Wow thank u I don’t normally comment on videos but I so related to the tumblr friends. I’m currently addicted to heroin & crack but I’m 12 days clean! I had 93 days before that but slipped up for 1 day. I’m still so fucking proud of myself though bc ever since I was 14 I’ve never been 93 consecutive days clean from any drugs. U go girl!
This made me so upset - the teacher part pissed me off. Like I’m going to school for teaching an this makes me soooo upset like grown adults bullying children 😡😡. I’m so sorry you had to deal with this
Thank you Bella for this💖 I can really relate to certain aspects you talked about in this video. You are so strong just like others who have gone through similar situations. It's ok to get a little emo every now and then lol but in the end, everything will be ok. I'm 20 years old and I'm finally looking into medication to help me with my current situation. I hope you are doing well.💕💖😊 My main coping mechanism is either writing everything down and burning it or sewing new clothes- you've inspired me so much. I can't go on Tumblr lol I've been bullied and I used it as something to "help" me with my anorexia and that was not good. A video about Tumblr would be interesting
you should totally make that video on tumblr because I had a similar experience and I wish 24 year old me could have told 15 year old me like that type of group and stuff isn't okay.. and you're so right you start to have a group think of like yea this its totally fine and it's hard to get out of it..
Can I just say... it’s very refreshing to look up to someone who is open about overcoming these type of things, and getting better. I’m so used to taking queues from those who romanticized their sadness and drug coping mechanisms. Thank you💖
never heard another person just sleep when it gets too much, i know there are probably better ways to combat thoughts and urges but it works for me :) it was nice to hear other perspectives
I've been hesitating on watching this but I'm happy that I finally decided to, even though it hits really close to home. Its really shitty when you come from a traditional family that doesn't see mental illness as a illness which makes life incredibly lonely. I was also bullied by my peers as well as my teachers for styling my uniform different or being into things that weren't popular or just being plain shy when people didn't even give me a chance. So ya being a dick to people doesn't help especially when they already have preexisting mental conditions.🙄 I wish there were more people open about mental illness like you back when I was in high school. So I thank you for sharing your story even if its tough to be vulnerable with strangers or even yourself. Lots of love and keep doing your thing chica! 🖤🖤🖤
we've literally had the same life omf, but to cope with how alone and outcasted i was, i would also skip during lunch and recess go behind the 7/11 at my school to smoke weed, then go back to class. i became pretty addicted to it as an escape. i can't even believe i graduated. with all the stress, of bullying from teachers, students, and other experiences outside of school. it was pretty bad, but now life's much better.
I would love if you made a video about your experience on tumblr. It's really reassuring to hear from someone else who also had a gore blog at one point. Its something that severely impacted my mental state at one time, that I did use as a way to cope. It's also something I feel ashamed of and have a hard time talking about because a lot of people don't understand and there were people close to me at that time in my life that thought I was crazy when they discovered I had a blog that depicted those things. I am so much further away from that place now and doing so much better and I really appreciate and commend you for talking openly about your experiences.
I never comment on videos but I tend to hide my depression even to myself and maybe talking about this will help me cope aside from therapy. When you were talking about the whole high school experience I felt it but when you started talking about college I was just so triggered. You were describing my life right now and I feel like a train wreck, I never go to class even tho I love what I’m studying and I only leave my bed to party. Not because I’m lazy and I hate college but because I crave company and alcohol to fill a void idk
When I was in H.S. I had anorexia and depression. I was very insecure. I think all teenagers go through stuff like that. Depression and anorexia never really go away.I have to constantly remind myself that I love myself. I try to stay positive. Makeup and fashion have helped me cope with my mental issues. When you find a healthy coping mechanism it makes it much easier to be able to handle stressful situations that might trigger your anxieties.
Omg yes!! Thanks for opening up about this sensitive topic. When I was younger and real depressed no one believed I was sincerely upset because I was 'too young' to deal with such emotions. When I was 11 my teacher accused me of using my situation as an excuse to get out of class. The only thing I've learned while dealing with such people is that you should always believe in yourself.. In my 5 years of highschool (different system) ive dealt with many haters (teachers and students) but I've finally graduated high school and now I can move on with my life.. It's gonna be hella positive from now on XD
Hey, I’ve been super lucky and never have struggled with severe mental health issues but I have a couple of best friends who I know really do - I was wondering if you could maybe do a video on how to support friends struggling with self harming, suicidal thoughts and depression xxxx love from london
it’s so important to talk about mental health and break the stigma surrounding these issues. thank you so much for sharing your story, it’s genuinely so inspiring that you were able to heal and grow and are now in a positive place. ily bella 🖤🖤
Thank you for sharing your story B 🖤 I've suffered w depression & anxiety since I was 13 and I'm now 26 and it DOES get better but it's good to realize that you can and should have positive coping mechanisms and honestly I just go to sleep too grlll. Sending you all my love. 🖤
This is so inspiring, thank you for being vulnerable to your audience. I have been binge watching all of your videos because I love thrifting and fashion. You are such a creative, hard working and beautiful human being! Please keep up the awesome content. Sending you my love and prayers
I really relate to the teacher part. I had a sport teacher who laughed at the way I ran. I was in primary school and was convinced I was the one doing something wrong but no teacher should shame you rather than show you how to improve. He also humiliated me in front of the class. Now I get panic attacks and anxiety in general when ever I try to do any physical activity. It really stuck with me. Thank you for sharing your story.
