How to Make Them Call and Text You Every Day
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 22 сен 2024
- ►► Escape Limbo and Get Real Commitment in 3 Easy Steps.
To Unlock Your Free Guide, Go to. . .
→ www.LeaveLimbo.com
▼
Don’t Miss Out! Subscribe to my RUclips channel now.
I post new love life advice for you every weekend.
►► FREE download: “9 Texts No Man Can Resist” → www.9texts.com
►► FREE download: “5 Compliments to Get Him Addicted to You” → www.SayThisToHi...
▼ Get My Latest Dating Tips and Connect With Me… ▼
Blog → www.howtogetth...
Facebook → / coachmatthewhussey
Instagram → / thematthewhussey
Twitter → / matthewhussey
"It's on you if you mistake my vulnerability for desperation"
That's a mindset I want to keep in mind. 👍
Problem being men usually don't care about vulnerability and they are the desperate ones, not the lady, but it's blamed on the lady in a masculine driven society. Keep smiling.
Too much vulnerability is desperation
@@scottstewart8737 ???
This. I am keeping this forever.
Showing yourself as you are is also a sign of being mature, if the person doesn’t meet me three is his problem not mine
"If your truest version of yourself is not right for someone, then they're not right for you".
❤
I’ll add more on that.
If your truest version of yourself is not for someone, then they’re not right for you; at the moment. Moment meaning wrong time, wrong place, or just, circumstances.
Time - age for example
Place- location for an example
Circumstances - they probably have a responsibility, that could damage the relationship naturally. For example if someone wants to move. But the other person wants to stay. Maybe having a responsibility on keeping their job for example that they’ve removed to a different location.
I LOVE THIS THINKING! I’m not going to feel ashamed for HOW I love. Just move on to someone who appreciates HOW I LOVE❤
Thank you! was going have to relisten cause I was trying to remember this exact statement lol
GREAT THOUGHTS ✨
That's how I treat all relationships. I'm proactive about taking the next step towards that potential friend/partner. But I do it with a more "experimental" mindset. So if they don't take a step forward, no big deal, I take that step backward (or end the connection). Casual friends stay casual. Distracted men lose my interest. I don't pay attention to what they say to me when we're together (or on social media). I observe their behavior: do they initiate a text conversation, do they invite me over/out, do they ask me about something I told them the last time we were together. If they're not making an effort, then I don't waste anytime on them.
This 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Awesome mindset 💯💞
I do the same and i always felt superior or above getting hurt, i thought i was winning at dating. I am still single though so the joke is on me. I want the real deal but I think I've wasted too much time toying or judging people based on little things instead of focusing on the big picture....
@@emmagalvin3254 I don't view the people in my life with judgment but with empathy and acceptance for who they are. In the past I use to try too hard, which is an awful, devaluing practice. Now I stop just before or as soon as I cross that emotional boundary. It's not out of fear or arrogance (which is just concealed insecurity), my boundaries come from confidence, self-care, and practicality. I've worked incredibly hard on myself and only want my inner circle to be people who value me. So I won't waste time on people who don't value me. It's fine if they don't like me "enough." There are plenty of people I don't like enough. That's just being human. I try to keep my heart, mind, and time free so I'm available and proactive to meeting the right people.
Yes, exactly ! And it works perfectly, I’ve done this too
Always comes down to a very simple thing as well, and I find it never fails: if someone wants to be with you, they will do everything they can to be with you. You won't have any doubts.
That's what my stalker did 😱🤷🏻♀️
@@grabbelton HAahahhaha
Unless they’re shy
Shoot yes! Now slap that into me!!! Please 🙏 😢
I agreed. When they not want to be with you don’t want to commit they’ll give you a bunch of excuses
I actually feel like I did the right thing. I asked a guy out for a second date last Monday. He said yes. And then Tuesday I asked if Saturday worked for him. Didn´t hear from him since then, so a friend of mine asked me out to go have drinks with her on Saturday, I waited until Friday to confirm and because he hadn't replied yet. I got annoyed and said yes to her. This guy appeared Friday night saying Saturday worked fine for him. And now I just told him I made other plans because he took 5 days to confirm. I still don't know what he will reply but even though I really like him I'm tired of being a doormat and waiting for guys to confirm a stupid date. I won't postpone other plans because of you.
Smart. Even 2 days is lots of time to wait. Snooze you lose
I have learned that busy people are not into phones like we are....question the individual without projecting your views on them😊
@@cayennesinivassinel6977Thats very true. Calling someone out in polite and friendly way, might actually work
@@cayennesinivassinel6977Nope. That is an excuse. I had a “friend” do a similar thing.
I asked if she could get together for an event. I asked on a Thursday morning, the event was the next week on a Saturday. I waited 3 days didn’t hear anything so I called to ask, she didn’t respond. Then on the Friday before the event (on a Saturday) I texted and asked, again no response from her.
So I went to the event alone.
TWO WEEKS LATER, she calls me and says sorry, she had decided to go to Chicago with her family on that day and was busy. Yet she COULDN’T bother to call nor text and let me know. I ended the friendship. One of the best decisions I ever made.
From my life experiences with others, PEOPLE WHO USE BEING BUSY AS AN EXCUSE ARE SELFISH AND INCONSIDERATE. They are using “being busy” to get away with doing and saying all kinds of rude, selfish and inconsiderate things. They know that if they say they are “busy” it gives them a shield to get away with all kinds of shady things.
In this day and age of the different ways to communicate and how easy it is, THERE IS NO EXCUSE.
@@cayennesinivassinel6977Nope. That is an excuse. I had a “friend” do a similar thing.
I asked if she could get together for an event. I asked on a Thursday, the event was the next week on a Saturday. I waited 3 days didn’t hear anything so I called to ask, she didn’t respond. Then on the Friday before the event (on a Saturday) I texted and asked, again no response from her.
So I went to the event alone.
TWO WEEKS LATER, she calls me and says sorry, she had decided to got to Chicago with her family on that day. Yet she COULDN’T bother to call nor text and let me know. I ended the friendship.
