Men’s BPD. FP favourite person, confessions of the obsessed, WHY WON’T YOU LOVE ME?
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- Опубликовано: 16 фев 2020
- Talking openly about my checkered history with romance, friendship and unhealthy attachments that I didn’t fully understand..
Tips and support always welcome
www.paypal.me/stephensantouris
Photo credit: Victoria Cox.
I love that you're wearing an Ask A Mortician t-shirt. I like that channel too. : )
It amazes me how gay guys find other gay guys to date when it's so hard to find someone, even when you're straight!
But I had a very similar experience in high school. I fell "in love" with my boyfriend's best friend. Totally obsessed over him. The happiest I've ever felt was when I boarded a bus as an 18 year old, thinking he loved me back. I literally floated down the aisle. Unfortunately it was all in my mind. He didn't love me, and he never dated me out of loyalty to his best mate, who abused me. After high school I never saw him again, but I continued to draw him and cry about him, and honour his birthdays, and maintain hope for years afterward. Even wrote a romantic story about getting together, 20 years later, hoping to see him at the high school reunion. When he didn't attend, I finally gave up the fantasy.
I think your choice of music for this clip is really clever. Engaging, and balancing out quite a serious topic. I totally understand about making a consistent version of yourself. I'm not sure about myself either. It's very frustrating. I enjoyed your video. Thanks for sharing your story.
During our post-graduate clinical training and on various placements; BPD was one of the most poorly understood disorders due to the vastly heterogeneous peresentation of maladaptive / obsessive behaviours which aren’t always obvious.
It’s really brave of this man to speak so openly about the trajectory of his BPD, how it manifested and how it drove others away.
It's like being hooked on a drug. You know it's not right, but your need for the fix clouds your logic.
Thank you for sharing so openly, your experiences with BPD…I think my 17 year old son suffers with it and it’s rare to find info on male BPD. You helped a lot. Thanks
Everything you say make absolute sense to me and describes all relations to my FP's as well.
I have finally decided that i have to get help with this and avoid letting another FP in to my life until i know how to handle that.
Thanks for sharing and for putting words on all things i haven't been able to express even to myself before
On the unconditional love thing, I think that's right and a really essential part of borderline perspective. Given the tendency to devalue people, I believe we have to give unconditional love to others in order to maintain that relationship of love despite how they make us feel. For someone without borderline, I would never recommend that. But, for someone with Borderline (or EUPD) because of our tendency to skew behaviours as personal and hurtful, we have to sacrifice our feelings for love. If we had conditional love, based off of how someone makes me feel, we'd never be able to relate to anyone, because our disappointment from others is so steep.
Anyway, so I think that's right. Unconditional love is essential. But, it does not mean each relationship has to be unconditionally remained in.
It's perhaps important to define core values which once violated you could no longer participate in the relationship. Otherwise, unconditional would be like "yeah, they're a bloodthirsty animal murderer who takes pleasure in hurting others, but I told myself my love is unconditional". That seems unrealistic.
Unconditional love would say "well, we have to understand why they became like this". But self-love would also say "and I should probably leave".
I am tired, so I hope this all makes sense because I wrote it with bleary eyes 😂
Thanks for sharing ♡ makes me feel less strange about who I'm according to dealing with my FP, and Inspired me to get better. I'm struggling to be more independent and it hurts.
I love this video because i relate to it so much. continue spreading awareness!
Can't finish the video tonight because I have company coming over but gonna finish tomorrow ❤️ Love your energy
You made absolutely perfect sense to me, thank u for sharing this on here, u will help so many people with your experiences - thank you
Perfectly explained, spot on .
I
excellent explanation
Good chat ❣
“Down with satan” 😂 so true so not funny when we go through it but so true
Oooooooweeeee I getting help for my condition but this FP stuff is hard work.
It’s so hard for me as well.. I hope I can manage it better moving forward.
ohhhh seeing that FP of urs finding a new close friend and to think that they have more things in common is very hurtful
❤
Two way unconditional IS a condition