Yes…but it’s not a life sentence! There is HOPE. The work is challenging for sure, but gaining an accurate view of oneself is for sure possible! I’ve moved the dial, personally and I have more work to be done, but it’s about acknowledging positive progress. It’s the ultimate revenge (in a way) to overcome this kind of indoctrination and grow beyond what has been ingrained into our minds. Many of us here are on that journey and it’s important to encourage one another regarding what’s possible, not just relate to the devastation. Both are important! In my opinion, of course. Onward, beautiful friends! ✨
I can sooo relate to this statement!💜 I was confident and sucessfull untill i met him. I feels like his deep lack of self worth and self esteem really drown all the happiness or positivity in me. I slowly learnt to separate myself from his negativities shames, and guilts....and not let it gets to me. I just know deep down narcistic people only wanted to be loveed, respected and validated....a wound set so far and so deep from their childhood.
Shattered. Ive been told I'm stupid, ugly, fat, incompetent - I am none of these. I went to Italy and learned to paint and was treated like a princess. A line from The Holiday sums it up : someday you'll go somewhere and you will meet people and slowly little parts of your soul will start to come back.
My narc dad made fun of how everyone looked on tv and even found physical faults in everyone he came across. My narc mom made me feel like I could never do anything right. She found fault in the way I cleaned, put up groceries, how I cooked, or even how I talked. Whenever she got in her moods she would start lashing out and tell me everything thats "wrong" with me and downed every choice I ever made. Between the both of them, they've given me such a low self esteem. I struggle to trust myself and make decisions. I struggle to accept myself. I always feel like I'm not good enough. And I still struggle with body dysmorphia and eating disorders. I'm trying really hard to get over this and love and accept myself.
What kind of person wants to hurt others? What kind of person hurts their own child? The problem was never you it was her. She is sick, broken. When someone can not step up to the level you are, the only thing left to do is pull you down to their level. Realizing that will help put things into perspective.
I was uncomfortable hitting the 👍 but except for the Dad involvement you could have been describing my childhood and the struggles with self esteem I've battled my entire life; and I'm soon to be 66. I've all but given up trying to tackle something like that at my age. I know it's 'never too late' but the energy just isn't there any more. My mother was infected by her mother. I don't have one single good memory of her mother and unless pressed to say it I refuse to refer to that evil woman as my grandmother. I loved and adored my grandfather but that brutish evil troublemaker killed him by pushing him down. His hip broke and he never came out of the hospital alive. My mother passed at 87 2 years ago and although I loved my mother I've realized since then that my allegiance was based more on duty than a true relationship. My mom was the same...criticized and mocked everybody. She was a tall but mousy woman who outwardly showed signs of low self esteem around anybody but the family unit. I was the youngest of 5 so arguably got a worse 'infection' because I grew up witnessing my grandmother, my mother, and my aunts toxicity. As my older siblings grew up and moved out of the house much mothers attention became more focused on me. It was cringy attention though. I not only got the criticism I was used to but also got elevated to a golden child level. Their lack of self awareness destroys anybody close to them and sets up their targets for a lifetime of internal Hell.
Sounds familiar. I sought therapy for a year, twice a week and it really really helped me. If you don’t find a good therapist the first try keep searching. You’re worth it.
I did quit myself. Decades ago. I realize that doing this helped ease her anxiety, but not completely. Last week, Mom told me I've lost my personality. No friends... I'm looking for a new home I can afford to move into so I can rebuild myself- spirit, soul, and body.
I understand. My narc's are only in my memory for the most part now but it is so powerful at times that I feel like saying just give me the club and I will just beat myself, thank you. Hang in there. You are not alone.
When you’re around someone with low self-esteem, they will make you feel bad about yourself. When you’re around someone with high self-esteem, you will feel good. As within, so without. People can only give you what they’ve got. You can’t get blood from a stone.
Once, my therapist said "as adults, self-esteem becomes a decision". It took time to sink in, but I started doing things I thought I couldn't, like going back to university to get a psychology degree, trying a new sport, start to swim. All of these steps were accompanied with an inner voice that predicted failure, but I kept going. Succeeding helped me build a strong sense of my own value, something that didn't need other people's approval anymore. Thank you for this interesting topic!
I learned how to have self esteem once I began believing in myself. I realized that I like myself and others do too. I don't need them to tell me how I should walk and talk, to be dictated to by a person who is lost.
I am literally in tears listening to you now. How can you be so accurate every single time! Your words about negative self-perception are so true. Thank you Dr. Ramani, for acknowledging our pain and for giving us the wisdom.♥
After being in a narcissistic relationship or just being around narcissists, it feels like your self-esteem has been through the worst of times. The constant walking on eggshells and suppressing the ability to make a move or express myself authentically for fear of judgment or backlash. One of the biggest struggles I have is the anxiety of being assertive and confronting someone when they do something wrong to me. It’s like in the back of my mind I picture myself giving them a piece of my mind, but once I’m face to face with them, I freeze up like a deer in headlights, like there’s an invisible barrier holding me back and trapping my words inside my throat. In that moment, I’m overthinking the fear of the unknown, fear of consequences, or the fear of being vulnerable.
It does take a long time. I’ve found myself being surprised when people reject me because I’m pretty great, but in unbelief when they accept me for who I am. I have no box to put that in yet.
That cycle could NOT be described any better…and the cure: no contact with the Narc, rip the toxic band-aid off! And immerse yourself in ONLY healthy relationships. The healing comes quicker this way. ❤
It's really challenging leaving behind someone you've loved for so long even though they have lied and cheated. Their will to stand behind their lies, no matter what, is so sad yet defining. It has been the pinnacle to understand their reality and the foundation to healing. Thank you again for your dedication and vulnerability! It's not so lonely going through this BS.
After years of put downs from my parents, I've regained my own confidence, and becuase of them I have a knee jerk reaction to any criticism, or anyone attempting to manipulate me. And they get a variation of "fuk off!"
Those puffed-up distortions are also shared by the enablers -- and the enablers will beat you with them, literally and figuratively, to try to force you to see them that way as well
I was told I was fat, ugly and stupid. I truly believed this as it was hammered into me. I was so insecure and I had an eating disorder. I still struggle with body image. My husband is amazing and has really helped and supported rebuilding me back up. I cut off my twin because he is 100% N. It has been 6 months of peace. How do I rid myself of the guilt that I sometimes feel?
My divorce from my narcissistic spouse came through today. It took me 30 years to walk away. Dr Ramini helped me to realise that he wouldn't change and though I am financially stuffed I feel free to live the rest of my life and be my best self. Thank you Dr Ramini ❤
It was only about 2 years ago that I learned about golden child , the enabler (mother), the scapegoat, etc . Thanks to Doctor Ramanyi . Behavior I believe is generational. I am now seventy. The pain has lasted a long time . Thank you .
Please everyone, Dr. Ramani is spot on. I realized what narc say has nothing to do with us. It’s them projecting, laugh and that puts it back on them. Love your self more. Thanks Doc❤
Mine was shattered by my father. My mothers in the same way. My grandfather was very much a narcisist and my uncles and aunts are same. I no longer speak to him or his family. I feel so much better since but it has taken time to restore myself. It's work and a journey to repair the lost time where I felt I had no control.
