So many people dont realize that most kids that are sexually abused are abused by a family member. I was sexually abused by many people in my childhood including my siblings as well as an adult. The adult is now in prison for the abuse thanks fully and has been there for about 14 years now. I am insanely protective of my daughter. I trust almost no one, especially family as sad as that is. Thankfully as a victim of abuse I'm more familiar with the signs of abuse.
You have the believers and the manipulators who try to use religion and control to their advantage who may not even really believe in god, The Con game is just to easy to play even more so as a atheist. You have believers and atheists who go to church and the worst are normally cult leaders. You can play people for years, even some of the older children know how to play the game. Religions lose, honest atheists, dumb atheist , religion people to other religious beliefs including flying saucer worshipers ,god haters, people who want to worship evil and even a portion of the manipulators and liars . Some atheist children don't tell their parents until moving out and others still want to play the game with their parents, People believe religion can be used to find a wife and control her and children and with others it all about the perversions, like multiple wives and personally believe attractive woman look hot in nun outfits.
I'm so sorry to hear that. You've been through so much, and you sound stronger in spite of it for your daughter. It's a shame how many conservatives and religious people come up with all these conspiracy theories about liberals and LGBT people being a threat to children when most abuse happens at home like you mentioned. A lot of abuse can happen in churches, too.
gone through exactly the same (5-6 to 11 yrs), but the thing didn't stop there i was raped again by one of my cousion when i was 16 yrs old. And the situation become worse, when the family member heard me, while i was sharing the incident with the god, he(family member) again strated doing those things with me. He stoped doing things, but still roping, touches me here and there. decided to speak on by 23rd birth day(15th july) but my father got heart attack before my bithday . confused and broken.
Girl your emotions are felt through this video. I hope you know how strong this video is for people who don’t have a voice to talk about this. I cannot be anymore proud of you! I love you and I’m happy to see you in a better place
=) Thank you so much. I'd like to study these topics more and learn as much as I can about them. I was horrified reading about honor killings a few months ago and I feel extremely lucky and fortunate that I live where I live and have the family I do... I can't even imagine what it would be like to go through something like that. I'm starting to ramble now, thank you again! You're the best! =)
We need powerful attorneys on board to get justice with these issues. The statue of limitation is: if it happened to you before 18, you have until 40 to take it to court. This was passed in 2017.
The way we are traumatized as children makes us change our future worldviews. I ceased being religious and became spiritual. Your story is well verbalized and will help so many others.
You seem very intelligent and I love that you speak with passion and energy! :) I think you’ve definitely gained a lot of strength, wisdom and growth from your experiences and that’s amazing of you. Keep doing you!! 💓
IKR. I told my parents about my abuse the day after. The young woman was a babysitter. Her dad worked with my dad, they were cops. She was never charged. Her parents asked my parents to let them deal with it. My parents prayed and apparently God said it was fine. Basically they aided and abetted my abuser. I was 4. I'm 38 and finally going to police.
Stuart Brown sometimes when you are assaulted, all you have is your truth. You know exactly what happened. Even if the statute of limitations is over and they won’t investigate it. It’s important to tell the truth. If you look at the reports that detail the name of catholic priests and the dates at which they are reported against, they were reported against sometimes decades later, sometimes when they are already dead, sometimes you can do the math and know the victim had to at least be an elderly person. It was shocking and sad and a clear statement that victims were effected their entire lives, and had to speak up. A victims proof in a world where their abuser cannot be criminally prosecuted is the body and mind memories that haunt them. Declaring it is part of the healing and also making sure it doesn’t happen to another person.
"My self esteem was just shot." This is what happened to me from not being allowed to relate to my mother about what was happening to me sexually from childhood by my stepfather. My fear of going to hell was foremost in my mind also and kept there repeatedly by continual preaching and teaching through private schooling. I was a total wipe out with no support system all my life because all the people in my social environment were believers and I did not fit in. I married the wrong type of men, only those who were attracted to me but were basically losers themselves, never the empathetic sort, because of my own total lack of self esteem from my earlier youthful attachment to a pedophile. Just this year (at 75) I am starting to use my brain and developing my own thinking skills, being not afraid to face the reality of a no god belief. Surprisingly for me, my new way of thinking is releasing a personal happiness and sense of freedom I never dreamed possible.
I rarely comment on videos but this one was different. You are so strong and I relate to this video in almost every way. Watching this opened my eyes to what really happened to me during my childhood. To this day, my parents have still never talked to me about my abuser and have hid it from me to try to protect me. It’s left me confused, ashamed, and wondering if it really happened since I was so young. Along side of this, I went to a Christian school kindergarten- 8th grade and no longer consider myself a Christian for many of the same reasons. I’m not sure if this is how I should feel, but I feel a little less of a victim after watching this and it’s empowering. Thank you so much, Sarah ❤️ Also, your Bill Burr was great 😂😂😂
Thanks for sharing! More open stories like this are needed so others can be encouraged to speak up while others can be encouraged to listen and act appropriately to protect the innocent. I'm glad you escaped the indoctrination and found meditation and general healthy living and true curiosity. So inspiring!
You are amazingly strong!!!! I just want to say thank you. There are so many adults who do nothing and actually make the abused feel invalidated in the fact that they were violated and that it usually means that they are affected for the rest of their lives. It’s more normal to people to be okay with an abuser being lose than accepting that someone was abused and needs to open up about it. Just sad. What you are saying is so powerful. Again, I thank you!
Your openness and willingness to talk about this sensitive topic surely means so much to children who need a voice and someone who understands them. I’ve never experienced it personally, but I can only imagine that I would be grateful BEYOND WORDS to have someone to look up to like you if I had.
I was tested for a learning disability when I was younger. Because none of my teachers saw the signs of molestation. I was afraid of boys, or older men. I would have mood swings, or with draw from the group. I would get bad grades, and wouldn't eat food. I would talk about things a child shouldn't know about. Whenever someone tried to touch me I would flinch. But for some reason no one saw these things as signs of abuse. My parents dont know about my abuse, they dont understand things like that. And would ask me why I didnt do anything. Or tell me I'm making it up. I struggle today with depression and anxiety, nightmares and im consently on edge. I still dont like ppl touching me, and dress modestly because I think if I cover more it'll make p what to touch me less. I need help, and want it but my parents dont believe me when I say I'm depressed. I hope one day I can get help.
at the end of a very dark, scary tunnel, there is light. I know your at a very dark point in your life, but things will get better, trust me. just love yourself and push out all of the harmful things said/done to you. and don't ever stop chasing your dreams. these experiences (good or bad) happen for a reason, it is to teach you another lesson about life. I know it may seem ridiculous at first, but you might find the reason why. I wish you good luck.🍀❤❤❤
please don't wait any longer to get someone on your team! Be careful about who you find and how you find them, (no cults or creepy uncles! lols). The first person or organisation you turn to may not come through, keep looking. With kids one can do safety hands the child traces around both hands and on each finger writes the name of a different person who may be able to help. All 10 fingers are needed sometimes, to find that one person or organisation who can and will help you might have to ask 9 others first.
You have the believers and the manipulators who try to use religion and control to their advantage who may not even really believe in god, The Con game is just to easy to play even more so as a atheist. You have believers and atheists who go to church and the worst are normally cult leaders. You can play people for years, even some of the older children know how to play the game. Religions lose, honest atheists, dumb atheist , religion people to other religious beliefs including flying saucer worshipers ,god haters, people who want to worship evil and even a portion of the manipulators and liars . Some atheist children don't tell their parents until moving out and others still want to play the game with their parents, People believe religion can be used to find a wife and control her and children and with others it all about the perversions, like multiple wives and personally believe attractive woman look hot in nun outfits.
I’m so sorry you had to go through all this. I’m so sorry that the adults, your school, and the world let you down so much. You’re a very strong and intelligent woman to have broken free of the brainwashing and guilt and it’s really courageous for you to come forward like this publicly to help others and maybe to reach someone going through this now. Maybe some young girl will watch this and realize what’s happening to her is not ok, and that she can get help. Thank you for sharing your story. ❤
im a trained counselor. i was trained to be non-biased in regard to religion, race, sexuality, ect. i mean, how can we help someone with their own problems by imposing someone elses beliefs? regardless, im happy to see youve adjusted sarah. wow, what a traumatizing upbringing for you. im very sorry you had to go through that. :(
I adore you. I was also raised extremely religious. I was abused 3 times in my life and that terror of not being believed because one of my abusers was a leader in our church. Then that feeling of being dirty and unclean. Just that utter feeling of unworthines. Feeling so unworthy of Gods love. Your story is my story. We are not alone.
Religion empowers the powerful and makes the vulnerable more vulnerable. It reinforces and intensifies existing power dynamics. It's a system that's constantly fighting for its own survival regardless of the harm it causes to the people who keep it alive, like a cancer.
Thanks for sharing such a tragic experience. Glad to see your life has turned out so much better now and you can leave those terrible memories in the past where they belong. Power to you. 👊🏼
The "performance" worship is something I identify with so much. Evangelicals aren't quite as theatrical as Pentecostals, but the youth summer activities were all about trance like lights and worship services with this high expectation of you being super duper into the worship.
Thank you for sharing. Glad you are ok now and are producing good videos that inspire people. The world needs your unique voice and I am glad you are here in the community.
