Someone once said that if you're chasing somebody it means that they're running away and you shouldn't be chasing anyone who isn't willing to stay with you by choice
Nothing’s ever stable. Sometimes they might make you feel like you’re on top of the world, other times they might make you feel unwanted. When you’re emotionally sensitive you just get lost in all of it and start questioning who you even are.
Yes Concur with you completely Sometimes folk do stuff to push I away which they know upsets you so you leave them Wicked behaviour 💯 percent God bless you dear
Not always because there can be circumstances like health as in life or death situation or even other things like financial instability to where they do not feel of value.
@@judygrm9273 in these circumstnces you mention here,God bless you,these are mostly more unforeseeble + can't be prevented So these exmples you kindly bring are unintentional more + therefore not truly the sme's '''putting themselves in positions to lose us💞🌳🙏''" you know?
I can’t tell you how long you have to go through what you are going through but I can tell you in your way you are going to make it through you may not see the progress you making but trust me love ❤️only you still being alive and here refusing to give up shows your bravery and strength...Soon you’ll be fine and whole again.❤🙏
0:24 “Value a person based on their *_ability_* to make me happy… based on how *_they_* make me feel (how they treat me - do I feel anxious, unloved, uncertain) NOT …how *_we feel_* about them” MH
@@Noqqin how comes precious? She's just reminding us it works both wys They too need 2mke us happy,,,not just us mking them happy the whole time you know? God bless you 🌞🌳🙏
1. If it's too early to have more deeper, vulnerable conversation with them about how you feel - Just shift focus 2. How do i feel about the way they are when I'm on my best day 3. Talk to someone you trust their judgement 4. Observe your feelings with them; don't inflict your feelings on them 5. Are they good at handling me?
I’m chatting a guy rn who’s constantly assuring me at the end of the day that he’s gonna text me again tomorrow. It’s a simple thing but very reassuring for me that I’m not the only one who’s interested in this potential relationship, it lessens my anxiety as well. Yes my love language is affirmation 😅
I've been listening to Matthew Hussey for a long time and this video was yet another groundbreaker for me. I have someone who comes in and out of my life over the past 5 years and when he's showing up, I feel AMAZING. But he can distance himself and make me feel absolutely ridden with anxiety. I've never dated anyone else that made me feel that way. I guess I just thought that made him more special, but now I realize it's just a bad trait on his part that I need to let go of bc I deserve peace. ♥️
@@zumzizumza8963 I did the same thing for 11 years and just barely coming out of the fog, one year and five months later, barely getting back to normal and I guarantee that it’s only sunshine and rainbows moving forward. Feels great to no longer be dealing with bs and the continuous anxiety or feelings that something was really off. We will come out stronger after all of it.
@@zumzizumza8963 Greetings to you dear How are you? I'm praying you receive some good well deserved loving treat ment extremely soon + you will be far from the wicked mind gmes You deserve the best🌞🌳🙏
Thank you for this video. You made me realize he makes me feel confused, unloved and under appreciated. How I feel about him is irrelevant to how he makes me feel. He makes me feel like shit, so I will no longer entertain him.
There will be no games needed with that person that the universe has for you. Stand in your value and own your worth! Don’t settle for something that leaves you feeling anxious, if they aren’t investing, pull back your energy and invest in yourself! Watch what you deserve show up when you truly see that you deserve what you give out! ❤❤
I wish I stumbled across this earlier so I didnt do things he said I shouldnt do. I am taking it slow to amend the friendship. I was in really low place in my life, and I met a friend who I excited to meet every week. But he realised that I put him on a high value....so the worst stuff is happening
@@daisuke910 God bless you Thank you for giving your experiences strength insights enlightenment in these comments God bless you yours sincerely million times 🌼🌳🌞🌳🙏
I'm a psychologist and a relationship coach.I often watch your videos. Your guidance is incredible. This is one of your most important videos I have ever watched about how to decide who is right for us. Thank you so much. Keep it up. People really need this.
Must say that Matthew makes very dificult stuff so clear and soothes every pain and wound we get by being emotionally vulnerable in front of people who are ghosting, avoiding, manipulating so to speak. Your love for people, Matthew, is obvious and a pure gift from above. Good luck and thanks from Serbia! 😅🇷🇸
I don't judge my having strong feelings about others. I'm an expressive person who is self-gracious (feelings are like the weather, they pass). So when we're together, of course, those people know I like or appreciate them. But in action...making plans, hanging out, reaching out to them...I'm all about experimenting. I make an effort and see if they'll reciprocate. If they don't put in an effort, I discover the connection is merely superficial...and buh-bye!! On to my next relationship venture.
The timing of this video! Holy cr**! You are amazing Matthew. Yesterday I finally realized how sad and anxious I was feeling thanks to this guy I was dating. When I called him out for his bs he said I was too much and made me feel like I was crazy just for asking him why he was being distant lately. I don't need or want that energy in my life. I will find someone better who doesn't make me feel that way.
That's usually how the narcissists trap you after the love bombing phase. They go distant so that you come to them more. They breadcrumb you and make you live in an anxiety riddled place while telling you you're 'crazy' and 'too much' for questioning where their effort went. I'm so glad you spotted this right away. Walk away 100%. You do not need that in your life as it only gets worse from here with them.
@@fordlafemme I should have noticed that as soon as we went out on our first date and he started holding my hands and kissing my forehead like we were dating already. He told me everything a girl would want a guy to tell her. I got hooked instantly. But then he had a 180° change on the second date: distant, barely kissed me, barely touched me. It is outrageous that people like that go around ruining other people's happiness and peace.
@@pauedi1998 Yeah, that's a very unnatural behaviour for a first date. It's them projecting it all onto you to make you feel like you had an amazing time and they're the most perfect person in the world. It is really unfortunate that people go around like that, all we can do is keep an eye out for it and not let ourselves fall into it. I have before and it's absolutely awful. The fear and anxiety riddled state it puts you in.
I just want to thank you sooooo much because you've been my therapy for years. Every time I get anxious or disappointed or sad because of a relationship, I come up to your videos and they make me see the situation differently and place myself at the center again, they make me feel so much better ❤️
"Is this person good at handling me?" Is an excellent question. We all have different personalities. If we're higher in neuroticism we'll be miserably with someone who can't handle that. But sure especially in the beginning of a relationship the anxiety can be quite high anyway. But after a while when the relationship gets steady, if you're a more anxious prison it's good to match up with someone who can handle that and make you feel safe and calm.