My self esteem is high enough that nobody will ever treat me the way the narc did. On the other hand, I will not allow *anyone* through the barrier ever again. Is a win-draw scenario
Sure, yet heart break can recover, yet after years of multiple heartbreaking moments, gets a bit tougher to recover from the crazy making moments to recalibrate from. Glad you wrote your book!
Brilliant. "No matter how healthy your self-esteem was when you got into this relationship, it will inevitably erode your self-esteem, because at some level, your healthy self-esteem would represent a threat in this relationship."
If the Narc is a parent it seems so much more caustic. After all a parent is supposed to love you unconditionally. They are supposed to be there through thick and thin "a face only a mother can love". Etc. When it is your parent telling you "your unlovable, ugly, no one will ever love you it cuts to the core. When a father asks your date "why would you want to date her when you can have the pick of the litter". It cuts deep, leaving a scar that never goes away. The constant scrutiny about your clothing, your hair, your weight and every thing you do or don't do. Your left with a shell empty inside.... searching for who or what you are, believing what ever it is must be awful. Finally sadly in your 40's you realize it was never you...... it was them that was so flawed, but the scars still never go away.
I'm so sorry you went through such horror. You deserve so much better and I hope as you heal and deprogram, you will give yourself the love and care and warmth and compassion and gentleness you always deserve. You are enough and always have been 🫂
After learning that I was not worth listening to, not worthy of justice and open to ridicule based on lies. They are demons, not broken. The lesson I learn is Live and let die. I will never help anyone who behaves like that even if they are bleeding out....
My self esteem was low in the beginning and growing over time. So my nac was very unhappy, trying to put me down all the time. I told not to accept that behaviour, it kills the relationship. My self esteem is now healthy and good, I set borders all the time. The nac is exploding when I am told to end it. Now I'm free, but some one is bagging to come back...
Self esteem is self love. You may have lost a few battles, but the war against negativity goes on. It's not a crime loving yourself too much. No-one can gaslight you when you know and love yourself. Many years of therapy has prepared me to get on with my life after every failed relationship. It's ok to start over. This time you have experience dealing with life's failures.
I agree! My narcissist completely destroyed my self-esteem. At 81, I am struggling to recover from 41+ years of narcissistic attack. As a mother, I was blinded by a mother's love and future hopeium😢. God bless you, Dr. Ramani ❤️ 🙏
Hi,I'm old now.My marriage in my youth,was before we had access to information.He was diagnosed during the divorce as npd sociopath.Walking on eggshells?Even slept on eggshells.Wish it on no one. ❤
We are the wise women who learned and survived. We are more because our strength was tested and we won. I don't think we can go back to who we were. But with new knowledge we can keep our selves safe, choose the good things to let in and grow.
I know that feeling too well 😢 the amount of times I went and slept under a tree in the park at night or hid in my basement when I couldn’t take it anymore. Still trying to build myself back up ❤
this is so true to life! I had my self-esteem broken in such relationships, a couple of times. when I got out of such relationships, I was broken and didn't have any identity and didn't believe in myself after. yet to me healing after such relationships is still going and it's not easy at all.
My narc mom has always made me feel like she’s better than me which really screwed with my self esteem growing up. She would always say “I can’t wait until you’re 18.”
When I questioned my mother why my accomplishments received no praise and all my friends parents made a big deal when they accomplished something, my mother said "It's because we know you CAN". That doesn't even make sense but what can you expect from a mother who quoted the Bible "Pride goeth before a fall" and "Pride is a sin". I was taught to think of myself as trash.
Thank you! 💜 This is what I needed to hear just now, perfect timing if you will. I've been processing old memories from my childhood, ones I had thought were buried so deep that I never knew they existed. But part of that is the narcissist in my life telling me daily it didn't happen. I'm remembering more and more physical abuse... And I'm realizing, this person has only gotten worse as time has gone on. And I'm beginning to accept. It wasn't until I was in my 20's that I went NC. And more than a decade later I finally have former friends of hers approach me apologizing for how they treated because of what she told them... The one that finally pulled me up though, was a family member reaching out, 15 years later. I went NC from the entire family - at the time it was because of fear and shame - I was convinced I was the problem... so I took myself out of it believing I was helping everyone else because I wouldn't be around to ruin things anymore. They got a hold of me and apologized for not understanding how hard it was for my brother and I all those years ago. But they know now. They have been on the receiving end a few too many times, and they have also gone NC with her. It was a major breakthrough.... I finally have validation. They believe me. That is the first time a family member has said they believe me... 37 years, and that was the first time. Shocker, and it still sends chills. 💜 Those things did happen. I will continue to tell my truths. I will continue to be proud of myself for surviving, and I will heal and learn to thrive. Also, I need to continue to learn how to be kind to myself and learn how to have compassion for myself. 💜 I was lead to believe doing these things was selfish and once upon a time I was punished for being selfish... I'm a work in progress... 💖✨
He just made me feel ugly, stupid and I hated how I felt around him. The thing is, I could never quite put my finger on on any one thing; I just knew that I didn't like myself around him. At all. He just went out of his way to belittle me; if I tried to suggest something that might help him (he was constantly in legal trouble over his drunken behavior) or tip-toe around constructive criticism, LOOK OUT, because I was in for it! He'd accuse me of saying things that I KNOW I never said, to the point that I'd question my memory; then he'd get drunk, and he'd assault me-SEVERELY-and I'd swear off of him AGAIN, only for him to come crawling back, pull me back in, and then he'd inevitably do it all over again-and I'd get it even worse the next time....and there was ALWAYS a next time. Until I finally ended it and prosecuted him for felony assault.
I was an independent truck driver, my disability force me into retirement,. The narc said, "whatever u choose I'll support you".. My sense of self whittled away by him. He denies I have a disability. (It's real, guys) look at me, I'm still defending myself. It's been more than 100 days no contact. I am grateful for Dr, Ramani He is in narcissist hell, taking everyone with him... Not me, I'm a Phoenix
So sorry . I also went through a health crisis after ten years of marriage and was left with disabilities. In time he boiled it all down to my use of meds. He never talked about what happened and how I became injured or that I was injured at all. Eventually he weaponized my narcissistic family and took everything and everyone leaving me penniless, disabled and alone other than my two traumatized children. He is a diagnosed sociopath. It was a nightmare and I am finally writing a book about the experience. Sending best wishes, wisdom and love.
I finally found myself & self esteem after years of dealing with these vultures!! What I can’t seem to get myself out of is the anger I feel after finally waking up. I feel like I wasted my life & potential 😢
I love it when I get that anger. I use it to propel me past 'I'm not good enough'. I anger 'clean and declutter' because it cuts through the trauma hoarding. I aslo use it to move out of my comfort zone and do something amazing for myself, like studying or applying for an awesome job. You are juatified in your anger because nobody should have been through what you experienced. Channel your anger in positive ways, talk to someone or even go for a walk so that the anger doesn't start festering and take you to dark places.
