Made me remember one of the first therapy sessions when it took me one whole hour to figure out that a certain episode of my life had made me feel "sadness". Up until that moment I had been so confident that I knew what feelings were, it's easy to say "they're crying therefore they're sad". But it was like a blind man saying the grass is green and the sky is blue. I remember going back home in shock. The fact that I hadn't been able to recognise such a simple, basic human emotion without a therapist challenging my thoughts for an hour had been truly shocking. After that many things started making more sense, my lack of empathy as well. I'm still not done with learning, but now, with my newly acquired sadness and anger, life feels much fuller!
The sad thing is, even when you KNOW this, you will still make the same mistake. It takes a lot of practice to be able to catch that "veil of consciousness" coming down. Like meditation - watching the breath is like knowing you're on the bank, watching the boat go past. Then suddenly you're ON the boat, with no recollection you were ever meant to be anywhere else, let alone watching the breath. And we're doing that, all day every day.
Mindfulness is what lets you notice the mistake as it happens. Observing your mind and your emotions, sitting with your feelings and trying to find their true definition.
I face an unbearable situation. I begin thinking ‘It won't work anyway.’ ‘They will all hate me.’ ‘I will only be humiliated.’ Then I think about the situations I have been avoiding. Meeting with people that make me feel uncomfortable. Work that stresses me out. Things I have been procrastinating for a while. .... Now I can deal with it!!! search youtube "paradox of I can do it"....
Steven Palmer i don't remember who said that but in today's world people never really get to experience things to the fullest, neither good or bad, they're forever content because they have so many options to what to take in.
Your contents are so practical, insightful and logical (majority of the times than not), it's hard to believe these are based on opinions and not facts. I am so glad The School of Life is free, and my feelings are aligned with my observer as I say this. Please take the following words as warmly as you can. Thank-you.
I'm really intrigued by these works, as always. I have a few mental illnesses and a strange childhood involving a lot of abuse. I have struggled immensely with dealing with anger or sadness. I couldn't cry in front of people, and I would refuse to be angry or violent with anyone until my anger broke and I'd explode and then go back to normal and suppress myself. I actually didn't know it at the time but especially whenever I felt like crying or being angry I would self harm. I had been doing it from kindergarten and up. Slamming my wrists onto edges of tables and squeezing limbs and ribs with strings are wire. I had never even heard of self harm or cutting until middle school. I'm still working to be able to cry. On my own. In front of people. And expressing my anger in a healthy manner. I cried in front of my friend last week and it was a huge step for me. I am happy that I could cry to myself whilst watching the Little Motel music video.
+Aso Paso Yes... because ultimately crying is a personal thing and not an attention seeking exercise... (though people do use it to manipulate others.) Whilst it may sound disconcerting, a person who has repressed the need may find they have lots and lots and lots and even more lots of catching up to do... Not so long ago, I cried every day for three months... almost uncontrollably... I hated it sometimes... but at other times it took me on a journey inwardly and into the past where I could grieve for the damaged and murdered parts of my self. Be very very very patient. It is a heart-warming process... not a race. Good luck... :'(
Yeah it *is* hard to be vulnerable with other people (more so for guys, I'd guess, but also for women), I guess because we might worry that it makes us appear weak, which in turn can cause us to feel ashamed. And other people often feel uncomfortable when you speak honestly about how you feel, it can be hard to find a person you feel you can really confide in. But there are things like internet forums and support groups, so there *are* people out there that you can talk to :-)
Daniel R I would only make one change to what you wrote... Just that it is only difficult to admit we are vulnerable... To be vulnerable is easy, because we ARE vulnerable in truth... People just spend huge amounts of energy in pretending otherwise.... Everything else you said is spot on...
True, we *are* vulnerable, regardless of whether or not we want to acknowledge it. When I talk about being vulnerable with others, though, I'm talking about the willingness to drop any pretense and to honestly express how we're *really* feeling (though I'd say that before we do that, we need to be honest with *ourselves*, which itself can be a big issue for a lot of people).
I think the root cause for a lot of problems we face today stems from widespread emotional indulgence and so some emotional distance is sorely needed. We really need a resurgence of the 'stiff upper lip', children today (and an incredible number of young adults) should have been shown how to control their emotions rather than submit to them. Learning how to distance yourself from emotion when necessary, is to learn how to be an adult.
By learning how to label your emotions, you are able to find satisfaction, even in undesirable feelings. When sad, you can feel content in knowing that it will pass. When angry, you can explain why you are angry to the other person. By correctly labeling your feelings, rather than avoid them, you are able to take the appropriate action correlating to each feeling. In return, you will find that it is a lot easier to get along with other people, as well as being engaged in frenetic tasks.
Olivebates I feel like you're making an important distinction between being out of touch with your feelings, and knowing what they are to deal with them appropriately... I feel like that is what I was trying to say... Maybe.
+Olivebates I think this touches on emotional regulation which is the effort of understanding the reason and causes of ones emotional state, effectively intellectualizing emotion as a way of controlling it. This is an enormously more mature approach to emotion than simply indulging in raw untempered emotion, but it's evidently not very common in younger people today. I'd suggest that Victorian stoicism should be proselytized in favor of this sort indulgent relativism we have today. If there was one piece of writing I'd recommend to the Twitter/Tumbler millennials it'd have to be Kiplings 'If'. What a world it'd be if they'd only take that lesson to heart. We should be the masters of our emotions rather than its slaves.
