Something along these lines would be a nice addition: "For a project like this, I think it is necessary to have two chalk bags on me. I like to have the Black Diamond course stuff for the crimpy crux section and Friction Labs ultra fine chalk for the sloper section. That, combined with Miura's on my left foot and Solutions on my right should make this 5.9 project go."
+Pamuva RAL I was going to make up some story of how I got these solar panels on my van that provides electricity for me which gives me access to Internet...but no, I'm just at a hostel...
Climbers' jargon!! (like you included in how to be a skier, road biker, etc..) to include any of the following: Slap, sloper, slab, pinch, crimp, cross over, jug, heal hook, bat hang, overhang, undercling, monopocket, side pull, layback, drop knee, highball, lowball, dyno, whipper, traverse, comp, cruxy, crimpy, juggy, chossy, pumpy, varnish, hueco, sandstone, limestone, granite, solid, hollow, run out, heady, onsight, red point, flash, lead, top rope, belay, dirtbag, chimney, offwidth, arete, cut feet, crack, stem, static, dynamic, greasy, grigri, pas, atc, ipa, locker, nut, cam, hex, dog bone, quickdraw, figure eight, clove hitch, munter hitch, back clipped, z-clipped, sandbagged, wag bag, anchors, bolts, crash pad, downturned, aggressive, approach, flapper, beached whale, top out, tufa, bomber, beta, crag jam, hand jam, foot jam, ring lock, knee bar, foot chip, finger board, break hand, ape index, multi pitch, sport, trad, bouldering, buildering, free soloing....to name a few :P Power sounds - Tssssaah!! Tsssst!! Talking beta should've included more climbers' jargon (still funny though) Boulderer should have the dude with loads of chalk slap hands together a few times and make the guy next to him start coughing and rubbing his eyes XD All in all, "This video ROCKS." Would be awesome to break this one down into different how to's for gym climbers, sport climbers, trad climbers, and boulderers (perhaps even alpinists and ice climbers too :P). Now that would keep you busy for a while! It would also help break down that massive list of jargon I wrote, haha.
Step Whatever: Alienate all your non-rock climbing friends by describing the climbs you did in "rock speak" e.g. So yeah, placed this number 4 after chimneying for 15 feet then transitioned to this traverse for a wicked run out. I was so glad when hit this nice jug at the end.
After hand heeling on this sick sloper crimp coming from a gross bicycle off of start pinch I was able to throw to left pocket and campus a crossover to finish. Pretty hard VIntro if I'm being honest..
When your non-climber friends join you at the bar after a wicked day at the crags.. "Yo, that laid back crossover you did just before the crux of Filthy Pigeon was so sick. I thought you were gonna peel and rip that manky little .3 for sure." "For real you stuck that jesus hold like it was the last thing you'd ever do." "Ya that ledge felt so close.. I was so ready to deck." ... "Hey you guys wanna order some chicken wings?"
I alienate all my groups of friends unless they meet in a perfect venn diagram of metalheads/climbers/artists. Julie D is the only person who understands all three. She's my unicorn.
This video is great! You really will meet all these types of climbers because I have been climbing for just one year and have already encountered like all of this. The sad thing is, this video really isn't exaggerated as much as you might think.
this is so true. I see people at my climbing gym who will just put a carabiner on their water bottle or back pack for no reason. One person came to the gym with a massive climbing backpack that there was no way was completely full and he felt the need by screaming to everyone that he is a climber by clipping not one, but TWO pairs of climbing shoes to his back pack.
@@jasperfeldschuh3644 Well, even if I had room in my bag I wouldn't want my nasty shoes in there, also some shoes are better for different things so sometimes it will help you out to switch shoes
The one thing you missed is "walking by and saying hello" and them replying instantly " I've been climbing for 10 years.". Every climber I have ever met tells me how long they have climbed instantly. Great video though, I laughed all the way through.
