How to bake fanfiction - Lapidot Calzone

A humble request from a dear Anon.
Part one of Baked Atrocities.
I live here: / sketchedatrocities
The background music was: Le petit jardin (with Les Gauchers Orchestra) and can be found in the link below.
freemusicarchiv...
The silent film slide background was created by:
Farrin N. Abbott/CopyCatFilms

[@MadelineSaysHi99]

Cartoon Network needs to see what this hiatus is doing to us.

[@Pyon1441]

hahahaha xd

[@elpachonisimoSOS]

jajajajaja

[@valentinaamortegui970]

Yes hahahaha

[@rawonton9773]

Oh I remember the great hiatus of 2016 it was nothing compared to the even greater hiatus of 2017 :’’)

[@quinnw.3154]

This is extremely informative and pleasing to my tastes.
I now refuse to consume anything else aside from this for the rest of my life.

[@Salf]

If you find you'd like to make this at home here are some instructions I didn't include.
1. The bread mix needs to be put into a bread machine with a *pizza dough* setting.
2. Add a few tablespoons of Honey-soy-sauce to the dry ingredients bowl and mix before adding the tomato sauce.
3. Add pepper to the bowl and mix before adding the tomato sauce.
4. When you pour the tomato sauce into your calzone (after folding it over and closing it that is) pour as much as possible into the insides of the calzone, not over the top of it.
5. If you do make it a Peridot calzone, avoid making the outside of the calzone huge and bulky, try for a more even spread of dough with a small lip to prevent the filling from falling out onto the pizza stone.
6. Leave it in at 240 for about 14 minutes.
7. Also whilst you don't have to use mozzarella it is the bet cheese to use so try to get it. And don't use an entire block, half is enough.
8. Don't actually include any Peri-peri sauce.

[@violin2971]

+Comedic Interlude I couldn't tell if this was actually edible at the end. Is this food?

[@korvincarry3268]

i dont know if this is beautiful or hideous. its either beautifully hideous or hideously beautiful, and my mind cant decide, ill have to test my cooking skills on this... you know, the ones i dont have.

[@brettg.2405]

+violin although the video was comedic, the instructions here ARE accurate to that of a calzone

[@eonstar]

+Comedic Interlude I read that in the voice u used in the video XD

[@feather_cloud7764]

I want to make this

[@BE-fw1lr]

This is quite possibly the greatest thing the internet has ever achieved.

[@samromualdo7571]

I agree with you XD

[@feather_cloud7764]

ye

[@noeldavidson1767]

SU fanbase when the show is on hiatus

[@juliajiffy]

OMFFF AHAHAHA I DIED WHEN HE MOVED THE SALT AND SAID "WOAH WE DONT NEED THAT MUCH THIS ISNT A PEARL RECIPE" PFFFF AHAHA I LOST IT

[@Venomsnakeshugeb00bs]

Add a small and reasonable amount
**uses entire bottle**

[@thegrouchization]

**Tiny drop lands in the bowl**

[@Kaala00]

This is art

[@JackJolleboi]

This is fu**ing amazing, i cant hold back my laughter XD
You good sir, are a genius!

[@SilverKittyDeadChannel]

Lemon fanfiction for dessert. >:3

[@ShadoWolfxNinja]

That actually looks pretty tasty.

[@sanstheskeleton8885]

I would eat this but answer me this.WHY IS JASPERS FACE ON IT AT 5:34!?!? xD

[@sanstheskeleton8885]

Wait I just realized its peridot xD

[@ShadoWolfxNinja]

Noah Ali I don't see Jasper's Face.

[@Taygon45]

Please make more of these with more ships. It was too brilliant, and your voice fits way to well.

[@Laytho2]

Why did I watch all of this, it's 3am and I have school work due, I don't even ship Lapidot.

[@TealDaubs]

I enjoy you genuinely as a person.

