How to hack your CONFIDENCE | + kinky fantasies & embarrassment
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- Опубликовано: 3 июл 2024
- EP #45 - WHATADO: Overcoming Creative Fear, Fixing Your Partner, and Dirty Talk
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The creative well has been dry as ever lately, but that's where you kooks come in, with another episode of listener-submitted questions or WHATADOs. We don't know what you should do, but we're not apologizing for this potentially bad advice either.
First, how to deal with a partner who can't stop complaining about their job but doesn't want to do anything about it. Misery loves company and your energy is probably better spent not enabling this endless loop. Then, a quick comment on how to handle feelings of spite, and a deep dive into the world of creating and performing. Caroline doesn't care what those f**kers have to say, and Jess just wants everyone at a standup show to do well. How about dance? Ask Prince Abi and the kids.
Finally, we talk about how to bring up sexual desires with your partner, and Santa makes an unexpected appearance. More to come there? Plus a complaint about public bathrooms and a fourth grade prank that shaped the women we are today.
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Not for Everyone is a podcast hosted by one hater (Caroline Winkler) and one lover (Jess DeBakey), with new episodes every Thursday.
Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/5f9AtKs...
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And FOLLOW US on Instagram for more:
@not4everyonepod
@thegoodsitter
@jzdebakey
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This episode was produced by none other than our prince, @abinewhouse.
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Share with a friend! Subscribe and rate us on your favorite podcasting app! Review us on Apple Podcasts!
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Contents of this Video
00:00 - Intro
00:30 - bathroom etiquette
4:40 - middle school naughtiness
13:30 - listener DMs!!
16:25 - what to do when your partner hates their job
00:20 - dealing with people who are ADDICTED to UNHAPPINESS
29:15 - when SPITE is a good thing
32:30 - revenge body
35:40 - overcoming LOW-CONFIDENCE
41:00 - dealing with the haters
45:45 - overcoming EMBARASSMENT
52:00 - ways to HACK confidence
58:30 - how to bring up KINKY FANTASIES with your partner
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𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐑
All opinions are our own. We are not therapists or mental health professionals, or really professional of any kind. Please see your own professional or counselor for professional support. Do your research and be safe!
Intro Music: “Doja Dance” by PALA
#podcast #selfhelp #comedypodcast #bestfriends
High school teacher here, who also did some subbing and is now a mother. The attendance prank wasn't horrendous but from my teacher perspective (and I consider myself a pretty relaxed teacher and parent), it's disrespectful and breaks trust, two things I always talked about a lot with my students. You go into a room of kids you don't know to help and take care of them while their teacher is gone, and the kids start out the day trying to trick you. Also, if a kid were really absent and another kid pretended to be them, that could get serious because the school and parents wouldn't know they were absent and the kid could be off somewhere in danger or doing bad things. If a student then asked me for a favor or for something requiring trust, like leaving the room to go to the bathroom, I wouldn't know if they're trustworthy or if they were up to something else. I wouldn't have wanted students to write apology letters but I would have had an open discussion with them about it. Teachers don't get nearly enough respect or pay to deal with those shenanigans.
My parents were both teachers (and I have sisters who are, too)... It really informs my LOVE and RESPECT for teachers everywhere.
Totally agree...apparently innocent prank that could have serious consequences, but a talk with the students is necessary in lieu of an apology imo
I just love this podcast so much
How dare u!
I'm very lucky my husband has put up with me having a hard time picking my career pieces after getting Lyme. I think that everyone's situation is different but I know not having the confidence to leave is something that held me back. Having a partner who reminded me of who I am, where I've come from, how hard I've worked for my degree has helped me gain the confidence I needed to pick myself back up. Also finally getting angry with the situation will force you to make a change. Anger is a very cool and powerful tool when used appropriately and was a driving force in my life to pick myself up finally. Anyway thanks for the tough love this morning! Love you 2 😘
This ep was great. I’ve been going to therapy recently and working on my anxiety related perfectionism and this hit all the major points. Learning how to respect your self and your own opinions over other people’s opinions of you is so important. The Fear of shame and embarrassment comes from valuing what other people have to say about you more than what you think of yourself. I developed perfectionism from growing up in a high achieving school and community and that story of the computers reminded me of a similar story. On the last day of 5th grade my whole class was made to write sentences because one of the kids took an eraser from the teacher. We weren’t able to do any of the fun activities with the other kids because of it until they gave it up and of course we just accepted the punishment and nobody stepped forward. It really taught that it was okay to accept guilt and punishment even though basically everyone did nothing wrong. It’s good to go back and reevaluate things like that for closure. I’m also happy Jess has a Dad who taught her that you don’t have to do everything even though you can. That was something I had to teach myself because I lived in an environment where if you can, do it. I’m still working on those boundaries everyday and that I am worthy of the space I take up. I recommend the book The Gift of Imperfection for anyone dealing with similar thoughts it has been helpful to me. But yeah great episode even the last segment hit home for me because sex and embarrassment of the establishing things you like are also a boundary setting thing with perfectionism. I appreciate this podcast because it’s just validating and it reminds me of group therapy. It’s a good way to think about things comfortably and get feedback to add perspective to your own thoughts.
