As an an autistic adult who was only diagnosed a few weeks ago, I'm shocked that interpreting the series through the lens of autism isn't commonplace since the titular phrase of "don't hug me, I'm scared" is very much how I feel when I'm overwhelmed with strong emotions and the excess stimulation from physical touch would just send me over the edge
I realized that too. Good luck with everything, it was hard for me to process my diagnosis at age 16, I imagine it must be hard to recontextualize as an adult
I too have finally been diagnosed about 6 months ago; just how relatable the piece turns out to be is fascinating. The funny thing is, I was a caretaker for several autistic children through the ages, and I guess that would explain why both of us (me and the autistic children) just jelled so well.
God, as an autistic person, that part about being told your reactions to things are 'wrong' literally made me cry. I could never understand what reaction I was 'supposed' to have to something. When I was younger I broke my arm but I didn't want to get in trouble for 'being dramatic' or 'over-reacting' so I downplayed the pain I was feeling. I didn't see a doctor for 3 days and ended up really messing my arm up and then still getting in trouble for 'lying'. Anyway, I've been in therapy for 6 years now...
I have a story to tell. I don't believe I'm autistic, but I still have an "over reacting" story from school. I ended up seriously injuring myself in my left arm and right leg. I mean, COVERED in blood on my knee and elbow. I ended up telling the P.E. teacher, and I will never forget the words he said, "Seriously? Go to the nurse." I continued limping into the school. The other P.E. teacher was so much nicer to me, and called the office to send me home. (:
Me too!! I only recently realised I'm autistic (I was misdiagnosed with BPD about 3 years ago, then later rediagnosed with autism) and the whole 'you are being overdramatic' thing was SUCH a huge trigger for me growing up - especially bc I often couldn't verbalise or identify exactly what or why i felt like that. Eventually it happened enough that I would literally let people bully me and make excuses for them bc I thought any upset I felt MUST just be me being a drama queen. DHMIS always felt so relatable to me, and I don't think I've ever heard someone else put it into words like this
As a metaphor for being punished for not understanding, I think the part where the Clock screeches until their ears bleed is perfect. A direct punishment for asking questions about things that are "accepted"
NO! That is a metaphor for your own mortality and the inability to stop the flow of time. Please do not channel your insecurities into a superiority complex. There are such things as STUPID QUESTIONS, and *NO* a contrarian nature that wastes time is not the same as being intelligent. I'm "sorry" you are able to confuse getting attention with actual contribution to a discussion. If you have any comments please waste them contemplating your mortality. Basically take your whiny, attention-hog nature to Death Himself and argue there!
I absolutely DESPISE the social concept that people cry to manipulate others. Recently got legit traumatized by the assumption, cuz I was having a breakdown about the death of my mom and being homeless as a result, and was told by my family that I'd made the person who offered to let me stay "a few days" uncomfortable enough to withdraw the offer because I was crying out of fear over what would happen after that imposed time limit was up. That I was trying to manipulate them into letting me stay longer. Dude I WAS JUSTIFABLY, UNDERSTANDABLY TERRIFIED. I was having BIG EMOTIONS. I CRY when I have big emotions. I'd just lost my most important person. I hate it that I'm not even allowed to be sad and vulnerable about that without folks thinking I'm trying to manipulate them.
The friend who actually let me stay the months it took to get my job and finances settled and life rebuilt from the ashes, who understood that my emotions were justified and that I needed a stable space to cry and process it, is worth their weight in gold to me. Better family than my bio one.
When I was in special Ed I claimed that tomato isn't a vegetable because my father said so and she tried to shut me down so hard she called my dad and he then told her off about the scientific classification of tomatoes.
Yeah, I remember just giving up on the fact that people would and now I just bluntly state "Yes here we come with fake understanding and false empathy where you disregard everything I say. Yes I get it, just tell me what you want me to do and be done with it so you can *go away* I don't want to talk"
It reminds me of a fantastic SCP. It's a massive, unknowable factory buried underground, full of geometry Þat doesn't make sense and horrible deaÞ for all who try to explore it. Þhe apparent purpose of Þis nightmare facility is to release a small handful of ordinary field mice into Þe surrounding countryside once a monÞ.
@@eveleen. | No, the Þorn is just Þe original letter for Þe "th" sound. It got pulled from circulation by Þe damn French during Þe rise of Þe printing press, because Þey don't have a Þ sound, and pronounce/spell Þ as "t". Ever since, we've been stuck using Þe awkward two-letter "th" to spell out one of Þe most prominent sounds in our language. Once I saw Þe oÞer guy write Þis way, I knew I had a rare chance to write a reply using Þe far superior meÞod. (Þere's also Þe "yogh", a letter used for "ch" sounds. Þe French stole Þat one from us too (because Þey suck,) but I don't want to make Þis reply TOO hard to read.)
"people who don't care to understand you and seem to believe you can't understand them" i've never had someone explain something i've felt so clearly that it terrifies me before
This is *exactly* why I blocked out all my elementary school years in my SPED class. I was diagnosed at an early age in childhood and have grown up mostly unreliably speaking, and I also watched the local police hand cuff and pin down a 6 year old to the ground, and was super and I often blocked this shit out, I also heard teachers point their fingers in my face, telling me they know better than I do because I’m not reliant on speech to be understood. I heard so many of the other kids in the classroom have meltdowns triggering and fully restrained, and we just had to put noise canceling headphones on as they fucking man handled a 1st grader kid. I was always stuck in this perpetual dissociative state. I believe I blocked out all the memories I had of ABA as well. It took me until young adulthood to find access to AAC and having a way to communicate. It has saved my fucking life. I had been constantly in and out of mental institutions too. I have dissociative identity disorder. After watching this series I like had severe PTSD from it.
You would think a TEACHER of all people would understand that sometimes people have outsize reactions. Especially children. Also, probably not a good time to tell someone that their reaction is a 5.
@@allisond.46primary school teachers are just retarded man the only one I can remember that actually helped me with learning died of cancer a year or so after I went to high school
Precisely. While me and my parents have gotten better with this, I’ve heard these words too often as a kid. We need more videos like this so parents of autistic kids/adults know and understand them more instead of autism moms going “OH THIS IS SOOOO HARD I AM A MARTYR BLAH BLAH BLAH”
As an autistic person, the "I love this tree and I love this stick and-" "No, no, that's not how it's done" really spoke to me too! There are so many instances from my childhood of me trying to mimic the social conventions I saw around me and being told off and/or ridiculed for doing it 'wrong'. The ending of 4 really gets me too for the same reason as you! Thank you for sharing your feelings on all this
As another autistic person, that bit really got to me too because for me, it wasn't mimicking social conventions- I genuinely find trees and sticks (and other things) I feel a lot of love towards, and the assumption that we can only feel 'real' love toward other humans feels like it cheapens my appreciation for things like bits of nature or just objects I like. It's not the same of course but its not less than love. Not to me at least.
It does annoy me when you're just magically supposed to know every single thing everyone else is thinking and how to react to seemingly random things. Like why don't you just explain to me "how it's done" instead of making both of us go through trial and error until we get it right.
The school system is traumatizing for neurodivergent kids. 80% of the special ed teachers I encountered were actively making the situation worse for me and the other kids, and it’s crazy to me how ablest the way we deal with autism, adhd, intellectual disabilities, and emotional disregulation in schools is
I believe public schools are designed to cram everything to fit into a neat little window to make their system run smoothly. Children who deviate from the norm are punished both by other more typical children and by the teachers, who are there to do their job and are frustrated when they are confounded by kids who are "abnormal." All of that gets turned up to 11 Special Ed. Special Educators often run on the assumption that neurotypicality is intrinsically good, and neurodivergence is not. The classrooms are often designed to make neurodivergent kids "more neurotypical," like they're trying to "fix" the disabilities of the kids they're there to teach. I believe that's a compelling explanation for why Special Educators appear so cruel to the neurodivergent children. It's not merely that they don't understand. The very modus opperandi that they abide by compels them to punish neurodivergent children for acting different. An immutable characteristic. Special Ed is institutionalized ableism. I was never put into special ed, but I did struggle with autism going through school. I'm extremely privileged, having been able to mask effectively enough and being academically successful enough back then not to get enrolled in special ed, but my heart goes out to the children who weren't so privileged. I probably don't know the half of it but it appears to be an absolute god damn nightmare.
I'm so sorry you went through that. from my own experience my special ed teachers were the only good parts about school (one which was quite literately falling apart because the infrastructure was so horrendous) I know it's not much comming from a total stranger, but I sincerely hope that you are doing well these days in spite of the past.
@@charlieterry8506 thank you so much, I am doing better lately. I’m glad your special Ed teachers were helpful! That makes all the difference. There are definitely good/helpful people in the profession, I met one or two and they helped me get through high school.
When I was younger I believed that teachers only dealt with special needs kids because they were being punished then one day I thought they did it because they were being incentivised by a bigger paycheck.
to me the final episode of the webseries represented the horrific realization that all your trauma was NOT YOUR FAULT, and sometimes the people who *say* they're just trying to help are fucking lying to you. sometimes, a teacher just likes that they have power over you, and get to hurt you emotionally or even physically with little to no repercussions. even more, its about the idea of systems. notably, when red guy gets to that machine, roy isnt like... already there, adjusting the nobs and dials, he's just letting the scene play out, uninterrupted. we never even see red guy or yellow guy's dad build the machine, or even time pass between roy first seeing red guy performing and the introduction of the scene. i honestly always thought that the machine was older than either of them, and roy had just decided to use it for his own ends, seemingly just because he likes punishing his son. there's a quote from roy in an interview the creators did with the characters, and roy has one line of "my boy's eyes have grown arrogant and rude, and for that i shall take him on a trip to punishland", which i honestly relate to in my own autistic way. we dont really see yellow guy grow arrogant or rude in the show, but i quite often got told i was back-talking when to me i was just... having a conversation, or asking some questions. also roy's arm being hella long in the final episode could be a reference to the 'long arm of the law'? in which case you could interpret the machine as like... the prison industrial complex, and the puppets' attempts to learn as like... try and failing to comply with the law and the orders of authority figures in a way that feels honestly pretty autistic coded to me. idk i personally feel that the media theory is stupid anyway but i really enjoyed the final episode.
Asking followup questions always got me called a smartarse. Allists don’t treat questions as neutral, or as a good thing like curiosity or engaging with the material. They see it as an attack on their authority, whether as implicitly questioning their competence or just by virtue of unavoidably changing the flow of their lesson plan. I would especially get frustrated when questions were only allowed for 5 minutes at the very end, I’d always forget important stuff by then. (I was diagnosed autistic young but probably have ADHD too.)
@@kaitlyn__L when you say allists, do you mean all people who aren't autistic? So do you think all people who aren't autistic see questions as an attack on authority?
@@unngjerde5064 I asked for clarification which was a question directed at a specific person, so I don't think there's need for you to answer said question instead of that person. If they want to answer, they will do it themself. Additionally, I don't think I understand what you said to begin with, I'm sorry
@@Spiderella3959 It's been a month and you haven't gotten an answer yet. For the sake of my own satisfaction and annoyance I'm telling you how I would answer your question if it were posed to me. Yes "allists" would be a word to describe people who aren't autistic, or more likely neurotypical and without the neurodivergences and/or experiences to be able to relate to autistic struggles. It's a generalization pointed at the ones who act this way with the understanding that autistic people generally don't DO THAT because they understand that questions and engaging in conversation are neutral-to-positive. Your first question is also neutral-to-positive and is seen with the same lens. However your SECOND question comes with a defensiveness that tends to come from people who aren't willing to engage in good faith arguments. Maybe in the future, instead of turning a generalization into an all-or-nothing statement, bring up personal instances of people acting differently and how you think that that should be the norm instead.
17:35 the "no, you're lonely" line reminded me of how I (also autistic) had to do all those 'how to make friends' programs as a kid and how I felt like I was fine with the friends I had, it was like all the adults around me decided that I should be lonely even though I wasn't.
This! I had a friend, a few actually, and then I didn't get to talk to them because I kept getting pulled into this 'how to make friends' class, and now, almost 20 years later, I have very few friends because nobody thought it important to teach how to maintain the friends I had. Combine with self-esteem so low it's in the ground and you get a very depressed, very anxious, very lonely 20 something, who's only close friends are her husband and someone she met at the hospital, and has only ~one friend to speak of outside that close circle.
God, yeah. My parents made me go to the councillor in high school because they were concerned that I spent every lunch time reading in the library. I mean, looking back, yeah I didn't interact with many of my peers, but it was frustrating to be pushed out of my bubble when I was comfortable where I was.
dhmis has a constant theme of "the world works differently than you do, will never explain how it works, and will punish you for not working the way it wants you to". it's handled really well and definitely hits really hard as someone who grew up with both adhd and autism, but wasn't diagnosed until adulthood. before watching this I had always felt like yellow guy was autistic, but this video really helped confirm it and help me pin down why exactly the series means so much to me (edited for typos)
"the world works differently than you do, will never explain how it works, and will punish you for not working the way it wants you to" is such a succinct and raw description of how it feels to be autistic
I also feel like the leaves and sticks part is like teachers giving you a task that you don’t understand, but everyone knows exactly what to do, so your just left there not knowing what’s happening
I had this problem in university oddly enough. I assume you mean "creative" tasks, when it comes to "regular" ones you just have to ask your classmates.
this exactly and i also just feel this way in socially situations like there arent established rules or instructions but there are consequences for doing it "wrong"
@@rowanheart8122 So itv wasn't just me who thought this! I mean, it's obviously an absurd situation either way, but I assumed that was the in-universe logic behind it.
@@yggdrasil2 I feel this so much. In uni I was in a studio class for product design which I'd say falls under "creative", yet somehow I'd still misinterpret the prompts and themes for our projects. I always felt stupid after we'd have to present our concepts/drawings and mine would be completely off the mark from what others intended or interpreted. The professors always said "well that's a creative way of looking at it. Now have them redone right by tomorrow" 🥴
I avoided special Ed as a kid but this video helped me understand why I hated school so much and so deeply. It really helped me accept the feelings of horror I felt about that system but suppressed because they were "wrong" and school was "normal."
Same here, I only managed to avoid special ed because I was so 'well behaved' because I was constantly threatened with having shit taken away from me if I didn't do everything I was told, get good grades, stare at people in the eyes when they talk (I couldn't do this for more than 5 seconds without having a meltdown), be polite don't do anything we don't tell you to and now I have issues with blind devotion, thanks autistic childhood!
Wow wow wow. The reveal that your caretakers were not using the scale as intended is just heartbreaking and terrifying. The horror of being misunderstood due to laziness/incompetence is so real.
Isn't this the whole point? The scale is supposed to be for the child to communicate to the adults in the room what the child is feeling. The adults are assumed to be mature enough to communicate clearly themselves and have a handle on how their own emotions are manifesting. It's not meant to be another instrument of control.
@@paulhammond6978 yes, they know that's the point, and they were acknowledging that it was a problem that the parents implemented it wrong, and potentially on purpose. Like, obviously. That's why they made the comment in the first place.
@@basspuppy133 Hi. My intention here was to agree with the original comment and amplify it, not to contradict or argue with it. The emotion I'm feeling is one of "how dare these adults, who are supposed to be trained professionals, use something that's meant to be a communication tool to inflict damage because they are so stupid as to do it so wrong". Clearly, my communication is at fault here, because you are not the only person who thinks I'm trying to argue with the original poster rather than agree with them. Sorry about my clumsy style.
Once, during an afterschool program, the counselor or whatever you call them told us we'd play a game where we tie balloons to ourselves and try to pop them--last one with a balloon intact wins. I raised my hand and told her that popping balloons scared me. She coldly told me I could go next door and read. I was elated with the prospect, but so confused and distressed by her hostility that I couldn't fully enjoy myself. This kind of interaction defined much of my childhood. I thought about that through most of the video.
the tone/intent of the teacher is everything - being allowed space/alternative activities is great BUT that taste of exclusion/being sent in a room alone just feels like punishment and alienation. "Trauma informed care" is the term - I spent some time as a camp/afterschool care for K-5 kids (many of them on the autistic spectrum) and now work with developmentally handicapped adults and it is CRUCIAL to this job!!
@Antonio-Gransci Lol, I don't know what state of emotional constipation you've coaxed your capacity to empathy into, but no, all I need to do is keep advocating for a world where boors like you have as little power and influence as possible.
It definitely can easily drive me to tears when I see a sad/vulnerable person in a situation where no one will listen to them and they're obviously scared and not ok and it feels like not a single person is trying to help or understand- the horror of an infant being scoffed at by its caretaker for daring to have needs.
I get this really strongly as well, to the point that I just kind of passively avoid infants in media and in real life, *very much also because everyone in my life treats them exactly like that.* My family really does seem to think that a toddler not saying hello and thank you is a moral evil they are committing and treat it as such, and witnessing that as a product of that same parenting is distressing to say the least
I'm gonna throw out my surface-level reading of episode two. The part where the trio starts to age and rot away and then instantly snap back to normal as if it was all happening in their heads? That's what it felt like the first time I processed the conception of time. It was always passing, no matter what I did, and someday I was going to die. And all the adults around me had already normalized compartmentalizing this fact, so none of them understood why I was crying. All they had for me was "Don't think about it." Sure. I was five.
Ik this is old but I had a similar experience growing up. I was about 7 years old when the concept of death and that everyone does it finally hit me. It completely destroyed me for a very long time and nobody had an answer for it. Treated me like a crybaby even cause "everyone does it" so it's not a big deal. The only times I did get an answer was a religious one. That it's fine because we go to heaven. I have no issue with anyone who is religious, but I wasn't and it ended up making it worse. Because religious people (in my experience) really didn't like when I told them I don't believe in that stuff, so not only did it not help my anxiety with death, but I was then told I was going to hell for not believing. I've made my own peace with death now, but it's ruined a huge chunk of my developmental years.
This reminds me of a lot of jokes that have been going around of people when they were 6-7 realising the sun was going to swallow the earth in billions upon billions of years and the extreme distress they felt because of it despite being so far out of reach no one they could ever know would ever experience it
@@saranjago yeah, i personally find those jokes to be in poor taste because that is exactly what i went through when i was 8, and it kinda ripped me apart for several years. like i was having an existential crisis _as a child_ and even now, knowing how impermanent me, everyone and everything i love is still sends me into waves of panic and dread. learning about that fucks you up when you're a little kid.
The part about 'being told I'm being manipulative and crying wouldn't get me what I want' is very relatable to me. Especially because I'm a really easy crier, adults would always say it to me. Like, no, I'm not crying because I want to manipulate you. I'm crying because you're yelling at me while I'm already overstimulated and currently want to die.
theres nothing that pisses me off more than being told im crying over nothing. literally shut the fuck up youre staring me in the face and yelling at me and youre taller then me and youre an authority figure, it doesn't matter that I'm a "big kid now"
@Eric Hockemeyer my family used to (and still does) call me manipulative when i cried. but if i got angry they laughed at me or looked at me with pity. i guess i wasnt intimidating enough for them to take me seriously
Yes this exactly, did you ever hear the term crocodile tears? Whenever I cried over something that wasn’t deemed cry worthy it was called crocodile tears, aka fake tears and it made me feel completely helpless and alone because my distress was read as manipulation
one of my strongest memories of special ed was that I was working on something but couldn't focus because two teachers who were supposed to be helping were whispering loudly to each other, and I spoke up about this saying they were being loud and it was making it hard to focus and they laughed at me for not knowing what speaking loudly means (because they were whispering)
That's just kind of unfathomable to me. I know what it's like to come in contact with these people in the real world as an adult, I do all the time and it's difficult enough that way, but I literally can't imagine these people being teachers, therapists, guardians, etc. I'm autistic but I was homeschooled and pretty isolated from society growing up, I'm 19 now and gradually being exposed to the neurotypical world to a higher degree, it's kind of a culture shock. I just cannot.. even begin to grapple with what you guys experienced in these institutions. How were these people considered fit to teach kids..
I’m also autistic, there was this one time I was at the DMV, trying to take a test on a computer there, and these two horrible employees at the desk were talking (not whispering) kind of loudly despite the signs everywhere in the room asking for people to be quiet for the test takers. I went up and politely asked if they could quiet down, and they said some bullshit about “human nature”. I wanted to punch those fuckers, but I didn’t since I’m a decent human being.
@@claude2571 I'm not autistic. But I've had teachers like that which can not be considered as qualified to teach whatsoever. Particularly my English teacher- I'm in a non-English country, but I learned English on my own at such a young age that I could honestly qualify as a native speaker due to my fluency. So naturally I excelled at her class, but when we first got her (we constantly shifted English teachers, she was my last) one year before I was finally supposed to get out of that horrible elementary school, I was already having severe anxiety attacks by then and though she first appeared nice, she quickly became a huge bully to everyone including me, even though she pretended I was her favourite student. Now, aside from her horrible (and very, very traumatizing) behaviour towards me (and others), she also could not speak English. Now... obviously, to an extent she could. But the amount of times I had to correct her! (I suspect this is why she didn't like me also, she didn't like to be told she was wrong all the time. I'd give her the advice of actually studying what she was supposed to teach, but that would probably send me straight to the principal) She'd misspell things frequently, she'd have to ask me for translations, teasingly calling me the google translate of the class, she'd mix words up, she'd write grammatically wrong sentences... it was just horrible. Absolutely laughable. And I will never... *ever* understand how she managed to get this job. She's definitely not reading this. But I wish she would be, so I could tell her to fuck off after all this time.
Yeah, I've learned quite a lot over the years, but one thing I will never truly understand is how neurotypical people think that whispering is... Whatever they seem to think it is. It's like they saw a scene on TV or in a movie where characters were meant to be whispering, but it had to be audible to the audience so the actors had to project their voices uncomfortably, and they took that idea of whispering as something nobody other than the intended recipient could possibly hear. I'd say it doesn't count as whispering if I can make out the words from several metres away, but I guess I'm just "wrong" in social interactions or something.
"No matter what it was, I always had the wrong feelings," This...this made tears brim in my eyes. I'm autistic myself, and I've always felt that everytime I express my feelings, it was always somehow not appropriate to the situation. I would be too excited to have a strawberry cheesecake shake from sonic, but not excited enough to watch fireworks on forth of july. I would be overreacting to being blinded by florescent lights, but underreacting to watching the same cartoon scene on repeat. It would be wrong for me to be talkative, but it's also wrong for me to be quiet. I'm both not enough and too much, and that makes me the ultimate dichotomy. In other words: fear me mortals, for I'm benevolent and will never try to hurt you.
I had this experience a lot too. And it always made me wonder … why do neurotypical people feel the need to police others’ emotional reactions? Why is the “wrong” reaction punishable? What happens to the neurotypical brain when they interact with someone having the “wrong” reaction? Sometimes I really think autistics are the sane ones. We’re just outnumbered.
@youtubename I think it’s because (awful) neurotypical people have a dysfunctional obsession with “conformity” in society. They tend to ridicule anything out of the norm because they fear that it will become a threat to their own egos or something along the lines of that. In other words, underminging and weilding power over those who aren’t like them or share similar views gives them satisfaction and makes them feel valued. Yikes, I tell you.
> It would be wrong for me to be talkative, but it's also wrong for me to be quiet. I hate it so much that apparantly I'm not the only one to feel that way but nobody ever fucking told me that it wasn't my fucking fault and that others also deal with the same shit and that I am not just missing a part of me that is supposed to know what the fuck any of this means just because nobody ever bothered give a shit
Have you read Frankenstein? I’m also ND and it really resonated with me. He has so many pure intentions but the way he looks and acts make people lash out at him
i’ve always hated getting my picture taken. something about it feels fake, like lying, and recently i realized why. when i was little, i’d smile my biggest, most genuine smile, happy to be in the moment, but then my parent would stop everything and say “no, ACTUALLY smile.” my real smile wasn’t right. looking back on all my old pictures, i’ll admit, i kinda smile funny, but i look happy. i don’t have many pictures of myself nowadays, and the ones i do have i look uncomfortable. i don’t like getting my picture taken, because even though i’ve tried my best to “smile right”, i can’t do it. i really appreciate the thoughts you put into words in this video, i’ve related to the themes of dhmis but hadn’t been able to quite figure out why until now!
I always used to have a 'weird' smile (tended to furrow my eyebrows when smiling), and tried for years to 'correct' my smile. But once you start trying to 'actually smile', it becomes less real, and no smile is an 'actual smile'.
Oh my god I actually feel this in my soul. My mom tells me that “I’m giving her xyz face” and that I’m “talking like a robot” when I’m not even trying to do that or noticing that I’m doing that. I hate it so much
i didnt like smiling at all when i was happy, or, anytime. i hated being forced to smile. our experiences are completely different but i feel like i connect to you because we were both forced to smile awkwardly. thank you for writing your comment
Holy shit that happens to me to! I didn’t even realize I went through that until you mentioned it! That makes so much more sense now why photos are so weird
I love this interpretation. I've grown up undiagnosed autistic, and I've spent my entire life confused. The neurotypical world simultaneously feels dull and uninteresting, full of skewed priorities and rules no one cares about, and at the same time loud, unpredictable, and overwhelming. That is a feeling that dhmis captures perfectly. I don't know how to explain it, but it's perfect.
@@pixelsoda If you are still undiagnosed after seeing a therapist it means that they are probably validating your concern instead of speaking their mind on the matter so you don't leave them for another therapist, it's just weird to me that you went and on good suspicion still didn't give you a referral for a diagnosis
31:20 "It's almost painfully apparent that these teachers have no idea what they're doing, and I think that's a 100 times more chilling." As a former teacher, I couldn't agree more. I'm so sorry for what you had to endure.
