Thank you to the person who asked this question. It matches where I am at exactly. I have just watched until Karen's great reply and now saved this video on one of my playlists, as there is so much to take in. And thank you Justin for always making senxe of what is happening in our nervous systiems. I watch and rewatch many of your 'Shorts' videos, which offer me snippets of information which helps my understanding of where I am at right now.
Hey Justin, the lurker here. So kind of you to take so much time to delve into my question, and reach out to your community. Thank you so much. There’s so much helpful information to take in here, and some real gems, especially about the nuances of safety, and its often overlooked manifestations and more subtle characteristics. The big one for me actually was the guy who was just doing too much. I find myself almost scrabbling for safety, and scrutinising myself almost constantly. I think there’s an underlying fear that if I just stop ‘doing’ then I’ll get sucked into some kind of trauma void, that my body will unravel and unleash all kinds of hell. I’m guessing this isn’t too common. I feel like I’m exerting a lot of energy holding on, and constantly trying, which is probably adding a lot of stress to the system. I don’t trust that my body won’t suddenly rock the boat, throwing me overboard. I’m terrible at just hanging out without the constant hyper vigilance and mental ‘doing.’ It’s possible that I just need to stop trying anything for a while, and just give myself a break
I’m back. Have rewatched again but there’s still one thing I still really don’t get! It’s said that we shouldn’t be thinking in such black and white terms and cartoony ways, but also that being with defence and safety simultaneously should be the *eventual* goal. How can this be an eventual goal? I can’t see any other option available to me in the meantime. I really don’t mean to nitpick but my anxious mind finds this all so incredibly confusing. I’m terrified that I’m doing the wrong thing by just allowing this energy to be there. The idea of this being an eventual goal suggests that I shouldn’t be doing this yet (letting it be there), but I can’t see any other way. I can’t help seeing contradictions here. TLDR - My instincts are telling me to just allow the anxiety to be, but there are aspects of PVT which suggest that there should be this other step in between, but I just can’t see how that’s possible. My mind spins and spins trying to make sense of this.
I got to a point that I needed to look at my inner child and feel that I done my best as a child to survive I had an overwhelming feeling of peace after watching Buddhist teachings and lurning about the polyvagle therey with Justin and watching other videos on utube listening to music helped me
Your comments are probably good because so many people struggle with this and you are incredibly well versed in the most current understanding of the nervous system. Not the quick fix nonsense lol. You came up in my algorithm because of Irene Lyon and Stephen Porges most likely! I wish I had the funds and the tech savvy to work with you. ❤❤
I've put together a list of different "tools" that i can use to feel calmer, safer in the moment. At some point, someone had mentioned keeping a picture of a person you feel safe with (my grandmother) ,and i started with that which brings lots of good memories, then i added some others - pictures of me happy as a child, my pets, my kids when they were small, etc. I've added things i enjoy- things I've collected like neat stones, leaves, watching a podcast of someone hiking silently in some amazing place, a tapping or guided meditation podcast, yoga nidra, Native American chanting, my dog, music. For me it's necessary to get out of my head, i can get happy by dancing, singing along to certain songs or I can do something like tapping, breathing, yoga nidra that calms me. Changing cognition doesn't work if I don't feel safe, i need to experience something in my body first. I think if you have a list of things to do you don't have to think when you're feeling defensive or agitated, you just pick something from your list that you have around you. A walk in nature, someone to hang out with or talk to are great if theyre available when you need them. I like having lots of choices and the longer your list becomes the more things in the world make you feel calm and safe. I'm listening to Justin now saying once you feel safe you might feel sadness, or grief and that's happened to me too. I see that as progress because I'm actually feeling my feelings. You just have to experiment, take it slow and realize we're all pretty far from where we'd like to be.
