I was in that loop for the entirety of 2019. Every single memory that would come up made me want to die from embarrassment. This year I made a change to start seeing the positive side of myself rather than negative, and it’s been life changing!
I had been stuck in it for literal years and it was ruining my life. Even the little things that surely no one else remembered kept me up at night. So I fixed it by detaching from my past self, as in, past me, despite sharing the same values and ideals, dies here. New me will be rebirthed as everything past me was, except with a clean slate and without her emotional baggage. I really cannot explain how I went about this, because I'm not sure myself. But it took a lot of rummaging around in my inner world, cutting metaphorical strings and setting surpressed emotions and thoughts free. I'm now able to recall those memories without feeling any shame at all and my life has gotten 10x better for that. I personally feel like our function stack allows us to live life in a beautiful way if used correctly and in a healthy manner, but it can also be so poisonous, it's really a thin line and it's hard to keep our balance sometimes.
Same. 2019 was really heavy for me. Then it came to an end when I hate myself for stucked so long in the loop. Looks like my Te was kicking my ass so hard XD hope 2020 better for you despite what happened in the world. Because it was better for me, although not the best :)
@@abramfriesen9472 I am also an INFP in a long-term relationship with an ISTJ. Our dynamic is fascinating because we have the same functions in different orders that I find quite complementary, and yet I rarely see anyone mention it as a good pairing.
@@cherieburton2395 Yes! Complementary is a really good way to put it. My experience is that my husband helps me to align with the responsible, getting-shit-done aspect of my personality and meeting the expectations of the outside world. I help him stay in touch with his imagination and humor and with making sense of the way people let their values and emotions drive their behavior. It seems perfect to me, both in our relationship and our parenting styles. I can't help but be curious about your experience?
@@abramfriesen9472 Very similar to that actually. He has an easier time working a steady job within a corporate structure and supports me in getting myself out into the world through my interests and passions by encouraging incremental progress and celebrating my successes. I help him destress and remember to enjoy life now, not delay that enjoyment until retirement. He also calls me his conscience. I have no problem calling him out when he seems resistant to alternative perspectives or isn't acting in alignment with his integrity. We are a really good team when we have a shared goal and instinctively give eachother space to process. I would say the negatives are that we are both introverted so we aren't always very open about our thoughts and feelings, but when we do open up we don't fight or argue really, we just talk it out. He sometimes hurts my Fi and I sometimes trigger one of his Si memories. We both understand it is accidental and move on pretty quickly. I would say we stabilize each other. I could say so much more...could talk about this for hours.
One major theory as to why INFPs are so prone to depression is because of the nature of this Fi-Si loop and their extroverted functions often serving to actually fuel the loop even further. Usually, when one starts going into an introverted loop, the main way to break out of it is to engage the extroverted functions. Ne deals in the abstract, creativity, conceptualizing of the future, etc., but the problem is, it can also go into Si mode very quickly. When the Ne mind is thinking all over the place, it will often make a connection to past events almost instantly. On top of that, even if you’ve realized you need to take certain steps to get your life back on track, there’s also the tendency for inferior Te to sabotage you & flow all sorts of warped logic in service to Fi & Si on why you should just stay stuck rather than grow as a human being (“Oh, I can’t do that because it would be inauthentic”, “Oh I can’t do that because it’s too risky”).
My Fi-Si loop works in a way that it deduces entire past into one idea, it's "humanity is evil" for me and because of that I start to resist human interaction and get stubborn about not joining in society. So it's a stubborn single-minded inaction phase and I go into it A LOT because I'm highly introverted.
For me, it seems to manifest as a massive comfort zone. I love exploring new ideas, yet I am terrible at trying new foods and jumping off of cliffs with a rubber rope tied to my back. I also really relate to replaying events in my head and judging myself intensely
Yup you pretty summed up what HAS to be applicable for most infp’s. That loop is what makes it so hard to make decisions. That internal “right thing to do” or internal value compass HAS to reflect who we are as a person lol. Even something as insignificant as what topping do I want on my pizza has to reflect who I am as a person LOL. Does anyone else feel better about making decisions when they have someone else tell you what they ALSO want and then you guys come to some sort of compromise? You also nailed it on the Si. I tried explaining it to my gf. It is impossible for me to NOT reflect on an experience and then do an internal value system check on it and then judge myself. I love being an infp but leading with Fi makes the decision making process harder than people realize I think because everything has to line up jussssst right lol.
The Ne being my second function lead me to so many ideas that is ACTUALLY applicable if i were to just not worry so much about the preparation and the details to make it perfect, even tho i know to it will never be perfect. This Fi-Si loop made me hold my podcast and poetry account for 1.5 years because i feel like its "not up to the standards", yet i dont actually know how to define the standards 😩👌🏻
@Bisantian I'd also check in with your fear of doing something that shows you that you actually might not be as good of a person as you had hoped. Putting yourself into new contexts really challenges your core... and sometimes you do things, or create things, that you're later not proud of. Much easier to stay in the comfort zone :)
@Kevin Yeah man. Fi can be tough. It gets better the more you know about yourself and tune into kinesthetic decision-making. Check in with your body to remember how it felt when you made good decisions, and bad ones.
You are sooo helpful! Thank you, Matt. I'm an ENFP trying to develop the introverted functions. This video gives great insight & help. Also I hear you in my head saying, "Don't move" from your help for ENFP video. Which is exactly what us ENFPs need. Thank you for all your help & insight, Matt!!!
