I am thrilled to find this video on RUclips; it's like visiting with an old, beloved friend. In 2001, I was fortunate enough to be in one of Amanda's groups. Quite simply, Amanda is a brilliant therapist. The course of therapy she has developed is groundbreaking. The methods she describes, the dialoguing, the 1-2-3, the experientials, all worked together to set me on the road to recovery. These became my "toolkit", and over the years, in trying times, these tools have never failed me. As she says, the process can be slow, but slow and steady wins the race. It wasn't easy for me; so many times I wanted to look away, quit, and not "do the work". Amanda introduced me to my inner child, a child who was wounded and suffering. Until that child was acknowledged and heard, a lasting recovery was not going to happen for me. It was my reunion with that child, that part of myself, that led to the healing I have today.
Just watched this tonight. I was shocked, like a slap in the face, when Ms. Curtin commented to the effect of the “martyr” mother. It has never occurred to me to even wonder about my mother - what was she doing when my father was angry and hitting. She was always so sweet and really precious - everyone says so - and she was. But you’re right; she did not protect. I’m having a hard time shifting to that.
For those of us raised in church from birth and attended Sunday school plus Sunday service plus Sunday evening choir and service plus Wednesday night church, church played a major role in upbringing. No offense intended to anybody religious on here, but the ideology from church played a major role in me being submissive and me NOT leaving bad relationships when I should have. And then when I ended up in a battered women shelter, I struggled for year with religious guilt for having left. So in that way, religion played a big role in helping to perpetuate cycles of abuse.
Patrick, a quick cinematography tip when you are shooting a dialogue between two (or more) people: imagine a line running from one character to another, both cameras has to be on the same side and not crossing over that imaginary line. Doing that, in the final image, will create the sense that the two people are looking at each other's eyes while talking. Also, this way, you don't see the cameras in the shoot, and it is easier to hide the lights as well. Thank you so much for sharing this valid content for free.
@SicYennefer You might have the wrong idea about forgiveness then. Forgiveness doesn't mean telling the other person what they did was okay. Forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. So you can let go and be at peace.
@@SicYennefer everyone is different so that v well may work for you, but I'll say that in my experience, there is no healing without forgiveness. like the previous commenter mentioned, it's not about telling yourself that what happened was okay, more that it's okay for you to move on. it's kinda like the "forgive, but never forget". forgiveness is for you and your soul, not the perpetrators 💚 I hope you're doing well on your journey to healing regardless
All I've wanted my whole life is to feel like I belong somewhere. Listening of the bonds found in group, makes me feel so lonely and left out. Always left out. Always forgotten. Always ignored. All I've ever wanted was to belong somewhere, with anyone. Plants and pets help but they are not what my inner child has desperately needed for 50 years. Now I'm so scared of rejection and abandonment that I want to isolate even more. I've never had friends. It sure would be nice to have a friend. A real, meaningful, deep connection with someone I can trust and depend on. I've never known that, outside of the relationship with my pets. I've relied on animals since my preteens.
Hugs. 🩷 Feeling a deep sense of belonging on this wild earth can be so tough. Lost so many friends lately, wondering if I have ever had truly genuine relationships. One of my favorite healing movies is Martian Child with John Cusak. I cry every time I see it or even read about it. Wishing you much gentle love, peace and deep healing connection. 🩷
This was so helpful. I wish there was a therapist like her or yourself in the SF area. Thank you for this interview. My childhood trauma led me to an addiction that really messed up my relationships 💔 I need this work
Group therapy? For childhood trauma, and I’m an hour or so drive from her practice? Hmmmmm. Thought provoking. The only persons in my life that kinda get me are my therapist. My wife loves me but the horror on her face when I share my childhood experiences, or anyone else for that matter is why I’m a social hermit. I’ll look at her website again. Thank you for sharing.
I hope you've been able to have a skilled person help you navigate your childhood :) especially if it's Amanda, I'm jealous of how close you are to her!
Thank you so much for making those videos and sharing them. I am at starting my career as a psychodynamic psychotherapist in Slovenia and this is really helpful! I wish that we would have that kind of groups and education here! Thank you. Keep on the good work and be well! :)
Amazing!!! Thank you both for this interview and sharing this with the world. I do hope the two of you sit back down together and bring us more content and discussion on healing childhood trauma. I have shared this with my partner who is very supportive of my own healing journey.