I, just as I'm sure everyone else out there, feel like I'm the most complex person in the world when it comes to my mind and feelings and that nobody can ever understand me. Still I long to find another person who would indeed understand me and be there to offer me support and care. Thinking rationally, however, I know very well that we are all complex creatures and we have much more in common than we think we do. It's ironic and sad that we feel so alone and misunderstood when we're actually going through very similar things. I think if we only believe that we're more similar to each other than we think we are, we're going to come a long way in connecting with each other and not feeling lonely.
This certainly reminds me of Freud's theory wherein the feelings that we felt (while growing up) were inappropriate and unacceptable were shoved down into our subconscious in the hope that we would never experience them again. However, the only outcome of the action is that it would be harder to suppress those types of feelings if we don't confront it with a clear and honest mind.
your videos are like preachings. I watch them couple times a week and they help me to make better decisions in my life and be more happy and wise. Thank you
You know the looking away or hiding the truth is an self safety mechanism of the observer self.which is a good thing ! I mean rather than dwelling on which has been done and noticing depression is a horrible thing according to me. I know it may sound rough but it is better to ignore it most of the time and move on.
I was a skateboarder on and off most of my life but I got serious about it at age 46. Sometimes I need money for equipment, sometimes I need gas money to get to a skatepark but most of the time you can just grab it and head out the door. I like how skating down the sidewalk focuses you on obstacles, completely freeing your mind from thinking about anything else. You can also ride your bike or just get outside and start walking if you’re completely out of resources.
Anger is a secondary emotion . If you really evaluate why your angry you’ll see that your really ; -hurt -scared -frustrated -lonely -etc. So next time you get mad sit down and figure out why your mad and you’ll learn something about your yourself 💯
The part where children are taught how they should feel reminds me of how I got Bordeline Personality Disorder. I am hypersensitive. When I started elementary school, I came to realize that the way I experienced emotions was the total opposite of what was expected of me. Teasing would hurt me more than most. I was then told to just ignore it, but I wasn't capable to do so. Then the other children started teasing me even more because I would react strongly to it. They thought it was funny. After a year of it, I started to believe something was wrong with me. I became convinced I was a bad person because I couldn't meet up to other's expectations. Instead of becoming out of touch, I drowned in self loathing. After that, I didn't need anyone to denigrate me. I would do it myself. My symptoms started at age 7. At 20, I was diagnosed with BPD. I am now 24 and have been strugling with mental illness for the last 17 years. I'm working very hard in order to recover from this disease. It'll take years for that to happpen, but I already feel more like myself.
I've watched every single SOL video. I'm familiar with the themes. I'm in tune with the concepts. I've adopted the ideologies. I saw Alain talk last month and read the book he was promoting. But this video has taken some serious effort to comprehend in the entirety it deserves. I like that. I like this. I like a School Of Life.
Have only been watching these videos for about half a year now. They're amazingly enlightening and honest. It's not only helped me but family members that have way more problems than I do. Thank you guys..
School of Life is just amazing. I don't think any other resource i've found has provided me with so mich insight about me, my family and my spouse. I get choked up all the time watching these videos. And Alain has the most pleasent voice i know.
I loved the video. If I could make a suggestion, could you make a video on the cultures of a teenager? How young adolescents have modernized into this decade and the expectations and pressures that come along with it? Thank you for reading my comment and I hope you have a wonderful day.
I would like to once again the School of Life, today I have felt very down, out of touch with my feelings even though I thought I was, I am able now through this video to reflect on my thoughts a mere half-hour ago that had been persisting throughout the day. Now this video has helped, to rationalise, to catalogue and to see the emotion, the anger, and frustration, which had a meaningless, an unimportant and invalid (although I thought otherwise) reasoning, and that there was in fact nothing particularly wrong if these 'problems' were put in their proper context. For a while the remedy of 'put the feelings aside and ignore them' has been working, but eventually and occasional swell up leading to a bad day, where I find the need to, figuratively, live with my eyes closed, to ignore what I didn't want to acknowledge. This video shows the need to look rationally, to dissect the feelings, the causes, the reasons, the thought processes to reveal the truth behind the emotions. Thank you again very much School of Life, providing thought-provoking, interesting and really helpful snippets of philosophical and emotional lessons and outlooks to help people further their own understanding of themselves and their everyday lives and feelings.
It's important to recognise and acknowledge your feelings and give them a place, but it's not always correct to let yourself be guided by them when it comes to interacting with other people or making life choices.
it's difficult to talk about difficult emotions when you feel you're being kinda pathetic. It's a 'but everyone else manages'. Kinda voice, (I suppose I heard this a lot as a kid- oh next door kid can do this, why can't you?') but this voice is difficult to ignore.
Exactly! Whenever I feel like sharing about my problems/feelings with someone or even try to acknowledge them myself I find myself feeling guilty because I think I'm probably too entitled to think I have it more difficult than anyone else. Because other people are probably going through the same stuff as me but they can handle it better and don't play the victim role over it. That makes me think that I shouldn't complain about my issues and should just grow some balls and deal with it.