Whippers and lead head need to make it in here :-). E.g., something on learning to fall, working on your lead head, or taking victory whips. Also would be funny to have a bit on inconsistent grading in the gyms ("dude this can't be a 5.11a. It has to be a 13 a or b cause I would have onsighted the 11a no problem"), or how you have to down grade when going outdoors. Soooo funny. Thanks for posting!
Yes! I'm a salesman at a bike shop. You get the most ridiculous questions like "do you fix motorcycles, scooters, wheel barrows, etc." or the people who are like "I'm looking for a 26x1.95 tube" and when you give a 26x1.5-2.2 tube they will be like "that's not the right size!" (face palm)
at our shop we used to joke about how there needs to be a reality tv show about working in a bicycle shop, but then we realized 90% of the population wouldn't understand half the humor. However I'd still pay to watch if someone did it! :)
Great video! Perhaps you could add: Always add an extra grade to your outdoor climbs and madly embellish your achievements when reporting back to friends at your local indoor climbing gym.
Shit, i sport a pretty long curtain undercut myself, so i absolutelly have to wear a man bun i i want to climb without non stop touching my hair(it still looks terrible)
get facinated bye things like icefalls while climbing, i and my dad was at a sport crag in winter time and we just got facinated of the ice that were falling while we climbed
Summer 2016 I watched the how to be a mountain bike as I was getting into that. I though it was hilarious and that you did a great job on the video. Now I'm seeing this and think it's all time funny!!!
Abbreviations give a general idea of the overall difficulty, the number with a lower case letter gives an indication of how hard the crux is. It's a better system for trad because it gives more information rather than just a single grade.
They missed the fact that people always think they're a better climber because they rainbow up the wall ( because they never climbed before ) and you fell in a v5
You don’t need cams and nuts just go inside for fifty bucks a day which is less than the 2K for a standard rack for the amount of time you will actually be climbing
Don't forget passing every wall on every building and saying "I could climb that." Or crimping every ledge you see.
i feel targeted
Feel like you're stalking me.
Danu Garbarino i can relate...now i can’t stop climbing my houses ledges...help
can you read my mind
I did not ask for this attack
I didn't realise that my life was missing a crimp mug until this video
I totally want one :D
Same
Rather have a jug mug
Oh gosh
SAME LMAO
I've been climbing for over 20 years and this video was SPOT ON!
That's a bloody big rock face that you're claiming there.
Except for the fact they put tape as a non essential 😶
Vincent Cocciolone true
Vincent Cocciolone i
Lol ive been climbing for half a year and i agree lmao
Those guys had haircuts, climbers don't get haircuts.
Can't argue against this one...
we need how to be an american fotball player!
Not gunna lie haven't cut my hair in a year tbh
I'm a climber and I cut my hair and so do all my friends and a lot of other climbers in the area
As a climber what model van do you recommend I live in?
Step 22: Accept the fact that the climbing gym is now basically your home, and your actual home is only used for sleeping.
Dude, for the way from the gym to home you need ten minutes or so, in this time you could train on the moonboard. You can just sleep in the gym!
right
My gym has a shower
Why is this so true!?
@@josephschade5783 ten minutes?! I need 50 :(
“haVE yOu SEen FrEE SolO?”
People who say that think they're climbers but in reality don't have a clue what's going on
Yes
Lol but I low key have
Joe Rogan when he had Emily Harrington on ^^^
Alternatively Dawn wall.
You forgot about the bare foot 12 year old who never wears a harness, and is somehow way better then you.
Theyre better than all of us because they have such a low body mass :'/
Scott Gutierrez god my friend is that kid
Scott Gutierrez chomo
I'm right here
Isabelle E teach me how I can’t even make it to the top of small climbing frame 😂
the alpinist got me .... "is it winter yet?" hardly ice in austria this year.
