Don't Waste Your Love on the Unworthy!
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- Опубликовано: 13 янв 2024
- Narcissist cannot love - but he also does not let himself be loved. His bad object feels threatened and resists it.
Love always ends in heartbreak, pain, hurt and abandonment.
Paranoid ideation and projection: love offered is not real (a fantasy) or it is fake and manipulative. It needs to be tested and probed all the time.
Love is for commoners, not for the exceptionally superior.
Love is dependency and neediness: dependency is risk and neediness is mortifying. It challenges the narcissist’s self-sufficiency (I don’t need you, see if I care).
Love is vulnerability and therefore dangerous and weak. It demands micromanaged and coercive control to avoid a devastating loss.
Love requires adult skills and sets the narcissist - the perennial abused child - up for failure.
Love requires emotional maturity, a secure attachment style, and a grounded center. The narcissist is an addict with none of the above: his only relationship is with his drug, the fantasy sustained by a constant influx of narcissistic supply.
Love requires the recognition of the Other. Narcissists are incapable of othering and feel threatened by the partner’s personal autonomy and agency, an external object gone amok and which threatens the inertly perfect universe of their internal objects.
Narcissists blindly devour and consume. They are mimicking parasites suspended in a sempiternal symbiotic fantasy, frenzily feeding off their successive hosts.
They push away and resist any attempt to love them. Their approach is acquisitive, their avoidance preordained by their need to reenact the unresolved conflict with a dead mother. They are automata, programmed with their own shame-driven compulsion, dummies to a self-conjured ventriloquist, the False Self. A seeking homing in algorithm gone awry.
Video presentation at the Addiction World Conference, San Francisco, September 2024
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The more you love the narcissist the more he hates you😮
Yes😢
It's so true!😲😥
EXACTLY!!
Totally agreed 💯👍
That's been my experience yes
A narcissists greatest mission in life is to make your life more miserable than theirs...............😮
True.
@@bradfaulkner9597 the narcs reading these comments and the exposure of all of them shrinks their supply sources .........
The more you resist his or her control, are independent, hold to your boundaries, speak your mind, have your own goals and much more, the more they hate you, seek to destroy, sabotage, manipulate and get vengeance. They own you and are entitled to do as they please to you. How dare you own your own life!
The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman
The Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer
Safe People by Henry Cloud
A Narcissist gets happy when their target is sad JazzyT, Scapegoat of two Narc's.
“Don’t waste your love bc if you waste your love, you will be wasted.” - No truer words can be spoken 😏
🙋♂🙋♂
Damn!😮
I do not agree. My ability to love is mine...I don't really care whether it's accepted by the narcissist or not.
Too late for me. Please believe every word Sam speaks.
Wow...that was so bang on it was hard to hear. Yup...they consume you, test you, abuse you and act like nothing happened. Not wasting love is so accurate. I wish it hadn't taken me 15 years to figure that out.😢
Be happy for your 15 years. Some people never wake up. Imagine
I had loved him like no other my whole life 😢but his abuse his cheating serially I had to walk away to save me 😔it killed me on the inside but I was almost dying with him anyways with all the abuse ..I have forgiven him but will never see him as I’m in no contact forever to maintain my life
😢
Amen 🙏
Sorry this happened. Yes, you are correct- no contact!
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman
The Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer
( for healing)
Yes,l understand.l loved him with my soul.l never felt that feeling for anyone else.He was a beautiful boy then man with adorable baby face that l wanted to protect him,loved him so completely as a child would.But he changed and started to hate me,l mean hate.He was so cruel.Where did my shy,sweet beautiful boy go?He was never real.Only the mean one was Real.My poor heart.
Bedroom commodity...
That is what their partner or lover is to them.
During a walk by the sea I came across a woman recently divorced from a narcissist airline pilot. He'd been a serial cheater during their 30 yr marriage. She only found out at the end. He had no problem hiding his cheating. At the end of our 45 min talk I saw a glimpse of her pain, vulnerability and brokeness.
Compartementalizing. This betrayal really does a number on you. It's abuse. The entire relationship is a lie.
Certainly infidelity can cause severe PTSD.
@sherriflemming3218 Some men can compartmentalize sexual infidelity.. and sex is just a thing, an experience, no different from a fine meal 🙃 but perhaps an element of addiction and compulsion. Seen it a couple of times with guys I knew
@@llewmatthews4828 Yes, I completely understand compartementalizing.. Both genders can. Indeed addiction and compulsion.