I'd be interested in hearing your advice on healthy relationships, esp. healthy romantic relationships. I know that can be very personal but I am always interested to hear people's stories on how they navigate relationships!
Dude you came into my work when you visited LA! I made you and your boy whiskey sours and I was going to say something about how fucking awesome your shop is but I got all self-conscious and bit my tongue lol. Just wanted to stop by and say that it's super inspiring to see you post stuff like this, using creativity as an outlet. If you find your way back to LA, I don't know if you've checked out Jet Rag on La Brea, but they're fucking awesome. They have dollar sale Sunday's in the parking lot. Awesome stuff for bundles. Take care, love :]
Sending lots of love. Nobody knows this secret. I had a awesome and super hilarious friend who had just got out of the army. I use to hangout with him all the time and a few others in a tight knit group. We all had this and would help and support each other. They were not like normal friends because we had a trauma bond. The only ones who could understand what we had been though were us. I thought we were going to be ok. He shot himself in the head last year, my precocious girlfriend purposely overdosed with over 200 pills, and mine just messed my arm so much I need plastic surgery. I'm in school studying hard so I can eventually become neuroscientist which will allow me to research clinical depression. it's just as biological as diabetes but statically it's more life threatening. It's not out yet to the public but solid biomarkers have been found. That means someone clinically depressed has blood that is literally is very different compared to a healthy person. For instance someone suffering will have crazy amounts of very destructive inflammatory molecules and stress hormones that healthy people don't have. Also here is a recent finding that nobody really shares. An excitatory amino acid neurotransmitter called glutamate often times gets so insanely high it starts literally killing lots of your brains cells. Among other destruction this results in major loss of a brain growth factor protein called BDNF. As a result the brain literally loses neuroplasticity and makes it even more impossible to "snap out of". That old structure involved in storing away memory called the hippocampus ends up literally shrinking up to 20%. People don't understand this thing is literally life threatening. 15% of people meeting clinical criteria for major depression die from suicide. The "chemical imbalance" hypothesis was formulated in the 1950s and turns out to be pretty wrong we are recently finding. This this is more complex and pathological then anyone thought. There luckily are new modern treatments that use modern findings. SSRIs are built on grandpa science, I'm not even joking, the chemical compounds they used to make the first antidepressants were literally useful compounds we stole from a nazi V-2 rocket facility after the war lol. New treatments like rTMS, dTMS, anti-inflammatory therapy, immune modulation, sphingolipid antagonization, hell even isolated CDB, and lastly IV ketamine are the future. If someone has never had it on a clinical level they can begin to fathom what it's like. Thats a good thing. Its pretty much the #2 killer of college students and is approaching #1.
Thank you for speaking about this. I know first hand how hard it can be suffering from poor mental health and being surrounded by negativity. It truly does make a difference to delve into your passions and stay away from harmful things and people. I know I don't know you, but I love you Bella and anyone else who reads this! We aren't alone.
The fact that I completely relate to your tumblr experience and told someone at my high school my freshman year I had a gore blog and she told other people lol....
Thank you for opening up! Ive been on Prozac for threeish years now and its been helping me but i still have my days just like you. I’m sorry you had to suffer for so long in silence 🖤
You are such a strong and lovely woman, really appreciated this video. It's refreshing to hear your truth and really helps me feel like I am not alone but that also asking for help/support isn't weak. Much love from Portland 💕💕💕
This was a tough and brave thing to discuss, I find it so difficult to discuss my issues with a therapy, I just cry and break down and feel extremely embarrassed. Thank you for making me feel less alone. :)
I really enjoyed your video, you remind me so much of myself and it makes me feel better to see where you currently are even tho you went through so many things to get here, I hope I'll be able to make a living off of my passions too
You're really amazing and inspiring. I love your videos! I used to be medicated for 6 years when i was younger, and stopped when i was around 15-16 cuz i was stupid. I fell into a huge depression and one of the worst times of my life. Now days, i'm kind of happy i did it because i found my ways to cope without it and i am stable a few years now... But i can really really relate, and know how much medications work and im so so happy they worked for you. Can't wait to get my igirl bundle and so happy to support you! Oren. ❤
dude thanks for making this vid. it’s so important and you’re so brave to be able to show people that having success and all that doesn’t mean you’re happy 100% all the time.
