Why Reality Shows Are Obsessed With Getting Married ASAP
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- Опубликовано: 5 июн 2024
- There’s a surprising divide on TV right now... Our favorite comedies and dramas like Broad City, Shrill, & Sex Education explore a laid back attitude to being married - where characters either aren’t too worried about it, or actively avoid it. Meanwhile in the reality TV universe, with shows like Love is Blind and Married at First Sight we’re shown something different entirely, with contestants being fast tracked to marriage, essentially speedrunning all of the traditional building blocks of a stable relationship. So what exactly does this split in representation mean? Why the obsession with proving we don’t need to be married - or the intense desire to get there by any means? And does growing up being surrounded by the idealism of our favorite rom-coms have something to do with it? Let’s take a closer look!
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CHAPTERS
00:00 Intro
00:51 Sitcoms are kind of over marriage
02:09 Shifts in romance's representation on screen
03:24 Dating shows have been around for a surprisingly long time
04:12 Dating reality shows have crazy high stakes now
04:48 Hoping for the rom-com dream on screen
06:23 How Love is Blind & Love at First Sight speedrun marriage
08:02 The dark truths hiding behind reality tv's "happy" endings
10:04 What really matters
The Take was created by Debra Minoff & Susannah McCullough
This video was written by Ellie Slee, narrated by Charly Bivona, produced by Jessica Babineaux, and edited by Travis Martin 
Развлечения
There's a movie with Dakota Johnson called "How to be single" that depicts single life in a very real way. In a sense that the only person you'll be spending all your life with is yourself. There's also no romantic partner in the end. It was so refreshing: a movie that's not pushing a marriage or a committed relationship onto the viewers. Because all of the romcoms kind of suggest: you CAN be a single girl enjoying romance and sex, but ONLY if you're headed for marriage eventually. How dare you just date for the sake of dating and have fun.
Both sound corrupt!
@@truthspreader1996Username doesn't check out
"Marriage takes work. And it's about creating a deep and lasting bond, not just a one-day party."
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Exactly! Nicely put.
Sure I want to be married. But I don’t want to meet new people…or leave the house…
😂
Same here😂
You hit the nail on the head with the comment about what’s more important, being happy or just being married. Seems like all the contestants on these reality shows are willing to put themselves through mental and emotional hell just so they can say they are married. It’s like the most important thing is just to get picked, who you’re picked by and going to spend the rest of your life with is almost an afterthought.
Most of them are tired of dating and looking for a deep long term relationship. They are up for the experiment, it doesn't mean they only care about the marriage, otherwise they would say yes.
Apparently married people are the happiest.
@@Mariathinking Nope, recent studies showed that middle aged childless single women are the happiest.
With how unaffordable weddings are I'm wondering if there's a correlation between people who dreamed of that big moment and having to achieve it by taking part in reality shows and whatnot that helps finance those dreams. Hm
Maybe but one can always organize a small wedding or lunch, don't believe it revolves around the act of celebration, more around people not settling/being too picky, hard to find the golden middle
Never underestimate the appeal of the human trainwreck.
A true spectacle
I was always turned off by the idea of a man “wearing a woman down.” We see many couples where they end up resenting each other and I think this is a big cause. The man put in all his effort at the beginning and since he has her she becomes familiar and uninteresting, the woman was never truly interested so she’s even more unhappy than before. I think love is multifaceted. I always wanted mutual attraction and respect.
One person’s path may not be right for another person but humans have hard times with others who choose to live another way.
Being a middle-aged and (happily) unmarried person makes married peers treat you like you are practically an alien! But, for me. it is married life that is alien to me. It looks unpleasant from my perspective, honestly.
Yup. Every single time he is hounding her. I have always been super uncomfortable watching that. 😞
"One person’s path may not be right for another person but humans have hard times with others who choose to live another way."
*Only when that someone suggests their other way is the better way. If they kept it to themselves there would be no problem.*
Reality shows are not reality
Neither is college Indoctrination. It's cult scam just try solving the student dept crisis by telling colleges teaching capitalism bad they just ain't gettin paid
Neither is college Indoctrination
It’s the visual part of how online dating feels like.