Academic studies are:
1. Family history - partially genetic
2. Sexual inclinations
3. Prioritizing physical attractiveness
4. Uncommitted mating
5. Narcissism is associated with infidelity
6. Sociosexually unrestricted
7. Cultural influence.
8 More physically attractive people tend to be less satisfied - more choices.
9. Other mental health disorders.
The Science Of Cheating-- Maken Murphy podcast
The Mask You Live In Documentary
@@llewmatthews4828Many people can treat sex as nothing more than pleasant exercise, separate from any deep intimacy, the entire activity being nothing more than mutual masturbation, physical and mental. I am one of those people. I don't care for feeling of ownership of my partner, I wouldn't feel jealous if someone simply slept with other person and we'd laugh and compare notes.
That being said, I never cheated on someone who expected loyalty - not because I would feel bad about the cheating or because I care about loyalty but simply because I don't partner with people I'd want to see hurt, humiliated, in pain.
The ability to dissolve connection between love and sex and compartmentalize sexual activity as if it had never happened has nothing to do with being a cheater.
Cheating is a form of abuse, proactive or reactive. For someone to cheat on the partner you promised loyalty to, a desire to hurt them must be present although I have yet to see any man admit it. Women seem more introspective in that regard, their cheating often more an attempt to punish emotionally absent, uncaring partner rather than an attempt to satisfy own unmet needs.
This is heartbreaking. So sad so many humans are still hurt children. Says something about our world.
Only solution I see is to be an antinatalist
@@KnowledgeSeeker78491😂 That‘s a great word! Even Oshos says people who don‘t have kids deserve an award.
The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman
The Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer
Safe People by Henry Cloud
Narcs are deeply hurt souls that are misunderstood. We shame them that they have been abused. Imagine being one. You suffer mental damage because you are abused, and then you yourself are being shamed for being abused.
This is beyond heartbreaking. That there is no healing for them is the most heartbreaking.
@@iAmNothingnessmisunderstood,
No Abuse my siblings are jealous and greedy ,they know what there doing ,just excuses to steal crap😂
Broke. Broken down and exhausted. He has sucked me dry. Not there for me when I needed help. On my own. I'm ready to move on, and rebuild myself❤. Just a taker. He wasn't there for me, just draining, pushes me away 😞 since I have nothing left to give, it's beyond hurtful. Same old story with him. I'm not going back this time.
yes! please do not go back and repeat what you have gone through already. I also have figured out at one day, if I'd go back, he would take it only the sign of my desperation not love. In a way it is true because I felt there was no one else other than the narc who I could connect so deep so he made sure that I was not with anyone else. If I was with other people, it means his failure so it cannot happen. So I know all this now and there is no way of going back!
Yes,they fail you when you need them.They leave you in free fall with nothing there.Even as l held him l felt he was shifting sand through my fingers and under my feet.l believed in his future faking promises,his faux intimacy.The look of love in his eyes..he could take it all away terrifyingly overnight.l loved a phantom of my dream man who was only real to my foolish mind and heart.He drained me,made me ill.l never knew such people existed.Will the part of me that died ever return?
@@jackz_stoned_again I am sure you can regain what you have lost or the part of you that died. It happened to me in very similar way and another 'side effect' from the narc I just realized clearly was that I was not able to appreciate any other men nor women most. It was because I ended up having the similar view as the narc. So I ended up believing he was absolutely the best and I did not have anyone else that I could love as much as I loved the narc. The truth is this is only the narc's projection (introjection) of how I love him.....In fact I did love someone who was totally not the narc. I know the clear difference so this time there is no mistake, no contact is the way with the narc!
This goes not just for those with NPD but also for people with narcissistic personality and narcissistic style. Stay away from all of that.
You get zero from a narc...and he is not capable
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
The Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer
"The goal is to reduce the narcs anxiety. Mimicking parasites. Feeding frenzy. Like pac man.Their loving partner is their host. The trauma that never leaves them. Repetitive compulsion."
