The realest shit I've learned this year is that I shouldn't maintain relationships just because they meant something to me a long time ago. There's a difference between keeping in touch and holding on to the idea of a person and your relationship, and I think this year I'm finally discovering that line. I need to let more people go. Sometimes those relationships cost me to much, and I deserve better.
I recently ended a 30-yr “friendship” because I finally came out of denial that it was superficial. I have no regrets about others I’ve had let go of either; it took me a long time to realize that it doesn’t matter the history. If a relationship is toxic or fake, etc, it’s time to end.
One important thing I learned this year that I'm still trying to work on is, realizing that the way we think about ourselves becomes more and more of a reality. It can start out as a joke or being sarcastic and you saying something as small as, "wow i hate myself" or "wow im ugly" or ANYTHING along those lines, and then eventually you begin to actually believe it. It's so hard to get out of feeling that way once you start. So instead of "joking" around and saying those things in sarcastic situations, start thinking highly and positive about yourself. Try and mentally compliment yourself atleast once a day and eventually your whole mood will change.
Yeah, it's like "fake it until you make it". I acted like I was confident and proud at the start of the school year and now that's what everyone sees. Now I'm actually more confident without pretending
LOVE this annual series so much, please never stop doing them! This year I mostly learned 2 things: literally no one cares at all what you do unless it directly affects them. And that you will never regret being kind. Being kind is so important and by being kind you may unknowingly benefit so many people
This is probably kind of weird since you posted this comment some time ago but I just wanted to say I read it and it kinda resonated with me. So yeah hope it makes your day lol
Listen here Alexis G. Zall I’m on vacation and crying in public was not on my vacation to-do list so next time give us a heads up or something but also thank you because sometimes even the proudest people need to be reminded that it’s ok to be happy regardless of what other people think
Ok so regarding tip #8 i came out recently and i have this little rainbow pin on my jean jacket and like two t-shirts that have little pride symbols and sayings on them and a couple times i was walking around in public wearing them I saw people looking at them and i was scared about it but I also realized I was finally one of those few visibly queer people I saw in public when I was closeted who meant so much to me and it was such a crazy and empowering and really healing revelation
Lily Franey you are the type of person that helped me a lot in my journey. Even if to you the symbols are small, to some one else they are screaming acceptance and validation.
I started wearing my pride bracelet out in public and at work, I have also been worried but then after a few positive interactions, I felt proud of being able to show that I'm here for those who can't come out yet.
wow... as someone who finds themselves too scared to be visibly gay out in public, this just gives me a little incentive to try and be a bit more showy about my gayness, so others can look to me too as a visibly gay person
Maybe it's a little weird but I actually go back to these videos, literally all of them, whenever I'm feeling kinda trapped in a situation or just need some advice. I've watched Alexis for so many years that it seems like she always has a calming effect on me. I don't even know what I'm saying, but these help me a lot, I'm grateful she exists in this world
I've learned that just because a friendship has lasted a long time, it doesn't need to last for ever. And it's okay for some chapters to end. It's sad, but sometimes it needs to happen.
I learned: 1. If you like someone, just tell them. Maybe thy like you back or maybe they don't, but you got that out of your chest. 2. Just because you do bad on one class, doesn't mean you're less than someone else. 3. Telling people how you feel is waaaaay better than keeping it in.
I had so much de-conditioning to do about being gay and homosexuality for so long and that, despite never being in an unsafe family environnement. I have to fight everyday with myself to put aside irrational thoughts and voices that like pops in now and then. And seeing something like holding hands is freeing in a way even us can't imaging until we actually see it. It gives you a sense of reality. It means 'I can have that too'. It means 'I am allowed to be like that too'. I'll tell you a story. I have been struggling with shaving for a long time. Because I didn't want to. But I would feel so self-conscious at the idea someone would see my unshaved limbs or arm pits. And I hated myself for it, I hated that I had been given a sense of shame of for something as silly as hair. I hate that I have been given a sense of shame for a lot of things I shouldn't be ashamed of or carry the shame of. And at one point, it got so confusing I didn't even know what it is that I wanted anymore. And then I saw this woman who was talking in a Ted Talk, and she had the most glorious armpits hair I've ever seen on a women. And it relieved me of a weight. Like seeing her with it meant that I was allowed to have that to. And how fucking ridiculous it is that something as silly hair would do that to you? Happy birthday Alexis.
What I learnt was pretty similar to one of your points: People are either going to get you, or they won’t. That’s not your fault or their fault. That’s just life and you shouldn’t beat yourself up for not being someone for everyone
I learned that sometimes it is better to get rid of toxic people in your life than to just put up with it because you are scared to be lonely. The only thing worse than actually being alone is being surrounded by people that make you feel alone
I’ve learned that I should love myself no matter how I look. I shouldn’t judge myself by my appearance because there are amazing things about me that I should appreciate and love, but I disregard that and always feel bad about myself when I don’t look great. I’m glad I’ve gotten past this because it’s a great thing to learn.
its taken a while for me to get to this but sometimes when you are really sad, instead of talking to someone or busying yourself or self caring even (which are all great important things) sometimes just letting yourself feel it and really process why your feeling what you are feeling and having a good ol down moment is what you need. A break before you get back to the aforementions great things you should be doing. OMG NOTHING BEATS A GOOD CRY.
I've been working on not apologizing. Instead of saying sorry in emails for issues that may or may not be my fault, I replace it with "thank you for your patience". :)
Izzy being five minutes late on a project can easily be swapped to gratitude for their patience. Obviously there are times to apologize. I was meaning not apologizing for every little thing, especially ones out of my control.
Kayla Cox ah, then I agree with you. but there are situations in which it would simply be inappropriate NOT to apologize. but yeah, when it comes to small situations i agree with you
Kayla Cox I do this everywhere, and encourage others to do the same. For instance, when I'm in the supermarket, if someone says sorry for needing to make their way through I tell them don't be. Likewise I don't apologize for needing to make my way through. I'll say excuse me and thank people for moving if it comes to that but I won't apologize.