Thank you for your brilliant observations and advice dr Ramani ❤ if we stay in a relationship with a narcissist, our healthy self esteem will get eroded because we will either play it small to appease them which is engaging in a lie or inevitably come into conflicts with them. We must leave and do not look back.
I've been binging on Dr Ramani & Evy Poumpouras videos just to find my way out of this dark hole I've felt I'm in. God Bless you intelligent, motivating women!❤
Agreed. Counting down the minutes until I can go to sleep all day- when I should be enjoying this time with my child and my life. Life is a chore and I have very limited energy at this point.
I can tell from your videos that you have been traumatized by a narcissistic father and husband and you are on a mission, as I am. I have been traumatized by narcissistic psychologists who sexually abused me. I love your content and feel for you, especially after watching the video of yourself as "the girl in braids" What you are doing is helping others through healing and bringing understanding and validation to yourself, something I know on a deep, personal level!
Thank you for that Dr Ramani. Just beginning to get my self esteem back after blocking Everyone in my Toxic Family who Scapegoated me for years. Thank you. Love your Videos. ❤
I definitely feel myself getting back to where I was before I met this person. I’ve been no contact now for over a month, and I feel myself awakening. While I was in the relationship, I did what I did as a child. I shut myself down when I knew it was toxic, then started to develop a plan to remove myself from it. Your videos have made me realize I was a codependent person because of childhood trauma, I spent years on myself undoing the traumas to build me back or build me to the person I should’ve been in the beginning. I have had to do the same this individual. You know a person can think they’re solid in themselves, but in reality, it doesn’t take much to unravel the positive work done on ourselves.
Thank you for this post Dr Ramani. I appreciate you reminding us/me that when the clouds of low esteem surface…to ride it out…that this too shall pass. It is so poignant to me that you see the effects of the damage. I would love to hear more on how to “rise up and out” from low esteem, doubt, second guessing and the inner critic from you. Thank you again. 🙏
My mother literally led a group in my elementary (primary) school called, "project self-esteem" while destroying mine, so throughly, my first legit attempt (not a cry for help or something I ever wanted known, and a part of why I don't keep a journal to this very day) on my own pulse rate was when I was still attending said school. I think I was about 11 years old. I only started to not have those dark thoughts daily, or even weekly, or honestly since I can actually recall now that I'm writing this, for the first time in my life since I went no contact with my mother 3 years ago. I was born in 1984. Please, if you're reading this and haven't yet, go no contact. Pick yourself. You are worth it.
*My self-esteem quickly sprouted and bloomed when I started college. I knew I could actually be happy, create a life worth living, helping others was my calling. But when my father had surgery when I was preparing to go away to school, I became extremely depressed b/c it was my duty to care for him, and I became a servant...Growing up with an exploitative, manipulative, coercively controlling narcissistic father is a ticket to trouble with self-esteem. He always told me how to be a good person, but never encouraged me to believe in myself or know my potential. I was extremely sensitive, painfully shy, and insecure. I hated being called on. Presentations terrified me. In high school, I flat out refused to do a couple despite being a straight A student. I got along well with others, wasn't judgmental, but was hypersensitive to the judgement of others. My parent always talked about how popular he was, how great he was at every sport, how many friends and pretty girlfriends he had...He thought quite highly of himself. all ego. He was taught to believe in himself, so he had it to give and chose not to give it.
In this video, Dr. Ramani says that the more you can stay away from the narcissistic folks, the better your self-esteem will be. I also hear her talk about the need for support from others around you, like friends, etc. For people who can't get out of their narcissistic living situations, it's very hard to develop a healthy sense of self-esteem. And without a healthy sense of self-esteem, it's very hard to form meaningful relationships with others and therefore get the support you need.
Yet another great topic to address. I didn’t know abt or what narcissism was before getting into a relationship with a person who suffers from extreme NPD. My self-esteem is in the toilet & it’s a daily struggle trying to bring it back up. I feel as though I operate on just ‘going through the motion’ to get through the day. A narcissist robs a person of so many things.
Thank you Dr. Ramini. ALL of your info is such a lifeline to help guide me back to me- MY TRUE ME. For me - this particular video resonated in absolute accordance with my experience. I’m so very appreciative for YOU. Thank you. Please take care of yourself as much as you do “us”. ❤
Thanks Dr. Ramani for all You do to help us move forward from the devastating effects of narcissistic abuse. My wounds run deep 💔 Got Divorced in 2017 from a Malignant Narcissist of course I didn't know it back then. I Lived to tell the tale Thank God I never quit my job like He wanted Me too. My Mother is a Narcissist. I finally came to terms with that last Christmas 🎄as You say Radical Acceptance have gone No Contact I'm grieving this Pain is Unbearable but I choose to believe that healing is possible no matter how long it takes. God bless 🙌 You.
I feel human behavior is learned . For whatever reason. War displacement , growing up whereby one or both parent are absent . Children need nurturing , guidance and direction from both parents . If one parent is absent chances are parent will be absent for at least one child . To golden child means at least one other child is left often to figure out absent parent on their own . Behavior is generational. Thank you Dr Ramanyi.
I was very lonely and sad and he was so charming and self-assured. He picked up on my loneliness and sadness right away and took advantage. I trusted him very much and over time I became very dependent on him. He knows a lot of stuff about a lot of things and knew a lot of people and would be able to help me with any problems that I had.
My malignant narcissist brother calls himself a powerhouse daily and also blames the entire world …his family included…for his failures…because he says he has to pay for the world’s sinning…and it’s their fault he can’t get a job.
Thank you Dr. Ramani, This gives me hope. I married my narcissistic husband at 18 yrs old and after 13 years of marriage and 3 kids, I’m finally free! But my self esteem is suffering. Cognitively, I know I am beautiful and worthy of love, but I feel so ugly, unlovable, and unworthy. Idk how he did this to me. I’m having the hardest time getting dressed for the day and feel stupid in everything I try. I just sit in the closet and sob. But by Gods grace, I pick out and outfit, pray, and get on with my life. I have hope that with time, prayer, God, journaling, self care, talk therapy and EMDR therapy, and educational videos like these I can become whole once again.
It’s friends, family, and coworkers saying off the wall hateful things 24/7. Even therapists it’s weird to me…people I haven’t even met too , violent energy. It’s always extreme abuse, never normal
Hi crazi, yep the world has definitely got lot more un loving...I feel it everywhere, is why I put out nothing now - no energy..I try to be a shadow...not what I like but seems the way to not draw the anger in..
I'm an empath. He tried to destroy my self esteem but I refused to give him that satisfaction. I eventually just calmly walked away and went no contact.