First listen now. Thank you. Trying to recover physically in order to get to deep well of emotional pain so I can have an open heart, mind, soul, spirit and body and will be able to forgive and be forgiven. Be able to love and be willing to be hurt and learn not to fly w triggers and be able to handle all things maturely 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻✝️🙌🏻
As a mom who is realizing she is responsible for trauma in her children due to my own poor coping skills (I have my own trauma history) I am heartbroken that my children see me so differently than I saw myself as a parent. I pray I can restore relationships but mostly I hope they are able to overcome the trauma and have full lives
Excellent conversation, very useful. You're both obviously quite skilled in running these groups. Two comments -- one, how would find a group like this? Is there a pool of therapists trained to run these groups, any anyone in the UK? And two, a requrest for more videos that include what healthy parenting looks like!
Head forgiveness, heart forgiveness - yes, but most important is bodily, cellular and amygdala forgiveness! If one is still (re)acting from their original coping mechanisms, if one’s automatic reactions are still damaging to the adult self, then body still has work to do. True forgiveness is conquering one’s own spontaneous bodily and mental autonomy. True forgiveness is when there’s no more maladaptive, self-destructive behavior.
In 12-step groups people are NOT allowed to cross-talk when someone is sharing about their feelings and experiences because some of the Fellow Travelers can get triggered. There is no moderator in a 12-step group meeting though. Having said that I think this model created by Amanda Curtin LICSW is something that would be really challenging for people who are highly sensitive or people who get easily triggered like people with a diagnosis of PTSD or C-PTSD. I assume people with Borderline Personality Disorder would fit in this groups settings. In any case this is excellent. I hope to do this therapy soon with Patrick Teasah LICSW... I have my fingers crossed. :)
What about trauma that happened to you as an infant. I was neglected and abused supposedly and taken from my mother and put in the foster system til I was adopted by parents where the mother was forced to adopt me because my dad made her. How do you figure that out? I have major triggers but the original trigger is shrouded in infancy.
Yeah, I hear you. My birth mom didn't want me so she gave me up for adoption. After that, I went to a convent. Then from the convent, I went into the care of a family for 1 year. Then I moved from Brazil to America when I was adopted. Then my parents kicked me out of the house when I was 17. I think I have some abandonment issues basically from infancy.
I can relate to never celebrating my birthday, so this makes sense to me how triggered I get when hubby doesn't care or forgets my birthday. He probably felt like he was in trouble all the time growing up. The well of pain....well said.
So I have a question for you. My roommate was neglected alone as a child dad died when he was 2, mother was working and going to nursing school raising two children) and he has been making his own meals since maybe 6 yrs old. He hates his birthday. When people say they hate their birthday, should you still acknowledge it? Even though they tell you they don't want anything or they don't want any kind of Happy Birthday song or anything? Deep down I feel he really wants someone to acknowledge it. How would you advise I deal with that?
@@reginafromrioI think you should still do something nice for him but without the birthday paraphernalia. So instead of a cake, get a pie or something, skip the happy Birthday song, don't wrap the gifts in the happy Birthday wrapping paper. He most likely wants to be celebrated but anything that's birthday is triggering very negative emotions from his past. I never had my birthday celebrated growing up and I act like it's not a big deal but thats only to push away how I really feel.
@@regularity2556 thank you so much! I don't know if it was the right thing to do, but I bought him a pre- bday gift through Amazon and just said "something came for you" and it was something he wanted. He was really happy. There will be no wrapping, no balloons, no song on the day. He'll hate it. I still do want to give him another gift to acknowledge him but maybe just one more gift not on the day. Is that too much? I know what he likes to eat....
I still haven't fully bought into everything coming back to childhood. I think some of it does but for example: if someone slaps me in the present 2020 why can't I be mad about that in the present? Why does that have to be a trigger to my childhood? Maybe the person who slapped me was a jerk. ? This is just an example. People do hurtful things in the present too which I think has nothing to do with my childhood.
i agree about that. I feel like it's also important to know what stems from inner and outer. Like is that a reflection of inner child/childhood issues or is it justified in the situation. Maybe that's where the group is helpful.
The issue is not whether you get mad if someone slaps you in the present, clearly that person is a jerk or worse. The issue is that if you get slapped in the present and react dysfunctionally - freeze and not react, feel like maybe you caused that slap, or unconscious seek out people who are going to slap you.