I’ve been so obsessed with how other people think of me. Not how I look or how cool I am, but if people think I’m nice. I get really paranoid that everyone hates me and thinks I’m cruel and horrible. Im slowly learning that it doesn’t matter, and as long as I am happy, people who genuinely enjoy my company will gravitate towards me. Also, never feel trapped into feeling obliged to be friends with someone who has hurt you because you have been through a lot together. If they hurt you, they aren’t worth putting up with just to seem nice.
Cutting off an unhealthy relationship with a friend *DOESN’T* have to be -petty or drama or tea. That person just wasn’t right for you and it’s okay to drop them as a friend. It doesn’t mean that you have “beef” with them or you’re being “petty” with them, it just means the person wasn’t a good fit for you. Hope that made sense, love the tips Alexis 💕🤙🏼
I'm about to turn 20 also and for the past few years you've been doing these birthday videos, I always end up liking and saving them to my favorites because I feel like my personal journey has been very similar to yours and a lot of the lessons you have learned. We came out about the same time, and I literally just had a conversation with my first and only long-term gf a few days ago about the handholding thing. We go to college in the midwest, and often times we find ourselves not holding hands in public because of others, but lately we've been doing so because fuck it. Loved this video, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
alexis, i've been watching you since I was literally 10 years old, and because we have the same birthday these tip videos have become a yearly tradition of mine. You're a few years older than me, as I just turned 16 on Wednesday, but all of your advice always still applies. I live in rural north carolina, and therefore my coming out process has been really tough. Being raised in a hyper-religious community meant that coming out was met with death threats, and my mom and I had to move 6 hours away to another town in NC to ensure that I literally wouldn't die. The other day I was in Publix when a man pointed out a magazine headline about some odd couple, to which I replied "love is blind!" and he replied, "of course it is! i married this guy right here on Friday!" and i literally started crying in the check outline of a grocery store. Seeing real life queer couples in public means so much more than you may know. So please, keep holding hands. it gives me a lot of hope.
One thing i have learned this year: Having lots of friends won't make you love yourself. You should just love yourself rather than trying to prove yourself to other people. Than, you can start to get better in things you love. Not loving yourself is not just putting a wall between you and your goals. It is also a big barrier between you and the people you really love and care about.
I’m a girl in high school and I was debating holding my girlfriends hand at pride. She’s my first girlfriend and it’s been amazing. Iv honestly never been happier. This video gave me the confidence to go through and show off my beautiful girlfriend by holding her hand and letting everyone know she’s mine. Thank you for the inspiration. I really needed that push
I have always known since I was about 6 years old that I liked girls, but never said anything to anyone about it because I grew up in a home that disagreed with anything homosexual, afraid that if I said something I would hurt someone, and quite possibly myself (if that makes any sense). This year I finally came out as a lesbian. I learned that it's okay to be gay but even more okay to be happy. I'd rather be happy than sad and angry all the time, and if people can't understand that, then that's their problem."There's no such thing as homophobia. It is not a fear. It is you being an asshole." -Morgan Freeman. After coming out I've been so much happier with myself, and even though not EVERYONE in my life knows yet, i'm still happy. I've shared this earth with sooooo many biggoted people for 17 years, I think I deserve it.
Something I’ve been working on and I think it coincides with your idea of “don’t apologize for existing” is to not be afraid to ask for help because sometimes you can’t deal with it on your own and there is absolute no shame in admitting that. This can regard schoolwork, relationships, mental health and so much more but it’s something I personally have just learned/realized within the past couple months and have been working really hard to achieve.
One thing I have learnt from 2017 into 2018. When my brain is having a hard time I shouldn't feel bad. Mental health is hard to deal with and faking happiness makes it even harder. It's ok to take the time needed to get myself balanced.
My tip I've learnt this year: you're allowed to change your passions / dreams and not have to explain them - continuing on with that life path is cowardly and you end up lying to the people you love. So be true to who you are at that moment and change your path if that's what you want
One thing i've learned this year... probably would be that i actually have a voice and am entitled to cut whoever i want from my life whenever i want. Tbh i have you and other youtubers like yourself to help me realize that. Thank you alexis
one thing i learned this year is that just because someone you know disagrees with you on something does not mean that you have to stop liking them as a friend.
one thing i’ve leaned this year: it’s 100% okay to dress how i want and not feel awkward about it. i love being able to wear my baggy sweatpants and a hoodie and baseball cap and be comfortable and not awkward or feel like someone is judging my outfit thinking i look like a little boy because i don’t care. i’m comfortable in my own clothing and this is how i want to express myself so fuck off :)
‘if you can’t beat fear, do it scared’ is something i’ve been living by this year and i’ve experienced so many new things i never thought i would also i love these tip videos i take so much away from them every year so much love x
I have learned that people I care about are going to disagree with me on my ideas and opinions, and that is okay. I shouldn’t back down just because they think differently than me. If anything I should speak up about my thoughts, opinions, and beliefs whenever the opportunity presents itself because I have the power to impact someone’s life using my words. And I want that impact to be a positive and important one. ❤️
One thing I learned this year is that even if you get rejected for whatever reason or even if you do not get rejected, let your feelings out and tell people if you have feelings for them, because if they mean enough to you then it will turn out well in the end even if they do noy like you in the same way, they will still be there for you and love you as a friend and or as family, and most of the time that is more important than having a significant other.
i really related to your comments about holding hands. reflections are deeper than the surface of the glass. if you stare into them long enough, you're teleported into another dimension of yourself, and at times, it consumes the host like a virus. the fear is always present, and living in a world where people are judged by the shallow trivialities of their mirrors, it can be difficult to keep that self-disdain at bay. as we grow older, we learn to understand our depths, holding our breath with the utmost composure, and teaching ourselves to swim through without fear of running out of air. it's what makes us who we are. we learn to swim out of the caverns, and into our own hidden temples of comfortability; new air to explore, if you will. self-discovery can be a whirlwind, to say the least, and it's so moving that you're sharing such raw emotion with your audience. keep up the amazing work, i can't wait for 21 more lessons in a year's time. :) -kait
honestly, something that I’ve recently learnt and that I had always taken for granted is that it’s okay to do shit just to prove yourself that you can. you don’t need to prove anything to anyone but if you want to step out of your comfort zone to prove yourself that you can then do it and be proud of it.
