017: Ask David - Dare to be “average”-The perfectionist’s script for self-defeat

David answers a challenging question posed by a listener:
Dear Dr. David:
In your Feeling Good Handbook, you suggest that the reader just allows himself or herself to be an ordinary person instead of trying to be perfect. Contrary to your opinion in the book, you're an outstanding therapist in reality. You’ve studied in one of the world’s top colleges, you’re well-educated with a doctor degree, and successful in your career and life. How can I believe your claim? I'm quite confused!
Sincerely, XXX
David first distinguishes perfectionism from the healthy pursuit of excellence, and then describes a painful incident when he was a Stanford medical student. One afternoon, he attended an afternoon Gestalt encounter group at the home of a friend and mentor in Palo Alto. During the group he was ripped to shreds by the other participants. At the end of the group, the other participants seemed elated, but he felt intensely humiliated, ashamed, and discouraged. This led to an unexpected interaction with his mentor that helped to change his life.
David also discusses his clinical work years later with a depressed and anxious professional who had never experienced even one minute of happiness in spite of a life of fabulous success and achievements.
At the end, David and Fabrice promise a future podcast on this topic: “Self-Esteem: What is it? How do I get it? How can I get rid of it once I’ve got it?”

[@eversunnyguy]

Great podcast. Being average is such a great technique to beat perfectionism. I tried it and I am amazed at the results. I achieved a lot more being 'average' rather than shooting for stars (high standards). Paradoxically, being average first motivated me to move to the next level. "It is important to do than to do well"

[@daviddbmd]

Thanks, may read on a podcast. Warmly, david

[@nietzsche4342]

David is certainly the greatest psychologist in the world. Greetings from Italy.

[@happysky7964]

Um. Hearing about how extremely successful wealthy people feel better showing their vulnerable sides isn’t really what I feel this was supposed to be about and it makes me feel worse. Thanks.

[@daviddbmd]

I'm so sorry that the podcast was not helpful for you and that you actually felt worse. The methods I've developed can be even more helpful for people with very few resources, so I hope you'll keep listening for more stories and maybe find some approaches that will be helpful to you. Today we are recording a podcast on self-esteem, which should be published on August 26, 2024. If you are in the States, you could also take a free ride on the new Feeling Great App! There are tons of free resources on my website "feelinggood.com"

[@wednesdayschild3627]

Jesus said, the first shall be last, and the last shall be first.