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Wow! Amazing video, such a real topic in many people's lives and is hardly ever spoken about. Im 16 years old and I often feel out of the moment. I think it's due to a more cautious part of me that suppresses real emotions and thoughts just because I'm thinking too much of the consequences of my actions in the moment. This normally ends in me regreting what I did over what I wanted to do. However sometimes I find myself in a state where I'm consciously ignoring the cautious part of my brain and act more fluently and happy of my actions. haha I've realized that I enjoy writing about how I'm feeling, I'm probably going to start a diary now. This channel makes me think a lot, thanks The the School of Life and keep up the great videos.👍
So I have a first cousin. I've never seen her and I've only spoken to her on the phone. About a year ago, at the age of 8, she died. But i didn't feel ANY ...remorse? Sadness? Feeling? I mean even though I don't really know her shouldn't i feel something? I just felt like i had heard about a random person dying in the news, frankly, i didn't care. It didn't affect me at all. In fact, whenever my parents bring up the topic, i even feel slightly annoyed that i have to act sad for two minutes., and that always makes me feel so guilty. Thanks for sharing this video though, because it helped me understand that other people feel this way too. I've always felt like a horrible person for thinking the way i did, but i can't really help it ya know? You can't control your emotions. I don't really know what i expected, but I'd really appreciate it if someone could reply giving me advice, reassurance, something
@@thomasthetankengine2653 people take death in many different ways, I know ppl that can hear about a random person's death and develop the feeling of loss and start crying. My point is you don't have to feel anything deep towards your cousin dying, especially if you didn't know her. I think as long as you prefer your cousin being alive to dead that should make you human enough if that makes sense. Like as long as your not thinking you don't care if your cousin is dead or alive. Because I think that every morally correct person should hope that people who don't deserve death should not die before they've lived a full life.
@@robotic.justice No i mean obviously i think that, but i mean i still feel like it's just wrong to not feel bad. But thanks, it was nice to hear that it's ok to feel the way i do from someone
I have this issue with receiving gifts. I am grateful for the gift, but often times the gift-giver is expecting more of an emotional reaction from me than I provide.
I can relate to that but I tend to fake reactions most of the time, I’ve been doing it for a while now so I’m used to it. What bothers me is that I feel uncomfortable receiving gifts. Like it’s a burden and especially when I receive a valuable gift. I always reject at first but people think I’m just doing it out of courtesy and force me to accept them. Sigh
I have this problem in general, not just with gifts, Michael Jay - Value Investing, often not even understanding how people expect me to feel. My friends accept this as just the how I am. This is a handicap in some ways, but after a lifetime, I have learned ways to navigate. At least it keeps me intrinsic.
@TheChrispyGamer I believe, there would certainly be lots of smiles and wholesome lifes. With a sense of belonging and outstanding wisdom, not only about the ideal behaviour with others, regardless from their personality, however, also a great self knowledge of what may help in coping with the problems that inevitably life brings us.
The very reason I hate celebrations, birthdays, weddings or any formal occasion really. You're always expected to feel a certain way and to behave in a certain manner, when in reality you never feel like it. You're tired, sad, depressed and anxious, but no one cares as long as you're there.. and you make sure to put the brightest smile on your face. It hurts cause you feel very fake and insincere towards others, even more so cause you're not being true to yourself. I really do wish we could embrace this diversity of minds and chaos of emotions, and be more understanding when people, in fact, don't give us a reaction we normally expect; or allow them not to come when they don't feel like being there. PLEASE! make that happen.
Davidci Codex I feel you. For years I’ve been having suppressed feelings about many events happening in my life. Not sure if you feel the same but it’s like what’s happening at the moment isn’t really happening...
This is why I try to be as vulnerable whenever I watch movies so that I can truly feel anything. Whenever I have the time to face the TV, no matter who is around me or am alone, I let my guards down. Just the other day I was watching A Beautiful Mind on HBO. It was a good cry for me and laugh at the same time.
this wasn't exactly about what I thought it was going to be, I thought it was going to be about the feeling that at certain events the present feels like it'ss not happening to you, that it's "not real", that it's like "a movie" and you feel detached. it has happened to me a lot, and on different kinds of events, from job interviews to parties. I remember being there, but I didn't "feel" like I actually was there and the thing actually happened to me. I remember it in the same "external" way I remember a movie or a book, not like "real things that feel like they really happened to me". I don't know how to explain it better.
Same here. I moved to one of european capitals a YEAR ago and still cannot comprehend it. Cannot believe that, already, I've been with my boyfriend for more than 4 years and that my best friend gave birth to a child almost a year ago...Just seems so crazy, all of it
Now whenever I am going through an emotional crisis, I tend to ponder or selftalk in the narrator's voice in my head. It might not help to solve the problem but surely calms me down enough to think about the solution.
I usually have this self talk mentally while taking a walk as well. Your body gets moving and it kinda processes my thoughts easier/faster. I come up with solutions to either a problem or dilemma. But sometimes I just realize something comes without a solution because there is no solution needed. Accepting that is sometimes the hardest part.
Wanna swap thoughts? My mind is sick, twisted and lost. *slaps head* Sales man: "this bad boy will have you wanting to die in 3 seconds flat" Hahahaha just kidding......help hahahaha seriously..... 😐
fialovanna I recently found something that help me deal w those mean voices. I just repeat to myself three times: “The evil spirits are liars” “The evil spirits are liars” “The evil spirits are liars” Or any form of that. Like “The bad feelings are lying” x3 Always in threes tho, for more power. Oh & tell yourself that “You are powerful” or “They (/the mean voices) are nothing compared to you” Again, always say it three times in a row to yourself. Eventually saying it so much makes your brain believe it & it becomes true that way. I hope this helped!
see what feeling is ur inner voice expressing through that mean comment and just embrace it, hug it like it were a child crying, most likely it will fade away
Happy birthday dearest School of Life! I am writing exactly at one past twelve:- ) Thank you so much for the 640 life changing lessons you have offered to us, for the wisdom and clarity you keep bringing into our lives, for all the beautiful art work in your videos, for Alain's wonderful and truly consoling voice which became a part of our inner world and for creating such a beautiful community here where we feel that we really belong. Many kisses and hugs!