I’m so sorry that you had to deal with that during high school. I’m happy you’re not afraid to upload videos like this. It helps me understand and deal with my own negative thoughts. On a happier note, I’m super stoked that you’re uploading more. You’re one of my favorite youtubers and for good reason, too. You seem so genuine and kind. Sending you my love from Hawaii :)
watching this was so crazy because a lot of it is so similar to my story! i started feeling depressed around when i was 13 and spent pretty much my entire teenage years in a dark hole. i'm 20 now, at university for illustration and medicated, finally feeling like my life is worth living. i've been able to lean into my art so much more without tearing myself apart in the process. it's hard feeling like you lost ur teens to depression but i'm so ready to actually enjoy my 20s, i never thought i'd actually want to be alive. so proud of u for coming so far and building up ur brand and business
I'm so freaking grateful for just your existence in general. Your vids always make me feel like I have someone I can truly relate to and empathize with and understand on a personal level. I ve been struggling with my depression for years (since i was around 12 is when it started to get to get really bad and when my cutting began) I attempted so many times to end my life through various methods over the years(bashing my head into walls , cutting, excessive pill taking ,even taking my step fathers gun out the safe , which unsurprisingly enough he was PISSED about ) Anyhow, I feel so happy that you can share your story and help others. Namaste and many blessings to you beautiful soul. Your struggle was not in vain and i'm so happy to see how far you've come.
I really love this video I can relate with your high school problems and this really helped me know I’m not alone I love how loving and sweet you are keep being you you bring so much light in the world ❤️
i was on prozac for a very long time and they didn’t really help so they put me on welbutrn (i have no idea how to spell it) it gave me seizures for awhile they finally took me off of it and i havent been on any medication for about three months now and i feel really good today :)❤️
my own teachers & the school counselors have made fun of me too, mostly for the way I dress. It’s been a thing since I’ve been in middle school. I’ve also never had any real friends in high school. It’s been hard but it helps knowing I’m not the only one who’s been alone/ without friends. Luckily I’ve found one person who loves me and is my friend. We don’t go to the same school but I’ve never been closer to anyone
thank you so much for opening up about this.I was waiting for this video for a long time, Im 17 and in high school, its been really hard to make friends & being bullied for wearing "different clothes" & being different. The generation of kids I go to school now are way different than your time but It's just so much worse. When you talked about the separation with your parents, at 13 or 14 I went through the same thing & it started my depression too. I'm really terrified to graduate high school or just go to the graduation because I know Im not going to have any friends. I will be a senior this year in high school & you talking about being alone is okay, really helped me ease the pressure of this year coming up. Thank you so much for being brave and opening up about this. You will inspire many girls & women. I love you. :)
I’m so so sorry that you had to experience any of that, you’re such a kind person and you deserved to be treated differently and with more respect. Thank you for sharing, you’re story was actually really relatable to me, my family decided to move when I was 13 and the same year my best friend died and I distanced myself away from everyone and started self harmed constantly. I was medicated but they didn’t work until I got switched over to Prozac, Wellbutrin and serotonin. I’ve been 1 whole year clean and I am currently going into sophomore year of high school. Again thank you for sharing your story and talking about how you cope, it helps a lot!
Thank you for this doll ❤️ I'm tempted to explain the ways in which I can relate to you, and comment about all of my own issues - but I'm waaay too faded & lazy. Sending love to you 💖
this was honestly so helpful to me. i legit just got home from a shit graduation (where i had no pals to take pics with) and started crying my eyes out when i see a video from Bella!! and its about mental health! and im feeling so much better now bc of you thank you so fucking much!!! i was feeling so so so terrible and this video really made me feel better
It made me so sad each time you said "this is so hard..." because from what I see through watching your vids and following you on Instagram you seem like such a sweet, caring, and understanding person. I have a lot of respect for you making this video and sharing your experiences, honestly. So glad to hear that you've made positive progress and I hope that it continues. Also really enjoyed this lil talky vid, I could listen to your voice all day!
This video (especially the ending) really helped me and made me feel happier. This is something I struggle with but haven’t told anyone about, so it’s nice to finally see someone giving advice to the people who have no one else to turn to
This is extremely brave of you to share! As someone who struggles with depression and anxiety and currently going through a funk of depression now, I can definitely say its not easy to talk about. Ive had some similiar experiences that you have, and I completely agree, having no friends is better than having fake friends or just bad friends. And as for coping, I think you really have to just find what works best for you. Therapy, medication, talking about it with loved ones or finding a person/friend who will listen to you. A true friendship is both parties giving of themselves with no expectations. I think when you find that hold in to it. Have a great day Bella. Thanks for the vid!
can you talk about dealing with being bullied in highschool and stuff I know you sort of talked about it here but maybe talk about if you had any good ways of coping with it or something your younger audience could find relatable. thank you for opening up about your past. you have all my support bella, we should all stick together and fight our battles the right way!!
Thank you for posting this, Bella ❤️ mental health is such an important topic to talk about and you’re so brave for sharing you personal struggles with it. I’m going through such a rough time right now and I haven’t felt this way since middle school but like I really needed to watch/hear this and see all the comments from other people that there’s people out there who are struggling and that we’re not alone in this fight ❤️ many of the things you talked about In this video I related to so much because I’ve gone through so much of that in the past and at the time thought I was the only one going through it 💔 on a v positive note and I’ve just recently cut off all contact with the negative people in my life because I’m ready for a new start to making my life more positive! ❤️ you’re definitely such a positive role model to me and I’m so glad you exist ❤️ ily Bella you’re amazing and I wear your iGirl pendant religiously lmao ❤️❤️❤️
Hi Bella, tysm for this video I also sleep when my thoughts are getting cruel. I was hoping maybe you could talk about toxic relationships, signs to get out of them, and how to cope with withdrawals from people you love who are bad for you. I'm currently in this type of sitaution and it sounded like you can relate with your friends from Montreal and maybe past boyfriends, thank you
how did your parents feel about your "strange" style? My parents are super religious and conservative and I have such a hard time expressing myself in such a toxic household...