Not really a tip just something everyone should do......Never take people for granted, and if you have someone special in your life let them know that you love them.And are grateful for them being there. Tomorrow isn't promised. Edit: I don't mean to be so soppy😁 just how I feel ❤️
I’ve learned my worth. I was once so insecure and focused on all of the small little imperfections but now I’ve learned to look at the big picture and how to look at myself and find the things I LOVE about myself. It took one bad “relationship” for me to realize this, I was being belittled all the time, ran over and put to the side but then I looked at myself in the mirror for a hot minute and told myself “you DO NOT deserve this, there is someone out there that finds so much beauty in me and would love to give me the time of day and i deserve that” but I was in a situation where none of that was a reality for me so I changed it. I dropped her and now I’m focusing on myself and finding new things that I love about myself every day, and I couldn’t be more grateful.
Happy birthday Alexis! This video is both really touching and really inspiring, thank you for sharing your thoughts!! Turning 20 in a few months, I'll be trying to put some of these tips into practice before then... :p
I have learned that there are people out there who really do love you. Sometimes I get so caught up in my depression/anxiety to the point where I feel like I’m being bothersome, but this year really helped me see the my friends and family do really love me:
Your tip 20 is something I've been integrating within myself for these last couple months. Don't be sorry for expressing your feelings to someone because you think you're bringing down their energy or something, instead thank them for listening to you and express how much it means to you that they did. It's more meaningful and brings the energy back up.
I’ve learned to do what makes me happy. To push away boredom and depression through fun and joy. I have been getting out there more and hanging out with new people whenever I am free. It has made me the happiest person ever.
This year I've been working on when to say 'I'm not happy, and here's why and here's how I'm going to deal with it'. Because sometimes forcing yourself to be content with something just makes you feel like crap. But when you tackle each hurdle individually towards something that does make you happier, it is more uplifting.
this video means a lot to me, i had literal goosebumps. this year i started recovery from my eating disorder as well as other things and as a teenage girl with body and self issues it really meant a lot to hear you talk about not being responsible for how people think of me and in my case my body as well. i love you alexis:) thanks a whole bunch!
One thing I learned this year is that if someone did something to hurt your feelings but they didn’t know they hurt your feelings that you should address how that made you feel and if they get mad, call you dramatic, and say you’re overreacting then they are not a good friend. And that the good friends are the ones that allow you to express yourself and make your feelings feel valid and they have conversations about addressing the issue.
One thing I’ve learned this year is that it’s ok to let go of toxic people! For the longest time i was in friendships and relationships that didn’t make me happy, and by letting go of those toxic people I feel like my life has gotten exponentially better! Letting go of negative people is you shouldn’t feel bad about, and you don’t have to like everyone.
The main thing that I learned this year is to not be afraid to reach out to people. Everyone’s afraid of being the first one to send a message and say “let’s make plans!” and it creates an awkward standoff that goes nowhere. Reach out to your friends! If they reject you, that doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. Happy birthday Alexis ❤️
1 thing I've learned is that you should try clean up a mess immediately after you make it so it's not on the back of your mind constantly. (This was meant to be about cleaning my room but it applies to friendships and relationship problems too.)
I turned 20 in April and I learned that if you need time away from someone, even if they are the person you care about the most, that's okay. Whether it's just a day or a few weeks or a few months. If they truly cared about you they would welcome you back with open arms and that doesn't take away from how much you love them it justs helps you put stuff into perspective.
something i learned this year is that you are not stupid for falling back into an abusive person's life. you're not weak just because you took back that person and got hurt again. you're human. you're not in the wrong for having hope; they're in the wrong for abusing it.
This year I learned that my voice has value. Growing up I was often told to be quiet or that “grown ups were talking” when I wanted to add something to the conversation. The few times when I was able to contribute I was made to feel dumb or silly for thinking my viewpoint could be valuable to those around me. Over the last year I have learned that my perspective is unique and important and adds value to the conversations happening around me.
Love the hand holding bit. I've learned over the last year to not be afraid of letting people into your life and to not be afraid when people look up to you. Just because someone is looking up to you does not mean you need to now change everything about yourself they look up to you now because of who you are at that moment not who you are going to end up changing yourself to be.
Been watching since 16 tips for 16 years and you have grown so much and taught me many things. We, differ in about 4-5 years in age at this point, but I still connect with your videos. I've been here for a long time, and I'll be here for another. One thing I learned this year is to never take a piece of yourself to fix someone else. Ripping yourself apart is no way to help another.
i learned recently that as much as i don’t like to, hanging out outside and learning how to do new stuff is so much fun and exploring the world around you (even by yourself) is so rewarding
These videos always send me into a spiral of self improvement. Like seriously. If there’s a tip in these videos that I feel I need to learn, I save it in my notes. Then if I’m bored like in the car on my phone or in public and want to look like I’m doing something on my phone I literally go back and read my Alexis Tips note. I really really appreciate these and look so forward to them every single year. Happy birthday to the queen of flourishing and self improvement!
one thing i’ve learned in the past year is that being who you are instead of who you think people want you to be will give you more people who really care and appreciate you.
Hey man, recovery’s rough but someday you’re gonna look around at your life and you’re gonna realise that things weren’t alright with your mind and that they still aren’t perfect or even okay. But that you have more knowledge and more power and that when you break down you can pick yourself up. It’s a long road but you’re gonna make it.