I think having low expectations in regards to the emotions we will feel is good for making us take steps towards our goals. High expectations in regards to our emotions can lead to disappointment.
That's the reason everyone telo me to stop being a pessimist. Having high expectation being crushed feels way worst than having them complete. And having low expectations being done is the best feeling ever in the world, and when not done, they don't hurt at all...
Thank you for this video. I am very detached from my positive feelings, at least in the moment I am supposed to feel them, and often get the feedback that I do not function right. That I am weird and something is wrong with me. Or the other person involved thinks I am sad or ungrateful or arrogant and our relationship is tainted. And thus I get even more detached based on those negative reactions. It's a downward spiral that started in early childhood. I am really thankful for this video
I really needed this , I've always felt like I never feel anything completely I always be distracted on why I'm not feeling the moment wether it's sad or happy and be constantly overthinking the thought of why I'm not feeling the moment
does anyone else here regognize the phenomenon called depersonization. the thing where say at a party you suddenly go blank. like a machine that runs out of code. then you feel like time goes on without you and you cant really enjoy the moment anymore. being drunk boosts it often in my experience
i suppose i wish i was more sensitive and emotional when it comes to the occasion. One night I broke down in tears after years of never crying. that gave me a huge sense of empathy for anyone who cries these days.
What the heck?! Why does this video seems talking about me? How does it get on point? I'm having a goosebumps. Thank you School of Life for the learnings! As always, this channel is amazing! 😍😍😍
You spoke my heart . Maybe it is my procrastination but I just saved this vid in my playlist as I know that it is truly helpful . But I also know that this is a deception as I probably wont watch it
Your channel and content is slowly but surely helping me to identify the pieces, pick them up and make them whole again. Words do not nor cannot do justice for how much you've helped me grow as a confused individual. I love you guys keep doing what you're doing Love from Perth :)
One that always gets me about funerals is that I have no belief in an afterlife so therefore it is the end for the person who has dead, yet the people who do believe seem to mourn more and because of their belief I would have thought at least for them the essence or soul has survived so they will meet again at some point and death is not final.
Sometimes it makes sense for it to be socially unacceptable to completely lose control over your emotions... it would be awkward seeing people raging and crying hysterically in the street. We need some semblance of peace and stability, even if that peace comes from pushing down our TRUE feelings. Gonna go cry into a pillow now.
Nothing wrong with letting it out every now and then - like hitting the pressure release valve. It's even better if you have a nice sturdy shoulder to cry on. 👌
'it would be awkward seeing people raging and crying hysterically in the street' Would it really be awkward, or do we live in a society to teaches us that this kind of behaviour is unacceptable? If you don't accept that raging and crying are normal aspects of being human, then you're going to reject them in others. I'm not suggesting we all breakdown spontaneously in public, but it bears thinking about a little deeper I think. Many countries engage in public mourning, taking to the streets after the deaths of loved ones, to wail and cry amongst each other. I can imagine it is cathartic, to be safe to be 'seen' in this way, rather than bottle these feelings up. Just a thought anyway.
I grew up on a farm with lots of animals so it was normal when one of them died, but now I have a very hard time feeling much when anyone I know dies because it's always been normal for me. I know this will be lost in the comments, but this video felt spot on.
I have my moments of "not feeling" when I enter family arguments or talks over serious matters. I have found it useful to keep a cool head while everyone else is angry or upset.
After the death of my grandfather (who had cancer and was in extreme pain before dying), I said to my father (who lost his father) that this death is not altogether bad, at least grandfather is free of pain and suffering. But my dad started screaming at me that I shouldn't say that because that is just not something you say when people die. It was and still is quite confusing that with all of our free speech and open-mindedness we still have rules and taboos on what we are allowed to feel and say in certain situations. And if we cannot even accept ourselves as a person with feelings that might not be perfect for the occasion, how can we accept other people...
"Free speech and open-mindedness" or "rules and taboos" aren't really the issues here; your words (regardless of how true they are) were insensitive to your father's grief.
Jordan I could say the same thing about the father's screaming. He was being insensitive to her honest attempt to comfort him, regardless of how distraught he was.
some times others just force us to pressure ourselves to the breaking point after which ... we simply go numb emotionally. nothing anymore is worth anything anymore. sadness is just the lack of a brain dopamine doze and there is no reason to be happy crying should ease sadness but there are no tears to drop anymore anger is the result from pressure and stress yet there is no point for it anymore fear is the main defense system mechanism to trigger our natural flight flee or freeze yet survival is not a priority anymore. when you are beyond you threshold it means whoever forced you to reach this point now created a solid walking corpse. you feel no happiness, no sadness, no anger, no boredom, no lonely and no need for partners. existing in itself becomes pointless. the living are dead more than the dead in their own graves. when you reach that point ... no more smiling or laughter , no more tears shed over anything, no joy in doing anything, no hunger or thirst for anything no desire to hold into anything or getting rid of anything. you have been pushed so hard your nerves capacity to keep you "feeling" human had died. and it's not your fault either it's those around you whom are at fault. so not living in a moment where you "should be" feeling something is justify able because simply put you were deprived of the right to feel anything in exchange for "never appreciated" hard work and success. you reach your old goals and become what you always wanted to be yet .. it's pointless all of it. you can never bake a cake to the point of its burning and then eating it when it became nothing but ash. you may bake the perfect cake and add to its its perfect toppings but once you bring it to yourself it will never be what you had expected because all the work you put into it , is simply put not worth it. small victories do not matter as long as they simply fade away. what matters are the permanent victories.