I'm trying to recover after years of narcissistic abuse lots of trauma including grape. DV and many other kinds of trauma I'm only now recognising the huge impact each trauma has affected my life. Narcissistic mother drunk father Abusive controlling narcissistic ex husband and then a horrific SA. My self worth self esteem and my whole life is shattered. In counselling getting some support for the SA A recent ex narcissist coming back yet again recently has given me another huge knock I'm struggling. PTSD dissociation panic anxiety. Chronic health conditions. Needless to say it's all taking its toll. For the first time ever I'm beginning to ask for help. Which I so badly need and not that easy to access where I live. Thank you for all your videos I've learnt so much. ❤❤
Thank you truly from my all of my ❤ dr Ramani you and my therapist have saved my life and sanity with all your education knowledge and validation. ❤❤❤🎉
@Kimberly christi I too have by now an elderly Mother who gave me so much self-doubt about myself , the ceaseless put downs , the sense that whatever i did was never enough Dont know how i would cope without trauma therapy where i get to discuss all & more of the above I am almost 66 now & i feel like i will be healing for the rest of my days after a violent marriage with a grandiose malignant narcissist DrRamini has & does save my sanity Sending best healing wishes your way ❤
Agreed with Dr. R..💐 for definition of SE (self-esteem) characters..Unfortunately, those MANIPULATORS Narc. Individuals just didn't have the characteristic of "Finesse SE" as they "DESPERATELY 🤤 DROOLING " for.. Period..
I had self esteem but felt like I had to hide it because other people would be threatened by me. That’s what I was brainwashed to believe. My mother thought that it would reflect badly on HER. She would be criticized for raising an egotistical(unchristian) child. I have dropped this pretense. I’m very realistic about who I am. I’m good at some things, not so good at others.
I personally make a distinction between self-esteem and self-worth. While the Narc will destroy both, it's the lack of self-worth that gets you stuck in a narcissistic relationship. You may know you're good, smart, capable, etc. (self-esteem) and still think you're not enough (lack of self-worth).
My narc ex girlfriend compared me to women of different ethnic groups. While talking about features and culture of our ethnic group (both the same) in such a negative light. I find it hard to be around different women as I feel small around them. My ex girlfriend on the way out called my features ugly. And is with a woman from the group she deemed attractive.
My narcissistic inlaws didn't show me their true nature until my engagement. It took some time, but my wife eventually came to understand the behavior she was taught to hide from the world was abusive. After a year and a half of confrontations, mediated meetings, we came to the conclusion all the apologies were holo and lies meant to temporarily draw us back in so they would continue to act the ways they were entitled. We decided to disown then under threat of legal action if they tried to contact us outside a mediator (such as a pastor or therapist). It has taken me nearly 6 months after we disowned them for me to start to feel like I am healing. I hope my wife can figure out who she is for the first time ever
Some of the worst damage, though hopefully only temporary, can come from a spiritual leader such as a Pastor who is narcissistic. We tend to trust, confide in, and let our guard down around authority figures in an old, old and established institution like the Church, and that makes us wide open and vulnerable to this kind of subtle abuse and erosion of self esteem. Thankfully healing can happen, and changing churches and getting around a healthy spiritual leader is the first step towards that.
Based on 💪 Stoicism Exhibitions, those with good characters of SE (self-esteem) oftentimes R in the roles CEO of whatsoever they get themselves involved such as big corporations of entrepreneurships or "government's interferences😂😅"..Might needed to verify with tons of books 📚 in Stoicism for affirmations on this particular topic..😁🤭
This makes so much sense. My self-esteem was always better whenever I had been out of a destabilizing relationship for a while. But it always takes another knock after getting involved with another narcissistic relationship. It gets harder pulling myself out of it each time though. (I been married 3x to 3 ex-spouses who each exhibited 3 different types of narcissistic categories as well as having parents who exhibted narcissistic tendencies as well.) I hoping now that I am aware of narcissistic behaviors I won't fall for anymore traps. Actually, I'm at the point I no longer want a relationship, even after it's been a year and half since my last divorce.
My self worth has been shredded. Example of gaslighting he did: set up stuff to literally trip me in the house. Id move it, and hed move it back. Its been a month since i threw him out. I had stopped taking care of myself even. I dont know when that happened. He repeatedly cheated i see, now that hesgone. Im in therapy twice a week now, taking baby steps. I have ptsd bad. I got triggered a week ago and was on my knees in a Walmart. I almost took my own life. Im praying daily for a point of indifference. By the grace of GOD, i will get back to most of the woman i once was 7.5 years ago.
I’m hoping to learn more about narcissism in family owned and operated businesses- how to navigate the experience and recover from working in this environment as a person who was raised by a narcissist, married and divorced a narcissist- then ended up working at small family owned business with narcissistic owner who is also a relative. I can’t be the only one out there struggling with the dynamics of small business narcissism and a legacy of narcissistic relationships.
My exnarc diminished my self esteem little by little, like shaving a big block of ice until there is nothing left. She intentionally worked on my self esteem..not in a good way. On a good note she taught me well..to stay away from people like her.
It is TRULY difficult when we have narc parent (the worst, two parents). Because we could have never been allowed to have good self esteem since the birth. ( 😮😮😮) So, we should start to build up from a single of new and hard brick even after whole destruction of the relationship with them.
![I.N "HALLUCINATION" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/n5B5q1Hwt_U/mqdefault.jpg)
The narcissist's biggest weakness is that they over estimate their intelligence, power and under estimate yours.
Yessss 😂
Going through a relationship with them, you become under-estimating yourself. 😟
@@yukio_saito ^This^
Well said
Radical acceptance that they are black holes and I have no more golden blood for those vamps😊
They shatter our self esteem. Which will make us question our self worth. We have to pay the price for their abusive behavior.
Yes…but it’s not a life sentence! There is HOPE. The work is challenging for sure, but gaining an accurate view of oneself is for sure possible! I’ve moved the dial, personally and I have more work to be done, but it’s about acknowledging positive progress. It’s the ultimate revenge (in a way) to overcome this kind of indoctrination and grow beyond what has been ingrained into our minds. Many of us here are on that journey and it’s important to encourage one another regarding what’s possible, not just relate to the devastation. Both are important! In my opinion, of course. Onward, beautiful friends! ✨
Sorry
Not ready to pay any price , cause it was paid already
Not twice in the row
My self-esteem was quite high when I met him. Now, I have no idea who I am.
I can sooo relate to this statement!💜
I was confident and sucessfull untill i met him. I feels like his deep lack of self worth and self esteem really drown all the happiness or positivity in me.
I slowly learnt to separate myself from his negativities shames, and guilts....and not let it gets to me.
I just know deep down narcistic people only wanted to be loveed, respected and validated....a wound set so far and so deep from their childhood.
I’ve been trying so hard to find myself again ❤ I feel for you both- sending so much love and strength to you 🩷🩷🩷
Same, I was so outgoing and didn't really care what people thought or said. My ex isn't narcissistic she has ASD but dear it looks exactly the same.
I nearly forgot my own name😤👎
You don't actually start out with low self esteem, but they will see to it that you get there, no problem. 😂😢
Shattered. Ive been told I'm stupid, ugly, fat, incompetent - I am none of these. I went to Italy and learned to paint and was treated like a princess. A line from The Holiday sums it up : someday you'll go somewhere and you will meet people and slowly little parts of your soul will start to come back.
This gives me so much hope for the future...a future without the narcissist on my life.
My narc dad made fun of how everyone looked on tv and even found physical faults in everyone he came across. My narc mom made me feel like I could never do anything right. She found fault in the way I cleaned, put up groceries, how I cooked, or even how I talked. Whenever she got in her moods she would start lashing out and tell me everything thats "wrong" with me and downed every choice I ever made.