You are my hero young lady, " Get Over It".... I'm over 60 yrs. old & the same B/S K Mart christian saying was around when I was a kid, it didn't work then it sure as hell don't work now. Keep doin your videos You & girls like you is what I was fighting for overseas, hearing & seeing your work makes the crap I went through makes the fight worthwhile, YOU ROCK lady.
#MeToo Wow! There are so many overlaps between your life experiences and my own, it's amazing. In so many ways, you're a roughly 30 year younger version of myself, though my church deacon dad was my chief offender, with my hyper-religious mother enabling him every step of the way, from ages 5 to 18. I'm so impressed by your ability to openly discuss what happened to you, here in social media. At your age, I was still only able to speak about it with my non-religious therapist or the members of my Incest Survivors group therapy circle, though neither as fluidly nor as fully as you are able to do now. It took me three attempts with incompetent religious and non-religious therapists before I finally found the expert PhD level psychologist who helped me turn my life upside-down, in the best possible way, at age 25! Of course, I was going through my initial recovery work at a time in history when most Americans didn't know nor care much about child sexual abuse (nor any type of child abuse or neglect, for that matter), all of which I experienced from birth until I left home at age 18. There was a horrific amount of major push-back from those (especially powerful, white, Christian males!), who didn't want open, public discussions regarding sexual abuse to occur, especially via the mouths or pens of survivors. One of the most pervasive methods for trying to shut us down, both privately and publicly, was to accuse us of creating "false memories" or of having therapists that were manipulating our perceptions of the past. Nothing could have been further from the truth, yet it took tremendous strength to stay true to myself and the facts as I had always known them to be, rather than to constantly doubt and question myself (a lifelong challenge). This was particularly true after I slowly, progressively, and deliberately confronted my parents and numerous other family members about what had happened and the roles they each played, prior to ending my relationships with them. Though I was always a straight A student, I was treated as a hopeless incompetent, at home. As such, I became extremely confused as to what intelligence is, believing it must be a trait that turned on/off whenever I entered or left a school setting. Despite attending public schools in our conservative rural setting, I was never taught a single thing about evolution, creationism, or the big bang theory inside of any academic setting (including the five universities I've attended - a scholarly version of "Don't ask, Don't tell", from my perspective, despite having taken a massive number of science courses)! My family was intensively involved in church activities several times each week, so my father's narcissistic personality disorder (essentially he was the "twin" of our current Oval Office occupant), was on full display to all, including his physical and emotional abuse of my siblings and I (which no adult ever intervened in to stop, let alone notify authorities of what was going on). I attended a famous evangelical, fundamentalist college, at 18, and was rapidly disillusioned by the massive hypocrisy and deception that was rampant there. I went on to graduate from a public university, instead, by which time I had mostly left everything religious behind me, apart from my terrors that I would be struck dead by god for turning my back on everything having to do with Christianity. Those concerns were worked through and resolved, while I completed 2.7 master's degrees in three different fields, at other universities (it's so much easier to concentrate when one isn't perpetually dealing with constant dysfunctional family chaos or years of suppressed/repressed emotions, memories, and actions). It took my main therapist more than two years of hard effort to convince me I was smart enough to attend graduate school, the first time. Despite needing to work full-time to support myself through graduate school, I graduated magna cum laude each time. I believe you would do just as well at university, as you're quite bright, self-motivated, and articulate (if you haven't already accomplished this formal academic pursuit, which you may have done). In this video, you've done a brilliant job of describing the very common pressures, rituals, and experiences of being a child raised in a hyper-religious family that attends a Christian fundamentalist church. The fears, shame, depression, guilt, confusion, distrust, uncertainty, betrayal, exhaustion, anxieties, longings, anger, and grief that must be swum through to get to a calmer, more integrated, more internally settled, more balanced sense of self are so very reminiscent, to me. I, too, became a bed-wetter, immediately following my first rape episode. It was humiliating, as a kindergartner, to have to submit to being placed in diapers every night (in conjunction with being brutally shamed by my mom), right after my two youngest siblings were diapered for bedtime. No matter how hard I tried, I could neither stop it nor explain its sudden onset to myself, as I'd been completely potty-trained at a very young age. I was restricted from fluids, dropped noticeable weight, and became obsessive about not letting anyone see my body, apart from other young kids, as I often initiated episodes of non-invasive nudity/sex play with them, some involving emotional coercion. Since I've traced incest, child physical abuse, emotional abuse, and all forms of child neglect back through at least six generations of my relatives, on each side of the family tree, I've been able to learn just how connected my experiences of abuse were to those experienced by others I'm biologically connected to. They're all very intergenerationally transmitted practices. As the sole member of my extended family who has ever sought out psychotherapy to address our profoundly dysfunctional family "traditions", I've been in the extraordinarily difficult position of being the only reliable adult looking out for my many nieces' and nephews' safety and mental health. Fortunately, my dad died shortly after most of the kids were born, ensuring protection from that threat. Sadly, at least three of them have experienced reportable episodes of sexual and/or physical abuse, by family and by acquaintances. Only one of the situations ever ended up in court. Thankfully, that acquaintance offender was convicted and sentenced to prison. However, it still hasn't forced my extended family to confront the tangle of incest and other forms of child abuse and neglect that are endemic within our family tree. For those here who find themselves wanting extra support during their process of exiting from evangelical, fundamentalism, many people have found Fundamentalists Anonymous to be a very understanding resource. Know that there are literally millions of Americans who have walked down that exit path before you, so you don't need to venture through it alone.
Thank you for sharing this. I really appreciate the raw nature of your experiences and how you're continuing to deal with your past abuse in a healthy manner. It's inspiring and I think this helps to normalize atheism as well. You're very well-spoken and I respect you a lot.
I relate very much to the learning disability part of your story. I have been told by my parents and teachers growing up that I have a learning disability my entire time in school, lead to believe I was slow, but there's no actual diagnosis in all the documents. None. Zip. No name to it. I did have trouble in school, but I needed glasses real bad but never saw an optometrist until I was nearly blind, and always stuck in the noisiest fucking classmates ever. Combine that with very early puberty, constant unintentional body shaming, a rough home life(my siblings fought a lot), and I was a mess. Never got help from anyone, really.
Your story is similar to my step daughter. I asked her for several years is she was being touched in an uncomfortable way or if anyone made her feel unsafe.. she always shied away and said no. I called her bio mom, her grandparents, her mother's friends and was dismissed. Her father was not as comfortable as I am addressing these things but, he was equally concerned and for years we tried to help . When are was 12 I noticed a drastic change in her personality... We ended up having her mother institutionalized due to a religious psychotic break... She thought her kids were demon possessed.. from the moment she was safe in our home I again encouraged her to open up to me.. finally she and I took a walk one day and she literally explicitly told me years of horrific abuse . She didn't tell me because her mom said I was a horrible person and hellbound from my lack of Christian faith.. Also she didn't want to seem different from my biodaughter, who is exactly one year older. She admitted she has always pretended her life was identical to my daughters and somewhat disassociated.. within 20 minutes of ending our conversation I was in a parking lot with several police officers I have known in my area and immediately a case was opened.. I took her the next day for a forensic certified medical exam and for std testing... We obtained sole custody and took to the courts for justice... She had a million reasons not to tell... And I just sincerely hope that our community rises up to save these children. My stepdaughter and I have a very special relationship.. our caseworker told me last year that during conversation it was mentioned that I was hero.. There is nothing heroic about protecting our children.. it is something should be an instinctual response for everyone... ( How I wish it was).. I ended up telling my stepdaughter that if anyone is a hero it is she... I have always worked to get her to speak.. about anything at all.. she was so timid and quiet..I love often hearing her now when she confidently chimes in and gives her opinions and beliefs.. Her grandparents are missionaries and I found out also shamed her into keeping her mouth shut... The fear of god and hell keeping her silent. She is no longer identifying with any religion and we have taught her to seek her own spiritually identity and to be true to her self.. I'm so appreciative of all the people giving their truth stories on line.. it's very important for these children to not associate being a victim of sexual abuse with something to feel shamed over. Thanks again
Re-watching years later. Astounded by your balls. Your videos are super important. It’s awesome you use your platform for this. You, miss, are a major badass ❤️
I really never ever comment on a RUclips video. I'm more of a silent listener I guess. (lol as much of an introvert online as in real life am I right..? haha) But I really want to tell you this: Wow. From the bottom of my heart and with the most honesty I can possibly muster, even though I can't relate to a huge part of your story, I truly honestly believe that this is the best video I have ever seen and I wish everyone, especially those unaware or ignorant of these topics could watch it. I whole-heartedly want to thank you and congratulate you for making this, Sarah. Stay strong and keep doing you. ❤
I think it's super empowering to see you talk about this so openly. I'm actually Christian myself, so I'm different from you in that aspect, but I had a very similar situation in the fact that I was raised Christian, and my family basically terrorized me with the threat of being damned, telling me I was evil and dirty and women were lesser, and it made my repeated abuse... So much worse. I'm Christian now, but even though I'm in the faith in still struggling to recover from the impact my upbringing had on me. I think it's so important that we talk about these experiences. The church shouldn't get a special pass on abuse just because they're allegedly so much holier than everyone else.
You are amazing. I'm so sorry you went through all that horrible shit, but I'm also extremely impressed by your resilience, your composure, intelligence, and courage.
