be able to fully clean your room. Also make cleaning a nice activity, if you watch a video which you could mostly listen, turn the volume up and go collect stuff in your room.
I'm literally cooking to this video rn, cuz I can just listen to it 😅
This video made me more aware of just how deep myself hatred goes. The whole cost/benefit analysis of my actions doesn’t work because I don’t consider my personal feelings important enough to be a factor in my decision making
I've had more and more " enough is enough" moments and I can tell I'm getting closer and closer and I think part of it is my brain finishing developing (23 yo male) but most of the actions in my life still seem like I haven't made progress, still take the things I take, still do the things I do, but now it's like I don't want them as much, still do them though, hopefully it gets better. I hate the shame so much. I struggle to even make eye contact or be around anyone
Lmao same here, same age too. We just have to keep up the practice so we get better with time. It is a discipline, after all.
Thank you for the info as always! 🥺
This is the one video that I truth and fully needed to see at this time. Thanks tiny people on my phone that make the healthy gamer program
I'm glad I found this channel. Thank you, Dr. K, for your insightfulness.
1. Pre-contemplative
2. Contemplative
3. Planning
4. Action
5. Maintenance or relapse
My planning is decent but I suck at kicking myself into action, so that's where I'm stuck at the moment.
I feel called out on the "League of Legends I'm done with you!"
now be aware of the inner talk saying the opposit.. wich of the 2 voice you want-are-empower? "bha lets go back lol is fun"
I have this sober app and I notice that too, people get waay too focused on length of clean streaks. So what if you relapse for a day after x days, you spend an incredible amount of time sober where you would have been shitfaced.
This video made me realize how blessed i am for resolving some things with " enough is enough "
i call it not tired enough to be tired. have to be tiredf to be tired. or tired to be tired to be tired. then change is instant and easy.
empower the will, discard the inner biquering of sugar cake inactivity and pathetism
Our bottoms can be as deep or as shallow as we decide.
Needed this today. Been in the throes of a deadly porn relapse, and the costs are so big. Was moved out of home for 3mo (no relapse), came back and on the very same day with family, I'm started dealing with this again, but worse than ever.
Just a suggestion. I used to attend meetings for sex addiction. The particular group I sought out is called Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA). Most men who went to these hour-long meetings were dealing with porn addiction as either a singular issue or in conjunction with other addictive behaviors.
One possible benefit from these Anonymous meetings is that you meet others dealing with similar problems so you don't feel so alone and ashamed. These meetings are held online, in person, and over the phone, internationally.
You have no idea how much I needed this right now.
I'm so glad I found your channel man, you make me want to be a better man, thank you so much for the time and effort you put into these videos, it is greatly appreciated.
Small steps, always, even if they sound pathetically small. August last year I started doing two push ups and 10 squats every morning, now I easily go through 80 squats and 20 push-ups in one of the 4 series I do daily.
Caralho marreco, tá maromba KKKKKK
I really needed this. Thank you Dr. K
I don’t have addiction to alcohol. But I used to use alcohol to make me more interesting and to ease my social anxiety. But then there were days of me regretting spilling my heart out for strangers I don’t know. That’s how I stopped drinking and just accept the sober and the boring nervous me. 🙂
It's much better that you have taken the chat out, great content and thanks for talking about such interesting topics
I struggled with getting up and going each morning and being in depressive ruts. At times stress would motivate me, but years later I realized I don't want to live under stress. I let stress go and then got into the rut again. When I started gardening 2 yrs ago I realized that I was curious each morning to see how the garden was doing. This got me out of bed and outside every morning. My curiosity is my biggest motivator. Now I'm trying to harness this to increase exercise, still in the planning phase.
The winter does present some challenges, but with my mild winters I can start growing year round. Now that I have chickens I am motivated to grow greens to feed them, those grow well in the winter.
Transformation occurs when the pain of remaining the same finally exceeds the pain of making a change