From my life experiences with others, PEOPLE WHO USE BEING BUSY AS AN EXCUSE ARE SELFISH AND INCONSIDERATE. They using “being busy” to get away with doing and saying all kinds of rude, selfish and inconsiderate things.
In this day and age of it being easy to communicate in so many different ways, people who use “being busy” are using it as a shield to do and say all kinds of shady things.
As a 64 yo woman - I can guarantee Matthew is giving you all a BIG head start - I have wasted so many years being quiet, and waiting for the other person to lead. I recently reached out by making it very clear to a guy that I liked him - leaving the ball in his court. I have not heard from him again - but I am not left wondering "what if".
😘 hugs 🤗
I’ve done this three times now in my 35 years of life. Getting rejected has stung, I’m not going to lie, but never having to wonder “what if?” is so wonderful. It would kill me with each of them constantly wondering if they were just too shy or hesitating for some reason; knowing that they didn’t want to reciprocate my feelings freed me up.
Thank you for your post, Stephanie. I'm 65 and I need to learn this lesson. I wait for them to lead and once there's an established something there, then I'm a bit braver but sometimes that scares them off as they just assumed I was not one who leads and they can't accept that perhaps I can at times.
Very helpful. In my 60’s abt to Re-enter dating world for first time in yikes 48!!!! years. Refreshingly new to think I can be out there and wait….or wonder what if? Thank you and best wishes 🌷
You old haggards still get men !! What kind of men are they !!
'You are mistaking my vulnerability for desperation' love this part! Thank you!
Giulia BarberaAr.. Are you saying ture.?
Actually surprised about the amount of women watching these videos
@@Vepporizer Mat is a handsome lad
People just need to chill and stop over analyzing relationships, especially early on. Bottom line is, if he's not paying attention to you, he's not into you. Invest time on yourself and the right person will come along...or not. Be happy on your own.
It's nice to say that and I think a lot of people wish they could just do that, but the problems are when feelings are involved. When you actually like the person, you'll try to make it work and read into little things to fill in the gaps that they're leaving.
@@TheLunablackheart I understand. However, these videos usually center around brand new relationships. There shouldn't be much emotion involved in the beginning. Projection, maybe.
What if I’m ALWAYS the one to initiate contact and it’s her that will leave it all day without texting ME?
@@XoXo475 then she's not into you
@@XoXo475 Then she is probably playing hard to get or, more likely, she is just super busy a lot and forgets because at this point you are not YET a priority. I know I am that way because I have a demanding job. The guy I have been seeing off and on for years (I keep moving out of state an back) is the same way. He will literally responding to a text from the night before at 5:00 pm and say he literally just saw it. I know he likes me but a lot of girls would wonder by his sometimes pokiness. But, like me, he works a ton of hours because he is a vice president and has a lot going on. Don't listen to barabrawinslow. My daughter is engaged to be married to a guy and she let him do all the chasing. I bet if she hadn't they wouldn't have ended up falling in love the way they did!!! You said, "all day." People are working during the day.
I modelled instead of mirroring after 5 dates. He wasn't capable of giving me anymore so I went forward and met a great guy who makes it easy to stay in touch. 😘
That's a beautiful thought: 'When I am the best version of myself meaning act in a way that I am proud of myself, I don't have to fear someone elses reaction. Because I am at peace.'
That thought itself gives me already peace.
I think people need to just relax and be themselves. Some people are more proactive and talkative than others. But if you feel like you’re chasing, doing all the work and it doesn’t feel good to you, then let them go, focus on your life and move on. 😊
Personal Development is one of the best things you can do for yourself - because, we as human beings, we’re supposed to embrace growth!
So make sure you find your Purpose in life - whatever it might be, and work on it daily, and continue to make progress, because progress is - really the key to happiness.
But don’t do it for any girl or guy, make sure you’re doing it for yourself - and just be happy!
Anyway, that’s my two cents.
-Carlos Verde - Dating Tips
Actually this is very tricky to spot especially when one is emotionally invested in the relationship that’s why it’s important to use the mind along with the heart. Actions are so important to watch here to really see the situation for what it is. And this is where we get confused so we start lying to ourselves… may be this … may be that.We are too scared to accept what we really see. But sooner or later, this would uncover so better to do it now than linger it on.
@@raginisharma9302 for sure. Always important to be yourself and be aware of the other persons actions:)
@@carlosverde-datingtips7001 so true!:)
@@costelloandlizzievolk2233 thanks! I appreciate it.
It’s crazy how by working on myself and finding peace within being alone, facing my issues, having standards etc… I have found the best relationship I’ve ever been in. One that is stress free and « chase » free while still loving and fulfilling. We’re together but I’m still my own individual , and if it ended I would be incredibly sad but I I know I would get back on my feet.
Over the years, your advice has truly helped me and opened my eyes to my relationship to myself and to others. Love these conversations 👌🏻
Thank you! I needed to hear this! I have very low motivation for dating now, after a lot of dates last year, but I didn't got so much out of it.
Working on myself is a thing I can control myself though.
I've had the same unintended result - I was very happily single and intending to stay that way - when love in epic proportions came into my life and changed things in the most perfect way 💕
I have this kind of relationship too and people around me see it.. Advice me that I should take care of it and appreciate it. I do appreciate it being stress free and chase free, however, I am afraid, I do not like the guy enough. If I am being honest, I do not feel like I like him enough as a person, but I like how the relationship feels safe, stress free and trustworthy. Please help.
@@ladyinred3735if you don’t like him enough. Eventually you will leave him. You will break his heart eventually no? So why stay with him if you don’t like him that much?
When you risk rejection
You gain direction
It's a form of protection
So you don't get caught
Being someone you're not
Whaaat...nice poem..deserves way more likes...👏🏻
Courage and bravery gets things done. Boldness has magic and genius to it. 🩷💕
It’s an art. If you’ve never done it successfully, I can understand how this might confuse some people. It doesn’t mean you will get the guy. It means you are what you want in a partner, if they don’t show you the same-you have your answer. Save yourself the time, fire em or just don’t give ‘em the position at all in the first place. The trick is also to be living your best life. If they are your only source of pleasure, you will get addicted just like a drug. You need to get a life first ☺️
Well said... everyone needs to be the most important person in their own life.