Such an incredibly important issue; especially for us 'men' who struggle so much with this and create such destruction as a result. Thank you for such an inspiring and well produced channel.
i lover your videos more than many things in life, one minor critique (or strength) is that they are so dense, i can watch the same video many time and get things i have missed, the 9th time through. Also the awesome visuals are actually so awesome that they add to the strength of the message but only come into full realization upon my 4the view, these are not watered down insights, they deserve multiple listens, i dont think anyone does justice watching one of these once or twice, they are so rich, and full of insight, we have to pause and reflect and take the time necessary, much in the same way we can stop and slow down while reading a book.. anywho, this info tops all the info on the whole damn interweb about life and what is important, cheers , and keep it up, and thank you for timeless information about what it is like to be human at this time, thanks Alain de Botton and everyone at school of life for your time and sharing your talents for showing us where we are at.!!! :)
Thank you so much for these videos. In a world such as this where society has "no time" to put up with feelings, it's good to find a way to understand that they are not what we thought they were, and that there are some that we've always tried to avoid which, actually, are a sign of problems emerging. After all, we all think we're sick until we acknowledge our true emotions and embrace them.
I really really appreciated the two advice at the end of the video: to read books (literature) and to contemplate for a few moments every now and then about ourselves.
Thank you School of Life. I find your videos very educational (in terms of learning about ourselves). I am able to deal with people in a better way. Keep up the good work.
This is why I practice daily mindfulness and am working on a book on how to hack the dopamine system. We are doing vigorous tests on this at the moment. Very exciting.
I love this video! Whenever i feel angry, the screaming volcano sound pops up in my mind and lets me know what my hidden mood really is. Yay! The pouting backpack sound works too! crying puppy sound comes in too
thank you for shining some light for future generations and all us the lost children wandering around in "adult" bodies. if this had been produced a decade ago - when i was just graduating highschool - i might not of had as many problems pursuing my ambitions since then.
This is an event that you've addressed that has happened to you allowing you to create abstract thoughts and develop these ideas. These ideas are then an application in your videos to portray them, usually writing can be hard to, however you've used images to accompany to create a better understanding. I've stumbled upon your videos prior to having ideas that I brought up from obvious life events, behaviour, attitudes, thoughts, etc.
This has to have some of the best graphics of any SoL vid yet. So good, I had to play it again with something else on the screen in order to actually hear it.
I have Borderline Personality Disorder and almost constantly have an issue with recognizing my emotions or reactions to things. This video hits close to home.
This has been a most lovely video. The insight contained within has made me feel so alive on the inside, I sincerely thank you - the people at the school of life - from the most powerful parts of my soul, and into this comment. Thank you very much for this video, along with the others you've share with the world this past year. I can be more patient now (learnt a bit of this from your videos!) - patiently awaiting the next video that will help me address my live's issues. You're making at least my life I'm sure better and lovelier, one thought at a time.
I love the work you guys are doing. I consider it of utmost importance to our collective growth and maturation within our own individual lives and societies.
I'm not so sure ignoring one's feelings is necessarily a bad thing, rather, the ability to do that, and let objectivity rule, is a valuable strength. It could be that ignoring negative feelings is part of our natural evolution out of the primitive and into a more advanced state. Of course, I never stifle the positive feelings, because why inhibit a good thing? But I'm disciplined at quashing, resisting, or otherwise enduring the negative ones. I'm 60, and can testify that those reins have been a benefit so far in my life, as far as I can tell.
4:06-4:12 Excellent point. I spend my life trying to convince people that my aggression is entitled to the same degree of sympathy as any other form of hurt. Of course, if it were more obvious that most of it was directed at myself, it might be easier; but it almost necessarily comes out towards others, particularly as they've usually highlighted that part of yourself that legs. I might be digressing a bit from the point of the video here, but that's been a major issue for me.
Don't know about anyone else but I found the animations in this absolutely hilarious! What a brilliant way to convey such useful and profound information!
This is so interesting. I have developed chronic head pain through being out of touch with my feelings. Apparently the pain is like an over sensitive danger signal for when I become emotionally uncomfortable. Can definitely see the link in my day to day life - the more stress rises, the stronger the pain. Currently in therapy and journaling every day. It's important to note, acknowledging and expressing thoughts and, particularly, feelings, *to yourself* is safe and does not mean the content is true. I think there's a lot of fear around looking at your own thoughts and feelings, and part of this can be, "If I look inside I'll discover I think/feel 'X' and..." e.g. I'll discover I'm unhappy in life, or I'll have to get divorced, or I never wanted to be a parent etc. People are scared they'll have revelations they won't be able to handle. In my journal entries, what comes out is that I "hate" and am angry at every aspect of and everyone in my life. It doesn't mean that's true, just that "a part of me" (and I think it's crucial to recognise we are made up of parts) needs to have a tantrum and be given some air time. If anyone out there is suffering with an unexplained illness or has pain that has not been resolved with medical intervention, I urge you to research the mind-body approach and Dr Sarno. Other resources: The Cure For Chronic Pain with Nicole Sachs; Curable app; The Way Out by Alan Gordon.
"...feelings that haven't been reported don't and can't go away. They linger and spread their energy randomly to neighboring issues." BAM. Exactly--which is Why You May Be Angry and Not Sad (another School of Life video).
what makes de botton's philosophy fascinating for me is its understanding and acceptance of the craziness and weakness of humans. combine that with Alain's unique elegant prose and u get a pretty lovable philosophy
When I am extremely sad our happy, I can compose much better songs than when I am just balanced. I believe that strong feelings are ignored as the rare grace that they are. I know it is not exactly what the video is about, but we should use our feeling for our own good, instead of being shame of them or hide them.
