I was a single dad, I went through divorce when my kids were 9 and 11, I tried to let them figure out things for themselves and learn how to problem solve their own situations, this wasn’t easy to do, I felt if I could just be there in case they got in deep, I could help them. It was so difficult to work and try to do everything else, my daughter made it through and is now a PSYD and works with Autistic adults and trans folks, my son committed suicide in 2014. Even though we were best friends and did everything together, he couldn’t get out of the depression, he wouldn’t get help, and he never asked for help. I guess my point t here is to be careful, if your child seems depressed, you should seek out help no matter what, even if they don’t want it, try everything you can, believe me, you don’t want to be like me, my daughters life, and mine, will never ever be what it once was. 🙏🏽
Man, I'm sorry you've had to go through all of this. I've lost some close friends to suicide, and although that's nothing compared to a child, I've learned that even despite our best efforts, there may still not be things we are able to do or completely prevent. You sound like you are a great dad, thank you for your comments here.
I grew up on a ranch in Colorado. In the winter we would take people on sleigh rides in the mountains on our ranch. When I was 9 I would take people for a sleigh rides sometimes as long as 15 miles. I was only 9 but I was very experienced with horses at that age. Despite that my family got several complaints from customers that they thought I was too young to be doing that. I think society has normalized wrapping kids in bubble wrap instead of letting them grow up. 100 years ago kids did all sorts of things that would get a call from CPS today.
It's worse than that. Yeah, wile some want to wrap kids in bubble wrap, others want to abuse the ingrown ignorance placed on kids also. They full well know that kids wraped in bubble wrap, are easy to confuse, and mislead. That is why we have so many who are part of the woke mob, waning to infiltrate schools as teachers, so they can inject such ideas of being gay or trans over to kids. Kids who has not likely had any talking to by anyone on the topic of sex, just yet. So talking to kids about a much more complex topic that is merely related to our sex and sexual dimorphism, such as what it is to be gay or trans will only serve to be both confusing and uncomfortable for most any of them to be exposed to at school wile at a young age. The kind of age so many teachers today are trying to teach kids about being gay and trans. Or confuse kids with talk of CRT. As though we need to teach kids how to be a bigot, to anyone of any color. Not. >.>
You're welcome Heather! I've got more on teens on my podcast if you're interested: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dr-todd-talks/id1715156384?i=1000639932512
My child is mildly on the autism spectrum. Should parenting look different for these children vs the neurotypical children? I have struggled with trying to help him cope with negative feelings, but I want him to be able to handle the real world as he becomes an adult.
Hi Cindy. Yes, you are absolutely right and I like how you put it. We still want our kids, even if they have unique circumstances like being on the spectrum, to learn how to cope and handle the real world. But with kids on the spectrum, we have to be more flexible and patient. They tend to get overwhelmed more easily, are more easily frustrated and rigid, so it's a slower process to get them there. So keep trying to help him cope, and remember that it will take longer and have more ups and downs, but you're doing the right thing.
All kids need different parenting styles...it's exhausting trying to be the mom my kid needs me to be...to all 4 of my kids. Also, 3 out of 4 have Autism/ADHD.
@@psychicrenegade You are right. Each child's needs and makeup are unique and we need to tailor our approach as much as possible. That said, if you have the foundation of being emotionally connected to them, and also being a credible parent, you've got most of the battle won right there. I empathize with your situation - 3 of 4 kids with Autism/ADHD is going to require a lot from you!
Wow. This is good. I’m an adult that went through this but my dad was also on the spectrum for nPD. So you add coercive control and it’s a nightmare. I had to sign several contracts made by my parents including not dating people of color, I could eat at night, I could not disagree with them. Can you believe that!! How racist is that!? It’s shocking. I’m still dealing with the trauma and I’m watching them do it to another child and it’s killing me!!!
@ashleebennett8957 I’m with you, coercion breeds short-term compliance and long-term resentment and trauma and destroys relationships. I’m sorry you went through that but glad you’re out and can see it for what it is. Now you get to be a different kind of parent!
We do come with a manuel, it's called the Bible, it has nothing to do with religion, it shows how to have a relationship with God, parents, children. I hope this helps 🙏 😊
Hi @miakarakaki4062. A 2 year old does need you to do just about everything, so I wouldn't worry about being a helicopter mom. The general rule of thumb is to not do for your children what they can and should do for themselves. 2 year olds pretty much can't do anything for themselves. But you can start small and let them make choices (example - give them 2 outfits to choose from), have them help you clean up messes, and things like that. Even little kids can do work but mostly that will be helping you work. That's a defining characteristic of helicopter parents - their kids don't work much. Work is the antidote to a lot of problems. I hope this helps.