I don’t agree either. I think this dilemma is often seen in those w less experience of life & in those who perhaps haven’t invested in a spiritual perspective. It is very helpful to pursue such a Middle Way.
We’ll said! 👏👏
!!!!!
Thank YOU
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
I feel a little better now. Putting yourself out there and being rejected sucks, but in the long run, I'd rather not waste my time with someone with poor communication skills.
This was very helpful and affirms what I've been thinking lately: your partner has to treat you better than your platonic best friends. Your friends are that "minimum standard" of emotional relationship. Your friends would call you back or at least send a meme on another platform lol
Good comment.
Also important to not expect men to be hairy women though 😆
@@sharhfuleven male friends will respond to their male friends with a meme or on another platform like she stated
Good way to look at it. I have started to call dating 'romantic friendship building' lol.
My best friend -She texts me every single day, first thing in the morning and right before bed, consistently tells me every day how much she loves me, she sends gifts often, is literally my favorite to talk to.
This just confirmed what I was feeling with a current potential relationship. I've been modeling the behavior I want to get back (asking about him, keeping conversations going, calling him, etc) but he doesn't give it back. I communicated my concerns but no changed behavior. Now I'm in the mirroring phase and he isn't hearing much from me, and he wonders why I don't reach out to him. He expresses interest, sends me a good morning text and makes an effort to spend time with me, but makes zero effort in asking me questions or wanting to get to know me. Now he just wants that instant gratification of just having someone there when he needs attention or is feeling lonely. What a waste of time...
Proud of you for recognising this! Now you know and you can make space for someone worthy x
It’s great that you noticed his behavior early on. Men who show no interest other than crumbs of his time (to make it seem like interest) just want an ego boost unfortunately😏
I applaud your comment!
I was just an ego boost, alright!
Thank you for sharing. I’ve learned something from your experience ❤
I release all past relationship, situationships in my past and I’m moving forward to new energy
I’m sorry, if a man is not actively pursuing me in the early dating stages after I’ve opened the door for him to do so, I will interpret that as him not being interested and move on to other men in my rotation.
I think you need to see more than 1 rather than 1 by 1 because if it's still early he's probably doing that too.
I'm the opposite. If I've just met a guy, I don't expect them to be actively pursuing me. Why would they, we just met, they don't know how awesome I am, and vice versa. I've found the actively pursuing part happens after a few months of casual dating.
Read your comment. If you were a man would you want to be with a woman like you ?
You sound entitled and demanding. If there is true attraction between two people it just happens and there are no expectations or "rules". I don't think you would say the same thing if you truley liked a guy.
@XLR 8 only a guy will comment like this...none thinks mem are dogs just because you chase a little, if men are dogs then that means women shouldn't chase either right? You're immature and clearly needn't bother commenting if that's your comment. Uneducated and clearly poorly brought up!
"It's on you if you mistake my vulnerability for desperation. And you'll quickly learn that you've miscalibrated here if you mistake my initial proactivity for desperation."
I vibe with this. I feel confident being vulnerable with new people on dates, because I feel very secure in who I am. This is almost always a good thing, but I also don't hesitate to check out if the other party doesn't reciprocate.
I love this advice…Model the right behaviour that one wants to see couple of times before deciding to mirror them. In other words , be balanced to avoid regretting your conduct later👏 But then, even after giving your best, if the person can’t match your effort then walk away with the understanding that this person is not the right partner. Nothing to take anything personally here..just that it’s not the right fit.
And modelling the right behaviour doesn’t imply one is desperate. All it shows is that one is putting one’s best foot forward to assess the compatibility . One is trying to evaluate the potential of the relationship to decide if one should continue pursuing this.
This is so true. I'm not someone who takes risks when it comes to relationships however after watching this, it's good to know that if you're being a good role mode in a relationship and it doesn't work out, it should not make you think lower of yourself but continue to maintain until someone who reciprocates comes along ❤
Past behavior predicts future behavior. How you act in a relationship now will usually predict how you’ll be in the future. Be authentic yet let the person go when they do not share your values and intentions.
I did that, I did initiate with the guy, I did show my interest, I even told him I liked him, I always kept conversations cheeky, lively and interesting, I did come over with ingredients for spagetti so we could cook together, I did suggest we do something fun. All he cared about was casual sex twice a month. After 2 months I had to let him go and I can never understand how so many women spend a lot more time than that. Sometimes there just isnt a good reception and you have to move on if the guy clearly makes no effort and keeps making excuses for this to go anywhere. Thats the problem with modern dating- guys have too many options or they think they do, so no wonder he just "enjoys you" rather than wants to create something meaningful with you. And tbh apart from lovebombers I havent experienced the "men want to chase". They learnt they dont have to do it anymore, they can just swipe. We destroyed positive masculinity. Shame
Same situation and after I moved on he woke and realized I was the one that got away and many years later we are now back together getting married. He said, he thought I knew and he was out getting his life together and creating a place for us. Make them talk. Be honest with your feelings and if they still make no change then walk.
Yes, "someone has to make the first move"
@@mariek4362 it took him years to realise??
@@How.Dare.You. no about a year and I had moved on.
This is why I have decided from the get go I will have standards I will not back down on. If the guy cannot meet me there, I will not be rejecting him, he will be walking away. It will make things easy. He will not get girlfriend behavior if he does not treat me like a girlfriend. I will not commit to him if he does not commit to me. He will not get last minute hangouts until we are a couple, if he can't value and respect my time (and me) enough to ask me out on proper dates, then he will not see me. There's more. And P.S. I think every single and dating girl should read all the books by Bruce Bryans.
@@ShortGirlsClimbCounters yes, spot on. Life does throws us curveballs sometime though.