This resonates SO MUCH!!! Too much to list off! That being said, in my soul's essence, how can I help people with this? Educational wise! What steps can I take? You two are making WAVES!!! 🌊🌊🌊💖💖💖🌊🌊🌊 keep up the great work!!! Much love, light and healing energy to all 💖🙏💖
Does this work for those with narcissistic traits? Some of what is ruining my marriage (we have already filed for divorce) ... lack of empathy, a flimsy apology only after being told that an apology would be appropriate... immaturity.
This is an amazing idea. But I feel like there wasn't enough instruction on how to use the dog. Examples of how that might look. Perhaps a list of things you might pinpoint about yourself when bringing the dog in play. I found this video informative in general.. but a bit lacking in terms of how the challenge would look as a practice. Thanks!
Acknowledge them. Acknowledge the situation. Be a safe person for them, and always, always try to ~listen~ to them. Ask real questions. Not "how was school?" absent-mindedly, but since you've been paying attention to them, you are able to ask specific things like "how are you doing with fractions? Those were really hard for me!" If they're old enough take them out alone and tell them exactly what you see, and ask them how you can help. It's hard to understand that other people's families are different, because everyone is on their best behavior in public. One mustn't cause a scene, after all. But at home, everyone is like us. Surely. We're normal? Yes? One of my mother's friends slipped a stack of books to me... my first adult novels. Some folks might think that Stephen King's 'Firestarter' isn't appropriate for an 11 yo, but it opened a whole new universe for me. One in which parents protect their kids both physically and emotionally, no matter what. A fantasy where a parent would think to listen to their child and take their opinions seriously. Where the child is allowed to exist as a child. She also gave me "Silence of the Lambs" and "A Handmaiden's Tale"! Looking back now at 52, I'm both absolutely floored- although the early 80s were an odd time- and eternally grateful. She cracked the window for me, and I jumped out and took off running 😊 Thank you, Elaina 💕
How do groups work for autistic people? I dont process emotions in real time, and it's even harder when i have to keep interacting with people. Im assuming that a complete shutdown isnt the point of group work, so how do i get through that?
Is this ever true! Once you create a neural pathway and reinofrce it repeatedly in your brain, whatever that is becomes a kind of "habit" so it pays to create good habits because it is true that those neurons that fire together will wire together (for better or worse).
Just got to.."I think parents .. considering what they" OOOOOO NO I will come back...but not for awhile... My mother ENJOYED the chaos and abuse...she was spoiled by her parents...but the world did not find her as fetching as her parents... She could not stand me after age 4...before that I was her babydoll...Suzy walking doll..the pretty little girl baby the extended family was waiting for... The little sister my brothers wanted.. AND SHE PRODUCED IT! BUT....when I was pushed into school early at 4 because she had had twins... and the teacher said I was unusually smart but wanted to be home... I was now an object of jealousy and contempt..( "I already took care of you get out...you are on your own") But when I started liking art and music and numbers and letters and colors and my teacher and ..OH BOY..the cutest boy in kindergarten was crazy about me.. She took an interest in why I wasn't seeking her anymore... I had lots of new friends who liked me..I had a cute boyfriend...my beautiful, sweet, glamorous teacher was the mother I wanted..my father always thought I was wonderful... NOW MOTHER COULDN'T STAND THAT I WAS SO POPULAR... AND SHE HAD TO "TAKE ME DOWN" NO I KNOW I AM NOT ALONE IN HAVING A "MOTHER" WHO ENJOYED FIGURATIVELY "BREAKING MY LEGS"....WISHING I WERE DEAD
This sounds bad, but your videos are had to watch because when you cover something the I realize about myself, I legitimately get triggered. Like this part here... 36:37 My intrusive thoughts of malice I feel towards my dysfunctional family/parents scare me and are extremely difficult for me to acknowledge let alone face and come to terms with. Hearing a someone say it's ok that those thoughts are there and, more importantly, that it can come out in a safe way... It's really hard to build the strength to get help.
Sorry, but “good enough” parenting is NO EXCUSE. Our parents should have been much more self-aware and paid attention when they knew they had no business being parents. I know that I’m a wrongful life. I’m doing the best I can with what I got, now that I’m here, but I resent the hell out being born and raised the way I was. Both of my parents are intelligent, successful people. They should have known better than to have children before they got therapy. What they did was unforgivable, so yeah, “good enough” parents are bullshit. My parents never loved me, and as a result, I never loved them. So yeah, heart forgiveness is bullshit too.