So what do you do with a kid who has genetic anxiety and wants you to be a helicopter parent? I have to literally force my 4 year old to do things and tell people things. We put her in horseback riding to get her to be confident in herself and do things for herself. Now the onlly time she does in when she's with the horses.
Dealing with an anxious child can be very difficult. They do want you to do too much for them and it can be exhausting. But if you do that, you are preventing them from developing the skills they will need for life. Anxiety, even if it's genetic in nature, is very treatable. It requires exposure to doing the things that your child doesn't want to do. So with a really anxious kid, you can still be gentle but firm. You walk the line of being nurturing, but also requiring them to do difficult things. As a general rule, don't to things for them that they can and should be doing for themselves. And be flexible and understand that with some really anxious kids, they have to grow into being comfortable doing things. My very socially outgoing 26 year old daughter used to cry if I made her order herself while at a restaurant. I would bribe with money and nothing worked. But she did grow out of it and we had a great relationship and at the same time made her do hard things.
@drtoddtalks I do make her do things. I grew up with parents who raised us to be independent as teenagers even while being there for us. I am doing the same thing with her. It's exhausting having to force her to do things, though. She also has severe attachment issues, which make it harder.
I was raised by the Bible. I'm a baby boomer. Without God. Your life is way different. Not good. So what's the problem? His mother surly loves him, but blinded from the truth. Bible will help him
@@drtoddtalksI agree but there’s always more to a story. Sometimes we speak up through our kids. Parents are being arrested at school meetings and board meetings. Why?because they are not allowed to speak and address their concerns. I’m a Latino American that over the last 3 years has moved in the direction of putting a maga hat and i been voting democrat my entire life. I picked up my son at school and broke into tears when I saw him. He’s 6 years old and was dressed in full drag. 😢 it was mid spring and apparently I didn’t know school was celebrating gender bender day. I was escorted out by police for asking why I was informed. My son clearly looks at me and said dad I just want to make my teacher happy. 😢 😢 I couldn’t be mad at him, I wouldn’t regardless but please don’t cross the line. My son and I want to be his influence not the school. Stick to education. Health education not sex education like they have now. Only until you live it. Can u understand. The school are being used by the government to promote and influence their twisted experiments
@@luisfontanez1770This comment has nothing to do with this video. If you want to argue and debate about politics take that mess somewhere else since you cant control yourself. People are hear to learn from this man not argue and debate about your maga and democrat issues.
Please don't assume that 'Everyone Knows' what the meaning of Helicopter Parenting is; as a retired EMS first responder, I had learned this decades ago, after some overbearing parents would 'hover about', while we would be discussing our care plan, with other medical practitioners. It would be helpful to explain the rationale of the term: Helicopter Parenting, as some might not associate it with 'hovering', which is the key word that is never mentioned. Thank you for your consideration(s).
Thanks Frank. This is an interesting to me because "helicopter parenting" has become such a ubiquitous phrase nowadays that it wouldn't have dawned on me that not everyone would know the meaning. I appreciate this comment. The phrase “helicopter parenting” originated in the 1969 book Between Parent and Teenager by Dr. Haim Ginott, a renowned child psychologist. In the book, a teenager described his mother as hovering over him “like a helicopter,” always present and overly involved in his life. This vivid metaphor caught on, capturing the way some parents were beginning to watch over their children intensely, intervening frequently to manage situations. The term became widely popular in the 1990s and early 2000s as more parents exhibited highly involved, overly protective parenting styles. By then, “helicopter parenting” was commonly used to describe parents who were deeply invested in their children’s lives-often to the point of handling schoolwork, sports, or social interactions for them. It’s now part of a larger lexicon of parenting styles, describing parents who, rather than encouraging independence, often stay overly close, intervening to shield their children from potential failures or hardships.
I was a single dad, I went through divorce when my kids were 9 and 11, I tried to let them figure out things for themselves and learn how to problem solve their own situations, this wasn’t easy to do, I felt if I could just be there in case they got in deep, I could help them. It was so difficult to work and try to do everything else, my daughter made it through and is now a PSYD and works with Autistic adults and trans folks, my son committed suicide in 2014. Even though we were best friends and did everything together, he couldn’t get out of the depression, he wouldn’t get help, and he never asked for help. I guess my point t here is to be careful, if your child seems depressed, you should seek out help no matter what, even if they don’t want it, try everything you can, believe me, you don’t want to be like me, my daughters life, and mine, will never ever be what it once was. 🙏🏽
Man, I'm sorry you've had to go through all of this. I've lost some close friends to suicide, and although that's nothing compared to a child, I've learned that even despite our best efforts, there may still not be things we are able to do or completely prevent. You sound like you are a great dad, thank you for your comments here.