22:25 "I saw how great I can be in a relationship. I saw just how wonderful I can be as a partner." These 2 sentences gave me so much confidence and shelter even though I broke up 2 and a half weeks ago. Thank you so much Matthew for all of your videos and advice and motivational speeches. You have and will help many people with their lives daily. We apprieciate it
You are somebody else's prayer. And she will find you. 🤗
@@july821that was rly heart warming, thank you! God bless you
I also got a good feeling from hearing this. My motivation for dating is really low now, so I need a shift in mindset.
@@h0nof I feel you...
those two lines were also probably the most powerful message of this video
Mirroring, modeling, why make it so complicated? Be honest and be yourself. Ask him want he wants in a relationship and ladies, tell him what you want in a relationship.
Yes .my take as well...not into feeding the game playing.
Thank you ❤
Men lie or their definition of a relationship is different to yours. If it was thst simple why these channels? Why the epidemic of loneliness? In young people...People don't communicate properly.
I did tell him.
We have the same outlook.
It all fell apart because he was afraid of vulnerability . Fears trusting.
In his fear, he dumped me (so he made his fear happen).
I wish parents didn't mess up their kids as children. They grow up broken adults.
Now thinking if I can help heal this guy or just pick someone more healthy emotionally.
This was my job when I worked in Service Desk. Despite the poor pay it was a very strong lesson to learn just how powerful YOUR influence is on other people. I had so many angry or upset customers coming in, and left me with a smile.
“I showed just how wonderful I can be as a partner.” I love this. Thank you!
The word needed here is “vulnerability.” She asked what do women do when they are worried about looking like they are pursuing or chasing a man by reaching out. This is where we as women show the man that we are NOT afraid to be vulnerable. Being vulnerable (to a healthy masculine) is extremely attractive to a man. It will even help him be more vulnerable. It takes practice, and can be done in small ways, but it can exponentially move a connection forward and help for a deeper connection. It takes bravery.
Exactly. All a man wants is having the confidence that his emotional effort is worth pursuing the girl and it is going to be reciprocated. Most men are not those who can choose but those who are chosen and who can only accept the offer. Therefore, they don't like to show their feelings to girls who hasn't made it clear how they feel about them. Often when a guy shows his feelings fast (which is not anything to blame them for or consider desperation, it is just the unstoppable mechanism ingrained in male nature to engage quickly; after all, even most confident men can infatuate after one date) he is rejected because this is perceived as desperation, whereas it is just the sign of pure interest. Hence, he needs to wait untill the girl is vulnerable to him as first because this is perhaps the best indicator that she is treating him seriously, and so will not reject him if he finally shows his feelings back to her.
How about men trying to be brave for a change?
I'm not setting myself on fire to keep anyone warm. @lmr Some women just aren't... accountable adult human beings.
@@Lmr271 what does that mean? Brave to do (or be) what?
@@venet5024 you`ve explained that so well! I find myself being a vulnerable male when someone catches my genuine interest, I take initiative and show it, with reassurance and caress ... although, this always seems to backfire on me, she steps down or simply runs away, leaving me with a hole inside, blaming myself for my willingness to commit.
She makes very good point.. Men say they need to be the hunter and pursuer and are turned off by women who aren’t a challenge.. Women hear this a lot and you want us vulnerable when the man isn’t.. it’s a tough call.
exactly!!
A know a lot of men who never bring up "a challenge", when it comes to traits they're looking for in a woman. Men are challenged in a lot of aspects of their life already, and in marriage you'll often take on even more challenges together, like raising children, caring for aging parents, etc, so why would men or women look for someone who challenges them. Many men are looking for someone who's enthusiastic about them, and supports them.
I think a lot of people want people who they perceive as slightly out of their league, so they also might think they want a challenge, since someone out of your league would be very challenging to get interest from, but take some super model and have her proactively try to get a relationship from some average guy, and see if he's not totally into it regardless of challenge. It's even kind of a movie trope in movies targeting men, that some really attractive women is into the nerdy main character for basically no reason.
If you make yourself a challenge, to get men who wouldn't like you if you're not a challenge, then you're setting yourself up to get a man who isn't very mature. You can't be a challenge indefinitely, so how long do you have to make yourself a challenge for him to stay interested? Just the first few weeks, a month or more, for five or six years till you can't keep it up and he leaves cause now he's bored?
Yes! And from a polarity point, this would be leading (masculine) with desired outcome expected
At the same time men are lazy, at least they are in my country and want everything on their terms
Don't worry about being a challenge to any man. Always be a challenge for your own self...watch how great your life will be when you remember you and forget about him.
I think the best is just leave it in peace if you need always think how to make your relationship and work hard on it. Why you guys need this. I was in the same too and nothing good only pain in a**. When you meet the one who is for you he will text and call you everyday without tricks. Amen
The guy I like never texts or calls me and we hardly if any have any conversations at all
Ok, so now after hearing this I'm going to message da guy I like and acknowledge him...that way I'm not sounding desperate
@@joditawhai7844 You know actually when I was in this kind toxic relationship when you need ask for attention nothing helps. If you say I am not ok with how things going he always will turn table on you or find very serious reasons why he is too busy and bla bla even if he is online all day. Why we need this pain ? There are many other guys who know how to treat woman well and makes us happy. I can't imagine someone who really cares about you and in all day has no time to ask how are you doing.
@@aurainshape this is because mn have to earn and you just live off them.. that's why you have all the time in the world 🌎 but they don't have any
@@Deb_deCoder Nice point of view but woman also earning and has a lot to do. Even more because kiss, home and etc.
I especially appreciate the last 2 minutes of this…I showed what I am capable of in a relationship and I’m proud. Even though it was to the wrong person, at least I saw what I could be❤
LOVE THIS COMMENT! No regrets. WE were good to them. Their loss🤷🏾♀️😁
Yeah, he needs to let the other two talk a bit more
"What's beautiful about that is I saw how great I can be" IS a great message.
