@@missydonald6381 People who commit one sex crime are likely to commit multiple sex crimes. The criminal justice system recognizes this, which is why, unlike all other crimes, prosecutors are allowed to bring up all other instances and accusations of sexual misconduct when prosecuting a a sex crime. “Making assumptions” is only inappropriate when it is inappropriate.
@@BitterComments I’m aware of that, but just because he molester his step daughter doesn’t mean he will do the same to his biological daughter. We only know the testimony from the step daughter…their is no proof to prove the same happened to her sister, and having anxiety doesn’t prove that’s why she has it.
She needs to tell the sister. Even if he isn’t molesting her she will have friends coming over that are vulnerable and one day she’ll probably have children of her own.
@@deeh5126 And if she tells her little sister and finds out that she was also molested, it might give this little sister the confidence to report her experiences to the authorities.
And, I feel, so that she won't feel alone b/c her dad by 99% chance did the same to her. Who knows for how long. Shame on the mother, so, so much shame on her leaving at least 1 daughter alone in such pain at such a young age💔
I wanted to tell my sister when she was coming up on the same age I was when her father started on me. I was SO afraid for her. That'd when I told my mother and she said we needed to nail him in court. I said no. I am not telling a bunch if strangers stories where my soul left my body to deal with physical assault. I blocked a lot out and they need dates, times, etc. No. She said if I wouldn't do that then I was lying and nothing happened. She said councellors convinced me but I disnt even remember until I was 19 then it came flooding back. I had no councellor then.
Can confirm. My ex step dad was attempting to groom me, and I saw the writing on the wall immediately. Took having 1 incident of him coming into my room and raging when I screamed at him to get out for my mom to divorce him.
My instant reaction when she said her sister has anxiety was the stepdad abused his own daughter. Or she knows about the absuse if her older sister and is carrying that. Anxiety has a starting point. This family has a lot of secrets. Imagine what that little sister is carrying around with her. I think the conversation with the younger sister and other professionals will actually help the younger sister. And I would deeply evaluate with those professionals if any visitation with the stepdad is necessary due to what happened and maybe also happened with the 14 year old.
I think she should ask her sister if her father is touching her inappropriately, or if he ever has. Her sister may be hiding it too. I don’t think it’s good to keep this from the sister. The sister needs to be protected too.
In my eyes, even more so! This "mother" sacrificed her daughter to this man and potentially is doing the same thing to her little sister. He doesn't have to worry about her mother outing him so he can do whatever he wants with the little sister. This is BEYOND EVIL! This caller is VERY brave for calling. And, as far as I'm concerned, both the "mother" and stepfather need to be reported to the authorities.
When you hear someone who live this kind of situation, you can often hear also that they are more hurt by the misbelief from this condescending and neglecting people than by the abuser.
Her sister has severe anxiety and the predator is a "good dad" to her because she gets whatever she wants??? Yeah, that sounds like another possible victim. This whole family needs therapy yesterday
I think she should tell the sister she was SA’d without naming who did it, and then open the floor for her sister to say if she went through something similar; that would give her sister an outlet to share the trauma of it and gain an ally without feeling like she’s betraying her dad, since her first instinct might be to protect him.
@@theartofcrashingoutYou don’t know if he is abusing his daughter… that’s not how it works. A lot of abusers don’t abuse their own kids but do it to others as well.. not saying it’s not happening at all we don’t know, but the chances are as likely as any other child he could potentially abuse…
@jonap5740 We, with commonsense, know that, but for people like that childs mother, it needs to be explained on her level. Don't forget that not long ago, judges, attorneys, etc. thought that asking what one wore was appropriate
That is completely my mom. When I ran home to her at 10 years old after our 16 year old neighbor assaulted me all she said was why did you let him do it? As a 10-year old I was stunned. Didn't feel like I should explain that I was 100 lb and 5 ft and he was 200 lb and 6 ft tall I had a wretched childhood and I never went to my mom about anything ever again. Nowadays when she says she doesn't understand why I didn't go to her about certain things I remind her of that prime example. She did not saying it and she doesn't ask me anymore why I didn't come to her LOL
I dated a guy once who made my daughter uncomfortable, just uncomfortable, and I HAD to ditch him immediately. There is no way in hell as a mother I would feel comfortable dating anyone my daughter even doesn’t like.. If she came to me and said someone hurt her I would lose my fucking mind.
If a guy dates you and knows you have kids, I automatically assume predator. It's insane what parents expose their kids to because they can't be alone or can't date without their kids seeing their cycle of partners.
@@wmluna381that's crazy, that's a literally crazy stance to have. Some people are just willing to parent children that aren't their's because they became family
when she said "buys her everything she wants" i shuddered. it is so common for abusers (ESPECIALLY when its the parent) to buy the "loyalty" of their victims and to make them keep quiet... its so fucked up but happens so so so often. i can guarantee he abused her little sister as well... no sicko just stops at one. i really hope she reported him.
This comment! It made my skin crawl immediately. This whole story is sad but that comment made my spidey sense go off. Buying her everything is the equivalent of hush money a lot of times in cases like this.
Yessss! I was obsessed with animals as a kid, but my parents never allowed a pet. My abuser got a dog, a cat and a rabbit, and I kept wanting to go there to play with the animals while the abuse slowly increased. They know exactly what they're doing. I really hope that girl is ok.
So the 14 year old, in the home of a sex offender, has severe anxiety and he buys her whatever she wants? Go to the police now and tell them your story. I have alarm bells ringing that she's not the only one.
I've heard that, and I think it might be because, you can trust a monster to just be a soulless disgusting monster, but your mum should have a conscience, your mum should know better, be smarter and she chooses not to.
I had a similar thing happen. Worst part for me was a Pastor's wife that I told, at the insistsnce of my then youth pastor, later made a comparison between Joyce Meyers and I and said to me, "Now that was a person who really was abused." That let me know right then and there she ultimately didn't believe me.
Similar issues with me from 3-12 my mom told me I was confused and had a wild imagination. In 7th grade I asked a teacher I felt close to if I should bother trying to tell my mom anymore, and undercover officers showed up to escort me home after school and tell her that either she left, or I'd go into foster care. I kinda wish I had gone into foster care... Didn't realize the trauma from her was much more damaging than the SA.
This caller’s mother is also toxic. She doesn’t owe her mother anything. She does owe it to her sister to make the abuse known, and if there’s no statute of limitations in her state, file a police report. Her mom’s response of “what were you wearing” says it all. She KNEW. The fact that the mother is still in contact with the pervert would be enough for me to say you’re not going to be in my child’s life.
John was wrong when he said it ask was the hardest part. He was trying to stop minimizing the actual trauma but that's not what she was doing. She was expressing the depth of betrayal trauma pain of someone you trusted to confide in about this horror turning out to not be trustworthy.
The fact that visits are SUPERVISED is a bad sign. My mom didn't help me and I realized in my 40s that I paid for my family with my silence. I didn't know until later in life that I didn't have parents. Every time my father abused me took my mother away too because I couldn't tell.
Took me 46 years to figure that out, but yeah‼️ 100% The gaslighting from my mother made me not trust myself. I still don't think she believes me sadly.
One thing I had to learn is to not be around people who hate me. Even if they aren't doing anything, the vibe is destructive. Neglect is a form of abuse.
@@aprilchow-chee5281same😢 Only ever started acting very recently when I gave birth to my now1 year old. I promised myself that I wouldn’t allow my lil girl to be around anyone who hate me no matter what ties they have. That main person is my stepmother who’s done every evil thing in the book to me and my lil sister to destroy our childhoods
@pweetygee same hun same. My mom was it for me and some of my in laws. It's been a lonely journey and very tough but I've formed better and stronger and healthier bonds with friendships and my sisters. I'm so proud of you for setting up that boundary and doing what's healthiest for you and your child.
I would make sure to ask her sister if it has happened to her too, because who knows, if her mother silenced her, she might’ve silenced her little sister too.
I told my mother about my step-father, she called me a liar. I lost all respect for her, I was 12. After I left home at 17 because he was also a drunk and I couldn't take hearing their battles in the middle of the night anymore, he was arrested for SAing a neighbor girl my mother had come to clean house. That molestation made me not trust older men. But my mother not believing me made me lose all respect for her and ruined our relationship.
A 14yo with severe anxiety? Why??? I have a feeling this step dad has gotten to her. And who is supervising these visits?? If it's Savanah's mom....she's NOT to be trusted!!!! I think Savanah needs to tell her sister because her sister may be burying things that have happened to HER and her stuffing it and having no one to talk to is creating her severe anxiety.