Thanks for sharing your story with such remarkable positivity, courage & eloquence! Child abuse is a scourge upon our world: I actually know more ppl who were abused as children than weren't! You're evidently a very intelligent & highly articulate woman, & I've no doubt even just telling your story as you do here will have already helped many young ppl struggling to survive the same terrible abuse :-) You're an amazing human being, be proud of who you've become! X
Hi Sarah, I just want to leave a small comment after watching your video just to say, I love your strength, honesty and your Atheism! All the best to you.
Y'know, while venturing through RUclips and all was I able to find someone else who could actually fit my story - someone who understood where I came from. I, too, came from this religion where you jumped around while doing crazy, unconnected things from pew to pew while also having those fears, like you. So while just subscribing did I also say thank you and its awesome to have come across someone else who understands the awesomeness of atheism.
I can relate so much. And also if you do decide you want children make sure you are getting therapy before they reach the age the abuse started. I walked into my sons room when he turned 3/4 and was suuuuuper triggered and it sent me down a really depressed path and I still am struggling with intimacy.
You have done great given your disorientating start & ....... You are now standing on your own 2 feet, thinking for yourself & moving ahead as a whole and good and strong young lady. good for you you are a bright light shining now .... in an often too dim world. You have a bigger and greater affect than you know.
YOU MATTER! YOUR OPINIONS MATTER! SPEAK! I'm SOOO HAPPY FOR YOU! I'm Glad you are speaking, I am christian and I feel so bad for what you have gone through! but I am so glad you are helping educate others about what you've gone through. THANK YOU!
That’s horrifying... You’re very brave for telling your story. As the only atheist in a very large, pretty religious family, I find a lot of comfort in your videos, as well as other atheist RUclipsrs. My parents know I’m an atheist (my dad understands, but it absolutely destroyed my mom) I’m not sure how many of my other family members know. I don’t bring it up. I just stay quiet if someone starts talking about how god can help me, or if they’re praying for me. I’m 36 and have an extremely painful form of Rheumatoid Arthritis called Ankylosing Spondylitis, so I have a lot of family members and strangers telling me they’re praying for me, or how god’s gonna make things better. I appreciate their concern, of course, but it can be uncomfortable. I always doubted religion even as a young kid. I remember looking around the church during worship service and thinking... “What if this isn’t real?” In my mid-twenties, I finally just let it go, and it was such a liberating feeling mentally. Throwing away the mumbo-jumbo and fully embracing logic and reason really helped me feel like I had finally found my true self.
I redirected here after seeing your video on Patheos via Hemant Mehta. What a moving story. I admire your bravery and resilience. Thank you so much for sharing and thereby helping to give so many others strength and resolve. Don’t be cowered by the warped misogyny of our repulsive patriarchal religions. You shout your truth from the mountain tops. It is a formidable enlightenment in the fog of religious ignorance and prejudice. As Christopher Hitchens so famously said, “Religion poisons everything”. People like you are the antidote.
You're amazingly beautiful, and I envy your best friend. Religion is total poison, it harms literally everything that it touches. Sorry about what you went through, glad that you had the brains to pull yourself out of it, and glad that you appear to be well on the way to full recovery from the abuse.
You are a very strong person and every one is so proud of you. I am an athiest and these concepts of hell and heaven and whatever sound so stupid to me. People put religion forward to take benifit out of other people.
The courage it must have taken to make this video. You're inspiring and have done more for this world and humanity than any pretend God ever has. Truly a hero.
I am so terribly sorry you had to go through that in your life. You're probably older than me, but if I were able to time-travel to the days you were sexually abused, I'd beat the living shit out of them for you. You are such a beautiful woman and the fact that you went through such turmoil in your life is just something I'll never be ok with. If you ever need someone to talk to about anything, Sarah. I'm always here. ❤ This was a great video.
Thanks for sharing your story. I've heard simular stories in the past 5+ years from a couple of friends. I also was raised Pentecostal. As a youth I was a free thinker and was never given a straight answer or at least pointed in right direction to get those unused asked questions of mine. There are 88 books of the bible missing from our awesome travel size one on pews in churches and in hotel/motel rooms. I challenge your inner nerd to check it out. I need to triple check but I'm not sure these removed books are taught in "Bible" schools or colleges. If they were well let's just say It'd be different. Knowledge is Power and Truth! Happy Reading.
I'm so sorry all this happened and nobody did the right thing for you during or after the abuse. I can certainly understand why your an atheist. I was also abused and know exactly how you feel. Forgive me for saying, but Christ knows you, loves you and He will never forget or leave you.. you don't have to do anything, let us take care of you for for a change. Somehow, some way, someday.. and maybe not until your final moments, Christ will come for you. You will be loved for eternity. you are loved. We wish you only the best. Jim
This is a powerful story courageously told. As someone who has been sexually abused it has helped me. It is worth remembering that people are not only sexually abused in a religious context by being forced into a sexual relationship they can also be sexually abused by being forced to be celebate. Of course if someone chooses to be celebate that is different and can be a very good and healthy thing to do. But in the catholic church throughout history many people were abused and forced to live in misery as monks and nuns and priests.
Brave woman! 👏👏👏👏👏👏Glad you’re doing better, stay brave, own your feelings and your healings! Remember, you’re stronger than you know, and “I’m going to be happy, it may be my only revenge!”👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻❤️❤️❤️❤️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️
Thank you. I really appreciate your support. Sometimes I think maybe I should just take this one and other videos down, I guess I’m unsure if they’re actually doing any good or helping anyone. Thank you again ❤️
Sarah Rocksdale The fact that you’re putting this up helps people you’ll never know or hear about. It validates them, especially given how you were raised with such cultlike beliefs around whatever religion it was. Trust me, there’s so much abuse out there it’s unbelievable, and it’s around the world. Just think Sarah, you’re in Western Society which is the most advanced psychologically and where Women and Children have rights. Other countries? Forget it, women are objects to do with as many men there please. Child marriage (really rape!), brides for sale, women stoned for adultery or being raped are all common. Rights? School? Freedoms? Leaving the house alone? Voting? No never, no way! You’re a light in the darkness by standing up! People will hear you and it affirms them and their drive to heal by knowing that you’re walking that path ahead of them. To that end and to further your recovery, please consider (if you haven’t already) joining or forming a support group of others who’ve been through and are now working through those issues. Community and support are critically important to you now. Sometimes it’ll feel like the rug got pulled out from under you, and you’re back at square one after all your hard work it doesn’t matter. Other times, like you’re not making any progress at all. Don’t worry, neither of these is true. They’re only perceptions. Recovery is a process, not an event. It’s a slow, unfolding process with hills and valleys, highs and lows. So forgive yourself as well. Go easy on yourself and take it as it comes. You don’t have to be in recovery 24-7-365. Take breaks, don’t force anything, and I’m also a fan of “dosing” your feelings, especially grief. You don’t have to feel everything all at once, a little here, a little there or even delaying it awhile are nice options. I hope this helps . Laughter is great medicine as well, so is Love. So laugh and love as much as you can Sarah!
Very few things on social media bring me to tears. This is one. This is worse than the worst horror movie you could even imagine. I am a 60 year old male and can still remember when I was about 5 when my parents sent me off to Sunday school for the first time. I left there screaming. They never sent me back and never talked to me about religion again. I loved them for that. They were never really religious freaks so I am guessing they were listening to friends or 'advisors'. Was a long time ago and sadly not much changed when it comes to moronic religious crap. I am now ferociously antitheist. I still have a heart though and it goes out to you. I hope you and your loved ones stay safe in these awful times.
Hi Sarah! We have similar stories. I’ve been watching your videos for a long time and I have to admit that you are my biggest inspiration and one of my top most favorite RUclipsrs! I love how strong and incredibly brave you are. This video must not have been an easy one to make but you’ve done such a great job of expressing how you felt and still feel about the situation while also keeping your humor and wits about you. No story is the same but as a fellow survivor, I appreciate how liberated you seem and how much happier you look. You’re a perfect example that we as people can come out on the other side of bad experiences and grow and learn because of them. You’re a beautiful soul, Sarah and you inspire me to work on myself and take the time to enjoy the best life has to offer. Thank you for sharing! ❤️🙏❤️
Being molested at such a young age is completely f'd up. You were truely robed of your innocence. It's a miracle (non-devinely intervened) you survived as well adjusted as you appear to be. Cudos to your therapist and especially you for pulling through the shit storm.
Girl I hit subscribe when you did Bill Burr impersonation lol love you, you are so brave and make me feel my reason for depression is a joke (I know I shouldn't, though) I wish you the best going forward and will keep watching you for sure!
I’m so very sorry for what happened to you. I’m so sorry the church wasn’t an advocate for you. I think you are very bright and funny! And make some excellent point! Just wanted to say one thing that I’ve learned about Jesus that I never heard from my church. But I believe it’s true. Jesus actually came to demolish religion. The law - from what you just read in Numbers, stops with Jesus. Romans and Galatians talk to this. They are my favorite books the rest I can take it or leave it. The book of John is a beautiful picture of Jesus and his heart which I believe is actually the heart of God. Again, I get rolling your eyes in that comment above. I love your critical thinking! I love your RUclips channel. You are brave and strong! I’m so glad you got the help you needed. Keep on keeping on! You are helping a lot of people find freedom from sexual abuse and religion, I trust!
