Yeah, hyper-,hyper controlling, all based around the " safety" of our kids and I. He was in LE, and I was also " responsible" for his stress, until I caught on, and told him, I WAS NOT!!
Narcs...hate people who have self esteem, a voice and firm bounderies. Who know you are not my responsibility and not your Mother. They dont go near those types. So l am learning to be that type....and loving it.
I think you are right. I find the narcissists I know usually attach themselves to self-conscious people-pleasers. I think the best way to protect yourself is to know your value to God and be wise about the boundaries we set. I don't have many narcissists who regularly interact with me, probably because I'm working on my self-esteem, voice and boundaries;) but I've watched some family and friends be severely used by the narcs (love that term) in their lives. I honestly get angry when I see them so manipulated and I feel like I should defend them against the narcissist. But what a great thought - work on understanding our worth in God and create boundaries so we can stave off the manipulation.
32yrs of this nonsense. He kept me so busy being the workhorse, that I was too preoccupied to confront inconsistencies. Of course, when I did confront it, I was mean & harsh...ugh. Died at 45 in a car wreck (was very reckless), then a whole double life was revealed. Our 2 daughters still show signs of problems from his ways. Our son found out pretty quickly, that his dad's ways, wouldn't work well in the real world...he found his way out of the damage
Most people think you’re being critical if you call out a covert narcissist, because they’re so charming and “loveable “ in their sneaky way of controlling and manipulating.
You're doing what they do and focusing on the words being said instead of what they mean. If you have to engage, try pointing out the nature of what they're saying. For example if a mother is bad mouthing her children in how they treat her. Ask how then if she's such a good parent and raised goods people and to avoid bad people, and now want nothing to do with her. Is she saying she raised good people who are avoiding a bad person or are they bad people and she's a bad person and mother because the kids were rotten. To say either isn't a good look, especially after everything that came out of their mouth prior. Now their very own words start to take on proper meaning and the back pedaling gymnastics will begin if they don't lose it first. If you're with a group and a few of you like deeper discussions, keep it going. It raises questions about nature vs nurture. Can a person have literal bad eggs or was it bad technique or something else people don't yet know about or fully understand. They can hide what they're saying but not what it means. This'll help someone.
@@amyroberts8841yes, it’s called the silent treatment. I’ve had several friendships and romantic relationships with covert narcs and this is a tactic they all used to devalue.
The best way to describe any narcissist is that they are exactly like a spoiled child inside an adult's body (which has very much to do with extremely poor parenting practices).
@@davidcharles66 I’m sick of blaming the parents. Then down the generations it’s not the current parent rather it was inherited from the older generation, etc. no one takes blame , just push it on to the parents.
To me narcissists are evil people. They have demons inside of them. I worked for a narcissist woman who supposedly was a “Christian”. We became “friends” at work first. I had no idea about narcissists, I didn’t even know this type of people existed. She was all about “poor little me”… I am a person who gives, and likes to make people happy, so she was always talking about her, her mother died when she was young, she was alone, nobody paid attention to her, she bends over backwards for everyone, but no one appreciates her, etc. I had made a decision a little before that as a Christian, that I would be a listener, so I was doing that with her. However, I keep noticing that when it was my turn to speak (normally with her a conversation was one way), she would cut me off immediately. I thought that was odd, but again, I had never met a narcissist so I didn’t know I was dealing with one. She would use me against my co workers to make herself look good behind my back. She would lie in my face and when I confronted her she would turn things and tell me I was the one lying. She would steal my ideas at work and say she came up with it, again, when confronted, she would get mad and play the victim saying she could not believe “I” was stealing her ideas. Basically, what she was doing, she was blaming me. She was vengeful, she would put things in writing to blame me, if I was getting attention for a job well done from others, she would immediately suggest that it was her idea… I mean I can go on, and on, anyway, now I can spot them a mile a way. They drain you…They’re not Christian people, they’re wolves in sheep’s clothing. I have always prayed (still do) for God to give me discernment and to please let me see right through people… I don’t trust people at all and I tend to put them through a test without them knowing, I am very careful about who I bring into my life (friends). I observe people a lot and once I see a red flag, I keep my distance.
How well I know. My husband is a covert Narcisisst. He makes people think he is such a nice guy all the time when behind closed doors he blames me for everything but takes credit for every good thing and plays the victim always. He has to be in control.
@@janetwhitten2643 I feel for you… if I were you and would go as far away as possible from this person, they’re evil people… I will be praying for you…🙏
I'm guilty with being passive aggressive too, and it's (for me) coming from my fear from the past every time the other person cannot take easily what I'm saying to him. So, it's basically to evade a certain possible grave effect on my part (esp physically), but it doesn't mean that I don't understand myself or them. This feeling actually used to make me feel wanting to explode, because I have always been controlling myself from speaking up for the issue, but it seems to be really difficult to address an elephant in a room, esp when when the other person isn't ready for a confrontation even if it's a healthy one. And what I also hate the most is when the other person can easily lie to me rather than accept the truth. This seems to make me feel intensely awful about his behavior and it does hurt so much. Maybe I actually had overdone a lot of taking and understanding them and this I blamed myself for a while. But as I went along with my healing process, I realized that it's not my fault, or the other person's, but instead I learned to go through deeper until I could already realease my pains, and anger, and then I noticed how this changed me into being better, less passive aggressive and defensive. And so there's probably a better chance for us to talk things out more maturely. And this got me truly healed effectively, though not really easy to deal with. It's indeed frustrating when I want people to be honest with me, but it turns out most of these people I assumed probably wanted the same treatment from me were actually taking my point negatively, even my friends and parents. So, this is also another fact why I have become passive aggressive, mainly because I try to understand too much what they may feel after I gave them my honest comment. I am also an extreme empath, so this has been my problem, and unfortunately it had me played well before I truly understood its meaning. Thanks for educating us further. Indeed, it's helpful especially for the clueless ones out there.
I was married to an overt narcissist for almost a decade and it was hell. He abused me in every way, especially financially. He made lots of money, while I made far less and I had to usually pay most of the bills. He did egregiously evil things to me all while gaslighting me and accusing me of everything he was guilty of. I'm so glad that I'm not married to him anymore.
Same here sister. He earned more and had it all in savings. I had to spend my money and in the end so bad that I couldn't even have a car or go to the supermarket. Some people are so controlling. Males that need looking after are the worst. Peter Pans who never grow up into Men.
Unfortunately I experienced more covert narcissism through the church than anywhere else in my life. Control control control with a heavy dose of guilt and shame to gain more control
If you are in any way a giving and empathetic person, the best protection you can learn is assertiveness skills and techniques. Take a course in assertiveness training and learn how to answer/respond to narcissists, bullies and manipulators (pretty much all alike). Have your children learn these techniques and they will be the greatest skills that will last them a lifetime.
@@kevinjorgensen7409 Hi Kevin...I didn't see your question before. Jeffrey Fisher puts out some good shorts (and videos) on assertive techniques. He's good and his shorts get to the point. Maybe check him out. Otherwise, schools/colleges often offer classes, usually night classes. It's good to be in a group where you're face to face with others to practice these techniques and others can give you feedback. I took the first course offered at a College level way back in the early 70's...imagine!!! Good luck.
They want you to play the part of mother while they play the part of LAZY TEEN-AGER. OK if you like that dynamic. You will never hear the words ;" Hey Thanks!!!!! That was s lovely Meal ! " No, You get silence. Then dishes piling up all over the house.
I simply decided to take my power back. Go No Contact. Put all my belief in God and NEVER look back! My life is so MUCH happier. I knew my Narc for over 4 decades and it was so very draining and one sided. Now this Empath is walking a Blessed path and enjoying life like never before! TY Lord😘🙏🤗
Grateful to hear. I am at 32 years marriage and am feeling dooped. Wow... learning lots. This is Michelle and I need prayers for protection as he us doing theatrical fake EVERYWHERE and even has convinced my daughter of lies/deceit as the VICTIM.
The best way to break free from their spell, is to stop focusing on them, begin to look inward, seek God's council and focus on healing. Kris has designed courses to help. . I have learned to google bible versus on issues I am dealing with, so helpful in shifting my focus off of them and onto God.
Yeah. One person in the home, another person in front of other people! So it’s so difficult to tell people this is what this person does or this is who this person is, because, they fake a happy, life is good attitude to people outside. I’m just amazed!
@@aimeegabon301then stop the circus NOW !!! For your sanity.....I'm a super EMPATH by definition and I am a narcissist magnet....I did not even know there were people in the world so evil until my 3 rd one. Now I can spot them a mile away and at the first signs I'm gone breaking all contact. Believe me when I say they will take you down a road you DO NOT want to take. Let them go and move on...they DO NOT CHANGE...they get worse with age. Watch everything you can on the subject of narcissism and believe what you are told about them. It's a deep dark damaging dive that you will take if you stay in a toxic relationship. Don't learn the HARD way... Cut the attachment cord and cut all ties because trust me they will come back again and again. Each time they play by a different set of games. I just don't want anyone to go through what I did...it's more difficult to heal and restore the longer you stay. Walk away...watch videos...learn and love yourself enough to know you deserve SO MUCH BETTER !! Blessings...🙏☝️🙌
@@aimeegabon301read comments of videos also. You will hear horror stories of others. They will help you to walk away....seek God and NEVER SECOND GUESS YOUR DECISION TO LET THEM GO !!! NEVER !!! 😊
I'm married to a convert narcissist for last 30 years,made so many mistakes,suffered like anything but trusting Lord for my healing to become what God wants me to be
I'm so sorry for your pain. My daughter has been going through this for 16 years and it's been getting worse every year. My 3 grandchildren have to put up with their N father, too. I pray for them every day!
Divorce him, you get the house, land, children, alimony, child support, furniture, dog, tax return. He get the credit card debt and becomes homeless. You don't have to do a thing, the courts do it for you. Have a new man move into your house. That what women can do. Many do.
I was in a relationship with a covert n for 12 years..looking back I suffered with anxiety and depression all the time. Only after 10 years of marriage my eyes opened...and I could see his lies and the money he stole..Soo happy to be divorced😅
My wife told me that I was a Narcissist. So I looked it up and found Kris. This is very eye opening. 😮 I am learning a lot. I do want to change because I am tired of failing over and over again.
You are perfectly describing my husband of 20 years. And it’s been misery the entire time. It’s now the worst it’s ever been- I’ve told him we need counseling and he refuses. He can’t handle someone pointing out he’s wrong in any way. We tried once many years ago and as soon as a therapist told him he was wrong in something, he refused to go back. Blamed it on a woman therapist taking ‘my side’ and then wouldn’t choose a male therapist instead. He’s completely jealous of my career and instead of seeing it as a blessing for our family, he says I’m ’money hungry’ and I care more about being promoted than working for God. He’s been fired twice in his jobs and refuses to acknowledge it was his fault. He’s ALWAYS the victim. His core belief system is so messed up. I feel sorry for him. When God has been trying to show him in various ways, he breaks down and has anxiety attacks and is also a huge hypochondriac- always faking a health problem to gain sympathy and attention. Tries to get our friends on his side by acting like he’s the kind one and I’m the ‘horrible person’. I’ve been praying for a change of heart for him for so long but there’s no interest in improving our relationship together. He cares more about saving face for himself than our marriage. This is making me realize any attempt at dialogue is so pointless. You are so right about trying to argue or show them they are believing lies about how they deal with things. It’s just literally arguing with demons. I see that now. My prayers are now changing for asking God to either heal him from the demons that are manipulating and repressing him, or release me from this marriage somehow and find a path forward that glorifies our Lord God.🙏 My deepest prayers for any of you who may be struggling with this, also. You are so loved by Jesus - don’t forget our Lord God’s Truth! ❤
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm 70 now, this relationship, 40 years. If I didn't have my faith, I'd be a lunatic, hehe, no doubt. My journey has been a blind faith-walk. With so much just too big to wrap my head around, I've leaned into Spirit for each step. Through it all I've learned and grown so much. As I began to wisen to things, I had to pull back gently for my own mental/ emotional well-being. I took my wedding band off more than 20 years back...having already let him know that he had Breached our Marriage Contract. 🕊 I cannot just leave as my name is on Mortgage, and neither of us has the funds to buy the other out. As I worked to separate myself creating my autonomy, I investigated divorcing him...Just doing it! 🌹I was shocked, when a lawyer said, Noooooo! Don't do that. If you divorce him, and he drags his heels on selling the house, in 2 years, YOU Will Forfeit Everything!!! After sharing all the details with him, he apologized, and went onto say, how though justified, there was NOTHING, in Canadian Law to support me. He and Transition House after apologizing to me asked, if there was anyway I could remain in this home, safely? 🌹...and there yah go! Sometimes, I gotz tah laugh, and thankfully, I can.....! The home is big enough that I have staked out my area, and relinquished others to him and our 36 year old son/ on disability, who has morphed into an unbelievably hateful man. Initially, it broke my heart. My sweet, beautiful son, choosing darkness and becoming more and more blind. I can say nothing without it being twisted...Quite amazing to Observe. By the time I learned of the character assassination the Father perpetrated, our son started to wear those shoes. Yah, the whole thing potentially crazy-making, the boundaries I've put in place have saved me...All inspired by the Father, as I often times cried, Lord, what do I do now....? I've watched for my way of escape, and so far it's come through flipping the switch on thoughts in my mind, growing in confidence of my precious I am-Ness, and LOL, being so slippery in the anointing, toxic words and schemes can't stick, but slide off. ❣Honoring every man in their purpose, their journey, their life adventure, I walk in discernment, leaving judgment to God. 🌹I cannot control another man, but I get to choose if I dance with them or NOT. 🌹I am not here to save anyone, though my walk can inspire and support another's journey. 🌹I know, not to jump in the water to save a drowning man...But from that place of sure-footedness, throw him the Life-line. It's on him to grab it. 🙏My heart goes out to every one who is part of this suffering, and I trust as Christed Love flows, there is strengthening, hearts are salved and minds receive peace. 🌹 This Narcissitic/ Co-dependent-Enabler Dance is rampant, pandemicaI,...a hot topic anymore, and I can't help but think there is a greater purpose to the revelation of it. ❣ Yes, the captive is being set free! Maybe too, it has to do with us healing those generational thangs as much as positioning us to have a better life on this planet. ❣ Hehe, Oh Happy Day 🥰Wisdom, a sweet fruit. xoxox
From the beginning to the end I was not able to tell him back I love you. I wanted but I couldnt..my heart didnt trust him enough, although I didnt have any big reason for that. And almost during the whole relationship deep down I wanted him to break up with me. I didnt understand that, because he lovebombed me until the day he suddenly and cruelly left me..