Between the both of them, they've given me such a low self esteem. I struggle to trust myself and make decisions. I struggle to accept myself. I always feel like I'm not good enough. And I still struggle with body dysmorphia and eating disorders. I'm trying really hard to get over this and love and accept myself.
Your comment is very truthful and brave .
What kind of person wants to hurt others? What kind of person hurts their own child? The problem was never you it was her. She is sick, broken. When someone can not step up to the level you are, the only thing left to do is pull you down to their level. Realizing that will help put things into perspective.
@@aunchante33 You'd be astonished to find out how many parents use their kids as emotional punching bags.
I was uncomfortable hitting the 👍 but except for the Dad involvement you could have been describing my childhood and the struggles with self esteem I've battled my entire life; and I'm soon to be 66. I've all but given up trying to tackle something like that at my age. I know it's 'never too late' but the energy just isn't there any more.
My mother was infected by her mother. I don't have one single good memory of her mother and unless pressed to say it I refuse to refer to that evil woman as my grandmother. I loved and adored my grandfather but that brutish evil troublemaker killed him by pushing him down. His hip broke and he never came out of the hospital alive.
My mother passed at 87 2 years ago and although I loved my mother I've realized since then that my allegiance was based more on duty than a true relationship.
My mom was the same...criticized and mocked everybody. She was a tall but mousy woman who outwardly showed signs of low self esteem around anybody but the family unit. I was the youngest of 5 so arguably got a worse 'infection' because I grew up witnessing my grandmother, my mother, and my aunts toxicity. As my older siblings grew up and moved out of the house much mothers attention became more focused on me. It was cringy attention though. I not only got the criticism I was used to but also got elevated to a golden child level.
Their lack of self awareness destroys anybody close to them and sets up their targets for a lifetime of internal Hell.
Sounds familiar. I sought therapy for a year, twice a week and it really really helped me. If you don’t find a good therapist the first try keep searching. You’re worth it.
My dad has really shattered my self esteem. Belittling me and making me feel like I'm not good enough
I did quit myself. Decades ago. I realize that doing this helped ease her anxiety, but not completely. Last week, Mom told me I've lost my personality. No friends... I'm looking for a new home I can afford to move into so I can rebuild myself- spirit, soul, and body.
I understand. My narc's are only in my memory for the most part now but it is so powerful at times that I feel like saying just give me the club and I will just beat myself, thank you. Hang in there. You are not alone.
One month after you posted this, I am sending you good wishes for moving toward yourself. You can do difficult things!
I remember as a teen, reaching the point where I was criticized for EVERYTHING I did. I finally reached a phase where I didn't want to do ANYTHING.
I just sat in my room and read books, until I found a boyfriend with a car and could leave.
Me too, both of these. The wrong facial expression included. Even if I made it blank.
They definitely attack a person’s self esteem.
Agree, since they need to emit their inferiority and self-hatred to others using projection.
You’ve got to leave them behind. It will break your heart, but you’ve got to side with yourself.
Agreed. And I did. Zero regrets
💯
When you’re around someone with low self-esteem, they will make you feel bad about yourself. When you’re around someone with high self-esteem, you will feel good. As within, so without. People can only give you what they’ve got. You can’t get blood from a stone.
Then you shouldn’t go out of your way to make it worse or harder for them
That's black and white thinking.
Once, my therapist said "as adults, self-esteem becomes a decision". It took time to sink in, but I started doing things I thought I couldn't, like going back to university to get a psychology degree, trying a new sport, start to swim. All of these steps were accompanied with an inner voice that predicted failure, but I kept going. Succeeding helped me build a strong sense of my own value, something that didn't need other people's approval anymore. Thank you for this interesting topic!
Wow, I never considered that. That's truly a life changing statement.
I learned how to have self esteem once I began believing in myself.
I realized that I like myself and others do too. I don't need them to tell
me how I should walk and talk, to be dictated to by a person who is lost.
I am literally in tears listening to you now. How can you be so accurate every single time! Your words about negative self-perception are so true. Thank you Dr. Ramani, for acknowledging our pain and for giving us the wisdom.♥
After being in a narcissistic relationship or just being around narcissists, it feels like your self-esteem has been through the worst of times. The constant walking on eggshells and suppressing the ability to make a move or express myself authentically for fear of judgment or backlash. One of the biggest struggles I have is the anxiety of being assertive and confronting someone when they do something wrong to me. It’s like in the back of my mind I picture myself giving them a piece of my mind, but once I’m face to face with them, I freeze up like a deer in headlights, like there’s an invisible barrier holding me back and trapping my words inside my throat. In that moment, I’m overthinking the fear of the unknown, fear of consequences, or the fear of being vulnerable.
Thank you for sharing. 💖I struggle with this too.
You're not alone. ❤
When the cicumstances were asking for defending myself, i was always trembling like a leaf, so i understand pretty much...
Yes! I can confront someone on someone else's behalf, but I can't do it for myself. It is like a evil fairy tail curse.
So true Dr Ramani, loss of self esteem doesn't happen overnight but it does happen.
Being with one of these terrible beings is like a slow death.
"Survival for all of us is a right, and healing even more so! "
Thank you.
It does take a long time. I’ve found myself being surprised when people reject me because I’m pretty great, but in unbelief when they accept me for who I am. I have no box to put that in yet.
That cycle could NOT be described any better…and the cure: no contact with the Narc, rip the toxic band-aid off! And immerse yourself in ONLY healthy relationships. The healing comes quicker this way. ❤
It's really challenging leaving behind someone you've loved for so long even though they have lied and cheated. Their will to stand behind their lies, no matter what, is so sad yet defining. It has been the pinnacle to understand their reality and the foundation to healing. Thank you again for your dedication and vulnerability! It's not so lonely going through this BS.
After years of put downs from my parents, I've regained my own confidence, and becuase of them I have a knee jerk reaction to any criticism, or anyone attempting to manipulate me. And they get a variation of "fuk off!"
Those puffed-up distortions are also shared by the enablers -- and the enablers will beat you with them, literally and figuratively, to try to force you to see them that way as well
I was told I was fat, ugly and stupid. I truly believed this as it was hammered into me. I was so insecure and I had an eating disorder. I still struggle with body image. My husband is amazing and has really helped and supported rebuilding me back up.
I cut off my twin because he is 100% N. It has been 6 months of peace. How do I rid myself of the guilt that I sometimes feel?
My divorce from my narcissistic spouse came through today. It took me 30 years to walk away. Dr Ramini helped me to realise that he wouldn't change and though I am financially stuffed I feel free to live the rest of my life and be my best self. Thank you Dr Ramini ❤
Similar situation here but it’s not final yet. I hope you’re doing even better as I read this comment 7 months later
It was only about 2 years ago that I learned about golden child , the enabler (mother), the scapegoat, etc . Thanks to Doctor Ramanyi . Behavior I believe is generational. I am now seventy. The pain has lasted a long time . Thank you .
"the self blame lingers like bown rice at the bottom of a pan."