I grew up on a ranch in Colorado. In the winter we would take people on sleigh rides in the mountains on our ranch. When I was 9 I would take people for a sleigh rides sometimes as long as 15 miles. I was only 9 but I was very experienced with horses at that age. Despite that my family got several complaints from customers that they thought I was too young to be doing that. I think society has normalized wrapping kids in bubble wrap instead of letting them grow up. 100 years ago kids did all sorts of things that would get a call from CPS today.
Agreed Cathryn! What an advantage for you that you learned at such a young age to be competent and capable. I bet that has served you well in life.
@@tcorelli, yep, learned a lot from my dad. I’m a veterinarian, horse breeder and trainer and rancher and I’ve got my own ranch now at age 25.
@@JacquelineGroves Good for you Cathryn.
It's worse than that.
Yeah, wile some want to wrap kids in bubble wrap, others want to abuse the ingrown ignorance placed on kids also. They full well know that kids wraped in bubble wrap, are easy to confuse, and mislead.
That is why we have so many who are part of the woke mob, waning to infiltrate schools as teachers, so they can inject such ideas of being gay or trans over to kids. Kids who has not likely had any talking to by anyone on the topic of sex, just yet.
So talking to kids about a much more complex topic that is merely related to our sex and sexual dimorphism, such as what it is to be gay or trans will only serve to be both confusing and uncomfortable for most any of them to be exposed to at school wile at a young age. The kind of age so many teachers today are trying to teach kids about being gay and trans.
Or confuse kids with talk of CRT. As though we need to teach kids how to be a bigot, to anyone of any color. Not. >.>
That’s awesome and you’re right; agree 100%
Thank you for doing this video on teens. So many videos are about young children. This is helpful.
You're welcome Heather! I've got more on teens on my podcast if you're interested: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dr-todd-talks/id1715156384?i=1000639932512
My child is mildly on the autism spectrum. Should parenting look different for these children vs the neurotypical children? I have struggled with trying to help him cope with negative feelings, but I want him to be able to handle the real world as he becomes an adult.
Hi Cindy. Yes, you are absolutely right and I like how you put it. We still want our kids, even if they have unique circumstances like being on the spectrum, to learn how to cope and handle the real world. But with kids on the spectrum, we have to be more flexible and patient. They tend to get overwhelmed more easily, are more easily frustrated and rigid, so it's a slower process to get them there. So keep trying to help him cope, and remember that it will take longer and have more ups and downs, but you're doing the right thing.
All kids need different parenting styles...it's exhausting trying to be the mom my kid needs me to be...to all 4 of my kids. Also, 3 out of 4 have Autism/ADHD.
@@psychicrenegade You are right. Each child's needs and makeup are unique and we need to tailor our approach as much as possible. That said, if you have the foundation of being emotionally connected to them, and also being a credible parent, you've got most of the battle won right there. I empathize with your situation - 3 of 4 kids with Autism/ADHD is going to require a lot from you!
Perfectionism, fear, are the root of this we dont give space and time to our kids to fck up their live, to learn a lesson
Wow. This is good. I’m an adult that went through this but my dad was also on the spectrum for nPD. So you add coercive control and it’s a nightmare. I had to sign several contracts made by my parents including not dating people of color, I could eat at night, I could not disagree with them. Can you believe that!! How racist is that!? It’s shocking. I’m still dealing with the trauma and I’m watching them do it to another child and it’s killing me!!!
@ashleebennett8957 I’m with you, coercion breeds short-term compliance and long-term resentment and trauma and destroys relationships. I’m sorry you went through that but glad you’re out and can see it for what it is. Now you get to be a different kind of parent!
Ashlee I'm so so sorry to hear this. I really hope you're making progress and learning to navigate life more fully. Has anything improved?