Another beautiful video! I should say that while the observer should try to look at emotions objectively, there should be a degree of self-compassion necessary in order for these 'idle moments' to be fruitful. Otherwise, from person expierence, these observations spiral into negativity and self-pity, leaving the self paralyzed to effectively address the emotions at hand. I look forward to the next video from you guys!
great as usual, thanks. There is the common acting out of principle or even pragmatism, where our feelings are simply put aside without acknowledgement. I thought this might have been added.
This is a very good video but it only scratches the surface because the subject is so hard to articulate. For a more in depth read about this I recommend Karen Horney "Neurosis and human growth". It will explain all the unexplained emotional shit in your life.
The "observing self" as described in this video can be reached through daily meditation. I'm surprised that meditation was not directly mentioned in the video!
When I opened this video, I noticed I had already liked this video and few comments on this video. Feels like I'm right back where I started from 2 years ago. 😢
I think doing this takes a lot of humility. My observing self has looked away from my feeling self for a long time, I think mainly because I am too stubborn to admit I could be flawed and have things to work on. Pride is tricky in that it hides itself, prompting the observing self to look away and not discover it. I find writing does really help, but I have to be humble and willing to discover painful aspects of myself, else I’ll just be writing nonsense, maybe even reinforcing lies I’ve told myself. I still worry that I’m doing that at times.
Thanks for creating these videos. They make me think about my life and the world in a different way, which I appreciate. My friend bought me one of your memento mori glass half spheres. It now rests centrally on my desk at work, reminding me of death. :)
Acknowledging feelings means you have to acknowledge reality and most people are terrified of acknowledging how truly miserable they are because it brings up existential questions of what's the meaning and why are we here? People that commit suicide aren't crazy...they're just too honest
I remember when I was 14 and had my first heartbreak, i cried so much everyday and I wanted to tell my mom but i was too emberassed so i kept it to myself and got my emotions bottled up. I felt emptiness and inner pain inside me but I acted bored on the outside. But i got so hurt that I forgot who I am then dont even experience sad or happy emotions. I feel like nothing, but i dont know how to change it..
Remind yourself that you matter and you love yourself. Do this deliberately and very constantly almost after each thought. It helps significantly. Another helping trick is to forgive yourself for the thoughts you think because everything in your head isnt as uncommon as you may tell yourself. So forgive yourself when unhappy with a thought that pops in and then let your mind flow smoothly unto the next thoughts 💭 forgive me about replying 2 years late but i think its still worth trying to reach you and give helpful advice.
I think on the other hand, there is a certain limit to how much a person can know and solve about themselves at a given time. I have not really heard this mentioned a lot though.
So the main take away from this video is the importance of self-reflection, and that we should dedicate a portion of every day to contemplate our feelings so that we may better understand ourselves
Unless you can identify why your feeling what your feeling, which really shouldn't take too long, sometimes you've got to just grin and bear it. There are forces in this world which we have no control over and is not out fault, sometimes no ones fault. Just go easy on yourself.
Made me remember one of the first therapy sessions when it took me one whole hour to figure out that a certain episode of my life had made me feel "sadness". Up until that moment I had been so confident that I knew what feelings were, it's easy to say "they're crying therefore they're sad". But it was like a blind man saying the grass is green and the sky is blue.
I remember going back home in shock. The fact that I hadn't been able to recognise such a simple, basic human emotion without a therapist challenging my thoughts for an hour had been truly shocking. After that many things started making more sense, my lack of empathy as well.
I'm still not done with learning, but now, with my newly acquired sadness and anger, life feels much fuller!
The sad thing is, even when you KNOW this, you will still make the same mistake. It takes a lot of practice to be able to catch that "veil of consciousness" coming down. Like meditation - watching the breath is like knowing you're on the bank, watching the boat go past. Then suddenly you're ON the boat, with no recollection you were ever meant to be anywhere else, let alone watching the breath. And we're doing that, all day every day.
Mindfulness is what lets you notice the mistake as it happens. Observing your mind and your emotions, sitting with your feelings and trying to find their true definition.
I face an unbearable situation.
I begin thinking
‘It won't work anyway.’
‘They will all hate me.’
‘I will only be humiliated.’
Then I think about the situations I have been avoiding.
Meeting with people that make me feel uncomfortable.
Work that stresses me out.
Things I have been procrastinating for a while.
....
Now I can deal with it!!!
search youtube "paradox of I can do it"....
The speedup of society and communications has increased emotional barrage and decreased processing time.
yes!
+I'mposs “RevEvo” ible #edge
Steven Palmer i don't remember who said that but in today's world people never really get to experience things to the fullest, neither good or bad, they're forever content because they have so many options to what to take in.
Great observation!
Wait. Whaaat? Hold up. I’m, I’m, stillllllll ..... processssinnngggg. What?! 🤔
Your contents are so practical, insightful and logical (majority of the times than not), it's hard to believe these are based on opinions and not facts. I am so glad The School of Life is free, and my feelings are aligned with my observer as I say this. Please take the following words as warmly as you can.
Thank-you.
Kunjika Prasai well, this one is definitely based on experience!