Every video is informational And good. This one is hitting harder
Please everyone, Dr. Ramani is spot on. I realized what narc say has nothing to do with us. It’s them projecting, laugh and that puts it back on them. Love your self more. Thanks Doc❤
Mine was shattered by my father. My mothers in the same way. My grandfather was very much a narcisist and my uncles and aunts are same. I no longer speak to him or his family. I feel so much better since but it has taken time to restore myself. It's work and a journey to repair the lost time where I felt I had no control.
My self esteem is high enough that nobody will ever treat me the way the narc did.
On the other hand, I will not allow *anyone* through the barrier ever again.
Is a win-draw scenario
Sure, yet heart break can recover, yet after years of multiple heartbreaking moments, gets a bit tougher to recover from the crazy making moments to recalibrate from. Glad you wrote your book!
Brilliant. "No matter how healthy your self-esteem was when you got into this relationship, it will inevitably erode your self-esteem, because at some level, your healthy self-esteem would represent a threat in this relationship."
If the Narc is a parent it seems so much more caustic. After all a parent is supposed to love you unconditionally. They are supposed to be there through thick and thin "a face only a mother can love". Etc. When it is your parent telling you "your unlovable, ugly, no one will ever love you it cuts to the core. When a father asks your date "why would you want to date her when you can have the pick of the litter". It cuts deep, leaving a scar that never goes away. The constant scrutiny about your clothing, your hair, your weight and every thing you do or don't do. Your left with a shell empty inside.... searching for who or what you are, believing what ever it is must be awful.
Finally sadly in your 40's you realize it was never you...... it was them that was so flawed, but the scars still never go away.
I'm so sorry you went through such horror. You deserve so much better and I hope as you heal and deprogram, you will give yourself the love and care and warmth and compassion and gentleness you always deserve. You are enough and always have been 🫂
I was always told by narcs “never change, I love how you are. I hope you never change”. Never felt good hearing, it always felt strange.
After learning that I was not worth listening to, not worthy of justice and open to ridicule based on lies. They are demons, not broken. The lesson I learn is Live and let die. I will never help anyone who behaves like that even if they are bleeding out....
My self esteem was low in the beginning and growing over time.
So my nac was very unhappy, trying to put me down all the time.
I told not to accept that behaviour, it kills the relationship.
My self esteem is now healthy and good, I set borders all the time.
The nac is exploding when I am told to end it.
Now I'm free, but some one is bagging to come back...
Self esteem is self love. You may have lost a few battles, but the war against negativity goes on. It's not a crime loving yourself too much. No-one can gaslight you when you know and love yourself. Many years of therapy has prepared me to get on with my life after every failed relationship. It's ok to start over. This time you have experience dealing with life's failures.
I agree! My narcissist completely destroyed my self-esteem.
At 81, I am struggling to recover from 41+ years of narcissistic attack.
As a mother, I was blinded by a mother's love and future hopeium😢.
God bless you, Dr. Ramani ❤️ 🙏
Hi,I'm old now.My marriage in my youth,was before we had access to information.He was diagnosed during the divorce as npd sociopath.Walking on eggshells?Even slept on eggshells.Wish it on no one.
❤
We are the wise women who learned and survived. We are more because our strength was tested and we won. I don't think we can go back to who we were. But with new knowledge we can keep our selves safe, choose the good things to let in and grow.
I know that feeling too well 😢 the amount of times I went and slept under a tree in the park at night or hid in my basement when I couldn’t take it anymore. Still trying to build myself back up ❤
this is so true to life! I had my self-esteem broken in such relationships, a couple of times. when I got out of such relationships, I was broken and didn't have any identity and didn't believe in myself after.
yet to me healing after such relationships is still going and it's not easy at all.
My narc mom has always made me feel like she’s better than me which really screwed with my self esteem growing up. She would always say “I can’t wait until you’re 18.”
When I questioned my mother why my accomplishments received no praise and all my friends parents made a big deal when they accomplished something, my mother said "It's because we know you CAN". That doesn't even make sense but what can you expect from a mother who quoted the Bible "Pride goeth before a fall" and "Pride is a sin". I was taught to think of myself as trash.
I resemble this situation. Only mom would praise everyone else.. never me
Thank you! 💜
This is what I needed to hear just now, perfect timing if you will. I've been processing old memories from my childhood, ones I had thought were buried so deep that I never knew they existed. But part of that is the narcissist in my life telling me daily it didn't happen. I'm remembering more and more physical abuse... And I'm realizing, this person has only gotten worse as time has gone on. And I'm beginning to accept.
It wasn't until I was in my 20's that I went NC. And more than a decade later I finally have former friends of hers approach me apologizing for how they treated because of what she told them... The one that finally pulled me up though, was a family member reaching out, 15 years later. I went NC from the entire family - at the time it was because of fear and shame - I was convinced I was the problem... so I took myself out of it believing I was helping everyone else because I wouldn't be around to ruin things anymore. They got a hold of me and apologized for not understanding how hard it was for my brother and I all those years ago. But they know now. They have been on the receiving end a few too many times, and they have also gone NC with her.
It was a major breakthrough.... I finally have validation. They believe me. That is the first time a family member has said they believe me... 37 years, and that was the first time. Shocker, and it still sends chills. 💜 Those things did happen. I will continue to tell my truths. I will continue to be proud of myself for surviving, and I will heal and learn to thrive.
Also, I need to continue to learn how to be kind to myself and learn how to have compassion for myself. 💜 I was lead to believe doing these things was selfish and once upon a time I was punished for being selfish... I'm a work in progress... 💖✨
He just made me feel ugly, stupid and I hated how I felt around him. The thing is, I could never quite put my finger on on any one thing; I just knew that I didn't like myself around him. At all. He just went out of his way to belittle me; if I tried to suggest something that might help him (he was constantly in legal trouble over his drunken behavior) or tip-toe around constructive criticism, LOOK OUT, because I was in for it! He'd accuse me of saying things that I KNOW I never said, to the point that I'd question my memory; then he'd get drunk, and he'd assault me-SEVERELY-and I'd swear off of him AGAIN, only for him to come crawling back, pull me back in, and then he'd inevitably do it all over again-and I'd get it even worse the next time....and there was ALWAYS a next time. Until I finally ended it and prosecuted him for felony assault.
Thank you Dr. Ramani! Fingers crossed for more videos on vulnerable/covert narcissism and friends as narcissists :)
I was an independent truck driver, my disability force me into retirement,. The narc said, "whatever u choose I'll support you"..
My sense of self whittled away by him.
He denies I have a disability.
(It's real, guys) look at me, I'm still defending myself.
It's been more than 100 days no contact.
I am grateful for Dr, Ramani
He is in narcissist hell,
taking everyone with him...
Not me, I'm a Phoenix
So sorry . I also went through a health crisis after ten years of marriage and was left with disabilities. In time he boiled it all down to my use of meds. He never talked about what happened and how I became injured or that I was injured at all. Eventually he weaponized my narcissistic family and took everything and everyone leaving me penniless, disabled and alone other than my two traumatized children. He is a diagnosed sociopath. It was a nightmare and I am finally writing a book about the experience. Sending best wishes, wisdom and love.