The great renewal of the world will perhaps consist in this, that men and women, freed of all false feelings and reluctances, will seek each other not as opposites, but as brother and sister, as neighbors, and will come together as human beings.
I think a major cause of this is worrying too much about the future and or not letting go of the past. The day I stoped following my ego is the day I felt I was living in the moment. Life is a gift so enjoy it! Yesterday is history, tommorow is a mystery and uncertain but today is the present. Live on the moment and enjoy it to the fullest!!
I cried when my grandad died last year but now thinking back I just laugh about it. I broke up with my girlfriend yesterday and I don’t feel anything at all. My mom was diagnosed with severe lung cancer two months ago and I don’t know how to react to that either. I don’t cry about it and I don’t seem to even feel sad. It’s absurd and messed up, that’s why I need an explanation for my inappropriate reactions and feelings because those are people very close to my heart, people I love..
This explains so much in my life. I feel out of touch about 80% of the time. These videos have helped so much especially during the lockdown, I have learnt to lean in and experience my emotions.
I don't say this much but I love you all from The School Of Life! It's like somenone is finally there to give answers to all uncertainties of my life. I feel accepted. Thank you for what you do.
I am practicing to feel my own emotion and acknowledge that. It’s difficult after neglecting it since my childhood. But now I am getting. Only difficulty is that it’s hard to be understood by others. People acquired it without struggles that I just cannot say “I’m practicing how to connect to my emotions”
I totally feel this often the times. the "not feeling the right feelings at the moment", but felt it after or sooner. :( being branded as Killjoy in the group because I do not conform to their likes and feelings at the moment. Now, I understand more. Thank you!
i used to not understand how some people can tear up so quickly from a sad story or be so happy from seeing something they like. I rarely 'feel' when im supposed to, but recently (since at least 5 years) I met a girlfriend whom I can be totally vulnerable to, for the first time in what feels like forever, I cried in tears while telling her I love her the first time. It is as if years of suppressed emotions finally decides to let loose, removing the 'hide' for once as described in the video... good video. I wish I can feel more but i guess this is part of being an adult in todays society?
my family puts this kind of pressure on me constantly, as i don't immediately react to life events (holidays, births, deaths, etc). their expectations are so high because they tend to do the opposite, and over-attribute importance and overreact to some of these (birthdays especially). It's pushed me away from them over the years and now i dread events with them. I think they find me to be some kind of unfeeling monster, but the truth is it takes me a while to process things, and I have a lot of walls up from childhood on. I've never heard this summed up so perfectly as in this video.
guys i finally found my second family that are you .. i am not feeling alone any more and now i can express y feelings probably i will find a dear friend here and the talk will begin luv all of u
This is exactly how i feel on my birthday, nothing bugs me more than being expected to feel or react a certain way because its the social norm, i tell people not to get me anything and to not make a thing of it, but then when they inevitably do, they look angered or offended that i'm not prancing around like a 5 yr old that's just been told they are going to disney world. Fake it to fit in, or stay true to yourself, what does one do?
It's all in your head! If you think your not feeling in the moment is because your making yourself! Tell yourself I'm living in the moment and emotions also are a major part!
I loved this! This answered many questions and insecurities I've had in many situations especially understanding others and I think this will really help me in respecting others' feelings or lack there of. Thankyou schooloflife ! :)
I've always been slow to adapt to the outside world and as a defensive mechanism tend to go inside my shell first before coming out and examining the situation when others are too busy to watch.
On top of that, if someone knows that they are not feeling or behaving in a social situation the way that they 'should', it can exacerbate the 'not-being-in-the-moment' by way of firing up the self criticism.
it's very unusual to see people think of our reactions the same like others in occasions or in part in our lifes cause the past is the reason that builded our personality which rule over our feelings towards them.
Tbh I thought I was the only one who felt this way. That I was weird or a freak for not feeling “in the moment” alotta the time. Depression doesn’t help.
Being in the moment all the time is a really big challenge, especially when someone has things to worry about. That's why it's easier to be in the moment as a child. As an adult, there's a lot more you have to worry about in life and it just allow it to suck us in out of the moment.
Thank you ! The school of life , you make wonderful videos !! I really find your content very touching and impactful ! I find that you people are doing a great , by helping people sail through things in life , that they find perturbing and puzzling . Please keep doing so ! Cheers !!
I'm having this problem right now. It is literally my favorite time of the year and usually I am super excited for Sept. and Oct. but I'm just not feeling it this year. Family is making Thanksgiving plans a nightmare, work is difficult, I feel a constant pressure that I should be doing more even though I'm very comfortable at the position I'm at. I haven't had a meaningful recharging vacation in over a year. (My last vacation was basically ruined by a hurricane and was extremely stressful). It's just super hard to get happy right now.
Have you tried meditating? It can be a good way to take time out and recharge when you can't physically get away. I find it often makes me feel good even when I can't resolve some issues it can make them a lot easier to deal with.