I had the same experience as you did, it made me hate everything, that has to with RELIGIONS, and everyone as well, especially God. I was diagnosed with PTSD, Anxiety attacks, something always tricker my anxiety, But in 2012 I gave my life Jesus, now yes what am I thinking going back to Religious, I’m not into religious, I just want to build relationship with people slowly, I am very grateful for the Christian people that supported me and listen and understood me, I’m glad that they were there to help me, and no they didn’t do what those people did to you. That’s sad, Not every Christian do that, some are willing to listen and not be judgmental, or try to shove God in my face when I finally open up, about what I went through. you are right it’s hard to slowly trust again. It does affect you as an adult, but I chose to forgive them, and just move on with my life, but yes you are absolutely right there are some Christians who are just plain crazy, and would tell you that you should move on already the past is in the past, thats my family. The way the Bible was taught to me was very hypocritical, But You are a strong person. Much love to you. 🙂
I love you, and I know it. Similar story, strong religious background, learning to get used to being above fear and embracing fear too. It's important to be well acquainted with the only perceived barrier
I don't have words to describe how awful this is. You have a lot of stones to talk about this. I haven't ever been sexually abused. Some abusive stuff has happened to me physically. I think I've tried to learn from it. By bringing out this information we can learn from it. Not exactly easy but it is very important. Anyway, a quote from Skyrim, "Are your parents proud of you? They have good reason to be. "
I remember at age 11yr being terrified of going to hell. I worried that I was going to go to hell because I loved my mom and sister more than God, and there is a passage in the bible that says you have to love God and Jesus more than your parents. I was so worried about it and depressed that I thought constantly about committing suicide. I am an atheist now, and the depress has long gone away. But there is so much guilt that will stem from religion, I don't care what anyone says it is a toxic environment
I'm so sorry you went through that. It's horrible! I can really relate to what you're saying. A lot of anxiety I had as a kid was straight from the idea of going to hell, wondering if I was a good enough christian.... how sad is that? I agree, it is a toxic environment.
Totally false teaching!!! Loving someone does not take the love away from someone else. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. - 1 Cor 13:4-7
It's damned if you do and damned if you don't in pentecostal church services. If you don't raise your arms when singing you're seen as not hot for the Lord and if you do you get accused of taking the mickey out of other people who do this. During prayers sometimes I would look up slightly and open one eye and then look around to see how the others were getting carried away and then smile to myself. Then a friend and I that afternoon described to each other the crazy ways in which the others prayed. I did that until I was caught at it.
Thank you for sharing. Critical thinking also helps resist from family trying to re-indoctrinate you after successfully breaking away from religion in the first place. Thank you Sarah Elizabeth for this video!
Just came across your channel. I’m so sorry you went through all this! Gosh! Church can be so messed up sometimes ! I am a firm believer of God and His unconditional love for us. I didn’t grow up in any religion , but I was also sexually abused at the age of 3 or 4 up until I was 14. I accepted Christ about 6 years ago and for a while I just couldn’t understand how a loving God would allow an innocent little girl to be molested. I tried to find scripture on this matter and there is very little if any. It is very upsetting every time I hear how churches misinterpret God completely and because of that , we just give up on God because we think He just doesn’t care. I respect your new beliefs. There is a purpose for you and don’t stop speaking on this matter because you are a light to others who have gone or are going through this.
This tongue's thing has caused me no end of grief. I really tried but no Way I was going to fake it. My cousin many years ago went into this whole charismatic thing. She said the god told her to send a letter To her father in tongues. No explanation just a letter in tongues. That poor man was grief stricken. He was my favorite uncle And a man role model for me. I have never seen him more frightened Or confused. That was my first introduction to this wonderful thing. Then we my friend and I went to this church in the late seventies. I wasn't there that day but she went to get baptized at a local pond. When she came out of the water, they all crowded her shouting, Speak in tongues speak in tongues! She was so frightened she began to cry. They thought that her crying Was a sign that she got save. She was scared silly. I wish I was there. I could have taken her home.
Sarah, same thing happened to me, but it was a family friend. I felt SO guilty for the longest time because I thought it was MY fault. THAT is what Christian fundamentalism did to me. We need to STOP this religious movement, for the children!
Gawd...the memories. I even got to a position of group leadership, but I was just too rebellious for that. That pretense of perfection though...so incredibly harmful. The evangelical church is pretty much abusive; you're not 100% forced in every way, but the pressure that's placed upon you is maddening. Good videos...🤘🏼
I'm so sorry for what happened to you. I have been a member of a Pentecostal church and as a result i've found that a lot of people confuse religion with a relationship with Jesus Christ. I fear that there are many people that blame God for bad things that have happened in their life, but don't take into account that He won't violate a person's free will whether they are a Christian or not. The actions of one person cannot be used as condemnation of the Pentecostal church as a whole and as horrible as your experience of being molested was, you are now in a position to help many women and men heal from childhood abuse. Only because you have been through that are you in such a powerful position to help so many and be healing in the process. Lastly, I have found that the most powerful thing a person can do to begin the healing process is to forgive the one that hurt them and the ones who said nothing. This is for the victims sake not the abuser.After all , Isn't forgiveness what Christianity is all about?
Ignorant people why protect trash and look at this courageous young lady gracing us with her story to help us and she was not helped.. her mindset logic and thinking skills were stolen and so much more x
A tragic story on many levels.. There is truth to be had.. I am so sorry that you had that life experience with false religion. And neglected in the middle of your abuse by people who were meant to protect you.. May God be merciful to them...
Welcome to "normality". Free from religion and religious brainwashing. You are beautiful and intelligent with a beautiful personality. All my warm wishes and love are yours on your life journey.
Thank you! I'm actually uploading another video about this today. The person who abused me when I was younger apologized to me. I'm going to share more in the video - thank you again!
"Just being female alone, you get the sense that your voice doesn't matter." Totally backed by those scriptures she mentions in this video and closely supervised by the middle 20th century teachings of the Catholic church (a double whammy) was my lot in life (or so I thought for 75 years). So glad that women now have a way out, a voice, even support groups that were never available to the natural and would-be atheist over a half century ago.
I feel you Sarah. Thankfully i didn't have to go through such horrors in my boyhood, in my adolescence I just started thinking rationally & started questioning stuff like religion, astrology etc. And boom, I became atheist (my science teachers, Neil Tyson & Stephen Hawking did help quite a bit), but where I live (India) it's a total shithole for people like me, here it seems like every fucking person is a radical conservative theist (including my family members) who just get offended by any opposing idea or opinion, we don't even have an official recognition. I can't be open as an atheist, can't express my "extreme" views on stuff like religion, except for the time when I'm with my one best friend (who is also an atheist). So, when I come online & see people like you, it feels good, I don't feel so lonely, thank you for that.
You have the believers and the manipulators who try to use religion and control to their advantage who may not even really believe in god, The Con game is just to easy to play even more so as a atheist. You have believers and atheists who go to church and the worst are normally cult leaders. You can play people for years, even some of the older children know how to play the game. Religions lose, honest atheists, dumb atheist , religion people to other religious beliefs including flying saucer worshipers ,god haters, people who want to worship evil and even a portion of the manipulators and liars . Some atheist children don't tell their parents until moving out and others still want to play the game with their parents, People believe religion can be used to find a wife and control her and children and with others it all about the perversions, like multiple wives and personally believe attractive woman look hot in nun outfits.
So many people dont realize that most kids that are sexually abused are abused by a family member. I was sexually abused by many people in my childhood including my siblings as well as an adult. The adult is now in prison for the abuse thanks fully and has been there for about 14 years now. I am insanely protective of my daughter. I trust almost no one, especially family as sad as that is. Thankfully as a victim of abuse I'm more familiar with the signs of abuse.
You have the believers and the manipulators who try to use religion and control to their advantage who may not even really believe in god, The Con game is just to easy to play even more so as a atheist. You have believers and atheists who go to church and the worst are normally cult leaders. You can play people for years, even some of the older children know how to play the game. Religions lose, honest atheists, dumb atheist , religion people to other religious beliefs including flying saucer worshipers ,god haters, people who want to worship evil and even a portion of the manipulators and liars . Some atheist children don't tell their parents until moving out and others still want to play the game with their parents, People believe religion can be used to find a wife and control her and children and with others it all about the perversions, like multiple wives and personally believe attractive woman look hot in nun outfits.
I'm so sorry to hear that. You've been through so much, and you sound stronger in spite of it for your daughter. It's a shame how many conservatives and religious people come up with all these conspiracy theories about liberals and LGBT people being a threat to children when most abuse happens at home like you mentioned. A lot of abuse can happen in churches, too.
Such a poignant yet powerful video that will help a lot of people. so brave you you. You seem like such a strong person. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much Carah, I really appreciate it!
gone through exactly the same (5-6 to 11 yrs), but the thing didn't stop there i was raped again by one of my cousion when i was 16 yrs old.
And the situation become worse, when the family member heard me, while i was sharing the incident with the god, he(family member) again strated doing those things with me.
He stoped doing things, but still roping, touches me here and there.
decided to speak on by 23rd birth day(15th july) but my father got heart attack before my bithday .
confused and broken.
You are a very strong person! We need more you tubers like you
Hey! Thank you so much!