I'm really intrigued by these works, as always. I have a few mental illnesses and a strange childhood involving a lot of abuse. I have struggled immensely with dealing with anger or sadness. I couldn't cry in front of people, and I would refuse to be angry or violent with anyone until my anger broke and I'd explode and then go back to normal and suppress myself. I actually didn't know it at the time but especially whenever I felt like crying or being angry I would self harm. I had been doing it from kindergarten and up. Slamming my wrists onto edges of tables and squeezing limbs and ribs with strings are wire. I had never even heard of self harm or cutting until middle school. I'm still working to be able to cry. On my own. In front of people. And expressing my anger in a healthy manner. I cried in front of my friend last week and it was a huge step for me. I am happy that I could cry to myself whilst watching the Little Motel music video.
+Aso Paso Yes... because ultimately crying is a personal thing and not an attention seeking exercise... (though people do use it to manipulate others.)
Whilst it may sound disconcerting, a person who has repressed the need may find they have lots and lots and lots and even more lots of catching up to do... Not so long ago, I cried every day for three months... almost uncontrollably... I hated it sometimes... but at other times it took me on a journey inwardly and into the past where I could grieve for the damaged and murdered parts of my self.
Be very very very patient.
It is a heart-warming process... not a race.
Good luck...
:'(
Yeah it *is* hard to be vulnerable with other people (more so for guys, I'd guess, but also for women), I guess because we might worry that it makes us appear weak, which in turn can cause us to feel ashamed. And other people often feel uncomfortable when you speak honestly about how you feel, it can be hard to find a person you feel you can really confide in. But there are things like internet forums and support groups, so there *are* people out there that you can talk to :-)
Daniel R I would only make one change to what you wrote... Just that it is only difficult to admit we are vulnerable... To be vulnerable is easy, because we ARE vulnerable in truth... People just spend huge amounts of energy in pretending otherwise....
Everything else you said is spot on...
True, we *are* vulnerable, regardless of whether or not we want to acknowledge it. When I talk about being vulnerable with others, though, I'm talking about the willingness to drop any pretense and to honestly express how we're *really* feeling (though I'd say that before we do that, we need to be honest with *ourselves*, which itself can be a big issue for a lot of people).
Daniel R Absolutely. The pretense though, is all the more ridiculous when the truth is universal and beyond doubt... No?!
If you are watching this, you are a beautiful person and have an amazing day 😊😊😊
Thanks!!!
thanks
Thanks
thank you, you're pretty cool yourself 😸✌
I feel like being out of touch with one's own feelings is instinctive, to protect us from dissatisfaction, boredom, and or other such undesirables.
I think the root cause for a lot of problems we face today stems from widespread emotional indulgence and so some emotional distance is sorely needed. We really need a resurgence of the 'stiff upper lip', children today (and an incredible number of young adults) should have been shown how to control their emotions rather than submit to them.
Learning how to distance yourself from emotion when necessary, is to learn how to be an adult.
Bobby Newmark I agree, and especially to that last point, "when necessary."
By learning how to label your emotions, you are able to find satisfaction, even in undesirable feelings. When sad, you can feel content in knowing that it will pass. When angry, you can explain why you are angry to the other person. By correctly labeling your feelings, rather than avoid them, you are able to take the appropriate action correlating to each feeling. In return, you will find that it is a lot easier to get along with other people, as well as being engaged in frenetic tasks.
Olivebates I feel like you're making an important distinction between being out of touch with your feelings, and knowing what they are to deal with them appropriately... I feel like that is what I was trying to say... Maybe.
+Olivebates I think this touches on emotional regulation which is the effort of understanding the reason and causes of ones emotional state, effectively intellectualizing emotion as a way of controlling it. This is an enormously more mature approach to emotion than simply indulging in raw untempered emotion, but it's evidently not very common in younger people today.
I'd suggest that Victorian stoicism should be proselytized in favor of this sort indulgent relativism we have today. If there was one piece of writing I'd recommend to the Twitter/Tumbler millennials it'd have to be Kiplings 'If'. What a world it'd be if they'd only take that lesson to heart.
We should be the masters of our emotions rather than its slaves.
This is literally the best timing. Thank you School of Life. You make me feel less alone.
Thank You, you remind me to be human
Yes.
sounds like something kanye would say
@Henry IX I came here to make that comment ):
I, just as I'm sure everyone else out there, feel like I'm the most complex person in the world when it comes to my mind and feelings and that nobody can ever understand me. Still I long to find another person who would indeed understand me and be there to offer me support and care. Thinking rationally, however, I know very well that we are all complex creatures and we have much more in common than we think we do. It's ironic and sad that we feel so alone and misunderstood when we're actually going through very similar things. I think if we only believe that we're more similar to each other than we think we are, we're going to come a long way in connecting with each other and not feeling lonely.
This certainly reminds me of Freud's theory wherein the feelings that we felt (while growing up) were inappropriate and unacceptable were shoved down into our subconscious in the hope that we would never experience them again. However, the only outcome of the action is that it would be harder to suppress those types of feelings if we don't confront it with a clear and honest mind.
your videos are like preachings. I watch them couple times a week and they help me to make better decisions in my life and be more happy and wise. Thank you
i love you so much school of life. I feel less lost now that i found your channel. From a the bottom of my heart, thank you
You know the looking away or hiding the truth is an self safety mechanism of the observer self.which is a good thing !
I mean rather than dwelling on which has been done and noticing depression is a horrible thing according to me.
I know it may sound rough but it is better to ignore it most of the time and move on.