As you were pointing it out, I actually remembered many things that actually happened. I remembered the times when I used to relive those negative experiences and blame myself over and over again and I couldn't fathom why they kept coming back to me and why I was reliving guilt and shame I felt in that moment. I had decided at one point to let it pass instead of avoiding it and I tried to tell myself that I'm better now because of those experiences, I know better, only to sometimes realise I still make those mistakes. Then I had undertaken overcoming those flaws so I don't feel the shame like I did years after those instances, but it was trial and terror and I again find myself back in the loop. Or maybe I never outgrew it
My Fi, -Si loop shows up as trying to preserve my local culture and traditions, even those which my Fi doesn't value. This insight was helpful in understanding myself better. Thanks!
Im in my 50’s. When you said the wind came and…. I literally said Oh. And got up snd had to walk. It explained so many traumatic experiences in my life. The way i just sit there frozen in shock of all my slow steady determination thrown away forever on a whim of a random natural occurrence just tore open a lifetime of misery stories. Really? After 21 years of good therapy this is the piece I’ve been missing? 😂😅
Oh, that's what I keep getting stuck in all the time! It does not feel good, and I've always wondered if it's just me who takes these things so seriously. Thanks for the video and for the tip on how to escape the loop! I can often move on when I focus on the lesson learned. But it can be really difficult to let it go sometimes.
Thanks for sharing! Very interesting stuff, looking into the past, Si, then making a value judgement about the information, Fi. I'd say improving this requires a lot of awareness!
I am also an INFP married to an ISTJ! This video defines the constant struggle in our household! I want to break out and explore new things but he's afraid of change. When he finally gets the nerve to try something, I'm in my head and paralyzed by fear. We both go to negative memories and thoughts all the time. SHERMAN thank you so much for putting this together. I hope my husband will watch this with me. I'm certain it would have a positive effect on our relationship!
I sometimes like to picture the loops as two fish swimming together/trying to chase each other that it stirs up a water funnel that can’t be gotten out of. However, us being stuck in the loop would be us stuck in that funnel.
Pretty sure my older brother is an ISTJ and I am an INFP and that often puts us at odds with one another. He often takes on the role of leader or guardian despite hating it. In fact he often gets mad at me when others go to him rather then me or that I wont step up. I tend to step up when no one else can and I dont mind if I have to. He can be very obsessive when going after something he wants. Put in 110 percent effor into something. Which is great except when it ruins the experience itself. I call Ahab sometimes just because he's willing to bring everyone else down with him in the pursuit of his whale. He's impatient when people arent as effecient or do things the same way as him. Prone to road rage. Automatically critical of others. Any chance to bad mouth someone he'll take. Very opinonated and obstinate. Thinks he's the expert and hardly listens to anyone elses opinions. Most times when he asks for an opinion its only meant to reaffirm his.
As an INFP I understand that process all too well. But I wonder if this happens exactly the same for ISTJ since their cognitive functions are reversed? Someone was questioning this a few days ago on reddit and I tried to differentiate the two. Because even the different ways we perceive the world have an impact in how we perceive our own memories. I'd say us INFPs have a strong affective memory, meaning we retain more memories that have a strong emotional component to them. While for ISTJs that emotional component is not their focus, I guess they retain whatever their brain finds useful to them (can't really know for sure since Idk the type very well). But the point I'm trying to make is that the Si-Fi loop probably is a bit different from our Fi-Si.
If I may speak for all ISTJs 😂 I think we get stuck in the same things. Personally I do remember sensory details more than emotional ones. Like "oh yeah that was awful, the lights were so harsh and it smelled bad and the kids were all so loud and annoying..aaand I was sad." Or something. But our Te helps us keep from literally doing nothing (for too long) and ruminating on how bad experiences felt. I think if we were in a deep dark place we could use the Ne to try to futilely examine the experience from all angles and try to "fix" it even though it already happened. But on just a typical "not in the mood" day, that 2nd slot Te loves results and hates feeling lazy.
The Snugglery thank you for your clarification, it makes a lot of sense! This confirms my theory that on the loop both types get hung up on past events but focus on different aspects of those events. We INFPS tend to focus more on how we felt, while you ISTJS focus more on sensory cues. But when focusing on negative memories the result ends up being quite similar between types. This is because bypassing our auxiliary functions leads to tunnel vision, so we tend to be too harsh on ourselves over the smallest things due to an unchecked and overcritical Fi. Does this make sense to you?
@hemrehliug Not the same, but the same processes with different weights. From what I've heard, ISTJs would get more caught up on strong emotions used as the reasoning to not accept new experiences (Ne) or create structure (Te). INFPs are more about getting caught up on past events used as the reasoning to not explore different aspects (Ne) of ourselves or take control over our lives (Te). @The Snugglery Thanks for explaining! :)
@@GeekPsychology Can you clarify a bit: your second sentence ISTJs might use strong emotions to justify creating structure? Or *not* creating structure?
@@hemrehliug oh totally. I'm very critical of myself and almost don't care what anybody else says 🤷 (Fe polar). If I get it in my head that something was my fault or my responsibility it's impossible to change my mind. And I usually feel like everything is my responsibility 😂 so like Matt said, limiting possibilities is huge. To avoid being responsible for and trying to control everything.