In my state, i cannot access to something safer like a walk or somethin smaller or to feel what is in my body, it has to be considered 😮 i feel so much dissociated ! Unless somebody else forces me to do something adapted and safe and that brings me out of my environment. For example my companion takes me to a place in nature that is truly rejuvenating and a change of scenery. But you need to have someone with whom you feel really safe and who is really available... or you need money..... If i am alone and cannot do nothing or being with somebody then I feel i need to embrace the void and do nothing but it feels so unsafe... Sometimes what you can do is to watch very inspiring and cozy videos like cozy vlog that reflect your deepest values and desires. I choose the ones that are gentle and don't make me feel pressured. But most of the time i CANNOT that...
I totally relate to what you have said. It is very isolating and doing this alone is such an uphill challenge. I get stuck indoors and unable to go out my front door, but if I can make it out in nature, it makes such a difference. That getting out there is the challenge as my nervous system feels everything is unsafe right now and everybody. And then the shame of not being able to do the basics indoors.
The blue star yoga nidra is probably Ally Boothroyd, utube. An EXCELLENT free resource with scientific backing by Andrew Huberman who discusses the health benefits of non sleep deep rest NSDR. I suffer from sleep disorders and physical illnesses that I believe stem mainly from a lifetime of CPTSD. I hope this info helps someone and thank you Justin, sometimes safety is someone like you, that I don't know but is genuinely compassionate and educated about these things. I hope to someday find some safe co regulation with an actual person 🙏 lol
Is it normal to just stop feeling? I don't remember the last time I felt, really anything. I just go through the motions. . I'm just beginning to really try to comprehend this stuff. I've been stuck like this for years and I'm struggling really, really bad.
Thank you to the person who asked this question. It matches where I am at exactly. I have just watched until Karen's great reply and now saved this video on one of my playlists, as there is so much to take in. And thank you Justin for always making senxe of what is happening in our nervous systiems. I watch and rewatch many of your 'Shorts' videos, which offer me snippets of information which helps my understanding of where I am at right now.
You are so welcome!
Hey Justin, the lurker here.
So kind of you to take so much time to delve into my question, and reach out to your community. Thank you so much.
There’s so much helpful information to take in here, and some real gems, especially about the nuances of safety, and its often overlooked manifestations and more subtle characteristics.
The big one for me actually was the guy who was just doing too much. I find myself almost scrabbling for safety, and scrutinising myself almost constantly. I think there’s an underlying fear that if I just stop ‘doing’ then I’ll get sucked into some kind of trauma void, that my body will unravel and unleash all kinds of hell. I’m guessing this isn’t too common.
I feel like I’m exerting a lot of energy holding on, and constantly trying, which is probably adding a lot of stress to the system. I don’t trust that my body won’t suddenly rock the boat, throwing me overboard.
I’m terrible at just hanging out without the constant hyper vigilance and mental ‘doing.’
It’s possible that I just need to stop trying anything for a while, and just give myself a break
Glad it was helpful for you. Thanks again for being an active part of the RUclips channel.
I’m back. Have rewatched again but there’s still one thing I still really don’t get!
It’s said that we shouldn’t be thinking in such black and white terms and cartoony ways, but also that being with defence and safety simultaneously should be the *eventual* goal.
How can this be an eventual goal? I can’t see any other option available to me in the meantime.
I really don’t mean to nitpick but my anxious mind finds this all so incredibly confusing. I’m terrified that I’m doing the wrong thing by just allowing this energy to be there. The idea of this being an eventual goal suggests that I shouldn’t be doing this yet (letting it be there), but I can’t see any other way.
I can’t help seeing contradictions here.
TLDR - My instincts are telling me to just allow the anxiety to be, but there are aspects of PVT which suggest that there should be this other step in between, but I just can’t see how that’s possible.
My mind spins and spins trying to make sense of this.
I got to a point that I needed to look at my inner child and feel that I done my best as a child to survive I had an overwhelming feeling of peace after watching Buddhist teachings and lurning about the polyvagle therey with Justin and watching other videos on utube listening to music helped me
Happy for you.
My main takeaway from this video: you can be defensive and feel safe at the same time. That's huge.
