The first story is why I hate it when people reply to me saying I don't want kids - "but it's different when they are your own!". I am not risking having a kid on a "oh maybe I'll change my mind". I would never, ever want to do this to a child!
Yeah, it can change a person in a negative way, people just brush it off and try to show the positive excuse on why you should have kids, it honestly angers me (I've never had it happen to me yet, but hearing the stories boils my blood)
As someone whose parents emotionally abused and neglected me because my mother was coerced into having a baby despite not wanting one..... Thank you for thinking this way. I also think this way. I will never have children for this reason..
I would rather sit on my hospital bed regretting how sad and alone I am because I never had a kid than I would leave a child thinking "Thank God he's gone" after I keel over.
And I applaud you for that, same is for me, with the added fact that when I hit puberty I developed severe depression and my anxiety hit through the roof. It’s genetic if your wondering why, I just don’t want my kids to go what I went through
I've told my dad since I was 12 that I didn't want to have kids, I'm 18 and he's still is saying I'll change my mind- I won't, I physically cannot love them, I could be nice but I dont have the required patience
As someone whose father loves them but doesn't like them, OP needs to get his kid out of there. Run far and fast. That stuff destroys adults, let alone kids. My heart breaks for OP and his son.
@@TrishRowdy I've read that in several Reddit posts now, and usually it's parents saying to their kid "I have to love you as a parent, but I don't like you right now" when the kid does something to annoy them, sort of like... They're "obligated" to provide parental love and support, but they don't like their child in a way you'd like your spouse or friends, aka someone whose company you'd genuinely enjoy. That's how I understand it at least, tho the thought process is still strange to me and even if someone feels that way, it seems like a terrible thing to tell another person, let alone a child...
Kids aren’t stupid, I’m pretty sure that OP’s son is aware that his mother doesn’t like him or at least that something was wrong with their relationship. I was always aware that I was treated differently from my sister - people actually liked my sister, so it was no surprise when I was a teenager that my mother told me I was the biggest mistake she ever made in her life and she wished I’d never been born.
I can't wait for 11 years from now. The son from the first story will post a reddit story in AITA title will probably be: "AITA for not wanting to reconnect with my mom because she regrets having me"
Last Story: CLEAR case of “don’t bite the hand that feeds you”. If step daughter wants bio-dad to have all the perks of being father of the groom, then he can have all the financial burdens too. Tbh Op you made the right choice, it’s pretty clear your ex and her daughter just view you as an ATM. Good luck in future man
I could understand letting her biological father walk her… I have learned that that is one choice that is 100% the bride’s to make (unless biodad refuses or fails to show up). But when the person paying for the wedding can’t have a say in guests… or food… or a single song, then they are not appreciated or respected and have the right to back out.
Story 1: "I don't need therapy" the fact she's taking out her issues on a 7yo proves that she does. Story 2: This was the happy feelings I needed. Story 3: At first I was all 'she's allowed to love her blood father', and all 'money can't buy happiness'. But the way they're treating you, it's clear they only saw you as a wallet. You were never part of the family. I'm glad you got out while you did. Sorry for the money you did waste on that ingrate.
Story one: mom needed to step up and when she chose not to she got pushed aside. Glad OP sees his son as the priority unlike some parents I read about. Story 2: I feel like there is hope in this world 😊 Story 3: well the warm and fuzzy feeling from story 2 left. Was OP always just a cash cow? Hate that he lost money on those fools! Hope he rebounds and finds happiness with the new beginning he’s been given!
@@lorilancaster5917 there wasnt any “stepping up”. She tried and ended up resenting the child. Some people are just *NOT* built to be parents and that is okay. Sounds like OP’s wife was one of those people and it took this situation to learn that
Story 1: There is no issues. There is nothing wrong with not wanting wrong with not wanting a kid. She tried it and she couldnt hide her dislike to being forced around him [to her its akin to being asked to doing something you do not like…some people are just more expressive]😊
@@lorilancaster5917 yeah not sure where Daniel got THAT read from the story. If OP's wife was hesitant with motherhood from the start, that's one thing. It seems rather that motherhood was not as she pictured. That is still fine to an extent to be uncomfortable. To take it out on her son is the problem, that's displacement. She failed to see that requiring therapy despite the fact that she admitted that to her husband. When he wanted to leave, she tried *bargaining* feigned love for the sake of keeping OP around. That would not work in the long run, and was likely a bluff that would be very obvious from the son's perspective over years. Her crime wasn't not wanting to be a mother as much as being a shitty one without any effort.
*First OP:* What an awful way to find out you’re not parent material; at least not for that kid. OP did the right thing, and I hope his son is surrounded by people who love him _and_ like him. I think both OP and his son should seek therapy. *Second OP:* OP is a G. I hope her (?) coworker continues to have good fortune because dude needs it. Also, shoutout to rSlash for reading that bit of dialogue super fast. That’s pretty impressive! I wonder how many takes he did before he nailed it? *Third OP:* At least OP knew where he stood _before_ he married his (ex)- gf. And that speech, * _chef’s kiss_ *
Story 2: yes OP is a G, but that story is very dystopian. The coworker isnt getting paid enough and there is no way to get around his city other than by car
“Cheers to the happy couple and the path they’ve chosen” which is depressing AF considering you’ve loved her as your own, your step-daughter AND your girlfriend apparently don’t love or respect you, which is beyond depressing, it’s actually heartbreaking.
@@sanddagger36 right? I saw so many red flags from OP. For starters, the daughter has always known and loved her dad...but OP thinks he should be more important? He isn't even married to her mom ffs. He met the daughter at EARLIEST age 12. I could go on and on but he literally expected to take the dad slot simply because he was dating the mom and they made the financial decision for her to not work. It just seemed like he had all these UNCOMMUNICATED expectations and reality slapped him in the face Hus being jn a relationship with her mom and their financial decisions doesn't obligate tye daughter to put him on the #1 dad pedestal. She HAS a dad. Of course he'd be the one to walk her down the aisle. If OP wanted that as a condition of payment.. he should have said then. Instead it was just another uncommunicated expectation he had. This whole story just legit sounds like OP is jealous his girlfriend's daughter loved her dad *as she should* .
@@Mewse1203 if that's the case then they're better off without him. So the trash took itself out, either way. Leaving someone only punishes the person who's wrong, bad people don't notice that. Leaving someone isn't bad, coming back is. If they're a problem what are they coming back to, a problem? He was offering two things, himself and money, The difference is the first thing was worthless to them. Take it from someone who didn't get a single call from my "family" in the hospital until they got a call from a lawyer about an inheritance I got. Then I had to mute my phone, It interrupted the sound of me coughing on my own blood. I still bought them a new laptop though, not for them, But for me kindness is its own reward much more than money will ever be. You can't pay people to love you, you can only pay them to tolerate you and that's bad for both sides.
@@Mewse1203 "Simply because" is disingenuous. Did he not describe the bad dad behavior of real dad? Did he not describe broken promises and heartbreak from a deadbeat dad? He assumed he'd take that role not only because he's dating mom, they live in his house, and he paid for everything (pretty good reasons not to openly disrespect them in and of themselves), but because he saw that real dad was a deadbeat.
I like how 2. Op wasn't like "look at me how generous and great i am, give me an award" he wanted to do it in a kind way that did not humiliate the other person
3rd story: my dad raised my (half) sister since she was 8 years old. Her bio father was a real piece of work. My parents paid for her wedding and her bio father was invited, and he got to sit and watch as her DAD gave her away to the groom. 🙃
I'm reminded of that episode of M*A*S*H where Hawkeye's father went in for surgery to remove a pheochromocytoma, and Charles kept vigil with him by the phone. They talked about their respective upbringings, and Charles said that while his father was present in his life, he was always emotionally distant. But he looks at the close, warm relationship that Hawkeye had with his own father, and says to Hawkeye, "Whereas I have a father, you have a dad." The way I see it, just because someone is your father does not make them your dad. Being the sperm donor makes you a father, but love, warmth, and closeness is what makes you a dad. I doubt we will ever get it, but I would love to see an update to the third story, to see if the step-daughter's sperm donor flakes out again, maybe even right before the wedding, and she tries to come crawling back to OP, either because she wants the money and security that he provides, or because she (hopefully) realizes that he was her true dad, not the man who helped conceive her. What OP decides to do next is up to him.
Story 1: THIS is why people should NOT have kids unless they are 100% enthusiastic about becoming parents, and why every time someone says they want to be Childfree, people need to STFU and let them. Doctors need to STFU and let women who ask for sterilization get the procedure. EDIT: 100% enthusiastic, AND be realistically educated on parenthood, AND be prepared with proper resources.
Honestly being 100% enthusiastic about becoming parents isnt enough. Many people are, but have no idea of the reality of a day to day life with kids and how much it changes your life. More than being enthusiastic, people need to be truly informed!
Totally agree minus the enthusiasm. There is just so much more that goes into it than enthusiasm. you could be 80% enthusiastic and still rock it if you have whatever else it takes.
What's more important than enthusiasm is informed consent. So many stories along this vein include the words "parenting isn't what I thought it would be." Well what did you think it would be?! It's a tiny human, not a doll. Then I see these disgusting posts and articles sometimes where people will talk about not sharing all the sucky parts about parenting with their friend/sister/daughter/whatever and just going "you're going to love it" while laughing inwardly. The stories are supposed to be heartwarming, but I'm always left horrified. No wonder people think parenting "isn't what I thought it would be" when everyone around them omits the horrors of lochia, 3am feedings, cracked nipples, purple crying, or when your kid tells you they hate you for the first time. People *NEED* to know these things before deciding to be a parent.
@@chrisbennett916 i agree with ya there too, enthuisiasm is pretty temporary and it will get hard when the baby needs feeding every 4 hours is it? It takes a lot and I know i'm not cut out for child care. but i respect people who do.
As a person with a step father I find story 3 just very VERY annoying along with any and every story like it. I see my step dad as my dad full stop. He is the man who stepped up to be a father figure in my life. He stayed around to help me and my brother grow into adults. He's the one who's been there for this family. He wasn't obligated to by any means but he did. My gratitude for him is right next to my ass amount of respect for him. He earned the right to be called my father.
@@BonkVibin It makes sense that you feel that way but even if you didn't...that would be Ok. The thing is, I don't think your story is comparable to this one. Your dad came into your life when you were young and let's be real. He's the only dad you've ever really known. That is not the case here but OP is acting as if it is. That makes a big difference. The girl in this story was, at youngest, 12 and still had contact with dad even if it was sporadic (And that's if OP isn't putting a spin on the dad's involvement) when her mom started dating OP. She already had a dad when OP showed up. OP came in, and put himself in the dad position when it was clear the daughter didn't have him there. OP had a bunch of expectations that he didn't communicate and that were frankly not reasonable about his place in the daughter's life. The only one that was reasonable is the invitees. I'm a stepdad. I have 3 kids. 2 call me dad, one doesn't. They were 2, 5, and 9 when we met. Now 12, 15, and 17. The oldest doesn't see his dad often if at all. Dad came in one day and dropped him and bounced. The other 2 see their dad on the weekend. I am also the stay at home parent. I have been with these kids through thick and thin. I taught the youngest 2 how to ride bikes. I taught my youngest how to potty train and am constantly teaching them period. I am not a replacement for their dad and shouldn't expect to be. I am a bonus dad and that's the mistake OP made. He wanted to be a replacement not a bonus. Replacement is fine when one isn't there, but OP made clear that he was, even if it was painful and inconsistent. None of this is to construe that the ladies are perfect but Op went into this relationship with eyes wide open. He dated a single mother for 10 years and let himself be used as an ATM and built himself up as the "Godfather" in his head while ignoring what was right in front of him: he was the person her mom was dating while she was a teenager. His financial decisions are on him. He allowed mom to stay home. He chose to pay for a car and for college. He chose to pay for the wedding. Where in any of that is the daughter obligated to make OP her dad? He wasn't even married to her mom ffs let alone was he her only dad. I just want to say this to finish up. The kids in a relationship feeling how they do about their step parent is totally different from how the parents should feel or how they should make the kids feel. Your dad has every right to feel like your dad because that's what he is and that's how you feel about him. But if you didn't feel that way, he shouldn't expect you to. We as step parents need to give step kids the ability to define the relationship (to an obvious degree) as they see fit. We shouldn't be trying to force ourselves into a role the kid doesn't want us in. Doing so just makes things bad. Your dad obviously did a fantastic job with you. I hope I'm doing the same. I have a great relationship with my kids but, unlike OP, I don't delude myself into thinking I'm the most important dad just because I'm the one who is here the most. I let the kids define the relationship as they see fit and as long as they are respectful and happy, that's what matters. OP built himself a pedestal in his head called "godfather" and then was crushed under the weight of his own unreasonable expectations.
@@Mewse1203 I am not reading all of that. I'm also not comparing my situation to theirs. I am further explaining why it annoys me. I feel like it's unreasonable (unless they're a horrible person) to be that disrespectful to a person who has been consistent in your life as a parental figure when your biological parent failed you. I find that behavior annoyingly disgusting. End of. Also don't assume if I knew my bio father or not. I did and he was a horrible man. Just because I was young doesn't mean I don't remember. His family has tried contacting my family but since we choose as a collective to avoid those vile people, we keep them blocked. I know those people and I can say they are not the kinda people you are nice to.