As someone who has constantly speculated my mental tendencies to be Fi-Si, it makes sense that a psychiatrist once described my struggles as possibly a sign of Pure Obsessional OCD, which (just like my understanding of the nature of cognitive functions) has only helped me separate that negative tendency from my personal sense of self. i.e. I think it's helpful to always acknowledge what our minds are doing *especially* if we don't like it, and accept it as fact _outside_ of our conscious intentions, so that we can hopefully begin dissociating it from how we see ourselves. Even now for me this perspective of mindful acknowledgement doesn't always help take me out of the stress, which would establish it more as a physical discomfort rather than a mental source -- in which case I should just let that prompt myself to take action into taking care of myself better via exercising and eating healthily. :p
Thank you so much for helping me to understand myself better. I wish there was a German RUclipsr like you, because my English is not perfect. But your videos help me a lot anyway.
I just confirmed that I was an ISFP earlier (I think I use Se-Ni more, but my Ne-Si are really good too), but the thing is... I feel like I might be in a loop... I can't seem to forget about the past and everyday it feels like I'm gripping against these old memories..? It can either be a happy ot sad memory, but it just surprised me actually... I'm not like this before, it just shocks me right now because it feels unusual? I mean back in 8th grade I suddenly had this ability to remember past events very clearly, and it shocked me. I mean my friends and family did too. I'm pretty sure I have Fi, but with pretty good use of Fe too... My Ne and Ni are really good too, yet I don't know if I'm in a loop honestly. Am I an ISFP with abnormally high Si, Ne and Ni, a mistyped xSxJ, an INFP who's in a Fi-Si loop or an ENxP who's in a grip?
You inspired me to put a face to my functions as well, I love imagining them as a team of animals working together - or, well, trying to :D My *Fi* is a quokka. Heartfelt and fluffy but can bite too if anything goes against her values. Nocturnal. Don't be fooled by the smile. My *Ne* is a hummingbird. Always exploring new, colourful ideas, unable to settle. My *Si* is a tortoise. Yeah I nicked that from you but it's perfect! Trying to get wisdom from past experiences but sometimes getting stuck in it. My *Te* is a rhino. Usually he stays in the background but if he takes over, oh boy, he'll stomp on everything in its way, trying to rule the chaos. 🤷♀️ Thanks for the inspiration! Keep the videos coming ❤️❤️
Hey that's great! My grandma loved hummingbirds. One always comes around near the time she died. I use a rhino too for Te :) I just did a 3.5 hour workshop on creating these characters and using them to solve real-life problems. It was a lot of fun. I suggest you keep those characters close!
@@GeekPsychology Hummingbirds are such otherworldly beautiful creatures! Aw, that's a sweet anecdote 💚 Oh right, now that you say it, I'm pretty sure the rhino image came to me inspired by one of your past videos, it just fits so perfectly for Te 😁 I'll definitely explore those characters more to understand them even better :) Oh, do you have characters for your shadow functions too? Or do you suggest not to focus on them too much?
I was I was creative like that. I just have my default self- heart (or is that butt rofl) then my “brain”. Whenever I’m feeling one way, my stupid brain has to butt in and give another perspective. Constant tug-of-war.
Switching emo-egos... Better train that perspective changing cognitive capacity before an internal crisis... si that it doesn't take painfully long to find a higher standpoint, on which giving ourselves some peace, instead of whipping our backs... By training to say thanks generally, and even to ourselves, when we did good!... Or when experimenting by listening, observing or living a non critical failure... also saying thanks, in tune with that great phrase : ' i never lose, either i succeed, either i learn '...
I'm searching ISTJ and INFP because somewhat... I feel like having both of them while being Introvert... It hard to decide just by myself... Feel greedy if I think I'm both... Is that even possible?
✌ i arrived at the 'wrapping gratitude'/ reminding myself that i am better than that. Its very helpful to sustain my growth. Thank you for your video 😊
"A panda and a turtle....if you've never been to this channel and you heard me say that, you might be like 'eeh, what's going on'..." ME: "This is making PERFECT sense, please go on."
I'm an INFP male, And I'm in a relationship with an ISTJ. She was my *only* friend in class and that gradually took a turn into relationship, and we are officially in Love for 2½ years. I don't even know how an INFP can get comfortable with A friend who is an ISTJ, she must've suffered me a lot those days. I love her, what should I say, Blindly? but I know we are not perfect for each other. I can't speak my mind without frustrating her, and her unacceptablity toward every thing i find exciting is kinda unsettling for me. But still, our love is real. Y'all know every INFP feel things very deeply. Y'all also know that ISTJs get easily frustrated with fantasy or stuffs like that. But that's me, and that's her, and we know that too. We both know that all our arguments are nothing but a spontaneous act of character. So after an hour or so, I really feel guilty and apologize to her, and surprisingly she do that too. I'm not sure of the guilt part, but she apologize to me a lot than a normal ISTJ does. I know we love each other, and I know that we will never end up in separate ways... After all after our marriage, our arguments surely will become less than before. We are in a long distance relationship as of now so i can't hug her when she's upset. Yeah, I'm explaining too much. What i wanna know, is that do anyone of you know how to handle my... You know i can't express my excitement in anything without getting her frustrated. She's the only one I can share stuffs to you know. And when i share, I want to be open without being afraid of her frustration. Can you suggest me your opinions?
Mate. Seeing that you posted this more than a year ago and me going through the same situation currently, it would be great to hear how your relationship is now.