@@lisagrace6471 He convinced me to marry him, I came to believe that he really loved me and wanted to be with me forever..he kept repeat that..and then 2 months after the wedding out of the blue he packed his stuff and left me with a smile and many cruel words...
My family members love me to my face and hate and curse me behind my back. I've called it out and stepped away. Best thing I ever did. No drama here now!!
I am working on this currently. It's my mother, but my son and I are in the same house...for now. But I'm making good progress toward getting out. And I've learned not to take her abuse personally. It's annoying to put up with, but I know we'll be out soon. I feel sorry for her, I cannot imagine being so miserable, friendless and nasty to the only people around her. But I'm not engaging anymore.
I do surrender to God and trust him however their behavior wears on you. You need a support group especially women because the husband who is a covert narcissist will try to make them think they are crazy. I have experienced this.
I've recently left a church because the pastor was always asking for money & I didn't see the church helping the less fortunate. The last time I went to that church the pastor & another minister talked about putting life insurance on the church members. They would prosper everytime one of us die. It frightened me & my family. We decided we've had enough. I have a budget for everything. I nor my family members are trying to die for that church building anytime soon. I'm dedicated to JESUS not to man's greed or foolishness!!!
I just broke up with my boyfriend of almost two years last night and came across this video. It exactly describes him and his behaviour. The part I'm struggling with now besides the hurt and frustration is to not be overwhelmed with anger, bitterness, resentment and hatred. It's extremely hard not to respond with vengefulness and pettiness for the pain this man has caused. It's also hard not to be angry with myself for not seeing him for what he was a lot sooner.
I went through all of those emotions too, my advice even though it’s hard sometimes you may have to sit and go through those emotions. Cry out on the floor, scream, beat your couch up lol whatever it takes and then just rest in your Fathers love. He got you and wants you to know He genuinely loves you and will restore you. This pain right now is temporary and will pass. But Gods love and care for us will blow your mind once we really give it all to Him and let Him love on us every moment.
I so understand you! Now imagine 19 years of giving your life, with children and isolated on top. I have God and everyone else healing from these same wounds as well. We need to feel the emotions and let them go through our bodies, then do some somatic therapy and a lot of prayer. Be glad you didn’t marry him and were just 2 years. You have your whole life ahead you! You are now that much wiser ❤
I dated one, but five months and five breakups were all I could take, and my son hated him. He was all ready to "fix" my son. Uh...no! But yours...I'm willing to bet he seemed like everything you've been praying for when you first got together, and throughout those two years, I'm sure he gave you bits and pieces of that great guy you met. Don't feel angry with yourself. These people play head games like crazy, making you think that if you just do this or don't do that, he won't get mad and want to argue. But the truth is there is no winning with these people. Also...not reacting, staying calm and holding the line will be the worst thing. They LOVE when you argue, yell or say mean things...it feeds them I think. It took me a while to get over this guy. I had times of relief, but also mourned the guy he pretended to be...but that part was fake. My ex messaged me a couple times after breaking up. It felt so good to turn him down. I had started seeing a guy who was bigger and better than him, who loves the things about me that the ex used to criticize about me. This new guy was more friend than boyfriend, but I embellished a little, and it made the ex mad, I know it was a dig. Immature, but it was fun anyway. 😊
Being with my ex narc for the past 6 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I hired a private detective *Metaspyhub@gmail. com* . Once I knew what the narc was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!
Your story is almost a mirror of my story 😢 The more I read, the more my heart broke for you. And I’m so very sorry that the both of us had to endure all the trauma that being done this way brings. Especially knowing that theirs children involved. I too have a daughter that is being affected by narcissistic abuse. I keep praying that she never has to endure this from another person as long as she lives. Because I honestly feel like the worst part of going through this is how it makes you see and feel about yourself. Up until now I’ve stayed mainly quiet about everything my estranged narcissistic husband has put me through. But reading your story and seeing just how exact it is to mine, my voice will be heard! Thank you so very much for sharing your story ❤ I pray that God will continue to pour out blessings on top of blessings for you and your daughter 💕
@@BowtieAngel Thats extremely close to the same story we all have. Because they all act very similarly. Make or female. Pretty much the exact same as my wife, and a dozen others I’ve talked to. Same actions and the same responses to your actions. Once you realize it, they are very predictable.
This is the BEST DESCRIPTION of the covert narcissist I have ever heard. And perfectly exposes the covert narc I used to be friends with. Lord have mercy!
Thank you so much Kris, our daughter is married to what my wife and I believe is a covert narcissist, who was just found out having an adulterous relationship. We are heart broken for her and her two boys. We’ve seen so many things over the years and are praying for her eyes to be opened. We are all Christians who love the Lord and are trusting He will show her and us how to move forward. Thanks for your Godly advice.
I've known several pastors -- one of which founded a large, well-known megachurch and another a pastor at the megachurch -- who have/had adulterous relationship. I stay away from megachurches.
May God protect ur dawter and give her wisdom with understandin and discernment and help her thru all thru it all.may God heal her soul..isisah 41.10..i pray for her🙏
At some point you may need to adjust your boundaries to the other side of the door. I stayed too long and it took such a toll on my health I had a stroke. Now, having no other option I am at the mercy of the hands of a covert narcissist. Where THEY are the victim for having a spouse so broken and how it ruined their life. Watching everything they do for you be done with a grimace…. Being financially dependent on them now and no way out. Get out while you can. It’s spousal abuse. God is doing great things in me in spite of it all. It’s my flesh thorn to bear but avoid it at all cost. I learned too late.
The Holy Spirit told me the same thing. The enemy's main goal is to deter you from focusing on the plans of the Kingdom. How does he do it? 1) By sending you a narcissist, 2) after the discard, by then getting you to expend your time and energy on over watching narcissist videos. I am not saying, once you get the knowledge and the healing, MOVE ON WITH THE LORD AND WHAT HE WANTS FROM YOU, because if we are honest with ourselves we devoted more time and energy to the narc and the videos than we have to the Lord. First we idolize the narc and then we idolize the videos. What will we then tell the Lord on Judgment Day? That knowing about narcs (wickedness) was more important than YOU and YOUR plans on the earth???????🤔 The Word of God says in Philippians 4:8 that we are to meditate on things that are TRUE, NOBLE, JUST, PURE, LOVELY, things of GOOD REPORT, VIRTUOUS, and PRAISEWORTHY, and narcs are NONE OF THESE THINGS, so lets stop giving them free lodging in our precious minds!!! This is the Word of the Lord!
@Bonnie Rodriguez I understand you since this knowledge wasn't so readily available 25 years ago. I also have spent time in order to get the knowledge until the Lord then gave me this word. Yes it is a lie. These narcs hypnotize you and then once you get the knowledge and know what you are / were dealing with, you snap out of the hypnotism and realize you were duped. The sad thing is when you realize you wasted years nurturing evil rather than serving God and His plans. But God in His grace and mercy uses our experiences to perfect us.
God forgive me am guilty as charged... I have put so much effort on the narc rather than your word.. The things that are noble and worth of your praise.. I repent, have mercy on me sweet Jesus and heal my heart in Jesus name.... Amen
@@Motheranddaughterstherapy Amen, it is good you acknowledge that. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:19)
My daughter has been married to a Narcissist for 16 years, who claims to be Christian, but shows no attributes of Christian love, he just lectures. He wasn't so bad in the beginning, but now he just rages or smoothes unpredictably. They have 3 sons, ages 15 to 7. Those kids suffer as well.
Such a great topic. And very true. Narcissists don't want to change because they've lived in their fantasy realms for so long that they believe the lies--they're perfect, great, better than everyone, people should be grateful for them, etc. My own narcissistic husband has only started working on himself because I packed up the kids and left him for a period. Suddenly, he wasn't so great anymore. Because if he was so "great", I wouldn't have left him.
When a covert narcissist leaves you, it's the best thing that could happen to you. They are the mouse that got away from the Rat poison. Run, run, run, and never look back...boundaries are crucial....keep them...do not go back...whatever you do...it wasn't the life for me and I was too strong and my boundaries would not allow me to move forward.
I am a giving Christian person with the gift of discernment, and yet I allowed myself to get into a relationship with someone with a covert personality. He even told me he was covert (after we were married). The 1st 5 months while we were dating there were red flags that I ignored. We were married after that 5 months and 4 months later he left me and filed for divorce. We are both senior adults and had been in the ministry before our 1st spouses passed. I would have never dreamed I would let myself get into this toxic situation. So true about the one who professes Christianity and knows all the right things to do and say in front of others. When I tried to talk to him about some of the things he said and did, he told me if I told anyone else about those things no one would believe me. He was so right. He had even already gotten to some of my best friends and recruited his flying monkeys. Please pray I continue to get my own life back so I can serve the Lord like my heart desires. Thank you.
They are ALL OVER THE PLACE!!!! I am so lonely, but I am scared to death of everyone now. Especially after seeing, REPEATEDLY, how they are able to fool everyone, including my own family members. I'll gladly live my lonely life if it means being free from those demons and all their antics.
@ Bobbi - so sorry you've gone through this. The "Christian" covert narcs are the most dangerous ones. Quoting scripture, seemingly helpful, giving, loving, charming. But if you think about it the red flags were there early......but after about 6 or 8-12 months you really start to see the cracks, the lies, destructive behaviour, the increasing control, envy, one-uppping etc....please please ladies if dating anyone take your time and don't marry under 1 year if possible stretch to 2 years so you learn the character of the individual thoroughly. Most narcs facade will show through around the 8-12 month mark. But test them ( man or women) and definitely pray.
I'm saying a prayer now for you, stay close to God, before you get into any friendship of any kind again, pray for wisdom to reveal what they are. These demon filled ppl are cunning just like their father Satan. They are so crafty and use your kindness to trick you into helping them so they can destroy you. For no other reason but entertainment. When ever I meet ppl now I observe everything they do and I still get fooled. Our empathy to their pain will always get us fooled unless we are on the tip of our toes..❣️
I am an automatic giver and 😢been played many times by narcissistic toxic people, males and females. Not anymore learned the hard way...awesome video dear Kris ❤❤❤
My husband is exactly how you’re describing a narcissist on every point. I’ve lasted 10 years of living in a toxic marriage I’ve been praying he will change and trying to get him to love me but it’s being physically and mentally draining. I now have the courage to leave and don’t feel guilty anymore thinking it’s my fault.
So glad God called you to this ministry. You have helped me tremendously with healing from the abuse I've suffered. One day i was listening to you doing dishes and i just started bawling! But it was SO healing! I appreciate you 😊
Crazy thing is, my mom was very much like my ex-husband. He felt comfortable and familiar. That being said I KNEW he was not a true Christian so I did it too myself. Forgiving myself and submitting to God 100% now. Taking time to HEAL my childhood trauma. God Bless and thanks for your channel!
Same here, boastful and manipulative mum, when I met my husband , certain mannerisms made me think oh he will get on with mum (not everyone did). Its strange that you can be comfortable in discomfort but if its what you've grown up with, its what feels normal.