My entire life I've thought that I was weird because I am exactly like the person explained in this video. People always question my way of showing emotions, especially my family members, but I never seem to have the right answer because I myself don't know what is wrong with me. As much as I love them, I try to stay away from them as I don't want my lack of emotions to affect them, but then they start interrogating me, so I am forced to put on a fake act of feeling the same emotions as them, at which I suck completely and I hate doing it anyway. It's gotten to a point where my own dad (himself diagnosed with extreme narcissism) calls me mentally ill and I actually believed it and was considering visiting a psychologist. However, I now know that this is the way I am, and no amount of verbal abuse can change who I am (I have tried and failed at it anyway). Currently, I am looking for a job so that I can earn and move out because I don't want to disturb them like this. I also can't take the verbal abuse anymore, as it is now coming from my siblings too. Anyway, this video makes me feel less lonely. Thank you so much for this video.
We demand of ourselves, of others and others expect of us to feel a particular way at a particular time or event. God forbid someone should not cry at a loved one's funeral or not show demonstrable appreciation for a gift. This is so reductive as it actually reduces our natural responses to a particular moment. Maybe even forcing a moment onto ourselves or each other where no moment may even exist so instead of bringing us together. might even drive us further apart.
This is so weird.... Whatever the case is, The School of Life always has the answer for it. I just asked this myself this evening, I come home and find a new video.
My father was an alcoholic and my mother, who had her own business, was always working. I remember one night when I was 6 or 7 he came home drunk and he couldn’t make it up the stairs. He was complaining in a sort of whiny voice and then he said, “I’ve sh*t my pants”. My older sister was beside herself, I think she called my mother to come home, but I just sat there cross-legged on the floor about a foot from the tv, just concentrating on the screen. I’ve often wondered how I could be so stoic at that tender age.
I honestly get so so frustrated when people tell me to smile more, talk more, be more "cheerful" (such a loathed word) in social situations, ESPECIALLY by my parents. Sometimes I do feel like talking and interacting. Other times, when I too am just not "in the moment" I don't really want to interact and people around me think I'm depressed or something like wtf it's not even funny
I cannot discern between attempts of social engineering using same tools across contemporary media and political spectrum on one hand, and the new age of thought to be simply chill out, i.e how being cool with things, is the new age mantra against indifference which is considered opposite of love-hate duality.
Could you maybe make a video about feeling too much if you have not yet? Cause I struggle with that a lot and your videos always help me understand whats going on better :)
Depression is the greatest example of NEVER being in the moment. I chose to not participate in celebrating mothers day with my brothers, dad along with mom. I chose to exercise instead and they celebrated mothers day. I'm sure my mom was sad her oldest wasn't there for the first time in 35 years. Depression is the example go going numb and NEVER being in the moment.
I call it contextual vs phenomenological way of viewing emotions. Contextual way has more considerations for actions, facial expressions, gestures and mannerism, thoughts, as the ones defining emotions. Contextual way cares about WHEN you feel emotions, rather than what emotions you feel. Phenomenological way, on the other side, pays no attention to causes and reasons for emotions. It doesn't care about the context. Everything it cares about is what you feel. Not "what" in terms of things like "anger, anxiety, joy, calm, fear" etc. But "what" in terms of whether you can recognize an emotion, whether you felt it before. It pays no attentions also to what the emotions MEANS, but rather what it IS. I find phenomenological way much more useful in my everyday life.
Do you feel "in the moment"? Let us know in the comments below and sign up to our new newsletter and get 10% off your first online order of a book, product or class: bit.ly/2LayJ9F
Wow! Amazing video, such a real topic in many people's lives and is hardly ever spoken about. Im 16 years old and I often feel out of the moment. I think it's due to a more cautious part of me that suppresses real emotions and thoughts just because I'm thinking too much of the consequences of my actions in the moment. This normally ends in me regreting what I did over what I wanted to do. However sometimes I find myself in a state where I'm consciously ignoring the cautious part of my brain and act more fluently and happy of my actions. haha I've realized that I enjoy writing about how I'm feeling, I'm probably going to start a diary now. This channel makes me think a lot, thanks The the School of Life and keep up the great videos.👍
So I have a first cousin. I've never seen her and I've only spoken to her on the phone. About a year ago, at the age of 8, she died. But i didn't feel ANY ...remorse? Sadness? Feeling? I mean even though I don't really know her shouldn't i feel something? I just felt like i had heard about a random person dying in the news, frankly, i didn't care. It didn't affect me at all. In fact, whenever my parents bring up the topic, i even feel slightly annoyed that i have to act sad for two minutes., and that always makes me feel so guilty. Thanks for sharing this video though, because it helped me understand that other people feel this way too. I've always felt like a horrible person for thinking the way i did, but i can't really help it ya know? You can't control your emotions.
I don't really know what i expected, but I'd really appreciate it if someone could reply giving me advice, reassurance, something
@@thomasthetankengine2653 people take death in many different ways, I know ppl that can hear about a random person's death and develop the feeling of loss and start crying. My point is you don't have to feel anything deep towards your cousin dying, especially if you didn't know her. I think as long as you prefer your cousin being alive to dead that should make you human enough if that makes sense. Like as long as your not thinking you don't care if your cousin is dead or alive. Because I think that every morally correct person should hope that people who don't deserve death should not die before they've lived a full life.
@@robotic.justice No i mean obviously i think that, but i mean i still feel like it's just wrong to not feel bad. But thanks, it was nice to hear that it's ok to feel the way i do from someone
What book is this? Where do I buy this? This would make my life so much better.
God, even my feelings are procrastinating.
😂😂😂😂💔
I want to like but its at 420 blaze it
😔
😂😂😂
Ahh , I never related so much
I have this issue with receiving gifts. I am grateful for the gift, but often times the gift-giver is expecting more of an emotional reaction from me than I provide.
I can relate to that but I tend to fake reactions most of the time, I’ve been doing it for a while now so I’m used to it. What bothers me is that I feel uncomfortable receiving gifts. Like it’s a burden and especially when I receive a valuable gift. I always reject at first but people think I’m just doing it out of courtesy and force me to accept them. Sigh
same here...