This poor child being resented for a choice he didn't make is just so sad... Edit: yeah that first story hurt a lot more since it reflected behaviors that my mother exhibited when I was a similar age to that boy. I hope that his bond with his dad is strong enough to help him overcome his "mother's"cruelty
The car story is just....so amazing on so many different levels. As someone who has been that woe begone coworker, someone being so incredibly kind and generous is beyond anything I could ever expect and I CRY. 😭
Story 2 is definitely S-Tier wholesomeness. Close to quite rare outcomes on the channel. Last time I've listen to some wholesomeness was the story of another OP finally reuniting with his biological parents, which I think is also on r/bestofredditorupdates. I mean if I'm OP, I would start speaking faster and faster to explain it as well.
The wedding plan containing a menu he was allergic to was hilarious. Did she really think that would move him? But she clearly never saw him as a person, so emotional appeals would be difficult for her.
I think that just shows how much she saw him as a wallet that she thought showing him the wedding plans that showed he wasn't even an afterthought would make him reconsider.
That first story just reinforces my choice to not have kids. I'm just not mentally or financially stable enough to provide adequate care to one. But I'm always floored by the people who seem to think these problems will just vanish if I do. Like I'm sure that people find the experience of parenthood magical but it isn't literal magic. Your flaws don't just cease to be if you have kids and what do you do if you regret it? There really is no way out once you have a kid. Nah, unless I have an extremely dramatic change of heart in the next ten years that just isn't for me.
You are so right. I had a child young so a friend of mine came to me for advice once. She said her and her husband were having marriage problems and did I think if they had a baby, it would help them get along better? I said no! 100% no. Not at all. A few months later, she announced her pregnancy.
@@shelby8101 Damn that kid is gonna have an awful life with parents that dont love eachother. I will never understand why people think children fix marriages, if anything they do the opposite if youre already having problems.
Unfortunately there is a lot of propaganda surrounding pregnancy and parenthood. Particularly false promises like "You'll change your mind after having the baby and instantly love them" and fear mongering like "If you don't have kids now you'll regret it when you're too old". Ops wife sadly bought into the bs
My 2 daughters by birth have kids. The daughters of my heart, some gave birth and some adopted kids into their own hearts. My son has chosen child free. Good on all of them. Happiness is the goal and looks different to each and every one of us. ❤
Story 1: Parent life is hard, and I know that it can be a headache for the first few years, but this is a terrible way to handle it. You don't resent your own kid for just existing.
True but just to add People can regret being parents even if they thought they would love it before becoming one, I don't think people should be shamed for regrets But the way she handled her regret is crazy abusive She and her son need therapy separately
@@cydniebutler3116 I was just thinking the same thing. The idea of having a child is completely different from actual having a child. I don’t think her regretting having kids is a bad thing but she’s just straight up being abusive.
It’s also the fact that she expects OP to let the son that he loves more than anything to suffer so that her selfish ass can be happy is beyond selfish, it’s diabolical
@@cydniebutler3116 I think the blame goes to society as well for advertising parenthood as a totally fulfilling thing you have to do. It’s even harder for women than for men if they don’t feel attracted to kids or don’t feel like having own. To be fair to the woman of course she handled it toxic but what could she do? Just take it as it is and be unhappy for the next 18 years until he moves out? If she would distance herself from him without leashing out on her son that would be toxic too.
First Story: I'm glad he got his kid out of that sort of environment. Her kid is older now, in school, and she is refusing to seek out therapy for her behavior. In that case, it was better to leave rather than stick around and have him suffer.
He saw her, not as a human being, with her own feelings, her own thoughts, and her own needs, but merely as an incubator. HE made her pregnant, and did not care whether she wanted to have a child or not. Maybe if he had been a decent husband, respected her, LISTENED to her, TOOK HER SERIOUSLY, truly pulled his weight with childcare, and housework, and given her time to rest, and time for herself, to be a woman, not just a servant, and nanny, she would have felt differently. He dragged her on 'date nights', without bothering to ask if that was what she wanted, when she was exhausted, from working, and child care. He does the 'fun' part of being a parent, and leaves all the hard graft to her. I think it's him,. not the child, that she resents.
@@user-hk2fc4jv2g What story did you read?? They were married for 5 years, they both weren't sure about kids when she got pregnant. She said she wanted to try, and gave birth to him willingly. She never said ANYTHING about her issues until their kid was 7 y/o, and she was already abusing him. She finally admitted to wanting things to go back to when they weren't parents, and it was just them two. She refused therapy or to get help, didn't keep her promises to stop abusing their son, etc. She is not a victim for abusing her child, so stop making her out to be. She is just as responsible for her choices.
@@user-hk2fc4jv2g Okay, you wanna make him a villain without any proof he did that, then fine. Let's say he did pressure her into having a child. And let's say he was shitty at helping her with child rearing and helping with chores. Even if he were a physically abusive person to her, she still has no right to abuse their child. That gives her no right whatsoever to hurt her own child, regardless of whether she wanted him or not. You don't get a free child abuse pass because you didn't want your kid or your partner is abusing you. That's a shitty excuse. I'm tired of people trying to excuse child abuse/neglect, it's pathetic to use your own abuse as a reason for it. I was abused, and I don't abuse my child. My spouse was abused, and she doesn't abuse our child. My mom dated abusive a**holes, but that didn't give her a reason to abuse me, it's a stupid f*cking reason. No 👏 excuse 👏 for 👏 abuse 👏
Story 1: Some people struggle to bond with their kids and the way people overvalue parenthood does contribute to it. I have a cousin who was essentially forced to babysit her nephew by her parents and ended up resenting a lot of children. It hit the fan when she was expected to take care of her 90+ grandmother in addition to it too. Story 4: Some people have large families and that is usually the biggest reason. For example, besides my parents, I have 10+ sets of uncle and aunts and their families alone. So them and their kids would at least account for 40 ppl already. At my last cousin's wedding, they essentially had to rent out an entire restaurant for a night for around $50k USD for 300 ppl total.
Last story. What I think is funny is they convinced him this wedding for 250 people was only costing 40-50k. He just saved himself closer to 100k and that is if she was budgeting. I get the feeling this was not an arrange your own flowers and thrifted dress situation.
For the wedding story from the point where the step-daughter brought in the real dad I was constantly saying to myself "Please cancel the payment. Please cancel the payment!" I was not disappointed. OP I'm so glad you found out before your payments were confirmed because they made their beds and now they have to lie in them. Also great job kicking them out because they are beyond toxic. I hope that wedding fails and fails hard.
@@lorilancaster5917 He can take back the car if it's in his name but if it's not, I doubt he could get the money back. I don't know think it's possible to get the money back from the tuition either. He probably wouldn't win a lawsuit if he sued them. But I'm not a lawyer and the laws do vary from place to place. However, if he can get all his money back, he should definitely sue them as I think he deserves to have it all back after the way they treated him!
@@dragonfliesnh4204 Yeah, I think he's going to have to eat that loss unfortunately. Like Judge Judy (the angry twat, lol) always says "You can't give money/items, and then when everything falls apart, decide it is now a loan". I'm not sure why, but with the way the gf and her daughter were acting in the end, I get a sneaking feeling that fleecing OP while being a "real family with her real dad" was the plan all along, and their relationship may have never actually ended. (IE: She may have been cheating on OP). The GF seems pretty money focused, so I can't imagine she just "forgot" to seek child support at any point in 10 years. Child support isn't a thing that needs to be done the day of separation or forever hold your peace kind of deal. Even her "look at all this hard work and planning you're going to destroy if you don't pay for it!" ploy at the end felt more like it was intended to be an additional dagger to OP's heart, than an actual plea to reconsider. I mean, why would you show your benefactor that "Not only did we not care about the compromise we made with you, replaced you with the prodigal father, but we've also chosen a menu that you are allergic to!" and think it would encourage them to keep their purse strings loose?
@@lorilancaster5917 if the car is in OPs name and not the "step", then he can just show up one day with either the keys or a tpw truck and title in hand. When the police are called, OP just shows the title, tells the police he's taking back HIS property and BOOM no more car for the "step". Its what my best friend had to do with his ex-girlfriends daughter. What a Pikachu face LOL.
The last story is blood boiling. The rejection, the realization of a one-way relationship, The years of housing, support, love, care, the money, oh, all the money, and it's was all taken for granted. Really makes you question ever getting together with someone who already has kids.
the 2nd story sure helped restore my faith in humanity after listening to the morbid 1st story. good thing that the 1st op got his kid the hell out of there considering the wife's anger and contempt towards their son would've most definitely gotten worse especially since she sadly refuses to get help with whatever issues are causing her to act this way
theres hope yes, but Story 2 is actually a dystopian story. if coworker was paid a living wage, he would be able to afford a car. and if his city accomodated walk/bike/bus better, he wouldnt need a car (or uber)
Story 4: If I were the groom, I'd be breaking off the engagement because no way in hell am I joining a family that uses someone as an ATM. I'd actually be worried that they were looking at me like that.
I mean he is marrying a college educated woman that isn't working. I couldn't marry someone that went to school and is very capable of getting a job but doesn't. Her being college educated but not working was a waste of his money
Story 1 : " she didn't think motherhood was everything it was gonna be " ..well wtf did he she thinking it was gonna be sunshine and rainbows?? Story 2 : op needs to go to the co-worker and just ask :" hey do you want this car I don't really need it I have another car".. This story was wonderful.. kindness sometimes goes along way with people who deserve you to be kind to them.. op your a good human being.. Story 3 : you got used bro.. gtfout asap.." is this selfish " protecting one self is never selfish op.. get these users out of your life forever even if they " Apologize ".
Story 2: yes OP was very kind, but the story is very dystopian in nature. If the coworker was a living wage, he could afford a new car. And if his city was designed better for walk/bike/bus, then he wouldnt need to take an uber when his car breaks
Story 1: With how much motherhood is romanticized in almost every culture, yeah duh. We are taught that we will instinctually love our offspring no matter what because being a mother is just something natural triggered after birth. But that ain’t true. This sentiment is very common u know? I know many women like that irl and online there’s even more. No one actually taught women how fcked up being a mother can be and the mothers who do speak up get shamed for it. The women in the first story definitely needs therapy, sounds like an extreme case of postpartum depression.
Story one: My mom wasnt even as hostile as OPs wife and it still fucked me up how much she clearly wasnt ready to be a mom and regrets having me and my sister, even if she doesnt use those words, it was easy to tell as a kid she just didnt really care about us and we were an inconvenience. This is why having kids should be taken WAY more seriously, and is not something you should do to "try it out" or without any deep deep investigation of what it entails. I will never have kids because I thought about it and investigated and made sure of everything I possibly could before making a choice, and came to the conclusion I wouldnt be as happy. Even if I know I would love my kids and give them everything, there are many personal reasons why its not for me, and THATS OK. ITS OK IF MOTHERHOOD ISNT FOR YOU. What isnt ok is to treat your kid like shit because youre irresposible and made the wrong choice and you refuse to at least work on it.
Sometimes parents don't like their children. It happens. However, that's not an excuse to treat them badly. Even if you regret the decision to have kids, you still have them and it's not their fault that you made that decision. Especially if you refuse to even try to get help.
Story one I really think the mom had PPD but thought she didn't need help and it just kept building. Most women don't think they need help which is why the partner should actively go out and try to find the help even talking with her doctors. PPD is a horrible thing and without the help the woman will only get worse
This is exactly what i was thinking, i have a 15 month baby, its very very hard, ppd can creep in without one noticing it months later if not already suffering it from the beginning, i do go to therapy as my mental stability got super shaken after having my baby
@@sourisvoleur4854 if you dont get help, yes, in some cases. you may not even realize you have it and you just develop a general dislike for your kid because of how you feel around them.
The problem is you can’t actively force someone to go to therapy if they don’t want to. Therapy only works when the person going recognizes that they need it and want to attend.
The first story is the only time I've ever approved of an ultimatum, get help or we're gone. And she chose to hate rather than get help. For the second and 3rd story omg I'm so glad there are some happy stories for once 😭
So proud of OP for getting his son away from a mother like that. Mine would get messed up and think I looked like my dad, it didn't turn out well. I could def live without those memories. He put his child first and that's exactly what a parent should do. 🖤 The second story made my heart melt 🖤 a friend of mine so inherited a vehicle yesterday after a woman she'd been taking care of for the last year passed away. She ended up getting everything in this woman's house. The woman's daughter works for the White House and needed none of it and since she was kind enough to take care of her, the daughter and the mother wanted her to have everything. Sometimes karma can be good 🖤 The last story, that guy got out quickly and that is great! Clearly these people only used him as an ATM. He just saved himself a lot of disrespect and unhappiness. He'll find somebody who respects him for him 🖤
Story 3: If OP was going to pay for a large portion of the wedding, then might as well invite him as a "Thank you". I would've! Pretty disrespectful for the Step-Daughter to see OP as just an ATM.
I hate to be this guy but he should have full control ove all of the wedding if he's paying for literally everything I get that the wives and soon to be brides see themselves as the "wedding" "planners" but that's only ok if they recognize that they owe the person paying everything and they owe them every last detail about the goings-on of the whole affair and they especially shouldn't be relegated to a "thank you" spot thats how I feel about it at least
@@alexcunningham1647 yeah...fuck all that noise. That's how people who need abusive levels of control think. If you have some expectations, fine, but COMMUNICATE them and realize 🎵 🎶 you can't always get what you want. 🎵 🎶 . Pick your battles. Have some hard boundaries and let the person whose wedding it is plan their wedding. The thing with the invites was shitty, but OP expecting to have the dad position when she has a dad is just fucking bonkers
@@Mewse1203 He shouldn’t pay for the wedding, she doesn’t see or respect him as a parental figure, he shouldn’t continue to attempt to be one. He needs to get out of a relationship with these people for the sake of his mental health.
First story: I feel this story, I'm very hostile towards unwanted tasks. That's exactly why I won't be having kids, because I know myself, so she should aswell. It's not like she just got pregnant by accident when she was young and didn't know better, they decided to have this kid, it's now time to either go to therapy and cope, or get that kid out of that house.