I had a boy I was desperately in love with who would torment me all throughout high school and further into college. He finally apologized after 6 years. I still suffer trauma from it. It’s insane how much people in your youth and from your past can still leave such an impact on your life.
omg THANKS FOR REAL !!! im suffering too much this year, you dont even know. I just want to end, i would love to hear you talk about being and feeling lonely, cause literally im like that im from Colombia, and move for 4 years to Spain to study gastronomy and i feel like i dont fix in my group, my teachears look me like im weird and i spend most of the time in my room, barely eat and i dont know what else to do :(
Moni Mix Wow, you're studying gastronomy? That sounds really interesting, how long are you abroad for? I'm sorry you feel alone, but you are not! This world is full of nice people and even I'll talk to you. Stay strong.
awwwwn thanks, yeah im 2 and half years in spain, is really cool but because of what i said before is not how i imagine it will be, i hope to find nice people like you said
hey thank you so much for sharing all of this with us; what you said help me to feel at least a little bit better. hope you'll be good, love you!!!😍😍😍 (can't wait for your next video 😉)
Normally i dont comment on videos, but i would like to say how very brave it is of you to share your experiences, and that im sure it will help a lot of youth me included!! Totally agree with you on how many teens create little niches and glamourise mental illness on tumblr. Its really not healthy and i wish there was more help accessible to teens with mental ilness!!
it's really helping video for me. I used to cut myself about a year ago and I thought i've done w this shit but now some selfharm ideas come back and I did not know what to do but you gave me hope. thank u. ❤❤❤
i did the exact same thing with the tumblr gore blog, i made those same friends who seemed to normalise my self harm and suicidal tendencies. i had my blog since 2011, hadn't used it for 2 years and then deleted it a few weeks ago (i had been finding it hard to let go of that former version of myself) and as soon as i did delete it, i felt a massive weight off my shoulders. it's good to reflect on the past but it's also so good to let go
I used to cut really bad as well and my legs and arms are scarred up pretty bad. I don't mind them tbh but i hate the looks people give me so I was wondering if u have any tips on how to fade the appearance of scars? I stopped cutting 1(?) Year ago
Nico Vargas every kind of prescription pills benzos/opioids/benzodiazepines/ stimulants but i was recently starting H again and other things which woke me up to stop and get clean. Now im only taking what is prescribed to me such as antidepressants/benzodiazepines/antipsychotics which i hope to not rely on anymore
"Having no friends is better than having shitty friends" 🙏🏼🖤🙏🏼🖤
Wow thank u I don’t normally comment on videos but I so related to the tumblr friends. I’m currently addicted to heroin & crack but I’m 12 days clean! I had 93 days before that but slipped up for 1 day. I’m still so fucking proud of myself though bc ever since I was 14 I’ve never been 93 consecutive days clean from any drugs. U go girl!
I hope your still going strong!
Maria Rego I slipped I got 25 days then used the day after my bday (27th August) but only for 1 day and I’m 8 days clean now again
finty Louise how are you doing?
Awful been a roughly few months repressed rly bad for around 2/3 weeks using a lot but today is 1st day sober so one day at a time!!
Sleepi Angel hey i hope ur doing well!! ❤️❤️ stay strong
The one dislike is depression itself
This made me so upset - the teacher part pissed me off. Like I’m going to school for teaching an this makes me soooo upset like grown adults bullying children 😡😡. I’m so sorry you had to deal with this
so good i love u
Thank you Bella for this💖 I can really relate to certain aspects you talked about in this video. You are so strong just like others who have gone through similar situations. It's ok to get a little emo every now and then lol but in the end, everything will be ok. I'm 20 years old and I'm finally looking into medication to help me with my current situation. I hope you are doing well.💕💖😊 My main coping mechanism is either writing everything down and burning it or sewing new clothes- you've inspired me so much. I can't go on Tumblr lol I've been bullied and I used it as something to "help" me with my anorexia and that was not good. A video about Tumblr would be interesting
Thank you for this, I’m literally so depressed lol and I love how you spoke so openly about this.
tumblr video would be great !!! i have had similar tumblr experiences (based on what you briefly touched on)
you should totally make that video on tumblr because I had a similar experience and I wish 24 year old me could have told 15 year old me like that type of group and stuff isn't okay.. and you're so right you start to have a group think of like yea this its totally fine and it's hard to get out of it..
It so nice to see someone how you look up to have the same kind of problems growing up X
please make a whole video about tumblr !!