Hi Patrick..please see my comment on the part-interview video with this therapist. I’m sorry to say something unpositive as it seems rude, but I must say something which is bugging me to death! Are you aware that you have a habit of interrupting the speaker constantly? This makes the otherwise-excellent interviews incredibly hard to listen to. If you are listening to an expert, it would be enough to nod and smile etc when they are speaking. Their words are fully valid without every few words having to be validated by a distracting affirmation of ‘right’ ‘right’ ‘right’. It is apparent that it even irks and distracts the speaker! Just a bad habit...i’m sure you can lose it easily. Thanks for listening to my gripe :)
Cody Pendent I’m reluctant to answer this but Patrick is using something called minimal encouragers a well known listening and therapy technique. I’m sorry it is irritating to you I didn’t notice and thought the conversation flowed well...
@Cody Pendent I do agree something is off in Patrick’s interventions. He uses constant “wow” and even “thats cool “. Which devalorizes greatly his presence here and the interview. I can tell he does not mean harm, and I otherwise like very much his videos. It may be there is a real lack of skill here. Interviewing someone may not be as easy as it seems. . And this is a bad example of it.
@elizabeth teehan Hi and many thanks for your response, which for some reason I didn’t see until now. As a trained councillor and coach myself, I do fully appreciate the value in the demonstration of one’s presence, availability and empathy with the speaker, and there are many ways to achieve this, including providing gestures and verbal/audible signs as you allude to. However, the reason I took the time to make the comment was that there is nothing ‘minimal’ about his constant affirmatives! It’s a sledgehammer to crack a nut! He is literally talking over her words. When something is detrimental to the speaker’s flow, it sits somewhere between mildly distracting and deeply annoying. I’ve listened again to check if I had just been having an off-day or was hangry or something when I commented, but it was so irritating that I had to stop listening. Once again, I don’t usually make negative or judgemental comments. The comment was intended as constructive positive feedback and I hope the intended recipient received it that way. Best wishes
@Deerskin I like your balanced response and appreciate that there are varying degrees of aptitude in this challenging skill. My intention certainly was not idle criticism, but as I hope is evident, just to draw the speaker’s attention to something that could be improved upon. Nobody is perfect but we can all benefit from feedback, including myself, and as long as it’s polite, I’ll always take things on board and reflect on how I can improve. There’s so much pointless and aggressive trolling online that it sometimes gets genuine feedback a bad name! Best wishes and thanks again
I really think Amanda should write a book about this method. It would help many more.
I am thrilled to find this video on RUclips; it's like visiting with an old, beloved friend. In 2001, I was fortunate enough to be in one of Amanda's groups. Quite simply, Amanda is a brilliant therapist. The course of therapy she has developed is groundbreaking. The methods she describes, the dialoguing, the 1-2-3, the experientials, all worked together to set me on the road to recovery. These became my "toolkit", and over the years, in trying times, these tools have never failed me. As she says, the process can be slow, but slow and steady wins the race. It wasn't easy for me; so many times I wanted to look away, quit, and not "do the work". Amanda introduced me to my inner child, a child who was wounded and suffering. Until that child was acknowledged and heard, a lasting recovery was not going to happen for me. It was my reunion with that child, that part of myself, that led to the healing I have today.
That's is so wonderful. Thank you for sharing.
How much was the monthly, quarterly, or yearly investment?
❤
Just watched this tonight. I was shocked, like a slap in the face, when Ms. Curtin commented to the effect of the “martyr” mother. It has never occurred to me to even wonder about my mother - what was she doing when my father was angry and hitting. She was always so sweet and really precious - everyone says so - and she was. But you’re right; she did not protect. I’m having a hard time shifting to that.
Yeah the guilt that somehow we did not protected our mother , man the burden is so huge for a child.
For those of us raised in church from birth and attended Sunday school plus Sunday service plus Sunday evening choir and service plus Wednesday night church, church played a major role in upbringing.
No offense intended to anybody religious on here, but the ideology from church played a major role in me being submissive and me NOT leaving bad relationships when I should have. And then when I ended up in a battered women shelter, I struggled for year with religious guilt for having left.
So in that way, religion played a big role in helping to perpetuate cycles of abuse.
"Give 'til it hurts" was a longstanding concept for us, moreover for women and the service that is expected.