I agree - it’s difficult to be charming and socially skilled if you are not. This goes for gift giver and receiver I imagine. Tricky.
I have this problem in general, not just with gifts, Michael Jay - Value Investing, often not even understanding how people expect me to feel. My friends accept this as just the how I am. This is a handicap in some ways, but after a lifetime, I have learned ways to navigate. At least it keeps me intrinsic.
You’re supposed to fake it so the other person feels better, act like you’re empathetic even if you aren’t
People from the School of Life: I LOVE YOU!!! And I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR YOUR EXISTENCE!!!
@TheChrispyGamer I believe, there would certainly be lots of smiles and wholesome lifes. With a sense of belonging and outstanding wisdom, not only about the ideal behaviour with others, regardless from their personality, however, also a great self knowledge of what may help in coping with the problems that inevitably life brings us.
Vrlo su melanholično prelepi :)
@@likbezlik vau srbin :)
The very reason I hate celebrations, birthdays, weddings or any formal occasion really. You're always expected to feel a certain way and to behave in a certain manner, when in reality you never feel like it. You're tired, sad, depressed and anxious, but no one cares as long as you're there.. and you make sure to put the brightest smile on your face.
It hurts cause you feel very fake and insincere towards others, even more so cause you're not being true to yourself.
I really do wish we could embrace this diversity of minds and chaos of emotions, and be more understanding when people, in fact, don't give us a reaction we normally expect; or allow them not to come when they don't feel like being there. PLEASE! make that happen.
Anne, I echo the same.
I actually feel the same....
I though I was the only to feel this way.
I hate formal days like weddings etc. Something fake about days out like these.
The problem is... it's not 'sometimes' anymore. It's actually most of the time now, wherein I just don't feel anything at all. I hate it.
Isn't hate a feeling? That will be 99.99, our next session will be tomorrow.
Same. Often times when I am outside I feel out of touch with reality and I have to focus on what I am doing.
That's probably because we're being overloaded with opinions and information from all sides due to media these days.
Davidci Codex I feel you. For years I’ve been having suppressed feelings about many events happening in my life. Not sure if you feel the same but it’s like what’s happening at the moment isn’t really happening...
This is why I try to be as vulnerable whenever I watch movies so that I can truly feel anything. Whenever I have the time to face the TV, no matter who is around me or am alone, I let my guards down. Just the other day I was watching A Beautiful Mind on HBO. It was a good cry for me and laugh at the same time.
this wasn't exactly about what I thought it was going to be, I thought it was going to be about the feeling that at certain events the present feels like it'ss not happening to you, that it's "not real", that it's like "a movie" and you feel detached. it has happened to me a lot, and on different kinds of events, from job interviews to parties. I remember being there, but I didn't "feel" like I actually was there and the thing actually happened to me. I remember it in the same "external" way I remember a movie or a book, not like "real things that feel like they really happened to me". I don't know how to explain it better.
Pelger sounds like dissociation or depersonalisation x
I can relate to this comment so much
Same here. I moved to one of european capitals a YEAR ago and still cannot comprehend it. Cannot believe that, already, I've been with my boyfriend for more than 4 years and that my best friend gave birth to a child almost a year ago...Just seems so crazy, all of it
IVE BEEN TRYING TO FIND SOMEONE WITH THIS PROBLEM AND I FINALLY FOUND YOU
Same here
Now whenever I am going through an emotional crisis, I tend to ponder or selftalk in the narrator's voice in my head. It might not help to solve the problem but surely calms me down enough to think about the solution.
That's a super cool idea, i wish i could save comments
I usually have this self talk mentally while taking a walk as well. Your body gets moving and it kinda processes my thoughts easier/faster. I come up with solutions to either a problem or dilemma. But sometimes I just realize something comes without a solution because there is no solution needed. Accepting that is sometimes the hardest part.
Can I hire you as a narrator of voices in my head? 💜 They would be far less mean.
fialovanna the perfect comment doesn’t exi-
Wanna swap thoughts?
My mind is sick, twisted and lost.
*slaps head*
Sales man: "this bad boy will have you wanting to die in 3 seconds flat"
Hahahaha just kidding......help hahahaha seriously..... 😐
fialovanna I recently found something that help me deal w those mean voices.
I just repeat to myself three times:
“The evil spirits are liars”
“The evil spirits are liars”
“The evil spirits are liars”
Or any form of that. Like “The bad feelings are lying” x3
Always in threes tho, for more power.
Oh & tell yourself that “You are powerful” or “They (/the mean voices) are nothing compared to you”
Again, always say it three times in a row to yourself. Eventually saying it so much makes your brain believe it & it becomes true that way.
I hope this helped!
see what feeling is ur inner voice expressing through that mean comment and just embrace it, hug it like it were a child crying, most likely it will fade away
"It's our expectations, not our emotions that is at fault." - Yup.
Happy birthday dearest School of Life! I am writing exactly at one past twelve:- ) Thank you so much for the 640 life changing lessons you have offered to us, for the wisdom and clarity you keep bringing into our lives, for all the beautiful art work in your videos, for Alain's wonderful and truly consoling voice which became a part of our inner world and for creating such a beautiful community here where we feel that we really belong. Many kisses and hugs!
I think having low expectations in regards to the emotions we will feel is good for making us take steps towards our goals. High expectations in regards to our emotions can lead to disappointment.
That's the reason everyone telo me to stop being a pessimist. Having high expectation being crushed feels way worst than having them complete. And having low expectations being done is the best feeling ever in the world, and when not done, they don't hurt at all...