Alan watts said "what would you do if money were no object?" and I sat down and concluded that I don't have the slightest idea.
You didn't think long enough. Try again, I'm sure you will come up with at least few dozen things. :D
I would resort to the barter system.
haha, that was hilarious.
Create it.
I was a skateboarder on and off most of my life but I got serious about it at age 46. Sometimes I need money for equipment, sometimes I need gas money to get to a skatepark but most of the time you can just grab it and head out the door. I like how skating down the sidewalk focuses you on obstacles, completely freeing your mind from thinking about anything else. You can also ride your bike or just get outside and start walking if you’re completely out of resources.
Anger is a secondary emotion . If you really evaluate why your angry you’ll see that your really ;
-hurt
-scared
-frustrated
-lonely
-etc.
So next time you get mad sit down and figure out why your mad and you’ll learn something about your yourself 💯
The part where children are taught how they should feel reminds me of how I got Bordeline Personality Disorder. I am hypersensitive. When I started elementary school, I came to realize that the way I experienced emotions was the total opposite of what was expected of me. Teasing would hurt me more than most. I was then told to just ignore it, but I wasn't capable to do so. Then the other children started teasing me even more because I would react strongly to it. They thought it was funny.
After a year of it, I started to believe something was wrong with me. I became convinced I was a bad person because I couldn't meet up to other's expectations. Instead of becoming out of touch, I drowned in self loathing. After that, I didn't need anyone to denigrate me. I would do it myself. My symptoms started at age 7. At 20, I was diagnosed with BPD. I am now 24 and have been strugling with mental illness for the last 17 years. I'm working very hard in order to recover from this disease. It'll take years for that to happpen, but I already feel more like myself.
I've watched every single SOL video. I'm familiar with the themes. I'm in tune with the concepts. I've adopted the ideologies. I saw Alain talk last month and read the book he was promoting. But this video has taken some serious effort to comprehend in the entirety it deserves. I like that. I like this. I like a School Of Life.
Have only been watching these videos for about half a year now. They're amazingly enlightening and honest. It's not only helped me but family members that have way more problems than I do. Thank you guys..
I love the variety of animation styles you give us each day.
And that piece at 2:30...
your soft, soothing, British voice makes it easier to accept the difficult things you say.
That state of confusion of one's feelings is like a flux of empathy that one cannot be comprehended.
School of Life is just amazing. I don't think any other resource i've found has provided me with so mich insight about me, my family and my spouse. I get choked up all the time watching these videos.
And Alain has the most pleasent voice i know.
I loved the video. If I could make a suggestion, could you make a video on the cultures of a teenager? How young adolescents have modernized into this decade and the expectations and pressures that come along with it? Thank you for reading my comment and I hope you have a wonderful day.
The animation style in these videos is amazing. Like, the fact that they seem to blend so effortlessly with the script is awesome.
I would like to once again the School of Life, today I have felt very down, out of touch with my feelings even though I thought I was, I am able now through this video to reflect on my thoughts a mere half-hour ago that had been persisting throughout the day.
Now this video has helped, to rationalise, to catalogue and to see the emotion, the anger, and frustration, which had a meaningless, an unimportant and invalid (although I thought otherwise) reasoning, and that there was in fact nothing particularly wrong if these 'problems' were put in their proper context.
For a while the remedy of 'put the feelings aside and ignore them' has been working, but eventually and occasional swell up leading to a bad day, where I find the need to, figuratively, live with my eyes closed, to ignore what I didn't want to acknowledge.
This video shows the need to look rationally, to dissect the feelings, the causes, the reasons, the thought processes to reveal the truth behind the emotions.
Thank you again very much School of Life, providing thought-provoking, interesting and really helpful snippets of philosophical and emotional lessons and outlooks to help people further their own understanding of themselves and their everyday lives and feelings.
I like that the videos are so short and to the point.
I've worked so hard and for so long to put away or ignore my feelings and now I regret it. How practical :)
This channel is blessed 😌
I love how people think they know you so well and put a label on you even though thats not you really feel.
It's important to recognise and acknowledge your feelings and give them a place, but it's not always correct to let yourself be guided by them when it comes to interacting with other people or making life choices.
it's difficult to talk about difficult emotions when you feel you're being kinda pathetic. It's a 'but everyone else manages'. Kinda voice, (I suppose I heard this a lot as a kid- oh next door kid can do this, why can't you?') but this voice is difficult to ignore.
Exactly! Whenever I feel like sharing about my problems/feelings with someone or even try to acknowledge them myself I find myself feeling guilty because I think I'm probably too entitled to think I have it more difficult than anyone else. Because other people are probably going through the same stuff as me but they can handle it better and don't play the victim role over it. That makes me think that I shouldn't complain about my issues and should just grow some balls and deal with it.
Such an incredibly important issue; especially for us 'men' who struggle so much with this and create such destruction as a result. Thank you for such an inspiring and well produced channel.