@@seebothways9630 The idea that going to college is not "being indoctrinated"? Agreed, definitely not reality.
@@Uncle_Smidge college is opposed to reality
I think these reality shows do well with pairing couples that want to get married for clout purposes or career purposes bc ultimately marriage is an agreement n that’s probably theirs. At least they honest.
But they are not honest? They all come to the show saying they are looking for genuine love and then it’s leaked the guy already was in a relationship, etc
One of my favorite TV relationships is still Booth and Brennan from Bones. Not only was it a very slow burn, they had to overcome quite a few personality and values differences before they were ready to accept each other. Yet by the time they did, they thoroughly understood what they were getting into and loved each other all the more for it.
I really want to be sure before I get married and if that may lead to me never being married, I rather stay that way than being with someone I regret marrying or divorced. It may happen anyway but I want to feel safe as much as possible.
Everytime I see people being miserable over their divorce, them not seeing a dark and hidden side in their spouse or things not working out between them, I try to learn from that by not rushing into things (especially because I have a self manipulative side in me that may help me to settle with the wrong person instead of the right one...)
Very sensible! I was with my then boyfriend (now husband) for 6 years before we got married. We had met each other's familys many times, we had gone on holidays together, we had gone through stressful events together. Being married didn't feel any different because we were sure by then. We pretty much got married for the ease of legal reasons and also because his family are more traditional than mine. It is hard to be 100% sure in any relationship but you should never rush into things.
There is a massive difference between wanting to Get married and wanting to Be married. Also, asking newlyweds on a weekly basis if they want out is a terrible idea. The first year of marriage is rocky.
@maggierobertson2962 -- "There is a massive difference between wanting to Get married and wanting to Be married."
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Yep. Well said, and very true. I think a key thing people should ask themselves is if they just want to get married, if they want to get married specifically to their current partner (not their circumstances, mind you, like the partner's high paying job, ability to provide kids, the ability to meet societal or familial expectations, etc.), or if they want to *share a life with their partner regardless of circumstances or expectations* because life is unpredictable, after all -- aka, BE married.
It is only rocky for couples that rush into things or haven't really lived together. If you take your time, are already living together for a while first, and have gone through things together than the first year of marriage is nothing- it is just another year in an already established relationship.
@@jaimicottrill2831 I found the transition into thinking of our relationship in terms of decades, to be a big adjustment. I didn't start thinking that way until after we were married. Maybe some people have better foresight, but we didn't have conversations about retirement or life insurance until after we were married.
@@jaimicottrill2831 exactly!
And here I am at 37 having only spent 4 years of my life in a relationship, and being single for something like 10 years. I want a stable relationship the way these people want to get married.
I think this rushing into getting married stuff is absolutely ridiculous.
I'm a millennial who's been happily married to another millennial since 2011 and I thought it was fast that we met in 2008, started dating in 2009, got engaged in 2010, got married in 2011 and moved in permanently in 2012. Apparently that's eons long according to reality TV. We didn't rush kids either. We had been married for 10 years by the time I was pregnant and we only just have the one kid and we're sticking with one and done. I can't imagine basing a marriage on knowing someone for a few weeks; that sounds absolutely horrendous and in a way it kind of cheapens the whole value of marriage.
It's great if people decide marriage isn't for them. They deserve to be happy in whatever way that means. But for those of us who are married or want to get married, seeing this play out as a show just cheapens the whole experience to a spectacle and little more than a party and attention. Not the official solidification of a lifelong relationship. It's just weird! 😅
People are overlooking a real issue that comes from marriage or the heteronormal "fairytale". Single childfree women are happiest as are married men, thats not a coincidence. I work in the NHS in neurology and the sheer volume of women i see with inflammatory diseases and FND who are married, partners are not that supportive and/or have children which plays a role. Yes yes i know men get this too but its predominately women. The "cute" blind date couple i noticed she had a cane. I did wonder if it was linked to the above! Ladies emotional labour ages the mind and body. Remember that.😢
I think of shows like The Bachelor and its messier cousin, Bachelor in Paradise. It's so painful in the final episodes, forcing everyone to 'get serious' and ready to propose. I think the shows do it so that there is closure for the audience, finality, a contract, a title. If the contestants just left these shows in a relationship/dating - would it be as satisfying? I'm not saying I agree, I just wonder what the alternative would be in these shows if not a marriage contract. Any suggestions?