Can I just say... it’s very refreshing to look up to someone who is open about overcoming these type of things, and getting better. I’m so used to taking queues from those who romanticized their sadness and drug coping mechanisms. Thank you💖
ill literally fight that teacher
never heard another person just sleep when it gets too much, i know there are probably better ways to combat thoughts and urges but it works for me :) it was nice to hear other perspectives
R M sleeping when it gets too much is def smth I do too !
I've been hesitating on watching this but I'm happy that I finally decided to, even though it hits really close to home. Its really shitty when you come from a traditional family that doesn't see mental illness as a illness which makes life incredibly lonely. I was also bullied by my peers as well as my teachers for styling my uniform different or being into things that weren't popular or just being plain shy when people didn't even give me a chance. So ya being a dick to people doesn't help especially when they already have preexisting mental conditions.🙄 I wish there were more people open about mental illness like you back when I was in high school. So I thank you for sharing your story even if its tough to be vulnerable with strangers or even yourself. Lots of love and keep doing your thing chica! 🖤🖤🖤
I can't believe how fucked up people can be! You are such an amazing person and honestly you're so confident which is so inspiring to me!!
Bella, thank you for this video. Luv u 🖤 and I hope u get better
we've literally had the same life omf, but to cope with how alone and outcasted i was, i would also skip during lunch and recess go behind the 7/11 at my school to smoke weed, then go back to class. i became pretty addicted to it as an escape. i can't even believe i graduated. with all the stress, of bullying from teachers, students, and other experiences outside of school. it was pretty bad, but now life's much better.
I would love if you made a video about your experience on tumblr. It's really reassuring to hear from someone else who also had a gore blog at one point. Its something that severely impacted my mental state at one time, that I did use as a way to cope. It's also something I feel ashamed of and have a hard time talking about because a lot of people don't understand and there were people close to me at that time in my life that thought I was crazy when they discovered I had a blog that depicted those things. I am so much further away from that place now and doing so much better and I really appreciate and commend you for talking openly about your experiences.
I never comment on videos but I tend to hide my depression even to myself and maybe talking about this will help me cope aside from therapy. When you were talking about the whole high school experience I felt it but when you started talking about college I was just so triggered. You were describing my life right now and I feel like a train wreck, I never go to class even tho I love what I’m studying and I only leave my bed to party. Not because I’m lazy and I hate college but because I crave company and alcohol to fill a void idk
When I was in H.S. I had anorexia and depression. I was very insecure. I think all teenagers go through stuff like that. Depression and anorexia never really go away.I have to constantly remind myself that I love myself. I try to stay positive. Makeup and fashion have helped me cope with my mental issues. When you find a healthy coping mechanism it makes it much easier to be able to handle stressful situations that might trigger your anxieties.
This is so brave... Talking about this types of topics is really hard. You are amazing. Love from Peru 👽✨
Omg yes!! Thanks for opening up about this sensitive topic. When I was younger and real depressed no one believed I was sincerely upset because I was 'too young' to deal with such emotions. When I was 11 my teacher accused me of using my situation as an excuse to get out of class. The only thing I've learned while dealing with such people is that you should always believe in yourself.. In my 5 years of highschool (different system) ive dealt with many haters (teachers and students) but I've finally graduated high school and now I can move on with my life.. It's gonna be hella positive from now on XD
Bella you’re the best! Thank you for opening up about your struggles
Hey, I’ve been super lucky and never have struggled with severe mental health issues but I have a couple of best friends who I know really do - I was wondering if you could maybe do a video on how to support friends struggling with self harming, suicidal thoughts and depression xxxx love from london
it’s so important to talk about mental health and break the stigma surrounding these issues. thank you so much for sharing your story, it’s genuinely so inspiring that you were able to heal and grow and are now in a positive place. ily bella 🖤🖤
More mental health videos and just talking videos 💞💞
i love you so much!!! i come back to this video to feel less alone.
Thank you for sharing your story B 🖤 I've suffered w depression & anxiety since I was 13 and I'm now 26 and it DOES get better but it's good to realize that you can and should have positive coping mechanisms and honestly I just go to sleep too grlll. Sending you all my love. 🖤
This is so inspiring, thank you for being vulnerable to your audience. I have been binge watching all of your videos because I love thrifting and fashion. You are such a creative, hard working and beautiful human being! Please keep up the awesome content. Sending you my love and prayers
I really relate to the teacher part. I had a sport teacher who laughed at the way I ran. I was in primary school and was convinced I was the one doing something wrong but no teacher should shame you rather than show you how to improve. He also humiliated me in front of the class. Now I get panic attacks and anxiety in general when ever I try to do any physical activity. It really stuck with me. Thank you for sharing your story.
I'd be interested in hearing your advice on healthy relationships, esp. healthy romantic relationships. I know that can be very personal but I am always interested to hear people's stories on how they navigate relationships!
Dude you came into my work when you visited LA! I made you and your boy whiskey sours and I was going to say something about how fucking awesome your shop is but I got all self-conscious and bit my tongue lol.
Just wanted to stop by and say that it's super inspiring to see you post stuff like this, using creativity as an outlet.