Something I've learned this past year or so is that, an understanding of one's self doesn't just happen overnight. Discovery is a constant lesson in life. And I've also learned to accept and deal with the fact that, self love doesn't come easy, but is definitely worth it in the end.
One thing I’ve learned is that it’s okay to sometimes not follow the plan other people have made for you, and also the plan you’ve made for yourself. For me it’s in the context of going to university but I think it can apply anywhere! I spent a lot of the year re-assessing my goals to see if they’re actually mine or whether they’re something I should just be doing because ‘that’s what you do’ when you’re smart/good at gymnastics/get good grades...and I’ve changed my mind a lot about what I want and I finally have reachable goals that I’m happy with!
This one is heavy but I learnt this year that apologising for literally everything (for even existing) is a symptom of emotional abuse and people shouldn't be angry at me for apologising so much and if I come across a very apologetic person I also shouldn't get frustrated with them. I also learnt that it is OK to be angry if someone hurt/abused you and you don't have to forgive them to move on. Also, I just wanted to give you the biggest hug when you cried, you are completely right, if we want to hold someone's hand we have every right to without feeling ashamed
Some things I learned! - Second chances can change everything and it can be good. - when you hurt someone apologize and be honest about what happened and why and how you feel - feeling safe is so important. If you don’t feel safe it’s hard to thrive. - when you have to make a decision and you’re reluctant chances are you already know which choice to make it’s just hard - if you don’t know then flip a coin to decide and if you’re disappointed with your answer then change it
Something ive learned, especially over the past year, is that showing your people that you love them means so much more than you think. Just doing simple gestures, like hugging them, can make things so different for them. Be there for your people. Show love to your people.
Loved the practical tip at #13 hiding in amongst the more psychological and behavioural ones. I have learned that holding grudges isn’t worth it. Most of the time the person you’re holding a grudge against doesn’t acknowledge your vehemence towards them and the only person you end up hurting is yourself. Plus they’re suuuppeeerrr hard to keep up.
What I learned this year is that self care is not selfish. It is not your job to try and make everyone happy. It's more than ok to try and make someone feel better but it's never ok if it's at the expense of your own happiness or health (mental and/or physical). In order to take care of others you need to take care of yourself first. And once again, self care is not selfish
Within this past year I have learned to listen better. Hearing people out and getting there side allows you to recognize and take in to consideration where that person is coming from. It also takes the majority of conflict out of a situation when you can sit back and hear that person out instead of refusing to not listen all together. P.s. this doesn't mean agreeing with that person, it just means realizing they have an opinion as well.
a very important thing i’ve learned this year is that i truly cannot love someone if i do not love myself. positive self image is something i never really had until this year and i’m so happy to say that i’m so in love with who i am and that has made me a better person. it does not make me narcissistic to tell myself i’m beautiful but rather makes me more content with who i am.
I'm also turning 20 this year and this year I've finally learned to accept myself and realized that I just want to be me and not hide any longer, it feels good to be yourself!
Literally has taken me so long to realise, I don’t need to do things to make my parents happy ,it’s more important that I’m happy , I hated my college course so I dropped out and I’ve never been so proud of myself in my 19 years on this earth 🤓
ALEXIS IS THE ONLY MOTIVATOR I NEED. Been working on my self-esteem and fear of failing for quite some time now and I feel my life (very slowly, but still) improving. Tips like these actually help if you listen to them and put them to good use. KEEP DOING YOU! WE LOVE YOU!
i learned that if you don't tell someone that you're uncomfortable in a situation, you're doing yourself and that person a disservice because you are not allowing them to learn from their mistakes or actions and you're not allowing yourself to acknowledge that you have preferences and/or specifications that determine your level of comfort also i learned not to suppress things because the further down you push them, the more room you're giving your problems to pile even more problems on
Tears out for Alexis
You've been pinned dude, how do you feel? xD
Margo S Pretty satisfied tbh ^^ it's always an honor to see my shenanigans appreciated !
You are literally EVERYWHERE.
lol
RT
Hold my hand Alexis
Wait what about Joanna? *sips tea*
Amy Ordman cute! x
Amanda Kasprzak I saw that insta story too. *also sips tea*
JYSContent mhm, how interesting right? *sips more tea*
Interesting....interesting...ive seen that story too hmmm *sips scorching hot tea and spits it out*
the hold hands part was so sweet and something i haven't really heard. i loved it.
The realest shit I've learned this year is that I shouldn't maintain relationships just because they meant something to me a long time ago. There's a difference between keeping in touch and holding on to the idea of a person and your relationship, and I think this year I'm finally discovering that line. I need to let more people go. Sometimes those relationships cost me to much, and I deserve better.
Isabelle Garber same shit happened to me this year
Damn, I needed to hear this.
I recently ended a 30-yr “friendship” because I finally came out of denial that it was superficial. I have no regrets about others I’ve had let go of either; it took me a long time to realize that it doesn’t matter the history. If a relationship is toxic or fake, etc, it’s time to end.
One important thing I learned this year that I'm still trying to work on is, realizing that the way we think about ourselves becomes more and more of a reality. It can start out as a joke or being sarcastic and you saying something as small as, "wow i hate myself" or "wow im ugly" or ANYTHING along those lines, and then eventually you begin to actually believe it. It's so hard to get out of feeling that way once you start. So instead of "joking" around and saying those things in sarcastic situations, start thinking highly and positive about yourself. Try and mentally compliment yourself atleast once a day and eventually your whole mood will change.