I finally found myself & self esteem after years of dealing with these vultures!! What I can’t seem to get myself out of is the anger I feel after finally waking up. I feel like I wasted my life & potential 😢
I love it when I get that anger. I use it to propel me past 'I'm not good enough'. I anger 'clean and declutter' because it cuts through the trauma hoarding. I aslo use it to move out of my comfort zone and do something amazing for myself, like studying or applying for an awesome job.
You are juatified in your anger because nobody should have been through what you experienced. Channel your anger in positive ways, talk to someone or even go for a walk so that the anger doesn't start festering and take you to dark places.
In celebration of you on the strong and beautiful woman that you are and helping so many of us. Happy Woman's Day! ❤💪👠🙏
Thank you for your brilliant observations and advice dr Ramani ❤ if we stay in a relationship with a narcissist, our healthy self esteem will get eroded because we will either play it small to appease them which is engaging in a lie or inevitably come into conflicts with them. We must leave and do not look back.
I've been binging on Dr Ramani & Evy Poumpouras videos just to find my way out of this dark hole I've felt I'm in. God Bless you intelligent, motivating women!❤
Destroyed my self esteem, self belief, self identity I'm just a walking dead person
Same. Waiting to die because I cannot escape any other way
Agreed. Counting down the minutes until I can go to sleep all day- when I should be enjoying this time with my child and my life. Life is a chore and I have very limited energy at this point.
Survivor triumph and victory! Thank you!
I can tell from your videos that you have been traumatized by a narcissistic father and husband and you are on a mission, as I am. I have been traumatized by narcissistic psychologists who sexually abused me. I love your content and feel for you, especially after watching the video of yourself as "the girl in braids" What you are doing is helping others through healing and bringing understanding and validation to yourself, something I know on a deep, personal level!
Thank you for that Dr Ramani. Just beginning to get my self esteem back after blocking Everyone in my Toxic Family who Scapegoated me for years. Thank you. Love your Videos. ❤
I have been having an awful time this past week and been struggling with my low self esteem. This was a well-timed reminder- thank you!
I definitely feel myself getting back to where I was before I met this person. I’ve been no contact now for over a month, and I feel myself awakening. While I was in the relationship, I did what I did as a child. I shut myself down when I knew it was toxic, then started to develop a plan to remove myself from it. Your videos have made me realize I was a codependent person because of childhood trauma, I spent years on myself undoing the traumas to build me back or build me to the person I should’ve been in the beginning. I have had to do the same this individual. You know a person can think they’re solid in themselves, but in reality, it doesn’t take much to unravel the positive work done on ourselves.
Thank you for this post Dr Ramani. I appreciate you reminding us/me that when the clouds of low esteem surface…to ride it out…that this too shall pass. It is so poignant to me that you see the effects of the damage. I would love to hear more on how to “rise up and out” from low esteem, doubt, second guessing and the inner critic from you. Thank you again. 🙏
I have tears in my eyes!!!
My mother literally led a group in my elementary (primary) school called, "project self-esteem" while destroying mine, so throughly, my first legit attempt (not a cry for help or something I ever wanted known, and a part of why I don't keep a journal to this very day) on my own pulse rate was when I was still attending said school. I think I was about 11 years old. I only started to not have those dark thoughts daily, or even weekly, or honestly since I can actually recall now that I'm writing this, for the first time in my life since I went no contact with my mother 3 years ago. I was born in 1984. Please, if you're reading this and haven't yet, go no contact. Pick yourself. You are worth it.
To my chagrin, the answer is unfortunately, yes. But I am not accepting their version of me.
*My self-esteem quickly sprouted and bloomed when I started college. I knew I could actually be happy, create a life worth living, helping others was my calling. But when my father had surgery when I was preparing to go away to school, I became extremely depressed b/c it was my duty to care for him, and I became a servant...Growing up with an exploitative, manipulative, coercively controlling narcissistic father is a ticket to trouble with self-esteem. He always told me how to be a good person, but never encouraged me to believe in myself or know my potential. I was extremely sensitive, painfully shy, and insecure. I hated being called on. Presentations terrified me. In high school, I flat out refused to do a couple despite being a straight A student. I got along well with others, wasn't judgmental, but was hypersensitive to the judgement of others. My parent always talked about how popular he was, how great he was at every sport, how many friends and pretty girlfriends he had...He thought quite highly of himself. all ego. He was taught to believe in himself, so he had it to give and chose not to give it.
Thanks Doctor you star you help us all ❤
In this video, Dr. Ramani says that the more you can stay away from the narcissistic folks, the better your self-esteem will be. I also hear her talk about the need for support from others around you, like friends, etc. For people who can't get out of their narcissistic living situations, it's very hard to develop a healthy sense of self-esteem. And without a healthy sense of self-esteem, it's very hard to form meaningful relationships with others and therefore get the support you need.
Thanks for the Emotional Support. 🎉
I have cognitive dissonance from the narcs telling me I am awful but it just doesn’t add up
Yet another great topic to address. I didn’t know abt or what narcissism was before getting into a relationship with a person who suffers from extreme NPD. My self-esteem is in the toilet & it’s a daily struggle trying to bring it back up. I feel as though I operate on just ‘going through the motion’ to get through the day. A narcissist robs a person of so many things.
It has taken me 5 years and my 2 best friends to get my self esteem back along with the rest of my manhood.
This is so true. ❤
Thank you Dr. Ramini. ALL of your info is such a lifeline to help guide me back to me- MY TRUE ME.
For me - this particular video resonated in absolute accordance with my experience.
I’m so very appreciative for YOU.
Thank you.
Please take care of yourself as much as you do “us”.
❤
Thanks Dr. Ramani for all You do to help us move forward from the devastating effects of narcissistic abuse. My wounds run deep 💔 Got Divorced in 2017 from a Malignant Narcissist of course I didn't know it back then. I Lived to tell the tale Thank God I never quit my job like He wanted Me too. My Mother is a Narcissist. I finally came to terms with that last Christmas 🎄as You say Radical Acceptance have gone No Contact I'm grieving this Pain is Unbearable but I choose to believe that healing is possible no matter how long it takes. God bless 🙌 You.
I feel human behavior is learned . For whatever reason. War displacement , growing up whereby one or both parent are absent . Children need nurturing , guidance and direction from both parents . If one parent is absent chances are parent will be absent for at least one child . To golden child means at least one other child is left often to figure out absent parent on their own . Behavior is generational. Thank you Dr Ramanyi.
They make you feel like you don’t DESERVE to have self-esteem, and YOU’RE the entitled piece of crap if you DARE try to think otherwise.
I was very lonely and sad and he was so charming and self-assured. He picked up on my loneliness and sadness right away and took advantage. I trusted him very much and over time I became very dependent on him. He knows a lot of stuff about a lot of things and knew a lot of people and would be able to help me with any problems that I had.
My malignant narcissist brother calls himself a powerhouse daily and also blames the entire world …his family included…for his failures…because he says he has to pay for the world’s sinning…and it’s their fault he can’t get a job.