I am worried the Mom told the 14yr old the 'reason' she left the dad/stepdad was bc of the older sister's story, but the 14yr old experienced the same things and knows the Mom didn't believe the sister so she is bottling it all up. Anxiety is real. Anxiety starts from an event. That 14 yr old knows something and is in her own trauma response.
@@missydonald6381 that could be so. Experience has taught me that common assumptions tend to be right because of all the statistics and people's personal accounts (from both sides). Yeah, assuming the Mom is mad/upset/sharing too much info with the younger daughter isn't out of the norm and is aggravating. Kids can also overhear adult conversations or other people gossiping/talking about the situation. There are many ways to the same result. And if the daughter overheard something and the mother confirmed it, who knows how that was approached. Sure...it is a bunch of assumptions, but until someone talks to the younger daughter and finds out no one is going to know. I would trust the Mom with a grain of sand and nothing more at the moment considering how she treated the older daughter when the situation happened. There are a LOT of red flags to say the least.
@@TheMrKristens True but sexual predators don’t molest everyone, and just because he molested his step daughter doesn’t mean he did the same to his biological daughter. I disagree with your first statement that these assumptions tend to be true in this instance. However I agree it could be a possibility, and if she does choose to talk with her sister about this she could find out if that’s the case.
Mom asked her 8 yr old what was she wearing when her husband SA'd her?? WTAF?! This mother is beyond HORRIBLE! There's so much more to this than Dr. Delony could cover. Soon as she said the sister is being treated for anxiety, and there's only supervised visits with dad, it made me wonder has he done something to her sister. I'd hate for her to tell her sister what happened and her sister has her own story about this man. :(
It sounds like Mom was trying to say that because she was wearing pants then stepdad could not have assaulted her. Which is also dumb and awful logic because people get assaulted while wearing pants all the time and PJ pants are often loose and soft.
Are you sure your 14 year old sister wasn’t sexually abused as well? Severe anxiety at this young is a sign something bad has happened to her too. No one helped you-help your sister!!
Exactly my thoughts. I came to the comments to say this, I appreciate others realizing this. Anxiety at a young age is usually caused by trauma. The 14 year old girl probably has the same thoughts that she can’t tell anyone. If this woman were to tell her, chances are the girl feels comfortable enough to come forward and they can pursue something
@@Sofia_MonteiroI don’t think anyone needs validation from a complete stranger, you don’t know them and they don’t know you. You also don’t know if they feel like they’re not believed. It’s unusual and maybe confronting to randomly say that to an abuse victim
Everyone, this is exactly why people are scared to speak out about being raped or sexual abused. The concern of not being believed while dealing with the trauma makes the whole situation worse. “Trauma on top of a trauma.”
I told my aunt that my cousin/her child showed me pornography, and she called me a liar. My mom was standing there and didn’t defend me. I was 7 y.o. and I will never forget it how that made me feel. To this day being accused of lying when I am telling the truth triggers rage in me. After that I wasn’t going to tell this cousin had also molested me. As an adult my mom would occasionally ask if anyone had ever touched me because she said she had had some dreams it had happened but I refused to answer. It makes me angry like why are you asking now?
I’ve never forgiven the boss I had for responding with “well if that happened to you I’m sorry, but this is why you can’t be too nice to the guys. They start thinking you’re open to more than you are.” I can still see the entire scene. There’s no mistaking someone saying “no, stop. I want to go home”. I don’t plan on ever reporting something again. To any authority figure.
@@lindaj171 "It makes me wonder how prevalent this is. "- it is so much more common than our (or any) society is willing to accept. It is SO bad that the state of Florida put up a billboard about incest. I only became aware of this hidden facet of society after my ex husband waved some massive red flags and I was able to get my kids the hell away from him. I have done a bit of research, in order to maintain full custody of my kids, and it is so devastating that so many children go through this. We really need to be talking about it all the time, to make it impossible for the squeamish to ignore it.
I am so sorry that they didn’t believe you; but I do. I hope you can forgive him which is for you and not for him. If he is around young children especially girls I would still go to the police and report what he did to you. Child predators never stop; they just better at it. Be blessed.
@leahflower9924 she is not faced with the task to tell her sister, she wants to. Her mother is in denial so she is not going to. What I don't understand is why does the daughter has supervised visit with her dad? What happened? And they are her daughters, not stepdaughter. The caller is step daughter to the man.
Maybe her sister has anxiety from the same thing! Maybe she was also told to keep quiet. Maybe this will help her move on as she could have her sister by her side.
14 is old enough. You're pretty old at 14. You are nearly an adult in many ways. 8 years old would've been the danger age but she's biologically his so I get why this girl might've thought the dad could never cross that line.
They’ve manipulated my sisters to calling me a “delusional queen” I’ve had to go contact with all of them. Even my nanny, aunt etc everyone that said nothing the FIRST TIME I came out with everything. All my mom said was “your dad did not r you” he’s her man and my sisters father but he is not my dad just been around since I was 2. The anger I feel is very intense.
I remember going to my mom and telling her that the neighbor man was touching me. I was 12 years old at that time. My mom told me to stop lying, he never touched her when she was young. For the longest time I thought that this only happened to me. I wished it would never happen to anyone.
I was 11 when a guy I was afraid of forced me out on the dance floor to dance with him. He was holding my wrists so tight it hurt. After the song ended, he wouldn't let me go, so I used a maneuver I was taught in class and got away. I told my mom and she just ignored me. About 20 years later, I heard he was arrested for molesting a whole bunch of kids. It makes me wonder how many were hurt before me and how many were after me. I feel sad about it.
If the mother is financially dependent on the abuser it is very understandable (albeit not moral or in any way justifiable). It is self serving denial.
Most times the mother is also being abused so they instil the same "dont talk about it" into their child. We need to teach women, little girls and little boys that they deserve better and dont have to suffer in silence. We need more resources for women who are abused but also financially dependent on their abuser. Alot of times, the abuser also isolates the woman from any and all loved ones so they feel even more that they have no other options.
The mother supervising her daughter’s time with Dad would still concern me, seeing as she was also on the couch when her other daughter was molested. What a sad, tragic situation!
Right! He had the audacity to that on a couch with the entire family. He is definitely finding ways to abuse his other daughter without the mom knowing.
I’m literally crying over here, because the same exact thing happened to me. My mother doesn’t believe me to this day, that her beloved boyfriend r**** me for 1 1/2 years, almost everyday while she was at work. She accused me of wanting to destroy her life, I’m glad I shut her out of my life. Haven’t spoken to her since 2019, see her from time to time but I’m moving soon - 3.5 hours from where I live now. Can’t wait to start over and leave everything behind.
@@DebPhillips-l2p thank you! I have been in therapy for almost a decade, it’s still hard to grasp what happened but it’s getting better every day. ❤️🩹
No, they don't deserve the kids. My 'mom' betrayed me 100 times, looking away, not protecting me, asking 'what were you wearing', continue to collaborate with perpetrators - the whole (covert) betrail. Betrail of me and my kids. Pretending that she is a nice granny and that the 'betrails' are 'no big deals', happily looking away. I am soooooo disapointed! 😑 Just have difficulty beleive this (still) is how she chooses to act. And I am 56. All my life I was wondering why in the name of God she has had kids at all??? I am very sad. Very sad. It’s hard to grasp when your 'parent(s)' betray you.
I was sexually assaulted by my moms brother several times at 10 yrs old on thanksgiving and when i said something at 13 yrs old they acted like they cared but i know they didn’t. Because my mom took me out of therapy and told me that i was lucky he didnt do anything else but toucj me that i shouldnt feel sorry formyself. that worse things had happend to her when she was growing up. time went by and at age 27 i saw him at my moms wedding and he has came twice to thanksgiving dinner at my moms😢 like how could you do this to me??? why?? why bring a person who hurt me around me?? 😢😢
I've heard of parents who were abused as children and had their abuse dismissed by *their* parents, so the parents basically said "I was abused worse so count yourself lucky." That's sh*tty parenting. A real parent would to protect their child and stop the cycle of abuse. I'm sorry you went through that.
Wow. Your mom is a piece of work. It's always much more difficult when it's family. I just cannot understand an adult male desiring sex with a ten year old. It's beyond depraved.
So your Mom was most likely raped, maybe by him? Sorry, but Time for you to spend Thanksgiving elsewhere .... Especially since you have a child now... You have your own family. And you don't have to explain! No is a complete sentence!!!