Yeah, it's like "fake it until you make it". I acted like I was confident and proud at the start of the school year and now that's what everyone sees. Now I'm actually more confident without pretending
LOVE this annual series so much, please never stop doing them! This year I mostly learned 2 things: literally no one cares at all what you do unless it directly affects them. And that you will never regret being kind. Being kind is so important and by being kind you may unknowingly benefit so many people
This is probably kind of weird since you posted this comment some time ago but I just wanted to say I read it and it kinda resonated with me. So yeah hope it makes your day lol
Listen here Alexis G. Zall I’m on vacation and crying in public was not on my vacation to-do list so next time give us a heads up or something but also thank you because sometimes even the proudest people need to be reminded that it’s ok to be happy regardless of what other people think
Damn I’ve been watching you for so long
same lol
Been here since 16 tips for 16 years and you’re are Doing great hunny
I learned that the phone works both ways and I should be reaching out to people just as much as I expect them to reach out to me.
Ok so regarding tip #8 i came out recently and i have this little rainbow pin on my jean jacket and like two t-shirts that have little pride symbols and sayings on them and a couple times i was walking around in public wearing them I saw people looking at them and i was scared about it but I also realized I was finally one of those few visibly queer people I saw in public when I was closeted who meant so much to me and it was such a crazy and empowering and really healing revelation
Lily Franey that's so nice you getting confident with that! Keep going and don't pressure yourself 😊 happy pride month 🏳️🌈
Lily Franey you are the type of person that helped me a lot in my journey. Even if to you the symbols are small, to some one else they are screaming acceptance and validation.
I started wearing my pride bracelet out in public and at work, I have also been worried but then after a few positive interactions, I felt proud of being able to show that I'm here for those who can't come out yet.
wow... as someone who finds themselves too scared to be visibly gay out in public, this just gives me a little incentive to try and be a bit more showy about my gayness, so others can look to me too as a visibly gay person
Maybe it's a little weird but I actually go back to these videos, literally all of them, whenever I'm feeling kinda trapped in a situation or just need some advice. I've watched Alexis for so many years that it seems like she always has a calming effect on me. I don't even know what I'm saying, but these help me a lot, I'm grateful she exists in this world
Literally the reason why I’m watching this right now 🥺 she has a way of words and I hope she continues making these!
I've learned that just because a friendship has lasted a long time, it doesn't need to last for ever. And it's okay for some chapters to end. It's sad, but sometimes it needs to happen.
Sarah Marshall Does that mean that we are not going to go out again? :(
well this is awkward
I learned:
1. If you like someone, just tell them. Maybe thy like you back or maybe they don't, but you got that out of your chest.
2. Just because you do bad on one class, doesn't mean you're less than someone else.
3. Telling people how you feel is waaaaay better than keeping it in.
Tip #8 is always the gay one 🌈💙
I had so much de-conditioning to do about being gay and homosexuality for so long and that, despite never being in an unsafe family environnement. I have to fight everyday with myself to put aside irrational thoughts and voices that like pops in now and then. And seeing something like holding hands is freeing in a way even us can't imaging until we actually see it. It gives you a sense of reality. It means 'I can have that too'. It means 'I am allowed to be like that too'.
I'll tell you a story. I have been struggling with shaving for a long time. Because I didn't want to. But I would feel so self-conscious at the idea someone would see my unshaved limbs or arm pits. And I hated myself for it, I hated that I had been given a sense of shame of for something as silly as hair. I hate that I have been given a sense of shame for a lot of things I shouldn't be ashamed of or carry the shame of.
And at one point, it got so confusing I didn't even know what it is that I wanted anymore. And then I saw this woman who was talking in a Ted Talk, and she had the most glorious armpits hair I've ever seen on a women. And it relieved me of a weight. Like seeing her with it meant that I was allowed to have that to. And how fucking ridiculous it is that something as silly hair would do that to you?
Happy birthday Alexis.
THIS.
A famous RUclipsr!
Her new catch phrase
What I learnt was pretty similar to one of your points: People are either going to get you, or they won’t. That’s not your fault or their fault. That’s just life and you shouldn’t beat yourself up for not being someone for everyone
I learned that sometimes it is better to get rid of toxic people in your life than to just put up with it because you are scared to be lonely.
The only thing worse than actually being alone is being surrounded by people that make you feel alone
I’ve learned that I should love myself no matter how I look. I shouldn’t judge myself by my appearance because there are amazing things about me that I should appreciate and love, but I disregard that and always feel bad about myself when I don’t look great. I’m glad I’ve gotten past this because it’s a great thing to learn.
I still remember when I developed my crush on you back in 2015
Now it’s 2018 and it still hasn’t gone away
Sergio Manzanares saaaame 😂
You developed a crush on a 17 y/o???....That's totally normal.
Vangelicest
Bro
If she was younger or older who gives a fuck
You can have a crush but don’t act on it if it’s not appropriate.
Vangelicest i’m 18 lmao i think i’m quite normal thank you 😂
its taken a while for me to get to this but sometimes when you are really sad, instead of talking to someone or busying yourself or self caring even (which are all great important things) sometimes just letting yourself feel it and really process why your feeling what you are feeling and having a good ol down moment is what you need. A break before you get back to the aforementions great things you should be doing. OMG NOTHING BEATS A GOOD CRY.
I've been working on not apologizing. Instead of saying sorry in emails for issues that may or may not be my fault, I replace it with "thank you for your patience". :)
Kayla Cox if there is an issue that is your fault, you SHOULD apologize. It's part of being a decent human being.
Izzy being five minutes late on a project can easily be swapped to gratitude for their patience. Obviously there are times to apologize. I was meaning not apologizing for every little thing, especially ones out of my control.
Kayla Cox ah, then I agree with you. but there are situations in which it would simply be inappropriate NOT to apologize. but yeah, when it comes to small situations i agree with you
Izzy oh absolutely. To rephrase. I'm working on not apologizing unnecessarily. I'm working on not apologizing for being alive or breathing etc
Kayla Cox I do this everywhere, and encourage others to do the same. For instance, when I'm in the supermarket, if someone says sorry for needing to make their way through I tell them don't be. Likewise I don't apologize for needing to make my way through. I'll say excuse me and thank people for moving if it comes to that but I won't apologize.