@@edandbrendakelley4713this was what I was taught. It took until my late twenties until I figured out how to stop the people pleasing.
Patrick, a quick cinematography tip when you are shooting a dialogue between two (or more) people:
imagine a line running from one character to another, both cameras has to be on the same side and not crossing over that imaginary line. Doing that, in the final image, will create the sense that the two people are looking at each other's eyes while talking.
Also, this way, you don't see the cameras in the shoot, and it is easier to hide the lights as well.
Thank you so much for sharing this valid content for free.
Thanks, that is helpful to know.
Please, remember that you don't have to forgive. Some things for some people are unforgivable, and that's valid.
God tells us to forgive our enemies. I’m not saying that I do it gladly, I’m just saying that what is we are advised. Blessings to All. 🙏🏼🤍⚖️😘
@SicYennefer You might have the wrong idea about forgiveness then. Forgiveness doesn't mean telling the other person what they did was okay. Forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. So you can let go and be at peace.
@@zephaniahnoahmusic I think you might have the wrong idea - I don't feel the need to forgive. I'm healing without it.
@@christinalw19 not everyone believes in god(s)
@@SicYennefer everyone is different so that v well may work for you, but I'll say that in my experience, there is no healing without forgiveness. like the previous commenter mentioned, it's not about telling yourself that what happened was okay, more that it's okay for you to move on. it's kinda like the "forgive, but never forget". forgiveness is for you and your soul, not the perpetrators 💚 I hope you're doing well on your journey to healing regardless
Listening to this is *EXTREMELY* therapeutic for me at least.
All I've wanted my whole life is to feel like I belong somewhere. Listening of the bonds found in group, makes me feel so lonely and left out.
Always left out. Always forgotten. Always ignored.
All I've ever wanted was to belong somewhere, with anyone.
Plants and pets help but they are not what my inner child has desperately needed for 50 years.
Now I'm so scared of rejection and abandonment that I want to isolate even more.
I've never had friends.
It sure would be nice to have a friend. A real, meaningful, deep connection with someone I can trust and depend on.
I've never known that, outside of the relationship with my pets.
I've relied on animals since my preteens.
Boy, that need for a real friend just never goes away.
I would have been your friend growing up. I was always the one to take in the new kid in school. You're worth it!
Hugs. 🩷 Feeling a deep sense of belonging on this wild earth can be so tough. Lost so many friends lately, wondering if I have ever had truly genuine relationships. One of my favorite healing movies is Martian Child with John Cusak. I cry every time I see it or even read about it. Wishing you much gentle love, peace and deep healing connection. 🩷
I'll be your friend ✨😁
You can always join free of charge growing innee children un selfhelp 12 step groups and will find many friends there.
ACA, Al-Anon,...
This was so helpful. I wish there was a therapist like her or yourself in the SF area. Thank you for this interview. My childhood trauma led me to an addiction that really messed up my relationships 💔 I need this work
Group therapy? For childhood trauma, and I’m an hour or so drive from her practice? Hmmmmm. Thought provoking. The only persons in my life that kinda get me are my therapist. My wife loves me but the horror on her face when I share my childhood experiences, or anyone else for that matter is why I’m a social hermit. I’ll look at her website again. Thank you for sharing.
I hope you've been able to have a skilled person help you navigate your childhood :) especially if it's Amanda, I'm jealous of how close you are to her!
Thank you so much for making those videos and sharing them.
I am at starting my career as a psychodynamic psychotherapist in Slovenia and this is really helpful! I wish that we would have that kind of groups and education here! Thank you. Keep on the good work and be well! :)
Amazing!!! Thank you both for this interview and sharing this with the world. I do hope the two of you sit back down together and bring us more content and discussion on healing childhood trauma. I have shared this with my partner who is very supportive of my own healing journey.
First listen now. Thank you. Trying to recover physically in order to get to deep well of emotional pain so I can have an open heart, mind, soul, spirit and body and will be able to forgive and be forgiven. Be able to love and be willing to be hurt and learn not to fly w triggers and be able to handle all things maturely 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻✝️🙌🏻
This is incredible. I really need to take part in one of her groups!
Same here.
Well done to both clinicians! Thank you for sharing your knowledge and resources so generously.
How do we find someone who can do this therapy in our area?!!!
Why aren't all our communities like her groups?