God bless you yours sincerely million times Yes but remember too you're not hard work to handle For you can oftentimes presume you're 2much when using words like handle Be extremely kind to you
It’s kinda crazy because this person has gone above and beyond to help me and handle my issues. But I still don’t know what we are. I guess we’re just friends, but it always seems to be teetering on something more. And furthermore, I’ve noticed I’ve become very attached. The other day I kind of accused him of being upset with me over something. I was kinda frantic but didn’t really yell or anything, I just thought he was mad at me - because my brain was convinced that he was. Like I was 100% sure. It’s something I’ve never really done before. He basically told me that I was projecting my insecurities. And he was right. But now I’m anxious over the fact that I did it to begin with - I don’t want to be viewed as someone who freaks out/acts crazy - but that’s how I view it. He basically said it wasn’t a big deal and shit happens. To be fair, it was one of the most stressful weeks I’ve had in a long time. But I can’t stop dwelling on it. And now I worry I’ll act a certain way to “negate” that interaction. Like by being super distant or something. Today we haven’t interacted at all and it’s freaking me out. But I’m trying to not let it get to me because when I think about it - this isn’t new - and he’s a busy person. We do have Days where we don’t talk to each other - now I just assume the worst when we don’t. I never called first. I never texted first. It was always him. He told me I could always call him and stuff but I go out of my way not to because I’ve been perceived as clingy in past relationships. I really worry about losing him sometimes - but when I think logically about it - He’s not actually going anywhere in that context. We have plans for the next several months. But I suppose I worry he”lol get back res of me. Sorry, just kinda had to vent. He’s the one person I talk to about this kinda stuff but I’m not sure it’d be wise to tell him a lot of this out of fear of losing him.
I remember asking this exact question at one of your virtual classes last week. I’m really at peace to know other people are dealing with the same internal battles I am, and you even used very specific examples that I have gone through and how I could’ve improved in that moment in time. really looking forward to the retreat
I was just thinking of something similar: some people take advantage of your anxiety and tell you that when you are actually right about feeling that something is off or someone is disrespecting your boundaries, they say “ you’re only imagining things because you had a bad childhood “. When actually you are correct to feel the way you feel. Don’t listen to them. Stand your ground and leave if they are not treating you right. If it feels bad, it is bad.
Definitely. Any kind of gaslighting and dismissive comments like "you're being too sensitive" "you shouldn't feel that way" etc. It makes us doubt our gut feelings
@@the.toxic.phoenix Yes... this! Or "you have a lot of insecurity"... especially when they are the ones triggering it, hence the gaslighting that they will deny they are doing.
This is the best video I ever watched on your channel. Thank you so much. I'm gonna watch it a couple times more. I love your work because it's not that much about getting a guy and making him stay. It's about who I am, what I want, how I want to be treated, what I desire. It's sooooo amazing to finally switch the focus for once. to finally start to observe how I'm being treated instead of how I'm treating them, which I feel is something I've done my entire life - not surprisingly, maybe that's one of the reasons why my relationships never really lasted. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You are amazing!
This has been so helpful. Currently I am going thru menopause and I am navigating online dating. I seem to be sabotaging potential relationships because my feelings are ALL over the place. I am going thru a lot. Besides menopause, I care for my son who is disabled. I am easily overwhelmed. Thank you so much for your videos. They are helping me get thru this 3rd quarter of my life.
@@mes1220 patience..meno symptoms dont last forever. That part will get better from what i hear from other women. And drs can help with that too. Positive thinking and patience.
@@nn7397 yes God bless you dear sincere soul This is definitely most true,if the problem honestly is mostly due to menopuse Just wondering what we should do if we find someone with power's, abused their power+used a smear campaign against us + this prevents us from achieving, being with those whom we're meant to be with? Do you know what helps in these types of situations please? Thank you+God bless you most sincerely 🌞🌳🙏
this sentence helped me SO much first time i heard you say it! 💕 i valued people based on how much i loved them, but they gave me very little back. and i realized i was giving so much more and they did not invest in me. even in my family and with friends. it's really helped to remember this !
As a man Matthew you’re 98% of the time correct about the stuff you talk about. And as a man I wanna say thank you because you’ve helped me understand why I do some stuff that I was always unsure of why I did it
The tip to run things by your trusted people is so important! My therapist suggested that I identify my "square people" -- on a 1x1 inch piece of paper, write the names of the few people whose opinions really matter, who know you well enough to give you accurate and honest support. And any time you have a big question or decision to make, run that by your people instead of rushing to make it alone. It has been SUCH a big help to not only get me out of spiraling, but also to slow me down so I don't commit to something that's not good for me, or relax a boundary that should protect me.
This video was so helpful, right on time for me. You have this amazing ability to comfort people with ur words and eyes, it really feels like u are giving us a hug. You’re a very gifted person, and the job you do it’s incredible. I’m grateful for your existence in this world.
Thank you for sharing all of this, especially when it's for people like me who are still at the talking phase and I have no right to say anything if they do choose to be with someone else. I was getting too anxious and I needed to calm myself down; so much of what you said applies to my situation and how I deal with myself. It's really difficult to manage my own expectations of the future and the realities of the current unknowns, and I really hope I can heal the anxiousness in me, thank you so much for sharing this ❤
I have been asked out multiple times. After a divorce I would rather just be alone. I am actually happy that I can be ok alone. I haven't healed yet. Maybe I will never be ready. Married for 20 years takes awhile to get over.
Man... you really broke it down, brother. So well put. How do they make "me" feel is a subtle but pivotal shift in thinking over how we feel about them. How do they handle "my stuff" is taking that concept to another level. Brilliant. It's not often that I'm introduced to a way of thinking over something that's a game changer... but this one was. Cannot thank you enough for the edification.
You are honestly amazing. Trust me all of the things you've said were exactly what I wanted to hear at this moment. Please don't ever stop we need your words. 😭
I've noticed that the woman I've been dating for almost 2 months started pulling back and I thought it was strange. So I just asked her. "I've noticed that our dynamic has changed. Have you noticed it too? Is there a reason why, or is it just because of a busy everyday life?". She told me that everything was fine, but that she sometimes feel, that I expect too much, when we see each other (cuddling, kissing etc.) and because of that it ruins the moment for her. She basically told me that I need to take it easy and let it happen naturally. She'll let me know (body language) when she feels like doing these things. I totally understand that and I respect that. It goes to show, that everybody is different. Now that I know this, I'm more relaxed. What I'm trying to say is that talking will help you figure everything out.
I don't feel that "judgement" of another is ever helpful in creating a healthy relationship. Observational awareness on the other hand is very helpful. If I'm with someone that "makes" me feel a particular uncomfortable feeling then I need to observe and recognize the feeling and become aware of when I have felt that feeling before in other relationships, not projecting on to that person that they were the cause. The reality is, we all have emotional injuries from childhood that are at the root, causing us to experience life through a filter of sorts. The best course of action is to take a trip into stillness or meditation and 'feel' into those feelings in your own personal space until they are released. Then when in an interaction with that person again, you can assess what you feel. You will often find that it was indeed 'your own crap'.
You're the best❤️ seriously. This is exactly what I needed to hear. I wrote every word down! I just started dating this great guy. My last relationship ended horribly. I'm seeing I still need to heal from the past, but I can also enjoy and build my future. Staying grounded in love for myself and being slow and wise with others is a challenging balance, but I know great things are happening for me. I'm excited to keep doing the work, to show up for me and be the love I believe in! Keep being amazing Matthew!❤️ Your work helps heal!
i must be clueless when it comes to ghosting or the proper communication , and totally clueless when someone may or may not be wanting to date . Most of the time i feel like i’m losing my mind trying to figure these things out and usually end up giving up not wanting to make wrong decisions.
Wow this just helped me to sort out a situation I've been in for the past 2 weeks. It helped me see clearer where my fears are being activated, and where my judgement is accurate. Thank you!
