How To Be A Road Biker
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- Опубликовано: 26 янв 2014
- Website and merch: www.mahalomydude.com/
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DIRECTED BY IFHT
WRITTEN BY
IFHT
DIRECTOR OF PHOTOGRAPHY
Matt Dennison
EDITING, NARRATION, SOUND & COLOUR CORRECTION
Matt Dennison
RECORDED ON RODE MICROPHONES
www.www.rode.com
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If you’re reading this it’s not too late to comment “Mahalo”. 
Приколы
My arch enemy is the wind damnit!
I second that
But it cools u down
My arch enemy is the uphill, damnit!
You got damn right
Headwinds and any incline above 7% for 1h for me.
Remember to change all the components of your bike to better ones.... then just buy another bike a year later
Lol
Arslan Bhatti what are you doing to me
Is this a personal attack?
Next time just tag me, Arslan. 😂
My complete road bike is $200...
And it's also 13.8kg.
Also binge watch GCN videos
GhostyGhost who's the best GCN presenter?
bryan ramos si
Andrew Mitchell c'mon we all know it's Matt
#EmmaFanSquad
Bryan Ramos I was going to kill myself when Matt left CGN
Remember to draft abnormally close to the biker in front of you, make him do all the work.
thundercactus And than leave him behind when he has used up all his energy.
thundercactus Even better... quietly sneak up and draft behind the biker training for a tri (riding aero) and scare the living shit out of her by drafting freakishly close - not considering that she's never had someone draft off her before!
If you can't smell their butt, you're not close enough.
Stephanie Gobler you seem to be talking out of experience
But don't cross wheels!!
Remember, a crash is worth it if you beat a record on strava
LMAO this is the third day after i crashed ,i'm sitting here with a broken elbow and zero regrets , i beat my record.
I did this the other day, took 3rd on a descent and crashed right after I crossed the end of the segment.
I crashed too, trying to become a KOM. It was unbeatable actually)))
They forgot to lock the bike at the end
Yes
Whoever writes these segments... Genius comedy without being crude and explicit. This is really, really funny stuff, without relying on immature, or suggestive humor. Quality stuff.
except step 16 :p
They did have to bleep or mute the word "fuck" a couple of times.
Im mean there is a literal sex scene
Maria actually it's a cheap ripoff of GCN.
I think it's just funny, nobody really gives a shit how it was written
100% legit.
You missed: track stand at red lights.
+Rachel M What do you mean? Road bikers don't stop at red lights XD
+CrazyBarbarian Pull onto sidewalk. Pass red light. Get off sidewalk. What red light? I'm a "pedestrian."
+jarryda thats what i do lmao
If you're still in high school, be prepared, because your mom will ask you to buy something from the nearest convenience store.
I do that
Run red lights if it looks clear enough so you don't have to stop and unclip...
+Bellwhacker RED means BRAVE ; Yellow means HAPPY ; GREEN means GO . what are you watiting for, get your own coffin now.. :D
i mean coffee..
the truth
Gladius amen
Gladius genius! !!!
Never tell your wife,the TRUE cost of cycle parts.
Y'all married the wrong people. I tell my wife the true cost. She laughs and thinks it's stupid... just like I laugh at her paying $500 for a Coach bag.
We all have different interests and hobbies that we're crazy for. Honesty is still the best policy - it is not only morally right, but highly efficient too.
(I think it was a joke)
If you crash and die, she will sell them for what you told her they cost.
damnnn true af
Not your mom either
Also: Always feel challenged if another roadbiker overtakes you!
Yes! If I was slower I'd have way more cycling friends
Buy a jersey with some company name on it and advertise for them and not get paid!!!
This!
Yeah, but it's free or heavily discounted!
Custom jersey 😄
You actually get paid :D This shirts are relatively cheaper than one's without brands names :D
I think they missed the gigantic crush we all have on Peter Sagan.
Sagan is Life
please... speak for yourself
I have Tom Boonen on my nightstand... er his picture, I mean... yeah...
Helicase21 #nosagannotour
His name is Lord Sagan
Accessories!! GPS computer, power meter, pedals, carbon wheels with fancy boutique hubs, shoes, and helmet. These items should cost more than your initial purchase for the bike.
Yeah, “buy a Garmin”.
And when you get a cheap carbon fork to save some money, it snaps in half because of a pothole that you didn't notice
You forgot to buy a bike one size too small just to slam the stem even more
HassanNajfi or in my case like 3 sizes too small.
Holy shit I'm guilty of this
"Remember, a ride didn't recorded on Strava didnt happen"
why is this so fookin relatable
1,000,000! Thanks for watching and sharing!