As a mom who is realizing she is responsible for trauma in her children due to my own poor coping skills (I have my own trauma history) I am heartbroken that my children see me so differently than I saw myself as a parent. I pray I can restore relationships but mostly I hope they are able to overcome the trauma and have full lives
I LOVE the rage release room. I need a RRR in my house! (But then I have to clean it up and get more dishes from the thrift store:)
I just found this...Wow, we finally see her:) Both of you have such a calming reassuring way about you.
Simply incredible video. Thank you. May there be many more Amandas and Patricks out there in the world.
Excellent conversation, very useful. You're both obviously quite skilled in running these groups. Two comments -- one, how would find a group like this? Is there a pool of therapists trained to run these groups, any anyone in the UK? And two, a requrest for more videos that include what healthy parenting looks like!
Head forgiveness, heart forgiveness - yes, but most important is bodily, cellular and amygdala forgiveness! If one is still (re)acting from their original coping mechanisms, if one’s automatic reactions are still damaging to the adult self, then body still has work to do. True forgiveness is conquering one’s own spontaneous bodily and mental autonomy. True forgiveness is when there’s no more maladaptive, self-destructive behavior.
Thank you, I really love your work.
Wow this is by far the most helpful video on this topic
In 12-step groups people are NOT allowed to cross-talk when someone is sharing about their feelings and experiences because some of the Fellow Travelers can get triggered. There is no moderator in a 12-step group meeting though. Having said that I think this model created by Amanda Curtin LICSW is something that would be really challenging for people who are highly sensitive or people who get easily triggered like people with a diagnosis of PTSD or C-PTSD. I assume people with Borderline Personality Disorder would fit in this groups settings. In any case this is excellent. I hope to do this therapy soon with Patrick Teasah LICSW... I have my fingers crossed. :)
Wonderful video. Can't wait to share this with my therapist.
Glad to have stumbled upon this video. So much validation and gratitude!! Thank you !✌️❤
Great insight from you both!! TY
Forgot to say thank you both 💞💙👊
Throwing glass against concrete is a really good release. I wish a Cbus Ohio group would form. TY both for this dialogue.
What about trauma that happened to you as an infant. I was neglected and abused supposedly and taken from my mother and put in the foster system til I was adopted by parents where the mother was forced to adopt me because my dad made her. How do you figure that out? I have major triggers but the original trigger is shrouded in infancy.
Yeah, I hear you. My birth mom didn't want me so she gave me up for adoption. After that, I went to a convent. Then from the convent, I went into the care of a family for 1 year. Then I moved from Brazil to America when I was adopted. Then my parents kicked me out of the house when I was 17. I think I have some abandonment issues basically from infancy.
That's a great question
I can relate to never celebrating my birthday, so this makes sense to me how triggered I get when hubby doesn't care or forgets my birthday. He probably felt like he was in trouble all the time growing up. The well of pain....well said.
So I have a question for you. My roommate was neglected alone as a child dad died when he was 2, mother was working and going to nursing school raising two children) and he has been making his own meals since maybe 6 yrs old. He hates his birthday. When people say they hate their birthday, should you still acknowledge it? Even though they tell you they don't want anything or they don't want any kind of Happy Birthday song or anything? Deep down I feel he really wants someone to acknowledge it. How would you advise I deal with that?
@@reginafromrioI think you should still do something nice for him but without the birthday paraphernalia. So instead of a cake, get a pie or something, skip the happy Birthday song, don't wrap the gifts in the happy Birthday wrapping paper. He most likely wants to be celebrated but anything that's birthday is triggering very negative emotions from his past. I never had my birthday celebrated growing up and I act like it's not a big deal but thats only to push away how I really feel.
@@regularity2556 thank you so much! I don't know if it was the right thing to do, but I bought him a pre- bday gift through Amazon and just said "something came for you" and it was something he wanted. He was really happy. There will be no wrapping, no balloons, no song on the day. He'll hate it. I still do want to give him another gift to acknowledge him but maybe just one more gift not on the day. Is that too much? I know what he likes to eat....
@@regularity2556 I'm sorry about that. Every kid deserves a birthday celebration. It must be hard for you to go through the same BS every year..
Thanks Patrick, Happy Day!
This is gold. 🤗
That was so good thank you.
I still haven't fully bought into everything coming back to childhood. I think some of it does but for example: if someone slaps me in the present 2020 why can't I be mad about that in the present? Why does that have to be a trigger to my childhood? Maybe the person who slapped me was a jerk. ? This is just an example. People do hurtful things in the present too which I think has nothing to do with my childhood.
i agree about that. I feel like it's also important to know what stems from inner and outer. Like is that a reflection of inner child/childhood issues or is it justified in the situation. Maybe that's where the group is helpful.