I would be so glad to hear your thoughts around Aspergers and Narcissism. And a Christian man with Aspergers, diagnosed, can display some of the narcissistic tendencies and it is challenging at times to distinguish which is developmental, and what is demonic
I am literally in tears right now after that prayer. God is speaking in a mighty way right now! For so many years this is the behavior my wife has displayed and I honestly thought it was normal and I was the problem. A couple of people through the years told me she was a narcissist but I had no idea what they meant and I truly didn’t see it. I feel like I’m trapped and have no way out. It absolutely impossible to talk to her in any meaningful way and I hear every single day how much I am the problem. Today she said I’m 90% of the problem and I really don’t even speak to her anymore. I don’t defend myself anymore either. It’s a sad sad situation. You hit the nail on the head in EVERY SINGLE example you gave. Thank you!
God bless you brother, I'm sorry you have to go through this. It might be good to get into a support group or something like that because most people have no idea what we're talking about when we talk about covert narcissism
Consider sowing what you want to reap. it is a Biblical principle. I did that and was amazed with the results. God is NOT a man, that He should lie. His ways are higher than our ways.
"They've got the words but they ain't got the music"!!! That alone says it all about narcissists! Thanks for sharing and praise God for the teaching 💗🙏🏽💗🙏🏽💗
Yes I'm a giver, a target.yes, they r lazy and passive aggressive. My ex put out the ingredients and cans of beans to make chili in the kitchen counter. I said nothing about it. He left them there all day. I made dinner(no chili) waited for him to say something,he finally did...he was in a grumpy mood,,then he said...he would make the chili. Indirect communication. He really had an expectation for me to make chili,serve him and then was upset cuz I didnt. Then lies to say that he was going to make it,twisting it, seething inside and blaming me for his upset and not being able to communicate directly what he wanted.
1. The victim mentality - always the victim no matter what ✅️ 2. Critical but cowardly - they will avoid confronting issues but complain no end ✅️ 3. Lazy - want everything while doing nothing for it ✅️ 4. Passive aggressive - backhanded language and woe is me, jealousy, contemptuous type comments and being flippant about your concerns ✅️ 5. Defensive - they take offence easily and rage or attack ✅️ 6. Sensitive - they enjoy other people's shortcomings but cannot handle facing their own, you cannot be honest and open with them without them overreacting with injury ✅️ 7. Controlling - they expect others to bow to them, to surrender to their manipulation, and they will resort to aggression if necessary ✅️ My most recent one ticks them ALL!! But he was so insidiously subtle with the passive aggression that i still struggle to see it. He quickly became overtly aggressive and that was confusing at the time and terrifying to think back on now. I honestly think that he would have eventually killed me and then spun a story that he was the victom to get away with murder...
I am a giver, yes. I was also exploited to the max by an ex-narc because I didn’t understand the cycle of narcissistic abuse. I didn’t realize who or what I was dealing with. I am really learning a lot from your channel. So nice to hear the spiritual aspect too. Thank you.
I wish I would of been more educated or had just seen a few videos. I didn’t have any idea what I was dealing with , that these people will destroy your lives and not even blink. The day I finally said no more and left she called the police and said I sexually assaulted her. This is no joke my friends, they will ruin your life , career, and worse if you have children.
@@Greydog184 Jeff, I am so sorry to hear how she dragged you through the mud, especially with the sexual assault accusation! These demons will stop at nothing and I am in a legal battle right now with the ex narc. So devious, lying is their specialty, and then they turn it all on you with the gas lighting and blame shifting. It's God awful. I don't know you but I will keep you in my prayers that you heal and are able to carry on.
Amen, I was at a physical and emotional limit. This has greatly helped me move in the right direction for my own sanity. At times I felt like I’m the one with the issue. I was guided to your feed by the lord and have some relief. You are making a difference in my life moving forward, in Jesus name.
Jesus is waiting for you to ask Him to come into your life. He won't force Himself on you but once you ask Him to help you you will start seeing changes in your life. He loves you more than you can ever comprehend. Once you ask Him into your life He will never fail you.
Repent of your sins. Be ready to say no to the temptation. Simply tell him to forgive you and come into your life as the Lord and master.Tell him to cleanse your heart with His blood and save you. He will do so. Read your bible and join a genuine bible believing fellowship or church that will help you live a godly life,serving the Lord and make heaven at last. I pray that the Lord shows you mercy and helps you. Praying for you.
I’ve been dealing with covert narcissists my entire life! At 74 I started to learn and understand exactly what it was called! Saved my sanity! I got out of the game! And they didn’t like it!
My ex husband has all 7 signs. Thanks be to God that me and my 3 adult Children are healing gracefully with prayer and counseling. Thank you for sharing 🙏🏽
yes I am a giver, and my husband will go along with it all while I am drained. i have begun to pull back, not do all the shopping, leave things where they fall in the house. I am seeing how much I have likely enabled.
Thank you for this great lesson. I have been in the control of a covert narcissist for the past three years, always trying to determine what was wrong with me, why nothing I did seemed to be good enough. Why this person always had to seek further validation from strangers, while they knew they had me hook, line, and sinker. Now I can take back control over my own life and my own emotions.
I do not doubt for one moment that the Lord brought to me, your video. I have been praying my heart out for answers. I rented a bedroom/bath to a young woman,4 months ago. She took over my whole home. Then now, has moved her two small children into that bedroom , without telling or asking. I was just terribly embarrassed to tell anyone that it’s gotten this far. I am 70, I am not that strong anymore emotionally. I was only trying to make ends meet, to pay utilities. Now she hasn’t paid in two months. And I am evicting her, it may not be easy. I think she’s done this before. 😢
Hi Stephanie, I’m sorry your going through that. There are resources for seniors in this situation, my brother in law is a social worker. I would be more than willing to assist in looking for help in your area. You should be living in absolute peace at this stage in your life. Let me know and however I can help I will. I couldn’t imagine my grandma dealing with this, I would be upset to say the least.
Hmmmm- it’s easy to get her out. Go invite a move out party of young folks of people and let her know what day in writing she has to move out. Invite your crew in on that day and have them aggressively take her things out and fumemagate her area. Then invite them to stay for a few days. Just do it- and have them to take the phone out her hand and run out the house, if she tries to call 911. Lock her out and clean out her items to the outside.
Fake laughter. Fake smile. Fake yawning. If you get the feeling in your spirit that they're fake. Your right. I got a crash course in Narcissism. If all the craziness in the last year of your life doesn't make since unless they're a narcissist. And Then it makes sense. Then that's your answer.
This lady has just described my last relationship. My heart is broken but I see it in a different light now. Thank you for your guidance. I think I can cope with the loss in a better way now. Before watching this video, I was completely confused by what took place. I’m still hurting but things make sense to me now.
They are sneaky. Withhold information. My ex narc husband kept secrets the whereabouts of my oldest son who was in another state and my son ended up dying. I didn’t get to him while he was conscious to say good bye due to the fact I didn’t know he was there and when a call came in to my cell phone from that state I didn’t answer it because I didn’t know anyone from there. It was a horrible time and I will never forget what he did. Then I divorced him. He was narcissistic for 30 years and never knew what was going on half the time. He bought my son drugs then lied about that. Oh and by the way…he was a “Christian”. Imagine that.
Sister in Jesus Christ/Yeshua, With nothing but love in my heart I hear your pain. I also hear your anger and bitterness. I understand and can sympathize with your emotions and reasoning having myself been isolated, and surrounded by narcissistic personalities on all sides. There is nothing we can do about the past but to forgive those who believed it their mission to inflict pain and or suffering in our lives. Sadly, you'll never have that moment to comfort your son as he moved toward his *Sunset* . It hurts. That your wound was deliberately inflicted by someone who was supposed to have loved you. That alone makes it a very bitter pill to swallow... Please know and believe that I'm saying this with the greatest sensitivity: Grab a spoonful of sugar and some prayers because you must leave those troubles at the altar so that you can move in the rest of your life within GOD/YAH's purpose. Grounded in being the best person and woman that you can possibly be. Sometimes we have to look for that silver lining as we're counting our blessings.... I'll be thinking of you in my prayers. *Walk Your Blessings* 🍃🙏🏾 Stay Prayed-Up 🙏🏾🍃 🧡
@@Narrow-Pather Yes. My silver lining is that I’ve moved on from all of them. They are the bitter cold heartless ones. Im just choosing to move away from all of it. Thanks for your concern. Oh and by the way….until you have experienced the crushed heart from the passing of a child, please don’t judge on bitterness.
I believe my husband is either a covert or vulnerable narcissist. We have been married for 36 years. There were many years that I was so miserable, I secretly wished he would divorce me. I had no way in the early years to understand what was going on. I only knew that his behaviors were overwhelming and confusing. Good communication was nonexistent. I say this to encourage anyone out there that God can work in your situation. I have learned to be content in my marriage. It has taken decades for improvement but it has gotten better. I wish I had been wise enough to see the signs before marriage, but I wasn't. Yet, I am now glad that I was obedient to God, and remained in the marriage. It is far from perfect. Far. But, God has given the grace to endure, and we now have grandchildren to enjoy.
It just dawned on me that my adult daughter is a covert narcissist 🤯! I thought it was just me, now I KNOW FOR CERTAIN ITS NOT!! Thank you so much for bringing clarity 🙏🏾
I ami 72 and married to a covert 79 aughhh. At least i have been learning to grey walling. Very lonely life now i understand why. I’m. Stronger than he is, thank God
Dear 'ol born again mom. There was only one reason I dated narcy women. The most recent was a classic covert who opened my eyes to the truth of myself and my family. I'm grateful for having light shined on my life and those around me. I'm grateful for how you ended this video with a prayer. That is the true power of healing. NB: Each narcissist I remove from my life, another inserts themselves. It's uncanny. I have no doubt there is a dark force trying to keep me in bondage. The Holy Spirits keeps kicking their asses and keeps teaching me how to be a stronger so the real spiritual battles can be fought.
Oh my gosh!!! Kris, you have nailed all the behaviors of these people to the tee! And your delivery of this information is so very professionally and eloquently delivered! What a blessing for us!
I really appreciate that she calls out the tendencies that we may be gravitating to when dealing with a narcissist, specifically, that she lovingly calls us out for spending more time watching videos about narcissism than about God’s love and how to love like him.
This video is so insightful and accurate. After an almost 2 year relationship with a covert narcissist I can attest to everything you've said as being accurate. Some of the things that I also encountered were Lies-never ending lies about anything and everything; even when there seemed to be no reason someone would want or need to. Cancelling of plans, get together's, any special or important event or date (you) are looking forward to. Faking the future(also known as future faking). They will promise you the world, this is only done to manipulate the current situation to their favor. If they have to tell you they will do something to win you over, get out of a disagreement, to ease over a situation, to get you to do whatever they want and gain control over you, they will do this. Promises of dreams come true, or a future of something you deem as wonderful will be their go to to win control and power over you, when they have no intention of ever following through with these actions. Triangulation- they will use other people, women, men, your friends, your family , a co-worker, etc. to make you either jealous, envious, put doubt in your mind about yourself, your relationship, the other woman, etc. to cause you to doubt yourself, worry, stress, become insecure so they can again regain power or control over you or the situation. They are constantly on their cell phones, hiding their cell phones, or have multiple cellphones, social media accounts under different names, and always have a line of other partners hidden to you who are usually, exes, co-workers, former spouses, whatever to go to when you do not comply with their wants. They cheat- notoriously cheaters. They are never monogamous. They have a superiority complex- no matter what you say, no matter how they hurt you in anyway they are right because they are above you to themselves. Given a chance to do the right thing, they will always choose the wrong thing especially if they know it will hurt you. They start arguments, instigate them or situations to get a negative reaction because they feed off of your pain, your outburst, your sorrow. And yes they know they are doing all these things and so much more. This response is already to lengthy, but this is a good start this video to understand what they are capable of, but unfortunately there is so much more and it only get's worse.
The fact that they all somehow follow the exact same playbook (everything you mentioned is 100% true and all narcissists follow this instinctively) makes me believe they all have the same dark evil entity living inside of them. Amazing how we have all lived through the exact same experience but with different bodies.. and how much of an after impact they have our energy. They are black holes who drain us of our life source so they can continue living.
All of what you described apply to my situation with my ex. The lies, even about things that did not matter; future faking, oh my goodness; triangulation - he had told peope I was crazy and delusional for years - so when broke up (because his new lady reached out to me and we outed him) - he had a ready story built over years that I was crazy.
Thank you for bringing the Lord into this. Everything else out there is so hateful and honestly more confusing. I appreciate your commitment to the Truth of God’s Word!!
