Mastering the Art of Conversation: Tips and Tricks for Better Communication | Jamila Musayeva
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- Опубликовано: 4 июн 2024
- #jamilamusayeva #etiquette #smalltalk #artofconversation #bettercommunication
Mastering the Art of Conversation: Tips and Tricks for Better Communication | In this video, I share 10 tips on how to become a better conversationalist in particular how to master one of the most important social skills- handling an informal conversation.
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One tip that I got that I've always found helpful is to make confirming statements or questions. For example, if someone tells you a story, in a pause, you say something like, "So you were upset because they wouldn't listen." And they'll usually go "Yes! Exactly!" and then go on with their story, usually with renewed happiness and energy, b/c they feel heard and understood. It helps with active listening, and I feel rewarded when they're like "yes, you get me!" Plus, usually, most decent people will want to return the favor and will ask questions about yourself. Invest in them first and they will invest in you.
I'm
so, paraphrasing
🥺
As an introvert this trick helps aloooooot. All i do is listening and sometimes repeating what they said as a form of question and they confirm to me and keep on talking and i prefer keep listening
#However, when I feel comfortable with someone I open up to start my own conversation and subject ( although im an introvert the first Method of just listening and confirming to the person talking to me helped me learn how to build my own conversation)
Can someone tell me what to do if the girl don't want or like to share any story or problems with me? How to make her believe that I am a good listener?
Wow, the "here I am" versus "there you are" is such an easy way to understand this! It really showcases the energy some people carry.
Absolutely ☺️
I like that very much, too.
I never liked small talk. But now that I know that it's an opportunity to get to understand a person's conversational style, it makes so much sense to me, and I can't wait to have a small talk now. Also I'm one of those people that kills the momentum of a conversation by letting people know that I've already seen or heard what they are saying. Now I know better! Thank you so much, Ms. Jamila!
I am glad you see it that way now
@@JamilaMusayeva 😊
People just want to feel good. They don’t want to know how smart you are.
@@genxx2724 😊
She just oozes “etiquette” from every cell of her body!
2:59 (1) Small Talk Starts with "Hello"
3:10 Who Greets Whom
4:34 (2) Exchange Names
6:51 (3) Keep It Light
7:39 (4) Choose the Topic Smartly
9:17 (5) Make a Dialog, Not a Monolog
10:39 (6) Be Interested; Not Just Interesting
11:54 (7) Ask Open Ended Questions
15:36 (8) Be Specific with Your Answers
19:24 (9) Be an Active Listener
20:32 "SOFTEN" Acronym
22:00 (10) Know What Small Talk Means in Different Cultures
Thank you - you saved me a lot of time!😊
you're a lifesaver, thank you!
Brilliant , first time in my life ..Thank you 😁
yall this wont replace watching her
German here: I totally agree with everything you've said, especially about culture. We in Germany don't enjoy empty talk and I often get very confused if not frustrated by exchange students from different cultures. When I get asked how I am, I answer honestly, it isn't just an empty phrase in Germany. People from the US for example tend to be a bit taken back by this honest answer and don't know how to continue the conversation.
Mind you, I'm not talking about any serious or personal problems, but I'll answer with my honest feelings. I even experienced that the person asking me was obviously not interested in an answer - any answer. That was very rude. I'm not the best at small talk, but if I ask someone a question, I look at them and acknoledge their answer. Especially since I was the one initiating the conversation in that situation.
Thank you for sharing this!
Totally agreed
So so true!! Couldn’t agree more👌🏼
Indeed, many persons from Anglo speaking countries don‘t listen to the answer of „how are you“, so that I even stopped answering and just keep on going with the next part of conversation 🙄
I've generally answered honestly, too, but I'm wondering if that's because I'm a first-generation American and my parents' eastern European culture has influenced me.
I have spent a lot of time with Germans and initially I thought they were too direct and straightforward. Which of course is a good thing but sometimes in a social setting we are required to have a light conversation and when talking to a German, you better prepare yourself for some harsh truth right away. I find that pretty endearing now, I like their honesty and not the need to sugarcoat everything. It is not always the most appropriate thing but it’s very authentic
Thank you Jamila for this video. As an 18-year-old lady, I want to level up my conversation skills and your video came perfectly on time. And I remember this quote from the book that I read by Dale Carnegie, "to be interesting is to be interested."