You watch the same channels as me dude
"It all started in early childhood..." is how all School of Life videos seem to start
Cause it's true 🤧
Thank you for this video. I am very detached from my positive feelings, at least in the moment I am supposed to feel them, and often get the feedback that I do not function right. That I am weird and something is wrong with me. Or the other person involved thinks I am sad or ungrateful or arrogant and our relationship is tainted. And thus I get even more detached based on those negative reactions. It's a downward spiral that started in early childhood. I am really thankful for this video
I really needed this , I've always felt like I never feel anything completely I always be distracted on why I'm not feeling the moment wether it's sad or happy and be constantly overthinking the thought of why I'm not feeling the moment
does anyone else here regognize the phenomenon called depersonization. the thing where say at a party you suddenly go blank. like a machine that runs out of code. then you feel like time goes on without you and you cant really enjoy the moment anymore. being drunk boosts it often in my experience
I was just thinking about this yesterday. I swear School of Life reads my mind.
i suppose i wish i was more sensitive and emotional when it comes to the occasion. One night I broke down in tears after years of never crying. that gave me a huge sense of empathy for anyone who cries these days.
What the heck?! Why does this video seems talking about me? How does it get on point?
I'm having a goosebumps. Thank you School of Life for the learnings! As always, this channel is amazing! 😍😍😍
I don't feel like taking in this video, internalising it and learn from it right now
You spoke my heart . Maybe it is my procrastination but I just saved this vid in my playlist as I know that it is truly helpful . But I also know that this is a deception as I probably wont watch it
Your channel and content is slowly but surely helping me to identify the pieces, pick them up and make them whole again. Words do not nor cannot do justice for how much you've helped me grow as a confused individual. I love you guys keep doing what you're doing
Love from Perth :)
One that always gets me about funerals is that I have no belief in an afterlife so therefore it is the end for the person who has dead, yet the people who do believe seem to mourn more and because of their belief I would have thought at least for them the essence or soul has survived so they will meet again at some point and death is not final.
Sometimes it makes sense for it to be socially unacceptable to completely lose control over your emotions... it would be awkward seeing people raging and crying hysterically in the street. We need some semblance of peace and stability, even if that peace comes from pushing down our TRUE feelings. Gonna go cry into a pillow now.
Nothing wrong with letting it out every now and then - like hitting the pressure release valve. It's even better if you have a nice sturdy shoulder to cry on. 👌
Can't agree anymore
'it would be awkward seeing people raging and crying hysterically in the street'
Would it really be awkward, or do we live in a society to teaches us that this kind of behaviour is unacceptable?
If you don't accept that raging and crying are normal aspects of being human, then you're going to reject them in others.
I'm not suggesting we all breakdown spontaneously in public, but it bears thinking about a little deeper I think.
Many countries engage in public mourning, taking to the streets after the deaths of loved ones, to wail and cry amongst each other. I can imagine it is cathartic, to be safe to be 'seen' in this way, rather than bottle these feelings up. Just a thought anyway.
@@simeon54 very insightful thought right there;)
I grew up on a farm with lots of animals so it was normal when one of them died, but now I have a very hard time feeling much when anyone I know dies because it's always been normal for me. I know this will be lost in the comments, but this video felt spot on.
I have my moments of "not feeling" when I enter family arguments or talks over serious matters. I have found it useful to keep a cool head while everyone else is angry or upset.
After the death of my grandfather (who had cancer and was in extreme pain before dying), I said to my father (who lost his father) that this death is not altogether bad, at least grandfather is free of pain and suffering. But my dad started screaming at me that I shouldn't say that because that is just not something you say when people die.
It was and still is quite confusing that with all of our free speech and open-mindedness we still have rules and taboos on what we are allowed to feel and say in certain situations. And if we cannot even accept ourselves as a person with feelings that might not be perfect for the occasion, how can we accept other people...
Quick Fix - Thought Provoking Videos He's now at a worse place now but dont worry,you're not there yet
"Free speech and open-mindedness" or "rules and taboos" aren't really the issues here; your words (regardless of how true they are) were insensitive to your father's grief.
atur chomicz Fuck off. Have some decency
Well that was a wrong thing to say at that moment.
Jordan I could say the same thing about the father's screaming. He was being insensitive to her honest attempt to comfort him, regardless of how distraught he was.
some times others just force us to pressure ourselves to the breaking point after which ... we simply go numb emotionally.
nothing anymore is worth anything anymore.
sadness is just the lack of a brain dopamine doze and there is no reason to be happy
crying should ease sadness but there are no tears to drop anymore
anger is the result from pressure and stress yet there is no point for it anymore
fear is the main defense system mechanism to trigger our natural flight flee or freeze yet survival is not a priority anymore.
when you are beyond you threshold it means whoever forced you to reach this point now created
a solid walking corpse. you feel no happiness, no sadness, no anger, no boredom, no lonely and no need for partners.
existing in itself becomes pointless. the living are dead more than the dead in their own graves.
when you reach that point ... no more smiling or laughter , no more tears shed over anything, no joy in doing anything, no hunger or thirst for anything no desire to hold into anything or getting rid of anything.
you have been pushed so hard your nerves capacity to keep you "feeling" human had died.
and it's not your fault either it's those around you whom are at fault.
so not living in a moment where you "should be" feeling something is justify able because simply put you were deprived of the right to feel anything in exchange for "never appreciated" hard work and success.
you reach your old goals and become what you always wanted to be yet .. it's pointless all of it.
you can never bake a cake to the point of its burning and then eating it when it became nothing but ash.
you may bake the perfect cake and add to its its perfect toppings but once you bring it to yourself it will never be what you had expected because all the work you put into it , is simply put not worth it. small victories do not matter as long as they simply fade away. what matters are the permanent victories.
honestly i expected either to be ignored or to be trolled or hated. your reply .... is nothing i expected honestly ... thanks
I want to hear this guy's voice all day.