"Most so-called addictions are, at heart, symptoms of insistent, difficult feelings that we haven't found any better way to address."
i lover your videos more than many things in life, one minor critique (or strength) is that they are so dense, i can watch the same video many time and get things i have missed, the 9th time through. Also the awesome visuals are actually so awesome that they add to the strength of the message but only come into full realization upon my 4the view, these are not watered down insights, they deserve multiple listens, i dont think anyone does justice watching one of these once or twice, they are so rich, and full of insight, we have to pause and reflect and take the time necessary, much in the same way we can stop and slow down while reading a book.. anywho, this info tops all the info on the whole damn interweb about life and what is important, cheers , and keep it up, and thank you for timeless information about what it is like to be human at this time, thanks Alain de Botton and everyone at school of life for your time and sharing your talents for showing us where we are at.!!! :)
Thank you so much for these videos. In a world such as this where society has "no time" to put up with feelings, it's good to find a way to understand that they are not what we thought they were, and that there are some that we've always tried to avoid which, actually, are a sign of problems emerging. After all, we all think we're sick until we acknowledge our true emotions and embrace them.
Best Feelings ever, while watching and understanding, and best sound effects ever!
I enjoyed the art that went into this video. The music and animation etc is very good.
"Some feelings are like church bells that we can only make out when the city traffick has died down"
I just love this channel
I really really appreciated the two advice at the end of the video: to read books (literature) and to contemplate for a few moments every now and then about ourselves.
IFS is a great way to get in touch with your parts and the feelings that they carry. Highly recommend it
Thank you School of Life. I find your videos very educational (in terms of learning about ourselves). I am able to deal with people in a better way. Keep up the good work.
Thanks for this page ! It's my favourite page on RUclips!
You explain all in very simple way and it's quite fun see the images move... very good job !
Can you do a video on what to do if you feel like an outcast? Or feel significantly under valued and a little reclusive?
This is why I practice daily mindfulness and am working on a book on how to hack the dopamine system. We are doing vigorous tests on this at the moment. Very exciting.
Man I remember the person I was in high school and in college.. I don’t think I ever cried ha.. a few years of therapy and all I do is feel!!!
I love this video! Whenever i feel angry, the screaming volcano sound pops up in my mind and lets me know what my hidden mood really is. Yay! The pouting backpack sound works too! crying puppy sound comes in too
thank you for shining some light for future generations and all us the lost children wandering around in "adult" bodies. if this had been produced a decade ago - when i was just graduating highschool - i might not of had as many problems pursuing my ambitions since then.
This is an event that you've addressed that has happened to you allowing you to create abstract thoughts and develop these ideas. These ideas are then an application in your videos to portray them, usually writing can be hard to, however you've used images to accompany to create a better understanding. I've stumbled upon your videos prior to having ideas that I brought up from obvious life events, behaviour, attitudes, thoughts, etc.
Everyone on earth should watch, listen and learn this... over and over and over...until they "get it"
These videos are really making me think about myself. Especially this video.
This has to have some of the best graphics of any SoL vid yet. So good, I had to play it again with something else on the screen in order to actually hear it.
a refreshing way of seeing the conscious/unconscious correspondence!
All of your videos are flawless and you lay things out so simply yet so intricately
I have Borderline Personality Disorder and almost constantly have an issue with recognizing my emotions or reactions to things. This video hits close to home.
This has been a most lovely video. The insight contained within has made me feel so alive on the inside, I sincerely thank you - the people at the school of life - from the most powerful parts of my soul, and into this comment. Thank you very much for this video, along with the others you've share with the world this past year. I can be more patient now (learnt a bit of this from your videos!) - patiently awaiting the next video that will help me address my live's issues.
You're making at least my life I'm sure better and lovelier, one thought at a time.
This video has an eerie feel to it.
This is one of the best things I've ever watched.
I love the work you guys are doing. I consider it of utmost importance to our collective growth and maturation within our own individual lives and societies.
I'm not so sure ignoring one's feelings is necessarily a bad thing, rather, the ability to do that, and let objectivity rule, is a valuable strength. It could be that ignoring negative feelings is part of our natural evolution out of the primitive and into a more advanced state. Of course, I never stifle the positive feelings, because why inhibit a good thing? But I'm disciplined at quashing, resisting, or otherwise enduring the negative ones. I'm 60, and can testify that those reins have been a benefit so far in my life, as far as I can tell.
Thanks. I'd like to say more, but this is the only word that comes in my mind. Not only for this video but for all of them.
I know its has nothing to do with this particular video but i love the artwork and pacing of these vids
The way this video speaks to me ...
4:06-4:12 Excellent point. I spend my life trying to convince people that my aggression is entitled to the same degree of sympathy as any other form of hurt. Of course, if it were more obvious that most of it was directed at myself, it might be easier; but it almost necessarily comes out towards others, particularly as they've usually highlighted that part of yourself that legs.
I might be digressing a bit from the point of the video here, but that's been a major issue for me.
Don't know about anyone else but I found the animations in this absolutely hilarious! What a brilliant way to convey such useful and profound information!
Well said too much doings leads to undoings.
With meditation - if you get the hang of it - you start to be the observer in all situations and you feel absolutely blissful as the result of it...
Hows the observation doing 2 years latter, any emotional breakdown? Plesse dont mistake this for a troll, its a genuine intrigue
This is so interesting. I have developed chronic head pain through being out of touch with my feelings. Apparently the pain is like an over sensitive danger signal for when I become emotionally uncomfortable. Can definitely see the link in my day to day life - the more stress rises, the stronger the pain. Currently in therapy and journaling every day. It's important to note, acknowledging and expressing thoughts and, particularly, feelings, *to yourself* is safe and does not mean the content is true. I think there's a lot of fear around looking at your own thoughts and feelings, and part of this can be, "If I look inside I'll discover I think/feel 'X' and..." e.g. I'll discover I'm unhappy in life, or I'll have to get divorced, or I never wanted to be a parent etc. People are scared they'll have revelations they won't be able to handle. In my journal entries, what comes out is that I "hate" and am angry at every aspect of and everyone in my life. It doesn't mean that's true, just that "a part of me" (and I think it's crucial to recognise we are made up of parts) needs to have a tantrum and be given some air time. If anyone out there is suffering with an unexplained illness or has pain that has not been resolved with medical intervention, I urge you to research the mind-body approach and Dr Sarno. Other resources: The Cure For Chronic Pain with Nicole Sachs; Curable app; The Way Out by Alan Gordon.