The story in the second was very sweet that nearly made me tear. I can see why she was hesitated because some people can get offended from hand out but what she did was very sweet. She help a person who was down in his luck. We need more people like that in the world.
That first story: Parenthood is never gonna get easy. What she did was not parenthood it was more like narcissistic behavior (if I am wrong please correct me). She wanted things to go back before they had kids, sorry lady but you have a kid now, of course he’s gonna make his son priority number one. Like what? “If you love that kid so much then leave” ‘okay bye’ “*surprised pikachu*”
I feel like you’re wrong in the whole “narcissistic behavior” thing. I think she might have untreated PPD that she, unfortunately, refused to get treatment for. OP’s ex isn’t in the wrong for regretting parenthood but the emotional abuse is what’s really the issue. Edit: i guess I’ll explain my reasoning a bit more since someone people think me giving my opinion is me giving a diagnosis. Narcissistic behavior usually involves an inflated view of one’s self that results in the lack of empathy. You see that a lot with the stories on r/raisedbynarcissists and in other instances. At least up until the point she gets mad at OP for “picking their kid over her,” I DON’T THINK OP’s hatred for her son is coming from a place of her feeling superior to him as opposed to a place of her not liking the position she’s in with regards to now being a mother and the challenges that come with it. The fact that both her and OP weren’t sure about having kids before they ended up having rather than then enthusiastically trying for a kid also ticks off a box of conditions that can lead to women suffering from PPD.
@@bridi0821 You're not the woman's doctor and you can't diagnose someone based on a story from the OP's point of view, even if you were a psychiatrist. It is definitely possible for her not to have PPD and is just narcissistic. She probably had a different idea on what she thought it would be like to have kids or she thought she would end up liking her son eventually but that never happened which is why she went through with it once she found out she was pregnant. People who want to be childfree are usually told by others that they would change their minds if they had their own children. This is a load of bull for many people. Yes, it's possible to change their minds after having a kid, but it doesn't always work out that way.
@@dragonfliesnh4204 I literally said “I feel” in my comment. I never diagnosed her with anything but when only 5% of the population have narcissistic personality disorders and 15-30% of mothers suffer from PPD, it’s just more likely (at least statistic wise) that she has PPD. Not everyone who regrets having children were initially child free people. Even people who WANT children still have instances where they regret it after having kids because actually having a kid is completely different from wanting to have one
@@bridi0821 Just because you put the word "feel", it doesn't change that you said that Demon was wrong and that you are "pretty sure" that the woman has untreated PPD. It may sound like she could have PPD but there is no way to be "pretty sure" that she has it as you aren't her doctor. We are only hearing things from the OP's perspective.
@@dragonfliesnh4204 so because I put the word “feel” I can’t disagree with someone else’s opinion? When did I ever say that Demon was 100% wrong? How is what I said different from Demon saying that OP’s wife’s behavior is more like narcissistic behavior. They’re not OP’s ex wife’s Doctor (as far as you and I know)?
A friend of mine parents both hated him for no reason what so ever always favored his younger brother..the problem was his younger brother loved him and always behind the parents back split everything with him to the point the favoritism made those "parent" angry .. they past 5 years ago none of the 2 kids went to the funeral..
Damn, OP In story 3 was quick and effective with making sure he couldn’t be used anymore Also it’s good that we get a nice story for this subreddit with story 2, good on OP for being a good friend/co-worker
Good for you for taking back the money you gave to that spoiled unthankful brat. I’m so proud of you for standing up for yourself and kicking them out of your house. That made me smile but I am sorry that you had to find out that way. The trail is never easy. Specially, from people who you thought loved you, but just know this, a lot of us out here have your back. And I am one of them.
God, I super love you gassing up the op in the last story. Bc he really IS killing it. And he just dropped all that dead weight that he didn't even realize was dead weight, so he's about to be doing even better
Those kind of story is why I find it ridiculous when people say that "it's selfish" that I don't want children. I don't want children, if I had children, I wish I didnt and no amount of discipline and "doing the right thing" would make it different when someone that I don't want in my life, would take over my life and change it radically. I would be a terrible father, not because I wouldnt do what I'm supposed to do, but because I would not WANT to do it and spending time with the kid would feel like a chore and I would definitely resent the kid, not because they deserve it, but because they would've unintentionally ruined my life. If you want children, have children, if you don't want children, for the love of god, don't. There's enough humans on this earth.
I'm a parent and I don't get how not wanting kids makes you selfish. If you don't want kids, not having them is one of the most selfless things you can do. The only thing I can think is that they hate being parents and you're "selfish" for not sharing in their misery. I feel bad for their kids.
I think the worst part is she decided to have the kid. Her husband sounded very supportive and would have went with her decision either way. you can’t change your mind SEVEN years in. If it was like right after birth, i could understand more. Hormones really mess you up after all. But seven years? And she didn’t have the decency to talk to her husband before that point? This makes her selfish and cruel. I can’t find very much sympathy for her. The kid didn’t deserve that. Didn’t deserve the abuse she gave him.
@@madokamiiii Totally agree! Various people have tried to tell me I'm selfish or stupid (one person even told me that "babies are a biological imperitive and the meaning to life" this same person said that humans are more important than the universe which oof) but like, I don't want kids. I like seeing kids, but I don't like loud noises or irrational people who don't listen. I have a TON of health conditions in my family (ranging from BPD to cancer) why would I EVER have a child? Bonus points: if I change my mind, adoption exists
Story 1 - I wish people would stop saying she hated their son. You can love your kid, but still resent the circumstances. I’m willing to bet she was under a lot of pressure to have a kid, so they got pregnant. It also sounds like she suffered from untreated PPD. I feel bad for all three of them, especially the little boy. It’s not his fault his parents were ambivalent about kids. At least one of the parents stepped up, but OP is about to find out how tough being a parent is going to be for him.
As someone whose mother was like the mother in story 1, people need to effing stop pressuring child free people to have kids. THIS is the result too often. Im just glad kiddo has a good dad that put him first so he can't get messed up any worse by this. I can assure you, he still needs therapy because children internalise everything. Everything is their fault in their minds.
Sometimes you need a feel good story with the second story after the bullshit the ex-wife did in the first story and the wedding bullshittery from the third story. No strings attached, no entitlement, none of that. Just a moment of human love and human kindness.
My mom loves and likes me, but she told me mutliple times how much of a burden I was and am to her because of health reasons on my part. That destroyed me. And she likes me, she loves me, I know that. I can't imagine what it must feel like for your own mother to hate you. My heart goes out for ops kid.
when I was first born, after the doctor told her I was a boy (instead of the girl she wanted), she told the doctor to "cut IT off!!!" Welcome to the world LOL!!!! You can just imagine the hell I went through from age 3 (when my father who loved and adored me was killed) and age 6 when my father's mother finally won custody of me due to neglect. The father did the right thing by leaving.
Story 1: Not everyone is suited to be a parent. I don't know why that's so hard to understand or admit, and I don't know why anyone would bug someone who clearly says "I don't want a kid" about having kids. Yes, because everyone knows the best parents are those who didn't ever actually want children in the first place.
Um... wait... if I was OP in the first story, I would have kicked the wife out. No way am I making my child homeless because somebody hates them enough in their own home to be a terrible human. The (hopefully former) wife is only one person that can figure things out on her own, but OP has both himself and his son to look out for and it should have been HER that should have left the apartment.
Last story: OP is killing it in life... except in the "finding a good partner" department, apparently. It's a pity... he seems like a good dude, and his reaction to being exploited and disrespected was perfect.
Better late than never. But what kills me is that he was smart enough not to marry the gf, but not smart enough to see the glaring problem in financing the gf's daughter's education and wedding.
@@itsalwayshalloweenexceptwh5118 I think he was under the impression that if he supported her enough she would realize what matters isn’t just blood relations but who supports you when you need it. I’m going to guess that the gf and her daughter will be back begging for support in the near future as they have no way to support themselves. They are also prob accustomed to a lifestyle that they will never get again without OPs help. It is sad for the OP but I’m sure he will find another attractive women to be his gf and will hopefully not have the baggage of a step child around.
@@jdenameinit That's a very kind perspective. I'm more cynical/realistic though imo, OP is ridiculously rich and was with someone (two people in fact) who wanted him to financially support them completely. He should have seen this coming from miles away. I think he did on some level because he wasn't married to the gf. I've said it before but I will say it again; I think he knew (on at least some level) that the ex gf was with him for his money, and that's why he didn't marry her, and he was probably with her for her looks. There's nothing inherently wrong about this kind of shallow deal, but she got too greedy and he had enough. The ex gf needs to get a job so she can support herself and not bother the OP again. There's no doubt that he will be able to get an attractive gf again, him being as rich as he is, but he needs to be smart about what kind of women he pursues. If he goes after women in a much lower income bracket expect them to be gold diggers if they're interested in him (he was right to leave and should have done it much sooner, but he does sound like a douche) and want to be financially supported by him, and don't be surprised when they do in fact dig for his gold.
The fact the wife hates their child and refuses to get therapy is a huge red flag. This shows that she refuses to change and WANTS to hate their child. Saying she didn't expect motherhood to be like this is just an excuse. I'd say run the hell away, a child doesn't deserve a mom that despises them.
@@NM-jd9ck I'm pretty sure of that, plus not wanting treatment is often a sign of mental illness. Healthy people would usually go to at least one appointment with a therapist
On the car story, i have had incredible people pass through my life. There was a lawyer that came into my life at my lowest point. She helped me for free with the legal work to buy my home, she represented me for free to ssi for my disability, again twice when an unscrupulous neighbor tried to take my property. When she found out her cancer was terminal, she gifted each of my 3 kids 15,000 dollars for their future. I have spent the last 4 years without a car. Recently, my old roomates said they found me a car for only 1000 dollars, when i said i really couldnt swing it(i live on less than 750 a month) they just got it and gave it to me, when i asked about payments they just said "whatever, no rush". One time i was leaving the local food bank and a couple walked up and handed me a card with 100 dollars in it. Faith in humanity restored. Have a great day dabney. 😊❤😊
I feel sad for op at the first story, children need to be loved from both parents. Honestly i think she wasnt ready to be a mother or to start a life, she didnt take responcinilities and thats a red flag and even when she refused therapy. Man, i hope op and his son doing and have surpass this weight, i hope his ex reflect her mistake and be a better person
Story 1: I'm wondering how much presusser the op put on his wife to keep the child that when she never wanted him? This is what happens when someone who doesn't want kids ends ups with kids. If someone is insisting that they are childfree perhaps listen to them.
You won’t know until you have the baby, sometimes it is hate or resentment against your partner, some men go through it as well, it sucks, but it is more common and needs to be talked about.
"I don't know why anyone would have a child and not love them" I do! Social pressure! It might be getting better, but all of society wants to push you down the path of, get married, have kids.
So on the first story I think its probably true she did love her kid but didn't like him. A lot of us have to love our blood relatives even as it's ingrained into us mentally but we don't always like them. She got in over her head and at least she didn't just leave at night to never be seen again. I agree op did the right thing though since it was either that or adoption. On the last story agree with op. If you pay for the wedding and are disrespected it's your money so you can pull funding.
Story 3: They have space for 250 people, but somehow OP's 20 invitees ALL got cut? I don't believe that for a second. I was at a cousin's wedding not too long ago, and between extended families and longtime friends on both sides, I'd say it topped out at probably 110 people at MOST. If I got married tomorrow, my hypothetical list would probably top out at 50 people. Like rSlash himself said, I'd have to start inviting randos off the street if I had to bump the wedding guest count up to 250.
Story 1 describes perfectly why I’m never having kids. I know that, were I to have a child, I would take responsibility in ensuring that they had the resources needed to grow up ok. However, I also know that I would very likely resent that child for the opportunities and time their presence in my life cost me. I believe that no kid should have a parent that resents them, and so I’m never having one.
First OP just saved his kid some heartbreak. I grew up with a mom that didn’t like me like the mom in story but i only managed to get out when I was 15, so almost ten years ago and only now I’m sorta ok with it. Also, OP is a great dad, wish him and his kid the best ❤
For story 1: We as human beings never want to see ourselves as wrong for the bad guy in any situation, so the reason she is taking out her anger and resentment on her so it’s because she is not prepared to present herself, even though deep down she knows that her son is not to blame because she was the one who brought him into this world. this story, really spoke to me because I am a teacher of young children and I know how frustrating it can be. However, I always make sure to reiterate to the kids in the care that even when I am frustrated with their actions are their behavior, I will always love them unconditionally. I may not like the way that they are acting in the moment, but I will always love them. And they aren’t even my own kids!
The first story reminds me of people who insist I have kids. I don't want them, neither does my boyfriend, yet we get told we have to have them, or 'What's the point of being in a relationship?' No one says that to people who do want kids, there's no, "Why do you though?" Yet, we are weird because we know we don't want them. People who do get "Aw, that's sweet!" We get hate for not. We respect those who do, and those who don't. All we ask for is not to be bullied for our decision.
I do feel bad for OP in the third story. Being used for your money is shitty. But when he said that thing about thinking of himself as the “patriarch or godfather of the family, commanding great respect” I about lost it 🤣🤣
Same. I wish that he would have caught on earlier that he was being used as an ATM (although paying for the daughter of your gf, when you aren't even married yet should be a clear no, so maybe this was a relationship where he kind of did know his gf was with him for his money, and he was with her because she's physically attractive. There's a reason they didn't married) and better late than never. But those lines did make me crack up. Just because he was right doesn't make him not a douche.