Girl your emotions are felt through this video. I hope you know how strong this video is for people who don’t have a voice to talk about this. I cannot be anymore proud of you! I love you and I’m happy to see you in a better place
=) Thank you so much. I'd like to study these topics more and learn as much as I can about them. I was horrified reading about honor killings a few months ago and I feel extremely lucky and fortunate that I live where I live and have the family I do... I can't even imagine what it would be like to go through something like that. I'm starting to ramble now, thank you again! You're the best! =)
I'm starting ‼️‼️‼️ revelations coming in‼️🌠🌠🌠
We need powerful attorneys on board to get justice with these issues. The statue of limitation is: if it happened to you before 18, you have until 40 to take it to court. This was passed in 2017.
The way we are traumatized as children makes us change our future worldviews. I ceased being religious and became spiritual. Your story is well verbalized and will help so many others.
You seem very intelligent and I love that you speak with passion and energy! :) I think you’ve definitely gained a lot of strength, wisdom and growth from your experiences and that’s amazing of you. Keep doing you!! 💓
IKR. I told my parents about my abuse the day after. The young woman was a babysitter. Her dad worked with my dad, they were cops. She was never charged. Her parents asked my parents to let them deal with it. My parents prayed and apparently God said it was fine. Basically they aided and abetted my abuser. I was 4. I'm 38 and finally going to police.
What happened? Usually just a slap on teh wrist even when charged. 🤔
And how exactly are you going to prove this after 34 years?
Statue of limitation?
Stuart Brown sometimes when you are assaulted, all you have is your truth. You know exactly what happened. Even if the statute of limitations is over and they won’t investigate it. It’s important to tell the truth. If you look at the reports that detail the name of catholic priests and the dates at which they are reported against, they were reported against sometimes decades later, sometimes when they are already dead, sometimes you can do the math and know the victim had to at least be an elderly person. It was shocking and sad and a clear statement that victims were effected their entire lives, and had to speak up. A victims proof in a world where their abuser cannot be criminally prosecuted is the body and mind memories that haunt them. Declaring it is part of the healing and also making sure it doesn’t happen to another person.
i hope that u get justice 💜💜💜
"My self esteem was just shot." This is what happened to me from not being allowed to relate to my mother about what was happening to me sexually from childhood by my stepfather. My fear of going to hell was foremost in my mind also and kept there repeatedly by continual preaching and teaching through private schooling. I was a total wipe out with no support system all my life because all the people in my social environment were believers and I did not fit in. I married the wrong type of men, only those who were attracted to me but were basically losers themselves, never the empathetic sort, because of my own total lack of self esteem from my earlier youthful attachment to a pedophile. Just this year (at 75) I am starting to use my brain and developing my own thinking skills, being not afraid to face the reality of a no god belief. Surprisingly for me, my new way of thinking is releasing a personal happiness and sense of freedom I never dreamed possible.
I rarely comment on videos but this one was different. You are so strong and I relate to this video in almost every way. Watching this opened my eyes to what really happened to me during my childhood. To this day, my parents have still never talked to me about my abuser and have hid it from me to try to protect me. It’s left me confused, ashamed, and wondering if it really happened since I was so young. Along side of this, I went to a Christian school kindergarten- 8th grade and no longer consider myself a Christian for many of the same reasons.
I’m not sure if this is how I should feel, but I feel a little less of a victim after watching this and it’s empowering. Thank you so much, Sarah ❤️
Also, your Bill Burr was great 😂😂😂
Thanks for sharing! More open stories like this are needed so others can be encouraged to speak up while others can be encouraged to listen and act appropriately to protect the innocent. I'm glad you escaped the indoctrination and found meditation and general healthy living and true curiosity. So inspiring!
You are amazingly strong!!!! I just want to say thank you.
There are so many adults who do nothing and actually make the abused feel invalidated in the fact that they were violated and that it usually means that they are affected for the rest of their lives. It’s more normal to people to be okay with an abuser being lose than accepting that someone was abused and needs to open up about it. Just sad. What you are saying is so powerful. Again, I thank you!
Your openness and willingness to talk about this sensitive topic surely means so much to children who need a voice and someone who understands them. I’ve never experienced it personally, but I can only imagine that I would be grateful BEYOND WORDS to have someone to look up to like you if I had.
I was tested for a learning disability when I was younger. Because none of my teachers saw the signs of molestation. I was afraid of boys, or older men. I would have mood swings, or with draw from the group. I would get bad grades, and wouldn't eat food. I would talk about things a child shouldn't know about. Whenever someone tried to touch me I would flinch. But for some reason no one saw these things as signs of abuse. My parents dont know about my abuse, they dont understand things like that. And would ask me why I didnt do anything. Or tell me I'm making it up. I struggle today with depression and anxiety, nightmares and im consently on edge. I still dont like ppl touching me, and dress modestly because I think if I cover more it'll make p what to touch me less. I need help, and want it but my parents dont believe me when I say I'm depressed. I hope one day I can get help.
at the end of a very dark, scary tunnel, there is light. I know your at a very dark point in your life, but things will get better, trust me. just love yourself and push out all of the harmful things said/done to you. and don't ever stop chasing your dreams. these experiences (good or bad) happen for a reason, it is to teach you another lesson about life. I know it may seem ridiculous at first, but you might find the reason why. I wish you good luck.🍀❤❤❤
please don't wait any longer to get someone on your team! Be careful about who you find and how you find them, (no cults or creepy uncles! lols). The first person or organisation you turn to may not come through, keep looking. With kids one can do safety hands the child traces around both hands and on each finger writes the name of a different person who may be able to help. All 10 fingers are needed sometimes, to find that one person or organisation
who can and will help you might have to ask 9 others first.
You have the believers and the manipulators who try to use religion and control to their advantage who may not even really believe in god, The Con game is just to easy to play even more so as a atheist. You have believers and atheists who go to church and the worst are normally cult leaders. You can play people for years, even some of the older children know how to play the game. Religions lose, honest atheists, dumb atheist , religion people to other religious beliefs including flying saucer worshipers ,god haters, people who want to worship evil and even a portion of the manipulators and liars . Some atheist children don't tell their parents until moving out and others still want to play the game with their parents, People believe religion can be used to find a wife and control her and children and with others it all about the perversions, like multiple wives and personally believe attractive woman look hot in nun outfits.
It's very brave of you to share such a traumatic experience. Thank you for sharing
You speak so well. You should go on a speaking tour of your experiences and overcoming them.
Thank you! I’d love to be a speaker. I’ve been looking into how to go about that and gain some practice. Thanks again!
Wow I’m Pentecostal and I’m glad I heard your story❤️
@God speak to me
@God I've been tryna talk to you since I was 6, what's the point of life?
Thank you for telling your story. And I am sorry you suffered the awful abuse. I send you gentle hugs as you continue to heal.
I’m so sorry you had to go through all this. I’m so sorry that the adults, your school, and the world let you down so much. You’re a very strong and intelligent woman to have broken free of the brainwashing and guilt and it’s really courageous for you to come forward like this publicly to help others and maybe to reach someone going through this now. Maybe some young girl will watch this and realize what’s happening to her is not ok, and that she can get help. Thank you for sharing your story. ❤
Holy shit by the end of this I seriously had tears in my eyes....You're so amazing for sharing this.
im a trained counselor. i was trained to be non-biased in regard to religion, race, sexuality, ect. i mean, how can we help someone with their own problems by imposing someone elses beliefs? regardless, im happy to see youve adjusted sarah. wow, what a traumatizing upbringing for you. im very sorry you had to go through that. :(
I adore you. I was also raised extremely religious. I was abused 3 times in my life and that terror of not being believed because one of my abusers was a leader in our church. Then that feeling of being dirty and unclean. Just that utter feeling of unworthines. Feeling so unworthy of Gods love. Your story is my story. We are not alone.
Religion empowers the powerful and makes the vulnerable more vulnerable. It reinforces and intensifies existing power dynamics. It's a system that's constantly fighting for its own survival regardless of the harm it causes to the people who keep it alive, like a cancer.
Thanks for sharing such a tragic experience.
Glad to see your life has turned out so much better now and you can leave those terrible memories in the past where they belong.
Power to you. 👊🏼
The "performance" worship is something I identify with so much. Evangelicals aren't quite as theatrical as Pentecostals, but the youth summer activities were all about trance like lights and worship services with this high expectation of you being super duper into the worship.
Yeah that was definately a thing i had to deal with too. I remember feeling soo inadequate like i was never good enough
Thank you for sharing. Glad you are ok now and are producing good videos that inspire people. The world needs your unique voice and I am glad you are here in the community.
You are my hero young lady, " Get Over It".... I'm over 60 yrs. old & the same B/S K Mart christian saying was around when I was a kid, it didn't work then it sure as hell don't work now. Keep doin your videos You & girls like you is what I was fighting for overseas, hearing & seeing your work makes the crap I went through makes the fight worthwhile, YOU ROCK lady.
#MeToo Wow! There are so many overlaps between your life experiences and my own, it's amazing. In so many ways, you're a roughly 30 year younger version of myself, though my church deacon dad was my chief offender, with my hyper-religious mother enabling him every step of the way, from ages 5 to 18. I'm so impressed by your ability to openly discuss what happened to you, here in social media. At your age, I was still only able to speak about it with my non-religious therapist or the members of my Incest Survivors group therapy circle, though neither as fluidly nor as fully as you are able to do now. It took me three attempts with incompetent religious and non-religious therapists before I finally found the expert PhD level psychologist who helped me turn my life upside-down, in the best possible way, at age 25!