If you find your way back to LA, I don't know if you've checked out Jet Rag on La Brea, but they're fucking awesome. They have dollar sale Sunday's in the parking lot. Awesome stuff for bundles.
Take care, love :]
I'm so happy for you. To see someone as strong and as confident as you really inspires me!✨
Sending lots of love. Nobody knows this secret. I had a awesome and super hilarious friend who had just got out of the army. I use to hangout with him all the time and a few others in a tight knit group. We all had this and would help and support each other. They were not like normal friends because we had a trauma bond. The only ones who could understand what we had been though were us. I thought we were going to be ok. He shot himself in the head last year, my precocious girlfriend purposely overdosed with over 200 pills, and mine just messed my arm so much I need plastic surgery.
I'm in school studying hard so I can eventually become neuroscientist which will allow me to research clinical depression. it's just as biological as diabetes but statically it's more life threatening. It's not out yet to the public but solid biomarkers have been found. That means someone clinically depressed has blood that is literally is very different compared to a healthy person. For instance someone suffering will have crazy amounts of very destructive inflammatory molecules and stress hormones that healthy people don't have.
Also here is a recent finding that nobody really shares. An excitatory amino acid neurotransmitter called glutamate often times gets so insanely high it starts literally killing lots of your brains cells. Among other destruction this results in major loss of a brain growth factor protein called BDNF. As a result the brain literally loses neuroplasticity and makes it even more impossible to "snap out of". That old structure involved in storing away memory called the hippocampus ends up literally shrinking up to 20%. People don't understand this thing is literally life threatening. 15% of people meeting clinical criteria for major depression die from suicide.
The "chemical imbalance" hypothesis was formulated in the 1950s and turns out to be pretty wrong we are recently finding. This this is more complex and pathological then anyone thought. There luckily are new modern treatments that use modern findings. SSRIs are built on grandpa science, I'm not even joking, the chemical compounds they used to make the first antidepressants were literally useful compounds we stole from a nazi V-2 rocket facility after the war lol. New treatments like rTMS, dTMS, anti-inflammatory therapy, immune modulation, sphingolipid antagonization, hell even isolated CDB, and lastly IV ketamine are the future.
If someone has never had it on a clinical level they can begin to fathom what it's like. Thats a good thing. Its pretty much the #2 killer of college students and is approaching #1.
Thank you for speaking about this. I know first hand how hard it can be suffering from poor mental health and being surrounded by negativity. It truly does make a difference to delve into your passions and stay away from harmful things and people. I know I don't know you, but I love you Bella and anyone else who reads this! We aren't alone.
The fact that I completely relate to your tumblr experience and told someone at my high school my freshman year I had a gore blog and she told other people lol....
shes just everything, lysm bella
Thank you for opening up! Ive been on Prozac for threeish years now and its been helping me but i still have my days just like you. I’m sorry you had to suffer for so long in silence 🖤
You are such a strong and lovely woman, really appreciated this video. It's refreshing to hear your truth and really helps me feel like I am not alone but that also asking for help/support isn't weak. Much love from Portland 💕💕💕
Omg BLESS YOU Bella! You are so brave for making this video! I cried at the end! You are such an inspiration and total queen 👸🏻
Bella I just want to say you that I admire u a lot, and this video always help me when i feel melacholic, ILY so much
This was a tough and brave thing to discuss, I find it so difficult to discuss my issues with a therapy, I just cry and break down and feel extremely embarrassed. Thank you for making me feel less alone. :)
you inspire me sooo much, thank you for being open about mental health and i love seeing you growing as a brand. wish you the best❤
You have no idea how much this has helped me, thank you please keep up thanks for opening up, we love you queen
I really enjoyed your video, you remind me so much of myself and it makes me feel better to see where you currently are even tho you went through so many things to get here, I hope I'll be able to make a living off of my passions too
You're really amazing and inspiring. I love your videos! I used to be medicated for 6 years when i was younger, and stopped when i was around 15-16 cuz i was stupid. I fell into a huge depression and one of the worst times of my life. Now days, i'm kind of happy i did it because i found my ways to cope without it and i am stable a few years now... But i can really really relate, and know how much medications work and im so so happy they worked for you. Can't wait to get my igirl bundle and so happy to support you! Oren. ❤
Tumblr is toxic. I haven't been active for a couple of years now and it's been better that way.
dude thanks for making this vid. it’s so important and you’re so brave to be able to show people that having success and all that doesn’t mean you’re happy 100% all the time.
I girl.... you opened my mind
I’m so sorry that you had to deal with that during high school. I’m happy you’re not afraid to upload videos like this. It helps me understand and deal with my own negative thoughts.