Dr Ramani, your promise to regain my self esteem is what I will hold onto today. God Bless You. Be safe be well. 🌷
Thank you Dr. Ramani,
This gives me hope. I married my narcissistic husband at 18 yrs old and after 13 years of marriage and 3 kids, I’m finally free! But my self esteem is suffering. Cognitively, I know I am beautiful and worthy of love, but I feel so ugly, unlovable, and unworthy. Idk how he did this to me. I’m having the hardest time getting dressed for the day and feel stupid in everything I try. I just sit in the closet and sob.
But by Gods grace, I pick out and outfit, pray, and get on with my life. I have hope that with time, prayer, God, journaling, self care, talk therapy and EMDR therapy, and educational videos like these I can become whole once again.
It’s friends, family, and coworkers saying off the wall hateful things 24/7. Even therapists it’s weird to me…people I haven’t even met too , violent energy. It’s always extreme abuse, never normal
Hi crazi, yep the world has definitely got lot more un loving...I feel it everywhere, is why I put out nothing now - no energy..I try to be a shadow...not what I like but seems the way to not draw the anger in..
I'm an empath. He tried to destroy my self esteem but I refused to give him that satisfaction. I eventually just calmly walked away and went no contact.
I'm trying to recover after years of narcissistic abuse lots of trauma including grape. DV and many other kinds of trauma
I'm only now recognising the huge impact each trauma has affected my life.
Narcissistic mother drunk father
Abusive controlling narcissistic ex husband and then a horrific SA.
My self worth self esteem and my whole life is shattered.
In counselling getting some support for the SA
A recent ex narcissist coming back yet again recently has given me another huge knock
I'm struggling.
PTSD dissociation panic anxiety.
Chronic health conditions.
Needless to say it's all taking its toll.
For the first time ever I'm beginning to ask for help.
Which I so badly need and not that easy to access where I live.
Thank you for all your videos I've learnt so much.
❤❤
Thank you truly from my all of my ❤ dr Ramani you and my therapist have saved my life and sanity with all your education knowledge and validation. ❤❤❤🎉
From being a fellow Indian woman with narcissistic parents and sister and enduring the life altering grand dios baby daddy you give
Me daily salvage
@Kimberly christi
I too have by now an elderly Mother who gave me so much self-doubt about myself , the ceaseless put downs , the sense that whatever i did was never enough
Dont know how i would cope without trauma therapy where i get to discuss all & more of the above
I am almost 66 now & i feel like i will be healing for the rest of my days after a violent marriage with a grandiose malignant narcissist
DrRamini has & does save my sanity
Sending best healing wishes your way ❤
I needed this!
Agreed with Dr. R..💐 for definition of SE (self-esteem) characters..Unfortunately, those MANIPULATORS Narc. Individuals just didn't have the characteristic of "Finesse SE" as they "DESPERATELY 🤤 DROOLING " for.. Period..
I had self esteem but felt like I had to hide it because other people would be threatened by me. That’s what I was brainwashed to believe. My mother thought that it would reflect badly on HER. She would be criticized for raising an egotistical(unchristian) child. I have dropped this pretense. I’m very realistic about who I am. I’m good at some things, not so good at others.
I personally make a distinction between self-esteem and self-worth. While the Narc will destroy both, it's the lack of self-worth that gets you stuck in a narcissistic relationship. You may know you're good, smart, capable, etc. (self-esteem) and still think you're not enough (lack of self-worth).
Thank you Dr.Ramani.
My narc ex girlfriend compared me to women of different ethnic groups. While talking about features and culture of our ethnic group (both the same) in such a negative light. I find it hard to be around different women as I feel small around them. My ex girlfriend on the way out called my features ugly. And is with a woman from the group she deemed attractive.
They'll take you out in the deep water and leave you there to drown. They are heartless.
great analogy. And true
Yep bloke, so true...made me laugh...cos it's so true...and I like boats...
My narcissistic inlaws didn't show me their true nature until my engagement. It took some time, but my wife eventually came to understand the behavior she was taught to hide from the world was abusive. After a year and a half of confrontations, mediated meetings, we came to the conclusion all the apologies were holo and lies meant to temporarily draw us back in so they would continue to act the ways they were entitled. We decided to disown then under threat of legal action if they tried to contact us outside a mediator (such as a pastor or therapist).
It has taken me nearly 6 months after we disowned them for me to start to feel like I am healing. I hope my wife can figure out who she is for the first time ever
Right on time. Thank you.
A narcissist's self esteem is like a 3 year old's temper tantrum.
I’m fine when I don’t see them. When I see them, I always have to remind myself to not let them influence my behavior or self esteem
Some of the worst damage, though hopefully only temporary, can come from a spiritual leader such as a Pastor who is narcissistic. We tend to trust, confide in, and let our guard down around authority figures in an old, old and established institution like the Church, and that makes us wide open and vulnerable to this kind of subtle abuse and erosion of self esteem. Thankfully healing can happen, and changing churches and getting around a healthy spiritual leader is the first step towards that.
This video is so helpful!! Thank you Dr Ramani 🙏
Based on 💪 Stoicism Exhibitions, those with good characters of SE (self-esteem) oftentimes R in the roles CEO of whatsoever they get themselves involved such as big corporations of entrepreneurships or "government's interferences😂😅"..Might needed to verify with tons of books 📚 in Stoicism for affirmations on this particular topic..😁🤭
This makes so much sense. My self-esteem was always better whenever I had been out of a destabilizing relationship for a while. But it always takes another knock after getting involved with another narcissistic relationship. It gets harder pulling myself out of it each time though. (I been married 3x to 3 ex-spouses who each exhibited 3 different types of narcissistic categories as well as having parents who exhibted narcissistic tendencies as well.) I hoping now that I am aware of narcissistic behaviors I won't fall for anymore traps. Actually, I'm at the point I no longer want a relationship, even after it's been a year and half since my last divorce.
My self worth has been shredded. Example of gaslighting he did: set up stuff to literally trip me in the house. Id move it, and hed move it back. Its been a month since i threw him out. I had stopped taking care of myself even. I dont know when that happened. He repeatedly cheated i see, now that hesgone. Im in therapy twice a week now, taking baby steps. I have ptsd bad. I got triggered a week ago and was on my knees in a Walmart. I almost took my own life. Im praying daily for a point of indifference. By the grace of GOD, i will get back to most of the woman i once was 7.5 years ago.
I feel your pain, 39 years and still being bullied, I've wasted my whole life looking to be loved, it's never there, never will be
I’m hoping to learn more about narcissism in family owned and operated businesses- how to navigate the experience and recover from working in this environment as a person who was raised by a narcissist, married and divorced a narcissist- then ended up working at small family owned business with narcissistic owner who is also a relative. I can’t be the only one out there struggling with the dynamics of small business narcissism and a legacy of narcissistic relationships.
My exnarc diminished my self esteem little by little, like shaving a big block of ice until there is nothing left. She intentionally worked on my self esteem..not in a good way. On a good note she taught me well..to stay away from people like her.
It is TRULY difficult when we have narc parent (the worst, two parents). Because we could have never been allowed to have good self esteem since the birth. ( 😮😮😮) So, we should start to build up from a single of new and hard brick even after whole destruction of the relationship with them.