Of course, I was going through my initial recovery work at a time in history when most Americans didn't know nor care much about child sexual abuse (nor any type of child abuse or neglect, for that matter), all of which I experienced from birth until I left home at age 18. There was a horrific amount of major push-back from those (especially powerful, white, Christian males!), who didn't want open, public discussions regarding sexual abuse to occur, especially via the mouths or pens of survivors. One of the most pervasive methods for trying to shut us down, both privately and publicly, was to accuse us of creating "false memories" or of having therapists that were manipulating our perceptions of the past. Nothing could have been further from the truth, yet it took tremendous strength to stay true to myself and the facts as I had always known them to be, rather than to constantly doubt and question myself (a lifelong challenge). This was particularly true after I slowly, progressively, and deliberately confronted my parents and numerous other family members about what had happened and the roles they each played, prior to ending my relationships with them.
Though I was always a straight A student, I was treated as a hopeless incompetent, at home. As such, I became extremely confused as to what intelligence is, believing it must be a trait that turned on/off whenever I entered or left a school setting. Despite attending public schools in our conservative rural setting, I was never taught a single thing about evolution, creationism, or the big bang theory inside of any academic setting (including the five universities I've attended - a scholarly version of "Don't ask, Don't tell", from my perspective, despite having taken a massive number of science courses)!
My family was intensively involved in church activities several times each week, so my father's narcissistic personality disorder (essentially he was the "twin" of our current Oval Office occupant), was on full display to all, including his physical and emotional abuse of my siblings and I (which no adult ever intervened in to stop, let alone notify authorities of what was going on). I attended a famous evangelical, fundamentalist college, at 18, and was rapidly disillusioned by the massive hypocrisy and deception that was rampant there. I went on to graduate from a public university, instead, by which time I had mostly left everything religious behind me, apart from my terrors that I would be struck dead by god for turning my back on everything having to do with Christianity. Those concerns were worked through and resolved, while I completed 2.7 master's degrees in three different fields, at other universities (it's so much easier to concentrate when one isn't perpetually dealing with constant dysfunctional family chaos or years of suppressed/repressed emotions, memories, and actions).
It took my main therapist more than two years of hard effort to convince me I was smart enough to attend graduate school, the first time. Despite needing to work full-time to support myself through graduate school, I graduated magna cum laude each time. I believe you would do just as well at university, as you're quite bright, self-motivated, and articulate (if you haven't already accomplished this formal academic pursuit, which you may have done).
In this video, you've done a brilliant job of describing the very common pressures, rituals, and experiences of being a child raised in a hyper-religious family that attends a Christian fundamentalist church. The fears, shame, depression, guilt, confusion, distrust, uncertainty, betrayal, exhaustion, anxieties, longings, anger, and grief that must be swum through to get to a calmer, more integrated, more internally settled, more balanced sense of self are so very reminiscent, to me.
I, too, became a bed-wetter, immediately following my first rape episode. It was humiliating, as a kindergartner, to have to submit to being placed in diapers every night (in conjunction with being brutally shamed by my mom), right after my two youngest siblings were diapered for bedtime. No matter how hard I tried, I could neither stop it nor explain its sudden onset to myself, as I'd been completely potty-trained at a very young age. I was restricted from fluids, dropped noticeable weight, and became obsessive about not letting anyone see my body, apart from other young kids, as I often initiated episodes of non-invasive nudity/sex play with them, some involving emotional coercion. Since I've traced incest, child physical abuse, emotional abuse, and all forms of child neglect back through at least six generations of my relatives, on each side of the family tree, I've been able to learn just how connected my experiences of abuse were to those experienced by others I'm biologically connected to.
They're all very intergenerationally transmitted practices. As the sole member of my extended family who has ever sought out psychotherapy to address our profoundly dysfunctional family "traditions", I've been in the extraordinarily difficult position of being the only reliable adult looking out for my many nieces' and nephews' safety and mental health. Fortunately, my dad died shortly after most of the kids were born, ensuring protection from that threat.
Sadly, at least three of them have experienced reportable episodes of sexual and/or physical abuse, by family and by acquaintances. Only one of the situations ever ended up in court. Thankfully, that acquaintance offender was convicted and sentenced to prison. However, it still hasn't forced my extended family to confront the tangle of incest and other forms of child abuse and neglect that are endemic within our family tree.
For those here who find themselves wanting extra support during their process of exiting from evangelical, fundamentalism, many people have found Fundamentalists Anonymous to be a very understanding resource. Know that there are literally millions of Americans who have walked down that exit path before you, so you don't need to venture through it alone.
Thank you for sharing this. I really appreciate the raw nature of your experiences and how you're continuing to deal with your past abuse in a healthy manner. It's inspiring and I think this helps to normalize atheism as well. You're very well-spoken and I respect you a lot.
I relate very much to the learning disability part of your story. I have been told by my parents and teachers growing up that I have a learning disability my entire time in school, lead to believe I was slow, but there's no actual diagnosis in all the documents. None. Zip. No name to it. I did have trouble in school, but I needed glasses real bad but never saw an optometrist until I was nearly blind, and always stuck in the noisiest fucking classmates ever. Combine that with very early puberty, constant unintentional body shaming, a rough home life(my siblings fought a lot), and I was a mess. Never got help from anyone, really.
Your story is similar to my step daughter. I asked her for several years is she was being touched in an uncomfortable way or if anyone made her feel unsafe.. she always shied away and said no. I called her bio mom, her grandparents, her mother's friends and was dismissed. Her father was not as comfortable as I am addressing these things but, he was equally concerned and for years we tried to help . When are was 12 I noticed a drastic change in her personality... We ended up having her mother institutionalized due to a religious psychotic break... She thought her kids were demon possessed.. from the moment she was safe in our home I again encouraged her to open up to me.. finally she and I took a walk one day and she literally explicitly told me years of horrific abuse . She didn't tell me because her mom said I was a horrible person and hellbound from my lack of Christian faith.. Also she didn't want to seem different from my biodaughter, who is exactly one year older. She admitted she has always pretended her life was identical to my daughters and somewhat disassociated.. within 20 minutes of ending our conversation I was in a parking lot with several police officers I have known in my area and immediately a case was opened.. I took her the next day for a forensic certified medical exam and for std testing... We obtained sole custody and took to the courts for justice... She had a million reasons not to tell... And I just sincerely hope that our community rises up to save these children. My stepdaughter and I have a very special relationship.. our caseworker told me last year that during conversation it was mentioned that I was hero.. There is nothing heroic about protecting our children.. it is something should be an instinctual response for everyone... ( How I wish it was).. I ended up telling my stepdaughter that if anyone is a hero it is she... I have always worked to get her to speak.. about anything at all.. she was so timid and quiet..I love often hearing her now when she confidently chimes in and gives her opinions and beliefs..
Her grandparents are missionaries and I found out also shamed her into keeping her mouth shut... The fear of god and hell keeping her silent. She is no longer identifying with any religion and we have taught her to seek her own spiritually identity and to be true to her self.. I'm so appreciative of all the people giving their truth stories on line.. it's very important for these children to not associate being a victim of sexual abuse with something to feel shamed over. Thanks again
Great video, It's really cool to see that in spite of all the garbage you had to deal with early in life you ended up this level-headed, fun person.
This been both heartbreaking and beautiful to watch. So insightful. Thank you for being brave ❤
You are an amazing and strong person
Thank you for talking about what many think are such taboo subjects that need to be talked about. you're bold, courageous and beautiful
Re-watching years later. Astounded by your balls. Your videos are super important. It’s awesome you use your platform for this. You, miss, are a major badass ❤️
You’re incredibly intelligent and well-spoken. Please don’t ever silence your voice. I’m certain you are helping so many people.
I really never ever comment on a RUclips video. I'm more of a silent listener I guess. (lol as much of an introvert online as in real life am I right..? haha) But I really want to tell you this: Wow. From the bottom of my heart and with the most honesty I can possibly muster, even though I can't relate to a huge part of your story, I truly honestly believe that this is the best video I have ever seen and I wish everyone, especially those unaware or ignorant of these topics could watch it. I whole-heartedly want to thank you and congratulate you for making this, Sarah. Stay strong and keep doing you. ❤
Your comment just put the biggest smile on my face! Thank you!!
Lila Lace very well said. She is extremely powerful in all the right ways.
Sorry that you went through all this, i hope you get your completely healing and can live a happy life.
I think it's super empowering to see you talk about this so openly. I'm actually Christian myself, so I'm different from you in that aspect, but I had a very similar situation in the fact that I was raised Christian, and my family basically terrorized me with the threat of being damned, telling me I was evil and dirty and women were lesser, and it made my repeated abuse... So much worse. I'm Christian now, but even though I'm in the faith in still struggling to recover from the impact my upbringing had on me. I think it's so important that we talk about these experiences. The church shouldn't get a special pass on abuse just because they're allegedly so much holier than everyone else.
You are amazing. I'm so sorry you went through all that horrible shit, but I'm also extremely impressed by your resilience, your composure, intelligence, and courage.