Truth
What sucks is you want them to love you but you know theyll hurt you. But then they do because you didnt trust them. So you were right, and got what you feared, which is why you avoided in the first place.
exactly true, yet the narcs are smart in a way so they know that you are attracted to him / her to a certain level as he / she is always center of attention or people who raised them treated them like an idol. So this spoiling makes them completely inhumane in a way that they can treat others like not humans who have no pain, no heart, no feeling. It is their emptiness and emotionlessness that they are projecting on you. If you resist and show emotions, they will hate it and try to make you feel worst about how you feel. It is not right to have any kind of emotions especially the good ones for the narc. They can't let others enjoy life because he is the one who is in control, so no other people's prosperity nor fun.
"If you waste your love you will be wasted"
Absolutely.
Absolutely!!!! Save your love for those who appreciate you……
Agree Constance. Share it with those whom you trust respect and appreciate you. People who treat you well. Gratitude is essential. Healthy love is safe. It correlates with trust and committment.
The most important love is self love.
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman
The Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer
Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
@@TessBoze Genuine love relationships are entirely different. In this case, we give, serve, or do something just because we love the other person. In these relationships, there is no transaction taking place
It begs the question what percentage of relationships are narcissistic free, very few one would guess, even none narcissists are prone to becoming infected. It’s so pervasive, so insidious.
I had an abusive traumatizing childhood from a mentally ill mother and an absent father, I was placed in foster care and started to receive therapy at the age of nine. at times I still struggle, however, I don’t believe I am a narcissist. my heart is open. I believe with love and thereby anyone can change however I would not waste my time in a relationship with a narcissist because it can be draining and you do not have the power to change this person this type of illness needs extensive psychotherapy treatment.
This is the the second time in my whole life I'm commenting on a video. This is the by far the best description of the experience of "being with" a n., which I am now sure of he is. I remember telling a friend after the discard, the worst thing about the "relationship" was not, that he couldn't give love but that he was incapable of receiving it. I've been in strict no contact since the end and recently crossed paths with him by chance. I felt nothing. Not even pity.
I thank you again for this video Dr Vaknin because I'm still struggling (a little) with no contact after nearly 6 months. It's still baffles and upsets me how and why someone could invest their time and energy in pretending to want a loving relationship. I am still partially heartbroken. Again, your videos help me with two key issues: missing the narcissist and personalizing the narcissist's treatment towards me. P.S. What you do is an extraordinary act of kindness and philanthropy! 🙏🥰
I feel your pain. I got with another narcissist but this one was covert. It's going on two months of no contact with her. My logic knows what I need to do but my emotions want them back.
I understand your desire to understand them, but you might as well try to understand the inner nature of a hole in a pot. It's a void, an absence, of anything with actual content. But, like a hole, it draws things into it, because of its deep void. We have to truly realise that we are being irrational in trying to understand the absence of something.
@@WayWalker3 Thank you! 🥰
Unfortunately, there is no evolutionary safeguard against their behavior. The lovebombing and co-idealization is very effective at getting someone pregnant and studies show that women tend to actually be attracted to narcissists, so they pass on their DNA. They are highly disfunctional but not in a way that renders them childless necessarily.
Narcissists are just the wrong person to put any kind of hope into. When we miss them it's missing what we thought we'd have. It's disappointing but at the same time very glad I realized with the narcissist I dealt with that they are the wrong person to put energy into. I had to change my thinking of what I thought that person was to me because they weren't even the person I thought they were. They are very good at their game which is sad to think there's people like that.
Narcissist deserve love and compassion... But not participation. I find people developing sociopathic defense responses to narcissist, which is also scary
Where's Virgo?
@@drivethruabortion280here. Why?
@@user-kd8mj7zy2c who?
The response is trauma as a result of the pathological relationship. Insanity is repeating the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. Choose peace, your sanity, safety and stability over chaos.
The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman
The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And Body In The Healing Of Trauma---Bessell Van Der Volk
The Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
@@sherriflemming3218 you know how many kill3rs do so as a trauma response? It's pathological toxic demonic response to trauma just as it is with the narcissist, are they not having a trauma response 🧐
This video is the summation of message that all the victims need to contemplate
Exactly. They push the envelope until you lash out thus confirming their hypothesis. They overthink things.
I believe you because the ex-narcissist repeated to me or in my presence numerous times that he was a bad person and a loser, but i also saw the way who ''seems'' to crave love, because when i kissed him i saw the expression on his face... just for a moment, then it would disappeard. I still don't understand because he was abandoned by his mother at the age of 2, been raised by his grandmother until the age of 14 then went back to his mother but was abused by her. To me he said then when he heard at the age of 17 that his grandmother died he didn't care about anything anymore.