I'm (male) dealing with a Covert narcissist (female) that instead of giving an answer when I confront them they just get quite and say, IDK or not give and answer or pretend to be asleep rather then discuss our problems. Any time I'd ask lets seek counseling they deflect and say IDK or to tired to talk. Then they claim that I'm the narcissist. Now that I'm out the house and going though divorce and asked to try and reconcile they say they don't want to and want divorce then trying to manipulate things to try and get there way with everything with the divorce so far. Why so hard with people like this. I'm just glad people have reassured me I'm the good one. And for so long I thought I was the one in the wrong. Be aware of silent submitting narcissist's that make you think, believe, you are the narcissist and that your in control when really they are the one in control and manipulating you the whole way. I went over a year loving this person and they wouldn't even say I love you in return making me feel hopeless and worthless. I hope sharing this helps someone. (There more with this one that I won't put on here) I keep giving this all to God. So far God has been good. I hope Kris Reece sees this and responds.
A year ago, my former friend (from grammar school to beyond adulthood) recently reconnected after decades of being apart. Coming back into her life as an adult I began to recognize the current demonic, narcissistic tendencies that you speak of and with new eyes how they began rearing their ugly head way back as kids with dysfunctional families. Recognition was difficult at first as she has a very charming personality, and I really wanted to make it work as we had shared so much together over the years. However, each of the tendencies you have described have now been honed to a science and when you said in so many words: “Godly guilt leads to repentance whereas demonic guilt will get you to go down Satan’s path” it clearly resonated! Wow! EVERYTHING you described is so spot on!! What’s worse is that she layers on the Christian guilt as a manipulative tool against others around her even though she is too lazy to even pick up a Bible, and pretends to conveniently fall asleep during the Bible classes HELD AT HER HOUSE! (This trick is something she used to do as a kid to get out of things, along with faking illnesses). But the really insidious act that she has developed is Munchausen's syndrome, and will purposely hurt herself so that wounds, illnesses, and even “fainting spells” will cause others to realize that these are all reasons why she cannot contribute, work, or be productive ... all while uttering the mantra "oh, but I'm trying" in her best pathetic voice. So instead, she will spend all day playing on her phone. Not kidding. And when she DOES do something “nice”, it’s transactional: “I would do this or that for you, therefore …you should be there for me”. UGH, sadly, I had really been looking forward to a deep and meaningful sisterhood, but after a year of trying all kinds of things, I cannot deal with it anymore and have chosen to simply disengage. And what’s even sadder is the givers around her are blind to the lies, and continue to enable her. Thank you for this amazingly brilliant and telltale synopsis. Please pray for a Christian, mental health intervention for her.
Narcissist adore money,and if you have it they will walk the tight rope to keep you on their side. If you don't have it you're obsolete to them . But they really don't like to work for it, but they know very well how to Swindle the money from their wealthy friends , but they're wealthy friends doesn't see it they just think wow this person I love their charisma, I'm glad to have this person around me
23:16 - 24:00 is my mother to a T. So glad I found your channel. I legit prayed to God to show me what I was missing in my life that was holding me back and he revealed to me its my toxic codependent relationship with my mom. Just decided to go no contact. It's hard and I'm still trying to accepts and adjust but it's necessary. Keep up the good work. ❤
I am a gìver. My husband IS a narcissist . Been married 45 years. He is so jealous of everything I get. The people I love the most. He is a liar constantly. Thinks it's funny. Envious of people when they some thing great or have more than he has. 😢
I have listened to so many podcasts on narcissistic behaviour and yours is by far the most helpful. I’m am a Christian who married a man who wasn’t a Christian when I met him but became a Christian for all the wrong reasons. Not long after our wedding day, the mask fell. Due to his affair’s, we have parted but as we are still married he feels he can still manipulate me into being his friend with benefits. I kept taking the bait but have now learnt how to recognise the tactics. I live in fear of his ways and pray that I can keep healthy boundaries in place. Please stand in prayer with me🙏🏼
I just wanted to say thanks for this video, because it revealed alot of stuff about me that I didn't realize was me until you gave examples and pointed out everything. If you can pray for me, i want to be a better and more healed person.
Dear one, open your Bible to Psalms 51(middle of book) and read it out loud. Ask for Jesus to come dwell in your heart (mind) and cast out all evil spirits within you and set you free. Bind them up in Jesus name. Repent of all your sins and evil ways. He is just, good, and faithful to forgive. You want the Spirit of Christ in you, not that of the evil one who uses you to hurt people. Now, hold on to Jesus!!! The evil spirits will try to return and keep you in bondage. Cover yourself with the whole armor of God. Ephesians 4.
Phenomenal!! I was on and off "friends" with a woman for years who displayed every one of these signs. Many times, I had wondered if she was a narcissist, but she was so sensitive when it came to children and animals that I thought there was no way she could be. But she literally fits every one of these. Thank you so much. It's my heart to forgive her and let her back into my life, but after watching this and "3 signs God is trying to remove someone from your life" that will not happen again.
This is so hurtful to hear because as you were describing the signs of a covert narcissist I could remember at least one or two memories/moments or comments from my own mother. She was my hero, single mother who struggled so much in life to raise me and how life was ALWAYS unfair and how everyone around her betrayed her. I really looked up to her and I shut myself down so I wouldn't become a burden to her. I shut everything down, even when I was hurt in the most unimaginable ways possible as a woman/preteen, I didn't tell her because I was sorry of how SHE would feel, so I kept it to myself. I lived for her for so many years. My thoughts and wills and dreams and everything else was hers. I went to live abroad to fulfil her dream and then I started to realise that I could live for myself, that I was allowed to have a life of my own, dreams of my own and I started to have a voice and when I started to say no to things that would make me extremely uncomfortable, when I said at the age of 25 that it didn't seem ok that I needed to tell her when I got to work, and when I got home everyday, that's when I went into the list of people who hurt her. Last month I learned she was badmouthing me to people (not the first time) and the things I heard were extremely hurtful, I was in bits, full of anger and sadness and I decided to take some time to self regulate cause I didn't want to argue. She didn't respect my time and texted me calling me a coward and cruel, saying I was being unfair. She was full of rage and not for even a second she asked me how I was. Once again, she was the victim and she never said those bad things about me, even though she was showing me there by the way she was speaking to me that she did exactly what she was being accused and then to defend herself, she badmouthed my brother to me. I am going my second week of partial no contact, I am not answering her texts but I didn't block her from my socials, I still don't have the guts. The point is, even though I had a very bad day yesterday of feeling guilty, I feel at peace cause I did try everything. I communicated my feelings, I wrote her letters and we did video calls, you name it... But she never respected me because she doesn't see me as a human being... I am just an investment and it hurts. These videos are so helpful because for so long I felt I was losing my mind
Absolutely brilliant breakdown. I'm really trying to pray for the narcissists in my life, but it's sooo hard to forgive them the pain they have caused.
When i feel iike that i pray to God to take my anger, frustration, and pray to him to turn every bad intention on themselves as they have towards you. God is a good of love but also a God of mercy and vengeance is for him to take. It feels good when God brings them down on their knees and makes it all right. It hard to wait for the validation but when you are trying to find yourself in God he heals you within to fight with integrity. I am going to dance in the spirit of God and I will see his mercy and so will you.
When a genuine blood bought, born again Christian is wrestling with forgiveness...1 great process to undergo is to work hard to comprehend how much God has forgiven them. Once we truly realize how much God has forgiven us, we grow our capacity to love. He who is forgiven much, loves much!! Love covers a multitude of sins. Love covers . Love does not keep a record.
For sure! I was a giver to a fault! So much money and time for the wrong people. I stopped this past year when I decided to finally live in the word. I feel so blessed that God has welcomed me back with open arms!!! Thank you so much for all that you do- I absolutely love your channel and have watched your show every day! I listen to each multiple times. 🤗
This is an amazing video! I befriended a covert narcissist (without knowing it). Everthing was about HIM...... At first I was the world, kind and sweet, then he was pissed about something and then he didn't contact me anymore. The "friendship" lasted for 10 years.... Het did'nt contact me anymore, because I was getting too critical. I feel sorry for his partner, a kind and friendly person.
I think I was in a relationship with covert narcissist. Yet, he was not lazy (always busy and important). His car got stolen and he was so upset about it I decided to help him - I lent him a lot of money and he took it without a blink of an eye (I do not even own a driving licence and I earn 3 times less). He always compared it to him paying for dinner. He was always complaining over his abusive mother, yet never limited the contact, and justified everything by his difficult past. Every time I started talking, he turned the reality as a qualified magician to prove I am the problem. I broke up with him month ago, but I feel bad about letting him go - there was good in him too! I started to blame myself for not being strong enough.
I love what you said about shifting the focus from the Narc and learning about it to Jesus. God has revealed this to me about my husband and I am continually seeking God. I appreciate that reminder. Ultimately it’s in Gods hands and I know as long as I put God first He will guide my steps. I can pray and intercede on my husbands behalf but He has to WANT God to change his heart and open his eyes to the lies of the enemy. Praying for all of those dealing with these situations. 🙏🏽
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Narcissistic Rage if you confront them...
1) victim mentality
2) Critical/Cowardly
3) Lazy
4) Passive Aggressive
5) Defensive
6) Sensitive
7) Controlling
I am a giver
Yeah, hyper-,hyper controlling, all based around the " safety" of our kids and I. He was in LE, and I was also " responsible" for his stress, until I caught on, and told him, I WAS NOT!!
My goodness, it's my mother
@@hx1487yes!!
@@hx1487 I have the same reaction but it is my sister
Narcs...hate people who have self esteem, a voice and firm bounderies. Who know you are not my responsibility and not your Mother. They dont go near those types. So l am learning to be that type....and loving it.
I think you are right. I find the narcissists I know usually attach themselves to self-conscious people-pleasers. I think the best way to protect yourself is to know your value to God and be wise about the boundaries we set. I don't have many narcissists who regularly interact with me, probably because I'm working on my self-esteem, voice and boundaries;) but I've watched some family and friends be severely used by the narcs (love that term) in their lives. I honestly get angry when I see them so manipulated and I feel like I should defend them against the narcissist. But what a great thought - work on understanding our worth in God and create boundaries so we can stave off the manipulation.
32yrs of this nonsense. He kept me so busy being the workhorse, that I was too preoccupied to confront inconsistencies. Of course, when I did confront it, I was mean & harsh...ugh. Died at 45 in a car wreck (was very reckless), then a whole double life was revealed. Our 2 daughters still show signs of problems from his ways. Our son found out pretty quickly, that his dad's ways, wouldn't work well in the real world...he found his way out of the damage
Most people think you’re being critical if you call out a covert narcissist, because they’re so charming and “loveable “ in their sneaky way of controlling and manipulating.
You're doing what they do and focusing on the words being said instead of what they mean. If you have to engage, try pointing out the nature of what they're saying. For example if a mother is bad mouthing her children in how they treat her. Ask how then if she's such a good parent and raised goods people and to avoid bad people, and now want nothing to do with her. Is she saying she raised good people who are avoiding a bad person or are they bad people and she's a bad person and mother because the kids were rotten. To say either isn't a good look, especially after everything that came out of their mouth prior. Now their very own words start to take on proper meaning and the back pedaling gymnastics will begin if they don't lose it first. If you're with a group and a few of you like deeper discussions, keep it going. It raises questions about nature vs nurture. Can a person have literal bad eggs or was it bad technique or something else people don't yet know about or fully understand.
They can hide what they're saying but not what it means. This'll help someone.
Do they ignore? That is what my mom does.
Don't remember something horrific from childhood and ask why they allowed it to happen.
🫂 ✝️ @@amyroberts8841
@@amyroberts8841yes, it’s called the silent treatment. I’ve had several friendships and romantic relationships with covert narcs and this is a tactic they all used to devalue.
The best way to describe any narcissist is that they are exactly like a spoiled child inside an adult's body (which has very much to do with extremely poor parenting practices).
That's 90 percent of the parenting population. Generationallly speaking boomers are the biggest narcissists out there
Funny..i was just thinking the same thing a few days ago.
Come on lets stop blaming the parent for a child being an ass.
At one point in my marriage I thought, "Is he a two year old?"
@@davidcharles66 I’m sick of blaming the parents. Then down the generations it’s not the current parent rather it was inherited from the older generation, etc. no one takes blame , just push it on to the parents.