Thank you 🙏🏻
You have not met russians, they will tell you everything about their pains, bad business, how they truly feel. As I came to Germany I saw people asking how I am and going on with their phonecall on the way. That confused me.
hey you don't even have to talk when you are pretty
Bartenders will know about keeping creative follow up questions up our sleeves. With the right amount of practice, and an ability to improvise a bit too, you'd be surprised at how simply you can impact the group of people at your bar's mood and aura.
Please elaborate further on small talks for introverts ❤️
Seconded. The video was great, but imagining each of these scenarios just made me want to stay home.
Different ethnic groups and regions in America have their own rules for small talk. As a New Yorker, I have to navigate so many because typically, everyone is from somewhere else. I’ve found that for people born in the U.S., their propensity for and style of small talk can reflect both their ethnic background and the city/state in which they reside. And then immigrants and visitors have their own differences. I feel like participating in small talk, especially in NYC, requires a sixth sense.
Absolutely agree with you on that ☺️
Beautiful video!
I would loved you to expand a little info about finishing a conversation, leaving small talk because someone else you were waiting arrived, in a polite way…
Thank you for this! One thing that we have noticed in our lives, my husband and I, at almost 59 years old, is that most people don’t know how to ask questions. We find it very sad that people typically only want to talk about themselves and it never even occurs to them to ask questions of the other person. If you are shy or introverted or want to start out a conversation really well, ask questions! It shows the person that you’re interested in them, and then you can respond off things that they answer. And then pray they will be other-centered enough to ask you a question too! We think this is now a lost art… But we press on , hoping to show others by just doing!
Absolutely! Could not agree more with you ☺️
0
@@robertfinch6602 that question is too personal. Thumbs down 👎
That's the opposite for me 😅 very easy for me to ask questions and be totally interested in the other person, but zero when it comes to talking about myself, I'm veeeery reserved 😅😅
And amen on number six! Be an interested person not just interesting. That is perfect!
🙏🏻
The key to let go is knowing that everyone wants to get to know other persons, and never doing what we wouldn't want to be done, small talk is great to share kindness in a subtle way :)
Absolutely!
"There you are", something I'll definitely strive for in my daily interactions. Because nowadays everyone is more interested in what you have to offor instead of who you are. And personally, I would like to have conversations where they are the interest and not me.
That is an interesting standpoint ☺️
11:00
and people who try to sneak into the room unnoticed
🤣🤣🤣
I’m starting a new job Monday, this couldn’t have come at a better time!! Small talk has always been my nemesis
Hope this helps ☺️
This is great. It irks me when people say "I hate small talk, it's pointless" but its actually so critical. Thanks for the tips!
you are welcome :)
Thank you for this. I especially enjoyed learning the purpose of small talk and how to "volley". I would caution against using someone's name too often, though. I was in a conversation with an acquaintance, and she used my name four or five times during a 10-minute timespan. Each time she said my name, it felt as if she was poking me with her finger. It was irritating. My name's a spice, not the main course, lol!
There should be a middle ground in everything we do that includes using the name.
Thank you, Jamila. I hadn’t heard of this book before.
For the first time I realize I have been the type who says “Well, here I am.”
A cold truth! But I am eager to move forward with “Wow, there you are”
-Brittany ❤
Aaa there you are I’m sure is what people prefer because people enjoy talking about themselves for the most part.
With me the first question people ask is “where are you from” which for me is a very intrusive question. People have their biases about cultures or nationalities, therefore asking about your nationality right away is inappropriate. Unfortunately, I’m asked this question every single day no matter where I go to. it is not a curiosity question as many people think. It goes deep down to categorize an individual. I can be from any culture but it doesn’t mean I need to be put in a box based on where I’m from right in the beginning of conversation.