Thank you the school of life. It was as if you were talking to my soul !!
"...feelings that haven't been reported don't and can't go away. They linger and spread their energy randomly to neighboring issues." BAM. Exactly--which is Why You May Be Angry and Not Sad (another School of Life video).
Thank you so much for this video ❤️. It really helped me see life in a different perspective 💯
Wow, this is one of the few videos I've ever watched anywhere that I can confidently say has definitely helped me and given me much to think about!
One of the amazing, relevant and beautifully articulated videos I have seen. Makes complete sense and is so helpful. Thank you...
I went through so many emotions watching this video! 😊 great work
My favorite video so far ♥️♥️ thank you ENOURMSLY for this
what makes de botton's philosophy fascinating for me is its understanding and acceptance of the craziness and weakness of humans. combine that with Alain's unique elegant prose and u get a pretty lovable philosophy
There you go, you solved one more problem of mine. Thank you.
could be in Portuguese... I couldn't get everything, but helped me a lot! thanks! this channel is great!
When I am extremely sad our happy, I can compose much better songs than when I am just balanced. I believe that strong feelings are ignored as the rare grace that they are. I know it is not exactly what the video is about, but we should use our feeling for our own good, instead of being shame of them or hide them.
Another beautiful video! I should say that while the observer should try to look at emotions objectively, there should be a degree of self-compassion necessary in order for these 'idle moments' to be fruitful. Otherwise, from person expierence, these observations spiral into negativity and self-pity, leaving the self paralyzed to effectively address the emotions at hand.
I look forward to the next video from you guys!
I always love this channel narator voice it's so soothing
Your words are magic
great as usual, thanks. There is the common acting out of principle or even pragmatism, where our feelings are simply put aside without acknowledgement. I thought this might have been added.
This is a very good video but it only scratches the surface because the subject is so hard to articulate. For a more in depth read about this I recommend Karen Horney "Neurosis and human growth". It will explain all the unexplained emotional shit in your life.
I couldn’t stop hearing the film reel the whole video
The "observing self" as described in this video can be reached through daily meditation. I'm surprised that meditation was not directly mentioned in the video!
When I opened this video, I noticed I had already liked this video and few comments on this video. Feels like I'm right back where I started from 2 years ago. 😢
Superb - one of my favourite SOL videos
"Repatriate our feelings..." I loved that one!
This video is extremely helpful. Really love this channel. Thank you.
I think doing this takes a lot of humility. My observing self has looked away from my feeling self for a long time, I think mainly because I am too stubborn to admit I could be flawed and have things to work on. Pride is tricky in that it hides itself, prompting the observing self to look away and not discover it. I find writing does really help, but I have to be humble and willing to discover painful aspects of myself, else I’ll just be writing nonsense, maybe even reinforcing lies I’ve told myself. I still worry that I’m doing that at times.
Thanks for creating these videos. They make me think about my life and the world in a different way, which I appreciate. My friend bought me one of your memento mori glass half spheres. It now rests centrally on my desk at work, reminding me of death. :)
LOVE the animations, they make me LAUGH..a NICE emotion..
Acknowledging feelings means you have to acknowledge reality and most people are terrified of acknowledging how truly miserable they are because it brings up existential questions of what's the meaning and why are we here? People that commit suicide aren't crazy...they're just too honest
Mr. T3 word
I remember when I was 14 and had my first heartbreak, i cried so much everyday and I wanted to tell my mom but i was too emberassed so i kept it to myself and got my emotions bottled up. I felt emptiness and inner pain inside me but I acted bored on the outside. But i got so hurt that I forgot who I am then dont even experience sad or happy emotions. I feel like nothing, but i dont know how to change it..
Remind yourself that you matter and you love yourself. Do this deliberately and very constantly almost after each thought. It helps significantly. Another helping trick is to forgive yourself for the thoughts you think because everything in your head isnt as uncommon as you may tell yourself. So forgive yourself when unhappy with a thought that pops in and then let your mind flow smoothly unto the next thoughts 💭 forgive me about replying 2 years late but i think its still worth trying to reach you and give helpful advice.
Wow! This was one of my favorite videos yet. Keep up the great work!
Your videos (this particularly at the moment) are really helpful for me. Keep doing what you do !
I think on the other hand, there is a certain limit to how much a person can know and solve about themselves at a given time. I have not really heard this mentioned a lot though.
So the main take away from this video is the importance of self-reflection, and that we should dedicate a portion of every day to contemplate our feelings so that we may better understand ourselves
Unless you can identify why your feeling what your feeling, which really shouldn't take too long, sometimes you've got to just grin and bear it. There are forces in this world which we have no control over and is not out fault, sometimes no ones fault. Just go easy on yourself.
This resonated so well with me - thank you for your content