I recently gave up on someone because I was suffering a lot of anxiety and depression every 3 days and it was unhealthy. I did my communication and all that but he didn’t change much. No matter what the reasons were, I just concluded that he wasn’t good for me and said goodbye. I always struggled immensely with separations but this time I’m proud I was able to let it go gracefully for the first time after all the learnings from the past. I was sad for a while but moved on rather fast. It’s been much more peaceful ever since although a bit lonely. I just really wish I’ll meet the right person soon. ❤ God please help me.
I've definitely been through the ringer with this in a past relationship. I dated a guy for about 3 years in the past and witnessed some behavior that I didn't feel comfortable with. We hung out a lot with our mutual friends and when I expressed some of my feelings, they would say "don't worry..." or some even said " no, it's fine, stop being jealous, just trust him". I believed it was me being insecure. Sure enough, he was cheating and tried to convince me he wasn't cheating. Like him making out with one of his female friends isn't cheating and I'm just being jealous. I've learned to always listen to myself first. Even if someone or even several others try to convince you that you're being irrational. You know truly know yourself and shouldn't listen to them. Do what feels right to you. I'm with someone now who has never raised any alarm bells within my mind and it's a very calm, peaceful relationship.
My takes to eliminate the negative candidates and attract the positive ones : 1) Heal your attachment style & deal with your trauma, whether it's from childhood or elsewhere. Securely attached, emotionally healthy people attract the same. 2) Pour into your interests and your life and allow the universe to bring you people that are aligned with your energy 3) Let men be the pursuers. Just trust me on this, the other way does NOT work. 4) Don't let a person disrespect you or disappear on you twice. If they violate your boundary or 'pull away,' they're as good as gone- move on. 5) Learn to really enjoy your own presence, and you will adjust your energetic frequency to attract people that can match you. 6) Worry about whether you're interested in them, not whether they're interested in you. 7) If a man is leaving you confused about his feelings, he is either not into you or not mature enough for a relationship. Let him go. Hope this helps!
Before watching this I'm trying to make new friends before dating again, so I have more friends and valued relationships. I'm trying not to rely too much on one person so I have more going on, and finding better happiness. The dating world has changed alot. I'm honest about what I want, my feelings before I try on a relationship. I feel lately the guys I'm attracting have been low value. So until I feel less anxious and feel better, I've been in mourning, lost my spouse and it's brought everything broken over the years in focus. Nothing like complicated grief to bring focus to areas of life that are toxic. Plus I feel a little better going through some therapy too. Guys are acting even more strange, this ghosting stuff with guys is crazy. I've let a lot go that doesn't feel good, in relationships and friendships. But I'm feeling more cynical, and criticism I have with guys shows me what I don't like/want with the important things. Putting in healthy boundaries, and more.
Relatable but i'm so tired from dating and other life challenges that I postpone making new friends. I'm thinking to connect with women who had similar trauma like me. So I may feel understood and more support maybe or just go for a coffee with like minded people. I do sport, swimming so I have an active life to take care of myself but i think i was more.stable before Tinder. Less alone and less crying. Yet it also brought me one genuine male friend. Platonic. And I learn from it. About men and myself, boundaries and not doubt myself when I not respected.
Thank you so much for this video. I have had a life of terrible anxiety and trauma and have worked tirelessly to heal and be the person I am today. I felt confident enough in myself to try dating after years of work and being single as I'd love to find someone to spend my life with. Have had the most incredible 2 weeks with someone, 2 incredible dates and loads of contact and laughing. Have given them plenty of space and I felt like we were both bouncing perfectly off one another and was really proud of myself. Very gradually he seems to be pulling away, but obviously because I have struggled with anxiety and have an anxious/avoidant attachment I find it difficult to determine if this is true, or whether it's me being paranoid. I have mentioned to him a few times about my last date bothering me too much and a few friends think that might be the issue, but of course very open to the fact he might just not be into me which is usually the norm when pulling away. Anyway, going to utilise tips from the other pulling away videos to try and clarify but this video also very helpful. Thank you for your work!
Thanks for especially point #5. I did that work the past year (and still am doing it) and this puts it so well in words. I had a lot of people in my life, where the answer to this question was ‚no‘ and I‘m still struggling with the aftermath of those relationships, because I know now that at some point I started projecting my past experiences on people that could have been good at handling me - I didn’t communicate right anymore out of fear of getting hurt again the same way as before and it’s hard to learn that again and to differentiate what‘s my anxiety and what’s someone else’s bad behavior. Getting better at it though with every day and the hard work is definitely worth it. But that last point put it in the perfect words. Thanks for the great video. ❤
I met a guy in March. I knew he was watching me but I decided I wouldn't talk to him. But, I did acknowledge his admiration with body language. He hit up his friends girlfriend to invite me for dinner about 4 days later. After he invited me to watch a movie at his friends home since he was house sitting. I accepted and I feel asleep on his shoulder watching the movie. He woke me just before the end I told him I'd better head home. He made plans with me for my birthday which was in 3 days. I accepted and drove home. We had fun it was a great date. I told him that I'm going to church in the morning so I had better get back home. 2 days later I called him and invited him over for dinner the next night. He accepted and I made one of my favorites. He was delayed by issues with a co-worker since they carpooled. He was ready at 8:30 so I drove to his place so he could follow me in his truck. I'm off the HWY 6 miles of dirt roads. Made it and we ate he said he liked it but he didn't act as though he did. He then told me he couldn't eat after 7:00 or he gets indigestion. We decided to talk and get to know each other. Later I put a movie on and low and behold I feel asleep. Think I woke up at like 3 in the morning and realize that he had left and I was cold. He was a complete gentleman this whole time. I appreciated that. We had kissed and cuddled and I was comfortable around him. We talked on the phone for the next 4 nights. Then on the 4th night he asked me if we could be exclusive and he'd like me to be his girlfriend. I glady accepted a man making a step towards commitment was a breath of fresh air considering the last 3 situations hadn't been good. Great, I didn't know I was writing a book. So anyway we spent almost everyday together to the point where I was staying with him. We started to getting small arguments and I thought that maybe I needed to go home once in awhile and have a little bit of space. I think this hurt his feelings, he just wanted me there all the time especially when he got home from work. For the next few months I was trying to seek out a little more space and it seemed like he started pushing away more and more. We started having bigger fights and then one night he just broke up with me at her blue and told me to get out and take all my things. We made up but I never brought all of my things over. Five more days and we got into another fight this time I went home. It just didn't feel right anymore and we were just arguing about every stupid little thing and I didn't feel like he wanted to resolve or talk about our issues. So ended up texting him and telling him that I didn't see how this could work and if you thought otherwise to let me know. He said that he was just waiting for me to come to that conclusion on my own. That was very hurtful. We tried being friends and sometimes this was okay and sometimes it wasn't.. I did tell him that I was not going to be intimate with him anymore, at this point in our relationship. But that I was willing to stay friends and see if we can work out some other issues. I heard from him less to where it felt like I was the only one reaching out. At that point I told him that I didn't even think we could be friends anymore. I told him I felt it was too painful for me to keep seeing him. Back to the present day I got a text from him saying that he would like it if I would come over and he got explicit with what he would like to do to me. It has been a couple of weeks since I stopped contacting him. I texted him back a couple days later with a question my question for him was where do you see us ended up? He said that he still loved me and that he hoped that we would find our medium together and work things out. He said that he can't help but think about me everyday. I don't know from the past and he never seemed like he stopped trying. Maybe enough time has gone by and he is actually missing me. Any advice? I think I did a lot of this the right way.