14 year olds don’t just have severe anxiety. That little girl is struggling with something. Something tells me mum and dad are abusive to her too. Gosh. So sad. That little girl knows or something is being done to her too. That is so sad. Protect your sister. The visit is supervised because mum knows this man is evil. You can’t supervise a predator
Everything you said here I repeat: what happened to you when you were a child It was not your fault the healing is your responsibility today. Your childhood is not your destiny. ❤
Told my counselor about an event; she then had me tell my dad and stepmother in front of her my experience of being "nonviolently" raped annnnnd ... then nothing. It's never been talked about again. I'm 40 now and heard stepmom recently be dismissive about a story from a woman with downs syndrome who also claimed she was raped. She said something to the effect of, "there's no way she didn't want sex, she's so flirty and got what she wanted." My jaw dropped and I realized, "Oh my god that's why they never brought it up again. They probably think I made it up or that I "asked" for it. What the heck!"
I would be cutting them out of my life to be honest.I would 100% make your stepmother answer for that statement.Thats just disgusting.I don't care if u r naked knowone has rights to lay a finger on u.
I don’t think everyone has the capacity to understand and appropriately respond to hearing something like that. Not making excuses for your parents, but they should have at least asked for help from the counselor and how best to receive that kind of info from their child.
This happened to a close friend of mine, he mother still doesn’t believe her. When she had the guy arrested the family didn’t believe her. When the justice system sentenced him to prison time for it the family disowned her. Truly messed up. She still deals with the trauma to this day. Messed up.
Her sister likely already knows something is up. We had a predator in our family, and it always felt like something was off, but it was crazy making that we could never get a clear answer. Years later, we found out bits of the truth, but never the full picture because the victim never told. Giving her sister the truth will be hard but could validate things the sister is already suspecting.
Same story for me. Didn't find out till my 20s. It was my father. I knew something was wrong with him, I knew the rest of the family didn't like us, I didn't know why. It destroyed me. Give your family members the gift of truth.
I'm so glad that my Mother trusted no one. She had eyes in the back of her head and kept after me all the time, even when I didn't understand her concerns.
Mom claim that she believes that the daughter believes it happened but at 14 when the daughter says she's calling the cops. Mom finally does something which means that she knows the cops are going to believe her daughter. If she wasn't worried about her predatory spouse, she wouldn't demand supervised visits.
My mother in law said to me "no, he ain't no hot blooded man" when I told her my ex molested our daughter. That blew me away. When I confronted my ex after being told about it by my daughter, he said "well, it ain't like it was no busted cherry". I was speechless.
It's not always supervised. The mum was right there on the couch when it happened to this girl. Abuse happens in seconds, with other adults in the next room, when the other adult is making a cup of tea or goes to the loo. The younger sister has severe anxiety - why is that?
@deadshot8077 The point was things can happen if being supervised. Monitor may leave the room leaving them alone in a room, may be preoccupied with something and not get something that could happen.
You should always trust your kids when they tell you stuff like this. Yes, there are some rare cases where children have been coached by adults to say falsehoods, but when a child tells you something of this severity, that is NOT the time to doubt them or try to make an analysis on the validity. It IS the time to take action and call local law enforcement and get the ball rolling on helping your child. That's it.
God bless you, deloney. This spoke to my heart deeply. Savanah, I was in your place & clawing my way out. It's incredibly hard, yet the cycle is broken. It's tough to walk away from parents, but the body truly remembers when. My peace comes from Jesus, lots of prayer & an incredibly supportive husband. I grieve the loss of what the relationship should of been with the 1 person who should of protected me. Big, big hugs honey!
When I divorced, my State required a parenting class. I learned that a child has a 300% higher chance of being abused by a step parent or boyfriend after divorce. I stayed single while finishing raising my daughter after hearing that. Sadly, many women are unable or unwilling to be alone, so they'll choose men over their children.
That’s all great until you find a creeper later in your years, and they are close to your grandkids. Not all divorced people with children in the home and remarry are desperate.
I’m doing the same thing! My ex husband left when I was 28 and I met a great guy at 30 after a year and a half of dating I introduced the bf to my ex and with his permission our kids (never around them alone) but I just couldn’t move forward knowing the risk so I ended things with him and have decided it’s best to not have any romantic relationships and to focus on being my best self and the best mama.
I am pretty sure the father has been abusing and is still abusing her sister. I don't believe for one second that the visits are truly "supervised". No wonder she has anxiety. I would tell her as soon as possible.
And they get told that it will be their word against the abuser's, and that no one will believe them anyway, because they're just a kid, so why open their mouth in the first place? And the poor kid carries this into all their future relationships: the distrust, the waiting for the other shoe to drop, etc.
This right here is my life too. Girl, you have to leave your mom. I did. I have a life altering disease because of the anxiety and stress. Your body keeps score! Self care, love, and healing is important.
yeah... i found that pretty cringey as well. I assumed maybe because it's on radio he felt he needed to censor the story, but there needed to be better communication about that ahead of time (to the caller I mean).
you think that is why he stopped her? are you serious? you think he hasn't heard this stuff over and over again? Do you realize that content creators have to tiptoe very carefully when talking about this stuff on these platforms? He can't allow graphic discussion of the abuse.
@@persephoneszeligacensorship is necessary when discussing sensitive material like this. He didn't stop the discussion because he didn't want to hear it- but because he could get a strike for sexually explicit discussion.
Same happened to me, I was 9, mother told me that if that happened to me I would have been at the therapist seeking help....Im 50 today and I have no relationship with my mother.
The caller definitely needs to tell her stepsister what happened. Not only to protect her from potential abuse, but also… what if the stepsister has been sexually abused by her dad and hasn’t been heard. The caller speaking out could get the stepsister to speak up and both of them could go through counseling (and the courts) together.
Yeah, I thought the same thing. A predator has an access to a minor and the odds are that if it happened to the caller most likely something similar could have happened to her sister and maybe the sister had the same situation - she told mom but mom “didn’t believe” her. It’s too dangerous to trust a predator with a story behind… at some point they will want to try it again so why risk? And the father I am sorry he needs to be responsible for what he’s done.
I believe the younger sister is her half-sister, not stepsister. You are so right in your comments. I wish Dr. D had not brought up going to the police and then saying that it was probably too late for them to do anything. That is so not true. They definitely need to investigate her case which will make the police want to see if the younger sister has been a victim as well.
And I was always scared of having kids because of not only what happened to me, but I was scared of becoming my mother because she projected all her vile traits onto me. To this brave beautiful soul, you are a wonderful mother because you choose to be a good mother. You not only get to break this toxic cycle, you get to cultivate a beautiful life and you deserve it!
I’m so sorry, same thing happened to me, told my mom and older sister, they blamed me to a certain extent. So he then did this to multiple young girls in the family including his own. Sexual predators are so kind and giving with material things to set this into play. Any adult showing too much attention/gifts pay close attention. Your mother is too concerned with herself and can’t be trusted with a child. Your mom was probably dependent on his money. Don’t let this ruin your life because you did nothing wrong at all. Enjoy your family, God bless you
Could the stress/anxiety of the sister be from sexual abuse from her father? Just because the 'Mom' is doing supervised visitation doesn't mean she has been in the room all the time. If that scumbag would molest the caller while EVERYONE IN THE FAMILY was on the couch, sleeping, doesn't mean he wouldn't do it with the ex-wife in the house, maybe busy somewhere.
@@missydonald6381 Are you trying to defend him? I was sexually abused by my step-scumbag, ended up pregnant, and STILL those in my family didn't believe me. Tell me I'm just paranoid. You are using a blind eye.
@@duellarothamel4102 Did you actually read my comment before responding? Where exactly did you read I was defending him?.. I said just because he molested his step daughter doesn’t mean he did the same to his biological daughter which is a fact. Just because that happened to you doesn’t mean that’s everyone’s experience. Nobody is being blind except you.
@@missydonald6381 Yes i did real all of it. Your saying, just because he molested one doesn't mean he molested any more. Really? Your giving him the benefit of the doubt. Look at the symptoms of the younger child. Classic symptoms of abuse. Yes, there is a small chance it was not cause by sexual abuse, but you ask CPS what they think. They would probably have that child out of the house in a flash to investigate. And there are many, many more cases of the abusers going after others in the family, than just the one shot wonder your talking about.
This was so good phone call. My stepfather did molest me when I was 9-10 years old. I did not tell my mom, but I thought that she suspected something. I have not told my family. I am so afraid to blow it all up, because everybody loves my stepfather. My mom and him have been together for nearly 30 years. My mom depends of him financially now when they have retaired. For many reasons, I think that my mom would not believe me if I told her. She is a little toxic. Also, she has blamed me for making up stories all my life. She hardly never validates my opinions or feelings. I think she would go into denial. We are all just playing happy families. Now my little sister has a baby boy. But she has whole hell of a custody battle with her ex-narc-boyfriend. If I did bring up this side about baby's grandfather, it would mean that my little sister could lose the custody of her baby. (I know that this is just a story that I keep telling to myself. But it would seriously complicate things). I think that I need to drop this on them regardless. I am about to be diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Body keeps the score. You can not keep secrets like this your whole life without it effecting you/killing you. I am worried about my nephew's safety even that he is opposite gender.