The realization that all of the bad adults from your childhood are just people who may have been trying their best is genuinely horrifying in a banality of evil sort of way
10:09 “No matter what it was.. i always had the wrong feelings” is actually a sentence that made me cry. i’m 15. i’ve been diagnosed with adhd for 2 years? and i recently brought up me possibly being autistic with my therapist, they had me take a test and i scored 217 with the average allistic score being 60. She says she’s very confident i belong on the spectrum and i am as well. my screenings aren’t for a few months cause that’s how that works sadly. but, ever since i had the appointment with my therapist i’ve felt so so connected to autism and the community and just, the words that people with autism say i’m able to resonate with so much. it was hard for me to even realize i had asd because, fun fact i have lots of memory issues and cannot remember the majority of my life from before 2021. so it was hard for me to realize patterns that have always been there. anyway. ur video is great
Best of luck! I don’t remember my ten years either fwiw. I’m 28 now but was diagnosed autistic as a child. (Though I’m navigating the fun world of adult ADHD screenings currently.)
the “arrange the sticks into your favorite color” part is frustrating for me specifically because the characters IMMEDIATELY arrange them as the colors spelled out; it’s the type of incomprehensible instruction that everyone else in the class would just intuitively understand, but I’d have no idea how they came to the correct conclusion or why they’re able to do that and I can’t.
We used to have to sit in a circle with a tiny paper clock and set it to the times the teacher said and hold it up to show everyone all at the same time. It was fucking hell.
@@cindersnowsnothing. There’s no right answer. Do you understand that they did that on purpose to make you feel the way you’re feeling right now? Confused, nervous?
When I hear “arrange the sticks into your favorite color”, I’d initially be very confused because how could anyone arrange sticks to be a different color? I wouldn’t intuitively understand that what he meant is “arrange the sticks so that they SPELL a different color”
this vid triggers the fuck out of me; thank you for making it. I wish i didn't feel so powerless about the plight of autistic kids. It's so fucked they're still being treated that way today. It makes my heart ache.
@@sighrelief when i was younger i was in a special separate class for autistic children, when i was starting to have a meltdown one of my teachers would bring me into another room and shout abusive and horrible thing at me. when I first saw the video I literally cried.
I had to pause the video at “you were supposed to fucking listen to me”. I had to take several deep breaths. I don’t even know what I should say, but that struck me so viscerally that I can’t say nothing. This has been such a trauma for me that if I’m talked over a few times in a row I’ll completely shut down. Thank you for sharing
For me it's the opposite. It's been such a trauma that if someone talks over a few times in a row, I get really fucking loud and keep yelling at them to shut up no matter what they say. Which obviously doesn't work. Assholes keep talking just to piss me off and anyone trying to help can't get a word in edgewise because I shout them down as soon as I hear literally anything out of anyone's mouth. Oh, also behavior like that is likely to get me killed someday, so the only logical reaction is to avoid situations where that might happen. So literally any social situation. So in the interest of self-preservation, I have to be a social recluse even though I desperately want friends.
28:18 - Having lived with people on the spectrum for a long time when I was younger, this is tragic. I can't believe your teachers used the book to tell you what number you should be at rather than using it as a way to understand you. That is legitimately quite shocking.
Some behavioral modification techniques can be great for developing new routines for kids with autism. But nuerotypicals weaponize these techniques against autistic kids. They miss the point that the tools are not supposed to be used to control or as a punishment.
What's weirdest to me is that Becky and Jo _have_ stated that the sort of idea behind the teachers is they're trying to explain these big, all-expansive concepts in dumbed down formats. They weren't really even SUPPOSED to be puppets of an evil mastermind as much as they just don't know what they're talking about because they're trying to make concise explanations out of complex subjects.
Tbh, one of the ways that I started to realise as an adult - with a twin who is definitely autistic - that maybe I'm autistic too, just LESS autistic than my brother was....kind of reverse engineering what you just said about Becky and Joe and their aims with the show. I worked out several years ago that, or some reason I didn't understand, OTHER people just intuitively reached conclusions that I didn't and probably never could have, and MY job was to reverse engineer THEIR conclusions to figure out the general rules that were just obvious to them (but for some reason they could never explain to me, and didn't really seem to understand in the first place) and then return the final answer back to them so everyone would be happy. It's a feeling I don't think I'll ever feel comfortable with or not internally rage at: that I have to some kind of quantum-social-psychological equation to figure out the answer that regular people just...get. And resent YOU for not understanding. You develop heuristics for it, rules of thumb, guesstimates, but you will never look normal for very long.
@@ProfDCoy I don't think any autistic person is "more" or "less" autistic than another, just that it presents itself in different ways across different people.
@@ProfDCoyim not quite sure what perspective your comments is supposed to be from but people being angry at you for not understanding something they think they shouldn't have to explain is a pretty good description of being on the autism spectrum
@@niicespiice I feel that's just short-hand for more or less apparent (in an expected way) or more or less disruptive to everyday navigation in the NT world. Because let's face it, some manifestations *are* more tolerable/fit in better, and that's usually what's meant. It's hard to describe a difference like, e.g., verbal vs nonverbal, without using some sort of intensity comparison. I mean, I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm just saying that they were also not wrong.
This video made me realise why I found this series scary growing up. Not the gore or violence, but the overstimulation and how the teachers treat the characters. The way the teachers act was very similar to the teachers I had, and of course the overstimulation was similar to what I had to experience everyday as a child with undiagnosed autism. The teachers didn't listen to me, and other adults refused to listen when I told them something upset me, while my parents never forced me to do things that I didn't like, student counselor's and the like thought making me do things like talk to my classmates or go out into crowds would help. It never did and made it so much worse for me.
oh and if you go ahead for once how pissed they will be. like when was in kindagarten and had work where have to "count swings" always 5 or less since can eaily "see" a "5" and below without counting i would instantly have the answer but then they get mad that im not "following the super dumb slow class" but oh if i fall behind its fuck me!
@@nightmarerex2035 I’ve had that exact experience with teachers! If it wasn’t their way, it was the wrong way. Even if their way was harder, and more complicated.
@@DeviBuster I feel like I would be smarter.. I guess.. or at least more on track today if they were to just let me do it my way and get it right lol I remember solving math problems and then not getting credit cuz I didn’t show my work (I didn’t show my work or didn’t do it their way) and stuff In 4th grade.. my math teacher TO L D my therapists that he didn’t like me.. and he never helped me when I got behind in math. Rip.. I still can’t do math.. and now I’m really behind I’d say I’m still struggling with 4th-5th grade math.. never memorized the times tables and division and stuff cuz I didn’t know that’s what I was supposed to do. I thought I had to learn how to calculate and solve in my head every time I saw math questions and not just.. memorize them.. so I never really learned them except for the very easy questions like 1x, 5x, and 10x I wish people made things easier and explained why they/we do the things they/we do sometimes.. if that makes sense If I didn’t see a reason for something.. I’d skip out on doing to save time and energy.. not necessarily because I was being defiant but many people took it that way and then this older guy diagnosed me with a thing called oppositional defiant disorder (which.. my other therapists disagreed on but I still got diagnosed lol) I definitely had problems back then but it wasn’t.. well.. that..
so i havent watched dhmis in years and not once after i got diagnosed with autism. this video made me cry when you started explaining how the instructions of arranging sticks into your favourite color didnt make sense, because it made me remember every confusing social interaction, every assignment in class that made me cry, because it was too vague and every time i have ever felt unintelligent because i didnt intuitively understand something that others just did. I just realized how much i subconsciously ignore everything i cant understand by virtue of logic or asking. And why i then get unbearably distressed when i dont understand a task i have no choice but to do.
I grew up with undiagnosed autism (combination of being a girl, living in a rural area, and my brother having more destructive autistic traits than me sucking up all the attention) and god hearing you talk about how no one listened to your feelings is fucking REAL. I was a very emotional and sensitive kid and I would cry really easily about anything that upset me, and the adults around me just kind of started *ignoring* me after a while. Like "oh what are you upset about *this* time?" and "you're being too sensitive." It really fucked me up and I still have a hard time being vulnerable around people and especially crying around people because I'm so used to automatic rejection when I cry. I was *not* too sensitive, *they* were all just shit at understanding me. Also, this line: "I'm autistic" *looks down* "I'm sure this is incredibly shocking news for you." Cracked me the fuck up. Well done.
@@randomnoob101flyhightweek I don't have autism (to my knowledge) I have I-ADHD(previously known as ADD) I'm 15 so there's not much I can say about it either without me being having an attitude or being an angsty teenager. I was a very very emotional child that cried so much I couldn't cry about things that really mattered for an entire 1-2 years. I had to make myself cry sometimes. Stopping myself from crying because I didn't want to be called a cry baby became second nature. I still try to do it. I can't openly cry unless something is extraordinarily bad or unsettling. Like I had a panic attack because we were forced to use lockers at school. Also I started bawling my eyes out so long and hard because someone was smacking on their gum to purposely to piss me off. I cried so hard the blood vessels around my eyes popped and there was red specks around my eyes for days after. I had to get signed out cause it was so bad. Only simple stupid things make me cry. It's hard to cry when I'm emotionally or physically disturbed now. I like to call it the cry baby complex.
I'm autistic and afab my younger brother autism was picked up on mine was not. But I remember the constant terror of school, the idea of being wrong for nothing. I learned to charm the adults around me, I was every teachers pet because if I wasn't I knew I'd be in danger. I wasn't good at keeping friends. But I made sure that every teach I could loved me so I would get the benefit of the doubt. The concept of the "good girl" saved me. Once I was in secondary though I couldn't charm 6 different teachers a day. So just tried to disappear and not get noticed. I'm sometimes so angry that no-one noticed my autism until I did at nearly thirty. But the way autism is treated in schools scares me to my soul.
a lot of this feels like it was written by me, just with some differences as well. I'm also autistic and afab, but my younger brother was picked up on being autistic much earlier than me. I'm lucky to have been able to get resources about autism tho and learn more about it from friends that I got a diagnosis last year when I was 16 instesd
I feel similarly. I'm in my 20s and thankful in some ways I only realized I'm autistic now, because people who got officially recognized earlier on in life have suffered so much more outright abuse. I was always terrified of being moved to special ed because of the things I've heard (and admittedly, the internalize ableism of people treating ppl who need support as less than human or doomed). I ended up feeling like a failure anyway though because of failing school. And I could have had something if I had been dx'd ADHD early enough. But then again my abusive parent said they "don't believe in medicine for things that aren't a chemical imbalance" (adhd is literally a chemical imbalance of dopamine.....) so, its not like I would have gotten actual help for that one either. *sigh* its extremely upsetting to feel like I've missed out on live and been unnecessarily traumatized so badly by being dismissed & not supported for my disabilities but still have to feel like that now is ultimately the only time it would be helpful or safe to find out. Cause even if I did get to find out earlier, it wouldn't have changed anything for me due to the people around me. And that's tragic. All we can do now is pick up the pieces and try to create something with what's left I guess.
Fucking hell, you sound exactly like me!! Only, I’m 17 and was diagnosed about 10 months ago. I’m currently still doing my disappearing act at sixthform college, now people can’t see me, so they can’t bully me. But I’m terrified that when i go to university, because i cant make social connections, I’m going to be cripplingly alone. Wish me luck i guess ahah Edit: oh and my oldest brother was diagnosed with asbergers when he was like 6. My second oldest was diagnosed with adhd a few years back, i was relied upon to be ‘the normal one’ which fucked me up real bad lmao.
yes!! i was such a good kid in school. no behavior problems (except for talking around people i liked, but i could keep myself under control for the most part) but i had terrible grades. if the class wasn’t a special interest i was scraping by only .5 above failing. but i was called lazy. just help me!!!
I felt that "You were supposed to fucking *LISTEN* to me!" resonate in my soul. Absolutely loved this video. It was super raw and honest, and it felt so validating to hear someone else on the spectrum say these things. I could probably write an entire thesis on all the different moments i had to pause and reflect on how much one of your horror stories reminded me of one of my own. We need more people like you Patty, people who have the ability and courage to speak out and try to get NTs to understand the harm their abject refusal to understand us does, that *they* are the ones who need to change, not us.
@Andres god you have no idea the kind of shit some people have been through, have you? Being pinned down as a child having a meltdown is horrifying, there are cases where using that method of restriction has caused serious harm and even death. Children’s deaths. Please think about that when you call people sensitive.
@Andres "Y'all are so sensitive", and yet you're the one who felt the need to make multiple comments spouting off some bigoted nonsense, because this simple comment of mine offended you so much.
Oh my lord you had no right to jumpscare me with superflex like that 😭. I hated that our issues as neurodivergent children were alwaus reduced down to evil villains and bad things. It made me feel like i was evil and bad. I was "worry wall" . Thanks school, its almost like my parents were going through a messy divorce and for an autistic child, it was such a sudden and scary change it caused me stress outside of the home. But no, reduced down to an evil villain instead of letting me process the subject in a healthy way. They also knew none of us wanted to do it so they promised us a pizza party at the end of the year. Never got one. I don't even think they planned one. The utter betrayal.
I'd never heard of those characters before, but as soon as I saw it and read the image I went "what emotionally unintelligent and immature adult wrote this shit?!" cause damn it's just straight up villanizing and encouraging repression of normal emotions. It was specifically used as an ableist tool, but it's also just harmful to anyone as long as they're human. It goes against common sense and all scientific evidence on how to help children understand and deal with emotion. Like it could be one of those things that stems from shitty wrong studies, shitty faulty "science", but no, it's even more directly pulled out of someone's ass than that. What a feat. Either the person that wrote it is legit abusive in their personal life (and/or possibly a victim of abuse themselves), or they see nd ppl (unconsciously or counciously) as so inhuman, that they don't realize these are the same emotions they also experience, and nd people are just experiencing it to a different degree. Just goddamn, I'm sorry you had to deal with this
I was diagnosed autistic very young noticeably because I was nonverbal or I guess what folks used to call "Asperger's". I've been put in special ed my whole school life. I remember having to learn about Superflex when I was in 4th grade. Superflex was not helpful, and if I'm being honest very obnoxious because of the "villains" based off of behavioral problems from children and if I had "behavioral problems" I'm just being my autistic self (and must be undiagnosed ADHD). It's not the first time I'm obliged to learn about a mortifyingly degrading subject from special needs though. I remember having to hear a para read a book on when a child throws a tantrum when I was in 2nd grade, and the book states where you get a punishment if u keep your sh*tty attitude up...
Hi, I'm also autistic. One part that really hit close to home for me was the whole "No, you're lonely, I can see it in your eyes" line. I often didn't like to hang out that much with other kids. I disliked large groups, or physical games. I preferred to play by myself, alone. I remember teachers trying to get me to play with other kids, and my parents trying to get me to make more friends. But I never cared for it that much. I had a group of friends at school but we were kinda the not very active not very sociable guys. When I got into highschool it became weirder because the whole highschool romance phase started but I never took part in it. I don't recall having any crush or feeling interest in girls at all. I never had a highschool girlfriend or engaged in any of that. At first my parents were weirded out by my disinterested approach to the opposite gender, and they even asked me outright if I was gay, and I told them no, I just didn't want to have a relationship. Today, I'm 24, I have a career and a job, and I still haven't really figured out the whole relationships thing. I had a crush once, and it did not go well.
Honestly, when neurotypicals try to psychoanalyze us is when I've had enough. Also, judging by your disinterest in relationships you could indeed be asexual/aromantic (if you haven't considered that already)
not gonna diagnose, but to me that sounds like demiromantic asexual spectrum :) maybe look up those keywords and see if they give you any feeling of direction.
The worst part of having a panic attack is the reaction of “you are being disrespectful and manipulative” from a parent so I feel that. I don’t have autism but I do have adhd and I’ve been viewed as a burden my whole life by the school system. I hope this rings a note with others. Having your desk facing the wall or put in the hallway, never knowing what’s going on and having your only friend be your home room teacher. School is so absolutely absurd and the belief that everyone is supposed to just figure it out or get left behind is not accurate to the outside world.
I’ll never forget my mom saying “what are you, 2 years old?” To me and my also autistic brother constantly fighting with each other and occasionally having meltdowns because of it. It was never about maturity most of it was out of our control. We don’t fight like that anymore, I’ve gotten pretty good at dealing with my triggers in more healthy ways.
I was put in a corner away from everyone in 2nd grade. I'm diagnosed with autism and 99% sure I have adhd (I have months of research to back this belief) so I feel you, I hope things are better now!
God this is reminding me of a meltdown i had not too long ago, and my mother’s only reaction to me hyperventilating and screaming and trying to lean on her for support, both physically and mentally? Was to push me away and yell at me for making a mountain out of a mole hill. Thanks mom
I have ADHD as well- I'm inattentive type so I never had to deal with the "go outside" or "go sit in the corner" response unless I had a meltdown. But, I drew (and still do) a lot in class as a way to help me focus, but then when the actual schoolwork needed to be done I struggled to get on-task. The thing is, my teachers couldn't tell the difference between me screwing off and me just drawing to focus, so in 6th grade my teachers took my sketchbook away. They put it in a bag outside the classroom and I could only take it when I was done with my work. I obviously didn't cooperate and just found other ways to draw with loose paper, but just thinking about that and how they didn't even try to ask why I was drawing instead of doing my work boils my blood. They really just assumed that I was just lazy and wasn't trying to do my work. The school system helped me at times, but this was not one of those times.
Yeah,sometimes I have freakouts cause of the stress and everyone just says I'm acting like a baby and trying to get attention. To my knowledge I'm not on the autism spectrum but I do have an attention disorder and some emotional problems.
Jesus Christ. I'm also neurodivergent and working as an aide at a school, and I was appalled to hear that you were restrained every time you had a meltdown. I was trained that you should never do that if there is any other option available. It should be reserved for ONLY when the child is a danger to themselves or someone else (at age six the latter is fairly unlikely.) So things like, having the kid lightly push you or try to grab something from you don't warrant it. Usually, during meltdowns, you can give the kid some space, maybe give them a toy to help them calm down, let them take a break, and then calmly talk later. And, telling anyone, kid or adult, that their feelings are wrong does not help them emotionally regulate, if anything it'll make it worse. Everyone has different triggers and ways of viewing the world. That story was horrifying and I'm happy to use that as a model for what not to do in my job.
@Eric Hockemeyer i feel like I slipped through the cracks when it came to getting any formalized diagnostics as a child. But some of those experiences of yours reminded me of a program I was in as a kid. All I really know for sure was my self-esteem was in a terrible place and the program material was rather easy? But I liked the opportunity of just being allowed to be in a smaller class room for some of my educational tenure then. It was like a low-stimulation place that still made me feel okay? It's kind of hard to describe how that program impacted me. (I never really considered it could be autistic stuff until my late twenties. My memory is awful, but I don't think I ever heard the notion being explicitly discussed with my parents, either. However, at times, I do have some sense of imposter syndrome... from the strategies I learned growing up?) Funny, since even earlier on, it was suggested I be in a gifted kid track. But my parents decided not to put me through that (thinking it might be too stressful and alienating from age cohort). It's a choice that gives me some "what ifs" about (I wondered if it left me all that understimulated - I still gravitated to my teachers more). The more I listen to ND experiences, it makes me continue to reframe a lot of it as "that... that could explain a lot."
restraining can even injure the kid very badly, i saw news of an autistic kid dying from it. when i have meltdowns i just have everyone stare at me as i get escorted to the counselors office, whether it was an angry meltdown or an anxiety/overstim/etc meltdown where im loudly crying and dizzily walking around/standing up randomly while scratching my numb arms as tears blind me, i hated the staring and one time an aide for another special ed kid said to a couple kids i was faking and looked me dead in the eyes and nodded like she was right AS I WAS HAVING A MELTDOWN, after that i got diagnosed with severe anxiety and asthma and my mom confronted her in front of 2 office ladies, she tried to play dumb also currently finally getting a clinical diagnosis for ASD because my dad love to push away my issues a lot and doesnt listen when i describe how my brain works etc, but now hes actually letting me see a therapist and ive also been diagnosed with adhd and ive basically known ive had adhd for 6 years now, did research even when i was young and he still tried to push that i dont have it and refused to understand, he did that with anxiety long ago too but ive been diagnosed for both so,...lol(sorry for this ramble, and bad grammar, im not good with english or writing sometimes even though its my first language lol)
I also grew up with autism, and my policy quickly became "if you dont care what i say, you'll care what I do." So I got really good at causing damage and lying. If they hadn't tried so hard to force me into line, then I wouldn't have tried so hard to destroy the line. Basically, I understand your story
ok, as an autistic person, I need you to make like 7 more video essays about your childhood experiences, because you just gracefully put together parts of my own experience that I couldn't fucking explain or understand myself let alone cope with in therapy and tell anyone else about. seriously, man, thank you.
This made me remember what is now one of my favourite details in the series, and actually realise why I connected to it so much. In ep3, when yellow guy's told that love is a feeling he says, "because I'm hungry!" But he's told, "no, you're lonely." Yellow guy didn't actually give any indication he was feeling lonely, in fact he mentioned a completely different feeling. But in the eyes of the teacher, not being with friends and not knowing how to 'love correctly' meant he was lonely. AND THIS IS THE GENIUS PART!! Later on in the song the yellow guy says, "even me? But I am lonely" in a way that's sad and dejected. He was never actually lonely! But he was told that he was, and internalised it. And that was _me._ That was my childhood. As a kid I loved playing by myself. I was a very happy kid! It's not that I didn't like other kids, I was happy to play with them if they wanted. But I was also quite content to be in my own, wonderful little world. But the adults were _not_ content with that. Teachers were 'concerned' I wasn't playing with the other kids. My parents tried everything to make me. They banned me from playing my imagination games. They got teachers to 'pair' me with a kid each break that was made to play with me. At first I was just confused and annoyed. I tried to tell them I wasn't unhappy, I liked my own company, but they didn't listen. They told me that the way I was before was sad. It was wrong. It meant that I was _lonely._ And so eventually, I internalised that. I carried that with me my whole life. I stopped being content with just me, I had to be _liked._ and if people didn't like me (because who likes the weird autistic kid amiright?) Then that meant I was bad, and I had to change. I had to put everyone's needs before mine, suppress my real interests, be someone else, anything to be accepted so I wouldn't be lonely. But these days I've realised that when I am alone, I'm not lonely, I never was. I don't need people to like me or accept me, I like me. That can be enough. I hope you realise that too someday, yellow guy.
I’ve had a very similar experience to you! Thank you for writing this comment as it really helps reading other people’s experiences in the big fucking neurotypical world to feel not alone. I really wish I was never forced into what teachers and my mother wanted me to be social wise because now I’m just, I’m just a mess dude. But yeah, thank you for putting it into words, I hope I can realise I don’t need other people to like myself, but until then, at least I know it’s possible.
@@uhoh6092 You're welcome! Yea it can be rough sometimes. When you feel alone in your struggles, just remember there's a stranger out there rootin for ya! (That stranger being me, I believe in you!
I dont have autism - your explanation of emotional meltdowns granted a full and complete understanding of something I would never have had the opportunity to understand if you hadnt explained it just the way you did from a position of emotional vulnerability. Thank you for that - I am genuinely grateful to you.
As a fellow autistic furry, this video speaks to me so deeply. Luckily for me, I didn't have to deal with the book or special ed because I was diagnosed as an adult, but that created its own whole host of problems that I can feel really deeply when I watch DHMIS. The strongest one that I feel is Yellow Guy's constant grasping to understand and being shot down. I felt that too but the lack of diagnosis just led to me feeling inherently broken. I'd like to add my own interpretation to love episode. As an autistic person, I found that I experience and show love differently from other people. I show it through homemade gifts, giving away my belongings, and extremely strict self control that makes me able to attempt to show that I care for and am interested in others and also to make conversations go more smoothly. Other humans really like the gifts, but the self control annoys and confuses them when the cracks show. They seem to think that if someone has to put in effort to connect with them then the person doesn't really care about them. Which is baffling to me because isn't someone caring about you enough to put in extra effort for you a very blatant show of love? It feels like my love is only valuable when it results in tangible gifts rather than the intense mental and emotional effort that exists behind the scenes, even though if I didn't put in that effort they'd be even angrier. And that's not even to mention the deep bond that I feel with inanimate objects that makes people think I'm ridiculous or childish. And that's what the love episode feels like. Yellow Guy sees everyone explaining how they love. Then he gets excited to join in and share what he loves as well. Then he is chastised and told that he doesn't love the correct way. They explain the correct way to love and it makes literally no sense and seems to completely miss the point of love in the first place in the eyes of those on the outside. Then he is aggressively shoved into their form of love and everyone he knows is there. It is loud, terrifying, and overbearing. And he has no chance but to try to join that form of love.
Imagine seeing a show called “Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared” and NOT immediately seeing the parallels to autism and the treatment of neurodivergent and disabled children. Then again, I can’t imagine NOT being neurodivergent, so I can imagine seeing this work through my lense would be hard for a lot of these plot theorists too.
@@nintendoboy3605 interesting! For me touch, especially around the shoulders, is a sensory trigger, so I’ve always associated hugs with Sensory Issues.
@@nintendoboy3605 I mean I’m affectionate in other ways, but touch just makes me wanna cry lol. And I’m somewhat more comfortable when I can give hugs and things cuz it’s easier to make sure it doesn’t trigger my sensory issues. But maybe it’s just my circle of autistic friends, cuz most of my other friends on the spectrum also find hugs more stressful than comforting most of the time. That just goes to show why it’s called a spectrum and why you can’t paint every autistic person with the same brush.
@@chickenelafsworld7105 Understandable. Back to the show itself, I never really associated it with autism despite having autism myself. Is there anything wrong with that?