When you are dating at age 79 you don’t know if you’ve been ghosted or the guy really died. Of course we care and have reason to be anxious. Trying not to sound like you’re chasing can be touchy.
I have this amazing girl, but after this vid I kind of feel alone. She says kind things, she does kind things…but she makes me feel alone in my excitement, alone in my desire to grow as a couple.
Aww, I never saw Boogie in any videos until, this one. I wonder if Matthew still has his dog?🤔 Cute doogie and such a nice way to end the video. Good video, thank you.😌
Incredible, this is such a great topic! Thanks Matt. Going through this exactly. It's not black and white to figure out, but these pointers are really useful
Good morning Dear Friend. I'm glad to see you every Sunday morning . you make me happy.. Yeah I am a happy person, but I feel like I'm not moving forward to my goal. My family and my situation are so complicated. It's really tough royal family. And I still have feeling for my friend, but I can't text him or communicate with him , there is a lot of control. They really think I'm that little girl and they are jealous if they see me with him. I love him much and I appreciate your help to see positive steps coming closer to him in near future . thx
I finally get it why my emotions goes up and down in a very short term, since I wrote to you this massage last summer there's always new things happening with me. One day I'm so happy, lovely like I'm born again and the other day I'm so upset of my family, of my ex and being in love again. I don't like being . . disappointed, perhaps I'm in love and jealous , or it just I'm tired of being tracked by my ex and i wanna run away somewhere.and end up my future marriage or even to start a new relationship. So don't tell me I'm the only one crazy here 😅
It seems to be that the best is to be with someone we do not care about enough if we lose them. Someone that gives their all to us but we are not that into them… this is coming from a person with narcissistic parents that only got in love with abusive and detached men that gave me huge anxiety 🤷🏻♀️ sorry for the men that will come after them. But I don’t want to like someone anymore. They all destroyed my soul
I love and have found very useful a lot of your videos, but this one has been the best for me and really hit home and will help me in my new relationship. Thank you 🙏🏻
I’m not even gonna lie I’m only 16 but I’ve known this girl for two years now and I know how all younger relationships work out but I truly care about her and she’s slowly pulling away due to the strictness of my parents I’m just lost in life to be honest.
What you resist,persists .. self-care can not replace your attachment to someone ..rather , ponder on what if scenario of what you may lose by letting them go then you would find nothing to lose
I cannot breathe through the grief. Today is day 54. 54 days without hearing from him. Nothing. Not a word. He betrayed and abandoned me and replaced me with another. Discarded me like last week's garbage. He was my "best friend". We spoke every day. My heart is in so much pain, it physically hurts. My soul is raped. I cannot breathe. I am drowning. Being buried alive. How could he do this to me? And why?
Don't totally love that point about asking 'cousin Billy' or others about whether they would be bothered by a particular thing. What they think and feel doesn't have to be the "right thing" for us to think and feel, especially when they haven't experienced what we are explaining first-hand. If something bothers me, it bothers me. I don't need their validation to think it's ok to feel bothered.
I am in pain for too many years now,mostly because of a breakup,I put all my self in this and left broken,and this was always my biggest fear,and it’s almost 2 years now,I was 4 months in bed,I gone through this as painfully as someone can go through something ,last year I do things with pain but at least I do something
I just finished with somebody I had been dating because I felt triggered by the thing he would say maybe it wasn’t his fault it was just the way he was or saw me but I felt it was important for me and him to finish this dating as I know I had to walk away to get some more healing on my triggers and I just knew in years to come we would have split up because of this in other ways we were miles apart in our worlds as well etc I found this such a big part of my journey because in the pasted I would think well I fancy him etc etc and would of ignored my triggers and gone with relationships because I liked him ❤
#Are they good at handling me? How has this never been a prerequisite or a question? It never occurred to me to ask this question. I’ve always been so focused on caring for others.
Was chasing, watch your video and decided to have a talk with her about it. She said she enjoys my company and didn’t want to hurt me, but isn’t willing for a serious commitment . So sadly, now i know and will move on
I was gaslit by my husband for 17 years, so yes, I don't know up from down with men. My current person is confusing me no end. I need to be present in my own life and forget him. If he really wants me, he'll let me know.
I disagree about having reference point. For someone it would be fine not to text each other several days, for me it's no-no. The most important is point 5 - you gotta ask yourself that all the time and be honest.
![BLACK BAG - Official Trailer [HD] - Only in Theaters March 14](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Du0Xp8WX_7I/mqdefault.jpg)
Someone once said that if you're chasing somebody it means that they're running away and you shouldn't be chasing anyone who isn't willing to stay with you by choice
Yes
Why wouldn't they st@y by choice we need to request you know dear?Thank you very much sincerely for your insights enlightenment
Awwwwww what a cute dog 🐕
Good Words!
Nothing’s ever stable. Sometimes they might make you feel like you’re on top of the world, other times they might make you feel unwanted. When you’re emotionally sensitive you just get lost in all of it and start questioning who you even are.
Real
This video saved me from certain relationship disaster. I am grateful beyond measure! 👏🏼💕🙏🏼✅
You nailed it! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Yup. A person who values you would never put themselves in a position to lose you ❤
Yes Concur with you completely
Sometimes folk do stuff to push I away which they know upsets you so you leave them
Wicked behaviour 💯 percent
God bless you dear
Not always because there can be circumstances like health as in life or death situation or even other things like financial instability to where they do not feel of value.
@@judygrm9273 in these circumstnces you mention here,God bless you,these are mostly more unforeseeble + can't be prevented
So these exmples you kindly bring are unintentional more + therefore not truly the sme's '''putting themselves in positions to lose us💞🌳🙏''" you know?
@@judygrm9273 💯 ❤️
I can’t tell you how long you have to go through what you are going through but I can tell you in your way you are going to make it through you may not see the progress you making but trust me love ❤️only you still being alive and here refusing to give up shows your bravery and strength...Soon you’ll be fine and whole again.❤🙏
0:24 “Value a person based on their *_ability_* to make me happy… based on how *_they_* make me feel (how they treat me - do I feel anxious, unloved, uncertain) NOT …how *_we feel_* about them” MH
Greetings, good quote
Thnks for reminder
God bless you yours sincerely million times 🌞🌳🙏
❤❤❤ 💯💯💯💯
This is golden!!!
A little selfish, don't you think?