I'm hoping this caller finds the courage to go to the police, it sounds like it still may be within the statute. To heck with her mother. Silence perpetuates this sickness. I hope she knows she has thousands of people who have her back.
How heartbreaking, yes, phone the cops and hold him responsible. Step away from your mom, unbelievable what a very sick woman who does not protect her children.😢
There is time to tell her sister when she is older, when she may be more ready to hear it. However, she should ask her sister if she has ever been violated by anybody. There might be something under all that anxiety.
She needs to let everyone know what happened to her by that guy. Then leave them and leave the area where you will never be around that toxicity ever again.
Nice to hear a counselor counseling and not getting angry on the abused person side. Cause that's not helpful. Also keeping in mind this caller was abused while others were around, so supervised doesn't always mean nothing will happen.
In some of these situations, I believe people actually know the accusations are true, but in an effort to not have to deal with this awful truth, they stick their heads in the sand and totally fail these children and leave them unprotected.
I feel your pain! It has just been brought to my attention that the step dad molested my youngest sister for years … this is so destructive! Mom blamed her as well, and wanted to keep that monster around us because she had a kid with him! Unfortunately the laws in Brazil doesn’t work for those crimes, we been waiting for over 2 years to have him telling his story ! I feel so frustrated and blame myself sometimes because I didn’t pay close attention to my sister but u know he’s the one to blame!
Really glad to hear you speak about the fourth major trauma response / coping mechanism FAWNING (fight, flight, freeze, fawn). People pleasing is fawning, wanting to keep the peace , placate abusers, maintain an illusion of safety, connection and need to be wanted and loved. Trying to avoid fear, anxiety and overwhelm. But doing this leads to living in a false reality, fragmented identities, depersonalisation, derealisation etc etc But when we’re children, what else can we do? Some are brave enough to tell an elder and get met with a response protecting the abuser (and the elder too as they wish to avoid any sense of responsibility in letting this happen , or don’t want to lose some benefits of their relationship with the abuser) . Selfish, cowardly, disgusting
I have surfacing repressed memories of my step dad abusing me like this. They’ve been surfacing since I was in high school. I now have two, soon to be three, kids of my own. A couple years ago, I told my siblings what I remembered. None of them believed me. I’m the only kid that isn’t his, but they KNOW he was abusive towards me. They witnessed it. They just don’t believe he abused me sexually. It’s hard stuff. I regret telling them, honestly. I think I would’ve been fine with just my husband knowing. I’ve only ever told a handful of people about it, but them jumping to say, “I mean, yeah, he sucks. But I don’t think he’d do that,” was really hard.
He could easily have sexually abused the other daughter as well, which seems even more likely given her “severe anxiety.” *Report him NOW.*
Exactly
This was my first thought when she said that!
You don’t know that for sure… you are just making assumptions.
@@missydonald6381 People who commit one sex crime are likely to commit multiple sex crimes.
The criminal justice system recognizes this, which is why, unlike all other crimes, prosecutors are allowed to bring up all other instances and accusations of sexual misconduct when prosecuting a a sex crime.
“Making assumptions” is only inappropriate when it is inappropriate.
@@BitterComments I’m aware of that, but just because he molester his step daughter doesn’t mean he will do the same to his biological daughter. We only know the testimony from the step daughter…their is no proof to prove the same happened to her sister, and having anxiety doesn’t prove that’s why she has it.
the mother shaming her daughter for what she was wearing in bed is so sick and twisted.
Selfish
Like who bought those stuffs 😂mother probably and I suppose she was not buying stuffs at sex shop so what was her problem
The mother was probably sexually abused by someone when she was a child too.
The what are you wearing remark almost made me throw up.
These selfish,weak minded women who blame their kids care more about the beasts who bring in income than their own children.
She was EIGHT years old… “what were you wearing”..? Are you absolutely serious.
She was wearing the clothes her mother had bought for her and had let her put on that day.
It made me really mad the mom asked her that. What an antiquated question to ask anyone who was sexually assaulted.
What 9 year old lies about this, or even less aware that this happens? @@MrJimmy-fl2bn
@@MrJimmy-fl2bn brainrot
There is literally nothing an 8 year old can wear that would make me think they were "sexy." 8 year olds are not sexy, they are children.
She needs to tell the sister. Even if he isn’t molesting her she will have friends coming over that are vulnerable and one day she’ll probably have children of her own.
The sad thing is that the sister may refuse to believe her, unless he has also assaulted her.
@@deeh5126 And if she tells her little sister and finds out that she was also molested, it might give this little sister the confidence to report her experiences to the authorities.
This! I agree. 💯! If the police haven't been notified they need to be so they can do an investigation (hopefully!!!).
And, I feel, so that she won't feel alone b/c her dad by 99% chance did the same to her. Who knows for how long.
Shame on the mother, so, so much shame on her leaving at least 1 daughter alone in such pain at such a young age💔
I wanted to tell my sister when she was coming up on the same age I was when her father started on me. I was SO afraid for her. That'd when I told my mother and she said we needed to nail him in court. I said no. I am not telling a bunch if strangers stories where my soul left my body to deal with physical assault. I blocked a lot out and they need dates, times, etc. No.
She said if I wouldn't do that then I was lying and nothing happened. She said councellors convinced me but I disnt even remember until I was 19 then it came flooding back. I had no councellor then.
When a parent buys a kid everything they want, they are either pushover parents or they are trying to bribe them to be quiet.
Can confirm. My ex step dad was attempting to groom me, and I saw the writing on the wall immediately. Took having 1 incident of him coming into my room and raging when I screamed at him to get out for my mom to divorce him.
Grooming. Manipulation. Con artist. That's what it's called.
Yep and I'm betting on the later.
This
@yorgivon-schmourgeussborgi Thank goodness your mother believed you and divorced that predator!
A friend of mine had this happen, and no one believed her. He went on to abuse others in the family. BELIEVE YOUR KIDS!!
My instant reaction when she said her sister has anxiety was the stepdad abused his own daughter. Or she knows about the absuse if her older sister and is carrying that. Anxiety has a starting point. This family has a lot of secrets. Imagine what that little sister is carrying around with her. I think the conversation with the younger sister and other professionals will actually help the younger sister. And I would deeply evaluate with those professionals if any visitation with the stepdad is necessary due to what happened and maybe also happened with the 14 year old.
Kids lie
T
@@teeduck always for a reason, and not abuse
@@teeduck Oh well. You still have to believe them no matter what! Your child is more important than any stank man out there.
I think she should ask her sister if her father is touching her inappropriately, or if he ever has. Her sister may be hiding it too. I don’t think it’s good to keep this from the sister. The sister needs to be protected too.
It sounds as though it is too late , but at least her sister will know she has a supportive family member .
You don’t know that for sure those are just assumption… there is a chance or that he is doing it to another child.
@@missydonald6381 even after two years you're way too defensive of a p-do. You must be one yourself. Ew ew ew
Exactly. Even when it means you lose your spouse.
If he is buying the other sister anything she wants, then he’s buying her silence. Sick
Anyone who turns a blind eye to abuse is just as guilty as the abuser!
In my eyes, even more so!
This "mother" sacrificed her daughter to this man and potentially is doing the same thing to her little sister. He doesn't have to worry about her mother outing him so he can do whatever he wants with the little sister. This is BEYOND EVIL!
This caller is VERY brave for calling. And, as far as I'm concerned, both the "mother" and stepfather need to be reported to the authorities.
Silence IS COMPLIANCE 😢
Yes worse! Agreed! 😢
Could have saved the sister😢
When you hear someone who live this kind of situation, you can often hear also that they are more hurt by the misbelief from this condescending and neglecting people than by the abuser.
Her sister has severe anxiety and the predator is a "good dad" to her because she gets whatever she wants??? Yeah, that sounds like another possible victim. This whole family needs therapy yesterday
I think she should tell the sister she was SA’d without naming who did it, and then open the floor for her sister to say if she went through something similar; that would give her sister an outlet to share the trauma of it and gain an ally without feeling like she’s betraying her dad, since her first instinct might be to protect him.