He especially verbal ''abuses'' everyone around him, i could see (do to your lectures) that it was compulsive, he also repeated numerous time that he didn't need me or no one, which was contradicted because he tried, but couldn't be alone too long, he was offiously scared to be alone. We had lots of laughs together, and sometimes even very close together, but the ''bad'' objects always seem to win, so these ''close'' moments were not often enough to accept him for who or what he is.
In prison he was diagnosed being a psychopath. I am no expert but i truly think he is a clinical Narcissist, my guess due to trauma , abuse and probably cormobidity of autism again all do to your lectures.
I am no longer with him, i blocked him everywere. he didn't blocked me (can still see his picture on whatsapp) but i still have a soft spot for him indeed like i abandond my son (not in the way that i want to see him or have something to do with him) But I hear from people around me that he gone completely psychotic nowadays, and that hurts me.
Always Listen to information to people give you.
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman
The Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer
So true. And what a great reply.
I am very sorry to hear what you have gone through. I had somewhat similar experience which I am going through healing myself. It is hopeless and the narc was not able to love someone unless it was something he projected as perfect in his head. However, there is no such a perfection in this world so he ended up being alone for a long time (so he said so it could be all lies again). Then he lied that he never lied and told me that I was lying like 100 times or more.
Therefore I realized that it was totally going wasting what I had to offer. As he could not acknowledge anything good in person almost. It was too much in illusion and almost no contact in a way because we had physical distances so long. It was not feeling as if it was real feelings but I was playing along as he was great at manipulating. And lies are always there as he did not know what the truth was. So it was complete mess and insanity I endured which I did not have to.
Yes!!!! My narcissistic family member has a false face with people, with whom she basically has a transactional relationship as long as it serves, and she gets her desire for contact through dependent animals and dependent old men. Again, basically simple transactional relationships. Their own self-hatred is amazing, but eventually they turn it on anybody who doesn't live up to their expectations. The closest I got to ever hearing that they recognized it in themselves was for them to say "I was a shit", or "I should be killed!" I am also reminded of that quote, I believe from Groucho Marx, "I wouldn't want to belong to a club that would accept me as a member!"
30 seconds in and I'm hearing my experience with the narcissist, 42 years, ZILCH !!
@LAURIEANNJESS I can relate. I just got out of a 30 year marriage with a Narcissist. He never loved Me. What a waste of My life! We didn't know anything about These evil people back then. Now it's everywhere! It's going to take a to heal from his abuse. Sorry you got hit too.
@@BflyMom_212 I cannot afford to regret the past. Self-pity and regret are absolutely worthless and self harming! Fill your new blank canvas with a fulfilling new expression of yourself! You are still the personality you were back when!! Keep living who you were and always have been!! You are not anything that the narcissist projected onto you, nor are you the negativity he ascribed to you. Let that crap fall away from you, and step out of that steaming pile of lies, and walk away. Never look back. No remorse. Free!!
That is a long time,best to you.14 months for me was way much.i knew her from back in High school.a lot changed in about 46 years, for me it h@@BflyMom_212
For me it has been a strain,on my heath.agaon everyone we must move on.Bless ya all.
@LAURIEANNJESSEN
I'm grateful he moved far far away and I've cut contact. Just waiting for the divorce to be finalized. You make it sound so easy. It's not. Not the abuse I went through. I need time to heal, and find Myself again. It's only been a few months. For some of Us it takes time to heal the wounds of physical and emotional abuse.
I'm far from ready to jump into another relationship or even think about dating.
I know I'll get there eventually but it's not happening overnight!
when i was discarded he was in a chaos filled rant and just kept repeating over and over that he could never be good enough that he was such a loser and that i would always want more than he could give. i had always told him i never wanted anything from him but his love and trust and honesty. I didnt need anything material from him as i am self sufficient. i even offered many times to help him financially and he refused (now i realize this probably hurt his self idea even more to have me offer to help) he never ever believed me and always said why would someone like you want me. It was a never ending loop of his self-hatred. In the end i said "why can't you allow yourself the joy of friendship and love?". everything fell on deaf ears.