I’ve been so obsessed with how other people think of me. Not how I look or how cool I am, but if people think I’m nice. I get really paranoid that everyone hates me and thinks I’m cruel and horrible. Im slowly learning that it doesn’t matter, and as long as I am happy, people who genuinely enjoy my company will gravitate towards me. Also, never feel trapped into feeling obliged to be friends with someone who has hurt you because you have been through a lot together. If they hurt you, they aren’t worth putting up with just to seem nice.
your ears turn red when you get emotional it’s so cute...
GO GUURL EVERYBODY SHOULD HOLD HANDS!
Cutting off an unhealthy relationship with a friend *DOESN’T* have to be -petty or drama or tea. That person just wasn’t right for you and it’s okay to drop them as a friend. It doesn’t mean that you have “beef” with them or you’re being “petty” with them, it just means the person wasn’t a good fit for you.
Hope that made sense, love the tips Alexis 💕🤙🏼
Tip #8 I love you and totally agree
And. will you hold my hand
It’s Me Bitch 👏🏻yas👏🏻 btw I LOVE your username! it's awesome😏
I'm about to turn 20 also and for the past few years you've been doing these birthday videos, I always end up liking and saving them to my favorites because I feel like my personal journey has been very similar to yours and a lot of the lessons you have learned. We came out about the same time, and I literally just had a conversation with my first and only long-term gf a few days ago about the handholding thing. We go to college in the midwest, and often times we find ourselves not holding hands in public because of others, but lately we've been doing so because fuck it. Loved this video, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
the last one is so so important. thank you.
alexis, i've been watching you since I was literally 10 years old, and because we have the same birthday these tip videos have become a yearly tradition of mine. You're a few years older than me, as I just turned 16 on Wednesday, but all of your advice always still applies. I live in rural north carolina, and therefore my coming out process has been really tough. Being raised in a hyper-religious community meant that coming out was met with death threats, and my mom and I had to move 6 hours away to another town in NC to ensure that I literally wouldn't die. The other day I was in Publix when a man pointed out a magazine headline about some odd couple, to which I replied "love is blind!" and he replied, "of course it is! i married this guy right here on Friday!" and i literally started crying in the check outline of a grocery store. Seeing real life queer couples in public means so much more than you may know. So please, keep holding hands. it gives me a lot of hope.
One thing i have learned this year:
Having lots of friends won't make you love yourself. You should just love yourself rather than trying to prove yourself to other people. Than, you can start to get better in things you love.
Not loving yourself is not just putting a wall between you and your goals. It is also a big barrier between you and the people you really love and care about.
I’m a girl in high school and I was debating holding my girlfriends hand at pride. She’s my first girlfriend and it’s been amazing. Iv honestly never been happier. This video gave me the confidence to go through and show off my beautiful girlfriend by holding her hand and letting everyone know she’s mine. Thank you for the inspiration. I really needed that push
I have always known since I was about 6 years old that I liked girls, but never said anything to anyone about it because I grew up in a home that disagreed with anything homosexual, afraid that if I said something I would hurt someone, and quite possibly myself (if that makes any sense). This year I finally came out as a lesbian. I learned that it's okay to be gay but even more okay to be happy. I'd rather be happy than sad and angry all the time, and if people can't understand that, then that's their problem."There's no such thing as homophobia. It is not a fear. It is you being an asshole." -Morgan Freeman. After coming out I've been so much happier with myself, and even though not EVERYONE in my life knows yet, i'm still happy.
I've shared this earth with sooooo many biggoted people for 17 years, I think I deserve it.
Something I’ve been working on and I think it coincides with your idea of “don’t apologize for existing” is to not be afraid to ask for help because sometimes you can’t deal with it on your own and there is absolute no shame in admitting that. This can regard schoolwork, relationships, mental health and so much more but it’s something I personally have just learned/realized within the past couple months and have been working really hard to achieve.
You’ve come a long way since 15 tips for 15 years and I’m so ridiculously proud of you
One thing I have learnt from 2017 into 2018. When my brain is having a hard time I shouldn't feel bad. Mental health is hard to deal with and faking happiness makes it even harder. It's ok to take the time needed to get myself balanced.
My tip I've learnt this year: you're allowed to change your passions / dreams and not have to explain them - continuing on with that life path is cowardly and you end up lying to the people you love. So be true to who you are at that moment and change your path if that's what you want
Ellen Griffiths thank you.
One thing i've learned this year... probably would be that i actually have a voice and am entitled to cut whoever i want from my life whenever i want. Tbh i have you and other youtubers like yourself to help me realize that. Thank you alexis
one thing i learned this year is that just because someone you know disagrees with you on something does not mean that you have to stop liking them as a friend.
one thing i’ve leaned this year: it’s 100% okay to dress how i want and not feel awkward about it. i love being able to wear my baggy sweatpants and a hoodie and baseball cap and be comfortable and not awkward or feel like someone is judging my outfit thinking i look like a little boy because i don’t care. i’m comfortable in my own clothing and this is how i want to express myself so fuck off :)
who else cried with alexis at 3:20
Same
‘if you can’t beat fear, do it scared’ is something i’ve been living by this year and i’ve experienced so many new things i never thought i would
also i love these tip videos i take so much away from them every year
so much love x
I have learned that people I care about are going to disagree with me on my ideas and opinions, and that is okay. I shouldn’t back down just because they think differently than me. If anything I should speak up about my thoughts, opinions, and beliefs whenever the opportunity presents itself because I have the power to impact someone’s life using my words. And I want that impact to be a positive and important one. ❤️
One thing I learned this year is that even if you get rejected for whatever reason or even if you do not get rejected, let your feelings out and tell people if you have feelings for them, because if they mean enough to you then it will turn out well in the end even if they do noy like you in the same way, they will still be there for you and love you as a friend and or as family, and most of the time that is more important than having a significant other.