It’s one of those catch 22s. If caught early, you could develop lots of necessary social tools, at the cost of early life becoming far more traumatic in some ways. But if it’s caught later, you run the risk of being in life with none of the tools you need to function, but still also some serious trauma. People say that autism is something people know all about nowadays… but if that were really true, I don’t think society would be quite as hostile to us as it still tends to be.
@@skyeguy7914 I was caught early but got all the bullshit of the later, getting diagnosed doesn't mean your parents or school really step up to the plate
@@celestemunda7143 I wasn’t really trying to say that it was exactly. My wording was meant to imply that it wasn’t guaranteed to be helpful if one got proper assistance early on. Or even guaranteed they would get assistance at all unfortunately. Im all too familiar with the fact that a lot of us just don’t get the necessary help, period.
I wasn't diagnosed until adulthood either, and while I'm happy I didn't have to put up with special ed, I have definitely been screamed at for telling funny jokes or told my involuntary sobbing was fake.
it really is such a conflict. if i could definitely say and trust in the system to give me the help i needed and not punish me for things i dont understand, id be a lot more confident in saying i wish i was diagnosed as a kid. but because of how folks who did often regale these horrible experiences, it makes me question if i was better off not understanding why i was so rejected by my peers without a word to even divide me from them, if getting recognized and supported as a child wouldve saved me from feeling like i was just bumbling around as a kid or if the service offered wouldve just hurt me in a whole different way. its like a monkeys paw, wherein i wish i wouldve been given proper support and help from the system that was made to educate me, but in wishing so what im given only works to horrify me in a way i wouldntve been before. i detest how i fell through the cracks and how nobody understood why or how i was struggling, but at the same time i probably wouldve detested what they wouldve done to 'help' me. as it stands, i think im better off without whatever florida wouldve passed off as special ed in the mid 2000s, but i still cant help but mourn what help i couldve received if these services didnt fail people like us so often and so traumatically
this video reminds me of the time when i , an autistic person was in class. the teacher was talking about the blue whale challenge ( a trend which involved pressuring teens into self harm and $uicide). there were graphic images shown like people carving a whale into their arm. I told the teacher I wanted to leave the class because the bloody images disturbed me , and they said "ok". That day scarred me. They were trying to warn us about the challenge but they just traumatized us by showing elementary schoolers gore.
The sad part is I believe you completely education is fucked society is fucked and humans are fucked can we just let everything else inherit the earth yet
wow... my sister has mostly blocked out any memories she has of being in special ed class, but this brought back all of my memories of the stuff I was told happened to her by our mom once I got home every day. It was an overstimulating hell hole for her every day to the point where she did not develop and regressed in some aspects. My mother took her out of public school before she started 6th grade; she is now a brilliant artist, wise, intelligent and is able to be her own person. (this is the biggest comment I think I have ever posted.)
Tbh honest good for her. I have autism (it isn’t extreme though) and school does suck, I’d have to admit. For me, it always feels like the day actually starts when I get home. I can make music, write, draw, or just listen to OSTs or something. Most of the time, I kind of just have school blurred now but back in the day I swear I would rather get dropped kicked in the stomach than go to school. Didn’t have really a reason why I didn’t want to go, I just didn’t. Nowadays I’m a class clown and haven’t sweared through out the school years all the way through 8th grade. Even with this experience, I can say that school isn’t necessary at all. Teachers say that they teach things you would need in life, but if you really need some life advice, more often than not you would go to your parents. Teachers probably aren’t the people to care about you. Especially when they have been there for years. They have probably seen kids exactly like you. But some students need the teachers to care about them, and I feel bad for them. Glad for your sister now though. She managed to thrive when coming out of a bad place.
I went to a neotypical primary school then to a behavioural secondary school that decided it wanted to throw in some special needs kids in the mix, this was duing the late 90s early 2000s but my infant school were special needs too. My secondary school has remodeled as a full special school after I left in year 11. You know what I'm glad that the pupils that now attend that school didn't go though what I did.
My mom was a special ed teacher and she didn't even try sending me to school, I was homeschooled my whole life (now im in college and doing very well). Homeschooling can have its downsides but for me it was a godsend. My family is not always understanding but my mom knew how to work with neurodivergent kids, i think if i went to public school i'd literally be dead by now.
As someone who is studying to be a teacher currently it horrifies me how badly non neurotypical kids have been and are still treated in school by some. I will try every day in my future career to do better than that, especially since I might not be neurotypical and relate to many feelings that you have described in a lesser degree.
On behalf of ND students, thank you. The people that hurt us most are rarely the genuinely cruel, they're usually just ignorant and refuse to listen, even when they're working with adults
I absolutely love this read. Also, I feel like your interpretation explains the title really well... "Don't hug me, I'm scared" is something I could absolutely see a panicked, overstimulated, neurodivergent child saying. A simple request from a child, asking for a very basic boundary in a time of distress, that, let's face it, most adults would bulldoze over and ignore. "You're scared, of course you need a hug!" Oof. I am right there with you feeling the invalidation hurts.
I was thinking the same thing! It definitely fits with the idea of authority figures (the teachers in the episodes, a parent like Roy) (accidentally) harming children instead of protecting them and making them feel safe in the world
The part “YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO F)(KING LISTEN TO ME” made me shiver, and now I’m streaming tears, it hurts to listen to that on a daily basis… as a person with ASD, (diagnosed btw) i shut down my emotions and ñ that was my breaking point
I am so sorry about you being restrained…when I was in kindergarten I was(and still am) terrified of fire drills and when one happened I hid under the table and wouldn’t come out. So a teacher turned off the lights the chased me around the school, through the library, tried to trap me in a chair and ended up restraining me where it left bruises and red marks on my body that my mom found when I got home..Why people think it’s ok to restrain during tantrums or times of discomfort has made no sense to me it should only happen if they are absolutely positive that they are a threat to another
Times like this I get that visual memory of a dinner lady sitting on a like 7-y-o boy having a tantrum. I was like 6 myself and we were walking out of lunch. Still terrifying because I had no idea why they were doing what they were doing. Nearly 30 years later I realise he was probably having a meltdown and that's Just How They Dealt With It In The 90's. So glad I never had a meltdown like that in school, I just cried a lot so I was known for being a crybaby.
@@thatoneguy9582 I remember I had a babysitter who would shove me in a dark closet whenever I misbehaved until I stopped reacting or promised her over and over that I would be good. My mum fired her when I told her but I'm still terrified of the dark to this day
I don’t remember this, but I am assured it happened; when I was six or five, I was having a meltdown where I repeatedly requested a staff member not touch me. When she repeatedly ignored me, I grabbed her hand and bit down as hard as I could. Apparently the principal and the police called my parents to whine about it, but my dad was the only one home, so he was just like "well she asked you to stop touching her and you didn’t." That teacher never tried to touch me again.
i was diagnosed so early for an afab person and have been in therapy since the entire second decade of my life, yet no therapist ever told me what having autism means. what it's symptoms are, how it affects my life, sensory issues, masking, burnout, meltdowns, nothing. none of it. this video is making me cry so much. i've taken it upon myself to learn about what autism actually is and how it affects me the past year, and i'm so enraged at all the times i was treated wrongly just for being autistic. even to current day. i'm so glad to find community with other autistic people after being made to feel so alien and subhuman by allistics.
Pathologizing disabilities really fucks so many people over. Seeing autism (and neurodivergence as a whole) as something to be fixed rather than understood and worked with.
It is difficult to explain generally because it's so individual in terms of the symptoms, but I find it really odd that they didn't tell you things relating to your particular situation.
@@omarawad7707 that’s incorrect. It stands for assigned female at birth. Some intersex people are missed or had surgeries done to make them female, or people are trans so they aren’t currently female in any other way then medically (and even then, some things are based on hormone level rather then sex). Saying “assigned female at birth” or afab is just a fast way of stating how they were raised socially and is an important distinction to make in some conversations.
One of the handful of vidoe essays that don't fall into the cold and "objective" trap and has actual interesting things to say about how a piece of art makes feelings. Beautiful.
11:50..."crying won't make us do anything for you" I swear grown ups really thought litteral children are trying to manipulate them by expressing an emotion in the only way they know
I’ve not watched DHMIS but I am autistic (+ adhd and anxiety) and watching this video has solidified my realization that “oh yeah. I have been autistic but QUIETLY.” . I usually speak too loud and out of turn , i cry easily and feel emotions strongly but I only sometimes identify my emotions properly. It’s just “these feelings are strong and I want to bite something” . I’ve never had a meltdown but I have been overstimulated to the point of agitation, and all i want to do is hide somewhere and cool off (eben though in a school situation that’s impossible). I mistake peoples social cues and i never can read someone intentions when speaking to me, so I always feel like people are talking to me to make a fool of me. I get bullied at school for my eccentric style choices and then people learn I’m autistic and they feel bad about it like as if they didn’t just make fun of me for being a weird dumbass 5 minutes ago. (The haters can’t get to me thru my wall of headphones and loud music B]) . I should probably watch DHMIS but I keep on putting it off lol. Hearing you talk about how the world feeling confusing and overwhelming made me realize that, yeah, that wasn’t just a me issue, it was me being autistic and the only people who have made an effort to understand me are other neurodivergent people. This video spoke to me in a way that’s hard to put my finger on. I want to eat your video (/pos) i probably misinterpreted the whole video I kinda just needed to talk about autism n shit being autistic but not in a stereotypical way has been a Can of beans bc nobody takes me seriously when i am clearly autistic and struggling with shit and being able to talk about it in a yt vid comment section has gotten some of that off of my chest because th3 daily life of being misunderstood and made fun of really has worn on me and uh, yeah YIPPIE
Holy shit (super off topic below) you just connected the dots for me on a childhood memory. I fucked my knee up and wasn’t allowed to do sport stuff anymore. And I remember I’d just start biting myself, hard. I always thought that it was bc I was in pain and advil wasn’t distracting enough… but that never made complete sense. We didn’t realize that my knee was actually screwed up (and that it wasn’t growing pains) until MONTHS later. I had to have been doing that as a responce to all the overwhelming and negative emotions. It physically hurt in a sharp way, but my emotions do sometimes since I have a hard time recognizing them. I really felt like I was grieving my sport, and pissed that everyone refused to take my pain seriously or to bother listening to me. And then when people did it was beyond too late to fix anything, and my folks got mad at me for opting out of a surgery that had a slim to none chance of fixing my knee bc ‘you keep complaining about it’. And ofc I would complain since it obviously never will be the same again, and could have been prevented to some degree …Fuck. Nice to finally know what all that biting was about.
First time I've seen someone say they want to eat something positively, and now I realize why I always want to put stuff in my mouth. Like my cats, or my plants, or my dogs, or my books, or cards, or toys etc etc
If I had a nickel for every time I read a youtube comment saying they wanted to eat something (a video, music, a comment) because they like it so much, I would have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.
I remember writing a short story in when I was in school and ending it ‘you decide what happens next’. I remember being told by my teacher that that wasn’t how you were supposed to end stories. The green is not a creative colour kinda made me think of that moment with the context you gave. It was a small moment but I remember my mum basically saying not to listen to my teacher. It just makes me glad to have had that support, I feel like if I hadn’t a lot of my development would’ve been shat on by the school system. I ended up being home tutored for a good portion of the time I would be in high school and I’m kinda glad that I was now.
I look at that and I see it as the teacher either: a) Interpreting it as you are not trying enough or holding back your true potential. b) Seeing it as a sign that you didn't manage your time well and wrote that as a way of ending your story quickly when the time ran out.
@@yggdrasil2 if either interpretation is true than they should have said that instead of just saying “that’s wrong” in regards to a piece of a child’s creativity. Like, maybe ask “did you run out of time to write your story?” I don’t know I’m not a teacher but maybe I should be one if this is how teachers treat kids.
@@anerrorhasoccurred8727 Well, "choose your own adventure stories" have been around for a while, and they are basically like video games in a book from before PCs existed. So "you decide what happens next" has some kind of context these days.
there's also that thing where autistic kids are often literally taught the "right" and "wrong" ways to play with toys. like some kids just wanna organize all their toys into fun patterns instead of engaging in "imaginative" play & they're taught that that's wrong. It relates on an extremely literal level to the scene with the orange in DHMIS1.
Just saw a study done that showed people pathologising how autistic kids play, before people were told it was an autistic kid they just went "ooh how creative!" Green is not a creative color.
Still remember when my mom bought me this hello kitty house set where all the furniture and rooms were loose and u could assemble them any way u wanted. I loved the gift so much I glued all the furniture on the right room tiles and then glued the rooms in a order that made sense for a house, making a full hello kitty house in. Apparently that was not what I was supposed to 😅 Ma was not amused.
there’s nothing worse than a neurotypical person thinking I “don’t have empathy” because they aren’t willing to do the work to empathize with how I empathize. Specifically the one that always gets stuck in my craw is when someone is talking about a bad thing that happened to them, and I say “I get how you’re feeling, a similar thing happens to me” and they complain about me changing to subject to be about me. Like buddy I’m literally just demonstrating fuckin’ empathy
I find that people misunderstand this way of relating to their situation less often, if I don't say "i understand how you feel, something similar happened to me" but instead swap it around and say "something similar happened to me, so i understand how you feel". I think if you end on a different topic people are more likely to feel like you want to steer the conversation away but if you bring it back around to what they were talking about they probably wont feel that way. Anyways some people will always be shitty and self absorbed and unwilling to understand others
Yeah this used to happen whenever I told my boyfriend how I went through something similar whenever he complained about his past. He said to me once that it felt like I was trying to invalidate him by telling him how I've had it worse but I explained to him that I don't actually think I've had it worse, that I actually wanted to make him feel understood and less alone in his experiences whenever I notice we have experiences in common like that. Now he understands that's just my way of being empathetic and understanding, and that I'm actually trying to comfort him by showing him he's not alone. Sometimes talking things over after a misunderstanding like that can help a lot
oh shit, sometimes i stop myself from using these exact wording cause it feels like i am taing away the person moment to vent, and i reaaally don´t want to be a jerk to someone suffering. I get you man, your coment spoke to me hard
this reminds me of how i was treated in a first grade "rapid math" test... one day a question of "0-1" was the final question and I knew whole heartedly that it was "-1", I asked the teacher and she told me "that even though I was right I should not know that yet and that if it wasn't in her answer book it will be marked wrong"... maybe it was stubbornness or pride... but i doubled down... when i received my paper back with a "-1 see me" and had a discussion with the teacher about following orders and rules when they were given... i cried... and i still haven't forgotten... jesus
by the way they (the corporate lesson plan my braindead first grade teacher followed) wanted me to write down "1" and ignore the fact that negative numbers were a thing
God this shit happened to me all the time. In English specifically i had so many teachers reprimand me for it. I used to have a genuine love for learning. This system of teaching almost killed it.
the "crying wont get you anything" and "your reaction is a 5" thing really hit soooo hard. i wasnt diagnosed as a kid but looking back i really did have so many of these experiences. feeling like everything is moving too fast and no one is willing to lend you a hand to catch up, while being expected to be miles ahead already, no one listening to you *because* youre being too loud about it. acting like we dont have feelings, but when we do theyre "too much". i really hate that!!!! i was so easily overstimulated as a child and all i got was anger in return. thank you so much for this vid!! it really goes way deeper than any other analysis of the series ive watched! also its been so long since ive heard someone call the trio dennis eugene and harry lmao. thats a real deep cut for the og fandom
Honestly, I'd say the third episode got amplified for me with being aromantic asexual alongside autistic, it's the same exact confusion just on a more literal level of "i don't do heteronormative love" and just being told it's the way. I recall an experience once where a teacher was trying to lecture me about deciding to skip a very social high school event, and at one point he goes "in the future, when you finally meet the one who makes you heart flutter, and makes you feel thing-" and i just interrupted him saying "I'm asexual." and he replied "that doesn't matter anyways when you find your special one and then (SHE) asks ..." and like it was a script, the way it's always been that any deviation is immediately rejected. This was a much more neutral experience of being denied deviation of what constituted loves, but it's one I think about a lot. EDIT: saw this in replies, I'm aroace myself and felt the need to clarify that with the "heart flutter" response by adding aro clarifier. I mean, I still know the teacher was talking about "marriage" and by extension attraction on those terms (plus conflation of romanticism and seuxality), but just think it's good to note that even if it was meant to be about romantic attraction (which it isn't) it still was just like "i am not hetero-anything" and being ignored in that regards. i just like saying "asexual" to mean "aroace" to other people who aren't used to ace terminology, which is my bad
YES. autistic ace here. This really hit for me when I realized how absolutely fucking bullshit the concept of monogamy is, realising that not only could I love more than 1 person, but that I'd be demonised for that for *no reason*. It's so backwards that people are expected to find a singular person and love them until they die, even being often prohibited from having friends of the opposite sex for the rest of your life. What. The. Fuck.
Another autistic ace over here! You get it!!! Like, even though I was never told as a kid "you need to fall in love" I always grew up thinking that was what was expected until I started learning about asexuality. Even then, whenever someone did try to teach me about love I never got it. Especially when it came to bullies, anytime I tried to tell a teacher that a kid was following me and bothering me they'd say "that just means he likes you!" As if that was gonna make me feel less bothered, it only ever made me feel more bothered with that context. Actually I just remembered one of the times where it was the worst timing, my mom was taking me out of the mental hospital [ I was only there for about 2 days ] and on the drive home when I told her I actually liked the other people there cuz they were chill, she literally said, "oh did you find any boys there?" Like, mother, I was just at a mental hospital for 2 days, WHY WOULD YOU ASK ME IF I DEVELOPED A CRUSH OR RELATIONSHIP IN THAT AMOUNT OF TIME-
Absolutely. The absolute confusion of hearing about people having crushes and getting into relationships, your friends asking "so who do you like" and when you answer "[insert name] is pretty chill, I could probably handle interacting with them for a couple hours straight" and being completely lost when they respond with "no, like, who do you *Like* like?" and nobody will tell you what that means so you just awkwardly settle on "uh...no-one, I guess?" and then having to wonder if everyone is gaslighting you for some unknown reason. It took me years to even understand the theoretical concept of couples even when I saw them everywhere and I still can't wrap my head around why pairings exist. And then having to wonder if crushes and sexual attraction are even real things and *then* having to figure out why every possible system is so rigid regarding what you can and can't do but nobody ever fucking explains *why* that is. I got lucky in growing up in an environment where the sexuality thing never really got brought up in who should/shouldn't end up together but my family still bothers me about it.
@@veronicawexel1291 I hear you. That's really frustrating. I wish they'd respect your perspective and desires and choices and I wish our systems were more logical. I wish they'd take as much time to understand why they do certain things as autistics often have to
@@claude2571 The worst part is that they really do try. They have no problem with me going nonverbal for s while and needing to isolate myself almost constantly, the "rudeness" and general obsession with things, routines and special interests, the whole debacle, but for some reason the "I would rather drown myself in a puddle than get into a non-platonic relationship" is the part that gets pushed into Yeah No, That's Not How It Works corner. I still bite people on reflex when someone touches me without saying that that's what they're about to do and nobody questions it but the idea of me not wanting to take part in any kind of intimate bullshittery is "she doesn't know what she's talking talking about, everyone's gonna fall for someone eventually" thing to push on me. I just don't know what the fuck to do because it's been years and I can tell that they mean well but the no matter what I say they just don't believe me. Fair enough they might just be teasing and I just can't tell but it doesn't feel like they're joking.
As a fellow autistic person who has been bludgeoned over the head throughout my life by the assumption that my identifying as female is not possible because autistic women are way more rare, I deeply appreciate your confidence in talking about this so unabashedly. I severely struggle with self advocating, and seeing others so adament is inspiring. Your work is quite impressive and I express my utmost support for your art in the weirdest way I can.
if it helps, it probably is that rare because people don't recognize the simtomps on woman, and that it's a common issue with so much more or other topics. and, just because your autistic doesn't mean your gender identity has to be nullified. one it's about a cognitive alteration that one doesn't have total control over and the other one it's part of your identity and how you decide to view yourself as a person. some people really are closed minded because if they haven't seen it that means it can't exists. well that sucks for them because this is who you are, and your pretty real and valid on whatever you feel like. I hope this comment helps you and feel free to ask if I can see other ways to help you self advocate and make other people understand
@Eric Hockemeyer what... that comment was not an invitation to rant and vent about your friends literally killing themselves and the whole comment literally just sounds like 'Well actually men suffer more men r more important trans ftm people detransition because its so hard being a man'. There are more men diagnosed with autism, because females are more likely to mask and be diagnosed later in life, whilst males are not. Women are not necessarily treated better, it depends on the person It is not a competition over who is treated worse and many autistic people suffer with suicide and mental health issues in general, not just men.
@Eric Hockemeyer literally what did sharing any of that have to do with what the op said? Women are definitely not "treated better" no matter what your personal experience on the matter is. Pretty sure YOU don't know many autistic women so sorry but your experience is YOUR experience.
No one takes women's health seriously in any sense so of course they'd think there's less autistic women. And how the ever loving hell does that mean you CAN'T be one? You're not crazy and you're not invalidated by their refusal to consider sociology and autism. You are who you are.
To be fair, i don't think there are less autistic women than men, it's most likely pretty even. I think it's that autism is identified less often in women because more of the traits are deemed as "acceptable" for women to display and therefore get ignored. like how a lot of people with autism have difficulty learning and paying attention in the current school system. for a woman spacing out and having difficulty remembering things they are taught might just be chalked up to her being an air head or a bimbo, but for a man is unusual because men are viewed as more intelligent. Or how women are viewed as the more emotional sex, so a meltdown spurred by overstimulation is again just written off as a normal thing for a woman to do. Its hard to know the exact amount of men and women affected by autism, but I think sexism and gender roles heavily affect the number of women that get diagnosed compared to men.
This video is fantastic and really capturing a lot of why DHMIS just made me horribly uncomfortable in an almost humorous way. I wasn't "autistic enough" to get diagnosed as a kid (and I can't get diagnosed as an adult 'cause my psychologist is a piece of shit who decided to immediately talk down to me and then promptly forget I ever asked about it despite promising to devote a whole session to it) but the more I learn about autism, the more I make sense to myself and the more I realize where a lot of trauma actually came from as a kid 'cause I was "normal" but there was always something "wrong" about me that seemed to put other people off and none of it made sense and I just thought everyone felt this way and I was just a shitty person for not being able to deal with it like everyone else and it's so genuinely refreshing to hear someone talk about all of this shit like this 'cause the way autistic people are treated, whether diagnosed or left to suffer without knowing is so fucked up. Thank you! I love your videos.
Im in the same boat, i wasnt visibly autistic enough to get diagnosed, but i was autistic enough to be traumatized! If it helps, the autistic community on the whole is really really great about self diagnosis, getting a diagnosis is purposefully difficult and expensive and it can actually be a detriment to you later in life (insurance premiums could possibly go up bc its a 'preexisting condition', it could be a reason for doctors to deny other treatment, etc) and a diagnosis honestly doesnt open up a lot of treatment options in my opinion. Your lack of diagnosis does not mean you can't be autistic or active/present in autistic spaces!!
I relate so much to this it’s like you’re reading my mind. The experience of knowing there’s something wrong with you, knowing you aren’t normal, being alienated from your peers as a child whether purposefully or not, is so painful and so real. I have a lot of autistic + generally neurodivergent traits, but not enough to actually get diagnosed as of now. Your comment is so real. I wish you the best of luck with your life + with neurodivergency things (sorry if this is worded poorly idk how to word it lol)
Consider this comment as a simple rant. Edit: edited some things so the rant is more polished and easier to understand. Is this still a rant? TL;DR: i'm supposedly normal but feel completly lost in this word and everyone that "helped" me was completly useless. "i was normal but there was always something "wrong" about me" Now that's relatable. I feel that way even to this day. I'm supposedly normal but always felt different and the four times i had meetings with some psychologist or whatever in school or outside, i didn't felt like they were acctually helping at all. There was only one of them that did made an impact on me and managed to make me feel better about myself but even that person sometimes gave me tips that didn't felt helpful. I felt different from others. Couldn't make friends with anyone, and was scared of making any wrong move or else i'd be judged, laughed at or being seen as an even bigger of a weirdo than i already was. I have problems with confidence and conversating with others. I tend to one up them, talk about myself too much, struggle to understand what they mean, not keep an eye contact, second guess things and propably more things i can't think of right now. My incompetence scares me and i'm not ready for adulthood. It all sucks and nobody really tried or cared to help and understand me. I'm not susprised though. Why would they? Anyway, so rn i'm supposedly normal but with some traits like introvertism, overthinking etc. (Each of them kinda suck btw). And apparently i've been very harsh on myself, criticizing every small move i did. I'm harsh on myself cause i'm scared of how i'll end up in the future and i keep comparing myself to others, especially my siblings.