I feel like the School of Life always releases a video about a certain topic exactly when I'm thinking about that topic. Just me?
Lawrence they really know what makes their fucked up audience tick.
nope !!🙏
The great renewal of the world will perhaps consist in this, that men and women, freed of all false feelings and reluctances, will seek each other not as opposites, but as brother and sister, as neighbors, and will come together as human beings.
I think a major cause of this is worrying too much about the future and or not letting go of the past. The day I stoped following my ego is the day I felt I was living in the moment. Life is a gift so enjoy it! Yesterday is history, tommorow is a mystery and uncertain but today is the present. Live on the moment and enjoy it to the fullest!!
I cried when my grandad died last year but now thinking back I just laugh about it. I broke up with my girlfriend yesterday and I don’t feel anything at all. My mom was diagnosed with severe lung cancer two months ago and I don’t know how to react to that either. I don’t cry about it and I don’t seem to even feel sad. It’s absurd and messed up, that’s why I need an explanation for my inappropriate reactions and feelings because those are people very close to my heart, people I love..
This explains so much in my life. I feel out of touch about 80% of the time. These videos have helped so much especially during the lockdown, I have learnt to lean in and experience my emotions.
I don't say this much but I love you all from The School Of Life! It's like somenone is finally there to give answers to all uncertainties of my life. I feel accepted. Thank you for what you do.
A lot of humanity in your videos, I find it quite comforting
This man's voice is so good!
Best book on being present = Power of Now book.
i just found this channel and all i can say is: where have you been all my life
I am practicing to feel my own emotion and acknowledge that. It’s difficult after neglecting it since my childhood. But now I am getting. Only difficulty is that it’s hard to be understood by others. People acquired it without struggles that I just cannot say “I’m practicing how to connect to my emotions”
I totally feel this often the times. the "not feeling the right feelings at the moment", but felt it after or sooner. :( being branded as Killjoy in the group because I do not conform to their likes and feelings at the moment. Now, I understand more. Thank you!
Yoga has taught me to feel as I do. It is imperfect, but works.
i used to not understand how some people can tear up so quickly from a sad story or be so happy from seeing something they like. I rarely 'feel' when im supposed to, but recently (since at least 5 years) I met a girlfriend whom I can be totally vulnerable to, for the first time in what feels like forever, I cried in tears while telling her I love her the first time. It is as if years of suppressed emotions finally decides to let loose, removing the 'hide' for once as described in the video... good video. I wish I can feel more but i guess this is part of being an adult in todays society?
my family puts this kind of pressure on me constantly, as i don't immediately react to life events (holidays, births, deaths, etc). their expectations are so high because they tend to do the opposite, and over-attribute importance and overreact to some of these (birthdays especially). It's pushed me away from them over the years and now i dread events with them. I think they find me to be some kind of unfeeling monster, but the truth is it takes me a while to process things, and I have a lot of walls up from childhood on. I've never heard this summed up so perfectly as in this video.
guys i finally found my second family that are you .. i am not feeling alone any more and now i can express y feelings probably i will find a dear friend here and the talk will begin luv all of u
Past Trauma comes in all shapes and sizes.
This is exactly how i feel on my birthday, nothing bugs me more than being expected to feel or react a certain way because its the social norm, i tell people not to get me anything and to not make a thing of it, but then when they inevitably do, they look angered or offended that i'm not prancing around like a 5 yr old that's just been told they are going to disney world.
Fake it to fit in, or stay true to yourself, what does one do?
Stay true to yourself!
It's all in your head! If you think your not feeling in the moment is because your making yourself! Tell yourself I'm living in the moment and emotions also are a major part!
I loved this! This answered many questions and insecurities I've had in many situations especially understanding others and I think this will really help me in respecting others' feelings or lack there of. Thankyou schooloflife ! :)
sometimes i feel like this channel is teaching me how to eventually be the greatest mom ever
2:10 I love how he described being on holiday...
I've always been slow to adapt to the outside world and as a defensive mechanism tend to go inside my shell first before coming out and examining the situation when others are too busy to watch.
On top of that, if someone knows that they are not feeling or behaving in a social situation the way that they 'should', it can exacerbate the 'not-being-in-the-moment' by way of firing up the self criticism.
it's very unusual to see people think of our reactions the same like others in occasions or in part in our lifes cause the past is the reason that builded our personality which rule over our feelings towards them.
Tbh I thought I was the only one who felt this way. That I was weird or a freak for not feeling “in the moment” alotta the time. Depression doesn’t help.
Being in the moment all the time is a really big challenge, especially when someone has things to worry about. That's why it's easier to be in the moment as a child. As an adult, there's a lot more you have to worry about in life and it just allow it to suck us in out of the moment.
This video could not have come at a better time. Thank you!
2:06 The car is either going backwards or the doors open the wrong way. Very distracting!
My goodness I loved this video. This channel is amazing! Such a healthy and meaningful string of videos for our modern age.
very well put, thank you for making this video
I find that taking up meditation was really helpful in being mindful and living in the present.
the illustration is so beautiful
Yeah, since i was really small, ive always been scared that i wouldnt be sad at all when my parents died, and i felt so bad about it
ohmygod thanks for this. I thought I was the only one feeling like this all the time
Thank you ! The school of life , you make wonderful videos !! I really find your content very touching and impactful ! I find that you people are doing a great , by helping people sail through things in life , that they find perturbing and puzzling . Please keep doing so ! Cheers !!