@@Noqqin how comes precious? She's just reminding us it works both wys
They too need 2mke us happy,,,not just us mking them happy the whole time you know? God bless you 🌞🌳🙏
1. If it's too early to have more deeper, vulnerable conversation with them about how you feel - Just shift focus
2. How do i feel about the way they are when I'm on my best day
3. Talk to someone you trust their judgement
4. Observe your feelings with them; don't inflict your feelings on them
5. Are they good at handling me?
I’m chatting a guy rn who’s constantly assuring me at the end of the day that he’s gonna text me again tomorrow. It’s a simple thing but very reassuring for me that I’m not the only one who’s interested in this potential relationship, it lessens my anxiety as well. Yes my love language is affirmation 😅
I've been listening to Matthew Hussey for a long time and this video was yet another groundbreaker for me. I have someone who comes in and out of my life over the past 5 years and when he's showing up, I feel AMAZING. But he can distance himself and make me feel absolutely ridden with anxiety. I've never dated anyone else that made me feel that way. I guess I just thought that made him more special, but now I realize it's just a bad trait on his part that I need to let go of bc I deserve peace. ♥️
Yes you most definitely do deserve much more Blissfulness
God bless you yours sincerely million times 🌞🌳🙏
Definitely a bad trait on his end. The right person will never make you feel this way. ❤
Here, 10 years, same shit
@@zumzizumza8963 I did the same thing for 11 years and just barely coming out of the fog, one year and five months later, barely getting back to normal and I guarantee that it’s only sunshine and rainbows moving forward. Feels great to no longer be dealing with bs and the continuous anxiety or feelings that something was really off. We will come out stronger after all of it.
@@zumzizumza8963 Greetings to you dear
How are you? I'm praying you receive some good well deserved loving treat ment extremely soon + you will be far from the wicked mind gmes You deserve the best🌞🌳🙏
Thank you for this video. You made me realize he makes me feel confused, unloved and under appreciated. How I feel about him is irrelevant to how he makes me feel. He makes me feel like shit, so I will no longer entertain him.
There will be no games needed with that person that the universe has for you. Stand in your value and own your worth! Don’t settle for something that leaves you feeling anxious, if they aren’t investing, pull back your energy and invest in yourself! Watch what you deserve show up when you truly see that you deserve what you give out! ❤❤
“How good are they at handling me?” Amazing!!! Never thought of that before.
The timing of this video is incredible! I’m definitely predisposed to anxiety and this has really helped me reframe some things. Thank you Matthew!
Delighted this video with allits enlightenment helps so very much
God bless you yours sincerely million times 🌞🌳🙏
I wish I stumbled across this earlier so I didnt do things he said I shouldnt do. I am taking it slow to amend the friendship. I was in really low place in my life, and I met a friend who I excited to meet every week. But he realised that I put him on a high value....so the worst stuff is happening
@@daisuke910 God bless you
Thank you for giving your experiences strength insights enlightenment in these comments
God bless you yours sincerely million times 🌼🌳🌞🌳🙏
I'm a psychologist and a relationship coach.I often watch your videos. Your guidance is incredible. This is one of your most important videos I have ever watched about how to decide who is right for us. Thank you so much. Keep it up. People really need this.
Must say that Matthew makes very dificult stuff so clear and soothes every pain and wound we get by being emotionally vulnerable in front of people who are ghosting, avoiding, manipulating so to speak. Your love for people, Matthew, is obvious and a pure gift from above. Good luck and thanks from Serbia! 😅🇷🇸
I don't judge my having strong feelings about others. I'm an expressive person who is self-gracious (feelings are like the weather, they pass). So when we're together, of course, those people know I like or appreciate them. But in action...making plans, hanging out, reaching out to them...I'm all about experimenting. I make an effort and see if they'll reciprocate. If they don't put in an effort, I discover the connection is merely superficial...and buh-bye!! On to my next relationship venture.
The timing of this video! Holy cr**! You are amazing Matthew. Yesterday I finally realized how sad and anxious I was feeling thanks to this guy I was dating. When I called him out for his bs he said I was too much and made me feel like I was crazy just for asking him why he was being distant lately. I don't need or want that energy in my life. I will find someone better who doesn't make me feel that way.
God bless you yours sincerely million times 🌞🌳🙏
That's usually how the narcissists trap you after the love bombing phase. They go distant so that you come to them more. They breadcrumb you and make you live in an anxiety riddled place while telling you you're 'crazy' and 'too much' for questioning where their effort went. I'm so glad you spotted this right away. Walk away 100%. You do not need that in your life as it only gets worse from here with them.
@@fordlafemme I should have noticed that as soon as we went out on our first date and he started holding my hands and kissing my forehead like we were dating already. He told me everything a girl would want a guy to tell her. I got hooked instantly. But then he had a 180° change on the second date: distant, barely kissed me, barely touched me. It is outrageous that people like that go around ruining other people's happiness and peace.
@@pauedi1998 Yeah, that's a very unnatural behaviour for a first date. It's them projecting it all onto you to make you feel like you had an amazing time and they're the most perfect person in the world. It is really unfortunate that people go around like that, all we can do is keep an eye out for it and not let ourselves fall into it. I have before and it's absolutely awful. The fear and anxiety riddled state it puts you in.
I just want to thank you sooooo much because you've been my therapy for years. Every time I get anxious or disappointed or sad because of a relationship, I come up to your videos and they make me see the situation differently and place myself at the center again, they make me feel so much better ❤️
"Is this person good at handling me?" Is an excellent question.
We all have different personalities. If we're higher in neuroticism we'll be miserably with someone who can't handle that.
But sure especially in the beginning of a relationship the anxiety can be quite high anyway. But after a while when the relationship gets steady, if you're a more anxious prison it's good to match up with someone who can handle that and make you feel safe and calm.
God bless you yours sincerely million times
Yes but remember too you're not hard work to handle
For you can oftentimes presume you're 2much when using words like handle
Be extremely kind to you
I dated a bipolar man who didn’t tell me the extent of how f’d he was. It didn’t last, I would’ve been great with high energy and angry people. 😂
It’s kinda crazy because this person has gone above and beyond to help me and handle my issues. But I still don’t know what we are. I guess we’re just friends, but it always seems to be teetering on something more. And furthermore, I’ve noticed I’ve become very attached.
The other day I kind of accused him of being upset with me over something. I was kinda frantic but didn’t really yell or anything, I just thought he was mad at me - because my brain was convinced that he was. Like I was 100% sure. It’s something I’ve never really done before. He basically told me that I was projecting my insecurities. And he was right. But now I’m anxious over the fact that I did it to begin with - I don’t want to be viewed as someone who freaks out/acts crazy - but that’s how I view it. He basically said it wasn’t a big deal and shit happens. To be fair, it was one of the most stressful weeks I’ve had in a long time. But I can’t stop dwelling on it. And now I worry I’ll act a certain way to “negate” that interaction. Like by being super distant or something.
Today we haven’t interacted at all and it’s freaking me out. But I’m trying to not let it get to me because when I think about it - this isn’t new - and he’s a busy person. We do have Days where we don’t talk to each other - now I just assume the worst when we don’t. I never called first. I never texted first. It was always him. He told me I could always call him and stuff but I go out of my way not to because I’ve been perceived as clingy in past relationships.
I really worry about losing him sometimes - but when I think logically about it - He’s not actually going anywhere in that context. We have plans for the next several months. But I suppose I worry he”lol get back res of me.
Sorry, just kinda had to vent. He’s the one person I talk to about this kinda stuff but I’m not sure it’d be wise to tell him a lot of this out of fear of losing him.