I'm 34 and was told that I may have autistic manisms such as melting down I something goes wrong or focusing on something I'm obsessed with such as a TV show or drawing, I love art and is actually good at it. Although my pfp says otherwise lol 😂, my mum told me that as a child I'll be drawing these cartoony characters. I'm not deionised I just struggled with talking and walking as a baby and was late in development of those skills because I got stuck when being born sorry for my sob live story I'm.a woman btw
This just reminded me that my mom stopped a doctor from giving me an autism diagnosis, only to call me the r slur every time I didn't do something correctly my entire child life
I'm autistic but in a very different way because I wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult and I had more dissociative, quiet meltdowns that people didn't notice. Hearing your thoughts helped me understand more just how different autism can be for different people, not just because of our different brains, but also because of our different upbringings. Since my autism didn't inconvenience allistic people as much, my struggles were ignored, and I was praised for being so well-behaved. Our autistic trauma is very different but we stick together all the same. ❤ Also I love your stim toy, I have a similar one and I think it may be one of humanity's greatest inventions. :)
oh same this is my story too. in fact if i had any thoughts that i might be neurodivergent, i saw the way the other kids in special ed were treated and it caused me to bury all that super hard so i never had to join them and experience the same
Yeah, I was also considered low support needs, wasn’t diagnosed and was doing good academically. Stuff has gotten a lot worse for me, I have huge sensory issues now, have had meltdowns, and have a lot of social issues. I still don’t struggle academically, but struggle to eat and have showers, so idk where I fit on the low/high support needs (though I don’t really like those terms, idk what to use)
i used to have meltdowns when i was little, but it quickly became apparent that my family would not try to understand what was happening or show compassion. after being punished multiple times i internalized most of my distress and started getting more and more quiet. having shutdowns, isolating myself and daydreaming constantly. i was an incredibly anxious child, always fretting about following The Rules at least until kids around me started acting out and Weren't quickly and efficiently punished (to be fair, i dont think most children have panic attacks when they lose school supplies and need to ask their parents for new ones) growing up autistic is fucked up yall
Right towards the end, the way you say "you were supposed to listen to me", that hit right near home for me. Communication is hard enough for people with autism you'd think so called adults would be willing to pick up the slack for a kid and listen, but it seems that's a rare quality
I’m undiagnosed ASD and oh my GOD i’m so glad I found this video. I was told to watch DHMIS by childhood friends who told me it was “weird” and “creepy” and quoted it for cheap laughs. When I finally watched it, sure, I saw why they thought that, but mostly I was just deeply struck by how much like my perception of the real world it was and how badly and deeply i felt for the characters.. i *sobbed* at the 3rd and last episode and had no words to explain why so I didn’t tell anyone about my reactions. I assumed I was “reading too much into it” but when I watched analysis videos, I was deeply disappointed and felt like THEY were making stuff up and missing the point without being able to understand why I felt that way. Every single thing you said is *exactly* why this series hit me so hard. Thank you. Thank you. T h a n k y o u.
Can i ask two question ? What is ASD, and how can you be sure you have it and not something else ? What does it have from absolutely different that other problems can't replicate so maybe i can know more about that
@@sotch2271 Happy Holidays my friend, ASD stands for Autism Spectrum Disorder. There are a lot of reasons I believe I have it (including family history and childhood symptoms), but what would do you the most good is researching on your own. I do not have the emotional or intellectual capacity today to explain everything about the nuances of Autism and differential diagnoses (CPTSD, ADHD, BPD, etc) and why I believe Autism fits the best for my specific circumstances and symptoms, but Google and Reddit have seemingly infinite capacity!
@@g00dbunny I am not sure where you understood that from my comment, no, it is not on “the spectrum” (not really sure what that means in your view…) it is considered a separate diagnosis, but I used it here as an example of a differential diagnosis to ASD because there is a lot of symptom crossover, same with CPTSD and BPD. It is also heavily comorbid (often cooccurring) with ASD, but they are not the same thing as of current research.
The ending actually evokes more of the feeling of coming to grips with disability. The computer isn’t controlling the teachers: it’s Red Guy coming to terms with it. He realizes that understanding it won’t make him any happier. So he unplugs, and starts over. Ready to make the most of it with his friends Or it’s just bees, who knows
Thank you for speaking up about this. I had a childhood where I embodied 4 of these “unthinkables” and had meltdowns because I was being mentally and physically bullied by classmates, it was blamed on me, and I spent those years in a LITERAL corner. They refused to catch me up on the math I missed so I had to fill that in in later years. Also, they spent a lot of time explaining to me very matter-of-factly that I was worth less than a human and would never add up to one. Nor was I deserving of human rights. None of those m*therf*ckers care. Special Ed is actually HELL. They can’t keep getting away with it.
as an autsitic who didnt go to one, there is a reason im not sending my kid to it even tho shes also is autistic. i saw the mistreatment across the hall and it terrified me
Dude I feel that because I would have meltdowns and my brain literally screaming at me, they would make me walk laps on the blacktop at recess, and that shit is hot in august and late september. It was worse in the spring. But I never got to really be a child and play . All because I would get in trouble for acting impulsively
I’m so glad no one ever used the unthinkables to “teach” me bc I know the brain eater or whatever it’s called would have been used against me (I’ve always had a really vivid imagination and get lost in my own thoughts really easily, especially when I was little)
Something that struck me recently while rewatching dhmis 5, was the sheer ominous discomfort of the raw meat Character looming over Eugene. ESPECIALLY when he puts his arm over his shoulder like that. There's something so visceral about the duck character being loomed over by an image of meat; his own living flesh, stripped of it's personhood and meaning, reduced to a commodity for the consumption of others. And I can't quite put my finger on it, but after watching this video, I do feel like there's an autistic interpretation in there somewhere.
me personally, i hate poultry and anything related to it simply because I Don’t Like It. i think it has something to do with the texture. of course i have more things i simply don’t eat because i just don’t like it (to the point where i either have to be consulted about dinners we’ll potentially have, or have my own dinner when the rest are having something i don’t like), but poultry (most specifically chicken) is the primary contender. and for some reason, my family finds it… funny? i don’t know why. i genuinely despise it but they kind of treat it like a joke as if i’m just ridiculous for not liking a food so strongly. it makes me feel uncomfortable and upset that they view something i actually despise as something to poke fun at. it makes me feel… insignificant, in a way. i guess what i’m trying to say is: my interpretation of that scene is how autistic picky eaters are often mocked for not liking something when other people do. it kinda sounds like a stretch to be honest, but the idea of sentient meat looming over duck kinda reminds me of my own experience with being a picky eater autistic
For me that on the shoulder is a paternal move that could be comforting or reassuring, but is also sometimes a prelude to a serious discussion, confrontation or telling off. The meat is a stranger to us and has very little facial features to try and read. The voice is whiny and mocking. I feel like as this duck becomes food later we get more dread looking backwards, but also as the steak man is forcefully steering conversation and generates an implied(?) threat of serious violence to duck when it destroys the human organ form, who is also seemingly alive and sentient. Meatman is a complete figure of fear, nonchalantly describing a mutilated human form as "all broken and on the floor" Representing food, while being food, then violent to a living (?) human prop and intimidating an anthro duck symbolises so much angst about reading people and their intentions maybe?
If you think about it, episode 6 can pass lead to your interpretation in 2 ways. The first with Red Guy maybe having to do with masking and living life as an autistic adult with the office scene and the naked stand up scene when he tries to be more comfortable but it wards everyone away (idk), and the second has to do with the "mastermind" being yellow guy's dad (an analogy for parents who don't understand). The reason for the machine is that it represents that, no matter where yellow guy goes, he always hears the exact same "advice" in the same way his father gives him. Perhaps, even, that it's a representation of the father taking yellow guy to special Ed, idk. And maybe that's why red guy shut it down because he knows what Yellow guy is going through and is breaking the cycle
I can also see a (possible) motif of how television programming effectively replaces parents and friends for autistic people. because their lack of understanding and the feelings of frustration and exhaustion they feel about the social difficulties of autistic people oftentimes leave autistic kids no choice but to learn these social norms and rules as they are played out on television, which of course only ends up being more isolating (apologies if i didn't express this idea right or if i'm not on the right track. i'm still struggling to find therapy and resources to help me process the experiences i've had as someone who was diagnosed from a very early age; that 5-level manual triggered a very deep memory and i'm a little scatterbrained about it rn)
Beautiful interpretation that’s literally what I was thinking throughout the video. I’ve never seen dhmis (the gore is too much and it’s too unsettling for me) but I was thinking about how masking has affected me a lot and red guy reminds me a lot of myself where as yellow guy reminds me of younger me, before all the pressures of societal rules and what not.
What if Roy, when he’s reaching out, is saying "Harry, please believe me, I didn’t mean for any of this. Please understand, Harry, I thought I was helping, I honestly, truly thought I was doing the right thing." And Harry believes him, but that doesn’t change the fact that the system needs to be rebuilt. Rebooted. Unplugged, if you will.
as someone who repressed a lot of my time in elementary school, your superflex rant brought me into a horrifying cinematic supervillain flashback like i was recounting my entire tragic backstory
I appreciate the irony of this being the most empathetic and emotionally resonant take on this series I've seen online, despite coming from someone with a condition that is still heavily stigmatised for being 'incapable' of relating to others with empathy (the part about your teachers demanding empathy from you while refusing to display any themselves and weaponising a therapeutic tool to essentially invalidate and override your emotions only compounds upon this). I know that it can't have been a comfortable experience to dredge up those experiences but hopefully if more people are able to come forward about their experiences within special education there will be some headway made towards systemic change in how the system treats people with neurodivergence and learning disabilities.
holy shit the incredible five point scale. that brought back memories i didnt even know i had also: the "being told that you, a child, were being manipulative for crying" is another deep cut. i remember one time in my early teens i had a meltdown at my psychiatrists office and was sobbing and jabbing myself in the head with the stylus of my nintendo ds and the psychiatrist was just standing there, calm as anything, explaining to my mom that i was "just doing it for attention". definitely some kind of horror premise in there
additionally, wanted to say that i watched the new series and theres part of the last episode that strikes me as being commentary about the school system, when yellow guy goes upstairs to the "big boy room" and the "bigger boy room" and both are focused on trivial nonsense and cant answer his deeper questions. that feels like it could fit in with this analysis somehow. god only knows that school for me was a constant stream of unanswered questions and being taught things that seemed pointless instead
I feel like horror based on the neurodivergent experience is untapped. the concept of a child being tortured to the point of crying and screaming and having people tell them that they don't actually feel that way and they're being manipulative, a danger to society, or overreacting, is truly horrendous. just the experience of your natural reactions to things and thoughts always being "wrong" in some way. you could take that basic concept and apply it to a bunch of things. seems like horror media would rather villianise us though
@@fbrown9861 I've honestly kinda toyed with the concept of a horror story thing with a kid who's stuck because they're neurodivergent and surrounded by "monsters" (adults who don't listen to them and understand them). They don't know how to escape, they're just a kid, but they wish to escape from the monsters. Is this partially based on the fact my mom used to treat my emotions as alien and tried to force me to calm down when I was super emotional by taking away the things that kept me calm? Mayhaps but that's not here or there.
I was diagnosed with Asperger’s and ADHD when I was 7, and though the way in which I'm autistic doesn't personally disable me since I've been lucky enough to grow up in an accepting environment both surrounded by a lot of other ND people, my ADHD very much does. Still even all the way in _9th grade_ I had teachers at my _special ed school_ telling me to 'just do it' when I told them my ADHD paralysis/executive dysfunction was making it impossible for me to start on my work Edit: and my god I am so happy that I'd never heard of the books you brought up before. If I'd read those I would've hated and felt ashamed of myself even more than most people around me calling me 'lazy' because of my ADHD and subtle childhood emotional abuse and manipulation already made me. It fckn baffles me that some adults raising or teaching autistic people would just see who they are as something to 'hide' or 'fix' and makes me realize all over again just how lucky I was that the adults around me treated me like an actual human being and not a problem to 'solve'
Not to belittle your struggles, but man I wish my ADHD had been diagnosed as young as my autism. But back then, to have one definitionally excluded you from the other by the extremely narrow diagnostic criteria of the time… I only came to understand terms like executive dysfunction long after I left school, how I wish I could’ve brought it up to teachers like you describe. Of course it wouldn’t fix everything, or probably anything, as your experiences demonstrate readily. But still :/ all the stuff about “apply yourself!” and “just do the homework early!” might not have sunk in so much as personal failings.
The "I had to learn I was being manipulative and crying didn't get me what I want. Now jokes on them. I cry everyday and I get nothing" Just unlocked something that I just cried because I relate to this so much. I didn't even finish the video yet and yet THIS was the part I related to the most that I just had to write a comment
This might just be me, but Roy running it doesn't seem to me that he's intentionally evil, but he's trying to help and trying to "fix" his kid, but doesn't understand him enough to do it without hurting him (Which I'm now realising describes my relationship with my own dad. Yikes)
That makes a lot of sense to me. Like those parents who want to "cure" their child. It isn't necessarily evil, just incredibly misguided and by effect harmful The desire to make everything fit the same mold instead of accepting differences
Yeah, this is definitely more of the reading I subscribe to. While this video’s analysis is really good, I do think neglecting to mention Roy’s status as a father figure is kind of a shame, because it adds a lot in my mind. He’s presented as the most in control, even if only by virtue of always being around and so seeming to have the most knowledge, but he also comes across as far more incompetent than he is evil.
When Patricia said that this was still open to interpretation I came to the same conclusion myself. I do think that while the general theorists got what they wanted, I think that the scene is still just hazy enough that it can either be interpreted as Roy either thinking he's helping his son and the rest of the 3, or that he feels that this is just how things should be, and that any change to it is dangerous. Or both!
My parents, at least at the start, were sort of like this. Now they’re a bit more laid back and understanding, thankfully. There really needs to be more information out that isn’t anti-autism and eugenics propaganda by Autism Speaks.
i watched the first episode of dhmis a couple days ago, when i first heard the 'green is not a creative color' line i jokingly thought to myself 'hey that's something my art teacher would say' only to go to school the next day and have my teacher tell me something ridiculously similar, we were doing a project where we paint architecture from different countries and we had to chose what color to paint the background, i was doing gothic french architecture so i wanted to use dark blue, grey and purple to make the background like stormy looking, my teacher came up to me and was like "blue and purple? those aren't very france colors" LIKE WHAT IS A FRANCE COLOR ?? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?? so i ask her that and she says "oh like the flag like red white and blue" i just ??? does she think the only colors people can associate with countries is whats on the flag??? she also told me "when you look at blue and purple do you seriously think france?" like i dont look at red white and blue and immediately think france either 😒
Our soccer team is called "Les bleus" (The blues). What does she mean, blue is not a very France colour?! Also, purple is the color associated with monarchy/nobility, France being THE country people think of when you bring up the topic of monarchy. She just wanted you to paint the French flag, at this point.
I remember sometime when I was about seven I drew a character for some sort of school project and the teacher took one look at it and told me that the nose was wrong, took my eraser, erased the nose, then drew over MY OWN WORK. I can't describe how much it pissed me off. Like, who do you think you are deciding what is wrong in right in a drawing, something that is about SELF expression. I didn't understand what was wrong at the time other than having this underlined feeling that what she did crossed a boundary. edit: This same women punished me because I didn't feel comfortable joining in for jump jam which if you're unfamiliar with what that is, is this stupid dancing exercise to the same few songs. To this day hearing the song 'The witch doctor' and the few others on that list trigger me. I was punished because I felt uncomfortable, and the punishment was incredibly silly. Spelling out my name on my cheek with my tongue and generally weird mouth exercises. It felt humiliating. Both schools I went to did this jump jam exercise and both of them made it clear that I was wrong for not dancing. Even when I had a mental breakdown they didn't give a shit. The solution was to put me in the corner of the room like I was something that needed to be hidden. The result of that was my dislike for dancing at all for around a decade. As a kid before going to school I loved dancing but it wasn't until years later after finishing secondary school do I feel comfortable enough to dance to some music even while I'm alone. All because of teachers not understanding. Do not punish a child for being uncomfortable.
@@sonofaspyder3000 this same woman would grade some of our other projects on how closely it looked exactly like hers 😭 she was like allergic to creativity or something
The summer after 9th grade, my dad sexually assaulted me and my world understandably fell apart. I watched dhmis over and over that entire summer, and it became a weird comfort I guess. What I got out of it was the depiction of everything being seemly fine then suddenly being thrust into a nightmare and with each episode it seems like no matter what they try, they're still stuck in hell. I bit dark but no one else understood.
i'm happy you found a medium of comfort, and i'm so happy you're out of that situation and with someone safe and caring. i assume you also have therapy. try to take solace in the fact that you're literally doing everything right in terms of healing from that encounter. you got this, dude. so many people stand behind you in your healing.
As a neurodivergent myself who loved DHMIS as it was coming out, I cant tell you how thankful I am for this video. For years and years, my memory of this show was tied into the hours of Game Theory videos I would watch because I was 14 and that's what I thought media analysis was. You have allowed me to rediscover this series that I felt a certain connection to, even though back then I didn't fully understand what it was.
I remember Superflex. When I was a kid, I even made up my own Unthinkable, “Meanie Dragon”. He was a dragon that made you mean. Not my finest creation.
I feel like there's a sort of irony that a series which is clearly interested in the feeling of "not being or meaningfully trying to be understood by the world" has been so thoroughly taken over by people who completely substitute the actual themes of the series in favor of strictly literal readings. Glad to see a less literal reading of the series because it absolutely deserves it. I also want to add that "presumably by people who had names and addresses" is one of the most brutal insults I've ever heard and I don't really know why but I love it. Thank you for your service.
it's a good insult because it implies a threat without actually making a threat it implies these are people you can find the identities of and where they live so you can [my lawyer has advised me not to finish this joke]
People don't like to ask "what was that about" cause it feels kind of pretentious, so when something is so weird it forces you to ask that, they stay on the literal level even if it means much more work than just digging a little bit. "What was that about?" "Uhh if we go frame by frame and do some intense googling, I think it was all a tv show" or "character X was dead all the time" or "character y was secretly the villain" and it's like. Why can't you just notice that it's trying to say something about real life
In defence of some of the analyses (mainly the night mind one since I'm the most familiar with it): they don't treat it as a horror series, they treat it as unfiction/ARG series. It's basically going frame by frame looking for hidden codes that are deliberately left in there and are needed to understand the story. Marble Hornets is a great example: you don't need to go frame by frame to get a satisfying experience but it does add to the fun. It might be disappointing if you're just looking for a thematic analysis and people treat it as just a puzzle box, but it is part of the arg/unfiction/horror webseries genre. Nightmind is, especially in his recent work, quite good at combining puzzle analysis with thematic analysis and effectiveness of horror and presentation (you'll probably like the video about diminish!). I haven't seen the dhmis video in a while so I don't remember how present it is there, but there definitely is some emotional analyses in there, especially in the puppet microphone scenes
Nightmare Masterclass has a great series about DHMIS, analyzing it from different angles. I don't remember the details, but man it was refreshing to see "A Marxist Ananlysis of DHMIS" after watching dozens of "EXPLAINED!" videos
I think the series’ title “Don’t hug me I’m scared” could also be a reference to autism. A very common trait we autistic people have to deal with is that we often don’t like being hugged, but it’s especially true during meltdowns. That’s at least how I interpret it anyway (:
There's something terrifyingly real about authority not being malicious but rather just not understanding and being incompetent, hence why so many try to seek out grand theories of master manipulation hoping for a simple explanation to all plights, when in truth it's just flawed humanity
the way my body fucking JOLTED when you uttered the phrase "glass man", and then "superflex". i've never heard anyone else bring up that specific curriculum, superflex was honestly the most fucked-up thing. telling kids that they're being POSSESSED by EVIL CREATURES whenever they express their symptoms, or try to set their boundaries ("be flexible" is forever tainted for me)... i'm going to watch the rest of the video now, but god. FUCK superflex.
What you said about crying affected me as well as a kid. Probably not as much as you but crying was what i was haunted by every day. I cried at minor inconveniences, when i got a question wrong or didnt understand the subject, when we played games divided in groups and my group wasnt competitive or competent enough etc. I hated crying and always tried to supress it bc everyone, including my parents and relatives and teachers said i was being manipulative and if i cried i would automatically be in the wrong. What the fuck. I want to cry even just thinking abt this because this shit still haunts me to this day. Kids bullying me and calling me a crybaby was not affecting me nearly as much as my parents not taking me seriously and thinking i was faking it. Fuck this shit man
Saw the title and clicked IMMEDIATELY, as an autistic person who feels every emotion way too much all the time I relate IMMENSELY to the whole "how did it make you feel" thing, there's definitely a numbers and analysis part of my brain that loves overly detailed videos to death lol, but how art makes you FEEL is so important too and it gets overlooked a lot, thank you so much for this video!!
i haven't seen the new thing
Good neither have I. Now I know I can watch this first
I haven’t seen anything
it's very good
It’s free on RUclips
@@Everettalla Everything is free somewhere. It's piracy.
As an an autistic adult who was only diagnosed a few weeks ago, I'm shocked that interpreting the series through the lens of autism isn't commonplace since the titular phrase of "don't hug me, I'm scared" is very much how I feel when I'm overwhelmed with strong emotions and the excess stimulation from physical touch would just send me over the edge
omg… how did i never realise that. you’ve changed my whole perspective on the series
BRUH
I realized that too. Good luck with everything, it was hard for me to process my diagnosis at age 16, I imagine it must be hard to recontextualize as an adult
I too have finally been diagnosed about 6 months ago; just how relatable the piece turns out to be is fascinating. The funny thing is, I was a caretaker for several autistic children through the ages, and I guess that would explain why both of us (me and the autistic children) just jelled so well.
Huh. I thought it was more bizarre because people usually want to be hugged when they are scared.
God, as an autistic person, that part about being told your reactions to things are 'wrong' literally made me cry. I could never understand what reaction I was 'supposed' to have to something. When I was younger I broke my arm but I didn't want to get in trouble for 'being dramatic' or 'over-reacting' so I downplayed the pain I was feeling. I didn't see a doctor for 3 days and ended up really messing my arm up and then still getting in trouble for 'lying'.
Anyway, I've been in therapy for 6 years now...
Im so sorry i hope youre doing ok
I feel the same way. I had a similar situation as a kid where I broke my foot and ended up walking on it for over a week before seeing a doctor 🫠
And now I'm sitting here wondering if my high pain tolerance is trauma-induced.
I have a story to tell.
I don't believe I'm autistic, but I still have an "over reacting" story from school.
I ended up seriously injuring myself in my left arm and right leg. I mean, COVERED in blood on my knee and elbow. I ended up telling the P.E. teacher, and I will never forget the words he said, "Seriously? Go to the nurse." I continued limping into the school. The other P.E. teacher was so much nicer to me, and called the office to send me home. (:
Me too!! I only recently realised I'm autistic (I was misdiagnosed with BPD about 3 years ago, then later rediagnosed with autism) and the whole 'you are being overdramatic' thing was SUCH a huge trigger for me growing up - especially bc I often couldn't verbalise or identify exactly what or why i felt like that. Eventually it happened enough that I would literally let people bully me and make excuses for them bc I thought any upset I felt MUST just be me being a drama queen.
DHMIS always felt so relatable to me, and I don't think I've ever heard someone else put it into words like this
As a metaphor for being punished for not understanding, I think the part where the Clock screeches until their ears bleed is perfect. A direct punishment for asking questions about things that are "accepted"
He was thinking too clearly.
NO! That is a metaphor for your own mortality and the inability to stop the flow of time. Please do not channel your insecurities into a superiority complex. There are such things as STUPID QUESTIONS, and *NO* a contrarian nature that wastes time is not the same as being intelligent. I'm "sorry" you are able to confuse getting attention with actual contribution to a discussion. If you have any comments please waste them contemplating your mortality. Basically take your whiny, attention-hog nature to Death Himself and argue there!
A lot of autistic people like me have sensitive ears so it feels like a punishment made for us
I absolutely DESPISE the social concept that people cry to manipulate others. Recently got legit traumatized by the assumption, cuz I was having a breakdown about the death of my mom and being homeless as a result, and was told by my family that I'd made the person who offered to let me stay "a few days" uncomfortable enough to withdraw the offer because I was crying out of fear over what would happen after that imposed time limit was up. That I was trying to manipulate them into letting me stay longer. Dude I WAS JUSTIFABLY, UNDERSTANDABLY TERRIFIED. I was having BIG EMOTIONS. I CRY when I have big emotions. I'd just lost my most important person. I hate it that I'm not even allowed to be sad and vulnerable about that without folks thinking I'm trying to manipulate them.
The friend who actually let me stay the months it took to get my job and finances settled and life rebuilt from the ashes, who understood that my emotions were justified and that I needed a stable space to cry and process it, is worth their weight in gold to me. Better family than my bio one.
@@RhysezPieces Are you doing okay now?
Hoping the best for you !!
Fucking brutal. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
That person was looking for any excuse not to help you. Why wasn't your family helping you?
When I was in special Ed I claimed that tomato isn't a vegetable because my father said so and she tried to shut me down so hard she called my dad and he then told her off about the scientific classification of tomatoes.
On the other hand, I will punch anyone who says a potato is a vegetable WHEN IT IS CLEARLY A STARCH.
@@justanidiotmk2749 no potatos are just fucked up beans
@Purple Emerald root vegetable according to google, makes sense to me
@@ThisRandomGuy3 but potatoes aren’t roots
@@ThisRandomGuy3 but potatoes aren’t roots
Hearing Patricia yell out "You were supposed to fucking listen to me!" hit really close to home in a way i don't have the words to describe yet
Right there with you
Fitting pfp
Yeah, I remember just giving up on the fact that people would and now I just bluntly state "Yes here we come with fake understanding and false empathy where you disregard everything I say. Yes I get it, just tell me what you want me to do and be done with it so you can *go away* I don't want to talk"
@@n0etic_f0x basically how I feel about the specific teacher they send in Taiwan where they are supposed to be people who would need to understand me
had a bad experience with school faculty in general
"to call this place evil implies a clarity of purpose that I dont want to attribute to anyone involved" goddamn does that line go hard
Add it to þe list of really cool quotes from unlikely sources
It reminds me of a fantastic SCP. It's a massive, unknowable factory buried underground, full of geometry Þat doesn't make sense and horrible deaÞ for all who try to explore it.
Þhe apparent purpose of Þis nightmare facility is to release a small handful of ordinary field mice into Þe surrounding countryside once a monÞ.