How are you, two? Did you get married yet? I am an INFP married to an ISTJ. It has been horrible for me, but I have stuck with it for over 15 years. But your relationship with your person sounds way different than mine did when it started. I would love to hear how it’s going for you.
Thanks for sharing, good video. I liked how you used the comic characters (panda and turtle) to personify the cognitive functions and used a real life story to exemplify what a FiSi loop could look like. Have you thought about using a comic-like dialogue (about your incident with the tickets) between the characters to show the internal cognitive loop (or whatever you're going to discuss in the video) to start off the video? Just food for thought
i had the same thing happen to me i went to McDonalds amd baskin robin on my bike as a kid it was already a journey to begin with hot ass hell outside my last of my allowance and when i was crossing the intersection by my house the damn bottom of the bag fell thru in the middle of the crossing it is Primetime hours amd the Light changed green and i was so embarrased and mad i cried all the way home 😆
Very helpful. I’ve been trying to get along with people (relatives) very different from me. Good people but we see everything so differently. And now all these world altering events are taking place (I’m in the US) and neither I nor they have the capacity to bridge the gaps. I’m reframing the event after throwing an awful “home truths” hissy fit (so rare for me) which I did sort of feel bad about but it’s been brewing for months and not percolating into problem-solved status. We are the way that we are. As an INFP (and I would guess this is true of many types) lack of resolution can hold me hostage in relationships. So we haven’t spoken since. I’m treating it in my mind as though we aren’t related anymore because the rift is so unbridgeable and I’m exhausted. This is so that I can open up possibilities without reference to what others think. Because so far the criticism has been endless. I’ve been stuck on clearing it up and I can’t.
Isn't it even more important to "bridge the gaps" and be close to family in times like this? ;) I don't know what you're going through, but something I've been thinking a lot about recently is something that I heard online - "it's up to you to make the changes... nobody else should be expected to." Heavy stuff.
Also the world altering events got worse both in the news and personally... for both of us. So it’s like a little pop of reality and a small truce, with lots of civility and some guardedly quiet mutual respect. I feel better.
I am an infp and married to an estj. I learned a lot from estj. One day, I was fun to do the mbti test again. The result that comes out is istj. Coincidence or is there a resemblance? 🙈
🤔 what about when someone has trauma, what can that look like when it manifests? I feel like it’s foreseeing what may negatively happen and working through hypothetical scenarios for possibly needed protection. I often wonder if I’m a CPTSD INFP/A & would actual type an INFJ or ENFJ bc when I’m energized I see myself as one & not the shadows of the INFP… PSTD really changes a persons everything, so I’m really questioning this more so now at 50, after being typed as an INFP in high school with early childhood trauma & coming mechanism… I’m genuinely concerned that I might’ve had it wrong all along 😅
Seems to be more about sticking to mental frameworks and not letting new information in :) and possibly having cognitive dissonance about it... and physical comfort zone like INFP.
as an istj 1w9 I find that I am focused very much on objectives and logic although I am extremely hard on myself as a perfectionist and it causes my logic to become severely flawed and that is hard for me because I take take my self destructive tendencies as a logical measure for example: "someone has told me a clothing item I know is my size looks to small, therefore I am fat and undeserving of food." or "I have been told I can't get a ride, I have asked for rides before and always received them, have I done something to make myself burdensome? why am I so horrible?"I find this form of processing especially distressing as someone on the spectrum as I struggle to comprehend other peoples potential perspectives, and have to draw conclusions based on my own opinion of myself that is very low.. do u have any advice?
The difference is INFPs like to keep hold of their own values instead of the outer world, whereas the ISTJs are not very open about newer things, ideas, perspectives
I was in that loop for the entirety of 2019. Every single memory that would come up made me want to die from embarrassment. This year I made a change to start seeing the positive side of myself rather than negative, and it’s been life changing!
Great job!
It's amazing how much can change when you take control of your thoughts.
I had been stuck in it for literal years and it was ruining my life. Even the little things that surely no one else remembered kept me up at night. So I fixed it by detaching from my past self, as in, past me, despite sharing the same values and ideals, dies here. New me will be rebirthed as everything past me was, except with a clean slate and without her emotional baggage. I really cannot explain how I went about this, because I'm not sure myself. But it took a lot of rummaging around in my inner world, cutting metaphorical strings and setting surpressed emotions and thoughts free.
I'm now able to recall those memories without feeling any shame at all and my life has gotten 10x better for that. I personally feel like our function stack allows us to live life in a beautiful way if used correctly and in a healthy manner, but it can also be so poisonous, it's really a thin line and it's hard to keep our balance sometimes.
Same. 2019 was really heavy for me. Then it came to an end when I hate myself for stucked so long in the loop. Looks like my Te was kicking my ass so hard XD
hope 2020 better for you despite what happened in the world. Because it was better for me, although not the best :)
I just realized that I've been in an Fi Si loop for about 3-4 years now wow.
Same
For 8 years ..the only difference is : I'm fighting now to change ..and it's difficult .
@@worldcup6553 you got this. Excited for you - intj
Same
Same here, now I’ve gotta change. It’s pretty hard. Glad I now know why I was seeing everyone else pass me by in life.
I'm an Infp that sometimes acts like an istj when im trying to stabilize my life. This has been helpful for me thank you
Really appreciate any video comparing or contrasting INFP and ISTJ!
:D It comes up every once in a while. Why are you so interested in it?