I remember asking this exact question at one of your virtual classes last week. I’m really at peace to know other people are dealing with the same internal battles I am, and you even used very specific examples that I have gone through and how I could’ve improved in that moment in time. really looking forward to the retreat
I was just thinking of something similar: some people take advantage of your anxiety and tell you that when you are actually right about feeling that something is off or someone is disrespecting your boundaries, they say “ you’re only imagining things because you had a bad childhood “. When actually you are correct to feel the way you feel. Don’t listen to them. Stand your ground and leave if they are not treating you right. If it feels bad, it is bad.
My bipolar new ex was having mental issues his inner circle pushed him to dump me because they didn’t like me 😅
Thank you for posting this. I needed the reminder: “some people take advantage of your anxiety”. This clarifies the decision I need to make.
Definitely. Any kind of gaslighting and dismissive comments like "you're being too sensitive" "you shouldn't feel that way" etc. It makes us doubt our gut feelings
@@the.toxic.phoenix Yes... this! Or "you have a lot of insecurity"... especially when they are the ones triggering it, hence the gaslighting that they will deny they are doing.
This is the best video I ever watched on your channel. Thank you so much. I'm gonna watch it a couple times more. I love your work because it's not that much about getting a guy and making him stay. It's about who I am, what I want, how I want to be treated, what I desire. It's sooooo amazing to finally switch the focus for once. to finally start to observe how I'm being treated instead of how I'm treating them, which I feel is something I've done my entire life - not surprisingly, maybe that's one of the reasons why my relationships never really lasted. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You are amazing!
This has been so helpful. Currently I am going thru menopause and I am navigating online dating. I seem to be sabotaging potential relationships because my feelings are ALL over the place. I am going thru a lot. Besides menopause, I care for my son who is disabled. I am easily overwhelmed. Thank you so much for your videos. They are helping me get thru this 3rd quarter of my life.
God bless you dear
Let us all know when you find the partner of your dre@ms
Strength sister! You got this!
@@nn7397 but what if she feels no strength + she feels she doesn't have this
What do we must do then sincere soul?🤝🌳🌞🌳🙏
@@mes1220 patience..meno symptoms dont last forever. That part will get better from what i hear from other women. And drs can help with that too. Positive thinking and patience.
@@nn7397 yes God bless you dear sincere soul
This is definitely most true,if the problem honestly is mostly due to menopuse
Just wondering what we should do if we find someone with power's, abused their power+used a smear campaign against us + this prevents us from achieving, being with those whom we're meant to be with? Do you know what helps in these types of situations please?
Thank you+God bless you most sincerely 🌞🌳🙏
this sentence helped me SO much first time i heard you say it! 💕 i valued people based on how much i loved them, but they gave me very little back. and i realized i was giving so much more and they did not invest in me. even in my family and with friends. it's really helped to remember this !
As a man Matthew you’re 98% of the time correct about the stuff you talk about. And as a man I wanna say thank you because you’ve helped me understand why I do some stuff that I was always unsure of why I did it
whats the 2% he got wrong?
@@burburchacha I posted this litterally a year ago and I’m not gonna waste my time rewatching the video to answer your question 😂😂
The tip to run things by your trusted people is so important! My therapist suggested that I identify my "square people" -- on a 1x1 inch piece of paper, write the names of the few people whose opinions really matter, who know you well enough to give you accurate and honest support. And any time you have a big question or decision to make, run that by your people instead of rushing to make it alone. It has been SUCH a big help to not only get me out of spiraling, but also to slow me down so I don't commit to something that's not good for me, or relax a boundary that should protect me.
Absolutely love this man’s advice…
Straight forward, respectful and insightful..,
That’s why I’m a subscriber and keep coming back 🥰
Such brilliant comments2
Lovely kind full of thoughtfulness
God bless you yours sincerely million times 🌞🌳🙏
This video was so helpful, right on time for me. You have this amazing ability to comfort people with ur words and eyes, it really feels like u are giving us a hug. You’re a very gifted person, and the job you do it’s incredible. I’m grateful for your existence in this world.
Thank you for sharing all of this, especially when it's for people like me who are still at the talking phase and I have no right to say anything if they do choose to be with someone else. I was getting too anxious and I needed to calm myself down; so much of what you said applies to my situation and how I deal with myself. It's really difficult to manage my own expectations of the future and the realities of the current unknowns, and I really hope I can heal the anxiousness in me, thank you so much for sharing this ❤
I have been asked out multiple times. After a divorce I would rather just be alone. I am actually happy that I can be ok alone. I haven't healed yet. Maybe I will never be ready. Married for 20 years takes awhile to get over.
Man... you really broke it down, brother. So well put. How do they make "me" feel is a subtle but pivotal shift in thinking over how we feel about them. How do they handle "my stuff" is taking that concept to another level. Brilliant. It's not often that I'm introduced to a way of thinking over something that's a game changer... but this one was. Cannot thank you enough for the edification.
Great advice Matthew, you are helping so many people all over the world ! Thank you so much and greetings from Poland ☀️
Brilliant kind hearted messge
Sending much brilliant blessings
Simple enough! Do they calm your worries or do they magnify them?
You are honestly amazing. Trust me all of the things you've said were exactly what I wanted to hear at this moment. Please don't ever stop we need your words. 😭
I've noticed that the woman I've been dating for almost 2 months started pulling back and I thought it was strange. So I just asked her. "I've noticed that our dynamic has changed. Have you noticed it too? Is there a reason why, or is it just because of a busy everyday life?". She told me that everything was fine, but that she sometimes feel, that I expect too much, when we see each other (cuddling, kissing etc.) and because of that it ruins the moment for her. She basically told me that I need to take it easy and let it happen naturally. She'll let me know (body language) when she feels like doing these things. I totally understand that and I respect that. It goes to show, that everybody is different. Now that I know this, I'm more relaxed. What I'm trying to say is that talking will help you figure everything out.
I don't feel that "judgement" of another is ever helpful in creating a healthy relationship. Observational awareness on the other hand is very helpful. If I'm with someone that "makes" me feel a particular uncomfortable feeling then I need to observe and recognize the feeling and become aware of when I have felt that feeling before in other relationships, not projecting on to that person that they were the cause. The reality is, we all have emotional injuries from childhood that are at the root, causing us to experience life through a filter of sorts. The best course of action is to take a trip into stillness or meditation and 'feel' into those feelings in your own personal space until they are released. Then when in an interaction with that person again, you can assess what you feel. You will often find that it was indeed 'your own crap'.
You're the best❤️ seriously. This is exactly what I needed to hear. I wrote every word down! I just started dating this great guy. My last relationship ended horribly. I'm seeing I still need to heal from the past, but I can also enjoy and build my future. Staying grounded in love for myself and being slow and wise with others is a challenging balance, but I know great things are happening for me. I'm excited to keep doing the work, to show up for me and be the love I believe in! Keep being amazing Matthew!❤️ Your work helps heal!
i must be clueless when it comes to ghosting or the proper communication , and totally clueless when someone may or may not be wanting to date . Most of the time i feel like i’m losing my mind trying to figure these things out and usually end up giving up not wanting to make wrong decisions.