That's a great takeaway! Not easy to do, but it's possible!
Your comments are probably good because so many people struggle with this and you are incredibly well versed in the most current understanding of the nervous system. Not the quick fix nonsense lol. You came up in my algorithm because of Irene Lyon and Stephen Porges most likely! I wish I had the funds and the tech savvy to work with you. ❤❤
Thanks for giving my content a try and I'm glad you liked it. I have loads and loads of free stuff available on my website.
I've put together a list of different "tools" that i can use to feel calmer, safer in the moment. At some point, someone had mentioned keeping a picture of a person you feel safe with (my grandmother) ,and i started with that which brings lots of good memories, then i added some others - pictures of me happy as a child, my pets, my kids when they were small, etc. I've added things i enjoy- things I've collected like neat stones, leaves, watching a podcast of someone hiking silently in some amazing place, a tapping or guided meditation podcast, yoga nidra, Native American chanting, my dog, music. For me it's necessary to get out of my head, i can get happy by dancing, singing along to certain songs or I can do something like tapping, breathing, yoga nidra that calms me. Changing cognition doesn't work if I don't feel safe, i need to experience something in my body first. I think if you have a list of things to do you don't have to think when you're feeling defensive or agitated, you just pick something from your list that you have around you. A walk in nature, someone to hang out with or talk to are great if theyre available when you need them. I like having lots of choices and the longer your list becomes the more things in the world make you feel calm and safe. I'm listening to Justin now saying once you feel safe you might feel sadness, or grief and that's happened to me too. I see that as progress because I'm actually feeling my feelings. You just have to experiment, take it slow and realize we're all pretty far from where we'd like to be.
Great comment on all fronts, thank you for leaving it for others!
In my state, i cannot access to something safer like a walk or somethin smaller or to feel what is in my body, it has to be considered 😮 i feel so much dissociated ! Unless somebody else forces me to do something adapted and safe and that brings me out of my environment. For example my companion takes me to a place in nature that is truly rejuvenating and a change of scenery. But you need to have someone with whom you feel really safe and who is really available... or you need money.....
If i am alone and cannot do nothing or being with somebody then I feel i need to embrace the void and do nothing but it feels so unsafe...
Sometimes what you can do is to watch very inspiring and cozy videos like cozy vlog that reflect your deepest values and desires. I choose the ones that are gentle and don't make me feel pressured.
But most of the time i CANNOT that...
I totally relate to what you have said. It is very isolating and doing this alone is such an uphill challenge. I get stuck indoors and unable to go out my front door, but if I can make it out in nature, it makes such a difference. That getting out there is the challenge as my nervous system feels everything is unsafe right now and everybody. And then the shame of not being able to do the basics indoors.
Me too love. Isolation is real and absolutely awful. Literally can't even. 😢
Best part: "and if you're running.. I hope you're okay" 😂 ...I was running
were you really?! Ha thanks for listening and commenting!
The blue star yoga nidra is probably Ally Boothroyd, utube. An EXCELLENT free resource with scientific backing by Andrew Huberman who discusses the health benefits of non sleep deep rest NSDR. I suffer from sleep disorders and physical illnesses that I believe stem mainly from a lifetime of CPTSD. I hope this info helps someone and thank you Justin, sometimes safety is someone like you, that I don't know but is genuinely compassionate and educated about these things. I hope to someday find some safe co regulation with an actual person 🙏 lol
I was very surprised to hear you say you don’t endorse parts work. Would you mind elaborating on that?
I actually created a few episodes on the topic! Here's the first one - ruclips.net/video/3RP1v5oKRlk/видео.htmlsi=sIsgB2ROvzP8zG3c
Is it normal to just stop feeling? I don't remember the last time I felt, really anything. I just go through the motions. . I'm just beginning to really try to comprehend this stuff. I've been stuck like this for years and I'm struggling really, really bad.
I can't say if it's "normal" for you or not, but in general, numbness is a typical experience of shutdown.
_hi budd 👋🏼😎_