@@GeekPsychology My husband is an ISTJ. :)
@@abramfriesen9472 I am also an INFP in a long-term relationship with an ISTJ. Our dynamic is fascinating because we have the same functions in different orders that I find quite complementary, and yet I rarely see anyone mention it as a good pairing.
@@cherieburton2395 Yes! Complementary is a really good way to put it. My experience is that my husband helps me to align with the responsible, getting-shit-done aspect of my personality and meeting the expectations of the outside world. I help him stay in touch with his imagination and humor and with making sense of the way people let their values and emotions drive their behavior. It seems perfect to me, both in our relationship and our parenting styles. I can't help but be curious about your experience?
@@abramfriesen9472 Very similar to that actually. He has an easier time working a steady job within a corporate structure and supports me in getting myself out into the world through my interests and passions by encouraging incremental progress and celebrating my successes. I help him destress and remember to enjoy life now, not delay that enjoyment until retirement. He also calls me his conscience. I have no problem calling him out when he seems resistant to alternative perspectives or isn't acting in alignment with his integrity. We are a really good team when we have a shared goal and instinctively give eachother space to process.
I would say the negatives are that we are both introverted so we aren't always very open about our thoughts and feelings, but when we do open up we don't fight or argue really, we just talk it out. He sometimes hurts my Fi and I sometimes trigger one of his Si memories. We both understand it is accidental and move on pretty quickly. I would say we stabilize each other.
I could say so much more...could talk about this for hours.
One major theory as to why INFPs are so prone to depression is because of the nature of this Fi-Si loop and their extroverted functions often serving to actually fuel the loop even further. Usually, when one starts going into an introverted loop, the main way to break out of it is to engage the extroverted functions. Ne deals in the abstract, creativity, conceptualizing of the future, etc., but the problem is, it can also go into Si mode very quickly. When the Ne mind is thinking all over the place, it will often make a connection to past events almost instantly.
On top of that, even if you’ve realized you need to take certain steps to get your life back on track, there’s also the tendency for inferior Te to sabotage you & flow all sorts of warped logic in service to Fi & Si on why you should just stay stuck rather than grow as a human being (“Oh, I can’t do that because it would be inauthentic”, “Oh I can’t do that because it’s too risky”).
My Fi-Si loop works in a way that it deduces entire past into one idea, it's "humanity is evil" for me and because of that I start to resist human interaction and get stubborn about not joining in society. So it's a stubborn single-minded inaction phase and I go into it A LOT because I'm highly introverted.
I wonder how it feels to have an older brother like him who's also an INFP. I must admit, I get mesmerized when I watch him talk.
He has an attractive voice
Your suggestion of wrapping it with a different emotion, especially gratitude, was most helpful. Thanks.
For me, it seems to manifest as a massive comfort zone. I love exploring new ideas, yet I am terrible at trying new foods and jumping off of cliffs with a rubber rope tied to my back. I also really relate to replaying events in my head and judging myself intensely
Yup you pretty summed up what HAS to be applicable for most infp’s. That loop is what makes it so hard to make decisions. That internal “right thing to do” or internal value compass HAS to reflect who we are as a person lol. Even something as insignificant as what topping do I want on my pizza has to reflect who I am as a person LOL. Does anyone else feel better about making decisions when they have someone else tell you what they ALSO want and then you guys come to some sort of compromise? You also nailed it on the Si. I tried explaining it to my gf. It is impossible for me to NOT reflect on an experience and then do an internal value system check on it and then judge myself. I love being an infp but leading with Fi makes the decision making process harder than people realize I think because everything has to line up jussssst right lol.
The Ne being my second function lead me to so many ideas that is ACTUALLY applicable if i were to just not worry so much about the preparation and the details to make it perfect, even tho i know to it will never be perfect. This Fi-Si loop made me hold my podcast and poetry account for 1.5 years because i feel like its "not up to the standards", yet i dont actually know how to define the standards 😩👌🏻
Bisantian R yessssss...and the worse is giving actual time and energy into exploring every possible case scenario that isn’t even that probable 😂
Freaking Ne haha
@Bisantian I'd also check in with your fear of doing something that shows you that you actually might not be as good of a person as you had hoped. Putting yourself into new contexts really challenges your core... and sometimes you do things, or create things, that you're later not proud of. Much easier to stay in the comfort zone :)
@Kevin Yeah man. Fi can be tough. It gets better the more you know about yourself and tune into kinesthetic decision-making. Check in with your body to remember how it felt when you made good decisions, and bad ones.
You are sooo helpful! Thank you, Matt. I'm an ENFP trying to develop the introverted functions. This video gives great insight & help. Also I hear you in my head saying, "Don't move" from your help for ENFP video. Which is exactly what us ENFPs need. Thank you for all your help & insight, Matt!!!
As you were pointing it out, I actually remembered many things that actually happened. I remembered the times when I used to relive those negative experiences and blame myself over and over again and I couldn't fathom why they kept coming back to me and why I was reliving guilt and shame I felt in that moment. I had decided at one point to let it pass instead of avoiding it and I tried to tell myself that I'm better now because of those experiences, I know better, only to sometimes realise I still make those mistakes. Then I had undertaken overcoming those flaws so I don't feel the shame like I did years after those instances, but it was trial and terror and I again find myself back in the loop. Or maybe I never outgrew it
I’ve been in fi since loop for around almost 6 years now,it doesn’t seems to get better,plus i was today years old that i know i have fi si loop
Thanks for this; you put into words a phenomenon that has eroded my self-esteem for what feels like eons.
