You're better off alone.
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- Опубликовано: 28 сен 2021
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If you’ve ever felt happier alone, you aren’t alone. There’s been some really compelling research over the past few years that shows finding regular time to be alone can improve your mood, increase productivity and even strengthen your relationships.This is the case for being alone.
Hi there 👋 If you're new to my videos my name is Matt D'Avella. I'm a documentary filmmaker, entrepreneur and RUclipsr. I've made a couple documentaries for Netflix. I also teach courses on everything from filmmaking to habit change. If you like to nerd out about self-development as much as I do, you can subscribe for weekly videos.
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🎬 CREDITS
Directed by Matt D'Avella
Produced by Emma Norris & Matt D'Avella
Cinematography by Matt D'Avella
Edited by Matt D'Avella 
Кино
music to an introverts ears 😊
I was thinking the same thing!!! This video really reflects some of the messages is Quiet by Susan Cain, an awesome book for every introvert to read.
major facts
@@mariebombeck1693 Read it twice. Removed my self shame and changed my life
@@mariebombeck1693 I’m reading that right now!
so he did not fire↘️➡️
The two things I love the most as an introvert:
1. People
2. Being alone
holy crap literally almost same
Very underrated fact.
So, so delightful!
Yeah same
I am going to ss this and send it to all my friends and relatives
Being alone is amazing. In fact, I would say getting to a point where you are happy with just yourself is key to happiness because it means that you are not dependent on others. Whatever happens, you always have yourself, and if you can find ways to be happy and excited by yourself, by definition, no one can stop you from being happy.
100%
Not to say you don't need anyone.
That's why I believe some stoic practices should be learned by people. Marcus Aurelius says, "You have control over your mind and not over external events. Realize this, and you will find strength", and this also refers to loneliness. Not to say that we should be alone, but being at peace without depending on other people is an incredible tool everyone should be capable of enjoying.
@@hol.blackhole8888 if everyone committed to adopting and living by stoic principles, I believe the world would be healed. Meditations by Marcus Aurelius changed me
@@Micoolaw I'm glad for you! many stoic principles, emotional practices and mindsets can definitely help people handle life without suffering and struggling too much. I hope more and more become aware of it
As an introvert, alone time is self-care.
Being around people drains me so it impacts the quality of my work.
That’s hard, I’m a speech therapist. I have no choice but to be with another person when I work. 😅
Yes. I’m a lawyer and I have to talk to people a lot. I have to build in time alone.
I’m a stutterer please tell me any advice that you think works for almost every adult stutterer you’ve met in your practice. I’ll be grateful.❤️
Lmao imagine how doctors and layers feels about that 😂
@@DebraJohnson being a lawyer requires a lot of human interaction. I can’t imagine! It’s up to each individual to create our self-care habits to facilitate recharging.
Literally !!
Whenever I meet an elderly person that has been married for 40+ years, I always ask them what their secret to a long marriage is. And they ALWAYS say (I'm serious, every couple I have asked has said this) that having some time to yourself in the relationship is key, especially to do solo hobbies such as gardening, fixing up a car, or reading a good book on a quiet room.
To be fair, we should wait another 20 years to ask elderly couples in long marriages, because those of today often still are dependend on each other (in a bad way) or became married for financial security. The tip still applies, though, every person needs to live their own life to some degree.
I haven't been told this, but I've noticed it. I know two married couples that have lasted a long time, and in the older couple, she makes the food alone, and he has his hobbies that he does alone. They sometimes walk the dog alone too.
In the younger couple, the wife stays at home while he goes to a place where he can practice guitar.
I’m a life insurance agent and meet with about 3-7 elderly people a day, I can’t say I’ve ever gotten that response when asking this question. Interesting results! I’m curious if I ever have someone tell me that!
I think this is why I felt like I was thriving during stay at home orders in 2020. I had the perfect excuse to not see anybody and I pumped out a ton of creative work while learning anything I wanted in the process. Miss it.
As an only child, I always struggled with finding partners that did not take the wrong way my need to be alone, a lot. Until I found my current partner who completely got it, yes he is an only child too haha. People feel like we are too individualistic but it just works for us.