On a happier note, I’m super stoked that you’re uploading more. You’re one of my favorite youtubers and for good reason, too. You seem so genuine and kind. Sending you my love from Hawaii :)
watching this was so crazy because a lot of it is so similar to my story! i started feeling depressed around when i was 13 and spent pretty much my entire teenage years in a dark hole. i'm 20 now, at university for illustration and medicated, finally feeling like my life is worth living. i've been able to lean into my art so much more without tearing myself apart in the process. it's hard feeling like you lost ur teens to depression but i'm so ready to actually enjoy my 20s, i never thought i'd actually want to be alive. so proud of u for coming so far and building up ur brand and business
I'm so freaking grateful for just your existence in general. Your vids always make me feel like I have someone I can truly relate to and empathize with and understand on a personal level. I ve been struggling with my depression for years (since i was around 12 is when it started to get to get really bad and when my cutting began) I attempted so many times to end my life through various methods over the years(bashing my head into walls , cutting, excessive pill taking ,even taking my step fathers gun out the safe , which unsurprisingly enough he was PISSED about ) Anyhow, I feel so happy that you can share your story and help others. Namaste and many blessings to you beautiful soul. Your struggle was not in vain and i'm so happy to see how far you've come.
I really love this video I can relate with your high school problems and this really helped me know I’m not alone I love how loving and sweet you are keep being you you bring so much light in the world ❤️
i was on prozac for a very long time and they didn’t really help so they put me on welbutrn (i have no idea how to spell it) it gave me seizures for awhile
they finally took me off of it and i havent been on any medication for about three months now and i feel really good today :)❤️
Shaya Rae I had a really bad seizure on Wellbutrin too!
my own teachers & the school counselors have made fun of me too, mostly for the way I dress. It’s been a thing since I’ve been in middle school. I’ve also never had any real friends in high school. It’s been hard but it helps knowing I’m not the only one who’s been alone/ without friends. Luckily I’ve found one person who loves me and is my friend. We don’t go to the same school but I’ve never been closer to anyone
you are the sweetest soul babe. I’m so happy you’re doing good now because you deserve to be happy
thank you so much for opening up about this.I was waiting for this video for a long time, Im 17 and in high school, its been really hard to make friends & being bullied for wearing "different clothes" & being different. The generation of kids I go to school now are way different than your time but It's just so much worse. When you talked about the separation with your parents, at 13 or 14 I went through the same thing & it started my depression too. I'm really terrified to graduate high school or just go to the graduation because I know Im not going to have any friends. I will be a senior this year in high school & you talking about being alone is okay, really helped me ease the pressure of this year coming up. Thank you so much for being brave and opening up about this. You will inspire many girls & women. I love you. :)
I’m so so sorry that you had to experience any of that, you’re such a kind person and you deserved to be treated differently and with more respect. Thank you for sharing, you’re story was actually really relatable to me, my family decided to move when I was 13 and the same year my best friend died and I distanced myself away from everyone and started self harmed constantly. I was medicated but they didn’t work until I got switched over to Prozac, Wellbutrin and serotonin. I’ve been 1 whole year clean and I am currently going into sophomore year of high school. Again thank you for sharing your story and talking about how you cope, it helps a lot!
Thank you for this doll ❤️ I'm tempted to explain the ways in which I can relate to you, and comment about all of my own issues - but I'm waaay too faded & lazy. Sending love to you 💖
i love you bella, my Queen thank you for opening up
i cant believe those teachers and stuff... that's so messed up, they don't get paid to make kids lives hell, school is bad enough... :(
such a beautiful soul
this was honestly so helpful to me. i legit just got home from a shit graduation (where i had no pals to take pics with) and started crying my eyes out when i see a video from Bella!! and its about mental health! and im feeling so much better now bc of you thank you so fucking much!!! i was feeling so so so terrible and this video really made me feel better
It made me so sad each time you said "this is so hard..." because from what I see through watching your vids and following you on Instagram you seem like such a sweet, caring, and understanding person. I have a lot of respect for you making this video and sharing your experiences, honestly. So glad to hear that you've made positive progress and I hope that it continues. Also really enjoyed this lil talky vid, I could listen to your voice all day!
Thank you for this video, Bella! I feel like I'm not alone after watching this! I love you, Bella!
So proud of you!! I struggle with depression and ptsd so these videos really help ❤️😘
I know that when I'm feeling awful and when I put together a nice outfit it helps ❤
I was wondering if you could do a video addressing sexual identity and same-sex attractions. This video made me feel so much better thank you.
This video (especially the ending) really helped me and made me feel happier. This is something I struggle with but haven’t told anyone about, so it’s nice to finally see someone giving advice to the people who have no one else to turn to
This is extremely brave of you to share! As someone who struggles with depression and anxiety and currently going through a funk of depression now, I can definitely say its not easy to talk about. Ive had some similiar experiences that you have, and I completely agree, having no friends is better than having fake friends or just bad friends. And as for coping, I think you really have to just find what works best for you. Therapy, medication, talking about it with loved ones or finding a person/friend who will listen to you. A true friendship is both parties giving of themselves with no expectations. I think when you find that hold in to it. Have a great day Bella. Thanks for the vid!
can you talk about dealing with being bullied in highschool and stuff I know you sort of talked about it here but maybe talk about if you had any good ways of coping with it or something your younger audience could find relatable. thank you for opening up about your past. you have all my support bella, we should all stick together and fight our battles the right way!!