As a teacher that listens (love the podcast btw!):
1. Trust me, 99% of the time no teacher is actually angry at you. We can turn that shit on and off like a light switch.... We're probably disappointed most of the time, but angry... we aren't paid enough to be actually angry.
2. They probably made you say sorry over and over as it aligns with the idea that there should be logical, predictable and consistent consequences for bad behaviour (according to child developmental research), apologising over and over again is just how your school decided to do it. I can guarantee you didn't actually embarrass the teacher, again, we aren't paid enough to care about that, students are not the main character in a teachers life once the lesson is over (hard to believe I know....).
3. Bothering to throw a prank back/performative demonstration of harm is simply not often worth it, in terms of setting things up/time invested, and probably worst of all, it never really works as effectively as clear consequences. We simply don't have time, and if it goes wrong... we get fired or complained about until we get fired.
Love this. Makes total sense. Ultimately no teacher is getting paid enough to deal with the shenanigans. That’s a fact. I can definitely see this perspective. I think I’m just butt hurt about our thwarted prank
Thank you for this thoughtful comment!❤
I have a not so close friend that keeps calling me to complain and I talk to her then she'll call again the next day. I'm exhausted by her.
Many years ago I was the complaining partner! I was young and so scared of making a change and then failing. My bf (now husband) helped me figure out what failing would mean and why it would be worth it to try anyway! Thankfully it wasn't a victim mindset personality trait, I don't think he would've stuck around if that were the case 😂 If that's what it is y'all are so right and you can't pull someone out of that if they don't want to be helped
What?! omg such a good timing
Luv you guys as always
Oo I hope it helps❤
Awesome episode! Thank yous.
Did Jess get a haircut? It looks fantastic! 🤩 Perfect length for her.
“Criticism is a lot harder to handle when you can’t stand behind your own work.”
This thought really resonates right now. I am currently the annoying partner who needs to quit their job but doesn’t know what to do next 😅
Embarrassement... thats why your "Not4everyone" is so spot on good...@Caroline Go dancing for YOU... Love you guys! Both of you: beautiful inside and out...
I work in a retail store… that’s doesn’t even have that many people.. I’m gonna tell you right now in regards to bathroom etiquette.. people are fucking disgustingggg !!! It’s WILD. We have a full time cleaning person that is amazing.. and just within a few hours it will be trashed. Toilet paper on the floor, pee on seat, I’ve even seen shit on the seat. UGHHH. Makes me so mad 😡 also why don’t people flush?!
Ok i've only made it through the catholic school part but i feel that so much. I have wayyyy too much to say about morality, how it's taught, etc, but growing up catholic and realizing some things were umm.. a bit off to say the least, yet continuing to go to church and stuff because i *had* to was an interesting experience in faking it (although I don't think i was very good at it). Just wanna throw in - aversion to authority or demands can be a big thing for people on the autism spectrum. and after learning about PDA (pathological demand avoidance) I was like "ohhh yeah that explains some things". honestly i think lots of people - autistic or not, might've experienced some form of this simply due to how rigid a lot of school and other institutions function. we all deserve an apology.
Caroline wore her (Brandy Melville?) shirt with the number 14 on it, so I went and put on my Brandy Melville shirt with the number 14 on it
😂
IF WE ALL JUST SAT ON THE TOILET SEAT NONE OF US WOULD HAVE TO PEE ON THE TOILET SEAT - Have literally said this every time I've gone out for the last 3 months. Thank you.
25:24 im going through a thing with my closest friend where right now I am realizing why it’s been so mentally draining being around him. I feel more like a mom or a therapist than a friend. Thanks for the validation 🥲
I am really impressed with both of your knowledge on sex card games 😂 you were both a wealth of knowledge . Thank you. i feel the need to take notes 😂
I'm from DC and I'm afraid of heights. I lived on the 9th floor
Yeahhhh get the bfs on the pod!!
The best way to actually work out when you’re with a partner is to go on gym dates with your partner!
Not only a _scientist!_
Caroline is a *doctor!*
We all know that.
😁❤
I've been to a Catholic school as well (Franciscans) and we all had each other's backs but still would come forward..
It was in Germany though.
Also it seems to me like we were raised way more liberal/open here in general unlike you describe it at your school.
Morality was big here too. But not mainly sexuality-wise, but more in an ethical sense. Helping each other out and stuff like that..
But society and religiousity is way different in Germany/Europe than in the US in general. And Catholicism in particular. I didn't know that and just learned recently (about 1 year ago) through youtube, but Catholicism is everywhere practiced way more rigidly than in Germany.
German Catholics are the "punks" of Rome/Catholic Church. They are the ones that want revolution and won't back down in Vatican. All the fundamentalists, traditionalists and prudes are annoyed a.f. about them.
And I love that.
😅
It seems there's something about Germany and the Church that they are not willing to take/accept (every/all the) BS here and rather tend to start revolutions. Like once before it was with Luther/the Protestants..
Somehow fascinating.
Obviously pooping on the floor is more natural. Nothing brings out a primal instinct more than public places.
As a kid who went to Christian school, I had the EXACT same issue :(
Caroline I watch you a lot: you're neurodivergent (maybe autistic? like me!) ♾
💜
It’s been a tough week but ya’ll are so funny and sweet! You always cheer me up! 🎉🤍🎉