Wow this just helped me to sort out a situation I've been in for the past 2 weeks. It helped me see clearer where my fears are being activated, and where my judgement is accurate. Thank you!
Thank you! I needed this perspective. I’m coming up on a crossroads and didn’t trust myself to make the right decision. Now I know how to start.
I recently gave up on someone because I was suffering a lot of anxiety and depression every 3 days and it was unhealthy. I did my communication and all that but he didn’t change much. No matter what the reasons were, I just concluded that he wasn’t good for me and said goodbye. I always struggled immensely with separations but this time I’m proud I was able to let it go gracefully for the first time after all the learnings from the past. I was sad for a while but moved on rather fast. It’s been much more peaceful ever since although a bit lonely. I just really wish I’ll meet the right person soon. ❤ God please help me.
I've definitely been through the ringer with this in a past relationship. I dated a guy for about 3 years in the past and witnessed some behavior that I didn't feel comfortable with. We hung out a lot with our mutual friends and when I expressed some of my feelings, they would say "don't worry..." or some even said " no, it's fine, stop being jealous, just trust him". I believed it was me being insecure. Sure enough, he was cheating and tried to convince me he wasn't cheating. Like him making out with one of his female friends isn't cheating and I'm just being jealous. I've learned to always listen to myself first. Even if someone or even several others try to convince you that you're being irrational. You know truly know yourself and shouldn't listen to them. Do what feels right to you. I'm with someone now who has never raised any alarm bells within my mind and it's a very calm, peaceful relationship.
I feel better that matt used to feel the way i feel right now, these are great advices and hopefully i can get to the person you are right now!
This video is perfect timing! Thank you!
My takes to eliminate the negative candidates and attract the positive ones : 1) Heal your attachment style & deal with your trauma, whether it's from childhood or elsewhere. Securely attached, emotionally healthy people attract the same. 2) Pour into your interests and your life and allow the universe to bring you people that are aligned with your energy 3) Let men be the pursuers. Just trust me on this, the other way does NOT work. 4) Don't let a person disrespect you or disappear on you twice. If they violate your boundary or 'pull away,' they're as good as gone- move on. 5) Learn to really enjoy your own presence, and you will adjust your energetic frequency to attract people that can match you. 6) Worry about whether you're interested in them, not whether they're interested in you. 7) If a man is leaving you confused about his feelings, he is either not into you or not mature enough for a relationship. Let him go.
Hope this helps!
Before watching this I'm trying to make new friends before dating again, so I have more friends and valued relationships. I'm trying not to rely too much on one person so I have more going on, and finding better happiness. The dating world has changed alot. I'm honest about what I want, my feelings before I try on a relationship. I feel lately the guys I'm attracting have been low value. So until I feel less anxious and feel better, I've been in mourning, lost my spouse and it's brought everything broken over the years in focus. Nothing like complicated grief to bring focus to areas of life that are toxic. Plus I feel a little better going through some therapy too. Guys are acting even more strange, this ghosting stuff with guys is crazy. I've let a lot go that doesn't feel good, in relationships and friendships. But I'm feeling more cynical, and criticism I have with guys shows me what I don't like/want with the important things. Putting in healthy boundaries, and more.
Relatable but i'm so tired from dating and other life challenges that I postpone making new friends.
I'm thinking to connect with women who had similar trauma like me.
So I may feel understood and more support maybe or just go for a coffee with like minded people.
I do sport, swimming so I have an active life to take care of myself but i think i was more.stable before Tinder.
Less alone and less crying.
Yet it also brought me one genuine male friend. Platonic. And I learn from it. About men and myself, boundaries and not doubt myself when I not respected.
Thank you, Matt, for always making me feel good about myself !❤
Brilliant words
Thnks million times
God bless you yours sincerely million times
Thank you so much for this video. I have had a life of terrible anxiety and trauma and have worked tirelessly to heal and be the person I am today. I felt confident enough in myself to try dating after years of work and being single as I'd love to find someone to spend my life with. Have had the most incredible 2 weeks with someone, 2 incredible dates and loads of contact and laughing. Have given them plenty of space and I felt like we were both bouncing perfectly off one another and was really proud of myself. Very gradually he seems to be pulling away, but obviously because I have struggled with anxiety and have an anxious/avoidant attachment I find it difficult to determine if this is true, or whether it's me being paranoid. I have mentioned to him a few times about my last date bothering me too much and a few friends think that might be the issue, but of course very open to the fact he might just not be into me which is usually the norm when pulling away. Anyway, going to utilise tips from the other pulling away videos to try and clarify but this video also very helpful. Thank you for your work!
Thanks for especially point #5. I did that work the past year (and still am doing it) and this puts it so well in words. I had a lot of people in my life, where the answer to this question was ‚no‘ and I‘m still struggling with the aftermath of those relationships, because I know now that at some point I started projecting my past experiences on people that could have been good at handling me - I didn’t communicate right anymore out of fear of getting hurt again the same way as before and it’s hard to learn that again and to differentiate what‘s my anxiety and what’s someone else’s bad behavior. Getting better at it though with every day and the hard work is definitely worth it. But that last point put it in the perfect words. Thanks for the great video. ❤
Matthew you're a genius I swear!!!! Saving my love life, time and time again!
I NEEDED to hear this.
I met a guy in March. I knew he was watching me but I decided I wouldn't talk to him. But, I did acknowledge his admiration with body language.
He hit up his friends girlfriend to invite me for dinner about 4 days later.
After he invited me to watch a movie at his friends home since he was house sitting. I accepted and I feel asleep on his shoulder watching the movie. He woke me just before the end I told him I'd better head home. He made plans with me for my birthday which was in 3 days. I accepted and drove home.
We had fun it was a great date. I told him that I'm going to church in the morning so I had better get back home.
2 days later I called him and invited him over for dinner the next night. He accepted and I made one of my favorites. He was delayed by issues with a co-worker since they carpooled. He was ready at 8:30 so I drove to his place so he could follow me in his truck. I'm off the HWY 6 miles of dirt roads. Made it and we ate he said he liked it but he didn't act as though he did. He then told me he couldn't eat after 7:00 or he gets indigestion. We decided to talk and get to know each other. Later I put a movie on and low and behold I feel asleep.
Think I woke up at like 3 in the morning and realize that he had left and I was cold.
He was a complete gentleman this whole time. I appreciated that.
We had kissed and cuddled and I was comfortable around him. We talked on the phone for the next 4 nights. Then on the 4th night he asked me if we could be exclusive and he'd like me to be his girlfriend. I glady accepted a man making a step towards commitment was a breath of fresh air considering the last 3 situations hadn't been good.
Great, I didn't know I was writing a book. So anyway we spent almost everyday together to the point where I was staying with him. We started to getting small arguments and I thought that maybe I needed to go home once in awhile and have a little bit of space. I think this hurt his feelings, he just wanted me there all the time especially when he got home from work. For the next few months I was trying to seek out a little more space and it seemed like he started pushing away more and more.
We started having bigger fights and then one night he just broke up with me at her blue and told me to get out and take all my things.