You're welcome :) Make sure you do something with that new information :)
ive been in this loop for 5 years now. Feelings of guilt and shame I cant let go
My Fi, -Si loop shows up as trying to preserve my local culture and traditions, even those which my Fi doesn't value. This insight was helpful in understanding myself better. Thanks!
Im in my 50’s. When you said the wind came and…. I literally said Oh. And got up snd had to walk. It explained so many traumatic experiences in my life. The way i just sit there frozen in shock of all my slow steady determination thrown away forever on a whim of a random natural occurrence just tore open a lifetime of misery stories.
Really? After 21 years of good therapy this is the piece I’ve been missing? 😂😅
I was there for years and years ..it's horrible !..depression and depression..it was so hard !.
But now I fight and I'll win .🙂✌️😉
Oh, that's what I keep getting stuck in all the time! It does not feel good, and I've always wondered if it's just me who takes these things so seriously. Thanks for the video and for the tip on how to escape the loop! I can often move on when I focus on the lesson learned. But it can be really difficult to let it go sometimes.
Thanks for sharing! Very interesting stuff, looking into the past, Si, then making a value judgement about the information, Fi.
I'd say improving this requires a lot of awareness!
I'm an INFP, married to an ISTJ.
I am also an INFP married to an ISTJ!
This video defines the constant struggle in our household! I want to break out and explore new things but he's afraid of change. When he finally gets the nerve to try something, I'm in my head and paralyzed by fear. We both go to negative memories and thoughts all the time.
SHERMAN thank you so much for putting this together. I hope my husband will watch this with me. I'm certain it would have a positive effect on our relationship!
How is it?
I sometimes like to picture the loops as two fish swimming together/trying to chase each other that it stirs up a water funnel that can’t be gotten out of. However, us being stuck in the loop would be us stuck in that funnel.
Pretty sure my older brother is an ISTJ and I am an INFP and that often puts us at odds with one another. He often takes on the role of leader or guardian despite hating it. In fact he often gets mad at me when others go to him rather then me or that I wont step up. I tend to step up when no one else can and I dont mind if I have to. He can be very obsessive when going after something he wants. Put in 110 percent effor into something. Which is great except when it ruins the experience itself. I call Ahab sometimes just because he's willing to bring everyone else down with him in the pursuit of his whale. He's impatient when people arent as effecient or do things the same way as him. Prone to road rage. Automatically critical of others. Any chance to bad mouth someone he'll take. Very opinonated and obstinate. Thinks he's the expert and hardly listens to anyone elses opinions. Most times when he asks for an opinion its only meant to reaffirm his.
As an INFP I understand that process all too well. But I wonder if this happens exactly the same for ISTJ since their cognitive functions are reversed? Someone was questioning this a few days ago on reddit and I tried to differentiate the two. Because even the different ways we perceive the world have an impact in how we perceive our own memories. I'd say us INFPs have a strong affective memory, meaning we retain more memories that have a strong emotional component to them. While for ISTJs that emotional component is not their focus, I guess they retain whatever their brain finds useful to them (can't really know for sure since Idk the type very well). But the point I'm trying to make is that the Si-Fi loop probably is a bit different from our Fi-Si.
If I may speak for all ISTJs 😂 I think we get stuck in the same things. Personally I do remember sensory details more than emotional ones. Like "oh yeah that was awful, the lights were so harsh and it smelled bad and the kids were all so loud and annoying..aaand I was sad." Or something. But our Te helps us keep from literally doing nothing (for too long) and ruminating on how bad experiences felt. I think if we were in a deep dark place we could use the Ne to try to futilely examine the experience from all angles and try to "fix" it even though it already happened. But on just a typical "not in the mood" day, that 2nd slot Te loves results and hates feeling lazy.
The Snugglery thank you for your clarification, it makes a lot of sense! This confirms my theory that on the loop both types get hung up on past events but focus on different aspects of those events. We INFPS tend to focus more on how we felt, while you ISTJS focus more on sensory cues. But when focusing on negative memories the result ends up being quite similar between types. This is because bypassing our auxiliary functions leads to tunnel vision, so we tend to be too harsh on ourselves over the smallest things due to an unchecked and overcritical Fi. Does this make sense to you?
@hemrehliug Not the same, but the same processes with different weights. From what I've heard, ISTJs would get more caught up on strong emotions used as the reasoning to not accept new experiences (Ne) or create structure (Te). INFPs are more about getting caught up on past events used as the reasoning to not explore different aspects (Ne) of ourselves or take control over our lives (Te).
@The Snugglery Thanks for explaining! :)
@@GeekPsychology Can you clarify a bit: your second sentence ISTJs might use strong emotions to justify creating structure? Or *not* creating structure?
@@hemrehliug oh totally. I'm very critical of myself and almost don't care what anybody else says 🤷 (Fe polar). If I get it in my head that something was my fault or my responsibility it's impossible to change my mind. And I usually feel like everything is my responsibility 😂 so like Matt said, limiting possibilities is huge. To avoid being responsible for and trying to control everything.
I know I need to do better with reframing some of my experiences.... this is a good reminder.