Lately I’ve been doing my best to practice this in my social life (dating and otherwise). I’ve had some people express interest in seeing me only to stop responding as soon as I’ve proposed a concrete time. It’s frustrating and makes me worried that I’m doing something wrong, but I also believe that my time is valuable and I want to spend it with people who want to be there. Who else here can relate to this?
I feel exactly the same. I ve had many men express interest then ghost me. I look at it this way…I want to be the person I find interesting on a date. If they don’t respond it’s their loss but I ve been alone for so long that I start to think it has to be me.
22:25 about looking at past relationships & finding confidence in how much you can give in a relationship is something that made me thankful about my last relationship. My 6-yr long relationship ended 8 months ago. Although it was sad that it ended, I came out in awe of how loving & devoted I could be as a partner. Before meeting my ex, I never thought I was capable of long relationships at all. Now I feel confident & unafraid to be proactive or take risks to find my person.
She is soooooo right. PEOPLE like to 'chase' or engage. I just asked my now 26 year-old son and his friends about this and they all agreed that they were not strangers to women having their own feelings and wants etc and that it is more than perfectly acceptable to them for a woman to initiate an engagement with them. They just haven't been raised in a world where the women in their lives were silent doormats who had to sit about with empty hopes forever and ever. Take a chance, live your life! That's what they say. It's your life to live and yours to lose, too. Don't let it go for some outdated, dinosaur 'rules'. They expect women in their lives to initiate when and if they want, voice their feelings/wants/needs and they appreciate the communication. I am proud of them! And those of us that have raised these young Men (not permanent infants).
I can’t thank you enough for this video. I sent “hey wanna talk on the phone?” That’s IT lol. And we ended up talking for hours and it turns out he was super nervous about reaching out since we only hung out twice while he was visiting town and wasn’t sure it meant as much to me. I love your point about underestimating your part in it. I prayed for a sign and then this played and I’m so grateful it did.
I totally get what he is saying here but I’ve learned that when a man wants you, you won’t have any questions bottom line. You won’t have to worry about texting because it will be reciprocated. I also learned that anytime I was in a situation like this that If the guy wasn’t reaching out then he just wasn’t interested in me. I’m sorry but men aren’t that complicated,
You’ll know when they are serious about you the rest is just in between bs!!!
Your words are very accurate in my experience.
i agree 💯
@@Yogis406 I just see it like this, I know how I act when I’m not interested in a man so if a man is acting the same way I do/did when I wasn’t interested in a man then he isn’t interested. When I wasn’t interested in a man I wasn’t engaged in anything they did and that’s the same way a man acts when he isn’t interested in a woman!
I totally agree with your assessment. It is true that if a man is into you, you will know! There won’t be any guessing game.
@@Beautytrends77 right! This is why that film he’s just not that into you is so great. Our intuition never lies and it pays to listen.
The mirroring and modelling is fantastic. It makes sense to me, I'll set the standard by modelling and if that isn't reciprocal I'll discuss it with said person, failing that then you're clearly different and that's OK. Needs are not being needy, it's how you like to communicate, be confident and respect yourself. Both people should be pulling eachother up, nobody should be lowering themselves to meet someone else level, you're going against yourself and you'll be unhappy.
How about just being honest and asking the question? You don’t have to confrontational, just ask. At least you’ll know their intention, and they’ll know it bothers you, and if they like you, they’ll make more effort.
I loved that you brought in the voice of a woman! She asked the most relevant questions! I loved it! This video was extremely useful! Thank you so much!
100% AGREE!! A woman's touch ;)
I agree. She is serving as the stand in for the audience. I REALLY think this is a great approach, I hope he includes her more. His brother has his own role which is great but the perspective of a woman is sooo needed.
That’s His fiancée 😂
I don’t agree. I don’t think she adds much thoughtfulness rather regurgitates what he’s saying
We can always learn about ourselves, no matter how great a communicator we think we may be refinement is always necessary. Great tips 👌
Yes improvement is necessary until our last breath. 👍🏼
Good comment. Refinement is always necessary. 🎯🙏🏻
After trying all the "how to make a person" do this and that by you doing this and that, I've learned that simply you can't force anyone into doing and feeling anything for you. You just be the best version of you for you, and the right person will "click" with who you are. Some people will be fortunate to find a partner that will last for the rest of their lives and other will be fortunate to experience love with partners that will last only for certain time in different degrees. Let's enjoy life however it unfolds instead of waste our lives "making people do things, so that they can fall in love with us"...
Love and great vibes to you all!!!
So true I feel this
I'd like to hug matthew... There are so many on RUclips but he genuinely sounds concerned and also the way he articulates with his beautiful voice..
Great vid! Every interaction in every relationship is dynamic and never static. I believe in showing interest and making intentions clear, I always treat potential partners fairly and with respect, so long as they do the same. If the way they treat me changes negatively, I simply withdraw and allow them to figure out what they want... the further away they go, the less likely I am to show interest. People need to learn to value peoples character as much as they value physical appearances
Your highest and authentic version of Self doesn’t ever get rejected. That’s a very attractive and magnetic version to be around.
I think that everything discussed here is healthy advice to follow - I particularly loved having a woman on here too, so thank you, Audrey! I will say this though, I think a good general rule is this: "If he likes you, you'll know. If you're spending time trying to 'interpret signs' or if you're confused, then he doesn't." Is it technically more mature to first briefly reach out and model exemplary behaviour before moving on? Yes, probably. But I feel that, unfortunately, if you're at that point then it's probably not going to work.
I think that is his fiancé!!!
@@pattylizzy Yes, she is! She's so lovely. :)
@@pattylizzy Wow...Wondering how did they become compatible couple..Whats their secret..🤔Comparing notes..☺️😉 Wishing them happiness & all the best..💃🕺🙏💖😍
Matthew, this is pure genius! If you're confident and fullfilled enough to initiate/model a move, it's analogous to giving, you've got enough energy, resources, etc. to share, not because you're desperate or needy or anything. So, you're doing it from a completely different mentality when you're in a strong position and ready to take a no for an answer and stay fine and go on living your wonderful life. Love it!!!