The issue is not whether you get mad if someone slaps you in the present, clearly that person is a jerk or worse. The issue is that if you get slapped in the present and react dysfunctionally - freeze and not react, feel like maybe you caused that slap, or unconscious seek out people who are going to slap you.
@@kathrynparke8743 that is helpful to hear.
Eye opening video thank you
This resonates SO MUCH!!! Too much to list off! That being said, in my soul's essence, how can I help people with this? Educational wise! What steps can I take? You two are making WAVES!!! 🌊🌊🌊💖💖💖🌊🌊🌊 keep up the great work!!! Much love, light and healing energy to all 💖🙏💖
I wish the sound was more balanced. I can hardly hear Amanda. 😕
your both doing great great suff
This was amazing, thank you, Patrick. However, you didn't say how we can access this type of therapy. I'd really love to try something like this.
Any childhood trauma groups in Toronto ?
Great video 👍
So helpful! 🙏
So beautiful persons right here ❤
Does this work for those with narcissistic traits? Some of what is ruining my marriage (we have already filed for divorce) ... lack of empathy, a flimsy apology only after being told that an apology would be appropriate... immaturity.
Her microphone is kind of low 😟
This is an amazing idea. But I feel like there wasn't enough instruction on how to use the dog. Examples of how that might look. Perhaps a list of things you might pinpoint about yourself when bringing the dog in play. I found this video informative in general.. but a bit lacking in terms of how the challenge would look as a practice. Thanks!
Can someone tell me what the inspirational quote at the end said? The RUclips pop-up blocked most of it, and I don't know how to get rid of it....
Just saw Cambridge...
How do I connect to one of these groups?
How can I help my grandchildren?!!! Mom is toxic and ??. My son just checks out
Acknowledge them. Acknowledge the situation. Be a safe person for them, and always, always try to ~listen~ to them. Ask real questions. Not "how was school?" absent-mindedly, but since you've been paying attention to them, you are able to ask specific things like "how are you doing with fractions? Those were really hard for me!"
If they're old enough take them out alone and tell them exactly what you see, and ask them how you can help.
It's hard to understand that other people's families are different, because everyone is on their best behavior in public. One mustn't cause a scene, after all.
But at home, everyone is like us. Surely. We're normal? Yes?
One of my mother's friends slipped a stack of books to me... my first adult novels.
Some folks might think that Stephen King's 'Firestarter' isn't appropriate for an 11 yo, but it opened a whole new universe for me. One in which parents protect their kids both physically and emotionally, no matter what. A fantasy where a parent would think to listen to their child and take their opinions seriously. Where the child is allowed to exist as a child.
She also gave me "Silence of the Lambs" and "A Handmaiden's Tale"! Looking back now at 52, I'm both absolutely floored- although the early 80s were an odd time- and eternally grateful.
She cracked the window for me, and I jumped out and took off running 😊
Thank you, Elaina 💕
How do groups work for autistic people?
I dont process emotions in real time, and it's even harder when i have to keep interacting with people.
Im assuming that a complete shutdown isnt the point of group work, so how do i get through that?
How does one get into a group RRP therapy?
I love the way the Dr. Joe Dispenza has influenced some of her work.. (neurons that fire together, wire together)and I Love That!! ❤️
Is this ever true! Once you create a neural pathway and reinofrce it repeatedly in your brain, whatever that is becomes a kind of "habit" so it pays to create good habits because it is true that those neurons that fire together will wire together (for better or worse).
Joe dispenza did not originate that saying. He doesn't do any "work" on trauma... he is a charlatan and a hack.
35:45
Just got to.."I think parents ..
considering what they" OOOOOO NO
I will come back...but not for awhile...
My mother ENJOYED the chaos and abuse...she was spoiled by her parents...but the world did not find her as fetching as her parents...
She could not stand me after age 4...before that I was her babydoll...Suzy walking doll..the pretty little girl baby the extended family was waiting for...
The little sister my brothers wanted..
AND SHE PRODUCED IT!
BUT....when I was pushed into school early at 4 because she had had twins...
and the teacher said I was unusually smart but wanted to be home...