I have an older sibling but I always crave solitude after a night of being social even if its just a family gathering. I feel completely drained. So yeah dating is hard.
@@Shelly-kx2wz Yeah, I totalt relate
Another only child here. I've always needed time alone each day and get ratty without it.
Ah, how lovely! Blessings to you two, this helps me not give my hopes up. 😅
Is it special for only children, and any theory why? Thanks!
I love being alone which is surprising to most people. I’m a social introvert, I’m great with talking to people but it absolutely drains me. Ever since I was little I remember just daydreaming for hours on end. I can be perfectly content for hours in my own head
Most of my videos get written in my head when I'm in the shower. I'll run to my laptop to write them down 😂 Alone time is so important
Subscribed.
I just really want to hear Natalie's take on the shampoo thing.
As someone who does this... I honestly forget as soon as I turn off the shower lol.
No you don't.
@@nentendomofo I have ADHD, and I'm the same. Once it's out of sight, it's out of mind. Now I (try to) put it outside the shower on the floor as soon as I notice it's empty. Doesn't mean it'll make it to the recycling bin as soon as I get out of the shower, but chances are it will on my next trip to the bathroom when I spot it and remember.
I find it hard to believe they would still use shampoo bottles. Surely they've switched to shampoo bars by now?
Matt, if you haven't already, can you talk about healthy productivity vs toxic productivity and how it can lead to burnout? "Toxic productivity" is a conversation a lot of other RUclipsrs have been discussing lately, and so is "productivity guilt", which is something I have struggled with as well.
He made a video on burnout
YESSSSS🙌🙌🙌🙌
yesss
This is a good one
Good idea
So well put! Especially when meditation seems daunting, just a walk or listening to music (not being alone-but-on-social-media) can do the trick. I’m saving this one to share with my audience.
Really good to see one of my favorite RUclips creators commenting on one of my other favorite creators
@@trustthecurrent Absolutely!
It dose when you dont know what it will do for you
The new editor(s) is/are absolutely smashing it with the historical footage and other forms of b-roll. Well done, guys!
I actually edited this one haha. But our editor Spencer smashed the last vid and is working on the next one :)
@@mattdavella right on! Great work by both of you guys ;) Are you and Spencer splitting the duties going forward?
@@joshmoxey. F
@@ZaidIrfanKhan thank you for paying respects
@@joshmoxey., you're welcome; jk, I hope you don't mind.
I have been living on my own for the past 6 years and I LOVE IT!
How are you comfortable with it🙂.
I am moving for college soon and would be renting by myself but it's a bit scary to think of how I would spend most time alone without someone busting through my door😂
Same same i never trade my solitude and personal free space & time for anything in this world !
Also im not alone my indian loud ass neighbour's keep me company u could say lol
@@Hello-rq9yx You get used to it, I've lived alone for 8 years now and not sure i ever want to change it,
I almost preferred living alone as well. I could do my own thing whenever I wanted. My partner is next door having a strop watching tv.
@@Hello-rq9yx you will love it. You'll have all the friends or freedom you want. If anything, you'll be asking others to give you a chance to finish stuff for college deadlines lol. Wishing you all the best. You'll love it. Some of the best years of your life
Anyone who's going through a tough time right now, needs to know that they're not alone, and help is always there if you need it.
OMG, thank you so much Matt D'Avella .
Yes, sometimes we just want to disappear
All of us introverts are loving this video! 😆
While I do love meeting new people, I have a very limited social battery. Alone time for me is essential and a strict boundary I set when forming new relationships (business, friends, etc). That being said I do have to make sure I'm getting an equal balance as I have a tendency to seclude myself for long periods of time. I've found going out in nature on a nice walk helps that equilibrium of being outside while being able to reflect on my own thoughts
As the saying goes; "familiarity breeds contempt". It is actually really healthy for any relationship to take time to spend alone. This goes for friendships, marriage, parent/child, etc.