Tip number 8 making me cry awww I actually love you
I'm 20 years old and this still taught me so so much! Love ya Alexis, happy birthday
i really related to your comments about holding hands. reflections are deeper than the surface of the glass. if you stare into them long enough, you're teleported into another dimension of yourself, and at times, it consumes the host like a virus. the fear is always present, and living in a world where people are judged by the shallow trivialities of their mirrors, it can be difficult to keep that self-disdain at bay. as we grow older, we learn to understand our depths, holding our breath with the utmost composure, and teaching ourselves to swim through without fear of running out of air. it's what makes us who we are. we learn to swim out of the caverns, and into our own hidden temples of comfortability; new air to explore, if you will.
self-discovery can be a whirlwind, to say the least, and it's so moving that you're sharing such raw emotion with your audience. keep up the amazing work, i can't wait for 21 more lessons in a year's time. :)
-kait
honestly, something that I’ve recently learnt and that I had always taken for granted is that it’s okay to do shit just to prove yourself that you can. you don’t need to prove anything to anyone but if you want to step out of your comfort zone to prove yourself that you can then do it and be proud of it.
Not really a tip just something everyone should do......Never take people for granted, and if you have someone special in your life let them know that you love them.And are grateful for them being there. Tomorrow isn't promised.
Edit: I don't mean to be so soppy😁 just how I feel ❤️
I’ve learned my worth. I was once so insecure and focused on all of the small little imperfections but now I’ve learned to look at the big picture and how to look at myself and find the things I LOVE about myself. It took one bad “relationship” for me to realize this, I was being belittled all the time, ran over and put to the side but then I looked at myself in the mirror for a hot minute and told myself “you DO NOT deserve this, there is someone out there that finds so much beauty in me and would love to give me the time of day and i deserve that” but I was in a situation where none of that was a reality for me so I changed it. I dropped her and now I’m focusing on myself and finding new things that I love about myself every day, and I couldn’t be more grateful.
Happy birthday Alexis! This video is both really touching and really inspiring, thank you for sharing your thoughts!! Turning 20 in a few months, I'll be trying to put some of these tips into practice before then... :p
I have learned that there are people out there who really do love you. Sometimes I get so caught up in my depression/anxiety to the point where I feel like I’m being bothersome, but this year really helped me see the my friends and family do really love me:
Hahha i love it all these tips were so beautiful and inspiring, and then their was do your dishes instantly when you ate 😏😂
Your tip 20 is something I've been integrating within myself for these last couple months. Don't be sorry for expressing your feelings to someone because you think you're bringing down their energy or something, instead thank them for listening to you and express how much it means to you that they did. It's more meaningful and brings the energy back up.
These get better every year, loveeeeeee it!
I’ve learned to do what makes me happy. To push away boredom and depression through fun and joy. I have been getting out there more and hanging out with new people whenever I am free. It has made me the happiest person ever.
tip #16 is going on my wall of quotes thank you alexis x
This year I've been working on when to say 'I'm not happy, and here's why and here's how I'm going to deal with it'. Because sometimes forcing yourself to be content with something just makes you feel like crap. But when you tackle each hurdle individually towards something that does make you happier, it is more uplifting.
this video means a lot to me, i had literal goosebumps. this year i started recovery from my eating disorder as well as other things and as a teenage girl with body and self issues it really meant a lot to hear you talk about not being responsible for how people think of me and in my case my body as well. i love you alexis:) thanks a whole bunch!
One thing I learned this year is that if someone did something to hurt your feelings but they didn’t know they hurt your feelings that you should address how that made you feel and if they get mad, call you dramatic, and say you’re overreacting then they are not a good friend. And that the good friends are the ones that allow you to express yourself and make your feelings feel valid and they have conversations about addressing the issue.
OUR FAMOUS RUclipsR’S ALL GROWN UP😪😪
One thing I’ve learned this year is that it’s ok to let go of toxic people! For the longest time i was in friendships and relationships that didn’t make me happy, and by letting go of those toxic people I feel like my life has gotten exponentially better! Letting go of negative people is you shouldn’t feel bad about, and you don’t have to like everyone.
happy birthday alexis🎉
The main thing that I learned this year is to not be afraid to reach out to people. Everyone’s afraid of being the first one to send a message and say “let’s make plans!” and it creates an awkward standoff that goes nowhere. Reach out to your friends! If they reject you, that doesn’t mean you did anything wrong.
Happy birthday Alexis ❤️
1 thing I've learned is that you should try clean up a mess immediately after you make it so it's not on the back of your mind constantly. (This was meant to be about cleaning my room but it applies to friendships and relationship problems too.)
I turned 20 in April and I learned that if you need time away from someone, even if they are the person you care about the most, that's okay. Whether it's just a day or a few weeks or a few months. If they truly cared about you they would welcome you back with open arms and that doesn't take away from how much you love them it justs helps you put stuff into perspective.
i can't pick a favourite tip, but purely the delivery of tip #19 kills me i love it
something i learned this year is that you are not stupid for falling back into an abusive person's life. you're not weak just because you took back that person and got hurt again. you're human. you're not in the wrong for having hope; they're in the wrong for abusing it.
not an angsty teen anymore /:
Clara Dunlap no she's a angsty adult
This year I learned that my voice has value. Growing up I was often told to be quiet or that “grown ups were talking” when I wanted to add something to the conversation. The few times when I was able to contribute I was made to feel dumb or silly for thinking my viewpoint could be valuable to those around me. Over the last year I have learned that my perspective is unique and important and adds value to the conversations happening around me.
who came here from 21 Tips for 21 Years?
Love the hand holding bit. I've learned over the last year to not be afraid of letting people into your life and to not be afraid when people look up to you. Just because someone is looking up to you does not mean you need to now change everything about yourself they look up to you now because of who you are at that moment not who you are going to end up changing yourself to be.