I get asked this question ALL the time and I honestly hate it. I know they mean to ask what my nationality is because you don’t see a lot of people who look like me in my area or working in the job I work at. So I always hit them with “I’m from California” so they look at me in shock😂 i even had someone come up to me without greeting me, he started naming a bunch of different countries and I was like 🤨 until he asked where I was from🤦♀️
I agree, it is a rude question. Apparently, even the cashiers at the grocery store can't ring my items if they don't know where am I originally from. So I had to learn how to dodge that question without being rude. These days, I just say that although I believe they want to be friendly, I consider the question a little too personal and I'd rather not share my origins with them, but we can talk about the items I picked from the store if they're interested in having a conversation with me. Usually, they don't want to continue, so that is a good way for both parties to leave the situation with their dignity intact.😄
I get what you are trying to say, but I am a bit awkward in conversations and if we met I might ask that just as a conversation opening and not to categorize you or insult you/insinuate anything,and I believe that goes for some of the people you meet.
@@Mina-hm2og Why do you want to open conversation with such question? What does it give you? There are so many other ways to start conversation other than to ask a sensitive question about national of origin that actually is the most sensitive question that goes in the same category if you ask about race. Maybe you have never thought about it but this is why I wrote this comment to make people aware to NOT start a conversation by asking about the national of origin.
I get what u mean. That is true about a lot of ppl having their biases about certain cultures. Not cool when ppl do that and keep one in the same box, especially when I am a multifaceted individual lol. I get asked that a lot, too. Sometimes ppl ask me that to see what ethnicity I am or just as one of those few starting questions just as general conversation... especially in my Mexican culture, I am realizing that rn, that they ask that a lot to each other and then proceed to talk about where they are from and their towns and growing up and then the conversation stems from there. So for a situation like that and other ppl, like me, might ask that question as a way to connect to someone if I can't think of anything else, bcus I can be awkward if I blank on what to say, so I guess I specifically may have been conditioned from my Mexican culture that that is the thing to ask, so not to categorize and put u in a box, but to find something to connect on. Like I see ur 1st name sounds very pretty and ethnic and ur last name as well. So if u introduce ur name to someone, my mind initially goes to thinking 'ooo that is a pretty name, sounds ethnic, I wonder what ethnicity she is, to get a name like that?' Like that is just where my mind naturally goes and I think ur name sounds cool. Now, if someone is asking u "where are you from?" online, I'm guessing after they see ur last name, too. So just for the ones that think like me or approach conversations like me ofc, might wonder (bcus of ur last name) if ur also latina/hispanic or italian? For me, just bcus it's the 1st thing I see here, and the 1st easiest and obvious (to me) to find some common ground (if I don't know anything else about u) to then stem the conversation further from there. Yeah, I can only speak for latinos/hispanics, that we like to find each other. It's just like "Ayeee, u latino/hispanic too?? Ayeee, wassuhp!" Bam, immediate connection, and feeling of comfort. Yeah, that is the best I know how to describe why some ppl, latinos/hispanics, and specifically mexicans might ask u that.
I will take what u said here into consideration, the next time I want to start with asking that or as my 3rd question to someone who seems like they could be latino/hispanic. :)
I love how you speak so calmly, you exute peace😊
Thank you 🙏🏻
It's good to be both welcoming others in specific occasions and being attractive when u attend specific occasions 🙂
Hello dear Jamila, I recommend you for those with stress as your voice lowers our blood pressure. I wish you gave hypnosis courses because you are so gifted with a calming voice. Yes, you are excellent video host for etiquette, and a gifted author, but you are an aide for our health too!
Aw that is very sweet of you! Thank you 🙏🏻
Really appreciated your video, thank you! I find "Being interested, rather than interesting" is really key. I see small talk as a way to establish a connection with someone--whether we end up getting into a deeper conversation or not. And I try to establish this connection is by sending love to the other person. This love allows me to be interested, find appropriate topics or questions to get started with, and it all goes from there. Maybe I'll get some love back, and then we may have the beginnings of a lasting bond and friendship with the person.
this shade of pink really is your color ! 🌸
Thank you 😊
Thank you Jamila. I’m 26 and I’m a self-development journey. New subscriber, and i love the diversity of your videos.😊❤ thank you for being apart of my journey energetically.
And Finally!! I've reached to an accurate teacher I was finding to be etiquetted.
As a north african, I absolutely agree with the cultural differences, small talks are so important in here and you will probably have it with everyone, the waiter in a restaurant, cashier in a shop, really everyone.