I've been watching you for years Matt. Thanks for the value you bring to my life. I appreciate you. 🙏
"Sit in a room and watch paint dry" - my favorite sport ever. Seriously though, I've been trying to explain this concept to so many people for years. Sadly, only I benefit from listening to the advice. 🧘
As a highschool student, I can confirm that studying in an isolated environment helps me to focus on my studies and get some serious stuff done.
Me too. I cannot get my head around the concept of group studies.
@@Shelly-kx2wz True bro.
Wait until you have your very own place all to yourself-it gets even better.
Spending time alone makes me appreciate spending some time with others.💗 taking 30 min walks alone each day does wonders!
My partner and I have started sleeping in separate bedrooms most nights a week. We both are sleeping better, waking up the way we want to, feel more like ourselves and really value the nights we do sleep together. We actually "miss" each other and naturally pick the nights we want to be together. It has been incredibly helpful.
Interesting
YESSSSS! My partner and I have always slept in separate bedrooms since we moved in together. We both get great sleep as a result, he doesn't have to deal with me taking up the bed and I don't have to deal with his snoring. It's amazing and we both feel way more comfortable having our own rooms to sleep in. I didn't realize how much this was something I needed until I met him and he suggested it because we were both struggling so much with sleep at the beginning of our relationship. I don't think I'll ever be able to sleep comfortably next to another person ever again 😂
So which one of you is cheating then?
When we have a place that's big enough, that's something my boyfriend and I are planning on doing as well.
@@AJ-dl2by who says you have to sleep in the same bed as your partner??
Truth. I'm an introvert with social anxiety, so I have a funny relationship with being. There's a fine line between being alone and being lonely. But being alone stimulates me, energizes me and I've come up with some of my most creative ideas alone. Socializing helps us get to know each other, but being alone you can get to know yourself
True, its all about balancing the two.
I think one of the main reasons people struggle with being alone is because of a fear of thought. Being alone means listening to the demons in their head. As Matt clearly showcases in this video, there are so many benefits to being alone, and more importantly, you don't deserve that kind of talk. Forgive yourself, and accept that no one is perfect. I believe in you 💙
Can we all agree that when He uploads our days get better! 💖
Ok verified
@@Crew7340 he uses subbots
@@FurretAnimationsIsEpic I know
Yes!
No……
A well fed person is better off not eating sometimes.
Hands down the best advice couples can get. Spending time alone & apart does improve time together. Matt should be a relationship coach
- I just want to let anyone who’s reading this, and going through a tough time know that it’s going to be okay. You’ll get through it! ✨
No they won’t
@@TomTomTom87 yes they will.
@@shehryar6928 Maybe
@@EddyTritten i said this because i've experienced it myself. Before, i used to think it won't.
Thank you
The timing of this video is perfect! Over the past few days I have started focusing on my alone time and loving myself more.
Thanks Matt, for your thoughtful words. A nice way to end the day.
I've always said I'm better off alone I'm very self aware and know myself. For some reason others finding it offensive me wanting my alone time I'm introverted and people drain the life out of me. I need to recharge. Plus my most creative and brightest ideas come out when I'm alone. I get more things done without distractions. I'm much more happier in solitude. I just broke up with my gf because she is so smothering and clingy I just can't do it. I've mentioned I need my space several times and she thought it was stupid and pointless. I felt like a prisoner. No respect. I leave💯
Since the lockdown I really do appreciate being alone, because this way I can focus on myself and my goals (fitness etc)
Friends can be a negative distraction then, when they do not understand your lifestyle and just want to Drink all the time.
Sometimes you have to evolve on your own, when it is clear, you have outgrown people.
Would be so nice to see a Video about that topic !
Kudos to you! Keep crushing it and chasing excellence!
Matt: if you've ever felt happier alone, you aren't alone
Me: OH NO
Thank you for this today. It is nice to hear from others that it is ok to be alone. I used to think that I had to seek out people all the time and when I was alone I was so sad and constantly needed distraction through people. This I realized was actually because I had a lot of unhealed pain that I was afraid to deal with. It has been a very painful but rewarding process but it is definitely worth it and I have a lot easier time being alone now! Blessings to everyone, Full Watch! 💠💠
This speaks to me deeply as a full-time mother living with hubby and son at home almost 24/7.