Wow it's so cleansing hearing all of this. Grew up around narcissistic parents that I still have to be in contact with, along with being surrounded by a lot of negativity in my greater social circle. Have had a lot of low self esteem, desperation and reactivity in my relationships. Great point, to focus on being real, authentic and giving it my best and confidently evaluating if the other person can do the same. I need to listen to this like, a thousand times.👌
“I saw how wonderful I can be as a partner. I saw how great I can be.” Love that. That does give peace of mind and build your own confidence to move forward with your beautiful life. You were your best self. Move forward to find a better match for you. Thank you!
I’m the one that says hello to everyone and most respond positive and very few don’t say anything. The ppl that don’t respond or acknowledge me, I just let it go. It use to bother me but haven’t walked in their shoes.
I hold the door for everyone and a lot of females don’t say thank you. More men say thank you then women or girls.
This has helped immensely to breakdown the understand if that push and pull, that give and take. Can't thank you enough for helping us become more at better identifying the causes for patterns.
Matthew your conversation is so divine. You put everything in such a good perspective because everything comes from inner confidence-regardless of other person. Knowing when to take action and when to mirror and not getting offended is an art. 😊🙏❤️
I love Mathew because he helps people step into their confidence power which heightens standards, self worth and gives them an opportunity to be a higher version of themselves
Wow, I love the part at the end where you talk about looking back and being proud that you tried your best, instead of feeling resentment. Such a great way to look at things, what a great attitude you have!
Mirroring is real, it's part of human psychology for one thing, as for NLP well?
This video is SO good for those with anxious attachment 😭 I’ve been sitting around waiting for a text from him & “hinting” that I would like one by liking his Instagram stories & whatnot, but without actually ever just texting him myself….it’s so hard to shake the feeling of ‘neediness’ & ‘desperation’ as a woman, but setting the tone is so actually so empowering. That way if it doesn’t work out, it’s on HIM for not meeting my standard rather than on me for feeling too insecure to let myself be vulnerable & show someone that I like them. Thank you for this ❤
That's so important to understand, I like to communicate at least a message per day, if you can't deliver that, sorry we are not for each other
I agree. Give the BEST version of yourself and be proactive; if a man likes you, he will progress the relationship. If he doesn't , it's time to quickly to move on with your life!
thank you, this is what I needed ! I modeled, I gave a lot of effort and responded quickly to their texts. always eager and flirting through text. I never got any reciprocation and was left on read for days, went on for 2 weeks like this.. now I need to regain my self respect. If they want to treat me as a side piece, I'll treat them as one too. I went out with a new guy and I feel better already. if they come back, then they come. but I'm not waiting for his texts all day anymore
Amen sister !!!!
As a therapist, who works on repatterning adult attachment styles, I hope you have Diane Poole Heller on the show as an expert. Her book The Power of Attachment is more in depth than Attached and her breadth of knowledge is wonderful!
is that hard? i don't know what mine is. I guess it's a bad one if I'm not willing to give any man a chance, ask out random men I am not interested in or choose men on dating sites that live 40 miles away.
@@kaiyodei I think it takes some work and willingness to change patterns of behavior but is SO worth it. Our attachment styles just are how we try to get our needs met based on our previous experiences.
Very useful discussion- thank you! I modelled what I wanted for many years in my marriage and still often feel like I failed so it was like a revelation that I can reframe that experience as me at my best! Love that.
Another awesome topic! I realized that I have been putting myself out there when I text him, and though he doesn't reply immediately, I have the self respect to not be the toxic one who sends a hundred more texts. Mirroring vs modelling. I'm really enjoying all these, I'm so glad I found your channel Matt!
That was a really good podcast. I really like Audrey's input bc she seems to understand the subtle intricacies of how us women get unsure of ourselves inside of our own psyches about how we come across to men, which can be very paralyzing. She really broke that down and got to the root of that internal quandary quite succinctly, which many of us have a hard time verbalizing. Thank you, Audrey. That was very helpful. You guys make a great team. God bless ❤️🙏❤️
Great podcast, thank you! Audrey was so helpful in voicing the typical concerns a number of women might initially have with this approach. And Matthew did such a wonderful job of taking the time to explain the different scenarios. Great team, you two!
I got out of my comfort zone and tried the approach last night and the response I received was very positive. 😅
Yoooo that last bit got me. I remember thinking I gave them MY BEST, the best version of me. I'd never been so kind and thoughtful and empathic to someone b4. And I thought my best just wasn't good enough. But u kinda brought light to what was n the back of my head about it. That I was PROUD I could b such a good partner. They just weren't the right person to give it to. But I learned there's more love in me than I thought I would ever be comfortable enough to give
Whhv... U said it. I did love more than I ever thought. N imagine at some point they know they have you in their fingers and take you for granted. No. I gave up. I only love myself now. I enjoy my every day with all my energy focused to better myself. Diet, self care, investment for my kids n I just sleep happy. I have simply become my own goddess. I scream with joy. At first I thought I was going crazy the joy I felt after letting him go. Just go. I won't hold on to this anymore. I won't put effort to keep it together. Just go.
Beautiful insight
I love this. As a shy person who had to train in order to speak to people, I know that if you put two shy people in a room, nothing happens. And when an adult speaks to a shy child, the only way to get him to open up is to ask questions that require more than a yes or no answer. As an older adult trying to date, it is obvious that the people I meet, thank goodness, have full lives already. Often aging parents and quasi-grown children that "compete" for the few free hours in a day we have. Thus, it is logical (and a sign of a caring person) that those closer to him are a higher priority than someone he still knows so little about. This is a good discussion because the world is not black and white. We think too much when we want more, when life is not only about us. And also this reminds me of the "BE the change you want to see." Bravo!
I think that this kind of education should be taught at schools. It blows my mind that we attempt having adult relationships without knowing this kind of information. This channel has opened my eyes so many times and I'm forever grateful for it.