And the funny thing is that when we say hi, we'll start asking how are you doing in 3 different ways one after one and the one you're talking to will have to answer in a similar way with questions and not really giving the answer. after that you'd start talking about something and then only you'd ask how are you doing truly and you'll get an elaborated answer
I like this part 2:17 smol talk is not about showing your knowledge on a topic, its showing who you are as a person
This was so helpful, thankyou! I am American but I struggle very much with small talk, I grew up where the only conversations you have with people are knowledgeable and deep. I struggle with making light conversation on items or hobbies etc. I am more likely to analyze people and behavior or history and speak on that. I see now this is most likely very off putting to the majority and might be why I fail to make friendships. Thank you again!
Very important topic. My husband is a social extrovert who takes over conversations; he's Australian, and very funny with his stories, but doesn't allow anyone else to tell theirs. I can't get a word in edgewise - he even interrupts people with another of his stories. I see their frustration because I feel it myself - most of the time I don't even bother sharing anything with him because he doesn't listen or just talks over me. I try to be an active listener with people but I'm amazed whenever anyone actually listens to me or asks me questions.
A good trick to apply is even when he interrupts continue talking. He will stop eventually.
That's frustrating and disheartening. I dated a guy like that. He would go on and on while I listened, and when I finally wanted to share something important, he couldn't reciprocate and give me the same attention. I would be like you and shut down.
I have known some Australians that take the stage, unfortunately
Talk to him about it and then have a signal when he does it to other people. Arnold Schwarzenegger had a handler who stood behind him when he greeted people and gave his upper arm two squeezes when it was time to move on to the next person. Sal Maniscalco did a comedy skit about it. It’s on RUclips. You could give two squeezes when your husband needs to stop and take an interest in what the other person has to say.
You have just described my husband. We are also Australian, so maybe it is an Aussie male trend. When I am talking with my husband he will walk away before I have finished speaking. Feel upset that he cannot spare two minutes to let me finish.
I’ve just discovered your channel and am finding it very helpful. I am naturally a shy person and struggle with conversing with new people, so this was very helpful, thank you!
i have been doing small talk wrong all my life...Thank you for your presentation to help me better my small talk conversations
Thank you so much! I learned some new rules that were very helpful!
I have realised that my mother is really pro in making small talk as she already follows all these tips.
I come from Indonesia, I want to increase my English, so i get the great channel now, thank you Jamila.
Welcome!
I have been working on myself as I am someone who chatters a lot when nervous.
I have improved thankfully.
Excellent breakdown of the social etiquette after an introduction. Brava!
Thank you Jamila! I easily navigate conversations and presentations but I find it challenging to do small talk. This has been eye opening and helpful :)
You are welcome! I am happy to hear that 😉
thanks for your knowledge Jamila
As an introvert i find this video a Gem for me. Thanks for sharing. I loved it.
Glad you enjoyed it!
What a good timing you have! I've just been feeling frustrated with my social skills today!
I am happy to hear that ☺️
What a great video! Learned some great tips and the specific examples helped a lot. Love the soften acronym as well ❤
Thank you so much Jamila!!! 🌷🌷🌷
You are welcome
I'd gladly be the not-conversation killer and follow these great etiquette advice, however it is so hard for me when I feel so insecure around people and want to run away even before approaching them.
This was more intelligent than I thought it would be
Thank you!
Tremendous Jamila,
Your presentation and proven methodologies helped me a lot.
Thanks 👍
У меня были сложности - не знала о чем говорить в обществе с незнакомыми людьми.
Полезное видео! Благодарю Вас ❤
This video has been so helpful! I find that I think “there you are” with people I am comfortable with. At work and new people I am thinking “here I am”. I will keep this in mind!
Thank you 🙏🏻
Thank you Jamila- I really needed this. I just started collage and it's a new environment with lots of new faces- your video gave me some confidence and courage to interact with people ❤ I do have a video suggestion about how to handle the main conversation as well
That is such a great idea! Wishing you the best for college. We are together in this haha
Noted ☺️ thank you for your suggestion
I love how composed you are Jamila.. i really love small talk and your tips are really helpful
Thank you
Saying hello is so difficult for me😭 I just feel so vulnerable and am afraid of being ignored. It’s a deep problem I need therapy for but even having to approach that gives me so much anxiety 😢
Awwww you are not alone. 🌺
Awkwardness is my middle name! 🙃
I found this video to be very informational and insightful. Thank you for sharing!