While OP likely does have a country club, it doesn’t actually cost much to go golfing. Only around $10-$20 depending on the course. The real expense is all up front to buy the golf clubs. That can run easily over $500 for a decent set.
Story 2: I was expecting the dude to misunderstand and think that op was giving him her NEW car, instead of her old one. And then have people berate her for correcting him or something. Glad that didn't happen.
The first story is exactly why you never, ever have children unless you emphatically want them. It’s not something you can just “try out“. It’s a person, a human being you’re bringing in the world. I’ve known too many people and seen too many stories where they just decided to have a child on a whim and it wasn’t what they thought it would be, it was hard work, that they didn’t want children, but they didn’t think about it before they had them. My father was on the fence and realized he hated having children and resented me. I grew up in that environment, OP is better off taking his son out of that environment. It hurts like hell as a kid to know your existence is resented.
God, every time I hear story 2 I get SO choked up. God bless you, OP, and I hope the coworker gets through this dark patch in his life. Also, for story one…my mom once told me that she loved me but didn’t like me. We’ve talked about it since and she has thoroughly apologized, but man, it definitely screwed me up and screwed up our relationship. She said this to me when I was 17 and I’m almost 25 now. I still think about it constantly. Please note that she has been dealing with a whole slew of mental health issues in recent years and is going to therapy. We’re working on repairing the damage since I love her and she does love me. Aside from that, she’s a great mom. This mother, though, is 100x worse than that and I’m so glad OP removed his son from that situation.
First Story: Well at least OP found this out now than later. I can’t stand the evil mom. OP's wife simply should've just not agreed to kids. This kid is innocent and don’t deserve any of the treatment endured by OP's wife. If she felt all of this about motherhood she shouldn’t have tried for a kid in the first place. Good on OP for doing what he did. She emotionally abuse her own kid and then expected OP to stay with her?! Nah I wouldn’t be with someone like that Second Story and comment: Man, people like OP are rare. The kindess in OP is amazing. More people need to be like OP. You can tell OP was nervous when offering to give this co-worker a free car. I know this man will be really grateful for what OP did. Like I said, more people should be this kind Third Story: Well I honestly would’ve done the same thing as OP. OP's step-daughter expected OP to spend all this money on a wedding that he isn’t allowed in nor do anything? She can have her wedding but OP isn’t obligated to pay for the wedding or help in any form of way. OP needs to get someone better than his gf AND she tried something illegal too? But hey, let OP keep winning at life without these leeches
Here's a tip: If you're not sure about having a kid, DON'T HAVE IT. It isn't like a new sport you're trying out, this is a living breathing child. You can't just drop them without pain/phycological damage. Kids are a lot of work, if there are any doubts at all, then there's a red flag already. I don't understand some people's logic sometimes.
Second story: That's a good and traditional way to handle charity. Make it sound as if the recipient is doing you a favor by accepting. I heard about one single mom who had nothing for Christmas after paying the bills. Then neighbors started showing up. "I cut this tree, and my wife says it's lopsided. It's already cut, and I don't want it to go to waste." "My wife wants those newfangled twinkle lights this year, and I have no use for these old lights. We're just going to throw them away." "My son outgrew these fire trucks. I was just going to sell them at a yard sale, but I don't want them cluttering up the house until then."
Not exactly related to the story but I think many people don't realize or think about how a mother doesn't always love their child(ren). There are those that just either have no connection or feelings for them, or even dislike them straight up. And it's not always because of PPD. Some people are just like that. No reason needed, there is just no love/feeling. It feels like people don't really see this as a possibility since "it's their mother". But it happens and it's not pretty. Parents don't automatically love their children just because they are their children.
I love this subreddit! It’s usually somewhat relieving if I know what is happening with the OPs/ if I know the outcomes. It’s like I’m able to settle emotionally if I know that it worked out for them…
As someone who was subjected to constant domestic violence at home, and who was homeless at just 16 as a result, thank you for doing the right thing by your son. My parents and I have tried to mend things over the years, but while I don’t hate them, I don’t have the deep bond with either of them that most kids have with their parents (or at least one parent), even though I remember having that bond with them when I was very young. It got damaged beyond repair. I’m a Gen Xer and have done decades of therapy, but I doubt I’ll ever be fully “okay”. Something that has really helped with the PTSD of the physical violence, is a therapy called EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing), and I made more progress in three months of EMDR than in decades of traditional therapy - but you can never un-hear year after year of hearing your father tell you that he hates you, and your mother telling you that she never wanted kids. Something deep inside of you just breaks, and I don’t think it’s fixable. So you’ve done the right thing by intervening before the damage becomes irreparable. In future, your son will thank you for it. It might even be a good idea for him to see a counsellor to talk about the feelings he already has, since you mentioned him expressing recognition of his mother’s negativity towards him. It may seem minimal at the moment, but because it’s surrounding his mother, those feelings won’t go away - they’ll just be stuffed deep down and he may not consciously remember how they got there. It’s probably good for him to address that ASAP. Good luck. xx
OP1's situation is just sad all around. Divorce is the best option, but how I wish there was another way. His wife isn't getting help, and so that's the bed she must lie in, but I'd also fully believe if OP1's wife was refusing therapy because she's secretly that ashamed. Its a bit like postpartum depression; the world we live in has so much expectation for women especially to just be great and adore kids that it just feels impossible and unsafe to even start putting into words that you cannot seem to connect with your own child.
For the car thing: my first thought was to hang out during lunch break a while, mention a few times that he always has good-looking food options, and then give it a 'I will trade you my car for that sammich.' Obvious what it means, but he can brush it off like a joke if he doesn't want the gift.
As a child abuser survivor who wasn’t loved by my mother, and who’s existence was heavily resented, where she favoured my brother and encouraged he be incredibly physically violent towards me? You should leave, OP. My mother would tell her family how much she “loved her kids”, she put on the “happy family” facade for a very long time, but I escaped when I was 18 with a young persons charity who helped house me. I don’t talk to most of my biological family, only my grandparents who are fully understanding (they’re psychologists) the rest of my bio family tried harassing me and told me I was “ungrateful”, “spiteful”, “hateful”. So I just don’t talk to them, which whilst lonely, was the much better choice for my mental health (I already have cPTSD & PTSD, and permanent nerve damage from said childhood abuse). My mother simply didn’t want to be responsible, she didn’t want to love me, she didn’t care about me, and she made sure I knew all of this by telling me I was “the reason” she was suicidal, that I’d ruined her life blah blah, whereas my brother, who was a violent alcoholic, a gambling addict, who’s been violent to so many people, stolen from plenty of family members? He was the favoured son. I just wanted to be loved, but it was made abundantly clear to me that not only was I not loved, but that my existence wasn’t even tolerated, that I was hated even, and that isn’t a healthy environment for a child. Your son deserves better, because growing up with a parent knowing they hate you is a special kind of hell. All children deserve parents, but not all parents deserve children. My mother is a good example of this, as is your wife. I’m not saying she’ll get abusive but you still need to think of your son and make him feel prioritised.
Story #1 is the biggest problem with modern parenthood, alot more people think of the fantasy aspect of having children as opposed to the harsher reality. That being that there's some fun to be had, but it's far more responsibility and work than anything else. I'm not saying ALL modern parents are like that, but it's an ever growing number of them that are. It also falls into the category of, if you're not sure you're ready for kids, take the precautions seriously before you have them.
I don't think this is new, considering there's people in their 50's, 60's, or older telling the younger generations that children is a "gift from God" and they're "selfish" if they go childless regardless what resources the younger generations has and/or what responsibilities they willing to take up on.
@@Blue2x2x This is true. But regardless of outside pressure from older generations on the current generation, they tend to have this "kid's and babies are so cute, I want one!" mentality. I can't tell you how many exes I've had who were gung-ho adamant about having kids before they're 25, me saying no (because they didn't have the mentality or temperament for it), then getting knocked up by the next guy and then ending up alone and miserable because they built up this fantasy it's all puppy dogs, rainbows and Disney happy endings. When in reality, a kid doesn't guarantee a happy relationship for the sake of having one and the " cute baby and cute kid" mentality is crushed by the reality that it's more work and sleepless nights than they are prepared to handle. But you are also right, there's a degree of outside pressure from parents, grandparents and older generations that push people into the idea without sharing the realities of what it's really like and enforcing the idea that if you don't have a kid, you're living an incomplete life.
@@kopo7466 Fair point. I rarely met anyone that wanted a child that blind of the responsibilities needed, but I know tons of people around my age are purely childless. Though I can imagine some pockets of the world, that fantasy mindset is more common. Since there's a subculture that view children as fashion accessories, rather then actual children with actual responsibilities.
@@Blue2x2x I envy you, because that's all I tend to see, the "sub-culture" that has become THE culture of viewing children as an accessory rather than a responsibility 😂 You must be in another part of the world (or just incredibly lucky), because it's an all too popular concept here in the US and the parts where I reside. And just about everyone is about pressuring others into it and trying to shame you into "making beautiful babies". My girlfriend works as a teacher (for the better part of 12 years) and she's great with the kids she works with, but she doesn't want them and neither do I. While because we're both great with kids (I've helped raise many nieces and nephews), we both enjoy our freedom and realize we're great with kids because we get the fun side aspect more so to the harsher reality aspect, ie, we aren't the full time parent. But she CONSTANTLY, on a daily basis, has at least 3 different people try to pressure her and shame her into wanting kids. I've met a couple of them and they'll ask me and her about it, then look at us like we just grew 2 heads when we both say we don't want any. They just can't wrap their heads around the philosophy that "every kid deserves a parent, but not everyone deserves or wants to be a parent".
As someone who never wanted kids, but will never do anything to be away from my son now that he's here, my heart is broken for that little boy. I was maybe 4 when my parents got divorced because I dad was an abusive alcoholic. My son is now 4, and I can't imagine walking away from him like my dad did us.
Last OP - I think this was the GF/wife's plan all along; get OP to support her so she doesn't have to work, get him to support her daughter, foot the bill for daughter's college AND the bill for her wedding. It is all on wife that OP finally had a gullet full and said enough is enough! Good for him - and so glad he got some of the funds back. Screw them and the horses they rode in on.
I just got married a month ago, and we ended up inviting around 200 people. We both have big families. But we only had just over 100 attend. There's also a rule of thumb that you can invite about double the number of people because half of them won't show up. I seriously can't believe that they think that every single person that they invited will actually be there.
listening to the first story made me realize that my dad probably just couldnt stand me and thats why he never took time for me or acted like he did me some great favor when he showed up to things to be negative. I just wanted to spent time with him...
The first story is why I hate it when people reply to me saying I don't want kids - "but it's different when they are your own!". I am not risking having a kid on a "oh maybe I'll change my mind". I would never, ever want to do this to a child!
Yeah, it can change a person in a negative way, people just brush it off and try to show the positive excuse on why you should have kids, it honestly angers me (I've never had it happen to me yet, but hearing the stories boils my blood)
As someone whose parents emotionally abused and neglected me because my mother was coerced into having a baby despite not wanting one..... Thank you for thinking this way. I also think this way. I will never have children for this reason..
I would rather sit on my hospital bed regretting how sad and alone I am because I never had a kid than I would leave a child thinking "Thank God he's gone" after I keel over.
And I applaud you for that, same is for me, with the added fact that when I hit puberty I developed severe depression and my anxiety hit through the roof. It’s genetic if your wondering why, I just don’t want my kids to go what I went through
I've told my dad since I was 12 that I didn't want to have kids, I'm 18 and he's still is saying I'll change my mind- I won't, I physically cannot love them, I could be nice but I dont have the required patience
As someone whose father loves them but doesn't like them, OP needs to get his kid out of there. Run far and fast. That stuff destroys adults, let alone kids. My heart breaks for OP and his son.
Loves but doesn't like? Isn't that a contradiction?
You can't love someone you don't like.
@@TrishRowdy you can have familial love for someone but not like them as a person
@@TrishRowdy I've read that in several Reddit posts now, and usually it's parents saying to their kid "I have to love you as a parent, but I don't like you right now" when the kid does something to annoy them, sort of like... They're "obligated" to provide parental love and support, but they don't like their child in a way you'd like your spouse or friends, aka someone whose company you'd genuinely enjoy.
That's how I understand it at least, tho the thought process is still strange to me and even if someone feels that way, it seems like a terrible thing to tell another person, let alone a child...
Kids aren’t stupid, I’m pretty sure that OP’s son is aware that his mother doesn’t like him or at least that something was wrong with their relationship. I was always aware that I was treated differently from my sister - people actually liked my sister, so it was no surprise when I was a teenager that my mother told me I was the biggest mistake she ever made in her life and she wished I’d never been born.
@@belindawallace5203 wow I’m so sorry Belinda.
I can't wait for 11 years from now. The son from the first story will post a reddit story in AITA
title will probably be: "AITA for not wanting to reconnect with my mom because she regrets having me"
10 more years!
Last Story: CLEAR case of “don’t bite the hand that feeds you”.
If step daughter wants bio-dad to have all the perks of being father of the groom, then he can have all the financial burdens too.
Tbh Op you made the right choice, it’s pretty clear your ex and her daughter just view you as an ATM.
Good luck in future man
I can definitely understand wanting the bio dad to walk, but not letting him invite his important friends/fam is just weird.
Sad story but glad to see he stood up for himself.
I think you meant the father of the bride.
Bravo to OP! They screwed him over, so the result was perfect. 😎
I could understand letting her biological father walk her… I have learned that that is one choice that is 100% the bride’s to make (unless biodad refuses or fails to show up).
But when the person paying for the wedding can’t have a say in guests… or food… or a single song, then they are not appreciated or respected and have the right to back out.