Remember when the Dating Game had an active serial killer as a contestant?
Yep. Rodney Alcala
@@yordalyn Right!
Dude already had a few bodies as he was climbing the ranks.
Wtf
@@EmyN not a lot of background checks in the 70s..there are (ugh) women "in love" with Ted bundy but this guy was a straight up model, winning just by smiling. It was such a diff time..someone could be a wanted felon..move a few states over and start a new life.. no cameras, internet, DNA etc
I totally understand your shock but I'm at a point where nothing surprises me anymore.
What? wtf, who?
In reality shows, its not marriage they’re after. It’s the wedding. Centre of attention, best makeover and dress ever and a big party. But there are so many seasons now, half the participants are from casting agencies.
The darker side is domestic violence and familial homicide. So much more common than reported and so much worse than a single life. The reality tv contestants seem less and less ready mentally to deal with the inevitable conflict which comes with marriage. And too self-absorbed to put in the work.
The best dating show is Love on the Spectrum, both the Australian and American versions. The show centers around young adults and to some extent, older people on the autism spectrum finding love. Regardless on your thoughts on both versions, there's no denying they don't follow the typical reality show tropes of having constant fistfights and being wholesome.
the reality is that finding love takes time and effort. it doesn’t just magically happen. these stories feel real because we see these people go on dates, get heartbroken, figure out which social norms to follow to please their date, and they only enter a long term relationship sometimes. even though a lot of the setting up dates happen on the production end, the relationships are never forced. if one person is not interested in the romance, it’s that simple. they move on and try again.
Which if exactly how it should be because that's how it is in real life.
@kamsismith -- I'm glad you mentioned this. Because I've never heard of it, but as an autistic person, think it sounds like a rare actually-interesting dating show.
The couple that had a TikTok video done of them that went viral was also on an episode of the Big Fat Quiz where the contestants had to guess why they were famous during the 80s when they were on Blind Date.
They’re so stinkin’ cute!
It’s a bit of a misnomer to compare a stable, long-term, healthy relationship that’s took time to build to a fast tracked marriage, because it’s sort of assumes that the former is actually a possibility. The former is a possibility, but it’s not a guarantee, nor would it fit within the confines of a television season.
Another excellent essay from the Take...& I really like the way this voice actress narrates. Do they always give her the most interesting topics or does it just seem that way? I like her phrasing & the way she always sounds sort of amused & skeptical, but open minded.
One bit of cultural context that this video doesn't really touch upon is how changing marriage patterns also have to do with economics. There are plenty of young people (myself included) who want to get married but find that the costs of a wedding and having kids are a little too daunting at the moment. So those things get delayed until a measure of financial stability can be achieved, which sure feels like it's taking longer on average than it used for previous generations
To be fair to The Take, though, movies and TV shows haven't really caught up to this phenomenon, so it's not like there's a ton of on-screen examples to demonstrate that point
Great take! Very interesting video.
Would be interesting to compare mainstream American shows to shows like Indian Matchmaking. I don’t think the record of successful matches is all that great but it does show how things can work from a cultural perspective that is overall more open to arranged/fast tracked matches. The show has issues but even people who don’t end up with a match seem to go forward with some good lessons learned that help them find what they’re looking for
*A relationship of love*
The Bible teaches, “Husbands, love your wives” (Ephesians 5:25) and “teach the young women … to love their husbands” (Titus 2:4). Love in marriage can be deeper and more selfless than in any other relationship. It is this type of love that Jesus expects of His followers, and it is the virtue that couples need the most.
I've always hated rom-coms because that are so realistic, so I didn't set my sights on fantasy bullshit. The only reason I'm aware of the reality shows is because my mom and sister watch them all the time and they are on when I visit. I find it all ridiculous. I'm not even a person who believe in "love at first sight". I've always been very old-fashioned and I want to know someone for a WHILE before even having a date. In this fast-paced world, that may keep me single, but I honestly don't care anymore. I would rather be comfortable thando what everyone else is doing.