Something along these lines would be a nice addition: "For a project like this, I think it is necessary to have two chalk bags on me. I like to have the Black Diamond course stuff for the crimpy crux section and Friction Labs ultra fine chalk for the sloper section. That, combined with Miura's on my left foot and Solutions on my right should make this 5.9 project go."
I love friction lab
I use the same stuff for my 5.4 proj.
I chorkled when I read 5.9
Who the hell needs chalk, buncha gym climbers you are!
greg guerra nobody climbs without chalk...... it’s arguably the most important gear other than shoes .
Very funny but you forgot to be shirtless for your "real" tries!
Yank the roots ahahah I never related so much
Boulderers are always shirtless and wear beanies. Geesh guys.
And jeans
your hands never have enough chalk but the boulder always has too much chalk. there is no such thing as the right amount.
thiskid - Hazen O'Connell AAA@@@•ngaaa•Ba@••@@@xAa@^^%^@■@■aaaa@@•@@••@@AAAAagnaaa@^,@@@abagA■AN@;^@AABAbGaAaaaag@@@a@•agAGag@@■
And wear down jackets all the time.
And never actually climb anything
crimping literally everything you see
Damn i do this so much. It's like a tic at this point i don't even notice it.
Meee
Didn’t even realize I did that until I read this lmao
i did that at taekwondo the other day...
the damn bricks got me...
😂😂
The hiker asking questions😂😂
As a climber it's funny to see these videos
you have internet in your van?
+Pamuva RAL I was going to make up some story of how I got these solar panels on my van that provides electricity for me which gives me access to Internet...but no, I'm just at a hostel...
I was dyin'! bahaha 😂
What grade you climb?
Cringe
Climbers' jargon!! (like you included in how to be a skier, road biker, etc..) to include any of the following:
Slap, sloper, slab, pinch, crimp, cross over, jug, heal hook, bat hang, overhang, undercling, monopocket, side pull, layback, drop knee, highball, lowball, dyno, whipper, traverse, comp, cruxy, crimpy, juggy, chossy, pumpy, varnish, hueco, sandstone, limestone, granite, solid, hollow, run out, heady, onsight, red point, flash, lead, top rope, belay, dirtbag, chimney, offwidth, arete, cut feet, crack, stem, static, dynamic, greasy, grigri, pas, atc, ipa, locker, nut, cam, hex, dog bone, quickdraw, figure eight, clove hitch, munter hitch, back clipped, z-clipped, sandbagged, wag bag, anchors, bolts, crash pad, downturned, aggressive, approach, flapper, beached whale, top out, tufa, bomber, beta, crag jam, hand jam, foot jam, ring lock, knee bar, foot chip, finger board, break hand, ape index, multi pitch, sport, trad, bouldering, buildering, free soloing....to name a few :P
Power sounds - Tssssaah!! Tsssst!!
Talking beta should've included more climbers' jargon (still funny though)
Boulderer should have the dude with loads of chalk slap hands together a few times and make the guy next to him start coughing and rubbing his eyes XD
All in all, "This video ROCKS." Would be awesome to break this one down into different how to's for gym climbers, sport climbers, trad climbers, and boulderers (perhaps even alpinists and ice climbers too :P). Now that would keep you busy for a while! It would also help break down that massive list of jargon I wrote, haha.
monicano best comment ever
You're hired
Dont forget BARNDOOR!
You missed flag , rails and send
You forgot chacos and a 90's subaru outback with at least 50 stickers on it.
Step Whatever: Alienate all your non-rock climbing friends by describing the climbs you did in "rock speak" e.g. So yeah, placed this number 4 after chimneying for 15 feet then transitioned to this traverse for a wicked run out. I was so glad when hit this nice jug at the end.
After hand heeling on this sick sloper crimp coming from a gross bicycle off of start pinch I was able to throw to left pocket and campus a crossover to finish. Pretty hard VIntro if I'm being honest..
This is 1000% true...
When your non-climber friends join you at the bar after a wicked day at the crags..