@@PotatoPatatoVonSpudsworth is replacing 'th' with 'þ' part of the SCP (genuine question)
IT'S THE LITTHER THORN YOU NUMBSKULL IDIOT *****LOOOOOOOOSER@@eveleen.
@@eveleen. | No, the Þorn is just Þe original letter for Þe "th" sound. It got pulled from circulation by Þe damn French during Þe rise of Þe printing press, because Þey don't have a Þ sound, and pronounce/spell Þ as "t".
Ever since, we've been stuck using Þe awkward two-letter "th" to spell out one of Þe most prominent sounds in our language. Once I saw Þe oÞer guy write Þis way, I knew I had a rare chance to write a reply using Þe far superior meÞod.
(Þere's also Þe "yogh", a letter used for "ch" sounds. Þe French stole Þat one from us too (because Þey suck,) but I don't want to make Þis reply TOO hard to read.)
"people who don't care to understand you and seem to believe you can't understand them" i've never had someone explain something i've felt so clearly that it terrifies me before
that part hit me hard, so grateful someone managed to put it into words
Normos never have any impetus to develop empathy because they can project themselves onto each other and get 99% of the way there.
I've described it as feeling like I speak a completely different language
This is *exactly* why I blocked out all my elementary school years in my SPED class. I was diagnosed at an early age in childhood and have grown up mostly unreliably speaking, and I also watched the local police hand cuff and pin down a 6 year old to the ground, and was super and I often blocked this shit out, I also heard teachers point their fingers in my face, telling me they know better than I do because I’m not reliant on speech to be understood. I heard so many of the other kids in the classroom have meltdowns triggering and fully restrained, and we just had to put noise canceling headphones on as they fucking man handled a 1st grader kid. I was always stuck in this perpetual dissociative state. I believe I blocked out all the memories I had of ABA as well. It took me until young adulthood to find access to AAC and having a way to communicate. It has saved my fucking life. I had been constantly in and out of mental institutions too. I have dissociative identity disorder. After watching this series I like had severe PTSD from it.
The phrase "this situation is a 2 and your reaction is a 5" just unlocked some kind of cord childhood memory
You would think a TEACHER of all people would understand that sometimes people have outsize reactions. Especially children. Also, probably not a good time to tell someone that their reaction is a 5.
Same. Though for me it was out of ten. IE “this is a 3 and you’re giving me a 9”
@@allisond.46primary school teachers are just retarded man the only one I can remember that actually helped me with learning died of cancer a year or so after I went to high school
Precisely. While me and my parents have gotten better with this, I’ve heard these words too often as a kid. We need more videos like this so parents of autistic kids/adults know and understand them more instead of autism moms going “OH THIS IS SOOOO HARD I AM A MARTYR BLAH BLAH BLAH”
They do this in cbt and it really is just a fucking gaslighting manual man
As an autistic person, the "I love this tree and I love this stick and-" "No, no, that's not how it's done" really spoke to me too! There are so many instances from my childhood of me trying to mimic the social conventions I saw around me and being told off and/or ridiculed for doing it 'wrong'. The ending of 4 really gets me too for the same reason as you! Thank you for sharing your feelings on all this
As another autistic person, that bit really got to me too because for me, it wasn't mimicking social conventions- I genuinely find trees and sticks (and other things) I feel a lot of love towards, and the assumption that we can only feel 'real' love toward other humans feels like it cheapens my appreciation for things like bits of nature or just objects I like. It's not the same of course but its not less than love. Not to me at least.
It does annoy me when you're just magically supposed to know every single thing everyone else is thinking and how to react to seemingly random things. Like why don't you just explain to me "how it's done" instead of making both of us go through trial and error until we get it right.
Oh my god YES! Me too! Also related to it as an aro/ace person as well as autism
@@alisonpurgatory85 REAL i felt the exact same way!!
@@alisonpurgatory85 OMG SAME. I have adhd and it feels like I'm doing everything wrong, I'm never right.
The school system is traumatizing for neurodivergent kids. 80% of the special ed teachers I encountered were actively making the situation worse for me and the other kids, and it’s crazy to me how ablest the way we deal with autism, adhd, intellectual disabilities, and emotional disregulation in schools is
I believe public schools are designed to cram everything to fit into a neat little window to make their system run smoothly. Children who deviate from the norm are punished both by other more typical children and by the teachers, who are there to do their job and are frustrated when they are confounded by kids who are "abnormal."
All of that gets turned up to 11 Special Ed. Special Educators often run on the assumption that neurotypicality is intrinsically good, and neurodivergence is not. The classrooms are often designed to make neurodivergent kids "more neurotypical," like they're trying to "fix" the disabilities of the kids they're there to teach.
I believe that's a compelling explanation for why Special Educators appear so cruel to the neurodivergent children. It's not merely that they don't understand. The very modus opperandi that they abide by compels them to punish neurodivergent children for acting different. An immutable characteristic. Special Ed is institutionalized ableism.
I was never put into special ed, but I did struggle with autism going through school. I'm extremely privileged, having been able to mask effectively enough and being academically successful enough back then not to get enrolled in special ed, but my heart goes out to the children who weren't so privileged. I probably don't know the half of it but it appears to be an absolute god damn nightmare.
Yeah part of me growing up is realising just how much teachers mistreated me when I was in school it really does stick with you
I'm so sorry you went through that.
from my own experience my special ed teachers were the only good parts about school (one which was quite literately falling apart because the infrastructure was so horrendous)
I know it's not much comming from a total stranger, but I sincerely hope that you are doing well these days in spite of the past.
@@charlieterry8506 thank you so much, I am doing better lately. I’m glad your special Ed teachers were helpful! That makes all the difference. There are definitely good/helpful people in the profession, I met one or two and they helped me get through high school.
When I was younger I believed that teachers only dealt with special needs kids because they were being punished then one day I thought they did it because they were being incentivised by a bigger paycheck.
to me the final episode of the webseries represented the horrific realization that all your trauma was NOT YOUR FAULT, and sometimes the people who *say* they're just trying to help are fucking lying to you. sometimes, a teacher just likes that they have power over you, and get to hurt you emotionally or even physically with little to no repercussions.
even more, its about the idea of systems. notably, when red guy gets to that machine, roy isnt like... already there, adjusting the nobs and dials, he's just letting the scene play out, uninterrupted. we never even see red guy or yellow guy's dad build the machine, or even time pass between roy first seeing red guy performing and the introduction of the scene. i honestly always thought that the machine was older than either of them, and roy had just decided to use it for his own ends, seemingly just because he likes punishing his son.
there's a quote from roy in an interview the creators did with the characters, and roy has one line of "my boy's eyes have grown arrogant and rude, and for that i shall take him on a trip to punishland", which i honestly relate to in my own autistic way. we dont really see yellow guy grow arrogant or rude in the show, but i quite often got told i was back-talking when to me i was just... having a conversation, or asking some questions.
also roy's arm being hella long in the final episode could be a reference to the 'long arm of the law'? in which case you could interpret the machine as like... the prison industrial complex, and the puppets' attempts to learn as like... try and failing to comply with the law and the orders of authority figures in a way that feels honestly pretty autistic coded to me.
idk i personally feel that the media theory is stupid anyway but i really enjoyed the final episode.
Asking followup questions always got me called a smartarse. Allists don’t treat questions as neutral, or as a good thing like curiosity or engaging with the material. They see it as an attack on their authority, whether as implicitly questioning their competence or just by virtue of unavoidably changing the flow of their lesson plan.
I would especially get frustrated when questions were only allowed for 5 minutes at the very end, I’d always forget important stuff by then. (I was diagnosed autistic young but probably have ADHD too.)
@@kaitlyn__L when you say allists, do you mean all people who aren't autistic? So do you think all people who aren't autistic see questions as an attack on authority?
@@Spiderella3959 dude, when people say that multiple people from a group has hurt us, normal people don't say "not all of us!"
@@unngjerde5064 I asked for clarification which was a question directed at a specific person, so I don't think there's need for you to answer said question instead of that person. If they want to answer, they will do it themself. Additionally, I don't think I understand what you said to begin with, I'm sorry
@@Spiderella3959 It's been a month and you haven't gotten an answer yet. For the sake of my own satisfaction and annoyance I'm telling you how I would answer your question if it were posed to me. Yes "allists" would be a word to describe people who aren't autistic, or more likely neurotypical and without the neurodivergences and/or experiences to be able to relate to autistic struggles. It's a generalization pointed at the ones who act this way with the understanding that autistic people generally don't DO THAT because they understand that questions and engaging in conversation are neutral-to-positive. Your first question is also neutral-to-positive and is seen with the same lens. However your SECOND question comes with a defensiveness that tends to come from people who aren't willing to engage in good faith arguments. Maybe in the future, instead of turning a generalization into an all-or-nothing statement, bring up personal instances of people acting differently and how you think that that should be the norm instead.
17:35 the "no, you're lonely" line reminded me of how I (also autistic) had to do all those 'how to make friends' programs as a kid and how I felt like I was fine with the friends I had, it was like all the adults around me decided that I should be lonely even though I wasn't.
I ok to be alone. We don't hate other poeple, we prefere to be in less stimulant place.
“Your computer friends don’t count.”
This!
I had a friend, a few actually, and then I didn't get to talk to them because I kept getting pulled into this 'how to make friends' class, and now, almost 20 years later, I have very few friends because nobody thought it important to teach how to maintain the friends I had. Combine with self-esteem so low it's in the ground and you get a very depressed, very anxious, very lonely 20 something, who's only close friends are her husband and someone she met at the hospital, and has only ~one friend to speak of outside that close circle.
Once had a teacher FORCE me to socialize and make friends during recess
God, yeah. My parents made me go to the councillor in high school because they were concerned that I spent every lunch time reading in the library. I mean, looking back, yeah I didn't interact with many of my peers, but it was frustrating to be pushed out of my bubble when I was comfortable where I was.
dhmis has a constant theme of "the world works differently than you do, will never explain how it works, and will punish you for not working the way it wants you to". it's handled really well and definitely hits really hard as someone who grew up with both adhd and autism, but wasn't diagnosed until adulthood.
before watching this I had always felt like yellow guy was autistic, but this video really helped confirm it and help me pin down why exactly the series means so much to me
(edited for typos)
If it helps you frame your life, they didn't update the dsm to allow dual diagnosis of both adhd and autism in one person until may 2013
yeah i spent my whole life thinking something was wrong with me until i was diagnosed at around 18
"the world works differently than you do, will never explain how it works, and will punish you for not working the way it wants you to" is such a succinct and raw description of how it feels to be autistic
I also feel like the leaves and sticks part is like teachers giving you a task that you don’t understand, but everyone knows exactly what to do, so your just left there not knowing what’s happening
I had this problem in university oddly enough. I assume you mean "creative" tasks, when it comes to "regular" ones you just have to ask your classmates.
this exactly and i also just feel this way in socially situations like there arent established rules or instructions but there are consequences for doing it "wrong"
Green isn't a creative color because the leaves are already green.
@@rowanheart8122 So itv wasn't just me who thought this! I mean, it's obviously an absurd situation either way, but I assumed that was the in-universe logic behind it.
@@yggdrasil2 I feel this so much. In uni I was in a studio class for product design which I'd say falls under "creative", yet somehow I'd still misinterpret the prompts and themes for our projects. I always felt stupid after we'd have to present our concepts/drawings and mine would be completely off the mark from what others intended or interpreted. The professors always said "well that's a creative way of looking at it. Now have them redone right by tomorrow" 🥴
I avoided special Ed as a kid but this video helped me understand why I hated school so much and so deeply. It really helped me accept the feelings of horror I felt about that system but suppressed because they were "wrong" and school was "normal."
Same here, I only managed to avoid special ed because I was so 'well behaved' because I was constantly threatened with having shit taken away from me if I didn't do everything I was told, get good grades, stare at people in the eyes when they talk (I couldn't do this for more than 5 seconds without having a meltdown), be polite don't do anything we don't tell you to and now I have issues with blind devotion, thanks autistic childhood!
similar but i just got to a point where teachers would ignore me and let me read subject related books if i did the work
Yep, school is without any hyperbole, absolutely devastatingly traumatic for many people.
Wow wow wow. The reveal that your caretakers were not using the scale as intended is just heartbreaking and terrifying. The horror of being misunderstood due to laziness/incompetence is so real.
Isn't this the whole point? The scale is supposed to be for the child to communicate to the adults in the room what the child is feeling. The adults are assumed to be mature enough to communicate clearly themselves and have a handle on how their own emotions are manifesting. It's not meant to be another instrument of control.
@@paulhammond6978
yes, they know that's the point, and they were acknowledging that it was a problem that the parents implemented it wrong, and potentially on purpose.
Like, obviously. That's why they made the comment in the first place.
@@paulhammond6978hey did you watch the video or read the comment you’re responding to? At all?
@@paulhammond6978 what you are describing is literally an instrument of control
@@basspuppy133 Hi. My intention here was to agree with the original comment and amplify it, not to contradict or argue with it. The emotion I'm feeling is one of "how dare these adults, who are supposed to be trained professionals, use something that's meant to be a communication tool to inflict damage because they are so stupid as to do it so wrong". Clearly, my communication is at fault here, because you are not the only person who thinks I'm trying to argue with the original poster rather than agree with them. Sorry about my clumsy style.
Once, during an afterschool program, the counselor or whatever you call them told us we'd play a game where we tie balloons to ourselves and try to pop them--last one with a balloon intact wins. I raised my hand and told her that popping balloons scared me.
She coldly told me I could go next door and read. I was elated with the prospect, but so confused and distressed by her hostility that I couldn't fully enjoy myself. This kind of interaction defined much of my childhood.
I thought about that through most of the video.
:(( I'm sorry you've dealt with so much of that
the tone/intent of the teacher is everything - being allowed space/alternative activities is great BUT that taste of exclusion/being sent in a room alone just feels like punishment and alienation.
"Trauma informed care" is the term - I spent some time as a camp/afterschool care for K-5 kids (many of them on the autistic spectrum) and now work with developmentally handicapped adults and it is CRUCIAL to this job!!
@Antonio-Gransci Lol, I don't know what state of emotional constipation you've coaxed your capacity to empathy into, but no, all I need to do is keep advocating for a world where boors like you have as little power and influence as possible.
@Antonio-GransciI suggest you to go find a building at least 10 storys tall, go to the roof, stand at the edge of the building and do a epic backflip
"I was elated with the prospect, but so confused and distressed by her hostility"
THIS.
It definitely can easily drive me to tears when I see a sad/vulnerable person in a situation where no one will listen to them and they're obviously scared and not ok and it feels like not a single person is trying to help or understand- the horror of an infant being scoffed at by its caretaker for daring to have needs.
This is only tangentially related but I can't afford therapy
@@1Hawkears1 same
You and me both.
I cried too because of this exact reason, I don’t like anyone in distress like that
I get this really strongly as well, to the point that I just kind of passively avoid infants in media and in real life, *very much also because everyone in my life treats them exactly like that.*
My family really does seem to think that a toddler not saying hello and thank you is a moral evil they are committing and treat it as such, and witnessing that as a product of that same parenting is distressing to say the least
I'm gonna throw out my surface-level reading of episode two. The part where the trio starts to age and rot away and then instantly snap back to normal as if it was all happening in their heads? That's what it felt like the first time I processed the conception of time. It was always passing, no matter what I did, and someday I was going to die. And all the adults around me had already normalized compartmentalizing this fact, so none of them understood why I was crying. All they had for me was "Don't think about it." Sure.
I was five.
Ik this is old but I had a similar experience growing up. I was about 7 years old when the concept of death and that everyone does it finally hit me. It completely destroyed me for a very long time and nobody had an answer for it. Treated me like a crybaby even cause "everyone does it" so it's not a big deal. The only times I did get an answer was a religious one. That it's fine because we go to heaven. I have no issue with anyone who is religious, but I wasn't and it ended up making it worse. Because religious people (in my experience) really didn't like when I told them I don't believe in that stuff, so not only did it not help my anxiety with death, but I was then told I was going to hell for not believing. I've made my own peace with death now, but it's ruined a huge chunk of my developmental years.
This reminds me of a lot of jokes that have been going around of people when they were 6-7 realising the sun was going to swallow the earth in billions upon billions of years and the extreme distress they felt because of it despite being so far out of reach no one they could ever know would ever experience it
@@saranjago yeah, i personally find those jokes to be in poor taste because that is exactly what i went through when i was 8, and it kinda ripped me apart for several years. like i was having an existential crisis _as a child_ and even now, knowing how impermanent me, everyone and everything i love is still sends me into waves of panic and dread. learning about that fucks you up when you're a little kid.
Oh my goodness, same. I kept having panic attacks spurred on by existential dread once I became aware of the passage of time.
None of them had answers :/
The part about 'being told I'm being manipulative and crying wouldn't get me what I want' is very relatable to me. Especially because I'm a really easy crier, adults would always say it to me. Like, no, I'm not crying because I want to manipulate you. I'm crying because you're yelling at me while I'm already overstimulated and currently want to die.
theres nothing that pisses me off more than being told im crying over nothing. literally shut the fuck up youre staring me in the face and yelling at me and youre taller then me and youre an authority figure, it doesn't matter that I'm a "big kid now"
@Eric Hockemeyer my family used to (and still does) call me manipulative when i cried. but if i got angry they laughed at me or looked at me with pity. i guess i wasnt intimidating enough for them to take me seriously
I get told I'm manipulative all the time as an autistic person
I’m trying to walk away from the issue; how is avoiding people attention seeking?!
Yes this exactly, did you ever hear the term crocodile tears? Whenever I cried over something that wasn’t deemed cry worthy it was called crocodile tears, aka fake tears and it made me feel completely helpless and alone because my distress was read as manipulation
one of my strongest memories of special ed was that I was working on something but couldn't focus because two teachers who were supposed to be helping were whispering loudly to each other, and I spoke up about this saying they were being loud and it was making it hard to focus and they laughed at me for not knowing what speaking loudly means (because they were whispering)
That's just kind of unfathomable to me. I know what it's like to come in contact with these people in the real world as an adult, I do all the time and it's difficult enough that way, but I literally can't imagine these people being teachers, therapists, guardians, etc. I'm autistic but I was homeschooled and pretty isolated from society growing up, I'm 19 now and gradually being exposed to the neurotypical world to a higher degree, it's kind of a culture shock. I just cannot.. even begin to grapple with what you guys experienced in these institutions. How were these people considered fit to teach kids..
I’m also autistic, there was this one time I was at the DMV, trying to take a test on a computer there, and these two horrible employees at the desk were talking (not whispering) kind of loudly despite the signs everywhere in the room asking for people to be quiet for the test takers. I went up and politely asked if they could quiet down, and they said some bullshit about “human nature”. I wanted to punch those fuckers, but I didn’t since I’m a decent human being.
@@claude2571 I'm not autistic. But I've had teachers like that which can not be considered as qualified to teach whatsoever. Particularly my English teacher- I'm in a non-English country, but I learned English on my own at such a young age that I could honestly qualify as a native speaker due to my fluency. So naturally I excelled at her class, but when we first got her (we constantly shifted English teachers, she was my last) one year before I was finally supposed to get out of that horrible elementary school, I was already having severe anxiety attacks by then and though she first appeared nice, she quickly became a huge bully to everyone including me, even though she pretended I was her favourite student.
Now, aside from her horrible (and very, very traumatizing) behaviour towards me (and others), she also could not speak English.
Now... obviously, to an extent she could. But the amount of times I had to correct her! (I suspect this is why she didn't like me also, she didn't like to be told she was wrong all the time. I'd give her the advice of actually studying what she was supposed to teach, but that would probably send me straight to the principal)
She'd misspell things frequently, she'd have to ask me for translations, teasingly calling me the google translate of the class, she'd mix words up, she'd write grammatically wrong sentences... it was just horrible. Absolutely laughable. And I will never... *ever* understand how she managed to get this job.
She's definitely not reading this. But I wish she would be, so I could tell her to fuck off after all this time.
Yeah, I've learned quite a lot over the years, but one thing I will never truly understand is how neurotypical people think that whispering is... Whatever they seem to think it is. It's like they saw a scene on TV or in a movie where characters were meant to be whispering, but it had to be audible to the audience so the actors had to project their voices uncomfortably, and they took that idea of whispering as something nobody other than the intended recipient could possibly hear. I'd say it doesn't count as whispering if I can make out the words from several metres away, but I guess I'm just "wrong" in social interactions or something.
holy shit its the funny language guy
"No matter what it was, I always had the wrong feelings," This...this made tears brim in my eyes. I'm autistic myself, and I've always felt that everytime I express my feelings, it was always somehow not appropriate to the situation.
I would be too excited to have a strawberry cheesecake shake from sonic, but not excited enough to watch fireworks on forth of july. I would be overreacting to being blinded by florescent lights, but underreacting to watching the same cartoon scene on repeat. It would be wrong for me to be talkative, but it's also wrong for me to be quiet.
I'm both not enough and too much, and that makes me the ultimate dichotomy.
In other words: fear me mortals, for I'm benevolent and will never try to hurt you.
I had this experience a lot too.
And it always made me wonder … why do neurotypical people feel the need to police others’ emotional reactions?
Why is the “wrong” reaction punishable?
What happens to the neurotypical brain when they interact with someone having the “wrong” reaction?
Sometimes I really think autistics are the sane ones. We’re just outnumbered.
@youtubename I think it’s because (awful) neurotypical people have a dysfunctional obsession with “conformity” in society. They tend to ridicule anything out of the norm because they fear that it will become a threat to their own egos or something along the lines of that.
In other words, underminging and weilding power over those who aren’t like them or share similar views gives them satisfaction and makes them feel valued. Yikes, I tell you.
I'm not diagnosed with autism, but i feel this because i too have experienced this 😔
> It would be wrong for me to be talkative, but it's also wrong for me to be quiet.
I hate it so much that apparantly I'm not the only one to feel that way but nobody ever fucking told me that it wasn't my fucking fault and that others also deal with the same shit and that I am not just missing a part of me that is supposed to know what the fuck any of this means just because nobody ever bothered give a shit
Have you read Frankenstein? I’m also ND and it really resonated with me. He has so many pure intentions but the way he looks and acts make people lash out at him
On top of that, the actual title makes more sense now- the last thing I want when I’m overstimulated/having a meltdown is being trapped in a hug
i’ve always hated getting my picture taken. something about it feels fake, like lying, and recently i realized why. when i was little, i’d smile my biggest, most genuine smile, happy to be in the moment, but then my parent would stop everything and say “no, ACTUALLY smile.” my real smile wasn’t right. looking back on all my old pictures, i’ll admit, i kinda smile funny, but i look happy. i don’t have many pictures of myself nowadays, and the ones i do have i look uncomfortable. i don’t like getting my picture taken, because even though i’ve tried my best to “smile right”, i can’t do it. i really appreciate the thoughts you put into words in this video, i’ve related to the themes of dhmis but hadn’t been able to quite figure out why until now!
OW OW OW OW OW REALIZATION THATS ALREADY BEEN BREWING BOILING OVER OW
I always used to have a 'weird' smile (tended to furrow my eyebrows when smiling), and tried for years to 'correct' my smile. But once you start trying to 'actually smile', it becomes less real, and no smile is an 'actual smile'.
Oh my god I actually feel this in my soul. My mom tells me that “I’m giving her xyz face” and that I’m “talking like a robot” when I’m not even trying to do that or noticing that I’m doing that. I hate it so much
i didnt like smiling at all when i was happy, or, anytime. i hated being forced to smile. our experiences are completely different but i feel like i connect to you because we were both forced to smile awkwardly. thank you for writing your comment
Holy shit that happens to me to! I didn’t even realize I went through that until you mentioned it! That makes so much more sense now why photos are so weird
I love this interpretation. I've grown up undiagnosed autistic, and I've spent my entire life confused. The neurotypical world simultaneously feels dull and uninteresting, full of skewed priorities and rules no one cares about, and at the same time loud, unpredictable, and overwhelming. That is a feeling that dhmis captures perfectly. I don't know how to explain it, but it's perfect.
not diagnosed so don’t claim yourself as autistic thanks
@@alexpowell1184 I said I grew up undiagnosed, not that I'm not, so fuck you mate :)
@@interdimensional4288 L bozo
@@pixelsoda ‘ive grown up’ implies they’re still going through it you daft nonce
@@pixelsoda If you are still undiagnosed after seeing a therapist it means that they are probably validating your concern instead of speaking their mind on the matter so you don't leave them for another therapist, it's just weird to me that you went and on good suspicion still didn't give you a referral for a diagnosis
31:20 "It's almost painfully apparent that these teachers have no idea what they're doing, and I think that's a 100 times more chilling." As a former teacher, I couldn't agree more. I'm so sorry for what you had to endure.
Yeah I agree with that and I'm a student.
The realization that all of the bad adults from your childhood are just people who may have been trying their best is genuinely horrifying in a banality of evil sort of way
why did you quit if may ask?
@@Meleeman011 I was laid off
10:09 “No matter what it was.. i always had the wrong feelings” is actually a sentence that made me cry. i’m 15. i’ve been diagnosed with adhd for 2 years? and i recently brought up me possibly being autistic with my therapist, they had me take a test and i scored 217 with the average allistic score being 60. She says she’s very confident i belong on the spectrum and i am as well. my screenings aren’t for a few months cause that’s how that works sadly. but, ever since i had the appointment with my therapist i’ve felt so so connected to autism and the community and just, the words that people with autism say i’m able to resonate with so much. it was hard for me to even realize i had asd because, fun fact i have lots of memory issues and cannot remember the majority of my life from before 2021. so it was hard for me to realize patterns that have always been there. anyway. ur video is great
Best of luck! I don’t remember my ten years either fwiw.