How to be a snowboarder or basketball player?
Please do how to be a soccer player
+Fish Line that's thoccer player
How to be a Bmxer
Or a Dirtbiker,Slopestyler....
Uncomfortably accurate.
Hit outta the park! Good One. VEDY GOOD ONE.
NEW VIDEO! A follow up to "How to be a Mountain Biker" we decided to teach you all how to become a road biker! Share with your friends and enjoy!
beware of car doors
Step 10: It's a cap not a hat.
Tyler Horsman Nobody gives a fuck about the three awful cyclists you once met.
You guys are awesome, I LOVE these videos!
Jamie john what..?
Your favourite material is carbonfibre.
I don't give a shit, it was a typo.
Still Pop fuck off
Nah m8 titanium
Carbon fiber is two words
My bike be like: carbon frame, carbon fork, carbon seatpost, carbon bars, carbon shifters, carbon cranks, carbon pedals, and I still want some carbon wheels. But for real
My father works at a bike shop, and he's a road biker, I can relate to everything!!
Did that guy shave his eye brows?
2:08 2:13 no i dont think so
great ! You forgot that a road cyclist should wear jerseys full of sponsors that you don't have a clue or they don't pay you to
hahahahaha great analysis ....
Darn
This is #1
"You slide better when you crash" that had me in tears
"Oh I'm gonna KOM" DIED laughing xD
3 years in, still not shaving my legs. feeling like a rebel.
Yeah.. I'm with you.. And I'm a freakin SASQUATCH !! I hope it grosses out the real bike snobs... ROFL
hairy legs, gross! ;)
Lol, who cares, i only shaved after like 4 years, drove a mountainbike and didnt feel like it, now with my roadbike i think it looks better without hairy legs. But idgaf what others do, whatever suits you best.
It does make dealing with road rash easier, I found that out the hard way. Still haven't bothered to do it, though.
23 years in, i shaved it once. Not because of cycling, I lost a bet.
"...or Fred."
Lost it.
I agree!
you forgot runners on the enemy list lol
IAmNikolasDiDomenico and fixed gear riders lol
And pedestrians
when i was into cycling, it was horses because i saw them as.. a competitor for bikes?? i was weird
I hate equestrians too because they are allowed to let their horses shit on the road and the path, and it never comes off the tread.
Sad thing is this comment is coming back to bite me, I am a runner for my college, BUT cycling is still better
get a name sticker with country flag on your bike
wa22up0 just to make yourself look like a pro lmao
You can do that?!?!
@@shanestrains4724 Yeah it's just a sticker you can buy online.
-Learn to be a good pack leader by yelling out road debris and potholes way too loudly.
-Learn to ride in a pack by avoiding snotting or spitting on your fellow riders. Also, learn to yell "Hold your line."
-Learn to tell the difference between an amateur and a category rider by their spin. Be sure to point this out to everyone around you. "That guys spin is crap." "Wow, great spin, he knows what he's doing."
-Laugh at other cyclist when they crack on a climb. "Too much for you softie." But when you crack on a climb, down shift as hard as possible to derail your chain. "Crap! My chain is loose."
-Every amateur out for a sunday stroll is your chance to show them they don't deserve to ride on the same road as you. Pass them going 25mph not matter what and with only 1 foot to spare. Also sneak up on them then scream "ON YOUR RIGHT!!!"
-Race in a crit. It doesn't matter that you were dropped half way through, always claim you finished top 10.
-Besure to complain about the chosen course. "Turns were too tight." "That road was crap." "I had to travel 11 hours for this race."
-You can only acknowledge other cyclists with a slight nod. And even that is a little over the top.
I'm FRED and I have my own category - awesome!
I first watched this about a lil over a year ago... Came back and Holy cow how accurate this is, all that jargon and slang... I KNOW ALL OF IT! And those habits (most of them) apply to me haha
thanks for brighten up my day
According to "The Rules", the correct number of bikes to own has an alternative formula of "b = S - 1", where S is the number of bikes that would cause your spouse to separate...
> Sign up for a triathlon. Because you know how to swim and run, and you're already a pro cyclist.
I miss these!
Please make more!
This is the most informative video I've ever seen 😂😂
2:23 Oh, oh, I'm gonna KOM!
it took me this comment to get the joke, thanks! 😂
So I watched this video when it came out about 2 years ago just before I became a serious cyclist and now that that I'm coming back to this video you guys are fucking spot on!
The livestrong wristband comment gets me every time.
This channel deserves more fame.
So true. Except you missed high socks and a hate against disk brakes
Still hate disk brakes? Lol
@@RealMTBAddict that anti disc brake comment was made four years ago
@@chr1sj4 exactly my point.