And the stepfather needs some serious jail time
@@theartofcrashingoutYou don’t know if he is abusing his daughter… that’s not how it works. A lot of abusers don’t abuse their own kids but do it to others as well.. not saying it’s not happening at all we don’t know, but the chances are as likely as any other child he could potentially abuse…
@@missydonald6381 Are you the abuser? You're on half these comments going "he might not be an abuser!"
Asked an 8yr old what she was wearing❓️😱
"Mama i was wearing what YOU bought me"❗️🤬😡😈
I DO NOT CARE IF SHE WAS FREAKIN NAKED! SHE WAS A CHILD!!!
Asking anyone who was sexually abused what they were wearing is horrific.
What were you wearing is completely irrelevant, as a question, as a thing. It's not clothes that makes violence happen.
@jonap5740
We, with commonsense, know that, but for people like that childs mother, it needs to be explained on her level.
Don't forget that not long ago, judges, attorneys, etc. thought that asking what one wore was appropriate
That is completely my mom. When I ran home to her at 10 years old after our 16 year old neighbor assaulted me all she said was why did you let him do it? As a 10-year old I was stunned. Didn't feel like I should explain that I was 100 lb and 5 ft and he was 200 lb and 6 ft tall I had a wretched childhood and I never went to my mom about anything ever again. Nowadays when she says she doesn't understand why I didn't go to her about certain things I remind her of that prime example. She did not saying it and she doesn't ask me anymore why I didn't come to her LOL
I dated a guy once who made my daughter uncomfortable, just uncomfortable, and I HAD to ditch him immediately. There is no way in hell as a mother I would feel comfortable dating anyone my daughter even doesn’t like..
If she came to me and said someone hurt her I would lose my fucking mind.
Same xx
If a guy dates you and knows you have kids, I automatically assume predator. It's insane what parents expose their kids to because they can't be alone or can't date without their kids seeing their cycle of partners.
Yes my mother told me not to tell. My own sick brother with a firearm.
Single mothers are kind of worthless. Just saying. I never respected them
@@wmluna381that's crazy, that's a literally crazy stance to have. Some people are just willing to parent children that aren't their's because they became family
when she said "buys her everything she wants" i shuddered. it is so common for abusers (ESPECIALLY when its the parent) to buy the "loyalty" of their victims and to make them keep quiet... its so fucked up but happens so so so often. i can guarantee he abused her little sister as well... no sicko just stops at one. i really hope she reported him.
This comment! It made my skin crawl immediately. This whole story is sad but that comment made my spidey sense go off. Buying her everything is the equivalent of hush money a lot of times in cases like this.
Also, the little sister has anxiety. Does she have anxiety because she too is being sexually abused? So sad.
This… anxiety and depression in a 15 year old who’s father sexually assaulted another child… the alarms are sounding in my head…
Yessss! I was obsessed with animals as a kid, but my parents never allowed a pet. My abuser got a dog, a cat and a rabbit, and I kept wanting to go there to play with the animals while the abuse slowly increased. They know exactly what they're doing. I really hope that girl is ok.
@@LinariaFreeze😢❤️🩹🌹🕊️
That mother failed you so hard! She KNEW he was abusive. Leaving when you MAKE HER, what a terrible parent.
So the 14 year old, in the home of a sex offender, has severe anxiety and he buys her whatever she wants? Go to the police now and tell them your story. I have alarm bells ringing that she's not the only one.
The same thing happened to me.
That my mother wasn't in my corner was more devastating than the sexual abuse.
I've heard that, and I think it might be because, you can trust a monster to just be a soulless disgusting monster, but your mum should have a conscience, your mum should know better, be smarter and she chooses not to.
The ultimate betrayal.
Same
I had a similar thing happen. Worst part for me was a Pastor's wife that I told, at the insistsnce of my then youth pastor, later made a comparison between Joyce Meyers and I and said to me, "Now that was a person who really was abused." That let me know right then and there she ultimately didn't believe me.
Similar issues with me from 3-12 my mom told me I was confused and had a wild imagination. In 7th grade I asked a teacher I felt close to if I should bother trying to tell my mom anymore, and undercover officers showed up to escort me home after school and tell her that either she left, or I'd go into foster care. I kinda wish I had gone into foster care... Didn't realize the trauma from her was much more damaging than the SA.
This caller’s mother is also toxic. She doesn’t owe her mother anything. She does owe it to her sister to make the abuse known, and if there’s no statute of limitations in her state, file a police report. Her mom’s response of “what were you wearing” says it all. She KNEW. The fact that the mother is still in contact with the pervert would be enough for me to say you’re not going to be in my child’s life.
The denial of what happened is always a million times more psychologically destructive than the actual situation. Listen up parents.
Yes yes yes to this
John was wrong when he said it ask was the hardest part. He was trying to stop minimizing the actual trauma but that's not what she was doing. She was expressing the depth of betrayal trauma pain of someone you trusted to confide in about this horror turning out to not be trustworthy.
It is. It made me not trust anyone up until now. Barely a few I can around my kids but definitely none if my siblings or parents to watch my kids.
The fact that visits are SUPERVISED is a bad sign. My mom didn't help me and I realized in my 40s that I paid for my family with my silence. I didn't know until later in life that I didn't have parents. Every time my father abused me took my mother away too because I couldn't tell.
Took me 46 years to figure that out, but yeah‼️ 100% The gaslighting from my mother made me not trust myself. I still don't think she believes me sadly.
These so-called ''mothers'' who pick men over their own children's safety make me furious
One thing I had to learn is to not be around people who hate me. Even if they aren't doing anything, the vibe is destructive. Neglect is a form of abuse.
So true. Sadly I only learned that as an adult the hard way at that
@@aprilchow-chee5281 We did learn, though, didn't we. So now we can protect ourselves much better. Hope you are doing well now.
@@aprilchow-chee5281same😢
Only ever started acting very recently when I gave birth to my now1 year old. I promised myself that I wouldn’t allow my lil girl to be around anyone who hate me no matter what ties they have. That main person is my stepmother who’s done every evil thing in the book to me and my lil sister to destroy our childhoods
@pweetygee same hun same. My mom was it for me and some of my in laws. It's been a lonely journey and very tough but I've formed better and stronger and healthier bonds with friendships and my sisters. I'm so proud of you for setting up that boundary and doing what's healthiest for you and your child.
Well said
I would make sure to ask her sister if it has happened to her too, because who knows, if her mother silenced her, she might’ve silenced her little sister too.
I told my mother about my step-father, she called me a liar. I lost all respect for her, I was 12. After I left home at 17 because he was also a drunk and I couldn't take hearing their battles in the middle of the night anymore, he was arrested for SAing a neighbor girl my mother had come to clean house. That molestation made me not trust older men. But my mother not believing me made me lose all respect for her and ruined our relationship.
A 14yo with severe anxiety? Why??? I have a feeling this step dad has gotten to her. And who is supervising these visits?? If it's Savanah's mom....she's NOT to be trusted!!!!
I think Savanah needs to tell her sister because her sister may be burying things that have happened to HER and her stuffing it and having no one to talk to is creating her severe anxiety.
I agree with you- the severe anxiety & meds was a HUGE red flag when i heard it
I am worried the Mom told the 14yr old the 'reason' she left the dad/stepdad was bc of the older sister's story, but the 14yr old experienced the same things and knows the Mom didn't believe the sister so she is bottling it all up. Anxiety is real. Anxiety starts from an event. That 14 yr old knows something and is in her own trauma response.
You don’t know that… you are just making assumptions.
@@missydonald6381 that could be so. Experience has taught me that common assumptions tend to be right because of all the statistics and people's personal accounts (from both sides). Yeah, assuming the Mom is mad/upset/sharing too much info with the younger daughter isn't out of the norm and is aggravating. Kids can also overhear adult conversations or other people gossiping/talking about the situation. There are many ways to the same result. And if the daughter overheard something and the mother confirmed it, who knows how that was approached. Sure...it is a bunch of assumptions, but until someone talks to the younger daughter and finds out no one is going to know. I would trust the Mom with a grain of sand and nothing more at the moment considering how she treated the older daughter when the situation happened. There are a LOT of red flags to say the least.
@@TheMrKristens True but sexual predators don’t molest everyone, and just because he molested his step daughter doesn’t mean he did the same to his biological daughter. I disagree with your first statement that these assumptions tend to be true in this instance. However I agree it could be a possibility, and if she does choose to talk with her sister about this she could find out if that’s the case.
Mom asked her 8 yr old what was she wearing when her husband SA'd her?? WTAF?! This mother is beyond HORRIBLE! There's so much more to this than Dr. Delony could cover. Soon as she said the sister is being treated for anxiety, and there's only supervised visits with dad, it made me wonder has he done something to her sister. I'd hate for her to tell her sister what happened and her sister has her own story about this man. :(
It sounds like Mom was trying to say that because she was wearing pants then stepdad could not have assaulted her. Which is also dumb and awful logic because people get assaulted while wearing pants all the time and PJ pants are often loose and soft.