Story 1: "I don't need therapy" the fact she's taking out her issues on a 7yo proves that she does.
Story 2: This was the happy feelings I needed.
Story 3: At first I was all 'she's allowed to love her blood father', and all 'money can't buy happiness'. But the way they're treating you, it's clear they only saw you as a wallet. You were never part of the family. I'm glad you got out while you did. Sorry for the money you did waste on that ingrate.
Story one: mom needed to step up and when she chose not to she got pushed aside. Glad OP sees his son as the priority unlike some parents I read about.
Story 2: I feel like there is hope in this world 😊
Story 3: well the warm and fuzzy feeling from story 2 left. Was OP always just a cash cow? Hate that he lost money on those fools! Hope he rebounds and finds happiness with the new beginning he’s been given!
@@lorilancaster5917 there wasnt any “stepping up”. She tried and ended up resenting the child. Some people are just *NOT* built to be parents and that is okay. Sounds like OP’s wife was one of those people and it took this situation to learn that
Story 1: There is no issues. There is nothing wrong with not wanting wrong with not wanting a kid. She tried it and she couldnt hide her dislike to being forced around him [to her its akin to being asked to doing something you do not like…some people are just more expressive]😊
@@DanielGonzalez-qk6sd from how the story goes she didn’t even try otherwise she would have at least considered therapy
@@lorilancaster5917 yeah not sure where Daniel got THAT read from the story.
If OP's wife was hesitant with motherhood from the start, that's one thing. It seems rather that motherhood was not as she pictured.
That is still fine to an extent to be uncomfortable. To take it out on her son is the problem, that's displacement. She failed to see that requiring therapy despite the fact that she admitted that to her husband. When he wanted to leave, she tried *bargaining* feigned love for the sake of keeping OP around. That would not work in the long run, and was likely a bluff that would be very obvious from the son's perspective over years.
Her crime wasn't not wanting to be a mother as much as being a shitty one without any effort.
*First OP:* What an awful way to find out you’re not parent material; at least not for that kid. OP did the right thing, and I hope his son is surrounded by people who love him _and_ like him. I think both OP and his son should seek therapy.
*Second OP:* OP is a G. I hope her (?) coworker continues to have good fortune because dude needs it.
Also, shoutout to rSlash for reading that bit of dialogue super fast. That’s pretty impressive! I wonder how many takes he did before he nailed it?
*Third OP:* At least OP knew where he stood _before_ he married his (ex)- gf. And that speech, * _chef’s kiss_ *
Story 2: yes OP is a G, but that story is very dystopian. The coworker isnt getting paid enough and there is no way to get around his city other than by car
“Cheers to the happy couple and the path they’ve chosen” which is depressing AF considering you’ve loved her as your own, your step-daughter AND your girlfriend apparently don’t love or respect you, which is beyond depressing, it’s actually heartbreaking.
At least he got out before it was "too late" with marriage and all
did he ever say he loved the step daughter?
@@sanddagger36 right? I saw so many red flags from OP. For starters, the daughter has always known and loved her dad...but OP thinks he should be more important? He isn't even married to her mom ffs. He met the daughter at EARLIEST age 12.
I could go on and on but he literally expected to take the dad slot simply because he was dating the mom and they made the financial decision for her to not work. It just seemed like he had all these UNCOMMUNICATED expectations and reality slapped him in the face
Hus being jn a relationship with her mom and their financial decisions doesn't obligate tye daughter to put him on the #1 dad pedestal. She HAS a dad. Of course he'd be the one to walk her down the aisle. If OP wanted that as a condition of payment.. he should have said then. Instead it was just another uncommunicated expectation he had.
This whole story just legit sounds like OP is jealous his girlfriend's daughter loved her dad *as she should* .
@@Mewse1203 if that's the case then they're better off without him. So the trash took itself out, either way. Leaving someone only punishes the person who's wrong, bad people don't notice that. Leaving someone isn't bad, coming back is. If they're a problem what are they coming back to, a problem? He was offering two things, himself and money, The difference is the first thing was worthless to them.
Take it from someone who didn't get a single call from my "family" in the hospital until they got a call from a lawyer about an inheritance I got. Then I had to mute my phone, It interrupted the sound of me coughing on my own blood. I still bought them a new laptop though, not for them, But for me kindness is its own reward much more than money will ever be. You can't pay people to love you, you can only pay them to tolerate you and that's bad for both sides.
@@Mewse1203
"Simply because" is disingenuous. Did he not describe the bad dad behavior of real dad? Did he not describe broken promises and heartbreak from a deadbeat dad?
He assumed he'd take that role not only because he's dating mom, they live in his house, and he paid for everything (pretty good reasons not to openly disrespect them in and of themselves), but because he saw that real dad was a deadbeat.
I like how 2. Op wasn't like "look at me how generous and great i am, give me an award" he wanted to do it in a kind way that did not humiliate the other person
She*
yes OP was very nice, but this story hides the dystopian undertones with warm fuzziness. Story 2 is a dystopian story
@@Richard_Nickerson I don't think OP specified
@@zarzee8925
Pretty sure it's clear from the context clues
@@Richard_Nickerson is it?
3rd story: my dad raised my (half) sister since she was 8 years old. Her bio father was a real piece of work. My parents paid for her wedding and her bio father was invited, and he got to sit and watch as her DAD gave her away to the groom. 🙃
I'm reminded of that episode of M*A*S*H where Hawkeye's father went in for surgery to remove a pheochromocytoma, and Charles kept vigil with him by the phone. They talked about their respective upbringings, and Charles said that while his father was present in his life, he was always emotionally distant. But he looks at the close, warm relationship that Hawkeye had with his own father, and says to Hawkeye, "Whereas I have a father, you have a dad."
The way I see it, just because someone is your father does not make them your dad. Being the sperm donor makes you a father, but love, warmth, and closeness is what makes you a dad.
I doubt we will ever get it, but I would love to see an update to the third story, to see if the step-daughter's sperm donor flakes out again, maybe even right before the wedding, and she tries to come crawling back to OP, either because she wants the money and security that he provides, or because she (hopefully) realizes that he was her true dad, not the man who helped conceive her. What OP decides to do next is up to him.
Story 1: THIS is why people should NOT have kids unless they are 100% enthusiastic about becoming parents, and why every time someone says they want to be Childfree, people need to STFU and let them. Doctors need to STFU and let women who ask for sterilization get the procedure.
EDIT: 100% enthusiastic, AND be realistically educated on parenthood, AND be prepared with proper resources.
Honestly being 100% enthusiastic about becoming parents isnt enough. Many people are, but have no idea of the reality of a day to day life with kids and how much it changes your life. More than being enthusiastic, people need to be truly informed!
preach those words because i feel the same way
Totally agree minus the enthusiasm. There is just so much more that goes into it than enthusiasm. you could be 80% enthusiastic and still rock it if you have whatever else it takes.
What's more important than enthusiasm is informed consent. So many stories along this vein include the words "parenting isn't what I thought it would be." Well what did you think it would be?! It's a tiny human, not a doll.
Then I see these disgusting posts and articles sometimes where people will talk about not sharing all the sucky parts about parenting with their friend/sister/daughter/whatever and just going "you're going to love it" while laughing inwardly. The stories are supposed to be heartwarming, but I'm always left horrified. No wonder people think parenting "isn't what I thought it would be" when everyone around them omits the horrors of lochia, 3am feedings, cracked nipples, purple crying, or when your kid tells you they hate you for the first time. People *NEED* to know these things before deciding to be a parent.
@@chrisbennett916 i agree with ya there too, enthuisiasm is pretty temporary and it will get hard when the baby needs feeding every 4 hours is it? It takes a lot and I know i'm not cut out for child care. but i respect people who do.
As a person with a step father I find story 3 just very VERY annoying along with any and every story like it. I see my step dad as my dad full stop. He is the man who stepped up to be a father figure in my life. He stayed around to help me and my brother grow into adults. He's the one who's been there for this family. He wasn't obligated to by any means but he did. My gratitude for him is right next to my ass amount of respect for him. He earned the right to be called my father.
Can I ask how old you and your brother were when he came in your lives?
@@Mewse1203 i was 2 and my brother was 3. We still had some form of contact with my biological father up until I was 4 and my brother was 5.
@@BonkVibin It makes sense that you feel that way but even if you didn't...that would be Ok. The thing is, I don't think your story is comparable to this one. Your dad came into your life when you were young and let's be real. He's the only dad you've ever really known. That is not the case here but OP is acting as if it is. That makes a big difference.
The girl in this story was, at youngest, 12 and still had contact with dad even if it was sporadic (And that's if OP isn't putting a spin on the dad's involvement) when her mom started dating OP. She already had a dad when OP showed up. OP came in, and put himself in the dad position when it was clear the daughter didn't have him there.
OP had a bunch of expectations that he didn't communicate and that were frankly not reasonable about his place in the daughter's life. The only one that was reasonable is the invitees.
I'm a stepdad. I have 3 kids. 2 call me dad, one doesn't. They were 2, 5, and 9 when we met. Now 12, 15, and 17. The oldest doesn't see his dad often if at all. Dad came in one day and dropped him and bounced. The other 2 see their dad on the weekend. I am also the stay at home parent. I have been with these kids through thick and thin. I taught the youngest 2 how to ride bikes. I taught my youngest how to potty train and am constantly teaching them period.
I am not a replacement for their dad and shouldn't expect to be. I am a bonus dad and that's the mistake OP made. He wanted to be a replacement not a bonus. Replacement is fine when one isn't there, but OP made clear that he was, even if it was painful and inconsistent.
None of this is to construe that the ladies are perfect but Op went into this relationship with eyes wide open. He dated a single mother for 10 years and let himself be used as an ATM and built himself up as the "Godfather" in his head while ignoring what was right in front of him: he was the person her mom was dating while she was a teenager.
His financial decisions are on him. He allowed mom to stay home. He chose to pay for a car and for college. He chose to pay for the wedding. Where in any of that is the daughter obligated to make OP her dad? He wasn't even married to her mom ffs let alone was he her only dad.
I just want to say this to finish up. The kids in a relationship feeling how they do about their step parent is totally different from how the parents should feel or how they should make the kids feel. Your dad has every right to feel like your dad because that's what he is and that's how you feel about him. But if you didn't feel that way, he shouldn't expect you to. We as step parents need to give step kids the ability to define the relationship (to an obvious degree) as they see fit. We shouldn't be trying to force ourselves into a role the kid doesn't want us in. Doing so just makes things bad. Your dad obviously did a fantastic job with you. I hope I'm doing the same. I have a great relationship with my kids but, unlike OP, I don't delude myself into thinking I'm the most important dad just because I'm the one who is here the most. I let the kids define the relationship as they see fit and as long as they are respectful and happy, that's what matters. OP built himself a pedestal in his head called "godfather" and then was crushed under the weight of his own unreasonable expectations.
@@Mewse1203 I am not reading all of that. I'm also not comparing my situation to theirs. I am further explaining why it annoys me. I feel like it's unreasonable (unless they're a horrible person) to be that disrespectful to a person who has been consistent in your life as a parental figure when your biological parent failed you. I find that behavior annoyingly disgusting. End of.
Also don't assume if I knew my bio father or not. I did and he was a horrible man. Just because I was young doesn't mean I don't remember. His family has tried contacting my family but since we choose as a collective to avoid those vile people, we keep them blocked. I know those people and I can say they are not the kinda people you are nice to.
@@Mewse1203 that's a long way of saying that stepfather's don't deserve the same amount of respect as a deadbeat father that doesn't do anything.
This poor child being resented for a choice he didn't make is just so sad...
Edit: yeah that first story hurt a lot more since it reflected behaviors that my mother exhibited when I was a similar age to that boy. I hope that his bond with his dad is strong enough to help him overcome his "mother's"cruelty
It stings even when you don't know they hate you, trust me I know
@@shadowmewfred09 do you want an internet hug???
Right? It was literally HER choice, and she's mad at HIM for it???
😭
@@candacernelson5074 I'm good but thanks for the offer
The car story is just....so amazing on so many different levels. As someone who has been that woe begone coworker, someone being so incredibly kind and generous is beyond anything I could ever expect and I CRY. 😭
3rd story: I really wish the guy opened his eyes before paying for college. Better late than never, I guess. Glad the wedding finally opened his eyes.
Story 2 is definitely S-Tier wholesomeness. Close to quite rare outcomes on the channel. Last time I've listen to some wholesomeness was the story of another OP finally reuniting with his biological parents, which I think is also on r/bestofredditorupdates.
I mean if I'm OP, I would start speaking faster and faster to explain it as well.
The anxious speed talking is so relatable. It's sweet
The wedding plan containing a menu he was allergic to was hilarious. Did she really think that would move him? But she clearly never saw him as a person, so emotional appeals would be difficult for her.
I think that just shows how much she saw him as a wallet that she thought showing him the wedding plans that showed he wasn't even an afterthought would make him reconsider.
Her mother raised her to only see men as tools to supplement their lifestyle.
She probably wasn’t expecting him to even read the ingredients
@@nationalinstituteofcheese3012she only saw him as the money and nothing else
That first story just reinforces my choice to not have kids. I'm just not mentally or financially stable enough to provide adequate care to one. But I'm always floored by the people who seem to think these problems will just vanish if I do. Like I'm sure that people find the experience of parenthood magical but it isn't literal magic. Your flaws don't just cease to be if you have kids and what do you do if you regret it? There really is no way out once you have a kid. Nah, unless I have an extremely dramatic change of heart in the next ten years that just isn't for me.
You are so right. I had a child young so a friend of mine came to me for advice once. She said her and her husband were having marriage problems and did I think if they had a baby, it would help them get along better? I said no! 100% no. Not at all. A few months later, she announced her pregnancy.