I’ve never heard narcissism described this way. It makes so much sense. Controlling the partner so he can keep emotional control. Listening to you is the deepest understanding I’ve ever had of this condition. I’m going to re listen to this again after I’m done. Wow
Love is money, without you cannot love. My brother taught me this and he is 100% right. He told me life is shit and blood and you have to fight for everyrhing. He fought me and was very clever. Now i will give back to the world what i learned : nothing. I will think to myself...what a wonderful world.
Extremely depressing knowing this but it must be said
Yes the Narcicist can not love and can not take love from others. So true.
I've learned the hard way toxic relationships can only exist when both partners are toxic.
I was the submissive one, but I don't consider myself as the victim anymore, neither do I consider my ex-partner as the villain. I'm just sad we dragged eachother into our own misery.
I agree
I willfully ignored obvious red flags. So, yes, I was toxic. A healthy self-validating person would have walked away.
@@elstal22 Toxic behavior doesn't necessarily mean you are a toxic person 😘
We all humans make mistakes. We all have to learn and unfortunately not everybody gets the chance to learn from loving and supporting parents.
I really don't know what it is with narcissists. My father is one. I myself have been diagnosed with BPD. I can recognise a lot of myself in his behavior, but only to a certain level.
@@elstal22 I don't think that's true in every case. Some people convince themselves that the narcissist will change if they are patient and treat them with more kindness, often for the sake of not breaking up a family. Foolishness isn't toxicity, especially when you don't understand what you're dealing with.
I disagree completely. My ex narcissist father in law raped my 14 year old daughter. There in fact can often be ONE EVIL TOXIC PERSON, not in ANY way, 2.
If also doesn't apply in situations where children are born to narcissistic parents. The children are not born toxic.
I honestly don't see how your statement applies in most cases. At all.
Sam, thank you for your brutal honesty...you are a PHD in human behavior, and true pioneer in the dark truth of the human void.
I agree with every word you speak as a psychitrist and expert.
You contribute to this world....more than anyone can ever thank you for.
The bad mother is bad because of the abuse she has suffered from her narcissistic father and husband. It will always be the narcissist’s fault. Not the mother’s.
yeah, my ex didn't know what love was and didn't know how to receive it. such a shame, but she nearly broke me in the end.
L♥️VE MUST BE SINCERE.
Once again, you've hit it right on the head! As painful as the rage and rejection are, the inability to accept the genuine love you are offering is the most painful. The inability on the love giver's part to make that emotional connection.
And yet you’re here for us… thank you.
I have experienced this with men. It's so painful because they are not capable and don't believe in you 😢
After you realize that the love bombing and the initial shared fantasy is over, after you become a weaker form of supply for your narc, when the devaluation has begun and you are headed for the eventual discard-this is the video for you. Now you know that you will never make it- the relationship is fake, has always been fake, and what in the world are you going to do now? Isn’t it amazing that so many people are involved with someone that is hurting them- their partner is narcissist. Look at all the comments in this thread.
This guy is so accurate. I am amazed that he is a diagnosed narcissist himself. I wonder why he is doing this? He has a lot of fans, myself included. If you know him personally, closely, it will be a very unpleasant experience. It must be if he is a narcissist. Must be. And yet so many people are leaning on him so heavily to figure out how to get through all the pain and misery that people like him are giving to them. Well, everything he says makes so much sense.
How can a narcissist talk about love so well, without actually knowing what love is?
Well, Everything checks out perfectly experientially. Now what?
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman
The Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer
For healing.
It's reminiscent of Dismissive-Avoidant attachment too, though not to the same extent, for sure.
I was going to say this sounds like an Attachment Disorder as well.
I was with one they defo have traits but not as bad
Thanks for the Analysis, I finally understood my father.
Wow, really deep topic that needs another play through. Polio abused my mother. Placed in an isolation ward aged 18 months. I grew up with her constantly accusing me with the words "I'd always wanted a baby to love and to hug, but YOU always pushed me away!" She was either accusing me, blaming and guilting me, using me for her needs, or neglecting me every day of my life. I've finally given up at age 67. What an enduring fool I've been.
This helped me break into layers of a series of conversations had since the holidays. The thought process in here. Between the internet is intense. I am grateful I am able to gain your insightful thoughts so easily online. The internet and you are incredible. Thank you, Professor Vaknin.
Genius . Absolute Genius.
Thanks so much Sam.
I have been devouring your content for a little over six months now but this video seemed to succinctly encapsulate a myriad of revelatory information especially regarding the six month relationship with my ‘soulmate’ that I recently exited after being single for 12 years and celibate for 8.