Are you sure your 14 year old sister wasn’t sexually abused as well? Severe anxiety at this young is a sign something bad has happened to her too. No one helped you-help your sister!!
i was thinking this 🤔 exactly very sure n for her its worse its her bio dad doing this i couldnt imagine
You are making assumption… anxiety doesn’t necessarily mean abuse. It may or may not be happening she doesn’t know that for sure..
@missydonald6381 not always most of time ptsd will be underneath everything so anxiety can be normal so on however after sexual abuse i doubt it
@ Okay but just because someone has anxiety doesn’t mean it’s due to abuse…
Exactly my thoughts. I came to the comments to say this, I appreciate others realizing this. Anxiety at a young age is usually caused by trauma. The 14 year old girl probably has the same thoughts that she can’t tell anyone. If this woman were to tell her, chances are the girl feels comfortable enough to come forward and they can pursue something
Similar story. Dr. Delony just confirmed my choice to continue to go no contact with my Bio mother. Thank you!
I am so sorry that happen to you. You are seen and believed. I believe you
@@Sofia_MonteiroI don’t think anyone needs validation from a complete stranger, you don’t know them and they don’t know you. You also don’t know if they feel like they’re not believed. It’s unusual and maybe confronting to randomly say that to an abuse victim
Her sister probably has anxiety from being molested too. It's not too late to report this to the police.
Everyone, this is exactly why people are scared to speak out about being raped or sexual abused. The concern of not being believed while dealing with the trauma makes the whole situation worse. “Trauma on top of a trauma.”
I told my aunt that my cousin/her child showed me pornography, and she called me a liar. My mom was standing there and didn’t defend me. I was 7 y.o. and I will never forget it how that made me feel. To this day being accused of lying when I am telling the truth triggers rage in me. After that I wasn’t going to tell this cousin had also molested me. As an adult my mom would occasionally ask if anyone had ever touched me because she said she had had some dreams it had happened but I refused to answer. It makes me angry like why are you asking now?
I’ve never forgiven the boss I had for responding with “well if that happened to you I’m sorry, but this is why you can’t be too nice to the guys. They start thinking you’re open to more than you are.” I can still see the entire scene. There’s no mistaking someone saying “no, stop. I want to go home”. I don’t plan on ever reporting something again. To any authority figure.
My own father did this and the whole family called me a liar
I'm sorry this happened to you. I believe you
My ex husband sexually assaulted our daughter. No one in my family or his believed it.
@@lindaj171 "It makes me wonder how prevalent this is. "- it is so much more common than our (or any) society is willing to accept. It is SO bad that the state of Florida put up a billboard about incest.
I only became aware of this hidden facet of society after my ex husband waved some massive red flags and I was able to get my kids the hell away from him. I have done a bit of research, in order to maintain full custody of my kids, and it is so devastating that so many children go through this. We really need to be talking about it all the time, to make it impossible for the squeamish to ignore it.
We believe you...
I am so sorry that they didn’t believe you; but I do. I hope you can forgive him which is for you and not for him. If he is around young children especially girls I would still go to the police and report what he did to you. Child predators never stop; they just better at it. Be blessed.
I think her mother moved them out only because she didn't want to go to jail for not protecting her daughter once she knew about the assault.
Ughhh... That is soo ugly.
Why can't the freaking mom talk to the stepdaughter why does this caller have to face the burden of telling the girl her dad is this way
Exactly.
@leahflower9924 she is not faced with the task to tell her sister, she wants to. Her mother is in denial so she is not going to. What I don't understand is why does the daughter has supervised visit with her dad? What happened? And they are her daughters, not stepdaughter. The caller is step daughter to the man.
I think her sister is her half sister. Step dad is the sisters dad.@@coureenlawrence4915
Id walk away from those two and they'd never see me again. Then I'd tell my sister what happened when she was old enough.
Maybe her sister has anxiety from the same thing! Maybe she was also told to keep quiet. Maybe this will help her move on as she could have her sister by her side.
14 is old enough. You're pretty old at 14. You are nearly an adult in many ways. 8 years old would've been the danger age but she's biologically his so I get why this girl might've thought the dad could never cross that line.
They’ve manipulated my sisters to calling me a “delusional queen” I’ve had to go contact with all of them. Even my nanny, aunt etc everyone that said nothing the FIRST TIME I came out with everything. All my mom said was “your dad did not r you” he’s her man and my sisters father but he is not my dad just been around since I was 2. The anger I feel is very intense.
Not being believed is one of the worst things you can experience in life. It covers a lot of territory.
I remember going to my mom and telling her that the neighbor man was touching me. I was 12 years old at that time. My mom told me to stop lying, he never touched her when she was young.
For the longest time I thought that this only happened to me. I wished it would never happen to anyone.
I'm so sorry 🙏🏿 ❤
I was 11 when a guy I was afraid of forced me out on the dance floor to dance with him. He was holding my wrists so tight it hurt. After the song ended, he wouldn't let me go, so I used a maneuver I was taught in class and got away. I told my mom and she just ignored me. About 20 years later, I heard he was arrested for molesting a whole bunch of kids. It makes me wonder how many were hurt before me and how many were after me. I feel sad about it.
It is more common for the mother to blame the child and accuse him/her of lying, than for the mother to support and rescue the child.
Eh... It may happen alot but I don't think thats the majority of mothers
That is what happened to me. She did not blame me, but dismissed it. "No offense, but Mr. Man would f%$k a fence post."
mine blamed me for telling her!
If the mother is financially dependent on the abuser it is very understandable (albeit not moral or in any way justifiable). It is self serving denial.
Most times the mother is also being abused so they instil the same "dont talk about it" into their child. We need to teach women, little girls and little boys that they deserve better and dont have to suffer in silence. We need more resources for women who are abused but also financially dependent on their abuser. Alot of times, the abuser also isolates the woman from any and all loved ones so they feel even more that they have no other options.
“Me and my mom have a pretty good relationship.”
No you don’t.
Your mother is protecting a predator. She left to protect him, not you.
Covert... 'niceness'.
Betrail.
"Your body is keeping the score" - this is deep. Thank you Dr. Delony
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk. It's a great book.
@@Zumcho yes! excellent book.
There's a whole book called "The Body Keeps Score"... this is not an original saying of his.
@@Josie3387 yes, that’s why he said, “like the Great Van Der Kolk says”. 🙄
It's not deep; it's the title of an insanely popular book. 🤦
“The typical questions like ‘what were you wearing’”! What the actual ****! This is absolutely disgusting
My mom's words also. 😢
IT IS EVIL TO SEGGSUALLY ABUSE A CHILD AND THEN BLAME THE CHILD AND IGNORE THE CHILD. EVIL FATHER. EVIL MOTHER.
The mother supervising her daughter’s time with Dad would still concern me, seeing as she was also on the couch when her other daughter was molested. What a sad, tragic situation!
Right! He had the audacity to that on a couch with the entire family. He is definitely finding ways to abuse his other daughter without the mom knowing.
I’m literally crying over here, because the same exact thing happened to me.
My mother doesn’t believe me to this day, that her beloved boyfriend r**** me for 1 1/2 years, almost everyday while she was at work.
She accused me of wanting to destroy her life, I’m glad I shut her out of my life.
Haven’t spoken to her since 2019, see her from time to time but I’m moving soon - 3.5 hours from where I live now.
Can’t wait to start over and leave everything behind.
I wish you the best. Please talk to someone. Call Better Help or go see someone. You deserve to be supported and loved through it.
@@DebPhillips-l2p thank you! I have been in therapy for almost a decade, it’s still hard to grasp what happened but it’s getting better every day. ❤️🩹
I'm so sorry. Some women are so weak they will sacrifice their child. I hope you can find healing for yourself x
🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
Not believing your kids when they bring heinous allegations to you is really sickening and crazy.. those people do not deserve to have kids.
No, they don't deserve the kids.
My 'mom' betrayed me 100 times, looking away, not protecting me, asking 'what were you wearing', continue to collaborate with perpetrators - the whole (covert) betrail. Betrail of me and my kids. Pretending that she is a nice granny and that the 'betrails' are 'no big deals', happily looking away.
I am soooooo disapointed! 😑 Just have difficulty beleive this (still) is how she chooses to act. And I am 56.
All my life I was wondering why in the name of God she has had kids at all???