Thanks for sharing your story with such remarkable positivity, courage & eloquence! Child abuse is a scourge upon our world: I actually know more ppl who were abused as children than weren't! You're evidently a very intelligent & highly articulate woman, & I've no doubt even just telling your story as you do here will have already helped many young ppl struggling to survive the same terrible abuse :-) You're an amazing human being, be proud of who you've become! X
Thank you for sharing!Im so sorry for what you went through.You are such a strong person and an amazing example!
wanna give you a tight hug Sarah, you're awesome
🤗🤗🤗☺️
Hi Sarah, I just want to leave a small comment after watching your video just to say, I love your strength, honesty and your Atheism! All the best to you.
Can you make a video about the differences between a good and a bad therapist?
Yeah there are only ...
Therapists
& THE - RAPISTS
Y'know, while venturing through RUclips and all was I able to find someone else who could actually fit my story - someone who understood where I came from. I, too, came from this religion where you jumped around while doing crazy, unconnected things from pew to pew while also having those fears, like you. So while just subscribing did I also say thank you and its awesome to have come across someone else who understands the awesomeness of atheism.
Thanks for having the courage to share your story !!
I can relate so much. And also if you do decide you want children make sure you are getting therapy before they reach the age the abuse started. I walked into my sons room when he turned 3/4 and was suuuuuper triggered and it sent me down a really depressed path and I still am struggling with intimacy.
You have done great given your disorientating start & ....... You are now standing on your own 2 feet, thinking for yourself & moving ahead as a whole and good and strong young lady. good for you you are a bright light shining now .... in an often too dim world. You have a bigger and greater affect than you know.
YOU MATTER! YOUR OPINIONS MATTER! SPEAK! I'm SOOO HAPPY FOR YOU! I'm Glad you are speaking, I am christian and I feel so bad for what you have gone through! but I am so glad you are helping educate others about what you've gone through. THANK YOU!
That’s horrifying...
You’re very brave for telling your story.
As the only atheist in a very large, pretty religious family, I find a lot of comfort in your videos, as well as other atheist RUclipsrs. My parents know I’m an atheist (my dad understands, but it absolutely destroyed my mom) I’m not sure how many of my other family members know. I don’t bring it up. I just stay quiet if someone starts talking about how god can help me, or if they’re praying for me. I’m 36 and have an extremely painful form of Rheumatoid Arthritis called Ankylosing Spondylitis, so I have a lot of family members and strangers telling me they’re praying for me, or how god’s gonna make things better. I appreciate their concern, of course, but it can be uncomfortable.
I always doubted religion even as a young kid. I remember looking around the church during worship service and thinking... “What if this isn’t real?” In my mid-twenties, I finally just let it go, and it was such a liberating feeling mentally. Throwing away the mumbo-jumbo and fully embracing logic and reason really helped me feel like I had finally found my true self.
Am sorry this happened to you Sarah. I love you so much and am glad ur okay now. Love you always. 💕❤️
Hey! Thank you so much!! Love you!
I redirected here after seeing your video on Patheos via Hemant Mehta. What a moving story. I admire your bravery and resilience. Thank you so much for sharing and thereby helping to give so many others strength and resolve. Don’t be cowered by the warped misogyny of our repulsive patriarchal religions. You shout your truth from the mountain tops. It is a formidable enlightenment in the fog of religious ignorance and prejudice. As Christopher Hitchens so famously said, “Religion poisons everything”. People like you are the antidote.
You're amazingly beautiful, and I envy your best friend. Religion is total poison, it harms literally everything that it touches. Sorry about what you went through, glad that you had the brains to pull yourself out of it, and glad that you appear to be well on the way to full recovery from the abuse.
You are a very strong person and every one is so proud of you. I am an athiest and these concepts of hell and heaven and whatever sound so stupid to me. People put religion forward to take benifit out of other people.
I can relate, as a man. Appreciate your honesty. Thx for speaking out.
The courage it must have taken to make this video. You're inspiring and have done more for this world and humanity than any pretend God ever has. Truly a hero.
You’re absolutely stunning and powerful! ❤️ thank you for this
Thank you for being bold and brave and telling your story
I am so terribly sorry you had to go through that in your life. You're probably older than me, but if I were able to time-travel to the days you were sexually abused, I'd beat the living shit out of them for you. You are such a beautiful woman and the fact that you went through such turmoil in your life is just something I'll never be ok with. If you ever need someone to talk to about anything, Sarah. I'm always here. ❤ This was a great video.
You have quite a testimony! God brings healing and hope. I’m so sorry you were hurt.
Detailed. Insightful. Powerful. Christians must be getting really anxious when such women rise. Goosebumps.
You're amazing ❤️
=) Erin! You're amazing!! Thank you!
Thanks for sharing your story. I've heard simular stories in the past 5+ years from a couple of friends. I also was raised Pentecostal. As a youth I was a free thinker and was never given a straight answer or at least pointed in right direction to get those unused asked questions of mine. There are 88 books of the bible missing from our awesome travel size one on pews in churches and in hotel/motel rooms. I challenge your inner nerd to check it out. I need to triple check but I'm not sure these removed books are taught in "Bible" schools or colleges. If they were well let's just say It'd be different. Knowledge is Power and Truth! Happy Reading.
Thank you for sharing so insightfully about your experiences.
I'm so sorry all this happened and nobody did the right thing for you during or after the abuse. I can certainly understand why your an atheist. I was also abused and know exactly how you feel. Forgive me for saying, but Christ knows you, loves you and He will never forget or leave you.. you don't have to do anything, let us take care of you for for a change. Somehow, some way, someday.. and maybe not until your final moments, Christ will come for you. You will be loved for eternity. you are loved. We wish you only the best. Jim
This is a powerful story courageously told. As someone who has been sexually abused it has helped me. It is worth remembering that people are not only sexually abused in a religious context by being forced into a sexual relationship they can also be sexually abused by being forced to be celebate. Of course if someone chooses to be celebate that is different and can be a very good and healthy thing to do. But in the catholic church throughout history many people were abused and forced to live in misery as monks and nuns and priests.
Thank you for sharing your story. It parallels mine so closely. 😔
This is such a powerful video. Thank you for sharing. ♥
TY! 🥰❤️
Church has been kind of troublesome to me also. Thanks for sharing your story.
Brave woman! 👏👏👏👏👏👏Glad you’re doing better, stay brave, own your feelings and your healings! Remember, you’re stronger than you know, and “I’m going to be happy, it may be my only revenge!”👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻❤️❤️❤️❤️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️
Thank you. I really appreciate your support. Sometimes I think maybe I should just take this one and other videos down, I guess I’m unsure if they’re actually doing any good or helping anyone. Thank you again ❤️
Sarah Rocksdale The fact that you’re putting this up helps people you’ll never know or hear about. It validates them, especially given how you were raised with such cultlike beliefs around whatever religion it was.
Trust me, there’s so much abuse out there it’s unbelievable, and it’s around the world. Just think Sarah, you’re in Western Society which is the most advanced psychologically and where Women and Children have rights.
Other countries? Forget it, women are objects to do with as many men there please. Child marriage (really rape!), brides for sale, women stoned for adultery or being raped are all common. Rights? School? Freedoms? Leaving the house alone? Voting? No never, no way!
You’re a light in the darkness by standing up! People will hear you and it affirms them and their drive to heal by knowing that you’re walking that path ahead of them.
To that end and to further your recovery, please consider (if you haven’t already) joining or forming a support group of others who’ve been through and are now working through those issues. Community and support are critically important to you now.
Sometimes it’ll feel like the rug got pulled out from under you, and you’re back at square one after all your hard work it doesn’t matter. Other times, like you’re not making any progress at all. Don’t worry, neither of these is true. They’re only perceptions. Recovery is a process, not an event. It’s a slow, unfolding process with hills and valleys, highs and lows. So forgive yourself as well. Go easy on yourself and take it as it comes. You don’t have to be in recovery 24-7-365. Take breaks, don’t force anything, and I’m also a fan of “dosing” your feelings, especially grief. You don’t have to feel everything all at once, a little here, a little there or even delaying it awhile are nice options.
I hope this helps . Laughter is great medicine as well, so is Love. So laugh and love as much as you can Sarah!
Very few things on social media bring me to tears. This is one. This is worse than the worst horror movie you could even imagine. I am a 60 year old male and can still remember when I was about 5 when my parents sent me off to Sunday school for the first time. I left there screaming. They never sent me back and never talked to me about religion again. I loved them for that. They were never really religious freaks so I am guessing they were listening to friends or 'advisors'. Was a long time ago and sadly not much changed when it comes to moronic religious crap. I am now ferociously antitheist. I still have a heart though and it goes out to you. I hope you and your loved ones stay safe in these awful times.
Hi Sarah! We have similar stories. I’ve been watching your videos for a long time and I have to admit that you are my biggest inspiration and one of my top most favorite RUclipsrs! I love how strong and incredibly brave you are.
This video must not have been an easy one to make but you’ve done such a great job of expressing how you felt and still feel about the situation while also keeping your humor and wits about you. No story is the same but as a fellow survivor, I appreciate how liberated you seem and how much happier you look. You’re a perfect example that we as people can come out on the other side of bad experiences and grow and learn because of them.
You’re a beautiful soul, Sarah and you inspire me to work on myself and take the time to enjoy the best life has to offer.
Thank you for sharing!
❤️🙏❤️
Being molested at such a young age is completely f'd up. You were truely robed of your innocence. It's a miracle (non-devinely intervened) you survived as well adjusted as you appear to be. Cudos to your therapist and especially you for pulling through the shit storm.