As someone who has constantly speculated my mental tendencies to be Fi-Si, it makes sense that a psychiatrist once described my struggles as possibly a sign of Pure Obsessional OCD, which (just like my understanding of the nature of cognitive functions) has only helped me separate that negative tendency from my personal sense of self.
i.e. I think it's helpful to always acknowledge what our minds are doing *especially* if we don't like it, and accept it as fact _outside_ of our conscious intentions, so that we can hopefully begin dissociating it from how we see ourselves.
Even now for me this perspective of mindful acknowledgement doesn't always help take me out of the stress, which would establish it more as a physical discomfort rather than a mental source -- in which case I should just let that prompt myself to take action into taking care of myself better via exercising and eating healthily. :p
Thank you so much for helping me to understand myself better. I wish there was a German RUclipsr like you, because my English is not perfect. But your videos help me a lot anyway.
Maybe it should be you!
I just confirmed that I was an ISFP earlier (I think I use Se-Ni more, but my Ne-Si are really good too), but the thing is... I feel like I might be in a loop... I can't seem to forget about the past and everyday it feels like I'm gripping against these old memories..? It can either be a happy ot sad memory, but it just surprised me actually... I'm not like this before, it just shocks me right now because it feels unusual? I mean back in 8th grade I suddenly had this ability to remember past events very clearly, and it shocked me. I mean my friends and family did too.
I'm pretty sure I have Fi, but with pretty good use of Fe too... My Ne and Ni are really good too, yet I don't know if I'm in a loop honestly. Am I an ISFP with abnormally high Si, Ne and Ni, a mistyped xSxJ, an INFP who's in a Fi-Si loop or an ENxP who's in a grip?
Glad you decided to post this. I've been stuck in the loop for a couple weeks now and I guess I didn't even realize what it was I was doing. :/
I've been stuck in it for almost all of May, sloowwly crawling out of it now.. Here's to us warriors ❤️
** the more you know ~
Happy to hear it helped.
It was nice hearing your perspective. I felt some insight into my repetition.
You inspired me to put a face to my functions as well, I love imagining them as a team of animals working together - or, well, trying to :D
My *Fi* is a quokka. Heartfelt and fluffy but can bite too if anything goes against her values. Nocturnal. Don't be fooled by the smile.
My *Ne* is a hummingbird. Always exploring new, colourful ideas, unable to settle.
My *Si* is a tortoise. Yeah I nicked that from you but it's perfect! Trying to get wisdom from past experiences but sometimes getting stuck in it.
My *Te* is a rhino. Usually he stays in the background but if he takes over, oh boy, he'll stomp on everything in its way, trying to rule the chaos. 🤷♀️
Thanks for the inspiration! Keep the videos coming ❤️❤️
Hey that's great!
My grandma loved hummingbirds. One always comes around near the time she died.
I use a rhino too for Te :)
I just did a 3.5 hour workshop on creating these characters and using them to solve real-life problems. It was a lot of fun. I suggest you keep those characters close!
@@GeekPsychology Hummingbirds are such otherworldly beautiful creatures! Aw, that's a sweet anecdote 💚
Oh right, now that you say it, I'm pretty sure the rhino image came to me inspired by one of your past videos, it just fits so perfectly for Te 😁
I'll definitely explore those characters more to understand them even better :) Oh, do you have characters for your shadow functions too? Or do you suggest not to focus on them too much?
Sometimes when i'm in a loop, I'm picturing two characters sitting there as if they were consulting each other
I was I was creative like that. I just have my default self- heart (or is that butt rofl) then my “brain”. Whenever I’m feeling one way, my stupid brain has to butt in and give another perspective. Constant tug-of-war.
Switching emo-egos... Better train that perspective changing cognitive capacity before an internal crisis... si that it doesn't take painfully long to find a higher standpoint, on which giving ourselves some peace, instead of whipping our backs... By training to say thanks generally, and even to ourselves, when we did good!... Or when experimenting by listening, observing or living a non critical failure... also saying thanks, in tune with that great phrase : ' i never lose, either i succeed, either i learn '...
I'm searching ISTJ and INFP because somewhat... I feel like having both of them while being Introvert... It hard to decide just by myself... Feel greedy if I think I'm both... Is that even possible?
✌ i arrived at the 'wrapping gratitude'/ reminding myself that i am better than that. Its very helpful to sustain my growth. Thank you for your video 😊
Great! You're welcome and keep up the growth.
"A panda and a turtle....if you've never been to this channel and you heard me say that, you might be like 'eeh, what's going on'..."
ME: "This is making PERFECT sense, please go on."
lol!
OMG...I have been in this loop for a good part of 5-6 years :( slowly getting out of it
I'm an INFP male, And I'm in a relationship with an ISTJ. She was my *only* friend in class and that gradually took a turn into relationship, and we are officially in Love for 2½ years. I don't even know how an INFP can get comfortable with A friend who is an ISTJ, she must've suffered me a lot those days. I love her, what should I say, Blindly? but I know we are not perfect for each other. I can't speak my mind without frustrating her, and her unacceptablity toward every thing i find exciting is kinda unsettling for me. But still, our love is real. Y'all know every INFP feel things very deeply. Y'all also know that ISTJs get easily frustrated with fantasy or stuffs like that. But that's me, and that's her, and we know that too. We both know that all our arguments are nothing but a spontaneous act of character. So after an hour or so, I really feel guilty and apologize to her, and surprisingly she do that too. I'm not sure of the guilt part, but she apologize to me a lot than a normal ISTJ does.