"Yo, that laid back crossover you did just before the crux of Filthy Pigeon was so sick. I thought you were gonna peel and rip that manky little .3 for sure."
"For real you stuck that jesus hold like it was the last thing you'd ever do."
"Ya that ledge felt so close.. I was so ready to deck."
...
"Hey you guys wanna order some chicken wings?"
I alienate all my groups of friends unless they meet in a perfect venn diagram of metalheads/climbers/artists. Julie D is the only person who understands all three. She's my unicorn.
Thanks for the advice, learned everything i need to know, going climbing for the first time tomorrow at the dawn wall
Make sure what watch free solo before hand
Never shut up about Adam Ondra/Chris Sharma
and Daniel Woods
memorize wing spans of pro's so you can blame your height!
nah we always blabbing about Alex Honnold!
Or Daniel Woods
alex honnold!
You forgot always blaming the belayer for everything
Think I first heard "You totally hosed me on the clip" sometime around 1988.
David Dornian it was clearly your fault that someone else couldn't climb something. All you.
It’s actually a thing. News flash, me short roping you for a split second is not the reason you fell.
This video is great! You really will meet all these types of climbers because I have been climbing for just one year and have already encountered like all of this. The sad thing is, this video really isn't exaggerated as much as you might think.
If you don't have a van you have to have a Subaru Outback.
Can confirm
so true
Can confirm. 2 of my roommates are boulderers. One drives a van and the other an outback.
J indeed
XV checking in.
Lost it as the DIY crimp mug.
WHERE DO I BUY ONE?!
Tactical Scout DIY. Do. It. Yourself.
I know what DIY means... I don't have the time or patience to do it myself.
Tactical Scout sellotape a foothol - *ahem* crimp to a mug. How hard can it be?
I made one out of a espresso capsule
Tactical Scout DIY crimp mug,DIY(do it yourself😂
I’ve watched this so many times the first way before I even thought about climbing now I’m a climber and it’s so fun to comeback and watch
Forgot that every sentence starts with “ When I was living in Yosemite.... “
(for 3 weeks, that one summer)
Europeans cant relate to that
You forgot to either heel hook everything or drop knee on everything
Clinton Roose well that's invalid because that actually helps alot
Young Jesus Not when they tell you to heel hook every hold 😂
*cough* knee bar *cough*
Gaston bevor the mantle crux
Flashes v8 but projects 5.10
Kai Iverson lead climbing is different from bouldering. But yes it's not so realistic....
this is too accurate,
i'm the flash 5.12 and projects v4
Yeah lol, I project v6/7 and lead project like 5.11/12
@@ironichoneybadger5066 yeah
Pirates of the carabiners..xDD
alpinist in his natural habitat
I m here from snapchat btw :D
As we witness the wild alpinist in hibernation until winter when he will finally send that 5.12
yo guys you've missed the smell of climbers feet
*sniffs shoes*
YUM
and the mangled toes
Look man, I woulda flashed it if I had more chalk
Or less chalk, sometimes you have a little too much
'How do you get the ropes up there?!?!' And 'I climbed once and it was easy'
a clip of a climber analysing a route before climbing it - with all the over detail
Climber standing in public miming his moves Ondra style
I agree with step 7, grading systems are the hardest part of climbing.
Move nail clipper to the essentials
AND TAPE
And Beanie.
You forgot to put carabiners on absolutely everything
this is so true. I see people at my climbing gym who will just put a carabiner on their water bottle or back pack for no reason. One person came to the gym with a massive climbing backpack that there was no way was completely full and he felt the need by screaming to everyone that he is a climber by clipping not one, but TWO pairs of climbing shoes to his back pack.
@@jasperfeldschuh3644 Well, even if I had room in my bag I wouldn't want my nasty shoes in there, also some shoes are better for different things so sometimes it will help you out to switch shoes
Jasper Feldschuh Def has more to do with airing shoes out than anything else.
Rick Smith I was thinking the same thing, he might have a few sets depending on what he’s doing.