What makes me laugh about these videos is I get caught by the flashy, quick-fix, almost superficial title--how can I get him to text me every day!--even if I cringe at myself for clicking for that reason--and then find that I instead get a substantial feast of wisdom and that the answer is 'You CAN'T get them to text you every day.' Well done as always, Matt! I love your nuanced, classy, healthy advice.
Remarkable person reading this.. It’s going to get better; all it is a season of opportunity to grow and be better than before. Challenging times are meant to strengthen us, not to break us. Success doesn’t define to what happened to us; it is how we choose to deal with our circumstances. The more you grow and develop as an incredible person as you are, the more things will change for the better. Forgive more (for you), be grateful for even the smallest things (we have it way better than someone else), choose love over ego, choose humility over ego (humility is strength), and finally, invest into new skills so that your future self will thank you. Our lives will change forever the more we grow. Be thankful for the challenges for we know something greater is coming. Love you always - Nathalie ✨❤️
The last 2 mins was the best... Give your all then you can a) see how great you can be in a relationship and have no regrets about wondering if maybe it would have worked out if you tried harder... It's the only way to play it and is paradoxically easier to move on afterwards than always wondering if you really messed up. You can walk away proudly knowing that they just were not right for you or didn't deserve you.
Really beautiful the points made about how we can, as women feel confused about the modeling aspect. Where we get out of our element when we reach out first, and how it messes with our head if it doesn’t work out. As if we made a mistake by “being too much”
I feel like I want to give Mathew Hussey the BIGGEST hug and thank him!!!! I was literally looking for advice like this. I'm so happy. Loved this entire video.
‘I saw how great I can be in relationship’ what a perspective. Matthew I’m so glad you walk the earth in my lifetime. The amount of times you have floored me with so many uh huh moments. You are such a gift, gorgeous in every way. Thank you for all you wisdom and guidance. Bless you 🙏
Don't mirror an awful behavior!! Thank you🥰
THANK YOU for this!!! I’ve been mirroring and that’s resulted in both of us texting rarely and only two or maybe three words. When I started modeling, it’s been a huge turn around.
I thought to myself “I don’t have anything to lose at this point by being authenticate “ so I started texting him the way I would want. He’s very responsive. ❤❤❤
I like this! At that point we have nothing to lose. Worst case he disappears, best case he mirrors you.
You need to talk on the phone then in person. Texting is such a cop out and low effort.
@@jessicahitchens6926 my comment was from a year ago. He and I no longer speak. Never had a falling out. He just moved on. I've been healing. I agree with your comment. I will NEVER get to know someone via texting again.
Love experts say, "detach, so they will call you," and "send them positive vibes so they will be attracted to you." Yet, at the end of the day, he'll only contact you if he wants to complain from getting too many emails.
For me, it’s an easy answer! If that guy cares about you enough and think you’re the right one for him. He will do everything to let you know you’re special person for him no matter how busy he is. Not chasing or investing to the man just because you’re afraid them will ghost you. And please don’t pretending you’re okay if you have to change yourself just to impress them. Because it’s not gonna work out.
My best relationship we both put in effort and energy. Not every guy does this, I do want someone who will see me as a priority instead of just an option. If someone doesn't want to be there, they won't. So when guys pull away, I look at my life on where and how to use my energy. Maybe there's something I need to do that is more constructive that I can do.
Very deep and thoughtful conversations. I really enjoy the depth of all these talks. No other podcast gets even close
Give love and you shall receive love
A woman who always sits back and let's the other people initiate, will never be directly rejected. If a woman starts initiating with people, even if 80-90% always say yes to her, she's still getting rejected 10-20% more often than she ever was before. I think this reinforces the idea that men like the chase, and don't like it when women make the first move. Men who make the first move get rejected by women pretty often, but no one says, "yeah, women don't like it women men make the first move." It's interesting to ask ourselves why in one case not always getting a yes is proof we shouldn't be proactive and put ourselves out there, and in the other it's not. It might just be that rejection sucks and we're looking for a way to justify not risking getting rejected by saying that being proactive actually makes men dislike us.
Beautiful ending 👏 “I saw how great I can be in a relationship”.
Damn, his advice is good. Some of it scarier to execute for those of us who are not used to it, "modeling" but 100% agree it will get you the answers you need and move the needle at the very least. "it's on them if they mistake my vulnerability for inspiration." Love that however I do feel for myself and hearing what Audrey asked about does point to women typically being more concerned with coming across as desperate and that being a deciding factor in choosing not to "model" but rather "mirror" which is a shame.
I totally agree with Audrey about being yourself, if you are your true authentic self and then you are rejected at least you know that you genuinely aren't compatible. If you are faking or holding back then you will never know if it would have worked out with the real you. That is tragic to never know especially if they were someone you really felt something for.
Love you both. Thank you for the excellent advice as always!
Thanks for this video.. It was so timely in answering the question I needed answered. Constantly I am being told ‘’do not chase the man, let him chase you’’. But through my own conclusions I had thought well what if that man struggles reaching out and takes your ‘’no contact’’ as lack of interest? My friends did not seem to have a straight answer. I had only just messaged a guy last night that I have a date with to touch base. I know very well his time is at a premium being a father of 2 kids and working a busy role. I did not want to intrude on him but also noted that he was vulnerable this week sending me a message early on.. But now I can walk into this with a bit of clarity over not having to mirror.
I like your post. I fear overthinking things yet want to just trust my intuition about it all. It's an interesting balance and I'm trying to not allow past failed relationships that have conditioned me in some ways to interfere. Being self aware is really important.
Way too much work.
Wow wow.. Model the behaviour you would want a few times before mirroring.
If you have high standards, and an internal attitude, you become vulnerable intentionally to gauge their level of communication or if he can deliver. If it turns out they can't match your actions then you leave happy that you tried....no big deal..but if you become vulnerable to see if they like you and find out they don't..you will feel afraid which is not good. So be confident in yourself and intentional .. Thank you so much for the synergy and having the Lady there to think for 'us'. She did a great job.