To me narcissists are evil people. They have demons inside of them. I worked for a narcissist woman who supposedly was a “Christian”. We became “friends” at work first. I had no idea about narcissists, I didn’t even know this type of people existed. She was all about “poor little me”… I am a person who gives, and likes to make people happy, so she was always talking about her, her mother died when she was young, she was alone, nobody paid attention to her, she bends over backwards for everyone, but no one appreciates her, etc. I had made a decision a little before that as a Christian, that I would be a listener, so I was doing that with her. However, I keep noticing that when it was my turn to speak (normally with her a conversation was one way), she would cut me off immediately. I thought that was odd, but again, I had never met a narcissist so I didn’t know I was dealing with one. She would use me against my co workers to make herself look good behind my back. She would lie in my face and when I confronted her she would turn things and tell me I was the one lying. She would steal my ideas at work and say she came up with it, again, when confronted, she would get mad and play the victim saying she could not believe “I” was stealing her ideas. Basically, what she was doing, she was blaming me. She was vengeful, she would put things in writing to blame me, if I was getting attention for a job well done from others, she would immediately suggest that it was her idea… I mean I can go on, and on, anyway, now I can spot them a mile a way. They drain you…They’re not Christian people, they’re wolves in sheep’s clothing. I have always prayed (still do) for God to give me discernment and to please let me see right through people… I don’t trust people at all and I tend to put them through a test without them knowing, I am very careful about who I bring into my life (friends). I observe people a lot and once I see a red flag, I keep my distance.
We went through this also,but it was the pastor of our church of 7 years ,thanks for sharing ❤
How well I know. My husband is a covert Narcisisst. He makes people think he is such a nice guy all the time when behind closed doors he blames me for everything but takes credit for every good thing and plays the victim always. He has to be in control.
@@janetwhitten2643 I feel for you… if I were you and would go as far away as possible from this person, they’re evil people… I will be praying for you…🙏
At least you're not married to this person.......count your blessings !
I know exactly how you feel. I experienced abuse in my preteens.
They NEVER take responsibility for what they do. Never. Also, they are incredible gaslighters.❤
They are vengeful, envious, jealous, self-centered. I agree.
Envy is the worst.
My family is riddled with narcissists, and I see through it. You are so accurate.
As is mine..
Mine too 😔
He always told me what I truly wanted to hear but never followed up with the actions to make it happen.
Future making 🎯 💯
@@rozalina531 Future Faking
😢
I'm guilty with being passive aggressive too, and it's (for me) coming from my fear from the past every time the other person cannot take easily what I'm saying to him. So, it's basically to evade a certain possible grave effect on my part (esp physically), but it doesn't mean that I don't understand myself or them. This feeling actually used to make me feel wanting to explode, because I have always been controlling myself from speaking up for the issue, but it seems to be really difficult to address an elephant in a room, esp when when the other person isn't ready for a confrontation even if it's a healthy one.
And what I also hate the most is when the other person can easily lie to me rather than accept the truth. This seems to make me feel intensely awful about his behavior and it does hurt so much.
Maybe I actually had overdone a lot of taking and understanding them and this I blamed myself for a while.
But as I went along with my healing process, I realized that it's not my fault, or the other person's, but instead I learned to go through deeper until I could already realease my pains, and anger, and then I noticed how this changed me into being better, less passive aggressive and defensive. And so there's probably a better chance for us to talk things out more maturely.
And this got me truly healed effectively, though not really easy to deal with.
It's indeed frustrating when I want people to be honest with me, but it turns out most of these people I assumed probably wanted the same treatment from me were actually taking my point negatively, even my friends and parents. So, this is also another fact why I have become passive aggressive, mainly because I try to understand too much what they may feel after I gave them my honest comment.
I am also an extreme empath, so this has been my problem, and unfortunately it had me played well before I truly understood its meaning. Thanks for educating us further.
Indeed, it's helpful especially for the clueless ones out there.
@@vi37-pt8fy so you’re sensitive, controlling, critical but cowardly, passive aggressive, and defensive. You may be the narcissist.
I was married to an overt narcissist for almost a decade and it was hell. He abused me in every way, especially financially. He made lots of money, while I made far less and I had to usually pay most of the bills. He did egregiously evil things to me all while gaslighting me and accusing me of everything he was guilty of. I'm so glad that I'm not married to him anymore.
Lol what? Didn't you see separate accounts and you paying before marriage as a problem?
So stop making more narcissistic and make videos about your religion !! Got it
@@rickspalding3047 she probably did, but wanted to please him out of love
Same here sister. He earned more and had it all in savings. I had to spend my money and in the end so bad that I couldn't even have a car or go to the supermarket. Some people are so controlling.
Males that need looking after are the worst. Peter Pans who never grow up into Men.
He should be a politician
Unfortunately I experienced more covert narcissism through the church than anywhere else in my life. Control control control with a heavy dose of guilt and shame to gain more control
Was it a reformed or calvinest church?
Exactly, not to mention your unworthiness...
If you are in any way a giving and empathetic person, the best protection you can learn is assertiveness skills and techniques. Take a course in assertiveness training and learn how to answer/respond to narcissists, bullies and manipulators (pretty much all alike).
Have your children learn these techniques and they will be the greatest skills that will last them a lifetime.
How do I find such a class? Lol
that's what I need to learn.
@@kevinjorgensen7409 Hi Kevin...I didn't see your question before. Jeffrey Fisher puts out some good shorts (and videos) on assertive techniques. He's good and his shorts get to the point. Maybe check him out.
Otherwise, schools/colleges often offer classes, usually night classes. It's good to be in a group where you're face to face with others to practice these techniques and others can give you feedback. I took the first course offered at a College level way back in the early 70's...imagine!!!
Good luck.
They want you to play the part of mother while they play the part of LAZY TEEN-AGER. OK if you like that dynamic.
You will never hear the words ;" Hey Thanks!!!!! That was s lovely Meal ! "
No,
You get silence.
Then dishes piling up all over the house.
I simply decided to take my power back. Go No Contact. Put all my belief in God and NEVER look back! My life is so MUCH happier. I knew my Narc for over 4 decades and it was so very draining and one sided. Now this Empath is walking a Blessed path and enjoying life like never before! TY Lord😘🙏🤗
"Empath Vs narcissist " are the very " worldly" words
Return to God with all hearts soul mind is the only REASONABLE THING TO DO. REAL ONE.... not 1 hour per week in church, the real decision
Grateful to hear. I am at 32 years marriage and am feeling dooped. Wow... learning lots. This is Michelle and I need prayers for protection as he us doing theatrical fake EVERYWHERE and even has convinced my daughter of lies/deceit as the VICTIM.
¿? How do I get to wiñ when divorcing a Narcissist??
Congratulations 🎊
The best way to break free from their spell, is to stop focusing on them, begin to look inward, seek God's council and focus on healing. Kris has designed courses to help. . I have learned to google bible versus on issues I am dealing with, so helpful in shifting my focus off of them and onto God.
Thank you for sharing things that are helpful to you. I will check them out
Definitely
Thank you..Please I want that focus on Godn now, because I have children and most of times his shouting me infrant of my children🤔
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Best advise you can ever get, like Kris said, is to leave them in God's hands.
Amen
They are not in Gods hands; they’ve chosen the other fella.
It just seems like the narcissist gets away with everything and they controll God, the devil protects his own
@@madeleineperry9679 great point. Once again, narcs go against EVERYTHING we have been taught. Everything is upside down.
@@mikerizzo3766 Dont be fooled. That is what they want. They do not control God, although it may seem that way. Remember, none of this is over yet.
It's hard having a mom that is a covert narcissist
Amen to that
I release the toxic shame, I want to move forward. Don’t repay evil 😈 with evil 👿
@@lakevahopps7120 or a mother in law
The fake laughter - YES! Having one persona inside the family and one in front of other people
Yes,my mother 🤦🏽♀️🧐
So true!! Two different people 100%, inside the home and outside of it. 😱
Yeah.
One person in the home, another person in front of other people! So it’s so difficult to tell people this is what this person does or this is who this person is, because, they fake a happy, life is good attitude to people outside.
I’m just amazed!
yup! I hate that fake laughter!!!
@@jernisharichard5032my mom also does this... it's so bizarre to witness... too much drama, for sure
So happy more people are covering Covert Narcissism. It was not as known even 6 years ago. Very helpful.
@user-ts7iz2ih5ui believed my gf currently she's a covert narcissist..
@@aimeegabon301then stop the circus NOW !!! For your sanity.....I'm a super EMPATH by definition and I am a narcissist magnet....I did not even know there were people in the world so evil until my 3 rd one. Now I can spot them a mile away and at the first signs I'm gone breaking all contact. Believe me when I say they will take you down a road you DO NOT want to take. Let them go and move on...they DO NOT CHANGE...they get worse with age. Watch everything you can on the subject of narcissism and believe what you are told about them. It's a deep dark damaging dive that you will take if you stay in a toxic relationship. Don't learn the HARD way... Cut the attachment cord and cut all ties because trust me they will come back again and again. Each time they play by a different set of games. I just don't want anyone to go through what I did...it's more difficult to heal and restore the longer you stay. Walk away...watch videos...learn and love yourself enough to know you deserve SO MUCH BETTER !! Blessings...🙏☝️🙌
@@aimeegabon301read comments of videos also. You will hear horror stories of others. They will help you to walk away....seek God and NEVER SECOND GUESS YOUR DECISION TO LET THEM GO !!! NEVER !!! 😊
I'm married to a convert narcissist for last 30 years,made so many mistakes,suffered like anything but trusting Lord for my healing to become what God wants me to be
I'm so sorry for your pain. My daughter has been going through this for 16 years and it's been getting worse every year. My 3 grandchildren have to put up with their N father, too. I pray for them every day!
Divorce him, you get the house, land, children, alimony, child support, furniture, dog, tax return. He get the credit card debt and becomes homeless. You don't have to do a thing, the courts do it for you. Have a new man move into your house. That what women can do. Many do.
@@georgesontag2192 wow George!
I was in a relationship with a covert n for 12 years..looking back I suffered with anxiety and depression all the time. Only after 10 years of marriage my eyes opened...and I could see his lies and the money he stole..Soo happy to be divorced😅
I am ending 35 years with a covert narcissist.
I’m so over it.
My wife told me that I was a Narcissist. So I looked it up and found Kris. This is very eye opening. 😮 I am learning a lot. I do want to change because I am tired of failing over and over again.
You are perfectly describing my husband of 20 years. And it’s been misery the entire time.
It’s now the worst it’s ever been- I’ve told him we need counseling and he refuses. He can’t handle someone pointing out he’s wrong in any way. We tried once many years ago and as soon as a therapist told him he was wrong in something, he refused to go back. Blamed it on a woman therapist taking ‘my side’ and then wouldn’t choose a male therapist instead.
He’s completely jealous of my career and instead of seeing it as a blessing for our family, he says I’m ’money hungry’ and I care more about being promoted than working for God. He’s been fired twice in his jobs and refuses to acknowledge it was his fault. He’s ALWAYS the victim.
His core belief system is so messed up. I feel sorry for him. When God has been trying to show him in various ways, he breaks down and has anxiety attacks and is also a huge hypochondriac- always faking a health problem to gain sympathy and attention. Tries to get our friends on his side by acting like he’s the kind one and I’m the ‘horrible person’.
I’ve been praying for a change of heart for him for so long but there’s no interest in improving our relationship together. He cares more about saving face for himself than our marriage. This is making me realize any attempt at dialogue is so pointless. You are so right about trying to argue or show them they are believing lies about how they deal with things. It’s just literally arguing with demons. I see that now. My prayers are now changing for asking God to either heal him from the demons that are manipulating and repressing him, or release me from this marriage somehow and find a path forward that glorifies our Lord God.🙏
My deepest prayers for any of you who may be struggling with this, also. You are so loved by Jesus - don’t forget our Lord God’s Truth! ❤
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm 70 now, this relationship, 40 years. If I didn't have my faith, I'd be a lunatic, hehe, no doubt.
My journey has been a blind faith-walk. With so much just too big to wrap my head around, I've leaned into Spirit for each step.
Through it all I've learned and grown so much.
As I began to wisen to things, I had to pull back gently for my own mental/ emotional well-being.
I took my wedding band off more than 20 years back...having already let him know that he had Breached our Marriage Contract. 🕊
I cannot just leave as my name is on Mortgage, and neither of us has the funds to buy the other out.
As I worked to separate myself creating my autonomy, I investigated divorcing him...Just doing it!
🌹I was shocked, when a lawyer said,
Noooooo! Don't do that. If you divorce him, and he drags his heels on selling the house, in 2 years, YOU Will Forfeit Everything!!!
After sharing all the details with him, he apologized, and went onto say, how though justified, there was NOTHING, in Canadian Law to support me.
He and Transition House after apologizing to me asked, if there was anyway I could remain in this home, safely?
🌹...and there yah go!
Sometimes, I gotz tah laugh, and thankfully, I can.....!
The home is big enough that I have staked out my area, and relinquished others to him and our 36 year old son/ on disability, who has morphed into an unbelievably hateful man. Initially, it broke my heart. My sweet, beautiful son, choosing darkness and becoming more and more blind. I can say nothing without it being twisted...Quite amazing to Observe.
By the time I learned of the character assassination the Father perpetrated, our son started to wear those shoes.