I am very sad. Very sad. It’s hard to grasp when your 'parent(s)' betray you.
I was sexually assaulted by my moms brother several times at 10 yrs old on thanksgiving and when i said something at 13 yrs old they acted like they cared but i know they didn’t. Because my mom took me out of therapy and told me that i was lucky he didnt do anything else but toucj me that i shouldnt feel sorry formyself. that worse things had happend to her when she was growing up. time went by and at age 27 i saw him at my moms wedding and he has came twice to thanksgiving dinner at my moms😢 like how could you do this to me??? why?? why bring a person who hurt me around me?? 😢😢
i am so sorry...
I've heard of parents who were abused as children and had their abuse dismissed by *their* parents, so the parents basically said "I was abused worse so count yourself lucky." That's sh*tty parenting. A real parent would to protect their child and stop the cycle of abuse. I'm sorry you went through that.
Wow. Your mom is a piece of work. It's always much more difficult when it's family. I just cannot understand an adult male desiring sex with a ten year old. It's beyond depraved.
So your Mom was most likely raped, maybe by him? Sorry, but Time for you to spend Thanksgiving elsewhere .... Especially since you have a child now... You have your own family. And you don't have to explain! No is a complete sentence!!!
I hope you left the events
Something is wrong with a mother who’s dismissive about their child being touched. PERIODT!!!!!
Big hug for this caller, she will be a great momma .
No she won't. Not unless she does the work. She probably won't
@@ineedhoez looking back a year later.. read your comment, do you feel pride when you re read what you wrote?
@@LilNickyyyeah they really thought they did something. Just made themself look stupid
I wish Dr. Delony would personally call her mother and tell her the F off in a professional way of course
14 year olds don’t just have severe anxiety. That little girl is struggling with something. Something tells me mum and dad are abusive to her too. Gosh. So sad. That little girl knows or something is being done to her too. That is so sad. Protect your sister. The visit is supervised because mum knows this man is evil. You can’t supervise a predator
Listen to.Dr John, your mom is toxic. Be free young lady! Be your #1 support system. Break the cycle. ❤❤❤
Everything you said here I repeat: what happened to you when you were a child It was not your fault the healing is your responsibility today. Your childhood is not your destiny. ❤
There could be a reason why the little sister has severe anxiety. The father might be molesting her as well.
Told my counselor about an event; she then had me tell my dad and stepmother in front of her my experience of being "nonviolently" raped annnnnd ... then nothing. It's never been talked about again. I'm 40 now and heard stepmom recently be dismissive about a story from a woman with downs syndrome who also claimed she was raped. She said something to the effect of, "there's no way she didn't want sex, she's so flirty and got what she wanted." My jaw dropped and I realized, "Oh my god that's why they never brought it up again. They probably think I made it up or that I "asked" for it. What the heck!"
I would be cutting them out of my life to be honest.I would 100% make your stepmother answer for that statement.Thats just disgusting.I don't care if u r naked knowone has rights to lay a finger on u.
Wow!!! Incredible, how much SA is brushed under the rug! Hugs
I don’t think everyone has the capacity to understand and appropriately respond to hearing something like that. Not making excuses for your parents, but they should have at least asked for help from the counselor and how best to receive that kind of info from their child.
Your parents are horrible. If my daughter ever told me that I would go to all ends to do what needs to be done even if it ruffles feathers
How did that counselor follow that up with you?
This happened to a close friend of mine, he mother still doesn’t believe her. When she had the guy arrested the family didn’t believe her. When the justice system sentenced him to prison time for it the family disowned her. Truly messed up. She still deals with the trauma to this day. Messed up.
Not a family worth having.
I'll never understand people who chose a man/woman over their children, especially in situations like this!!! God bless this young lady
Her sister likely already knows something is up. We had a predator in our family, and it always felt like something was off, but it was crazy making that we could never get a clear answer. Years later, we found out bits of the truth, but never the full picture because the victim never told. Giving her sister the truth will be hard but could validate things the sister is already suspecting.
Same story for me. Didn't find out till my 20s. It was my father. I knew something was wrong with him, I knew the rest of the family didn't like us, I didn't know why. It destroyed me. Give your family members the gift of truth.
@@amandaforrester7636 I'm sorry this happened with your family too Amanda.
I am so pissed at her mother, good God.
I'm so glad that my Mother trusted no one. She had eyes in the back of her head and kept after me all the time, even when I didn't understand her concerns.
She said the little sister has severe anxiety & has been medicated for years. I wonder if something happened to her as well :/
i am almost 90% certain something has happened to her, as well... its rarely a one time thing for these pedos.
Tell every fuckin body!!!!
'Tell every gucking body!!!' I feel that. 🤗
Mom claim that she believes that the daughter believes it happened but at 14 when the daughter says she's calling the cops. Mom finally does something which means that she knows the cops are going to believe her daughter. If she wasn't worried about her predatory spouse, she wouldn't demand supervised visits.
What was she wearing??? Geez that's worse than my mother's rationalization, "Well, he's never done that before."
My mother in law said to me "no, he ain't no hot blooded man" when I told her my ex molested our daughter. That blew me away. When I confronted my ex after being told about it by my daughter, he said "well, it ain't like it was no busted cherry". I was speechless.
Where the heck r these people from @@Hatbox948
It’s both BAD!!! 😢
It's not always supervised. The mum was right there on the couch when it happened to this girl. Abuse happens in seconds, with other adults in the next room, when the other adult is making a cup of tea or goes to the loo. The younger sister has severe anxiety - why is that?
what they said was the contact between the monster and the 14 yo is supervised.
@deadshot8077 The point was things can happen if being supervised. Monitor may leave the room leaving them alone in a room, may be preoccupied with something and not get something that could happen.
You should always trust your kids when they tell you stuff like this. Yes, there are some rare cases where children have been coached by adults to say falsehoods, but when a child tells you something of this severity, that is NOT the time to doubt them or try to make an analysis on the validity. It IS the time to take action and call local law enforcement and get the ball rolling on helping your child. That's it.
When he said "your body keeps score whenever your around her" just wow.
Severe anxiety as a kid? She is probably a victim too.
shame on him obviously, but shame on the mom even more!...and she for sure needs to go ask her sister or tell her what happened.
God bless you, deloney. This spoke to my heart deeply. Savanah, I was in your place & clawing my way out. It's incredibly hard, yet the cycle is broken. It's tough to walk away from parents, but the body truly remembers when. My peace comes from Jesus, lots of prayer & an incredibly supportive husband. I grieve the loss of what the relationship should of been with the 1 person who should of protected me. Big, big hugs honey!
Ditto Amy 🙏
I would never let my new baby ever around that man or that so called mom. Disgusting and humiliating.
When I divorced, my State required a parenting class. I learned that a child has a 300% higher chance of being abused by a step parent or boyfriend after divorce. I stayed single while finishing raising my daughter after hearing that.
Sadly, many women are unable or unwilling to be alone, so they'll choose men over their children.
Exactly! And the dads of with ex's who date need to pay extra attention to this if they actually care.
That’s all great until you find a creeper later in your years, and they are close to your grandkids. Not all divorced people with children in the home and remarry are desperate.
That's why my mom never dated after the divorce. She wanted to protect my brother and I.
I’m doing the same thing! My ex husband left when I was 28 and I met a great guy at 30 after a year and a half of dating I introduced the bf to my ex and with his permission our kids (never around them alone) but I just couldn’t move forward knowing the risk so I ended things with him and have decided it’s best to not have any romantic relationships and to focus on being my best self and the best mama.
Why are there mothers that do this man? That choose a predator over their own children.
I am pretty sure the father has been abusing and is still abusing her sister. I don't believe for one second that the visits are truly "supervised". No wonder she has anxiety. I would tell her as soon as possible.
Seeing men commenting “kids lie” is the reason why I didn’t tell anybody until after high school
Sorry for what you went through. May you heal and find peace and love.😔🙏❤️
And they get told that it will be their word against the abuser's, and that no one will believe them anyway, because they're just a kid, so why open their mouth in the first place? And the poor kid carries this into all their future relationships: the distrust, the waiting for the other shoe to drop, etc.
Well, men in society as whole are a disgrace
@@marilynbartlett1850I always ask my kids if theyre being abused, and wiuld side with them im a hot sexond if rhey ever said yes.
I want to hug the caller for all the times her mother should have.
This right here is my life too. Girl, you have to leave your mom. I did. I have a life altering disease because of the anxiety and stress. Your body keeps score! Self care, love, and healing is important.
Wtf man. This world is so twisted. Every child deserves parents, but some parents deserve nothing.