This reminds me of a book I read some time ago - "Solitude" by Anthony Store. Everyone expresses this need differently, but I've always found a strong relationship between nature and the solitude of a walk in a park (or a long hike) to be beneficial.
Straight FACTS! Being alone really helped me understand myself better and did wonders for my creativity 🌟❤
The closing was very well done 👏🏼 providing a script and tying everything together with the shampoo and alone time!
Love the vid Matt, keep up the great work!
Completely agree! When I was in my last relationship I needed to be alone at times to recharge. Especially since we were living together. My favorite alone time was spent in our bedroom. I would pick up a book for one hour a day. Made such a difference for my mood and when I was done with that hour of reading my brain went ”I wonder what (insert name) is doing”. Really helpful! 🙂
Being alone (and quiet) is so beneficial for me personally. It's the only time I can actually listen to my mind. Honestly these days it makes me uncomfortable at first which is quite sad. Mostly because I'm not at all used to it.
Did you ever drift off into a world of imagination that you later apply into your real life
not hear how little🍲🥘🍳🥚🥙🌯🌮
and when she went 🏸🏓🏒🏑🏏🎳🎱
The grandmother lived 👄👅🧠👁👀👣👃
omg this is EXACTLY what I needed right at this very moment of my life. I APPRECIATE YOU AND AM SO GRATEFUL FOR YOUR VIDEOS MATT!!!
Love this and the timing of this message after a crazy morning at work. I clicked on this video when I needed a short break from it all!
“Basically anything but plumb” 😆😭
As an introvert, I love this video and agree that alone time is so important for creativity.
That's why I love waking up early in the morning before my wife and children. I need to have time for myself and I found out that running is just amazing.
Alone time is a great skill to hone. Something also to note - as a remote worker, I occasinally enjoy quietly working together with friends in a public setting. We timebox focused work, then shut the laptops for some chatting/food/drink. There's also kind of a motivator with that "separate together" time. Thanks for these insights!
Thanks for sharing
Ooh, this is nice to hear. Thank you for sharing, Matt!
I really appreciate this video more than you know. I am definitely going through a tough time~ family loss, mom has stage 4 breast cancer, and upcoming divorce (and loss that comes with it). A lot of the information mentioned here have been helping me get through the toughest time for me which is waking up in the morning (knowing that I'll never be with my wife in the future and my family member).
Thank you, Matt. I am glad to have come across your channel years ago
Yup, I'm learning this more and more. I've always been an introvert but tried to be open to new experiences and people.
The more I did this, the more I realized that a large chunk of people are flaky trash that only want shit from you as opposed to anything resembling actual friendship. So I stopped. I feel much better now
"Does the outer space in which we dissolve taste of us at all?" - Rilke is the best.
Amen my nan Matt! That video came right on time where my lady is so swamp with daily stresses, work, daughter going to college soon and her mother to support. She has no more time for me or for herself so I am out the equation until she can breathe and see me again. I am copy/pasting this link to her and we will both watch it individually. She needs to find that 15 minutes of alone time and for myself, I got all the alone time I need to grow and be creative now. As a minimalist myself, it is sometimes hard to remember to be a minimalist for others. Cheers Matts
I read the title of the video and I was scared something happened in your personal life. I’m glad that everything is going wonderfully! 😁
This dude really doesn't miss.
This entire video it seems like Matt it's dropping a hint for his wife do not let empty shampoo in the bathroom haha
Or apologising for snapping about the shampoo thing
After almost 4 months with a broken arm in the peak of the pandemic in germany i found out that taking walks is one of the most beneficial things i ever discovered. If you have the possibility of taking a walk in nature please do it. i had the most difficult time in my life and long walks really helped me. And as a nice side benefit it is also healthy for your heart. Trust me
You give such education..... It's really gonna change my life.... Love you bro....
Been alone for years now. I make friends instantly but never sustain friendships. I just can never relate on a deeper level. I want to be a millionaire, that drive alone cancels out 99% of those I want to be friends with.