Yah, the whole thing potentially crazy-making, the boundaries I've put in place have saved me...All inspired by the Father, as I often times cried, Lord, what do I do now....?
I've watched for my way of escape, and so far it's come through flipping the switch on thoughts in my mind, growing in confidence of my precious I am-Ness, and LOL, being so slippery in the anointing, toxic words and schemes can't stick, but slide off.
❣Honoring every man in their purpose, their journey, their life adventure, I walk in discernment, leaving judgment to God.
🌹I cannot control another man, but I get to choose if I dance with them or NOT.
🌹I am not here to save anyone, though my walk can inspire and support another's journey.
🌹I know, not to jump in the water to save a drowning man...But from that place of sure-footedness, throw him the Life-line. It's on him to grab it.
🙏My heart goes out to every one who is part of this suffering, and I trust as Christed Love flows, there is strengthening, hearts are salved and minds receive peace. 🌹
This Narcissitic/ Co-dependent-Enabler Dance is rampant, pandemicaI,...a hot topic anymore, and I can't help but think there is a greater purpose to the revelation of it. ❣
Yes, the captive is being set free!
Maybe too, it has to do with us healing those generational thangs as much as positioning us to have a better life on this planet. ❣
Hehe, Oh Happy Day 🥰Wisdom, a sweet fruit. xoxox
I am a giver
The Lord has taught me discernment
Latly, trust your gut even when you can not discern the what. "When God whispers, LISTEN". ❤
From the beginning to the end I was not able to tell him back I love you. I wanted but I couldnt..my heart didnt trust him enough, although I didnt have any big reason for that. And almost during the whole relationship deep down I wanted him to break up with me. I didnt understand that, because he lovebombed me until the day he suddenly and cruelly left me..
@@janejana333 may I ask what eventually happened?
@@lisagrace6471 He convinced me to marry him, I came to believe that he really loved me and wanted to be with me forever..he kept repeat that..and then 2 months after the wedding out of the blue he packed his stuff and left me with a smile and many cruel words...
@@janejana333 yes, and that's when you learned, and realized you had married a Monster in disguise.
I give i cant say no
My family members love me to my face and hate and curse me behind my back. I've called it out and stepped away. Best thing I ever did. No drama here now!!
I am working on this currently. It's my mother, but my son and I are in the same house...for now. But I'm making good progress toward getting out. And I've learned not to take her abuse personally. It's annoying to put up with, but I know we'll be out soon. I feel sorry for her, I cannot imagine being so miserable, friendless and nasty to the only people around her. But I'm not engaging anymore.
Amen all we have to do is to surrender ourselves to the word of God and ask Jesus to lead us with Holy Spirit
I do surrender to God and trust him however their behavior wears on you. You need a support group especially women because the husband who is a covert narcissist will try to make them think they are crazy. I have experienced this.
I've recently left a church because the pastor was always asking for money & I didn't see the church helping the less fortunate. The last time I went to that church the pastor & another minister talked about putting life insurance on the church members. They would prosper everytime one of us die. It frightened me & my family. We decided we've had enough. I have a budget for everything. I nor my family members are trying to die for that church building anytime soon. I'm dedicated to JESUS not to man's greed or foolishness!!!
I just broke up with my boyfriend of almost two years last night and came across this video. It exactly describes him and his behaviour. The part I'm struggling with now besides the hurt and frustration is to not be overwhelmed with anger, bitterness, resentment and hatred. It's extremely hard not to respond with vengefulness and pettiness for the pain this man has caused. It's also hard not to be angry with myself for not seeing him for what he was a lot sooner.
I went through all of those emotions too, my advice even though it’s hard sometimes you may have to sit and go through those emotions. Cry out on the floor, scream, beat your couch up lol whatever it takes and then just rest in your Fathers love. He got you and wants you to know He genuinely loves you and will restore you. This pain right now is temporary and will pass. But Gods love and care for us will blow your mind once we really give it all to Him and let Him love on us every moment.
@@Shabaee2626 Thank you for your response. Today was a tough day and your message is heartening.
I so understand you! Now imagine 19 years of giving your life, with children and isolated on top. I have God and everyone else healing from these same wounds as well. We need to feel the emotions and let them go through our bodies, then do some somatic therapy and a lot of prayer. Be glad you didn’t marry him and were just 2 years. You have your whole life ahead you! You are now that much wiser ❤
Thank God you didn't marry him, it could have been far worse
I dated one, but five months and five breakups were all I could take, and my son hated him. He was all ready to "fix" my son. Uh...no!
But yours...I'm willing to bet he seemed like everything you've been praying for when you first got together, and throughout those two years, I'm sure he gave you bits and pieces of that great guy you met. Don't feel angry with yourself. These people play head games like crazy, making you think that if you just do this or don't do that, he won't get mad and want to argue. But the truth is there is no winning with these people.
Also...not reacting, staying calm and holding the line will be the worst thing. They LOVE when you argue, yell or say mean things...it feeds them I think.
It took me a while to get over this guy. I had times of relief, but also mourned the guy he pretended to be...but that part was fake.
My ex messaged me a couple times after breaking up. It felt so good to turn him down. I had started seeing a guy who was bigger and better than him, who loves the things about me that the ex used to criticize about me. This new guy was more friend than boyfriend, but I embellished a little, and it made the ex mad, I know it was a dig. Immature, but it was fun anyway. 😊
Being with my ex narc for the past 6 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I hired a private detective *Metaspyhub@gmail. com* . Once I knew what the narc was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!
Your story is almost a mirror of my story 😢 The more I read, the more my heart broke for you. And I’m so very sorry that the both of us had to endure all the trauma that being done this way brings. Especially knowing that theirs children involved. I too have a daughter that is being affected by narcissistic abuse. I keep praying that she never has to endure this from another person as long as she lives. Because I honestly feel like the worst part of going through this is how it makes you see and feel about yourself. Up until now I’ve stayed mainly quiet about everything my estranged narcissistic husband has put me through. But reading your story and seeing just how exact it is to mine, my voice will be heard! Thank you so very much for sharing your story ❤ I pray that God will continue to pour out blessings on top of blessings for you and your daughter 💕
I'm glad you're free!
@@BowtieAngel Thats extremely close to the same story we all have. Because they all act very similarly. Make or female. Pretty much the exact same as my wife, and a dozen others I’ve talked to. Same actions and the same responses to your actions. Once you realize it, they are very predictable.
Thank you so much 🙏
This comment is perfectly summed up. I needed this today. Thank you! 🙏🏾
This is the BEST DESCRIPTION of the covert narcissist I have ever heard. And perfectly exposes the covert narc I used to be friends with. Lord have mercy!
Thank you so much Kris, our daughter is married to what my wife and I believe is a covert narcissist, who was just found out having an adulterous relationship. We are heart broken for her and her two boys. We’ve seen so many things over the years and are praying for her eyes to be opened. We are all Christians who love the Lord and are trusting He will show her and us how to move forward. Thanks for your Godly advice.
Thank you Kris ❤
Amen 🙏 ❤
She has every right by the voice of God to divorce. Adultery was the only reason to divorce.
I've known several pastors -- one of which founded a large, well-known megachurch and another a pastor at the megachurch -- who have/had adulterous relationship. I stay away from megachurches.
May God protect ur dawter and give her wisdom with understandin and discernment and help her thru all thru it all.may God heal her soul..isisah 41.10..i pray for her🙏
At some point you may need to adjust your boundaries to the other side of the door. I stayed too long and it took such a toll on my health I had a stroke. Now, having no other option I am at the mercy of the hands of a covert narcissist. Where THEY are the victim for having a spouse so broken and how it ruined their life. Watching everything they do for you be done with a grimace…. Being financially dependent on them now and no way out. Get out while you can. It’s spousal abuse. God is doing great things in me in spite of it all. It’s my flesh thorn to bear but avoid it at all cost. I learned too late.
The Holy Spirit told me the same thing. The enemy's main goal is to deter you from focusing on the plans of the Kingdom. How does he do it? 1) By sending you a narcissist, 2) after the discard, by then getting you to expend your time and energy on over watching narcissist videos. I am not saying, once you get the knowledge and the healing, MOVE ON WITH THE LORD AND WHAT HE WANTS FROM YOU, because if we are honest with ourselves we devoted more time and energy to the narc and the videos than we have to the Lord. First we idolize the narc and then we idolize the videos. What will we then tell the Lord on Judgment Day? That knowing about narcs (wickedness) was more important than YOU and YOUR plans on the earth???????🤔 The Word of God says in Philippians 4:8 that we are to meditate on things that are TRUE, NOBLE, JUST, PURE, LOVELY, things of GOOD REPORT, VIRTUOUS, and PRAISEWORTHY, and narcs are NONE OF THESE THINGS, so lets stop giving them free lodging in our precious minds!!! This is the Word of the Lord!
Wowwww sooo true ! Thank you for this very true comment. God bless you ❤
@@islayqueenintv You are welcome. God Bless you. 💌 Now the challenge is in obeying this word.
@Bonnie Rodriguez I understand you since this knowledge wasn't so readily available 25 years ago. I also have spent time in order to get the knowledge until the Lord then gave me this word. Yes it is a lie. These narcs hypnotize you and then once you get the knowledge and know what you are / were dealing with, you snap out of the hypnotism and realize you were duped. The sad thing is when you realize you wasted years nurturing evil rather than serving God and His plans. But God in His grace and mercy uses our experiences to perfect us.
God forgive me am guilty as charged... I have put so much effort on the narc rather than your word.. The things that are noble and worth of your praise.. I repent, have mercy on me sweet Jesus and heal my heart in Jesus name.... Amen
@@Motheranddaughterstherapy Amen, it is good you acknowledge that. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:19)
My daughter has been married to a Narcissist for 16 years, who claims to be Christian, but shows no attributes of Christian love, he just lectures. He wasn't so bad in the beginning, but now he just rages or smoothes unpredictably. They have 3 sons, ages 15 to 7. Those kids suffer as well.
Such a great topic. And very true. Narcissists don't want to change because they've lived in their fantasy realms for so long that they believe the lies--they're perfect, great, better than everyone, people should be grateful for them, etc. My own narcissistic husband has only started working on himself because I packed up the kids and left him for a period. Suddenly, he wasn't so great anymore. Because if he was so "great", I wouldn't have left him.
They always seem to have an anger hovering beneath the surface.
When a covert narcissist leaves you, it's the best thing that could happen to you. They are the mouse that got away from the Rat poison. Run, run, run, and never look back...boundaries are crucial....keep them...do not go back...whatever you do...it wasn't the life for me and I was too strong and my boundaries would not allow me to move forward.
Thank you. I fell into a narcissist trap. I’m realizing now I need to move on, focus on God. ❤
Fell into the trap too. Except now we have a beautiful child and the trap has become more complex
I am a giving Christian person with the gift of discernment, and yet I allowed myself to get into a relationship with someone with a covert personality. He even told me he was covert (after we were married). The 1st 5 months while we were dating there were red flags that I ignored. We were married after that 5 months and 4 months later he left me and filed for divorce.
We are both senior adults and had been in the ministry before our 1st spouses passed.
I would have never dreamed I would let myself get into this toxic situation.
So true about the one who professes Christianity and knows all the right things to do and say in front of others.
When I tried to talk to him about some of the things he said and did, he told me if I told anyone else about those things no one would believe me. He was so right. He had even already gotten to some of my best friends and recruited his flying monkeys.
Please pray I continue to get my own life back so I can serve the Lord like my heart desires. Thank you.
They are ALL OVER THE PLACE!!!! I am so lonely, but I am scared to death of everyone now. Especially after seeing, REPEATEDLY, how they are able to fool everyone, including my own family members. I'll gladly live my lonely life if it means being free from those demons and all their antics.
Bobbi: I did the same thing.
My divorce was finalized just this month.
Yes, I am in the middle of getting my life back as well.
@ Bobbi - so sorry you've gone through this. The "Christian" covert narcs are the most dangerous ones. Quoting scripture, seemingly helpful, giving, loving, charming. But if you think about it the red flags were there early......but after about 6 or 8-12 months you really start to see the cracks, the lies, destructive behaviour, the increasing control, envy, one-uppping etc....please please ladies if dating anyone take your time and don't marry under 1 year if possible stretch to 2 years so you learn the character of the individual thoroughly. Most narcs facade will show through around the 8-12 month mark. But test them ( man or women) and definitely pray.
I'm saying a prayer now for you, stay close to God, before you get into any friendship of any kind again, pray for wisdom to reveal what they are. These demon filled ppl are cunning just like their father Satan. They are so crafty and use your kindness to trick you into helping them so they can destroy you. For no other reason but entertainment. When ever I meet ppl now I observe everything they do and I still get fooled. Our empathy to their pain will always get us fooled unless we are on the tip of our toes..❣️
I told my mother and sister when their spouses passed “quit while you’re ahead.” They had to have a man. Their last husbands were real jerks.