4:28 "Pirates of the Carabiners"
YESSS boys. Great job as always :)
Filmed in your hood!
Skiing, mountain biking, Vancouver, and now rock climbing wow this channel is pretty much my life
"Where’s my?... Where’s my number two?" killed me
That wasnt a crimp mug it was a pinch mug. His thumb would be over his pointer finger for a crimp making it impossible to hold.
the yosemite system can also goes to 5.16 since adam ondra created a 5.16 about 4 years ago. Its in flathanger acbe or something in norway.
Flynn OMG you should be in this video 🙈
Flynn you are thinking of a 5.15d
@@WrathofTheOblivion I think he means 5.17d
Half crimp mug?
Awesome tutorial :D The progress you've made since your first videos is huuuge !
"who bought this ipa?" the mountain biker
SuperArcher2345 we would buy that
Great vid and thanks for shooting some of it at our gym - hope you guys weren't too sore!
Thanks for having us! We massaged each other and got all the "knots" out!
+IFHT yet another thing you missed: group massages! Also, the never ending hot climber chick search that all climbers guys are involved in.
The one thing you missed is "walking by and saying hello" and them replying instantly " I've been climbing for 10 years.". Every climber I have ever met tells me how long they have climbed instantly. Great video though, I laughed all the way through.
LMAO "were gonna need more chalk" so true.
Whippers and lead head need to make it in here :-). E.g., something on learning to fall, working on your lead head, or taking victory whips.
Also would be funny to have a bit on inconsistent grading in the gyms ("dude this can't be a 5.11a. It has to be a 13 a or b cause I would have onsighted the 11a no problem"), or how you have to down grade when going outdoors.
Soooo funny. Thanks for posting!
For a moment i thought lead head was something like road head, now I'm sort of disappointed.
Idea: how to be a mountain bike shop owner/sales person
Yes! I'm a salesman at a bike shop. You get the most ridiculous questions like "do you fix motorcycles, scooters, wheel barrows, etc." or the people who are like "I'm looking for a 26x1.95 tube" and when you give a 26x1.5-2.2 tube they will be like "that's not the right size!" (face palm)
+Eric Taylor lol
Yea and make sure to convince your client to pay fortune on few grams he dont need.
at our shop we used to joke about how there needs to be a reality tv show about working in a bicycle shop, but then we realized 90% of the population wouldn't understand half the humor. However I'd still pay to watch if someone did it! :)
Step 1: Daddy's trust fund
"Have you climbed/ are you going to climb Everest?"
Get it like twice a week
They don't understand there's a difference between rock climbers and mountain climbers
"Wilhelm scream" best one
Hahhahah that Wilhelm scream 2:28
Also called the Ondra scream :D
Great video! Perhaps you could add: Always add an extra grade to your outdoor climbs and madly embellish your achievements when reporting back to friends at your local indoor climbing gym.
YOU FORGOT THE IMPORTANCE OF FACIAL HAIR
And (the horrible) man bun!
Dreads are more common :D
Shit, i sport a pretty long curtain undercut myself, so i absolutelly have to wear a man bun i i want to climb without non stop touching my hair(it still looks terrible)
Vojtěch Míček aà
I grew up with a bunch of climbers. This is 100% accurate.
get facinated bye things like icefalls while climbing, i and my dad was at a sport crag in winter time and we just got facinated of the ice that were falling while we climbed
I click on the like button of IFHT videos before the video even starts.
Step 5 is in base5 in Coquitlam
How to be a skateboarder nexts plssssss
Summer 2016 I watched the how to be a mountain bike as I was getting into that. I though it was hilarious and that you did a great job on the video. Now I'm seeing this and think it's all time funny!!!
“Is it winter yet?”