@@shelby8101 Damn that kid is gonna have an awful life with parents that dont love eachother. I will never understand why people think children fix marriages, if anything they do the opposite if youre already having problems.
Unfortunately there is a lot of propaganda surrounding pregnancy and parenthood. Particularly false promises like "You'll change your mind after having the baby and instantly love them" and fear mongering like "If you don't have kids now you'll regret it when you're too old". Ops wife sadly bought into the bs
My 2 daughters by birth have kids. The daughters of my heart, some gave birth and some adopted kids into their own hearts. My son has chosen child free. Good on all of them. Happiness is the goal and looks different to each and every one of us. ❤
Felt that in my soul.
Story 1: Parent life is hard, and I know that it can be a headache for the first few years, but this is a terrible way to handle it. You don't resent your own kid for just existing.
Especially when you decided to have the kid
True but just to add
People can regret being parents even if they thought they would love it before becoming one, I don't think people should be shamed for regrets
But the way she handled her regret is crazy abusive
She and her son need therapy separately
@@cydniebutler3116 I was just thinking the same thing. The idea of having a child is completely different from actual having a child. I don’t think her regretting having kids is a bad thing but she’s just straight up being abusive.
It’s also the fact that she expects OP to let the son that he loves more than anything to suffer so that her selfish ass can be happy is beyond selfish, it’s diabolical
@@cydniebutler3116 I think the blame goes to society as well for advertising parenthood as a totally fulfilling thing you have to do.
It’s even harder for women than for men if they don’t feel attracted to kids or don’t feel like having own.
To be fair to the woman of course she handled it toxic but what could she do? Just take it as it is and be unhappy for the next 18 years until he moves out? If she would distance herself from him without leashing out on her son that would be toxic too.
First Story: I'm glad he got his kid out of that sort of environment. Her kid is older now, in school, and she is refusing to seek out therapy for her behavior. In that case, it was better to leave rather than stick around and have him suffer.
He saw her, not as a human being, with her own feelings, her own thoughts, and her own needs, but merely as an incubator. HE made her pregnant, and did not care whether she wanted to have a child or not. Maybe if he had been a decent husband, respected her, LISTENED to her, TOOK HER SERIOUSLY, truly pulled his weight with childcare, and housework, and given her time to rest, and time for herself, to be a woman, not just a servant, and nanny, she would have felt differently. He dragged her on 'date nights', without bothering to ask if that was what she wanted, when she was exhausted, from working, and child care. He does the 'fun' part of being a parent, and leaves all the hard graft to her. I think it's him,. not the child, that she resents.
@@user-hk2fc4jv2g What story did you read?? They were married for 5 years, they both weren't sure about kids when she got pregnant. She said she wanted to try, and gave birth to him willingly. She never said ANYTHING about her issues until their kid was 7 y/o, and she was already abusing him. She finally admitted to wanting things to go back to when they weren't parents, and it was just them two. She refused therapy or to get help, didn't keep her promises to stop abusing their son, etc. She is not a victim for abusing her child, so stop making her out to be. She is just as responsible for her choices.
@@asterross HE wanted a child, she did not, but he 'persuaded' her to have a child.
@@user-hk2fc4jv2g Okay, you wanna make him a villain without any proof he did that, then fine. Let's say he did pressure her into having a child. And let's say he was shitty at helping her with child rearing and helping with chores. Even if he were a physically abusive person to her, she still has no right to abuse their child. That gives her no right whatsoever to hurt her own child, regardless of whether she wanted him or not. You don't get a free child abuse pass because you didn't want your kid or your partner is abusing you. That's a shitty excuse.
I'm tired of people trying to excuse child abuse/neglect, it's pathetic to use your own abuse as a reason for it. I was abused, and I don't abuse my child. My spouse was abused, and she doesn't abuse our child. My mom dated abusive a**holes, but that didn't give her a reason to abuse me, it's a stupid f*cking reason.
No 👏 excuse 👏 for 👏 abuse 👏
@@asterross If this had been the MAN, you would have supported him to the hilt. Admit it.
Story 1: Some people struggle to bond with their kids and the way people overvalue parenthood does contribute to it. I have a cousin who was essentially forced to babysit her nephew by her parents and ended up resenting a lot of children. It hit the fan when she was expected to take care of her 90+ grandmother in addition to it too.
Story 4: Some people have large families and that is usually the biggest reason. For example, besides my parents, I have 10+ sets of uncle and aunts and their families alone. So them and their kids would at least account for 40 ppl already. At my last cousin's wedding, they essentially had to rent out an entire restaurant for a night for around $50k USD for 300 ppl total.
Last story. What I think is funny is they convinced him this wedding for 250 people was only costing 40-50k. He just saved himself closer to 100k and that is if she was budgeting. I get the feeling this was not an arrange your own flowers and thrifted dress situation.
For the wedding story from the point where the step-daughter brought in the real dad I was constantly saying to myself "Please cancel the payment. Please cancel the payment!" I was not disappointed. OP I'm so glad you found out before your payments were confirmed because they made their beds and now they have to lie in them. Also great job kicking them out because they are beyond toxic. I hope that wedding fails and fails hard.
It may be because I’m evil but I wonder if OP can get his money back from the tuition and car that went to gf’s kid?
@@lorilancaster5917 He can take back the car if it's in his name but if it's not, I doubt he could get the money back. I don't know think it's possible to get the money back from the tuition either. He probably wouldn't win a lawsuit if he sued them. But I'm not a lawyer and the laws do vary from place to place. However, if he can get all his money back, he should definitely sue them as I think he deserves to have it all back after the way they treated him!
@@dragonfliesnh4204 Yeah, I think he's going to have to eat that loss unfortunately. Like Judge Judy (the angry twat, lol) always says "You can't give money/items, and then when everything falls apart, decide it is now a loan". I'm not sure why, but with the way the gf and her daughter were acting in the end, I get a sneaking feeling that fleecing OP while being a "real family with her real dad" was the plan all along, and their relationship may have never actually ended. (IE: She may have been cheating on OP). The GF seems pretty money focused, so I can't imagine she just "forgot" to seek child support at any point in 10 years. Child support isn't a thing that needs to be done the day of separation or forever hold your peace kind of deal. Even her "look at all this hard work and planning you're going to destroy if you don't pay for it!" ploy at the end felt more like it was intended to be an additional dagger to OP's heart, than an actual plea to reconsider. I mean, why would you show your benefactor that "Not only did we not care about the compromise we made with you, replaced you with the prodigal father, but we've also chosen a menu that you are allergic to!" and think it would encourage them to keep their purse strings loose?
@@lorilancaster5917 if the car is in OPs name and not the "step", then he can just show up one day with either the keys or a tpw truck and title in hand. When the police are called, OP just shows the title, tells the police he's taking back HIS property and BOOM no more car for the "step". Its what my best friend had to do with his ex-girlfriends daughter. What a Pikachu face LOL.
The last story is blood boiling. The rejection, the realization of a one-way relationship, The years of housing, support, love, care, the money, oh, all the money, and it's was all taken for granted.
Really makes you question ever getting together with someone who already has kids.
the 2nd story sure helped restore my faith in humanity after listening to the morbid 1st story. good thing that the 1st op got his kid the hell out of there considering the wife's anger and contempt towards their son would've most definitely gotten worse especially since she sadly refuses to get help with whatever issues are causing her to act this way
theres hope yes, but Story 2 is actually a dystopian story. if coworker was paid a living wage, he would be able to afford a car. and if his city accomodated walk/bike/bus better, he wouldnt need a car (or uber)
Story 4: If I were the groom, I'd be breaking off the engagement because no way in hell am I joining a family that uses someone as an ATM. I'd actually be worried that they were looking at me like that.
I mean he is marrying a college educated woman that isn't working. I couldn't marry someone that went to school and is very capable of getting a job but doesn't. Her being college educated but not working was a waste of his money
@@neffyg35 degree doesn't immediately mean jobs are available in that field, tbf
@@MushroomMayhem then you picked the wrong degree.
Plus they moved into his place. How much do you bet the groom will regret this since neither work?
@@lorilancaster5917 if the mom and daughter do him like op, almost immediately
Story 1 : " she didn't think motherhood was everything it was gonna be " ..well wtf did he she thinking it was gonna be sunshine and rainbows??
Story 2 : op needs to go to the co-worker and just ask :" hey do you want this car I don't really need it I have another car".. This story was wonderful.. kindness sometimes goes along way with people who deserve you to be kind to them.. op your a good human being..
Story 3 : you got used bro.. gtfout asap.." is this selfish " protecting one self is never selfish op.. get these users out of your life forever even if they " Apologize ".
Story 2: yes OP was very kind, but the story is very dystopian in nature. If the coworker was a living wage, he could afford a new car. And if his city was designed better for walk/bike/bus, then he wouldnt need to take an uber when his car breaks
Story 1: With how much motherhood is romanticized in almost every culture, yeah duh. We are taught that we will instinctually love our offspring no matter what because being a mother is just something natural triggered after birth. But that ain’t true.
This sentiment is very common u know? I know many women like that irl and online there’s even more. No one actually taught women how fcked up being a mother can be and the mothers who do speak up get shamed for it.
The women in the first story definitely needs therapy, sounds like an extreme case of postpartum depression.
@@Marigumilikesart Very well said. You hit the nail on the head, spot on.
Story one: My mom wasnt even as hostile as OPs wife and it still fucked me up how much she clearly wasnt ready to be a mom and regrets having me and my sister, even if she doesnt use those words, it was easy to tell as a kid she just didnt really care about us and we were an inconvenience.
This is why having kids should be taken WAY more seriously, and is not something you should do to "try it out" or without any deep deep investigation of what it entails. I will never have kids because I thought about it and investigated and made sure of everything I possibly could before making a choice, and came to the conclusion I wouldnt be as happy. Even if I know I would love my kids and give them everything, there are many personal reasons why its not for me, and THATS OK. ITS OK IF MOTHERHOOD ISNT FOR YOU.
What isnt ok is to treat your kid like shit because youre irresposible and made the wrong choice and you refuse to at least work on it.
Sometimes parents don't like their children. It happens. However, that's not an excuse to treat them badly. Even if you regret the decision to have kids, you still have them and it's not their fault that you made that decision. Especially if you refuse to even try to get help.
Agreed. Life happens, sadly. But seriously get help! Nobody needs to do everything alone, even though people claim you should.
Story one I really think the mom had PPD but thought she didn't need help and it just kept building. Most women don't think they need help which is why the partner should actively go out and try to find the help even talking with her doctors. PPD is a horrible thing and without the help the woman will only get worse
This is exactly what i was thinking, i have a 15 month baby, its very very hard, ppd can creep in without one noticing it months later if not already suffering it from the beginning, i do go to therapy as my mental stability got super shaken after having my baby
Can you really have PPD for 7 years?
@@sourisvoleur4854 if you dont get help, yes, in some cases. you may not even realize you have it and you just develop a general dislike for your kid because of how you feel around them.
@@diongelic Wow. How sad for those who have it, and their loved ones. I hope all such sufferers find peace and healing.
The problem is you can’t actively force someone to go to therapy if they don’t want to. Therapy only works when the person going recognizes that they need it and want to attend.
The first story is the only time I've ever approved of an ultimatum, get help or we're gone. And she chose to hate rather than get help. For the second and 3rd story omg I'm so glad there are some happy stories for once 😭
So proud of OP for getting his son away from a mother like that. Mine would get messed up and think I looked like my dad, it didn't turn out well. I could def live without those memories. He put his child first and that's exactly what a parent should do. 🖤
The second story made my heart melt 🖤 a friend of mine so inherited a vehicle yesterday after a woman she'd been taking care of for the last year passed away. She ended up getting everything in this woman's house. The woman's daughter works for the White House and needed none of it and since she was kind enough to take care of her, the daughter and the mother wanted her to have everything. Sometimes karma can be good 🖤
The last story, that guy got out quickly and that is great! Clearly these people only used him as an ATM. He just saved himself a lot of disrespect and unhappiness. He'll find somebody who respects him for him 🖤
That second story definitely had me tearing up 🥹 He definitely needed an upturn in his life
Story 3: If OP was going to pay for a large portion of the wedding, then might as well invite him as a "Thank you". I would've!
Pretty disrespectful for the Step-Daughter to see OP as just an ATM.
I hate to be this guy but he should have full control ove all of the wedding if he's paying for literally everything I get that the wives and soon to be brides see themselves as the "wedding" "planners" but that's only ok if they recognize that they owe the person paying everything and they owe them every last detail about the goings-on of the whole affair and they especially shouldn't be relegated to a "thank you" spot thats how I feel about it at least
@@alexcunningham1647 yeah...fuck all that noise. That's how people who need abusive levels of control think. If you have some expectations, fine, but COMMUNICATE them and realize 🎵 🎶 you can't always get what you want. 🎵 🎶 .
Pick your battles. Have some hard boundaries and let the person whose wedding it is plan their wedding.
The thing with the invites was shitty, but OP expecting to have the dad position when she has a dad is just fucking bonkers
@@Mewse1203
He shouldn’t pay for the wedding, she doesn’t see or respect him as a parental figure, he shouldn’t continue to attempt to be one. He needs to get out of a relationship with these people for the sake of his mental health.
First story: I feel this story, I'm very hostile towards unwanted tasks. That's exactly why I won't be having kids, because I know myself, so she should aswell. It's not like she just got pregnant by accident when she was young and didn't know better, they decided to have this kid, it's now time to either go to therapy and cope, or get that kid out of that house.
This is why I know I can’t have kids. I’m afraid to end up like this. Not having kids is just good for everyone involved.