I am now going to watch it again as the content is pure GOLD but explains everything about my ex perfectly.
It has helped me understand why my showering of BPD affection was never reciprocated or returned.
He also said that he ‘didn’t know why he does it’ in regard to approach/avoidance compulsions with triangulation and constant comparisons to other females.
It is quite explanatory in regard to myself and the narcissistic/psychotic/antisocial behavioural states that I have cycled through that I can now clearly recognise both from my past and in the present.
So thanks again!
It is heartbreaking I was in an abusive relationship until last year I fell in with her and its so hard I believe I still love her but the advice here is spot on
Thanks Dr. Vaknin! You are spot on!
Thank you for words of wisdom.
I finally left him, he is doing exactly what you have been saying. But he is breadcrumbing... sending sad song titked, "I will be ok, will love you.." how sick was he. Like you said, he will self destruct, I will no longer advise him on how to become healthier, better looking, so on. His son hates him, he keeps pushing son to be something he can never be, and he will treating his teen son as a husband, and he is the wife. I hope his government wakes up and saves the kid. Thank you for pointing out the truth in full detail.
You did the right thing ❤
Oh I used to get the songs, too.. "I thought I'd have you for a lifetime.." "I'm saying I miss you, I've never been so ashamed, tell me how I could use a friend like you.." I told myself he used music to express himself, to say the things that he couldn't. Now I know it was a manipulation tool. Best of luck to you, you definitely did the right thing.
Thank you, perfect explanation
That’s just a role the company assigns them. Social media just makes it easier to create a fake identity - an identity that makes them feel magical.
Incredibly helpful! It freed me from questioning my experiences of love, cuz whenever I shared or displayed love to my parents, they would intellectually explain to me how it can't be. My father an orphan, my mother taking care since childhood of a verbally abusive and crippled mother... it makes sooo much sense that they will not tolerate to experience or acknowledge love, I feel so freed! thanks again
My dilemma was staying with the person I “failed “, along with my world, esp my family. I knew he would never love me. I knew if I left I would be walking away from all love from my family. My Machiavellian saw to it that I was alienated and he was just like what the Dr. is describing. He “loves” one person. Our Son. And that’s why I had to be destroyed, I was “competition”.
Stay strong 🙏🏽 love yourself- get outside and away from them.
Absolutely spot on sam ❤
Absolutely genius analysis. thank you so much!! and speaking of biblical stories: the story of casting pearls to the swine also seems to be appropriate.
Thank you for sharing your erudition with us.
This is such a good video!
Your last sentence is the most important. Thank you for your advise professor
Spot on 100%
Great video that assists with letting go
❤
This is the best explanation of an narcissists thank you so much
It is terrible and I also experienced, what you are saying. They are very sick people. My mother is doing the same. I am waiting for the end of this insane relationship since my early childhood. My mother is an evil bastard.
The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman
The Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer
Safe People by Henry Cloud
So was mine. Evil and twisted. I never went to her funeral. Still glad she is gone.
Thank you Dr Vaknin ⭐
You share psychology with beautiful passion! Impressive!
❤️ you are the best!
Time and time again.
That was really helpfull. Gives a complete understanding for deeply insightful meanings. Thank you so much ❤️
I know this is not a new video. But I just had to add, how true! Narcissists don't want to be loved. That is so sad & strange.
You are often very funny.
Thank you for teaching us the
truth about narcissism.
Thank You Very Much
You made me cry
I do appreciate you
As a human being and a God… your heart
Thank You ❤🙏
Another great session. Thanks. G
One of your better videos. Excellent presentation.. This is NPD.. In the simplest form.. Thk you Professor .. Continue educating and being great! 🍷
Perfect 👍 Ty ❤
Thanks very much for this enlighting video. It describes what I've let myself get caught. It helps my way out of it.