This is deeply calming in a mysterious way
So I am pleased that I am faithful to myself 😌
Love his voice and forever indebted to your teachings and perspective :)
I'm having this problem right now. It is literally my favorite time of the year and usually I am super excited for Sept. and Oct. but I'm just not feeling it this year. Family is making Thanksgiving plans a nightmare, work is difficult, I feel a constant pressure that I should be doing more even though I'm very comfortable at the position I'm at. I haven't had a meaningful recharging vacation in over a year. (My last vacation was basically ruined by a hurricane and was extremely stressful). It's just super hard to get happy right now.
Have you tried meditating? It can be a good way to take time out and recharge when you can't physically get away. I find it often makes me feel good even when I can't resolve some issues it can make them a lot easier to deal with.
So, is not just Me? What a realive!! It s normal for my feeling to be late.
This article had helped me through a hard time
So thank you who is making the video of it
Where did you get that power to know these truths? Amazing
My entire life I've thought that I was weird because I am exactly like the person explained in this video. People always question my way of showing emotions, especially my family members, but I never seem to have the right answer because I myself don't know what is wrong with me. As much as I love them, I try to stay away from them as I don't want my lack of emotions to affect them, but then they start interrogating me, so I am forced to put on a fake act of feeling the same emotions as them, at which I suck completely and I hate doing it anyway. It's gotten to a point where my own dad (himself diagnosed with extreme narcissism) calls me mentally ill and I actually believed it and was considering visiting a psychologist. However, I now know that this is the way I am, and no amount of verbal abuse can change who I am (I have tried and failed at it anyway). Currently, I am looking for a job so that I can earn and move out because I don't want to disturb them like this. I also can't take the verbal abuse anymore, as it is now coming from my siblings too.
Anyway, this video makes me feel less lonely. Thank you so much for this video.
We demand of ourselves, of others and others expect of us to feel a particular way at a particular time or event. God forbid someone should not cry at a loved one's funeral or not show demonstrable appreciation for a gift. This is so reductive as it actually reduces our natural responses to a particular moment. Maybe even forcing a moment onto ourselves or each other where no moment may even exist so instead of bringing us together. might even drive us further apart.
jesus, goose bumps watching this video
So very true. Thank you for giving it words.
This is so weird.... Whatever the case is, The School of Life always has the answer for it.
I just asked this myself this evening, I come home and find a new video.
This is brilliant info. Well done! Posting it far and wide....
Mary Kingsley your picture feels me into this moment. Thank you.
Profound thoughts and rare pieces of advise you don't find elsewhere. Keep up the good work 👌
My father was an alcoholic and my mother, who had her own business, was always working. I remember one night when I was 6 or 7 he came home drunk and he couldn’t make it up the stairs. He was complaining in a sort of whiny voice and then he said, “I’ve sh*t my pants”. My older sister was beside herself, I think she called my mother to come home, but I just sat there cross-legged on the floor about a foot from the tv, just concentrating on the screen. I’ve often wondered how I could be so stoic at that tender age.
I honestly get so so frustrated when people tell me to smile more, talk more, be more "cheerful" (such a loathed word) in social situations, ESPECIALLY by my parents. Sometimes I do feel like talking and interacting. Other times, when I too am just not "in the moment" I don't really want to interact and people around me think I'm depressed or something like wtf it's not even funny
What a lovely video. Thank you for sharing this. I needed it.
I sometimes feel out of touch with reality, like I'm actually in a dream right now. Everything just seems fake and I don't really have any emotion
I cannot discern between attempts of social engineering using same tools across contemporary media and political spectrum on one hand, and the new age of thought to be simply chill out, i.e how being cool with things, is the new age mantra against indifference which is considered opposite of love-hate duality.
Everytime I feel something, I always end up by denying that feeling! Why? I always wonder about that.
This nice vid made me feel less ackward and gave me permission. Thxs for it! 💕
Great video, as always, but I have to say, this voice gives me best Asmr, really, the narrator has the best diction I've ever heard ❤️
Love your channel, so sincere and true!
the animation of this video is amazing
in other words, air signs aren’t emotionless they let themselves feel whenever they feel it and not when society expects it, tanks!!
Could you maybe make a video about feeling too much if you have not yet? Cause I struggle with that a lot and your videos always help me understand whats going on better :)
There is a time for EVERYTHING, weep, rejoice, embrace, search, mend etc... A TIME FOR EVERYTHING. Enjoy the ride. 🛴
I love these videos! Good job.
Silly regrets I had...thank you 'The School of Life'
I freaking love this channel!
Your videos always come at the perfect time
Depression is the greatest example of NEVER being in the moment. I chose to not participate in celebrating mothers day with my brothers, dad along with mom. I chose to exercise instead and they celebrated mothers day. I'm sure my mom was sad her oldest wasn't there for the first time in 35 years. Depression is the example go going numb and NEVER being in the moment.
I call it contextual vs phenomenological way of viewing emotions.
Contextual way has more considerations for actions, facial expressions, gestures and mannerism, thoughts, as the ones defining emotions. Contextual way cares about WHEN you feel emotions, rather than what emotions you feel.
Phenomenological way, on the other side, pays no attention to causes and reasons for emotions. It doesn't care about the context. Everything it cares about is what you feel. Not "what" in terms of things like "anger, anxiety, joy, calm, fear" etc. But "what" in terms of whether you can recognize an emotion, whether you felt it before. It pays no attentions also to what the emotions MEANS, but rather what it IS.
I find phenomenological way much more useful in my everyday life.
I LOVE this channel
That explains why it took 13.5 months for me to really like my New York trip
I resonate with this video. Thank you.
Wow thank u this bring me peace 🥰