😟
The story in the second was very sweet that nearly made me tear. I can see why she was hesitated because some people can get offended from hand out but what she did was very sweet. She help a person who was down in his luck. We need more people like that in the world.
Story 2 made me cry. That was so touching and wholesome
There's so few good people left in the world so it's truly special to hear of stories like this
That first story: Parenthood is never gonna get easy. What she did was not parenthood it was more like narcissistic behavior (if I am wrong please correct me). She wanted things to go back before they had kids, sorry lady but you have a kid now, of course he’s gonna make his son priority number one. Like what? “If you love that kid so much then leave” ‘okay bye’ “*surprised pikachu*”
I feel like you’re wrong in the whole “narcissistic behavior” thing. I think she might have untreated PPD that she, unfortunately, refused to get treatment for. OP’s ex isn’t in the wrong for regretting parenthood but the emotional abuse is what’s really the issue.
Edit: i guess I’ll explain my reasoning a bit more since someone people think me giving my opinion is me giving a diagnosis. Narcissistic behavior usually involves an inflated view of one’s self that results in the lack of empathy. You see that a lot with the stories on r/raisedbynarcissists and in other instances. At least up until the point she gets mad at OP for “picking their kid over her,” I DON’T THINK OP’s hatred for her son is coming from a place of her feeling superior to him as opposed to a place of her not liking the position she’s in with regards to now being a mother and the challenges that come with it.
The fact that both her and OP weren’t sure about having kids before they ended up having rather than then enthusiastically trying for a kid also ticks off a box of conditions that can lead to women suffering from PPD.
@@bridi0821 You're not the woman's doctor and you can't diagnose someone based on a story from the OP's point of view, even if you were a psychiatrist. It is definitely possible for her not to have PPD and is just narcissistic. She probably had a different idea on what she thought it would be like to have kids or she thought she would end up liking her son eventually but that never happened which is why she went through with it once she found out she was pregnant. People who want to be childfree are usually told by others that they would change their minds if they had their own children. This is a load of bull for many people. Yes, it's possible to change their minds after having a kid, but it doesn't always work out that way.
@@dragonfliesnh4204 I literally said “I feel” in my comment. I never diagnosed her with anything but when only 5% of the population have narcissistic personality disorders and 15-30% of mothers suffer from PPD, it’s just more likely (at least statistic wise) that she has PPD.
Not everyone who regrets having children were initially child free people. Even people who WANT children still have instances where they regret it after having kids because actually having a kid is completely different from wanting to have one
@@bridi0821 Just because you put the word "feel", it doesn't change that you said that Demon was wrong and that you are "pretty sure" that the woman has untreated PPD. It may sound like she could have PPD but there is no way to be "pretty sure" that she has it as you aren't her doctor. We are only hearing things from the OP's perspective.
@@dragonfliesnh4204 so because I put the word “feel” I can’t disagree with someone else’s opinion? When did I ever say that Demon was 100% wrong?
How is what I said different from Demon saying that OP’s wife’s behavior is more like narcissistic behavior. They’re not OP’s ex wife’s Doctor (as far as you and I know)?
A friend of mine parents both hated him for no reason what so ever always favored his younger brother..the problem was his younger brother loved him and always behind the parents back split everything with him to the point the favoritism made those "parent" angry .. they past 5 years ago none of the 2 kids went to the funeral..
Damn, OP In story 3 was quick and effective with making sure he couldn’t be used anymore
Also it’s good that we get a nice story for this subreddit with story 2, good on OP for being a good friend/co-worker
Good for you for taking back the money you gave to that spoiled unthankful brat. I’m so proud of you for standing up for yourself and kicking them out of your house. That made me smile but I am sorry that you had to find out that way. The trail is never easy. Specially, from people who you thought loved you, but just know this, a lot of us out here have your back. And I am one of them.
God, I super love you gassing up the op in the last story. Bc he really IS killing it. And he just dropped all that dead weight that he didn't even realize was dead weight, so he's about to be doing even better
Those kind of story is why I find it ridiculous when people say that "it's selfish" that I don't want children.
I don't want children, if I had children, I wish I didnt and no amount of discipline and "doing the right thing" would make it different when someone that I don't want in my life, would take over my life and change it radically. I would be a terrible father, not because I wouldnt do what I'm supposed to do, but because I would not WANT to do it and spending time with the kid would feel like a chore and I would definitely resent the kid, not because they deserve it, but because they would've unintentionally ruined my life.
If you want children, have children, if you don't want children, for the love of god, don't. There's enough humans on this earth.
I'm a parent and I don't get how not wanting kids makes you selfish. If you don't want kids, not having them is one of the most selfless things you can do.
The only thing I can think is that they hate being parents and you're "selfish" for not sharing in their misery. I feel bad for their kids.
@@ResidentMilf man you nailed it. usually, peole accusing others of being "selfish" are either jelaous or selfish themselves
I think the worst part is she decided to have the kid. Her husband sounded very supportive and would have went with her decision either way. you can’t change your mind SEVEN years in.
If it was like right after birth, i could understand more. Hormones really mess you up after all.
But seven years? And she didn’t have the decency to talk to her husband before that point? This makes her selfish and cruel.
I can’t find very much sympathy for her. The kid didn’t deserve that. Didn’t deserve the abuse she gave him.
@@madokamiiii Totally agree! Various people have tried to tell me I'm selfish or stupid (one person even told me that "babies are a biological imperitive and the meaning to life" this same person said that humans are more important than the universe which oof) but like, I don't want kids. I like seeing kids, but I don't like loud noises or irrational people who don't listen. I have a TON of health conditions in my family (ranging from BPD to cancer) why would I EVER have a child? Bonus points: if I change my mind, adoption exists
Story 1 - I wish people would stop saying she hated their son. You can love your kid, but still resent the circumstances. I’m willing to bet she was under a lot of pressure to have a kid, so they got pregnant. It also sounds like she suffered from untreated PPD. I feel bad for all three of them, especially the little boy. It’s not his fault his parents were ambivalent about kids. At least one of the parents stepped up, but OP is about to find out how tough being a parent is going to be for him.
As someone whose mother was like the mother in story 1, people need to effing stop pressuring child free people to have kids. THIS is the result too often. Im just glad kiddo has a good dad that put him first so he can't get messed up any worse by this. I can assure you, he still needs therapy because children internalise everything. Everything is their fault in their minds.
Sometimes you need a feel good story with the second story after the bullshit the ex-wife did in the first story and the wedding bullshittery from the third story. No strings attached, no entitlement, none of that. Just a moment of human love and human kindness.
My mom loves and likes me, but she told me mutliple times how much of a burden I was and am to her because of health reasons on my part.
That destroyed me. And she likes me, she loves me, I know that.
I can't imagine what it must feel like for your own mother to hate you.
My heart goes out for ops kid.
when I was first born, after the doctor told her I was a boy (instead of the girl she wanted), she told the doctor to "cut IT off!!!" Welcome to the world LOL!!!! You can just imagine the hell I went through from age 3 (when my father who loved and adored me was killed) and age 6 when my father's mother finally won custody of me due to neglect. The father did the right thing by leaving.
Story 1: Not everyone is suited to be a parent. I don't know why that's so hard to understand or admit, and I don't know why anyone would bug someone who clearly says "I don't want a kid" about having kids. Yes, because everyone knows the best parents are those who didn't ever actually want children in the first place.
That one about the wedding is a great tale of warning for anyone considering to be a step dad. Make sure people don't just treat you as an ATM.
Um... wait... if I was OP in the first story, I would have kicked the wife out. No way am I making my child homeless because somebody hates them enough in their own home to be a terrible human. The (hopefully former) wife is only one person that can figure things out on her own, but OP has both himself and his son to look out for and it should have been HER that should have left the apartment.
Last story: OP is killing it in life... except in the "finding a good partner" department, apparently. It's a pity... he seems like a good dude, and his reaction to being exploited and disrespected was perfect.
Better late than never. But what kills me is that he was smart enough not to marry the gf, but not smart enough to see the glaring problem in financing the gf's daughter's education and wedding.
@@itsalwayshalloweenexceptwh5118 I think he was under the impression that if he supported her enough she would realize what matters isn’t just blood relations but who supports you when you need it. I’m going to guess that the gf and her daughter will be back begging for support in the near future as they have no way to support themselves. They are also prob accustomed to a lifestyle that they will never get again without OPs help. It is sad for the OP but I’m sure he will find another attractive women to be his gf and will hopefully not have the baggage of a step child around.
@@jdenameinit That's a very kind perspective. I'm more cynical/realistic though imo, OP is ridiculously rich and was with someone (two people in fact) who wanted him to financially support them completely. He should have seen this coming from miles away. I think he did on some level because he wasn't married to the gf.
I've said it before but I will say it again; I think he knew (on at least some level) that the ex gf was with him for his money, and that's why he didn't marry her, and he was probably with her for her looks. There's nothing inherently wrong about this kind of shallow deal, but she got too greedy and he had enough.
The ex gf needs to get a job so she can support herself and not bother the OP again.
There's no doubt that he will be able to get an attractive gf again, him being as rich as he is, but he needs to be smart about what kind of women he pursues. If he goes after women in a much lower income bracket expect them to be gold diggers if they're interested in him (he was right to leave and should have done it much sooner, but he does sound like a douche) and want to be financially supported by him, and don't be surprised when they do in fact dig for his gold.
The fact the wife hates their child and refuses to get therapy is a huge red flag. This shows that she refuses to change and WANTS to hate their child. Saying she didn't expect motherhood to be like this is just an excuse. I'd say run the hell away, a child doesn't deserve a mom that despises them.
I'd say it's untreated PPD
@@NM-jd9ck I'm pretty sure of that, plus not wanting treatment is often a sign of mental illness. Healthy people would usually go to at least one appointment with a therapist
Wow, those warm heart stories are great :') r/slash should do a holiday special full of heart warming stories
On the car story, i have had incredible people pass through my life. There was a lawyer that came into my life at my lowest point. She helped me for free with the legal work to buy my home, she represented me for free to ssi for my disability, again twice when an unscrupulous neighbor tried to take my property. When she found out her cancer was terminal, she gifted each of my 3 kids 15,000 dollars for their future. I have spent the last 4 years without a car. Recently, my old roomates said they found me a car for only 1000 dollars, when i said i really couldnt swing it(i live on less than 750 a month) they just got it and gave it to me, when i asked about payments they just said "whatever, no rush". One time i was leaving the local food bank and a couple walked up and handed me a card with 100 dollars in it. Faith in humanity restored. Have a great day dabney. 😊❤😊
This man uploads at EXACTLY 9am everyday. Props!
What? No, he doesn't! It's always at 15.00!
@@charcoaldreams5203 If you're from Spain like me or from another country in the same time zone, yes, 15:00 everyday xD
@@alejandrorivero7558 Sweden for me. And I hope it was obvious I was joking. I know what timezones are. :p
@@charcoaldreams5203 Yes, I know, I just thought it was funny we have the same time zone
@@alejandrorivero7558 Of course ^_^ *waves from the north*
That second story is the perfect palette cleanser after the first story.
I feel sad for op at the first story, children need to be loved from both parents. Honestly i think she wasnt ready to be a mother or to start a life, she didnt take responcinilities and thats a red flag and even when she refused therapy. Man, i hope op and his son doing and have surpass this weight, i hope his ex reflect her mistake and be a better person
Story 1: I'm wondering how much presusser the op put on his wife to keep the child that when she never wanted him? This is what happens when someone who doesn't want kids ends ups with kids. If someone is insisting that they are childfree perhaps listen to them.
You won’t know until you have the baby, sometimes it is hate or resentment against your partner, some men go through it as well, it sucks, but it is more common and needs to be talked about.
"I don't know why anyone would have a child and not love them"
I do! Social pressure!
It might be getting better, but all of society wants to push you down the path of, get married, have kids.
So on the first story I think its probably true she did love her kid but didn't like him. A lot of us have to love our blood relatives even as it's ingrained into us mentally but we don't always like them. She got in over her head and at least she didn't just leave at night to never be seen again. I agree op did the right thing though since it was either that or adoption.
On the last story agree with op. If you pay for the wedding and are disrespected it's your money so you can pull funding.
Story 3: They have space for 250 people, but somehow OP's 20 invitees ALL got cut? I don't believe that for a second. I was at a cousin's wedding not too long ago, and between extended families and longtime friends on both sides, I'd say it topped out at probably 110 people at MOST. If I got married tomorrow, my hypothetical list would probably top out at 50 people. Like rSlash himself said, I'd have to start inviting randos off the street if I had to bump the wedding guest count up to 250.
Last story: So glad that OP cut off those leeches when he did but it’s a shame this went on for 10-years.
Story 1 describes perfectly why I’m never having kids. I know that, were I to have a child, I would take responsibility in ensuring that they had the resources needed to grow up ok. However, I also know that I would very likely resent that child for the opportunities and time their presence in my life cost me. I believe that no kid should have a parent that resents them, and so I’m never having one.
First OP just saved his kid some heartbreak. I grew up with a mom that didn’t like me like the mom in story but i only managed to get out when I was 15, so almost ten years ago and only now I’m sorta ok with it. Also, OP is a great dad, wish him and his kid the best ❤
For story 1: We as human beings never want to see ourselves as wrong for the bad guy in any situation, so the reason she is taking out her anger and resentment on her so it’s because she is not prepared to present herself, even though deep down she knows that her son is not to blame because she was the one who brought him into this world. this story, really spoke to me because I am a teacher of young children and I know how frustrating it can be. However, I always make sure to reiterate to the kids in the care that even when I am frustrated with their actions are their behavior, I will always love them unconditionally. I may not like the way that they are acting in the moment, but I will always love them. And they aren’t even my own kids!