Yeah they act like they have been let down and then they turn around and let you down after you have given them everything you have.
I am an automatic giver and 😢been played many times by narcissistic toxic people, males and females. Not anymore learned the hard way...awesome video dear Kris ❤❤❤
My husband is exactly how you’re describing a narcissist on every point. I’ve lasted 10 years of living in a toxic marriage I’ve been praying he will change and trying to get him to love me but it’s being physically and mentally draining. I now have the courage to leave and don’t feel guilty anymore thinking it’s my fault.
So glad God called you to this ministry. You have helped me tremendously with healing from the abuse I've suffered. One day i was listening to you doing dishes and i just started bawling! But it was SO healing! I appreciate you 😊
I'm an empath and a giver but with age I am setting more boundaries (thank God!), it is just very difficult for me to do but not impossible.
Crazy thing is, my mom was very much like my ex-husband. He felt comfortable and familiar. That being said I KNEW he was not a true Christian so I did it too myself. Forgiving myself and submitting to God 100% now. Taking time to HEAL my childhood trauma. God Bless and thanks for your channel!
Very similar situation here but struggling to forgive myself... I pray for your complete healing sister
Same here, boastful and manipulative mum, when I met my husband , certain mannerisms made me think oh he will get on with mum (not everyone did). Its strange that you can be comfortable in discomfort but if its what you've grown up with, its what feels normal.
Trauma Bonding
and/or
Co-dependency
Yessss! My Mother HATES ti be confronted ... she immediately change the subject!
I would be so glad to hear your thoughts around Aspergers and Narcissism. And a Christian man with Aspergers, diagnosed, can display some of the narcissistic tendencies and it is challenging at times to distinguish which is developmental, and what is demonic
I am literally in tears right now after that prayer. God is speaking in a mighty way right now! For so many years this is the behavior my wife has displayed and I honestly thought it was normal and I was the problem. A couple of people through the years told me she was a narcissist but I had no idea what they meant and I truly didn’t see it. I feel like I’m trapped and have no way out. It absolutely impossible to talk to her in any meaningful way and I hear every single day how much I am the problem. Today she said I’m 90% of the problem and I really don’t even speak to her anymore. I don’t defend myself anymore either. It’s a sad sad situation. You hit the nail on the head in EVERY SINGLE example you gave. Thank you!
God bless you brother, I'm sorry you have to go through this. It might be good to get into a support group or something like that because most people have no idea what we're talking about when we talk about covert narcissism
I am in the same space!
God bless you❤
I am in the same place with my neighbour. The prayer took me to tears too. 7 years I’ve stood it, but no more. Thank you so much and bless you x
I hear that everyday also and he says I’m 100% the problem he does nothing wrong.
Consider sowing what you want to reap. it is a Biblical principle. I did that and was amazed with the results. God is NOT a man, that He should lie. His ways are higher than our ways.
"They've got the words but they ain't got the music"!!! That alone says it all about narcissists! Thanks for sharing and praise God for the teaching 💗🙏🏽💗🙏🏽💗
Great description!! True!!
Spot on 🎯 💯 👏🏻
Great points
Yes I'm a giver, a target.yes, they r lazy and passive aggressive. My ex put out the ingredients and cans of beans to make chili in the kitchen counter. I said nothing about it. He left them there all day. I made dinner(no chili) waited for him to say something,he finally did...he was in a grumpy mood,,then he said...he would make the chili. Indirect communication. He really had an expectation for me to make chili,serve him and then was upset cuz I didnt. Then lies to say that he was going to make it,twisting it, seething inside and blaming me for his upset and not being able to communicate directly what he wanted.
1. The victim mentality - always the victim no matter what ✅️
2. Critical but cowardly - they will avoid confronting issues but complain no end ✅️
3. Lazy - want everything while doing nothing for it ✅️
4. Passive aggressive - backhanded language and woe is me, jealousy, contemptuous type comments and being flippant about your concerns ✅️
5. Defensive - they take offence easily and rage or attack ✅️
6. Sensitive - they enjoy other people's shortcomings but cannot handle facing their own, you cannot be honest and open with them without them overreacting with injury ✅️
7. Controlling - they expect others to bow to them, to surrender to their manipulation, and they will resort to aggression if necessary ✅️
My most recent one ticks them ALL!! But he was so insidiously subtle with the passive aggression that i still struggle to see it. He quickly became overtly aggressive and that was confusing at the time and terrifying to think back on now. I honestly think that he would have eventually killed me and then spun a story that he was the victom to get away with murder...
I think you mean conviction. 👍 I’ve always heard guilt is from the devil, conviction is from the Lord. 👍
I am a giver, yes. I was also exploited to the max by an ex-narc because I didn’t understand the cycle of narcissistic abuse. I didn’t realize who or what I was dealing with. I am really learning a lot from your channel. So nice to hear the spiritual aspect too. Thank you.
I wish I would of been more educated or had just seen a few videos. I didn’t have any idea what I was dealing with , that these people will destroy your lives and not even blink. The day I finally said no more and left she called the police and said I sexually assaulted her. This is no joke my friends, they will ruin your life , career, and worse if you have children.
@@Greydog184 Jeff, I am so sorry to hear how she dragged you through the mud, especially with the sexual assault accusation! These demons will stop at nothing and I am in a legal battle right now with the ex narc. So devious, lying is their specialty, and then they turn it all on you with the gas lighting and blame shifting. It's God awful. I don't know you but I will keep you in my prayers that you heal and are able to carry on.
@@Greydog184 37:40 on
AMEN
Amen, I was at a physical and emotional limit. This has greatly helped me move in the right direction for my own sanity. At times I felt like I’m the one with the issue. I was guided to your feed by the lord and have some relief. You are making a difference in my life moving forward, in Jesus name.
Please pray for me! I need Jesus!
Jesus is waiting for you to ask Him to come into your life. He won't force Himself on you but once you ask Him to help you you will start seeing changes in your life. He loves you more than you can ever comprehend. Once you ask Him into your life He will never fail you.
Repent of your sins. Be ready to say no to the temptation.
Simply tell him to forgive you and come into your life as the Lord and master.Tell him to cleanse your heart with His blood and save you.
He will do so.
Read your bible and join a genuine bible believing fellowship or church that will help you live a godly life,serving the Lord and make heaven at last.
I pray that the Lord shows you mercy and helps you.
Praying for you.
🙏🙏🙏
35:30 Thank you for the prayer. Amen.
I’ve been dealing with covert narcissists my entire life! At 74 I started to learn and understand exactly what it was called! Saved my sanity! I got out of the game! And they didn’t like it!
Good on you. I learned late too. ❤
My ex husband has all 7 signs. Thanks be to God that me and my 3 adult Children are healing gracefully with prayer and counseling. Thank you for sharing 🙏🏽
May you receive healing in Jesus name. N be able to help others struggling with the same.
Last line was truely awesome advice to shift your focus from Ncs to GOD and God's light !
Thank you mam ! Love from India ♡
I completely agree with their laziness. They are so good at making them look like the most diligent person who deserve recognition.
yes I am a giver, and my husband will go along with it all while I am drained. i have begun to pull back, not do all the shopping, leave things where they fall in the house. I am seeing how much I have likely enabled.
Thank you for this great lesson. I have been in the control of a covert narcissist for the past three years, always trying to determine what was wrong with me, why nothing I did seemed to be good enough. Why this person always had to seek further validation from strangers, while they knew they had me hook, line, and sinker. Now I can take back control over my own life and my own emotions.
I do not doubt for one moment that the Lord brought to me, your video. I have been praying my heart out for answers. I rented a bedroom/bath to a young woman,4 months ago. She took over my whole home. Then now, has moved her two small children into that bedroom , without telling or asking. I was just terribly embarrassed to tell anyone that it’s gotten this far. I am 70, I am not that strong anymore emotionally. I was only trying to make ends meet, to pay utilities. Now she hasn’t paid in two months. And I am evicting her, it may not be easy. I think she’s done this before. 😢
Hi Stephanie, I’m sorry your going through that. There are resources for seniors in this situation, my brother in law is a social worker. I would be more than willing to assist in looking for help in your area. You should be living in absolute peace at this stage in your life. Let me know and however I can help I will. I couldn’t imagine my grandma dealing with this, I would be upset to say the least.
@@Shabaee2626 such a lovely response. God bless you
Hmmmm- it’s easy to get her out. Go invite a move out party of young folks of people and let her know what day in writing she has to move out. Invite your crew in on that day and have them aggressively take her things out and fumemagate her area. Then invite them to stay for a few days. Just do it- and have them to take the phone out her hand and run out the house, if she tries to call 911. Lock her out and clean out her items to the outside.
If I didn't react the way he thought I should react in any given situation he would get upset.
Wow, Father, grant wisdom, strength and provision, so I don’t have to go back to him just to survive…🙏🙏🙏
Fake laughter. Fake smile. Fake yawning. If you get the feeling in your spirit that they're fake. Your right. I got a crash course in Narcissism. If all the craziness in the last year of your life doesn't make since unless they're a narcissist. And Then it makes sense. Then that's your answer.
Amen to the prayer.
This lady has just described my last relationship. My heart is broken but I see it in a different light now.
Thank you for your guidance. I think I can cope with the loss in a better way now. Before watching this video, I was completely confused by what took place. I’m still hurting but things make sense to me now.
Hang in there. Be glad you didn’t marry.
They are sneaky. Withhold information. My ex narc husband kept secrets the whereabouts of my oldest son who was in another state and my son ended up dying. I didn’t get to him while he was conscious to say good bye due to the fact I didn’t know he was there and when a call came in to my cell phone from that state I didn’t answer it because I didn’t know anyone from there. It was a horrible time and I will never forget what he did. Then I divorced him. He was narcissistic for 30 years and never knew what was going on half the time. He bought my son drugs then lied about that. Oh and by the way…he was a “Christian”. Imagine that.
Sister in Jesus Christ/Yeshua,
With nothing but love in my heart I hear your pain. I also hear your anger and bitterness. I understand and can sympathize with your emotions and reasoning having myself been isolated, and surrounded by narcissistic personalities on all sides.
There is nothing we can do about the past but to forgive those who believed it their mission to inflict pain and or suffering in our lives.
Sadly, you'll never have that moment to comfort your son as he moved toward his *Sunset* . It hurts. That your wound was deliberately inflicted by someone who was supposed to have loved you. That alone makes it a very bitter pill to swallow...
Please know and believe that I'm saying this with the greatest sensitivity:
Grab a spoonful of sugar and some prayers because you must leave those troubles at the altar so that you can move in the rest of your life within GOD/YAH's purpose. Grounded in being the best person and woman that you can possibly be.
Sometimes we have to look for that silver lining as we're counting our blessings.... I'll be thinking of you in my prayers.
*Walk Your Blessings*
🍃🙏🏾 Stay Prayed-Up 🙏🏾🍃
🧡
@@Narrow-Pather Yes. My silver lining is that I’ve moved on from all of them. They are the bitter cold heartless ones. Im just choosing to move away from all of it. Thanks for your concern. Oh and by the way….until you have experienced the crushed heart from the passing of a child, please don’t judge on bitterness.
I believe my husband is either a covert or vulnerable narcissist. We have been married for 36 years. There were many years that I was so miserable, I secretly wished he would divorce me. I had no way in the early years to understand what was going on. I only knew that his behaviors were overwhelming and confusing. Good communication was nonexistent. I say this to encourage anyone out there that God can work in your situation. I have learned to be content in my marriage. It has taken decades for improvement but it has gotten better. I wish I had been wise enough to see the signs before marriage, but I wasn't. Yet, I am now glad that I was obedient to God, and remained in the marriage. It is far from perfect. Far. But, God has given the grace to endure, and we now have grandchildren to enjoy.
It just dawned on me that my adult daughter is a covert narcissist 🤯! I thought it was just me, now I KNOW FOR CERTAIN ITS NOT!! Thank you so much for bringing clarity 🙏🏾
I ami 72 and married to a covert 79 aughhh. At least i have been learning to grey walling. Very lonely life now i understand why. I’m. Stronger than he is, thank God
Dear 'ol born again mom. There was only one reason I dated narcy women. The most recent was a classic covert who opened my eyes to the truth of myself and my family. I'm grateful for having light shined on my life and those around me. I'm grateful for how you ended this video with a prayer. That is the true power of healing. NB: Each narcissist I remove from my life, another inserts themselves. It's uncanny. I have no doubt there is a dark force trying to keep me in bondage. The Holy Spirits keeps kicking their asses and keeps teaching me how to be a stronger so the real spiritual battles can be fought.
Oh my gosh!!! Kris, you have nailed all the behaviors of these people to the tee! And your delivery of this information is so very professionally and eloquently delivered! What a blessing for us!