Girl I hit subscribe when you did Bill Burr impersonation lol love you, you are so brave and make me feel my reason for depression is a joke (I know I shouldn't, though) I wish you the best going forward and will keep watching you for sure!
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sorry you had crappy counselors, but I’m glad you’ve found a good one.
noxdoubt861 typical bible bashers go to church,they say, they get you saying that to others also
I’m so very sorry for what happened to you. I’m so sorry the church wasn’t an advocate for you. I think you are very bright and funny! And make some excellent point! Just wanted to say one thing that I’ve learned about Jesus that I never heard from my church. But I believe it’s true. Jesus actually came to demolish religion. The law - from what you just read in Numbers, stops with Jesus. Romans and Galatians talk to this. They are my favorite books the rest I can take it or leave it. The book of John is a beautiful picture of Jesus and his heart which I believe is actually the heart of God.
Again, I get rolling your eyes in that comment above. I love your critical thinking! I love your RUclips channel. You are brave and strong! I’m so glad you got the help you needed. Keep on keeping on! You are helping a lot of people find freedom from sexual abuse and religion, I trust!
So proud of you my love!
=D Thank you!!! Love you!
I had the same experience as you did, it made me hate everything, that has to with RELIGIONS, and everyone as well, especially God. I was diagnosed with PTSD, Anxiety attacks, something always tricker my anxiety, But in 2012 I gave my life Jesus, now yes what am I thinking going back to Religious, I’m not into religious, I just want to build relationship with people slowly, I am very grateful for the Christian people that supported me and listen and understood me, I’m glad that they were there to help me, and no they didn’t do what those people did to you. That’s sad, Not every Christian do that, some are willing to listen and not be judgmental, or try to shove God in my face when I finally open up, about what I went through. you are right it’s hard to slowly trust again. It does affect you as an adult, but I chose to forgive them, and just move on with my life, but yes you are absolutely right there are some Christians who are just plain crazy, and would tell you that you should move on already the past is in the past, thats my family. The way the Bible was taught to me was very hypocritical, But You are a strong person. Much love to you. 🙂
I love you, and I know it. Similar story, strong religious background, learning to get used to being above fear and embracing fear too. It's important to be well acquainted with the only perceived barrier
I don't have words to describe how awful this is. You have a lot of stones to talk about this. I haven't ever been sexually abused. Some abusive stuff has happened to me physically. I think I've tried to learn from it.
By bringing out this information we can learn from it.
Not exactly easy but it is very important.
Anyway, a quote from Skyrim,
"Are your parents proud of you?
They have good reason to be. "
I remember at age 11yr being terrified of going to hell. I worried that I was going to go to hell because I loved my mom and sister more than God, and there is a passage in the bible that says you have to love God and Jesus more than your parents. I was so worried about it and depressed that I thought constantly about committing suicide. I am an atheist now, and the depress has long gone away. But there is so much guilt that will stem from religion, I don't care what anyone says it is a toxic environment
I'm so sorry you went through that. It's horrible! I can really relate to what you're saying. A lot of anxiety I had as a kid was straight from the idea of going to hell, wondering if I was a good enough christian.... how sad is that? I agree, it is a toxic environment.
Totally false teaching!!! Loving someone does not take the love away from someone else. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. - 1 Cor 13:4-7
God is all love! The evil one is in the church! Have a personal relationship!
It's damned if you do and damned if you don't in pentecostal church services. If you don't raise your arms when singing you're seen as not hot for the Lord and if you do you get accused of taking the mickey out of other people who do this. During prayers sometimes I would look up slightly and open one eye and then look around to see how the others were getting carried away and then smile to myself. Then a friend and I that afternoon described to each other the crazy ways in which the others prayed. I did that until I was caught at it.
You're such a bright, beautiful woman. Keep speaking your mind. Keep speaking out. Your voice is very welcome.
Thank you. I really appreciate it. ❤️
@@_SarahElizabeth
Thank you for sharing. Critical thinking also helps resist from family trying to re-indoctrinate you after successfully breaking away from religion in the first place. Thank you Sarah Elizabeth for this video!
Seth Andrews brought me here. This was hard to watch. I cant imagine how hard it was to make. But it is incredibly important.
Just came across your channel. I’m so sorry you went through all this! Gosh! Church can be so messed up sometimes ! I am a firm believer of God and His unconditional love for us. I didn’t grow up in any religion , but I was also sexually abused at the age of 3 or 4 up until I was 14. I accepted Christ about 6 years ago and for a while I just couldn’t understand how a loving God would allow an innocent little girl to be molested. I tried to find scripture on this matter and there is very little if any. It is very upsetting every time I hear how churches misinterpret God completely and because of that , we just give up on God because we think He just doesn’t care. I respect your new beliefs. There is a purpose for you and don’t stop speaking on this matter because you are a light to others who have gone or are going through this.
This tongue's thing has caused me no end of grief. I really tried but no Way I was going to fake it. My cousin many years ago went into this whole charismatic thing. She said the god told her to send a letter To her father in tongues. No explanation just a letter in tongues. That poor man was grief stricken. He was my favorite uncle And a man role model for me. I have never seen him more frightened Or confused. That was my first introduction to this wonderful thing. Then we my friend and I went to this church in the late seventies. I wasn't there that day but she went to get baptized at a local pond. When she came out of the water, they all crowded her shouting, Speak in tongues speak in tongues! She was so frightened she began to cry. They thought that her crying Was a sign that she got save. She was scared silly. I wish I was there. I could have taken her home.
Sarah, same thing happened to me, but it was a family friend. I felt SO guilty for the longest time because I thought it was MY fault. THAT is what Christian fundamentalism did to me. We need to STOP this religious movement, for the children!
Gawd...the memories. I even got to a position of group leadership, but I was just too rebellious for that. That pretense of perfection though...so incredibly harmful. The evangelical church is pretty much abusive; you're not 100% forced in every way, but the pressure that's placed upon you is maddening. Good videos...🤘🏼
I'm so sorry for what happened to you. I have been a member of a Pentecostal church and as a result i've found that a lot of people confuse religion with a relationship with Jesus Christ.
I fear that there are many people that blame God for bad things that have happened in their life, but don't take into account that He won't violate a person's free will whether they are a Christian or not.
The actions of one person cannot be used as condemnation of the Pentecostal church as a whole and as horrible as your experience of being molested was, you are now in a position to help many women and men heal from childhood abuse. Only because you have been through that are you in such a powerful position to help so many and be healing in the process. Lastly, I have found that the most powerful thing a person can do to begin the healing process is to forgive the one that hurt them and the ones who said nothing. This is for the victims sake not the abuser.After all , Isn't forgiveness what Christianity is all about?
Ignorant people why protect trash and look at this courageous young lady gracing us with her story to help us and she was not helped.. her mindset logic and thinking skills were stolen and so much more x
You are an incredible human being.
Aw - YOU, you're phenomenal and a warrior =) Thank you so much!
I'm so sorry you had to go through that I've been through sexual assault and I'm currently getting help for it
I'm so sorry about your experience - thank you. We have better days ahead of us ;)
Sarah Rocksdale I hope it gets better
A tragic story on many levels.. There is truth to be had.. I am so sorry that you had that life experience with false religion. And neglected in the middle of your abuse by people who were meant to protect you.. May God be merciful to them...
Thank you for making this video 💙
Welcome to "normality". Free from religion and religious brainwashing.
You are beautiful and intelligent with a beautiful personality. All my warm wishes and love are yours on your life journey.
You are very brave and inspiring. Thanks for sharing your experience!
Thank you! I'm actually uploading another video about this today. The person who abused me when I was younger apologized to me. I'm going to share more in the video - thank you again!
"Just being female alone, you get the sense that your voice doesn't matter." Totally backed by those scriptures she mentions in this video and closely supervised by the middle 20th century teachings of the Catholic church (a double whammy) was my lot in life (or so I thought for 75 years). So glad that women now have a way out, a voice, even support groups that were never available to the natural and would-be atheist over a half century ago.
I feel you Sarah. Thankfully i didn't have to go through such horrors in my boyhood, in my adolescence I just started thinking rationally & started questioning stuff like religion, astrology etc. And boom, I became atheist (my science teachers, Neil Tyson & Stephen Hawking did help quite a bit), but where I live (India) it's a total shithole for people like me, here it seems like every fucking person is a radical conservative theist (including my family members) who just get offended by any opposing idea or opinion, we don't even have an official recognition. I can't be open as an atheist, can't express my "extreme" views on stuff like religion, except for the time when I'm with my one best friend (who is also an atheist). So, when I come online & see people like you, it feels good, I don't feel so lonely, thank you for that.
You have the believers and the manipulators who try to use religion and control to their advantage who may not even really believe in god, The Con game is just to easy to play even more so as a atheist. You have believers and atheists who go to church and the worst are normally cult leaders. You can play people for years, even some of the older children know how to play the game. Religions lose, honest atheists, dumb atheist , religion people to other religious beliefs including flying saucer worshipers ,god haters, people who want to worship evil and even a portion of the manipulators and liars . Some atheist children don't tell their parents until moving out and others still want to play the game with their parents, People believe religion can be used to find a wife and control her and children and with others it all about the perversions, like multiple wives and personally believe attractive woman look hot in nun outfits.
If an 8 year old molest another 8 year old, is this a problem? Will that 8 year old be charged with an offense?