I know we love each other, and I know that we will never end up in separate ways... After all after our marriage, our arguments surely will become less than before. We are in a long distance relationship as of now so i can't hug her when she's upset.
Yeah, I'm explaining too much.
What i wanna know, is that do anyone of you know how to handle my... You know i can't express my excitement in anything without getting her frustrated. She's the only one I can share stuffs to you know. And when i share, I want to be open without being afraid of her frustration. Can you suggest me your opinions?
Mate. Seeing that you posted this more than a year ago and me going through the same situation currently, it would be great to hear how your relationship is now.
How are you, two? Did you get married yet? I am an INFP married to an ISTJ. It has been horrible for me, but I have stuck with it for over 15 years. But your relationship with your person sounds way different than mine did when it started. I would love to hear how it’s going for you.
Love the hoodie
Wait INFP and ISTJ have the same loop? So I did inherit something from my dad after all 😅
Great explanation and suggestion. Very helpful.
Thanks for sharing, good video. I liked how you used the comic characters (panda and turtle) to personify the cognitive functions and used a real life story to exemplify what a FiSi loop could look like. Have you thought about using a comic-like dialogue (about your incident with the tickets) between the characters to show the internal cognitive loop (or whatever you're going to discuss in the video) to start off the video? Just food for thought
i had the same thing happen to me i went to McDonalds amd baskin robin on my bike as a kid it was already a journey to begin with hot ass hell outside my last of my allowance and when i was crossing the intersection by my house the damn bottom of the bag fell thru in the middle of the crossing it is Primetime hours amd the Light changed green and i was so embarrased and mad i cried all the way home 😆
Very helpful. I’ve been trying to get along with people (relatives) very different from me. Good people but we see everything so differently. And now all these world altering events are taking place (I’m in the US) and neither I nor they have the capacity to bridge the gaps. I’m reframing the event after throwing an awful “home truths” hissy fit (so rare for me) which I did sort of feel bad about but it’s been brewing for months and not percolating into problem-solved status. We are the way that we are.
As an INFP (and I would guess this is true of many types) lack of resolution can hold me hostage in relationships. So we haven’t spoken since. I’m treating it in my mind as though we aren’t related anymore because the rift is so unbridgeable and I’m exhausted. This is so that I can open up possibilities without reference to what others think. Because so far the criticism has been endless. I’ve been stuck on clearing it up and I can’t.
Isn't it even more important to "bridge the gaps" and be close to family in times like this? ;)
I don't know what you're going through, but something I've been thinking a lot about recently is something that I heard online - "it's up to you to make the changes... nobody else should be expected to." Heavy stuff.
I knew you were gonna say that. I’ve said it too.
Also the world altering events got worse both in the news and personally... for both of us. So it’s like a little pop of reality and a small truce, with lots of civility and some guardedly quiet mutual respect. I feel better.
As an ENFP this was quite helpful thank you
Awesome. Thanks for commenting.
Can ENFP experience this too?
Oh god I'm looping again
I think of consume sleep turtle, and play blast bunny. Bunny and turtle like the story.
I am an infp and married to an estj. I learned a lot from estj. One day, I was fun to do the mbti test again. The result that comes out is istj. Coincidence or is there a resemblance? 🙈
one of you is mistyped.
Do you know how to self-type?
Well... I just want to say thank you... Cuz it is really hard to find the right explanation for me...
thank you
Made it 1k likes hehehehe
INFP in Fi Si loop here 😅
I have 3 characters always arguing inside my head. 🐱🐶🐺
What does the cat (?) know that the dog and the ... wolf (?) don't?
@@GeekPsychology Yes, it is a confident-childlike cat, a naive-optimistic puppy and a cold-hearted wolf.
I know it's a lot, complicated.
😅
🤔 what about when someone has trauma, what can that look like when it manifests? I feel like it’s foreseeing what may negatively happen and working through hypothetical scenarios for possibly needed protection.
I often wonder if I’m a CPTSD INFP/A & would actual type an INFJ or ENFJ bc when I’m energized I see myself as one & not the shadows of the INFP… PSTD really changes a persons everything, so I’m really questioning this more so now at 50, after being typed as an INFP in high school with early childhood trauma & coming mechanism… I’m genuinely concerned that I might’ve had it wrong all along 😅
I wonder how similar a Ti-Si loop is 🤔
Seems to be more about sticking to mental frameworks and not letting new information in :) and possibly having cognitive dissonance about it... and physical comfort zone like INFP.
Geek Psychology hm thanks!
as an istj 1w9 I find that I am focused very much on objectives and logic although I am extremely hard on myself as a perfectionist and it causes my logic to become severely flawed and that is hard for me because I take take my self destructive tendencies as a logical measure for example: "someone has told me a clothing item I know is my size looks to small, therefore I am fat and undeserving of food." or "I have been told I can't get a ride, I have asked for rides before and always received them, have I done something to make myself burdensome? why am I so horrible?"I find this form of processing especially distressing as someone on the spectrum as I struggle to comprehend other peoples potential perspectives, and have to draw conclusions based on my own opinion of myself that is very low.. do u have any advice?
But the tickets fluttered like butterflies and butterflies are free
A terrible Story, I feel so bad when I only imagine this.
Just do Zazen!
The difference is INFPs like to keep hold of their own values instead of the outer world, whereas the ISTJs are not very open about newer things, ideas, perspectives
Don’t forget enfp
❤❤