Pick them off without exposing them
This was extremely good! Thank you for sharing and I love at the end when you say to not lose focus on the Lord by focusing on the narcissist!
GIVING to ppl who use you is not good. They will abuse your kindness. I know this so well as well.
I really appreciate that she calls out the tendencies that we may be gravitating to when dealing with a narcissist, specifically, that she lovingly calls us out for spending more time watching videos about narcissism than about God’s love and how to love like him.
32:46 My goodness. This was my marriage from the beginning. Completely invalidating and offering solutions instead of empathy or compassion.
This video is so insightful and accurate. After an almost 2 year relationship with a covert narcissist I can attest to everything you've said as being accurate. Some of the things that I also encountered were Lies-never ending lies about anything and everything; even when there seemed to be no reason someone would want or need to. Cancelling of plans, get together's, any special or important event or date (you) are looking forward to. Faking the future(also known as future faking). They will promise you the world, this is only done to manipulate the current situation to their favor. If they have to tell you they will do something to win you over, get out of a disagreement, to ease over a situation, to get you to do whatever they want and gain control over you, they will do this. Promises of dreams come true, or a future of something you deem as wonderful will be their go to to win control and power over you, when they have no intention of ever following through with these actions. Triangulation- they will use other people, women, men, your friends, your family , a co-worker, etc. to make you either jealous, envious, put doubt in your mind about yourself, your relationship, the other woman, etc. to cause you to doubt yourself, worry, stress, become insecure so they can again regain power or control over you or the situation. They are constantly on their cell phones, hiding their cell phones, or have multiple cellphones, social media accounts under different names, and always have a line of other partners hidden to you who are usually, exes, co-workers, former spouses, whatever to go to when you do not comply with their wants. They cheat- notoriously cheaters. They are never monogamous. They have a superiority complex- no matter what you say, no matter how they hurt you in anyway they are right because they are above you to themselves. Given a chance to do the right thing, they will always choose the wrong thing especially if they know it will hurt you. They start arguments, instigate them or situations to get a negative reaction because they feed off of your pain, your outburst, your sorrow. And yes they know they are doing all these things and so much more. This response is already to lengthy, but this is a good start this video to understand what they are capable of, but unfortunately there is so much more and it only get's worse.
The fact that they all somehow follow the exact same playbook (everything you mentioned is 100% true and all narcissists follow this instinctively) makes me believe they all have the same dark evil entity living inside of them.
Amazing how we have all lived through the exact same experience but with different bodies.. and how much of an after impact they have our energy. They are black holes who drain us of our life source so they can continue living.
100% true!
All of what you described apply to my situation with my ex. The lies, even about things that did not matter; future faking, oh my goodness; triangulation - he had told peope I was crazy and delusional for years - so when broke up (because his new lady reached out to me and we outed him) - he had a ready story built over years that I was crazy.
I asked the Lord for discernment of my biological mother and led me here and I thank Him for his love and mercy. Bless you!
Can you give advice how to recognise it in your mum?
Thank you for bringing the Lord into this. Everything else out there is so hateful and honestly more confusing. I appreciate your commitment to the Truth of God’s Word!!
I'm (male) dealing with a Covert narcissist (female) that instead of giving an answer when I confront them they just get quite and say, IDK or not give and answer or pretend to be asleep rather then discuss our problems. Any time I'd ask lets seek counseling they deflect and say IDK or to tired to talk. Then they claim that I'm the narcissist. Now that I'm out the house and going though divorce and asked to try and reconcile they say they don't want to and want divorce then trying to manipulate things to try and get there way with everything with the divorce so far. Why so hard with people like this. I'm just glad people have reassured me I'm the good one. And for so long I thought I was the one in the wrong. Be aware of silent submitting narcissist's that make you think, believe, you are the narcissist and that your in control when really they are the one in control and manipulating you the whole way. I went over a year loving this person and they wouldn't even say I love you in return making me feel hopeless and worthless. I hope sharing this helps someone. (There more with this one that I won't put on here) I keep giving this all to God. So far God has been good. I hope Kris Reece sees this and responds.
Thank you for the material ! it's gold !
timecodes to chapters:
00:00 - intro
01:30 - #1 Victim mentality
05:33 - #2 Critical but cowardly
07:40 - #3 Lazy
11:44 - #4 Passive aggressive
16:01 - #5 Defensive
20:46 - #6 Sensitive
25:48 - #7 Controlling
31:30 - conclusion
6 of the 7 belong to my husband - that's scary!
Thank you for the topic list. I wish all these video hosts would put a list of topics in each one.
I am a giver and I was played by a narcissist husband.. this video hits home. Thanks for sharing
A year ago, my former friend (from grammar school to beyond adulthood) recently reconnected after decades of being apart. Coming back into her life as an adult I began to recognize the current demonic, narcissistic tendencies that you speak of and with new eyes how they began rearing their ugly head way back as kids with dysfunctional families. Recognition was difficult at first as she has a very charming personality, and I really wanted to make it work as we had shared so much together over the years.
However, each of the tendencies you have described have now been honed to a science and when you said in so many words: “Godly guilt leads to repentance whereas demonic guilt will get you to go down Satan’s path” it clearly resonated! Wow! EVERYTHING you described is so spot on!! What’s worse is that she layers on the Christian guilt as a manipulative tool against others around her even though she is too lazy to even pick up a Bible, and pretends to conveniently fall asleep during the Bible classes HELD AT HER HOUSE! (This trick is something she used to do as a kid to get out of things, along with faking illnesses).
But the really insidious act that she has developed is Munchausen's syndrome, and will purposely hurt herself so that wounds, illnesses, and even “fainting spells” will cause others to realize that these are all reasons why she cannot contribute, work, or be productive ... all while uttering the mantra "oh, but I'm trying" in her best pathetic voice. So instead, she will spend all day playing on her phone. Not kidding. And when she DOES do something “nice”, it’s transactional: “I would do this or that for you, therefore …you should be there for me”.
UGH, sadly, I had really been looking forward to a deep and meaningful sisterhood, but after a year of trying all kinds of things, I cannot deal with it anymore and have chosen to simply disengage. And what’s even sadder is the givers around her are blind to the lies, and continue to enable her.
Thank you for this amazingly brilliant and telltale synopsis. Please pray for a Christian, mental health intervention for her.
Narcissist adore money,and if you have it they will walk the tight rope to keep you on their side. If you don't have it you're obsolete to them . But they really don't like to work for it, but they know very well how to Swindle the money from their wealthy friends , but they're wealthy friends doesn't see it they just think wow this person I love their charisma, I'm glad to have this person around me
23:16 - 24:00 is my mother to a T. So glad I found your channel. I legit prayed to God to show me what I was missing in my life that was holding me back and he revealed to me its my toxic codependent relationship with my mom. Just decided to go no contact. It's hard and I'm still trying to accepts and adjust but it's necessary. Keep up the good work. ❤
I am a gìver.
My husband IS a narcissist . Been married 45 years. He is so jealous of everything I get. The people I love the most. He is a liar constantly. Thinks it's funny. Envious of people when they some thing great or have more than he has. 😢
I have listened to so many podcasts on narcissistic behaviour and yours is by far the most helpful.
I’m am a Christian who married a man who wasn’t a Christian when I met him but became a Christian for all the wrong reasons. Not long after our wedding day, the mask fell. Due to his affair’s, we have parted but as we are still married he feels he can still manipulate me into being his friend with benefits.
I kept taking the bait but have now learnt how to recognise the tactics. I live in fear of his ways and pray that I can keep healthy boundaries in place.
Please stand in prayer with me🙏🏼
I just wanted to say thanks for this video, because it revealed alot of stuff about me that I didn't realize was me until you gave examples and pointed out everything. If you can pray for me, i want to be a better and more healed person.
Dear one, open your Bible to Psalms 51(middle of book) and read it out loud. Ask for Jesus to come dwell in your heart (mind) and cast out all evil spirits within you and set you free. Bind them up in Jesus name. Repent of all your sins and evil ways. He is just, good, and faithful to forgive. You want the Spirit of Christ in you, not that of the evil one who uses you to hurt people. Now, hold on to Jesus!!! The evil spirits will try to return and keep you in bondage. Cover yourself with the whole armor of God. Ephesians 4.
Phenomenal!! I was on and off "friends" with a woman for years who displayed every one of these signs. Many times, I had wondered if she was a narcissist, but she was so sensitive when it came to children and animals that I thought there was no way she could be. But she literally fits every one of these. Thank you so much. It's my heart to forgive her and let her back into my life, but after watching this and "3 signs God is trying to remove someone from your life" that will not happen again.
This is so hurtful to hear because as you were describing the signs of a covert narcissist I could remember at least one or two memories/moments or comments from my own mother. She was my hero, single mother who struggled so much in life to raise me and how life was ALWAYS unfair and how everyone around her betrayed her. I really looked up to her and I shut myself down so I wouldn't become a burden to her. I shut everything down, even when I was hurt in the most unimaginable ways possible as a woman/preteen, I didn't tell her because I was sorry of how SHE would feel, so I kept it to myself. I lived for her for so many years. My thoughts and wills and dreams and everything else was hers. I went to live abroad to fulfil her dream and then I started to realise that I could live for myself, that I was allowed to have a life of my own, dreams of my own and I started to have a voice and when I started to say no to things that would make me extremely uncomfortable, when I said at the age of 25 that it didn't seem ok that I needed to tell her when I got to work, and when I got home everyday, that's when I went into the list of people who hurt her. Last month I learned she was badmouthing me to people (not the first time) and the things I heard were extremely hurtful, I was in bits, full of anger and sadness and I decided to take some time to self regulate cause I didn't want to argue. She didn't respect my time and texted me calling me a coward and cruel, saying I was being unfair. She was full of rage and not for even a second she asked me how I was. Once again, she was the victim and she never said those bad things about me, even though she was showing me there by the way she was speaking to me that she did exactly what she was being accused and then to defend herself, she badmouthed my brother to me. I am going my second week of partial no contact, I am not answering her texts but I didn't block her from my socials, I still don't have the guts. The point is, even though I had a very bad day yesterday of feeling guilty, I feel at peace cause I did try everything. I communicated my feelings, I wrote her letters and we did video calls, you name it... But she never respected me because she doesn't see me as a human being... I am just an investment and it hurts. These videos are so helpful because for so long I felt I was losing my mind
Absolutely brilliant breakdown. I'm really trying to pray for the narcissists in my life, but it's sooo hard to forgive them the pain they have caused.
When i feel iike that i pray to God to take my anger, frustration, and pray to him to turn every bad intention on themselves as they have towards you. God is a good of love but also a God of mercy and vengeance is for him to take. It feels good when God brings them down on their knees and makes it all right. It hard to wait for the validation but when you are trying to find yourself in God he heals you within to fight with integrity. I am going to dance in the spirit of God and I will see his mercy and so will you.
You don’t have to forgive anyone.
When a genuine blood bought, born again Christian is wrestling with forgiveness...1 great process to undergo is to work hard to comprehend how much God has forgiven them.
Once we truly realize how much God has forgiven us, we grow our capacity to love.
He who is forgiven much, loves much!!
Love covers a multitude of sins.
Love covers .
Love does not keep a record.
For sure! I was a giver to a fault! So much money and time for the wrong people. I stopped this past year when I decided to finally live in the word. I feel so blessed that God has welcomed me back with open arms!!! Thank you so much for all that you do- I absolutely love your channel and have watched your show every day! I listen to each multiple times. 🤗
This is an amazing video!
I befriended a covert narcissist (without knowing it). Everthing was about HIM......
At first I was the world, kind and sweet, then he was pissed about something and then he didn't contact me anymore. The "friendship" lasted for 10 years....
Het did'nt contact me anymore, because I was getting too critical.
I feel sorry for his partner, a kind and friendly person.
I think I was in a relationship with covert narcissist. Yet, he was not lazy (always busy and important). His car got stolen and he was so upset about it I decided to help him - I lent him a lot of money and he took it without a blink of an eye (I do not even own a driving licence and I earn 3 times less). He always compared it to him paying for dinner. He was always complaining over his abusive mother, yet never limited the contact, and justified everything by his difficult past. Every time I started talking, he turned the reality as a qualified magician to prove I am the problem. I broke up with him month ago, but I feel bad about letting him go - there was good in him too! I started to blame myself for not being strong enough.
I love what you said about shifting the focus from the Narc and learning about it to Jesus. God has revealed this to me about my husband and I am continually seeking God. I appreciate that reminder. Ultimately it’s in Gods hands and I know as long as I put God first He will guide my steps. I can pray and intercede on my husbands behalf but He has to WANT God to change his heart and open his eyes to the lies of the enemy. Praying for all of those dealing with these situations. 🙏🏽