My wife and I go as far as to sleep in separate rooms for most days of the week. We are a happy young couple, but we found that sleeping apart improved our moods, significantly reduced the times we argued about silly daily things, and made the days we slept together more interesting. This is probably due to the effect mentioned by Matt. But also, by getting the extra space in bed we have more restful nights, and we wake up more energised. It's a win-win.
@@_davidfoster_ lol David, different things work for different people. I've absolutely found that sleeping separately is excellent for my well being. I'm an incredibly light sleeper and always have a terrible sleep when in the same bed as someone else. Having a good sleep is so important to health and mood! You might get an amazing restful sleep while sharing a bed, but for some of us the opposite is true :)
My husband and I have been married for 38 years and have slept in separate rooms for the last 15 years. We sleep much better alone and enjoy “ couple time” even more!!
@@_davidfoster_ big oof.
Glad I'm not the only one who thought having their own bedroom while living together is a good idea.
So thankful for this video. It totally expresses, how I feel! While having a third grader, a three month old baby, one dog and two cats at home - there is no alone time and I crave some minutes alone. So definitely gonna work on this one!
All these things needed to be said, thank you!
I love the commute I do these days I am by myself for an hour it's great for my time. SOMETIMES. Once in a while, it goes to Dark places.
"Spend more time in the bathroom until our legs fall asleep"
I feel called out XD
Much needed video for me atm, was feeling so stressed and alone but it's the push i needed to realize alone space is what we need to grow sometimes.
This content is so relatable and helpful nowadays. Great topic, Matt! 👍🏻✨
Hey gotta say I love the videos because they really are works of art, but Matt should start adding a source list or document. Some of this is very scientific and interesting and therefore should have a source list so that the viewers can make up the their own mind on the more factual stuff.
Not saying that I don’t trust Matt but many people who spreads false information often say stuff like “a study found that BLANK does BLANK” without showing the study or source.
Like this so that Matt sees it
completely agree
i found the first study mentioned but couldn't find the second study, hoping that matt adds the references in future videos
Nguyen, Thuy-vy T., Richard M. Ryan, and Edward L. Deci. "Solitude as an approach to affective self-regulation." Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 44.1 (2018): 92-106.
All that is true, but in the end, staying alone for 15 minutes is much easier, than staying alone for almost forever, struggling to spend even a bit of time with people you like, because they do not care. I think we don't have any scientific papers for that :)
I don't know why, but your videos always leave me with a calm feeling. And a lot of times give me motivation or clearance to tackle what I need to do.
Honestly, this is comforting to know. Thanks for the valuable content, this is why I'm subscribed to you man.
My Creativity skyrockets when I'm solo.
*_Deep Work_* by _Cal Newport_ would be a great read if you want to know more about benefits of being/working alone.
Matt's videos are sooooooo addictive!!!! I cannot stop clicking on one video after another!
I watched this video twice. The first one by myself just usual, the second IN THE LIVING ROOM CRANKING THE VOLUME ALLLL THE WAY UP. Thank you, Matt!
Thanks for reminding me ✨ sometimes I just want a hug
*Internet hug* 😊
@@mattdavella 🤍
perfect timing! I was just thinking about it.
I really enjoyed this video and thank you for making it. I find myself craving alone time on a daily basis and always felt a bit weird about it. This explains it better than I ever could.
I need to spend more time alone like I used to, it really does realign me and I forget to nurture the relationship with myself so thank you for this reminder
The real question is: why WOULDN'T you keep the empty shampoo bottle in the shower? It's totally wet, if you throw it away directly, you drown your rubbish bin. Let it dry and THEN throw it away.
Or add more water and use atleast one more time???? You crazy but I love it
Matt: “We don’t need to take an entire day off to see some of the benefits of being alone.”
Me: *taking the entire day off *
😂😂😂😂😂
Such a great video Matt! Thank you a ton for making it. We discussed it with my SO and both agreed on importance of being alone.