You are welcome ☺️
Thank you Jamila for what you teach us. It is universal skills, you know how to explain clearly how it differs fromage one culture to another.
Small talk is rather difficult for me, I fear to be intrusive or not ask the right questions. But it is a real pleasure when I meet people who show me. For instance I am now in Brittany in France, in that region the weather is constantly changing. People are commenting what they see, when they are going outside, what they wear etc. It helps them show a little bit of themselves. I love it. 🙂
That is exactly right ☺️
Thank you ! Jamila
It is nice to see you.
I am glad to I see you .
Thank you! 😃
When it comes to small talk I'm polite, respectful and reserverved. I wait until the deep talk surfaces to join in.
What a useful topic! Thank you!
You are welcome! Glad to hear that
Thanks. Rules are practical. I am always feel awkward when I start a small talk.
Very helpful! What a great amount of information in a short time.
Thank you 🙏🏻
Talking about culture differences, the book Culture Map by Erin Meyer is a good insight as well :)
This is very helpful and interesting! 😊 Thank you for sharing Jamilya! ❤
You are welcome 🤗
My son will soon go to London UK to perform with a youth orchestra. I certainly appreciate this video and apparently others on your channel.
Jamila, thank you so much.
Wonderful! Good luck to him ❤️
gems. thank you sooo much 💗
Loved this Jamila. Thank you 🤍🌸
Thank you 🙏🏻
Thanks for these tips. I especially like your tip to keep it light. I messed this up recently and still regret it. I have found in business on Zoom or Team style remote meetings we discuss where we are calling from. This leads to the others saying if they traveled there or asking what is the weather. The others may say if they have done business near that location or ask about our sports teams. We also discuss pets as we may have to apologize for a barking dog or fussy cat.
I really like how you explained everything and the importance of cultural differences, it helped me understand what I need to work on.
Thank you
I have been really loving watching your videos and learning from you. I lost a lot this year, but now I am on a journey to make myself better and be better to the world. Thank you for helping so many of us. You are truly elegant ❤
Best of luck to you in this journey ✨
You are really amazing in what you do. Thanks for all this knowledge. Thees are very helpful
Thank you!
Young people need this course.
Thank you, Jamila! Super useful content. I have a suggestion for a video about wedding guest etiquette! For instance how to behave as guest, type of dresses to wear etc.
Have a lovely day!
Noted ☺️
Hi thanks for sharing, eat well and take care
I liked the rule 8, thank you 💕
Thank you!
Thank you for reaffirming many of the things I learned from Dale Carnegie's book, How to Win Friends and Infuence People. Mastering people's name is something I loved to do, until someone took it the wrong way (cultural reasons, I guess). Lately, having small talk hasn't been so easy because I'm usually around my kids, and I have to watch them when talking with people. It's not so easy to keep the conversation going when your attention is divided.
Thank you for making this for all of us. I would like to know something I don't often see: do you know good ways to express anger or discomfort in a situation which requires a lot of etiquette?
Woww!! Really a very much important, useful n informative session. Learned a lot of things. Each n every tip is so much valuable. And I've found that tip, "Be interested, not interesting", i.e after entering into a room, "Hey, I'm here" and "Hey, there you're" the most important. Really a very much valuable video. 🙂😊.
Thank you Jamila❤❤
You are welcome
This was so useful. Thank you Jamila.
You are welcome
Thank you! I find this video very edifying!
I am curious on the subject of touch in small talk (in the acronym SOFTEN) If you ever made a video going deeper into it I think it would be very helpful!
I have explained it in the video. What exactly would you like to know more?
Thanks for this video! Really useful and informative.
You are welcome! Glad to hear that ☺️
Hi! Ive just found your channel and I love it
I have a question though: how do you deal with small talkers who DO kill the conversation, overshare trauma, or another faux Pas that really makes it difficult to continue. How do you swiftly change the conversation, EXIT the conversation, or prompt them into opening up more?