I’m 28 now but was diagnosed autistic as a child. (Though I’m navigating the fun world of adult ADHD screenings currently.)
the “arrange the sticks into your favorite color” part is frustrating for me specifically because the characters IMMEDIATELY arrange them as the colors spelled out; it’s the type of incomprehensible instruction that everyone else in the class would just intuitively understand, but I’d have no idea how they came to the correct conclusion or why they’re able to do that and I can’t.
THIS.
We used to have to sit in a circle with a tiny paper clock and set it to the times the teacher said and hold it up to show everyone all at the same time. It was fucking hell.
wait what else would they arrange it into ?? /gen
@@cindersnowsnothing. There’s no right answer. Do you understand that they did that on purpose to make you feel the way you’re feeling right now? Confused, nervous?
When I hear “arrange the sticks into your favorite color”, I’d initially be very confused because how could anyone arrange sticks to be a different color? I wouldn’t intuitively understand that what he meant is “arrange the sticks so that they SPELL a different color”
this vid triggers the fuck out of me; thank you for making it.
I wish i didn't feel so powerless about the plight of autistic kids. It's so fucked they're still being treated that way today. It makes my heart ache.
It’s considered “Child Abuse” when it’s “Curing Gayness” so why not when “Curing Autism”?
@@paneonsweirdtomfoolery4056 no quotation needed, it's child abuse to be sure
@@sighrelief when i was younger i was in a special separate class for autistic children, when i was starting to have a meltdown one of my teachers would bring me into another room and shout abusive and horrible thing at me. when I first saw the video I literally cried.
its at least better than it was in the past... at least
it is still bad and has many problems
I had to pause the video at “you were supposed to fucking listen to me”. I had to take several deep breaths. I don’t even know what I should say, but that struck me so viscerally that I can’t say nothing. This has been such a trauma for me that if I’m talked over a few times in a row I’ll completely shut down.
Thank you for sharing
yeah that hit us hard ;;;
For me it's the opposite. It's been such a trauma that if someone talks over a few times in a row, I get really fucking loud and keep yelling at them to shut up no matter what they say. Which obviously doesn't work. Assholes keep talking just to piss me off and anyone trying to help can't get a word in edgewise because I shout them down as soon as I hear literally anything out of anyone's mouth. Oh, also behavior like that is likely to get me killed someday, so the only logical reaction is to avoid situations where that might happen. So literally any social situation. So in the interest of self-preservation, I have to be a social recluse even though I desperately want friends.
…Yeah. Just because your job is to teach, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be the one listening every once in a while.
Yeah I didn't have that experience with teachers but I have it with my dad. Too this day he still doesn't listen to me despite my being an adult
Yeah, that’s pretty much sums up my entire childhood
I always did see DHMIS as a satire on neurotypical absurdity.
28:18 - Having lived with people on the spectrum for a long time when I was younger, this is tragic. I can't believe your teachers used the book to tell you what number you should be at rather than using it as a way to understand you. That is legitimately quite shocking.
you’d probably be terrified if you heard some of the things we go through on the daily, especially in the school system. it’s horrible :(
My teachers did that too.
It’s their fundamental way of treating us.
Some behavioral modification techniques can be great for developing new routines for kids with autism. But nuerotypicals weaponize these techniques against autistic kids. They miss the point that the tools are not supposed to be used to control or as a punishment.
Love ur videos
What's weirdest to me is that Becky and Jo _have_ stated that the sort of idea behind the teachers is they're trying to explain these big, all-expansive concepts in dumbed down formats. They weren't really even SUPPOSED to be puppets of an evil mastermind as much as they just don't know what they're talking about because they're trying to make concise explanations out of complex subjects.
Tbh, one of the ways that I started to realise as an adult - with a twin who is definitely autistic - that maybe I'm autistic too, just LESS autistic than my brother was....kind of reverse engineering what you just said about Becky and Joe and their aims with the show.
I worked out several years ago that, or some reason I didn't understand, OTHER people just intuitively reached conclusions that I didn't and probably never could have, and MY job was to reverse engineer THEIR conclusions to figure out the general rules that were just obvious to them (but for some reason they could never explain to me, and didn't really seem to understand in the first place) and then return the final answer back to them so everyone would be happy.
It's a feeling I don't think I'll ever feel comfortable with or not internally rage at: that I have to some kind of quantum-social-psychological equation to figure out the answer that regular people just...get. And resent YOU for not understanding. You develop heuristics for it, rules of thumb, guesstimates, but you will never look normal for very long.
@@ProfDCoy I don't think any autistic person is "more" or "less" autistic than another, just that it presents itself in different ways across different people.
@@ProfDCoyim not quite sure what perspective your comments is supposed to be from but people being angry at you for not understanding something they think they shouldn't have to explain is a pretty good description of being on the autism spectrum
@@niicespiice I feel that's just short-hand for more or less apparent (in an expected way) or more or less disruptive to everyday navigation in the NT world. Because let's face it, some manifestations *are* more tolerable/fit in better, and that's usually what's meant. It's hard to describe a difference like, e.g., verbal vs nonverbal, without using some sort of intensity comparison. I mean, I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm just saying that they were also not wrong.
I know right? To me, the last episode fully puts on display that all of the lessons were prefabricated simulacra designed without its audience in mind
This video made me realise why I found this series scary growing up. Not the gore or violence, but the overstimulation and how the teachers treat the characters. The way the teachers act was very similar to the teachers I had, and of course the overstimulation was similar to what I had to experience everyday as a child with undiagnosed autism. The teachers didn't listen to me, and other adults refused to listen when I told them something upset me, while my parents never forced me to do things that I didn't like, student counselor's and the like thought making me do things like talk to my classmates or go out into crowds would help. It never did and made it so much worse for me.
oh and if you go ahead for once how pissed they will be. like when was in kindagarten and had work where have to "count swings" always 5 or less since can eaily "see" a "5" and below without counting i would instantly have the answer but then they get mad that im not "following the super dumb slow class" but oh if i fall behind its fuck me!
@@nightmarerex2035 I’ve had that exact experience with teachers! If it wasn’t their way, it was the wrong way. Even if their way was harder, and more complicated.
@@DeviBuster I feel like I would be smarter.. I guess.. or at least more on track today if they were to just let me do it my way and get it right lol
I remember solving math problems and then not getting credit cuz I didn’t show my work (I didn’t show my work or didn’t do it their way) and stuff
In 4th grade.. my math teacher TO L D my therapists that he didn’t like me.. and he never helped me when I got behind in math. Rip.. I still can’t do math.. and now I’m really behind
I’d say I’m still struggling with 4th-5th grade math.. never memorized the times tables and division and stuff cuz I didn’t know that’s what I was supposed to do. I thought I had to learn how to calculate and solve in my head every time I saw math questions and not just.. memorize them.. so I never really learned them except for the very easy questions like 1x, 5x, and 10x
I wish people made things easier and explained why they/we do the things they/we do sometimes.. if that makes sense
If I didn’t see a reason for something.. I’d skip out on doing to save time and energy.. not necessarily because I was being defiant but many people took it that way and then this older guy diagnosed me with a thing called oppositional defiant disorder (which.. my other therapists disagreed on but I still got diagnosed lol)
I definitely had problems back then but it wasn’t.. well.. that..
so i havent watched dhmis in years and not once after i got diagnosed with autism. this video made me cry when you started explaining how the instructions of arranging sticks into your favourite color didnt make sense, because it made me remember every confusing social interaction, every assignment in class that made me cry, because it was too vague and every time i have ever felt unintelligent because i didnt intuitively understand something that others just did. I just realized how much i subconsciously ignore everything i cant understand by virtue of logic or asking. And why i then get unbearably distressed when i dont understand a task i have no choice but to do.
I grew up with undiagnosed autism (combination of being a girl, living in a rural area, and my brother having more destructive autistic traits than me sucking up all the attention) and god hearing you talk about how no one listened to your feelings is fucking REAL. I was a very emotional and sensitive kid and I would cry really easily about anything that upset me, and the adults around me just kind of started *ignoring* me after a while. Like "oh what are you upset about *this* time?" and "you're being too sensitive." It really fucked me up and I still have a hard time being vulnerable around people and especially crying around people because I'm so used to automatic rejection when I cry. I was *not* too sensitive, *they* were all just shit at understanding me.
Also, this line:
"I'm autistic" *looks down* "I'm sure this is incredibly shocking news for you."
Cracked me the fuck up. Well done.
I'm so sorry I've also heard those same exact lines my entire life
@@bentspoon7374 same I hope things are better for you too, I'm still a kid so I can't do shi ab it.
But I'm diagnosed with autism, they just say I'm "not autistic enough" to deal with my autism. So that's "fun"
@@randomnoob101flyhightweek I don't have autism (to my knowledge) I have I-ADHD(previously known as ADD) I'm 15 so there's not much I can say about it either without me being having an attitude or being an angsty teenager. I was a very very emotional child that cried so much I couldn't cry about things that really mattered for an entire 1-2 years. I had to make myself cry sometimes. Stopping myself from crying because I didn't want to be called a cry baby became second nature. I still try to do it. I can't openly cry unless something is extraordinarily bad or unsettling. Like I had a panic attack because we were forced to use lockers at school. Also I started bawling my eyes out so long and hard because someone was smacking on their gum to purposely to piss me off. I cried so hard the blood vessels around my eyes popped and there was red specks around my eyes for days after. I had to get signed out cause it was so bad. Only simple stupid things make me cry. It's hard to cry when I'm emotionally or physically disturbed now. I like to call it the cry baby complex.
@@bentspoon7374 damn, I have a total cry amount of 3-5 tears a month because I "cried to much" too. I hope you at least have a good day/night! ^~^
I'm autistic and afab my younger brother autism was picked up on mine was not. But I remember the constant terror of school, the idea of being wrong for nothing. I learned to charm the adults around me, I was every teachers pet because if I wasn't I knew I'd be in danger. I wasn't good at keeping friends. But I made sure that every teach I could loved me so I would get the benefit of the doubt. The concept of the "good girl" saved me. Once I was in secondary though I couldn't charm 6 different teachers a day. So just tried to disappear and not get noticed. I'm sometimes so angry that no-one noticed my autism until I did at nearly thirty. But the way autism is treated in schools scares me to my soul.
a lot of this feels like it was written by me, just with some differences as well. I'm also autistic and afab, but my younger brother was picked up on being autistic much earlier than me. I'm lucky to have been able to get resources about autism tho and learn more about it from friends that I got a diagnosis last year when I was 16 instesd
@@chumsnotreal you are younger than me and I really hope things are much better than they were ❤ I'm glad you have resources and support
I feel similarly. I'm in my 20s and thankful in some ways I only realized I'm autistic now, because people who got officially recognized earlier on in life have suffered so much more outright abuse. I was always terrified of being moved to special ed because of the things I've heard (and admittedly, the internalize ableism of people treating ppl who need support as less than human or doomed). I ended up feeling like a failure anyway though because of failing school. And I could have had something if I had been dx'd ADHD early enough. But then again my abusive parent said they "don't believe in medicine for things that aren't a chemical imbalance" (adhd is literally a chemical imbalance of dopamine.....) so, its not like I would have gotten actual help for that one either. *sigh* its extremely upsetting to feel like I've missed out on live and been unnecessarily traumatized so badly by being dismissed & not supported for my disabilities but still have to feel like that now is ultimately the only time it would be helpful or safe to find out. Cause even if I did get to find out earlier, it wouldn't have changed anything for me due to the people around me. And that's tragic.
All we can do now is pick up the pieces and try to create something with what's left I guess.
Fucking hell, you sound exactly like me!! Only, I’m 17 and was diagnosed about 10 months ago. I’m currently still doing my disappearing act at sixthform college, now people can’t see me, so they can’t bully me. But I’m terrified that when i go to university, because i cant make social connections, I’m going to be cripplingly alone. Wish me luck i guess ahah
Edit: oh and my oldest brother was diagnosed with asbergers when he was like 6. My second oldest was diagnosed with adhd a few years back, i was relied upon to be ‘the normal one’ which fucked me up real bad lmao.
yes!! i was such a good kid in school. no behavior problems (except for talking around people i liked, but i could keep myself under control for the most part) but i had terrible grades. if the class wasn’t a special interest i was scraping by only .5 above failing. but i was called lazy. just help me!!!
I felt that "You were supposed to fucking *LISTEN* to me!" resonate in my soul. Absolutely loved this video. It was super raw and honest, and it felt so validating to hear someone else on the spectrum say these things. I could probably write an entire thesis on all the different moments i had to pause and reflect on how much one of your horror stories reminded me of one of my own.
We need more people like you Patty, people who have the ability and courage to speak out and try to get NTs to understand the harm their abject refusal to understand us does, that *they* are the ones who need to change, not us.
@Andres No, we're traumatized. There is a reason why ADHD and Autism are associated with trauma!! It's because of people like you.
@Andres god you have no idea the kind of shit some people have been through, have you? Being pinned down as a child having a meltdown is horrifying, there are cases where using that method of restriction has caused serious harm and even death.
Children’s deaths. Please think about that when you call people sensitive.
@Andres Or maybe you're insensitive, and this has accomplished nothing. Thanks for wasting all of our time, sociopath.
@Andres "Y'all are so sensitive", and yet you're the one who felt the need to make multiple comments spouting off some bigoted nonsense, because this simple comment of mine offended you so much.
Oh my lord you had no right to jumpscare me with superflex like that 😭. I hated that our issues as neurodivergent children were alwaus reduced down to evil villains and bad things. It made me feel like i was evil and bad. I was "worry wall" . Thanks school, its almost like my parents were going through a messy divorce and for an autistic child, it was such a sudden and scary change it caused me stress outside of the home. But no, reduced down to an evil villain instead of letting me process the subject in a healthy way. They also knew none of us wanted to do it so they promised us a pizza party at the end of the year. Never got one. I don't even think they planned one. The utter betrayal.
I'd never heard of those characters before, but as soon as I saw it and read the image I went "what emotionally unintelligent and immature adult wrote this shit?!" cause damn it's just straight up villanizing and encouraging repression of normal emotions. It was specifically used as an ableist tool, but it's also just harmful to anyone as long as they're human. It goes against common sense and all scientific evidence on how to help children understand and deal with emotion. Like it could be one of those things that stems from shitty wrong studies, shitty faulty "science", but no, it's even more directly pulled out of someone's ass than that. What a feat. Either the person that wrote it is legit abusive in their personal life (and/or possibly a victim of abuse themselves), or they see nd ppl (unconsciously or counciously) as so inhuman, that they don't realize these are the same emotions they also experience, and nd people are just experiencing it to a different degree. Just goddamn, I'm sorry you had to deal with this
I was diagnosed autistic very young noticeably because I was nonverbal or I guess what folks used to call "Asperger's". I've been put in special ed my whole school life. I remember having to learn about Superflex when I was in 4th grade. Superflex was not helpful, and if I'm being honest very obnoxious because of the "villains" based off of behavioral problems from children and if I had "behavioral problems" I'm just being my autistic self (and must be undiagnosed ADHD). It's not the first time I'm obliged to learn about a mortifyingly degrading subject from special needs though. I remember having to hear a para read a book on when a child throws a tantrum when I was in 2nd grade, and the book states where you get a punishment if u keep your sh*tty attitude up...
Hi, I'm also autistic. One part that really hit close to home for me was the whole "No, you're lonely, I can see it in your eyes" line. I often didn't like to hang out that much with other kids. I disliked large groups, or physical games. I preferred to play by myself, alone. I remember teachers trying to get me to play with other kids, and my parents trying to get me to make more friends. But I never cared for it that much. I had a group of friends at school but we were kinda the not very active not very sociable guys. When I got into highschool it became weirder because the whole highschool romance phase started but I never took part in it. I don't recall having any crush or feeling interest in girls at all. I never had a highschool girlfriend or engaged in any of that. At first my parents were weirded out by my disinterested approach to the opposite gender, and they even asked me outright if I was gay, and I told them no, I just didn't want to have a relationship.
Today, I'm 24, I have a career and a job, and I still haven't really figured out the whole relationships thing. I had a crush once, and it did not go well.
You could be arospec
Honestly, when neurotypicals try to psychoanalyze us is when I've had enough.
Also, judging by your disinterest in relationships you could indeed be asexual/aromantic (if you haven't considered that already)
Me, an aromantic, being bullied and gaslit into being in relationships with people I didn't even meet 2 days ago...🤝
I'm also neurodivergent and on the Aro/ace scale
not gonna diagnose, but to me that sounds like demiromantic asexual spectrum :) maybe look up those keywords and see if they give you any feeling of direction.
The worst part of having a panic attack is the reaction of “you are being disrespectful and manipulative” from a parent so I feel that. I don’t have autism but I do have adhd and I’ve been viewed as a burden my whole life by the school system. I hope this rings a note with others. Having your desk facing the wall or put in the hallway, never knowing what’s going on and having your only friend be your home room teacher. School is so absolutely absurd and the belief that everyone is supposed to just figure it out or get left behind is not accurate to the outside world.
I’ll never forget my mom saying “what are you, 2 years old?” To me and my also autistic brother constantly fighting with each other and occasionally having meltdowns because of it. It was never about maturity most of it was out of our control. We don’t fight like that anymore, I’ve gotten pretty good at dealing with my triggers in more healthy ways.
I was put in a corner away from everyone in 2nd grade. I'm diagnosed with autism and 99% sure I have adhd (I have months of research to back this belief) so I feel you, I hope things are better now!
God this is reminding me of a meltdown i had not too long ago, and my mother’s only reaction to me hyperventilating and screaming and trying to lean on her for support, both physically and mentally?
Was to push me away and yell at me for making a mountain out of a mole hill. Thanks mom
I have ADHD as well- I'm inattentive type so I never had to deal with the "go outside" or "go sit in the corner" response unless I had a meltdown. But, I drew (and still do) a lot in class as a way to help me focus, but then when the actual schoolwork needed to be done I struggled to get on-task. The thing is, my teachers couldn't tell the difference between me screwing off and me just drawing to focus, so in 6th grade my teachers took my sketchbook away. They put it in a bag outside the classroom and I could only take it when I was done with my work. I obviously didn't cooperate and just found other ways to draw with loose paper, but just thinking about that and how they didn't even try to ask why I was drawing instead of doing my work boils my blood. They really just assumed that I was just lazy and wasn't trying to do my work. The school system helped me at times, but this was not one of those times.
Yeah,sometimes I have freakouts cause of the stress and everyone just says I'm acting like a baby and trying to get attention. To my knowledge I'm not on the autism spectrum but I do have an attention disorder and some emotional problems.
Jesus Christ.
I'm also neurodivergent and working as an aide at a school, and I was appalled to hear that you were restrained every time you had a meltdown. I was trained that you should never do that if there is any other option available. It should be reserved for ONLY when the child is a danger to themselves or someone else (at age six the latter is fairly unlikely.) So things like, having the kid lightly push you or try to grab something from you don't warrant it. Usually, during meltdowns, you can give the kid some space, maybe give them a toy to help them calm down, let them take a break, and then calmly talk later.
And, telling anyone, kid or adult, that their feelings are wrong does not help them emotionally regulate, if anything it'll make it worse. Everyone has different triggers and ways of viewing the world. That story was horrifying and I'm happy to use that as a model for what not to do in my job.
@Eric Hockemeyer i feel like I slipped through the cracks when it came to getting any formalized diagnostics as a child. But some of those experiences of yours reminded me of a program I was in as a kid.
All I really know for sure was my self-esteem was in a terrible place and the program material was rather easy? But I liked the opportunity of just being allowed to be in a smaller class room for some of my educational tenure then.
It was like a low-stimulation place that still made me feel okay? It's kind of hard to describe how that program impacted me. (I never really considered it could be autistic stuff until my late twenties. My memory is awful, but I don't think I ever heard the notion being explicitly discussed with my parents, either. However, at times, I do have some sense of imposter syndrome... from the strategies I learned growing up?)
Funny, since even earlier on, it was suggested I be in a gifted kid track. But my parents decided not to put me through that (thinking it might be too stressful and alienating from age cohort). It's a choice that gives me some "what ifs" about (I wondered if it left me all that understimulated - I still gravitated to my teachers more).
The more I listen to ND experiences, it makes me continue to reframe a lot of it as "that... that could explain a lot."
My mom taught special education for years and I don’t think she’s ever restrained a kid
restraining can even injure the kid very badly, i saw news of an autistic kid dying from it. when i have meltdowns i just have everyone stare at me as i get escorted to the counselors office, whether it was an angry meltdown or an anxiety/overstim/etc meltdown where im loudly crying and dizzily walking around/standing up randomly while scratching my numb arms as tears blind me, i hated the staring and one time an aide for another special ed kid said to a couple kids i was faking and looked me dead in the eyes and nodded like she was right AS I WAS HAVING A MELTDOWN, after that i got diagnosed with severe anxiety and asthma and my mom confronted her in front of 2 office ladies, she tried to play dumb
also currently finally getting a clinical diagnosis for ASD because my dad love to push away my issues a lot and doesnt listen when i describe how my brain works etc, but now hes actually letting me see a therapist and ive also been diagnosed with adhd and ive basically known ive had adhd for 6 years now, did research even when i was young and he still tried to push that i dont have it and refused to understand, he did that with anxiety long ago too but ive been diagnosed for both so,...lol(sorry for this ramble, and bad grammar, im not good with english or writing sometimes even though its my first language lol)
I had a 300+ pound teacher’s aid SIT ON MY RIBCAGE because I tried to walk to my house.
@@SixArmedSweater wtf, that could've killed you!
I also grew up with autism, and my policy quickly became "if you dont care what i say, you'll care what I do." So I got really good at causing damage and lying. If they hadn't tried so hard to force me into line, then I wouldn't have tried so hard to destroy the line.
Basically, I understand your story
"If they hadn't tried so hard to froce me into line, then i woulden't have tried so hard to destroy the line." Ok 1 fire quote, 2 same
@Lucky_dot_Avi fr they gotta add that to the "powerful quotes from unlikely sources" google doc
ok, as an autistic person, I need you to make like 7 more video essays about your childhood experiences, because you just gracefully put together parts of my own experience that I couldn't fucking explain or understand myself let alone cope with in therapy and tell anyone else about. seriously, man, thank you.
SAME
This made me remember what is now one of my favourite details in the series, and actually realise why I connected to it so much.
In ep3, when yellow guy's told that love is a feeling he says, "because I'm hungry!" But he's told, "no, you're lonely." Yellow guy didn't actually give any indication he was feeling lonely, in fact he mentioned a completely different feeling. But in the eyes of the teacher, not being with friends and not knowing how to 'love correctly' meant he was lonely.
AND THIS IS THE GENIUS PART!! Later on in the song the yellow guy says, "even me? But I am lonely" in a way that's sad and dejected. He was never actually lonely! But he was told that he was, and internalised it.
And that was _me._ That was my childhood.
As a kid I loved playing by myself. I was a very happy kid! It's not that I didn't like other kids, I was happy to play with them if they wanted. But I was also quite content to be in my own, wonderful little world.
But the adults were _not_ content with that. Teachers were 'concerned' I wasn't playing with the other kids. My parents tried everything to make me. They banned me from playing my imagination games. They got teachers to 'pair' me with a kid each break that was made to play with me. At first I was just confused and annoyed. I tried to tell them I wasn't unhappy, I liked my own company, but they didn't listen. They told me that the way I was before was sad. It was wrong. It meant that I was _lonely._
And so eventually, I internalised that. I carried that with me my whole life. I stopped being content with just me, I had to be _liked._ and if people didn't like me (because who likes the weird autistic kid amiright?) Then that meant I was bad, and I had to change. I had to put everyone's needs before mine, suppress my real interests, be someone else, anything to be accepted so I wouldn't be lonely.
But these days I've realised that when I am alone, I'm not lonely, I never was. I don't need people to like me or accept me, I like me. That can be enough. I hope you realise that too someday, yellow guy.
nice profile picture
sounds fucked, autism education is so flawed and im sorry you had to go through that level of unreasonable gaslighting
@@moistenedwall1003 hehe, you too!
I’ve had a very similar experience to you! Thank you for writing this comment as it really helps reading other people’s experiences in the big fucking neurotypical world to feel not alone. I really wish I was never forced into what teachers and my mother wanted me to be social wise because now I’m just, I’m just a mess dude. But yeah, thank you for putting it into words, I hope I can realise I don’t need other people to like myself, but until then, at least I know it’s possible.
@@uhoh6092 You're welcome! Yea it can be rough sometimes. When you feel alone in your struggles, just remember there's a stranger out there rootin for ya! (That stranger being me, I believe in you!
I dont have autism - your explanation of emotional meltdowns granted a full and complete understanding of something I would never have had the opportunity to understand if you hadnt explained it just the way you did from a position of emotional vulnerability.
Thank you for that - I am genuinely grateful to you.
As a fellow autistic furry, this video speaks to me so deeply.
Luckily for me, I didn't have to deal with the book or special ed because I was diagnosed as an adult, but that created its own whole host of problems that I can feel really deeply when I watch DHMIS.
The strongest one that I feel is Yellow Guy's constant grasping to understand and being shot down. I felt that too but the lack of diagnosis just led to me feeling inherently broken.
I'd like to add my own interpretation to love episode. As an autistic person, I found that I experience and show love differently from other people. I show it through homemade gifts, giving away my belongings, and extremely strict self control that makes me able to attempt to show that I care for and am interested in others and also to make conversations go more smoothly.
Other humans really like the gifts, but the self control annoys and confuses them when the cracks show. They seem to think that if someone has to put in effort to connect with them then the person doesn't really care about them. Which is baffling to me because isn't someone caring about you enough to put in extra effort for you a very blatant show of love?