That story about the car, i know that nervous babbling is 100% genuine preciousness
The first story reminds me of people who insist I have kids. I don't want them, neither does my boyfriend, yet we get told we have to have them, or 'What's the point of being in a relationship?'
No one says that to people who do want kids, there's no, "Why do you though?" Yet, we are weird because we know we don't want them. People who do get "Aw, that's sweet!" We get hate for not. We respect those who do, and those who don't. All we ask for is not to be bullied for our decision.
I do feel bad for OP in the third story. Being used for your money is shitty. But when he said that thing about thinking of himself as the “patriarch or godfather of the family, commanding great respect” I about lost it 🤣🤣
Totally agree lol that was a bit much
I surely hope he did the voice!
Same. I wish that he would have caught on earlier that he was being used as an ATM (although paying for the daughter of your gf, when you aren't even married yet should be a clear no, so maybe this was a relationship where he kind of did know his gf was with him for his money, and he was with her because she's physically attractive. There's a reason they didn't married) and better late than never.
But those lines did make me crack up.
Just because he was right doesn't make him not a douche.
While OP likely does have a country club, it doesn’t actually cost much to go golfing. Only around $10-$20 depending on the course. The real expense is all up front to buy the golf clubs. That can run easily over $500 for a decent set.
The first story is very tragic for all of them but especially the son. He deserves better as he didn’t ask to be born.
Story 2: I was expecting the dude to misunderstand and think that op was giving him her NEW car, instead of her old one. And then have people berate her for correcting him or something.
Glad that didn't happen.
The last story is an oldie, but a goodie! It's nice when the trash takes itself out!
The first story is exactly why you never, ever have children unless you emphatically want them. It’s not something you can just “try out“. It’s a person, a human being you’re bringing in the world.
I’ve known too many people and seen too many stories where they just decided to have a child on a whim and it wasn’t what they thought it would be, it was hard work, that they didn’t want children, but they didn’t think about it before they had them.
My father was on the fence and realized he hated having children and resented me. I grew up in that environment, OP is better off taking his son out of that environment. It hurts like hell as a kid to know your existence is resented.
Story 1: Get a divorce. She will destroy that kid's life.
God, every time I hear story 2 I get SO choked up. God bless you, OP, and I hope the coworker gets through this dark patch in his life.
Also, for story one…my mom once told me that she loved me but didn’t like me. We’ve talked about it since and she has thoroughly apologized, but man, it definitely screwed me up and screwed up our relationship. She said this to me when I was 17 and I’m almost 25 now. I still think about it constantly. Please note that she has been dealing with a whole slew of mental health issues in recent years and is going to therapy. We’re working on repairing the damage since I love her and she does love me. Aside from that, she’s a great mom.
This mother, though, is 100x worse than that and I’m so glad OP removed his son from that situation.
First Story: Well at least OP found this out now than later. I can’t stand the evil mom. OP's wife simply should've just not agreed to kids. This kid is innocent and don’t deserve any of the treatment endured by OP's wife. If she felt all of this about motherhood she shouldn’t have tried for a kid in the first place. Good on OP for doing what he did. She emotionally abuse her own kid and then expected OP to stay with her?! Nah I wouldn’t be with someone like that
Second Story and comment: Man, people like OP are rare. The kindess in OP is amazing. More people need to be like OP. You can tell OP was nervous when offering to give this co-worker a free car. I know this man will be really grateful for what OP did. Like I said, more people should be this kind
Third Story: Well I honestly would’ve done the same thing as OP. OP's step-daughter expected OP to spend all this money on a wedding that he isn’t allowed in nor do anything? She can have her wedding but OP isn’t obligated to pay for the wedding or help in any form of way. OP needs to get someone better than his gf AND she tried something illegal too? But hey, let OP keep winning at life without these leeches
She's not a step-mom...she gave birth to the kid, that makes her mom-mom lol
@@DasSpaceAceI edited the comment give me a sec
It was her biological son.
@@starship15a28she should’ve just flat out say no to kids
Here's a tip: If you're not sure about having a kid, DON'T HAVE IT. It isn't like a new sport you're trying out, this is a living breathing child. You can't just drop them without pain/phycological damage. Kids are a lot of work, if there are any doubts at all, then there's a red flag already. I don't understand some people's logic sometimes.
Second story: That's a good and traditional way to handle charity. Make it sound as if the recipient is doing you a favor by accepting. I heard about one single mom who had nothing for Christmas after paying the bills. Then neighbors started showing up. "I cut this tree, and my wife says it's lopsided. It's already cut, and I don't want it to go to waste." "My wife wants those newfangled twinkle lights this year, and I have no use for these old lights. We're just going to throw them away." "My son outgrew these fire trucks. I was just going to sell them at a yard sale, but I don't want them cluttering up the house until then."
Rslash channeled all of his build-up dad energy from 1st story for that loooooong speech
Not exactly related to the story but I think many people don't realize or think about how a mother doesn't always love their child(ren). There are those that just either have no connection or feelings for them, or even dislike them straight up. And it's not always because of PPD. Some people are just like that. No reason needed, there is just no love/feeling.
It feels like people don't really see this as a possibility since "it's their mother". But it happens and it's not pretty.
Parents don't automatically love their children just because they are their children.
Story one. I think leaving her and taking full custody is best. I wish that someone would have taken me away from my mom as a child like this.
I love this subreddit! It’s usually somewhat relieving if I know what is happening with the OPs/ if I know the outcomes. It’s like I’m able to settle emotionally if I know that it worked out for them…
As someone who was subjected to constant domestic violence at home, and who was homeless at just 16 as a result, thank you for doing the right thing by your son. My parents and I have tried to mend things over the years, but while I don’t hate them, I don’t have the deep bond with either of them that most kids have with their parents (or at least one parent), even though I remember having that bond with them when I was very young. It got damaged beyond repair.
I’m a Gen Xer and have done decades of therapy, but I doubt I’ll ever be fully “okay”. Something that has really helped with the PTSD of the physical violence, is a therapy called EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing), and I made more progress in three months of EMDR than in decades of traditional therapy - but you can never un-hear year after year of hearing your father tell you that he hates you, and your mother telling you that she never wanted kids. Something deep inside of you just breaks, and I don’t think it’s fixable. So you’ve done the right thing by intervening before the damage becomes irreparable. In future, your son will thank you for it. It might even be a good idea for him to see a counsellor to talk about the feelings he already has, since you mentioned him expressing recognition of his mother’s negativity towards him. It may seem minimal at the moment, but because it’s surrounding his mother, those feelings won’t go away - they’ll just be stuffed deep down and he may not consciously remember how they got there. It’s probably good for him to address that ASAP. Good luck. xx
Nothing better than spending the afternoon shift with RSlash!
Ooh where are you? It’s 9 am here in Georgia 😊
it is not the afternoon. Please do not gaslight me.
@@BraxtonMeyer plz this is so funny
@@BraxtonMeyer ever heard of _time zones?_
@@BraxtonMeyer it’s 12:19am Thursday for me
That last story was a classic case of "Don't Shit in your own mess kit".
OP1's situation is just sad all around. Divorce is the best option, but how I wish there was another way. His wife isn't getting help, and so that's the bed she must lie in, but I'd also fully believe if OP1's wife was refusing therapy because she's secretly that ashamed. Its a bit like postpartum depression; the world we live in has so much expectation for women especially to just be great and adore kids that it just feels impossible and unsafe to even start putting into words that you cannot seem to connect with your own child.
For the car thing: my first thought was to hang out during lunch break a while, mention a few times that he always has good-looking food options, and then give it a 'I will trade you my car for that sammich.' Obvious what it means, but he can brush it off like a joke if he doesn't want the gift.
Story 2 made me cry 😭 what a wholesome and wonderful act 💜
As a child abuser survivor who wasn’t loved by my mother, and who’s existence was heavily resented, where she favoured my brother and encouraged he be incredibly physically violent towards me? You should leave, OP. My mother would tell her family how much she “loved her kids”, she put on the “happy family” facade for a very long time, but I escaped when I was 18 with a young persons charity who helped house me.
I don’t talk to most of my biological family, only my grandparents who are fully understanding (they’re psychologists) the rest of my bio family tried harassing me and told me I was “ungrateful”, “spiteful”, “hateful”. So I just don’t talk to them, which whilst lonely, was the much better choice for my mental health (I already have cPTSD & PTSD, and permanent nerve damage from said childhood abuse). My mother simply didn’t want to be responsible, she didn’t want to love me, she didn’t care about me, and she made sure I knew all of this by telling me I was “the reason” she was suicidal, that I’d ruined her life blah blah, whereas my brother, who was a violent alcoholic, a gambling addict, who’s been violent to so many people, stolen from plenty of family members? He was the favoured son.
I just wanted to be loved, but it was made abundantly clear to me that not only was I not loved, but that my existence wasn’t even tolerated, that I was hated even, and that isn’t a healthy environment for a child. Your son deserves better, because growing up with a parent knowing they hate you is a special kind of hell. All children deserve parents, but not all parents deserve children. My mother is a good example of this, as is your wife. I’m not saying she’ll get abusive but you still need to think of your son and make him feel prioritised.
Story #1 is the biggest problem with modern parenthood, alot more people think of the fantasy aspect of having children as opposed to the harsher reality. That being that there's some fun to be had, but it's far more responsibility and work than anything else. I'm not saying ALL modern parents are like that, but it's an ever growing number of them that are. It also falls into the category of, if you're not sure you're ready for kids, take the precautions seriously before you have them.
I don't think this is new, considering there's people in their 50's, 60's, or older telling the younger generations that children is a "gift from God" and they're "selfish" if they go childless regardless what resources the younger generations has and/or what responsibilities they willing to take up on.
@@Blue2x2x This is true. But regardless of outside pressure from older generations on the current generation, they tend to have this "kid's and babies are so cute, I want one!" mentality. I can't tell you how many exes I've had who were gung-ho adamant about having kids before they're 25, me saying no (because they didn't have the mentality or temperament for it), then getting knocked up by the next guy and then ending up alone and miserable because they built up this fantasy it's all puppy dogs, rainbows and Disney happy endings. When in reality, a kid doesn't guarantee a happy relationship for the sake of having one and the " cute baby and cute kid" mentality is crushed by the reality that it's more work and sleepless nights than they are prepared to handle. But you are also right, there's a degree of outside pressure from parents, grandparents and older generations that push people into the idea without sharing the realities of what it's really like and enforcing the idea that if you don't have a kid, you're living an incomplete life.
@@kopo7466 Fair point. I rarely met anyone that wanted a child that blind of the responsibilities needed, but I know tons of people around my age are purely childless.
Though I can imagine some pockets of the world, that fantasy mindset is more common. Since there's a subculture that view children as fashion accessories, rather then actual children with actual responsibilities.
@@Blue2x2x I envy you, because that's all I tend to see, the "sub-culture" that has become THE culture of viewing children as an accessory rather than a responsibility 😂 You must be in another part of the world (or just incredibly lucky), because it's an all too popular concept here in the US and the parts where I reside. And just about everyone is about pressuring others into it and trying to shame you into "making beautiful babies". My girlfriend works as a teacher (for the better part of 12 years) and she's great with the kids she works with, but she doesn't want them and neither do I. While because we're both great with kids (I've helped raise many nieces and nephews), we both enjoy our freedom and realize we're great with kids because we get the fun side aspect more so to the harsher reality aspect, ie, we aren't the full time parent. But she CONSTANTLY, on a daily basis, has at least 3 different people try to pressure her and shame her into wanting kids. I've met a couple of them and they'll ask me and her about it, then look at us like we just grew 2 heads when we both say we don't want any. They just can't wrap their heads around the philosophy that "every kid deserves a parent, but not everyone deserves or wants to be a parent".
As someone who never wanted kids, but will never do anything to be away from my son now that he's here, my heart is broken for that little boy.
I was maybe 4 when my parents got divorced because I dad was an abusive alcoholic. My son is now 4, and I can't imagine walking away from him like my dad did us.
I literally had 10 people at wedding. That whole story is wild
Last OP - I think this was the GF/wife's plan all along; get OP to support her so she doesn't have to work, get him to support her daughter, foot the bill for daughter's college AND the bill for her wedding. It is all on wife that OP finally had a gullet full and said enough is enough! Good for him - and so glad he got some of the funds back. Screw them and the horses they rode in on.
the second story is sooooo cute. op, you are a great person
I just got married a month ago, and we ended up inviting around 200 people. We both have big families. But we only had just over 100 attend. There's also a rule of thumb that you can invite about double the number of people because half of them won't show up. I seriously can't believe that they think that every single person that they invited will actually be there.
listening to the first story made me realize that my dad probably just couldnt stand me and thats why he never took time for me or acted like he did me some great favor when he showed up to things to be negative. I just wanted to spent time with him...
For story 3, based on how they described the bio father, I wouldn't be at all surprised if he left town and missed the wedding.
I hope OP has documentation of what his wife is like, otherwise there is little chance he will get sole custody of his son.
I don't think she'll be fighting for custody. She doesn't want to be a mother.
@@DaniS398 but she still wants OP. And she might fight for their son just to spite him or to force him to come back to her.
I doubt she'll fight hard for that. Seems like someone who'll be happy to start a new life and pretend that she never had a son in the first place.
Yes, but she could show up in 20,30,40 years and demand he take care of her.
I'm absolutely BAWLING over the guy's reaction to getting OP's car. My heart is full.
Good morning Dabney and slashers
Mornin
*yawn* it’s 6am. I need coffee.
Mornin'
Mornin
Mornin Mornin :)