I was now an object of jealousy and contempt..( "I already took care of you get out...you are on your own")
But when I started liking art and music and numbers and letters and colors and my teacher and ..OH BOY..the cutest boy in kindergarten was crazy about me..
She took an interest in why I wasn't seeking her anymore...
I had lots of new friends who liked me..I had a cute boyfriend...my beautiful, sweet, glamorous teacher was the mother I wanted..my father always thought I was wonderful...
NOW MOTHER COULDN'T STAND THAT I WAS SO POPULAR...
AND SHE HAD TO "TAKE ME DOWN"
NO I KNOW I AM NOT ALONE IN HAVING A "MOTHER" WHO ENJOYED FIGURATIVELY "BREAKING MY LEGS"....WISHING I WERE DEAD
She was one of the people who saved u.
Amanda where are you located?
L💓ve!
Wow, your lens distortion is bad; it's distracting. Volume is low.
That the unconscious mind cannot tell whether its a role play or not is new knowledge to me. Great to fool the unconscious thou.😮
This sounds bad, but your videos are had to watch because when you cover something the I realize about myself, I legitimately get triggered. Like this part here... 36:37 My intrusive thoughts of malice I feel towards my dysfunctional family/parents scare me and are extremely difficult for me to acknowledge let alone face and come to terms with. Hearing a someone say it's ok that those thoughts are there and, more importantly, that it can come out in a safe way... It's really hard to build the strength to get help.
Sorry, but “good enough” parenting is NO EXCUSE.
Our parents should have been much more self-aware and paid attention when they knew they had no business being parents.
I know that I’m a wrongful life. I’m doing the best I can with what I got, now that I’m here, but I resent the hell out being born and raised the way I was. Both of my parents are intelligent, successful people. They should have known better than to have children before they got therapy.
What they did was unforgivable, so yeah, “good enough” parents are bullshit. My parents never loved me, and as a result, I never loved them.
So yeah, heart forgiveness is bullshit too.
Hi Patrick..please see my comment on the part-interview video with this therapist. I’m sorry to say something unpositive as it seems rude, but I must say something which is bugging me to death! Are you aware that you have a habit of interrupting the speaker constantly? This makes the otherwise-excellent interviews incredibly hard to listen to. If you are listening to an expert, it would be enough to nod and smile etc when they are speaking. Their words are fully valid without every few words having to be validated by a distracting affirmation of ‘right’ ‘right’ ‘right’. It is apparent that it even irks and distracts the speaker! Just a bad habit...i’m sure you can lose it easily. Thanks for listening to my gripe :)
Cody Pendent I’m reluctant to answer this but Patrick is using something called minimal encouragers a well known listening and therapy technique. I’m sorry it is irritating to you I didn’t notice and thought the conversation flowed well...
@Cody Pendent I do agree something is off in Patrick’s interventions. He uses constant “wow” and even “thats cool “. Which devalorizes greatly his presence here and the interview. I can tell he does not mean harm, and I otherwise like very much his videos. It may be there is a real lack of skill here. Interviewing someone may not be as easy as it seems. . And this is a bad example of it.
@elizabeth teehan
Hi and many thanks for your response, which for some reason I didn’t see until now. As a trained councillor and coach myself, I do fully appreciate the value in the demonstration of one’s presence, availability and empathy with the speaker, and there are many ways to achieve this, including providing gestures and verbal/audible signs as you allude to.
However, the reason I took the time to make the comment was that there is nothing ‘minimal’ about his constant affirmatives! It’s a sledgehammer to crack a nut! He is literally talking over her words. When something is detrimental to the speaker’s flow, it sits somewhere between mildly distracting and deeply annoying.
I’ve listened again to check if I had just been having an off-day or was hangry or something when I commented, but it was so irritating that I had to stop listening.
Once again, I don’t usually make negative or judgemental comments. The comment was intended as constructive positive feedback and I hope the intended recipient received it that way.
Best wishes
@Deerskin
I like your balanced response and appreciate that there are varying degrees of aptitude in this challenging skill.
My intention certainly was not idle criticism, but as I hope is evident, just to draw the speaker’s attention to something that could be improved upon.
Nobody is perfect but we can all benefit from feedback, including myself, and as long as it’s polite, I’ll always take things on board and reflect on how I can improve. There’s so much pointless and aggressive trolling online that it sometimes gets genuine feedback a bad name!
Best wishes and thanks again
I really love his interruptions. I think this interview went perfectly.