Really would like to see a video like this
Thank you Ma'am 🥰for this new lesson 😊
You are welcome
Hello
This was a really helpful and educating video and it is my belief that it would be wonderful and really educating if you start making series where you would be sharing informations about different cultures , historical figures , palaces ....ect
Have a nice day .
I am your fan!! You are so refined and elegant
I just love your videos 🦋 Can’t wait to see more 💗
Thank you 🙏🏻
Reglas para una conversación trivial
- Comenzar con un saludo
+ Comienza con un "Hola
+ En un rango empresarial, los de menor cargo saludan a los de mayor rango
+ Hombres saludan a mujeres
+ Los más jovenes saludan a los mayores
+ Tienes que saludar a todos los que estén, a todos de la misma manera
- Intercambia nombres
+ Recuerda el nombre, con alguna asociación
+ Usa su nombre, diferentes veces en la conversación
+ Introduce a la persona que acabas de conocer
- Manten la conversación ligera
- Elige un tema pequeño para hacer la conversación
+ Mantenerse alejado de: salud, riqueza, dinero, información perdonal, orientación sexual, política
+ Puedes hablar del clima, noticias, libros, pasatiempos
- Hacer un diálogo y no un monólogo
+ Dejar hablar a la otra persona
+ Aprende a seguir la platica
+ Imagina que es un partido de tennis
- Estar interesado, no solo ser interesante
+ Pregunta acerca de la persona
+ Se curioso, no digas nada hasta conocer 7 cosas acerca de ellos
- Haz preguntas abiertas
+ Que no se contesten con "si" o "no"
+ Haz preguntas de seguimiento, vuelve a preguntar acerca de lo que te dicen
+ Puedes hablar un poco de ti, antes de preguntar
- Manera de responder las preguntas
+ Se específico con las respuestas que haces, puedes decir nombres, fechas...
+ Hablar con amabilidad, responder de una manera amigable
- Se un oyente activo
+ Pregunta acerca de lo que dicen
+ Decir palabras de afirmación "si, correcto, que interesante"
+ Tener en cuenta SOFTEN
* Sonreír
* Postura abierta ( estar derecha, hombros fuera, pecho afuera, cara levantada)
* Inclinarse hacia adelante, pa
* Tocar delicadamente
* Contacto visual
* Asentir con la cabeza, decir que si
- Cultura
+ Preguntar acerca de tu cultura
+
Super good advices! Thank you
You're so welcome!
I would love if you could do a video of how to eat a certain food. I mean there are so many different types of food but not many know how they are eaten. Eg. Foccaccia bread. It would be nice if you could do a video on food or dishes that are famous all around the globe.
OMG Jamila! Ur outfit, hairstyle, makeup (literally the entire u)! Absolutely gorgeous!!! Pls do a tutorial on ur amazing hairstyle ♡XOXO♡
Thank you! It was done by a hairdresser ☺️
@@JamilaMusayeva Oh I see. Anyways, no wonder ur parents named u Jamila..wish I were pretty like ya
I find this channel as very useful,one of the most important channel among all RUclipsr 🙏🏻💝bcos I don’t have an adviser or my elders to teach me how to behave in life,thank u so so much dear,plis upload video regularly 🙏🏻
Thank you so much 😀
I'm blown away by this content. I had the privilege of reading something similar, and it was truly incredible. "The Art of Meaningful Relationships in the 21st Century" by Leo Flint
Thank you!
Dear Jamila, thank you so much for this lovely video. I appreciate so much all your content on conversational skills, it is so helpful!!! THANK YOU.
I am glad to hear that ☺️
You're such a Royalty Jamila ❤️
Thank you!
That was a great video. I will definitely be reading the book. I like the part about repeating the person's name a few times. It helps one memorize the name and it is appealing to the person.
How does one best address someone that monopolizes a conversation and does not give you space to interject?
Aww thank u
Thank you so so so so much Jamila for this video because its truly truly helpful to me in my life and I love your videos so so much and I wish you reach 700K Subscribers very very soon!✨💞☺️
Thank you! Soon 🥰
This is common sense !!! Should not need to be taught
Really helpful❤
I always learn new things from your videos.
I am glad to hear that ☺️
Thank you I will practice