It feels like my love is only valuable when it results in tangible gifts rather than the intense mental and emotional effort that exists behind the scenes, even though if I didn't put in that effort they'd be even angrier.
And that's not even to mention the deep bond that I feel with inanimate objects that makes people think I'm ridiculous or childish.
And that's what the love episode feels like. Yellow Guy sees everyone explaining how they love. Then he gets excited to join in and share what he loves as well. Then he is chastised and told that he doesn't love the correct way. They explain the correct way to love and it makes literally no sense and seems to completely miss the point of love in the first place in the eyes of those on the outside. Then he is aggressively shoved into their form of love and everyone he knows is there. It is loud, terrifying, and overbearing. And he has no chance but to try to join that form of love.
I initially did not realize you were a furry so when you said "my puppyhood" it hit me like a train
I feel the same way, started to realize there’s something a bit “off” about this guy
@@hstochla *gal
I saw the dog avatar and put two and two together lmao
The fact that she's literally a dog didn't tip you off? Or were you just listening?
@@Wendy_O._Koopa yeah I was cooking while listening
Imagine seeing a show called “Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared” and NOT immediately seeing the parallels to autism and the treatment of neurodivergent and disabled children. Then again, I can’t imagine NOT being neurodivergent, so I can imagine seeing this work through my lense would be hard for a lot of these plot theorists too.
Even as an Autistic person I never associated this show with autism
@@nintendoboy3605 interesting! For me touch, especially around the shoulders, is a sensory trigger, so I’ve always associated hugs with Sensory Issues.
@@chickenelafsworld7105 I mean personally I am a very affectionate person, I actually like hugs.
@@nintendoboy3605 I mean I’m affectionate in other ways, but touch just makes me wanna cry lol. And I’m somewhat more comfortable when I can give hugs and things cuz it’s easier to make sure it doesn’t trigger my sensory issues. But maybe it’s just my circle of autistic friends, cuz most of my other friends on the spectrum also find hugs more stressful than comforting most of the time. That just goes to show why it’s called a spectrum and why you can’t paint every autistic person with the same brush.
@@chickenelafsworld7105 Understandable.
Back to the show itself, I never really associated it with autism despite having autism myself. Is there anything wrong with that?
Sometimes I'm frustrated over being missed by the system, but hearing so many horror stories makes me thankful I wasn't diagnosed until adulthood.
It’s one of those catch 22s. If caught early, you could develop lots of necessary social tools, at the cost of early life becoming far more traumatic in some ways. But if it’s caught later, you run the risk of being in life with none of the tools you need to function, but still also some serious trauma.
People say that autism is something people know all about nowadays… but if that were really true, I don’t think society would be quite as hostile to us as it still tends to be.
@@skyeguy7914 I was caught early but got all the bullshit of the later, getting diagnosed doesn't mean your parents or school really step up to the plate
@@celestemunda7143 I wasn’t really trying to say that it was exactly. My wording was meant to imply that it wasn’t guaranteed to be helpful if one got proper assistance early on. Or even guaranteed they would get assistance at all unfortunately. Im all too familiar with the fact that a lot of us just don’t get the necessary help, period.
I wasn't diagnosed until adulthood either, and while I'm happy I didn't have to put up with special ed, I have definitely been screamed at for telling funny jokes or told my involuntary sobbing was fake.
it really is such a conflict. if i could definitely say and trust in the system to give me the help i needed and not punish me for things i dont understand, id be a lot more confident in saying i wish i was diagnosed as a kid. but because of how folks who did often regale these horrible experiences, it makes me question if i was better off not understanding why i was so rejected by my peers without a word to even divide me from them, if getting recognized and supported as a child wouldve saved me from feeling like i was just bumbling around as a kid or if the service offered wouldve just hurt me in a whole different way. its like a monkeys paw, wherein i wish i wouldve been given proper support and help from the system that was made to educate me, but in wishing so what im given only works to horrify me in a way i wouldntve been before. i detest how i fell through the cracks and how nobody understood why or how i was struggling, but at the same time i probably wouldve detested what they wouldve done to 'help' me. as it stands, i think im better off without whatever florida wouldve passed off as special ed in the mid 2000s, but i still cant help but mourn what help i couldve received if these services didnt fail people like us so often and so traumatically
this video reminds me of the time when i , an autistic person was in class. the teacher was talking about the blue whale challenge ( a trend which involved pressuring teens into self harm and $uicide). there were graphic images shown like people carving a whale into their arm. I told the teacher I wanted to leave the class because the bloody images disturbed me , and they said "ok". That day scarred me. They were trying to warn us about the challenge but they just traumatized us by showing elementary schoolers gore.
The sad part is I believe you completely education is fucked society is fucked and humans are fucked can we just let everything else inherit the earth yet
wow... my sister has mostly blocked out any memories she has of being in special ed class, but this brought back all of my memories of the stuff I was told happened to her by our mom once I got home every day. It was an overstimulating hell hole for her every day to the point where she did not develop and regressed in some aspects. My mother took her out of public school before she started 6th grade; she is now a brilliant artist, wise, intelligent and is able to be her own person. (this is the biggest comment I think I have ever posted.)
Tbh honest good for her. I have autism (it isn’t extreme though) and school does suck, I’d have to admit. For me, it always feels like the day actually starts when I get home. I can make music, write, draw, or just listen to OSTs or something. Most of the time, I kind of just have school blurred now but back in the day I swear I would rather get dropped kicked in the stomach than go to school. Didn’t have really a reason why I didn’t want to go, I just didn’t. Nowadays I’m a class clown and haven’t sweared through out the school years all the way through 8th grade. Even with this experience, I can say that school isn’t necessary at all. Teachers say that they teach things you would need in life, but if you really need some life advice, more often than not you would go to your parents. Teachers probably aren’t the people to care about you. Especially when they have been there for years. They have probably seen kids exactly like you. But some students need the teachers to care about them, and I feel bad for them. Glad for your sister now though. She managed to thrive when coming out of a bad place.
I went to a neotypical primary school then to a behavioural secondary school that decided it wanted to throw in some special needs kids in the mix, this was duing the late 90s early 2000s but my infant school were special needs too. My secondary school has remodeled as a full special school after I left in year 11. You know what I'm glad that the pupils that now attend that school didn't go though what I did.
Nothing has been more difficult and uncomfortable in my life than rooting through my memories and trying to fill in the blanks.
I was taken out of public school and then put back in a few years later. Being out was too lonely but being in was hell
My mom was a special ed teacher and she didn't even try sending me to school, I was homeschooled my whole life (now im in college and doing very well). Homeschooling can have its downsides but for me it was a godsend. My family is not always understanding but my mom knew how to work with neurodivergent kids, i think if i went to public school i'd literally be dead by now.
As someone who is studying to be a teacher currently it horrifies me how badly non neurotypical kids have been and are still treated in school by some. I will try every day in my future career to do better than that, especially since I might not be neurotypical and relate to many feelings that you have described in a lesser degree.
dude, keep studying, youll be a great teacher, keep following your dreams!. sincerely from a stranger on the internet.
Schools need more people like you, I'm sure you'd be a great teacher :)
I hope you do well
On behalf of ND students, thank you. The people that hurt us most are rarely the genuinely cruel, they're usually just ignorant and refuse to listen, even when they're working with adults
I absolutely love this read. Also, I feel like your interpretation explains the title really well... "Don't hug me, I'm scared" is something I could absolutely see a panicked, overstimulated, neurodivergent child saying. A simple request from a child, asking for a very basic boundary in a time of distress, that, let's face it, most adults would bulldoze over and ignore. "You're scared, of course you need a hug!" Oof. I am right there with you feeling the invalidation hurts.
I was thinking the same thing! It definitely fits with the idea of authority figures (the teachers in the episodes, a parent like Roy) (accidentally) harming children instead of protecting them and making them feel safe in the world
The part “YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO F)(KING LISTEN TO ME” made me shiver, and now I’m streaming tears, it hurts to listen to that on a daily basis… as a person with ASD, (diagnosed btw) i shut down my emotions and ñ that was my breaking point
I am so sorry about you being restrained…when I was in kindergarten I was(and still am) terrified of fire drills and when one happened I hid under the table and wouldn’t come out. So a teacher turned off the lights the chased me around the school, through the library, tried to trap me in a chair and ended up restraining me where it left bruises and red marks on my body that my mom found when I got home..Why people think it’s ok to restrain during tantrums or times of discomfort has made no sense to me it should only happen if they are absolutely positive that they are a threat to another
i get that this isn’t the point and my bad but like
they turned _off_ the lights and then went after you? fuck is the point of that
Times like this I get that visual memory of a dinner lady sitting on a like 7-y-o boy having a tantrum.
I was like 6 myself and we were walking out of lunch. Still terrifying because I had no idea why they were doing what they were doing.
Nearly 30 years later I realise he was probably having a meltdown and that's Just How They Dealt With It In The 90's.
So glad I never had a meltdown like that in school, I just cried a lot so I was known for being a crybaby.
@@thatoneguy9582 I remember I had a babysitter who would shove me in a dark closet whenever I misbehaved until I stopped reacting or promised her over and over that I would be good. My mum fired her when I told her but I'm still terrified of the dark to this day
I don’t remember this, but I am assured it happened; when I was six or five, I was having a meltdown where I repeatedly requested a staff member not touch me. When she repeatedly ignored me, I grabbed her hand and bit down as hard as I could. Apparently the principal and the police called my parents to whine about it, but my dad was the only one home, so he was just like "well she asked you to stop touching her and you didn’t." That teacher never tried to touch me again.
i was diagnosed so early for an afab person and have been in therapy since the entire second decade of my life, yet no therapist ever told me what having autism means. what it's symptoms are, how it affects my life, sensory issues, masking, burnout, meltdowns, nothing. none of it. this video is making me cry so much. i've taken it upon myself to learn about what autism actually is and how it affects me the past year, and i'm so enraged at all the times i was treated wrongly just for being autistic. even to current day. i'm so glad to find community with other autistic people after being made to feel so alien and subhuman by allistics.
Pathologizing disabilities really fucks so many people over. Seeing autism (and neurodivergence as a whole) as something to be fixed rather than understood and worked with.
sorry first i saw this i thought afab was "all fashionistas are bastards" 💀💀
afab person? it's called female
It is difficult to explain generally because it's so individual in terms of the symptoms, but I find it really odd that they didn't tell you things relating to your particular situation.
@@omarawad7707 that’s incorrect. It stands for assigned female at birth. Some intersex people are missed or had surgeries done to make them female, or people are trans so they aren’t currently female in any other way then medically (and even then, some things are based on hormone level rather then sex). Saying “assigned female at birth” or afab is just a fast way of stating how they were raised socially and is an important distinction to make in some conversations.
One of the handful of vidoe essays that don't fall into the cold and "objective" trap and has actual interesting things to say about how a piece of art makes feelings. Beautiful.
11:50..."crying won't make us do anything for you" I swear grown ups really thought litteral children are trying to manipulate them by expressing an emotion in the only way they know
I’ve not watched DHMIS but I am autistic (+ adhd and anxiety) and watching this video has solidified my realization that “oh yeah. I have been autistic but QUIETLY.” . I usually speak too loud and out of turn , i cry easily and feel emotions strongly but I only sometimes identify my emotions properly. It’s just “these feelings are strong and I want to bite something” . I’ve never had a meltdown but I have been overstimulated to the point of agitation, and all i want to do is hide somewhere and cool off (eben though in a school situation that’s impossible). I mistake peoples social cues and i never can read someone intentions when speaking to me, so I always feel like people are talking to me to make a fool of me. I get bullied at school for my eccentric style choices and then people learn I’m autistic and they feel bad about it like as if they didn’t just make fun of me for being a weird dumbass 5 minutes ago. (The haters can’t get to me thru my wall of headphones and loud music B]) . I should probably watch DHMIS but I keep on putting it off lol. Hearing you talk about how the world feeling confusing and overwhelming made me realize that, yeah, that wasn’t just a me issue, it was me being autistic and the only people who have made an effort to understand me are other neurodivergent people. This video spoke to me in a way that’s hard to put my finger on. I want to eat your video (/pos)
i probably misinterpreted the whole video I kinda just needed to talk about autism n shit being autistic but not in a stereotypical way has been a Can of beans bc nobody takes me seriously when i am clearly autistic and struggling with shit and being able to talk about it in a yt vid comment section has gotten some of that off of my chest because th3 daily life of being misunderstood and made fun of really has worn on me and uh, yeah YIPPIE
Definitely didn't misinterpret it.
Hey thank you for sharing and getting those pieces put together.
Holy shit (super off topic below) you just connected the dots for me on a childhood memory. I fucked my knee up and wasn’t allowed to do sport stuff anymore. And I remember I’d just start biting myself, hard. I always thought that it was bc I was in pain and advil wasn’t distracting enough… but that never made complete sense. We didn’t realize that my knee was actually screwed up (and that it wasn’t growing pains) until MONTHS later. I had to have been doing that as a responce to all the overwhelming and negative emotions. It physically hurt in a sharp way, but my emotions do sometimes since I have a hard time recognizing them. I really felt like I was grieving my sport, and pissed that everyone refused to take my pain seriously or to bother listening to me. And then when people did it was beyond too late to fix anything, and my folks got mad at me for opting out of a surgery that had a slim to none chance of fixing my knee bc ‘you keep complaining about it’. And ofc I would complain since it obviously never will be the same again, and could have been prevented to some degree …Fuck. Nice to finally know what all that biting was about.
First time I've seen someone say they want to eat something positively, and now I realize why I always want to put stuff in my mouth. Like my cats, or my plants, or my dogs, or my books, or cards, or toys etc etc
If I had a nickel for every time I read a youtube comment saying they wanted to eat something (a video, music, a comment) because they like it so much, I would have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.
I remember writing a short story in when I was in school and ending it ‘you decide what happens next’. I remember being told by my teacher that that wasn’t how you were supposed to end stories. The green is not a creative colour kinda made me think of that moment with the context you gave. It was a small moment but I remember my mum basically saying not to listen to my teacher. It just makes me glad to have had that support, I feel like if I hadn’t a lot of my development would’ve been shat on by the school system. I ended up being home tutored for a good portion of the time I would be in high school and I’m kinda glad that I was now.
I look at that and I see it as the teacher either:
a) Interpreting it as you are not trying enough or holding back your true potential.
b) Seeing it as a sign that you didn't manage your time well and wrote that as a way of ending your story quickly when the time ran out.
@@yggdrasil2 if either interpretation is true than they should have said that instead of just saying “that’s wrong” in regards to a piece of a child’s creativity. Like, maybe ask “did you run out of time to write your story?” I don’t know I’m not a teacher but maybe I should be one if this is how teachers treat kids.
I like this idea, maybe there could be a story with multiple endings, one after the other and it’s up to the reader to decide which one is true.
@@EmileeAria413 I mean, we don't know anything about the situation more than OP have told us, it's all just speculating
@@anerrorhasoccurred8727 Well, "choose your own adventure stories" have been around for a while, and they are basically like video games in a book from before PCs existed. So "you decide what happens next" has some kind of context these days.
there's also that thing where autistic kids are often literally taught the "right" and "wrong" ways to play with toys. like some kids just wanna organize all their toys into fun patterns instead of engaging in "imaginative" play & they're taught that that's wrong. It relates on an extremely literal level to the scene with the orange in DHMIS1.
Just saw a study done that showed people pathologising how autistic kids play, before people were told it was an autistic kid they just went "ooh how creative!" Green is not a creative color.
I enjoy playing and sorting my Pokemon cards
@@enderwalkgang for some reason there’s something deeply satisfying about sorting cards. Did it back when I briefly got into Magic the Gathering
@@SorowFame Oh man, I still love organizing my magic cards into binders. Got a whole sweet little system for them
Still remember when my mom bought me this hello kitty house set where all the furniture and rooms were loose and u could assemble them any way u wanted.
I loved the gift so much I glued all the furniture on the right room tiles and then glued the rooms in a order that made sense for a house, making a full hello kitty house in.
Apparently that was not what I was supposed to 😅
Ma was not amused.
The name “Don’t Hug Me, I’m Scared” is inherently neurodivergent.
there’s nothing worse than a neurotypical person thinking I “don’t have empathy” because they aren’t willing to do the work to empathize with how I empathize.
Specifically the one that always gets stuck in my craw is when someone is talking about a bad thing that happened to them, and I say “I get how you’re feeling, a similar thing happens to me” and they complain about me changing to subject to be about me. Like buddy I’m literally just demonstrating fuckin’ empathy
Bro yeah I don’t get that either 😭
I find that people misunderstand this way of relating to their situation less often, if I don't say "i understand how you feel, something similar happened to me" but instead swap it around and say "something similar happened to me, so i understand how you feel". I think if you end on a different topic people are more likely to feel like you want to steer the conversation away but if you bring it back around to what they were talking about they probably wont feel that way. Anyways some people will always be shitty and self absorbed and unwilling to understand others
Yeah this used to happen whenever I told my boyfriend how I went through something similar whenever he complained about his past.
He said to me once that it felt like I was trying to invalidate him by telling him how I've had it worse but I explained to him that I don't actually think I've had it worse, that I actually wanted to make him feel understood and less alone in his experiences whenever I notice we have experiences in common like that.
Now he understands that's just my way of being empathetic and understanding, and that I'm actually trying to comfort him by showing him he's not alone. Sometimes talking things over after a misunderstanding like that can help a lot
NTs: "Autistic people don't have enpathy!!!!"
Me, feeling sad for a dead cactus I saw while hiking some number of years ago: "Yeah... sure."
oh shit, sometimes i stop myself from using these exact wording cause it feels like i am taing away the person moment to vent, and i reaaally don´t want to be a jerk to someone suffering. I get you man, your coment spoke to me hard
this reminds me of how i was treated in a first grade "rapid math" test... one day a question of "0-1" was the final question and I knew whole heartedly that it was "-1", I asked the teacher and she told me "that even though I was right I should not know that yet and that if it wasn't in her answer book it will be marked wrong"... maybe it was stubbornness or pride... but i doubled down... when i received my paper back with a "-1 see me" and had a discussion with the teacher about following orders and rules when they were given... i cried... and i still haven't forgotten... jesus
by the way they (the corporate lesson plan my braindead first grade teacher followed) wanted me to write down "1" and ignore the fact that negative numbers were a thing
Wow thats fucking horrible
"Following orders" aka "i don't care how wrong i/it might be, you should still follow me/the-orders all the way"
funny, I had ALMOST EXACTLY THE SAME EXPERIENCE when I was in my first year of school.
God this shit happened to me all the time. In English specifically i had so many teachers reprimand me for it.
I used to have a genuine love for learning. This system of teaching almost killed it.
the "crying wont get you anything" and "your reaction is a 5" thing really hit soooo hard. i wasnt diagnosed as a kid but looking back i really did have so many of these experiences. feeling like everything is moving too fast and no one is willing to lend you a hand to catch up, while being expected to be miles ahead already, no one listening to you *because* youre being too loud about it. acting like we dont have feelings, but when we do theyre "too much". i really hate that!!!! i was so easily overstimulated as a child and all i got was anger in return.
thank you so much for this vid!! it really goes way deeper than any other analysis of the series ive watched! also its been so long since ive heard someone call the trio dennis eugene and harry lmao. thats a real deep cut for the og fandom
The line 'I was expected to give something that was only given to me in theory' hit hard, man.
Honestly, I'd say the third episode got amplified for me with being aromantic asexual alongside autistic, it's the same exact confusion just on a more literal level of "i don't do heteronormative love" and just being told it's the way. I recall an experience once where a teacher was trying to lecture me about deciding to skip a very social high school event, and at one point he goes "in the future, when you finally meet the one who makes you heart flutter, and makes you feel thing-" and i just interrupted him saying "I'm asexual." and he replied "that doesn't matter anyways when you find your special one and then (SHE) asks ..." and like it was a script, the way it's always been that any deviation is immediately rejected. This was a much more neutral experience of being denied deviation of what constituted loves, but it's one I think about a lot.
EDIT: saw this in replies, I'm aroace myself and felt the need to clarify that with the "heart flutter" response by adding aro clarifier. I mean, I still know the teacher was talking about "marriage" and by extension attraction on those terms (plus conflation of romanticism and seuxality), but just think it's good to note that even if it was meant to be about romantic attraction (which it isn't) it still was just like "i am not hetero-anything" and being ignored in that regards. i just like saying "asexual" to mean "aroace" to other people who aren't used to ace terminology, which is my bad
YES. autistic ace here. This really hit for me when I realized how absolutely fucking bullshit the concept of monogamy is, realising that not only could I love more than 1 person, but that I'd be demonised for that for *no reason*. It's so backwards that people are expected to find a singular person and love them until they die, even being often prohibited from having friends of the opposite sex for the rest of your life. What. The. Fuck.
Another autistic ace over here! You get it!!! Like, even though I was never told as a kid "you need to fall in love" I always grew up thinking that was what was expected until I started learning about asexuality. Even then, whenever someone did try to teach me about love I never got it. Especially when it came to bullies, anytime I tried to tell a teacher that a kid was following me and bothering me they'd say "that just means he likes you!" As if that was gonna make me feel less bothered, it only ever made me feel more bothered with that context.
Actually I just remembered one of the times where it was the worst timing, my mom was taking me out of the mental hospital [ I was only there for about 2 days ] and on the drive home when I told her I actually liked the other people there cuz they were chill, she literally said, "oh did you find any boys there?" Like, mother, I was just at a mental hospital for 2 days, WHY WOULD YOU ASK ME IF I DEVELOPED A CRUSH OR RELATIONSHIP IN THAT AMOUNT OF TIME-
Absolutely. The absolute confusion of hearing about people having crushes and getting into relationships, your friends asking "so who do you like" and when you answer "[insert name] is pretty chill, I could probably handle interacting with them for a couple hours straight" and being completely lost when they respond with "no, like, who do you *Like* like?" and nobody will tell you what that means so you just awkwardly settle on "uh...no-one, I guess?" and then having to wonder if everyone is gaslighting you for some unknown reason. It took me years to even understand the theoretical concept of couples even when I saw them everywhere and I still can't wrap my head around why pairings exist.
And then having to wonder if crushes and sexual attraction are even real things and *then* having to figure out why every possible system is so rigid regarding what you can and can't do but nobody ever fucking explains *why* that is. I got lucky in growing up in an environment where the sexuality thing never really got brought up in who should/shouldn't end up together but my family still bothers me about it.
@@veronicawexel1291 I hear you. That's really frustrating. I wish they'd respect your perspective and desires and choices and I wish our systems were more logical. I wish they'd take as much time to understand why they do certain things as autistics often have to
@@claude2571 The worst part is that they really do try. They have no problem with me going nonverbal for s while and needing to isolate myself almost constantly, the "rudeness" and general obsession with things, routines and special interests, the whole debacle, but for some reason the "I would rather drown myself in a puddle than get into a non-platonic relationship" is the part that gets pushed into Yeah No, That's Not How It Works corner. I still bite people on reflex when someone touches me without saying that that's what they're about to do and nobody questions it but the idea of me not wanting to take part in any kind of intimate bullshittery is "she doesn't know what she's talking talking about, everyone's gonna fall for someone eventually" thing to push on me. I just don't know what the fuck to do because it's been years and I can tell that they mean well but the no matter what I say they just don't believe me. Fair enough they might just be teasing and I just can't tell but it doesn't feel like they're joking.
As a fellow autistic person who has been bludgeoned over the head throughout my life by the assumption that my identifying as female is not possible because autistic women are way more rare, I deeply appreciate your confidence in talking about this so unabashedly. I severely struggle with self advocating, and seeing others so adament is inspiring.
Your work is quite impressive and I express my utmost support for your art in the weirdest way I can.
if it helps, it probably is that rare because people don't recognize the simtomps on woman, and that it's a common issue with so much more or other topics.
and, just because your autistic doesn't mean your gender identity has to be nullified.
one it's about a cognitive alteration that one doesn't have total control over
and the other one it's part of your identity and how you decide to view yourself as a person.
some people really are closed minded because if they haven't seen it that means it can't exists. well that sucks for them because this is who you are, and your pretty real and valid on whatever you feel like.
I hope this comment helps you and feel free to ask if I can see other ways to help you self advocate and make other people understand
@Eric Hockemeyer what... that comment was not an invitation to rant and vent about your friends literally killing themselves and the whole comment literally just sounds like 'Well actually men suffer more men r more important trans ftm people detransition because its so hard being a man'. There are more men diagnosed with autism, because females are more likely to mask and be diagnosed later in life, whilst males are not. Women are not necessarily treated better, it depends on the person It is not a competition over who is treated worse and many autistic people suffer with suicide and mental health issues in general, not just men.
@Eric Hockemeyer literally what did sharing any of that have to do with what the op said? Women are definitely not "treated better" no matter what your personal experience on the matter is. Pretty sure YOU don't know many autistic women so sorry but your experience is YOUR experience.
No one takes women's health seriously in any sense so of course they'd think there's less autistic women. And how the ever loving hell does that mean you CAN'T be one? You're not crazy and you're not invalidated by their refusal to consider sociology and autism. You are who you are.
To be fair, i don't think there are less autistic women than men, it's most likely pretty even. I think it's that autism is identified less often in women because more of the traits are deemed as "acceptable" for women to display and therefore get ignored. like how a lot of people with autism have difficulty learning and paying attention in the current school system. for a woman spacing out and having difficulty remembering things they are taught might just be chalked up to her being an air head or a bimbo, but for a man is unusual because men are viewed as more intelligent. Or how women are viewed as the more emotional sex, so a meltdown spurred by overstimulation is again just written off as a normal thing for a woman to do. Its hard to know the exact amount of men and women affected by autism, but I think sexism and gender roles heavily affect the number of women that get diagnosed compared to men.