Could we just acknowledge that this couple look so beautiful together ❤️
Hell yes im looking for this almost there
This reminds me of my manager-employee relationship at work I’m facing now. I’ve been putting myself out there so much and for so long, that now it became a behavior that’s expected of me.. I was doing this in effort to gain points for potential promotion within my department, and now, after 2.5 yrs of consistently offering my time (even forgoing my vacation trike) I’m finding myself quite hopeless and discouraged from displaying any type of consideration 😞 it’s been a rather tough last 6 months of asking myself “why am I always putting myself out there ..?”
Love your perspective! Thank You for all You do! Cheers from Orlando
Apply for a job elsewhere and when they make an offer, let your employer know. If you're not valued now, maybe they'll realize it when you're about to leave and offer you a raise or promotion.
If you’re now doing more work than the position you were hired for, make a list of all the extra work and ask for a title and raise that reflects that extra work or take another job offer ;)
I think it’s related to personality functions and even MBTI; people who are naturally with higher extroverted feeling (Fe) are usually the ones who reach out to other people. People with more introverted feeling (Fi) usually keep to themselves. If you have to force yourself to change your natural personality functions to make the relationship work, it’s a sign that your personality functions are naturally not compatible with the other person’s.
meh. we all have the functions within us. thats a bad take lol
I always say “whatever helps you protect your feelings.”
Matthew I love how Audrey is included in your videos......I really like her and Steve of course xxx you all do great together.......I like the clear way Audrey speaks too.......and Steve always chilled.......and Matt your wisdom
I absolutely loved all this great info and insight!
I recently met someone, almost two weeks ago on a "parent" dating site and him and I have text the entire time with the exception I believe of a quick phone call while he was on the road. He sends lots of voice clips because he's on the road and so it's easier for him to do that when he's on the road. He text and let me know that he is not one to talk on the phone much because he owns his own business and is on the phone all day everyday with clients. We have our first date tomorrow and I let him know that it's acceptable for now to only text. I plan on discussing this further on our date tomorrow. I normally am really big on communication on the phone early on but I think I let things slide because we have not met in person yet and as we all know sometimes after meeting face to face things can lead to not having a second date.
I've been planning on how to go about discussing the talking on the phone issue. I have a pretty good idea of how I'm going to approach it. I'm going to speak my truth and not go around on how I feel about it and see what his response is. Ultimately there has to be a middle ground for us when it comes to communicating by phone. I'm not against texting but not as the only means of communication in between our dates. I'm confident in who I am and what I want and really what I feel is necessary to have a successful long-term relationship. I have settled in past relationships and will not go down that road again.
Thank you for this video.
Hey, how did the date go? And what is that website for parents you mentioned?
@@ElaHumanRightLawyer Date was amazing.
Couldn't have planned it any better!
Second date is on the agenda 😁. We both seem to have the same views on many things. He understands that communication is extremely important for any relationship to forward. Time will tell.
That dating site I was on is called Stir.
@@shannon9747 has he called?? Lol
Initiate > proactive > lead (show them the response you desire) > then if response is not as good as we hope be reactionary
Still no good response? Leave
Know the difference when the person still show interest/movable or having no interest to meet (consistent inconsistencies)
Good lord that’s what the man is supposed to do isn’t it? It sounds like a sales course not a feminine woman
@@duckypam and a woman is supposed to save her virginity and cover her entire Body neatly while presenting herself to her date---how about that?
40 year old guy here. I love Matthew's content. These things absolutely apply to both genders and it's reassuring to know both genders are full of genuine people that are looking for one another and eventually will, we just can't give up.
Mutual is key 🔑... loving yourself.. it's nothing wrong with texting first or last jus make sure ur not on a one way street
This conversation is so fabulous! Thank you so much! What is super interesting as well around the 'turning up as yourself' is the fact that if I don't turn up as myself I am rejecting ME and that's the worst form of rejection there is. Xxx
Omg, Audrey had me crying at the end. Such a beautiful perspective on vulnerability. Thanks!
Thank you Matt this video just made me realize I’m not taking enough actions because of pride… I also remembered your “dropping the handkerchief metaphor” Just took action and dropped the handkerchief and now I have a coffee date :) thanks Matt!
Yes we definitely need to flip it it's ok to be rejected that person wasn't meant for you and your not going to reject yourself we forget that we are whole in complete on our own it's ok to leave a relationship it's not the end of the world yes it can be hard but it doesn't have to be it's making a choice to choose to let go to and detaching mentally emotionally and then physically I'm so proud of myself for letting go and leaving the relationships i was in And saying no more setting boundaries as I do work on myself the healthier i become I'm I'm learning all the toxic stuff I learned as a kid I'm healing I'm happy and I'm becoming comfortable with the unfamiliar ❤️ 🥰
I was in a relationship with someone for 6.5 years. I tried to communicate my needs when things were reaching the end. For the longest I was upset thinking I wasted all of my youth years with someone who couldn’t give me the effort I put in. I now have a new respect and perspective and truly value myself for being so patient and giving him the space to change and to understand my perspective and needs, at the end he didn’t and I walked away in peace , I was able to use that relationship to grow and put my ego aside for us to work and he stayed the same all the years. I grew and left him behind, thanks for this video definitely made me change my view
Exactly this is what happened. He was texting me constantly for 2 weeks and we dated and it was beautiful. Then we had an argument and he changed from 100 to almost zero action but still keeps the contact with 2,3 messages every day. I just started mirroring him because when I asked him what's going on he just said Don't worry, I am just very busy at work.
Some days ago a friend advised me to take the initiative and ask him to meet and he came immidiatly for a coffee but after that again only messages.
I feel good about reaching out and being active because at least something was happening. But now I will not ask him again for a date, I just respond to his messages.
I think it is a very weird situation and I started talking to other men
"Its on you if you misunderstood my vulnerability as desperation "...love it. Feeling the truth of this on so many levels. Very validating...in all my connections. Not arrogance false pride or ego. Just me knowing my value/worth❤
"I saw how great I can be"!!! That's all u need to know when u leave a relationship