You're an amazing person. I was trying so hard not to cry while watching this. Thank you for sharing your story. ❤
such an important topic thanks for being so honest 💓💓💓
Thank you for posting this, Bella ❤️ mental health is such an important topic to talk about and you’re so brave for sharing you personal struggles with it. I’m going through such a rough time right now and I haven’t felt this way since middle school but like I really needed to watch/hear this and see all the comments from other people that there’s people out there who are struggling and that we’re not alone in this fight ❤️ many of the things you talked about In this video I related to so much because I’ve gone through so much of that in the past and at the time thought I was the only one going through it 💔 on a v positive note and I’ve just recently cut off all contact with the negative people in my life because I’m ready for a new start to making my life more positive! ❤️ you’re definitely such a positive role model to me and I’m so glad you exist ❤️ ily Bella you’re amazing and I wear your iGirl pendant religiously lmao ❤️❤️❤️
Bella this is so helpful! Gives me hope that one day I’d get to be successful and stable like you. Please keep up with this discussion! Ily
it does get better
extremely powerful! you are such an inspiration and truly a survivor. love u so much!
You're such a sweetheart ❤❤❤love u bella !
Thank you for this. It is always good to hear the story of someone who has gone through the same problem. Greetings from Poland :)
Hi Bella, tysm for this video I also sleep when my thoughts are getting cruel. I was hoping maybe you could talk about toxic relationships, signs to get out of them, and how to cope with withdrawals from people you love who are bad for you. I'm currently in this type of sitaution and it sounded like you can relate with your friends from Montreal and maybe past boyfriends, thank you
THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS ... IT SO NEEDED & HELPFUL ... I HOPE OTHERS WILL OPEN & NOT FEEL ALONE 😇😘
how did your parents feel about your "strange" style? My parents are super religious and conservative and I have such a hard time expressing myself in such a toxic household...
I had a boy I was desperately in love with who would torment me all throughout high school and further into college. He finally apologized after 6 years. I still suffer trauma from it. It’s insane how much people in your youth and from your past can still leave such an impact on your life.
How were you introduced to the darkwave, dark alternative sub culture?
i relate so much. please do more talking videos, we'd love to get to know you better :)
omg THANKS FOR REAL !!! im suffering too much this year, you dont even know. I just want to end, i would love to hear you talk about being and feeling lonely, cause literally im like that im from Colombia, and move for 4 years to Spain to study gastronomy and i feel like i dont fix in my group, my teachears look me like im weird and i spend most of the time in my room, barely eat and i dont know what else to do :(
Moni Mix Wow, you're studying gastronomy? That sounds really interesting, how long are you abroad for? I'm sorry you feel alone, but you are not! This world is full of nice people and even I'll talk to you. Stay strong.
awwwwn thanks, yeah im 2 and half years in spain, is really cool but because of what i said before is not how i imagine it will be, i hope to find nice people like you said
Wow that teacher sounds horrible. Please do a Tumblr one. Wow we have a very similar story.
I sooo needed this 2day !! wow thank u so much
hey thank you so much for sharing all of this with us; what you said help me to feel at least a little bit better. hope you'll be good, love you!!!😍😍😍 (can't wait for your next video 😉)
Normally i dont comment on videos, but i would like to say how very brave it is of you to share your experiences, and that im sure it will help a lot of youth me included!! Totally agree with you on how many teens create little niches and glamourise mental illness on tumblr. Its really not healthy and i wish there was more help accessible to teens with mental ilness!!
it's really helping video for me. I used to cut myself about a year ago and I thought i've done w this shit but now some selfharm ideas come back and I did not know what to do but you gave me hope. thank u. ❤❤❤
i did the exact same thing with the tumblr gore blog, i made those same friends who seemed to normalise my self harm and suicidal tendencies. i had my blog since 2011, hadn't used it for 2 years and then deleted it a few weeks ago (i had been finding it hard to let go of that former version of myself) and as soon as i did delete it, i felt a massive weight off my shoulders. it's good to reflect on the past but it's also so good to let go
I used to cut really bad as well and my legs and arms are scarred up pretty bad. I don't mind them tbh but i hate the looks people give me so I was wondering if u have any tips on how to fade the appearance of scars? I stopped cutting 1(?) Year ago
Lex my cuts start to fade away after 2-3 years. But only on my arms. Not on my legs.
I honestly I really appreciated this. Sending lots of love 😙
Slowdive playing in the background is very fitting for the content of this video haha
wow this couldn't have come at a better time for me, thank you
I personally struggle with crippling anxiety and am curious if you too struggle with some form of anxiety and how you cope with it
can u please speak more about drug abuse cause im currently trying to recover and get clean and also start recovering from depression and bulimia
lil wednesday what are you trying to get clean from? (drug wise)
mostly coke and pills
lil wednesday what kind of pills? Coke is lucky enough that you won't suffer physical withdrawals.
Nico Vargas every kind of prescription pills benzos/opioids/benzodiazepines/ stimulants but i was recently starting H again and other things which woke me up to stop and get clean. Now im only taking what is prescribed to me such as antidepressants/benzodiazepines/antipsychotics which i hope to not rely on anymore
Awe Bella! Thank you for this video.