You are so spot on Sam thank you so much for all your so very accurate insights. I just so wish being a narc and bpd with the dark triad adhd codependence dyspraxia and autism traits from my mother as she used to tell me it would have been better if I hadnt been born. I struggle everyday day to get out of bed and even breathe or move with the huge heaviness of anxiety inducing emptiness of the void inside and the suffering lonliness .. its beyond devastating. But i live for my Dad as and i dont know how he surbived 56 years of marriage with constant berating episodes from her. I am beyond sad for him despite him still being a lovely jolly man even at 85 years old. He has been alone 5 years but adheres to her same old cleaning rules distilled in him from her pver all the passed years. When he leaves this world then i will go too as it will be too painful to live as we are both codepents... i too have every attachment style and personality disorders. My first ever thought was ..the world is beautiful but why do people hate it. Early on too i knew to never get married. Thank you Sam and others who also leave some truthful comments in the box provided. ❤
Как всегда прекрасно Сэм! Так приятно Вас слушать! Всегда успокаивает 🤍
You've said it all ..
Ive expressed how it feels for me,
Its like you have put a knife in me and twisted it and while im lying on the floor dying your looking down angry at me because i cant get up and dance.
Also,
I can't continue to fill your cup from mine if no one is filling up my cup.
We all have our own paths and even tho at times i hit rock bottom and no matter the hatred they have towards me i still wish nothing but the best. Its my path i must walk now 🙏
Your video resonated so well within me !
I see your point about psychology and literature, you have a very persuasive turn of phrase
Incredibly true oh my God
EXCELLENT VIDEO, VERY ANALYTICAL. THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS KNOWLEDGE.
this is so sad people can feel like this about themselves to be angry at narcs until i learned how bad they hate themselves
"God cannot have a will". That is actually so profound.
You hit it all on the head.
ty
Love = Sex. When internet porn got real that was the end of being loved. I was kept around for utility purposes. Whenever the narc was hurt he would devise a punishment for me. What Dr. is describing about rejecting love is totally accurate.
Hi Sam. I completed the book!
Gold!
It’s still very sad to discover, many years of friendship that has turned to what I believed was “a love of the lifetime “ and after 15 years of marriage, a painful discovery of this severe damaged person. There is so much I’d love to tell him, but it’s a waste, everything can and is used against me, leaving me lonely to the core of my heart. I’m leaving as quiet as possible in sadness and silence, feeling abandoned although I’m the one who initiated the separation
I love you Sam Vaknin. Nice haircut.
The narcissist said to me after I refused to spend time with him after his attempts to devalue me. He said wouldn’t want to be around me either. I didn’t respond, I just continued being silent.
Thank you sam for the education it has helped me so much understanding the man i was in a reletiinship with who did have a traumatic upbringing and lifestyle and masked himself to be a recovered on the path of healing journey when i met him only to have ugly core and destroy the reletionship anyway as the education from you i am not heartbroken and understand it..what i dont get is what is the drive to live within them if its not for contentment in love ultimately??so they continue to keep existing to always feel empty ???
There has got to be a Resolution, a Healing, for the collective of ALL of Humanity……..whether some people think they are human or not.
shoshonim, thanks for this flower!
Agradezco sus enseñanzas desde el fondo de mi Ser.
comparto que otros maestros fuera de la
cuestión científica expresan que el amor se puede compartir, como una fragancia propia; Solo eso. Que es diferente al dinero (el dinero se acaba)... sin embargo el Amor, es como una fragancia.. ahi está..
Y claro, puedes Amar en la distancia... (corporal) es Innecesario estar cerca de otro Ser Humano que comparte emociones y formas de ser desagradables para el Ser.. Gracias Maestro 🙏❤️
Fűkking Brilliant ★
Thank you 🙏❤️🙏
Sam, it was love for 30 years, but my wife tossed me away like a candy wrapper. Where did my love go?
20 years over here for me - you ask a difficult question....
20 years on & off here too, I was complicit In my own abuse... In my experience It's difficult to untangle it all, but liberating beyond a certain point ✨ Rediscovering yourself is paramount & on that journey gaining the invaluable knowledge & guidance from people like Dr Vaknin, slowly but surely your self love & ability to feel love translates into understanding at least you still have the ability to feel & share love ❤ Only now with more self knowledge, love, boundaries & discernment ✨ For growing healthy relationships going forward 🌈✌️😉
To assume love died or went away, there must have been love to begin with. These people are unable to love. It's impossible to loose what was never there.
Falling out of love, that's completely different process.
Understand.
Sam i think you hear this often but i have to say it....I love you ❤
Narcissist where a victim of some form of abuse they did love at one time.when they craved the love they needed at such a young age . Their carers weren’t there . They where let down . Hurt . Betrayal by the person they needed the most. They needed love hugs and emotional support