We do come with a manuel, it's called the Bible, it has nothing to do with religion, it shows how to have a relationship with God, parents, children. I hope this helps 🙏 😊
💯
I'm a single mom of a 2 year old. How do you know if your helicopter mom when you literally have to help your kid with almost everything
Hi @miakarakaki4062. A 2 year old does need you to do just about everything, so I wouldn't worry about being a helicopter mom. The general rule of thumb is to not do for your children what they can and should do for themselves. 2 year olds pretty much can't do anything for themselves. But you can start small and let them make choices (example - give them 2 outfits to choose from), have them help you clean up messes, and things like that. Even little kids can do work but mostly that will be helping you work. That's a defining characteristic of helicopter parents - their kids don't work much. Work is the antidote to a lot of problems. I hope this helps.
So what do you do with a kid who has genetic anxiety and wants you to be a helicopter parent? I have to literally force my 4 year old to do things and tell people things. We put her in horseback riding to get her to be confident in herself and do things for herself. Now the onlly time she does in when she's with the horses.
Dealing with an anxious child can be very difficult. They do want you to do too much for them and it can be exhausting. But if you do that, you are preventing them from developing the skills they will need for life. Anxiety, even if it's genetic in nature, is very treatable. It requires exposure to doing the things that your child doesn't want to do. So with a really anxious kid, you can still be gentle but firm. You walk the line of being nurturing, but also requiring them to do difficult things. As a general rule, don't to things for them that they can and should be doing for themselves. And be flexible and understand that with some really anxious kids, they have to grow into being comfortable doing things. My very socially outgoing 26 year old daughter used to cry if I made her order herself while at a restaurant. I would bribe with money and nothing worked. But she did grow out of it and we had a great relationship and at the same time made her do hard things.
@drtoddtalks I do make her do things. I grew up with parents who raised us to be independent as teenagers even while being there for us. I am doing the same thing with her. It's exhausting having to force her to do things, though. She also has severe attachment issues, which make it harder.
@@TruckerWife Good for you. Attachment definitely makes it harder.
I was raised by the Bible. I'm a baby boomer.
Without God. Your life is way different. Not good. So what's the problem? His mother surly loves him, but blinded from the truth.
Bible will help him
A lot of narcissists parent this way so the child can be their trophy
@Audrey-k2h there certainly is something self-serving about it, for sure.
@@drtoddtalksI agree but there’s always more to a story. Sometimes we speak up through our kids. Parents are being arrested at school meetings and board meetings. Why?because they are not allowed to speak and address their concerns. I’m a Latino American that over the last 3 years has moved in the direction of putting a maga hat and i been voting democrat my entire life. I picked up my son at school and broke into tears when I saw him. He’s 6 years old and was dressed in full drag. 😢 it was mid spring and apparently I didn’t know school was celebrating gender bender day. I was escorted out by police for asking why I was informed. My son clearly looks at me and said dad I just want to make my teacher happy. 😢 😢 I couldn’t be mad at him, I wouldn’t regardless but please don’t cross the line. My son and I want to be his influence not the school. Stick to education. Health education not sex education like they have now. Only until you live it. Can u understand. The school are being used by the government to promote and influence their twisted experiments
@@luisfontanez1770This comment has nothing to do with this video. If you want to argue and debate about politics take that mess somewhere else since you cant control yourself. People are hear to learn from this man not argue and debate about your maga and democrat issues.
Please don't assume that 'Everyone Knows' what the meaning of Helicopter Parenting is; as a retired EMS first responder, I had learned this decades ago, after some overbearing parents would 'hover about', while we would be discussing our care plan, with other medical practitioners. It would be helpful to explain the rationale of the term: Helicopter Parenting, as some might not associate it with 'hovering', which is the key word that is never mentioned. Thank you for your consideration(s).
Thanks Frank. This is an interesting to me because "helicopter parenting" has become such a ubiquitous phrase nowadays that it wouldn't have dawned on me that not everyone would know the meaning. I appreciate this comment.
The phrase “helicopter parenting” originated in the 1969 book Between Parent and Teenager by Dr. Haim Ginott, a renowned child psychologist. In the book, a teenager described his mother as hovering over him “like a helicopter,” always present and overly involved in his life. This vivid metaphor caught on, capturing the way some parents were beginning to watch over their children intensely, intervening frequently to manage situations.
The term became widely popular in the 1990s and early 2000s as more parents exhibited highly involved, overly protective parenting styles. By then, “helicopter parenting” was commonly used to describe parents who were deeply invested in their children’s lives-often to the point of handling schoolwork, sports, or social interactions for them. It’s now part of a larger lexicon of parenting styles, describing parents who, rather than encouraging independence, often stay overly close, intervening to shield their children from potential failures or hardships.
@@drtoddtalks Thank you so much, Dr. Todd, for sharing this very interesting subject!