This video is fantastic and really capturing a lot of why DHMIS just made me horribly uncomfortable in an almost humorous way. I wasn't "autistic enough" to get diagnosed as a kid (and I can't get diagnosed as an adult 'cause my psychologist is a piece of shit who decided to immediately talk down to me and then promptly forget I ever asked about it despite promising to devote a whole session to it) but the more I learn about autism, the more I make sense to myself and the more I realize where a lot of trauma actually came from as a kid 'cause I was "normal" but there was always something "wrong" about me that seemed to put other people off and none of it made sense and I just thought everyone felt this way and I was just a shitty person for not being able to deal with it like everyone else and it's so genuinely refreshing to hear someone talk about all of this shit like this 'cause the way autistic people are treated, whether diagnosed or left to suffer without knowing is so fucked up. Thank you! I love your videos.
Im in the same boat, i wasnt visibly autistic enough to get diagnosed, but i was autistic enough to be traumatized! If it helps, the autistic community on the whole is really really great about self diagnosis, getting a diagnosis is purposefully difficult and expensive and it can actually be a detriment to you later in life (insurance premiums could possibly go up bc its a 'preexisting condition', it could be a reason for doctors to deny other treatment, etc) and a diagnosis honestly doesnt open up a lot of treatment options in my opinion. Your lack of diagnosis does not mean you can't be autistic or active/present in autistic spaces!!
I relate so much to this it’s like you’re reading my mind. The experience of knowing there’s something wrong with you, knowing you aren’t normal, being alienated from your peers as a child whether purposefully or not, is so painful and so real. I have a lot of autistic + generally neurodivergent traits, but not enough to actually get diagnosed as of now. Your comment is so real. I wish you the best of luck with your life + with neurodivergency things (sorry if this is worded poorly idk how to word it lol)
Consider this comment as a simple rant.
Edit: edited some things so the rant is more polished and easier to understand. Is this still a rant?
TL;DR: i'm supposedly normal but feel completly lost in this word and everyone that "helped" me was completly useless.
"i was normal but there was always something "wrong" about me"
Now that's relatable. I feel that way even to this day. I'm supposedly normal but always felt different and the four times i had meetings with some psychologist or whatever in school or outside, i didn't felt like they were acctually helping at all. There was only one of them that did made an impact on me and managed to make me feel better about myself but even that person sometimes gave me tips that didn't felt helpful.
I felt different from others. Couldn't make friends with anyone, and was scared of making any wrong move or else i'd be judged, laughed at or being seen as an even bigger of a weirdo than i already was. I have problems with confidence and conversating with others. I tend to one up them, talk about myself too much, struggle to understand what they mean, not keep an eye contact, second guess things and propably more things i can't think of right now.
My incompetence scares me and i'm not ready for adulthood. It all sucks and nobody really tried or cared to help and understand me. I'm not susprised though. Why would they?
Anyway, so rn i'm supposedly normal but with some traits like introvertism, overthinking etc. (Each of them kinda suck btw). And apparently i've been very harsh on myself, criticizing every small move i did.
I'm harsh on myself cause i'm scared of how i'll end up in the future and i keep comparing myself to others, especially my siblings.
I'm 34 and was told that I may have autistic manisms such as melting down I something goes wrong or focusing on something I'm obsessed with such as a TV show or drawing, I love art and is actually good at it. Although my pfp says otherwise lol 😂, my mum told me that as a child I'll be drawing these cartoony characters. I'm not deionised I just struggled with talking and walking as a baby and was late in development of those skills because I got stuck when being born sorry for my sob live story I'm.a woman btw
This just reminded me that my mom stopped a doctor from giving me an autism diagnosis, only to call me the r slur every time I didn't do something correctly my entire child life
the way you substitute words like childhood to puppyhood or hands to paws is SO ADORABLE 😭💗
I'm autistic but in a very different way because I wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult and I had more dissociative, quiet meltdowns that people didn't notice. Hearing your thoughts helped me understand more just how different autism can be for different people, not just because of our different brains, but also because of our different upbringings. Since my autism didn't inconvenience allistic people as much, my struggles were ignored, and I was praised for being so well-behaved. Our autistic trauma is very different but we stick together all the same. ❤ Also I love your stim toy, I have a similar one and I think it may be one of humanity's greatest inventions. :)
oh same this is my story too. in fact if i had any thoughts that i might be neurodivergent, i saw the way the other kids in special ed were treated and it caused me to bury all that super hard so i never had to join them and experience the same
Yeah, I was also considered low support needs, wasn’t diagnosed and was doing good academically. Stuff has gotten a lot worse for me, I have huge sensory issues now, have had meltdowns, and have a lot of social issues. I still don’t struggle academically, but struggle to eat and have showers, so idk where I fit on the low/high support needs (though I don’t really like those terms, idk what to use)
i used to have meltdowns when i was little, but it quickly became apparent that my family would not try to understand what was happening or show compassion. after being punished multiple times i internalized most of my distress and started getting more and more quiet. having shutdowns, isolating myself and daydreaming constantly. i was an incredibly anxious child, always fretting about following The Rules at least until kids around me started acting out and Weren't quickly and efficiently punished (to be fair, i dont think most children have panic attacks when they lose school supplies and need to ask their parents for new ones)
growing up autistic is fucked up yall
Right towards the end, the way you say "you were supposed to listen to me", that hit right near home for me. Communication is hard enough for people with autism you'd think so called adults would be willing to pick up the slack for a kid and listen, but it seems that's a rare quality
I’m undiagnosed ASD and oh my GOD i’m so glad I found this video. I was told to watch DHMIS by childhood friends who told me it was “weird” and “creepy” and quoted it for cheap laughs. When I finally watched it, sure, I saw why they thought that, but mostly I was just deeply struck by how much like my perception of the real world it was and how badly and deeply i felt for the characters.. i *sobbed* at the 3rd and last episode and had no words to explain why so I didn’t tell anyone about my reactions. I assumed I was “reading too much into it” but when I watched analysis videos, I was deeply disappointed and felt like THEY were making stuff up and missing the point without being able to understand why I felt that way. Every single thing you said is *exactly* why this series hit me so hard. Thank you. Thank you. T h a n k y o u.
underrated comment that put into words what i could not
Can i ask two question ?
What is ASD, and how can you be sure you have it and not something else ? What does it have from absolutely different that other problems can't replicate so maybe i can know more about that
@@sotch2271 Happy Holidays my friend, ASD stands for Autism Spectrum Disorder. There are a lot of reasons I believe I have it (including family history and childhood symptoms), but what would do you the most good is researching on your own. I do not have the emotional or intellectual capacity today to explain everything about the nuances of Autism and differential diagnoses (CPTSD, ADHD, BPD, etc) and why I believe Autism fits the best for my specific circumstances and symptoms, but Google and Reddit have seemingly infinite capacity!
@@j.genovese1769 adhd is on the spectrum???
@@g00dbunny I am not sure where you understood that from my comment, no, it is not on “the spectrum” (not really sure what that means in your view…) it is considered a separate diagnosis, but I used it here as an example of a differential diagnosis to ASD because there is a lot of symptom crossover, same with CPTSD and BPD. It is also heavily comorbid (often cooccurring) with ASD, but they are not the same thing as of current research.
The ending actually evokes more of the feeling of coming to grips with disability. The computer isn’t controlling the teachers: it’s Red Guy coming to terms with it. He realizes that understanding it won’t make him any happier. So he unplugs, and starts over. Ready to make the most of it with his friends
Or it’s just bees, who knows
Pesky bees!
Thank you for speaking up about this. I had a childhood where I embodied 4 of these “unthinkables” and had meltdowns because I was being mentally and physically bullied by classmates, it was blamed on me, and I spent those years in a LITERAL corner. They refused to catch me up on the math I missed so I had to fill that in in later years. Also, they spent a lot of time explaining to me very matter-of-factly that I was worth less than a human and would never add up to one. Nor was I deserving of human rights.
None of those m*therf*ckers care. Special Ed is actually HELL. They can’t keep getting away with it.
Special Ed is the reason why I almost went to anger management therapy.
as an autsitic who didnt go to one, there is a reason im not sending my kid to it even tho shes also is autistic. i saw the mistreatment across the hall and it terrified me
Dude I feel that because I would have meltdowns and my brain literally screaming at me, they would make me walk laps on the blacktop at recess, and that shit is hot in august and late september. It was worse in the spring. But I never got to really be a child and play . All because I would get in trouble for acting impulsively
I’m so glad no one ever used the unthinkables to “teach” me bc I know the brain eater or whatever it’s called would have been used against me (I’ve always had a really vivid imagination and get lost in my own thoughts really easily, especially when I was little)
Something that struck me recently while rewatching dhmis 5, was the sheer ominous discomfort of the raw meat Character looming over Eugene. ESPECIALLY when he puts his arm over his shoulder like that. There's something so visceral about the duck character being loomed over by an image of meat; his own living flesh, stripped of it's personhood and meaning, reduced to a commodity for the consumption of others. And I can't quite put my finger on it, but after watching this video, I do feel like there's an autistic interpretation in there somewhere.
Some autistic people have trouble with food, like the taste and texture. I haven't watched DHMIS so I'll just leave it at that.
me personally, i hate poultry and anything related to it simply because I Don’t Like It. i think it has something to do with the texture. of course i have more things i simply don’t eat because i just don’t like it (to the point where i either have to be consulted about dinners we’ll potentially have, or have my own dinner when the rest are having something i don’t like), but poultry (most specifically chicken) is the primary contender. and for some reason, my family finds it… funny? i don’t know why. i genuinely despise it but they kind of treat it like a joke as if i’m just ridiculous for not liking a food so strongly. it makes me feel uncomfortable and upset that they view something i actually despise as something to poke fun at. it makes me feel… insignificant, in a way. i guess what i’m trying to say is: my interpretation of that scene is how autistic picky eaters are often mocked for not liking something when other people do. it kinda sounds like a stretch to be honest, but the idea of sentient meat looming over duck kinda reminds me of my own experience with being a picky eater autistic
For me that on the shoulder is a paternal move that could be comforting or reassuring, but is also sometimes a prelude to a serious discussion, confrontation or telling off.
The meat is a stranger to us and has very little facial features to try and read. The voice is whiny and mocking.
I feel like as this duck becomes food later we get more dread looking backwards, but also as the steak man is forcefully steering conversation and generates an implied(?) threat of serious violence to duck when it destroys the human organ form, who is also seemingly alive and sentient.
Meatman is a complete figure of fear, nonchalantly describing a mutilated human form as "all broken and on the floor"
Representing food, while being food, then violent to a living (?) human prop and intimidating an anthro duck symbolises so much angst about reading people and their intentions maybe?
If you think about it, episode 6 can pass lead to your interpretation in 2 ways. The first with Red Guy maybe having to do with masking and living life as an autistic adult with the office scene and the naked stand up scene when he tries to be more comfortable but it wards everyone away (idk), and the second has to do with the "mastermind" being yellow guy's dad (an analogy for parents who don't understand). The reason for the machine is that it represents that, no matter where yellow guy goes, he always hears the exact same "advice" in the same way his father gives him. Perhaps, even, that it's a representation of the father taking yellow guy to special Ed, idk. And maybe that's why red guy shut it down because he knows what Yellow guy is going through and is breaking the cycle
I like this interpretation so I'm replying to it to try and boost its visibility. Not sure that's how it works but whatever
I can also see a (possible) motif of how television programming effectively replaces parents and friends for autistic people. because their lack of understanding and the feelings of frustration and exhaustion they feel about the social difficulties of autistic people oftentimes leave autistic kids no choice but to learn these social norms and rules as they are played out on television, which of course only ends up being more isolating (apologies if i didn't express this idea right or if i'm not on the right track. i'm still struggling to find therapy and resources to help me process the experiences i've had as someone who was diagnosed from a very early age; that 5-level manual triggered a very deep memory and i'm a little scatterbrained about it rn)
i like this interpretation
Beautiful interpretation that’s literally what I was thinking throughout the video. I’ve never seen dhmis (the gore is too much and it’s too unsettling for me) but I was thinking about how masking has affected me a lot and red guy reminds me a lot of myself where as yellow guy reminds me of younger me, before all the pressures of societal rules and what not.
What if Roy, when he’s reaching out, is saying "Harry, please believe me, I didn’t mean for any of this. Please understand, Harry, I thought I was helping, I honestly, truly thought I was doing the right thing."
And Harry believes him, but that doesn’t change the fact that the system needs to be rebuilt. Rebooted. Unplugged, if you will.
as someone who repressed a lot of my time in elementary school, your superflex rant brought me into a horrifying cinematic supervillain flashback like i was recounting my entire tragic backstory
I appreciate the irony of this being the most empathetic and emotionally resonant take on this series I've seen online, despite coming from someone with a condition that is still heavily stigmatised for being 'incapable' of relating to others with empathy (the part about your teachers demanding empathy from you while refusing to display any themselves and weaponising a therapeutic tool to essentially invalidate and override your emotions only compounds upon this).
I know that it can't have been a comfortable experience to dredge up those experiences but hopefully if more people are able to come forward about their experiences within special education there will be some headway made towards systemic change in how the system treats people with neurodivergence and learning disabilities.
thank you for this comment, i can only hope so too.
holy shit the incredible five point scale. that brought back memories i didnt even know i had
also: the "being told that you, a child, were being manipulative for crying" is another deep cut. i remember one time in my early teens i had a meltdown at my psychiatrists office and was sobbing and jabbing myself in the head with the stylus of my nintendo ds and the psychiatrist was just standing there, calm as anything, explaining to my mom that i was "just doing it for attention". definitely some kind of horror premise in there
additionally, wanted to say that i watched the new series and theres part of the last episode that strikes me as being commentary about the school system, when yellow guy goes upstairs to the "big boy room" and the "bigger boy room" and both are focused on trivial nonsense and cant answer his deeper questions. that feels like it could fit in with this analysis somehow. god only knows that school for me was a constant stream of unanswered questions and being taught things that seemed pointless instead
I feel like horror based on the neurodivergent experience is untapped. the concept of a child being tortured to the point of crying and screaming and having people tell them that they don't actually feel that way and they're being manipulative, a danger to society, or overreacting, is truly horrendous. just the experience of your natural reactions to things and thoughts always being "wrong" in some way. you could take that basic concept and apply it to a bunch of things. seems like horror media would rather villianise us though
psychiatrists like that should get lose their doctor title.. jesus fucking christ
@@fbrown9861 I've honestly kinda toyed with the concept of a horror story thing with a kid who's stuck because they're neurodivergent and surrounded by "monsters" (adults who don't listen to them and understand them). They don't know how to escape, they're just a kid, but they wish to escape from the monsters.
Is this partially based on the fact my mom used to treat my emotions as alien and tried to force me to calm down when I was super emotional by taking away the things that kept me calm? Mayhaps but that's not here or there.
@@spoopyvirgil4944 the last bit is what I'm dealing with rn, I hope things got better for you tho!
I’m sorry, what??? Pigs handcuffed you to a chair at age 6? What the hell
America
*American anthem plays in the background*
Pls dont insult pigs
@@thepinkestpigglet7529 The name checks out.
I was diagnosed with Asperger’s and ADHD when I was 7, and though the way in which I'm autistic doesn't personally disable me since I've been lucky enough to grow up in an accepting environment both surrounded by a lot of other ND people, my ADHD very much does. Still even all the way in _9th grade_ I had teachers at my _special ed school_ telling me to 'just do it' when I told them my ADHD paralysis/executive dysfunction was making it impossible for me to start on my work
Edit: and my god I am so happy that I'd never heard of the books you brought up before. If I'd read those I would've hated and felt ashamed of myself even more than most people around me calling me 'lazy' because of my ADHD and subtle childhood emotional abuse and manipulation already made me. It fckn baffles me that some adults raising or teaching autistic people would just see who they are as something to 'hide' or 'fix' and makes me realize all over again just how lucky I was that the adults around me treated me like an actual human being and not a problem to 'solve'
Not to belittle your struggles, but man I wish my ADHD had been diagnosed as young as my autism.
But back then, to have one definitionally excluded you from the other by the extremely narrow diagnostic criteria of the time… I only came to understand terms like executive dysfunction long after I left school, how I wish I could’ve brought it up to teachers like you describe.
Of course it wouldn’t fix everything, or probably anything, as your experiences demonstrate readily. But still :/ all the stuff about “apply yourself!” and “just do the homework early!” might not have sunk in so much as personal failings.
The "I had to learn I was being manipulative and crying didn't get me what I want. Now jokes on them. I cry everyday and I get nothing" Just unlocked something that I just cried because I relate to this so much. I didn't even finish the video yet and yet THIS was the part I related to the most that I just had to write a comment
This might just be me, but Roy running it doesn't seem to me that he's intentionally evil, but he's trying to help and trying to "fix" his kid, but doesn't understand him enough to do it without hurting him (Which I'm now realising describes my relationship with my own dad. Yikes)
That makes a lot of sense to me. Like those parents who want to "cure" their child. It isn't necessarily evil, just incredibly misguided and by effect harmful
The desire to make everything fit the same mold instead of accepting differences
Yeah, this is definitely more of the reading I subscribe to. While this video’s analysis is really good, I do think neglecting to mention Roy’s status as a father figure is kind of a shame, because it adds a lot in my mind. He’s presented as the most in control, even if only by virtue of always being around and so seeming to have the most knowledge, but he also comes across as far more incompetent than he is evil.
When Patricia said that this was still open to interpretation I came to the same conclusion myself. I do think that while the general theorists got what they wanted, I think that the scene is still just hazy enough that it can either be interpreted as Roy either thinking he's helping his son and the rest of the 3, or that he feels that this is just how things should be, and that any change to it is dangerous. Or both!
My parents, at least at the start, were sort of like this. Now they’re a bit more laid back and understanding, thankfully. There really needs to be more information out that isn’t anti-autism and eugenics propaganda by Autism Speaks.
I'm glad you decided to keep the furry rantsona, it's very cute.
"YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO FUCKING LISTEN TO ME!" I felt that.
i watched the first episode of dhmis a couple days ago, when i first heard the 'green is not a creative color' line i jokingly thought to myself 'hey that's something my art teacher would say' only to go to school the next day and have my teacher tell me something ridiculously similar, we were doing a project where we paint architecture from different countries and we had to chose what color to paint the background, i was doing gothic french architecture so i wanted to use dark blue, grey and purple to make the background like stormy looking, my teacher came up to me and was like "blue and purple? those aren't very france colors" LIKE WHAT IS A FRANCE COLOR ?? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?? so i ask her that and she says "oh like the flag like red white and blue" i just ??? does she think the only colors people can associate with countries is whats on the flag??? she also told me "when you look at blue and purple do you seriously think france?" like i dont look at red white and blue and immediately think france either 😒
Our soccer team is called "Les bleus" (The blues). What does she mean, blue is not a very France colour?!
Also, purple is the color associated with monarchy/nobility, France being THE country people think of when you bring up the topic of monarchy.
She just wanted you to paint the French flag, at this point.
See, the problem is _you_ were clever and _she_ was stupid
I remember sometime when I was about seven I drew a character for some sort of school project and the teacher took one look at it and told me that the nose was wrong, took my eraser, erased the nose, then drew over MY OWN WORK. I can't describe how much it pissed me off. Like, who do you think you are deciding what is wrong in right in a drawing, something that is about SELF expression. I didn't understand what was wrong at the time other than having this underlined feeling that what she did crossed a boundary.
edit: This same women punished me because I didn't feel comfortable joining in for jump jam which if you're unfamiliar with what that is, is this stupid dancing exercise to the same few songs. To this day hearing the song 'The witch doctor' and the few others on that list trigger me. I was punished because I felt uncomfortable, and the punishment was incredibly silly. Spelling out my name on my cheek with my tongue and generally weird mouth exercises. It felt humiliating.
Both schools I went to did this jump jam exercise and both of them made it clear that I was wrong for not dancing. Even when I had a mental breakdown they didn't give a shit. The solution was to put me in the corner of the room like I was something that needed to be hidden. The result of that was my dislike for dancing at all for around a decade. As a kid before going to school I loved dancing but it wasn't until years later after finishing secondary school do I feel comfortable enough to dance to some music even while I'm alone. All because of teachers not understanding. Do not punish a child for being uncomfortable.
That’s a surprisingly uncreative mindset for an art teacher
@@sonofaspyder3000 this same woman would grade some of our other projects on how closely it looked exactly like hers 😭 she was like allergic to creativity or something
The summer after 9th grade, my dad sexually assaulted me and my world understandably fell apart. I watched dhmis over and over that entire summer, and it became a weird comfort I guess. What I got out of it was the depiction of everything being seemly fine then suddenly being thrust into a nightmare and with each episode it seems like no matter what they try, they're still stuck in hell. I bit dark but no one else understood.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I hope you’re doing better now.
@@gregjayonnaise8314 Thank you, I'm doing alright, I'm no contact with him, and my husband supports me through my healing.
i'm happy you found a medium of comfort, and i'm so happy you're out of that situation and with someone safe and caring. i assume you also have therapy. try to take solace in the fact that you're literally doing everything right in terms of healing from that encounter. you got this, dude. so many people stand behind you in your healing.
@@omnimonium thank you so much! I needed to hear this. I am in therapy, but lately I've been feeling like I'm doing everything wrong.
@@humanbean852 far from it, man. and however you feel, know that it's okay to feel that way. i'm glad to have helped a bit :)
As a neurodivergent myself who loved DHMIS as it was coming out, I cant tell you how thankful I am for this video. For years and years, my memory of this show was tied into the hours of Game Theory videos I would watch because I was 14 and that's what I thought media analysis was. You have allowed me to rediscover this series that I felt a certain connection to, even though back then I didn't fully understand what it was.
I remember Superflex. When I was a kid, I even made up my own Unthinkable, “Meanie Dragon”. He was a dragon that made you mean. Not my finest creation.
I feel like there's a sort of irony that a series which is clearly interested in the feeling of "not being or meaningfully trying to be understood by the world" has been so thoroughly taken over by people who completely substitute the actual themes of the series in favor of strictly literal readings.
Glad to see a less literal reading of the series because it absolutely deserves it.
I also want to add that "presumably by people who had names and addresses" is one of the most brutal insults I've ever heard and I don't really know why but I love it. Thank you for your service.
it's a good insult because it implies a threat without actually making a threat
it implies these are people you can find the identities of and where they live so you can [my lawyer has advised me not to finish this joke]
The damage matpats literalism has done to our culture in terms of media illiteracy is truly incalculable
People don't like to ask "what was that about" cause it feels kind of pretentious, so when something is so weird it forces you to ask that, they stay on the literal level even if it means much more work than just digging a little bit. "What was that about?" "Uhh if we go frame by frame and do some intense googling, I think it was all a tv show" or "character X was dead all the time" or "character y was secretly the villain" and it's like. Why can't you just notice that it's trying to say something about real life
In defence of some of the analyses (mainly the night mind one since I'm the most familiar with it): they don't treat it as a horror series, they treat it as unfiction/ARG series. It's basically going frame by frame looking for hidden codes that are deliberately left in there and are needed to understand the story. Marble Hornets is a great example: you don't need to go frame by frame to get a satisfying experience but it does add to the fun.
It might be disappointing if you're just looking for a thematic analysis and people treat it as just a puzzle box, but it is part of the arg/unfiction/horror webseries genre. Nightmind is, especially in his recent work, quite good at combining puzzle analysis with thematic analysis and effectiveness of horror and presentation (you'll probably like the video about diminish!). I haven't seen the dhmis video in a while so I don't remember how present it is there, but there definitely is some emotional analyses in there, especially in the puppet microphone scenes
Nightmare Masterclass has a great series about DHMIS, analyzing it from different angles. I don't remember the details, but man it was refreshing to see "A Marxist Ananlysis of DHMIS" after watching dozens of "EXPLAINED!" videos
I think the series’ title “Don’t hug me I’m scared” could also be a reference to autism. A very common trait we autistic people have to deal with is that we often don’t like being hugged, but it’s especially true during meltdowns. That’s at least how I interpret it anyway (:
There's something terrifyingly real about authority not being malicious but rather just not understanding and being incompetent, hence why so many try to seek out grand theories of master manipulation hoping for a simple explanation to all plights, when in truth it's just flawed humanity
the way my body fucking JOLTED when you uttered the phrase "glass man", and then "superflex". i've never heard anyone else bring up that specific curriculum, superflex was honestly the most fucked-up thing. telling kids that they're being POSSESSED by EVIL CREATURES whenever they express their symptoms, or try to set their boundaries ("be flexible" is forever tainted for me)...
i'm going to watch the rest of the video now, but god. FUCK superflex.
fuck superflex all my homies hate superflex
What you said about crying affected me as well as a kid. Probably not as much as you but crying was what i was haunted by every day. I cried at minor inconveniences, when i got a question wrong or didnt understand the subject, when we played games divided in groups and my group wasnt competitive or competent enough etc. I hated crying and always tried to supress it bc everyone, including my parents and relatives and teachers said i was being manipulative and if i cried i would automatically be in the wrong. What the fuck. I want to cry even just thinking abt this because this shit still haunts me to this day. Kids bullying me and calling me a crybaby was not affecting me nearly as much as my parents not taking me seriously and thinking i was faking it. Fuck this shit man
Saw the title and clicked IMMEDIATELY, as an autistic person who feels every emotion way too much all the time I relate IMMENSELY to the whole "how did it make you feel" thing, there's definitely a numbers and analysis part of my brain that loves overly detailed videos to death lol, but how art makes you FEEL is so important too and it gets overlooked a lot, thank you so much for this video!!
Same