Happy birthday alexis G. Zall
Been watching since 16 tips for 16 years and you have grown so much and taught me many things. We, differ in about 4-5 years in age at this point, but I still connect with your videos. I've been here for a long time, and I'll be here for another. One thing I learned this year is to never take a piece of yourself to fix someone else. Ripping yourself apart is no way to help another.
Happy birthday babe 😘
i learned recently that as much as i don’t like to, hanging out outside and learning how to do new stuff is so much fun and exploring the world around you (even by yourself) is so rewarding
alexis! G! ZALL! i love u
These videos always send me into a spiral of self improvement. Like seriously. If there’s a tip in these videos that I feel I need to learn, I save it in my notes. Then if I’m bored like in the car on my phone or in public and want to look like I’m doing something on my phone I literally go back and read my Alexis Tips note. I really really appreciate these and look so forward to them every single year. Happy birthday to the queen of flourishing and self improvement!
I cried with you Alexis I hope it is zall good !
one thing i’ve learned in the past year is that being who you are instead of who you think people want you to be will give you more people who really care and appreciate you.
*I learned that my life is kinda worth...* And I stopped cutting my wrist. So I guess that's one step to get out of depression. I'm turning 15 btw. Ly
lauren q you’re amazing
Grace Hull thank you ❤
Hey man, recovery’s rough but someday you’re gonna look around at your life and you’re gonna realise that things weren’t alright with your mind and that they still aren’t perfect or even okay. But that you have more knowledge and more power and that when you break down you can pick yourself up. It’s a long road but you’re gonna make it.
Billie Reafs wow. thanks man
Something I've learned this past year or so is that, an understanding of one's self doesn't just happen overnight. Discovery is a constant lesson in life. And I've also learned to accept and deal with the fact that, self love doesn't come easy, but is definitely worth it in the end.
I swear you were 15 like 3 days ago, since when, wait what, how did this happen so fast.
One thing I’ve learned is that it’s okay to sometimes not follow the plan other people have made for you, and also the plan you’ve made for yourself. For me it’s in the context of going to university but I think it can apply anywhere! I spent a lot of the year re-assessing my goals to see if they’re actually mine or whether they’re something I should just be doing because ‘that’s what you do’ when you’re smart/good at gymnastics/get good grades...and I’ve changed my mind a lot about what I want and I finally have reachable goals that I’m happy with!
Can’t believe she’s 20 she looks 16.
she was born in 98... I’m getting old. I was born in 89 and I turn 29 in November. I don’t wanna get old 😂😂😂👀😩
This one is heavy but I learnt this year that apologising for literally everything (for even existing) is a symptom of emotional abuse and people shouldn't be angry at me for apologising so much and if I come across a very apologetic person I also shouldn't get frustrated with them. I also learnt that it is OK to be angry if someone hurt/abused you and you don't have to forgive them to move on.
Also, I just wanted to give you the biggest hug when you cried, you are completely right, if we want to hold someone's hand we have every right to without feeling ashamed
I learnt I liked girls this year
Some things I learned!
- Second chances can change everything and it can be good.
- when you hurt someone apologize and be honest about what happened and why and how you feel
- feeling safe is so important. If you don’t feel safe it’s hard to thrive.
- when you have to make a decision and you’re reluctant chances are you already know which choice to make it’s just hard
- if you don’t know then flip a coin to decide and if you’re disappointed with your answer then change it
Tip #19 can’t double zero hehe I’m single
Something ive learned, especially over the past year, is that showing your people that you love them means so much more than you think. Just doing simple gestures, like hugging them, can make things so different for them. Be there for your people. Show love to your people.
Tip no. 1: how to break into the U.S. mint
Loved the practical tip at #13 hiding in amongst the more psychological and behavioural ones. I have learned that holding grudges isn’t worth it. Most of the time the person you’re holding a grudge against doesn’t acknowledge your vehemence towards them and the only person you end up hurting is yourself. Plus they’re suuuppeeerrr hard to keep up.
What I learned this year is that self care is not selfish. It is not your job to try and make everyone happy. It's more than ok to try and make someone feel better but it's never ok if it's at the expense of your own happiness or health (mental and/or physical). In order to take care of others you need to take care of yourself first. And once again, self care is not selfish
why are you making me cryyyyy the one about holding hands w a girl and just letting urself be happy really got to mee
Within this past year I have learned to listen better. Hearing people out and getting there side allows you to recognize and take in to consideration where that person is coming from. It also takes the majority of conflict out of a situation when you can sit back and hear that person out instead of refusing to not listen all together. P.s. this doesn't mean agreeing with that person, it just means realizing they have an opinion as well.
a very important thing i’ve learned this year is that i truly cannot love someone if i do not love myself. positive self image is something i never really had until this year and i’m so happy to say that i’m so in love with who i am and that has made me a better person. it does not make me narcissistic to tell myself i’m beautiful but rather makes me more content with who i am.
I'm also turning 20 this year and this year I've finally learned to accept myself and realized that I just want to be me and not hide any longer, it feels good to be yourself!
Literally has taken me so long to realise, I don’t need to do things to make my parents happy ,it’s more important that I’m happy , I hated my college course so I dropped out and I’ve never been so proud of myself in my 19 years on this earth 🤓
ALEXIS IS THE ONLY MOTIVATOR I NEED. Been working on my self-esteem and fear of failing for quite some time now and I feel my life (very slowly, but still) improving. Tips like these actually help if you listen to them and put them to good use. KEEP DOING YOU! WE LOVE YOU!
i learned that if you don't tell someone that you're uncomfortable in a situation, you're doing yourself and that person a disservice because you are not allowing them to learn from their mistakes or actions and you're not allowing yourself to acknowledge that you have preferences and/or specifications that determine your level of comfort
also i learned not to suppress things because the further down you push them, the more room you're giving your problems to pile even more problems on