“Uhh no, not yet”
*YYYAARRRGHHHHH*
remember, muscle fatigue doesn't exist, and you can climb every day.
you should've included a section on "proper" use of tape for finger injuries and making tape gloves!
the gym is base 5 climbing gym in vancouver British columbia. It used to be Cliffhanger climbing gym which is now near science world
"This video ROCKS" in the comments section
Well, i do trad climbing, on really sketchy placements, its basicly free solo with more weight and more steps.
Y'all need to do a 'how to be a hiker video.
Easily the best video I’ve seen all week
These people have way too little subscribers, they deserve more
These are really satisfying if you know what they are talking about. If not you just kind of nod and enjoy it.
hahaha this was ridiculously hilarious! well shot and edited too! time to check out your other work
I wish they still made these type of vids
How to be a guitarist
OMG YES, that would have so much potential!!!
Step 1. Learn Wonder wall and smoke on the water
Step 2. Play both these songs at any and all social gatherings
DefinedART *Through The Fire And Flames
“Pirates of the carabiners”
Nice.
pinch/crimp mugs are such a good gift idea
from the uk, still no idea how the yosemite decimal system works. Like, what the fuck is that? thank god for the euro system.
Oh yea, I love hopping on those E4 3b +- 2xy RRR rated routes in the UK. Your system boggles my brain
"Rockfax" has a really good chart comparing all the different grades.
The UK system is better though because it gives a lot more information.
Abbreviations give a general idea of the overall difficulty, the number with a lower case letter gives an indication of how hard the crux is. It's a better system for trad because it gives more information rather than just a single grade.
The French system has to be the easiest :)
The euro system is as stupid as the metric system...
2:25 I completely lost it at the Wilhelm scream 😂
you guys deserve more subs
This video gets better every time I watch it.
0:36 - is that Elon Musk pulling the rope in the background lol
That may be the best video on RUclips. EVER
They missed the fact that people always think they're a better climber because they rainbow up the wall ( because they never climbed before ) and you fell in a v5
Emily Lynch Please don’t remind me of the 5 year old kid bullying me on Tuesday...
He was so mean!
Emily Lynch What does rainbow mean? I tried googling it but couldn't really find a good explanation.
first video of you i can relate to
2:28 you forgot the Ondra "aaaaarfgh!!"
Skyfox94 hahaha, just discovered his screams. A homicide victim makes less noise.
Ahh, the unrequested advice is a favorite. Because we all seek out a challenging climb in the hopes of an expert being there to give us the secret.
everyone asks if you have seen free solo when they find out you are a climber
I've been waiting for this for sooo long. Could've seen more references to climber obsessions with professional climbers.
How to be a gamer next?
Yea
yes
Step 1: Choose between a PC and a Console (This step may take an eternity to decide)
They could split it into "how to be a PC gamer" and "How to be a console gamer" to adequately make fun of both groups.
Waaaaaaaaaay too broad. Do like How to be a CSGO player or some shit.
Is that lady at 2:10 the lady that is in that little film that they show at MEC over and over on the Apple TV behind the checkout desk?
Yes.
Khoi Chau See, us Canadians know that!
So how to be a skater (include all longboard and skateboard types)
1i thought this was very funny. keep it up!
Broke my thumb bouldering and super stoked to get back into the sport. getting right onto the bike!
Missed out as a trad climber you can NEVER have too much gear
The Alpiner was just Amazing, Nice Idea :)
How to be a sailor???
You don’t need cams and nuts just go inside for fifty bucks a day which is less than the 2K for a standard rack for the amount of time you will actually be climbing
But what about step 19?
Shhh...
What
Oh, there were 2 step 19's, it was just a number mistake
Jason's voice in this How-to cracked me up! btw, This video ROCKS!!!
You forgot to mention the Crux of the problem.
Do a full video on alpinist
it's so funny!!! love it!! good job ;)
I go to that climbing gym. It's pretty cool.
how to be a sailor? dinghy, yachts, racer, traveler etc....
Its been 2 years but putting 'sailor' with yactie is a damn insult. From a cruiser.