🎯
I highly discourage asking a client to tell their story and then stopping the story when you get uncomfortable.
yeah... i found that pretty cringey as well. I assumed maybe because it's on radio he felt he needed to censor the story, but there needed to be better communication about that ahead of time (to the caller I mean).
I agree.
He asks then shuts her down when she answers.
Are you on public media when you hear the story?
you think that is why he stopped her? are you serious? you think he hasn't heard this stuff over and over again? Do you realize that content creators have to tiptoe very carefully when talking about this stuff on these platforms? He can't allow graphic discussion of the abuse.
@@persephoneszeligacensorship is necessary when discussing sensitive material like this. He didn't stop the discussion because he didn't want to hear it- but because he could get a strike for sexually explicit discussion.
Same happened to me, I was 9, mother told me that if that happened to me I would have been at the therapist seeking help....Im 50 today and I have no relationship with my mother.
The caller definitely needs to tell her stepsister what happened. Not only to protect her from potential abuse, but also… what if the stepsister has been sexually abused by her dad and hasn’t been heard.
The caller speaking out could get the stepsister to speak up and both of them could go through counseling (and the courts) together.
Yeah, I thought the same thing. A predator has an access to a minor and the odds are that if it happened to the caller most likely something similar could have happened to her sister and maybe the sister had the same situation - she told mom but mom “didn’t believe” her. It’s too dangerous to trust a predator with a story behind… at some point they will want to try it again so why risk? And the father I am sorry he needs to be responsible for what he’s done.
I believe the younger sister is her half-sister, not stepsister. You are so right in your comments. I wish Dr. D had not brought up going to the police and then saying that it was probably too late for them to do anything. That is so not true. They definitely need to investigate her case which will make the police want to see if the younger sister has been a victim as well.
The caller’s partner is amazing for supporting her through this. He is a real man.
As opposed to a fake man?
And I was always scared of having kids because of not only what happened to me, but I was scared of becoming my mother because she projected all her vile traits onto me.
To this brave beautiful soul, you are a wonderful mother because you choose to be a good mother. You not only get to break this toxic cycle, you get to cultivate a beautiful life and you deserve it!
I’m so sorry, same thing happened to me, told my mom and older sister, they blamed me to a certain extent. So he then did this to multiple young girls in the family including his own. Sexual predators are so kind and giving with material things to set this into play. Any adult showing too much attention/gifts pay close attention. Your mother is too concerned with herself and can’t be trusted with a child. Your mom was probably dependent on his money. Don’t let this ruin your life because you did nothing wrong at all. Enjoy your family, God bless you
Believe children they are telling the truth! I remember specifically every detail about my 2 molestations. I was only 3 and I remember everything
Could the stress/anxiety of the sister be from sexual abuse from her father? Just because the 'Mom' is doing supervised visitation doesn't mean she has been in the room all the time. If that scumbag would molest the caller while EVERYONE IN THE FAMILY was on the couch, sleeping, doesn't mean he wouldn't do it with the ex-wife in the house, maybe busy somewhere.
That's exactly what my first thoughts were.
Sexual predators don’t always necessarily sexually abuse every child… you don’t know that and are making assumptions
@@missydonald6381 Are you trying to defend him? I was sexually abused by my step-scumbag, ended up pregnant, and STILL those in my family didn't believe me. Tell me I'm just paranoid. You are using a blind eye.
@@duellarothamel4102 Did you actually read my comment before responding? Where exactly did you read I was defending him?.. I said just because he molested his step daughter doesn’t mean he did the same to his biological daughter which is a fact. Just because that happened to you doesn’t mean that’s everyone’s experience. Nobody is being blind except you.
@@missydonald6381 Yes i did real all of it. Your saying, just because he molested one doesn't mean he molested any more. Really? Your giving him the benefit of the doubt. Look at the symptoms of the younger child. Classic symptoms of abuse. Yes, there is a small chance it was not cause by sexual abuse, but you ask CPS what they think. They would probably have that child out of the house in a flash to investigate. And there are many, many more cases of the abusers going after others in the family, than just the one shot wonder your talking about.
This was so good phone call.
My stepfather did molest me when I was 9-10 years old. I did not tell my mom, but I thought that she suspected something.
I have not told my family. I am so afraid to blow it all up, because everybody loves my stepfather.
My mom and him have been together for nearly 30 years. My mom depends of him financially now when they have retaired.
For many reasons, I think that my mom would not believe me if I told her. She is a little toxic. Also, she has blamed me for making up stories all my life. She hardly never validates my opinions or feelings. I think she would go into denial.
We are all just playing happy families.
Now my little sister has a baby boy. But she has whole hell of a custody battle with her ex-narc-boyfriend. If I did bring up this side about baby's grandfather, it would mean that my little sister could lose the custody of her baby. (I know that this is just a story that I keep telling to myself. But it would seriously complicate things).
I think that I need to drop this on them regardless. I am about to be diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Body keeps the score. You can not keep secrets like this your whole life without it effecting you/killing you.
I am worried about my nephew's safety even that he is opposite gender.
I'm so sorry 🙏🏿 ❤
I hear you.
🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗All the best to you. 🍀
I'm hoping this caller finds the courage to go to the police, it sounds like it still may be within the statute. To heck with her mother. Silence perpetuates this sickness.
I hope she knows she has thousands of people who have her back.
Ughhhhh. So often a problem. So often. I feel for you. Contact the police and file the report yourself. You save others by doing this.
Getting it on a record somewhere is huge.
What kind of mother... I would never. I can't even, im speechless.
By remaining friends with her mum (who shuts down any unpalatable truths), the 14 year old may not feel the caller can be confided in.
Even more bad news: He’s doing it to her little sister too.
How heartbreaking, yes, phone the cops and hold him responsible. Step away from your mom, unbelievable what a very sick woman who does not protect her children.😢
There is time to tell her sister when she is older, when she may be more ready to hear it. However, she should ask her sister if she has ever been violated by anybody. There might be something under all that anxiety.
She needs to let everyone know what happened to her by that guy. Then leave them and leave the area where you will never be around that toxicity ever again.
Nice to hear a counselor counseling and not getting angry on the abused person side. Cause that's not helpful.
Also keeping in mind this caller was abused while others were around, so supervised doesn't always mean nothing will happen.
Thank you 🙏🏽 for taking on “Secrets”… generational trauma carries so many secrets and continuing the cycle of violence/abuse.
Her mom can NEVER be considered a "trusted adult". I hope this woman/young lady understands that to her core. May she find peace in her life!!
Her little sister has supervised visitation and she up and left smh…. Her momma knew.
In some of these situations, I believe people actually know the accusations are true, but in an effort to not have to deal with this awful truth, they stick their heads in the sand and totally fail these children and leave them unprotected.
I feel your pain! It has just been brought to my attention that the step dad molested my youngest sister for years … this is so destructive! Mom blamed her as well, and wanted to keep that monster around us because she had a kid with him! Unfortunately the laws in Brazil doesn’t work for those crimes, we been waiting for over 2 years to have him telling his story ! I feel so frustrated and blame myself sometimes because I didn’t pay close attention to my sister but u know he’s the one to blame!
I believe you. Screw those crazy people. We believe you. Feel that hardcore support & be so strong with it. X
What if he's doing it to the little sister?!
There are no words. I am so sorry. I can never make it better, but I’m so sorry. Peanut. You’re never t wrong and you didn’t ask for it.”
Thanks for taking this calll. Unfortunately it happens and it’s good to know what to do
Really glad to hear you speak about the fourth major trauma response / coping mechanism FAWNING (fight, flight, freeze, fawn). People pleasing is fawning, wanting to keep the peace , placate abusers, maintain an illusion of safety, connection and need to be wanted and loved. Trying to avoid fear, anxiety and overwhelm. But doing this leads to living in a false reality, fragmented identities, depersonalisation, derealisation etc etc But when we’re children, what else can we do? Some are brave enough to tell an elder and get met with a response protecting the abuser (and the elder too as they wish to avoid any sense of responsibility in letting this happen , or don’t want to lose some benefits of their relationship with the abuser) . Selfish, cowardly, disgusting
I have surfacing repressed memories of my step dad abusing me like this. They’ve been surfacing since I was in high school. I now have two, soon to be three, kids of my own. A couple years ago, I told my siblings what I remembered. None of them believed me. I’m the only kid that isn’t his, but they KNOW he was abusive towards me. They witnessed it. They just don’t believe he abused me sexually.
It’s hard stuff. I regret telling them, honestly. I think I would’ve been fine with just my husband knowing. I’ve only ever told a handful of people about it, but them jumping to say, “I mean, yeah, he sucks. But I don’t think he’d do that,” was really hard.