@UnboxingAlyss -- "I've always been very old-fashioned and I want to know someone for a WHILE before even having a date."
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Ditto. It's worth it to see if you and someone else can even sustain a longterm friendship before adding the romantic element. There are things you'd accept in a friend that you wouldn't in a partner, but there are also friendships that don't last long for various reasons. And if a relationship can't even evolve from new friendship to true friendship...
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And it's hard to lose or drop a friendship, but tbh, for many it can be harder to experience a romantic breakup because of the way we're encouraged to invest so much of ourselves -- our lives and identity -- into a romantic partnership.
I always thought this things were just capitalistic and patriarcal propaganda, since the fairytales are not working anymore
They are a little bit. Marriage is still better for men than women in a lot of cases. Married men tend to live longer and be happier than their single counterparts, the opposite is true for women. Yet, it is marriage that is pushed towards women as the ultimate goal in life and if you're single you get labelled the "crazy cat lady" or "sad spinster". More and more women are choosing to remain childless and single and society hasn't yet caught up with that idea or how to make marriage appealing to women again.
Reality shows are not real. t was exposed in the 90s When The Real World on MTV became huge and spawned endless shows like it. Doesn’t ABC have almost a dozen Bachelor type shows?
They leave those cameras running 24/7. Much of it is DULL. Through editing, they create ‘drama’, rivalries, friendships that may not ‘be as portrayed’. Never mind the hookups.
You call it ‘Speedrunning Marriage’, we just call it ‘Arranged Marriage’.
Arranged marriages are built on top of similar values and family planning. These shows are not that
"When you realize you wanna spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
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There's nothing really bad or wrong about this. It's just that people often mistake lust, infatuation, or a chance to stop being not-married for the something it's not. Which is the deep realization that someone you know well and have a good friendship and general life-goals compatibility with, is the person you want to share your life with in a more intimate way.
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It's fine to not need to spend years agonizing over whether to date a friend, or months on contemplating marriage with a partner you've been in a steady and healthy relationship with for years already. That you're ready to commit to making the change in your relationship and your lives.
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This is not the same thing as being attracted to someone you then realize you like-like, in *that* way, and thinking that marriage a month (or week) later is a perfectly great idea.
But, are these marriages in these realities truly legally binding?
You can't rush love that's why so many reality TV couples break up or get divorce cause they don't get enough time to really know each other. When the real world hit cause they've been living on fantasy for the past few months they don't have knowledge of each other to be really in love.
Jenna and Matty forever!! 🥹
1:19 Couple Goals honestly
The latest season of Married At First Sight is proof that the fast track to marriage is a train wreck. The narrative was so messed up with the participants more focused on the optics than being authentically themselves.
Marriage has always been a family creation tool that is supposed to give men assurance that the children they are providing resources for are theirs, and supposed to give women protection and provision for themselves and those children. (Not that a marriage would guarantee EITHER, mind you).
In the age of DNA paternity tests and women forced into the workplace, the institution is becoming outdated. Every study shows that married men are happier and live longer than single men, but divorced men are unhappier than both. So for men, the risk of divorce makes marriage a bad bet. In the other camp, married women are less happy and have shorter lives than single women, with divorced women somewhere in between. So for women, marriage is just not a life improvement in the first place.
I got married in order to have a legal family for my child to be born into. For that purpose, it was an extremely successful and ideal decision that I would make again. If I had married for romance, I would consider my marriage a failure. I didnt, so I don't. Marrying for love is a very stupid decision. It's a legal contract babes. You can wear rings and change your name without the government's stamp of approval, promise.
I guess you never heard of a man name Jesus.......
@@truthspreader1996 OH snap good point! The most perfect human who ever lived who we should model our lives after never got married at all so clearly god was sayin that marriage is not for everyone. Good one bruv.
@@aawillma *God
divorced women are less likely to remarry and are less financially stable then divorced men, especially if they have children.
I still can't wrap my head around, the logic that people only get married just so they can have a divorce(/treat it as a means for adultery). Plus I gotta say, marriage only being around because it was a means to getting a job, glad that the reality happened that it takes other things to qualify for &land a job,
TV...is not ..real.