[@ThisMythicVortex]

Peridot + lapis = Mountain Dew
Lapis + pearl= salty water
Jasper + lapis = Fanta / orange juice / water mixed with Cheeto puffs XD

[@DrEvilCheezi]

I need more of these......

[@kindbloodedArlanna]

my head looks delicious
I mean what

[@feather_cloud7764]

LMAO

[@WitheredRoseMusic]

THIS VIDEO IS EXACTLY A YEAR OLD TODAY
HOLY SHIT

[@holyflutterofgod]

This is one of the best videos I've ever seen

[@ButtonMasherReal]

Thank you for this wildly entertaining and highly informative culinary service announcement instructional video. It is because of this video that I successfully baked a delectable and light tomato-based calzone.

[@melodyperidot9158]

"Water, seriously..."
I loved this video, ive seen references to the 'edible lapidot' on other videos, i had no idea that this, 'the smothering' and that awesome its over isnt it video was the same person... THIS WAS GREAT!!!

[@QUIETLYthundering]

This video gets more hilarious with each viewing!......and now I need a calzone in my life.

[@niesamowiterayson4594]

'Tuna is for Japidot'

[@symmetricalshinagami5717]

I'M CRYING HOW HAVE I JUST SEEN THIS... IT'S 1 AM AND U SAID *CARESS PERIDOTS FACE THEN CUT THAT SH*T IN TWO* AND I LAUGHED TOO MUCH

[@kristopherm6344]

*looks at full bag of salt* "Whoah, not that much. This isn't a Pearl recipe." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[@HelmsmanButterscotch_OwO]

This is really funny and all, but can we just appreciate his oven mitts real quick?

[@maddymadness1168]

Why is the funniest thing Ive watched all day about cooking?

[@maruppi832]

"tell TANGITE shes cool"
omg yes, tangite agghghghgh

[@carterkight]

I just found this in my favorites almost a decade later and I'm pretty sure I found this through your tumblr at the time and I gotta say I haven't thought about steven universe almost since then but I just want you to know this was still very funny to me

[@cloudblockscus4813]

I am just waiting for the fan episode that was promised a while ago. Figured I might as well check out your other stuff. The answer is yes. There is no question, but still though, yes.

[@Inwazzin]

fabulous recipe, but it could be even less salty, It still tastes like 1/3 pearl.

[@boret98]

How can this video only have 23.410 views this is gold.

[@cassinicultist7831]

Bad ships and pizza - exactly what I needed more of. And this really suits my cooking style. Great response!

[@duckityduckkk]

Instructions unclear, limb enhancers stuck in blender.

[@albiewalker3535]

I'M DYING I'M CHOKING HELP ME

[@samm7371]

That was absolutely hilarious. You need to do more XD

[@ariachermansky7836]

I LOVE THIS OMG! IT'S NOT A PEARL RECIPE! YES! SUBSCRIBING!

[@sterisharms1468]

I have a confession
I like diet mountain dew

[@borisdawelfreacts3092]

".This Other Sauce Won't Get Off My Fucking Spoon"
".Now Cut This Fucking Shit."

[@pedron.2355]

Best dish of the internet after Human Ramen.

[@elpachonisimoSOS]

Una de las poesías mas bellas que jamas tuve el placer de degustar casi igual a una exquisita y refinada gula visual.

[@valmakesvids3952]

This is one of my favorite videos on the internet

[@Joshuajande]

Yes

[@Beachedboy]

this is by far the best thing ive ever seen

[@pooko212]

this video gives me so much joy

[@purpled4547]

'Woah not that much, this isnt a Pearl recipe'
'Oil for Peridot to slip away'
I'm dying XD

[@xoxwingedumbreonxox]

Hilarious, and also taught me how to cook. 20/10, will make for the rest of eternity.

[@drabsyo5490]

Waiting for the hiatus to end. Watching this again.

[@deathtohumansnoah]

Ahh this is old and not so much popular I thought it had been but I REALLY want more to this haha I love this video

[@zoearca8477]

peridot its suffering.