Thanks for this video Matt! Really needed to hear this at this time in my life 🙏🏻
I'm miserable when I am alone. Being unable to be my own "accountability partner" and tend to spiral into chaotic depression. Social media makes it worse because the endorphins say," hey. I have lots of friends." In contrast, my rational side says my pocket friends are similar to eating a seemingly great meal only to find it is devoid of any nutritional value and calories I need to survive.
Same for me too 😔. Personally I found that I'm at my best state when in the presence of company but we are all focused on something else. It's not as stimulating as chatting or working together, but not as isolating and secluded as being completely alone even for a little bit 🤷🏾♀️.
Is there a word for that?
@@deborahmutombo7224 I'm not sure, but I understand exactly what you mean.
I used to be really miserable too, I hated how nobody texted me. But quitting social media really helped (or at least a year detox)
*Alone is where my clarity comes*
Tuning out of the noise of the world is truly where I’m about tune into my own inner wisdom. ✨
Much love from a small creator 🤗
I thought about this numerous times but never heard someone put it into words like this ✨🙌
Loved this and thank you for sharing the research behind it!
70% of the time I want to be alone.
20% of the time I want to be with others.
10% of the time I want to be with my pets.
@@dg7183 just read this back and not sure what I was on about to be fair it’s more like
80% on my own, with my pets
20% I want to be with others
As a (perpetually) single person that is also a huge introvert, I imagine having a relationship is like having a cool app on your phone that happens to drain your battery like crazy. Not the type of apps I use. "Honey, I love you very much, but energy wise, I can only tolerate you for like 1-2 hours per day." Doubt that will go over well.
It is not the shampoo, it is something it symbolizes that annoys you.
this is such a good metaphor
It’s funny you say that because I’m an introvert too and the only person who doesn’t drain my social battery, no matter how much time I spend with her, is my partner. Everyone else though, I have to limit my time with 😬
You've been my favourite youtuber for more than a year now, but this Bob Vance reference has brought my relationship with this channel to a whole new level
Hi Matt, Thank you for this video. The mind does need time to recharge so we can be at our best in other areas in our lives and I feel that this applies to everyone.
Get better at being alone and understanding yourself and you will end up better at being with other people and understanding them because you know exactly who you are at your core and can interact with the world open and honestly
I don’t know man, I been alone for 22 years (since I was born). And I feel like I want friends that I can count with any time and a relationship with someone I would love as well. I can’t keep doing this I need people in my life it makes me sad being alone all the time.
I can relate ... the problem is people like Matt aren t alone they choose time to be alone and other times they aren t
Of course we need friends, we are social animals, having some alone time is important, but also having people you trust and can rely is just as important there has to be balance that works for you, I’m in the same boat as you (same age also) now that I broke up with my gf, I play recreational flag football on the weekends, I socialize, have fun and meet new people, I’m also trying to join a sports team, I want to be apart of a group, I also have been very lucky to one friend that I can talk to rely on
That one picture is actually SO adorable. no better word to describe it
This video notification popped up as soon I was telling my girlfriend how I feel abandoned by my family and super alone and I think I needed this.
Just a reminder for my fellow introverts, it's 100% okay to spend more time solo! In order to truly have a positive impact on the world and make the moves that you're after, you have to first and foremost prioritize yourself, your growth and your energy - otherwise you're on an unsustainable path to burnout, which helps no one. You can't fill up anyone else's cup if yours is empty! ☕ Also, coffee.
*To all the dreamers out there, don't ever let the world's negativity disenchant you or your spirit. If you surround yourself with love and right people, ANYTHING is possible...*
I needed to hear this today. Thank you for the life lesson
I agree with you 100%. I sometimes take full days off so I’m at home alone for a few hours. I feel so much better when I do. They are Me days 🙂
This video is so promising for us introverts! We spend 23h and 45 min alone and 15 with others and not the other way around :) And oh yeah, I love it! Nothing that I love more than the quality time I spend with myself! Much love everyone! xx
Yess
Going your own way really helps you understand who you want to be as a person. Ignore the noise. Be yourself
Yesssssssss. I do agree completely. Time on my own!
Thanks for making these videos and keeping us sane. 🙏🙌