So you're telling me SpongeBob SquarePants is not one of the best documentaries ever made?
@@alienboy1322 no wonder, I always wondered how they got such great underwater footage
I don’t think it’s fully fair to say that the lib contestants didn’t put in work to create relationships just because they’re getting married. Some of the contestants are still married years later and you see them work through genuine issues and meet each other’s families on the show. There’s usually a pretty good sense of when a couple is a genuinely good fit. Lib is super problematic for the other reasons cited though. I think a more interesting video would have looked at how we commodify love into entertainment via reality tv shows.
Marriage is just a meaningless contract, weddings are a cover to make it seem more alluring and realistic than it really ever was. Real love does not require getting the law involved in your interpersonal relationships, like who wants to basically set themselves up for divorce.
I don't get the push for marriage. Just the thought of getting stuck with someone who I don't 100% vibe with is terrible to me. And hasn't that been the but of the joke for generations? Old married couples absolutely despising each other?
It's a goalpost that has long pushed onto people by their parents, society and/or culture to be reached, preferably by a certain age (for females to have kids), as a sign of success and respectability.
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With the pressure, came the shaming through stuff like saying that if you weren't married by (age), it's because no one wanted you and you weren't good enough, which is ofc the only reason why you would be single. And the guilting about carrying on the family name/legacy, giving your parents grandbabies to dote on, yadda yadda (as if that wouldn't quickly turn into criticism about how you were raising them).
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It's given entire generations so much anxiety, and it just keeps getting passed on, especially in certain cultures.
If there's really a male lonelyness epidemic how come vast majority of male suicides are or were married
A litany of other factors that you conveniently didn't include. Along with the source for this bullshit statistic.
@@Uncle_Smidge why is sources important you cultist
The concept of marriage exists in every religion and has nothing to with government. It's an institution that has lasted because it works.
Religion has always been a means of “governing” or controlling the masses. That’s how it works. Religion and government has almost aways been inextricably linked. Super new in the alchemy of things to have supposed separation of church and state
And marriage was always a way to control women 🤷@@nataliaalfonso2662
Just commenting on your latest video cuz I really have a problem with an old video of yours. To the point that I feel like you guys have lost all your credibility in my eyes. And I need you to go back to it and double check cuz I don’t think it was a very good video. Not in that I didn’t like it, but because I thought it was biased and unfair and manipulative and honestly just untruthful. Feel free to laugh at me now as I reveal it was the friends video about Ross being a toxic person. I truly urge you guys to rewatch friends and reconsider the video you made. I’m sorry but, you guys are kinda being the toxic ones if you create videos as biased as those. I watched that video and thought I agreed as well and then I rewatched the whole show and realized how manipulative your video was.. wth guys? You’re supposed to be the good ones. Now I’m afraid how many other biased videos you guys have made..
Not to sound rude but, it felt like that video was written by some women who just finished some course on gender studies. Ross asks Rachel to stay with him, “oh he doesn’t want her to progress in her career what a toxic guy.” Ross has a problem with Susan, the girl who his ex wife cheated on him with “oh Ross makes an enemy of susan and oh is he homophobic?” Like.. come on you guys.. what is this? It’s just like those new doctors fresh out of med school who see zebras everywhere. It’s a good thing they don’t have successful RUclips channels or else they’d convince everyone that zebras are everywhere.
Just.. look I know I’m being overly dramatic now but, I just felt betrayed by you guys. Thst video was so awful. It’s was just plain lying. And I feel like an idiot for liking your channel. So I need you guys to just, please hear out what I’m saying. I mean it’s your own video, I’m sure you can take a look at it again right?
I'm sorry, but your narrative is not adding up. Millennials are the one participating in these shows and yet they are the least married generation. So that shows the freedom of choice really, what's wrong with that?
90s and 2000s tv shows made marriage undesirable for men .
Such creative videos you’ve on this channel. Just subscribed!
I want to teach the world how to love each other but I’m up against some seriously disconnected race of people 😨😳😰😱😥🫣🫠