Still hate disk brakes??????
@@RealMTBAddict I hate disc brakes because rim brake bikes are cheaper
YAYAAAA i was excited for this :D
Absolutely EXCELLENT!
This channel helped me thru a breakup. Thanks Matt and Jason
"I'm gonna KOM!"
Love it!!
I commute to school on a fixie and do triathlons/road races. A lot of this is incredibly applicable to my life
Love this video so funny thank you!
Love the video :) on point, felt described 100%
My arch rivals - All Other Cyclists.
Cars, potholes, idiots(triathletes and others), and oblivious pedestrians.
@@UkrainianBazooka obviously pedestrains!!
Me as a mountain biker: "Dude. Stop taking the roads."
@@UkrainianBazooka Why triathletes ?? they are nice !
At the end you missed something hmm
LOCKING YOUR BIKE!
Bike locks aren't aero
Great video and so funny. Loved it.
ive watched this a hundred times!!
Love this! Road cycling is a bit ridiculous sometimes. Whatever.
My dad is a manager of a bike repair store, and he's a road biker, I practically know what everything means in this video, it's awesome!:D
Well then, you can shove that EPO up your VO2 Max!
Love it!!!
😂😂... didn't see that till now!! another nice one! 👌🔝
About time us roadies got some well-deserved lurve...
Yeah, this made me guffaw a few times.
you missed things like riders going to coffee shops or subways with their outfits
You must have stopped watching before the last step!
+IFHT I might have sorry
Never thought I’d see the day Matt on a rode bike
Third video i've watched.Subscribed!
I'm ready for "How to be a Cyclocross Biker"
Gets funnier each time I watch.
Arch-nemesis: triathletes.
That's so brilliant!!
this video is sooooo true! I'm also do MTB tho. I found this great shirt that says "If I collapse pause my Strava" but sadly the material is to thick to actually use for riding.
So much truth. So much.
Another guys: hey! get a car
Me: Hey! Get your fit!
Right on!
Omg this is awesome!!!
Get your bike stolen and brag about it for years
Well, that guy at the end did just go to the coffee shop and not lock his bike.
I almost got a seizure seeing it, but I mean... I guess.
Pick your enemy. You missed out BMXers as a choice.
This channel is lit af
Thanks for this it's awesome and true
do how to be a skateboarder :)
Seriously though. Why all the hate when the majority of cyclists like myself follow all the rules of the road, are respectful to motorists, and really just love the sport and all its joys?
Because the negative riders always stand out more. No motorist will remeber a cyclist that did not pass him on a red light to get to the front of the line
Because the majority in Vancouver don't follow the rules
@@luca3976 Pretty much this. Same with bikers, because some act like dickheads, it means that normal bikers get lumped in with those assholes. Same for people who do speed cycling
@@HamsterWheelGaming depending on the speed limit, if you are going faster than a car, the driver can sometimes respect you more
gayyyy
Great video! Guys you forgot the Carbon vs Aluminium vs. Aloy frame debate!
This is absolutely hilarious, my dad does all of these!
2:50 lol thats me when I first started cycling
2:20 we shave to get a streamlined shape so we can go faster
That winter training bike is so cool
these are great
Funny, but most of those are true. You missed matching kit and bike though.
“It makes me more aero” LMAO
it is perfectly captured.
legit nothing missed you summed me up perfectly
A biker is someone who doesn't pedal. However, amazingly entertaining and hilariously accurate video. :)
How are mountain bikers moving in them mountains then?
@@CanIHasThisName if it's a decent mountain, a lift
@@montanawalker8819 Only in gravity parks.
Exactly, a gravity park is a decent mountain.
Added step: Remember to correct everyone who calls you a "biker" instead of a cyclist.
Absolutely
Biker is the one with the 500 pound motorcycle that goes the speed of light at highways only to rear end you
@@beans392 and those forest guys on MTB
Finally a realistic guide, thank you
And I am watching if for the first time in 2018 !
4:06 You miss NEVER LET YOUR BIKE ALONE :))
Fun Fact: When your clipped in it’s known as clipless and when your clipless your clipped in.
So much for becoming a road biker..............thanks!
Awesome!
Guy: Get a car
Me: Psh the road bike probably cost more than that car
Im watching this and im a mountain biker
Been a while since I was on a road bike so I re-watched for the lulz. I've done at least half of this in this month alone.
Hold me.
Loved it
Some of the were so fucking true!
2019 spend thousands on a zwift setup and pain cave
*Yellow livestrong wristband*
Damnnnnnn! Shots fired!
I laughed way too hard for the garmin KOM part hahahaha