We made up but I never brought all of my things over. Five more days and we got into another fight this time I went home. It just didn't feel right anymore and we were just arguing about every stupid little thing and I didn't feel like he wanted to resolve or talk about our issues. So ended up texting him and telling him that I didn't see how this could work and if you thought otherwise to let me know. He said that he was just waiting for me to come to that conclusion on my own. That was very hurtful.
We tried being friends and sometimes this was okay and sometimes it wasn't.. I did tell him that I was not going to be intimate with him anymore, at this point in our relationship. But that I was willing to stay friends and see if we can work out some other issues.
I heard from him less to where it felt like I was the only one reaching out. At that point I told him that I didn't even think we could be friends anymore. I told him I felt it was too painful for me to keep seeing him.
Back to the present day I got a text from him saying that he would like it if I would come over and he got explicit with what he would like to do to me. It has been a couple of weeks since I stopped contacting him. I texted him back a couple days later with a question my question for him was where do you see us ended up?
He said that he still loved me and that he hoped that we would find our medium together and work things out. He said that he can't help but think about me everyday.
I don't know from the past and he never seemed like he stopped trying. Maybe enough time has gone by and he is actually missing me. Any advice? I think I did a lot of this the right way.
I literally was just experiencing this tonight. Great timing
Cousin Billy is a champion. Please bring Cousin Billy online to chat with you, Matt.
I needed this today. Thank you for your amazing videos Mathew ❤️
So true! We need a healthy point of a reference! Yet, we're not so lucky to have cousin Billy.... 😕
Exactly what I needed. Thank you.
This video nails a lot of points.
Thanks matthew, you are like the Harry Potter of dating.
Simply magical advice ✨️
You're advice is always incredibly on point.
When you are dating at age 79 you don’t know if you’ve been ghosted or the guy really died. Of course we care and have reason to be anxious. Trying not to sound like you’re chasing can be touchy.
I have this amazing girl, but after this vid I kind of feel alone. She says kind things, she does kind things…but she makes me feel alone in my excitement, alone in my desire to grow as a couple.
Aww, I never saw Boogie in any videos until, this one. I wonder if Matthew still has his dog?🤔 Cute doogie and such a nice way to end the video. Good video, thank you.😌
Did i take notes? Yes i did
Incredible, this is such a great topic! Thanks Matt. Going through this exactly. It's not black and white to figure out, but these pointers are really useful
Good morning Dear Friend. I'm glad to see you every Sunday morning . you make me happy.. Yeah I am a happy person, but I feel like I'm not moving forward to my goal. My family and my situation are so complicated. It's really tough royal family. And I still have feeling for my friend, but I can't text him or communicate with him , there is a lot of control. They really think I'm that little girl and they are jealous if they see me with him. I love him much and I appreciate your help to see positive steps coming closer to him in near future . thx
I finally get it why my emotions goes up and down in a very short term, since I wrote to you this massage last summer there's always new things happening with me. One day I'm so happy, lovely like I'm born again and the other day I'm so upset of my family, of my ex and being in love again. I don't like being . . disappointed, perhaps I'm in love and jealous , or it just I'm tired of being tracked by my ex and i wanna run away somewhere.and end up my future marriage or even to start a new relationship. So don't tell me I'm the only one crazy here 😅
so insightful and true! love this!
It seems to be that the best is to be with someone we do not care about enough if we lose them. Someone that gives their all to us but we are not that into them… this is coming from a person with narcissistic parents that only got in love with abusive and detached men that gave me huge anxiety 🤷🏻♀️ sorry for the men that will come after them. But I don’t want to like someone anymore. They all destroyed my soul
So glad I stumbled on this ❤
I needed this video today, thank you! 💗
This was really really needed sir.
I love and have found very useful a lot of your videos, but this one has been the best for me and really hit home and will help me in my new relationship. Thank you 🙏🏻
I’m not even gonna lie I’m only 16 but I’ve known this girl for two years now and I know how all younger relationships work out but I truly care about her and she’s slowly pulling away due to the strictness of my parents I’m just lost in life to be honest.
What you resist,persists .. self-care can not replace your attachment to someone ..rather , ponder on what if scenario of what you may lose by letting them go then you would find nothing to lose
The puppy is adorable!
Thank you, Matthew! That was very good advice!
I cannot breathe through the grief.
Today is day 54.
54 days without hearing from him.
Nothing. Not a word.
He betrayed and abandoned me
and replaced me with another.
Discarded me like last week's garbage.
He was my "best friend". We spoke every day.
My heart is in so much pain, it physically hurts.
My soul is raped. I cannot breathe. I am drowning.
Being buried alive.
How could he do this to me? And why?
Don't totally love that point about asking 'cousin Billy' or others about whether they would be bothered by a particular thing. What they think and feel doesn't have to be the "right thing" for us to think and feel, especially when they haven't experienced what we are explaining first-hand. If something bothers me, it bothers me. I don't need their validation to think it's ok to feel bothered.
This is spot on what I needed to hear today. Thank you so much!
I had this question in my mind for long. Thank you so much Matthew 🙏🙏
Your advice is really valuable! ❤
This was extremely helpful, thanks
It's good to know I'm not crazy
I am in pain for too many years now,mostly because of a breakup,I put all my self in this and left broken,and this was always my biggest fear,and it’s almost 2 years now,I was 4 months in bed,I gone through this as painfully as someone can go through something ,last year I do things with pain but at least I do something
Thank you for this video!!! My gosh did I need to hear it💗
Thanks so much for your videos. You've helped me soooo much to see things more clearly!!!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤
I just finished with somebody I had been dating because I felt triggered by the thing he would say maybe it wasn’t his fault it was just the way he was or saw me but I felt it was important for me and him to finish this dating as I know I had to walk away to get some more healing on my triggers and I just knew in years to come we would have split up because of this in other ways we were miles apart in our worlds as well etc I found this such a big part of my journey because in the pasted I would think well I fancy him etc etc and would of ignored my triggers and gone with relationships because I liked him ❤
#Are they good at handling me? How has this never been a prerequisite or a question? It never occurred to me to ask this question. I’ve always been so focused on caring for others.
#5 is an awesame point and key 👌
This content is key! Thank you so much, Matthew! 🥰👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Thank you Matthew! Your video made me feel better ☺🤗
I love this! Thank you, Matthew!
Was chasing, watch your video and decided to have a talk with her about it. She said she enjoys my company and didn’t want to hurt me, but isn’t willing for a serious commitment . So sadly, now i know and will move on
I was gaslit by my husband for 17 years, so yes, I don't know up from down with men. My current person is confusing me no end. I need to be present in my own life and forget him. If he really wants me, he'll let me know.
I disagree about having reference point. For someone it would be fine not to text each other several days, for me it's no-no. The most important is point 5 - you gotta ask yourself that all the time and be honest.
Beautiful I went though hell so far is time to feel better
Best way is play the game. Life is a competition we cant play without having a plan.
This has helped me so much. I love you man. Thank you. Wow I was so discombobulated!!! 😅 I'm a giver. Lots of takers out there:) God bless you.
Wow You read my mind with this one ! Thank you
Wow this is so good! Is the person you're interested in good at handling you!
i cried watching this