[@Electroid5]

I loved all of this.

[@TheMarshmallowMushroom]

"s l i c k l u b r i c a t i o n c r e v i c e"
"m e a t y m e m b e r s"
i don't know if i like where this is going...

[@no-cq4vi]

now cut that shit in two

[@thatrandomhorrorsans6393]

no.

[@FaunOfTheDevil]

Amazing.

[@jackturner3867]

I miss this community so much😭

[@pidgeth7006]

Actually looks appetizing

[@Peldms63]

You are the god. Holy shit that was incredible. All hats off to you my good sir.

[@meganugget9769]

Caress Peridot's silky face... NOW CUT THAT SHIT IN TWO.

[@brigostore]

only real ones remember lapidot tuesday and cornerstone vids like this

[@its_vio4563]

I'm trash period

[@SuperScratchkat]

that was a ride from beginning to end

[@corallyy5289]

I swear, my favorite part was "cheese"

[@insanechildwitch4674]

Hahahahahaahhahahaha yeah

[@becausewhynot2412]

Holy crap.... This is hilarious!!!! I can't fooking breath!!

[@maddiemaccheese8170]

THIS IS BY FAR THE FUNNIEST THING IN MY WHOLE LIFE

[@ThatGirlReacts]

*Delicious*
*Finally, some good fucking food*

[@P1_D]

I tried this, tastes more like pearl than lapidot

[@juuzousuzuya5330]

can't stop laughing

[@user-dq7fl3xk3t]

that honestly looks delicious

[@SilverKittyDeadChannel]

"Now you may think this is were we bring in the tuna, but we don't. Tuna is for Jaspidot."
My friend would beat me with the same stick you used to beat your Lapidot filling with. (She's a Jaspidot shipper.)

[@trippingazzi7741]

I have officially lost my mind. This video has drove me over the edge. I have lost my shit.

[@AQUAKILLERPAWZ]

Aaa I like both calzones and lapidot

[@spirals5159]

You forgot the Doritos

[@harlankian]

this is great 11/10
it represents my lapidot shipping

[@havesomecarrots]

the ante has been upped. thank you

[@kit5597]

3:52 I died

[@BubblegumFun1]

This is beautiful

[@waqarshahbaz3346]

This was actually very helpful
thank you

[@littlemoon566]

Its so beautiful

[@cuentamuerta2937]

It is perfect and beautiful

[@lusorr]

i cant breathe
thank you for this

[@dbustersword]

High quality shit homie, I thoroughly approve.

[@saltyshibes6247]

I cAnT eVeN

[@twistedshapeshifter]

holy crap this was funny af this needs more views xD

[@flygonical3931]

This is perfect oml

[@Cryogenicmonkey]

I need more.

[@missmercy485]

wake me up

[@zilvoxidgod]

Calzones were harmed in the making of this video!

[@kristinehedeburkal7441]

*Waiting for the doritos*

[@pup8863]

why does that look soo good XD

[@Tulder]

Actually looks delicious.

[@thatluckyhorseshoe4379]

Thank you. I died. And I can't wake up.

[@vic_gu]

I'M SOBBINGGGG

[@spin6668]

Perfection....

[@PeachIceCreamy]

I don’t know how I got here but you need more subs

[@number-no-1443]

Instructions unclear. Accidentally made a mlg version.

[@HALO20601]

Jokes aside, that actually looks good.

[@lapraslazuli4304]

caress peridot's silky face
now cut that shit in two
I lost my fucking marbles

[@cloudmiilks1339]

"ITS OKAY ITLL FIT."

[@millymackinlay2953]

I died...not became this was funny because there was a butterfly in my room and I'm scared SHITLESS of butterflies.....jk that never happened :3

[@bigdaddywoowoo7680]

Make more videos like this cuz this is funny

[@sonsupersage5760]

0:26 means salty pearl XDDDDDDDDDDDD